02/02/2025

Summary

Podcast Summary: "The Archers Omnibus" – Episode Released on February 1, 2025

Introduction Released on February 1, 2025, "The Archers Omnibus" by BBC Radio 4 delves into the bustling week in the fictional village of Ambridge. This episode centers around the community's ambitious endeavor to stage a village pantomime amidst a series of unexpected challenges.

Setting the Stage: The Pantomime Project The episode opens with the host, Linda Snell (played by Nicola Coughlan), addressing the immediate concern of a canceled pantomime due to structural issues at the Arts Centre. Joy, another central character, grapples with the fallout, feeling responsible for the mishap.

• [02:05] Joy lamented, “Not yet, they won't. They’re in a right tangle at the Arts Centre trying to sort it out.”

Introducing the Bet: A Race Against Time Linda proposes an audacious solution: a bet to stage a new pantomime within a week, challenging Vince Casey to back their confidence.

• [07:58] Linda declares, “I've a mind to take you up on that.”
• [08:14] The wager escalates to £500, emphasizing the high stakes involved.

Recruiting Talent: Berwick Kayla Joins the Cast In a pivotal moment, Joy encounters Berwick Kayla, a renowned panto dame, and successfully convinces her to join the production. This recruitment injects new energy and hope into the beleaguered team.

• [18:00] Joy asks, “Do you want to linger a while under me tree?”
• [23:04] Joy announces, “...Berwick Kayla Berric Kayla will play an ugly sister.”

Overcoming Obstacles: Set Preparations and Casting With Berwick aboard, the team races to secure a venue and complete the set. Leonard Berry takes charge of the costume design, ingeniously crafting a golden coach adorned with wine gums as jewels.

• [32:06] Berwick assesses the coach, “Looks a bit scruffy. Could be spruced up, I suppose.”
• [40:19] Linda reveals a breakthrough, “David Archer Baron Harder... is offering us the Brookfield Barn for the panto. Free of charge.”

Internal Conflicts: Sisters at Odds Joy and her sister Lillian navigate personal tensions exacerbated by the stress of the production. Their strained relationship is highlighted through a confrontation over missing shoes, symbolizing deeper familial rifts.

• [44:00] Lillian confesses, “I tripped on the broken stick... It’s both of us.”
• [62:10] A heartfelt message from Lillian encourages unity: “Don’t let your differences keep you apart... Do something lovely with it, but make sure you do it together.”

Sabotage Attempts: Vince Casey's Interference Vince Casey emerges as the antagonistic force, attempting to derail the pantomime by questioning the casting of a professional actor and spreading rumors about improper payments.

• [26:31] Vince confronts Linda and Nicola, “You know full well. Call off this panto.”
• [51:10] Nicola reveals the root of the sabotage, “Vince bet Linda that she couldn't put a pantomime on in a week.”

Turning the Tide: Community Support and Final Preparations Despite Vince's ongoing efforts, the community rallies together. Berwick Kayla and Mick Fadmore (another key character) play crucial roles in finalizing the cast and refining the script. The collective effort ensures that the pantomime is ready in time.

• [53:07] Berwick showcases the coach, “Not bad. Looks a bit scruffy.”
• [60:36] Joy and Mick discuss their commitment, “We did our Canterbury Tales in here. It does work, Berry.”

Climactic Performance: Pantomime Night The episode crescendos with the successful staging of the pantomime. Berwick Kayla delivers stellar performances, earning accolades from the community. The set is a testament to Leonard's craftsmanship and the team's unwavering dedication.

• [68:18] Linda proudly announces, “There’s so many of them all waiting to see Cinderella. This is down to you, Joy.”
• [69:05] Linda commends Berwick, “A unique director, one to conjure with, who has her own irresistible, magical touch.”

Resolution: Triumph Over Adversity In the aftermath, the pantomime is celebrated as a triumph, reinforcing the themes of community spirit and resilience. Vince Casey's attempts to sabotage are thwarted, and the unity among the characters is restored through shared success and understanding.

• [70:29] Linda summarizes, “...what we can discover. And as for Barry, well, I would say go with the flow.”
• [74:43] The episode closes with a reflection on historical heroes, tying back to the overarching theme of rebellion and the power of collective effort.

Notable Quotes:

• Linda Snell at [05:06]: “...a gallimore, free of ingredients. Joy. The triumph of good over evil...”
• Joy at [16:17]: “How would you like to be in our village panto this coming Friday for no money?”
• Mick Fadmore at [55:22]: “Because Joy, she feels so bad about losing the Felpersham panto...”

Conclusion "The Archers Omnibus" masterfully portrays the intricate dynamics of a small community facing extraordinary challenges. Through humor, conflict, and collaboration, the characters navigate their obstacles, culminating in a heartwarming celebration of unity and perseverance. The episode not only entertains but also underscores the enduring spirit of Ambridge's residents.

Follow-Up Content: History's Youngest Heroes Interwoven within the narrative is a segment from "History's Youngest Heroes," presented by Nicola Coughlan. This segment highlights twelve stories of young individuals who made significant impacts throughout history, resonating with the episode's themes of courage and community action.

• [34:42] Nicola Coughlan introduces, “When you're young, it feels like anything is possible...”
• [76:00] The segment concludes with reflections on historical figures like Nelson Mandela and Lakshmi Bai, drawing parallels to the protagonists' endeavors in Ambridge.

Listeners are encouraged to follow both "The Archers Omnibus" and "History's Youngest Heroes" on BBC Radio 4 for engaging storytelling and inspirational tales.

Transcript

[Nicola Coughlan]

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. I'm Nicola Coughlan and for BBC Radio 4, this is History's Youngest Heroes. Rebellion, risk and the radical power of youth.

[Unknown]

She thought, right, I'll just do it. She thought about others rather than herself.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Twelve stories of extraordinary young people from across history. There's a real sense of urgency in them.

[Joy]

That resistance has to be mounted. It has to be mounted. Now.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Follow history's Youngest Heroes wherever you get your podcasts.

[Lillian]

BBC Sounds Music Radio podcasts.

[Linda Snell]

You're listening to the archers omnibus from BBC Radio 4.

[Joy]

So, just the dishwasher tablets, Lillian. Is that all?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yep, that's all. Thank you.

[Joy]

There you go, then.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I resist all other temptation biscuits.

[Joy]

Oh, right. Sorry, I'm a bit slow on the uptake just now.

[Nicola Coughlan]

You're fretting, Joy. That's what you're doing. And I think I know why.

[Joy]

The blessed falpish and pantomime. That's why I feel so bad about it.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's not your fault, though, Joy.

[Joy]

It feels like my fault.

[Nicola Coughlan]

You didn't bring the ceiling down.

[Joy]

I talked all those people into going.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It might have happened while we were all there.

[Joy]

A coach, Lord. Plus all those people from Vince's abattoir. And they've all paid good money.

[Nicola Coughlan]

You mustn't blame yourself.

[Joy]

That's what I feel, though.

[Nicola Coughlan]

People will get their money back.

[Joy]

Not yet, they won't. They're in a right tangle at the Arts Centre trying to sort it out. And we won't get it all back on the coach money. Ian's looked into all that and the deposit's non returnable. And then there's the fun they're all not having. What about that? I feel so responsible.

[Nicola Coughlan]

They had to cancel, though. A chunk of wood coming down onto the stage. It nearly Polacks the babes in the wood. I mean, what if it had come down on the audience? You had a narrow escape and not your fault. What does Mick say?

[Linda Snell]

Mick?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Well, he won't let you blame yourself, surely.

[Joy]

Mick's not saying very much at all at the moment. Oh, not to me, anyway. We had a falling out a couple of weeks ago.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, dear.

[Joy]

We've not spoken much since. Just past the marmalade sort of thing.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, joy.

[Joy]

He blames me for Rochelle going. They were all sunshine and flowers, those two were. It's just Ma. The dark cloud. To be honest, I don't know where I stand with them anymore. And now there's all these panto problems.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, look, darling. When do you finish your shift?

[Joy]

12 why?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Come to the ball. Let me buy you a drink.

[Joy]

Oh, I don't.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Now, have a drink, Joy, and talk to people. You will soon see no one blames you for the pantomime being cancelled.

[Joy]

You know the ones I'm on about.

[Lillian]

Of course I do.

[Joy]

With the sparkly straps.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I know.

[Lillian]

Tracy. Your special shoes.

[Joy]

My only decent proper shoes. The rest just cardboard boxes compared to them.

[Berwick Kayla]

Ah.

[Lillian]

And they're here somewhere. I know they are, because I really looked after them.

[Joy]

You were lucky I lent them out.

[Lillian]

I know, you told me.

[Joy]

I normally keep them under lock and key or Chelsea would be swanning off in them. Yes, it was only because you're my sister and he was off out with Neil for Christmas dinner. And they went with that outfit.

[Lillian]

Well, they did. They were lovely.

[Joy]

They're not going to be in a drawer, Susan. You don't keep shoes in a drawer. Not a drawer like that one, anyway.

[Lillian]

I know, but I've looked everywhere else.

[Joy]

Maybe they're not in the bedroom.

[Lillian]

It's where I kept them, though.

[Joy]

Susan, I need them back.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, yes.

[Joy]

I'm going out with Jazra for Valentine's Day and I want them shoes for the occasion.

[Lillian]

You'll get them, Tracey. They're in this house somewhere. I know they are. Oh. What? Here we are.

[Joy]

You got them?

[Lillian]

Well, one of them.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I have one.

[Joy]

Then the other one must be there with it.

[Lillian]

Except it isn't.

[Joy]

You mean they got separated?

[Lillian]

They must have done.

[Joy]

What am I supposed to do now? Hop?

[Lillian]

I'm sorry, Tracy.

[Joy]

I should think so. Well, I am not all that much, though.

[Linda Snell]

Lilian's right, Joy. You mustn't blame yourself.

[Joy]

There's so many people disappointed, though.

[Linda Snell]

Well, you can't be held responsible for that. And anyway, it's not that great a loss.

[Joy]

How'd you work that one out?

[Linda Snell]

Oh, there are pantomimes and there are pantomimes, Joy. And this one. Well.

[Joy]

What?

[Linda Snell]

It's Felpersham. Whose attempts at drama have been substandard for years. I mean, they do their best with what they've got, but they lack a proper appreciation of the spirit of Pantone.

[Joy]

Which is what?

[Linda Snell]

Oh, it's a gallimore, free of ingredients. Joy. The triumph of good over evil. A distinct sense of community, spirit. A touch of anarchy, even. And most certainly, magic. You put the work in, get the craft right, and believe me, the magic will happen. Felpersham Arms Centre aren't prepared to do that, I'm afraid. They go through the motions, but there's no heart in it.

[Joy]

Sounds as if they could learn a thing or two from you, Linda.

[Linda Snell]

Well, they had their chance.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Did they?

[Linda Snell]

Oh, yes. I was all set to put on our daily bread.

[Joy]

Your daily bread?

[Linda Snell]

Our Daily bread? A community play at the Arts centre. I put it to them as a very solid proposal not long after I arrived in Hanbridge.

[Joy]

What happened?

[Linda Snell]

Oh, it's. It's all water under the bridge now, Joy. Best left unvisited.

[Joy]

No.

[Linda Snell]

Well, I can see they turned it down.

[Joy]

Oh, dear. That doesn't mean Babes in the Wood was gonna be no good, though.

[Linda Snell]

It would have been better if we'd done it, Joy. That's all I'm saying.

[Unknown]

Well, if it isn't the wicked fairy herself.

[Linda Snell]

The wicked fairy?

[Unknown]

I'm talking about Joy. Orville here. You sorted out everyone's money yet?

[Joy]

I haven't got anything back from the art center, if that's what you mean.

[Unknown]

You should get on their case.

[Linda Snell]

This isn't Joy's fault.

[Unknown]

It's her responsibility. She was the one going around persuading everyone to pitch up.

[Joy]

I didn't know the roof was gonna.

[Unknown]

Vince, did you even ask?

[Joy]

What did you do?

[Unknown]

Any kind of a recce.

[Linda Snell]

Oh, please, that's being unreasonable.

[Unknown]

Now I'm up to me armpits in grizzling kids and moaning grannies, not to mention miserable workers at the abattoir. And it's all because you got everyone excited about the wretched thing. You landed me right in it.

[Linda Snell]

No, no, you chose to sign up and encouraged your workforce to do the same.

[Unknown]

And I wish I hadn't. I'd have been better off staying at home.

[Linda Snell]

Yes, well, I was just saying to Joy we might all have been better off if we'd done our own Ambridge panto.

[Unknown]

No, thank you.

[Linda Snell]

No coaches involved.

[Unknown]

Bunch of clod up in amateurs.

[Linda Snell]

Assured quality.

[Joy]

I think I'm gonna go.

[Unknown]

Assured quality? You must be joking.

[Linda Snell]

You clearly don't know what you're talking about.

[Nicola Coughlan]

What's all the row about over here?

[Unknown]

It's garbage. Well known for it.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Joy, you're not going, are you?

[Joy]

I'm okay, Lillian. Only I probably should be at home.

[Linda Snell]

And this assessment is based on what?

[Unknown]

Experience?

[Linda Snell]

Prejudice?

[Unknown]

It's based on seeing our brummy greengrocer in spangly tights covered in sweat.

[Nicola Coughlan]

If you'd seen one of Linda's pantomime, you would change your mind.

[Unknown]

I doubt it.

[Linda Snell]

Anyway, I could do better than Felpersham. I know I could.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And do it in next to no time.

[Linda Snell]

A week. A week? I could put on an excellent pantomime in a week. Start to finish. And better than Felbersham.

[Unknown]

Go on, then.

[Linda Snell]

What?

[Unknown]

A fiver says you can't do it.

[Nicola Coughlan]

A tenner?

[Unknown]

20, 50?

[Nicola Coughlan]

100.

[Unknown]

Why not? Hundred? Put on a pantomime by Friday and the hundred's yours.

[Linda Snell]

I've a mind to take you up on that.

[Unknown]

Well, think first, Linda. I'm a fair minded man. I won't take money off you if you haven't thought it through.

[Linda Snell]

Oh, I don't need to think it through. You can make it five if you like.

[Unknown]

Five?

[Linda Snell]

500.

[Nicola Coughlan]

500.

[Linda Snell]

500.

[Unknown]

You're on a panto by Friday or the 500's mine.

[Lillian]

Honestly, Joy, there's no need for you to be here.

[Joy]

It's no trouble.

[Lillian]

We're not busy. Wish we were.

[Joy]

The shop's a conflict free zone. I'd rather be here than at home getting glared at.

[Lillian]

Glared at By Mick. Oh, I know.

[Joy]

Silent, glaring.

[Lillian]

The disapproving look. I've had that this morning from Tracy.

[Joy]

I thought I'd be safe in the pub, only I then got shouted at by Vince Casey.

[Lillian]

Oh, I had that too.

[Joy]

Is that I caught you.

[Lillian]

No, no, no. I mean the shouting from my sister. Sounding off about her shoes.

[Joy]

What's wrong with Tracy's shoes?

[Lillian]

I borrowed them from her. Now they've gone missing.

[Joy]

That's a shame.

[Lillian]

Only one and only temporary. She doesn't seem to understand. It's there, it's in the house. It can't be anywhere else. But the way she goes on, you think I'd done away with it on purpose?

[Joy]

Oh, well, she says it'll turn up sometime, I suppose. Like it don't really matter.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, dear.

[Linda Snell]

Who are you?

[Joy]

It's all right for her. She's got shoes coming out of her ear holes. This was my one decent pair. She just don't get it. How much they mean to me.

[Linda Snell]

No, how frustrating.

[Joy]

She never has to do without. That's her trouble. I have to cobble stuff together, make do and mend if I want anything.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Tracy, I think someone's at the bar waiting to be served.

[Linda Snell]

Oh, yeah?

[Joy]

Suppose I better go and see.

[Nicola Coughlan]

What was all that about?

[Linda Snell]

I'm not sure. My mind was running on this wager.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yes, I know. A real chance to put one over on Vince Casey.

[Linda Snell]

Or not. Why did you keep pushing the stakes up?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Because I have every confidence in you, darling.

[Linda Snell]

500 though.

[Nicola Coughlan]

500 was your call.

[Linda Snell]

Oh, yes.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I mean, I was a bit taken aback and then I thought, yes, why not? Let's really sting Him.

[Linda Snell]

It's a hefty sum though, Lillian, but.

[Nicola Coughlan]

One you won't have to pay.

[Linda Snell]

Oh, it's Vince.

[Berwick Kayla]

Ha ha.

[Nicola Coughlan]

He's getting cold feet.

[Linda Snell]

Well, tippid, perhaps.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Or tell him he's too late.

[Linda Snell]

No, no, he's not pulling out. He wants to apply terms and conditions.

[Nicola Coughlan]

What a nurse.

[Linda Snell]

This has got to be a proper pantomime. By Friday, as agreed. With full costume and all lines learnt. Not a read through in funny hats.

[Nicola Coughlan]

He really doesn't know you, does he?

[Linda Snell]

And in front of a proper audience.

[Nicola Coughlan]

As if you do it any other way. Agree.

[Linda Snell]

Well, wait a moment.

[Nicola Coughlan]

No, Linda. Agree before he backs out. You can do this by Friday.

[Joy]

A doddle.

[Linda Snell]

Well, I think I can find a script. Yes. And? And cast it and rehearse. But the set and the costumes and props, the audience. Lillian, I'll be right with you. Even so.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And we can get someone else to join the team.

[Linda Snell]

Someone? Someone willing and positive, hard working and.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And good with.

[Joy]

A panto.

[Linda Snell]

An Ambridge panto?

[Berwick Kayla]

Yes.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's a wonderful idea.

[Joy]

And this is what you called me back for? To help you with the pantour.

[Linda Snell]

Precisely.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Now, we need someone who's good with people. Good with people and not afraid of hard work.

[Joy]

That's not me, Lillian. I put people's backs up at the minute.

[Linda Snell]

No, you don't.

[Joy]

You want me to ask folk to sign up to be in a panto when I've only just asked them to fork out for the fiasco in Felpershow.

[Nicola Coughlan]

No, no, no, no. We can cast it, Linda and I.

[Joy]

But who's your audience, Lillian? The same people I've just let down. Why should they turn out for it? What's the attraction?

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's a Linda Snell production.

[Linda Snell]

No, no, Joy's right. We need a main attraction to hook people in. Something that'll put bums on seats. Star billing. And that's exactly where you can help Joy.

[Joy]

What?

[Linda Snell]

Find us our main attraction.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yes.

[Linda Snell]

Perfect.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Someone the crowds will flock to see. Can you do that?

[Linda Snell]

Oh, this is Joy you're talking to. Of course she can.

[Joy]

Well, it would keep me out of the house, I suppose. How long have I got?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Well, let's see a performance on Friday.

[Joy]

Friday?

[Nicola Coughlan]

So we'd need our cast in place by tomorrow evening at the latest.

[Joy]

This Friday?

[Linda Snell]

And we'd have to work out a schedule. Who's available to rehearse when?

[Nicola Coughlan]

A spreadsheet.

[Linda Snell]

I can get Robert to work on that.

[Joy]

And you want me to come up with the star attraction by tomorrow at the latest.

[Linda Snell]

What do you think? Can you do it?

[Joy]

I don't know. I can give it a go.

[Linda Snell]

Good for you.

[Joy]

Well done, Joy. You'll have to get cracking, though.

[Linda Snell]

She's right.

[Joy]

We should start things rolling now.

[Linda Snell]

We should. Wow.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Absolutely thrilling. Ladies and gentlemen, could we have a moment of your time, if you please? Thank you. Now, this won't take long. My good friend Linda here has a brief announcement to make.

[Linda Snell]

Cinderella.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Good morning to you too.

[Linda Snell]

It's the perfect choice.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's 7:30 in the morning.

[Linda Snell]

Heart lifting. Good triumphs over evil. Manageable castes. Cinders. Prince Charming. The ugly sisters. Oh, yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Double dame.

[Linda Snell]

What do you think?

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Brilliant. If we can find our ugly sisters.

[Mick Fadmore]

Oh, we will.

[Linda Snell]

Of course.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And a script.

[Linda Snell]

Ah, a script. Yes.

[Nicola Coughlan]

In fact, you know, now I come to think we put it on years ago and Hayley did the script.

[Linda Snell]

Uh, I think not.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure she did.

[Linda Snell]

No, no, no.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I mean, it must still be around somewhere.

[Linda Snell]

I mean, we can do a lot better than that.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Well, we did well enough to.

[Linda Snell]

Well enough is not good enough. PEOPLE LAUGH it was wooden, Lillian.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I don't remember that.

[Linda Snell]

More wooden than the set.

[Berwick Kayla]

Ah.

[Linda Snell]

Anyway, I found a much better script. One I did with the Sunningdale Players before I came to Ambage.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Ah.

[Linda Snell]

By you, who wrote it? Well, that doesn't really matter at this early stage. The thing is, it works and we have to get a move on. This is day one of five.

[Joy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I suppose, sir need to get on.

[Linda Snell]

With the casting, yes?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, of course. Leaving a gap at the top for Joy to fill.

[Linda Snell]

Our star attraction and leading player. Yes. Well, she must find someone today.

[Joy]

You want another cup? More coffee?

[Mick Fadmore]

No, I got to be getting to work.

[Joy]

You know, pantomime. Sorry, Mick, what were you saying?

[Mick Fadmore]

No, no, I was only thinking, you know.

[Joy]

What?

[Mick Fadmore]

Us. This setup. It's kind of not working. Me being here.

[Joy]

I mean, not just at the moment, it isn't. No.

[Mick Fadmore]

When then?

[Joy]

When?

[Mick Fadmore]

When will we know if it's actually gonna work or not?

[Joy]

We'll know when we know.

[Mick Fadmore]

Because I was thinking Friday.

[Joy]

Friday?

[Mick Fadmore]

Yeah. If we don't know by Friday, maybe that is knowing and maybe I should just be on my way.

[Joy]

That's what you think?

[Mick Fadmore]

I'm not sure.

[Joy]

Perhaps we should then by Friday.

[Mick Fadmore]

Okay. What about you? What were you gonna say?

[Joy]

It was only about this pantomime. Oh, that and Linda asking me to find someone to be in it. Someone special to kind of be a main attraction. Get people to buy their tickets and.

[Mick Fadmore]

Is that it?

[Joy]

No.

[Mick Fadmore]

Only I'm you at Greg Abel's.

[Joy]

No, no, no. I wanted to ask you what you thought. See, I was listening to the radio this morning and they had this bloke who was in Babes in the Wood, the one we were going to see in Felbersham. He was playing the Dame and he was talking about how sad it was, all that roof business, putting a stop to things. Berwick. His name is Beric Kayla.

[Mick Fadmore]

Beric Kayla.

[Joy]

He sounded such a lovely person, the.

[Mick Fadmore]

Berric Kayla from York.

[Joy]

Well, from Sunderland. But I gather he played the Dame for years in York.

[Mick Fadmore]

He's a legend. I always wanted.

[Joy]

What?

[Mick Fadmore]

Well, I went to see him year after year in York, and I always thought, what would it be like to be on stage with Berric Kayla?

[Joy]

Well, maybe you could.

[Mick Fadmore]

What?

[Joy]

Because it seems meant him being here and me hearing him just now.

[Mick Fadmore]

Meant how?

[Joy]

Meant to be. So I can ask him to be in Linda's pantomime?

[Mick Fadmore]

No.

[Joy]

It's like the fairy godmother sprinkled magic dust over Hambridge, making it happen.

[Mick Fadmore]

You don't know where he is?

[Joy]

I think I do. He's in this B and B and he was saying on the radio what he could see from his window how fantastic it is to be in the countryside. And there's a pond where the village sign's almost in the water. And I thought, I know that. That's haibury.

[Mick Fadmore]

So?

[Joy]

Well, I thought I'd go and see him.

[Mick Fadmore]

No.

[Joy]

Ask him to his face.

[Mick Fadmore]

You can't do that, Joy. You cannot interfere in people's lives like that.

[Joy]

It's not interfering.

[Unknown]

It is.

[Linda Snell]

It is.

[Mick Fadmore]

It's the same as you did with Rochelle and Rex sticking your nose in. We both know how that turned out.

[Joy]

Good morning. Horrible weather yet again.

[Unknown]

Terrible.

[Mick Fadmore]

Yeah.

[Joy]

Excuse me asking, but you're not Berry Kayla, are you?

[Berwick Kayla]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, who's asking?

[Joy]

Me. Joy. Joy Horville. A big fan.

[Berwick Kayla]

Oh. Nice to meet you, Joy.

[Joy]

Do you want to linger a while under me tree? Just for a moment. It's funny bumping into you like this just after hearing you on Radio Borsetshire this morning. Quite a coincidence.

[Berwick Kayla]

Is it really?

[Joy]

Yes. Well, no. No, it isn't. I've come on purpose and I've got myself soaked waiting to see you. I've got a proposition for you.

[Berwick Kayla]

Oh, go on, then.

[Joy]

How would you like to be in our village panto this coming Friday for no money?

[Berwick Kayla]

I'm afraid you make it sound so tempting.

[Joy]

But you'll consider it?

[Berwick Kayla]

Not for a single moment, love. No, I'm afraid. No, Joy. I won't look bedrago, Joy, but Draggle.

[Joy]

Just about sums it up. Jazza, where's Jim? Is he cross with us?

[Lillian]

Of course.

[Berwick Kayla]

No, he only expected you five minutes ago. He's at the back on the phone.

[Joy]

Oh, let me serve you, then. It was good of him to cover for me. Oh, I've had a rotten morning.

[Berwick Kayla]

What about that one?

[Joy]

Don't ask. It's not your problem. You're having those biscuits, are you?

[Unknown]

Please.

[Joy]

£1 99.

[Berwick Kayla]

There you go. The biscuits are just a cover, to be honest.

[Joy]

A cover?

[Berwick Kayla]

A pro for me. Coming to the shop. Tracey thought Susan would be here. I'm supposed to ask how she is.

[Joy]

Ah, the shoe business.

[Berwick Kayla]

You heard about the shoe business?

[Unknown]

But they happen.

[Berwick Kayla]

Where am I? On a spy mission between two sisters, which is a dangerous place to be.

[Joy]

Well, you can tell Tracey from me. Susan's feeling pretty miserable.

[Berwick Kayla]

Thanks.

[Joy]

I don't know if that's what she wants to hear.

[Berwick Kayla]

Maybe. Maybe?

[Joy]

No.

[Berwick Kayla]

I'm just a messenger.

[Joy]

But what do you think?

[Berwick Kayla]

I think I'm going to call in at the Bull for a pint before I get back. Hame.

[Joy]

Oh, seriously?

[Berwick Kayla]

They should have their scrap and then get out of themselves.

[Joy]

And that'll work?

[Berwick Kayla]

Who knows?

[Joy]

Would it work for Mick and me?

[Mick Fadmore]

Another pint, Jazza?

[Berwick Kayla]

Ah, thanks, Mick. I'm away. Back to Tracy in a minute.

[Mick Fadmore]

I can't be too long myself. I've had to switch a lunch break to get away.

[Berwick Kayla]

You're meeting somebody?

[Mick Fadmore]

I am that. As a matter of fact, wouldn't it be Joy? I suppose you're right, it wouldn't.

[Berwick Kayla]

Somebody else, then?

[Mick Fadmore]

Somebody else, but not like that. And I'm not saying who, so don't ask.

[Unknown]

But definitely no Joy.

[Mick Fadmore]

Definitely not. She's a mystery to me, that woman. I just want to help her out, but she keeps me at arm's length. Jazz. This meeting now.

[Berwick Kayla]

You and me.

[Mick Fadmore]

No, me and this. This other person. It's to help Joy out. Really. If I can work something out, maybe it'll cheer her up. But.

[Berwick Kayla]

Is this him?

[Mick Fadmore]

It is. Would you mind?

[Unknown]

Don't worry.

[Berwick Kayla]

See nothing, say nothing. That's me.

[Unknown]

Hey. Hey.

[Mick Fadmore]

Barry. Kayla, I presume.

[Berwick Kayla]

Mick Fadmore?

[Mick Fadmore]

The very same. I hardly recognize you without your wig and frocks.

[Berwick Kayla]

You've got a nerve.

[Mick Fadmore]

Well, I only wanted a word.

[Berwick Kayla]

You phone my B and B and leave a message demanding a meeting.

[Mick Fadmore]

Not demanding. No. No.

[Berwick Kayla]

Why should I come here to meet someone I don't know who won't say what he wants? I mean, why should I?

[Mick Fadmore]

You have, though, haven't you?

[Berwick Kayla]

Well, because I'm at a complete loose end. So what is it?

[Mick Fadmore]

Same deal you were offered this morning.

[Berwick Kayla]

What, by the woman in the rain? By her village Pantomime this Friday. No pay.

[Mick Fadmore]

That's the one.

[Berwick Kayla]

And it gets the same answer? No chance.

[Mick Fadmore]

And if I was to write down a certain figure on the back of this envelope and slide it across the bar to you?

[Berwick Kayla]

Try it and see.

[Mick Fadmore]

There you go.

[Berwick Kayla]

My word. Ha. Hey, this could keep me in cornflakes for very nearly a week.

[Mick Fadmore]

Eat a lot of cornflakes, do you?

[Berwick Kayla]

And what if I was to meet your bid with.

[Mick Fadmore]

I'd say we were in a negotiation situation.

[Berwick Kayla]

Why is this so important here?

[Mick Fadmore]

Because of the lady who came to see you this morning. She's trying to do something to offset the disappointment folk felt when they lost the Felbersham panto. Because she wants things to be nice. Simple as that. What are you thinking?

[Berwick Kayla]

That you could be right. Hey, maybe we are in a negotiation situation.

[Linda Snell]

Joy.

[Nicola Coughlan]

What is it, Dan?

[Linda Snell]

What?

[Joy]

Oh, I've just had a call from Berwick Kayla Berric Kayla. I went to see him this morning to ask him if he'd help us out.

[Linda Snell]

The Berric Kayla.

[Joy]

And he said no. Except he must have thought about it because he just called me back and said he changed his mind.

[Nicola Coughlan]

So this Berwick Kayla I've never heard of, he'll do it.

[Linda Snell]

Yes. The famous panto dame, Berric Kaylor will play an ugly sister.

[Joy]

Yes. I've no idea how he got me number, but he traced me somehow.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Well, this goes straight onto the WhatsApp group.

[Linda Snell]

Oh, of course.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Famous panto dame to star in Ambridge Cinderella.

[Joy]

Famous panto dame and northern icon.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And northern icon. Ha, ha. This will put bums on seats.

[Linda Snell]

Well done, Joy. Your chance to work with the one and only Berric Kayla.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yes.

[Joy]

There.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It'll encourage people to put their names forward to be in it too. Especially to be the other ugly sister.

[Joy]

You don't think it might intimidate them?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Well, it hasn't intimidated Richard Thwaite. He's volunteering right now.

[Linda Snell]

Oh. And so is Eddie Grundy.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, and my brother.

[Joy]

It'll take some sorting this.

[Linda Snell]

It will.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Well, then, we'll just have to have a dame off, won't we?

[Linda Snell]

And, of course, you're more than welcome to stay the week with us at Ambridge Hall, Berwick. No, no, not at all. We made the announcement yesterday and it's sparked a huge amount of interest. Bye, then. See you very soon. Bye. Bye.

[Unknown]

Bye.

[Joy]

Bye.

[Linda Snell]

Absolutely charming man. And so professional.

[Nicola Coughlan]

There's tons still to do, Linda.

[Linda Snell]

Well, of course, but we're making excellent progress. I'm so glad we entrusted Paul with the costumes. He's full of ideas.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yes, but can they be turned into actual costumes?

[Linda Snell]

Well, he'll check the store and develop something wild and imaginative from what he finds there. Really? Yes. We have to give people responsibility, Lillian, and then trust them to get on with it.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Right. We can't do everything ourselves.

[Linda Snell]

We've got enough on our plates with casting.

[Nicola Coughlan]

We have, which is why I've made an availability chart. Move those mugs. Now, character names here. Who's playing who in this column and the hours when they're available to rehearse. David Archer as Baron Hardup. Stella Pryor as Prince Charming.

[Linda Snell]

And you can add Mick Fadmore as Buttons. Oh, apparently he's desperate to be on stage with Berwick and Joy asked if we could accommodate him.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Well, I thought they were hardly speaking.

[Linda Snell]

Well, she says she still wants to do this for him. As long as no one tells him it was her son. This box here means David Archer is available for scene eight with one ugly.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Sister, but not Cinders on Wednesday from 6 till 7:30. Yes, assuming Alice agrees to play Cinders for us.

[Linda Snell]

Hasn't she decided yet?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Well, I'm hopeful she will. It'll be good for her to hear the village cheerer on.

[Linda Snell]

Well, you're her Aunt Lily, and get her to decide. I'll be going straight over to Brookfield to have a word with Leonard to get him involved. We still have no second sister, you see.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Nor will we till the dame off.

[Unknown]

You conniving pair of crooks.

[Linda Snell]

Vince, how lovely to see you. What can we do for you?

[Unknown]

You know full well. Call off this panto.

[Linda Snell]

Never.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Why on earth should we do that?

[Unknown]

Don't play the innocent with me, Lillian. You know what you've done.

[Linda Snell]

We've got off to a flying start, that's what.

[Unknown]

By recruiting a professional.

[Joy]

Oh.

[Unknown]

Oh, I see you've got a proper actor in.

[Linda Snell]

All my cast are proper actors.

[Nicola Coughlan]

We have done nothing wrong.

[Unknown]

Nothing wrong? You unscrupulous harpies.

[Nicola Coughlan]

According to your own terms and conditions. Where exactly does it say we can't cast a professional?

[Unknown]

It's against the spirit of the thing.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And not the law.

[Unknown]

Right. So now we know this is the way you're playing it.

[Nicola Coughlan]

By your own rules, Vince.

[Unknown]

Then be warned. Warned? From now on, the gloves are very definitely off.

[Linda Snell]

Now, time's pressing, Leonard. This is day two of five. We're almost halfway.

[Berwick Kayla]

Quite a Challenge?

[Linda Snell]

But you're up for it?

[Berwick Kayla]

Oh, yes.

[Linda Snell]

Good. In. In any capacity?

[Berwick Kayla]

Oh, yeah, of course. I understand you've already got your baron hard up.

[Linda Snell]

We have, yes.

[Berwick Kayla]

It might be rather amusing if I ended up as his daughter, Cinderella. One of the ugly sisters.

[Linda Snell]

Oh. But if not, you'd be prepared to take on anything?

[Berwick Kayla]

Oh, yes.

[Linda Snell]

Good. Nat.

[Berwick Kayla]

You have something in mind?

[Lillian]

Yes.

[Linda Snell]

As a matter of fact, I'd make.

[Berwick Kayla]

A pretty good villain.

[Linda Snell]

The set.

[Berwick Kayla]

The set? You mean. Quite a challenge backstage.

[Linda Snell]

A crucial role.

[Berwick Kayla]

Yes, yes.

[Unknown]

Jasa McCreary.

[Berwick Kayla]

What do you want?

[Unknown]

You. Anything to do with Linda Snell's pantomime.

[Berwick Kayla]

What is it to you?

[Unknown]

Well, if you aren't, you can help me out. Why would I want to do that? Well, I just want people to know the full story before they get involved.

[Berwick Kayla]

And what's that?

[Unknown]

They've brought in a proper actor. Oh, I know. A ringer. So? So an outsider takes a part that an Ambridge person should have had.

[Berwick Kayla]

And I should care why?

[Unknown]

A community pantomime with an outsider, a star.

[Berwick Kayla]

Up to them how they spend their money.

[Unknown]

That's not what I'm saying. He's not being paid, is he?

[Berwick Kayla]

I saw the deal. This bloke and Mick Fadmore in the Bull.

[Mick Fadmore]

What?

[Berwick Kayla]

Writing stuff down and sliding it across the bar.

[Unknown]

So wink, wink and tappy tappy on the news.

[Berwick Kayla]

I saw them then.

[Unknown]

It's worse than I thought.

[Berwick Kayla]

Who'd have thought so many would be dames?

[Unknown]

And I'm the odd one out.

[Berwick Kayla]

Oh, don't say that, Tony. You're as good a chance as anyone.

[Unknown]

The rest of you are all tartied up, though. I've come straight from the farm in my boots.

[Berwick Kayla]

Oh, I see what you mean.

[Unknown]

Richard Thwaite there.

[Berwick Kayla]

Yes. It's rather effective, isn't it?

[Unknown]

I can't compete with this lot.

[Berwick Kayla]

Of course you can.

[Unknown]

Even you, Leonard, in your flouncy dressing gown.

[Berwick Kayla]

This old thing? I borrowed this from Jill.

[Unknown]

Looks really good.

[Berwick Kayla]

I wonder how long we'll be.

[Unknown]

Well, there's a lot of us to see. It's the chance of working with Beric. Kayla.

[Berwick Kayla]

Well, yes. I saw him many a time in York. Wonderful.

[Unknown]

I heard he's been paid for this.

[Berwick Kayla]

Really?

[Unknown]

Yes. Not sure what I think about that.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Gentlemen. Gentlemen, please. Or should I say, ladies and gentlemen, a word from our director.

[Linda Snell]

Yes. Thank you, Lillian. And thank you for coming tonight. We'll do our best to see you all and be done and dusted by midnight. Now, the way we plan to do this is to get you improvising a Scene with Buttons.

[Nicola Coughlan]

So you're the ugly sister. And you're terribly rude to him and boss him about.

[Linda Snell]

Only our Buttons has been called to do an extra shift at work, so we are unbuttoned. Which means my good friend Lillian here will stand in for him.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Me?

[Linda Snell]

It's for the best.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I see.

[Linda Snell]

Leonard, perhaps you'll start us off?

[Berwick Kayla]

Me? Yes, yes, yes, of course.

[Linda Snell]

Right, off you go then.

[Nicola Coughlan]

You rang for me, mistress?

[Mick Fadmore]

What?

[Berwick Kayla]

Did I? Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Linda Snell]

Sorry.

[Nicola Coughlan]

What can I get for you?

[Berwick Kayla]

Run off and get me some buns somewhat. Buns? A big bag of burns.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Right.

[Linda Snell]

Thank you, Leonard.

[Berwick Kayla]

What?

[Linda Snell]

I'll let you know by the end of the evening.

[Berwick Kayla]

Well, I haven't been rude to her yet.

[Linda Snell]

You have to hit the ground running, I'm afraid, Leonard. Nice thought, though. Making her Scottish.

[Mick Fadmore]

What?

[Linda Snell]

Tell you what, so you don't have a completely wasted evening.

[Berwick Kayla]

Wasted?

[Linda Snell]

Why don't you pop into the understage studio and see what can be used for the set?

[Unknown]

Is that it for Leonard, then?

[Nicola Coughlan]

I think it probably is, casting wise.

[Berwick Kayla]

Oh, right. Fair enough.

[Unknown]

In that case, do you think I could borrow his dressing gown?

[Berwick Kayla]

What the blazers are you doing down here?

[Unknown]

Hat check for Paul.

[Berwick Kayla]

Hat check? Parties, costume plans. You know, doing the dame off. I was, but I'm no longer needed, apparently. Oh, you've been ditched. I only said half a dozen words. What can you tell in half a dozen words? Search me. Anyway, now I've been packed off to find bits of set. They say there's a coach down here somewhere. Oh, I. I've seen it. Made for the last Cinderella against the Wall. Look. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's the one.

[Linda Snell]

A gold coach.

[Berwick Kayla]

Not bad. Looks a bit scruffy. No, not bad at all. Could be spruced up, I suppose. Yeah. Touch of paint, you reckon? Definitely. Stick a few wine gums on it. Wine gums for jewels.

[Linda Snell]

Yes.

[Berwick Kayla]

I can probably do something with this.

[Unknown]

Do as you're told, Buttons.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I'm doing the best I can.

[Unknown]

Well, I'm sorry, but it's not quite good enough.

[Linda Snell]

Not quite good enough?

[Unknown]

Yes. Why?

[Linda Snell]

You're supposed to be bullying her. Yes, a blustering bully.

[Unknown]

Yes, but what? She's my sister.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, for goodness sake.

[Unknown]

It just feels wrong.

[Linda Snell]

All right, all right. Let's leave it there.

[Unknown]

Can I have one more go?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, I don't really see the point.

[Unknown]

I was going to try it with Leonard's dressing gown.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I don't know if that'll make any difference.

[Linda Snell]

Once more then.

[Unknown]

Give me a moment.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, come on, Tony. We've still got people to see.

[Unknown]

Don't you Tony me, you turnip. How dare you use my proper name. I am Antonia.

[Nicola Coughlan]

What am I, Antonia?

[Linda Snell]

What are you?

[Unknown]

I'm a blooming bellyache of a Buttons.

[Linda Snell]

What are you?

[Unknown]

Backside of a bellyaching Buttons, that's what you are, and don't you forget it.

[Nicola Coughlan]

There we are. All done by midnight, just as we said.

[Linda Snell]

Yes, and I think we found our second ugly sister.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Antonia.

[Linda Snell]

Antonia.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Disturbing as it was to see my little brother like that.

[Linda Snell]

Wonderfully disturbing.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Anyway, a good night's work.

[Linda Snell]

Yes, apart from Vince Casey putting his head around the door to see how we were getting on. Just passing, he said.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Just passing. My elbow.

[Linda Snell]

Oh, Lillian, while I think of it, have we booked the hall for Friday night?

[Nicola Coughlan]

What do we need to? No one uses it on a Friday.

[Linda Snell]

Well, just dotting the eyes and crossing the T's.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Good point. I'll get Joy to do it.

[Linda Snell]

Oh. Oh, look who's here.

[Unknown]

Late night ladies.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Just passing, are we? Events.

[Unknown]

So much to do when you got a panto to put on. Let's hope it's all worthwhile, eh?

[Nicola Coughlan]

I'm Nicola Coughlan and for BBC Radio 4, this is History's Youngest Heroes. Rebellion, risk and the radical power of youth.

[Unknown]

She thought. Right, I'll just do it. She thought about others rather than herself.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Twelve stories of extraordinary young people from across history. There's a real sense of urgency in them.

[Joy]

That resistance has to be mounted. It has to be mounted. Now.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Follow History's Youngest Heroes wherever you get your podcasts.

[Berwick Kayla]

Hey, you've put a lot of work into this.

[Linda Snell]

It is, in fact, a script that's been used before, Berrick. Very successfully, I think it's fair to say.

[Berwick Kayla]

I'm sure.

[Linda Snell]

And now I've put hours into trimming it and adapting it. Ambridge.

[Berwick Kayla]

Well, it looks fine to me.

[Linda Snell]

Oh, thank you. That means a lot.

[Berwick Kayla]

I will, of course, have to take possession of it.

[Linda Snell]

Take possession?

[Berwick Kayla]

Well, to make it mine, you know, as the day.

[Linda Snell]

Oh, of course.

[Berwick Kayla]

A little nip and tuck here and there. The odd adjustment.

[Linda Snell]

Not too odd, let's hope.

[Berwick Kayla]

Well, this line here, for example, about the fish paste. Oh, yeah, yeah, that'll have to go. And, well, it slows everything down as we head for the punchline.

[Linda Snell]

Well, I'm not sure.

[Berwick Kayla]

I'll put something else in. Oh, and my sister. Yes, I'll need to meet my sister as soon as.

[Linda Snell]

Well, actually.

[Berwick Kayla]

Well, it's very important. We're compatible.

[Linda Snell]

Yes. Yes. I'm hoping to rehearse you and Tony. Tony Archer. Local farmer and a particularly fine actor this afternoon.

[Berwick Kayla]

Excellent.

[Mick Fadmore]

Ah, thanks, Robert.

[Linda Snell]

Mick.

[Mick Fadmore]

Linda. Hello, Berric. You settle in then?

[Berwick Kayla]

Very comfortably.

[Mick Fadmore]

Yes, and we'll be on stage together.

[Berwick Kayla]

I'm your buttons. So I gather.

[Mick Fadmore]

You must be quaking at the very.

[Linda Snell]

Was there anything in particular, Mick?

[Berwick Kayla]

What?

[Linda Snell]

Because Berwick and I were just going through the script. Oh, yes, and time's at a premium.

[Mick Fadmore]

Yes, there is. Well, then Lillian asked Joy to make sure the hall was booked and Joy went to see Hilary Noakes about it, you know, just to be Castane Shore. And it's already booked?

[Berwick Kayla]

Already booked?

[Mick Fadmore]

Yes.

[Berwick Kayla]

And is that a problem? No.

[Linda Snell]

Lillian probably went ahead and booked it herself.

[Unknown]

No.

[Mick Fadmore]

I mean, yes, it is a problem because it's not been booked by any of us.

[Berwick Kayla]

Well, can't whoever it is be persuaded to change the plans?

[Mick Fadmore]

I doubt it. It's Vince Casey.

[Linda Snell]

What?

[Berwick Kayla]

Who?

[Mick Fadmore]

He says it's his mum's birthday and she's asked for a do in Ambridge at the village hall.

[Lillian]

Tracy.

[Linda Snell]

Tracy.

[Joy]

I'm on my way to work.

[Lillian]

Yeah, I just wanted a word. So I. I noticed you got a brick loose on your step.

[Joy]

I know.

[Lillian]

Have you seen it?

[Joy]

Jaza says he'll sort it. Only knowing him, I'll probably end up doing it myself. Right. Was that it? No, because like I said, I've got work to go to.

[Lillian]

About this shoe turned up.

[Joy]

Has it?

[Lillian]

No, I looked again, but there's still no sign.

[Joy]

Then I've got nothing else to say.

[Lillian]

No, no, no, Tracy, wait. What? I'm not happy about this. Us not talking over a pair of shoes.

[Joy]

That was my one nice pair of shoes.

[Lillian]

No, no, it's all right for you. No, that's not what.

[Joy]

You got everything you could possibly, possibly want?

[Nicola Coughlan]

No, I haven't.

[Joy]

I got one nice pair of shoes.

[Lillian]

Everything I want. Maybe you should think about that for a moment. Tracy, what my life's like just now. I only wanted to say, can we try and talk about these? Yeah, well, at least have a proper conversation.

[Joy]

I have to be at the Bull in five minutes. You want to call round? I'll be back by two.

[Linda Snell]

I've just spoken to Vince Casey and he's a boorish, self serving, petty minded oaf.

[Berwick Kayla]

He won't give up the whole.

[Linda Snell]

I never really expected him to. The point of phoning was so I could tell him what I thought of him.

[Berwick Kayla]

Then that's that. We're done for.

[Linda Snell]

No, no, we are, Linda.

[Berwick Kayla]

We have no venue.

[Linda Snell]

No, we have so much in place.

[Joy]

What's the point?

[Berwick Kayla]

You can't Perform without a venue. I'm out. This pantomime is destined not to be.

[Linda Snell]

No, listen. Freddy Pargetter's been talking to Felbersham Arts Centre and he's managed to persuade them to advertise our Cinderella on their website.

[Berwick Kayla]

Well, tell this Freddy whatever his name is. There's no need.

[Linda Snell]

But they'll include the show on their email list.

[Berwick Kayla]

What show? There is no show.

[Linda Snell]

Something will turn up.

[Berwick Kayla]

Will it really?

[Linda Snell]

Well, it might. And if it does, we have to be ready. Look. Look. Have a look at this.

[Berwick Kayla]

What is it?

[Linda Snell]

The fairy godmother's costume retrieved from the store.

[Berwick Kayla]

Linda, you're setting yourself up for the most tremendous platform.

[Linda Snell]

Well, it's a tricky role to fill, as you know. It needs authority and warmth and. And belief.

[Berwick Kayla]

And that's you, is it?

[Linda Snell]

Well, I have played the part before. The last time we did Cinderella. My wand.

[Joy]

Look.

[Berwick Kayla]

With authority and warmth and belief.

[Linda Snell]

Berwick, we have to believe in the possibility at least.

[Berwick Kayla]

And if there is no possibility?

[Linda Snell]

People said I had a way with the wand. A certain flourish. Like so.

[Berwick Kayla]

Nothing you say? You have to face it, Linda. Now, look. You set that up.

[Linda Snell]

It's my mobile.

[Berwick Kayla]

It's activated by your voice.

[Linda Snell]

No, no, no, no. This is a text from David Archer Baron Harder. He's heard about losing the hall and he's offering us the Brookfield Barn for the panto. Free of charge. You mean we're back in business? Berwick. Next rehearsal, then 1:00. In the hall with the ugly sisters? Yes.

[Berwick Kayla]

How can I possibly say no?

[Unknown]

Leonard's really got stuck into renovating the coach. I hear he's spending hours under the stage doing it up.

[Linda Snell]

Well, that's the thing about Leonard. Once you give him a job, you can leave him to it. You can guarantee he'll see it through.

[Unknown]

I've still got his flouncy dressing gown.

[Linda Snell]

Well, you'll need it, Tony.

[Unknown]

I will. I'll be lost without it.

[Linda Snell]

Then you better make sure it's available for Friday night.

[Unknown]

Oh, Friday night.

[Linda Snell]

What's the matter?

[Unknown]

The thought of it.

[Linda Snell]

Oh, Tony, you'll be fine.

[Unknown]

I don't know.

[Linda Snell]

You were brilliant in the day moth.

[Unknown]

Can I do it on demand, though? And what about Berry? Kayla?

[Linda Snell]

What about him?

[Unknown]

What if he thinks I'm not up to scratch?

[Linda Snell]

Oh, stop worrying about what ifs. You should be in my shoes. Then you would have things to worry about.

[Unknown]

Like what?

[Linda Snell]

Gene Harvey has pulled out. Did you know?

[Berwick Kayla]

Jane?

[Unknown]

Why?

[Linda Snell]

In protest, she says.

[Unknown]

Protest at what?

[Linda Snell]

I dear. But I wouldn't be surprised to find Vince Casey at the bottom of it somewhere.

[Unknown]

Why would Vince want to interfere?

[Linda Snell]

I don't know. Hello. Hello.

[Berwick Kayla]

Now, you must be my long lost sister, Antonia.

[Unknown]

How do you do?

[Berwick Kayla]

Yes, yes, yes, I think this could work. You'll be wearing the dressing gown, will you?

[Unknown]

If I can.

[Berwick Kayla]

Will it do you quite tarty? Yeah, it will do. You'll be the tarty one, I'll be the pretty one. Right, Linda, what's the plan?

[Linda Snell]

Well, Eric, I thought I'd start with the ballroom scene. Some of the courtiers are here already.

[Berwick Kayla]

What about us?

[Linda Snell]

Well, then I'll run through your scenes until.

[Berwick Kayla]

No, no, no, no. You won't need to do that. Antonia and I can manage ourselves.

[Linda Snell]

Yes, but I'd still need.

[Berwick Kayla]

Wouldn't you say so, Antonia?

[Unknown]

I imagine so, yes.

[Linda Snell]

Well, you need direction, Taya.

[Berwick Kayla]

He'll be fine. And anything good we come up with, we can slip straight into the script.

[Linda Snell]

Well, as long as I approve.

[Berwick Kayla]

Oh, you'll approve all right. Now, you go and marshal your courtiers and let us sisters get to know each other.

[Linda Snell]

Right. But we'll break in an hour and. And have a look at what you've been doing.

[Unknown]

Now what?

[Berwick Kayla]

Get your gown on. Don't forget, I'm the pretty one. And I'm the witty one. You're the one with straw in your mouth.

[Unknown]

Straw?

[Berwick Kayla]

Well, you're a farm girl, aren't you?

[Unknown]

Oh. Oh, I see.

[Berwick Kayla]

Straw in your mouth and up to your garters in mud. And shepherds.

[Unknown]

You the pretty one. I got tractors prettier than you.

[Berwick Kayla]

Ooo, harkada. They only keep you to scare off the crows, dear.

[Lillian]

You haystack.

[Berwick Kayla]

Yeah, Mucky.

[Unknown]

Big bum.

[Berwick Kayla]

Ugly old trout.

[Mick Fadmore]

Big bum.

[Unknown]

Bird brain. Battle axe.

[Berwick Kayla]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Keep out of this, you plunker.

[Mick Fadmore]

No need for tempers. Let's just call it, shall we?

[Unknown]

How dare you, Buttons. You've stifled my flesh.

[Berwick Kayla]

So that was going very, very nicely till you stuck your oar in sunshine.

[Mick Fadmore]

You mean you weren't. You were only.

[Berwick Kayla]

It's called acting, pet.

[Joy]

All right, all right, I'm coming. Oh, it's you.

[Lillian]

Hello, Tracy.

[Joy]

You can't come in, Susan. The house is a tip.

[Lillian]

I was making a custard tart for Neo Welling, and I swear thought I'd do one for you as well as a peace offering.

[Mick Fadmore]

Oh, right.

[Lillian]

Oh, just bring it in. Put it down somewhere and.

[Linda Snell]

Oh.

[Lillian]

Oh, no. Oh.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, my custer toe.

[Lillian]

Tracy, I'm so sorry.

[Joy]

You did that on purpose. You're having a laugh.

[Lillian]

I tripped on the broken stick.

[Joy]

Broken step. My Foot. You chucked it. You chucked it at me.

[Lillian]

Let me wipe it off for it.

[Joy]

You keep your hands off me.

[Lillian]

It's coming off, love.

[Joy]

Get off.

[Linda Snell]

Get off.

[Lillian]

It's not too bad.

[Joy]

Ruined, this blouse.

[Lillian]

It's not ruined. Calm down.

[Joy]

Don't you tell me to calm down. You come round here with your tin custard.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It was not tin.

[Lillian]

No, I made that especially. You're overreacting.

[Joy]

I'll overreact if you don't get out. Go on, get out of my house.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Right.

[Berwick Kayla]

Right.

[Linda Snell]

Every.

[Unknown]

Buttons, buttons.

[Berwick Kayla]

Are you paying attention?

[Mick Fadmore]

I am, yes.

[Unknown]

Pay attention to me, not her.

[Mick Fadmore]

To you. Right.

[Berwick Kayla]

No, not to her to me.

[Mick Fadmore]

Right.

[Unknown]

I want you to go to the fish shop and get some chips.

[Berwick Kayla]

No, I want you to go to the chip shop and get some fish.

[Mick Fadmore]

Oh, sorry. Sorry. That's me.

[Berwick Kayla]

Oh, for goodness sake. Don't answer the perishing thing.

[Mick Fadmore]

No, it's not a call, it's a text.

[Berwick Kayla]

Well, don't look at it. Not in the middle of a scene.

[Mick Fadmore]

Oh, dear.

[Unknown]

What's the matter?

[Mick Fadmore]

It's Paul.

[Berwick Kayla]

Doesn't matter who it is.

[Mick Fadmore]

Oh, dear.

[Berwick Kayla]

Put it away.

[Mick Fadmore]

He's under the stage checking our costumes.

[Berwick Kayla]

Look, this can wait, sunshine.

[Mick Fadmore]

I'm not sure he can. Merrick. He says they're not there.

[Nicola Coughlan]

What, the costume?

[Unknown]

Yes. They were there yesterday when Jazza was doing his hat inventory.

[Berwick Kayla]

What's the matter with this?

[Linda Snell]

Please.

[Berwick Kayla]

Yes. First we can't use the hall, then people drop out.

[Unknown]

Now, this sounds deliberate to me.

[Mick Fadmore]

Sabotage.

[Unknown]

Well, you can't help wondering, more to.

[Berwick Kayla]

The point, who's going to break the latest news to the fairy godmother? Over there.

[Linda Snell]

Excellent. Well done.

[Unknown]

Susan. You all right?

[Joy]

What?

[Lillian]

Oh, yes. Yes, I'm fine.

[Unknown]

I could see someone sitting on the bench. I didn't realize it was you. Do you mind?

[Lillian]

Oh, no, no. You sit down. Tony should be making a move anyway.

[Unknown]

Oh, don't go because of me. I've just come from a panto rehearsal.

[Lillian]

Oh, that's nice.

[Unknown]

Is it? I'm not sure. We've only got tonight and tomorrow, and then Friday's upon us and there's all sorts of problems and I'm wondering if I've done the right thing here.

[Lillian]

Friday. Being in it, you mean? I'm wondering, will you remember the line?

[Unknown]

Well, yes, that. And am I going to make a complete burk of myself?

[Lillian]

I thought that was the point.

[Unknown]

I suppose it is, yes.

[Lillian]

I just had a fight with my sister.

[Unknown]

With Tracy. I'm sorry to hear that. What about?

[Lillian]

I threw a custard tartar on purpose? No, of course not. But she thinks it was. Oh, we said some terrible things to each other. Hurtful. Meant to hurt.

[Unknown]

Can't you put that right?

[Lillian]

Well, I'm not sure it's up to me to do that.

[Unknown]

Well, one of you should. It's a precious thing to have a sister, you know. You don't want to spoil things by throwing custard at each other.

[Linda Snell]

Sorry to turn up so early, Lillian, but my head is full of problems. I'm in desperate need of black coffee and a dose of positivity.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Well, darling, we knew it will be a challenge. A panto in a week?

[Linda Snell]

This is more than a challenge. There's something foul afoot.

[Nicola Coughlan]

You mean costumes going missing?

[Linda Snell]

Exactly.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Well, that's got Vince's fingerprints all over it, that house.

[Linda Snell]

And then there's Jill wanting her dressing gown back, which Tony can hardly do without. And a schedule so complicated that Prince Charming and Cinderella now won't actually meet until Friday night.

[Nicola Coughlan]

You mean tomorrow night.

[Linda Snell]

Don't remind me.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And Derek Fletcher's just pulled out.

[Linda Snell]

Yes, citing moral objections. He's the third.

[Nicola Coughlan]

What moral objections? Do you know?

[Linda Snell]

I didn't say. I didn't have time to ask. I've had Berwick snapping at my heels all waking hours.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Well, it's only because he wants everything to be perfect.

[Linda Snell]

Oh, and does that mean hacking the script to bits? Sticking in new line after new line when the original was perfectly fine? All this constant badgering, expecting people to jump whenever he speaks? What are you smiling at?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Sounds like a Linda Snell production.

[Linda Snell]

This is supposed to be a Linda Snell production. And I was never that bad. Anyway, what am I going to do, Lillian? What am I going to do?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Get through it, darling. Things aren't as grim as they seem. And there are positives. Alice is coming on like a house on fire.

[Linda Snell]

As cinders and the disappearing costumes?

[Nicola Coughlan]

I've been thinking about that. We could ask people to improvise their own. With Paul as a consultant, we could, I suppose. And I'll have a word with Jill. If she knows her dressing gown has a starring role, I'm sure she'll agree to Tony wearing it.

[Linda Snell]

What about people dropping out?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Vince is probably behind that, too.

[Linda Snell]

How can we stop him?

[Nicola Coughlan]

We need to find out more about that. Leave it with me. I will ask around, see what I can discover. And as for Barry, well, I would say go with the flow. Let him run his bits while you run the rest. CO direct.

[Linda Snell]

Co direct. Are you mad?

[Berwick Kayla]

Yeah, well, it's a good space, but it is a Barn. And in my book, a barn is a barn.

[Linda Snell]

We did our Canterbury Tales in here. It does work, Berry.

[Berwick Kayla]

Well, if you say so. Mind you, the set will have to work extra hard.

[Linda Snell]

It will.

[Berwick Kayla]

This has got to become a ballroom and a castle kitchen and switch between them in an instant.

[Linda Snell]

Leonard's working on it as we speak.

[Berwick Kayla]

And is he competent? Is he, this Leonard?

[Linda Snell]

Oh, he's utterly reliable.

[Berwick Kayla]

He may be utterly reliable, sweetheart, but is he competent? We don't want a set that looks like a doctor's waiting room. Should I check?

[Linda Snell]

There's no need.

[Berwick Kayla]

I should, I should.

[Linda Snell]

No, no, I'll do it. I do it. I have every confidence, but I'll do it anyway.

[Berwick Kayla]

Now, you pop along and see him now.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Mick. Mick, Hang on a minute.

[Mick Fadmore]

I can't stop.

[Nicola Coughlan]

No, it's a quick question.

[Mick Fadmore]

I'm on my way to rehearsal.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's that that I'm asking about.

[Mick Fadmore]

I have to be buttons and cinders this time. Can you believe it?

[Nicola Coughlan]

It's about Berrick, in fact. Oh, yeah? Is he being paid?

[Mick Fadmore]

What?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Well, I've just been speaking to Jean Harvey and she says she's dropped out because she's been told he was being paid and she didn't think it was fair.

[Mick Fadmore]

Who told her that?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Vince Casey. I thought Lee were the one who recruited him. So maybe you know more about it than I do.

[Mick Fadmore]

No, no, we had a chat in the ball and money wasn't mentioned. Except, well, money is a joke.

[Nicola Coughlan]

A joke?

[Mick Fadmore]

Yeah, you know, like a scene in a film. I kind of said, what would it take? And I wrote a number on an envelope or something.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Well, what number?

[Mick Fadmore]

10,000.

[Joy]

10.

[Nicola Coughlan]

10,000?

[Berwick Kayla]

Yeah.

[Mick Fadmore]

And he laughed because he knew it was a joke. Joke? Oh, you. You don't think, dear, that someone's got hold of the wrong end of the stick here?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yes, I think that's highly likely. And someone else has taken that stick and used it to beat us with.

[Mick Fadmore]

You mean Vince Casey?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Very likely.

[Mick Fadmore]

But why? I mean, why would he do that? Just to muck things up for other people?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Not just that. No.

[Linda Snell]

What, then?

[Nicola Coughlan]

Look, I'm telling you this in confidence, Nick. No one else knows about it, but Vince bet Linda that she couldn't put a pantomime on in a week. By Friday.

[Mick Fadmore]

Tomorrow.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Yeah, I know it's tomorrow. She took the bet.

[Mick Fadmore]

How much?

[Nicola Coughlan]

500.

[Mick Fadmore]

500?

[Nicola Coughlan]

But we thought it wouldn't come to that. We thought we could do it and I. I think we can still do it. As long as Vince doesn't manage to scupper the whole Thing.

[Mick Fadmore]

I hate to think I'm to blame for all this.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Oh, it's not just you, though.

[Berwick Kayla]

Well.

[Mick Fadmore]

Someone ought to have a word. Set him straight.

[Berwick Kayla]

Come through, Linda. Come through.

[Linda Snell]

Your stage crew are on a tea break, are they?

[Berwick Kayla]

What? Oh, yes.

[Linda Snell]

And they know the drill, do they? The drill? For scene changes. Because it should go like clockwork. Each member a cog in the machine.

[Berwick Kayla]

Oh, yeah, that'll be fine. I'm sure they will. This is what I wanted to show you. This.

[Mick Fadmore]

Oh.

[Linda Snell]

The golden coach.

[Berwick Kayla]

Golden and bejeweled. What do you think?

[Linda Snell]

Oh, it's splendid, Leonard.

[Berwick Kayla]

Note the jewels around the window.

[Linda Snell]

Oh, yes.

[Berwick Kayla]

Bag and a half of wine gums went into that. And the wheels are now working, see? And the little latch on the door.

[Linda Snell]

Yes, yes, it's lovely. You must have put hours into this.

[Berwick Kayla]

Well, I have. Though I shouldn't say it.

[Linda Snell]

And the rest? Leonard?

[Berwick Kayla]

Yes?

[Linda Snell]

Where's the rest of the set?

[Berwick Kayla]

The rest?

[Linda Snell]

The palace. The castle.

[Berwick Kayla]

Oh, right.

[Linda Snell]

They must be in place in the barn tomorrow morning. Morning?

[Berwick Kayla]

We're doing it in the barn, are we?

[Linda Snell]

You know we are.

[Berwick Kayla]

I've been focused on the coach, that's all.

[Linda Snell]

How much have you done? Well, where are the flats, the castle kitchen, the ballroom? What have your team been practicing with?

[Berwick Kayla]

We haven't actually got around to practicing anything yet. As I say, the coach.

[Linda Snell]

Don't tell me about the coach. I do not want to hear another word about the blessed coach. We have not got a set. And that's your fault.

[Berwick Kayla]

Well, I wouldn't say centimeter it is.

[Linda Snell]

This is why your scene shifters sit around playing cards and drinking tea. They've got nothing to shift. Absolutely nothing.

[Mick Fadmore]

I only want five minutes.

[Unknown]

I'm not listening.

[Mick Fadmore]

I can't be long anyway. I'm on a lunch break. I have to be back by quarter past.

[Unknown]

Well, you've just wasted your time because I'm not listening.

[Mick Fadmore]

I'm not looking for a fight.

[Unknown]

You've got a funny way of showing it.

[Mick Fadmore]

I only want to set the record straight. You've been misinformed.

[Unknown]

This is my office, my place of work. You either leave now of your own free will, or I have you removed.

[Mick Fadmore]

Derek Kaylor is not being paid.

[Unknown]

What?

[Joy]

He is.

[Unknown]

I know he is. I have an eyewitness account.

[Mick Fadmore]

He told me so himself.

[Unknown]

Yep. Well, he would say that, wouldn't he?

[Mick Fadmore]

He's doing this out of the kindness of his heart, Mr. Casey. And the rumours going around are doing the man an injustice.

[Unknown]

Well, even if that's true.

[Mick Fadmore]

It is.

[Unknown]

He's still an Outsider. A ringer brought in to make the thing.

[Mick Fadmore]

But why shouldn't it work? This is a good thing you're trying to stop here.

[Unknown]

Who says that's what I'm doing?

[Mick Fadmore]

Well, aren't you? If it's the bet that's worrying you.

[Unknown]

Who said anything about a bet?

[Mick Fadmore]

Nobody. But if it is the bet, Mr. Casey, I'm happy to pay that myself. It might take me a bit of time, but you wouldn't be out of pocket, I promise you that.

[Unknown]

Why would you do that?

[Mick Fadmore]

Like I said, it's.

[Unknown]

I mean, why does it matter so much?

[Mick Fadmore]

I have my reasons.

[Unknown]

Which are?

[Mick Fadmore]

Because. Because Joy, she feels so bad about losing the Felpersham panto. Linda's pop up Cinderella was to be a sort of payback to make things right again. I want to help her bring that about.

[Unknown]

So you're doing this for her?

[Mick Fadmore]

And for the children.

[Linda Snell]

Children? What children?

[Mick Fadmore]

Did you not think of that yourself, Mr. Casey? Their little lives touched by a bit of magic. Why would you want to deprive them of that?

[Berwick Kayla]

Yes, I know it's late, Jill, but I'm here for the duration, I'm afraid. I'm painting scenery as fast as I can go. No, I don't think it's possible, to be honest, but. Oh, I'll have to call you back, Jill. I think Linda's just turned up.

[Unknown]

Leonard?

[Lillian]

Oh.

[Berwick Kayla]

Vince, it's you.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I'm. I'm. I'm returning a pile of costumes that got inadvertently removed.

[Berwick Kayla]

Inadvertently? How did that come about?

[Unknown]

Well, I'm not quite sure. Some. Some mix up. All sorted now.

[Berwick Kayla]

Where are they?

[Unknown]

In the van. If you'd like to give us a hand with them.

[Berwick Kayla]

I can give you five minutes, Vince, but it's a. I'm a bit under pressure here.

[Unknown]

What are you doing?

[Berwick Kayla]

Painting the kitchen walls.

[Unknown]

Brown.

[Berwick Kayla]

Brown's all I've got available. It's supposed to look like stone.

[Unknown]

And that bit's the stove. Is it?

[Berwick Kayla]

You can tell.

[Unknown]

It was a guess, though. It looks like it's made of wood.

[Berwick Kayla]

I know.

[Unknown]

That'll be a fire hazard in a stove. That would.

[Berwick Kayla]

Oh, you're right. This is useless. Oh, I'm useless.

[Unknown]

I wouldn't say that.

[Berwick Kayla]

No.

[Unknown]

Going by this, you probably are. Yeah. You made a good job of the coach here.

[Berwick Kayla]

Thank you.

[Unknown]

You did this, did you?

[Berwick Kayla]

I did, yes. Although, as things have turned out, I probably shouldn't have done.

[Unknown]

It was very good. Very good indeed.

[Berwick Kayla]

The wheels go around and everything.

[Unknown]

Only one thing missing, seems to me. Is it the final touch? What needs A number plate?

[Berwick Kayla]

Oh, no, I don't think so.

[Unknown]

Nice little flourish.

[Berwick Kayla]

It wouldn't work.

[Unknown]

Something simple.

[Berwick Kayla]

Because it was a pumpkin, wasn't it? And then it turned into a coach. It wouldn't come with a logbook, would it?

[Unknown]

You were thinking too logically. You think like that, none of it stands up.

[Berwick Kayla]

Oh, I suppose so.

[Unknown]

Take five minutes to add a number plate.

[Berwick Kayla]

Saying what?

[Unknown]

A K and a C and I won. That'd do.

[Berwick Kayla]

K C, 1.

[Unknown]

It works at a subliminal level, Leonard.

[Berwick Kayla]

You might be right. But fact remains, I haven't got five minutes to give. I've got to get this kitchen finished tonight and then there's loads.

[Unknown]

I'd like to break it to your friend, but that's not going to happen. Be honest with yourself. None of this is going to be ready by tomorrow, is it?

[Berwick Kayla]

No. Made a real pig's ear of this, haven't I?

[Unknown]

You need a plan B. I'd say.

[Berwick Kayla]

Even a plan B is not going to help.

[Unknown]

I don't know. I can think of one that might.

[Berwick Kayla]

The trouble is, there's further complications.

[Unknown]

Go on.

[Berwick Kayla]

I've got this crew of scene shifters lined up and one of them just pulled out. So even if I did get the set ready, I wouldn't have a team to move it.

[Unknown]

Who's pulled out?

[Berwick Kayla]

Molly Button.

[Unknown]

On what ground?

[Berwick Kayla]

A previous engagement. So she said. I think the real reason is she doesn't want to be humiliated. Stumbling about on stage and not knowing what she's doing.

[Unknown]

Why would that be?

[Berwick Kayla]

Because we haven't rehearsed. None of them knows what they're doing.

[Unknown]

You haven't asked.

[Berwick Kayla]

Asked what?

[Unknown]

What my plan B would be. I said I could think of a plan B that might solve all your problems. Don't you want to know what it is?

[Berwick Kayla]

You're serious, aren't you?

[Unknown]

Why would I not be?

[Berwick Kayla]

Well, I just assumed.

[Unknown]

Oh, no. People do that. They jump to conclusions about me. But I'm here to help. And the missing Molly problem is easily dealt with.

[Berwick Kayla]

Is it?

[Unknown]

I'll do it.

[Berwick Kayla]

You?

[Unknown]

Well within my scope. Moving scenery. I'll rehearse the team too.

[Berwick Kayla]

What?

[Unknown]

Get them over to Brookfield, bound by nine tomorrow morning, and I'll put them through their paces. I know how to organise a workforce.

[Berwick Kayla]

What about the set?

[Unknown]

Don't look so worried, Leonard. You can leave that one with me.

[Berwick Kayla]

Really?

[Unknown]

Everything'll be fine, believe me.

[Linda Snell]

Just look at them all. There's tons of them all waiting to see Cinderella. This is down to you, Joy. You've done so much to get Us an audience?

[Joy]

No, it's a team effort.

[Mick Fadmore]

Well, whatever it took, we did it. We're ready to roll.

[Linda Snell]

Oh, don't speak too soon, Mick. We haven't actually run the thing yet.

[Joy]

That's right. This'll be tech dress and opening night all rolled into one.

[Linda Snell]

Well, until this morning, we had no set.

[Mick Fadmore]

There it is now, though. And it looks fantastic.

[Joy]

How did that happen?

[Linda Snell]

Vince Casey.

[Joy]

Vince?

[Linda Snell]

I know. He talked Felbisham Arts Centre into lending us some of their flats. All painted and ready and they're brilliant.

[Joy]

But wasn't Vince Casey the villain of the piece? Now he's more or less joined the team. What changed his mind?

[Linda Snell]

Well, no one seems to know the magic of panto.

[Mick Fadmore]

That's my theory.

[Linda Snell]

Well, something certainly did.

[Mick Fadmore]

And has he coughed up?

[Joy]

Coughed up?

[Mick Fadmore]

Lillian told me you had a little bet on.

[Linda Snell]

We did, Nick, Yes. And yes, he's considered. And with a good grace.

[Mick Fadmore]

So the drinks will be on you.

[Linda Snell]

Lillian and I are in the process of deciding what to do with it. But all will be done responsibly, I assure you.

[Mick Fadmore]

Right. I better go and get myself ready. Me and Berry crew first. See you later, ladies.

[Linda Snell]

Thank you, Mick. Break a leg.

[Joy]

You know, Linda, I reckon some people will have gone to the village hall. They'll still think we're doing it there.

[Linda Snell]

You could.

[Joy]

I think I better go there and see. Then if anyone does turn up, I can redirect them.

[Linda Snell]

We could get someone else to do that.

[Joy]

No, I don't mind.

[Linda Snell]

You miss the show.

[Joy]

I'd still rather go. Don't want people being late.

[Linda Snell]

You might miss Mick's first scene.

[Joy]

Well, never mind.

[Linda Snell]

Joy, are you all right?

[Joy]

I'm fine.

[Linda Snell]

My shoe.

[Lillian]

Your shoe? Back where it belongs.

[Joy]

Where was it?

[Lillian]

Well, Neil told me not to tell you. Neil?

[Joy]

Why?

[Lillian]

But I'm going to anyway. Only you have to promise not to tell anyone. This.

[Joy]

I promise.

[Lillian]

This is sisters only. Tracey, what I'm about to tell you.

[Joy]

Just tell me.

[Lillian]

Well, you remember when we were all going to the felpish and pantomime?

[Joy]

Yes. Babes in the Wood.

[Lillian]

And that notice came round saying, why not have to the fun by dressing up as one of the characters for the kids?

[Joy]

Yeah.

[Lillian]

Well, you mean neon. I don't know where I was. Out somewhere, I suppose.

[Joy]

He never did.

[Lillian]

He thought he'd have a go.

[Joy]

But it was for kids. Well, like I said, who was he gonna go as?

[Lillian]

Dottie Doolala Dotty do lala.

[Joy]

I know, I know.

[Lillian]

So he's trying on a few bits and pieces and just a Minute what?

[Joy]

Bits and pieces. That's all he says we need to know.

[Lillian]

Oh, just bits and pieces. He wouldn't go into details. Apart from the shoes. No, this is the point.

[Joy]

He had my shoes on.

[Lillian]

No, because they wouldn't fit. But he's sitting on the bed, trying them out when he hears the doorbell going. He panics.

[Joy]

I bet.

[Lillian]

Pulls off what he's wearing, the bits and pieces, flings the shoes under the bed and the doorbell's still ringing, so he rushes downstairs to see who's there. And he's still got one of the shoes in his hand, so he chucks it in the cupboard under the stairs and then he forgets about it. Until half an hour ago. I came straight round. I am so sorry, Tracy.

[Joy]

And what about Dotty Do Lally? Is she sorry?

[Lillian]

Dotty Do Lally? It says if you want to join us for the pop up panto, she'd be happy to treat you to a ticket.

[Joy]

And is that just Dotty Do Lally speaking?

[Lillian]

No, it's me as well. And Tracy, I'd really like it if you said yes.

[Joy]

Oh, if you've come for the pantomime, it's now at Brookfield.

[Mick Fadmore]

You should be me.

[Joy]

Mick. What are you doing here?

[Mick Fadmore]

Linda told me.

[Joy]

Not supposed to be getting ready.

[Mick Fadmore]

She said you'd come to the village hall to redirect people.

[Joy]

Well, you know, just in case.

[Mick Fadmore]

Yeah. She also said that you were feeling too bright.

[Joy]

I never said that.

[Mick Fadmore]

It's not hard to tell, though, Joy. The thing is. Well, it's Friday.

[Joy]

I know that.

[Mick Fadmore]

We said we'd decide by Friday if I was gonna leave or not.

[Joy]

I know that as well.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Joy]

It's been hanging over us all week.

[Mick Fadmore]

Me too.

[Joy]

You too?

[Mick Fadmore]

It was a stupid idea.

[Joy]

You're the one who came up with it.

[Mick Fadmore]

Yeah, well, that's me, isn't it? I knew it was daft and I was too pigheaded to say so. You. You're not an intellectual interfering woman, Joy.

[Joy]

I am.

[Berwick Kayla]

You just.

[Joy]

I am an interfering woman.

[Mick Fadmore]

Just trying to help people, that's all. I don't want to leave.

[Joy]

I don't want you to go. Mick, you're in the opening scene of the panto.

[Mick Fadmore]

Yes.

[Joy]

You shouldn't be here. Go.

[Mick Fadmore]

Right.

[Linda Snell]

Go, go, go. Standing Ramoni at the back.

[Berwick Kayla]

Where's that? Buttons?

[Linda Snell]

He was here five minutes ago.

[Berwick Kayla]

That's no help to anyone. Linda. Cinders is here. Antonia is here.

[Linda Snell]

Mick won't let us down.

[Berwick Kayla]

Oh, where have I heard that before? Well, if he's not here by 7:30 I'm going on without him.

[Linda Snell]

Beric, you're looking magnificent.

[Berwick Kayla]

Thank you.

[Linda Snell]

Every inch the dame.

[Berwick Kayla]

And you, if I may say so, make the idea fairy. Oh, I'm beginning to suspect there's real magic in that wand.

[Linda Snell]

Oh, well, I have to say, I was worried when you took your scissors to my script. Worried and not a little annoyed.

[Berwick Kayla]

Nips and tops. Only nips and tops.

[Linda Snell]

Well, it irritated me, but I can see now they actually improved things.

[Berwick Kayla]

Your script's fine, Linda.

[Linda Snell]

I've never said that before to anyone.

[Berwick Kayla]

It's more than fine. It's very good. I just tweaked it in line with my experience.

[Mick Fadmore]

Sorry.

[Linda Snell]

Oh, sorry.

[Mick Fadmore]

Make wave. Buttons coming through.

[Berwick Kayla]

Where the devil have you been, sunshine?

[Mick Fadmore]

I had to see someone.

[Berwick Kayla]

No, I don't want to know. Right, straighten your jacket. Right. Right. Ready, Buttons?

[Mick Fadmore]

Yeah, I think so.

[Berwick Kayla]

It wasn't a question. Right, so let's go and knock them dead. Me bubbies, me Bens. Hello.

[Linda Snell]

Hello.

[Mick Fadmore]

Arabella?

[Berwick Kayla]

Yes, that's me. I'm a town girl, really. Not like my sister Antonia.

[Mick Fadmore]

Antonia's really taken to the countryside.

[Berwick Kayla]

Yes, she's been rewild. Have you seen her lately? I have.

[Mick Fadmore]

Hanging round Breech Farm, hoping to get breech fresh.

[Berwick Kayla]

I'm much more sophisticated. I can't be doing with all these animals. I mean, they make me nervous.

[Mick Fadmore]

Whoa. I've got just the thing for that. Look, a cuddly sheep.

[Berwick Kayla]

Oh, what a sweet little, goodly little sheep. What's her name? Felice.

[Linda Snell]

Oh, lovely.

[Mick Fadmore]

I tell you what, put her on that little chair and we'll keep an eye on her for you.

[Berwick Kayla]

Now, will she be safe?

[Mick Fadmore]

Oh. Oh, yes. We'll look after police, won't we, girls and boys?

[Berwick Kayla]

If anyone goes nearer, you will let me know, won't you? You will, will call out.

[Mick Fadmore]

Late comers shuffling in at the back.

[Berwick Kayla]

Ah, it's that lovely lady Joy.

[Mick Fadmore]

The lovely lady who lights up my life.

[Joy]

Less of that, you big soft Herbert.

[Mick Fadmore]

My name's not Herbert, it's Buttons.

[Linda Snell]

Now, Cinders, see what you have been told a coach to take you made of gold will now appear. Amazing. Very specially made by Leonard Berry.

[Lillian]

Oh, and I love the little shape.

[Joy]

Oh, Felice. All the kids were on their feet whenever anyone went near her.

[Lillian]

Oh, including you, Tracy.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Me?

[Lillian]

You were, you know you were. Well, poor little thing. Wasn't it sweet, though, when Buttons handed it to Martha?

[Linda Snell]

Hello, you two.

[Joy]

Oh, Linda, that were fantastic.

[Linda Snell]

Thank you.

[Lillian]

Oh, grab a chair and join us one day.

[Linda Snell]

No, no, no, thank you, but I'm circulate. Someone just gave me an envelope with your names on it.

[Joy]

Oh, dear.

[Linda Snell]

I thought you ought to have it before it gets lost in the crush.

[Joy]

Now what have we done?

[Lillian]

It's both of us. Is it both of you?

[Linda Snell]

Yes. You will excuse me, won't you? I must find Berry.

[Joy]

I was trying to slip in at the back.

[Mick Fadmore]

I know.

[Joy]

Unnoticed. We saw you, then everyone saw me. The whole lot turned round. You said what you said.

[Mick Fadmore]

The lovely lady who lights up my.

[Joy]

Life in front of all those people.

[Mick Fadmore]

It was spontaneous. I didn't think.

[Joy]

And now you've had time to think.

[Mick Fadmore]

I meant every word of.

[Lillian]

Must be a mistake. We have to find Linda.

[Joy]

It's our names on the envelope. It must be for us.

[Lillian]

Tracy, it's £500. I know.

[Linda Snell]

Don't wave it about.

[Lillian]

Oh, let me see the envelope. There's a card. Look.

[Joy]

What's it say?

[Lillian]

Dear Susan and Tracy, a sister is a precious gift. I now know that to be true.

[Joy]

This is Lillian. I'm sure it is.

[Lillian]

Don't let your differences keep you apart. When times are hard, you need each other. Here is a gift for both of you. Do something lovely with it, but make sure you do it together. And it's signed from a friend.

[Linda Snell]

Can we have a little hush, please? A little quiet. I have something to say. There are so many people to thank for seeing our pop up Cinderella through to a happy ending. I would, though, like to say a particular thank you to someone who came from outside, but by the end of this week has earned his place in our hearts as a great dame, a true gentleman and an Honorary Ambridgean. Mr. Berwick. Kayla.

[Berwick Kayla]

Quiet. Quiet place. Quiet. Quiet. Now, I think you all know there's someone else who deserves our thanks. The one, the only, Linda Snell. She's a unique director, one to conjure with, who has her own irresistible, magical touch.

[Linda Snell]

Very kind. I think I might claim that for my epitaph.

[Berwick Kayla]

So raise your glasses and join me in a toast with thanks. To Linda Snell.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Linda Snell.

[Berwick Kayla]

I'm sure, Linda, you'll now be putting your feet up, love, eh? For the foreseeable. Oh, no, she won't. Oh, yes, she will. I will tomorrow. Alex.

[Nicola Coughlan]

I'm Alex Kratosky.

[Unknown]

And I'm Kevin Fong.

[Nicola Coughlan]

How do you feel about AI? Does it scare you? Very quickly that question comes up, you know. Is it going to think for us? Does it excite you? I say, how is the AI going to help us to think better?

[Berwick Kayla]

Do you worry about how it'll change your life?

[Linda Snell]

Your job, your kids?

[Joy]

AI is built into many of the.

[Mick Fadmore]

Software applications that we now use in schools.

[Linda Snell]

Every day, in every episode of the artificial human from BBC Radio 4.

[Berwick Kayla]

Kevin and I are here to help.

[Joy]

We will chart a course through the.

[Linda Snell]

World of AI and we will answer your questions.

[Joy]

It doesn't just lie, but it lies in an incredibly enthusiastic, convincing way.

[Berwick Kayla]

That ability to be able to kind.

[Joy]

Of think critically is just going to be so important as we move forward.

[Linda Snell]

The Artificial Human with me, Alex Kratovsky.

[Joy]

And me, Kevin Fong.

[Linda Snell]

Listen on BBC Sounds.

[Nicola Coughlan]

When you're young, it feels like anything is possible. Maybe you're a little hot headed, but your optimism lifts you up and your righteous fury can be rocket fuel, propelling you to fight for what's right. You might make choices that put you in danger. You might even make history. I'm Nicola Coughlan. This is history's youngest heroes. Rebellion, risk and the radical power of youth.

[Unknown]

Being young, maybe she didn't think too much. She thought, right, I'll just do it. She thought about others rather than herself.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Twelve stories of extraordinary young people from across history. There's a real sense of urgency in them.

[Joy]

That resistance has to be mounted.

[Nicola Coughlan]

It has to be mounted now, Including a young man called Nelson Mandela, a firebrand who led the Defiance campaign against apartheid.

[Unknown]

Break segregation laws, ignore curfews, enter the.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Door for white people at the post office, stand on the white side of.

[Mick Fadmore]

The platform at the train station, and it's decided that black people are going.

[Nicola Coughlan]

To do this en masse. And Lakshmi Bai, the Rani of Jansi, India's warrior queen.

[Joy]

She was a small woman leading her.

[Linda Snell]

Troops astride a horse, sword in each hand, taking on the might of the entire British Empire.

[Nicola Coughlan]

History is lit up by young people who act on instinct and stick to their principles. Like Julian of Norwich, one of the first women to write in the English language. A trailblazer, but at a cost. Why would somebody choose to have themselves blocked up in a tiny little cell with limited contact with the outside world?

[Lillian]

Out of choice.

[Nicola Coughlan]

And Lady Jane, grey Queen for nine days, who refused to give up her faith and chose to face the executioner's axe.

[Joy]

You have someone who is knowingly risking.

[Nicola Coughlan]

Death and then ultimately, knowingly taking death. Because there is something that matters more.

[Joy]

To them than their life itself, and.

[Nicola Coughlan]

That'S a fundamentally heroic position. These are tales of saints, athletes, Hollywood superstars and pioneers. Some heroes are household names. Some have been all but forgotten. Like Vasily Arkhipov, a Soviet naval officer whose extraordinary courage helped save the world from nuclear catastrophe.

[Linda Snell]

Well, sticking to your guns on that submarine in that heat.

[Joy]

That take guts.

[Nicola Coughlan]

That really takes guts. History made by young people. Follow history's youngest heroes wherever you get your podcasts.