← The Archers Omnibus
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Brian Cox
This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the uk. Hello, I'm Brian Cox. And I'm Robin Ince. He understands the nature of the universe and so does Robin. Well, do you know what? I do have my moments, especially after this new series, the Infinite Monkey Cage, because we are joined by experts at Bletchley park who we're talking about cyber warfare, an unexpected history of the body at the Royal Society. Plus we'll be talking about de extinction, elasticity and embryology. And there will be comedic interludes. And Pam Ayres on hedgehogs. I mean, she's not riding the Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Prescription products require completion of an online medication consultation with an independent healthcare provider through the LifeMD platform and are only available if prescribed, subscription required. Individual results may vary. Additional restrictions apply@lifemd.com Read all warnings before using GLP1s. Side effects may include a risk of thyroid C cell tumors. Do not use GLP1s if you or your family have a history of thyroid cancer. If you've struggled for years to lose weight and have given up hope, did you know you can now access GLP1 prescription medications through LifeMD. LifeMD is offering eligible patients online access to GLP1s, the breakthrough prescription medication that can help you lose body fat and weight. Listen to what people are saying. I've been able to live my normal lifestyle and I've lost 20 pounds already changed my life. I wasn't expecting it to shut off the food noise. This was life altering. And if I can do it, I feel like anybody can do it. And here's the best part. Your Insurance may cover 100% of the cost of your medication. So go to trylifemd.com to have your eligibility checked. Right now, get started today@trylifemd.com that's T R Y L I N BBC Sounds music radio podcasts. I'm Sued Faris Usher on the Arches and I have something important to tell you about before you listen to your podcast today. For 98 years, Radio 4 and St Martin in the Fields have worked together to support those facing homelessness. This Christmas, so many people are wishing for a home to call their own and we need your help once again. To find out more about how you can help someone's wish for a home come true, just search online for Radio 4 Christmas Appeal when times are so difficult for so many. Thank you for helping people into safe, secure homes. Now enjoy your podcast. You're listening to the archers omnibus from BBC Radio 4. Well, here we are finally for a While back there I thought we might never get into the place. Well, we're in now. Yes, after 20 minutes playing hide and seek in the cold. Why say there's a key safe if there's no key safe? Perhaps there used to be one. A heads up would have been nice. It was quaint though, to find the key under the flower pot. Quaint or annoying? Oh, Chuck, Faith. I think it's adorable. We're in the British countryside. We leave keys under flower pots. I can think of other words. Are you gonna take your coat off? Give me a chance. It's lovely, isn't it? It's different to the pictures. I don't remember the stove looking like that. Perhaps they've renovated. Shall I make coffee? Coffee? It's nearly half past four. I'll have enough trouble sleeping with a jet lag. So we might as well have coffee. You know, this machine looks like a good one. Almost 24 hours door to door. Yes, well, we knew that when we set off, didn't we? Let that warm up. Oh, Chuck, look. What? These clogs by the door. I think they're our size too. That's a lovely touch, isn't it? In case we want to pop out into the garden. It's November. Why would we want to pop out to the garden? I don't know. To look at the stars? We're in the middle of nowhere. I bet you get a good view. Maybe. So this must be the living room of nice. None of it's very big, is it? Oh, come on, Chuck. I know, I know. It's been a long journey and we could have done without the delay. Baggage reclaim. But we're here now and it's lovely and cozy. Come on, admit it, this is a really nice place. It's all right. I wonder if they left any milk. Oh, what now? They've left a full refrigerator. Oh, and look at this. A pre prepared nut roast. A what? And some ready to roast. Potatoes, broccoli, carrots. Chuck, they've left us a British roast dinner. Isn't that just lovely? I thought a British roast dinner was beef. A vegetarian British roast dinner. Right, I'll put the oven on. You make a start peeling those carrots. I am not inflexible. Yes, you are. Look, I gave you a long list of options. I'm basically happy to go anywhere as long as it's hot. Not hot warm. Which does discount a lot of places. Jacob is meant to be a holiday. Yeah, that is what we're talking about. But what's the point of going to the trouble of getting on a plane only to land somewhere even colder than here. What? Holidays aren't just about the weather. I'm sick of the cold already. By the time January rolls around, I'll be desperate for some sun. You will be too, I bet. I don't think so. And actually, if you gave Finland a chance, you'd love it. Would I? Yes. It's cold, but in February it's crisp, bright, beautiful. And there's hardly any wind, so even if it's minus 10. Minus 10? It doesn't feel like it. There's so much we could do. We could. We could go snowshoeing, ice fishing to the saunas. We might even get to see the northern lights. Hmm. Well, that does sound nice. Or what about the Algarve? Oh, I can just picture us eating amazing Portuguese food in little tavernas. Come on, close your eyes. What for? Picture it. You and me walking down a little cobbled street in Tavira, or stopping for a coffee or a beer, taking our time watching the boats out on the sea. Did you leave the lights on? What are you talking about? In the house. Look. No. Now close your eyes. No, I'm sure I turned them off. Whose car is that? What? I don't know. Someone's in there. Kate. Someone's in my cottage. That's ridicul. Oh, see, There was a definite movement at the window. Right. I'm gonna call the police. No, wait. What are you doing? I'm just gonna try the door. It's open. Someone's in there. Yes. I'm going to find out who. Come on, Kate. Hang on, Kate. Oh, this roasting tin should be plenty big enough. Do you think? Sure. Don't move. Oh, my. Everybody stay calm. What the hell? What's happening? You tell me. What are you doing in my house with my nut roast? Your nut roast? Yes. Oh, I thought because you'd left it in the refrigerator, it was part of the package. What package? The holiday. The booking. Sorry, what are you talking about? We have booked a week's holiday here in Jacob's cottage. Not with me, you haven't. It was through the site. What site? Borsetshirebreaks.com. but I'm not on any sites. And do you think Chris has rented it out without telling me? No, of course not. Maybe you guys got the wrong address. I don't think so. Let me find the email. It could be a typo. Here it is. Yes. The Rookery Home Farm. What the hell is happening? I'm damned if I know. I'm Gonna see if I can get hold of someone at the booking company. Yes, good idea. And, Jacob, why don't you call Chris, just in case he knows anything. Yeah, okay. And I'll. Well, yes, I'll make everyone some tea, shall I? How very British of you. But actually, we were about to make. Tea would be lovely. And I'm sorry about your nut roast. I just assumed. No, no, it's fine. Yes. Why don't you go and sit down in the living room and I'll bring it through. It's this recorded message again. It says, hold to speak to someone, but I've been hanging on the line for 10 minutes now. It's Sunday. I know it's Sunday, Faith, so there's probably no one there. Look, here's the email confirming the booking. It all looks totally above board. I know. Do you think he could have rented it out and then forgotten? He's a bit odd, but he doesn't seem that odd. Unless. Unless what? What if it's a trick? A trick? Like they've lured us here to take us hostage. You think? Hey, you never know. I don't think so. They seem annoyed about the whole thing. The guy seems very stressed out. I don't think he's putting it on. And if they were gonna take us hostage, they'd have done it when we were asleep, surely. I suppose it's hard to know, as I've never been taken hostage before. I'm getting nowhere here. I'm gonna send them an email. I've already done it. Ask for someone to call us asap. Okay, thanks, Chris. Now. Well, I just thought it was best to check. Yeah, okay. Bye. Bye. Oh, Chris doesn't know anything. He was quite alarmed. Unsurprisingly. It's an alarming situation. I found the listing. Look. The Rookery Ambridge. But hang on, that's not my cottage. What do you mean it's not your cottage? The Rookery, Ambridge. Yeah, but look. Look at the pictures. That isn't my front door or my kitchen. It's another place entirely. How weird. Oh, this whole thing is weird. Yeah. Hey, do you think that, you know, there might be con artists? Con artists? No, I don't think so. Why not? They could be, but it's a bit of a strange con, isn't it? Anyway, they seem pretty genuine and your address is here on the website. Oh, so I should just welcome them in with open arms? No, of course not. We need to try to sort it out. Breathe. This isn't my mistake. I've gone out for A walk. And I've come home to find someone in my kitchen cooking our nut roast. I'm basically in the Three Bears. Jakob, breathe. I am breathing. No, you're spiraling. Well, can you blame me? I know this isn't ideal, but it's happened. So we need to try to resolve it as best as we can. For everyone. Still the same message. Honey, I think it's time to give up. No one's there. We'll have to try again in the morning. But where are we gonna stay tonight? I don't know. But hanging on the line isn't gonna solve anything. Here we are. I've done one pot of English breakfast and one of lavender and chamomile. What? Sorry? Lavender and chamomile tea. It's good for calming nerves. Oh, well, that's just fantastic. We can all relax. Well, thank you. Oh, sorry, we don't even know your names. Oh, Kate. Kate. And Jacob. Where is he? Jacob? I'm just trying to get through to the booking company. Don't bother. I've been on hold for the past 10 minutes. It's outrageous. They can't make a massive mistake like this and then not answer the phone to sort it out. Well, it's Sunday, though, and it's gone five. We'll have to just try again in the morning. Sorry, what are your names? Faith and Chuck. Short for Charlie. I know. Could he be more American? What's wrong with being American? Nothing. I was just making a joke. You really think now's the time for gags? It's been a long day. We're both tired and a little stressed. Join the club. I just can't understand how this has happened. Us neither. We just booked it the normal way. And the site looked fine when we booked it. Well, it isn't fine, is it? No, but we'll sort it out somehow. Oh, yak. Oh, come and sit down. The bottom line is, my cottage is not a holiday let. It's my home. So obviously you can't stay here. Oh, okay. Okay. How is that okay? It kind of has to be, doesn't it? It's dark outside. Neither of us have slept in almost 24 hours. Plus, we pay good money to stay here. Well, not to me, you haven't. Jacob, I think Faith and Chuck should stay here tonight. What? You and I can go to Dad's. Why should we? And anyway, I thought Miranda was staying there. All right, then we'll stay in one of the yurts. One of the yurts? Yes. It's the perfect solution. I run A holistic therapy retreat. Spiritual home. Oh, that sounds wonderful. Thank you. You'll have to have a look around if you get a chance. We do yoga classes and Reiki meditation. Kate, I'm not moving into a yurt so that my place can be taken over by strangers. No offense, but you are complete strangers. And the problem with your booking is absolutely not my fault. I know that, Jacob, but it's late. Faith and Chuck must be shattered. They're in their 70s and they can't go looking for somewhere else now. Perhaps I should be like Mick, buy myself a van moving there instead. Oh, don't be so ridiculous. This is one night. It's November. Yes, and I have plenty of blankets. In fact, Jakob, it's the perfect opportunity for you to sample the yurts. He's been promising to try them out for ages. No, I haven't. Why can't they stay in a yurt? Well, sure, we could do that, couldn't we, Chuck? No. It's all decided. You two stay here, have something to eat, make yourselves comfortable. Then tomorrow we can sort all this out. Works for me. Thank you so much. It's so kind of you. Not at all. Jacob, where are you going? To get my pajamas and lock away my valuables. He's joking. I'm not. I'm sure this has all been a misunderstanding of some sort. Honestly, don't worry about a thing. I'm actually quite looking forward to a night under canvas. And Jacob will love it. Morning. Jakob. Are you awake? Of course I'm awake. I've been awake all night. Oh, no, you haven't. Most of it. This futon, it's extremely uncomfortable. You're just not used to it. So much for this being an easier week than last. Shaping up to be even worse, which is quite. Some feet. Oh, you're catastrophizing. Oh, I slept like a log. Makes me wonder why we haven't done this before. You know, it's actually very good for you to sleep on a futon. No, no, it's very good for me to sleep in my own bed. With my own orthopedic mattress topper. Which is exactly where I'll be tonight. What time is it? I'm not sure. About 6, maybe. Oh, it's 5 to 7. The sun will be coming up soon. Absolutely freezing. You kicked your blankets off in the night when you were asleep. I can't feel my toes. I think I've got frostbite. Says the man who wants to go to Finland in February. Yeah, but not in a yurt. No. I suppose an igloo would be much warmer. Not in an igloo. A luxury hotel. I'll make her some tea. I need coffee. No problem. I've got coffee. Not instant. I need my coffee from my machine. Oh no, Kate. What if they steal my coffee machine? Who? Faith and Chuck. I don't think that's very likely. Well, they might. They might steal anything. They'll struggle. I think you've brought most of your belongings with you. What must they think of us? I don't care what they think. I just want my house back. And to get to the bottom of why they turned up claiming to have booked a holiday. Look, I'll go over there this morning and see if we can find out what's happened. And I'll give Linda and Gray Gables a call, get them booked in somewhere else. Why? So you can have your bed back. But why are you doing this? They should be doing it. They're in my house with my wifi booster. They can sort themselves out, surely. Yes, and I'm sure that's exactly what they're doing. Oh, don't worry, Jacob. You just go to work. By the time you come home, all of this will be sorted. Do you take sugar? No, thanks. And no milk either. For either of us. There you go. Thanks. Thanks. Did you have any luck with the booking company? I'm afraid not. I sent them another strongly worded email. We'll keep trying. Okay. So in the meantime, I've been ringing around places for you to stay. The bad news is there's nothing nearby, but all is not lost. I did manage to find somewhere a little bit further out with availability. A hotel in Felpersham. Felpersham? Where's that? It's the nearest big town. Sounds good. Faith. Is that okay? What? Oh, yes. Sorry. Kate. Thank you for all the trouble you've gone to. I'm sure the hotel itself will be absent. Absolutely fine. It's just kind of the point of the trip was that we would stay here in Ambridge. Sure, honey, but if there's nowhere for us to stay. No, I know. There's nothing anyone can do. I'm just a little. Don't ignore me. I'm being silly. It'll be the jet lag. It's not the jet lag. I'm really sorry, Faith. Oh, it's not your fault. You've been so kind. Gone above and beyond already. Is Ambridge a special place for you? Kinda. I grew up here. Really? Uh huh. Whereabouts? The house isn't here anymore. We had an old cottage on the green. It's all been rebuilt. Glebelands it's called now. She made the cab drive past when we arrived. Glebelands? Yeah, they've been there since I was a kid. So when did you leave? Oh, long time ago now. My parents emigrated to the US Phoenix, Arizona when I was 10 and I've never come back until now. Wow. I suppose I just wanted to see it again. I have so many memories of the place. I had a really lovely childhood. Wow. You've come back to your roots. What an amazing thing to do. I love that. Oh, thank you, Kate. Yeah. Faith thought a trip to her childhood village was a perfect way to celebrate 40 years together. It's our anniversary on Friday. Chuck wanted to go to the beach, but Faith insisted on a rain soaked village in the middle of England. So here we are. I'm sure Phelpisham will be lovely. I don't really remember it. You know what? Stay here. We couldn't do that. No, honestly, it's fine. Jacob wouldn't want to ruin your holiday by sending you out to Felpersham. I'll speak to him. It'll be fine. Oh, she can't do this. You alright, Jacob? What does she think she's playing at? No, sorry, you've lost me. Kate? Aye. I mean, I'd go that far. She's promised my house to some complete strangers. Jazz really? Yeah. Last night this American couple turned up at the cottage, let themselves in, claiming to have booked a holiday. No way. Yeah, and Kate took it upon herself to let them stay just for one night while we sorted it all out. But now she's promised them they can stay longer. Apparently she didn't have the heart to turf them out. They really just turned up and let themselves in? They really did. And to be fair, I've been on the site and it is my address on there. Although the pictures aren't of the rookery. What, so somebody else is advertising your place as a holiday? Let was it your knowledge? Yeah. So it's a scam? I think so, yeah. I'd hoped it was just a misunderstanding, but having done a bit of research, it seems that this sort of thing happens quite a lot. They've been had and so have I. So where are you staying? I don't know. But I know where I'm not staying ever again. Kate's yurt. The yurt? Yeah, we slept there last night. It was every bit as awful as you'd imagine. Could you not go to Brian's? Well, no, not really? Miranda's staying there. And anyway, Kate is adamant that the yurt is fine. Well, she can do what she wants, but I'm not staying there another night. So where will you go? I don't know. You're welcome to your sofa. Thanks, Jazza, but it might come to that. Although, actually, Jim and Alistair have got a room gone spare. I'm sure they wouldn't mind you staying there till this gets sorted. Yeah, that's a good idea. Maybe I'll have a word with Alistair. I haven't seen him yet today. He's been out on visits. But the thing is, I shouldn't have to stay anywhere. I have a perfectly good house and all I want to do is to be able to live in it. Hi, Alistair. Ruth here. Sorry to pester you, but I just wondered what time you'd be popping over to check the Herefords. Looks like one of them's got an infected hoof claw. I thought we said today, but I've been rushed off my feet and I didn't write it down. Anyway, let me know when you can. Thanks. Bye. Hi. Hello. What a lovely farm. Thanks. Even nicer than the pictures. I mean, I hoped for better weather. Light, but you can't have everything. Sorry. Can I help you? Oh, Ellie, we booked into your holiday cottage. I don't have a holiday cottage. Yes, chalet or outhouse conversion, whatever it is. Look really lovely on the photos. Not really. I think you're in the wrong place. We don't have any holiday accommodation at all. Brookfield Farm, right? Right. But I booked four nights for me and my two kids. 360 quid. Look, well, I don't know who you booked it with, but it wasn't me. Borsitshirebrakes.com we're not on boards at your breaks, Dot. I mean, we used to have some B and B rooms, but that was ages ago and we were never on that site. So you're telling me we can't stay? Well, yeah, I'm afraid so. What about my money? I haven't got your money. Oh, this is brilliant, just brilliant. Look, I don't know what you want me to say. There's obviously been some mix up somewhere, but it's not my fault. I suggest you get in touch with the holiday company. I've got two 16 year olds in the back of the car. They're missing school for this. What do you suggest I do with them? I have absolutely no idea, but I'm afraid it's not my problem. I got you a mulled wine. Chuck. That should warm you up. A mulled wine? Why not? We are on vacation. And what a vacation it's turning out to be. Lakey Hill was nice. What was nice about it? The trees, the greenery, the view. What view? Could make out a thing through the drizzle. You all right there? Hello. You don't mind me interrupting you? I heard your accent at the bar. I'm guessing you're the folk who are staying at Jacobs for now. Yeah, that's right. I'm Faith and this is Chuck Jazzer. Jazzer? Aye, well, Jimmy. Pals. Jack on a birth certificate. So how's things? Could be better. I heard about the mix up. Bad news travels fast around here, huh? No, actually I ran into your man earlier and he told me. Well, we were hoping to get something else sorted soon but it's been difficult getting hold of anyone so we took ourselves off for a walk. Lakey Hill. Yes, it was lovely, wasn't it? Was it? It's a shame about the weather because on a clear day you can see for miles. You're brave climbing in this. Brave or stupid? Ay, rather you than me. Well, it was nice to meet you anyway. Good luck. Well, that was embarrassing. What do you want me to say? Lakey Hill was everything I've ever dreamed of? Because news flash, Faith, it wasn't. It was miserable like the rest of this place. Even if it had been a clear day, there'd have been nothing to see because there's nothing here. You don't know that. Come on, Faith. Look at us. Sitting in some run down ye olde pub in the middle of nowhere. It's not rundown. It has a clapped out camper van in the car park. Apparently that belongs to one of the locals. He broke down. The barman was telling me. So they're letting him stay there temporarily. Just admit it, this whole trip has been a mistake. Oh yeah, great place to park. I'm sorry, Is everyone around here difficult? Is it? Just my bad luck. Well I was just. Oh just forget it. Hi Jacob. Hi Ruth. Alistair sends his apologies. He's stuck on a call out in Holoton so he sent me to check the Hereford's claw. Who was that? A very unhappy holiday maker. Holidaymaker? Well, that's the idea. She thinks she's booked four nights in a holiday cottage on our farm. I did try to explain that. She can't have done on account of the fact that we don't have any holiday cottages, but she was adamant. She's just spent 20 minutes on the phone to the booking company to try to prove it to me. But in the end, she had to admit defeat. Right. I mean, I do feel for her. She had two teenagers in the back of the car on their phones. I don't know what they're all gonna do. This is really weird. I know. She was so sure. Showed me a confirmation email with our address on it and everything. I think she thought I was trying to pull a fast one. And I said to her, I'll happily show you around and you'll find there's nothing meeting the description of Holiday Cottage milking shed. Yeah, but the same thing happened to me last night. How do you mean? Well, a couple turned up from America. America? Yeah, they said they booked a holiday on Borsetshire Brakes. Yeah, my woman said the same. But that's a fairly established site, isn't it? Yeah, I don't think it's the site that's the problem, but I've been doing some research this afternoon and apparently it's relatively easy for someone to post a fake listing. What, so you mean we could get more turning off if we don't do something about it, yes. But what can we do? Ring the site, get them to take it down? Good luck with that. I've been trying all day and nothing. I think if we want to solve this, we're going to have to take matters into our own hands. Betty, you promised me you'd get this barn cleared. Things just kept getting in the way. You know how it is. Always something else more urgent to do. This is urgent now. You saw Miles email. Clear it by the end of the week, else he'll chuck the lot. Yeah, and charge us for the pleasure. Oh, he's got a cheek, ain't he? He just wants it done, I suppose. But there was no need for him to be quite so surety. Yeah, that's just his personality. True. How are we gonna get this barn emptied by Friday, Eddie? We're already rushed off our feet with the turkeys. We thought George would be taking this on this year, didn't we? But obviously, yeah, that's not happening. Our Edward said he'd pitch in, but he and Emma got so much on their plate. I don't like to ask. Oh, we'll manage one way or another. But look at all this junk. How many trips will it take, do you think? Trips to the tip. Hold your horses, Clary. Why? What's that look for? Eddie? We don't want to be too hasty getting rid. I reckon we could still make a bit of money off some of this. It's good stuff. Good stuff? It's bits of old metal and broken chairs. Yeah, exactly. People are always after stuff like this for their DIY projects. Look, you see this old bench? Bit of treatment to remove the rust coat of paint and it'll be as good as new. But you ain't got the time to be upcycling. Not to mention the skills. You ain't no Fallon. Oh, not me. The customers. They'll be glad of a bargain, see, knowing they can give it a new lease of life. I'm not sure. I can't see folks around here getting excited about tap from Eddie Grundy's barn. Oh, I ain't talking about folk round here. I'm setting my sights further afield. A new customer base. How are you gonna find these customers before the weekend? How does anyone find anything these days? The Internet. Are you sure you don't want anything, sweet? No, I'm fine. I'm a farmer. We've already had two breakfasts by 9 o'clock. I better get back soon anyway. You don't mind if I order something? I didn't like to impose on Alistair and Jim. I thought you and Kate were staying at the Yurts. That was a one night only situation. Oh, I see. But no, you go ahead. So, go on. You were telling me about this online forum you found. Oh, yeah, yeah. I had no idea how widespread this is. It's happened to loads of people. Scammers make fake listings on perfectly legitimate sites like borsshebreaks.com using fake photos. It's a big problem. It's a crime, isn't what it is. We should talk to Harrison. You know, I've left him a message. But to be honest, I'm not holding out much hope. All the people on the forums said that they've got absolutely nowhere with the police. Apparently there's very little they can do. Surely they can trace people using their IP addresses. Aren't they supposed to be unique to each computer? Then they can arrest them. I think the perpetrators are cleverer than that. It's impossible to trace. Chuck, the American staying at my place, has managed to get hold of someone from the website. He said they were very sympathetic, but they offered nothing in the way of actual. What, so there's nothing anyone can do? Well, no. I did find one post from this woman in the Cotswolds. The exact same thing happened to her. Her house had been listed on a booking site with fake images. People turning up at the door with suitcases. Right, so she reverse Searched the images and found the house. Very clever. And? I don't. I don't know. She never returned to the forum to say what happened next. But I thought it was worth a go, so I did the same thing with our fake listing. A reverse image search? Yeah, it's in Pennyhassett. The photos are from when it was on the market a while ago. Wow. Right, so what's next? I'm gonna go there, of course. Well, come with me if you like. What now? I'm a bit pushed for time. I want to check the winter housing. The weather's turning and the cows will be in soon. What about later? I can probably get away for half four. I don't know, Jacob. I mean, those photos could just have been lifted off the Internet. We might trail over there only to find they're just as in the dark as we are. Or we might not. And what's the alternative? Do nothing and wait for the next set of confused and disgruntled holidaymakers to turn up? Excuse me. You can't park here. Not unless you want to be trampled by a herd of cattle. We'll be coming through any minute now. Could you stop shouting, please? We're trying to sleep. Sleep? Could you possibly keep your voice down? If those two get woken up before 10, my life won't be worth living. And they're in enough of a mood with me already. You've been sleeping in the car. That's not ideal. I know, but we don't have much choice. Are you all right? Yeah, I'm. I'm not homeless, if that's what you mean. Yes, my entire life's a mess and my holiday here has gone to hell in a handcart. But I'm okay. Thank you for asking. I see you. You're the person who. The non existent. Brookfield Holiday Cottage. How do you know about that? Well, Brookfield's our farm. I believe you met my wife yesterday. Ah, yep, Briefly. Well, you can't sleep in the car, especially not with kids. Like I said, I don't have much choice. But don't worry, we'll move on from here. Look, why don't you come back to Brookfield with me? I'm sure we can work something out. I ran into Jacob in the tea room. He was telling me. Oh, hello again. Hi. I found Ellie and her kids sleeping in their car just down the lane. Oh, no. Oh, we're fine, really. The girls are inside with Mum. She's doing them some breakfast. Look, this is all really lovely of you, but honestly, I'LL sort it. But we can't let you sleep in the car. It's not safe. Apart from anything else. David's right. I feel awful now. Well, don't, please. We're fine. Look, there's a BB in Darrington that might have some space and I could give him a call, if you like. No, thanks. I can't afford to book somewhere else. The mythical holiday cottage cost the best part of 400 quid, so can't you just go home? I mean, I know it's a shame to have lost the holiday, but surely that's better than sleep? Sleeping in your car? Yeah, and then hopefully you'll get your money back and you could rebook. Going home isn't an option. Not till Friday. But honestly, this really isn't your problem. Calm down, you lot. There's enough to go round. Oi. It's not all for you, greedy guts. It's to share. That's it. You'll never guess what I found in the barn. Two dozen hungry turkeys. The other barn. I was dropping a hint, Eddie. While you're playing at being Lovejoy, I'm running round like headless chicken. Don't you mean headless turkey? I've rushed back from the dairy to feed they birds, then. I'm supposed to be picking Poppy up from school later for our William, so you'll have to do the afternoon pellet. Feed yourself yet, can. Consider it done. And don't go getting distracted by some old rake, or what have you, Will. You won't, I promise. You can trust me. Honestly, Clary, I think this is going to be a goer. I got this sink. It's in mint condition. I've posted it online and I reckon it's gonna fly out, I think. Oh, yeah, Proper big old style one. I reckon it'll be snapped up. If you say so, Eddie. Right, you can finish off here, then. I will. Oh, hang on. What's this? What did I tell you? There's a fellow here interested in the sink. He's coming over to look at it now. No, I better go and get it ready. Don't worry. I'll be back for the afternoon feed. Well, we knew it was a long shot. It was our only shot. Not necessarily. We should speak to Harrison. I saw him earlier. His only advice was to report it to Action. Fraud, he said. It's really difficult even to get the listings removed. So this could keep on happening. Exactly. It's so frustrating. Despite my best efforts, I seem to have made precisely zero progress. Well, maybe you should leave it to your guests to solve. I mean, you've gone above and beyond trying to sort it out, letting them stay in your house. How long are you planning to put. Put them up? What happens in my house seems to be out of my hands. How do you mean? If you want them to go, just tell them. None of this is your fault. Try telling Kate that. She's the one who offered up my cottage without discussion. She doesn't even live there. I can't imagine kids enjoying staying with Alistair and Jim. She isn't staying with him. She's in the yurt making a point. Right. The thing that gets me is that she doesn't even seem to think she's done anything wrong, but she's swanning around like Mother Teresa, basking in the glow of her own goodness. Sorry, Ruth, you don't want to hear this. It's fine. I can see you're upset. No, I'm not upset. I'm furious. Are you sure about this? Positive. It's the perfect solution. Oh, here's Ruth now. Look, go on, you go and get the kids sorted. I'll be over shortly with towels and bed linen. Thanks so much, David. Not at all. Any joy? Nope. No joy at all. Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but I have had an idea that might help all of us. Oh, not with the listings, I'm afraid, but with the immediate problem of our displaced visitors. The barn. Our barn? I'm not quite sure why, but Ellie is adamant that she can't go home and she can't afford anywhere else to stay. So I thought the barn's just sitting there, warm and cosy, with bathroom facilities and plenty of space. All we need are a few camp beds. We've a wedding on Saturday. They'll be gone by then. Where are we getting these camp beds? Aha. Kate is sourcing some, of course. She thinks it's a great idea. She's gone over to tell the couple staying at yours, Jacob, and they're up for it. They're moving over tomorrow once we got things sorted. There you are, Jakob. You can have your bed back. Oh, thank you, David. Thank you very much. Hello, I'm Brian Cox. And I'm Robin Ince. He understands the nature of the universe and so does Robin. Well, do you know what? I do have my moments. Especially after this new series, the Infinite Monkey Cage, because we are joined by experts at Bletchley park, who we're talking about cyber warfare, an unexpected history of the body at the Royal Society. Plus we'll be talking about De Extinction, elasticity and embryology. And there will be comedic interludes and Pam Ayres on hedgehogs. I mean, she's not riding the Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Hello again, Jazzer. Hi. A face. How's it going? All good. You? Not too bad. Just a way to drop this air bed up at Brookfield. Oh, yes, the Big Barn sleepover. You're a party that. Indeed we are. Chuck took a little persuading. He thought we should just go to London, book a hotel. I think it'll be romantic staying in a barn. I'm not sure I'd call sleeping on Jim's old airbed romantic. I did say David, it may have a slow puncture, but he told me to bring it. Anyway, if I was your try and get a swerve. Thanks for the heads up, but still, it's sweet of you to help. People in the village have been so kind, offering us a place to stay, donating beds. And I think Jakob will be relieved to get his place back. Sure he will. I got the feeling he was a little put out when his girlfriend insisted we stay. You reckon? I've left Chuck over there doing a big cleanup, make the place nice for his return. Then he's going to pop to the shops, restock the refrigerator. That's a nice touch. The least we can do. And between you and me, I'm hoping it'll cheer Chuck up. What, cleaning? Sure. I'm telling you, vacuuming is therapeutic. If Chuck leans into that, he might get rid of some of his negative energy. Anyway, don't let me hold you up. All right, I better get this off to you. Brook. Future. Enjoy the sleepover. I will. Oh, Jazzer, before you go, what's the best way to the church from here? Hello? Hello? Jazza, is that you? I was going to say you took the air bed, but you forgot to take the bedding. It's on the. Oh. Oh. Who are you? I'm Joel. Who are you, anyway? Dad. I just popped in on my way past. This new headstone's looking great. I hope you approve. You've got Bartleby to thank for that. Oh. Hey. Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I was just trying to tidy these graves a little. They're all covered in weeds. I didn't realize this one was going to be quite so stubborn. Are you all right? Totally fine. Just sorry to have disturbed you. Please, just pretend I'm not here. I don't believe it. Faith Robertson? Yes? You don't remember me, do you? Oh, My, of course I do. I know you anywhere. Eddie Grundy. What you doing back here? I'm just visiting. How about you? Oh, I never left. No, I mean here. Oh, I just popped in to visit me dad's grave. I like to keep him updated, you know, Especially when it's a good bit of news. Imagine him grinning up there. Or, well, you know, wherever. Joe Grundy will. You remember him and his ferrets? Of course I do. I was just visiting my grandparents graves. Took me a while to find them, they're so overgrown. I suppose I'm the first visitor in a while, which stands to reason. But maybe a bit sad to think of them here with no one ever coming past. So I tidy them up a little. I can see they look smashing. They're a bit better. I, however, look a fair bit worse. Do I have mud on my face? Some. Just on your cheek. Oh, dear. This is like a bad rom com when the heroine runs into her ex just as she's looking like a dog's dinner. You might have a few leaves in your hair too, but you're a long way off a dog's dinner. Any road. We never went out, did we, Eddie? Don't tell me you've forgotten. Forgotten what? Not only did we go out, we were married. That's right. Of course we were. We must have been, what, six? Five, I think. All done and dusted in one playtime. That's right. Eddie Grundy. Well, I never. Am I glad I ran into you. I was beginning to feel as though everything I knew of Ambridge had gone. Really? I wouldn't have thought that much has changed. I know it's been a while. More than 60 years. And you're right, it hasn't changed so much. I suppose I wanted to come back and feel this immediate sense of connection to the place, but it's. It's kind of like being in a ghost town. All the people I knew were gone. Apart from me. I'm still here. You are. And you haven't changed at all. Jazzer. I'm so glad you're here. I forgot that bed and dinner. Are you all right, Prof. I am. But I might not have been. Why? What's happened? When you came earlier to collect the air bed, you must have left the door on the latch. I never. You must have done. And anyway, didn't he? I'm sure I Didn't he? Actually, it was on the latch. Aha. Yes. I was told there'd be a key safe, but I couldn't see one. So I tried the door and it was open. So you did leave it on the latch? Who the heck is that? I'm Joel. Pleased to meet you. Jazza, was it? You're gonna have to catch me up here. I have made a citizen's arrest. You've what? I have been forced to apprehend an intruder and contain him in my living room. He didn't hurt you, did he? No, he wasn't violent, thankfully. He claimed to have booked a holiday here. In my bungalow, would you believe? No. Another one. Indeed. Luckily, because of what has happened to Jacob and to Brookfield, I was wise to his tricks, so I immediately detained. The only thing is, my phone is in the living room, so I haven't yet been able to call the police. But now you're here, we can use your mobile. Hang on a minute. I really think I have hung on here long enough. It has been a while. Thankfully, you've quite the library in here. Although I could do with the loo. The cheek of the man. I'll thank you to put my books down. Sorry, I'm just looking. It really is an excellent collection. And is this Plato. Do not go near the bust. I don't get it, Prof. Why have you kidnapped him? Don't be ridiculous. I haven't kidnapped him. I'm simply holding him until the police get here. Which will be some time if you don't make that call. But he hasn't done anything wrong. Come on, Jazzer. This must be one of these B and B scams that have been happening. It sounds like it, but this fella's no the scammer. Thank you, Jazza. He walked in here bold as brass. That's a bit harsh. I just walked in. How can you take his side? Because he's done nothing wrong. He's just booked a holiday. The scammer's the one that gave him your address and took his money. They're probably hundreds, thousands of miles away. Two halves of Shires. I suppose it's five o'clock somewhere. Cheers. Cheers. So what made you want to come back to Ambridge after all this joint? All the usual cliches. Now I've retired, I was a lawyer. I finally got time to do all the things I wanted to do. And one of those things was to rediscover my roots. Chuck wasn't so keen, but I insisted. It'll be fun. I didn't know we'd end up sleeping in a barn, but there we are. Oh, of course. You're one of these holiday makers. Oh, it's awful this scamming business, ain't it? Oh, you know what Eddie talking about it makes my blood boil. So let's change the subject, shall we? Tell me about you. What do you do? You were saying you've been doing some business this morning in a nearby village? Yeah. Walk to Lee Cross. Yes. Is that farming related or. No, no, no. This is separate to the farm. My wife and I, we've recently started an antiques business. Amazing. It's early days, but it's going well. Good for you. And it's so nice that you and your wife work together. I couldn't work with Chuck. I love him, but he drives me crazy. Well, I'm not saying we don't have our moments, but we are a good team, Clary and me. Speaking of which, I better get back to feed the turkeys soon, else she'll kill me. She sounds formidable. Why Clary, she most certainly is. I'd love to meet her. I'll tell you what. Why don't you and Chuck come over tomorrow evening? Try some of my homemade cider. Oh, Clary would love to have you. Now that is an invitation I can't refuse. I reckon we could all deal with a wee drink after that. Absolutely. That is the good bottle, isn't it? Jazza? The least I could do is offer Joel a decent single malt after what I put him through. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Well, it's very nice indeed. And honestly, don't worry about it. I am worried about it. You must have been terrified. Not really. Well, at first I was a bit alarmed. But after the initial shock, I could tell you were a good sort of person. Even so, if anyone's committed a crime today, it's me. I locked you up against your will. Perhaps I should call the police after all and hand myself in. Don't be daft, Prof. No, no, there's no need for that. It was a misunderstanding. I feel such a silly old fool. Imagine me thinking you were the scammer. Well, I did give you quite a shock walking into your house like that. I thought it was very quick witted of you bundling me into your living room so speedily. It's very good of you to be so understanding. I don't deserve it. Not at all. And actually I had quite a nice time in your front room. You're obviously a very interesting man, Mr. Lloyd. Call me Jim, please. But. Well, thank you. It's such an impressive library. Is that the entire works of Tolstoy? Indeed it is. And you're obviously a keen historian. He's a history Professor, Aren't you, Prof. I was. I knew that was no amateur collection. Are you a historian yourself? An archaeologist. Really? How fascinating. That's kind of you to say. Not everyone sees the appeal of digging up bits of old scrap. That's my mother speaking. It's a lot more than that. Are you here on a deck? No, no, no. This trip was strictly pleasure. I like to walk ramble, you know. I'd planned a few long ones. There's some lovely scenery in this part of the world. Oh, there is? You will stay and do them, won't you? Well, no, I don't think I can now. I need to get out to this booking site and sort out this mix up. I think I'll probably just go back home. Why don't you stay here as planned? I couldn't impose on you like that. I don't mind. It wouldn't be right. There is another option. Is there? You won't believe this, but you know the first person this has happened here in here this week. Really? There's been a spate. How strange. Apparently there's no unheard of. Several addresses in the same locality added to sites at the same time. A kind of scattergun approach. The mind boggles, doesn't it? Anyway, how do you feel about sleeping in a barn? A barn? It's an events barn. No, working barn. Insulation comfy. Heating, hot water. We spent the day kitting out with camp beds. I'm sure we could squeeze an extra one in for you. If you don't mind that eccentric youth hostel vibe. I don't mind at all. I tell you what, why don't I run you over there, introduce you to David and Ruth Archer. And then perhaps you'll let me take you to the pub for lunch. By way of apology. Jim, I would absolutely love that. You know, I feel I've met a kindred spirit. Perhaps it wasn't such a disaster, me being scammed. I've just cleaned that table. It's only a flag and a cider. It's all dusty on the bottom. Look. All right, I'll move it. That better? I suppose so. I just want the place looking nice for them. Retired lawyers, you said. What are they gonna think of us? They ain't gonna think anything. They're nice people. But even so, I can't help but feel we don't measure up. Of course we do. I don't want them looking down their noses at us. Or worse, feeling sorry for us. They won't. You don't know that. Yes, I do. Because. Because What? I might have given Faith the impression we're doing a bit better than we are. I told her we ran an antique furniture business alongside our day to day work on the farm, of course. The turkeys, you mean? I think Faith might have assumed it was a bit more than that. And you know, we do have the Texels. Let me get this straight. You let this Faith believe that we're landowners, farmers, running a successful antique business on the side? That's about the size of it, yeah. Hey, Kate. Oh, hi, Ellie. How are you? Pretty great, actually. Really? That's good. Been such an amazing day. David Archer took me and the kids all around the farm on a tractor ride. It was so much fun. Oh, really? And then at tea time, we went for a walk with Faith and Chuck and we watched the sun going down over the hills. And suddenly, out of nowhere, all these birds appeared as if they were putting on a show for us. Oh, the starlings. Yeah, it's called a murmuration. Stunning, isn't it? I've never seen one before. Me and the kids were stood there, literally stopped in our tracks. So you're enjoying being on the farm then? I love it. And guess what? Ruth said I can help her with the morning milking tomorrow. Oh, no, sorry. I mean, good for you. I'm a vegan, so it wouldn't be my idea of a good time. Especially that early in the morning. Don't get me wrong, I'm terrified. Have you seen the size of them? Cows. But also, how exciting. Me milking a cow. This is just what I needed. You know, a break from reality. Yeah. What are you still doing here anyway? Oh, I was just restocking the tea and coffee, checking there were enough pastries and fruit for tomorrow morning. David's going to do a cook breakfast, but I think it's nice to have another option. Well, that's really so thoughtful of you. Oh, no problem. I might just go and check the bathroom supplies while I'm here. Well, I'm sure they're fine. Honestly. Go home, put your feet. Oh. Okay, Kate, tell me to mind my own business, but are you all right? Yeah. Yes, I'm totally fine. Okay, well, maybe not totally fine. I'm supposed to be staying at Jacobs tonight, only I just can't face it. He's too grumpy. Would you like a cup of tea? There's a campfire going. Actually. That would be really nice. Of course I remember the Larkins. Ned Larkin wasn't the kind of person you forget. So he was your grandfather. Wow, that's Just fantastic. It's lovely. You remember him. She remembers Jo as well, don't you, Faith? Of course I do. He was Eddie's father, Darling. Another unforgettable Ambridgeon. Ah. See? Ambridgeon. I like that. Me too. Anyone like more cider? Sure. You want to have some? Won't you? Sure, why not? Good man. You know, this is pretty good stuff. You thought about starting a micro brewery? Selling it? Yes, I have thought about it, but I wouldn't want to risk messing with the quality. A part of why it's so good is it's small batch, you know. Totally. And you must be so busy with all your other projects. Yeah, that too. Some place you got here. Must take quite a bit of upkeep. Well, yes, but our sons and their partners help out. Real family business. Eddie was telling me about what happened with your booking. Terrible. It was a bit of a shock. But it's all worked out quite well in the end. Chuck won't admit it, but the barn is delightful. It's fine. When I was a kid, I had a friend at Ambridge Farm and we'd spend hours in our barn, climbing the haystacks and jumping down. Sounds wild. When I first got back, it felt like the village had changed so much. But now, I don't know, I feel like its spirit is still the same. That's really lovely, isn't it, Eddie? It is. So, how long will you stay? Oh, we have to leave tomorrow because David and Ruth are hosting a wedding in the barn on Saturday. Oh. I think we'll head to London, see some sights before we go home. Oh, that'll be nice. It's different to our usual Thanksgiving, that's for sure. Oh, is it Thanksgiving today, then? Yeah. If we were back home, we'd be up to our eyes and yams right about now. Oh, Olga. Teacher. Excuse me, folks. Would anyone like another cheese twist? Oh, I won't say no. They're knockout. He's actually been onto the site and tried to book a holiday in his own house. Wow. He's absolutely obsessed. I don't know where he thinks it'll get him. Well, he'll be about 400 quid out of pocket if he actually goes through with it, but I wouldn't put it past him. He's like a dog with a bone. I mean, I get that he's angry, but it's taken over his whole being. If he isn't out chasing leads, he's glued to his phone reading horror stories of other people who've been scammed. But it must be awful, though, to have people turn up to your house expecting to stay. I know. And my partner does like to be in control. So this must have been hard for him, then. But he's so focused on how awful this is for him that he doesn't seem to care at all about anyone else. And that's not who I thought he was. Well, the thing is, Kate, you're like this kind of free spirit. And Jakob's. Oh, very much not a free spirit. So you might feel okay about a stranger staying in your house, but maybe for him, that makes him feel really panicked. Yeah, but. And it sounds like you offered his house to Faith and Chuck without asking him. Well, yeah, but it felt like the only option to you. But maybe not to Jakob. So what? So what are you gonna do? I don't know. I can't face going back there now. And anyway, I've already messaged him to say I'm staying at my dad's, but I can't really face that. Either his girlfriend or be there and they'll be all loved up. I hear you. Looks like you'll be having a sleepover in the barn with us waifs and strays, then, I suppose you heard all that, did you, Eddie? Of course they heard. We all did. He was shouting that loud? I think the people in Darrington heard. You see, in this game, you've got to expect a few unhappy customers. It comes with the territory. Some people don't realize that antiques are, well, old. It ain't like buying. You sure? Oh, come off here, Teddy. What? Faith and Chuck aren't daft. They know you're not some big shot antique dealer, Clary. They heard every word that fellow shouted. You see, someone's bought a piece of land on the farm and he wants the barn emptied, else he'll charge us to clear it. Only it's full to the brim with junk. It's not all junk. Some of it's good stuff, like this spokeshave. That's a classic bit of farm kit, that. So Eddie's been trying to flog the stuff. Well, it was going well at first, only I think I might have pushed it a bit far with that sale. It was a load of old junk. Well, yeah. I'm sorry I wasn't straight with your Faith. And we don't own this farm neither, Clary. Well, we don't. We rent it. We have some turkeys and some Texel sheep. And I work in the dairy over at Bridge Farm. Eddie works at the livestock market and he does a bit of everything. Blummy neck. Clary, there was no need for that. What you must think of us. I'm so sorry. We're not laughing at you. I love it. It's so British. Like, what's that show? Faith? Faulty towers. That guy, he was so angry. He was wondering when you told him to calm down. I was worried for his health. I could see his veins popping. And when you said he could have the spokeshave for free, I thought he was going to hit me with it. What even is a spokeshave? No, it's for woodwork. Smoothing, shaping, chair legs. That kind of thing. Exactly. It's a genuine antique. That fella obviously didn't know what he was talking about. Oh, my. I can't stop laughing. I'm just glad you can see the funny side. Oh, we can. This is the Eddie Grundy I remember. Good job you brought over those spare toothbrushes and bedding. Yeah. I just didn't realize I'd be using them myself. Things will feel different after a night in the barn. I'm going to tell David and Ruth. They should market it as a retreat. A break from reality. Reconnect with nature. No, don't. There's already one retreat around here. Spiritual home. Doesn't want competition. Thank you. Good point. Fair enough. I'll keep some. Evening, ladies. Kate, how nice to see you. She's stopping for a little sleepover. I don't blame you. This place is a real rejuvenator. Oh, don't you start now. How was your evening with Eddie and Clary? An absolute hoot. Eddie revealed that he'd been a little economical with the truth about his situation. And it was so funny. Chuck and I haven't laughed like that in years. We didn't stop in the taxi all the way home. Oh, that's great. It really was. Things have been a little tricky since we retired. Chuck hasn't known what to do with him. And he's been angry and resentful. And I've been. Well, not very supportive. But tonight, when we got back, the campfire was still going and we talked. That's good. I hadn't realized how lost he'd been feeling. Just felt he was trying to stifle me. I like Chuck. You know what? Me, too. And I think maybe I lost sight of that for a while. It's crazy to think after all these years, we're still discovering things about each other. Well, that's beautiful. Yeah, it is. That's it. Think of it like you're trying to get the last of the Toothpaste out the tube. Oh, my goodness. I'm doing it. I'm actually milking a cow. You actually are. It's not hurting her, is it? No, look, she's fine. She's chewing away quite happily. I can't believe I'm doing it. You're a natural. And a good listener. If you lived around here, I'd be snapping you up for a job. Oh, I'd love that. Gosh, listen to me. A few days ago. I've never set foot on a farm. Right. Should we put the unit on her now? Sure. Here, you can help me. So this has got four cups, look. And they replicate the milk in action. Can you feel that? Oh, yeah. So if I attach these two front ones, you can do the back ones like that. Perfect. See the milk coming down the tube? Oh, yeah. Then it goes through the plate cooler and then into the tanks. Do you ever just drink a bit before it goes? Once it's cooled, yeah. In fact, we can go and have a drop right now if you like, in a cup of tea. It will be fine to take care of the rest. So what time are you heading off? I'll go back and wake the kids up, and then we'll get our stuff together. But you'll stay for the Thanksgiving dinner, won't you? The wall? Well, Thanksgiving buffet. I know we're a day out, but Eddie and Clary, you know the cook who Faith and Chuck went to see last night? Oh, yeah, she went to school with him, didn't she? How mad is that? I know. Small world. So they have this idea that we should do a kind of Thanksgiving lunch for Faith and Chuck before they leave. Clarice cooking one of their turkeys. Jill's making a pumpkin pie, and I'm hoping Kate will do some veggie sides. That sounds amazing. Count us in. Oh, and then I suppose it's back to reality. Are you not looking forward to going home? I don't know. It's just been nice not to have to think about real life for a bit. How come? Oh, you know. Stuff. I did wonder. Well, tell me to mind me on business, but it just struck me as a bit unusual that you take the girls out of school during term time to come for a week in a farm cottage. They're at college. I told the tutors they brought the work with them. I shouldn't have asked. It's fine. I just don't want you to think I did this lightly. We just had to get away for a few days. Ellie, are you in some kind of Danger? No, not danger, exactly. Oh. I just split up with my husband, their dad giving him a week to get out the house. I'm sorry to hear that. Don't be. He's not a very nice person. Oh. I shouldn't have married him, really. But there you go. Hindsight can be a wonderful thing. I was young and didn't know any better. Right. Yeah, he was a real piece of work. Thing is, for a long time I thought it was normal the way he was. Angry, moody. He'd fly off the handle at the most random things. I put my key in the door and not know what I was going to find inside. Oh, Ellie. But then he started on the kids. Started on them? How? Little things at first, making fun of them. But it was getting nasty and I thought, no way am I letting him do that to them. We have to get out. So I told him, you've got four nights to pack your bags and clear out. Wow. I know. I can't believe I did it. Sounds like you've really been through it. Yeah. I've made some terrible choices in my life. You've made some good ones too, though. Standing up to him can't have been easy. No, it wasn't. Thank you. Being here has been. It's been great. I'm glad you've enjoyed it. I really have. There's a big, wide world out there, isn't there? There certainly is. Turkeys are fed. How you getting on? Oh, that's the last of it. I reckon. Some of this stuff's too good for the tip, though. Eddie. We agree, didn't we? It all goes to the tip before we get landed. With a bill from Miles Chener. Yeah, I know, I know. That's my own fault for pushing me luck. Now I need to get back and check on the turkey in the oven. It should be done by 11 and then we can get over to Brookfield in time for lunch. I can't wait to see Faith and Chuck's faces when we turn up there with the turkey. I got an extra little surprise for them as well. Oh, yeah? What's that, then? You'll find out later on, won't you? Hello, you two. Hi. I was just telling Ellie about Kirsty and Rex's idea to introduce beavers to the rewilding site. David's not impressed. Well, I just don't think that beaver hugging is what we need in ambush. Not as cute, though, the idea of all of them building their dams. Yeah, and burrowing into river banks, flooding fields. Sorry, do you need me for something. We were just having a quick cup after milking. No, no, you're fine. I'm just about to do breakfast for the campers. Hey, how did you find the milking? Oh, it was brilliant. Strange, but fascinating. And Ruth's a great teacher. She certainly is. Now, Ellie, I wondered, depending on what time you're going, whether you and the girls wanted to come with me to Home Farm to check on the ewes. I can't promise it'll be as thrilling as milking, but we'd love to. Well, I would. I'll just ask the twins. Great. We'll head over there after breakfast, then. Morning, Kate. Oh. How did you sleep? Oh, surprisingly well. There were so many things rushing around my head when I went to bed. I thought I wouldn't sleep a wink. But I was out like a light the moment my head hit the pillow. I think I got 10 hours. It's all right for some. I know, I know. Farmers never have lions. I'm sorry, but those are your life choices. A fair point. Anyway, I'm up now, and I'm going to go home and pick up some stuff for this Thanksgiving lunch. Oh, good. You got me message of Clary's plan. I did, and I think it's a fantastic idea. Faith and Chuck will love it. I messaged Jakob as well, but he hasn't replied. Do you know if he's planning to come over? I know he'll be working, but I think Faith and Chuck would like to see him. If he can pop in, I can. But ask him. I can't believe you've brought a homegrown turkey. It's the best gift I've ever received. Well, we felt awful for you, missing your Thanksgiving. We had a turkey ready to go, so it made perfect sense. We know it's a daylight. Oh, who cares, Clary? And did you hear Ruth's mom, Jill, is making a pumpkin pie. Chuck's favorite. He's over there now talking her through his grandmother's recipe. Poor Jill. Actually, I brought him something. Well, it's for both of you, really. Your spokeshave. I noticed Chuck took a shine to it yesterday, so I saved it from the tip in case he wanted it. He'll love it. And I do, too. Oh, thank you, Eddie. It will remind us of our Ambridge holiday. I don't think you're likely to forget it, are you? True, it's been eventful. In fact, it's been perfect. Yes, Everything's gone wrong that could have. But I've rediscovered Ambridge more fully than I ever could have hoped. It really is a special place. Full of special people. Now you've got my email address, promise me you'll keep in touch. Of course we will. And you must come visit. We've got a spare room just waiting, so you won't be at risk of any booking scams. Well, we'd love to, of course, but. No buts. I'll hold you to that. I better go and finish packing before we eat. I'll see you for lunch. Okay. Oh, service. A kind offer, but we'll never afford flights to America. All right. You know. Depends how much they are. Well, hundreds. Must be. It's miles away. Oh, I'm sorry, love. What for? Another daft scheme gone wrong? Good job I'm used to it. I bet you wish I really was some big time antique dealer slash farmer, slash landowner. I'll get away with you. I've never wished you were anything other than what you are. Oh, hi, David. Hi, Ruth. Can I carry something? No, no, Jacob. I think we're all right. We're just taking some extra plates and cutlery over. Glad you could join us, Kate. Wasn't sure if you'd be able to get away. I thought it was impossible. Important to show my face. Well, I'm sure everyone will be pleased to see you. I doubt it. No, it's okay. I know I haven't handled things well, but came a bit obsessed with tracking down the scammers, even though everyone told me it would be possible. At least you tried though, Jakob. Despite all my research, I managed to come up with next to nothing. In the end, the only positive thing I've done is to move my spare key from under the flower pot. That's something. So now it's time to let it go. I don't have much choice. I must say, Kate's been a real hero this week. Really? Oh, yeah. She totally took over setting the whole place up. And she's been over here every day, helping keep the barn stop with food and drink, checking if people need anything. It's meant we can just get on with running the farm. Which has been a real lifesaver. Kate. Oh, hello, Jakob. I tried to call you. Yes, thanks for your message. Sorry I didn't pick up. I was mid injecting an anxious Shetland pony. Thanks for inviting me. Well, I didn't know if you'd want to come. No, well, I haven't exactly been very welcoming to the visitors. No, well. And I know I've been quite, well, difficult to live with this week. Jacob. No, I have. I have And I'm. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, too. What for? I shouldn't have offered your place to Faith and Chuck. I. I got carried away with the idea of helping them, and I didn't stop to think about how difficult that would be for you. Well, you were just trying to help. Yeah, but it's not my cottage, is it? It's yours. And I invited strangers to move in. It's no wonder you flipped. I feel quite embarrassed about that now. Don't. This was your worst nightmare, having people invade your personal space. I did find the whole thing very difficult, yes. But I was so rude to them when none of this was their fault. You know, before they moved over here, they cleaned the cottage from top to bottom, filled the fridge with food, put fresh sheets on the bed. They even left flowers and wine. That was nice of them. It was. It was very generous. And made me think I could have been a bit more generous. You are generous. What? No, not like you. You didn't hesitate. You just jumped in, did everything you could. I mean it, Kate. You've been amazing. Makes me wish that I was as trusting as you, ready to see the good in people instead of worrying that they were going to steal my coffee machine. Well, you do love that coffee machine. But you can't change who you are. No, no, you're right. And if it happened again, heaven forbid. I can't promise I wouldn't react in exactly the same way. Me, too. But maybe that's okay. We are who we are. Oh, I missed you. I missed you, too. I almost came to the yurt to find you. Well, almost. Well, you could always do another night. Do you good to get used to the coal, because guess what? I've already started looking at accommodation in Finland. Actually, I've changed my mind about that. Really? Yeah. I don't mind where we go, as long as it's somewhere warm. Warm? Yes. You can choose. Come on, you two. Clarice. Carving the turkey. And you haven't pulled your crackers. I thought crackers were for Christmas. And I thought you were a man of the world. Me? I don't know what gave you that idea. Your coffee machine. Only a sophisticated kind of guy would own such a thing. I had half a mind to puppet in my suitcase. Sadly, it would send me over the luggage limit. Your face. I'm joking. Yak. Yeah, I. I knew that. Come on, let's eat. Oh, yes, let's. Happy Thanksgiving. One Winter's Night in 1974, a crime took place that would obsess the nation. We're still looking for Lucan all over the world. Lord Lucan is said to have killed the family nanny and to have attacked his wife before disappearing. Why has this, of all crimes, captured our imagination? It's partly that the evidence is so murky. As I try to get to the bottom of the case, my preconceptions are blown apart. I mean, this. This is a pretty weird stuff to have in a box, isn't it? What on earth is this? For the Lucan obsession with me, Alex von Tunzelman from BBC Radio 4. Listen now on BBC Sound. Hello, I'm Brian Cox. And I'm Robin Ince. He understands the nature of the universe and so does Robin. Well, do you know what? I do have my moments, especially after this new series, the Infinite Monkey Cage, because we are joined by experts at Bletchley park, who we're talking about cyber warfare, an unexpected history of the body at the Royal Society. Plus, we'll be talking about de extinction elasticity and embryology. And there will be comedic interludes. And Pam Ayres on hedgehogs. I mean, she's not riding the. Listen, wherever you get your podcasts.