Loading summary
Transcript98 lines
- [00:02]
A
When the holidays start to feel a bit repetitive, reach for a Sprite Winter.
- [00:06]
B
Spiced Cranberry and put your twist on tradition.
- [00:11]
A
A bold cranberry and winter spice flavor fusion Sprite Winter Spice Cranberry is a refreshing way to shake things up this sipping season, and only for a limited time. Sprite. Obey your thirst. Welcome to the 1000 Hours Outside podcast. My name is Jenny Urch. I'm the founder of 1000 Hours Outside and I have a new guest for you today who us joined. Just came out with a book. It is called welcome to Manhood. Moving from potential to purpose. This is really important for our husbands. It's important for our children. The author Noah Herron is here. Welcome, Noah.
- [00:41]
B
Hey. Thank you so much for having me. What an honor.
- [00:44]
A
You are a pastor, communicator, and author based in Nashville. We love Nashville. Lead pastor of Way Church in the heart of Nashville. And people are looking to you for all sorts of information, but especially talking about the issue. That's probably the wrong word, that being a man today. Yeah, I think it's tricky. It's like there's a lot of cultural messages and there's a lot of failure to thrive. There's a lot of boys that are struggling in school. There's a lot going on. And it's really important that we know who we are and that we grow in a way that can help us become, you know, if you're a man, you know, if you become a father and a husband. So can you talk about. You have a book called Holy Habit and.
- [01:24]
B
Yep.
- [01:24]
A
Which I would imagine is, like, could be for anyone. But then you have this next book that really focuses on men. Can you talk about why?
- [01:32]
B
Yeah, for sure. So I started a church with my wife here in Nashville. Our first Sunday was almost exactly two years ago, and we have a ton of young men who are really, really fired up for the Lord at our church. I would say the average age person at our church, we. We're two years old. We have about 1300 people who are coming to church now, and I would say the average age is probably 27. So it's. It's a very young church, and most churches see probably 70% women. I would feel pretty confident in saying ours is really close to like 50%, which is pretty rare to see so many men coming to church. And so, yeah, what you said, like, there's been so many conflicting messages around what is manhood around men, men inside and outside the church. And I just was really inspired by the young men of our. Of our Church and the fruit that was in their life. And I just thought, man, I would love to write a book to encourage more men to do what I'm seeing right here in Nashville, because it's making a huge impact. So it really came out of a place of, like, I was inspired by the men around me to encourage maybe some men who are lacking clarity and direction.
- [02:52]
A
And I love the setup of it. It's a 52 chapter, so it's like a. Once a week, you know, there's something to read and then to think about, you know, to think about, to try and implement. It's not like a this, this, this, and then the next, next, next thing. It's like, no, read this thing. Really immerse yourself in it. Try and make changes. You talk about the 1% rule of making small changes. You say the world is getting darker, and with each passing year, it seems the standard for men is getting lowered. You're talking about the men on tv, and they're portrayed as lazy and dumb and. And they don't offer much to the world. So you go through this 52 chapters. I'd love to talk about a few of them.
- [03:27]
B
Yeah, today.
- [03:29]
A
So people can kind of get a sense of what's in the book and leave with some things to do, like, leave with some changes that they can make. So one of the things that you talk about quite a bit and is really important, especially I think, for men, is friendships. So you say it's time to go friend hunting. How do people go friend hunting?
- [03:49]
B
Well, I think first you gotta. You gotta fish in the right pond. So if you're, you know, if you're. If you're fishing for friends at the bar, there's a pretty low chance that those friends are gonna have the same goals that you have, have the same aspirations that you have. And so I think as a pastor, I know I'm biased, but I think the best place to friend fish or friend hunt is the local church. I just think, like, if you want to. Do you want to find people who are going in the same direction and probably trying to wrestle with some of the same questions that you're wrestling with. Like, the church is just the greatest place for that. And the reason I think it's important is because we see all throughout the Bible that we were meant for community. And that's, like, a really cliche thing to say. But when you look at the benefits that come from godly community, it's. It's. It speaks for itself. I'm a runner, so I run probably Four or five days a week. And something that I just noticed about running that I think is also true of friendships is that when you run with other people, I don't know if it's like the competitive nature or the social nature or what, but running is easier. You lose track of the time, you run faster, you run further. And I think with godly friendships for men, the same thing is true. Like, you run faster, you run further, you're sharpening one another, you look up and you're in places that you probably wouldn't have been without those friendships. And so a biblical example of this would be David, Right. Like Old Testament, when it was time for David to become king. I just am fascinated that God never sent him. He didn't send him an army, didn't send him money, didn't send him followers on social media. He sent him a friend named Jonathan. Like that was the game changer in David's life, was a friend. And I think it's the same way in our life.
- [05:48]
A
So you got to go friend hunting. And I love that you talked about the running because you said then this was in the part about being a finisher, that it's so easy to cut your run short if there's no one else around. But if you're in a group of runners, there's no way, there's no way you're going to specia. I'm done. I'm done. It's been a couple miles and I'm out. Like, you're gonna stay with the pack and you're gonna finish. Talk about then disagreeing. Well, because friendships can be really tricky and there can be ups and downs and you talk about you have a situation with like your college roommate. You're talking about how do you get through those bumps of friendship?
- [06:18]
B
Yeah. So something like a term that I like to use and the way I like to think about friendships, community is like, I think community without commitment is a mirage. And here's, here's what I mean that what you're saying, when you want friends or you want community that never disagree with you and that never. But what you're saying is what you really want is someone to just lie to you and, and just clap for you. That's what you want. A fan, not a friend. That's what you want. And so if that's your definition of a friend, then, then just call it what it is. But I think what, what most of us would consider a friend is, is people who care more about our long term health, our long term goals, more than our short term emotions and our short term feelings. And so give me 10 friends who will tell me the truth and really be for me, over a hundred friends who just tell me what I think I need to hear. Now, that first time that a friend tells you what you need to hear, that can be really, really difficult. But I think we've got to reframe how we think about it. And, like, we've got to give the right people permission to do that. And then when they do it, we've got to go, okay. This is not because they don't care about me. This is because they do care about me. And so, yeah, like, I'm committed to those friendships. I'm committed to community. And on the other side of that commitment, like, I'm getting better, I'm running further. I'm not quitting. There's, like a healthy peer pressure. There's a healthy form of peer pressure, but it only comes from. From committing to friendships and staying in them.
- [07:55]
A
Yeah, I love that you wrote that. You talk about you can't have community without having a commitment and that we're called to be peacemakers, to try and work through any issues that you have. I talked to this man, his name's Jack Carr, and he writes these, like, thriller books like, like, almost like military, historic.
- [08:11]
B
They're amazing.
- [08:12]
A
Yeah, they're amazing. Right? So I actually just talked to him earlier this morning, and he has a new book coming out. It's really interesting, Noah. It really makes you think about, like, the father, grandfather, son, like this generational legacy.
- [08:24]
B
Yeah.
- [08:25]
A
Through the lens of sort of like the wars that they fought in. And one of the big changes that's happening, you know, between Vietnam, like World War II and then the Vietnam War and then Iraq. It's like, there's huge changes in media, and it was really eye opening to consider the difference in the way that you live, the way that your life is, the way that culture is as a man, as a father, based off of the media that surrounds you. And that's one of the things that you talk about in this book, because your grandpa is not going to probably be able to speak into your life about technology. Like, how do I deal with technology as a father? How do I deal with it as a husband? So I love that you include that in this book. And you talk about technology and phones. You talk about obsessive comparison disorder. So the book is called welcome to Manhood. You say our phones promise a lot, but they take away more. What advice do you have to the 27 year old who is immersed in this culture that is very tech centric.
- [09:27]
B
Yeah, I, I, I would just ask a question to that person. Just say, are you using your phone or is your phone using you? You know, it's really simple and nobody can answer that except for, for you. But the stats keep changing on this. But the last, the last, the last statistic that I saw on cell phone usage for people under the age of 30 was that they spend six hours to six and a half hours a day looking at a screen, which, which is a ton of time. And if you do the math on that, that's over 20 years of your life that you will spend looking at a phone. And that's really a sobering thought. I think that we've all been given this gift called life and we get to steward it for the glory of God, for the good of other people. And I just don't want to stand before the Lord one day and him say, how did you steward your life? And me say, I can a fourth of it or how, you know, maybe longer looking at a screen, like, I, I want to use it, I don't want it to use me. And so really, practically speaking, like, I think when you can pre decide how you're going to use your phone, it actually eliminates a lot of the unnecessary use. And so just some stuff that has helped me is like, I don't charge my phone in my room, which sounds like, so, okay, what's the big deal? But for so long I would just like look over at my phone first thing in the morning and next thing I know I've spent 15 minutes to start my day, like getting trapped into the cell phone. And same thing at night it would be like I'd lay in bed and I'm like tired and ready to go to sleep, but I'd spend another 15 or 20 minutes scrolling through Instagram and it's like, why did I do that? I just spent 30 minutes I could have been spending with my kids or my wife or with the Lord, doing something I forget about the next day. And so plugging it in, having usage, like limits to it. And then I also think like, there's all sorts of cool little apps and like tricks to where you can like make a smartphone a dumb phone. And so like, like right now, like I, I use this thing called the brick where you tap it before you leave the house and it takes away all your social media until you come back. And so it's like when I know I've got important work to do or important conversations to have. It's like, I don't want, I don't want Instagram or TikTok or Facebook to take up that space. So I'm going to pre decide that I'm not going to use my tone.
- [11:55]
A
Oh, that's powerful. That could be like, okay, I just got home from work and I want to be with my kids from 6 to 8 and make sure that we play. And we're books together, we're going outside. And so you just say that that's not available. Oh, that's a good tool. That's a really good tool. Yeah. Okay, so then beyond that, so talking about it sucking away our time, the other thing that it does is it allows us to be tempted to compare our lives to somebody else's. So you were talking about. I actually thought this was a really interesting example that you put in the book, Noah. Like, you're talking about another pastor in your area. So you're like, you're a young pastor. Here's another young pastor. And I would imagine that 30 years ago, it's like you would know that there is another pastor down. I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of churches in Tennessee, right? Like, oh, there's another, there's another church down the road, there's another young pastor. But you wouldn't have a ton of insight into what is going on there. You probably have a little bit, maybe you're supportive. You have a church in the same area, but with technology and social media, then you can say, you can see everything. How many people are going, how many followers do they have? You know, how influential is that person? So that was, I thought, a really interesting example from your own personal life. Can you talk about dealing with technology as it relates to comparison?
- [13:12]
B
Yeah, man. I, I, I, I think that it's really easy to have OCD obsessive comparison disorder with, with social media. I think it's, I mean, you get on there and we all have heard the cliches, but, like, you're seeing the highlights of everyone's life, and it's easy to think that that's just how all life is. And at the end of the day, even if their life is like that, I just think, like, we're not designed and wired to know all of that about everybody and to watch other people's lives. And the thing about comparison is I have a mentor, he said one time that the fastest way to ruin something special is to compare it to someone else. And that's what it does, is it robs us of the unique wiring, the unique relationships, the unique gifting, the unique place that God has put us for a myth that somewhere else is better. And, I mean, that's the same thing that the phone usage does. It's just robbing us of life. And I want to experience life to the fullest. I think about the words of. The words of Paul in the New Testament. He says, I've discovered the secret to being content. I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength. Like, contentness is a. Is a superpower. And I think the only way to find contentment when you are comparing is to actually celebrate the people you're comparing. Like, like, so this is. This is just like a thing that's been helpful to me is. Is if I can't celebrate somebody that deserves celebrating, that's a sign I'm comparing and I'm competing with them. And most people can celebrate others as long as they're not doing the same thing that they do better than them. Like, that is like. Like, let's just be honest. So, like, I have no problem celebrating, you know, professional athletes. I have no problem celebrating teachers. But in insecure moments, I have a hard time celebrating other authors or having. Or I could have a hard time celebrating other pastors. And so just a good heart check is like, think about the people in your life who do what you do or have influence in your sphere of influence and go, do I celebrate them? Like, could I celebrate them? And if you can't, here's like a game changer. Get on social media and celebrate them in an Instagram story or in a Facebook post. Tell people to go read their book or watch their sermon or listen to their podcast. And there's something so freeing that immediately happens in your heart. It's like, it's like the greatest thing ever. Like, it feels horrible in the moment. And then you're like, oh, my goodness. Like, I'm the one who was bound by this comparison, not them.
- [16:02]
A
As a really big statement, the fastest way to ruin something special, because every single time you use your phone, not every single time, but a lot of the times when you use your phone, it could bring up feelings of comparison. So it's a. It's happening often, very fast, that you are ruining your something special. You know, your relationship with your kids, your home that you live in, your. Because of this comparison. So then can you talk about how you dealt with the other young pastor?
- [16:29]
B
Yeah, man, I. I think, like, it started with kind of what I just explained. Like, hey, I need to. I need to celebrate but with, with that pastor in particular, like, this was somebody who we, if we were in the same room, we would act like friends. Like, we, we would be very cordial with each other. I just felt like I needed to call him and tell him, like, hey, I've had these, I've had these thoughts and I don't feel like it's healthy. And I just want to apologize. I want to, you know, use the biblical word. I want to repent. I want to say I'm sorry for just me thinking these things about you and I want to genuinely celebrate you. And so this is me apologizing but also committing to, like, I'm going to be a better friend and a better celebrator of you. And now he's like one of my best friends to this day. I talked to him this morning about a message that I'm working on and asked him if he had any thoughts. I wanted his feedback. It's just, it's just crazy how like, our flesh, like our, our, the bad side of us tries to get us to make these things that should be blessings into competitions and comparisons and we miss out on so much good.
- [17:38]
A
Wow, is that powerful, Noah, because then you said, he kind of said the same thing back. You were like, look, I feel bad. I'm, I'm kind of comparing. He's like, I am too. And the fact that you reached out, otherwise you'd probably still be in the same spot. You know, of, of his, you know, his church, my church. And now you have this strong relationship when it comes to holiday gifting. I want to give things people genuinely love. Beautiful, timeless pieces they'll wear for years. And that's why I'm going with Quince. From Mongolian cashmere sweaters to Italian wool coats, everything is premium quality at a price that actually makes sense. Quince truly has something for everyone. Their soft Mongolian cashmere sweaters start at just $50 and, and they look and feel like the designer pieces you see for $200 or more. They've got gorgeous silk tops and skirts for dressing up, perfectly cut denim for everyday life, and outerwear that actually keeps you warm without feeling bulky. And their Italian wool coats, oh my goodness, these are standout pieces. Beautifully tailored, soft to the touch and made to last for season after season. What I love most is that Quint works only with ethical, trusted factories and uses truly premium materials. Yet their prices stay far below what you'd pay at other luxury brands. Personally, I've been reaching for my Quint Cashmere non stop as the holidays get closer. The cashmere feels incredible, soft, structured and it doesn't pill. It is the kind of quality I normally expect from a $200 sweater, not $50. Find gifts so good you'll want to keep them with quints. Go to quint.com outside for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q U I n c.com/outside to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.com outside does anyone else feel like the holidays just showed up overnight? One minute we're picking pumpkins and the next I'm looking around my house thinking wait, do we have enough guest towels? Where's the wreath from last year and who am I still missing gifts for if you are in that same last minute scramble? Wayfair has been such a lifesaver for us during this season. The holidays are here and you get what you need fast with Wayfair. From bedding and linens to decor for every room in the house, it is truly your one stop shop. We've been adding some final holiday touches to our home and I recently ordered a couple things from Wayfair. A beautiful neutral throw blanket for the living room and the sweetest little lamp for the kids reading Nook. Everything came with fast free hassle free delivery and it all looked even better in person than online. It is amazing how one new piece can make your home feel warm, refreshed and ready for hosting. And if you're in the gifting mode, Wayfair really is the perfect place to shop for anyone on your list. Their selection is huge. Every style, every budget and I keep finding things I didn't even realize they carried like kitchen essentials, storage solutions and seasonal decor. To get everyone in the holiday spirit, now is the time to get your home ready so you can actually enjoy the holidays with your family instead of running around trying to catch up. Wayfair truly has everything your home needs this season. Get last minute hosting essentials, gifts for your loved ones and decor to celebrate the holidays for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com y Wayfair every style every home okay, so technology is affecting a lot of things. It's affecting our time. It's, it's affecting this obsessive comparison disorder and then it's also feeding into you. Call it the more month the more monster, right? Because you see everybody else's stuff can you talk about how as a man, you know, how do you. There was a lot of cool, I mean, talking about Jack Carr. Are you kidding me? His book is like, and you could have this tomahawk and this. I mean, I never even know. I always tell him I don't even know what these things are. But when it comes for like Christmas or like I'm trying to get a gift for my husband for Father's Day or something, I was like, I'm just gonna go look in Jack's book because there's all this tactical gear and what hat and what are they wearing? So how do you deal with the. I mean, this is a culture that we live in. It's a culture of consumerism for sure.
- [21:25]
B
You know, the more monster just says that more is going to satisfy you. So whatever that more is for you, it could be more money, it could be more notoriety, it could be more downloads, it could be more opportunities, it could be. It's just a million different things. And particularly for men, I think there's three lanes that we're tempted to want more in. It's more money, it's. Which would be like greed, it's. It's more sex, which would be lust. And then it's more power, which would be fame or just like the ability to influence others in the way that we want. And man, every time you get more of those things, it does not satisfy. I mean, if, if it did satisfy, then the richest and the most powerful and you know, the, the ones who have had the most romantic relationships, they would be the happiest in our world. And what we see is that it's just not true. You know, I preached a sermon recently where I just quoted a few famous people. You would be shocked at how people feel on the other side of accomplishing the more that they were seeking to accomplish. Like Tom Brady, six time super bowl winning quarterback, probably the greatest quarterback ever. After his sixth super bowl, he has this quote where he says, yeah, I thought that this was going to make me happy. And I think I'm more empty than I was at the beginning of my career at. He basically says, at some point I just realized these Super Bowls, like, I want them, yes, but they don't satisfy me. And I think that's like what our soul lies to us in every single day is like, if I could just get more. And here's the thing, like, I think that we need ambition. And I think there's a difference between selfish ambition and godly ambition. I think we need way less selfish Ambition, we need way more godly ambition. But we have to understand that, like when we accomplish things, when we get things, they are not the things that are going to satisfy us. We are satisfied in Christ, in God, and then we go and do things for him, not because we're not satisfied, but because we're so satisfied. And so that is like a big twist. And I think, like, until you come face to face with that reality that the more monster is at work in your life, you're never going to be able to overcome a problem that you won't identify. And so you just have to be really real. Like, this is something that's here now. How can I, how can I game plan for this?
- [23:56]
A
I'm talking about just, I guess, modern manhood. It's like the screens affect all of those things. They affect access to stuff, sex and power quite a bit. Quite a bit more so than in decades past. And so these are important things to be talking about. So the book is called welcome to Manhood Moving from Potential to Purpose. When you're talking about power, you also talk about, I don't know if this is, would be considered the opposite of power, but serving. I think in some ways it's the opposite or the opposite of like fame. You know, you're like, you're going to be a servant. And you said this. I actually didn't know this. Noah, the Bible mentions the word and also you're gonna have to correct me because that's probably wrong. Like the opposite of power is serving. That's wrong. But anyway, it's like, you know, the, the juxtaposition of those two things. The Bible mentions the word leadership only six times, but it refers to the word servant a total of 1,100 times. That is wild. I had no idea. You say if you're sure, if you're too big to serve, then you're too small to lead. Can you talk about the power of serving? And especially for men, like you said your dad would always go last in the food line. And you're like, that really impacted me.
- [25:08]
B
It did, it did. And I know, I keep, I keep referencing the Bible. I know there's a lot of people who listen to this who maybe they, they never read the Bible or they don't have a relationship with God. I just want to do one more, one more just illustration that I think will make sense using the Bible, even to those who've never read it before. So in, in the Bible we see two different ways and two different examples of impact. Okay. So I think all of us, no matter our background, no matter our beliefs, whatever, we all want to make an impact. Like. Like every human being I've ever met wants their life to count for something. And so in the Bible, there is a man named Caesar who was kind of a big deal. He had the most. He had the largest army. Okay, so, like, this would have been the equivalent to the power of the President of the United States, right? Like, very powerful man. He also was the wealthiest man, so by far the wealthiest man of his time. So. So he's got the power of the president, the wealth of Elon Musk, okay? In one person. And then on top of that, he was the most famous man. Like, they. They put his face on money. They built statues of him in all of the cities. So he had the fame of Taylor Swift. Okay? So. So imagine you combine the President with Taylor Swift and Elon Musk all in one person. That. That is who Caesar was. And the thing about Caesar is he had a very particular leadership style that was all about accumulating more. It was more power, more leadership, more influence, more money. Like, that was his style. And if you fast forward 2000 years later, his legacy amounts to being a side salad at a restaurant. That's his legacy. We don't talk about Caesar. We order Caesar salads. It just, you know, he had an impact, yes, but it's gone. You flip that on its head, and you look at the person of Jesus. Very, you know, studied person, debated person. Jesus had 12 followers when he started. He gave away the money that he had. He sought to serve other people, literally with his life. And you fast forward 2000 years later, and there's now never been someone who has had the impact that the person of Jesus did. And I just think, like, even if you don't believe the Bible, there's a lesson to learn from that. And it's that if you really want to make an impact, serve other people. If you really want to make an impact, don't ask, how can this. How can this improve my life? Ask, how can I improve other people's lives? I like to think about it like this. There's some people in your life who, when they walk in the room, they're a look at me person. Like. Like, here I am. I'm here kind of a person. The type of people that make the biggest impact, they walk into a room and they don't say, here I am. They say, there you are. Like. Like, there you are. Like. They're like, they call out the best in others. They speak life over others. They give opportunities to others. And a person who truly wants to help other people, they will always be blessed. Because the, the world of the generous, it just keeps getting bigger and bigger. And when you kind of have the opposite approach of being somebody who has like a, a scarcity mindset, that becomes a, that becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. If you, if you just believe that there's always less for you, eventually there will be because people won't want to be around you. They won't want to, they won't want to contribute to what you're doing. And so I know that was a long answer, but I just think servanthood is the way to make an impact. And I think it also is the way to get a lot of things that all of us want.
- [28:59]
A
And also, like the Caesar salad is always kind of weird to me because it's really only lettuce, isn't it? Like, if you ever buy the kit, I'm like, well, what's in here? There's lettuce and there's like parmesan cheese and some croutons. Like, how does that really count as a salad? So interesting. Yeah. To look at the two and, and you know, to have one who had everything by worldly standards of everything, everything. And where is the influence? Okay. One of the things you talk a lot about, which is really important, especially in this day and age, is dating. How can we date better?
- [29:30]
B
Love this combo. I think you gotta, you gotta start with a goal. So I think a lot of people will get into a dating relationship because, you know, they're attracted to someone and that's great. Like, I, I have no problem with physical attraction being the reason you start a relationship, but it can't be the end all, be all because for all of us, gravity eventually wins. Okay, so eventually we're not going to look like we did when we were 18 or when we were 25. Like, it just, it gets, it gets all of us. And so if you build a dating relationship off of attraction, your marriage will probably fail. Attraction fails. And so again, like you want to be attracted, but I think that that initial attraction has to lead to something that's, that's going to last longer than that. And the thing that I always land on is character. I think character does last. I think that it's something like you can grow an attraction over time, but like character, I would say don't date. Potential date. Proof of concept. When it comes to character. You know, I think people will jump into a relationship that they've got that attraction and they're like, man, they've got so much potential. I bet you one day they'll grow into this potential. And sometimes they do, but, man, a lot of times they don't. And so I think the number one tip on dating I would have is like, yeah, date proof of concept. Like, if you're wanting to be married to somebody who is kind and full of integrity. Well, are they kind and full of integrity right now? And if they're not, like, just wait. Like, just wait on that. Wait. Don't trade what you want most for what you want right now. Another thing that I would say is, like, I think people get in trouble by making dating too long of a season. And so, you know, dating, I. I just believe it was always meant to push towards marriage. And so if you just go into it and you're like, hey, I don't really have any plans to get married. I think it can actually cause a lot of harm to both people in the relationship. And so I would say, like, hey, if you're not ready to get married in, like, the next year, then why date? Like, just be friends. Just hang out. Like, get to know people, have a blast. But maybe just wait on the dating part, and so you're a little closer to marriage.
- [31:52]
A
I mean, the book is called welcome to Manhood, so it's, like, great for those who are heading into manhood. You know, like, these teen boys are teen teens, but they're not boys, I guess, at that point. But these teens, male teens. And we're in this culture where people are not. And I know what you're talking about, like, don't, like, hang out with people, basically, right? Yeah, they're not doing that. I mean, there's a lot of research that says basically a lot of teens are spending time in their room and they're gaming, and they're not going out and doing things like they used to. What advice do you have either to the parent of the teen, the male teen, or the male teen themselves, in terms of, like, just being out in the world and getting to know people? I think, as it relates to dating, because if you have no experience or very little experience of interacting with someone with the opposite sex, then, you know, then you're like, well, what do I do? And then it's awkward. People are so nervous. Like, then they kind of just do nothing.
- [32:48]
B
Yeah, totally. I mean, to the, like, video game and, like, inside culture, like, I, you know, I. I've wrestled with this. I personally do not play video games. I have three kids. I couldn't Play video games if I wanted to. You know what I'm saying? But I don't have, like a problem with that in moderation. I think in general, like, to anyone that is the teenager or young, just young adult or adult that spends a lot of time on things like that, I would just say, like a challenge is like, don't, don't waste your life. You know, like a term that I like to use is like, pre decide your regrets. So, like, when you get to the end of your life, we're probably all gonna have a few regrets. I know there's that meme that's, you know, super popular. No regrets. I. I think we're all gonna have some regrets if we're honest. And I want to pre decide my regrets. And one of the regrets I do not want to have is getting to the end of my life and going, man, I wasted so much time on stuff that I do not care about anymore. And so I would just like, say maybe wrestle with the question of, of, hey, how much am I doing that I'm going to regret? The other thing I would say is I absolutely agree with you. It's going to be hard to win at relationships if the first time you have real, you know, interaction is when you're ready to jump into dating. And so I would encourage, I just think, like, putting yourself out there, being, being around as many people as possible so you can start to see, like, hey, this is good, this is bad. This is what I'm looking for. This is what I'm not. Yeah, like, that's, that's huge. And it goes back to how we started this conversation. Like, you got to fish in the right ponds for those relationships. Like, go to. Go to the places where it's filled with the type of people that you want to be like or that you hope to resemble with your life. If not, chances are you're going to be more impacted by the people you're around and they're going to be impacted by you. Yeah, it. I don't know. I think, I think with, with dating relationships in particular, it's like, it's. It's really confusing with online because you can just think, you know, people online, and that's never going to be a substitute for real life when it comes to relationships. And so you got to get out there.
- [35:16]
A
Yeah, I mean, that's a big change. That's a big change. In the last couple decades, I read a statistic and I don't know the. I can't remember exactly what it was, but it was like, you know, a huge percentage of couples used to be set up by friends, and it has so changed, Noah. It's like that has plummeted, and what has risen is being set up through dating apps. And, yeah, the man who I talked to about, his name's Arthur Brooks. He was saying that you're really supposed to complement each other. And the dating apps find people that are basically, like, the exact same as you. Like, that's what they do. And so then, you know, sometimes it works, and, yeah, you know, sometimes it doesn't. But there's just a. It is confusing to your point. It's confusing. There's a lot more layers there that didn't used to exist. And then you're dealing with, like, the rules of texting and how. And how all that. It's a lot. So I think it's great that you're talking about dating. Like, you say your. Your dating thoughts are pretty intense. You had a couple chapters on it in this book. Be slow to date but quick to break up. And, you know, these are things that young men. Welcome to manhood that they need to be thinking about, you know, to try and navigate, because it's gotten harder. It's harder, for sure. Yeah. Then it used to be. It used to be a little simpler, I think. Okay. I'm super curious about your Brain Dump folder. I thought this was a fantastic idea.
- [36:38]
B
Okay.
- [36:40]
A
All right. I want to tell us about it, but then I. I really am interested in some of the categories. Like, I want to know a little bit more.
- [36:46]
B
Yeah. So I'm always having thoughts. I'm hearing things. You know, I'm talking to people like you who have all these great ideas and people who are. Yeah. Just inspiring to me. And so whenever I just found, like, I would hear. I'd hear something. I'm like, oh, that's so good. And then a day later, I forgot it. So I just was like, man, I. I need to do something about this. So here's. Here's what I did. I have a pretty extensive note set up in my phone, and I created one folder called Brain Dump, and it's at the very top of all the folders. I think I have, like, a total of, like, 50 plus folders in my phone, but I have one folder that's just called Brain Dump. And anytime I hear something, whether it's a quote or maybe it's an idea for a sermon or an idea for a book or an idea for a chapter of a book, whatever, I will just throw it into Brain Dump. Sometimes I'LL throw it in, I'll voice text it. Sometimes I'll type it out really extensively, but it's just, you know, just get it in there. And then once a week, normally on Mondays, Monday afternoons, I will go through the brain dump, and I will sort the brain dump notes into the appropriate folders. And if I don't have an appropriate folder for whatever I wrote down, I will start a new folder for what I wrote down. And what it has allowed me to do is I'm always writing. I'm always creating content. I preach a sermon once a week, at least once a week. I have written one book a year for the last two years. And then I also put out social media content every day. And so I'm always creating. And what it's allowed me to do is just give me a system to pull inspiration from constantly.
- [38:34]
A
Okay, so I'm old. Noah, how do you have folders on your phone?
- [38:38]
B
So if you go into the notes app, you can. You can actually click, like the little plus button. There's like a little folder and you can add a folder and you just title it, you know, whatever, whatever you want. So I'm pulling.
- [38:53]
A
Oh, my goodness.
- [38:57]
B
You see it?
- [38:59]
A
Yeah, well, yeah, and I see that there's folders. It just says notes and like, you could, you could have a new folder. I see the actual pictures of the folders. I had no idea.
- [39:09]
B
Yeah. So, like, some of my. My folders are. So I've got the brain dump at the top, and then I've got book ideas, Bible, quiet time takeaways. I've got content, a content folder, a video content folder, ideas for church. I'm working on a new book right now, and all my ideas for that book are under this one folder. Investment notes, house note, a house folder, a leadership folder, a workout folder. I mean, I get like, super, super detailed. And then if I have something like, say you reach back out and you're like, hey, I'd love to do an interview with you about habits next time. It's like, well, I've got a whole folder that I put together when I wrote that book, so I can just revisit that and refresh my memory. So it's super, super helpful. Some of the notes themselves that go in those folders are like two sentences long. And some of them are like, I don't know, 3,000 words long. It's just kind of random, but it helps me. Wow.
- [40:15]
A
Yeah. And you say you have. It's like being a continual learner, so you're always looking out like, what can I learn? What did this person say? I want to make sure I remember, but then you have to go back through and sort it, because otherwise it's just. I mean, my. My thing is like a big old mess, and it's literally a little plus button where there's a folder. All right, all right. I'm curious. Like, what's something in your house folder?
- [40:38]
B
Well, we just. We recently moved. We had. We had our third. Third baby two months ago, and so we needed a little bit of a bigger house, and so we moved. And my house folder has a combination of things that I need to do for the house, things that I need to buy for the house.
- [40:57]
A
Probably. Right.
- [40:58]
B
Measurement. Yeah, no, there's. There is all sorts of stuff. And then. And then my wife, she sends me links, and so I have, like, a. A wife wish list in there as well. So.
- [41:09]
A
Okay, what's something in the workout folder?
- [41:12]
B
Workout folder. I've got, like, individual workouts in there that I'll. That I do like, every single week. But then I also keep, like, a running tab on, like, what I'm lifting as far as, like, the amount so I can look back and, like, kind of track progress. And then I've got some links in there as well to, like, podcast episodes of. Of fitness people who. I'm like, oh, that was really good. I. I don't want to forget that episode or I don't want to forget something that came from that episode or maybe even, like, notes from things that I've. I've learned from people in the workout space. It's all sorts of random stuff.
- [41:50]
A
This is like gold, Noah. You know, like, probably make a book right off of your brain dump folder folders. You know, like, chapter one, leadership.
- [42:00]
B
Maybe we will.
- [42:02]
A
Chapter two, workout. Chapter three, how to decorate your home. What. What's in the leader? Tell us something in the leadership folder.
- [42:09]
B
Yeah, so right now, you know, our church is. Is grown a lot pretty quickly, and so I'm trying to grow in my leadership. And something that I'm really fascinated by right now is listening to leadership podcasts and leadership interviews of, like, some of the best CEOs, some of the best entrepreneurs, some of the best pastors, and all of them are so different. Like, very, very different. But the most recent note, and my leadership folder is actually a leadership talk idea that I have. I get asked to speak to pastors a lot of times, and so I'm going to talk about how my number one finding in leadership is that the best leaders are the most focused that. That's the one common trait that I found. It's like they have different talents, they have different abilities, different spheres of influence, but they are. They have an unrelenting focus to do the most important things over and over and over again over the long haul versus being distracted by new opportunities or even good things. They're just like, I'm committed to this one or two things, and I'm just going to keep hammering away. And that's how they're as effective as they are. So that's like a. A leadership nugget in my folder right now.
- [43:26]
A
Do you know what's so interesting, Noah? It's like, I thought, because I was really curious about this for a couple of reasons. First of all, like, my brother, he's really good at the Dave Ramsey envelopes.
- [43:36]
B
Yeah.
- [43:37]
A
Like, they have so many of the Dave Ramsey envelopes. So, like, he'll be like, for a close budget for birthday presents for, you know, there's probably 60 envelopes. And I'm like, I just want to know what are all the envelopes? Like, tell me all of the options of where the money could go. So the brain dump folder, when you're like, I have all these folders. I was like, well, even that. Even the cash categorizing of it. No, I think is pretty interesting. Like, what are these different big buckets of categories in life that you could be learning about or you need to be working on? But it's. I thought so I was like, I'm asking. I want to know what are the folders? What's in the folders? Tell me more about. But I would have thought that you would have to look, but you didn't have to look because you've already done the sorting out. I'm obviously. I'm sure you couldn't, like, quote every single thing that's in there, but the fact that once a week you're going back through that information means it's sticking.
- [44:28]
B
Yeah. Yeah, it definitely sticks. And also, like, I mean, our phones are pretty, like, helpful devices when we use them the way that we should. And the thing about the. The Notes app is, like, it's searchable, too. So, like, I've got over 1200 different notes across 50 or 60 folders. Like, that's a lot. I'm not going to remember all of it. But, you know, if. If you. Yeah. If you said, hey, Noah, why don't you tell me something or write an article about, I don't know, parenting a toddler, it's like, okay, well, let me. I can just Search like parenting or search toddler. In my notes, it will pull up everything I've ever written in there. And so it's kind of like a encyclopedia as well. And, yeah, I. I heard one. One guy talk about it. This is like the idea of storing stuff. Like, this is not a new idea. This is just the way that has worked for me on how to do it. But I heard one guy talk about how our brains have limited capacity, like a computer. And so this is a way of building a second brain, kind of. It's like I'm going to build this other brain to help me retain information that my brain won't allow me to do. Yeah.
- [45:43]
A
It's almost like a searchable journal in a way. And it's not necessarily a journal. Is like, well, how. What. What did I do today? Dear Diary. But it's like, these are the things that caught my attention. Like, I like to think about band names. So it's like, that could be one of my folders.
- [45:59]
B
That's amazing.
- [46:00]
A
Do you hear stuff sometimes and you're like, gosh, that would be a really good band name.
- [46:04]
B
Give me a. Give me a band name right now. What's your favorite band name right now.
- [46:09]
A
Okay. In my Bonus Butter. I don't even. This is in my phone. Because sometimes some. I think. I don't know where that came from. Noah. Like, literally in my phone somewhere, we were some place, and they were like, you can get bonus butter. Like, I don't know with your meal. Or. I'm like that. I. I would go see a band named Bonus Butter.
- [46:29]
B
Alliteration helps.
- [46:31]
A
Lost muffin. I don't know. I don't. I don't even know. But they're not. They're not. This says band cakes. I don't. They're. They're in here, but they're not organized. This would be better if they were in a folder. So last night. Okay. Last night's makeup.
- [46:48]
B
There we go. That's a ring to it. That's a great one. Yeah.
- [46:51]
A
Okay, I'm out. All right. I'm out of ideas. But I do love this, and it really goes along with this. Use your phone, but don't let your phone use you.
- [46:58]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [46:59]
A
That's really helpful. I love that idea. Okay. Talk about hurry. That's one of the things you talk about. So we're in this culture of hurry and go, go, go. You're talking about college, you're talking about dating, Then you're talking about being a father. In all of these realms of life, there can be a lot of busy. Busyness.
- [47:15]
B
Yeah, yeah, there can be. This is, honestly, this is probably the subject that I'm the worst at. And I'm actively trying to fight to be unhurried. It feels like right now, in this season of my life, every single day, there is not enough time in the day.
- [47:35]
A
Yeah.
- [47:36]
B
And so going back to that pre deciding my regrets conversation that we just had, that's what I'm trying to do of like, hey, if I know that it's not possible for me to actually do all the things that I want to do in a day, then I've got to decide what are the non negotiables. And for me personally, the non negotiables are faith, family. And then what I feel most like, called to do or like another way to put that would be like, like my, my greatest purpose is. And so, yeah, like, for me to be unhurried, I've got to have a fixed amount of time for work, a fixed amount of time for family, and a fixed amount of time for pleasure. And the only time that I really have for pleasure is at 5 o' clock in the morning right now. So that is. And that just works because I've got little kids at home and I don't want to sacrifice my kid time to, you know, do something at night. And so just like really practically speaking, for me to be unhurried, I get up at 5 in the morning and that's when I do my quiet time when I read my Bible, that's when I work out. And then my kids get up around 6:37. And so once they're up, like, I try to be present with my kids before I go to work. And I work most days from 9 to 4, 9 to 4:30. And when I'm home, I'm home. Like I'm done. If I don't get it done, I don't get it done because I've just found that like, if I keep trying to work, I end up being hurried throughout everything else. And I just don't want to hurry through toddlerhood with my, with my three kids. I don't want to hurry through my relationship with my wife. Like those are the things that when I'm 80 years old, I know I'm going to be like, I wish I could have somehow had more time in those seasons. And so yeah, being unhurried for me is like clear starts and end times for work and just really like prioritizing the right things.
- [49:44]
A
That's got to be extra tricky.
- [49:45]
B
As a pastor for sure.
- [49:48]
A
How do you do it?
- [49:48]
B
Yeah, there's this. Okay, I'm quoting a scripture again, but it's. I'm a pastor, so there's a. There's a scripture in the book of Galatians in the Bible where a guy named Paul talks about how he doesn't want to please people. He wants to please God. And as a pastor, you're always going. As a. As a person or a pastor, you're always going to disappoint somebody. Like, it is impossible not to disappoint others. Now, I don't think you should intentionally disappoint people if you can help it, but you're going to disappoint someone. And I've just made the decision that I'm not going to let my family be the ones I disappoint. And so I would rather disappoint the person who couldn't get a meeting with me this week and not disappoint my kids and have to miss my son's first soccer practice or, you know, my wife's events that she's putting on. Like, I just. I would. Because chances are, the person that's a part of my church right now, I love them. I care for them deeply. Chances are when I'm 70 years old, they're going to have forgotten about me, but my kid is not. So I'm just going to disappoint the right people and not disappoint the wrong ones, and I'm okay with that. And I think that a lot of people, most people understand that it's impossible for me to be everything to every person. Our church is too big for. For me to be actively involved in 1300 people's lives.
- [51:25]
A
I. I think that that's a really good modeling. It's like, look, I have these boundaries. It's a. It's a huge modeling in this day and age, too, because work can follow you everywhere. And whether you're a pastor or you have some other job, there's always more work that you could be doing if you're an entrepreneur. Are you kidding me? Like, I mean, you could be working and never sleep. There's always something more that you could be doing. I like that. Darren Whitehead does that digital fast.
- [51:48]
B
Yeah.
- [51:49]
A
They're down in your area.
- [51:51]
B
Yeah. Franklin, Tennessee. That's where I'm at right now.
- [51:53]
A
Yeah. So are you at the factory?
- [51:55]
B
About the factory?
- [51:56]
A
That's what I thought. That's what I thought. I was like, where is he? I feel like it looks like the factory. We've Been there so much. I've spoken there and wow, we've been there for John Akuff had a whole conference there. We were there for that. And John Auff talks about like he has a few people in his life that he's interruptible for. So it's kind of similar. Like, and it's his family. He's like, nothing is more important, nothing is too important. I am like totally botching it, Noah. But like I can be interrupted by my family into any, at all times. Yeah, I'm like this podcast, this whatever I'm doing this news like my family can always interrupt. So yeah, it's the main thing. And so Darren has that digital fast and that's modeling. And I think if as a pastor and I think most people intuitively understand that is the type of job where you could just get pulled in so many different directions and your family could really suffer from it and you're saying, look, I'm going to bound it in. I think that that's fantastic. What about the Sabbath?
- [52:53]
B
Oh, Sabbath is great. That's a, that's a really great practice to unhur yourself. So Sabbath people who aren't familiar with it, the way that we practice it, the way that most people practice it is it's a 24 hour rest from work. But it's not just a rest from work. It's also an intentional time to do things that bring you life. So the Sabbath is my favorite time of the week. Actually we do ours from Thursday night at 5 o' clock until Friday night at 5 o'. Clock. So mine starts in a few hours and I'm really pumped about it. So. So for the next 24 hours, I will not work. I will not, I will not do anything for work. And tonight at 6:00, my wife and I will go on a date. We have a babysitter coming over. We're going tonight. We're actually going to our favorite restaurant. We're celebrating a few things so it's kind of a little fancier vibe. But we're gonna go out to eat. It's gonna be awesome. We're probably gonna go to this place afterwards where it's downtown Nashville. It's like duck pin bowling. We just like doing that. That stuff. So we're probably gonna do that. And then tomorrow is just like a family day and doing stuff that gives us life. So I'll probably sleep in. My wife always makes breakfast on Friday mornings for all the kids and me. And then we, we do a lot of stuff like on Fridays that That's outside. That's, that's at the park. That's just, you know, doing stuff that the kids like. It's just like a life giving 24 hours where you don't have to produce anything, where you don't have to earn anything or achieve anything. And yeah, it's just, it's really good for the soul to have that because without it, you can just kind of have this like, next thing, next thing, next thing. You never enjoy, you never celebrate. And life's too good not to celebrate it.
- [54:45]
A
I love it. Dan Buettner talks about it. He's a guy who. Research is about the blue zones, which is where people live to be really long, like into their hundreds. And that's one of the tenants is, you know, you study people that have that day of rest built in. And it really affects health. So it's neat when the science catches up. You know, like this has been God's plan from the beginning. And actually also the science backs it up. Always gives you something to look forward to. I think it's interesting to hear the ways that people do it. Like a Friday, if your kids are home and like you have a flexible work schedule. Like it's. Things are less busy. So it's an interesting way. Like I, I don't think. And obviously for you because you're a pastor, but I don't think that Sunday from for most Christian families feels like a Sabbath because church is kind of hard work to get your kids there. And make sure you're exhausted. I'm always like by one o', clock, I'm like, I'm really exhausted. So to pick a different day. Yeah, to pick a different day is good. So I love that 5pm to 5pm We've done sometimes sundown to sundown.
- [55:45]
B
Yeah.
- [55:45]
A
And wow. Does that make you realize that your life is passing because it changes every week. Every week you're like, oh, the sun went down 10 minutes later. 10 minutes later. So I love that you say you talk about more. You talk more about the Sabbath and holy habits. So people are interested in knowing more about that. They can read your other book, Holy Habits. So the books are called welcome to Manhood. Moving from Potential to Purpose. You also have holy habits. I'll make sure I'll link your Instagram page because you post there quite a bit as well.
- [56:11]
B
No.
- [56:11]
A
What an honor. It's incredible. Honored to get to meet you and to have this opportunity to talk about your new book. We always end our show with the same question. What's a favorite memory from your childhood that was outside.
- [56:22]
B
Oh, wow. What a great question. Let's see. Okay. I went to a water park with my dad when I was a little kid and he. I was too small to ride the ride he wanted to ride. It was a very large water slide. And he took me up to the top anyways, and he basically told the lifeguard, he whispered to the lifeguard that he knew that I wasn't. I was gonna chicken out is what he said. And so he said, hey, I'm gonna go first. And I give you verbal permission to push my son down this slide if he doesn't come down by himself. And so sure enough, I'm at the top of the slide and my dad's at the. The bottom and I don't want to go. And he pushed me from behind the lifeguard did. And yeah, I don't know, it's. It was traumatic. I had the biggest wedgie of my life. I was crying, but it just taught me something about like, overcoming fear that I. I always reference and remember. And I ended up having like one of the best days ever with my dad the rest of the day because after that, I was willing to ride anything with him. And it was just a really, really good day. So that, that would be. Be at the, at the top for sure.
- [57:35]
A
I love it. Just that one little push. There we go.
- [57:38]
B
That's it.
- [57:39]
A
Lifeguard. All right, Noah, well, thank you for your time and enjoy your Sabbath.
- [57:42]
B
Thank you, you too.
- [57:48]
A
And Doug, here we have the Limu emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.
- [58:04]
B
Uh, limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us. Cut the camera.
- [58:07]
A
They see us.
- [58:08]
B
Only pay for what you need@liberty mutual.com Liberty Liberty Liberty. Liberty Savings Ferry unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance company and affiliates Excludes Massachusetts. The holidays mean more travel, more shopping.
- [58:19]
A
More time online and more personal info in more places that could expose you.
- [58:24]
B
More to identity the theft. But LifeLock monitors millions of data points per second. If your identity is stolen, our US based restoration specialists will fix it, guaranteed or your money back. Don't face drained accounts, fraudulent loans or financial losses alone. Get more holiday fun and less holiday worry with LifeLock. Save up to 40% your first year. Visit LifeLock.com podcast terms apply.