The ∞actualinfinity Podcast – Episode Summary

Episode Title: Finding Home in Your Nervous System: A New Approach to Attunement and Wellbeing
Host: Steve Mattus
Date: October 19, 2025

Episode Overview

Steve Mattus opens this solo episode with a raw, deeply personal exploration of what it means to find a true sense of “home” in one’s body and nervous system, especially for neurodivergent individuals living in a world built around neurotypical expectations. Rather than offering another checklist for success, Steve shares a new paradigm: moving away from the culture of “nervous system regulation” and toward genuine attunement and compassionate relationship with the living intelligence of the nervous system.

This episode underlines Mattus’s transition in personal focus—from the mechanics and productivity of business coaching toward a trauma-informed, attunement-first model that honors the full, messy, and wondrous humanity of his audience.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Feeling "At Home" in Your Own Body

• The Search for Home: Steve relates feeling successful in business, yet not truly “at home” in the body or life. He reflects on the paradox of external accomplishment without a matching internal sense of belonging.
  • “It’s not that it’s wrong or not good or not complete, it’s just not quite home... I’m making a change and I’m going to share this transition...” (00:01)

2. A Journey from Performance Culture to Heart–Centered Leadership

• Origins in traditional, productivity-oriented business coaching.
• Shifted to supporting “heart-centered entrepreneurs”:
  • “Ethical, sensitive, thoughtful, caring, sincere people... trying to do good work...without manipulating or coercing or taking advantage of others.” (04:25)
• Realizes the centrality of the human in business:
  • “Business is not that complicated. But so many people struggle... because we, the human, are hard and complicated.” (07:15)

3. Unpacking the Limits of Nervous System "Regulation"

• Steve critiques the popular focus on “regulating” the nervous system, observing that current trends mirror old productivity obsessions:
  • "Regulation is talking about control... policing, management... It's just another performance metric.” (11:08)
• Argues nervous system doesn't need to be “regulated” but attuned to—entering into relationship with its wisdom rather than treating it like a problem to be fixed:
  • “It doesn’t need regulation. It needs attunement.” (12:32)

4. The Actual Infinity Nervous System Experiencing Model (ANSEM)

• Introduces his new model: ANSEM.
  • “The actual Infinity Nervous System Experiencing Model holds your entire experience and it goes very deep... There are some spiritual elements to it.” (14:20)
• Rejects simplistic sympathetic/parasympathetic dichotomies, instead highlighting the reality of blended and nuanced states.
• Moves towards viewing the nervous system as an “ally”:
  • “Encourage people to stop treating your nervous system like an enemy. It’s an ally.” (16:01)

5. A Radical Reframe for Neurodivergent Folks

• Focuses his new work on those who experience the world most intensely—neurodivergent, highly sensitive individuals, and autistic people (including himself):
  • “Much of the work out there has been founded upon neurotypical standards... I have been conditioned my entire life... to try to help me tolerate more.” (18:45)
• Challenges the notion of expanding one’s “window of tolerance.” Instead, emphasizes increasing capacity for safety:
  • “What matters is whether your system believes safety is possible inside whatever window you have.” (20:10)

6. The Three Characteristics of Autonomic Tone

• Shares the three pillars of his model:
  • Self Containment
  • Surrender
  • Sovereignty
• “This is the deepest, richest, most practical exploration of your nervous system experience... When you stop chasing regulation as a goal and start recognizing safety as a relationship, everything changes.” (22:15)

7. Outcomes of Attunement Practice

• What living from attunement looks and feels like:
  • Feeling at home in the body—not fixing but being.
  • Ability to care about the world’s suffering without collapsing or numbing out.
  • Unshakable sense of safety and grounding within increasing chaos.
  • “When you do this work, you can attune to your needs without guilt for having them. When your nervous system gets activated, you can realize that there’s wisdom there, not weakness.” (26:33)

8. Moving Beyond Quick Fixes and Performance of Wellness

• Dismisses the focus on mere “tips and tricks” (e.g., specific breathing practices) as insufficient for true transformation:
  • “Those things are band aids... They don’t help you shift long term.” (31:12)
• Instead, advocates for addressing the root causes of dysregulation through deep listening and compassionate attention.

9. Invitation and Call to Action

• Steve invites listeners (especially those feeling scared, anxious, or “too much”) to join this journey:
  • “If you know anyone... who sincerely wants support, please recommend this podcast... We need our hearts to open and we need to understand how to walk with our nervous system.” (35:44)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On success and home:
  “You’re living the dream, as they say, right? And yet something in your body... it’s just not quite home.” (00:12)

• On the myth of self-regulation:
  “Regulation isn’t earned... Regulation is remembered. It lives in your system.” (16:55)

• On the shift from performance to relationship:
  “You don’t have to perform wellness anymore... because you can actually experience it.” (29:18)

• On caring for the world:
  “You can care deeply about what’s happening in the world... and you can maintain your groundedness.” (27:10)

• On the world’s need for new approaches:
  “I believe what’s coming is desperately needed in the world. It is different than 99% of what’s already out there about the nervous system.” (36:32)

Timestamped Segment Highlights

• 00:01–03:45 — Steve sets the stage: success vs. belonging, beginning a transitional journey.
• 03:46–10:10 — Story of moving through business models, from “bro culture” to heart-centered work.
• 10:11–16:01 — Critique of nervous system “regulation”; the roots of control culture in healing spaces.
• 16:02–22:45 — ANSEM model; nervous system as ally; attunement over control.
• 22:46–27:10 — The three characteristics of autonomic tone; expanding safety, not just tolerance.
• 27:11–32:00 — Outgrowing “performance of wellness”; practical power of attunement; rooted empathy.
• 32:01–End — Invitation to listeners; setting the intention for all future episodes.

Final Thoughts

This episode offers a radical and compassionate reimagining of what it means to truly come home to oneself—not via more control and self-improvement, but by relinquishing the performance mindset and entering into attuned relationship with our nervous system’s deepest wisdom. Steve Mattus grounds his vision in lived experience, spiritual insight, and an unflinching embrace of both human messiness and possibility.

Core Message:
More love, not less—all-ways.™ (37:18)

For deeper exploration, Steve invites listeners to subscribe, follow his attunement letters, and join the community expanding this much-needed work—especially if you’ve ever been told you’re “too much,” or you long for a world where everyone can feel genuinely at home, within and without.