I continue to beg my inner child for forgiveness. I beg Jethro’s inner child for forgiveness. I’m so sorry, I wish there was more that I could have done. But I was too late…..

Something saved my inner child at the last minute. I was about to lose her forever once. Not via death, but via some other kind of death, maybe we can call it a soul death.

It’s like when something happens in your life and you have to sink or swim and if you choose to swim (which most do, because most of us have a pretty strong will to live; hard to defy). In certain situations, where you are choosing to live, but the choice does not align with your integrity, or you are being exposed to ego terror, narcissistic torture or straight hate by choosing to continue the game. (And the torture usually needs to be for a longer period of time for it to break you, but not always. It all depends how fucked up are, aka. How resilient to pain are you?).

You are going to be especially easy to break if you are already burnt out and deprived yourself of anything real for an extended period of time. Eventually if you don’t do something proactively, the brain will take over and something will happen.

Hitting rock bottom is really scary, but its the fear that will jolt you into this new dimension that was always there you just hadn’t earned it yet.

From October 2023 until January 2024, I was in this non-integral situation that killed my spirit a little. I felt it once it was over and it saddened me because it was my inner child I was killing.

Unfortunately, I had no choice but to conform to this useless spirit killing battle, and you really have to choose your battles, but I didn’t choose this battle in this time frame, I was pushed into it and I didn’t have the energy to fight it.

Even without the energy I fought it, not for me, but for others I loved who would have suffered had I given up.

I’m starting to realise that the idea of justice is a utopian one, like “happiness” or the idea that money is the source of all of this “happinesss.” So in consequence, I weighed in on my spirit and killed it a little recently.

I was so tired when it was all over, I only just made it, and although I learnt some valuable life lessons by fighting this battle and getting it done, I definitely paid quite greatly for it with my energy and spirit. I paid with a currency I didn’t have to spend either. I took from the reserve of my soul, and now it’s credit is looking more and more baron as I go on. I don’t have the privilege or support or tools needed to know how to be kind enough to myself to re-fuel it either. I’m spiritually broken again, and I want to recover, but I keep not recovering.

Now, all of a sudden I have been thrown back into the ring yet again, another battle awaits, maybe three, and I’m starting to get “Change” by Lana Del Rey resentful.

“Lately Ive been thinking it’s someone else’s job to care. Who am I to sympathise, when no one gave a damn? Lately Ive been thinking it’s just somebody else’s job to care, because who am I to want to try? But…..”

Change - Lana Del Rey

“But…….”

But what? Do you think? What comes after the “but….”In following a thought process like change does.

I’m scared.

And I am alone.

This girl needs therapy…..

Towards the end of the podcast there is a minute of silence to ponder a certain abstract question I have, roused from within me by Eric Weinstein and a quote of his from an interview I watched tonight.

"You can always tell who’s guilty by the person who declares a time of healing” Eric Weinstein. (Harvard University graduate for mathematical physics and a philosopher/podcaster)

To paraphrase this quote by Weinstein, what he is saying for a situation like my friend Jethro Cave’s death, is if there happens to be a lot of media attention on an incident that’s not wanting media attention (just in case 2 and 2 are put together, which no one has in it’s entirety yet and if they did they probably would keep their mouth shut in the fear of being harmed. In Jethro’s case the answer still remains “unknown”).

Additionally, the person declaring the privacy is wanting YOU, the people, to stop asking any questions about the incident or better yet, don’t even start.

However, did Nick Cave remain TOO silent this time? In comparison to his very publicised grief for his first son who died at only 16 years old, several years earlier. This was a time of grief Nick Cave was happy to thrust into the public’s view whether we wanted it or not. Nick Cave made a huge song and dance out of Arthur Cave's death………Literally.

Arthur once came to me in a lucid dream. He was dressed kind of like this and he was the saddest person I had ever communicated with.

In comparison, these are the first and last ever words mentioned by Nick Cave (5 days after Jethro had died) about Jethro’s death:

"With much sadness, I can confirm, that my son Jethro has passed away. We would be grateful for family privacy at this time.” - Nick Cave (Jethro Cave’s father and Melbourne musician and writer/film writer).

According to mathematician and philosopher Eric Weinstein’s hypothesis, this is Nick Cave’s way of saying he thinks we the people should stop asking him anything about this story and never mention it again, because he is not going to, EVER again. (And It was never EVER mentioned again by Nick Cave since the incident……….NOTHING has been said).

After a series of blogs of mine, some blantantly abusing Nick Cave and his Cult. Nick Cave started speaking about Jethro again on the Late Show, The Guardian Tabloid (??) and ABC Australia However, he was doing it in a very blaze’ way, which made me feel worse (which i assume was the point). It felt like Jethro had died all over again and I was ready to die too.

I did find out that Jethro’s body was in autopsy for around six months, it could have been more, I lost contact with the morgue once Jethro’s parents had told them to stop giving me any information. (I’m assuming more his mother than his father).

I believe Nick Cave wrote something small about Jethro on his website, but he wrote more about his ex-girlfriend's death than his own son. This was an ex-girlfriend from one million years ago, maybe his first or second girlfriend.

Nick’s ex-girlfriend’s death was only a couple months prior to Jethro’s death, and this could possibly be because she may stll have been using heroin (I was told she was in and out of recovery by a reliable source), and at the time the heroin was lethal and heroin addicts were dropping off frequently. It had a lethal amount of Fentynol (a pharmaceutical) in it, which is stronger than Heroin and will kill a non-seasoned user in a few minutes to seconds.

So why is he staying silent on this death? I have thought that not answering questions about something is a good thing for the guilty in a police interview situation? DUH! Do you not listen to hip hop? …..

"Your shit is like the police asking us questions, ni%$a we don’t know shit!” - Drake ("Aubrey", from track, Worst Behaviour (The 6 6 6 )).

By and large, ONE ALWAYS STAYS SILENT when being questioned about something they have information about that they don’t want others knowing. I use the example of staying silent during an interview with the cops after you have committed a serious crime, like murder.

If you know they have very little evidence, or maybe just a eye witness (which is weak evidence, these days I’m not sure if eye witness accounts from civilians is even taken seriously by the courts anymore. It shouldn’t be).

Staying silent puts a stop to any police investigation, until you do say something, as long as there is little to no evidence.

Furthermore, they can only hold you for 24 hours without sufficient evidence. Then voila, you are let go and you are a free murderer.

So what am I saying?

Well, what I’m saying is pretty obvious and for anyone who truly cared about and loved Jethro as I did, would and should be asking the same questions.

Why was Nick Cave advised by his lawyers to stay silent about Jethros death when he was/is so vocal about Arthur Cave’s death?

Does Weinstein’s (2023) Hypothesis hold up when it comes to Jethro Cave's death that, “you can always tell who’s guilty by the person who declares a time of healing?”

I’ll end this thought by adding that Nick Cave said more about Sinead O’connor’s death, than he did about the passing of his own son, and my best friend, Jethro Cave’s passing only at the beginning of the second part of his life. Jethro, was just about to be re-born and I was witnessing it the night before he died. My hard work was paying off after all these years. The road ahead was long and seemingly impossible in some ways. However, I was willing to be there by his side, for a very long time.

Jethro, a person like no other I have known. He was a person who I always looked upon as so innocent in how he went about everything. Including, the way he loved. When he loved you, you were everything to him. He loved like a child, like he had nothing to lose, but to get to the position of him allowing that innocent side of himself to come out to love anyone in the first place, was not an easy battle.

He trusted no one, but neither do I, so I understood this. And I understood a lot about Jethro. I understood his soul. I would talk to his inner child who had been very lonely for a long time, before I came along. I offered his inner child copious amounts of real love, that was taken in teeny tiny quantities by little Jethro, which was enough to start bringing him back to life, very slowly.

There were times when Jethro and I were at war, which hurt my inner child because she loved Jethros inner child. M...