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- [00:00]
A
Before we get into it, I have a question. Tell me the truth. When you finish a launch, even if it went well, do you ever think, oh my gosh, I can't believe I have to do that all over again? Like, even if you hit your goals, making the money that you're making sometimes just feels like so much time and effort. Okay, if you've ever felt this way, I want to invite you to a free training. It's for six figure female founders. And I'm laying out a different type of marketing model. I call it my revenue consistency formula. And it's how you go from successful because you've made your company successful to successful because you have marketing systems that grow your business for you. You don't need any new offers. It's not just like another marketing tactic that I want you to try and hope it works. It's a new way of aligning your business so it compounds instead of relying on you to show up and move it forward all the time. This training is live, it's totally free, and you can reserve your spot@amyporterfield.com forward slash training. All right, let's get into today's conversation.
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B
What I'm typically seeing is one of two things. Do you know who you are? If I don't have clarity around that thing, I will not touch it.
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A
You talked about the difference between your real self and your personal performer self, and it created a little angst in the room.
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B
Who do I need to be? Who? How do I need to show up in this room to have the impact that I want to have? There is no armor for our back because we're not retreating. We are holding the line.
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A
My guest today is a dear friend of mine.
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B
One of them goes. That one over there. She's big money. And it was my guest today. Her name is Amy Porterfield.
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A
Amy Porterville, the ever amazing best selling author of two weeks notice. Ms. Amy Porterville. You've been told that you need to show up as your authentic self. That's the most powerful thing you can do as a leader. Well, you've been told wrong. Here's what I've learned. After a year of major transition in my business, there's a version of you that needs protection. That authentic, real version of you. And she needs rest and space and time to figure things out. And then there's another version of you. The one who steps up when things get hard. The one who holds steady under pressure. The one who leads with clarity even when everything feels uncertain. That second version of you is your armor. She's the one who shows up so that the rest of you can be protected. But most of us forget to put on that armor. When I made the decision to stop launching Digital Course Academy, it was. It was an extremely scary, risky decision and I had to put on my armor. I couldn't lead with being reactive and emotional and scared all the time. I couldn't put that on my team. I had to put on my armor. I had to have clarity. I had to stand the line. I had to show up even when I didn't have all the answers. That's what we're getting into today. My guest is Dr. Natasha Jordan. She's an executive development expert who has spent over a decade working with high performing leaders, Fortune 500 executives, military officers, founders like us. She's a former Air Force veteran. She spent four years at vaynerx and she spoke at my made to scale mastermind just recently. She's the one who introduced me to this idea of armor. That session was one of the most powerful conversations we've ever had at my mastermind. She has a framework called hold the Line that's all about how to lead when the pressure is on. And she's going to teach us how to figure out who we really are, who we need to show up as, and how to build that armor so we can lead through whatever's ahead of us before we dive in. If you're watching on YouTube, hit subscribe so you don't miss an episode like this. And if you're listening on your favorite podcast app, make sure to follow the show so new episodes show up automatically. All right, let's go ahead and jump in. Hey there, Dr. Natasha. Welcome to the show.
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B
Hi, Amy. It is such an honor to be here with you today.
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A
Oh, likewise, my friend. So here's the deal. You work with a lot of high performing founders and executives. Now when they come to you, they've usually built something real, like they're successful, and yet something feels off. So what are you typically seeing?
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B
What I'm typically seeing is one of two things. Number one, I'm always asking them, do you know who you are? And as in the clouds as that question may seem, as it might be something you know, that we answer in kindergarten, what do you want to be when you grow up? That in itself, I think, is what we oftentimes go to. Like, what do we want to be? What do we want to do? But we don't often ask the question of who are we? Or who do I even want to become by taking some 15, 20 minutes just to play around with that question. Who is it that I am that normally gets us to a place where, okay, now I can start to see the things around me, part two. I can start to see the things around me and how I want those things to exist in my world or in my ecosystem.
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A
So your whole thing is you have to ask yourself, who am I and who do I want to be?
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B
Yes. Okay. Yes. I think the reason why it's important is because if we don't understand who we are at our core, we don't understand from our source, which is what I call it. If we don't understand from our source what is radiating from that, we can oftentimes find ourselves doing things that are completely antithetical to who we are. We might find ourselves pursuing products, pursuing a business, even pursuing clients that, you know, six to 12 months from now, we have a sort of frustration or resentment like, why am I doing this? And my goal is I don't want to see leaders getting to a place where, you know, they work so hard day after day, six to 12 months, just, you know, just going hard for six to 12 months and then get to the end of that and saying, well, why did I do this? What was for? I think there's a world. Not think. Actually, let me back that up. I know that there is a world where we can get to a place after working hard, it doesn't matter. 6, 12 months, 2 to 3, 10 years, and get to the end of that and say, this was an amazing, amazing journey. No resentment, no regrets, no guilt, no shame, just purely reveling in the fact. Like, that might have been hard, but I truly, truly enjoyed it. And it starts with, do you know who you are? Do you know? And do you know the things and the. The choices and the decisions that are being made around you? Are they in alignment with that source?
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A
Okay, so when you spoke at my made to scale mastermind after three different presentations, it was incredible. I raised my hand. And I typically don't raise my hand and take up space to ask questions during a Q and A with one of my own guests, but I couldn't help myself, and I raised my hand and you know the question I asked, I asked, how do you figure out who you are? And I'm embarrassed to ask that at my age. And I've been doing this for a long time. But, you know, you went around and you asked people like, who are you? And some of us really stumbled. And so my question to you was, how do you figure that Out.
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B
That's. It's an amazing question, Amy. And I just want to say thank you for even being willing to share that, you know, and be vulnerable in that way. There are two ways that you can do this, two questions that you can ask yourself. And the first question is, remember, we ask this in the room because it doesn't matter if this room is top level executives working at Fortune 500 companies, it doesn't matter if they are seven, eight figure business owners. We all have to come to this point if we are going to continue our ambition, continue our achievement, continue our success. But again, we want to get to the end and be proud of this journey that we've been on. So two questions you can ask yourself to start playing in this arena of who am I? The first question is if you were to pursue something for the next six months with no payment, no affirmation, no pat on the back, there's nothing coming to let you know that you did a great job, but you would still do it anyway. So you will pursue it for six months. No one's coming to say, congratulations, you did it, here's a bag full of money, but you would still do it anyway. What would that thing be? That's the first question. The second question you want to ask yourself is if you had to pursue something for the next year knowing that it was going to fail. Oftentimes I think we ask the question in the reverse, like what would you go and pursue knowing that there was nothing that was standing your way? But I flip that on its head and I ask what would you pursue in the next year knowing that it was going to fail, but you'd still do it anyway? Whatever the thing is that comes out of that, that is birthed out of those questions, even if you don't have it quite right. But if you just know it off the top of your head, I would continue to do this regardless if I got congratulations affirmation money, but I would still do it even if I knew it was going to fail you, you start to then encroach upon the answer of this is why I was put here on this earth. This is what I am meant to do. And when you answer that, when you start to shake that part out, you then start to answer the question again. Going back to what we were talking about. Who are you? What is the source of that then? And so mine, you know, Amy, you and I talked share that you said, you know, well, Dr. Visage, well, who are you? And I said, well, I'm a woman of performance but you pushed me. You said, well, how is that different from just achieving that? I say that I'm an achiever, and then the question that then I bounce back is, well, where does it come from? What is the source of that thing? And I'm thankful that you asked me that, because I had to remember, where does that come from for me? And it's clarity. I'm a woman of clarity. I want. I will not pursue anything, I will not do anything if I cannot help you get clarity, if I cannot. If you cannot follow me and my pursuit, how I'm going to cook dinner, the next client that I'm going to pursue, the next project that I want to accomplish, if I don't have clarity around that thing, I will not touch it. But from that, I overlay on performance, which is what. What my business is now. But a lot of that, even if I went even deeper, you know, we have our childhood, you know, journey. We have our adolescent journey, we have our mid-20s journey. And then now we're in our 30s, our 40s, our 50s, you know, figuring out a lot of these things. But a lot of those journeys we kind of forget, you know, in grade school, in college, and a lot of that when I. When I go back to it, it's just pure freedom. Amy, I have always been a person that have just wanted just freedom. And if you are trying to get free emotionally from something, if you are trying to. If that's. If your emotions are the one thing stepping in your way from you pursuing the thing that you are put here on this earth, I'm your person. But maybe if you're just not ready yet, if you don't want to touch a lot of those things from behind that have helped to shape, because there is a lot of pain there, there's a lot of struggle there, there's a lot of frustration, then. Not that I don't want to be in your world, but I'm just not going to be the person that's going to help you. So to put a little bow on that, all of this is you being willing to go on a journey, starting with those two questions. What would you do for six months? What would you do for a year knowing it was going to fail, Knowing that there's no payment coming for that, whether it's materially or even internally, but you would do it anyway. When you start to go on that journey, you start to really travel back in time and start to remember, this is why I was put here.
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A
Yes, I love that so much, and I love that you referenced. So I. When you asked me who I was, we kind of went back and forth, and it. I said, I think I'm an achiever. And you said, well, that's what you do. And then what was the next question you asked? If you're like, but that's what you do. And then what did you say next?
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B
I think the next thing that I said was, what's under that? What's the thing that you were doing? Because I think, Amy, a lot of times we, as achievers and highly ambitious people, put give us a goal, we will accomplish it. We don't know. We might not know how we're going to make it happen, but we will make it happen. We'll know the people, the tools, the resources that we need to pull together, because we are going to make this thing happen. And oftentimes we. For us, it's the journey that we're on that we get so excited about. And then when we get there, we're
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A
like, is this all there is?
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B
Right? What's. What's the next thing? So we really dive under because all of that, and from my. From my own expertise and the clients that I've worked with, a lot of times, we, as ambitious people, frame what we think performance is, and it's actually productivity because we know how to get things done and we know how to do so when we dive under that thing, like, you know who we are, it's like, what is the thing that really drives us? Once we understand what our source is, where does this come from? We then start to see the things that. Not just what we want to do and what we can do and how we can help others, but we start to see that I won't have the capacity to help everyone. And there are some people who are going to come into our lives as for me, someone who does not want to perform, someone who does not want clarity, someone who does not want to get free. And I think I was sharing with you, you know, a client that I had. I had. It was the first client that I had to let go. And it really. It bothered me, Amy. It was like talk about why you
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A
had to let that client go, had
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B
to let her go, because those were some things that she. The things that she desired were not aligned with who I am. She was not trying to get free. She was not trying to perform. She was not trying to get clarity. What I do believe that she wanted. She wanted a friend. And her being a person that comes from a family that is very wealthy, very well off, very and we're talking about legacy. I have a new respect. When people say, you know, trust fund babies or Nepo babies, like, I don't even. I don't like those terms very much because you don't understand what it is that they're actually dealing with. Right. Where they have to get up every morning. And what do I prove to the world? What do I prove to myself? Why am I there? There's nothing that I don't have at my disposal. All I have to do is make a phone call. All I have to do is ring a bell. All I have to do is just exist, walk into a room and everything's. I don't really have to think about why I'm here, but because we are humans, there are things that we desire. There is. There's mission that we have inside of us. We all have different thumbprints. And so there's this desire for them to want more than just to wake up and just be here and just walk into a room and everyone fawns over them. I'm not saying that there isn't. I mean, all of us want some sort of attention. But I have a very newfound respect for them. And when I saw that there is something a lot more that she wanted. Right, Amy, I had to also see who I am. If I'm a woman of performance, of clarity, and I'm going to get you free from this emotional bondage that's preventing you from pursuing the thing that you'd like. But she had no desire to really be there in that moment. I had to make a hard decision. This isn't aligned with who I am. And as much as I've appreciated our engagement, I would do more harm to you continuing this engagement than I would saying, you know what, here are the tools and the resources that we've covered. I would. It would be in my best interest and yours for me to let you see you along your way. So that was one thing that I also think you mentioned in the room. That's where we know when we understand who we are, we also know who we're not for.
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A
Yes. That's huge to me. You know, I talk a lot about attracting your ideal audience, but also repelling people that are not right for what you do. And the older I get, the more I actually want to repel. I don't know why that is, but just, if I'm not for you, then let's just not pretend I'm good with it. And so I think what you teach allows you to really embrace that. When you know who you are, you know who you are not for as well. And that, to me is very powerful. But you keep bringing this word, performance, performer. We gotta talk about it. So when you were at my event, you talked about the difference between your real self and your performer self, and it created a little angst in the room. And so first break it down for me. Then we'll talk about why it created a little angst and why you kind of love that.
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B
Yes. Okay. So your real self, this is the person that shows up when. When you're in your most vulnerable moment, right? It's the version of us that we have been hearing for at least the past decade, when we talk about empathy, when we talk about vulnerability, when we talk about authenticity, that's the version of you that just gets to show up and just be you, right? As some of us say, oh, you know, my mask fell in that meeting, or, you know, something like that, that's the version of you that just gets to be and exists without anything attached to it. Your performer self is where I come from with my model, is the version of you that shows up and gets to hold that clarity under pressure. So when you're in a very high stakes situation, in a high stakes environment like entrepreneurship, like being a Fortune 500 Zach or exec, even in motherhood, being a wife, we talked about that in the room. When you are showing up in some of these places, the pressure is on. And you don't get to just walk out the door or run away from. From those things. Especially when you're a highly ambitious, highly achieving, highly successful person. There's a place that you hold in that space and in that room where the pressure is on. And you have to be able to hold your clarity under that pressure. That version of you needs to be able to put on what I call armor. And when I say armor, who do I need to be? Who. How do I need to show up in this room to have the impact that I want to have? And some of the examples that I gave was, is very similar to what athletes do, right? So God rest his soul, but Kobe Bryant, Black Mamba was the person that showed up on that court. Not Kobe Bryant that his mom knows, not Kobe Bryant that, you know, his children knew. But Black Mamba showed up on that court to put on his game face. Okay, we have, even in the entertainment space, we have Beyonce, right? You know, all hell Beyonce, but we have Beyonce. But when she steps onto that stage, Amy, she says, that's Sasha Fierce. Who is Beyonce, you know, Beyonce Is the person we know that, you know, has the brand sacred. She's a person we know that, you know, has the documentaries and shows us her hair and her kids. But when she steps on that stage, even with her own daughter, she is Sasha fierce. So when it comes to entrepreneurship, when it comes to us being in high stakes situations where we're deciding, you know, where are we going to scale our company next? What mastermind groups am I going to attend when I make my first hire? Who is that person going to be? There's a version of us that needs to be able to step into that moment that we need to say, this is not about what I want and what I need and what's going to make me feel the most absolute comfortable. This is about, I'm building a business. What does the business need? Because I'm thinking about this business not six months from now, but we're talking about building legacies, which I imagine, you know, much of your audience is, we have to be thinking, 20, 40, 50 years from now, even when we're not here, what decisions do I need to make today? There's a version of me that has to be able to step in and make that decision for me to hold that clarity under pressure. And then 5, 10, 15 years from now. That was a good decision. That was a very good decision because I didn't make it from my emotion. I didn't make it from, you know, well, do I want to spend, you know, you know, four or five vacations a year? Like, I don't really want to give those up. Let her be her as the real self. But there is a version of you that needs to step into that room and say, regardless of the vacations, regardless of, you know, the, the friend engagements that I want to attend, there's a decision that needs to be made right now, and that's the performer version of yourself.
- [20:56]
A
Okay, so let's talk about this a little bit more. So when we were in the room, one of my members raised her hand and she's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. You know, I feel like I was performing for years and years and I was exhausted not being my true self. So when I started to be my real, authentic self, which people tell us that's what we need to be on social media. Be vulnerable, be yourself, be authentic. And, and that's when your audience will grow. And so she said, I started to be just authentically me and I doubled my revenue. And so this is what she shared. And she, she, she said it was some kind of like, heaviness like, what are you talking about? And I believe she heard, and I'm putting words in her mouth. She did not say this, but I think others in the room heard. Performative. You didn't say that, but I think that's where they went. So talk to me about what, you know, where my member was coming from and how this is so different than being performative.
- [22:00]
B
It's such a. It's such a good conversation. And I'm glad that we have groups such as yours where we're willing to even engage with it. Right. And push back, because it is. We do come from a society, especially here in the west, where it is about being performative. And I think you're a team member. Sonia.
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A
Sylvia.
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B
Sylvia. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love Sylvia. Sylvia. I love the. What she drew when, you know she's coming from the uk, right?
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A
Yes.
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B
And when she came over here and going in a place like D.C. where it's probably a lot of performative, you know, things going on. But the first question people are asking was, what do you do? Where do you work and who do you know? And she felt so invasive about that. So I completely make space for that type of pushback because we are. It's almost like an unspoken. Yeah, you need to fake it till you make it. Right? Have we all heard that? Fake it till you make it. I was like, okay, well, maybe I don't want to fake. And so we have the correction of that, which is be authentic. Right. And there's nothing absolutely wrong with that in the room. When she brought that, when she brought that up and she said I was, I was performative, I was, well, not perform that. She did not use that word, but I did. I felt like I was performing.
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A
Yeah.
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B
And I felt like by the end of that, I, I just, I didn't like who I had become in order to be able to do that. And the question that I asked her was, number one, how would you define performing? Because I do have empathy for that. I've spoken about this. And again, rooms with, you know, Fortune 500 Zecs with, you know, seven, eight figure business owners, highly ambitious and highly successful people. And we're all looking like, okay, I'm looking at you sideways, because I don't. This is what I'm trying to get free from. So when I asked her, describe to me what you mean by performing. And then also I wanted to hear from her, what do you feel you were doing that made you completely opposite of who you knew you were to be? And she shared, well, Everyone said I had to do a course, so I did a course. Everyone said I need to do a podcast, so I did a podcast. It was what everyone else was saying that I should be doing. So then therefore, I should do these things. And when I did that, by the time I got to the end, which is the whole piece here, by the time I got to the end, by the time I got to the top and I made a lot of money, I was just like, I don't like who I've become. Yes, it's fair. And that goes back to what I was sharing about. When you understand who you are, when you take the time to really dig up what is my source? Why am I here? What is it that I'm doing that I don't. Amy, I don't care if 20 other people said that this is who they are and what they're doing. There is something unique about me, and I'm going to walk inside of that now. When someone comes to me and says, you know, Amy, you tell me, you know, talk to Natasha, girl, you need a digital product, I'm going to sit with it. Thank you. Thank you for that. Let me go sit with that. It might take me three to six weeks. It might take me six to 12 months, Amy, to really come to a decision, because I know who I am, and how can I maybe not do it the way everyone else has done it, but how can I do this in a way that aligns with who I am? So when I say that performer self again, when I'm under pressure, when it, you know, I'm three months in and I have my own digital product and I'm getting, like, very little sales, I'm not hitting that seven figures like everyone else has. I can take a step back. What is the performer version of me that needs to step into this moment? What is the version of me that needs to have clarity under pressure? Because something's off here? Is it my perception on the amount of money that I said I was going to make? Is it the types of clients that I now have that are purchasing these products that I actually feel I don't really want to serve them? Is it, you know, maybe I hired. I did my first hire, but what the product was three months ago is not what the product is today? Because maybe we've done a good job of using the. The customer feedback to refine the product. So when I sit down and I look at some of those misalignments, I always can go as my performer self because I'm clarity under Pressure, right? When I say, okay, I might need to join a mastermind to get an understanding of what this product is. I might need to seek out a mentor that has been there, done that. She's five years ahead of me, you know, in this, and I need to just. I need to just pay for her time to find out more about this. Or I might say, you know what? There is something that I want to do. I do want to service these sorts of clients or these sorts of customers, but I want to do it in a completely different way, and that is more true to who I am. That's what I mean by that performer self, and that's what I mean by when we get these. These sort of reactions, these visceral reactions to that word. I'm not saying, you know, well, you just. You're just gonna have to get over it. What I'm saying is, okay, we can call it a different name if that's what you would like, but the performer version that I'm talking about of you is just the version of you that needs to be able to step in under pressure. And if that means for, you know, your member, if that means, you know what? I don't like any of these things. I want to do something completely different. I have friends who do this, but this is just not for me. I want to do something that's more aligned with who I am, that allows me to continue to be authentic, that allows me to continue to be myself. Then that's. That's. That's what it is. That's what you absolutely need to be doing.
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A
Okay. That. You explained that so beautifully. And I want to share a story of. And you can tell me if I'm on track here, of when I think I really stepped up as my performer self versus my real self. But real quick, the real self that you call it, the real self, that's the girl that gets to be completely me with my husband and my mom and dad and my siblings and my best girlfriends. Like, that's where she shows up, right?
- [27:56]
B
Where she shows up. Yes. That's version. That's the version of you. And we might get into this in here in a minute, but that's the version of you that I say, she's the one that needs to be protected. She's the one that needs to be able to go and rest and recalibrate. She might, you know, like, you know, come to a mastermind, come to, you know, an own course or go on vacation as you just share with husband, with family, with your best girlfriends. You. She's the one that needs to go and just be herself without feeling, you know, what is Amy going to say about me? What is the person walking down the street going to say? What are my customers going to say if I'm just, you know, here just letting it all out? She needs a place where she needs to go and rest and recover, but how are we going to put armor on her so that she doesn't have to show up and be who everyone needs her to be and sort of leave her unarmored? That's where that performer version comes in.
- [28:47]
A
Got it. And when you say come to a mastermind, because in your mind, like the women at that mastermind, they got to be their real selves. They didn't need to be their performer self. We were all there just kind of recalibrating, recharging. And so, yeah, that really hit with me. Um, but, okay, so an example of me being my performer self. Well, let me first give you an example of me showing up in a work setting as my real self. And I shared this with one of my mastermind members because she was having the same issue. So when I brought on Jaws as my CEO, she is also a very good friend, and we've known each other forever back in our Tony Robbins days, and so she just knows all of me. And so when she became my CEO and started running my business, I would go to her in meetings and just kind of vomit up all my fears, all my desires, everything that I wanted to do. I was scared about, what if this doesn't work and we're going to try this? And I was my real self with her, thinking that's what I should be, because, you know, she's helping me run my business, and I just want to be authentically real with her and not hide anything. And what that happened was she would leave those meetings and think in her head, my job is to take care of Amy. Amy's scared right now. I need to make her not feel scared. Amy feels worried. I need to reassure her not to be worried. And all of a sudden, there is all this pressure on her to take care of me, the founder of the company. And it started showing up in just really heavy situations. I worked with my coach, Michael Hyatt, and he pointed out that I am there to serve Jaws, to serve my whole team, to. To be the leader of this team. So he showed me. He didn't use these words, but how to be my performer self. Showing up in meetings with Jaws and saying, okay, here's where I think There might be a concern. I. I'd love for you to come up with an idea of how we might combat this in the future and maybe have a point, a Plan A and plan B. Another area I want you to look at is this area. Let me know where you see some weakness, and then we can communicate or we can come back and talk about it. So that she didn't leave thinking she had to take care of me. She needed to take care of the company. So I had to step up as a performance self and not just be my real self with her and put all my burdens and worries on her. Would you say that's a good example?
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B
That is Amy. That is the most perfect example.
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A
Okay, good, good, good.
- [31:11]
B
The piece that's so beautiful about this that you. You did a beautiful dance with in here. And Michael share that with you. She. Because of the relationship that you both have as you share it from our Tony Robbins days, you both go deep and you go wide. I think there's a lot of people that go wide, right? And then when they go deep, you know, that one time they go deep, they feel seen. And so then it's, you know, some frustration. But you knew because of the deep and the wide with the two of you, you felt that even with her running your company, you wanted her to see you. You wanted her to know your heart, and you wanted her, you know, less. We're in this together, right? That's where you were coming from. There's nothing wrong with that. But when, as you shared, when there is a time where high stakes are high stakes, when the pressure is on, there is a version of you that she needs to be able to see and that she needs to be able to experience. Because although she's your CEO, as Michael said, you are her leader. And so she needs to be able to know that, you know, well, I want to know that I can follow Amy into this fire. I want to know that we are going to be okay. And I also. And that might come in the form of, girl, I trust you. What decision do you need to. What do you feel the decision needs to be? Yes, my thoughts. Here's my concern. But at the end of the day, this is your decision, and I trust you. That's why you're sitting in that seat. It's. And that's where leadership comes in. When I define it as your ability to extract out of another human being their purpose, their mission, their values, and to activate that towards a goal. That's what you did for her. It sounds like in Speaking with Michael, you were able to, okay, here's my contribution to this. I see that she's trying to care for me. That's absolutely not what I was doing. But it's because of the deep and the wide relationship that you have. So there's some respect for that there. But then it's like, okay, let's redefine these roles. Not on paper. You have the roles, you have the responsibilities, you have the job description, you have, you know, the North Star. In the plan, we had to redefine this just in the, in our relationship. When you and I are in this room, in this space, in this environment.
- [33:23]
A
Okay, real quick, I have to interrupt. You know that training I mentioned earlier? If you can say yes to any of the following, this is the training that will help you not just make your revenue more consistent, but grow past the plateau that's probably haunted you for months, maybe years. So first, you have had a great month, but it's hard to repeat it. A launch works in April, a funnel works once, and when you try again, you, you get completely different results. Or second, you know you're capable of more than your revenue reflects right now. And third, you have an audience, offers paying customers a real business, but it still feels so hard. If this is you, I created the revenue consistency formula to get you out of this exact situation. So this free training is for six figure female founders. And if that is you, I want you to go to amyporterfield.com traffic training so I can show you how to refine what you have and turn it into revenue that's far more predictable. Deal? Deal. Okay, let's get back to the show.
- [34:29]
B
I am founder Amy, you are CEO.
- [34:31]
A
Yes.
- [34:32]
B
When we step out, when we go to the beach, you know, in Punta Cana or wherever it is, when we go there, then, girl, it is me and you. And yeah, here's what I was thinking here. So you were thinking and okay, great. But there's this psychological contract that you both have when you express to her, you know what, going forward, this is how it's going to be in this environment. And I'm pretty sure because of that, there was psychological safety that was built between the two of you. So she felt, now, I'm not in this room to care for Amy. I'm in this room to do the job she's trusting me to do. And that made her, I guarantee a million times more, I can do this and I'm going to do this. And she trusts me and there's nothing, no one can shake me from this. Because what of what my leader just said? So that's a perfect, perfect example of the performer.
- [35:25]
A
And yeah, her confidence has soared. She's incredibly valuable to the company. She always has been. But taking that burden off her, I absolutely saw a difference. But as you're talking about the performer self, I'm wondering if people might be thinking, okay, so how do you figure out who your performer self is? Like, what does that process look like? If I get clear on who I am, then now how do I figure out who my Sasha Fierce is or my black mamba is?
- [35:52]
B
I love love. Because we all need our Sasha Fierce, right? And we don't all need our black mama. So this reminds me of one of your members in the room, right? And she said, you know, when I show up for my clients, my customers, I am just so hospitable. And I love that when I show for my team, it's not so much that. And so in the room, and I was so thankful that she was willing to really go here because I think it's a. It's just a beautiful example. And so when I asked her, I said, okay, so you would say from who you are, your source, you are a hospitable person. She said, yes, absolutely. And so I said, yeah, if we were to invite family over, we were to invite friends over. You are not leaving here until you get something to eat. We're not letting them leave. She said, yes, absolutely. Right. That is her real self. That is a version of her that it does not matter. You know, time, day, morning, night, it doesn't matter. She's going. She is a hospitable person. Now, her performer self, when you are stepping in with a team, we have a campaign that's about to kick off, and I need this team to be on their A game because we may have made some mistakes in the past. I said, what version of you or what does the armor look like for you to still show up? You're from hospitable. Yes. But there's a version of you that needs to show up because there's something that you all need to get done. It's high stakes situation. Pressure is on. And she said, well, I want to give them time, and I also want to be appreciative. That is your armor. That is a version of you that we want to walk into every situation, every scenario. When it comes to your team and at your workplace, how would you do that? And so in the room, we worked that out. But it was so funny because in me, her immediate Response was, I don't understand why this didn't get done. Right.
- [37:41]
A
Yeah, she was frustrated. She said, I'm so nice to my family and friends, but I'm frustrated with my team more than I should be. And so I loved how you. You helped her pull in her hospitable part of her, but still show up as a leader.
- [37:58]
B
Exactly. And that time and that appreciativeness and we walk through it, I. You have done how she has on her armor. She said, with this team member, you have done an amazing job in xyz. These are the things that need to get done. I would like them done by Friday. Do you have any questions? That's giving them time, that's showing appreciation, and it's keeping her from bringing that version of her in. That's just like, I don't understand why you're not doing the thing. She can still show up hospitable to that team, but. But not in a way that says, come over, sit down on my couch, and let's have a good meal. The team does not need that. The team needs clear direction. They need their leader. They need that performer version of her to step in to make sure that we get this thing done. But also, Amy, it's because I've had this too, with clients, especially Fortune 500 execs. Well, I just feel like I'm rolling over for my, you know, for my team, and they're just going to take advantage of me being nice. And it's interesting because I'm like, well, when you hear me say performer, you think that I just want you to be nice and not have any standards. The very definition of performer, when we look at Olympians, when we look at stars like Beyonce, Sasha Fierce, when we look at people who have ran, are running amazing organizations like yourself, Amy, and like others like you, when we look at you all, there are standards that you have. It is literally the antithesis of what a performer is. You are holding a standard. You are saying, this is, you know, we have our North Star. These are the things that we need to get done. And here's the role that I see. Not only just everyone else, but this is the role that I see myself playing and bringing all of that about. And if I don't hold that standard, if I just walk in and for the sake of being nice and wanting everybody to be happy, I'm going to be. Not only am I going to be let down, but my company is going to be let down. And I do remember, this is where we discussed. This is not about making sure everyone around you is happy. I think a lot of times we. We have to make my customers happy. I have to make, you know, family happy. I have. I have to make everyone around me happy. But what if we transition that to healthy? What if I wanted everyone around me to be healthy? And I don't just mean physically, but I mean, if I want to see this person in my space leave from this space and they are five, ten times better than when they first got here, I am making them healthy. They are now able to develop more, they're now able to grow more, they're now able to thrive. Because I said, hey, here's how we do things over here. And if you. And if you decide to come alongside me with this, you are going to be much better for it. If you just hold to this standard. And don't worry, you might want to push back, you might not agree, but I'm going to hold this standard because I know that it can make you a better person, a better leader, a better manager, a better. Whatever that is, because I decided to hold the standard. And that's when we talk about leaders. Leadership is not about fairness to us. Leadership is about those of us who decided to take up the torch and say we see something that everyone else can't see. And I'm willing to do what needs to be done in order to lead all of us to get to that thing. I invite you along this journey. You do not have to come. Because, again, as we talked about in the beginning, Amy, because we understand who we are, everyone won't get it. And it's not our job to convince them of what that is the best thing we can do, to say, not make them happy, but make them healthy. And that might be, you know what? I care about you. I want you to be amazing. But this ecosystem that we have here, it will do you more harm than good. And I want you to be healthy. So I might have to turn that person away. They might not want that invite, but for those that want the invite, the best thing we could do, the most caring, the most compassionate, the most clarifying thing we can do, is to hold that standard for that person so that they can be 5, 10, 20 times the person that they were before they stepped into our circle. And as a leader, I believe that that's where we have the accountability and responsibility to do that.
- [42:16]
A
Yes. Ooh, take me to church. I love it. So that had me thinking about really understanding your needs at an unconscious level, because for you to understand what your team needs you also are probably first need to understand what you need. And I've heard you talk about understanding yourself on a side, subconscious level, specifically about your needs. So what do you mean by needs? And what does. Why does that matter for when you're leading?
- [42:52]
B
Yes. So one thing that I like to say is when you are under pressure. Because all this is about being under pressure, right? Yes.
- [42:58]
A
Yes.
- [42:59]
B
When you are under pressure, you do not default to what you know. Research has shown time and time again that more knowledge, just feeding someone more information is not going to change their behavior very much. It has a very small margin of change when it comes to your behavior. So you don't default to what you know. You default to what you have been trained in. Whatever we have consistently allowed and wanted to shape who we are. That is the thing that we are going to default to when we are under pressure. Pressure. When we understand what our needs are. These are the things that we oftentimes default to or the reasons why we default to the things that we default to when we're under pressure. When we understand what those needs are, we can then understand what our triggers are. What will pull me out of being the best version of myself that I absolutely want to be? That's me getting my needs met when I'm triggered. What if I don't get that need met or if I don't focus on getting that need met, it's going to put me into a version of myself that's not going to benefit me, that's not going to benefit everyone else around me. And the things that are attached to that is guilt, shame, resentment, frustration. And then we can oftentimes find ourselves in a chronic state of those types of feelings that are not going to serve us. So when it comes to our needs, there are nine. I believe that there are nine needs. And so many people have taken the Enneagram, which is one of the things that I think is mainstream, that people know about. Those are kind of, you're dabbling into some needs. But then there are other psychological assessments that I use that really get at the core of some of those needs. So there are about nine of them. I can't rattle those off to you right now, but I do understand what mine are. My two needs are to succeed and achieve and to be perfect, correct and right.
- [44:48]
A
And I share need. Okay. To succeed and achieve, and to be perfect, correct and right. I remember when I heard that one, I was like, me too, girl. So, like, I totally related instantly. But then I thought, I can't have a need. Of being perfect, correct and right. So, so I loved how you explained it. So kind of get into that.
- [45:09]
B
I love that you go there because when I say it, the same reaction, right? For those of us, again, who are highly ambitious, highly achieving, highly successful, it is like perfection. Interestingly, even though we strive for it, it's the one thing that kind of makes us sit still. But this is where the beauty about needs come in. And this is why I believe, you know, clients are, you know, whispering through the channels like, hey, I need to talk to Dr. Natasha, like, set me up with that. Because we don't have six months to figure that out. We need to figure these things out right now, right? So when I'm talking about needs for mine, succeed and achieve, perfect, correct and right, there's needed and appreciated, there's safe and secure, there's strong and self reliant. When we understand what those needs are, we then get to dabble in how do we get those met. So for me, this is not about getting needs met externally. That's the again, that's the antithesis of what the performer version of you are. I'm not saying go and be who everyone else wants you to be. I'm saying when you understand who you are, you then can start to understand how you get your needs met. And none of this has anything to do, Amy, with external stimuli. When it comes to perfect, correct and right, I have to do the work of defining what does that mean for me internally. So when I decided to leave corporate last year in May, what's going through my mind, how is this going to work? You know, I have a really nice salary. I had those golden handcuffs and they were beautiful girl, they were very fuzzy. Okay. I absolutely love them. But I had to do the exercise. Even though I had some amazing colleagues around me who. And you and I have, you know, a good friend in common, Jasmine Star. When I had people like her around me and even people in corporate, C suite level, right, running global organizations around me that were encouraging me, Natasha, you can do this. You can do this entrepreneur life. Like, you're going to be good, you're going to do great. Hearing the encouragement, I felt good about, right? Like it made me feel good. But there was some work that I had to do. I could have asked some of these really good friends, well, what do you think I should do? What would perfect, correct and right. What? Have you seen my strengths and my weaknesses and the errors of opportunity that I have? What would you recommend? I could have did that. But perfect, correct and right would have looked like what they had wanted me to do, not what I wanted. So I had to truly sit down and wrestle with the questions that I'm. The questions that, you know, I shared in the beginning of this. What is it that I would do for a year? What is it that I would do for six months? No payment, no affirmation. But also it might fail. What is the thing that I would do that I have been asking clients for like the past 10 or 15 years. But you and I am, you know, it's easy to, you know, help our clients through some things, but for us to come and do it, it's completely different. But when I sat down and I asked myself that question, what did perfect, perfect, correct and right look like? For me, it looked like me, number one, taking 30 days. I have been working in corporate for almost a half decade, taking 30 days to just go on a hiatus and just cleanse my mind of, you know, a decade of, you know, working in corporate. Which was amazing, by the way. I'm not one of those people, like, forget corporate. I'm an expert. I'm not. That corporate was amazing, especially for being a high achiever. It was amazing. I agree. People work with amazing brands. But I needed to sit. What did perfect, correct and right look like? I needed to sit with that. And what it looked like for me was taking 30 days because I'm succeeding and achieve. So I needed a milestone. Taking 30 days and just sitting with myself, allowing myself to not have anything on my calendar, allowing myself to not owe a deliverable, allowing myself to just sit in the discomfort of who Dr. Natasha really was. And when I took that time, which I struggled through, Amy, when I took that time to define what perfect, correct and right was, for me in that moment to really sit with who I was and whatever, not even entertain what the next was, but just sit in all of that. And then coming out of that 30 days, it's like, okay, after the 30 days, succeed and achieve, I need to get that need met. So what did that look like? Then for the next 30 days, I would toy with what is it that I want to do? What is it that I like? So the whole point of that is when I'm talking about needs, and that's just one example, when I'm talking about needs, I'm talking about the needs you need to get met internally in order for you to be able to show up externally. And I'm not expecting, as a leader, I'm not expecting Amy to do something for me, to make something happen for Me in order for me to, okay, well, this is perfect, correct to write. And this is what succeeding and achievement looks like. It's really some work that you have to sit with and do yourself. Then you understand what your triggers are. This is the first time that I've mentioned this publicly. But for instance, one of my triggers is just emotional neediness with no action. So if someone's coming to me and they want to. They want me to make them feel better about a situation. Right. But they are. I can clearly see they are not trying to take action, accountability, or responsibility for a decision that they want to make. I get very triggered by that, Amy. I get very triggered by that. So when I understand what my needs are, I understand what my triggers are. Now, when I'm interacting, does that mean I just stop talking to people who trigger me in that way? No. I'm a leader. I have a performer version of myself. She needs to step up. So what will she do? She. She will talk to that person and she will get clarifying. She will use clarifying questions. Tell me more about where this emotion is coming from. Tell me more about why you feel that way. Tell me, what have you done in the past to fix this? Tell me what you. What do. What is the outcome that you are looking for? And if that person goes along with me and tries to get an understanding through the question that I'm asking them, then I now understand, okay, this might be a person for me that I can actually help. This is a. When. When I talk about myself as, you know, the performer version of myself or being a person of performance, oh, I can help this person. But if I start to see this person just, well, will you just tell me? Well, I don't. Well, I just want to feel better. Well, what do you think I should do? You know, I think that's something that you should sit with. But once you sit with that for about a week, come back to me and then we, we can talk about it. Oftentimes they don't come back because through my questions, through my interaction with them, I'm trying to help them take accountability and responsibility. And someone who is constantly feeling the need to want you to solve their emotions, they oftentimes don't, don't come back. But as you can see, understanding what your needs are, you can understand what your triggers are. You can understand how to get back in that performance self that we were talking to earlier. And you can even start to see engage for yourself. Can I help this person? Will this person leave for me five, ten times? Better or. Or will I do more damage than good? And so I have to be willing to just kind of cut this off and be able to part ways with that. That's what I would say is understanding yourself on a subconscious level, why that is so important.
- [52:18]
A
When I was having those issues with Jaws and, like, pouring my heart out to her and having her take care of me like a child, I had to do just that. I had to understand what were my needs and what were my triggers and deal with those myself. And then I was able to show up as my performer self, as a leader in my business. So I can attest this absolutely does work. Okay, so there's one area I would love for you to touch on. And when we were at the Mastermind, you had this framework called hold the Line. So can you walk us through what that means and how is it valuable for someone listening right now?
- [52:56]
B
Absolutely. Thank you. So I'm a military woman. I'm prior military, husband is currently in the military. And so this term. Term comes from that arena that. That particular container, and hold the Line. That means we are faced with an immense amount of pressure right now and that we can go one of two ways. There's many ways we can go, but let's just say we only have one or two ways. Especially if we are the leader, we can go the route of, you know, just saying, you know what? I'm going to throw on my towel, whatever everyone else wants to do, that's what I'll do. And when I think about your audience, you know, your members, who they may be solopreneurs, they're running this whole shop by themselves, right? The easiest thing we can do. And Amy, I know you know this. I know, I know we all know this. You know, those who have been there and we've been in the thick of it, and it is a lot easier to just say, you know what? I'm throwing in the towel. I'm waving the white flag. But for those of us who can fight through the discomfort note, like, I hope the audience feels like when I'm talking about this, we're talking about a version of you that everyone cannot see. We're talking about that subconscious level. So rather than us wave that flag and just kind of give in and just do what everyone else is telling us to do, right? Doing that podcast because Amy's doing a podcast, doing that digital product because we heard someone else is doing a product and they're seeing success. Rather than do that, do that. And when it gets tough, we say, well, you Know, whatever. Let's wave the red flag. I don't care. We can, we can do that. When I say hold the line, that means you standing firm under pressure. You don't have armor for your back. Every time I talk about the performer version of you, every time I talk about putting on that armor, I always, I specifically talk about the front and I always use the front. I'm not talking about a helmet and all be because there is no armor for our back. Because we're not retreating. We are holding the line. And a part of that model is you need to audit. You need to be honest about what is currently breaking under pressure. That's the first step when it comes to hold the line. What is breaking under pressure? And that's just not in your business. That's in self, that's in your family, that's in your community, wherever you have a presence in other people's lives. Where do you feel you are starting to break under. Under pressure? So audit. The second thing is you want to build what needs to happen within your environment. It is not just about knowledge. Knowledge, research shows, is a very low indicator. So you picking up a book, it is good. I have a whole bookshelf here right now. I love books. Okay. The picking up more knowledge is not bad. But knowledge alone is not going to get you to where you need to go or to help you hold. Hold that clarity under pressure. So you need to audit your environment. Where do you have access? Where do you not have access? Where do you have resources? Where do you not have resources? But you need something in your environment that is going to make the best decision, the easiest decision. So for instance, Amy, your mastermind group. If I'm honest about who I am and that I need to. Because I've done my audit and I know what's breaking under pressure. My business. I've scaled it, you know, to so much. And now I need to join something. The build part. I need to create an environment for myself that is going to give me access, tools and resources that I can activate to help me get to where it is that I'm trying to go in this next phase of my business. So audit, build. And then you have the last part, and that is hold when you are under pressure. Everything that we have been talking about this whole time, Amy, all the things that we have been discussing in the audit phase, in the build phase, this is where you now get to hold the line. And the whole line is my, my favorite part because you're just doing something as simple as if. Then Statements. So if I start to feel doubt, if I start to sense that, you know, my campaign is not working, my product is not the absolute best, whatever those things are, if I start to experience this, have this, these things start to show, then I will fill in the blank. And because you've done the audit and you've been honest about what's real and breaking under pressure, because you have now built the environment, the tools, the resources, and have gotten the access that you need to put you in a place of success, you then get to hold the line. And this is where, when pressure hits. Because it's going to happen, Amy, and you and I know that very well. When pressure hits, you need to have statements ready for you. If I experience this, then I will do this. And that's where you hold the line. That's where you lean. Your real self needs to lean on, you know, a trusted friend, that family, spouse, whatever that is. You know, here's where I'm actually struggling inside of the Mastermind container. Lean on these. These fellow members of yours to say y' all here. I said, if I experience this, then I will come to you all to get advice. But you have to tell me what I. I need to do something next and not just sit in this. So you all have to hold me accountable. That's where the true part of the hold the line, the whole, you know, thing is premised on is you holding the line, having clarity and sustaining it under pressure.
- [58:16]
A
Yes. Oh, so good. Okay, so as we wrap up, if someone's listening right now, and they're in a season of change, maybe she's restructuring her business, making a big pivot, maybe she's stepping into something new. Maybe she's just feeling the weight of the world right now, and she's holding everything. What does she need to focus on right now?
- [58:39]
B
The one thing. Not everything. Because I know as ambitious people, we want. Okay, give me five things and I'll do it.
- [58:45]
A
One thing.
- [58:46]
B
There's one fire that's burning right now. And you know what? That is only one. Sit down. Whether you want to journal, whether you go and talk it out with a trusted friend who's not going to just vent with you, but she's going to push you forward, or colleague, whatever that is. But there's one fire that's burning right now. Just one. And it might be a decision that you've been putting on hold. It might be a decision that you've decided you're just going to procrastinate on, but there's only one fire. Focus on just putting out that one fire, not all the other things that you think are level 10, when in all actuality they might be level threes. One fire, one situation, one. One journal, one friend. And figure out how you're going to put that out within the next 30 days. It takes 66 days on average to transform a behavior. And if this is the one thing that you are experiencing that's preventing you from what you feel is preventing you from scaling from. From being successful in whatever this next initiative that you're going on, focus on the one fire. Put it out 30 days, and then the next 30 days, because we need 66. I mean, I know that that's only 60, but you know what I'm saying? It's about 66 days to transform a behavior, to transform your whole thought, to rewire all of that 30 days to put out that fire. Give yourself then the next 30 days, what are you going to do different? But you have to put the one fire out that is causing what you know, which you might not have been admitting has been the one thing that you've been putting off to the side and kind of avoiding. I would say that that's what she can do. Regardless if she's restructuring, considering hiring on her first team, getting married, it doesn't matter what is the one fire? Put that out and then come up with a plan for the next 30 days.
- [60:39]
A
All right, my friends, you have your action plan. Dr. Natasha, this has been incredible. Where can people find out more about you?
- [60:45]
B
Yes. So Instagram right now. Drnatasha J On Instagram. I have a lifeline audit on there, and it's 100% free. And so if you want to take that, just to find out where am I feeling? You know, I'm carrying all the pressure. It will definitely help you figure that part out.
- [61:05]
A
Fantastic. Thank you so very much. And I really appreciate you coming on the show.
- [61:10]
B
Okay, thank you.
- [61:12]
A
The conversation with Dr. Natasha at my mastermind gave me a lot to think about, and that's why I wanted her to come on the show, I think. So many of us have been operating without armor. We've been showing up raw, giving everything, wondering why we're so tired. And what Dr. Natasha is saying is that the real you, the core of who you are, that part needs protection. She needs rest. She needs space to recalibrate. And the version of you who leads, who makes the hard calls, who hold steady when things get uncertain, and that version has armor on, she's protected, she's ready. I also keep thinking about how she mentioned that the patterns that got us here, the doing it all ourselves, the being the one everyone depends on, those things served us for a reason. And at some point, we have to look at where we've outgrown them. If you're watching on YouTube, subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. And if you're listening in your favorite podcast app, hit follow so new episodes show up automatically.