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The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast
1KHO 628: More Often Than Not, People Don’t Know Their Values | Robert Glazer, The Compass Within
00:51:52
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- [00:00]
Ginny Urch
Every holiday shopper's got a list. But Ross shoppers, you've got a mission like a gift run that turns into a disco, snow globe, throw pillows and PJs for the whole family. Dog included. At Ross holiday magic isn't about spending more. It's about giving more for less. Ross, work your magic. Welcome to the 1000 Hours Outside podcast. My name is Ginny Urch. I'm the founder of 1000 Hours Outside, and I have an author here today who also writes courses and is a Wall street journal in US Today, best selling authority Robert Glaser.
- [00:29]
Robert Glaser
Welcome, Ginny. I don't feel like I don't need coffee. Thanks for having me.
- [00:35]
Ginny Urch
I don't either.
- [00:36]
Robert Glaser
It's gonna match your energy.
- [00:37]
Ginny Urch
Okay, so you wrote this book called the Compass within, and it's a really interesting format. I don't think I've ever really read a book like this. The format of it, it's about, it's a. It's a small little book. It'll be out by the time this podcast goes live. A little story about the values that guide us. And it was just an intriguing way that you wrote it. It was like you basically made up this scenario of someone in their work life and they've got a f say and they're trying to grapple, actually with really big questions of like, do I fit with this corporate culture that I'm working at? And like, the things that everybody sort of grapples with. But you made up the story, but you could just see obviously how this is someone, you know. It's like a conglomeration, I'm sure, of a lot of people's experience into one story. So how did you think of writing it in that way?
- [01:22]
Robert Glaser
So it sounds like there are some well known parables, right, who move my cheese. Pat Lincioni maybe not read them, but it's a, it's, it's a niche format. But I really like them. And particularly the leadership author, Pat Lincioni, who blurbed the book for me and helped me with the title. He writes these ones about culture, but it's always done by showing you and then the last chapter telling you what you saw. And I've been doing this core values work for years on myself with leadership training. I built this course. Several thousand people took it, and I was like, I want to get this to more people. But I think if I write a book and it's called On Values, and I imagine myself being in the bookstore and walking by that book, I'm like, no one's going to read it. No one's going to pick it up. Even values sound very amorphous to people. Like, oh, I know what it is, and I have a really different view on this. And so I felt like maybe I could show this. And it sounds like you picked this up a little bit. Look, I've had multiple. Whether it's podcasts or friends or people get preview versions and they. Jamie is just a vehicle. He is a mirror in the story for us to think about. Oh, I remember that conversation with my boss or that conversation with my partner, and everyone said, I thought you were writing about me. Or I remembered a time. And so Jamie's just this vehicle that makes us kind of look at, oh, this is what values are. And this is where I've run into problems in life with them. So it shows it. He meets a mentor, takes him through this process. But then the last chapter just, also. Just lays out everything for you in this sort of nonfiction way. But it's 10 pages and not 100 pages.
- [02:54]
Ginny Urch
It's interest. It's very interesting. I would like. It draws you in. It's a whole story format. And so it does. It forces or facilitates different types of thoughts around it. Different from if you were just reading information text. You're like, oh, this is a whole story format. Was it hard to narrow down the elements of the story or was it fairly easy due to the different people you've interacted with over the years?
- [03:15]
Robert Glaser
As someone who's like, only read nonfiction for 20 years and written it, like, it was definitely hard to write fiction. You have to keep track of characters. And I have some, like, time jumping around in this book. And when people read this, they're like, your time sequence makes no sense. So, you know, you have to almost keep a note on your sort of character development. But there's a lot of real things from my own experience in there and also things that don't matter. And then some of them are turned up just for the effect of, you know, feeling it so funny. People have thought, it's my town, it's my whatever. None of it is actually true. It is kind of an amalgamation of different experiences that. That I've seen and that I've heard about. Just as an example, you know, this forum construct that his friend is in, like, that's something that's been an important part of my life. So it just. It comes in as a true part of the book, but it's not a material part of the story.
- [04:09]
Ginny Urch
Yeah, it's something that a lot of people could have experienced over their time. Like they have a boss that disagrees with them or the values are off, or you know, you, you have a boss that you really like and connect with and they leave and then it's bad terms. And then you learn more about the politics. It's like things that like a lot of people have probably experienced in their life. So what's the background? Because I don't know if I've really thought about my values. Like, it's just an interesting thing when you live life and then you intersect with someone else and you're like, wait a minute, they put a lot more thought into this area that I haven't put in, in maybe hardly any thought. And what led them to that situation in life.
- [04:49]
Robert Glaser
So, so if I ask a room when I'm in rooms of a hundred people and I say, how many of you have either not about core values at all thought about, maybe have like a one word, one, like integrity or family, which I kind of poo poo on in the book. Or you know, have four core values on your desk. Like I would say mine. My core values are find a better way and share it. Self, reliance, respectful, authenticity, long term orientation and health and vitality. So like I can, I can roll those, you know, off. There's 1 to 2% of people who have those. And I think they're operating both, maybe at a different level and from a place of. And I'll use this to have integrity, like alignment between what they're. I'm not saying they're the richest people and most successful, but there's alignment between what they're thinking, what they're saying and what they're doing. And that to me is the ultimate form of sort of happiness and engagement. And look, it's, it's more. I wrote this book, it's more often than not that people don't know their values or they can't articulate them. I would argue that they do. And actually they, they know when they're electrocuted by the electric fence because that's cr. Crossing your values, but they don't see the fence. And so that's part of the problem. So the analogy I talk about in the book is like, imagine you're driving a really nice sports car through a tunnel and I turn off the lights.
- [06:11]
Ginny Urch
I don't really know what a really nice sports.
- [06:12]
Robert Glaser
All right, so you're driving a car that's not beat up.
- [06:15]
Ginny Urch
How about a Jeep? I know what that is.
- [06:17]
Robert Glaser
A Jeep through the tunnel. Okay, lights are off, you're going to hit the right side. It's going to go like horrible noise. You're going to pull back, you're going to drift to the middle. You can drift to the other side. You, you're gonna get through that tunnel and your car is gonna look like bleep. You know, when you get out, we'll go over this as a PG13 podcast. And because you know, when you hit your values, it doesn't feel right. It feels horrible. In fact, one of the tests of a value, and we'll talk about this, is the anti value. The opposite of it drives you crazy. Like, literally, like you can't because that's a value being broken. But the problem is you don't, you didn't see the walls. So being able to articulate your values, particularly around decisions and the big three decisions in this book and your relationships and say, here's use, here's the line, there's the wall. I should stay here and avoid that. Saves a lot of damage in life.
- [07:08]
Ginny Urch
Okay, all right, wait, wait. But I need. Well, here's my question. If 1 to 2%. So you go speak at all these places, right? You speak around the world. You just, you've got all the TED talks and things like that, okay, so you're going to go speak and you're like 1 to 2%. 1. One out of a hundred is going to raise their hands and say like what you just said. I tried to write them down. Self, reliance, health and vitality. They're going to be able to clearly articulate their values. The 99 out of a hundred are going to be like, I don't know what led you? Where did that intersect in your story to even know to do that?
- [07:38]
Robert Glaser
So I was building my business. It was growing. I was overwhelmed. I was overcompensating for being an underachiever for so long. And I had turned into an overachiever. And I was exhausted. And we went to this leadership training. I was invited this very exclusive global leadership training program. And I thought it was going to be all these things on how to lead other people. And in fact, the first couple of days were just this big mirror in front of us. Like, who are you? What do you value? And how do you want to show up in the world and your company and otherwise. And in fact, what they made it really clear is like, I am very values oriented. I haven't been, but I was that person in the middle. Like, I kind of would. Integrity. I don't, I don't know. Like, I kind of know, but I don't know, but I want to know because I think this is really important to me. And so. But they didn't give us the how. They just told us the why. So I spent three to six months trying to figure out my values, looking up these terrible resources and keyword lists. And when I figured it out and I started making all these changes in my life and realizing, oh, how you show up as a leader is tied to your values. The only difference is whether you know it or not, whether you're driving the car, or in this case, someone else is driving the car. At our company, we started helping people figure out their values. As part of our advanced leadership training. I built out this process that I had sort of done after five or six classes and seeing that I had a formula that figured this out for people and they were having amazing results and improving their leadership and their life. And watching people have these aha moments of like, oh, I had a parent who. This is a true story. Like, I had a parent who embarrassed me my whole life. They had mental health issues and they were just couldn't read a room. And so self awareness is so important to me. And I actually realized that if anyone on my team or in my life is like, shows lack of self awareness, I pounce on them and all this stuff and massive irony that they didn't realize that their core value is self awareness and just watching it all click. And so then people would ask me for my book elevate because I would talk about this principle of spiritual capacity and understanding your values. And I'd be like, well, I don't really have an easy way for you to do it. It's just really important. And so I sat down, I turned that whole curriculum into a course. And 2,000 people took that course. And it's still out there@corevaluescourse.com and we're upgrading it for the book. It's part of the book framework. And, and. And they'd send me notes like, this has changed my life. I don't make a decision without this. I took a new job. I did this or otherwise. And I was like, I gotta get this to more people. And back to your first question. Like, that would be a book. But I'm not sure a book will on core values will read it. So what if I took the framework and all the stuff in the course and turned it into a story? And so that's how it all came full circle. A lot of times people do a book and then a course. I actually had a course that worked. But I know a lot of people just, they're not gonna, like, they just don't take courses. Right. Like, if I said to them, I have this course that'll change your life, they're like, I'm just not someone who's ever taken a course, so I'm not gonna do that. But they can read a book for an hour. Right. So that, that's the whole evolution what.
- [10:43]
Ginny Urch
Intrigued me as a parent.
- [10:45]
Robert Glaser
Yeah.
- [10:45]
Ginny Urch
About the book. Because you could read this as a, you know, starting out my career, I'm looking for a spouse. I'm trying to figure out where I'm gonna live because that's the character in this book, Jamie. He's like, he's, he's with.
- [10:55]
Robert Glaser
It doesn't have kids yet, but that'll maybe that'll be the sequel.
- [10:58]
Ginny Urch
Yeah, yeah. Right, right. No kids yet and not completely tied to a spot. Like, think I want to live here. But then I get to know these people and I like, like, I don't know if I really want to live in this community. And I'm going to test out this other community. So it's in that season of life where you're really kind of grappling with the three big things which you talk about. Partner, vocation and community. And you say without core alignment in those key areas, there's little chance of real success or happiness in the long run. But I think if you have, if you're parenting a, you know, a teen, which we've got teens and like, they're going to launch into adulthood. They don't necessarily, they don't know what to expect. Like, they have no idea. I think you're kind of idealistic about the world. Like, you know, what's it going to be like? I'm going to have a job and I'm going to have a boss and it's going to be great. I'm at least co workers. And so you have this situation that you lay out with this Jamie who has that. He goes, he's working at this company that you've made up and he's got this great boss and her name's Stacy and they work really well together. And he's like, you know, he's on the, the track to raises and fast track oceans and all this. It's like, it's very, it's synergistic, it's working really well. Well, then she leaves. And this happens all the time, right. Like your boss that you really got along with, your team member, they leave and then he ends up Having to have this direct report in the book. The, the guy's name is Matt. And they have, when you talk about like the rubbing up against the edges, he's like, well, Jamie's team will make a mistake. And then Matt would be like, well, you're supposed to charge the client. And Jamie would be like, I don't want to charge the client because it's our mistake. And I want to have this long term relationship. And so there, there's these tensions and I thought it was a really good thing to know about ahead of time because I think a lot of people find themselves in that position and they're like, ooh, what do I do? But to even have the awareness, that's what I'm saying. It would be a good tool for a parent to use with a, with a teen, right? To say like this.
- [12:44]
Robert Glaser
Yeah, look, parent can happen. Yeah. Like each parent has their own values and those need to be compatible and in partnership. Look, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you, if your partner is the opposite of many of your core values, it's going to be really hard. And I would say, like, I never understood this in my 20s, but my wife and I are different. Different personalities, different activities. But we've always been on the same page about the big things about the kids and how we want them to value and show up in the world. And like, that's where it's these big things you have to be on the same page around. And look, we separately have family values, so. And they're on our wall downstairs. Like it is. Be happy, be respectful. Be. Be kind and be respectful. Be responsible. Be resilient and be happy and be kind. And we came up with those together. And I think, like, when you think about a lot of rules, you know, I'm more likely to say with my kids, like, hey, look, like, skipping meals is not healthy, right? With one kid or having four cookies is not healthy, or, you know, you're focusing on things that you don't control and aren't making you happy. Uh, and look, one of my favorite moments as a parent was we went in for a parent teacher conference and the teacher had used respectful, responsible, resilient and kind, like on his, on his feedback thing. And so these are the. Wait. What?
- [14:09]
Ginny Urch
That's wild.
- [14:10]
Robert Glaser
Yeah. And I felt like I was like winning. Like that was like a dunk. I was going to walk out and I still have that thing somewhere. And you know, that's how she described one of my kids. And it's, look, these Are. We can get upset about a whole lot of things, but my wife and I get upset about. Are those boundaries, right? And we have some differing opinions on some of the cell phone stuff. And I was having a conversation with her, and I was like, look, this is. We have to accept that this is as unhealthy as drugs and alcohol. Like, and we kind of need to treat it that way, like that. You know, that's how I sort of brought it back. Not like my viewpoint is. Is. Is better than your viewpoint. So, look, as parents, we have our own values, but we're trying to transmute these things. And I think the kids these days are being super manipulated by tribalism and joining things that they don't understand. And they need to. They need to. They need to have some real bedrock things that they can trust on. You know, there's a famous study that Adam Grant did in his book Originals, which is why families in Europe who weren't Jewish hid Jewish families during the Holocaust. And they interviewed all these families and tried to figure out, like, why. Why do they do this? Why they take the risk? And the answer was kind of on all of them was like, my parents taught me that you take care of people. And so that is just. That is just in my DNA, and that's just what we did. Right? And so those vat. The value was so deep that. That it wasn't even a question for them. Like, this is just something we do. You know, I have a friend, and his thing is, I won't. I won't say the name, Will call him Smiths. And he's very clear. Smiths do not lie. Like, that is a. That is a. And by the way, if they found out their dad was having a fair, they would probably be crushed and never talk to him again. Right? Because that has become such a bedrock thing. There's a lot of things that we do, but we don't lie. Right? And that's like a tenant of their family.
- [16:04]
Ginny Urch
I mean, this is interesting because it just permeates into so many areas of life. And I think the younger you can talk about it, and even in this context of this book, the compass within, where you can, you know, as a child, you're growing up in a school system or you're growing up in a homeschool. It's like, you know, you have this sort of bubble of a life, and then you go out into the world and you're like, wait, I really am rubbing up against people that do things differently than me. And, you know, I've got this boss that only cares about the bottom line, but I care about these relationships. And so to have thought through it ahead of time, you can see the value in that. When I think back on my own childhood, I remember the freedom of the neighborhood. Hours spent riding bikes with friends until the street lights came on. That's what childhood should feel like. Movement, laughter and connection. And that's exactly what our friends at Womb Bikes are helping families rediscover. Womb makes the lightest, smartest and safest bikes on the market. Perfectly designed for kids, not just shrunken down adult bikes. Every detail matters. The balance. The brakes, the handlebars, the way the frame fits their growing bodies. You don't just learn to ride with boom. You learn to love the ride. In our own family, we've seen that magic firsthand. Our daughter received a Womb Explore six in that stunning magnetic blue. And from the moment we opened the box, we could feel the difference. The packaging was intuitive, the setup was simple, and within a short period of time, she was riding down the driveway with the biggest smile on her face. When kids have a Womb bike, they want to be outside. And that's the heartbeat of what we do. Helping families reclaim time, connection and joy through real world play. So this holiday season, don't just give a gift. Give them adventure, give them confidence, give them outside. Check out all the holiday deals now@womb.com that's W-O O M.com as the air turns crisp and the holidays draw near, comfort becomes the best gift of all. And for me, Quince delivers comfort that lasts. They have it all. 50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters made for everyday wear. Denim that never goes out of style. Silk tops and skirts that add polish and down outerwear built to take on the season. Perfect for gifting or let's be honest, upgrading your own wardrobe before those holiday photos. Honestly, Quince's Italian wool coats are at the top of my list because the cut feels designer, the quality rivals high end brands, but the price is is about half because Quinn's works directly with ethical top tier factories and skips the middlemen. So you get luxury quality without the luxury markup. For me this season my go to has been my Quint's Cashmere because it is soft, classic and somehow it goes with everything. Oh, and my all black Quince puffer jacket is always at the ready for those chilly mornings. So step into the holidays with layers made to feel good, look polished and last. From Quint, perfect for gifting or keeping for yourself. Go to quince.com outside for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com outside free shipping 365 day returns quince.com outside you guys, the holidays are almost here and you know what that means. People to feed, guests to host and a whole lot of cozy moments ahead. I've been getting our home ready with Wayfair and it's amazing how just a few updates make everything feel warm and welcoming again. I grabbed a beautiful new dining bench so everyone has a seat at the table, swapped in flannel sheets for the guest room and found the cutest Christmas wreath. All from Wayfair's Black Friday sale. Everything shipped fast, the prices were unreal and it made me actually excited to host this year. Wayfair really is the place to shop for all things home, from sofas to spatulas, rugs to refrigerators. And during their Black Friday event you can save up to 70 off. Plus they have styles you won't see anywhere else so your space actually feels like you. And if you haven't heard, Wayfair now has a loyalty program where you earn 5% back, get free shipping and have access to member only sales. It's totally worth joining, so don't wait. These early deals are already happening. Head to Wayfair.com now to shop Wayfair's Black Friday deals for up to 70 off. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com sale ends December 7th. And you talk about so you have family values, family core values. And you have personal ones. So you talked about the family ones and your personal ones was the health and vitality. What, what were they? Self reliance.
- [20:17]
Robert Glaser
Find a better way and share it. Health and vitality, self reliance, respectful authenticity and long term orientation. So like I'll just double click. Like self reliance has been like my thing since I was little. Like incredibly independent, like to do things on my own. Struggled until I started my own company. In the work world I will drive myself home from the hospital unless someone tells me, you know, they can't do it. And I get super frustrated with people who are very dependent, right? So I always say if I know someone's core value and I vent as I said the other archetype. So if you told me I'm at a party and I'm talking to this person and they are talking about their trust fund and how they haven't gotten the distribution and how their parents came to them for Their job interview, like, I'm going to be, like, breaking out into hives that this person is, like, so dependent, Right? And when you think about my kids, so, you know, all of them went to overnight camp when they were eight years old. We made them all get jobs when they were 16, and they. We don't cover their spending money. And they were all captains of their camp. Like, it's really important to me that they develop sort of an internal locus of control and a sense of independence. Right. So that. That is an example where I am and my wife are sort of transmuting those values into that now. At the same time, I will say that with full disclosure, that most people's core values come from something that was. They're forged during childhood. In most cases from your experience. It's why it's not an instruction manual that you can get because you have these experiences. They're yours. How the world, you know, lived to you. We did this work years ago with someone at our company, and she was talking about this core value of discipline and structure and being on time and all this stuff. And I've done this enough and I know enough to ask, like, let me ask you a question. What? Did you have a family member that was in the military? Yeah, they did. Her dad was. So there was a ton of movement, a ton of moving around, and this sense of structure was really important to her, and it showed up in her marriage and her leadership. And she needs to know that. Right. And be able to say to teams, hey, look, being on time is really important to me. And discipline. And these are, you know, and processes, like, these are things that are important to me. So, you know, most people are actually doubling down on something that was really important to them or they're running 100% the opposite direction. And I actually was doing a keynote last week, and someone came up to me afterwards, and they were sort of. They're like, look, I think my son has an opposite core value that I have. And I was like, that's hard. And I don't know whether you're so focused on it that they ran the other way, but you're not both going to change that. Like, that's his experience and how he experienced life and growing up. And maybe you were fiercely independent and he felt ignored. I was joking with someone yesterday that, you know, everyone today runs to all of their kids sports games because their parents were too busy working to come. I bet you it's going to flip again where all these kids are like, my parents were at every game and embarrassing me. And so I'm not going to go to every game. So there's a lot of this zigging and zagging, but there's another one I always like to say I've seen come up and I'll show you how it all facets of life. Right? Um, so trust. So people have a dominant core value of trust. My experience. And it comes from. They have a why of trust. My experience is. And I will ask them, I would say, Jenny, like you. You're like, and if I said to you, if someone breaks your trust, does it matter what they say? Are they dead to you? And trust people say they're, they're dead to me. And I would say, Ginny, I'm not going to ask you what, but did you have a violation of trust early, early in your childhood? And usually a tear will roll down their eyes or an ashen face. And I'm like, okay, just. So just understand this is really important to you, but this is the orienting factor for you. So with your kids, it's about earning their trust. And if they violate your trust, like, oh man, I don't want to be them. You probably have a small group of friends and it's really hard to break into. And if there's a violation, you get thrown out. But here's what happens in the workplace and we forget about this. You know too. And is the difference does someone know this or they don't know this? Trust people sort people into the workplace on their team. On can be trusted and can't be trusted. The problem is these people don't know this. And so they're five minutes late for a meeting or they missed an assignment or they can't be found at four minutes in the afternoon and they're in the penalty box and the key is thrown out of the jail and they're not getting out. And this. Leaders who are leading from trust and don't realize it are usually making a mess. They're going from Ginny's, getting a promotion to Ginny's like getting a performance review. And HR is like, what is going on? Someone who knew this would, would, would go to their team and say, you know, Jenny, you just joined my team. Hey, Jenny. Trust is. Bob, like, trust is really important to me as a leader. And here are the things that can break trust. And if you sense that I'm distant, there's probably been a breakage of trust. And you know, and, and, and please come to me and have a conversation because it's, that's important. So as a fully baked 30 or 40 year old, you're not going to change this. Like you're this mechanism you built to protect yourself. When you think someone's not trustworthy, it strikes deep and it's like, it sets off alarm bells and it is who you are. So it's the difference between like again, you're driving that steering wheel or you're like in the training car and someone else is driving the steering wheel. And that's the biggest difference. And again, the parent would look at that and say, as a spouse, that person has an affair, it's unrecoverable. Right. Generally for those people, their kid lies to them, it's probably like, probably really, you know, problematic. But they need to know how to articulate that and say to their kid, I can deal with a lot and I can deal with whatever, but you, when I ask you, you've got to tell me the truth. Right?
- [26:11]
Ginny Urch
So it's a big self awareness piece. So interesting. Okay, so then one of the things that you talk about with these core values then is living them out. So in this case of Jamie, he's working at this first company and he's got this boss, Matt, and Matt is basically wanting him to like, like we talked about, bill the bill the client for the team's mistake. And that company, which is called Jones, they have got values on the wall. You know, he like walks outside every day.
- [26:39]
Robert Glaser
Lobby values.
- [26:40]
Ginny Urch
Lobby values, right. So then he ends up working with this other man who's basically like you named Jack, who's helping him to learn more about values. And at Jack's company, which is called.
- [26:53]
Robert Glaser
Compass, just don't give away the, Just don't give away the end. But yeah, go ahead.
- [26:57]
Ginny Urch
Okay. I'm not going to wait with the end. Jack's company, Compass, has values, but they're more actionable, basically. And so when you talk about these values, like, obviously you have to, you have to do something about them. You have to correct the one I'm mainly curious about, the one I'm most curious about because, you know, like, okay, if we've got this family value of being resilient, all right, it's like, look, if, you know, if you didn't make the, if you didn't get the part in the play, try out again. You know, responsible, you know, you got to take care for the dog. You got to take care of the dog. You want to be kind, okay. You got to be respectful, don't be rude. All right, I got it.
- [27:33]
Robert Glaser
And that's my major red Line, like, if their friends or anyone are disrespectful, like, I disproportionately, like, lose it.
- [27:41]
Ginny Urch
Yeah, okay. All right, I get it. All right. So I get all four of those. And those would. And those were the ones that were on the report right from school, which. Those would really take you far. The one I'm really curious about, though, is be happy. I can't quite wrap my head around, like. So I remember as a kid, sometimes be like, you're gonna go on this thing and you're gonna be happy about it, which I just think is so funny.
- [28:02]
Robert Glaser
No, that's a really good question. There's a narcissist. Like, I've listened to some of the worlds. As I start to research kind of this overlap between parenting and leadership. I've listened to some of the world's best parenting experts and actually, like, this. I just want my kids to be happy. Is sort of a narcissistic thing in that. In that. In that viewpoint, right? Of like. And she's like, you know, people say, I'm only as happy as my, you know, least happy kid. She's like, that's a horrible way to live. I would be miserable all the time, right? Like, it's not about. But. But it is more of, like, an optimistic way. Like, I'm not saying, like, be happy and smile and fake it, but, like, look, you can choose to let this bother you. You can choose to let it roll off your back. We kind of had one that, like, choose the orientation of not getting angry and being happy and optimism. It is not like a forced function. Smile. And I'm glad you brought that up because I'm actually very critical of the, like, all I want for my kids is to be happy. I think you should want your kids to be fulfilled, right? And being fulfilled and engaged means you're doing something that you like and enjoy. And by the way, you're doing something you like and enjoy. You fail a lot, but you keep going. Like Thomas Edison, you know, you know, 10,000 failures or whatever it was, but he loved trying to solve the problem. So I you. This wanting our kids to never have any pain, you know, that's where the resilience comes in. I am all for my kids having. Having pain and failure that is not physically dangerous. And we have this phenomenon going on in the world today where our. Most of our kids are not in. We are. We are wired to protect our kids. Right? It's a hard wiring, but that was like, physically like bears, boulders, most of those things have gone away. And so our protective mechanism is being overused for emotional situations where it's actually doing more harm than good because we are, we are not allowing them to build these natural defense mechanisms. If you take a kid and never let them have a cold and put them in a bubble for five or 10 years and then put them in the world, they'll die from like a common cold. Right? I think we have an emotional equivalent of that going on that's leading to the record levels of depression and mental health problems.
- [30:18]
Ginny Urch
I like this a lot for families because it helps you. It's a lens to make decisions about decisions through. It's a lens to make decisions through. And then like you said, then there's less conflict with a spouse because you're like, well, we've already determined these are our values. And if happiness is one of them, then a cell phone.
- [30:34]
Robert Glaser
If it's making. Right. If you, if you, it's great, right? If being, if being happy. And it was kind of happy and healthy went together. So, so it wasn't just as happy. But yeah, that, that is an amazing example. Hey, you're scrolling through Instagram all day. You're doom scrolling. You're feeling crappier about this. It's not working. Under this line that is better than we have a rule. One of my favorite stories someone told me on my podcast was, you know, explaining value. Values take the place of a lot of rules, both in organizations and individually. Like, the combination replaces the need for a lot of explicit rules. And he was having a discussion with his daughter about curfew for prom. And instead of saying your curfew is. And he really wanted her to be home by, you know, 1am or whatever it was. And, but instead of saying you need to be home by one, he said, look, I want to talk about your curfew for promotion. Okay, let's talk. You know, it's a night, people are out and driving, drinking. Your mom and I, we're going to be worried. We're not really going to fall asleep until you get home. So we just, we'd like to pick a reasonable time because we're going to be worried about this and we want you to have fun. The girl picked 12 o', clock, right? She picked an hour earlier because it wasn't an arbitrary rule. It was, oh, they care about me and they're going to be worried. And me being out it like, And I just, I love that story because I, I, I think it, it shows the difference between, again, why are we not having four cookies you know, because it's just not healthy.
- [32:02]
Ginny Urch
Yeah, yeah. And if one of your values is being kind and respectful, then you would be thinking through the lens of my whole family. How does this curfew affect my whole family and not just me? I talked to this man named Arthur Brooks. He has done all this research on the science of happiness, Right. And so he says, you actually can't be happy. Your brain doesn't allow you to be happy, but you can be happier.
- [32:22]
Robert Glaser
Yeah.
- [32:22]
Ginny Urch
I was like, ooh, I kind of like that. This is that distinction. You'll be happier. You can work to be happier. And then these decisions, these daily decisions that you make for your family can be run through the lens of these different values that you have. So the book, the Compass within, and there's also a course, it guides you through these different questions that you can go through. They're very practical. You can go through them. There's some sample answers there, and then you throw in an extra one. Like, what would you want to be said about you in your eulogy to sort of start to figure out what your values might be? I was super intrigued by the Netflix example.
- [32:54]
Robert Glaser
Yeah.
- [32:54]
Ginny Urch
Are these. Are. These are real?
- [32:56]
Robert Glaser
Yeah, this is. This is the wall art versus the reality. Yeah.
- [33:00]
Ginny Urch
Well, it's okay. I want to read it.
- [33:01]
Robert Glaser
Oh, you're talking about the Enron and then the Netflix. Yeah, these are real. These are not the type of things that you would see most companies have on a wall. So go ahead and. Go ahead and read them.
- [33:09]
Ginny Urch
Yeah, I was kind of. I had to, like, read it several times. Okay, so at Netflix, because one of the things I was. I had a question about. And then you answered it, Robert, in the book was, do people assimilate to the values of the corporate culture, or do they not basically, are pretty set in.
- [33:27]
Robert Glaser
People will. Well, yes and yes and no. So they will assimilate because we all respond, I have a puppy. Right. And it's either here's a treat or no. Right. And there's certain behaviors. And so people in organizations respond to the implicit incentives. What are the things that get the data boy or that a girl or what are the things that get your hand slapped? And so you will conform, and this is why you're community, too. And then you will feel horrible about it. Right. And you'll feel. Either you'll either feel bad as you're doing it, or you will suppress your own values and it will blow up because you will be like, I have been living a lie, and this is not me. And otherwise. So, yeah, I think eventually if you stay in an environment that doesn't align your values, it will like, it'll be that wall grind a little bit every day.
- [34:13]
Ginny Urch
Yeah. So it's interesting then you had this situation where you're talking about when you hire someone, then you know, you're like, we've got these core values as a company. So when we have the interview process, we ask a lot of questions that are about these core values and scenario questions so that you can start to get a sense of who that person is. Because ideally some of their values would at least kind of line up with the corporate culture.
- [34:36]
Robert Glaser
And so then Netflix, they should rhyme, right? Like as a founder, my personal core values are don't. Like they're not the same as the company core values, but they rhyme, they align. Right? That's the goal. We're trying to find people who align to what we value.
- [34:51]
Ginny Urch
Yes. Okay, so the question was in the book and I, I love that you answered it because it was a question I have. Do people already come with the values or do they adapt? Adults are not very likely to change who they are at their core. And so you have these behavior based questions for each of the company values, along with descriptions for interviewers of what good and bad answers sound like so they can know what to look for and listen to. Okay, so then you have Netflix. Okay, Two values. Adequate performance gets appreciation and a generous severance. That's one.
- [35:22]
Robert Glaser
Yeah.
- [35:23]
Ginny Urch
Which I was like, what? Wait, what? I had to read it a couple times. Number two, we are a team, not a family. These statements would likely turn many people off. And that is exactly the point. They want to repel people who aren't going to fit at Netflix. Can you even explain what those mean?
- [35:38]
Robert Glaser
Like, so it's actually a two part thing on that first one where it says like, you know, not a lot of hours worked and great results equals promotion and more money at, you know, adequate performance despite whatever the effort equals. Kind of a thank you. And it basically said, we don't care how hard you work, we care about results. And Netflix has been an unbelievably best performing stock in the last 15 years. They've made two pivots from DVDs to streaming and then from other content to their own content, that most times you would get knocked off by the new competitor. And they do that because they're an oriented culture. So look, you have some people on your, you know, this podcast are probably have kids that are getting to college age. And I think of this in universities, right? You have A kid who really wants a small liberal arts school in rural Maine and another kid who wants a big city school and whatever. They have totally different value propositions and they're both great schools, but the kid at the small school would probably hate. It's very clear. The problem with organizations or whatever is we say stuff that tries to appeal to everyone when we should be more like a university. Like, here's our value proposition. And if you're looking for like a. A small liberal arts school, you know, in the rural, like, don't come here. Like, we're a big city school. Like, they don't pretend to be something else. So Netflix said some stuff that some like, oh, I like that. I like results. I'm a results person. And I actually, I want. I'm competitive. I want to be a team. I don't want a family. You know what families do? They excuse really bad behavior. They excuse the drunk uncle, you know, making a jerk out of himself at the wedding because, ah, that's just Uncle Henry, you know, he's family.
- [37:20]
Ginny Urch
But on a team. That would never happen on a sports team.
- [37:22]
Robert Glaser
On a team, you. You are benched. We might love you, but if you come out in the basketball game and you go over 10, you know you're going to be riding the bench in the second quarter.
- [37:33]
Ginny Urch
So the first one. Okay, I just want to make sure I clearly understand it. This is what it meant. This is what I thought it meant. Adequate performance gets appreciation and a generous severance. I thought it meant that adequate isn't enough.
- [37:46]
Robert Glaser
It does. It does. That's what it's saying. Yeah, thanks. But you're saying thank you. But like, off you go. That's not stellar. So, you know, I don't know. There's a. There's a parallel corollary one that goes in there. It's not in there where it says, like, low effort and huge performance gets you a raise. Like, there's another one that kind of goes with that. So. So it's not in there that may be good for a revision, but it's exactly as you see it. Like, adequate performance gets a thank you, Ginny. But like, that's not really good enough here.
- [38:17]
Ginny Urch
Yeah, and also we're really generous. We're going to give you a good severance package. It's like, just slipped in there. Like, we're a great company.
- [38:23]
Robert Glaser
So you look, someone who believes in themselves will be all in on that. Someone who likes to skirt by is. Is not going to like that. And people can't get away from behavioral Based questions. So instead of saying, as a company, do you like our core value of own it? That's a bad. You know, the world's best interviewing expert once told me, ask hypothetical questions and get hypothetical answers. They'd be like, yeah, I love your core value of own it. Okay, Ginny, tell me a time when you really screwed something up at your last work and how did you own it? Right? And that story.
- [38:52]
Ginny Urch
Oh, gosh. Oh, no. Like, no one wants to actually answer that.
- [38:55]
Robert Glaser
But as you answer that story, you're going to tell me, you know, you're going to tell me a story about where you were vulnerable and owned it, or a story where it was everyone else's fault, you know, and you were the victim.
- [39:06]
Ginny Urch
I want to know more. Give me more. What are more interview questions? That's super interesting.
- [39:10]
Robert Glaser
Well, if you tell me a value, I can build a behavioral based question on it. So we have excel and improve as a value. So the question would be like, Ginny, like in the last three years, tell me something you took a course on or tried to get better at or really try to improve your skill set on, right? And they were like, well, I read a couple nonfiction books, like, probably not a person for us. If they were like, I've been trying to get better at karate and I've been going five days a week and I got a coach and I finally got my brown belt and I was the, you know, first 50 year old to do this in two weeks. We'd be like, oh, this is our kind of. This is our kind of excel and improve person. Right?
- [39:42]
Ginny Urch
This is so interesting. I've never thought about any of this and I could see how it would be so helpful and fun. That's kind of fun, you know, to take your interview questions and base them around the values. So what is your. You're an author, you've got courses, you speak. When you talk about your company, is it one specific company?
- [40:02]
Robert Glaser
The main company that I founded is called Acceleration Partners. I'm executive chair now. I don't run that day to day. These were a lot of the policies that I built and implemented over the years. Now I actually spend a lot of my time consulting companies and serving as board advisor and helping them with leadership development and core values and company core values and all that stuff. In fact, here's a great example. I helped a major hospital organization that was going through a mess and had a leader come in. I'd worked with them fast, and he's like, there's no core values here. We need to Overhaul this. We did the core values, like really got it to what the people there believed that they wanted the behaviors to be. And the email I got two months later, which was my favorite email of the year, I said, how's it going? How are the new values doing? Because I talked with them, it doesn't mean anything what you write on the wall. How are you going to implement this? And they said, right, here's what we've done. We have behavioral based core value interview questions. Now we have this new call out in our quarterly magazine where people highlight core value stories. We have our first core value awards coming up. Core values have now been put into our performance reviews. Right. So that I was like, oh, this is going to work like this. This is, that made me happy because they're actually, they're actually doing it right. And so yeah, you can bring this back to individual again. You don't have those incentives, but you're looking at that and you say, am I, am I, am I doing this right? My wife has a very like, right, wrong lens core value. She uses the terms all the lights, the right thing to do or the wrong thing to do. So it's funny, she's, she's aware of it and when she's struggling with something like, I'll be like, look, this isn't really that important. I don't think there's a right answer. I wouldn't waste your horsepower on this. Right? It's not, it's not, it's pizza versus Chinese food. Like, I wouldn't, I wouldn't get too worked up over it, you know, but deciding which school to send our kid to or to pull them out of, public or private, you know, what age.
- [41:52]
Ginny Urch
To give a cell phone exactly.
- [41:54]
Robert Glaser
Like, you know, it has to feel like the right thing to her.
- [41:57]
Ginny Urch
It's interesting you brought up the annual core values like awards because that was in the book as you know, an example of how they transmit those values to the company, to the employees. Because some of them, they have these like, what did you bring up Enron?
- [42:12]
Robert Glaser
Or you know, yeah, Enron had like integrity, respect, whatever, when really the values Enron at the time were like, take huge risks and you stab other people in the back. Like is actually what you got a bonus for it. Enron was not those five words that were on the lobby wall.
- [42:29]
Ginny Urch
Right, right. So this company has annual core values awards. Like you could totally do that in your family. You could say, look, you know, I love that situation where this child, it could have been really bummed out, but they Changed their perspective and they got a little bit happier. They were kind. They didn't, you know, they could have been rude back or whatever. I like that. So.
- [42:47]
Robert Glaser
Well, let me throw. I'll take something my friend does at a company. Our kids are older. I would have loved to do this, but they have a baton, and there's a core value baton that gets hands. So if you could have a thing at dinner where, hey, like, you pass it along, I want you to highlight something that your sister or brother did that's aligned to our, you know, family core values, like, that would be an awesome thing to do.
- [43:07]
Ginny Urch
It's all really interesting. And if, like you said, if 1 to 2% of people raise their hands when you speak, likely many people who are listening have not done this work, haven't even considered doing this work. And so the book.
- [43:19]
Robert Glaser
There's at least a billion people who should buy my book, right?
- [43:22]
Ginny Urch
Exactly. It'll be out by the time this podcast goes live. It's called the Compass Within. And then like you said, there's a course people can take as well. I'll make sure. I'll put all the links to in the show notes. You also have a bestselling book, Elevate. That's right. And then a podcast, Elevate with Robert Glaser podcast. So I'll put all those links in there. Lots of ways that people can connect with you. And you've been on a ton of other people's podcasts as well, so.
- [43:43]
Robert Glaser
And I want to throw one thing on there. Cause you just said, like, the course which all these people have taken, it's totally free. If you pre order the book at compass-within.com, you fill in the thing. Like, I want people to do this work. So you just got to do it before the end of launch week. And you buy the book and you'll get the course.
- [44:01]
Ginny Urch
Make sure I put it out before launch week. Then usually they're like, you need to put it out the day the book goes live. But I'll put it out ahead of time.
- [44:07]
Robert Glaser
It'll be through launch week. So you have a few more days to do it. If you're listening to it now and you mentioned those six questions, if you're like, look, this sounds like a lot. I don't want to do it. You can go to robert glaser.com six totally free. They're right there. And the six questions are all there with some example answers. Take an hour with a coffee and. Or take 20 minutes. Answer those questions. You may look down and be like, huh. I did not expect those themes to come up.
- [44:33]
Ginny Urch
There's also. Okay, I gotta make sure I say this too. There's also the Friday Forward newsletter and I'm gonna put a link to that as well because that's really helpful. And there's like a million people that are in the newsletter, so you can be in it too. Something I found really interesting in this book was that you had a lot about nature. I was actually surprised. Right. So you're talking about. I'm having these problems at work and I've got this fiance and I don't know if we're aligned and, you know, we're living in this community and I don't really know if I really connect with these people. So it's all these different types of normal life circumstances. But there was a lot in there about nature. Jamie loved hike in the summer and ski in the winter. Beth had never skied before, but she was an avid runner and loved to sail. They end up biking together. They're living in this town that's crisscrossed with scenic packs for paths for biking and beautiful hiking trails. I was surprised. I don't know. Tell me why you put that in there.
- [45:20]
Robert Glaser
Look, we as humans are not designed to be doing what you and I are doing all day right now. All day. Right. Which is sitting and being on a zoom call. As much as I love this, there is tons of data. Well, a. One of my values is health and vitality, and there's tons of data around that. Going for a walk in the woods releases oxytocin into your bloodstream. So. So there's two types of things that make us feel better. There's. There's oxytocin and. And then there's dopamine. Oxytocin is like the good, slow release, long lasting, you know, better. Dopamine is like the five minute acting drug where you need a hit. Right. It's why all our kids are addicted to the social media and stuff. Because you get a hit, it feels good, but then you need kind of another hit. And so I. Yeah, I think, you know, for people who. That's important. And again, not to give away too much, but there's an interesting part of the book where, like the town, Westville, that Jamie's thinking about moving to has some of those surface things. It has the hiking and the biking and the stuff that he loves, but there's something in the culture a little below the surface that he and his fiance sort of discover over time. And that to me is a little like relationship where you're like, oh, we both love tennis and bowling, but you have none of the same values. Right. That's. You'd be better off having no activities you like together and having all the same values, you know, than that superficial. So. But yeah, I think particularly with all the technology and AI and all this stuff, we all feel better after we're outside or get some air or get some human connection. Um, and, and, and so yeah, I didn't even realize that was a theme, but that's probably just default based on what's important to me.
- [47:06]
Ginny Urch
That's interesting. I, I loved that it was in there because you're really narrowing down on the, the core things of life, which is like, who am I going to spend my life with? Where am I going to live? What kind of a work environment do I want to be in? And I love that nature was included in there and quite a bit just as sort of a mainstay. Like, this is something that should be a part of your life and it's something to consider when you're making these decisions. So these are all conversations that you could come to a little. I mean, it's never too late, but better to have them earlier rather than later because this is helping you when you're making these really big key decisions in your early adult life. They can help you to make a better decision. So depending on the age and stage of your kids, this would be a great thing to do as a family. I was curious about the.
- [47:53]
Robert Glaser
You get the award for most notes. I mean, I think you have. Your notes look like they're like the. Almost the length of the book. Like, I'm impressed. I should have had you write this. The, you know, the, the summary, the Blinkist summary.
- [48:05]
Ginny Urch
I was. This is super random, but I was curious about the. Because you've done a TED Talk on it. The boss, Stacey, she leaves the company.
- [48:13]
Robert Glaser
Yeah.
- [48:13]
Ginny Urch
Gives her two week notice. But I have heard people talk about. It's like as soon as you give your notice, you're out. Or if you even come in and say I'm looking at another job, they're like, you're not loyal. We're going to get rid of you.
- [48:23]
Robert Glaser
As soon as you.
- [48:24]
Ginny Urch
That type of thing. And your TED Talk was called it's time to eliminate two weeks notice. Which is a completely random topic. But I was really curious about what works better.
- [48:33]
Robert Glaser
Well, I can connect it for you. That is directly tied to my personal core value of respectful authenticity and finding that in our organization, the way that people left and we were trying to build a great culture and they give us two weeks notice and they had all these doctor's appointments and I'm like, why are we still doing this? We know that people aren't going to work, work at a company forever. Like, can't we make leaving? We treat leaving like the end of a relationship, you know, rather than the end of a sports contract, which is, which is like, hey, the person's a free agent, they're working here. But like, when the contract's up and frankly, I think more of work or maybe even relationships should go like that. Like, it's a two year contract and we'll both revisit it and, you know, we'll see if we both want to do it. So we invented sort of a new process of how to have open conversations and create kind of an open transition thing that led to the TED Talk, that led to a book on it. But that was basically a values thing for me where I was like, building this company and I'm like, can't we all be honest about this stuff? Like, people aren't going to be here forever. How do we get people to have real conversations and say, I think I want to do something else? And we say, great, why don't you enter our 90 day transition program? We're not going to fire you, not going to ask you to leave. We'll go look for a new job and keep working here. And if you sign up for my Friday forward or on my Friday forward, you actually, I put that book is up there. It's available. You can read at least half of that book as a free subscriber.
- [49:53]
Ginny Urch
So interesting. A 90 day transition program. It is, it is an issue like, you know, I, you know, people that get crushed that they've worked, you know, for however long at this company and like, almost like given their life or all of this time and then they go to move on. Because life has periods where you move on. Actually, Arthur Brook said that every 18 months you have a transition in life. Every 18 months and every five years a major transition. It's like people have things in their life that change. And so it is kind of a sad thing that it's such an abrupt and off often awful severing from leaving a company.
- [50:26]
Robert Glaser
So I love that it can be, it can be done better. Which is another core value of mine is.
- [50:32]
Ginny Urch
Yes, finding a better way.
- [50:33]
Robert Glaser
Better way.
- [50:33]
Ginny Urch
And share.
- [50:35]
Robert Glaser
See the dots are all clear.
- [50:36]
Ginny Urch
Yeah, yeah, that's what you're doing. And that's a long term orientation. Because then you're not going to ruin that relationship. Tell people what you talk about on your podcast.
- [50:44]
Robert Glaser
Yeah, so we look at, I look at sort of performance holistically. I mean, it's a leadership angle, but it's what can help you be a better leader in your work in a home. Both listening to CEOs who built companies, but also people who are the expert in whatever their topic is, whether it's difficult conversations or negotiations or otherwise. So I like to say it's a little bit of like if how I built this intimacy. Ferris kind of merged. So it tends to be both CEOs that have done it or people kind of at the top of their field and whatever a discipline is.
- [51:18]
Ginny Urch
All right, that's great. I'll put all the links in the show notes and make sure that you sign up for the Friday Forward newsletter. There's like hundreds of thousands of people that are reading that. The book is called the Compass Within A little story about the values that guide us. Robert Glaser, what an opportunity to get a chance to talk with you. Definitely was an eye opening book for me to read because it's stuff that I haven't thought about so I can see how it.
- [51:38]
Robert Glaser
Well, you should take the course. I'll send you a code and send me your values and I'd love to go through them with you.
- [51:44]
Ginny Urch
Ah, that's incredible. We always end our show with the same question. The question is, what's a favorite memory from your childhood? That was outside.
- [51:52]
Robert Glaser
That was outside Thanksgiving day football games. I remember sort of family family football games on Thanksgiving.
- [52:02]
Ginny Urch
No one has said that.
- [52:03]
Robert Glaser
Really?
- [52:04]
Ginny Urch
No one has ever said that. But that is so fun. I have like. I mean, I maybe did it once.
- [52:08]
Robert Glaser
Or twice, but I remember like tackling. My dad ran into my grandfather and we thought we like killed him one year, but other than that.
- [52:16]
Ginny Urch
What area of the country?
- [52:18]
Robert Glaser
New England.
- [52:18]
Ginny Urch
New England. So it's cold.
- [52:20]
Robert Glaser
Yeah, it's cold. So it feels. Feels like football weather.
- [52:23]
Ginny Urch
Yeah, I love that. Well, Robert, huge congrats on the new book and all of these incredible things that you're doing and I really appreciate your time. Thanks for being with us today.
- [52:30]
Robert Glaser
Thanks for having me. Limu Imu and Doug, here we have the Limu emu in its natural habitat.
- [52:41]
Ginny Urch
Helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual.
- [52:47]
Robert Glaser
Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.
- [52:52]
Ginny Urch
Uh, Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us.
- [52:55]
Robert Glaser
Cut the camera.
- [52:55]
Ginny Urch
They see us.
- [52:56]
Robert Glaser
Only pay for what you need@liberty mutual.com.
- [52:58]
Ginny Urch
Liberty Liberty Liberty Liberty Savings Fairy, underwritten.
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Robert Glaser
By Liberty Mutual Insurance company and affiliates, excludes Massachusetts.
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Ginny Urch
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