Podcast Summary: The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast
Episode: 1KHO 582: Life Is Hard and Beautiful at the Same Time | Jillian Benfield, Overwhelmed & Grateful
Host: Jeanne Urch
Guest: Jillian Benfield
Air Date: September 25, 2025
Overview
In this heartfelt episode, host Jeanne Urch welcomes author and former TV news journalist Jillian Benfield to discuss her new book, Overwhelmed and Grateful. The conversation centers on how life's unpredictability—especially as it relates to parenting, special needs, and health crises—can be both extraordinarily hard and profoundly beautiful. Jillian reveals her personal journey through order, disorder, and eventual reorder, emphasizing the healing power of gratitude, honesty, nature, and community amidst ongoing challenges.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Jillian’s Unexpected Journey to Authorship
[00:37-05:34]
- Jillian shares how a series of life-altering events—moving for her husband’s military job, receiving a prenatal Down syndrome diagnosis for her son, experiencing a miscarriage, and then navigating another high-risk pregnancy—led her to write online and eventually publish books.
- She describes life after her son Preston’s medical diagnosis and how navigating 18 different specialists for her two sons left her “exhausted emotionally, physically, in all the ways… just surviving.”
- Key realization: You can "hold two competing emotions at the same time"—gratitude and overwhelm.
“I could be spent. I could say my life is the hardest it's ever been. And I could also be grateful that the worst had not come to pass. I could be both of those things at the same time.” — Jillian [04:50]
2. The Power of the Ampersand (&): Embracing Dual Realities
[05:34-07:07]
- Inspired by another writer’s use of the ampersand, Jillian began to substitute “and” for “but” in her storytelling, which allowed her to accept the paradox of hardship and gratitude coexisting.
3. Navigating Relationships During Life Upheaval
[07:07-08:40]
- Jillian advises finding friends who can sit in discomfort and resist “bright-siding,” encouraging honesty over superficial positivity.
- She discusses the internal and external shedding of relationships and identities during life crises.
“We want to be honest and we also want to have people believe us when we talk about the things that, the beauty that we are seeing in this situation…” — Jillian [08:10]
4. Order, Disorder, Reorder: Life's Phases
[08:40-13:26]
- Jillian unpacks the pattern of “order, disorder, reorder,” borrowed from contemplative tradition, as a hopeful framework for making sense of ongoing life challenges.
- Order: Life hums along, sometimes with minor struggles.
- Disorder: Sudden, often unwanted change creates chaos.
- Reorder: After navigating hardship, you don't return to your old self but emerge changed and with new growth.
“Reorder does not mean going back to your old life… you’re going to see elements of your old life there, but there’s going to be new elements in your life, too.” — Jillian [12:45]
5. "It's Not My Turn": Embracing Seasons and Letting Go of Comparison
[13:26-20:28]
- The phrase “It’s not my turn” serves as a mantra for accepting seasonality in parenthood, career, and personal ambitions.
- Jillian encourages parents to find gratitude in the present phase, knowing “your turn” for something else will come.
“When you’re frustrated with the phase that your kids are in or your life is in… it is not my turn to not drive.” — Jillian [14:27]
6. Spiritual Surrender: The God of Maybe and the God of Instead
[20:29-22:48]
- Jillian reflects on the spiritual dimensions of loss and hope—sometimes prayers aren’t answered as wished, but grace is still present, transforming and sustaining her.
“If I don’t get what I want, if God doesn't answer the prayer in the way that I want God to, instead I find how God moves me forward by grace… brings something new out of that situation I couldn’t even fathom.” — Jillian [21:16]
7. Surviving Long Disorder: Lament, Honesty, and Tiny Joys
[22:48-26:52]
- Jillian endured five years of “disorder”—prolonged hardship and uncertainty.
- She stresses the therapeutic power of “lamenting” with God, writing Psalms, being honest, and finding small delights—like good meals or children’s laughter—each day.
8. Crying: A Biological Process for Healing
[25:12-27:27]
- Emotional tears are measured to contain 21% more stress hormones than reflex tears (e.g., from eye irritation), demonstrating that crying is a physical way to process and release stress and emotional pain.
“Our tears are literally our stress, our pain moving through our bodies… crying is the way that we move through the world.” — Jillian [25:33]
9. Nature, Awe, and the Importance of Being Present
[29:16-39:01]
- Jillian discusses her relationship with nature—mountains versus the beach—and the deep, awe-inspiring experiences they offer.
- Awe isn’t limited to the outdoors; she experiences it at Broadway musicals as well.
- Experiencing awe regularly can:
- Quiet negative self-talk by deactivating a part of the brain’s cortex
- Reduce inflammation and pain perception
- Stimulate bonding hormones
“Awe is a way to draw us in… awe comes by way of mystery. It’s when we are standing in the mystery of the goodness that surrounds us.” — Jillian [33:35]
10. Military Life: Embracing Change and Adventure
[40:01-43:20]
- Jillian’s husband was one of only 33 military orthodontists in the Air Force.
- The frequent moves (seven states in eight years) cultivated a spirit of adventure, presence, and investment in new communities.
11. Scars: Marks of Pain and Healing
[43:44-45:51]
- Healing, whether internal or external, is a slow, often visible process.
- Scars remind us of both pain and survival.
“I am more vulnerable and I am stronger than I once was because of my scars. My scars remind me of all I have lost and all God has done.” — Jillian [45:51]
12. The "In-House" Years: Finding Meaning in Constrained Seasons
[46:46-48:43]
- With young children, ill health, and safety concerns, the family entered a phase they dubbed the “in-house years.”
- Jillian suggests creating rituals (e.g., at-home date nights, special meals) during such times to break routine and cultivate joy.
13. Seeing Beauty in the Everyday
[48:43-49:42]
- Jillian warns against letting beauty fade to the background in daily life.
- She highlights the importance of intentional rest and mindfulness, lest busyness crowd out appreciation for the beauty that surrounds us.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- “Life is just hard. It's also beautiful too. I think it’s that we live in the ‘and’. We cry the tears, we say the laments… and we also keep our eyes out for beauty in our lives.” — Jillian [26:45]
- “Take the splintered path forward. Eventually it will lead you somewhere new. Along the way, you can grieve what has been lost… and the confusion you felt over it all.” — Jeanne [27:28]
- “Healing, which is different from curing, that process is slow… when I look at my boys’ scars that are external, they remind me that they both mark pain and they mark our healing.” — Jillian [44:13]
- "Beauty runs alongside what makes us ache." — Jillian [49:05]
Key Timestamps
- 00:37: Introduction of Jillian and her story
- 04:50: Embracing multiple emotions: gratitude and pain
- 08:10: Navigating changing friendships after life upheaval
- 12:45: Explaining “order, disorder, reorder”
- 14:27: “It’s not my turn” applied to parenthood
- 21:16: “The God of instead” and spiritual surrender
- 25:33: Scientific insight on emotional tears
- 33:35: The importance of seeking awe
- 40:15: Military life and frequent moves
- 44:13: Scarring as a metaphor for slow healing
- 49:05: Remembering beauty in the midst of pain
- 51:08: Childhood outdoor memory: visiting the Mayflower
Final Reflection
Jillian’s story and wisdom offer permission and hope to parents and anyone navigating long periods of upheaval. By embracing life’s dualities, appreciating nature, allowing honest expression, and creating meaningful rhythms, we can find new footing no matter how splintered the path. Her book Overwhelmed and Grateful serves as a reminder that both hardship and beauty can—and do—coexist.
Book Recommendations:
- Overwhelmed and Grateful by Jillian Benfield
- The Gift of the Unexpected by Jillian Benfield
For more:
Visit 1000 Hours Outside and look for Overwhelmed & Grateful wherever books are sold.