Amy Porterfield (0:01)

Hey there. Welcome to the Amy Porterfield Show. When you feel stuck, when you feel the struggle, ask, if quitting wasn't an option, what would I do next? And then, my friend, you do it. Many, many years ago, I ran my very first and very last 5k. Now just by saying that, you could tell I'm not a runner, so I'll just own that. But at the time I was living in San Diego and one of my friends that worked with me at my Tony Robbins job, she said, I want to run a 5k. Will you do it with me? And I thought, I absolutely do not love to run, but I'm just going to say yes. I was young, I said yes to a lot of things. Plus the run was actually in Santa Barbara where I went to school, school at UC Santa Barbara. So to go back to my old stomping grounds, I'm like, this could be fun. We could go out at night, have a good time. I'll do it. So we each trained for the 5K. We trained separately, but kind of the same way because at the time we lived in Pacific beach, the cool kids call it pb. We lived in PB and so we could run by the water like you watch the ocean the entire time. There's this beautiful little trail. So, so I went early in the morning because I'm an early bird and she went after work. But we both trained the same way every single morning. I got up, put some good tunes on and I would just run at a total normal pace. And during those morning runs, looking at the ocean, thinking, this is so cool, I was thinking, you know what, I'm going to commit to running the entire 5K, meaning no walking. And for those of you who run marathons, you're laughing at me now. Just, just know this is a big deal for me. So I thought, I'm going to run the entire thing. And so when I started to practice, I wouldn't walk, I would just slow down a little bit until my pace got a little bit better, a little bit better. And I was running at a pretty good pace. I was able to do the entire 5K. I'm like, I'm good to go. So the day before the race came and we had to drive there, it was a few hour drive. So we got in the car, we had a great time there. We were talking about how like this is going to be our first 5K. We're running the whole thing. Cuz she also made the commitment, no walking, we're running this entire thing. So we were on the same page. So we get there, you get your number. I proudly put it on my T shirt. I act as though I'm running five marathons in a day. Like, this was a big deal. And off we went and we started to run and we were right next to each other. We said we were going to stick with each other the whole time. And right away we are running up this really big hill. I mean, it is a big hill. And I'm thinking I did not train on heels, nor did the pamphlet say that there would be hills. Like, I don't know. Are they supposed to disclose that? In my mind, they were supposed to. So we're running up this hugely steep hill and there's no way that I could run at the pace that I had practiced. And so instantly I start to walk and I am mad. I am so mad because I had this all planned out. I trained a certain way. I wasn't told that there were tons, tons of hills. And now everything is messed up. So screw it. That I made the commitment that no matter what, I was going to run, even at a slow pace. I just went to a full on walk. And I was such, like, I was a brat. I was in such a bad mood. And so I did this throughout the entire thing. I ran a little bit when it was flat. The minute there was a hill, the obstacle, I just started to walk, like, literally just gave up. And my friend, she decided she was going to run, but she had to take her pace way down. She had to kind of change her plans because she too wasn't ready to run on these hills. She trained just like I did, but she just went for a really slow jog to the point that we stuck together. And when I was walking up the hill, she was going at my same pace, but she was in that rhythm of running because she said she would. And so at the end of the race that I walked almost the whole thing, we ended together and we went and got pancakes afterwards. Cause I heard, like, when you run a marathon, you get a lot of carbs afterwards. So of course we're marathon runners now. So here we are eating our pancakes in a diner, and I was such a grump. And she said, I feel so good. Before she realized I was mad. She said, I feel so accomplished. Like, I did what I said I was going to do. And I said, what? There are so many hills. Like, I'm surprised you didn't walk with me because that is not what we signed up for. And she kind of looked at me like, yeah, I just Kind of had to change my pace. I had to kind of accommodate a little bit, but I still stuck with what I said I was going to do. And in that moment, I loved her and hated her at the same time. And I realized that my all or nothing mentality ran deep because I just couldn't even understand that there was an option to maybe go with the flow, change how I was doing things. I thought it was a certain way. It's not turning out that way. So I'm just not doing anything, all or nothing. And let me tell you, friend, that has not served me well through my personal life or in business. Because what I realized in that moment is my friend had mental flexibility. I did not. And I really do believe that mental flexibility is the key. I realized that literally, it is the absolute necessity. In order to get to the end of a 5k or get to the end of a huge business goal, you've got to have mental flexibility. I do not have it. Naturally. And what I didn't know at the time, that obstacles don't mean stop, they mean pivot, adjust, or keep going. But in my mind, it has been so ingrained, I don't know why, but it means either keep going or stop. If it's not going your way, if something has changed, then let's just not do it. Oh. Again, that has not served me well. So let's bring this back to you right now. If you can relate to any of this, then your business feels like it's either thriving, doing so good, or it's failing, It's a mess. Or that last launch, that last promotion you did, either it was a total win or a complete disaster. There's no in the middle. It either worked or it didn't. That's how you feel about your last launch? It worked or it didn't. Oh, my gosh, I have so been here. I hope I'm not alone in this. Actually, I know I'm not alone in this, because here's the thing. I did a social media poll. Very scientific, I know. And I posted. Are you an all or nothing kind of girl or guy, or are you able to kind of adapt and go with the flow? 95% of you who took the survey said absolutely all or nothing. And I thought, I found my people. I'm in the right place. I'm not alone. Because here's the thing. This all or nothing mentality, it is a mental trap that makes every decision feel like success or failure. And it leaves no space for the messy middle where I've learned Over the years, that is where the real growth happens, in the messy middle. And so you can't see it. But Scout. Oh, you could see if you watch this video a little bit. Scout just came in to say hello. I don't know about you, but my dog just likes to randomly just say hi. I'm still here if you're wondering. So Scout's here, everyone. So, again, you do not grow when it's an extreme situation. You grow in the messy middle. And so I want to repeat that one more time, because when I was doing my research, I really could relate to this one. Growth doesn't happen in extremes. It happens in the small, imperfect, strategic moves that you make every single day. And you might not believe it, but if you start to kind of put this to the test, you'll see. Oh, okay. Yes, this is true. So my goal for this episode is to give you a clear path to break free from this all or nothing mentality. I have made huge strides with this, but it feels like yesterday when I was at that 5k walk, and every single doubt I had, frustration I had, it can just come flooding back. So it lives in me for sure, but I don't feel as though I give into it anymore. So I hope by the end of this episode, you'll stop hesitating and learn how to move beyond extreme decision making. All or nothing, black or white. So you can step into being a more strategic decision maker and grow in the messy middle. So that's what I want for you. So let's talk about a little bit of research. So did you know that your brain craves certainty? You probably already knew this, right? Entrepreneurial strategist Daniel Priestley, he explains that the brain loves predictability and struggles to adapt when things don't go as planned. So right there, if you ever needed an excuse like Amy, this is just how I was born. Well, actually, yeah. It's how the brain works. The brain does not adapt well to things that are not planned out. Also, cognitive distortion, it tricks us into extremes. So there's this psychologist, his name is John Grohall, and he's the founder of Psych Central. And he explains that all or nothing thinking convinces us of things that that are not true. Like example, I always fail at new things, so I fail at everything. Like, our brains just go there so quickly. So flexible thinking. If we can adapt flexible thinking, which is easier said than done, it leads to faster success. So research in cognitive behavioral therapy, it shows that those who challenge extreme thinking like challenges extreme thinking patterns. It builds resilience it makes better decisions and you can grow faster. So the minute you catch yourself saying that all or nothing, black or white kind of thinking, if you can challenge that and say, wait a second, is there a different way? Can I navigate this differently? That's where you're going to start growing faster, making better decisions. That's another thing. I've done an episode before on online marketing made easy. Before we transitioned over to the Amy Porterfield show, I did an episode around how to be a better decision maker. And I doubt that I mentioned this because doing the research on this episode, I realized, oh, wait a second. Some people really struggle with making decisions because it's all or nothing in their mind. That decision is like the biggest thing. If I do this, then everything's great. Or if I do that, everything's gonna go wrong. So because it's so extreme, why would you ever feel comfortable making a decision? Like, in your defense, like, I get that. So why does this matter? Well, breaking free from that all or nothing thinking, it isn't just about mindset. It's about rewiring the way you approach challenges so that you can make better, faster business moves without second guessing every decision. Because that rewiring to approach challenges better. I mean, I know it's just a simple, silly thing, but that 5K, my mind just, it was a challenge, literally an obstacle. It was uphill and my mind just couldn't even wrap its head around. Is there a different way to approach this? It was either I walk or run. It wasn't maybe I take my pace down, either a walk or run, one or the other. And then I was so mad and so frustrated, I chose the one that was going to make me feel worse at the end. So I think this is an important topic. So I want to talk about how to recognize and shift that all or nothing thinking in your business. First of all, I'm going to give you some recognize and shift. Okay, so stay with me here. So one you're going to recognize. Let's say you set a goal, but you fall short. I do this all the time. So you set a goal and you fall short. So instead of seeing progress, you see failure. Right? I, I have so lived in this space. I've talked about it before. So the shift, if you really want to get past that all or nothing mentality, the shift is use the gap and the gain. You know, I'm a huge fan of this book. Benjamin Hardy, Dan Sullivan, they co wrote the book the Gap and the Gain. Essentially, with this concept, you're Going to focus on what you've learned and how far you've come. So a launch that didn't hit your goal, it still brought in leads and data to use next time you launch. And also, you know, it's so cliche, but it's like hits me every time. It's so true. Let's say you do a launch and your goal was to hit 100k and you hit 75k. So $25,000 that you were counting on, that's a lot of money and that's a big gap. Like I'm just going to say, yeah, I totally get that. But this is the cliche part that's so true. Two years ago, the girl who just hit $75,000 in a week long launch would have literally died for that. Like, please couldn't even fathom making a year's worth of salary in a week on a digital course launch. But because you've already done it and you wanted to go further and you didn't go as far as you wanted, now you just count, discount it all instead of saying, wow, I just made a lot of money in a week's time, literally my old salary. And I just learned some lessons. My messaging was off a little bit. People are acting different today than they did last year when I launched. So something has shifted in my industry, in my audience with people's just viewpoints and I'm going to be a detective and dig in and see what that is. So I'll give you an example. My DCA launch in 2024, it did not hit the goal that I wanted. It didn't do as good as it did in 2023. Now this is the part where I feel like some of you discount me, like, okay, but it was still multi million dollars. Shut up. Like, no, that's fair, but it's all perspective. 100k, couple million, it's just where you are right in the game. But I did not hit the goal. And so I've learned enough to know gap in the gain. And I could absolutely say like, oh my gosh, we were like over a million off where I wanted to hit. That's a lot of money. And so I could literally wallow in that. And maybe for a good day I did. I always give myself a chance to just be mad or upset, but then I had to quickly come back and this is where I've stepped away from the, the all or nothing mentality. And this is where gap in the gain, it's really taught me. So first of all, look how much money I did make. Second of all, look, you cannot discount the people you're serving. Like, it's so unfair. And this is where I really make sure that I talk to myself about this. Amy, you just had thousands of people, beautiful souls that gave you their home, hard earned money to join your program so that they can create a different kind of life. They could have new opportunities. And I tell myself, don't you dare for a minute discount these beautiful people who put their trust in you just because, let's say a thousand people extra you thought would join, didn't, whatever it is. So I catch myself. I want to live in gratitude and I also want to care deeply about the people that are my students. So I have to catch myself there also. And I really mean this. We learned so much from my launch in 2024. Tell me if you've ever felt this way, that looking back, if I had hit my goal, I would not be doing some of the really cool things we're doing right now. Like, I knew early on that DCA was going to feel different in 2024. I know my business really well. I've been around a long time. I teach this stuff. So before I even went into dca, I knew that things were different and not really shaking out like I thought they were because we do a lot of pre launch work. And so with that, my idea of maybe it's time to consider the mastermind that I've been thinking about launching for a really long time. If I'm not going to hit my revenue goals this year, maybe this is a time to introduce something that I've been thinking about for a long time. And so I don't know if I would have ever launched my mastermind, made a scale shout out to my women that are part of that. If I didn't see the writing on the wall with DCA being a different kind of launch. And then from my mastermind, I identified a new set of women that I'm obsessed with working with right now called the Millie club, which is 30 women who are around 500k or more and want to hit that million dollar mark and beyond. I would have not even known they existed in my audience if they hadn't applied for the mastermind. And I could only take so many people. So I'm not saying that launching doesn't work. So now I invented these new programs. Launching works very well. One of my students just had her biggest launch ever, $215,000 in a week, and she hasn't been doing it for that long. Like, she's so excited. That could be like, two people's salary, right? So launching still works. And on this podcast, we're going to start talking about the shifts I see are happening in Evergreen and live launching and different pivots I think we all need to be aware of. So we're going to talk about landscape changing. But webinars and boot camps and courses and memberships, it all still works, my friend. And if you think it doesn't, you're just leaving a lot of room for your competitor to be like, okay, see you later. Thank you so much. I'm going to snatch up your audience. So I don't mean to put some fear in you, but I do want to put a little kick in your butt saying, don't you dare give up. The landscape might feel different, but it's still really working. But what I am saying. So I didn't invent the mastermind in Millie Club because I felt like, oh, I can't sell my courses anymore. But because I knew I wouldn't hit a goal and I'm all about hitting my revenue goals, I'm always going to look for other opportunities to do so. And so my point being is that because DCA didn't shake out as I wanted in 2024, it allowed me to find some new opportunities. And more importantly, because I'm always going to be launching, I'm always going to have digital courses. You can bet that you're going to see some new, different, exciting things in my next digital course Academy launch in September, 2025. Things I'm super excited about. And so if. If you can go about the. Instead of all or nothing, catch yourself. The shift is, what did I just learn? What does this make possible? My business coach, Michael Hyatt, when I'm down in the dumps, he always says, but what does this make possible? And usually he's saying that after a loss, after I'm frustrated about something. But what does this make possible? And there's always an answer. Always an answer. Okay, so we went over the first recognize and shift recognize. You set a goal, didn't hit it, you fell short. So instead of saying, this is a huge failure, the shift is, okay, first of all, look how far I've come. Look how much I've learned. And what does this make possible? Here's another one. So a new hire isn't immediately excelling. So you assume that you made the wrong decision. So recognize that you've done that before. If you have, I'm raising my hand. If you can't see me. Oh, my goodness. Like, I give someone, like, it's usually a really high position. So like a director or C suite or something like that. And in the first week, if, or excuse me, okay, I'm not that bad. But in the first month, if they seem to not be getting it or they just don't seem to be gelling with the team right away, or if they seem to be floundering just a little right away, in my mind, I made a wrong hire, I made a wrong decision, I put it on me. But that all or nothing is either they're great on day one or they're not right for the team. I've actually been guilty of this. Do you know how much that squashes a great employee's potential? So I've recognized that in the shift I've now made is I'm going to step into real leadership. Put it back on me. I blamed myself for the wrong hire. So instead of doing that, I, I look in the mirror and I say, okay, be a leader, Amy. Create a plan to help this person succeed instead of off boarding them too soon. How can I step up to the plate and say, okay, I know what you need, I know the support you need, and I also really respect you as a human being and you deserve my attention. Let's put together a new plan. Let's be honest with each other. Let me share what I'm seeing and let me share a plan with you so that we both can feel really great about this new opportunity. Be a better leader instead of beating yourself up that you've done something wrong. Here's another one. Okay, you delay hiring because your systems aren't perfect yet. Ooh. I'm speaking to many, many of my students. So you're not hiring anyone? A contractor, part time person, full time person. You literally are wearing a badge of honor that I'm doing it all myself. And if you've been around here for a while, you know that is not a badge of honor. You are literally leaving so much money on the table by not getting help. I don't even mean a full time employee, even just a few contractors that they're dialed in and they feel like full time employees because you have them on a retainer and they are in your business. Like right now, my good friend Jenna Kutcher, she is traveling to a team retreat and a lot of the women that are on her team, I think there's no men, not anything wrong with that. That sounded weird. Like the women only. But the people on her team, they're not all full time employees. But it always amazes me that she calls someone a contractor because they feel like they are on her team. She brings them in as though they are. They're on a team retreat with her right now. And so she's just proof that they don't have to be a W2 in order for you to feel like they're really supporting you and really on your team. So anyway, that's a little bit of a tangent. I just wanted to plant that seed. But again, you're not hiring anyone because your systems aren't ready yet. So that's the all or nothing until this is ready. You might not even say perfect. I feel like when I say perfect you're like, oh, I'm not a perfectionist. But you're not doing some things because you feel like you're not ready. I think that a lot of you can relate to, right? So the shift here is start with just phase one. Allow yourself to take baby steps. I'm a huge believer of baby steps. And so just phase one is no, I don't have it all figured out. I don't even know exactly what I'm going to give this person and I'm terrified that I can't afford them. Even though I know that's a story I'm telling myself. I'm being silly because I'm scared. We've all been there, but maybe you hire someone and you refine your systems as you go. Or, or maybe news flash, this new person can help you create the systems. Shout out to Rebecca. My very first hire. She was a five hour a week assistant. I had zero systems. I found her because she kept finding typos in my blog post and she's like yeah, I think you need some help. Like girl you, you don't even know. I need more help than you could ever give me. But she came on for five hours a week, ended up being full time with me and this was many many years ago but I. I brought her in as a phase one. I did not have it all figured out and it was messy but I knew I cannot grow all on my own. So there's some kind of recognize and make the shift. Hopefully you can see yourself in some of those. But I want to talk about some actionable steps to break the all or nothing trap. My friend, do not get off this episode without committing that you are breaking this because it is not serving you and you're being left behind because of it. Meaning there's so much more potential for you. But you're not allowing yourself to even recognize it because it's either good or bad, right or wrong, big or little. Like, big launch, little launch, whatever you want to say. And we do not need to speak in those extremes, you know. Side note, I had my relationship coach on online marketing made easy, and you could still find all the online marketing made easy episodes in the same feed you're finding the new Amy Porterfield show. But a lot of times, Sydney is my coach, and I know some of you hired her, which I absolutely love, because this woman is magic. When we're on a call, it's me, Sydney, and Hobie. And I'll say things she often points out. Wait, Amy, you just said that Hobie does this all the time. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, he does. Like, he all the time does this or that or says this or acts this way or like, I'm very extreme in my language. And she catches it and I hate it. And I want to just, like, put the computer screen down and be like, see you later, lady. But she's right. I do this in my marriage a lot. You always say this, or we always just do that or whatever it is. It doesn't serve one. It's not true. It's not true. And also, to put anybody or any relationship in those extremes, you can't win. So also catch the extreme language that you might be using, because I use it all the time and I have to catch myself. So a few actionable steps. Number one, I want you to reframe success and failure. They're always linked. So again, growth happens in the adjustments, not the extremes. So the action I want you to take is after a setback, which there's no way you can escape. Setbacks, write down a few things that you learned and then one next move. So the next time something doesn't happen is planned and you cannot shake it. You cannot get out of the funk. I want you just to stop for a second. Write down. Even in your notes app, Just tell me what is something that you learned or a few things you just learned from that not working out. And what's something that you can actually move forward with? Because remember, action creates clarity. The more you take action, the more it will make sense so that you're increasing your chances of next time. It totally works. You knock it out of the park. Number two, challenge reactionary thinking before it stalls you. So your first thought, it's not always true. Michael, my coach, I mentioned him earlier, he always says, don't believe everything you think. If I did I'd be in a fetal position under this desk right now. Because I literally wouldn't do anything if I believed everything that I thought, whoa, you wouldn't even be hearing from me right now. So the action step is write the thought down and then check the facts. Like, is this really true? If you're a journaler, this is a great thing to do. Like, okay, this is my thought right now. Check the facts. Is it true? And likely it's not. So you're going to replace that thought with what is true. This is the Judge Judy effect, essentially. So you know Judge Judy on tv, if I said something to Judge Judy, would she say, that is absolutely fact. Okay, here's one. My launch was a complete failure in 2024 because I didn't hit my goal. Would Judge Judy say, you're right, girl, you are right. That is a failure? No. So if you never know if, like, is this true or not, ask Judge Judy in your mind. A little weird, I know, but most likely that woman's going to say, hell, no, that's not true. And so you've got to go back then and say, okay, then what is true? Okay, here's another one. Take decisive action before fear talks you out of it. So fear tricks you into waiting for certainty. I'm just going to wait. I'm not going to make a decision. For all of you that struggle with making a decision, this one's for you. I'm. I'm just not going to make a decision right now. I'm. I'm just going to wait. And waiting turns into never making the decision. So the action is, if you feel fear, use it as a sign to make a decision and take action within 24 hours of feeling it. So that fear is actually going to propel you forward. So the next time you're like, oh, my God, I don't know if this is the right decision. Should I do this? I'm so scared. Oh, that's my sign that I've got 24 hours to make a decision around this. Because fear, it just wants certainty, and I'm never going to get it. We're never going to get 100% certainty. So here's another one. So think imperfect is your growth accelerator. This is your action imperfect. That's going to become your new growth accelerator. So the all or nothing thinking does not allow you to be imperfect. It allows you to be right or wrong, good or bad, and it tells you to wait until it's perfect, which we already said will never happen. So instead, launch a simplified Version like the phase one I talked about, launch the simplified version of whatever that you've been overthinking and treat it as data. I've said this a million times, but one of my company values is data into impact. And that kind of value, guess what it does. It says it's okay me to experiment because the data is going to give you your answer, but you'll never get data unless you try something. So this new value that my whole company subscribes to, data into impact, allows us some wiggle room to be in the messy middle so we could collect the data to make the decisions around. And so if you launch a simplified version of something, experimenting, giving it a shot, the data then will allow you to then make another move that could be way more productive. But you never would have gotten there if you didn't do it. So you got to treat this as data. And then here's another one. Override the invitation in your head to quit. So this is me. Picture me in my Lulu workout pants. I don't need. Back then, I didn't buy Lulu. But anyway, and I'm on this hill and I have the decision right there. Do I take my jog to a very slow pace, but I still jog because I said I was going to, or do I just flat out give up and start walking? So overriding the invitation in your head to quit, that was the moment. That's what I needed that advice. So here's what you're going to do. You're going to adjust. So all or nothing thinking it makes struggle feel like a stop sign. That's what it was for me. Oh, my gosh. I cannot run up a hill. Stop sign. I'm not going to do this. But successful entrepreneurs, if you're multitasking, come back to me. This is what I want you to really hear. Successful entrepreneurs use it as a pivot point. Okay, I can make a decision right now. I've got a pivot for me in that example, I've got to take this jog down to a very slow pace, but I am still jogging pivot point. Instead, I made the struggle feel like, oh, it is time to stop. It is time to give up. That didn't serve me. So the action here is when you feel stuck, when you feel the struggle, ask, if quitting wasn't an option, what would I do next? What would I do next? And then, my friend, you do it. So quick wrap up. First of all, I love on my new show, what I've been trying to do is I Just went over a bunch of things, but who's going to retain all that, right? So during my wrap up, I like to just do a quick repeat of some of the lessons that you can walk away with. Just grab one and say, okay, that's the one. That's the one I'm going to take action with because I'm not going to waste the last 30 minutes of Amy talking by doing nothing. So a few things. All or nothing thinking creates unnecessary pressure and keeps you stuck. The most successful entrepreneurs don't wait for perfect conditions. They take small strategic steps forward, even in uncertainty. They allow for the phase one. They allow to themselves to collect data, treat it as data collection. And when you train yourself to challenge extreme thinking, yes or no, black or white, good or bad, and adjust, instead of quitting, you can create unstoppable momentum. So I just want you, you to remember that. All or nothing thinkers, they wait for the perfect moment. Successful entrepreneurs take the best action with what they have. All or nothing thinkers, they see failure as the end. That was me. Failure. I'm done. I'm stopping. Struggle means a stop sign. High achievers see it as a pivot point, which is what I've absolutely adopted over the last few years. All or nothing thinkers react emotionally. Woo. I'm guilty of this one. Strategic leaders move with intention. Perfectionism is just procrastination in disguise. Growth happens through small, consistent actions in the messy middle. And the urge to quit is proof that you're growing. And it is so normal. The urge to quit is very normal. Let's not beat ourselves up about that. When you feel stuck though, shift from frustration to problem solving and ask, what's my next best move? What's my next best move? So there you have it, my friend. Here's what I want you to do. Just apply one shift, one shift from today and it might be as simple as the next time. I feel as though I'm in extreme thinking. I'm going to acknowledge that and I'm going to change my way of thinking. No more extreme thinking or extreme decision making. For my friends that are listening, that struggle with making decisions and moving forward, it's because it feels extreme to you. Take that charge out of it. It's all data. Let it be all data. All right, my friend, there you have it. Sometimes I need these episodes just as much as you do. So hopefully you found value in it today and I cannot wait to see you again next week. So have a great week and remember, no extreme thinking. You're better than that. Talk to you soon.