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Oh, it's a beautiful world Ain't nothing on screen that's ever gonna be this view oh, it's a beautiful world and I just want to share with I just want to share with you this beautiful world Such a beautiful.
Ginny (Host)
Hey, friends.
Co-host/Promotions
I am glad we're hanging out today. Today's guest is Holly Girth and we.
Ginny (Host)
Are talking about introverts. What they are, what they're not, and why this matters. If you're raising kids or trying to understand yourself. Quick note before we jump in. If you are trying to raise kids who are curious, capable and not glued to screens, I've written three very different kinds of books that will enhance your.
Co-host/Promotions
Life in layered ways.
Ginny (Host)
If you're wondering why outside time matters and how it actually shapes kids long term, until the street lights come on lays it out clear practically. If you're homeschooling or thinking about it and quietly worried you're doing it wrong. Homeschooling, you're doing it right. Just by doing it is meant to take the pressure off and help you.
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Trust what you're building.
Ginny (Host)
And if you don't want another philosophy, you just want something your kids can do. The 1000 hours outside activity book is packed with hands on ideas to get them moving, building, exploring and off of screens. You can find all three wherever you buy your books, but mostly on Amazon. And if you want something practical to help balance out your screen time, our 1000 hours outside app is used by families all over the world who want less screen time and more green time. It's simple, motivating and designed to help you close your phone. It's available on iOS and Android and is on sale through January 31st for just $25 for the entire year. No endless scrolling, just endless memories. All right, here is my conversation with with Holly Girth.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
All right, here we go. Welcome to the 1000 Hours Outside podcast. My name is Jenny Yurch. I'm the founder of 1000 Hours Outside and we are going to talk about something that's really interesting today that we've never talked about. We are going to be talking about introverts and the author. She's an author of many books, but she wrote a book called the Powerful Purpose of Introverts. Why the world needs you to be you. Holly Girth, welcome.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Thank you so much for having me.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
This is one of many books and you told me before we started that on your website, you can go to your website and take an introvert quiz. An introvert quiz that tells you what percentage introvert introvert are You. Okay, Tell us about the quiz.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes. So you take a little quiz@hollygirth.com introverts and you can find out how much introvert you have in you because everyone has at least a little bit. Just extrovert may be dominant, but it's been fun. How many people have taken that quiz and have told me, I always thought I was an extrovert until I took your quiz. And I'm totally an introvert. So that is a fun thing. And you could have your people take it, even your kiddos. I think if you walked them through it, you could find out about them too. So maybe a little family dinner activity together.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
That's so fun. Okay, yours is high. You're 96. I wish I would have already taken it so I could talk about what mine is. It is an important thing, I think, to know about as a parent because some of our kids are doing great and thriving when we're with a big group of people and some of them want to be home. And that can be a tricky thing to balance if you've got kids at feel differently about that. So can you help clear us clear it up for us? What is an introvert? Because a lot of people would equate that with being shy.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Right. So being an introvert is not being shy. It doesn't even really have a ton to do with people. It's about how our brains and nervous systems are wired. So introverts just prefer environments where there's less external stimulation, so less going on around us. We love things like one on one conversations or going deep into a topic we're passionate about. Often being outside is really peaceful for introverts because that is the environment our nervous systems thrive in. And so it really is about how we're wired. About half the population is introverts and half extroverts. And I love that because I think we're created as a complementary pairing. You know, God made day and night, land and sea. I think introvert and extrovert.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
So this is a lot to to learn about and especially if you've got kids. I think it will help you to understand them better. Can you give us a little bit of your backstory? You're a counselor, you're a life coach and you've written a lot of books. This is your most recent. The Powerful Purpose of Introverts.
Co-host/Promotions
What's the back story?
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yeah. So I was the granddaughter of Christian bookstore owners, which worked well for a little introvert. Holly. I had endless access to books and always wanted to be a Writer growing up. But I didn't know I was an introvert until I was in college. And it was one of moments I remember exactly where I was. I can see it in my mind like a photograph. I was at a campus ministry and they did a personality workshop and they talked about introverts. And I thought, wow, other people process the world like I do and maybe that's okay. And so I ignored that after that for quite a bit of time and went on to write and speak and tell myself I have to be an extrovert in order to fulfill my purpose and push myself right into burnout. And the last speaking engagement I have, I was the keynote on Saturday and Sunday morning in worship. I found tears in my eyes and I felt like God said, go home. And I knew he meant go home, get on a plane, go home, take a nap girl, because you need it. But also go home to who I created you to be. Like you're putting things on yourself that I never ask of you. And that really led to me looking into what does it mean that I'm created as an introvert? How can I thrive in that instead of resisting it? And what shifts do I need to make in my life so that I can keep moving forward without burning out? And that has been so freeing for me. And so I wanted other people to have that opportunity too. And especially for our kiddos. I wish I'd known years ago what I know now because it would have saved me a lot of trouble. So that's why I love getting to talk about this.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
What were you speaking about and writing about before this?
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
I have gone through many different themes. I love writing about identity, purpose, you know, connecting with God, God's eyes, dreams, a little bit of everything. Right now I'm writing a new book about safe relationships. How we can feel safe with God, each other and ourselves. So all things related to embracing who we are, becoming all we're created to be, and then living that out with each other.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
There are a lot of books. You're already amazing. Do you know? You're already amazing. You're made for a God sized dream. You're going to be okay. But your heart needs for the hard days, your love, no matter what, fierce hearted hope. Your heart needs strong, brave love. And this new one is the powerful purpose of Interverse. And like you said, there's another one coming. So yeah, you be totally all the words.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
All the words.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Childhood dream. So I actually didn't know a lot of the things that are in this book. And the thing that was Most surprising to me was about the neurotransmitters. So you wrote your neurotransmitters, nervous system and brain pathways are what help determine where you land on the introvert extrovert continuum. So obviously, I think most people have heard of dopamine. You say introverts need less dopamine than extroverts to feel their best. But I have never heard about the other one, which I can't even pronounce. But I'm going to give it a go and then you're going to help me. Acetylcholine.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Very close. Very, very close. All right. Yeah. Instead of Choline. Yeah, okay.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
I've never heard of that one.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yeah. So dopamine kind of revs this up. It's a reward chemical. If you think about it as coffee, that's kind of a simple way to think. So extroverts might like a whole pot full of dopamine. And introverts, we have our one cup and we're like, this is good or I'm gonna get shaky. And instead of choline is more like tea. Like, it's the neurotransmitter that helps us feel calmer that we have again when we're focusing deeply in less stimulating environments. And so that just feels the best to introverts. So you can imagine we're coming into the holiday season and extroverts have happy holidays one way and introverts have happy holidays another way because of these two neurotransmitters. So overall, just thinking about dopamine revs you up. Acetylcholine calms you down. Introverts just have a preference for it and thrive a bit more on that side of things.
Co-host/Promotions
Okay.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
So when you read that and you learn that, then you realize this is something that is pretty unchangeable.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes, it is wired into us and we can all adapt. But it's a bit like right hand, left hand. We all use our right and left hands every day, but we're going to have one that's dominant. And I think that's how introversion and extroversion work. A lot of introverts can step into extrovert mode, especially in an area they're passionate about. Like Oprah is a self professed introvert, so is Joanna Gaines. A lot of people that we wouldn't necessarily think, oh, they're an introvert, but they can step into that. But I do believe there's a mode of living that fits best with how we're wired. And it's important to Know that so we can lean into it when possible for ourselves and also extend grace to each other for how the people in our lives are wired too.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
So one of the things that you say is that extroverts are wired to spend energy and introverts are wired to conserve it. So can you talk about then this thought of sometimes you feel like as an introvert, you're trying to conserve your energy. You almost feel like you haven't even done all that much, but you're still tired. And so this would really affect, I think, your life as a mother or your spot in a job situation. Like, because you say thinking is even a, an activity. In fact, there was a statistic that chess players, I was like, I should start playing chess. More chess players burn up to 6,000 calories a day, have stress responses similar to those of elite athletes, and sustained blood pressure for hours in the range founding competitive marathon runners. So the extroverts are wired to spend energy and an introvert, you're trying to conserve it. But just to even be aware that thinking uses your energy.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes, it does. Our brains take up a lot of energy and that's important to know. If you sort of picture the internal world of an introvert is a lot like the external world of an extrovert. So there is a lot going on in there all the time. And one of the biggest frustrations I hear from introverts is I feel like I haven't done that much, but I'm so exhausted. But if they've been, for example, writing is a high octane activity, processing, you know, thinking deeply about things, having deep conversations, all of those use a lot of energy. It's just not visible on the outside. And so usually introverts, I encourage them to do energy budgeting, which is creating, you know, writing down for a day or a week, everything that you do. Putting a plus by what energizes you, a minus by what drains you, and then a question mark if you're not sure. And you could do this with kids as well. And the goal isn't to have no minuses, we all have them. We have to do the laundry. That's not fun. It is to manage it intentionally. Because if you're looking at a sheet of all minuses, then something is probably worth adjusting. And with kiddos too, it may be surprising to think, oh, I thought that was really energizing for them, but they're actually tired after. Maybe they need to have a 30 minute break in their room or to go outside for 30 minutes just to Be able to recharge a little. So it's more about energy awareness. Just where do you get energy, where do you spend it, and how do you manage that well for yourself and the people who share your life, especially.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Kiddos, That's a really good idea because sometimes there are things that we think are going to just be fine or neutral, and then you're really exhausted afterward and you might be really thrown off by that. So it's a really good thing to pay attention to. Use the phrase introvert hangover, a great phrase. So I wanted to talk then a little bit more about the brain pathways because this is something I did not really realize. You know, I think you kind of intuitively know that an introvert isn't going to change to an extrovert and vice versa. But you kind of feel like you can maybe nudge it in one direction or the other. But there's so much science in here about how it's just the way that we're wired. So one of the other big key differences is that there are these pathways in the brain. An introvert's primary pathway is longer. An extrovert's primary pathway is shorter. What does that affect?
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
It affects conversation, especially small talk, which introverts notorious are notorious for saying, that's not my favorite thing. Or I will try to say something and it takes me longer or I forget a word and they'll think that is. That means there's something wrong with them. But it's because of this longer processing pathway that takes into account the past, present and future. It's a little more complex and context heavy. So often we'll say about the introverts, our lives, you know, they don't talk all the time, but when they do, what they have to say is worth hearing. And introverts can look at our extrovert friends who are so good at, you know, doing small talk, entertaining people around a dinner table, you know, stepping right into the flow of group conversation and thinking, I need to change something about me. But it's actually a gift to have both in the same room. So like an extrovert might have an exciting idea and the introvert might say, huh, there's a few things we need to think about. Like family vacation, for example. Maybe we need to think about this a little bit. And then the extroverts, I'll say, okay, but let's book it today. And they're like, you know, that back and forth between fast processing and not slow, but deep. Introverts aren't slow thinkers. We're deep thinkers is a really great combination that helps both types maximize their strengths.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
There's a lot here I didn't know anything about this. It's a big difference. An introvert's primary pathway is a long, more complex and internally focused pathway. And extroverts pathway, primary pathway is shorter, more straightforward and externally focused. Extroverts rely on short term memory, the here and now. Introverts draw more from long term memory, taking into consideration the past, present and future. Because of the way we process, introverts need longer to respond. Often not slow thinkers, but deep thinkers. And then there was another thing you talked about, the frontal cortex. The active is among introvert. There's so many different things.
Ginny (Host)
That's so interesting, Holly.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Among introverts the activation is centered in the frontal cortex. And so that's a specific thing as well.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yeah, so we just use different parts of our brains and I think that's a really beautiful, powerful thing. And that again, we need both in our world.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Yes, yeah. So interesting. There's a lot there. I had no idea there was all this science behind the introvert extrovert situation and the differences between the two. Okay, so can you talk then about the shyness piece? So you talk about.
Ginny (Host)
This is wild.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
90% of people describe themselves as shy at some point in their lives. So this is not an introvert extrovert thing because you said it's basically split 50, 50. And shyness has nothing to do with introvert or extrovert.
Co-host/Promotions
It has to do with fear.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Can you explain that?
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes. So shyness is social fear. So you can have an extrovert or an introvert in a situation and if either one is holding back because they're like I'm scared, I have social anxiety. In this setting I am feeling what we would call shy. I really just would love to delete that word from our vocabulary because I feel like it's a label that just isn't very useful. But that's where it's coming from when we say it. Whereas an introvert might be hanging out, but it's because they're observing and they're processing and they're looking for that person that they're going to have maybe a one on one conversation with. Or they just need a little more time to feel comfortable in the room. So they're not scared, they're not holding back because they feel insecure. They're just processing the world in the way they're made to. And so I think especially for introvert kids, that's so important. To know because if they are somewhere new especially they're going to need a little more of a warm up. So Susan Kane says that extrovert kids are helicopters and introvert kids are airplanes. They need a Runway. So if you can let your introvert kids have a few few minutes to get comfortable with the room or a new group of people show up a little bit early, that's going to make the transition in a lot easier for them. So they're not being shy when they're holding back. Most likely they're just getting the lay of the land and taking it all in and processing it using that pathway. And then they're going to be all right. They're going to be warmed up and ready to go. So I think that's one thing. Just it's helpful to know about each other and the way that we tend to step into different situations.
Co-host/Promotions
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Jenny Yurch (Host)
You had an idea in here about asking the question, are you scared or are you taking a break?
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes, that too. Because in the midst of it, it may be, I've had enough for now. And so an introvert will pull back to catch their breaths. You know, introverts are often talk about hiding in the bathroom. A strategy that is very effective if you going somewhere quiet just to catch your breath for a few minutes. Or Joanna Gaines says before every event, she sits in her car by herself for five minutes and takes a deep breath. And so that's a great question to ask kids. Kids, because they may be doing great. They just need a minute for their system to catch up with all the action that is going on around them and then they'll be ready to join back in.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
You quoted the study in the book. That was a study where they studied 500 babies that were four months old. And the ones that were highly reactive, they found were more likely to become introverts, which I guess was opposite of what I would have thought. It seemed counterintuitive to me. Do you know how those are related?
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes. Because introverts are more impacted by external stimulation. So we need less of it. Oh, so yes. So that is where that it's coming from. So we hit our I'm done point faster. Not because we like people less, but just because external things impact us more. And so we get to our my nervous system is ready for a break just quicker because of that. And that can be helpful to know too. And it's tied to strengths like empathy. Introverts often have high empathy scores. And it's that same thing. Like they're likely to be the person in the room who notices when someone else is standing off by themselves or has a little, you know, frown come across their face. Like the one your kid's probably the one asking their friend, are you okay? Do you want me to sit with you? Like, I'm worried about Sarah. You know, that empathy, because they are observant and empathetic and taking in the world around them, I think especially introvert girls. And so that's just something to know that we are just more impacted by what's going on in the world. And that is a challenge and also a strength.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
So interesting. The more reactive babies were more likely. High reactive babies were more likely to become introverts. One of the things that you talked about was social nervousness, which there was a statistic in the book that said something like 13% will be diagnosed with social anxiety. But I would imagine that there is a. It's a higher percentage of people who feel social nervousness. Is it most? Do most people?
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
I think so.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Or are there some people that feel none?
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
I think some people feel none, but most people feel some. And that's a good thing because it makes us aware of each other. Like, we don't want it to be at the point where it stops us from making connections and building relationships and having conversation. But being socially aware is, again, tied to strengths like empathy. Leadership studies even show that that can be a real strength, being aware of the people. So it's a good thing to care about what people think about you. You just don't want to do that to the point where you get stuck in it.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
So you say, okay, so the social nervousness, you like, you want to mask it. You know, like my mom always says, let your smile be your umbrella. Which I think about a lot because there's a lot of situations in life where I'm like, I don't feel comfortable here, so I just smile. But in the book, it says that actually when you. When you have some signs of social nervousness, they actually allow others to see you as more human, basically more endearing, more trustworthy and likable. I think that' really, like, positive. It's a positive thing to know because I do think we tend to try and hide that. So can you talk about, especially in. If there's kids listening in? You know, first of all, like, a lot of people are feeling socially awkward or anxious or nervous. And when you don't, like, try and totally mask it, it can actually facilitate relationships.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes, awkwardness is endearing. We're all afraid of being awkward. But the research does show that it makes people say, oh, they're human too. I can let out a breath of relief as well, because if you think about it, most of us are running around a little scared of belonging and saying and doing the right thing. And so if someone shows up human, then that is a gift that we can give each other. So if introvert kiddos are a little awkward sometimes, oh, well, like, that can be very endearing and same for extrovert kids. So that was a relief to me. I remember reading that study and being like, oh, good, because I do awkward quite well. So any study that tells me that's a strength, I'm gonna be like, okay, yes, I like this.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Everyone is going to love me.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
I just need to be awkward.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
In an odd biological twist, you write awkwardness also related To a more appealing experience, excitement. So those two are related too. We think other people are going to reject us. But awkwardness can be endearing or, or.
Co-host/Promotions
A little social nervousness.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
So then let's talk about this excitement. You say that there are similarities between anxiety and excitement, basically that they feel the same in some ways, but one is more positive. And so we can, if we can try and affect that a little bit, we might be able to move some from the anxiety to more of an excited life experience.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes, it's the same circuitry and kind of neurotransmitters. It's like our nervous system in a revved up state, like high alert, high intensity. And so an example of this would be before you're going to speak somewhere, like that can be anxiety provoking or it can be exciting. Really it's probably both. So if you're in situations that could be anxiety provoking and ask like, is this actually kind of exciting too? Like maybe going to a party where you don't know everyone, you know, anxiety provoking. Right. And especially maybe for kiddos. But if you can shift that a little and say this is exciting too, then your body can sort of go, oh, maybe, maybe we are safe. Like, maybe this is going to be okay. And so what we usually try to do is get our nervous system out of that state, like calm down or calm our people down because we think that's when they'll feel better. But that's a hard, hard thing to do. And so switching from one, staying in that same high intensity state, but shifting the focus from fear to excitement can actually be an easier shift for our bodies than trying to go from 10 to 0 before we walk in a door.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Oh, that's really wise. It's an easier shift.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
So even I would say, like if your kiddo's nervous, like singing with them or dancing, like doing something high intensity with them, that's like fun and free and safe is probably going to be more effective than saying just calm down. You know, that's going to be harder for their bodies. So matching that intensity sometimes works. It's something to try just seeing how your people respond.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
The only difference between anxiety and excitement is a positive emotion. Focus on all the ways something could go. Well, that's a good thing to focus on. What are all the ways this could go? Well, the similarities between anxiety and excitement. Okay, in the same vein, talking about nervousness and social nervousness, another fear is a fear of rejection. And you say that's unavoidable.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes, unfortunately. And again, that's a good thing. We should care if people reject us. And so it's another thing where we want to be aware of it, just not controlled by it. And so just acknowledging, even saying, like, I really want to fit in here. I really want to want these people to like me. I care about friendship. I care about connection. And helping kids verbalize that, too often, that can go a long way to just diffusing that fear when we look it in the eyes and say, all right, this is valid, this is human, but it's going to be okay.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Yeah, there's a lot here to learn and to be aware of. One of the things that you talk about is how everyone starts to act more introverted as they get older.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes. That's what research shows. We all. So introversion, extroversion is a continuum. And we all move a bit toward the introvert end as we age. That doesn't mean we switch type. We just move that direction on the continuum. And I hear this from people all the time. They're like, I'm more introverted than I used to be. And I'm like, yep, we kind of all are. So that's an interesting thing to notice, too, that for whatever reason, we just tend to move a little bit more toward the introvert end of the continuum as we get older.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
That's interesting. I mean, I think you see it with, you know, as people get older, they're like, I don't care if I go to this or that, you know, where when you're younger, you're like, why wouldn't they come? I talked. Who did I talk to? I talked to someone. Oh, I can't remember who it was. And they were saying that they were going to take the grandma, you know, their grandma out to dinner. It was like this young married couple, they're going to take their grandma out to dinner. And like, that's so sweet. Right? And so then they called the grandma, and they were like, grandma, you know, can you go out to dinner on Thursday night? And she was like, I'm going in the morning to JCPenney's to pick out my curtains. So, no, like, I can't go. You think, like, well, what? You know, yeah, if somebody invites you out to dinner, you go like, you think she's gonna jump on the chant? But, you know, it's like her energy is probably.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
They spent.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
And maybe it was hard for her to figure out what curtain she was going to buy. And so they had to pick another day. And I. I think you start to see that where, as a Younger person, you're like, I want to go to everything, I want to do all these things. And then you start to see people are kind of like, no, that's all right. Yes, but that's a normal thing that happens. You act more introverted as you age. Okay, so what about the people that are like, I'm both.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes, am averts. This is very controversial. There are many opinions about this in the world, such as, and I personally don't think that there are ambiverts. I think there are people who are very close to the middle of that continuum and probably can switch back and forth pretty easily. But I still think that you are probably dominant in one, even if it's just by a bit. Again, like being right and left handed. There's probably a few people that are truly, truly ambidextrous, but most people are going to have a dominance and at least a little bit. And so that's how I tend to look at it. So, Amber Verts. People who say they're ambiverts, I would say have gotten really good at knowing when to flip the extrovert switch and when to stay in their introvert zone and vice versa. Like, I know extroverts who are great at tapping into their introvert side, especially if they're doing something creative. And so I think for all of us, the goal is to say, here's my sweet spot because of how I'm wired, but I also have strategies for tapping into the other side of who I am, when that is going to be what serves me and others best.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
It is interesting because you wrote how only 1% of the population are truly ambidextrous, which that actually even seemed high. I have never met anyone I don't even like never. So it's zero percent of the people are truly ambidextrous. I've never met one. So yeah, it's interesting. Okay, so then you talk in here about just different personality profiling things. And I didn't know the background of Meyer Myers Briggs, so that was cool to read in your book. The book's called the Powerful Purpose of Introvert. It is interesting that these personality things like introvert, extrovert, Myers Briggs, Enneagram, love the love languages. You said he sold 12 million copies and was on the New York Times bestseller for over a decade. Like my books will sell like 12,000. But I think it's because people are kind of desperately trying to understand themselves and the people that they love around them. And these tools really help. What's your history with different personality things like, do you have a favorite?
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
I think Myers Briggs is still probably my favorite. I do love love languages. One, especially in discussion discussions about introverts and extroverts because they look so different depending on which type you are trying to love. For example, words of affirmation. An extrovert probably isn't going to mind if you pull them up in front of a group of people and say really great things about them. But an introvert, you're probably going to make them want to crawl under the table. Like, they would much rather you do that privately or in writing. So even that is really good to know. Like, okay, this is my person's love language. Now put that through the filter of introvert and extrovert and adapt accordingly, especially for kids. So I think I especially love that tool in relation to introvert, extrovert, or.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
I'm gonna tell you a story. So I am. I am definitely introverted. I want to read that. I probably am close to your percentage, but I'm also outgoing, so I think that people get confused. So I would say that I recharge alone. And how do I respond to external simulation? So anyways, I've been married for over 20 years. I'm pretty sure my husband will be fine if I shared the story. I don't like attention. Like, I don't like to be the center of attention. So to your whole point about getting brought up on stage or whatever, I was like, well, I really relate to that. This is what reminded me of the story. So I especially don't like my birthday because I just don't. I. I feel responsible to, like, respond to everybody. And it's like such a big deal. And I'm like, I don't know.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
It's.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
I feel overwhelmed by it, which I feel like is relating to all these things, right? It's too much. It's too much stimulation. So every year I'm like, I would rather just like, can we just be gone on my birthday? Can we make it through that one day and just I'll be gone somewhere and then come back and reintroduce myself into life. So now we got older kids and they're playing sports. So I can't be gone on my birthday as much as I used to be. And so this year, I came downstairs in the morning and my husband was like, I did something and you might hate it. And I was like, okay. He's like, I don't know. And he had made this. I was like, holly, we've been married for over 20 years. He had made this video where he had reached out to I don't even know how many people because I didn't watch the whole thing to have them send me these birthday messages. And I was, like, mortified. I was like, I don't even want anybody to know it's my birthday. And then I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure he did it to some of the podcast guests. I got on a podcast later on, and someone was like, how was your birthday video? Because I didn't even watch the whole thing because I was like, this is the exact opposite. But that's so interesting because I don't think I would necessarily care about words of affirmation. Like, in private.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yeah. You know, or in writing.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Yes. If someone wrote me a letter or if it's like. Like I get in my email when a podcast. When the podcast gets ratings. So sometimes they're good, and sometimes they're like, I hate this lady.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
You know?
Jenny Yurch (Host)
You know, if they're in writing, then, like, that's. That's really good. So. But, like, in. I was like. I was, like, mortified, and I was like, you don't know me.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
What just happened?
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Like, 180degR opposite thing I would ever want. But what's so interesting is that you said you take that love languages thing, but you have to filter it through introvert, extrovert.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes. So, yes. Saying, what is my person's love language? And then what does that look like for them for introvert, extrovert. Which changes a lot.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Yeah. You can see how it really helps with your marriage and your relationships, if you understand it. We are still married. This happened in October. November. So. But I was like, wait, this.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
I really.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
I truly felt like. I was like, you don't really know me.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yeah. Yeah.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
And he was trying to do something really nice. What he said is, he said, people really like you and they want, you know, they want to express these thoughts about you. And I was like, but do they really? And also that makes me feel uncomfortable. So I see the intention, like, the intention was so kind.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
And some people would probably love that. And I was like, this is awful.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
This is a lot. Yeah.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Yes.
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Jenny Yurch (Host)
Because you talk about you and your husband are technically incompatible and unlikely to even be friends.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes, that was Myers Briggs. I'm an infj and so basically an intuitive feeler and he is an istj. So we are both introverts, but he is very thinker, very kind of century focused. And so I read once on a personality assessment, it literally said that, that these types are completely incompatible and unlikely to even be friends. And we've been married five years by then, so I was like, oops. So, yeah, so I think that says take things with a grain of salt. But I do think it's helpful to know how we're wired and understand our people that way so that we don't misunderstand them or try to love them the way we would, would want to be loved. Kind of like we're talking about right now. But especially it's unusual to have an introvert introvert pairing in a marriage. Most often, extroverts and introverts are married to each other. And so it is interesting to have someone that I can be like, I'm gonna ignore you for five hours. And he's like, great, see you when you get back.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Yeah, that is, that is interesting thing. I mean, it's tricky, I would imagine both ways because there probably will be a tendency to disengage if you're both introverts. There would be a tendency probably to burn out if you're both extroverts. And then if they're different, then you're kind of. There's always this tug. The other good things to know about. You can see the value there. I actually worked with a woman a long time ago and she did like her PhD thesis or something on does it affect your marriage? It was all in the Myers Briggs Personality Test. And that's actually where I learned about it. I think I took it with her.
Co-host/Promotions
Or something like that.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
But she was like, does that affect your marriage more? Or if you're different religions? And she said that the. The personality thing was more of a, I guess, striking foretelling or something of how the marriage is going to go. I don't remember any details. All I know is it was like kind of about that. But you can see then how it would be really helpful to know, because one of the things that you talk about is how you should try and embrace who you are. Embracing who we are truly takes courage and hard work. And you have this sentence in here that said 85% of what we do, anyone can do. Someone could do the other 10% if we train them. But that last 5% is what only we can do. That's interesting.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yeah. So only you can parent your kiddos. You know, it's things like that. Like, where do you most. Again, it's about energy management and investment. So where do you want to put your energy and emotion? Especially as an introvert who is going to need to do energy budgeting to stay out of burnout. And so I think getting really clear, that could even be another list that you do. Like, what can only I do? What could someone else do? What could someone else help me with? I'll say to people like, eliminate if you don't have to do it at all. Like, just cross it off the list. If you can't eliminate delegates, if you can't delegate, then manage it by having strategies that help with things that feel draining. And so I think that is one of the most essential things, especially for introverts. It's just being really intentional. And even like in my marriage, we decided, okay, we are introverts, but we're different. So we started going out to breakfast together every Saturday. We've done that for over 20 years. We just had our 25th anniversary country. But we practice communication the way some, you know, couples practice tennis. And we would first do it on a Saturday morning and now we can do it, you know, at 8am on a Wednesday. But I think that is something only we could do. Only we could invest in our marriage and figure out how to connect through our similarities and differences. So I think this is just in an overwhelming world, this can be a really freeing question and to say what can I let go of and what do I really want to hold on to?
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Yeah. Can you talk about this sort of misnomer that if you're an introvert you can't be a good leader?
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes. That is such a myth. The research shows that introverts are just as good leaders as extroverts. Some studies they pull ahead just a little bit. So that's good to know because there is sometimes a stereotype that, that that's not true. But introverts tend to be servant hearted leaders because like you were saying, they don't want the attention, like they don't necessarily want the credit. They're going to try to be tuned into how are my people wired? How can I make them successful? And in doing so they end up making, you know, the company or non profit or ministry that they are leading successful to. So it's a different type of leadership style. You're probably not going to be getting the really vocal visionary who's great at just inspiring people with their presence all the time. But you are going to get faithfulness and empathy and observation and attention to detail and building up of people. And so that's another setting where often introvert, extrovert, leadership team teams work really effectively together. So yes, that if you're an introvert, you absolutely can lead. And please do because we need you in our overwhelming world to be the quiet, powerful presence that you are.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
You wrote true influence isn't about getting attention, it's about making a connection. Then you talked about Oprah. This was interesting. You said Oprah had 30,000 people she talked to over her career and she said they all wanted to know, do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you? Oprah didn't become famous by talking, she became famous by listening.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
That's a good type of leader.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yeah.
Co-host/Promotions
Okay.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Do you think Jesus was introvert or extrovert?
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
I think maybe he was the only ambivert. Will let him be the only ambivert? Yeah, I think he could move into whatever action aspect of his humanity that he needed to in the moment. And I think that's a really beautiful thing. I think we see him having very intentional introvert moments. Like having one on one encounters with people, withdrawing into the wilderness, pray and seek solitude. And then we have him having really powerful extrovert moments where he's preaching the Sermon on the Mount and he's with bigger crowds. So I love that in his example, we see the whole continuum of what we have the capacity to be, so.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
We can be good leaders, we can be successful. You wrote 53% of millionaires identify as introverts. You have this whole section about it kind of woven throughout the book. But how to thrive as an introvert. And one of the things you talk about, which actually is just an important thing in this day and age anyways, is silence and solitude. Both. Both. I mean, there's a lot of instances where you would just have none of that anymore. No silence and no solitude. Can you talk about why those two things are important?
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yeah. Solitude and silence, traditionally, throughout church history were considered spiritual disciplines. Like, if you think about, often people would even become like nuns or monks in different traditions. And that was seen as sort of the pinnacle of like, oh, you're withdrawing from the world and you're choosing silence and solitude and sort of intentional community. And I feel like we have lost those practices in church in a lot of ways. We are not always encouraged to say, like, choose silence, choose solitude. There's a lot of group activities which can be a beautiful thing. And I'm not saying to replace one with the other, but I feel like there's a lot of space for all of us today to say, I'm going to quiet my heart, I'm going to quiet my mind, to quiet my soul. Because that is a space where we listen. We need time when we're hearing, when we're getting input. But we also need listening space. We need to listen, of course, to God. We need to listen to our true selves who are saying, this may not be right for you. And we need to have time to process our relationships with each other in that silence and solitude space. And so I think for introverts and extroverts, those are just important practices. We all need different amounts. No, but just saying this is going to be something I intentionally have in my life in some way. And as a parent, I'm going to give my kids the freedom to have this. Introvert kids may need to come home from school and go into their rooms and not talk to people for a while. And that is not them being antisocial. That is them choosing silence and solitude in a way that makes sense, makes their relationship sustainable. So I tell parents, you Want to look for a loop? You know, it's solitude. And then re. Engagement. Solitude, re engagement. As long as you're seeing your kid move through those two things, even if they spend a bit longer in one or the other, then that is healthy. It's only when you have a kiddo who gets stuck. They're always alone or they're always with people. That's when you might say, okay, maybe we need to help them find some rhythm that let them have a bit more of whatever they're missing right now.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
I love that you use the phrase strategic solitude and you relate it to food and water. So it would be something like, you don't constantly drink or constantly eat. It's just like a rhythm. Time alone is a little rhythm that you can have. You wrote, as introverts, we need solitude to recalibrate our brains and nervous systems, process our thoughts, make decisions, figure out priorities, refuel for socializing, and reconnect with our true selves. But then you gotta balance that out because you can't be lonely. That's also a problem. And then you talked about why it's hard to make friends over 30, which is hard.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes. We don't have a lot of the same natural connection points that we do when we're in school, and we show up with all our friends every day. And that happens really naturally. So really, as an adult, it's the quality of your connections that matters a lot more. More than the quantity. That's what research consistently shows, that if you have at least one person in your life that you have a meaningful connection with, then that is deeply powerful. And I've had people say to me, I don't even have that. And I say, it's okay if it's a counselor. You know, start there like, it's okay, just whatever works for you. And even finding voices that if you need a little on ramp to deeper connection, like this podcast, this is a connection that your listeners are able to have with you. They feel less alone in this space. And so I think there are creative ways to say, if you're in a season, you know, maybe you moved or you're taking care of little kids and you're at home. Like, there are different seasons when we just don't have as much connection, but just reminding ourselves it's quality over quantity. And even one meaningful connection is enough to make a huge difference. Difference.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Okay, that's a really big deal because this. This is such, like, an old thing in my life, but in the third grade, my best friend was Teresa Chambers. And like, that was. She was enough for me. Like, Teresa was enough. But am I. I remember. I don't know if they always do this or if I only happen once, but, like, you go to parent teacher conference, and I went with my parents, or maybe just my mom was there. I don't remember. But, like, you went in with them, which I feel like is kind of awkward. Like, it was awkward. And I. This is so long ago, Holly. But the te was like, her name was Mrs. Gosh Horn, and she was like, you should have more friends than Teresa. It was like a problem. And I was like, why? Why? Yeah, like, well, what's the pro? And I did. I actually did, like, then try and, like, reach out and branch out and, like, extend my social network. But I. I remember feeling like as an 8 year old, like, this is enough. Why is there a problem here? You know?
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's yes. I would have said everybody's different. Everyone. Like you were saying, there's literally. I can't actually remember the exact name of the neurotransmitter, but we have one that kind of regulates how much social engagement we need. Like you're saying, in the same way as it manages hunger. And so if your kid says, basically, I'm socially full, then it's okay to honor that as long as they're not alone all the time. That would be. Maybe something's off with your appetite. We need to check on you, make sure there's no. Not something else going on that's interfering there, like depression. But if they're just saying, like, I'm socially full, I've had enough peopling for now. Then it's okay to honor that the same way that you would if they say, I'm full at the dinner table.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Yeah, I'll read it. This is Dr. John Casiopo. I don't know.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Sure, we'll get with that.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
It's on page 49. He'd probably be like, that was so awful.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
You butchered.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
He says each of us inherits from our parents a certain level of need for social inclusion, just as we inherit a certain basic body type and basic levels of intelligence. Loneliness operates like hunger or thirst, a signal from our brain telling us a vital need isn't met. That's really interesting, Holly, because we talk.
Co-host/Promotions
A lot on here about trusting our.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Kids and trusting their bodies, that especially when they have a lot of time and space outdoors their bodies and indoors their bodies. You really see it when they're babies.
Co-host/Promotions
Right.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Their bodies know how to adapt and to grow and how to learn from mastery and then move on to the next, harder skill. But I've never heard that discussed when it comes to their social needs. And it's easy to push.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yeah. With the best of intentions. Yeah. Yeah. But I think it's okay to even ask, like, are you full of people right now?
Co-host/Promotions
Yeah.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Yeah. We have one kid that, like. I mean, she's pretty clear about, like, I'm done. You know, I don't want to stay places late. I want to go to bed on time. I don't want to go to this. You know, someone invited me. She keeps getting invited to this youth group. She was like, I didn't know what to say. Like, I keep getting invited, and I don't want to go. I'm like, okay, well, you don't have to go. She's like, I told them I was having a heart attack. And then I told them I was joking. But then the youth pastor texted and was like, how is your heart? You don't have to lie. I mean, that actually is a really interesting thing, though, Holly, isn't it? That, like, in life, okay, there is on the one hand where they say, invite, invite, invite. Like, you've been talking your book about, you know, invite people to do things, and I'm gonna see if I can find it in my notes. But, you know, like, you're getting invited, and so sometimes it can be really tricky to even know what to say, which is like, you know, I'm recharging or, you know, whatever. Oh, you say, extend the invitation.
Opening/Closing Narrator
Him.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Send the text, Start the conversation. Community isn't something we find. It's something we create one person at a time. So, you know, it's like, we have on one hand, like, this exhortation to be an inviter. And then, you know, you're also trying to hold your boundaries of like, I don't want to go.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yeah, yeah.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
So I ended up telling my daughter, just say, you know, my mom wants me home. Or I was like, I don't know. Just blame me. But she didn't really know what to say.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yeah, one line I like to use is, I have other commitments. I can't, because I have other commitments. And some of those commitments are not burning out. As an introvert, I mean, that's a commitment. Sometimes the commitments we're honoring are commitments to ourselves. So I think that's one thing we can say. But I think either way, it's just about being intentional, about intentional with people, intentional about solitude. And as long as we're Being intentional about both of those things. Things I think we tend to eventually land in the best place for us. I remember reading scripture and I realized there is no quantity in there anywhere that we are required to have when it comes to relationships. It literally says one another. And I think there's a reason for that. Like, it's one person at a time, and that is okay. And that was so freeing for me as an introvert because I used to sort of measure life. Like, the more people I have in my life, that must mean the more loving I am, which means the better Christian I am. And I was like, that is not God's math. Like, he's focused on the one. And that was just such a relief to me to be like, okay, I'm wired to connect with people in certain ways. My extrovert friends are wired to connect with people in certain ways. And if we both do our thing, we're going to get everything covered.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Holly, that's so good. I'm so glad you said that. The one. Another phrase, from what I've heard and read, is in the Bible a lot.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
A lot, a lot.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
And then there's the one that says, where two or more are gathered, there I am with them, or something like that.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
And it still starts with two.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Two. That's not that. That's me and Teresa Chambers.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
And then it says two are better than one because they have a good return for their work.
Opening/Closing Narrator
Work.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
A cord of three strands is not easily broken. So three, that's the maximum number. And even two is fine. Two is better than one. These are small groups of people.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Small groups of people. And big groups can be great, too. But just knowing we have permission that if we happen to be an introvert who thrives in one on one or one on a few, then that's okay, too.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Okay, you had one. I want to wrap it up here. This really deep question. So you talked about self criticism. I would imagine that for most people, introvert or extrovert, I might be wrong. You can correct me if I'm wrong. But self criticism is a hard battle. Then you have this question, what's your signature lie? And I was like, I don't know. What are, like, some examples? What are some examples? I think I might know. I don't know. What are some examples of what someone might say to the answer of what is your signature lie?
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Lie? Yeah. For introverts, it's often I'm not enough. And for extroverts, it's often I'm too much. Oh, so that could Be an example of a signature lie. It's just what your critic pulls up first is really how you can tell, like, when you make a mistake or you act awkward or whatever happens. What is the first thing that your inner critic tends to say to you? That's probably your signature lie time.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Yeah, I've got to figure out what mine is. All right, I'll get back with you. This was such an interesting book. I was drawn in. I was really drawn in. I haven't read much about introverts, and I thought that I. I found that I learned a lot from it, and I found that it helped me understand myself, and it helps me understand my kids. And I just felt like it was.
Co-host/Promotions
Really a worthwhile read.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
So I'm looking forward to going backwards. I'll go backwards. And you have so many books, and there's a lot there to, I think, to sort through, because all these topics are pertinent, like, you're going to be okay and what your heart needs for hard days, and you are loved no matter what. All these different topics. So, Holly, it's an honor to meet you. I am also an in. I'm your arch nemesis. Hold on. I am an in. Tj, which is what you have to say.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yeah. So pretty close. He's an istj. But you and I would be one letter different. You've got the T and I've got the F. Oh, very close.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Oh, I wrote it down.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Right.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
So we're not arch enemies.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
No. We probably collaborate well on something.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
I was like, I'm gonna tell her at the end. We're one. Let her different. Oh, it's an honor to meet you. We always end our show with the same question. What's a favorite memory from your childhood? That was outside. Outside?
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Yes. I spent an enormous amount of my time in my childhood outside. And one summer, my friends and I pulled our allowances and bought a paddle boat that had been retrofitted with wheels. And we named it the Dream Machine. And we spent most of that summer driving that thing. It was wider than the sidewalk. So we're, like, in the neighborhood driving around through people's yards half the time. Time. And we used it until the steering wheel literally fell off in our laps. Like, we were like, let's take it across this construction, you know, area, and let's pile 14 children on the back of this thing. And we went. The steering wheel fell off in our hands. And I still think about that. Like, some things in life, you just gotta, you know, just go for it. Let the steering just Just let the steering wheel fall up in your hands. Use it.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
The Dream Machine. That's so fun.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
What a unique answer.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
I love it. Holly, thank you so much for being here.
Holly Girth (Guest Author)
Thank you.
Ginny (Host)
Thank you for listening. If this episode gave you language for yourself or helped you understand one of your kids better, would you please share.
Co-host/Promotions
It with a friend?
Ginny (Host)
These conversations spread because someone texts their friend a link and says, this made.
Co-host/Promotions
Me think of you.
Ginny (Host)
And if you've never left a review for the show, I read them all and they are greatly encouraging. They also help other families find this podcast, which is helpful for everyone because the more kids that are playing, the.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
More kids there will be for your.
Ginny (Host)
Kids to play with. This review came in last week from Ms. B93. Every time I listen to an episode of 1K Ho, I feel freer as a mother than I did before I tuned in. And I absolutely feel the same way about reading Ginny's books. This whole movement is like a giant, joyful, vibrant permission slip to reject burden after burden that culture seems to insist are necessary parts of motherhood. Things were supposed to carry, to freak out about, to live in fear of, to feel like failures over. Whenever I hang out with Ginny, I chuck another one of those burdensome ideas in the trash and walk away invigorated, encouraged and excited to keep on building a simple, connected, beautiful, liberated life that my family loves. One that doesn't hinge on things I cannot control, but that embraces the rhythms of nature, the process of human growth, and the adventures of the unknown. Thank you, Ginny. Wow, that was beautiful. What an amazing writer. I love that.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Okay, go. Leave your review. Super helpful.
Ginny (Host)
It can be long or short, and if you want a simple next step after today, grab one of my books until the street lights come on. Homeschooling. You're doing it right just by doing it. Or the 1000 hours outside activity but. Or join us in the 1000 hours outside app, available on iOS and Android. It is a really practical way to build rhythm and follow through. Have a wonderful rest of the day. Until next time. May you find extraordinary moments on ordinary paths.
Opening/Closing Narrator
Get outside, open your eyes Feel that sunshine kissing your skin Throw your worries.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Out to the wind.
Opening/Closing Narrator
Climb some trees Skin your knees Feel that grass on your feet again get out there and.
Jenny Yurch (Host)
Take it in.
Opening/Closing Narrator
Oh, it's a beautiful world Ain't nothing on the screen that's ever gonna beat this. Heart Beautiful world and I just want to share with I just want to share with you this beautiful world Such a beautiful world.
Episode: 1KHO 679: Awkwardness is Endearing
Guest: Holley Gerth, Author of The Powerful Purpose of Introverts
Host: Ginny Yurich
Date: January 14, 2026
This episode explores the science, myths, and real-life experiences of introversion, featuring bestselling author and counselor Holley Gerth. The conversation covers why understanding introversion matters for adults, but especially for parents seeking to raise confident, balanced kids—whether introverted or extroverted. Ginny and Holley dig deep into the biological roots of introversion, the difference between being introverted and shy, the importance of energy management and solitude, and how embracing one’s natural wiring can lead to healthier families and communities. The tone is warm, practical, and encouraging, infused with research, relatable anecdotes, and actionable advice.
[03:35]
“Being an introvert is not being shy. It doesn't even really have a ton to do with people. It's about how our brains and nervous systems are wired.”
— Holley Gerth ([03:35])
[07:05]
“Extroverts might like a whole pot full of dopamine. And introverts, we have our one cup and we're like, this is good, or I'm gonna get shaky. Acetylcholine is more like tea.”
— Holley Gerth ([07:48])
“Introverts aren't slow thinkers. We're deep thinkers.”
— Holley Gerth ([13:55])
[10:30]
[15:31]
“Shyness is social fear... An introvert might be hanging out because they're observing, not because they're scared.”
— Holley Gerth ([15:46])
[25:11]
“Awkwardness is endearing. We're all afraid of being awkward but the research does show it makes people say, ‘Oh, they're human too.’”
— Holley Gerth ([25:11])
“It's the same circuitry... switching from fear to excitement can actually be an easier shift for our bodies than trying to go from 10 to 0.”
— Holley Gerth ([26:43])
[29:33]
[33:34]
“Take that love languages thing, but you have to filter it through introvert, extrovert.”
— Ginny Yurich ([36:53])
[43:33]
“Introverts are just as good leaders as extroverts. Some studies they pull ahead just a little bit... They don't necessarily want the credit.”
— Holley Gerth ([43:33])
“Oprah didn’t become famous by talking, she became famous by listening.”
— Jenny Yurch ([45:22])
[46:43]
[54:51]
“There is no quantity in there anywhere that we are required to have when it comes to relationships. It literally says one another.”
— Holley Gerth ([55:21])
On recharging and stimulation:
“External things impact us more. We get to our nervous system’s ‘I’m done’ point faster. Not because we like people less.”
— Holley Gerth ([22:04])
On empathy as a strength:
“Introverts often have high empathy scores. They’re likely the one in the room who notices when someone is standing off by themselves.”
— Holley Gerth ([22:45])
On the social “runway” for kids:
“Extrovert kids are helicopters and introvert kids are airplanes. They need a runway.”
— Holley Gerth ([16:43])
On accepting yourself:
“I was putting things on myself that I never asked of me... How can I thrive in that instead of resisting it?”
— Holley Gerth ([04:41])
On practical solitude:
“You want to look for a loop: solitude and then re-engagement. As long as you’re seeing your kid move through those two things, even if they spend a bit longer in one or the other, that is healthy.”
— Holley Gerth ([48:57])
The conversation is compassionate, humorous, and realistic. Both Ginny and Holley share personal anecdotes, research-based insights, and practical advice, encouraging listeners to accept their wiring and extend grace to their children, spouses, and communities. The tone is inclusive (“we need both types in the world”), faith-infused, and refreshingly validating—especially for those who have felt out of step with extroverted cultural norms.
“Embracing who we are truly takes courage and hard work ... but that last 5%—that’s what only we can do.”
— Holley Gerth ([41:51])
For more: Holley Gerth’s book, The Powerful Purpose of Introverts, contains quizzes, practical exercises, and deeper dives into these topics. Ginny’s books and resources for families striving for more outdoor, real-world connection are available as well.