← The Amy Porterfield Show
The Amy Porterfield Show
#744: How to Stop People's Opinions From Impacting Your Life with Mel Robbins
01:16:38
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- [00:00]
A
You're made for incredible things. There's a huge possibility for your life and for your business. Amy and I know that. We see it, we have experienced it in our businesses and our lives. And when stuff starts to go sideways and when you're not actually achieving your goals as quickly as you're supposed to, it's because you're not meant to do it yet.
- [00:20]
B
I'm Amy Porterfield, ex corporate girl turned CEO of a multi seven figure business. But it wasn't all that long ago that I lacked the confidence, the budget and the time to focus focus on growing my small but mighty business. Fast forward past many failed attempts and lessons learned and you'll see the business I have today. One that changes lives and gives me more freedom than I ever thought possible. One that used to only exist as a daydream. I created the Online Marketing Made Easy podcast to give you simple, actionable, step by step strategies to help you do the same. If you're an ambitious entrepreneur or or one in the making who's looking to create a business that makes an impact and a life you love, you're in the right place, friend. Let's get started. Hey there. Welcome back to Online Marketing Made Easy. Are you ready for one of my best interviews of 2024? If you are listening to this episode when it goes live. Well, we've got one more day until we ring in 2025. And before you step into 2025, if you happen to be listening to this right when it goes live, this episode is going to shape your entire next year. And it really doesn't matter when you're listening to it right away, it's going to make an impact. I have no doubt in my mind. My guest today is my dear friend Mel Robbins. And this was a doozy. This episode, I feel as though she was speaking directly to me, everything I needed to hear. But I know that you and me were very much alike and I know there's many lessons that we're learning together. So I feel as though this episode might just be for you as much as it was for me. So to give her the proper intro. Just in case you don't know all the details about my dear friend Mel. Well, let me tell you, she's a best selling author, renowned motivational speaker, and creator of transformative tools such as the five second Rule. She's been on my podcast talking about that before changed my life and the high five habit. With a background as a lawyer and a journey from financial hardship to global acclaim, her background, Incredible. Mel's Work empowers millions to take actionable steps toward a better life. Her latest work and her latest book, the Let Them Theory, introduces a powerful mindset shift to improve relationships and reclaim personal power in your personal life as well as your business life. And let me just tell you, I feel as though this book will be my anthem for 2025. You all know that I've been talking about the fact that I really want to care less about what people think about me, and I want to care more about what I think about myself and becoming a better person. I'm pretty sure I just found the guidebook for that. And so that's why I just feel like, oh, my gosh, she must have written this book for me. But before I bring her on, I also wanted to let you know, in case you missed it, she has a top, top, top ranked podcast. It's called the Mel Robbins Podcast. And it's incredible. So you absolutely want to listen to that as well. Okay, so here's the deal. In this episode, we kind of started talking right away. Like, you're gonna get to hear us talking, like we're two girlfriends having a cup of coffee. So let me just set it up a little bit. Mel recently was interviewed on Oprah's brand new podcast. And so I got to talk to her right after it happened, and I'm like, tell me everything. So that is where we're going to start this episode, and then we'll jump into what it means to let them. So here you go. Okay. Mel, you and I have been friends for a very long time, and something big just really happened in your life. And I just need you to break it down for me.
- [04:13]
A
Oh, my God, Amy. So you're the first person that I've talked to publicly since this has happened. But last week, literally nine days ago, actually just 11 days ago, I was in Los Angeles, and I am in the middle of this press tour for the Let Them Theory book, which I know we're going to talk about, but let me just tell you the story. I get a call that Oprah Winfrey is starting a podcast and that they want to come. They want me to come on to talk about the Let Them theory. And I'm like, what? And this is a moment I have been dreaming about manifesting, wanting to have happen for probably 35 years. I mean, I grew up in western Michigan. My mom watched Oprah every day. I watched her in college, her books, her television show, her super soul, Sunday interviews. I subscribed to her magazine. Her work gave me the Tools to improve my life. I mean, I have always seen her as a North Star. So one of the biggest goals for me personally, it's just me personally, everybody has this kind of hero that they're like, okay, if I ever met that person, dead or alive, who would it be? Oprah has always been top, top, top of the list for me because of the deeply personal impact that she has had on my life and the work she does in the world inspires me tremendously. And so I nearly, like, I had to throw up my underwear after they called me and told me that because I was like, what? Oh my God. And then the next thing I did because I'm so like, as I immediately, as a 56 year old woman, my daughter's like, you need a spray tan immediately. You're not going on camera looking like a zombie. You got a glow woman. And so she drags me to get a spray tan. And I just. It was the most extraordinary experience of my entire life. And I'll tell you why. I have for a long time, as I've been working, whether it's the five second rule or the high five habit, or launching the podcast, you know, I've always just kind of had this thought, like, at some point I hope to meet her. At some point I wish I could be on Super Soul Sunday at some point, you know, when, when is, when is Oprah Winfrey the person I admire the most, going to notice the work that I'm doing? And there were two huge, there were so many takeaways. But I'm gonna share the two that I think since we're such good friends, you'll really get. And for the person that is listening to us right now, like, you're truly on a walk with Amy and Mel, like, we're inviting you on a walk. This is what I would tell Amy if Amy and I were walking together, which we've done a lot before. We hang out a lot outside of work. We love each other tremendously. When I walked up to start the interview and we hugged and I can't believe how beautiful she is.
- [07:10]
B
I mean, she, I've always wondered if, like, if she looks different in person or what.
- [07:15]
A
She is a hundred times more beautiful in person. There's just this, I don't know, there's like an energetic life force that just envelops you and she glows. She's just stunning, stunningly beautiful. And after we are done hugging, I look down and I see that she's holding the Let them theory book and she has probably 25 paperclips stop across the top of it. And as you look down the side, there are tabs all down the side, little post it notes in so and so. To see somebody that I admire whose work has impacted me for over 35 years hold something that my daughter and I wrote together that is the best work that I have ever done in my entire life. And to see that she read every word and highlighted almost every page and pulled out the quotes that we wrote, it was the most extraordinary acknowledgment that anybody could ever give me. And then she told me that there are books and you know, she's read thousands of books that truly define a generation and that there is no doubt. And she's like, do you know what you've done? I'm like, what have I done? She said, you have written the book that the world needs right now. And she's like, that's why I called you. And so, like, I knew how important this book is because it's all about control. And right now there is so much that feels like it's out of your control. Whether it's the headlines or depending upon where you live in the world, the state of your country, or it's something going on in your family or with your health or with the economy, or how out of control you feel because you know you have let yourself go. And the book is literally about how when you focus on what you can't control, you give your power away. And that using this simple theory and saying, let them and let me, you can identify in an instant when you're giving power to other people or you're giving power to the government, or you're giving power to something happening at work that really is outside of your control, or you're giving power, like hours and hours and hours of your time to social media and that there's a better way to live. You say, let them. You release that control and you take it back. And you say, let me. Let me focus on only three things that are in your control, which is what I think about, what's happening, what I do or don't do in response to it, and how I process the feelings that are coming up, that's it. That's all you have, and that's all you need. Because when you truly choose, how you think about things and when you choose what you do or don't do, what you put time into and what you don't, what relationships you pour energy into and where you pull your energy back and protect it, you have extraordinary Power. And like me, for the past 54 years, I've just been giving it away, which is why I've been so tired and exhausted. And so in this moment of time, to have somebody who I respect so deeply not only take the time to read my work, but then to invite me onto her brand new podcast and have me be the second episode and to dedicate the entire conversation to. To the let them theory. And the interview itself was her literally reading my work back to me and reflecting it to me. That brings me to the second thing. Am that is the biggest takeaway. And again, I'm gonna be processing this experience for my entire life for sure. But the second huge takeaway is that I realized I've spent a decade really wanting to be able to meet Oprah and to share the five second rule or some of the other things that I have researched and released out into the world. And I always wonder, okay, why didn't I get the chance to meet her? And I realized this, it's because I wasn't supposed to meet her until now. And that is a mindset that I will take from this experience and use for the rest of my life. Because if you're in a situation in life where you're working very hard, or you just keep meeting the wrong people in your love life, or you're not invited to the things you want to get invited to, or your career's not advancing, I'm convinced that it doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be there. It means that you're not meant to be there yet. And I know why. It's because there are lessons in life and in your business that you either haven't learned yet or you've refused to learn. And in my case, it's refuse to learn. I'm very stubborn. Things need to break in a fantastical fashion for me to feel the pain to change. I get that. And sitting in that chair, realizing that, you know, she called this, literally, of the thousands of books that she's read, it's by far one of the single best self help books she's ever read. It's up there with all the greats. And I believe her, Amy.
- [12:39]
B
I do too.
- [12:40]
A
Yes, I believe her. And sitting there in that moment, I literally was having this out of body experience where I was deeply present with her because I didn't want to miss a thing. And at the same time, I was going, oh God, was saving you for this moment like this was the moment, like you weren't supposed to be here before this because this is when everything that has been building up in your world for the last 15 years and even what Oprah's done in the span of her entire career and in launching something new, having all of that come together in this moment, is why it happened now and not then. And I really want you, as you're listening to Amy and I today, to embrace that, because you do deserve to have extraordinary things and there is a bigger possibility for you, and you can create incredible success in business and you can have a fabulous love life and you can be the person that really heals your family, and you can have extraordinary friendships. And if it hasn't happened yet, it doesn't mean it's not going to. It means it wasn't meant to. And that there are lessons that you still need and there's something bigger that you're supposed to learn or achieve for yourself, because the stage is probably bigger than you can imagine and the results are better than you can see for yourself right now that there is something magical that's waiting for you. And so just keep your head down and wake up every day and keep going. But those are the two huge takeaways from this life changing experience. And again, like, this just happened. I mean, the conversation was only nine days ago. The episode dropped six days ago. Like, this is all, like, you're the first person I'm speaking publicly about this life changing experience.
- [14:39]
B
So cool. And the flowers. The flowers just arrived today, right?
- [14:43]
A
Oh, my God. So I had rollers in my hair, Amy, because I was trying to do something with my hair, which clearly didn't really work before. And 15 minutes where I was supposed to jump on with you, this van, the dogs are barking. I run downstairs in my rollers. Oprah sent flowers that took two people and a crate to carry. We had to open up the sliding doors on our kitchen to get them into the house. It was that enormous, crazy. I mean, I don't know, it's just. I'm just trying to keep my feet on the ground and be present because I have missed out on a lot in my life and because I was always so anxious or like, just kind of in fight or flight and in panic mode that I'm just trying to just take a deep breath and enjoy what's happening and be present for it. And I'm so grateful to be able to be with you and with the person that has chosen to hit play on this and spend a little time with us right now.
- [15:47]
B
Amen to that. And I have to say, before we really dive in That I really mean it. And I don't even need to say this because you already know it. I genuinely don't know anyone more deserving of this moment. Genuinely more deserving. I know. I know what life has been like before this, and I know the work you've put into this. No one more deserving. So I'm so glad you're staying present and accepting all of it.
- [16:11]
A
Thank you. I. I can hear that. Am, like, for a long time in my life, I could never have heard that. I could not accept a compliment. I didn't like it when people gave me a present or threw me a birthday party. And it's taken me too long to learn that if you want to be happy and proud of yourself, you must learn how to allow it in.
- [16:33]
B
Yeah.
- [16:34]
A
So thank you. Okay.
- [16:36]
B
I needed to jump into this episode after I recorded it with Mel, because remember how I said this conversation is like two girlfriends sitting down, drinking coffee, just talking about everything? Well, there was a part later in the interview where we kind of got back to Oprah, but Mel really hit home on one of the most important lessons that she learned from the Oprah experience. And I didn't want to lose it. And this is the perfect place to put it. So I thought, you know what?
- [17:04]
A
It's my show.
- [17:05]
B
I get to edit it how I want. And typically, I never edit shows, but this one was just too good. So I grabbed that clip I wanted you to hear right now because it's a lesson I think we all need to be reminded of. So here you go.
- [17:20]
A
I have spent years, like so many people, feeling like I'm working in the dark on my goals. And that may sound odd now that, you know, if you're listening to Amy and I right now, or you're watching this, you know, and you see the success that Amy has, or you see the success that I now have, this is something that is the accumulation of decades of work. And for the vast majority of the time, and I will say, even up until several months ago, my opinion was that I'm still not being recognized in the way that I would like to be. Meaning there are events that I'm never invited to. There were shows that I've always been told, nope, not even a response as we're pitching them. And so I always had this sense of not making it, like, as successful as I am, as big of an impact as I am. And I know this sounds like I'm whining, but I'm gonna tell you something. I felt this exact same way in Middle school. Like, I'm always the person on the outside looking at an amazing party. I'm the person that is doing well, but not as well as everybody else that you know. Have you ever felt that way?
- [18:32]
B
All the time.
- [18:34]
A
Yeah. And I think especially since the person who is with us right now, you're probably the kind of person that has goals and you have dreams and you have a business in mind or some sort of creative project that you want to launch or you want to put yourself out there more. And you should. And what's going to happen as you do is you're going to get this sense that either nobody's noticing or that even when they do, it's not quite what you thought it would be. Right. And what I've learned in this experience of having the world open its arms up to the Let Them theory book and to having Oprah and her team reach out and invite me to come on the show, her new podcast, is that the reason why I had never been invited on Super Soul Sunday or on the Oprah Winfrey show or on the own network or on a lot of other things is cause I wasn't meant to be, that there was another time when things were supposed to happen for me. And that time is right now. And it's very important to understand that if you are not in the right friend group, it's because you're not meant to be. If you haven't found the person that you're gonna spend the rest of your life with, it's because you're not meant to find them yet. If you're not being invited to the right parties, it's because you're not meant to be there. And if you're working on something and you keep saying, imagine a world where wouldn't it be cool if. And it continues to just not happen, then your job is, number one, don't ever give up on what you're doing, because it's not happening, because it's not supposed to happen right now. And number two, you have to trust. And this is something that I really have done and learned as a skill over the years, is I truly do trust in the timing of my life. And when I have had moments professionally, personally, as a parent where I'm in an extraordinarily challenging moment in my life, or I'm devastated or I'm sad, or I really screwed things up, I would always say to myself, I trust that even this moment is just part of the divine order of things. I trust that I have the capacity to move through this to learn from it, to be okay, to grow from it. And here's the big one. I trust sitting in this moment that this is leading me where I am meant to go, even though I have no idea how it all knits together or where that is going to lead me. I trust in the power of my life. I trust in the power of my mindset and my actions. I trust that I am a good person, and I trust that this will all make sense one day. And so sitting there and meeting her and sitting across from her, having a conversation that I have literally been manifesting and dreaming about and wanting and wishing for for more than a decade. It really was a full circle moment of, oh, you're here because you're ready and because this is the moment you're meant to be here.
- [22:15]
B
Okay?
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A
And the thing that you have to say in this moment is what the world needs. And, you know, Oprah says that we all rise to the level of our vibration. And I have finally done enough work on myself and I have done enough work professionally in my business to be vibrating and operating at a level where I am 100% sure of who I am and proud of who I've become as a human being because of all of the work I've put into becoming a better person. And the thing I'm probably the most proud of is that when that moment that I had been dreaming about over and over and over again arrived, I was able to just be in it and feel deserving of it. One of the things that I need to say in the space of the audience that you serve and the fact that you hold space for people's dreams and desires and financial freedom and abundance and also the discipline, the expertise, and the systems that create it for people. So you are teaching people skills that deliver upon their potential and their dreams, is that there were so many things that have broken about my business in the last four years.
- [23:48]
B
That's what's.
- [23:48]
A
That's what.
- [23:49]
B
I don't know if people realize that. I mean, I remember sitting in my closet. I was cleaning my closet one day, you called me. Remember that whole ad debacle? That was like a disaster that you had to go through. That wasn't that long ago.
- [24:03]
A
No, it was. It was three and a half years ago. Somebody stole my email newsletter list. And while I was doing a book launch, the six week campaign that we were, that we had planned and all the Facebook advertising for the book never actually happened, and the person delivered fake reports every Monday. And I found that out, and you were one of the first people that I called. And so my business was built on a house of cards that I was unaware of. I was also the victim of wire fraud. I also did not have the. My home address was on LinkedIn, for God's sakes. Everything in terms of what I was trying to build versus the discipline that you create around operations and systems, where I was headed was not a match for the foundation and the systems I was standing upon. And so three and a half years ago, everything around me broke. And again, I'm going to tell you this because in entrepreneurship, the starting phase is the first hard part, but then you get cooking and then there comes that next phase where what got you to start the business and grow it is absolutely not what is going to scale it for you and for me, that piece that you need to do to scale a business was not in place. I was literally building something on almost no foundation and systems and rhythms, which is why I was so burnt out and crazy. And if I look backwards, I can now say, oh, that all broke for a reason. Yes, because I needed it to break and I needed it to be painful. And I needed to realize that I don't have the talent or the skill set to build those things. Therefore, I need to bring in people and talk to experts like Amy to help me get systems in place that match the vision. And without that work, I wouldn't be where I am today. Because what is happening in this moment where I am going through a hyper growth phase and a spreading of consciousness about my work? I mean, we've just been told that the Let Them Theory is the single fastest selling book in terms of velocity that our publisher has seen in probably six or seven years. We've gone to reprint three times, Amy, and the book's not even out yet. It's not even out. And had that happened three years ago, yeah, the entire thing would have imploded because I wasn't ready. And so I'm going to keep saying this because it's an amazing reframe. You're made for incredible things. There's a huge possibility for your life and for your business. Amy and I know that. We see it, we have experienced it in our businesses and our lives. And when stuff starts to go sideways and when you're not actually achieving your goals as quickly as you're supposed to, it's because you're not meant to do it yet. There's things you haven't learned. And in life, you cannot skip the lesson because the world and your business is trying to teach you over and over and over again to wake up. And every time you ignore it. And this is true in relationships too. You keep picking people that are unavailable. You're gonna pick bigger and bigger and bigger train wrecks of people in terms of people that need to do work that are. That you shouldn't be in a relationship until it is so painful.
- [27:33]
B
Yes.
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A
That you wake up and get the lesson that is required before you go to the next level in life or business. And that's why I'm saying there's nothing wrong with you. You're not meant to be where you wanna be yet. Because there's a lesson that you haven't taken seriously. And that was me for the last three years. That I did not get where I wanted to get when I wanted to get there. Because there were critical lessons that I was not taking responsibility for learning and implementing. And it's only in doing the shit I was avoiding that I'm in the position now that's big.
- [28:10]
B
There are people listening, Mel, that I hear it all the time. I'm so stuck. My business isn't working. I'm doing all the things that people say I should be doing. And I'm stuck. Stuck. And I'm overwhelmed and I'm confused and it's almost like. And that is where you are supposed to be right now. There's something refreshing and frustrating about it at the same time.
- [28:28]
A
Yeah. And I. And here. Let's just talk about the word stuck. I hate it. And here's why. You're not stuck. And number one, you're not stuck. Because even saying it acknowledges that you're in conflict and friction with where you are. That stuck is still stuck is no way to move. When you start saying I'm stuck, that's actually the wrong word. Because you are actively aggravated. That is not a state of being stuck. You're in a state of tension and frustration with where you are. And that's the second thing about being stuck. It's great news because you're actually organizing that frustration and aggravation inside yourself. And you need it. Because that painful feeling of being in friction and being frustrated is what is going to get you to have the breakthrough that you need. And the third thing I'm going to tell you about being stuck is that there's something that you're avoiding. There is something that you're not doing. There is something that you know that you should make time for, but you have not actually made the time to do it. And until you do, you're going to continue to feel this friction and frustration because, you know, in life, there's a certain amount of pain that is required for you to organize this internal motivation to do something different.
- [29:57]
B
Yes, absolutely. Okay, so I love that we got to start this conversation, which has started talking about your experience with Oprah and where you were just three and a half years ago. And I love where we've gone because we haven't even talked about the concept of the book yet, really, which is let them let you. So for those that I don't think anyone listening right now is probably new to this concept, because I've been talking about it as the second your book came out. Meaning, like, Mel has this new book, and this is what it's about. So I've been talking a lot about it on the show. But let's just break it down. What is this framework first?
- [30:32]
A
So the Let them theory is a ridiculously simple mindset tool that you need to start using immediately. Like, yesterday, like, like, literally, you're going to love it. It's going to change your life. It's going to change your business. And the Let them theory as a mindset tool shows you instantly what's in your control, what's not in your control. And the reason why this is so powerful is because anytime and energy you spend on something that is outside your control, you actually create frustration, stress, and friction for yourself. And so the tool works very, very simply. Any moment in life where you feel frustrated or agitated or annoyed or hurt, or you start, like, feeling overwhelmed, you're simply gonna say the words, let them. And when you say those two words, let them, something fascinating happens. First of all, you feel an immediate release of the stress in your body. The second thing that happens is you might feel a little bit superior to the person that's annoying you. Because, you know, let's just say, you know, your friends kind of roll their eyes at your new business that you want to start. When you say let them, you kind of go, oh, I see you. I see you judging me and the fact that I want to start an online course. I'm going to let them. I'm going to let them unfollow me. I'm going to let them not buy my course. I'm going to let them, you know, gossip behind my back. And you kind of rise above it and detach. And that's why this is powerful, because you're detaching from something you can't control. And the fact is, you'll never be able to control what another human being thinks, says or does. And so by saying let them, you're not only detaching. What I actually love and I think is super powerful is you're calling out the fact that this is something I can't control. Which is why I say let them. And I'm not gonna waste time and energy on things that I can't control. Which means, and this is the cool part, you honor and value your time and energy. And then you say the second part, which is, let me. This is where you bring the power back to yourself. You say, let me. And let me remind myself that in any situation, there's only three things I can control. I can control what I think about this, I can control what I do or don't do in response to this, and I can control what I do with my feelings as they rise up around it. Either I'm gonna let my feelings rise and fall or they're gonna run me over and that's it. And when you say let me, this is where you take your power back and you remind yourself, no matter what, no matter what's happening, you always have power because you can choose what you think about something, you can choose what you do or don't do about something, and you can choose to process your emotions in a way that is healthy and empowering instead of letting them run you over. And, you know, if we just use the example of something that you are really empowering people around, Amy, and it's in building businesses and creating online courses and using social media as a platform for marketing and for self expression and to be able to make more money. You need the let them theory because the only thing that is going to keep you from doing every single thing that Amy teaches you to do, which, by the way, everything that Amy teaches you works. The only thing that will keep you from implementing what Amy teaches and shares and talks about is the fact that you give power to other people. And I'm going to do a quick example here because I know you and I want to unpack it with you. Am. So let's say that you are taking out your favorite social media platform and you are all excited because you're going to start using social media as a way to truly express yourself, as a way to talk about your business, as a way to market courses, as a way to do what you want to do. And then you take out the post and you kind of pull up the draft post and the first thing you do is you look at all these photos and then you're like, this one, that one, this one, this One is this. One. Is this too much? Is this too much for whom? For whom? Or you look at the reels that you've shot and then you're like, oh, maybe I should do this. Maybe I should put this filter on because it's going to look better. For whom? For whom? And then you go to do the caption and you're like, type, type, type. Should I use all caps? Should I not? Oh, a couple emojis here, you know, should I say this for who? And then what happens is you literally hit draft and save. And if you look at your saved drafts, you're going to find hundreds of posts. Those are the graveyards of your dreams. And the reason why you saved the drafts is because you so exhausted yourself trying to manage and control something, which is what other people are going to think about your post, what other people are going to do or don't do in response to your post, both of which are completely out of your control. And you have forgotten the single biggest thing about life, which is, number one, you get to choose what you post. Your social media is for you. It's for your business. How dare you turn the power of the most important channel you have over to somebody else's opinions, which you'll never be able to control. And so instead, I'm going to teach you to just say, let them think something negative. Let them unfollow you. Let them roll their eyes, let them not understand, let them think you're too much. Because what I've found too late in life, 54 years old, when I discovered this let them and let me. And the let them theory is that the true secret in business and life is if you're actually focused on the let me part, let me just post what I think is good. Let me post what is a true expression for me. Let me put up the photo without the filter. Let me put up a photo in a bathing suit if I want. Let me be too much if that's how I feel like being right now. When you operate in a way that makes you proud, you actually tend to not even think about other people.
- [36:48]
B
Okay, so I wanted to jump back in here again after this interview was recorded, because this next section, it's so important and I believe so many people can relate to it. So here's why Mel is talking about the thing she's going to talk about next. Essentially, I recently had a situation with a family member where they were really upset at me, and I was shocked that they were upset at me. I didn't understand. I felt Like, I was misunderstood. But they obviously were hurt on their end as well and felt as though I had hurt them. And so what I said to Mel was, look, I'm sensitive. I care deeply about other people and too much about what other people think of me. But I said, mel, how do you let them when you can't let go of the hurt? When you hurt somebody else, or they said you hurt them, you don't feel like you did. There's a misunderstanding. But someone else is mad at you or hurt by you, and you don't know what to do, and you're supposed to just let them. But you're hurt and you're kind of stuck there. What do you do? So this is the situation that Mel is going to address next. So here we go.
- [38:09]
A
Okay, that's very common. And so, first of all, I want to say this is just a sign that you're a human being and you care. And here's where you get to choose, because it does hurt. It hurts when somebody misunderstands you. It hurts when somebody that is a family member or used to be a close friend, all of a sudden you have a falling out with them and they see things differently than you do. And I also want to acknowledge something. You're already processing this in an extraordinarily mature way, because let them isn't fuck them?
- [38:47]
B
Okay, that's what I kind of thought it was.
- [38:50]
A
No. Well, it can be if you want.
- [38:51]
B
It to be, but it doesn't have to be right, because I don't feel that way.
- [38:55]
A
No. The thing that's beautiful about this is that this is about creating space for two things to be true at the same time. Truly, like, someone can have an interpretation of a situation that impacts them in a way that you never intended. Let them. And let them have their feelings and let them see it how they see it. And let them be upset about it, and let them deal with their own emotions. And then comes the let me part, which is, let me remind myself of who I am. Let me remind myself of what I intended. Let me remind myself of how this person's behavior also impacted me. And let me create space for two things to be true at once. And when you allow somebody to have an experience where they were impacted by something that you did or didn't do, they hurt themselves based on your behavior. You didn't do that to them because you know the impact that you intended. You didn't intend to hurt anybody. And that's where you have to double down on your experience. Amy and if you're with somebody who chronically is blaming you or, like, turning you into the villain, or they're always the victim, that's a coping mechanism and a personality style that has probably been around since childhood. When somebody always flips it back on you and they have these unbelievable, like, interpretations, and everything is somehow hurtful, let them. Because this person's style has been around since childhood. And if there's one thing I've learned, aim, it's that there's one thing in life you actually can never change, and that's another human being, because people only change when they feel like it. And here's another thing from the book that I think is gonna help you because what you're doing by having an experience. And we've all had an experience where something goes down in a relationship, business or personal, family, love life, friends, business, whatever. We've all been there where things get kind of weird, and then all of a sudden you talk about it and the other person's blaming you, and you feel like you're the rational one. You like this person, but you still have to say, let them have their experience. And let me understand something. I get to choose where I put my time and energy, and I get to choose who says what kind of person I am. And I get to choose what is the truth about what I intended. I can take responsibility for impacting somebody in a way I didn't intend, but there is no way I'm stepping over the line and I'm making it my job to make somebody else feel better. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. And the thing that's helped me a lot with difficult personalities, and you're not even saying this person is a difficult personality, because you are a very mature person, and you have this capacity, Amy, to see the good in everybody. And you also have this capacity to be able to look critically at yourself and go, oh, well, I could see how you could interpret that. Okay, great. You've acknowledged the impact. Has the other person actually acknowledged that you didn't intend that and forgiven you for that? Have they actually taken responsibility for processing their own feelings in a healthy way? Are they even able to listen to you and to want to step into your shoes and see it from your point of view? Or is it just me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me? And when you have that happen in life, you get to choose how much time and energy does this person have? How much.
- [42:38]
B
Talk about powerful in that sense?
- [42:41]
A
Yes.
- [42:41]
B
Wow.
- [42:42]
A
Yes. Because a person can be hurt or can have an interpretation of what happened and you can still know you're still. And that's not at all what you intended.
- [42:56]
B
That right there.
- [42:57]
A
Yeah, right, Right. And so you should never feel bad when somebody is misinterpreting you. You should never feel hurt when someone else refuses to step in your shoes and actually want to understand or consider what it was like for you. Because you're now dealing with somebody that doesn't actually want to resolve an issue and make a relationship better. You're dealing with a human being who only wants to be right. And this is a person who's likely been doing this for a long time. And I'm going to widen this out because I think every one of us in life, and certainly for the person that's spending time with us right now, you've got a person who's got a narcissistic personality style. You brace every time you see this person. You know, time with them is going to be incredibly draining. You know that somehow everything is going to come back to them being a victim or other people wrong. This just is who this person is. And this person's never changing unless they want to change. And as long as this type of person is getting your attention or gets to feel right or gets everybody to apologize to them or creates a lot of. They're always going to be this way because they're getting what they want. And recognizing that, you gotta let them. You gotta let them be who they are. You gotta let them be who they're not. And you gotta recognize it's not your job to parent another adult. And also recognizing that no one else gets to say how worthy you are or what your intention is. Amy, you own that, so don't give that away. Let's someone be who they are and then remind yourself. Let me remind myself. I get to choose how much time and energy I put into this. I get to choose what I'm going to think about this. I get to choose what I do and don't do. And I get to pull my time and energy back and actually protect myself from a personality like this. Because this is not. It's very obvious aim when you're talking with somebody that actually wants the relationship to get better.
- [45:03]
B
Right.
- [45:03]
A
Versus somebody that loves being misunderstood because then they feel powerful.
- [45:07]
B
Well, as you're saying all this, I just had a realization. Sometimes I struggle with being judgmental. I don't want to be as judgmental as I am. Someone does something, says something, and I feel judgmental about them. But with the let them theory, don't you think that you become A whole lot less judgmental. This is a little different than my situation I just talked about, for sure. That's huge to me, because being judgmental just doesn't feel good. And I don't think any good comes of it.
- [45:35]
A
Well, hold on a second. I actually think a lot of people love being judgmental. Absolutely. Because if you spend your time and energy complaining about other people and thinking you know better, that means you don't have to work on yourself. That's the kind of person that likes stepping on other people's heads in order to climb the ladder in life. I just choose not to live like that. And the reason, and this gets back to a fundamental point about the Lethen theory. If you ever feel stuck in life or frustrated or like you're just not getting the results that you want or that you're not as happy as you'd like to be, or you're not surrounded by the kind of relationships that you want, it's very important to understand that you're not the problem. The problem is that you're giving all your power to other people. You're spending too much time and energy judging other people or worrying about them or trying to control them or allowing yourself to be hurt by what they do or say or don't do. And there's a better way to live when you learn to just say, let them. Let people be who they are. And then let's take all that power back. And let me remind myself that I get to choose how I show up in relationships. I get to choose if I put more time and energy into this or not. I get to choose whether or not the people that I am spending time with in business or in family or friends are actually filling me back up. And if they're not, I gotta learn to let them. And then I gotta remind myself my social life and my business relationships are my responsibility. And if I'm surrounded by a bunch of narcissistic people that constantly make me feel bad, then I better start spending less time with them and spend more time creating relationships with other people. Because the more time and energy you pour into controlling other people or wishing they would be different or feeling so hurt because they're mad at me. Fuck that. Your time and energy is so much more valuable. And look, I get it. Like, if somebody's upset with me, it is the hardest thing in the world to be. Like, let them, let them, let them, let them, let them, let them. And at the end of the day, aim, is that how you want to live your life?
- [47:42]
B
I Don't. But I can. I want to be a devil's advocate for a second. Where in the let them theory comes you have to look inward and see if you are the asshole, if you need to work on yourself if you were wrong. Because I feel like I'm afraid, Mel, that people will take the let them theory and just be like, let them, they're the asshole and not even realize maybe you're the asshole.
- [48:02]
A
Yeah, we all are. We all are. Everybody's annoying, everybody is immature. Every single person you meet is an 8 year old child in a big body. Everybody. Seriously. Like the let them theory is not a get out of jail free card. The hardest part about the let them theory is the let me part. Because your response, your, your life is your responsibility. Your social life is your responsibility. Your, the amount of money you make and that you have in the bank, your responsibility. Your relationship with your parents is your responsibility. Not your parents responsibility, your responsibility. Because your energy and your time has power. And if you don't like something in your life, stop pointing the finger and complaining about everybody else and take a look in the mirror and go, there are things I need to change. Like if you've surrounded yourself with people that are not pouring in effort, you're the one that's choosing to spend time with them, which means you can choose not to. See the power isn't over there. And you spend too much time complaining about your friends or complaining about your family or wishing that your business would be different and all of that wishing and wanting and complaining and like kveking about other. I don't even know if that's the right word. But judging other people, being hurt by other people, that's time that you can use to change your mindset and to make new friends or learn a new skill or, you know, I guarantee you that there's a. You may be listening to Amy and I right now and you've even taken Amy's course and you haven't done it.
- [49:38]
B
Oh yeah.
- [49:39]
A
And the reason why you have. I don't have time. I don't have time. Okay, so if you were to just let them and not allow yourself to get so stressed and frustrated by other people, you're now going to claw back all this time that you could be using to build a skill that changes your life. And so I agree with you, Amy, that you know, the single biggest warning that I have about the let them theory is if you keep saying let them and you feel lonelier or you feel more entitled, you're using it wrong. Okay, because you're not saying the let me part. And what I've learned is that I'm the most immature person in our family emotionally. No, it's true. No, it's true. Because.
- [50:26]
B
You really think so, Amy?
- [50:29]
A
Yes. I'll tell you why. Being the kind of person that is emotionally mature requires you to build the skill of understanding your emotion and then reacting to it in a healthy way. And nobody is born with this skill. You have to learn it from other people. You have to learn it by studying it and practicing it. And since our parents did not understand the skill of emotional maturity, which is understanding when a wave of emotion hits and not vomiting it on people, not yelling at people, not sending passive aggressive, nasty texts like you got, not, you know, playing the victim or going silent on people. These are all childlike behaviors. Let's just think about it. When a child gets overwhelmed because you're not buying them a toy, they throw themselves on the ground and they tantrum. When an adult gets overwhelmed by the stress of life or the fact that they misinterpreted, you know, what you did and why, what do they do? They throw a tantrum by vent texting at you. That's not the sign of an emotionally mature person. That's the sign of an 8 year old inside of a adult body. That's a sign of a person that is not actually in charge of their emotions. That's a person that is emotionally reactive. Let's talk about another one. When a child doesn't get what they want, they'll often go in the corner and sulk. Why? Because they don't know how to express what they need in an effective way. So they go and cut themselves off and go into a corner. Why? So they draw the adults to them so that the adults ask what's wrong? So the adults then help them get what they want. You know what an immature adult does? What? They give you the silent. They give you the silent treatment. They cut you off and they punish you for the fact that they can't handle their emotions. Same behavior. And so I say that the let them theory has really revealed for me that I have a lot of work to do when it comes to my emotions. Like I was the kind of person that would rage, text all the time. I'm like, yep, guilty. I've done that.
- [52:46]
B
You did this.
- [52:47]
A
And it hurt my feelings. Barf, barf, barf, barf. Tantrum, Tantrum, Tantrum, Tantrum. And when somebody does that to me now, I just go, let them. Because it's not my job to parent another adult. And I see, not that this is some evil person, I see that this is an 8 year old trapped in a big body. And this person doesn't know how to deal with their emotions and actually communicate effectively. And so I now am like warning, warning, warning. I know who I'm dealing with. So now I get to choose how I show up with this person and how I don't. And it is.
- [53:25]
B
And I think there's a lot of compassion in let them, you know, because if let them and, and let them figure it out, don't try to control them, but also know that they're in a place right now. They're, they're in their own journey, their own chaos, whatever it might be. And we've all been there.
- [53:42]
A
Here's another thing I want you to consider when you come to the let me part. Let me remind myself that when somebody acts like this, they're just a little eight year old. What happens is I'm no longer scared or hurt by these type of people because I can see it for what it is. And I can see that actually this kind of response from somebody has nothing to do with me. Like I may have done something that had them react and I didn't even like intend to have that kind of impact. But the fact that they become a volcano and then bar fall over me. And we've all worked with people like this too. Like that person at work, that's an erupter, right? That's the sign of somebody, not that you should be afraid of, but that's a sign of somebody who is wildly immature emotionally. And they're a reactor and they erupt and they're always going to. And so I now look at those kind of people with pity and with compassion because nobody taught them how to do this. And so they're clearly at a moment in their life where they're so activated emotionally that they just barf on everybody. And here's the thing, the power is never going to be in trying to manage or soothe that other person. You can if you want to, but I find it's easier to let them be who they are. And then let me remind myself that my responsibility is not to the other person and their emotional responses. My responsibility is to me and to protecting myself and to also making sure that I'm responsible for whether or not I believe I'm a good person. I know the truth about what I intended and I can take ownership that it may, that my behavior may have impacted you in a certain way because I'M noticing also that happens a lot in life that people just assume, especially in business, that you're going to be available or that you will do this for them or that this is gonna work out. And then when it doesn't, people are disappointed. Here's another beautiful thing for business and life. When somebody's disappointed because you can't show up at their event or you can't be with them for the holidays, or you can't make it to their 43rd birthday party. Group dinner at the restaurant where we're all going to split the check. Right. Let them be disappointed. And here's what I want you to think about. Isn't that a beautiful thing?
- [56:20]
B
It is. I can see it now. Yes.
- [56:22]
A
What do you see?
- [56:23]
B
I just see just to let the control go. I see what it does for me, but I also see what it can do for them. Because if I get all involved and try to control their emotions at home. I didn't mean it like that and I'm so sorry. And I. Da da da. I'm totally projecting myself on them, not even allowing them to have their own experience. I'm literally trying to control their emotions.
- [56:43]
A
Yes. And you'll never be able to because emotions are just a six second chemical explosion that happen automatically inside someone's body. And you can. Absolutely. Because I know your values and I know you care deeply about who you are in the world in terms of how you show up. And so all you can do is apologize for the impact that your behavior had on someone and you can ask for somebody to forgive you for the fact that it impacted them that way. And then that's it. You gotta let the person react how they're gonna react. Because behavior is the truth. Forget what people say to you and about you. Their behavior tells you where you stand and you know, you in having a conflict with somebody, you get a lot of data about who a person is. And for me, the let them theory has helped me both give people grace. Yeah. It's helped me give people more space. Aim to be who they are and be who they're not. To have their expectations, to be upset or disappointed when I don't meet them and to understand that two things can be true. Somebody can be mad at you, they can be disappointed, they can be upset, they can be hurt. And you can still do what's right for you and you can still know deeply in your heart you didn't mean for any of those things to happen.
- [58:17]
B
I mean, damn, that is so powerful. So powerful. Okay, I don't Even want to get off this topic, but I have to because I know I don't have much more time with you, and there's one question my audience really wanted me to ask you. Okay, so imposter syndrome is a big, big issue in my audience. And I'm curious, how does imposter syndrome, or comparing yourself to people online, how does the let them theory even play a part on that? Because the other person's not talking to you. You're literally looking at stuff on social media and comparing yourself. How does that work?
- [58:56]
A
So let's break them apart. So, Amy, with the. With the way that you teach and the impact that you make in the world, how do you define imposter syndrome? So I know I'm talking about kind of the right scenario or, like, a scenario, and then I'll. I'll handle chronic comparison. Second.
- [59:15]
B
Okay, so imposter syndrome, to me and to. I think my students would be. You feel like you never measure up, that you don't belong. How we started this conversation, if you're even in a room, you. You don't even deserve this. You really shouldn't even be there. And so I think that's how it comes up.
- [59:34]
A
Great. So you need to let the feelings come up.
- [59:39]
B
Okay.
- [59:39]
A
Because here's what imposter syndrome is. To me, imposter syndrome is actually a mentally healthy response to you going through phases of growth.
- [59:50]
B
Oh.
- [59:51]
A
That's all that it is. Like, because if you were to walk into rooms and feel, like, automatically, I belong, and you have no experience, like, let's just say you and I go to an AI conference. Okay. I know how to use chat. GPT. We have a. We have one that we've, like, actually trained. That's our own. So it's been trained in all of our episodes and all of my work, so it can act like a co producer. That's the extent of what I understand. If you and I were to go to a AI conference, let me tell you something. Mel Robbins would have a very healthy dose of imposter syndrome. Because I don't know what the hell is going on.
- [60:38]
B
Right.
- [60:38]
A
That feeling of discomfort is appropriate. It is a sign that I am mentally well. And all that it is is it's a recognition inside your soul that this is a place that you want to feel comfortable. It's a place that you want to grow into, that there are people in this room that you can learn from. And so instead of seeing it as I'm going to be found out, see it as, oh, cool. This is something to jump into. And my advice here is, do not fake it until you make it. I think that is the world's worst advice. Because when you say, I'm going to fake it until I make it, you double down on the fact that you're a fake fake. What I love in those moments where I feel like I'm an imposter is I've just flipped it to saying I'm a student of something I want to become an expert in. If I am sitting at a table and I've been somebody's plus one and I'm in a room of people that have accomplished way more than I have, I'm a student of all of these people. I am here at the table because I believe I am meant to be. But owning that you're meant to be there, which you are, is different, right, than faking that you feel comfortable being there? Yeah. Does that make sense?
- [62:06]
B
It does. Absolutely.
- [62:07]
A
Own the timing of your life. Own the desires in your soul. Own that you are in a bigger room or in a different event or you are playing in a new space and that you're meant to be there because there are things in this room, in this experience, that are meant for you. That's how you own it, like a champ. Then when you start to feel like, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, you literally just say, this is great, because I'm realizing there's a lot for me to learn here. And so let me just be a student before I expect myself to be an expert. Because if you allow yourself to be a student, you will lean into the space and you'll ask questions. And here's one of the single most confident things you could actually ever say in a room where you feel that sense like, I don't know. The most powerful thing, the most confident thing you could say is, I don't know. I'm here to learn. I don't know. I'm brand new to the AI space. What would you advise me to do in this moment? Because when you say, I don't know, three incredible words, what does it communicate? It communicates you are so confident in yourself, you're willing to say, in a room, I don't know. And when somebody says to me, I don't know, you know what I think, Amy? I trust that person because they're telling the truth. They're sitting in this room, they're saying, I don't know. You can also say, I'm brand new. I am brand new. I am so honored to be here. I know I'm meant to be here, and I'm just soaking it all in. And what you're going to see when you say these things is everybody else is going to lean into you.
- [63:43]
B
Yep.
- [63:43]
A
And that's how you deal with those feelings of imposter syndrome.
- [63:47]
B
Okay. All right. That's big.
- [63:49]
A
Now let's talk about chronic comparison. Okay, so I like it.
- [63:53]
B
These are different. Yes.
- [63:54]
A
Okay, so chronic comparison is the tendency that we have to compare ourselves to other people. And here's what you need to understand about comparison. Comparison to other people is normal comparison. In fact, you're never gonna get rid of it. It's part of our evolutionary biological hardwiring to kind of look around and see where you are in relation to other people. It's normal. Comparison isn't the problem. It's how you're using it that is. And I used to be the kind of person that if I saw Amy succeeding, I would say, that's it. Amy just took the podcast. I can't do one now. Or, oh, Amy just built a house and she has white cabinets in her kitchen. I can't have white cabinets now. Or, oh, my gosh, you know, Amy's done this. I can't do it. I used to see other people's wins as my losses. And when you look at life like that, you actually are doing life wrong. That's not how life works. And I didn't understand this until I was 54 years old. Am. So hear my words, okay? Life is about limitless things, and you have to wrap your brain around this. There are. There's enough money, happiness, love, success, friendship, kitchen cabinets, nice cars, dream homes. There's enough of all of that for everybody. In fact, you're not playing against other people in life. You're playing with them. Other players don't take things from you in the game of life. They actually teach you how to play the game of life, of life. But if you're busy, like I used to be, looking around and comparing yourself to everyone else and seeing people's wins as your losses, you have now turned other people into a problem. And the truth is, other people will never block your way. Only you block your own way. Other people in life lead the way. But if you're so busy seeing other people's success and happiness and engagements and birth announcements and weddings and Lake Cuomo and all the things and the million do, if you. If you're so busy seeing that as evidence to prove that you'll never have those things, you are losing at the game of life. And you are doing it to yourself. There is a different way to go through life. And here's what you're going to do. You're going to use the let them theory, and you're going to let people lead the way. And letting people lead the way turns comparison from something that paralyzes you into something that propels you forward. Because if somebody else has done it, there is a formula. And one of the reasons why you follow Amy is because not only is she inspiring and encouraging and positive and motivating, but she actually teaches you formulas. And when you realize that there are formulas in life and all you have to do is figure out what you want and then follow the formula, now you have the secret to success. And now I'm going to bring up something that's going to happen the second you see that. There is a formula for meeting somebody and falling in love. There's a formula for saving enough money to get out of debt and be financially free. There is a formula for launching an online course. There is a formula for locating and meeting new friends and a friend group that supports you. Formulas are everywhere. Once you find the formula, and by the way, they're super easy. Go to chat gtp, say, please act like somebody who has blahbidi, blahbidi, blah, and please tell me the formula I need to follow every day for 10 months as a daily formula to help me get it. And it will spit out the instructions. Now, here's what's going to happen. You're going to think, oh, my God, people are going to think I copied them. And look at what you just did. You just gave power to somebody's thought.
- [67:46]
B
Yes.
- [67:46]
A
Which you can't control. And so you've got to let them think you follow you. You copied them because you did. You've got to. Everybody does. Let them think a negative thought. And here's the thing. You're going to make it your own because you're your own person. Don't worry about making it all. Like this obsession with doing it your way is killing you and it's robbing you of your dreams. Get over yourself. Let people lead the way. Anything that you're jealous of, that's something that your heart desires. Figure out the formula. Let other people lead the way. And then let me remind myself, I'm in charge of my time and energy. I'm capable of waking up every day and chipping away at it. And what's fascinating, Amy, about comparison is that it's deeply personal.
- [68:30]
B
Yeah.
- [68:31]
A
The people that torture you, they have what you Want. Like, I'm not tortured by somebody with a Lamborghini because I don't freaking want one. I don't. I'm not even bothered by it. But the people that have things that I desire. And right now I'm obsessed with time. Like, I just want more time. I don't want to work this much. I want to figure out how to be smarter at what I do and work less. Like, I'm obsessed with our friend Jenna Kutcher and, like, how she's orchestrated her life, what a genius she is. And I'm like, I need that. I need to change and figure out the formula because I'm now at a point where I've worked my tail off for 15 years and I really want to enjoy my life. I want to see Chris, I want to have time with my kids. I don't always want to be working. So I'm going to follow my own advice. I'm going to let other people lead the way. I'm going to follow the formula. I'm going to give up my, like, opinions about what other people are going to think. Because that's how you use comparison to teach you something. Instead of constantly wasting six hours a day doom scrolling at these idiots that you're staring at that only then make you feel more paralyzed. The sad fact is you are fully capable of doing the work to create what you want if you're willing to put your head down and put the phone down and let other people lead the way. And let me remind myself, I gotta just chip away at this. And one of these days I'm gonna wake up and I'm gonna look up and I'm gonna be in the middle of the life that I've always dreamt of living. That's how it works.
- [69:58]
B
Amen to that. You just turned comparison on its head. The first person I've ever known to do that. You literally just said, compare yourself. And then say, let them. Let them lead me to exactly where I want to go. You just gave it so much power. The person who's comparing, like, I just feel like I just got back all the power in any time I compare myself now, it's like, almost fun. It's almost fun to compare yourself because you're like, all right, lead me, let them lead me.
- [70:26]
A
Lead me, lead me. Show me what's possible. And look, you know what's so cool is no one actually can take what's meant for you away from you. Ooh, no one can. And you know, we're all on this Earth 8 billion of us walking down the road at the same time. And I look at other people as like lights on the path. They show you what's possible. They show you what not to do. And when you take a more kind of abundant and compassionate approach to other people and you also then focus on what's in your control, you realize you do have power, you do have time. These things that other people have created are possible for you. You may not achieve them on the same timeline. It's definitely not going to look the way that it's going to look for somebody else. But it's going to be so much cooler than you ever imagined. And all that's standing in your way is that you're giving all this time and energy to other people and things that are beyond your control. And when you pull it back to yourself, you'll realize you had all the power all along. It's just extraordinary. I'm so excited about all of this.
- [71:37]
B
I'm so excited, too. Okay, tell everyone when this book comes out.
- [71:42]
A
It comes out Christmas Eve.
- [71:43]
B
So here's my final question to you, my sweet friend. Someone picks up this book. What is your wish for them?
- [71:50]
A
Freedom. I actually want this book to set you free.
- [71:53]
B
He's got chills.
- [71:54]
A
And I want you to experience a level of power and control and depth and connection in your relationships that you've never experienced in your life. That's my wish for you. My wish is that this sets you free and it gives you your time and energy back. Because your time and energy are the most important resource. Because where you pour your time and energy determines your experience of life. And I just see something so much bigger and more peaceful and amazing for you. So that's my wish. And I know that it's gonna happen. Oprah Winfrey does not say, this is the by far one of the best self help books I've ever read. If she doesn't mean it. And it is by far of everything I've ever done, Amy, it is the single best thing I've ever done. And I'm so proud of it because I worked on it with our daughter Sawyer, who's 25. We argued over every word because it's for everyone like this. I cannot wait for the people in your life who are in their 20s, who are dating and who are accepting less than they deserve, who are chasing the potential. It is going to awaken something in you that will simplify life and relationships, and it is that powerful. My wish is just that you read it and you try it and you feel the freedom.
- [73:18]
B
Okay, so two things I gotta say to that. Number one, Oprah didn't just say this is like the best self help book out there. She actually said this is what she's been trying to do her whole career. Right. Like, come on that part. I just was blown away. And also, you know, you have a special book when like some, like, I think you wrote this book for me and somebody else is going to pick up the book and be like, mel wrote this just for me. You know that. That's when you've written a masterpiece, in my opinion. So, Mel, thanks for writing this book for me. I love you with all my heart. It's the most beautiful piece of work you've ever done and I want everyone listening to go grab it now. I'll give all the details afterwards. Thank you, my sweet friend, for being here.
- [73:57]
A
I love you, love you, love you. And Amy, thank you for always showing up for me. Thank you for being just the kind of friend that I don't ever feel like you judge or you're jealous. I was never that friend. I was a walking red flag, I'll admit it. I didn't know how to be happy for other people because I was so miserable in my own life. And you have modeled that for me way before I discovered how to do it for myself. And I just think you're magnificent and you radiate light and positive energy. And I want you to know that I know who you are.
- [74:35]
B
Don't make me cry. You're gonna make me cry. Thank you, my sweet friend. I love you so much.
- [74:40]
A
I love you too.
- [74:42]
B
So there you have it. I have to say this is one of my most important and favorite interviews I've ever done. And I just feel as though we are walking away, you and me, with some of the biggest lessons we can take into 2025. And if you happen to listen to this well beyond 2025, the lessons are still there for you. So I hope you're going to be open hearted and just ready to receive them. As Mel mentioned, you can buy her book wherever books are sold. And I think it's really cool that you'll likely find her on TikTok selling her book as well. So look out for that. But I want to wish you the most amazing 2025 as we move into the new year. And I hope it's a year that you can love yourself more, accept yourself more, let them, and let you. I'll see you in 2025.