“…and I was dead”

This quote had a huge impact on me. HUGE. Not because it was gothic or provocative or anything like that. Because it was sad. I loved sadness because I could relate to it, identify with it and it felt comfortable but also uplifting. I got off on sadness. It was probably why I later became a sadist, a thing I am not anymore. Well, I guess I still am but I choose not to be which seems to get me off better these days. And the bad karma II couldn’t handle it anymore.

And I don’t rate The Brown Bunny as my favourite film for any other reason (and when I saw it I had no idea of the controversy or care for the unsimulated sex scene. I liked the act in the film because it was something done in many films and it’s interesting. Mixing the worlds of old 80s and 90s porn films and film films. It sent me on a journey of finding other films that have done this. They were mainly French. I liked brown bunny because its a meaningful film. I love that most of the story is told in the last 15 minutes and its a 2-hour film. But its not actually, the other minutes of the film builds up to the last 15 minutes and these things he’s doing in that time, make the las 15 minutes much more meaningful. They are understood. And then there’s other routes you can go like…oh….well was she giving him a blow job or is it a delusion or is it her spirit? She obviously wasn’t really. Like Dogville. She is….but she isn’t. So it’s not all that bad even though in hindsight its fucking horrific.

it’s all understood especially when she says “and i was dead". it made me sad.

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My concept of vacation is to eat junk food in bed and have a beautiful girl blow me

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