09/08/2026

Summary

The Archers Omnibus – August 8, 2026

Episode Overview

This week’s Omnibus dives into intertwined personal and family dramas in Ambridge, focusing on significant changes around Fallon’s planned departure from The Bull, repercussions of her breakup with Harrison, a theft that rocks Chelsea’s business plans, and escalating tensions (and secrets) between the Grundys, Aldridges, and their farming affairs. Against this, traditions and relationships are tested—sometimes humorously, sometimes painfully—as the village navigates love, loyalty, and the challenges of moving forward.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Fallon's Departure & Pub Legacy

• Fallon's Big Decision: Fallon is set to leave The Bull for a new opportunity at Lower Loxley’s Crook Barn, sparking anxiety and sadness for her mother Jolene and others.

• Jolene's Resistance & Reflection: Jolene struggles with the news, feeling it’s a hasty and selfish move, fearing the pub's future (06:16). She ultimately, after advice from Ed, reflects on her own unpredictable career and recognizes that Fallon must find her own way (11:33).

• Changing Dynamics: Jolene and Kenton argue about next steps for the pub and the family, with Jolene feeling Fallon is abandoning something special; Ed encourages acceptance and understanding.

  “Maybe Fallon’s a chip off the old block.” — Ed to Jolene, (11:36)

---

2. Fallon and Harrison’s Breakup: Community Ripples

• Shockwaves: News of Fallon and Harrison’s breakup sends ripples through their circle, with everyone surprised and saddened.

• Support & Awkwardness: Friends try to cheer up Fallon (“dross night” out), but she asks that her breakup not dominate conversation (08:13). Kenton’s ‘parental’ attitude toward Fallon provokes irritation.

• Attempts at ‘Fixing’: Kenton books a couples’ counseling session without full consent, leading to pushback from both Fallon and Harrison (22:20, 22:29). The experience is ultimately rejected by the couple as unwelcome interference.

• Moving On: Despite some doubts voiced by Harrison, both agree it's time to move forward, acknowledging the depth of their differences and the pain of their choices (23:16).

  “And you know, I truly thought that loving you the way I did meant that I wouldn’t mind about not having kids.” — Harrison to Fallon, (23:16)

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3. Grundy-Aldridge “Double Agent” Drama

• Ed Pulled Between Two Farms: Ed and Emma accept a lucrative tree surgery job from Martin Gibson, who asks him to report back about Home Farm for more money. Ed is wracked by guilt and anxiety over divided loyalties (24:34, 44:33).

• Brian’s Hurt: Brian Aldridge is deeply offended when he learns Ed’s been reporting to Martin, but Eddie Grundy proposes they use the situation to their advantage—essentially making Ed a “double agent” (49:05).

• Family Loyalty: Emphasizes Ambridge’s thickets of loyalty, secrecy, and shifting alliances.

  “You want me to be a double agent?” — Ed to Brian (49:32) “A bit of an overstatement... more like the resistance feeding strategic information that might, on occasion, be misleading.” — Brian (49:34)

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4. Chelsea’s Theft & The Fate

• Devastating Loss: Chelsea’s horse box, containing her prized hairdressing kit, is broken into—theft discovered just before the village fete (42:50–47:47). She is distraught, fearing she left the back unlocked and thus invalidated her insurance.
• Community Response: Family and friends rally to help, suggesting borrowing or hiring replacement tools. Practical support from Neil and Harrison helps stabilize her.
• Determined Self-Reliance: Despite the upset, Chelsea vows, “I’m going to have to fix this myself. It’s down to me, nobody else.” (51:15)

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5. Tradition, Family, and Shifting Generations

• Cider & Cake: Warm moments between Robert (Eddie) and another grandchild as they prepare cider, discuss wassailing, and make plans to enter a cider cake at the village show (27:00, 34:11).
• Family Bonds & Secrets: Recurring motifs of secrets, responsibility, and the complexities of crossing the thresholds into adulthood, parenting, and trust.

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6. Comic Relief: Sausages, Soup, and Toenail Tales

• Light interludes as Joy, Neil, and Bert bicker over sausages, secretly disliked salty licorice, imaginary heroics of the beloved but absent Jazzer, and outlandish claims about who cut Bert’s toenails and made the best Mulligatawny soup (14:10, 25:10, 33:00).

  “I didn’t know it was going to taste like old car tires, did I?!” — Joy (26:07)

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7. Emergencies & Emotional Climaxes

• Amber’s Accident: After falling off a tractor, Amber ends up in A&E with a fractured wrist (54:01, 68:28). This complicates her work and pregnancy.

• Kira’s Baby Worries: A parallel panic, as Kira doesn’t feel the baby move; a dash to hospital, reassurances, and relief that all is well (55:01–58:17).

• Personal Growth: Both young women reflect on looming adulthood and parenthood, their hopes, fears, and what it means to “step up”.

  “It’s not for wimps, this baby business, is it?” — Kira (62:27)

---

8. Brad’s Confession & Fallout

• Love Tangles Exposed: Brad confesses to Kira that he once kissed Amber (on New Year’s Eve), a secret that upsets Kira (64:09–66:00). The fallout is immediate, with Kira storming away.
• Ripple Effect: Amber is devastated that the secret is out, fearing what might happen if George finds out.

---

9. Kenton & Jolene's Counselling Session

• Unexpected Reflectiveness: Having paid for an unwanted session, Kenton and Jolene attend together instead. They humorously and honestly question whether they’re “in a rut” in life and marriage, and if habits make them stuck (70:23).

• Desire for Change: Both acknowledge the need to shake up their routines and trust Fallon and Harrison to move on as well.

  “Habits become a sort of crust…and if we’re not careful, that will harden, become a shell… and then we won’t be able to change.” — Jolene (70:13)

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Kira’s moving acceptance:

  “I just want our child to hurry up and get here safely, that’s all.” (62:39)

• On falling into a rut:

  “We need a good beating.” — Jolene, about their routine (70:56)

• Family wisdom:

  “Family’s family, Kira. However bad the storm, the clouds always pass in the end.” — Eddie/Robert (31:09)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Fallon & Jolene’s confrontation about The Bull: 05:26 – 06:27
• Kenton suggests couples counselling: 17:03 – 22:35
• Chelsea discovers theft: 42:42 – 47:47
• Ed’s “double agent” reveal: 44:33 – 49:57
• Amber’s accident & hospital trip: 54:01 – 68:28
• Brad’s confession about Amber: 64:09 – 66:07
• Kenton & Jolene’s couples counselling: 66:11 – 70:59

---

Episode Tone & Takeaways

In classic Archers style, the episode balances humor, heartbreak, and agricultural tradition. The village’s tightly bound web of relationships means mistakes—and good intentions—have consequences, but also that redemption and reconciliation are possible. Change is both feared and embraced, with new paths opening for Fallon, Amber, Chelsea, and even their parents as Ambridge rolls on.

---

For New Listeners

This omnibus provides a window into the intimate, everyday struggles and joys of rural life, where legacies are weighed, secrets simmer, and family and work are forever entwined. It’s an episode about letting go—of roles, relationships, and expectations—while holding tight to those you love.

Transcript

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[Narrator]

you're listening to the Archers Omnibus from BBC Radio 4.

[Ed]

Two pints. There we go. Ed at your bill, please.

[Chelsea]

Right.

[Ed]

Oh, anything else? The roast pork's looking amazing.

[George]

Oh, don't tempt me. Clary cooked earlier. Me and Emma had a huge tree surgery. Job to finish. It was our reward. Oh, Kenton should give Joy a bonus. She's trying to persuade me to spend

[Narrator]

more at the bar. How much persuading do you need?

[Ed]

Three words, Ed. Sticky, toffee and pudding.

[Harrison]

Well, I'll give in.

[George]

Two sticky toffee puddings. No, actually, one. Two spoons.

[Kenton]

Okay, I'll bring it out.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Great.

[George]

Thank you.

[Kenton]

Nice work, Joy.

[Narrator]

We're just doing my job.

[Ed]

I think the rush might be calming down.

[Kenton]

Well, don't bet on it. There's a table for six. Book for half past.

[Ed]

Right. Let's hope the fate's this busy next week.

[Kenton]

Well, beer's ordered. It's in the lap of the gods now.

[Ed]

The lap of Alan. And his ticket price is more like. I haven't had a chance to say Kenton I was really sorry to hear about Fallon and Harrison.

[Kenton]

Oh, yeah, thanks. Bit of a bombshell.

[Ed]

They seemed so perfect.

[Kenton]

That's what everyone says. Look out, she's here.

[Fallon]

Two chickens and a cauliflower.

[Ed]

Oh, that's for Linda and Robert.

[Amber]

I'll take it over.

[Kenton]

Thanks.

[Fallon]

Actually, Kenton, now it's calming down, I wondered if I could have a word. I've made some arrangements now.

[Kenton]

Best talk to your mum about arrangements.

[Narrator]

Don't want the food to go cold.

[Kenton]

Linda, Robert.

[Fallon]

Honestly, Joy, they've been like this all day, both of them. There are things to organize, so they

[Ed]

have to be organized today. Maybe slow down a bit, eh?

[Fallon]

I swear they're both avoiding me.

[Ed]

It's the Sunday rush, that's all. On which note, I need a sticky toffee pudding for Ed with two spoons.

[Maggie]

Oh, for gardens even. It's more flesh on display than Benidorm.

[Ed]

Yeah, well, the sun comes out and people go do lally. Have you seen Jazza's shops?

[Maggie]

Oh, you can't miss him. Is it his family tartan, do you think? Now, put these in the machine for me, will you, my darling?

[Narrator]

I'll serve right away, Mum.

[Fallon]

I've booked some agency stuff for when I go at the end of the month. Really? I've been trying to talk to you all day.

[Maggie]

I know, but it's a sunny Sunday.

[Fallon]

You have to engage with this. Mom, we will.

[Whole Foods Market Advertiser]

We will.

[Maggie]

Not right this minute. Alistair. What can I get you, my darling?

[Harrison]

Who'd have thought it?

[George]

Oh, no.

[Harrison]

Sad. I mean, Valen's always been a free spirit.

[Neil]

I never thought she'd settle down at all.

[George]

They were a really good couple.

[Harrison]

Quite a lot of time for Harrison, even if he has a copper. Do you think she's met somebody else?

[George]

Well, maybe he did up in Yorkshire.

[Harrison]

Maybe.

[George]

I used to wonder.

[Chelsea]

What?

[Harrison]

I know.

[George]

What do you mean, you know?

[Harrison]

Come on, man. I remember you going up. Well, you fancied her rotten.

[George]

I'm not the only one, am I? I can't remember the road trip, you know.

[Harrison]

That was a very long time ago, mate.

[George]

Yeah, whatever.

[Harrison]

Here she is in her 40s, footloose and fancy free. Well, we're both married with kids. Who'd have predicted that?

[George]

Yeah, well, I like being married with kids.

[Harrison]

Aye, life's a funny thing. Your Fallon's gonna need a bit of support. Are you busy tonight?

[George]

No, no, everyone's out. Plan to put my feet up.

[Narrator]

Why?

[Harrison]

I've had an idea.

[Maggie]

Three beef, a chicken and two porks, extra. Yorkshire and one of the beefs.

[Fallon]

That'd be the last of the beef.

[Maggie]

I think that's no problem. Through the worst.

[Fallon]

Oh, good. So you can talk to me for two minutes?

[Maggie]

No, not really. I've still got a pub to run. The food's going down so well today.

[Fallon]

Which is why we need to talk about the arrangements for when I've gone. Fallon, I know you don't think I should be going, but I am.

[Maggie]

Fallon.

[Fallon]

It's happening, Mum. The Crook Barn at Lower Locksley is an amazing opportunity for me.

[Narrator]

I see that.

[Maggie]

I get it. But the Bull's an award winning pub and so much of that is down to you. Why throw it all away now?

[Narrator]

Oh, no.

[Fallon]

It's a chance to build on it. Create something new. A reboot. Please stop blocking me.

[Maggie]

Nobody's saying don't go, just don't go yet. Don't rush.

[Fallon]

Look, I've loved being at the Bull, Mum, but sometimes opportunities turn up when you're not expecting them. And the Crook Barn has turned up. It's not to do with me and Harrison. I'd have done it if we were still together. Can you not just support me?

[Maggie]

I'll always support you.

[Fallon]

So let's talk about the arrangements that we need to make so the Bull isn't impacted when I go. I've organized agency cover from the end of the month. Please get your head around it.

[Ed]

Oh, Fallon, if you've got it. Oh, sorry. Am I interrupting?

[Fallon]

No, no, we finished. Right, Mum.

[Amber]

Right.

[Narrator]

Great.

[Ed]

Only Jazza's at the bar and would like a word.

[Fallon]

Yeah, I'll be there as soon as I've done this order.

[Ed]

I can start on that if you want.

[Chelsea]

Great.

[Fallon]

Thanks, Joy.

[Ed]

Sorry, Jolene.

[Travel Guide]

Did I.

[Maggie]

It's fine, Joy. Well, it's not. It's not at all. But I reckon it's gonna have to be.

[Kenton]

That's all gone through. Thanks, Jazza.

[Harrison]

Thank you. As usual, the sticky toffee was amazing.

[Narrator]

Good to hear.

[Fallon]

Jazzer.

[Harrison]

Oh, yes, yes.

[Kenton]

Oh, yeah. How can I help?

[Fallon]

Everything okay? Wow. Jazzer. They're shorts.

[Harrison]

Good, huh?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Right.

[Harrison]

I've got a wee proposition for you.

[Fallon]

Oh, yes?

[Harrison]

Ed and me think we all need a good old dross night. You know, putting the world to rights. Here, a couple of drinks.

[Fallon]

Oh, I'd love that. When?

[Harrison]

Tonight? Soon as you get up here.

[Fallon]

Tonight? Oh, you've heard, then?

[Harrison]

I'm really sorry, Fallon. Really, really sorry.

[Fallon]

Thanks. I don't need cheering up, Jazza, if that's what this is about. I'd love us to have a night

[Kenton]

out, but it's been a Sunday's not really the night for it, is it, Kenton? Sorry, I couldn't help overhearing. Sunday, you know, work tomorrow.

[Fallon]

Kenton, I'm not a teenager. I don't need my social life supervised, thanks.

[Kenton]

Of course not.

[Fallon]

I don't mean I'd love to come out with you. Jazza.

[Harrison]

Fantastic kick up at the blue border. I thought them fully one noses for there. Cap him.

[Fallon]

I'll ask Joy if she can finish off in the kitchen, Kenton, so you won't be inconvenienced, will you?

[Kenton]

Right, well, I'll leave you to it then.

[Harrison]

That'll be fun, Fallon.

[Fallon]

But one condition. No talk about Harrison or the breakup. Feel like I've talked about nothing else all week.

[Harrison]

You're on. We'll just have a good old laugh, eh?

[Ed]

Aw, thanks so much, Jolene. I didn't even realize I'd left it behind.

[Maggie]

Well, Sunday lunch is always chaos. Bit quieter this evening. I've left Kenton in charge.

[Ed]

I probably wouldn't have noticed till I went to put it on charge.

[Maggie]

I didn't want you thinking you'd lost it.

[Ed]

Oh, sit down. I'll make us some tea. Oh, other swain in the fridge.

[Maggie]

Well, not for me, but I love a brew, thanks.

[Narrator]

Is.

[Maggie]

Is there something with your doorbell made a really weird sound.

[Ed]

Oh, I know it's not the battery. I've tried. Mick says he look at it, but we both keep forgetting.

[Maggie]

Oh, one of them boring tasks that never get done, eh? Thanks for finishing up for Fallon.

[Ed]

Oh, happy to help. Especially when things are so up in the air for your wall.

[Maggie]

Yeah, it's all happening too fast, Joy.

[Ed]

I did try saying something like that too.

[Maggie]

Did you? Well, thanks. Maybe she'll listen to you.

[Ed]

Bill does.

[Travel Guide]

Okay.

[Maggie]

Yeah, perfect. I don't know what to do, Joy.

[Ed]

I get that.

[Brian]

Believe me.

[Maggie]

I'm really worried about them. Both of them, Harrison and all.

[Ed]

Of course.

[Maggie]

I mean, I know they'll probably be fine, but I feel like Fallon's just walking away from Summit really good without thinking about it properly.

[Ed]

Oh, Jolene, do you mean Harrison?

[Maggie]

Well, Harrison too, but I'm talking about the bull.

[Narrator]

She won't listen to me.

[Maggie]

I'm not an idiot, Joy. I'm talking sense. But no, she just wants what she wants, whether she's letting us down or not.

[Ed]

Oh, I understand. I really do. I went through the mill with my Rochelle. It's hard being all stoic and supportive for your kids when you think they're making a mistake.

[Maggie]

So how did you manage?

[Ed]

I don't know. Honestly. I just tried to be There when she needed me. Tried to let her find her own way. I can see you're angry.

[Maggie]

Angry, maybe. Frustrated, definitely. What if Fallon leaving affects business? I find that hard. And I think. Honestly, I think it's selfish of her doing it so suddenly. Yes, I am quite angry.

[Ed]

Well, it's good that you know that. No good bottling it up.

[Maggie]

Should I tell her?

[Ed]

Will that get you anywhere? Didn't help me with Rochelle.

[Maggie]

Fallon and me at the Bull are a great team.

[Ed]

Yeah, but would you have wanted to work with your mum for years and years?

[Maggie]

Well, that's completely different. Is it? I'm not a bit like my mother. Me and Fallon don't have the same relationship.

[Narrator]

Not at all.

[Ed]

That's not my point.

[Fallon]

Hope.

[Maggie]

Families are different.

[Fallon]

You build something pass on.

[Maggie]

I thought Fallon would run the kitchen. And then in the fullness of time.

[Ed]

Did you ask her if that's what she wants?

[Maggie]

It's what pub families do.

[Ed]

But you weren't always a pub family, were you?

[Harrison]

No.

[Ed]

It's not how she grew up. And your life before that wasn't exactly conventional, was it? Lots of different jobs, loads of twists and turns, sudden changes.

[Maggie]

So what are you saying?

[Ed]

Do you regret doing all those different things?

[Maggie]

Not for a moment. I was finding my way.

[Ed]

Then maybe. Maybe Fallon's a chip off the old block.

[Maggie]

Oh.

[Ed]

Oh, that's the kettle.

[Maggie]

Why should that Fallon find her own way? Is that what you're saying?

[Ed]

She's gonna do it whether you like it or not. And there's no telling where it might lead. So maybe you'd be better getting on board with it.

[Maggie]

Yeah, maybe. Oh, I don't know, Joy.

[Narrator]

Just a thought.

[Ed]

Oh, I've got some lovely ginger biscuits if you'd like one.

[Narrator]

Yeah.

[Harrison]

Kenton.

[Kenton]

Oh, you're back earlier than I thought.

[Harrison]

I said it wouldn't be a late one.

[Narrator]

Hi there.

[Fallon]

Oh, Ed, do you want a nightcap?

[George]

I've had enough.

[Narrator]

I think I can do coffee.

[Kenton]

Do you have a nice time?

[Narrator]

Yeah, it's great.

[Fallon]

Really Lovely Dross reunion together.

[Harrison]

I still miss Ash.

[Fallon]

Oh, poor Ash. I miss him too.

[George]

We all do.

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Fallon]

Yeah, I know what he'd have said. Seize the day, girl. Seize the day.

[Kenton]

Right. Coffees, then.

[George]

Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

[Fallon]

No, I'd like a small red wine.

[Kenton]

Coffee, I think.

[Fallon]

A pub or what?

[Harrison]

Fallon, why don't we grab a table?

[Fallon]

Oh, by the window. I like the one by the window.

[Harrison]

Oh, that would do fine.

[Fallon]

Come on, let's do it.

[Kira]

Oh,

[Brian]

come on.

[Fallon]

Yeah, by the window.

[George]

Coffee's all around, then, please. Kenton.

[Kenton]

Where did you go?

[George]

A couple of places.

[Kenton]

Pub crawl. Great.

[George]

Hardly.

[Kenton]

I hope you looked after her.

[George]

Of course we did. Did her good.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Yeah.

[Kenton]

Yeah, sure. It's the perfect night out, isn't it? Getting smashed with two blokes a week after her marriage breaks up.

[George]

Wait, hold on.

[Harrison]

Everything okay here?

[Kenton]

Fine.

[George]

That didn't sound fine to me.

[Neil]

Kenton.

[Harrison]

Ed, you can keep Fallon company here.

[Narrator]

He just said.

[Harrison]

I know, I heard. Don't worry about it. Ken's gonna make his.

[Brian]

Oh.

[Harrison]

A nice cup of coffee. There you go.

[Neil]

All right.

[George]

All right.

[Kenton]

Thanks, Jazza.

[Harrison]

Don't thank me. What's your problem, Kenton? We three have been mates for decades. Maybe a night. We all mates is what Fallon needs right now.

[Kenton]

She's vulnerable. Jazza.

[Harrison]

No, listen.

[Kenton]

No, you listen. Fallon is family and so is Harrison. And whether you like it or not, nobody, old mate or not, is gonna stop me looking out for my.

[Jolene (Joy)]

What kind of sausages?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

The ones in the fridge.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Yeah, but what kind?

[Robert]

Beef.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Pork.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Fridge. Farm organic. Of course.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Jazzer would have got me the ones I really like.

[Kenton]

Huh.

[Jolene (Joy)]

What if they're those pocket apple ones?

[Narrator]

Oh, I like that.

[Jolene (Joy)]

They make me rich. Make extra chips, eh? Just in case.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

We're not having chips. It's salad.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Salad with sausages.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Look, I suppose I could do you some sneaky mashing.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Or some sneaky chips.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

No, chips aren't happening. There are some sweet potatoes. I can mash them.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Jazzer would have done chips.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Well, you're stuck with me. Now, do you want these sausages or not?

[Jolene (Joy)]

Oh, go on, get them in the

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

frying pan, in the oven. It's healthier.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Chatter.

[Narrator]

Would it yes or no?

[Jolene (Joy)]

Yes. And I need you to get me something.

[Narrator]

It's healthy.

[Jolene (Joy)]

It'll help my digestion and boost my immunity. I read up on it.

[Narrator]

Huh.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

What's that, then?

[Jolene (Joy)]

Salty licorice.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Salty licorice is sweet.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Not this stuff. It's from Scandinavia. It's why Vikings are so strong.

[Narrator]

Vikings?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Planning a bit of looting and pillaging, are you?

[Narrator]

Oh, ha, ha.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Susan won't stock it in the shop. Says there's no demand. How would she know if she hasn't tried? So I need you to get me some from Underwoods. They've got it. I phoned up.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

We don't go to Underwoods. Why would we? Susan runs the village shop.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Jazzer used to go for me. He used to drive up to North Borsetshire, too, to get the sausages I like. Straight from the farmer.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

These are straight from Bridge Farm. You can't get much more local. And I'm going to Grange Farm to pick up the cider you want. It's Bridge Farm. Sausages or nothing.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Don't get old, Neil. It's no fun.

[Kenton]

Oh, sorry. You're eating. That looks nice, mind.

[Neil]

Pie and chips.

[Kenton]

Well, sometimes just what you need, eh? With a bit of brown sauce.

[Neil]

I just fancied it, you know, now me and Fallon out cooking together.

[Kenton]

Yeah, of course. Actually, I just popped over to see how you're doing, mate.

[Narrator]

Oh, I'm okay.

[Neil]

It's a bit.

[Narrator]

It's a bit, you know.

[Kenton]

Yeah. Yeah, sure. How about we go for a curry?

[Neil]

I've got pie and chips.

[Kenton]

No, no, not tonight. One night this week, maybe. Just the two of us. I was thinking we could go to the Star of India in Borchester and then have a game of dance at the Black Dragon after.

[Neil]

Yeah, I'd like that. I mean, if you can get the time. Oh, no, of course.

[Kenton]

Jolene will be fine. And on a Star's butter chicken takes some beating.

[Narrator]

Yeah.

[Neil]

Well, thanks, Kenson. I appreciate it. Thursday?

[George]

Could do.

[Harrison]

Thursday.

[Kenton]

Yeah, Thursday, yeah. Great.

[Neil]

You know you don't have to, right?

[Kenton]

Your family, Harrison. That's not changed.

[Neil]

Okay, good. Do you want a chip?

[Kenton]

I thought you'd never ask.

[Brian]

Come on.

[Harrison]

Again.

[Kenton]

Cheers.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Good, Right. Yeah.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Chip shop.

[Brian]

Chips.

[Neil]

I mean, not exactly Fallon's triple cook one.

[Kenton]

No, no, no.

[Narrator]

Pretty good for a chippy.

[Kenton]

So have you heard from Jazza or from Ed?

[Narrator]

No, not recently.

[Harrison]

Why?

[Kenton]

Well, I just thought, you know, being mates, they might.

[Neil]

Well, you know, not everyone's busy this time of year.

[Kenton]

Yeah, yeah.

[Neil]

But honestly, Kenton, I'm doing okay. A bit better this week, actually. It's like the shocks worn off, you know?

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Neil]

And the new job's a good distraction. I'm loving that.

[Kenton]

Yeah. Look, this is none of my business, I know, but there's this couple I know, Joe and Steph.

[Brian]

Oh, yeah?

[Jolene (Joy)]

Yeah.

[Kenton]

Run a pub over Holton Way. Anyway, they were having a really tricky time a while back. On the verge of splitting up. So they decided to give couples counseling a go.

[Narrator]

Oh, yeah?

[Kenton]

Yeah, and it really worked for them. Helped them rediscover what brought them together in the first place. Joe said this was four, five years ago and, well, still going great guns. So I wondered, have. Have you and Fallon thought about that at all? Because there's a woman in Borchester that offers couples sessions. Very highly thought of, apparently. And, well, it's not cheap, but it's

[Neil]

a very kind thought, Kenton.

[Kenton]

You know, just before you make any big Decisions, But I think that ship sailed. That's worth a try, surely.

[Neil]

I'd have to talk to Felon.

[Kenton]

Yeah, obviously. Say you will, eh, talk to her.

[Neil]

All right. I mean, I'm not sure it's for us, Kenton, but thanks for the thought.

[Kenton]

Oh, great.

[Neil]

Yeah, I'm another chip.

[Robert]

Let's dash the shopping in the shed for now, Edward. Don't want to spoil Emma's surprise.

[George]

Some of it needs to go in the fridge.

[Robert]

Oh, I'll take that.

[Harrison]

All right.

[George]

There you go.

[Robert]

Birthdays come around so fast, don't they? Your mom will do your Mrs. Proud on Friday. A proper feast. I'm on roasty duty. Got some lovely goose fat.

[Narrator]

Oh, sorry, sorry.

[George]

Excuse me. One too many last night. And it was a heavy weekend for work. I'm feeling my age today.

[Robert]

Yeah, I'm not surprised. And you had that idiot sounding off at you when you were moving the combine last week. Remind me.

[George]

There we go.

[Robert]

Everything okay at Home Farm?

[Brian]

Oh, fine.

[Kenton]

Yeah.

[George]

Harvest looks good. O' Brien's all in a twist about getting the gravel down for the caravan storage.

[Robert]

That's not yet though, surely?

[George]

No, that's next month. I persuaded him to hold off till planning permission comes through. And getting gravel down is one thing, but getting it back up again is a whole different ball game.

[Robert]

You got Brian Aldrich to to change his mind. Give this man a medal. You'll be running Home Farm before long,

[George]

while Brian's in charge. Not for me, thank you.

[Narrator]

Oh, Neil. Evening.

[Robert]

Oh, you here for that cider?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Yes, I am. I'll take three bottles if you've got them.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Keep Burke quiet for a bit.

[Robert]

Oh, how's that going?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Oh, Dieter. Toy medie. A day at a time. All right, Ed? Good weekend?

[George]

Yeah, yeah. Very quiet.

[Robert]

That's not what you just said. Well, you had that big tree surgery

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

job, the one for Martin Gibson.

[Narrator]

You took that well.

[George]

The money was too good to turn down.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I thought you said it was a bribe so you'd report back on what Brian's up to. Well, is that what you're doing, Ed? Spying on Brian?

[Narrator]

Here you go, Harrison.

[Kenton]

A pint of Shires on the house.

[Neil]

Oh, there's no need for that, man.

[Kenton]

A man can buy his son in law a drink, can't he?

[Neil]

It's very good.

[Kenton]

He at my pleasure.

[Fallon]

Shopping. All done. We're good for a couple of weeks.

[Kenton]

Oh, thanks, Fallon. No, come and join us. Harrison's here.

[Fallon]

Hi, Harrison.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Hi.

[Kenton]

And this is your favorite table. Right. I'll get you a red wine.

[Fallon]

I'm okay.

[Kenton]

Go On. Take the weight off. You two are talking, right?

[Fallon]

Yes, of course.

[Kenton]

Sit down.

[Robert]

I'll fetch it.

[Narrator]

I'm sorry.

[Fallon]

It's Kenton being Canton. He'll settle down eventually.

[Neil]

He came round earlier and insisted I pop in for a drink. And he's taking me for a curry on Thursday night.

[Fallon]

Oh, go for it.

[Neil]

When was the last time he took me for a curry? Just the two of us?

[Fallon]

He wants us to know he's looking out for both of us. Equally sweet, really. Oh, make him take you to the Star of India.

[Neil]

He is, yeah.

[Narrator]

Oh, hang on. Sorry.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Oh, no problem.

[Neil]

You better check that out.

[Narrator]

Why?

[Fallon]

What is it?

[Narrator]

Really?

[Neil]

He's playing a blinder today.

[Fallon]

Couples counseling. Did you know about this?

[Neil]

He mentioned it earlier. I never said yes.

[Fallon]

Can you even book counselling for someone else? Is that a thing?

[Neil]

Well, it looks like that's why they've emailed us a consent form for us to sign.

[Fallon]

Honestly, you don't want to, do you?

[Neil]

I'd rather stick a ferret down my trousers.

[Fallon]

Well, I'd rather you did too.

[Kenton]

Hey, here's your wine, fellow. I got you a large one.

[George]

Ah, great.

[Fallon]

All the more to pour over your head.

[Kenton]

What?

[Fallon]

Couples counselling. In Borchester, Friday afternoon.

[Kenton]

I was planning on running it past

[Fallon]

you, but you booked it anyway.

[Kenton]

I spoke to Harrison.

[Narrator]

Hey, I never said yes.

[Kenton]

All right, maybe I jumped the gun, but I think you should go.

[Fallon]

No way.

[Robert]

It's all paid for.

[Fallon]

We've done enough talking about our relationship. Honestly, we're all talked out.

[Kenton]

It's a professional. It will be different.

[Fallon]

No, Kenton, it's very sweet of you, but no.

[Kenton]

I don't think I can get a refund.

[Fallon]

You go then. You and Mum.

[Kenton]

Why would we need to go to counselling?

[Fallon]

Maybe to explore why you're refusing to accept your kids life decisions.

[Kenton]

That's a bit harsh.

[Fallon]

You've got people waiting. Kenton, go and serve.

[Kenton]

Right.

[Neil]

Oh, bless his face.

[Chelsea]

Serve some.

[Fallon]

Right. Cheers.

[Narrator]

Cheers.

[Fallon]

At least we've got free drinks.

[Neil]

Sorry. What?

[Kira]

You okay?

[Neil]

Yeah. Well, I don't know. Says summit done it. That neither of us wants to fight for our marriage.

[Fallon]

We've been through this.

[Brian]

Well, I know.

[Neil]

I just wonder. Maybe if we tried sooner, there might have been summit left to save.

[Fallon]

You having second thoughts?

[Harrison]

No. You?

[Fallon]

No, I'm not.

[Neil]

And you know, I truly thought that loving you the way I did meant that I wouldn't mind about not having kids.

[Fallon]

It's deep in you, isn't it? That longing.

[Neil]

So deep. Can't fight it.

[Fallon]

Well, there's no need to now.

[Neil]

No, but if I'd realized earlier how deep it went, we wouldn't have had the last few years, would we? And I've loved and fallen. Really have.

[Fallon]

Yeah, me too.

[George]

Will you both stop calling me a spy?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Guilty conscience?

[George]

No, no, it's just stupid. I'm not spying. I haven't told Martin anything bad. I couldn't say no to all that money, could I? How could I explain that to Emma?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I've got a horrible feeling this will end in Tearshead.

[Robert]

So what have you told Martin?

[Harrison]

Nothing.

[George]

Nothing much. Any road. All he cares about is the BL contract running smoothly. And it is, so there's no problem.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

And if Brian finds out, which he won't.

[Robert]

He might.

[George]

He won't. I don't think.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

If he does, he'll go off like a Roman cant.

[George]

I'll come off here.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Well, I've said my piece. I'll get off home.

[Robert]

Okay. See you, Neil.

[Narrator]

Yeah, cheerio.

[Robert]

Home farm's too good a contract to lose, Edward.

[George]

Look, I'll just say to Martin I'm not going to tell him anything else. The tree works done. He can't make me.

[Robert]

The tree work's done for now, but there'll be more. Oh, you don't want to offend either of them. They're both good players.

[George]

That is true.

[Robert]

There's got to be another way.

[Jolene (Joy)]

That you, Susan? About time.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

No, just me. I got your cider.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Oh, lovely. You can pour me one if you like.

[Narrator]

Oh, give me a chance.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Oh, and I got you this catch.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Catch? I'm over 90. I can't catch things. What are you.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Oh, that's the stuff, right. Salty licorice.

[Jolene (Joy)]

You got it.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Well, I realized I was a bit short with you earlier.

[Jolene (Joy)]

I'd say you were.

[Narrator]

Yeah.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Anotherwoods local was still open, so.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Thanks, Neil.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I know Jazza was around here more than I am. It must be lonely. I try harder now.

[Narrator]

Let's give this stuff a try, shall we?

[Jolene (Joy)]

I don't know where Susan's got to. Off gallivanting with the people on her course.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I reckon it's for post office managers. I don't suppose they're painting felt for some red. Here, try it. I'll have some too.

[Narrator]

That's unusual. I like that. Like it?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Yeah, it's sort of tangy and salty all at once, isn't it?

[Jolene (Joy)]

It's disgusting.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

It's different.

[Robert]

Oh, blimey.

[Narrator]

All right.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Careful.

[Jolene (Joy)]

I'm not putting that muck in my mouth. I don't care how healthy it is.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

You asked for it.

[Jolene (Joy)]

I didn't know it was going to taste like old car tires, did I?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I went all the way to Underwoods for it.

[Narrator]

I don't care.

[Jolene (Joy)]

I'm not eating it. For goodness sake, Jazza wouldn't make me eat it. Never. Not my Jazzer.

[Grandchild]

This dried stuff at the bottom, Grandpa, it won't shift.

[Robert]

Try swirling it round.

[Grandchild]

No, that's not helping. You got a bottle brush up there, Kira?

[Robert]

Top shelf.

[Grandchild]

I'll try that. We want them nice and clean for the cider bottling.

[Robert]

Oh, that we do. Though I always sterilize them again closer to the time. Thanks for helping me out.

[Grandchild]

It's fun. And who knows? Someone might slip me a fiver at the end of the day.

[Robert]

Well, if you do em, well, who knows?

[Grandchild]

Don't worry, they'll be sparkling there. Got it.

[Robert]

Pass it over. I'll rinse it. You going to the fete on Sunday?

[Grandchild]

The fate worse than death.

[Robert]

Who calls it that?

[Grandchild]

Henry? I probably will. I'll have to pay, though.

[Robert]

Yeah, Alan's chancing at charging a fiver for tickets. I was going to enter me ferrets in the pet competition, but it turns out you have to pay to enter that and all. It's a complete rip off. I'm not being charged twice. It's funny watching you wash the bottles.

[Travel Guide]

What?

[Grandchild]

Up to my armpits and soapy water.

[Robert]

I mean, it's a family tradition. George did it before you, and I'm hoping Poppy will do it after.

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Robert]

Seen George this weekend?

[Grandchild]

George may be a pill, but him and me are fine. Grandpa, don't go on.

[Robert]

All right, if you say so.

[Grandchild]

Can I help with the apple harvest too? Then I'll see the whole process through, beginning to end.

[Robert]

Apart from the drinking. Well, till you're 16 at least.

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Grandchild]

Okay. Well, I just think grundy cider is a cool thing. I love that. We've been making it for years.

[Robert]

Decades.

[Grandchild]

Yeah, a proper tradition, like wassailing in January.

[Robert]

Oh, me, I love a wassail.

[Grandchild]

I've been reading up online. It's pagan, right? Singing to the apple trees, pouring cider over the roots.

[Robert]

You have been reading up?

[Grandchild]

It's interesting. Some places they hang up toast in the branches. Toast soaked in cider. I mean, who thought that up? It's mad.

[Robert]

And there's the Hullabaloo banging saucepans together to wake up the spirits.

[Grandchild]

We should do that in our orchard.

[Robert]

Oh, we have done. Oh, it was grand.

[Grandchild]

Can we do it again, Grandpa? This January.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Almost ready.

[Narrator]

What flavor is it?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I told you, Mulligatawny.

[Jolene (Joy)]

My favorite.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I know.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Bit of a tin, though. Jazza always made it fresh.

[Robert]

I bet he didn't.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Who knows how to make Mulligatawny's hoop?

[Jolene (Joy)]

Jazzer does.

[Robert]

Maybe he told you it was home.

[Jolene (Joy)]

You calling him a liar, Neil?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

No.

[Jolene (Joy)]

You're calling me a lawyer.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I haven't got the time or the patience to discuss soup. I've got to get back to work.

[Jolene (Joy)]

You only just got here.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Well, look, I have an hour for lunch and it takes a good 10 minutes to get in and out of my bio suit and have a scrub down.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Load of nonsense.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

We take biosecurity very seriously.

[Narrator]

A pero.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

What do you want in your sandwich? There's ham or cheese or both.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Corned beef.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

All gone.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Cheese, then.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Right.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Don't go sneaking in any green stuff. A bit of pickle, though. Thank you for coming back to make me lunch, Neil. I'm only grumpy because my feet hurt. My toenails need cutting. You see, they're that long.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I'll call the chiropodist.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Why bother? You could do it.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I'll call the chiropodist. Thanks.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Well, Jazzer used to do it. I miss Jazzer. Our little chats. He found me a radio station I actually like. Full of proper music. Real specialist stuff. Can't find it now.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I'll have a look later.

[Jolene (Joy)]

He used to read me the paper at lunchtime, too. Kept me up to date with what's going on in the world. Cheered me right up.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

What's going on in the world Cheered you up?

[Jolene (Joy)]

You know what I mean.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Well, soup's ready.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Not sure I'm in the mood for Mother Ghatarney.

[Robert]

I'm surprised someone your age is into all those old things.

[Grandchild]

Loads of my friends are. Do you know about kissing boughs?

[Robert]

Of course. My old dad used to make them and I would help him.

[Grandchild]

Wow.

[Robert]

Weaving the willow twigs and dressing them up with mistletoe and ribbons and oranges. Pretty things. You hang one in the doorway and if someone asks to kiss you, you can't refuse. Every time a couple kiss, you take off a berry. Once they're all gone, no more kissing.

[Grandchild]

Shame.

[Robert]

So you had to get in early. I really love that you love all this. Child of the land, you are. Like a little wood sprite.

[Grandchild]

All those festivals. Plough Sunday or Hallows.

[Robert]

It's in your DNA. Like George. Are you two really all right now?

[Grandchild]

I said, didn't I? Don't go on.

[Robert]

Family's family, Kira. However bad the storm, the clouds always pass in the end. All right. I'll change the subject.

[Grandchild]

I really like the home and garden marquee at Borchester show. The homemade jams and cakes and stuff. If I thought about it earlier, I could have made something for the flower and produce show. But fruit, wine maybe? Too late now.

[Robert]

Oh, we could do it ready for next year. Lay down some parsnip in the autumn maybe. Or pick some black currants now and get going with that.

[Chelsea]

Or both.

[Grandchild]

Let's do it, Grandpa.

[Harrison]

I mean, don't get me wrong, Tracy and me are loving having a wee bit more time to ourselves. She still juggling two jobs, but we bet it was Mel at three. So we happy as Larry.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I'm glad someone is.

[Harrison]

Oh, dear. It's not going well.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

A bit better now Christopher is back in his flat, I suppose, but Bert

[Robert]

needs so much looking after. Pass me that, right?

[Narrator]

Yeah.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I'll spread the feed out.

[Harrison]

Tracy did most of the donkey work. If I'm honest, I just got the good bits.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I think I've missed out.

[Harrison]

Taking him to the pub, doing his lottery tickets, listening to his stories. That was a bit of a lad in his day. I know he's a cantankerous old chancer, but I like him, Neil. I can't help it. After all, I plan on being a cantankerous old chancer myself one of these days. You have a good rant if you need to. I tell you, Tracy did. I would say a word to Neither will the pigs.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

It's all fallen to me this week. Susan's off on her course.

[Harrison]

Try to bond with him. Watch telly with him.

[Kenton]

He doesn't.

[Harrison]

He always watch rubbish. He likes a good war film.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I can't believe how much you did for him.

[Harrison]

Nah, not really.

[Narrator]

Oh, come on.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Jazz are driving miles to get his favorite sausages reading to him every day.

[Harrison]

You what?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

The paper at lunchtime. So he knows what's going on in the world.

[Harrison]

Bear hasn't cared what's going on in the world since Maggie Thatcher was in Downan's.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Well, I know he exaggerates. I'm not a fool. But he certainly appreciates everything you did for him.

[Harrison]

What else have I meant to have done?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Well, found him a specialist radio station. He likes one nobody else can find.

[Harrison]

That's sounds of the 60s, man. Tony Blackburn. Some BBC sounds. He's winding you up the old so and so.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

What about his toenails?

[Harrison]

Toenails? I'm not like the sound of this.

[Narrator]

Huh?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

You didn't cut them for him?

[Harrison]

Have you seen his toenails? How Would he touch them with a machete? Neil, man, you've been had good and proper.

[Robert]

Those bottles are gleaming. Nice work.

[Grandchild]

I enjoyed myself.

[Robert]

Here you go then.

[Grandchild]

No, our grandpa. That's too much.

[Robert]

You burned it.

[Grandchild]

Wow. Thanks.

[Robert]

And I've got something to put an idea.

[Grandchild]

Instead of making wine as well as,

[Robert]

why not enter this year's Flower and Produce show with a cake? Yeah, cider cake. Using our cider. Fly the Grundy flag a bit. You like baking. And I bet you'd beat all the old Ambridge bakers hands down. Check the show schedule. It's on the village website.

[Grandchild]

I'm way ahead of you, Grandpa.

[Robert]

Of course you're.

[Grandchild]

Here we go. There's a class for baked cake using local ingredients. Brilliant. I might have to borrow some of Grandma's cookbooks. Yeah, if we make a cider cake, I could decorate it with apples made out of icing.

[Robert]

Or a Grundy cider bottle.

[Grandchild]

Yeah, made out of marzipan. Oh, Grandpa, this has been proper fun today.

[Robert]

Yeah, well, my grandad taught my dad, my dad taught me, we taught George. And now it's your turn.

[Grandchild]

And then we'll teach George and Amber's baby.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Oh, we will.

[Robert]

Though we might have to wait a bit. Wetting the baby's head is one thing, but the mite will be a bit young to learn cider making just yet.

[Narrator]

Only me.

[Jolene (Joy)]

I've been sitting here for an hour. Put the kettle on, eh? My stomach thinks my throat's been cut.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

No problem, Bert. Happy to help.

[Jolene (Joy)]

You're in a good mood.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Well, I've had a lovely drive up to North Ports at church. Get those sausages you like so much.

[Narrator]

Really? Yeah.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I'll get tea now. I hope you're not too hungry.

[Harrison]

I'm all right.

[Narrator]

Then.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I thought we might go to the pub tonight.

[Narrator]

Really?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Yeah. I think we need to bond, you and me. Get to know each other that bit better.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Do we?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I know I've been your son in law for a long time, but they've never properly talked, have we, Bert? Not as men.

[Brian]

Meds.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Yeah. Heart to heart. Sharing our hopes and dreams, our vulnerabilities, our aspirations. Well, I shared love of a good war film. And I've got a surprise. Someone's coming round to cut your toenails.

[Robert]

Toenails?

[Jolene (Joy)]

That was quick.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Well, don't hang about, Bert. Not when you've got needs. Oh, I recognize them now.

[Jolene (Joy)]

I didn't hear anything.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Oh, you must have done. Let me check the back door here.

[Jolene (Joy)]

I hope it's that beautist Yvonne with the fringe. She's got lovely soft hands.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Let's see then, shall we?

[Narrator]

Oh, hello. Welcome. Hello, Yvonne.

[Harrison]

Hi, Bet.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Jazzer.

[Harrison]

Hi.

[Narrator]

Ah, it's great to see you, Jazzer.

[Harrison]

You know Bet, I'm here to eat. Do your nails as usual.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Oh, why?

[Harrison]

You got a pair of scissors on you?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Oh, yeah, there's these big kitchen ones, but they're not exactly sharp.

[Harrison]

Ah, they'll do fine. Okay. Shoes and soak. Saf.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Right. Right. Now stop it. It's all right. It's all right.

[Narrator]

No, stop it.

[Harrison]

Come on.

[Jolene (Joy)]

No, I don't think.

[Narrator]

I don't want. Stop.

[Harrison]

Yeah. Man, you've been rumbled.

[Jolene (Joy)]

All right.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Jazzer never did all those things you said, did he?

[Jolene (Joy)]

Well, I may have. I lied. Nudged the truth a bit. You can't blame a man for trying, can you?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I think I can.

[Jolene (Joy)]

It's not my fault.

[George]

No.

[Jolene (Joy)]

You were so trusted, Neil. You believe me, I couldn't resist.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

So I'm waiting there.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Look, I'm sorry.

[Harrison]

Sorry I didn't equate. Catch that, did you, Neil?

[Narrator]

Catch what?

[Jolene (Joy)]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Harrison]

Okay, I tell you what, Neil. Let's draw a line under this unpleasantness of Nick Duneville for a couple of pints. You coming, Bert?

[Jolene (Joy)]

Sounds good.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Well, I don't know, Jasser. I'm very upset.

[Jolene (Joy)]

I'll get the first round in for the misunderstanding.

[Harrison]

First round?

[Jolene (Joy)]

No way.

[Harrison]

Bert, mate, the beer's on you all night. Hope you've got plenty of pension left.

[Whole Foods Market Advertiser]

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[Fallon]

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[Narrator]

Try angel stuff for your tushy.

[Travel Guide]

It's made by Angels. Soft and strong.

[Narrator]

Budget friendly. The choice is simple. Pick up a pack today.

[Grandchild]

Angel Soft.

[Narrator]

Soft and strong.

[Travel Guide]

Simple.

[Chelsea]

Can I get through? Jazza?

[Harrison]

Sorry, Chels. I'm in your way, ain't I?

[Chelsea]

Yeah. This maybe wasn't the best day to

[Harrison]

mend the Front step's been driving your mom mad. She's been on at me for months. And we better go on. Such a nice day.

[Chelsea]

I've got to get all my stuff out and into the horse box ready for Sunday.

[Harrison]

Ah, sorry, hen. I didn't think. I'll get you a hand.

[Chelsea]

Great. There's a big water bottle I can't manage by myself.

[Harrison]

Bring it on. Sunday's your big day.

[Chelsea]

Oh, do you think 20% is too much?

[Harrison]

For what?

[Chelsea]

Oh, sorry. For a discount off the first treatment. To, like, pull people in.

[Harrison]

Do you need a discount? People know how good you are.

[Chelsea]

Amber says I should give a discount and get everyone to post a review.

[Harrison]

Well, Amber had Noah.

[Grandchild]

Mm.

[Chelsea]

She's lending me a posh camera to take pics from the socials.

[Brian]

Great.

[Harrison]

So take it easy, Chelsea. She'll be fine.

[Chelsea]

If anyone even turns up to the fate. Loads of people say they're not bothering.

[Harrison]

I'm coming. So is your mum.

[Chelsea]

Yeah, but you don't need your hair cut in.

[Harrison]

But we can spread the word and cheer you on a bit. People will come.

[Chelsea]

If you say so.

[Harrison]

Lillian Bellamy's gone. She's entering her ruby for the pets competition.

[Chelsea]

Lillian's not likely to want an updo, is she?

[Harrison]

Might do a good but. And if it's a pets looking at their owner's contest, she'll win hands down.

[Narrator]

Jazzer.

[Harrison]

I'm insane. I cared for the Prof. This morning. It was obviously my turn. I was quite flattered.

[Chelsea]

Where is Jim now?

[Harrison]

France. A place called Orange. The vaginormous room and amphitheater there. Put on big classical concerts right up Jim's alley.

[Chelsea]

Orange?

[Harrison]

I prefer a good rock band.

[Narrator]

Well, like.

[Chelsea]

Like an Orange.

[Harrison]

I suppose that's how it's spelt.

[Chelsea]

Well, I bet you don't say it like that.

[Harrison]

How else? Orange Orangy. I don't know, dear.

[Chelsea]

Hey, stop trying to distract me. Jazza. Right, let's get this water bottle moved.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Edward.

[Narrator]

Dad.

[Harrison]

Why are you here?

[Narrator]

What's wrong?

[Robert]

Well, nothing's exactly wrong.

[George]

I suppose I'm busy. Dad, we're harvesting the wheat in Whiteacre today.

[Robert]

Emma's booked a table for you and her at the Vietnamese place in Borchester.

[George]

Okay. Sounds nice. What, you came all the way over here to tell me that on Friday?

[Harrison]

Friday?

[Narrator]

Oh, right.

[Robert]

Oh, it's meant to be a surprise. Well, for you, I mean. I think she's a bit miffed we're all being so low key about her birthday.

[George]

Well, let's just tell her we're doing a family Supper, shall we?

[Brian]

It'll be easier.

[Robert]

Oh, yeah, Your mum's dead set on it being a surprise.

[George]

Well, look, I'll just cancel the table on the quiet. It's easy enough.

[Robert]

Yeah, you'll have to keep Emma from leaving the house. She mustn't know about the family. Duke.

[George]

Yeah, yeah, I'll sort something out.

[Robert]

Oh, you spoke to Neil today?

[George]

No.

[Robert]

Get him to tell you about Bert. Turns out he's been spinning Neil a right old yarn about everything Jazzy used to do for him.

[George]

Yeah, typical bird.

[Robert]

Last night he got rumbled. Jazza was up for making Bert pay for drinks all night long, but Neil took pity on him.

[George]

Well, he's old, I suppose.

[Robert]

Bert says Jazza always got his toenails. The man's got more front than Dolly Burton.

[Harrison]

Oh, that's doing the C. You open the back.

[Chelsea]

Right. Oh, thanks for this, Jazzo.

[Harrison]

At least. Second day, Joe.

[Chelsea]

That's weird. It's not locked. I locked it last night. I'm sure I did.

[Harrison]

I'm sure there's no harm done.

[Chelsea]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Harrison]

What is it? What's up?

[Chelsea]

No, no, please, no, no, not now, Chelsea. My bag's gone. My big hairdressing bag with all my gear in it.

[Harrison]

Oh, no. Are you sure?

[Chelsea]

Yeah, someone's nicked it.

[Harrison]

Nicked it? Yeah, they're broke in. How can a scumbagger do that after all your hard work? Let me check the lock.

[Chelsea]

Yeah, everything's gone. Like scissors, straighteners, crimpers, like even the

[Harrison]

hairdryer damage, as far as I can see. Nice scratches. You definitely locked it?

[Chelsea]

I don't know.

[Robert]

Oh, what am I gonna do?

[Harrison]

You should phone the police.

[Narrator]

How you doing, Ed?

[Chelsea]

You ready?

[George]

Absolutely.

[Brian]

Ah, good morning, Eddie.

[Narrator]

This is an unexpected pleasure, Brian.

[George]

A quick bit of family admin, that's all. Sorry.

[Narrator]

So, all done now.

[Podcast Announcer]

Right, dad?

[Robert]

While I'm here, Brian, could I have a quick word?

[Brian]

Of course. It was quick. Far away.

[George]

Dad.

[Robert]

It's fine, Edward, Trust me.

[George]

Ignore him, Brian. We don't have time.

[Narrator]

Dad.

[Brian]

Sorry, Is something going on I'm missing?

[Narrator]

No, no.

[Robert]

Yes.

[Brian]

Dad, you better tell me. There have been more than enough secrets lately.

[Robert]

Which is why I thought I should mention it. There's a situation.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Oh, yes?

[Brian]

What kind?

[George]

Not now, dad.

[Narrator]

White Acre, Brian.

[Brian]

Come on, Eddie, out with it.

[Robert]

My excellent, loyal and very hard working son, Edward.

[Brian]

Here. I know who he is. Thanks. What is this?

[Robert]

Did a big tree surgery job for Martin Gibson at the weekend.

[Brian]

Yes, I heard.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

So, Edward.

[Brian]

What? What is it?

[George]

All right. Martin paid me and Emma a lot of money, Brian? Well, over the odds.

[Narrator]

Well, good for you.

[George]

On the understanding that I let him know and continue to let him know how things are going here at Home Farm.

[Robert]

How you coping now you're going it alone? Whether the BL contract's under control, that sort of thing.

[Brian]

And you told him?

[Harrison]

Well, nothing important.

[Brian]

Obviously you're reporting back to Martin Gibson about me.

[George]

But Brian, it's so ned.

[Brian]

It's completely unacceptable.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Brian.

[Brian]

I thought I could rely on you. I do rely.

[George]

But honestly, Brian, you can trust me.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Me?

[Brian]

It doesn't look like it. I mean, what are you telling him? Old man Aldridge has gone gaga and Home Farm falling apart?

[George]

Of course not.

[Narrator]

You haven't.

[George]

And it's not. I've told him that everything's going smooth.

[Brian]

But why tell him anything at all? Is it the money? Am I not paying you enough? I'm hurt, Ed. I thought we had a decent working relationship.

[Narrator]

We do.

[Robert]

Our Edward hasn't told Martin anything he couldn't have heard in the book.

[George]

I really haven't.

[Robert]

And you can't blame him for taking the tree job. It's his business, Brian. He goes where the work is.

[Brian]

Even so, I'm hurt, Eddie. Hurt and very angry. What is it with people these days?

[Narrator]

How far do we go back?

[Robert]

No need to be hurt. We've told you what's happening and that's the first step.

[Brian]

First step to what?

[Robert]

Oh, give us a minute, will you, Edward? I've got something to say to Brian and is going to listen to me.

[Brian]

Oh, you think so?

[Robert]

You said it yourself. So how far do we go back, Brian?

[Chelsea]

I can't believe this.

[Neil]

Okay, fingerprints have been dusted. For someone will check the database and if this is a known criminal, we'll find them.

[Harrison]

See, this is proper local police work. Good on you, Harrison.

[Neil]

So, talk me through last night. Chelsea. Let's try and narrow down the window of opportunity. Opportunity?

[Narrator]

A bit.

[Chelsea]

Who'd want to steal a hairdressing bag, like.

[Neil]

Well, perhaps they didn't. Yeah, thieves may have expected to find more valuables inside and ended up taking anything they could. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. So what were your movements yesterday?

[Narrator]

Right, so?

[Chelsea]

Well, I was busy all day doing finishing touches, you know, and then I drove out to the DIY place later, the big one on the bypass. And, yeah, it was gone nine when I got back.

[Neil]

And did you park in their car park?

[Chelsea]

Yeah, of course.

[Neil]

Oh, good. Yeah, there'll be cctv. We'll check it out. What time?

[Chelsea]

I don't know, like, six, seven. And I drove back, parked Outside and. Oh, wait, is there CCTV here?

[Neil]

Ah, not on the green, no. Okay, so just go through your movements very slowly and calmly, Chelsea.

[Chelsea]

I pulled up outside, I locked the cab. I remember doing that. And I got my things from the back and came indoors and I didn't go out again.

[Neil]

And you locked the back?

[Chelsea]

I. Oh, I don't know, Chelsea, I don't remember. I. I can't think. It was really hectic day.

[Narrator]

Well, if I didn't.

[Chelsea]

Oh no, no, no, no. Now I'm really scared I might not have. This might be my fault.

[Neil]

No, hey, Jazza's right. You're the victim here.

[Chelsea]

Well, if I didn't lock up, I won't be insured, will I? What'll I do?

[Narrator]

Well, well, let's just take it one step at a time, eh?

[Neil]

Okay, look, you're lucky it's just the bag that's gone AWOL and not the whole thing. I mean, there's been a significant increase in thefts of trailers and horse boxes.

[Narrator]

You know, I'm so stupid. How could I be so stupid?

[Harrison]

Everybody makes mistakes, Chelsea.

[Chelsea]

But the feat on Sunday, how will I manage if I've got no stuff?

[Neil]

What would you say the missing equipment was worth?

[Chelsea]

Like loads? Hundreds? It was like all top of the range stuff.

[Harrison]

Maybe we could borrow some things, get hired of some second hand stuff just to take you over by Sunday.

[Chelsea]

I wanted it all to be so special.

[Neil]

Well, look, I'd recommend you get some additional locks. Not just for the doors, but for your internal storage compartments. Maybe a wheel clamp in case anyone tries to take the whole thing away.

[Chelsea]

Yeah, I will, I promise.

[Brian]

You're a cunning old fox, Eddie Grundy.

[Robert]

Takes one to know one.

[Brian]

Aha.

[Robert]

It'll work.

[Brian]

I think it might, yes. Shall we put Ed out of his misery?

[Robert]

Edwards on over here.

[Brian]

I've never seen anyone looking quite so hang dog.

[George]

I really should have said something myself, Brian. I realized that.

[Brian]

Well, I can't blame you for trying to make a quick buck. Just be glad you got your dad here to sort out your mess, okay? Something most of my kids don't have anymore. Now, next time you talk to Martin,

[George]

I won't say anything. I'll tell him the deal is off.

[Brian]

No, no, don't do that. No, your dad here has a plan. Rather a neat one.

[Robert]

Oh no, I said we could sort it out. Right.

[George]

What are you up to?

[Robert]

You're going to keep feeding Martin information, Edward.

[George]

Oh, really?

[Brian]

Yes. Except you'll only feed him the information I tell you to.

[George]

Ah, you want Me to lie to him?

[Brian]

No, no. As I say, just feed in the information I authorise. This could actually be quite useful, Eddie.

[Kenton]

Like I said.

[George]

Hang on.

[Narrator]

You want me to be a double agent?

[Brian]

A bit of an overstatement there, Eddie. More like the resistance feeding strategic information that might, on occasion, be misleading.

[Narrator]

Well, I can't do that.

[Robert]

Of course you can.

[Brian]

I think you owe it to me. Ed.

[Narrator]

No.

[Harrison]

No.

[George]

I mean, I don't think I can. Seriously, I'm a terrible liar.

[Brian]

Then you'd better start practicing.

[George]

I'm really not comfortable with this.

[Jolene (Joy)]

Good.

[Brian]

You deserve to be uncomfortable. It's payback. Or as Kate would say, karma.

[Neil]

If I hear anything, I'll call straight away.

[Harrison]

Great. And before you go, I'm really sorry, man, about you and Fallon.

[Narrator]

All right. Thanks.

[Harrison]

And especially about not getting in touch before now.

[Neil]

It's okay, Jesse, It's.

[Harrison]

No, you're my mate. You deserve better.

[Neil]

For me, that honestly is.

[Harrison]

I just. I don't know what to say, Harrison. And I know that's a pathetic excuse and an even worse reason for ignoring you.

[Neil]

Oh, please, don't fear. But it's. It's all been a bit topsy turvy.

[Harrison]

I tried to text you two or three times, but I couldn't find the word, so I check into it and deleted them. I'm here for you, but I mean it.

[Neil]

Thanks, Joseph.

[Harrison]

I'll.

[Neil]

Yeah. Like I say, I'll be in touch with Chelsea.

[Narrator]

Okay.

[Amber]

See ya.

[Harrison]

See ya.

[Chelsea]

So he's gone.

[Harrison]

All right.

[Chelsea]

It'll take ages to earn enough to replace all that equipment.

[Harrison]

Ah, you've got family, Chelsea. We'll pull together.

[Chelsea]

You've already pulled together, all of you. Nah, enough stuff.

[Grandchild]

Enough.

[Chelsea]

This is my mess.

[Harrison]

Come on, now.

[Chelsea]

I might ask mom if I can borrow a dryer. It's a good one, but that is it.

[Harrison]

Don't beat yourself up.

[Chelsea]

I'm gonna have to fix this myself. It's down to me, nobody else.

[Narrator]

Oh, crying out loud, George.

[Amber]

Honestly, there's boxes everywhere I turn.

[Kira]

That's hardly new, is it? You should be glad people want to give us things.

[Amber]

I am, Amber. Only sometimes it'd be nice to get to the sink without always tripping over something.

[Neil]

Ugh.

[Amber]

More stuff, I suppose.

[Kira]

No idea. Can you get it on it?

[Grandchild]

Hiya.

[Harrison]

Hi, Kira.

[Fallon]

Amber.

[Kira]

Oh, I like what you've done with your hair.

[Grandchild]

Well, I haven't really done it. It's just happened.

[Amber]

I better go. Afternoon milking is cider cake.

[Grandchild]

I made it.

[Amber]

Right. I'll have some later.

[Kira]

There's no alcohol. In there, is there?

[Grandchild]

No, that'll all have cooked off. You're fine. It's more about the flavour. It's my first go. Once I get it right, I'm gonna enter in the flour and produce show.

[Harrison]

Why bother?

[Amber]

You won't beat Grandma.

[Kira]

Stop it, George. She might.

[Grandchild]

Yeah. Be a bit more encouraging. It's time for the next generation of Grundys to step up. Talking of which. All good, Amber? Yeah.

[Kira]

The baby's given me a rest today. In the night? I thought they were practicing for Strictly. What are you giving your mum tomorrow?

[Grandchild]

Some of that posh mascara she likes.

[Kira]

Perfect. We've gone for body butter and a voucher for my favourite nail bar in Borchester.

[Kenton]

Have we?

[Kira]

Honestly, George, go to work.

[Robert]

Yeah.

[Amber]

I'll leave you two girls to talk. Makeup.

[Grandchild]

Patronizing. Ignore him.

[Kira]

He can't help himself.

[Fallon]

Go.

[Amber]

See ya.

[Kira]

There's some iced tea in the fridge.

[Grandchild]

Thanks. Well, I won't stop long. I'm on my way to rewilding.

[Kira]

I can give you a lift if you want. I'm off to prenatal yoga with Kate.

[Grandchild]

All these boxes, Amber. It's dead impressive.

[Kira]

Try telling George. Here. Thanks. Can I ask you something?

[Narrator]

Sure.

[Kira]

Have you spoken to Poppy lately? She's really off with me.

[Grandchild]

That's because she's a right pain.

[Kira]

I feel like I've offended her and I don't know how.

[Grandchild]

I dunno, do I? Everyone always expects me to know what's going on with everyone else. Why should I? Poppy's a kid. Whatever it is, it'll blow over. You know what families are like.

[Kira]

I don't really. Never had brothers and sisters I could bicker with.

[Grandchild]

Believe me, you're lucky. Well, maybe it's not so bad. I'll give her a poke and I'll see what's up.

[Narrator]

Oh, Come on, George.

[Maggie]

Come on.

[Narrator]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Robert]

George. Everything okay?

[George]

No.

[Amber]

I've come off the tractor. Can you come, Grandpa? Please.

[Robert]

You've what?

[Amber]

Please, if you could just get over here.

[Narrator]

Come.

[Harrison]

Can you?

[Amber]

I'm at Meadow Farm. Amber.

[Harrison]

Hi.

[Grandchild]

Hello, Brad.

[Kira]

Everything okay?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Of course.

[Amber]

Just off to start my shift.

[Kira]

I've just come out of the most relaxing yoga session with Kate.

[George]

Nice.

[Amber]

Yeah, I'm gonna pop in and see her. See if she's got anything Chelsea could borrow. You heard Chelsea got robbed? Well, the horse box did.

[Narrator]

No.

[Kira]

Is she alright?

[Amber]

All her stuff's gone. She's panicking about the fate on Sunday.

[Kira]

Well, I'll see if I've got anything useful. I'm sure I have. What does she need?

[Narrator]

Oh, I don't know.

[Amber]

Details. Just hair and beauty stuff.

[Kira]

Oh, look.

[Narrator]

Right.

[Amber]

Thanks. How's the baby?

[Kira]

Very quiet.

[Harrison]

Is that good?

[Ed]

It's.

[Amber]

Oh, Amber.

[Kira]

I was gonna say it's a nice change, but. Brad, I. I don't think I felt the baby kick all day.

[Amber]

Maybe the yoga calmed them down.

[Kira]

Don't joke.

[Amber]

I wasn't.

[Kira]

I'm just trying to think. No, I. I haven't felt a move, let alone a kick. I'm sure it's nothing all day. Not since I got up.

[Narrator]

Oh.

[Kira]

Oh, Brad.

[Narrator]

Hey.

[Robert]

Hey there.

[Narrator]

Hey.

[Kira]

This isn't right. It really isn't.

[Amber]

Can I help at all?

[Kira]

I need to do some.

[Amber]

Let me call my mum.

[Narrator]

She'll know.

[Amber]

Or Remma.

[Kira]

Maybe my midwife. Call her.

[Amber]

Okay. What's her number?

[Kira]

No, I know what she'll say. I think I have to go to hospital, Brad. Straight away.

[Amber]

Well, you can't drive. Not like this.

[Kira]

Of course I can. I'm not in pain. I'm just. Oh, Brad.

[Amber]

I'm calling George. Not now, Brad.

[Robert]

George. George.

[Narrator]

Here.

[Robert]

What you doing there? I couldn't see you from the yard, sitting up against the wheel like that. What have you done?

[Amber]

It's my wrist. It don't half hurt.

[Narrator]

It's probably nothing, but let's see.

[Robert]

That's not nothing. It's all swollen.

[Amber]

I brought the tractor out after milking. I was getting off to close the gate and. I don't know, I must have slipped on the foot plate. Next thing I know, I'm falling and

[Harrison]

I put my arm over.

[Robert]

Don't look, Grace.

[Narrator]

Oh, it really hurts, Grandpa.

[Robert]

Why didn't you call Esme?

[Amber]

She's not here today. Oh, not now. Oh.

[Robert]

Do you want me to get that?

[Amber]

It's only Brad. I'll call him back.

[Robert]

You need to go to A E, son. But now.

[Kira]

Anything?

[Kenton]

No.

[Kira]

Nor me. This isn't like George. Oh, no. Now my phone's died. That is all I need.

[Amber]

Hey, it's okay. The baby's fine. That's what matters.

[Grandchild]

Yeah, you're right.

[Narrator]

Oh, hang on.

[Amber]

I've got a charger in my bag.

[Kira]

Why didn't you say so?

[Amber]

I didn't know you were that low on battery. Did I?

[Maggie]

Give it here?

[Amber]

I'll find a plug.

[Kira]

There's a spare socket there. Where the monitor's plugged in. Yeah, got it.

[Maggie]

How are you feeling?

[Kira]

Relieved, obviously.

[Narrator]

Good.

[Amber]

That nice midwife said everything's fine, didn't she? Baby's just having a quiet day.

[Kira]

At least one of us is.

[Amber]

I was so of course you were. Anyone would be.

[Kira]

But where's George? Why isn't he picking up?

[Amber]

Probably run out of battery, like you. Look, I reckon we'll be gone soon. We can drive over to Meadow Farum.

[Kira]

We could, yeah. Oh, thank you. You've been amazing.

[Amber]

No, hardly. At least I had the charger. I suppose not completely useless.

[Kira]

A bit useless.

[Amber]

You did all the driving. I just tagged along and then when the midwife came. That could have been really embarrassing. I mean. Yeah, she assumed I was the dad.

[Kira]

I'm just glad you were there.

[Amber]

Are you?

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Kira]

Really glad of the company.

[Amber]

Company.

[Narrator]

Right.

[Kira]

I'm used to doing all the driving these days, what with George's ban. I've got to take responsibility now. I mean, I'm gonna be a mother pretty soon. An actual mother.

[Amber]

Yeah. It's amazing. You're amazing.

[Kira]

Try him again. Br.

[Amber]

How much longer?

[Robert]

They'll see you when they can.

[Amber]

We've been here ages.

[Robert]

Not that long. How is it?

[Amber]

Still hurts, but. Let's go home, Grandpa. This is a waste of time.

[Robert]

I'm not driving you.

[Amber]

It's only a swollen wrist. I'll take some painkillers.

[Robert]

You know what your mother will say. I'm not taking the flack, Grandpa. Give it another hour, George. Better safe than sorry.

[Amber]

I can't connect to this rubbish WI fi and I still haven't got a phone signal.

[Robert]

So now I've got you.

[Narrator]

George. What?

[Robert]

What's going on with you and Kira?

[Amber]

Nothing. We're all right now.

[Robert]

That's what she said.

[Harrison]

There you are, then.

[Amber]

It's all sorted? Kind of.

[Robert]

Kind of?

[Amber]

Please don't go on.

[Robert]

I'm not sure kind of sorted is good enough.

[Amber]

Well, sorry to disappoint you again.

[Robert]

Oh, don't be like that.

[Amber]

Sorry, it hurts.

[Robert]

You're gonna be a dad, George.

[Amber]

You think I don't know?

[Robert]

All that responsibility can be challenging.

[Amber]

So can you sometimes.

[Robert]

There's nothing straightforward about being a dad. And definitely not in this family.

[Narrator]

Yeah, yeah.

[Robert]

Family is like gold. And if there's anything wrong between you and Kira, sort it out. You're the adult.

[Amber]

I told you, me and Kira are fine. Come on, we're leaving.

[Robert]

Another hour, you said.

[Jolene (Joy)]

You said.

[Amber]

You mean. I've had it with today, Grandpa. I just want to go home.

[Narrator]

Oh, all right.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

What the.

[Robert]

Well, you got a signal all of a sudden.

[Amber]

All these messages. And not just Brad. It's Amber too. I'll get the parking ticket. We'll be home soon.

[Kira]

What about your shift? Do you need to get back to Grey Gables?

[Amber]

Oh, no, Ian was cool about it. When I rang, he got Zainab into cover. I'm shopping with her shift on Saturday.

[Maggie]

Amber.

[Narrator]

Amber. George.

[Grandchild]

I'm so worried.

[Robert]

I don't believe this. What are you doing here? We've been here hours.

[Narrator]

Us too. I've been ringing and ringing.

[Amber]

I couldn't get a signal, could I? But how come you're here like a plunker? I fell off the tractor.

[Kira]

I thought our baby had died.

[Amber]

And Grandpa was amazing and.

[Ed]

What?

[Robert]

Amber, the baby.

[Narrator]

Oh.

[Amber]

Oh, sweetheart. Is the baby okay? Are you.

[Kira]

They're fine. We're fine. It was a false alarm. Everything's okay.

[Chelsea]

George.

[Narrator]

Oh, thank God.

[Amber]

Oh, Amber.

[Kira]

It was a scare, that's all. Hey, but Brad was great.

[Narrator]

Come here.

[Kira]

I love you.

[Amber]

Oh, me too. Oh, Amber.

[Robert]

Come on, you two, not here. You like something off the telly? Hey, Brad.

[Narrator]

Yeah?

[Amber]

Let's get ourselves home and have. Have some Akira's cake.

[Robert]

She's doing well, ain't she? And natural.

[Kira]

I'm starving.

[Narrator]

Oh, we'll give you a lift.

[Kira]

Brad.

[Robert]

You come with me, Brad.

[Amber]

Yeah. Thanks, Eddie. Okay, Grandpa. I'll see you tomorrow at Mumsting.

[Robert]

Yeah. Quarter past seven. Your grandma says don't be late.

[Narrator]

We won't.

[Robert]

Thought we should give them two a bit of spicy.

[Amber]

They really love each other, don't they?

[Robert]

Yeah, they do. Come on. I'll stop at the boat and I'll buy you a drink.

[Amber]

What a day.

[Kira]

You're telling me. Oh, no, nothing else, please.

[Amber]

It's just Kira.

[Narrator]

Hi, George.

[Grandchild]

You okay? Grandma told me.

[Amber]

I'm fine.

[George]

Kira.

[Amber]

We're all fine.

[Grandchild]

Hi, Kira. It's awful, George.

[Amber]

No, it's not. It could have been, but it's not.

[Grandchild]

Okay, good.

[Amber]

See you tomorrow. I'm going now.

[Kira]

That's nice of her.

[Amber]

Yeah, she's all right. Really, when she's not being a pain.

[Kira]

That was scary.

[Amber]

Shouldn't have had to go through it without me.

[Kira]

I could say the same about your wrist.

[Kenton]

I'll bandage it up.

[Narrator]

It'll be fine.

[Kira]

My macho man.

[Kenton]

Shut up.

[Kira]

The worst thing was the guilt. I hadn't even noticed how quiet the baby had been all day.

[Narrator]

What if.

[Amber]

Hey, hey, babe, it's all right.

[Narrator]

I get it.

[Amber]

Hey, it's not for wimps, this baby business, is it?

[Kira]

Do you feel ready?

[Narrator]

No. You?

[Kira]

Not one bit. I just want our child to hurry up and get here safely, that's all.

[Amber]

Oh, thanks, Kira. I was gonna pop around for it.

[Grandchild]

Nobody's in. I just pass them on the green. Amber's taking George back to a A this time she'll make him see a doctor. My brother's an idiot, so here's your charger.

[Amber]

Thanks.

[Grandchild]

You gonna move some books so I can sit down?

[Amber]

Well, I'm sort of busy studying.

[Grandchild]

They don't all have to be open at once, do they? You only got two eyes.

[Amber]

Let's go downstairs.

[Grandchild]

The man who Only Loved Numbers. Does it have a happy ending?

[Amber]

Why are you being weird?

[Grandchild]

I can move a book without you losing your precious place.

[Amber]

You know, famous last word.

[Grandchild]

And I'm not going downstairs. Someone might come in.

[Whole Foods Market Advertiser]

So?

[Grandchild]

I've got questions, Brad. You can answer them.

[Amber]

Try. AI.

[Grandchild]

AI won't know this. It's only one question, really, but it's a big one.

[Amber]

Go on, then.

[Grandchild]

Have you got over Amber? Finally. Weren't expecting that, were you?

[Amber]

Well, me and Amber are. We're friends. She's with George.

[Narrator]

We're.

[Amber]

This is none of your business.

[Grandchild]

He's my brother and he's my friend.

[Amber]

You're out of order.

[Grandchild]

Are you still in love with her? I'll take that as a yes.

[Narrator]

No.

[Grandchild]

I'm surprised everyone hasn't seen it. George wouldn't, to be fair, but he's an idiot. Go on, Tell me I'm wrong and try to mean it.

[Amber]

Okay. You want the truth?

[Grandchild]

No. I've come round here so you can lie to me. What do you think I want?

[Robert]

All right.

[Amber]

I do like her. I've had a crush on her. I won't deny it.

[Grandchild]

Knew it.

[Amber]

But that's all in the past, I swear.

[Grandchild]

Good. Because they're having a baby any minute.

[Amber]

Yeah, that's why it's changed.

[Grandchild]

How do you mean?

[Amber]

Yesterday.

[Grandchild]

Because Georgia is wrist.

[Amber]

No, because. Look, I'm a student, Kira. I read books and write essays and do the cricket scoring. And I live at home because I've got no money. That's where I am with my life. Which is fine, because it's what I've chosen. I like it, okay? But Amber, she's about to bring a new life into the world. Doesn't get more grown up than that, does it? Yesterday at the hospital, I felt so out of my depth. She is in a place way beyond me. Can't explain it any better. Now, there are days, plenty of days, when I think George doesn't deserve her.

[Grandchild]

Don't slag off my brother.

[Amber]

No, I'm not. Because yesterday I saw how much she loves him, how committed they are to one another and their baby. They've got something amazing, Kira. I know I can't compete with that. The thing Amber and me had was nothing by comparison.

[Grandchild]

What do you mean thing?

[Amber]

What?

[Grandchild]

You said thing.

[Narrator]

No, I meant it.

[Grandchild]

What thing? Oh, I thought you just had a crush on her. A stupid one way crush. Are you saying you had a thing when.

[Amber]

No, you're misunderstanding me. I didn't mean.

[Grandchild]

Have you slept with her?

[Amber]

No, course not.

[Grandchild]

You have, haven't you? What a two faced. I don't believe this. I've worked so hard to like her. I've even started to trust her.

[Amber]

You can trust her. So can George. Nothing ever happens.

[Grandchild]

I don't believe you.

[Amber]

It was a kiss, Kiera.

[Grandchild]

Just one K. Now we're getting to it. When?

[Narrator]

New Year's Eve.

[Grandchild]

The night George got bottled.

[Amber]

No, it's not like it sounds.

[Narrator]

I'm not listening. Kira.

[Maggie]

I'm glad you had a nice time with Harrison last night.

[Kenton]

I was a bit strained to start with, but got better when he beat me at darts.

[Maggie]

Bet you aged that.

[George]

Yeah.

[Maggie]

What time is it now?

[Kenton]

22. We could get out of the car, walk around the block for 10 minutes or go home. No, I've paid for it now. I don't waste all that money.

[Maggie]

How much?

[Kenton]

95.

[Maggie]

95 quid?

[Narrator]

It's usually 80.

[Kenton]

Just the first session is longer.

[Maggie]

95 quid to talk to a stranger? I run a pub, Kenton. I talk to strangers every day. I don't know why I've come.

[Kenton]

I wanted Fallon and Harrison to have the best. You know this counsellor has got loads of five star reviews. I was just trying to help Jolene. Are you nervous or something? Is that it?

[Maggie]

Why would I be nervous? We don't need counseling. I just don't see the point of spending an hour washing our clean linen in public. Though I suppose it'll give me a chance to tell someone what I have to put up with.

[Kenton]

Oh yeah?

[Maggie]

Yeah, a husband who completely oversteps. I'm amazed Fallon and Harrison didn't give you what for.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

I would have.

[Kenton]

She did threaten to pour a glass of wine over my head.

[Maggie]

That's not funny.

[Narrator]

It is.

[Maggie]

Oh, I'm sorry, I. I can't keep it up.

[Kenton]

Have you been winding me up?

[Narrator]

Oh, it's so easy. Oh yeah.

[Kenton]

Honestly.

[Maggie]

Look, you had a sweet but mistaken idea to get Fallon and Harrison some counseling.

[Kenton]

Thank you.

[Maggie]

And who knows, taking the unwanted session might do us good.

[Narrator]

Why?

[Kenton]

What do you think? Do you think we've got a problem?

[Maggie]

Well, I have to wait and see, won't we?

[Narrator]

What?

[Kenton]

Jolene.

[Amber]

Here he is. Ah, George.

[Narrator]

Amber.

[Amber]

Joy.

[Narrator]

When you're ready.

[Kira]

Kira. Found you. Did she what?

[Amber]

Yeah.

[Robert]

Why?

[Amber]

You're right, Brad.

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

Sure.

[Robert]

Of course.

[Amber]

What?

[Kira]

You got your charger back?

[Amber]

Yeah.

[Narrator]

Thanks.

[Ed]

It's weird.

[Kira]

She was meant to be showing me around Rewilding half an hour ago, but she didn't turn up. She's not answering her texts either.

[Amber]

She probably thought we'd still be at the hospital.

[Travel Guide]

Right.

[Amber]

What happened with your wrist? You okay? It's a disaster. All painkillered up. Well, that's good.

[Kira]

He's cracked it, poor thing. Hairline fracture.

[Narrator]

Oh, no.

[Amber]

I'm not going to be punching anyone for a while, that's for sure.

[Kenton]

Right.

[Amber]

Were you thinking of punching someone or. Of course not. It's gonna be in a cast for at least six weeks. Then maybe another six before I can go back to work.

[Narrator]

Oh.

[Amber]

Esme will go spare. And then the baby.

[Kira]

We'll manage. There's not much else we can do, is there? The important thing is to heal. Did Kira seem okay to you?

[Amber]

Well, she left in a bit of a hurry, actually.

[Kira]

You think something's wrong?

[George]

I.

[Amber]

Maybe that's what she does when she's upset. She runs off.

[Kira]

Let me text her again.

[Amber]

Don't bother. I know where she'll be.

[Robert]

Where?

[Amber]

Where she always goes when things get too much for her. I'll meet your mum's amber. Stay with her, Brad, will ya? Right.

[Narrator]

Whew.

[Kenton]

Wow.

[Narrator]

Wow.

[Kenton]

She asked some very direct questions, didn't she?

[Maggie]

Got right in there. Took no prisoners.

[Kenton]

I thought we were happy.

[Chelsea]

Me too.

[Maggie]

I mean, we are. It's just our lives.

[Brian]

Yes.

[Maggie]

I love running the ball, Kenton, you know that. But it has tied me down to one place, isn't it? And before, I used to really like the way life turned on a six months, the ups and downs of it. It felt like freedom.

[Kenton]

Well, you don't feel free, do you? Big question. I used to feel so free. Merchant Navy taking off to Australia.

[Maggie]

I really miss making music. When Dross reformed, I actually envied Fallon for a bit. I don't know why my music days have to be behind me.

[Narrator]

Well, they don't. No.

[Maggie]

Are we in a rut?

[Kenton]

No. No, I don't think so.

[Maggie]

Well, there's always so much to do.

[Kenton]

Yeah, but we make it work.

[Fallon]

Yeah.

[Maggie]

It's habits of so, isn't it? And habits. If I understood her right, habits become a sort of crust.

[Kenton]

That's not a nice image.

[Maggie]

And if we're not careful, that crust will harden, become a shell, and then we won't be able to change. We'll be stuck.

[Kenton]

Well, maybe that's what getting Old is.

[Maggie]

I don't want that.

[Narrator]

Well, no, nor me.

[Maggie]

I'm glad you spent that 95 quid. We need to shake things up a bit. Fallon and Harrison and moving on with their lives. Let's trust them to know what they're doing. And we can move on too.

[Kenton]

And we still love each other, don't we?

[Narrator]

Course.

[Maggie]

We just need a.

[Kenton]

An airing.

[Robert]

Yeah.

[Maggie]

Like beating a carpet.

[Narrator]

Yeah.

[Maggie]

Yeah, we need a good beating.

[Kenton]

You what?

[Maggie]

Not literally, obviously.

[Grandchild]

Go away, George.

[Amber]

You still fit in that twisty old tree, do you?

[Grandchild]

It's a bit tight now.

[Amber]

I suppose you used to run off here when you were little. You thought it was magic. What's up?

[Grandchild]

I just want to be by myself, George.

[Amber]

You can. It's Mum's surprise party. She'd be upset.

[Grandchild]

Yeah, well, I can have five more minutes, can't I?

[Amber]

I suppose I'll just settle down. I used to go to Grandpa's pole barn. This is better. That place stank of turkeys. Did Brad upset you? Yeah, I bet he didn't mean to.

[Grandchild]

He said something.

[Narrator]

What?

[Amber]

Go on, I won't tell.

[Grandchild]

He said. Yeah, something so horrible.

[Narrator]

About what?

[Kira]

About.

[Grandchild]

About one of my mates at school. It was really unfair. I got upset. I probably overreacted. And then I shouted at him and I ran off.

[Amber]

What was it he said?

[Grandchild]

It doesn't matter. It was stupid. I'm not telling you.

[Amber]

You can.

[Grandchild]

I'm not, though. You can't make me.

[Amber]

Okay. Okay. If you came out of the tree, I could give you a hug if you wanted.

[Grandchild]

Don't be soft.

[Amber]

I know I'm a bit rubbish sometimes, but I am your brother, Kira.

[Grandchild]

Okay, then. One hug. Make it quick.

[Kira]

Oh, it's George. He's found her. Everything's fine.

[Kenton]

Oh, that's good.

[Kira]

I'm gonna pick them up. Can't be late for their mum's party, can we?

[Amber]

Where was she?

[Kira]

I don't think I should tell you if it's her secret refuge.

[Amber]

Do you suppose not.

[Podcast Announcer]

Did.

[Amber]

Did George say what was wrong?

[Kira]

No. Brad. So are you going to tell me?

[Amber]

What do you mean?

[Kira]

Come on. You've been acting weird. What happened? I need to know.

[Amber]

It was an accident, I swear.

[Kira]

An accident? What did you do? I. Brad, Tell me.

[Amber]

I told her about our kiss on New Year's Eve.

[Narrator]

What? What? Why? Why would you do that?

[Amber]

I didn't mean to.

[Narrator]

She got it out of me. Oh, Brad.

[Kira]

You haven't done this on purpose, have you?

[Narrator]

What? No way. I would never.

[Kira]

You're not trying to split me and George up?

[Neil (same as N, possibly a transcription inconsistency)]

No.

[Amber]

I swear.

[Kira]

I'm about to have his baby, Brad. I love him more than the world.

[Amber]

I know. Amber.

[Narrator]

How could you tell anyone? Anyone, let alone Kira?

[Kira]

If George finds out.

[Narrator]

What the hell am I meant to do now? Sam?

[Kenton]

This cultural life from BBC Radio 4.

[Fallon]

I will never go into anything so

[Maggie]

deep like that again.

[Kenton]

The world's leading artistic figures reveal their creative influences.

[Travel Guide]

Disobey.

[Brian]

Disagree.

[George]

Disavow.

[Kenton]

I'm John Wilson and my recent guests have included the sculptor Anish Kapoor, photographer Annie Leibovitz, the actor Kristin Scott Thomas.

[Maggie]

It has made me good at telling stories about people have a secret suffering,

[Kenton]

and former Children's laureate Frank Cottrell Boyce.

[Neil]

If art's got one function, it's to

[Narrator]

point to what's wonderful and say, look,

[George]

this is your world.

[Narrator]

It's insane. Listen to this.

[Kenton]

Cultural Life on BBC Sounds.

[Podcast Announcer]

Lives Less Ordinary is bringing you a special series of extraordinary love stories from all around the world.

[Brian]

In India, love at first sight feels

[Fallon]

more psychotic than arranged marriage.

[Podcast Announcer]

Love stories that break all the rules.

[Kira]

We came into our relationship with a

[Podcast Announcer]

lot of complicated pieces. Stories that show that sometimes love is all you need. Lives Less Ordinary Love Stories from the BBC World Service. Listen now. Search for Lives Less ordinary wherever you get your BBC podcasts.