The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast

Episode: 1KHO 682: Important Teen Conversations | Mark and Tim Shoemaker: What to Say and How to Say it To Your Teen (Jan 17, 2026)

Host: Ginny Yurich

Guests: Tim Shoemaker (author, parent, devotional writer) & Mark Shoemaker (youth pastor, first-time author)

Episode Overview

In this episode, Ginny Yurich interviews father-son co-authors Mark and Tim Shoemaker about their new book, What to Say and How to Say it to Your Teen: A Parent’s Guide to 30 Tricky Conversations. The discussion centers on navigating challenging topics with teenagers—from screen time and laziness to anxiety and mental health—in a digital world that’s vastly different from previous generations. Drawing from their roles as a youth pastor and a long-time author, the Shoemakers offer practical advice, biblical wisdom, and personal experiences on building relationship, communicating effectively, modeling work ethic, and setting up kids for success as they transition into adulthood.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background & Motivation for the Book

• Writing Outdoors & Hands-On Approach

  • Tim prefers writing outside and credits the outdoors with boosting creativity and health (01:14).
  • The project originated when Tim’s editor noted a gap in parenting resources that address new-age struggles teens face, especially around technology and mental health (02:39).

• Father-Son Collaboration

  • Mark (youth pastor, next-gen leader) brings current frontline experience; Tim (author of 25 books) brings parental wisdom and practical application.
  • “It needs two heads, two different types of experience to bring it together.” – Tim Shoemaker (03:04)

2. Understanding the Modern Teen Experience

• Technology as Game Changer

  • Mark observes genuine addiction to phones and technology in teens and adults (04:29).
  • “Even access to information, news and storylines... how they’re processing that as a 13, 14, 15 year old is—they see all of that stuff...some of the conversations are different because we have to address still some of the same heart things, but we’re at a different starting point.” – Mark Shoemaker (05:01)

• What Hasn’t Changed

  • The “currency” of caring for young people remains time, presence, and relationship (06:11).
  • Youth ministry still requires deep investment, but now necessitates equipping leaders with awareness of mental health, digital realities, and changing cultural pressures (06:49).

• Shorter Attention Spans & Distraction

  • Both parents and kids face distraction; hands-on methods and outdoor activities help regain focus for important life lessons (08:37).

3. The Book’s Blueprint: 30 Tricky Conversations

• A Practical Guide

  • Designed as a resource parents can pick up for direct “how-to” phrasing and timing on issues like sibling arguments, phones in bedrooms, pornography, dating, faith, pride, dishonesty, laziness, and more (09:51).

• Sample Conversation: Laziness & Screen Time

  • Screen time often results in “unrealized potential” and fosters laziness—a harsh but honest assessment (11:27).
  • “Laziness is unrealized potential. That’s what it ends up being. It becomes its own kind of slavery. Laziness leads to loss.” – Ginny Yurich (10:54)

4. Cultivating Work Ethic & Responsibility

• Parental Example is Essential

  • Kids learn about work from parents’ own habits and attitudes. Speaking about work as a gift and part of a good life rhythm is important (14:26).
  • “If you’ve always been complaining about work, you’ve really set up a way for them to think about it and for them to avoid it if they can.” – Mark (14:26)

• Teaching via Experience & Object Lessons

  • Example: Take kids to a store, give them $5, and let them buy what they want to discuss resource management and choices (12:23).
  • Connection between Proverbs wisdom (“diligent hands will rule”) and modern time-wasters (16:13).

• Screen Time & “Building an Appetite for Easy”

  • Easy access to digital entertainment undermines capacity for hard work and perseverance (15:09).

🔑 Quote:

“The solution to laziness is not just to say ‘get off the iPad,’ but to help them understand what’s happening there. Laziness leads to loss and habits that will be working against them for anything good they’re trying to do.” – Mark Shoemaker (17:17)

5. Addressing New Norms: Anxiety Among Teens

• Marked Rise Post-iPhone/Social Media

  • Major uptick in anxiety observed among teens after smartphone and social media proliferation (31:40).
  • Mark: “Now, to a certain extent, I think everyone would say, like, every student would be like, man, that message [on anxiety], I really needed that.” (34:47)

• Shift from Overcoming to Managing Anxiety

  • Current narrative is “cope and manage” rather than work through or resolve anxiety.
  • “It’s so interesting. The solution there actually does get right at the heart of what we try to do and what isn’t working. It’s not working. It’s not working.” – Mark (41:47)

• Biblical Anchor

  • Emphasis on casting anxiety on God (“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7)
  • Action matters: “Cast” suggests active, hands-on engagement with spiritual life (42:25).

🔑 Notable Quote:

“If I’m the solution to be managing my own anxiety and to be coping, like now all of a sudden, I have something else to control, which is making me spiral that much more in my anxiety because I’m not going to be very good at managing my own.” – Mark Shoemaker (41:47)

6. Communication Tactics: Preventing Exasperation

• Don’t Exasperate Your Children (Ephesians 6:4)

  • Older kids yearn to be treated more like adults. Continuing to speak to them as children breeds resentment and broken conversations (43:48).
  • Exasperation can arise from interruption, impatience, belittling, guilt-tripping, assuming motives, sarcasm, and lack of listening (43:51–46:17).

• Active Listening & Timing

  • “To answer before listening is folly and shame.” – Tim Shoemaker (45:39)
  • Schedule intentional, undistracted moments to talk; get outside, away from screens for best results (46:17).

• Youth Pastor’s Perspective

  • Mark shares how student ministry revealed many family conflicts stem from parent behaviors, not just student rebellion (47:02).
  • “It didn’t take me very long in student ministry to see that this was not common... It’s easy to just point at the student...without evaluating if there’s something on the parents end that has done something to push them...” – Mark (46:27)

🔑 Quote:

“Talking to my dad is like playing Mike Tyson’s Punch Out... You can get some good shots in, but you’re never going to win.” – Anonymous student via Tim Shoemaker, illustrating a win/lose parent-child conversation style (49:18)

7. Skill Building & Preparing for Adulthood

• Six Skills All Teens Need

  • Examples: Checking tire pressure, painting, home repair, cooking, basic financial management, and more (24:58).

• First Job Preparation

  • Parents must coach practical work skills and social graces for employment; ambition (e.g., influencer dreams) needs grounding in reality and diverse skill sets (24:58–31:40).

• Danger of “Dream Careers” without Grit

  • “...if TikTok goes away... it’s a little tricky because I think it’s slightly dangerous if that is your only thing. So all of these interesting conversations...” – Ginny (31:28)

8. Encouragement for Parents (and Youth Pastors)

• Conversation Attempts Matter Most

  • Parents who try—even if their effort is only a “3 out of 10”—are already making a big difference; keep at it, be patient, focus on follow-up (51:29).

• Youth Pastors as Resources for Parents

  • Mark notes many youth pastors are young and need resources to support parent education and communication (51:29–53:38).

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Tech Addiction:

  “Y’all are addicted as well, so, like, you should think about it too. But, like, we see that with teenagers.” – Mark Shoemaker (04:29)

• On the Unchanging “Currency” of Ministry:

  “The currency is that you care about them and that you show that you care about them.” – Mark Shoemaker (06:15)

• On Work Ethic:

  “Work is good and work happens before the fall and work is part of good rhythms of our life.” – Mark Shoemaker (14:53)
  “He gives us time, and often we just fritter that away, you know, with maybe too much time on those video games, too much time on the screens... And we want to be productive...” – Tim Shoemaker (13:20)

• On Anxiety:

  “The narrative changed from getting through anxiety to just managing it. We need to actually show there’s a different way.” – Mark Shoemaker (36:00–41:00)
  “They’re not called to manage it. It’s to cast it. It’s to throw it. It’s to give it to the one who cares, and he’s powerful enough to do something about it.” – Tim Shoemaker (40:54)

• On Exasperating Children:

  “If we keep talking to them the way we did when they were kids, we are going to exasperate them. We’re going to frustrate them. We’re going to make them angry.” – Tim Shoemaker (43:51)

Timestamps: Important Segments

• 00:28 – Introductions; book background
• 04:29 – The impact of technology on today’s teens
• 06:11 – The persistent importance of showing up and caring in youth ministry
• 11:27 – Screen time, laziness, and parenting challenges
• 14:26 – Modeling work ethic & attitude toward work
• 22:26 – Biblical wisdom & practical skill-building
• 31:40 – The anxiety epidemic post-smartphones
• 34:47 – Yearly focus on anxiety in youth teaching
• 43:46 – Ephesians 6:4 and not exasperating children
• 46:17 – Tactics for truly listening to teens
• 51:29 – How youth pastors and the book can equip parents
• 53:55 – Bonus: Tim’s clean fiction, hands-on devotions, and book recommendations
• 58:28 – Favorite outdoor childhood memories

Tone & Closing Thoughts

The conversation is compassionate, hopeful, practical, and rooted in real-world experiences. The Shoemakers model humility, encouragement, and an authentic desire to equip parents and youth leaders to have better conversations with teens—ones that strengthen, rather than tear, the crucial parent-teen relationship. Biblical wisdom is woven throughout, but the advice is accessible and grounded for parents from many backgrounds.

Resources Mentioned

• What to Say and How to Say It to Your Teen: A Parent's Guide to 30 Tricky Conversations – Mark and Tim Shoemaker (2026)
• Tim Shoemaker’s fiction series for tweens/teens (e.g., "Escape the Everglades," High Water series)
• Tim’s hands-on devotional books for families
• Notable research: Dr. Arthur Brooks (“Work is a pillar of happiness”), Tim Elmore on Gen Z workplace skills
• Proverbs, Ephesians 6:4, 1 Peter 5:7—used for practical parenting wisdom

Actionable Takeaways

• Get outdoors with your kids and teens; hands-on activities foster better communication and teach life skills.
• Acknowledge that cultural and tech shifts require updated parenting strategies, especially regarding screens, mental health, and motivation.
• Start tough conversations early and revisit them often—showing persistence, patience, and genuine listening.
• Balance directness about challenges (laziness, anxiety) with encouragement and recognition.
• Don’t neglect your own habits: how you talk about work, handle stress, and use screens sets the tone in your household.
• Use tools and resources—like this book or youth group support—as concrete, step-by-step guides for tackling tricky topics.

This episode offers inspiration and actionable tools for any parent, grandparent, or youth leader seeking to navigate the complexities of raising teens in today's world.