12/07/2026

Summary

The Archers Omnibus | July 11, 2026

Episode Summary

Main Theme / Purpose

This week’s episode of The Archers Omnibus centers on the build-up and events at the Borchester Show, bringing a host of Ambridge residents together for competitions, livestock classes, and social drama. Family tensions simmer around issues of aging, caring responsibilities, inheritance, and financial disputes, as several plotlines involving the Horrobin and Archer families come to a head. The festive agricultural setting contrasts with the personal challenges navigated by the characters, culminating in a royal visit and a surprise Lifetime Achievement Award.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Borchester Show Preparations and Social Dynamics

• The characters buzz with excitement and anxiety for the Borchester Show, with much focus on logistics, competitions, and displays.
• Chris struggles with his organizer/competitor role in the farrier’s event, while Lottie tries to support him, even through his embarrassment over a fake tan mishap.
• Kira’s participation in the sheep showing is a point of pride and nerves for Tracy, George, and the family.
• As the show unfolds, logistical hiccups (like faulty hand-washing stations and a runaway cow) put David, George, and others to the test.

“That's why I'm worried. I just don't want to do badly... That would be embarrassing, especially as one of the organizers.”
— Chris [10:41]

2. Family, Aging, and Care—The Horrobin Plotline

• Bert Horrobin's return from Clive’s prompts concern and friction around caring responsibilities and Bert’s sense of being a burden.
• Susan/Tracy debate solutions, considering Bert’s needs and frustrations about aging and loneliness.
• In a turn towards community involvement, Bert expresses interest in volunteering at the shop—not entirely for civic virtue, but also for company.

“It ain't nice. Been made to feel like a burden.”
— Bert Horrobin [11:28]

“Well, to be a good shop assistant, you generally have to like people.”
— Tracy Horribin [68:56]

3. Archer Family Disputes: The Home Farm Partnership

• Alice wrestles with legal costs and familial fallout from the Home Farm dispute, ultimately deciding to end legal action against Brian, seeking peace over prolonged conflict.
• Ian, deeply frustrated, presses Tony for an amicable settlement, leveraging secrets (Rory’s involvement in a past incident) as bargaining power.
• The impasse highlights wounds around recognition and belonging in the blended Archer family.

“I've wasted too much of my life on Brian already. It stops here.”
— Alice [30:43]

“All he’s ever wanted is your approval, that's all. For you to actually treat him like a son.”
— Ian to Brian [72:02]

4. New Roles & Future Hopes

• Lottie and Harrison plan a "staycation" to celebrate Harrison’s new post as Rural Crime Officer (71:09).
• Amber is praised for her growing independence and entrepreneurship, while George's social media efforts for the show bring both praise and trouble.
• David is recognized for leadership at the show, and Tony receives the surprise Lifetime Achievement Award, celebrated by his family and Her Royal Highness, the Duchess of Edinburgh.

“What began with a field of carrots is now a thriving business... In this, his 76th year, the winner of the Lifetime Achievement Award is Tony Archer.”
— Duchess of Edinburgh [58:47]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Humour & Humanity

• Chris’s Faux Pas with Fake Tan

  • “Why are your arms that color?” — Lottie [47:32]
  • “It's fake tan. I didn't mean it to be this orange.” — Chris [47:34]
  • “Oh, that's it. Get them orange guns out.” — Brian Archer [62:13]

• Royal Meet-and-Greet

  • “I'm so sorry, your majesty. I mean, your royal highness. Is that right?” — Tracy Horribin, mortified after realizing she’s speaking to the Duchess of Edinburgh while discussing scotch eggs [57:00]

Emotional Resonance

• Bert on Aging

  • “Even when you’ve managed to sit down, you’re scared you won’t get up again.” — Bert Horrobin [11:36]

• Family Faultlines

  • “He’s been doing so much… I need to get better at it.” — Alice, recognizing Ian’s share of family load [18:22]

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Major Segments & Timestamps

Borchester Show Build-Up

• [01:14]–[02:41]: Tracy & Brian discuss families prepping for the show.
• [06:53]–[10:51]: Organizing the farriery competition; Chris’s stress and Lottie’s encouragement.
• [38:28]–[48:20]: The show in full swing—mishaps, social dynamics, Chris’s fake tan embarrassment.

Older Generation & Family Responsibility

• [05:01]–[11:41]: Bert's challenging return; the family discusses his needs and feelings.
• [36:50]–[70:08]: Shop volunteering; Bert negotiating his role and feelings with Tracy.

Family Inheritance Disputes

• [14:45]–[34:23]: Alice, Ian, Tony, and others grapple with the farm partnership settlement, ending with Alice calling off the legal fight [30:31] and Ian confronting Brian directly [71:41].

Triumphs & Resolutions at the Show

• [52:17]–[60:24]: Mishaps managed, livestock awards begin, Tony is announced as the recipient of the Lifetime Achievement Award by the Duchess [58:47].
• [62:17]–[63:39]: Celebration among families; Lottie and Brian tease Chris about the fake tan.

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Structuring for New Listeners

Key Characters in Focus

• Chris Carter: Juggles duties as farriery competition organizer and participant, gets support from girlfriend Lottie, who stands by him during embarrassing moments.
• Tracy Horribin & Bert Horrobin: Explore themes of aging, care, and family obligation, as Bert returns from his son’s home, feeling at odds with Tracy and Susan’s well-intentioned plans.
• The Archers: Intergenerational conflicts, show leadership, and blended family disputes around farm succession and settlement.
• Lottie & Harrison: Represent hope, transition, and the importance of reclaiming everyday happiness.

Overall Tone

Balancing the warm, bustling camaraderie of country shows with the personal and familial struggles beneath the surface, the episode is poignant, witty, and very British. Moments of community solidarity, humorous embarrassments, and heartfelt conversations underline the enduring spirit of Ambridge, even as its members navigate change and challenge.

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Final Reflections

This episode weaves together village tradition, family drama, and personal transformation. From the chaos of the show’s livestock lines to the quiet heartbreak of old wounds, Ambridge’s agricultural heart pulses with both celebration and pain, ultimately coming together for public recognition and private reconciliation—however tentative.

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For More

Catch upcoming episodes for the fallout from these events as families regroup after the Borchester Show, and unresolved tensions continue to simmer in Ambridge.

Transcript

[Chris]

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[BBC Podcast Narrator]

youm're listening to the Archers Omnibus from BBC Radio 4.

[Tracy Horribin]

So where is everyone? How come you've got the ace to yourself?

[Brian Archer]

Brad's at Grey Gables and Jazza and Chelsea, where they always are at Lillian's. Working.

[Tracy Horribin]

Not on the horse box.

[Brian Archer]

I've been sitting outside listening to the women's T25 final.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, sorry for disturbing you.

[Brian Archer]

Oh, no, I've got to get moving soon anyhow. I have a shift at the ball in half an hour.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, well, I won't say long, then. I was just on my way back from Emma's.

[Brian Archer]

They all right?

[Tracy Horribin]

Yeah, fine. In fact, George was there with Kira. Remember I told you she's showing the Texels at the Bulchester show on Thursday? Yeah, well, George was helping her practice. She's done it before, of course, but he was reminding her how to walk in the judging ring so she's not blocking the judge's view. How to hold the sheep's chin up when it's been inspected. Oh, it's been so long since I've seen them spending any proper time together. Wish I was going to the show now so I could watch her.

[Brian Archer]

Do you know what time she's in the ring? I'll ask Helen if I can take a break.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Mom.

[Tracy Horribin]

I'm not sure. Be nice if you could, though. She'd love it if you were there.

[Brian Archer]

Yeah, yeah, of course.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, congratulations for yesterday, by the way. The cricket. I hear the Battling Bulls are back to their winning ways.

[Brian Archer]

Oh, yeah. Although, to be honest, the three runs weren't much competition.

[Tracy Horribin]

Which pub are they from again?

[Brian Archer]

The Three Tons in Borchester.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, of course they are.

[Brian Archer]

They kind of lived up to their name. Who's this now? Outside? Looks like a taxi.

[Tracy Horribin]

Maybe someone for Helen pulled up in front of the wrong house.

[Brian Archer]

No, look, Susan the driver has taken a walking frame out the back no, it can't be.

[Tracy Horribin]

What's he doing back here?

[Lottie]

Hi, Chris. Oh, hi. What are you doing? You're not packing already? You don't have to move out for another week.

[Chris]

Oh, I know. I'm only making a start. I'm not gonna have much time over the next few days with the show and stuff. I'm not even gonna be here overnight on Wednesday.

[Lottie]

How come?

[Chris]

Sleeping in the horse box, bedded down with the horses. Everyone's doing it for the show.

[Ian Ryan]

Right.

[Lottie]

I just hate to see you go, though. I feel like I'm kicking you out.

[Chris]

Oh, don't be daft. I'm sure you'd rather have Harrison back. And I always knew it was only for as long as he was away.

[Lottie]

No, I know.

[Chris]

Ah, that's where it went. I've been. I've been finding Martha's toys everywhere.

[Lottie]

Hey, has Hazel given you a date yet for when you can move back into the flat?

[Chris]

Well, only that it should be ready by the end of the month. But it had better be. Last time I stayed with my folks, they almost sent me do lally.

[Lottie]

I'm sorry.

[Chris]

I told you. It's not your fault. There wasn't any point finding somewhere new to stay. No, I'm just excited that the flat might nearly be finished. When I had to leave because of the dry rot, I never imagined I wasn't going to be back for an entire year.

[Lottie]

Yeah, you've got Hazel messing, the first builder around, to thank for that. Would you like a drink? I'm going to have a cider.

[Chris]

Oh, now you talking. Let me do it, though. You've been on your feet for hours cooking a million Sunday lunches.

[Lottie]

Yeah, not quite that many, but for sure, though. I'm gonna go in the garden, flick through some recipe books, decide what I'm gonna cook Harrison for his homecoming dinner.

[Ian Ryan]

Oh.

[Chris]

Oh, hang on. Did you want ice?

[Lottie]

Oh, please.

[Chris]

Okay, fine. Just give me a sec. Hannah.

[George]

What's up?

[Chris]

You all right?

[Brian Archer]

Dad? Wait, just. Just hold on a minute.

[Bert Horrobin]

What's all this? Why are there piles of clothes everywhere?

[Brian Archer]

Are you gonna tell us why you're here?

[Bert Horrobin]

And why is there an ironing board? What have you been doing in my room?

[Brian Archer]

What's it look like? Got more space in here to do the ironing.

[Bert Horrobin]

Didn't take you long to jump in my grave.

[Tracy Horribin]

Right, I've paid the taxi driver. Where do you want the suitcase?

[Brian Archer]

Oh, just leave it there by the door, Susan.

[Tracy Horribin]

So, has dad told you why he's back?

[Bert Horrobin]

Oh, that's nice, ain't it? It's good to see you, too.

[Brian Archer]

Of course we're pleased to see you.

[Tracy Horribin]

We just want to know why you've suddenly turned up. Has Clive not been looking after you properly?

[Bert Horrobin]

Of course. That would be the first thing you'd think of.

[Brian Archer]

You do look thinner, dad.

[Tracy Horribin]

And when was the last time you shaved?

[Bert Horrobin]

Clive's been grand. Treated me like a king, he has. I just. I just can't stay with him at the moment.

[Brian Archer]

Why not?

[Bert Horrobin]

He ain't gonna be around for a while.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, no, don't tell me. How long is he locked up for this time?

[Bert Horrobin]

He ain't in jail, but he started this new job with working nights and that.

[Brian Archer]

So are you back permanently, then?

[Bert Horrobin]

Well, maybe. I don't know. Is someone gonna move these clothes so I can sit down properly?

[Brian Archer]

Hang on.

[Bert Horrobin]

So where's everyone else? Ain't it almost time for tea?

[Brian Archer]

They're all out. And I'm working down the ball this evening. In fact, look at the time. Susan, I don't suppose.

[Tracy Horribin]

Sorry, Tracy. Me and Neil are going to a Fleetwood Mat tribute show in Felpersham.

[Bert Horrobin]

Wait. You ain't gonna leave me here on me own, are you? I've only just arrived.

[Chris]

I'm sorry, Fallon. I was gonna do that.

[Lottie]

Don't worry. Chris is fine. What was Hannah calling about? It didn't sound like great news.

[Chris]

No. One of the farriers has had to withdraw from the competition. He tore his hand while he was out on a jog.

[Lottie]

Ouch.

[Chris]

Yeah, I've done it myself. Horse yanked its leg away while he was driving in the nail. But the trouble is he was competing in the open pairs event, so his partner, Emily, won't be able to take part either. It's a real shame.

[Lottie]

That is a shame.

[Tracy Horribin]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Nothing much we can do about it now, though. We've still got 28 other pairs.

[Lottie]

Well, couldn't you stand in for him?

[Chris]

Eh?

[Lottie]

The guy who's hurt his hand. I mean. Couldn't you be this other farrier's partner? Then she'll still be able to take part.

[Chris]

No, it wouldn't be fair. I'm one of the organisers also.

[Lottie]

You're not judging, are you?

[Alice]

No.

[Lottie]

Well, there you go, then. It's not like it's a quiz you've set the questions to. You've still got to actually make the shoes and then shoe the horse.

[Chris]

We did set the schedule. But you're right, the other competitors have had it for weeks. It wouldn't be an advantage.

[Lottie]

Well, what's the problem, then?

[Chris]

Well, maybe there is one I'll have to check with the Rural Crafts Committee, but assuming they say yes, then, yeah, I suppose I could.

[Brian Archer]

Oh, blimey, dad. Ain't you heard of nursing a pint? That didn't last long.

[Bert Horrobin]

It would have lasted longer if I had anyone to talk to.

[Brian Archer]

I can't help being busy. Do you want another?

[Bert Horrobin]

What do you think?

[Brian Archer]

Hand over the money, then. Hey, I paid for the first one. And your ham and chips.

[Bert Horrobin]

Look, I get my pension on Thursday. Be a treasure. You can sub me till then.

[Brian Archer]

Oh, it's treasure now, is it? That ain't what you said before you left. Which reminds me, if you really are moving back in, you're gonna have to start paying into the household coffers again.

[Bert Horrobin]

Oh, I see you ain't missed me a bit. You've just missed my money.

[Brian Archer]

Oh, don't be so stupid.

[Bert Horrobin]

Well, that's what it sounds like.

[Brian Archer]

We all have to pay our way, dad. Besides, I've just taken on more hours at the dairy.

[Bert Horrobin]

You've done what?

[Brian Archer]

Helen had been asking me for a while.

[Bert Horrobin]

No, I know, but don't that mean you'll be home even less? Tell her you've changed your mind.

[Tracy Horribin]

No.

[Brian Archer]

And before you ask, I like working here, too. For the first time in a long time, I feel like we're not just fighting to keep our heads above water.

[David Archer]

Really?

[Bert Horrobin]

Well, if you're feeling so flushed, you can afford to buy me another pint, can't you? And how much longer is my grub gonna be?

[Brian Archer]

It's coming. I assume you want another Shire's dar.

[Whole Foods Market Announcer]

All right.

[Brian Archer]

Oh, sorry, Brian.

[Tony Archer]

No, no, no, please, after you. Is anyone sitting at this table?

[Bert Horrobin]

Can't see no one, can you?

[Tony Archer]

No, I thought I'd check. Outside's heaving. Do you mind if I join you?

[Bert Horrobin]

You know, you're the lucky one.

[Tony Archer]

Well, Bert, I thought you were living with Clive now. Going well?

[Chris]

Wow, it's gorgeous out here. I hope you put some sun cream on.

[Lottie]

Okay, Mum.

[Chris]

No, I'm serious. Even if you don't burn, you're still damaging your skin.

[Lottie]

Yeah, all right, all right. I'm going inside in a minute. Just trying to choose what to make, Harrison, for dessert. Eton Mess or elderflower jelly with Prosecco and gooseberries.

[Chris]

What's there to think about? Eton Mess. Every time.

[Lottie]

Really?

[Tony Archer]

Yeah, of course.

[Lottie]

Yeah, you're probably right. So, did you get through to the guy from the committee?

[Chris]

I did, and he thinks it's fine for me to take part in the Paris.

[Lottie]

Ah, that's great, Chris.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah, I've just let Emily know, she seems really pleased.

[Lottie]

You don't seem too happy there, eh?

[Chris]

No, I am. It's just. Well, it's just the competition's only four days away and me and Emily won't have time to practice together.

[Lottie]

Yeah, but come on now. You know what you're doing.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Yeah, sure.

[Chris]

It's still different, though, when you're up against a load of other skilled farriers and in front of all those people watching.

[Lottie]

Right, I see.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

What?

[Lottie]

It's okay, Chris, I get it. I saw the sizzle reel.

[Chris]

Sizzle reel? What are you on about?

[Lottie]

The one that's been doing the rounds on Socials with all the sexy farriers and their sleeveless shirts.

[Chris]

That's not the reason.

[Lottie]

It's a great way of drumming up business for the show.

[Chris]

I haven't even thought about it.

[Lottie]

Oh, really?

[Chris]

Yes, really. I just don't want to do badly. Come in last or. Or near the bottom. That would be embarrassing, especially as one of the organizers.

[Lottie]

All right, all right.

[Chris]

That's why I'm worried.

[Lottie]

Yeah, no, if you say so. Now, I'm going inside, Fallon. So relax. Get some sun on those guns. Maybe you need to work on your tan.

[Bert Horrobin]

You wouldn't credit it. Just because her sister's got a utility room in her fancy gap. She thought she'd take over my room.

[Tony Archer]

Well, I assume Tracey's not gonna leave all the ironing in there, though.

[Bert Horrobin]

Not on your nelly. I'm telling you, they'll all be happier when I ain't around. Oh, I don't believe that. Don't you know? You'll find out you ain't that much younger than me. Well, won't be long until. Just putting your clothes on in the morning is exhausting. You try to make some breakfast, but your fingers are too seized up to get the bread open. Even when you've managed to sit down, you're scared you won't get up again. It ain't nice. Been made to feel like a burden.

[Tony Archer]

Who's made you feel like a burden, Clive?

[Bert Horrobin]

No, I mean Tracy and her sister.

[Tony Archer]

Oh, but come on, come on. Look, I know I'm not in your position.

[Bert Horrobin]

Not yet.

[Tony Archer]

I'm sure they don't think like that. If anything, you should be pleased to have two such loving, hard working daughters.

[Bert Horrobin]

Oh, I should, should I?

[Tony Archer]

Yes, you should. Remember when Susan was a slip of a girl serving drinks behind the bar?

[Amber]

Wow.

[Tony Archer]

She's pulled herself up by her bootstraps.

[Bert Horrobin]

Ay, she reckons she's posh now.

[Tony Archer]

And Tracy, I mean, she's Raised two great children largely by herself. Brad's an odd one when you think of some of the obstacles Susan and Tracy have had to contend with.

[Bert Horrobin]

Obstacles? What are you saying, pal?

[Tony Archer]

Just that you ought to count yourself lucky. It could have turned out a lot worse.

[Bert Horrobin]

Now, just you listen.

[Brian Archer]

Here you go, dad. Here's your shires.

[Bert Horrobin]

Oh, old Tracy Tar.

[Brian Archer]

I've checked and the ham and chips is on its way. Everything all right?

[Bert Horrobin]

Yeah, yeah. Hunky dory.

[Tony Archer]

Yes, we're all good, thank you.

[Lottie]

Okay.

[Brian Archer]

Well, don't drink that one too fast. If you need any help getting to the toilet, dad, just give me a shout.

[Tony Archer]

You see what I mean? I rest my case.

[Bert Horrobin]

What would you know anyhow? Look how your kids turned out.

[Tony Archer]

Excuse me?

[Bert Horrobin]

Don't matter how much money you got.

[Tony Archer]

Now, just stop there a minute.

[Bert Horrobin]

Don't make you know better.

[Tony Archer]

For your information, Bert, I'm extremely proud of my children.

[Bert Horrobin]

Are you? Don't seem like it. I might have been away, but I've heard what's been going on. You should look at Your own family, Mr. High and Mighty, before sticking your nose into other people's.

[David Archer]

Ian.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

How come you're still here?

[Alice]

Shouldn't you have left for work?

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

I should have, but Xander needs his breakfast. I don't know how much longer you'd be in the bathroom.

[Alice]

Well, I'm here now.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Have you checked on him? Is he dressed?

[Whole Foods Market Announcer]

Almost.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

I mean, you need to leave in 20 minutes.

[Alice]

Yes, I know. I'll do that normally.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Be sitting down eating by now.

[Alice]

Ian, give me the cereals. And is not going to be late for school.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Fine.

[Alice]

Go on. Everything's under control.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Have you signed the form for the trip to the butterfly farm?

[Alice]

Yep, I've done it.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

And remember, it's sports day tomorrow. Has you got a clean PE kit?

[Alice]

I watched it on Saturday. Please stop. Stop fretting.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

I didn't know I was working all day Saturday.

[Alice]

Which is why you need to trust me.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

All right. So you bought Xander's ticket to the end of your disco. I reminded you last week. I know, Adam.

[Alice]

I'll do it today.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Yeah. Will you, though? You said that before. I can't do everything. I've got enough on my plate at the hotel.

[Alice]

Then go to the hotel. Let me get on with things here. Xander, breakfast.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

There's a letter fee there, by the way. I've put it on the site in. See you later.

[Alice]

Okay, bye.

[Tony Archer]

No, of course, David. It's just since we haven't spoken for a while, I wondered if police had made any progress.

[David Archer]

Oh, well, I'VE left a couple of messages asking about the DNA results, but so far nothing.

[Tony Archer]

All right.

[David Archer]

The sooner that dog is identified, sooner I can get compensation from the owner for the sheet that were.

[Tony Archer]

Well, quite.

[David Archer]

Not that I've had much time to chase the rural crime team. Much. Every spare minute of the day seems to be taken up with the Borchester show. In fact, that's the reason I'm here. I need to talk to Tony about presenting the awards for the livestock classes.

[Tony Archer]

You'll be glad when it's over.

[David Archer]

No, actually, I enjoy being chair. There's just a lot of stress making sure everything's ready in time. Anyway, how are things with you?

[Tony Archer]

Oh, you know, good, good. I'm raring to get going with the harvest.

[David Archer]

Ruth didn't seem to feel she was able to help much at the meeting.

[Tony Archer]

With Adam, you mean?

[David Archer]

Yeah.

[Tony Archer]

No. Well, he should never have dragged her into it. I appreciate Ruth trying, but the fact of the matter is Adam made his play for the farm and he lost. He needs to accept it. As soon as he does, then maybe move on.

[David Archer]

Well, I'm sorry anyway. And also, Brian, I'm sorry about shouting at you the other day.

[Tony Archer]

It's okay, David. I totally understand.

[David Archer]

Oh, morning, Alice.

[Tracy Horribin]

Hi there, David.

[Tony Archer]

Oh, hello, darling. I didn't spot you driving in. How are you?

[Amber]

I'm fine, and you?

[Tony Archer]

Not too bad. I'm just picking up a few things from the farm shop.

[Amber]

Oh, yeah, me too. Some bits and pieces for dinner.

[David Archer]

Right. Well, I better see if I can find Tony.

[Tony Archer]

Yes, of course.

[David Archer]

Sorry not to stop and chat, but I've got thousand and one things to do.

[Brian Archer]

Oh, no, no, don't worry.

[Amber]

I haven't got much time either.

[Tony Archer]

You sure about that? I mean, you don't fancy a quick coffee in the tea room?

[Amber]

Oh, sorry, Dad. I need to get back to the stables.

[Tony Archer]

How about lunch then?

[Amber]

What?

[Tony Archer]

I've got a shopping bag full of ingredients. Sure, I can rustle up something at least halfway palatable.

[Ian Ryan]

But are you sure, David?

[David Archer]

Just as long as you're back to present the Best in Show awards on Thursday.

[Ian Ryan]

But will there be time for that? I'm organizing the livestock classes. I'll be more use in the cattle lines doing that than handing out trophies in the main arena.

[David Archer]

Well, I can't think of anyone better.

[Ian Ryan]

I know.

[David Archer]

And I'm chair. You never know. You might even be surprised by how much you enjoy yourself.

[Ian Ryan]

Well, all right.

[David Archer]

Good. Now I best push off.

[Ian Ryan]

Oh, don't you want me to show you around the garden? Oh, it's been A lot of hard graft, but when you think of the state it was in after the sewage spilt.

[David Archer]

Yeah. No, you have done an amazing job. It's looking beautiful.

[Ian Ryan]

Yeah, well, I am pretty chuffed. We wanted it to be a haven for wildlife, even more so than before. Oh, and Seren and Nova have done a great job painting stones to label the crops in their new veg patch. All I've got to do now is plant a couple of rose bushes and then I can put my feet up and relax.

[David Archer]

Don't. Never mind the wildlife. I could do with a haven like this. I've barely spent any time in the garden at Brookfield.

[Ian Ryan]

Well, if you need a bit of horticultural therapy, you'd be welcome to give me a hand.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Come in.

[Alice]

I'm not interrupting, am I? Well, Adam, I thought this might brighten up your office. It's a Peace Lily. Not very subtle, I know. Ian, I'm sorry about earlier.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

No, no. Thank you for this.

[Alice]

Just to put your mind at rest, Xander has a ticket for the discount.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Ah, Adam, honestly, I need to let go more. It's not as if I haven't let stuff slip myself. All the signing forms and ordering lunches and the inevitable last minute messages from the school. It's hard keeping on top of everything.

[Alice]

It is. And you've been doing so much of it without my even noticing. I need to get better at it.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

How you're doing, Grant? I'm just finding it hard to adjust.

[Alice]

How's your morning been so far?

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Yeah, it's been fine. I'm just sorting out next week's staff roller. How about yours?

[Alice]

Yeah, all right.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Well, that's obviously a lie.

[Ian Ryan]

It's nothing.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Adam, what is it?

[Alice]

The letter that came earlier. It was from my solicitor. Honestly, though, you've got work to do.

[Ian Ryan]

How's that? Is the hole deep enough?

[David Archer]

Not quite. I'd say at least another six inches.

[Ian Ryan]

Right, lift it out again.

[David Archer]

Right.

[Ian Ryan]

Did I tell you what this rose is called?

[Tony Archer]

No.

[Ian Ryan]

Tottering by gently it's what I'll be doing soon.

[David Archer]

So, have you decided about investing in a new milking parlour?

[Ian Ryan]

No, we've got a family meeting next week. Tom reckons if there's money to spend, it should be replacing the polytunnels with a fancy new greenhouse. Which means it's down to me and Pat to break the deadlock. So much for handing over the reins.

[David Archer]

You all right there, Tony?

[Ian Ryan]

Yeah, but the spade's stuck under something. I can't shift it.

[David Archer]

What is it? A rock or tree root?

[Ian Ryan]

Or something, I'm not sure. There you go.

[David Archer]

What on earth have you found? Is that a wheel poking out?

[Ian Ryan]

Hang on, let me get some of this soil off.

[David Archer]

It is. And that's a radiator grill.

[Ian Ryan]

I don't believe it.

[David Archer]

It's a toy tractor.

[Ian Ryan]

Not just any tractor. It's. It's John's model. Forza Major. We gave it to him for something like his eighth or ninth birthday. How did he get here?

[David Archer]

Well, you tell me.

[Ian Ryan]

I do remember he kept it on the shelf by his bed. Tom was always trying to sneak in to play with him.

[David Archer]

I'm not surprised, even in the state it's in now. You can see. See, it's well made.

[Ian Ryan]

Yeah, well, they don't make models like this anymore. One to sixteen scale it is. With working steering and a moving nine hole draw bar. Look, there's even still traces of the blue enamel.

[David Archer]

I reckon Tom wasn't the only one desperate to play with it.

[Ian Ryan]

What? It brings back so many memories. It must have been down there for what, 30, 35 years?

[David Archer]

Well, however it got there. What a find, eh? You should make it your next project. Clean it up, give it a new lick of paint.

[Ian Ryan]

Good idea. I might even give it a special place right here in the garden. Then John can be part of it too.

[Tony Archer]

Ta da. Welsh rabbit with watercress salad.

[Amber]

Wow. Hadn't expected all this.

[Tony Archer]

Well, don't stand on ceremony. Tuck in. Oh, it's one of my favourite recipes from when I did my cookery lessons. The secret ingredient, a pinch of nutmeg. What do you think?

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Delicious. Thanks, dad.

[Tony Archer]

Good, good. So tell me, how's Martha? I can hardly believe she's almost finished her first year at school.

[Amber]

It's bonkers, isn't it?

[Tony Archer]

She looking forward to the holidays?

[Lottie]

Yeah, she can't wait.

[Tony Archer]

I would offer to have her more. I mean, because I know it's not easy for you, but with the harvest and the situation how it is.

[Amber]

No, I know you're busy.

[Tony Archer]

I mean, if you need a little help financially. Holidays are expensive time.

[Amber]

Really, you don't have to worry. I'm doing fine.

[Tony Archer]

Well, you only have to ask.

[Amber]

Thank you.

[Tony Archer]

And how about you and Rex? Does he still think I behaved like a toddler?

[Amber]

Oh, dad. It's all right.

[Tony Archer]

It's all right. I'm glad you were someone who'll stand up for you.

[Amber]

Good. Because things are going great. It's been so long since I've allowed myself to just look forward. I keep being surprised by how normal it feels.

[Tony Archer]

That's wonderful, darling.

[Amber]

And what about you and Miranda? Ah, Kate told me you went over to see her.

[Tony Archer]

Then you know, then.

[Amber]

Dad, I'm sorry.

[Tony Archer]

Oh, don't be. I'm just going to have to accept she was the one who got away. I do miss her dreadfully, though. I found myself wandering down to the Bull yesterday. Ended up sitting at a table with Bert Horrobin.

[Amber]

Oh, did you? How was that?

[Tony Archer]

It terrified me. That's what I might turn into.

[Amber]

What are you on about? You'll never become like Bert.

[Tony Archer]

I sincerely hope not.

[Amber]

Although there's no need for you to feel quite so lonely. If we all made an effort to move on from what's happened. I know, I know. But if we were all talking again, if we tried to act like a family, well, then you wouldn't have to get stuck down the pub with Bert.

[Tony Archer]

I'm sure you're right, darling. Yeah, absolutely. And this is a very good start.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Oh, that can't be right. I mean, what's he done? Other than write a few letters?

[Alice]

He's done more than that.

[Tony Archer]

Ian.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Let me see the invoice.

[Alice]

There you go. There's all the time spent taking instructions, reviewing the partnership agreement, paying for the value.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Well, Kate and Alice should pay for some of this.

[Alice]

What?

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Well, it won't just be you. He'll get money from the settlement. They will too. And so will Debbie and Rory.

[Alice]

I can't ask them.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Well, why not?

[Alice]

For a start, I've only just made my peace with Kate and Alice.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Well, yeah, isn't that a good thing to. They might be more willing to contribute.

[Alice]

And secondly, I didn't consult them when I first instructed the solicitor. I can't go and ask them to pay now. Now I'm starting to think the best thing might be just to count my losses.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

What are you talking about?

[Alice]

Look, I've tried to sit down and have a sensible conversation with Brian. He made it abundantly clear he's not prepared to cough up a penny.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

So then we threatened to take him

[Alice]

to court and then Words.

[Chris]

I've already told you, I don't want

[Alice]

to spend the rest of my life stuck in a potentially ruinous legal battle.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

I know. And neither will Brian.

[Alice]

Ian, I promise you, Brian is not going to blink. First, he'll fight it all the way if he has to.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Then we'll keep fighting too. Adam, seriously, how many times have I had to pick you up and put you back together again because of something Brian's done?

[Ian Ryan]

Oh, I know.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

And not just you. But watch them do it to your mum. He Thinks he can do what he likes and everyone will just bow to his will.

[Alice]

Which is why it might be better to just end it.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

No, I won't let you. You've put 20 years of your life into Home Farm, Adam. I'm not gonna let you give up now.

[Bert Horrobin]

Hey, what you two doing in there? Where's my brew got to?

[Brian Archer]

Yes, all right, dad. Just give me a minute.

[Tracy Horribin]

So has he said any more about why he's come back from Clive's?

[Brian Archer]

Not a word. According to him, Clive is the best son a father could ever have. Doesn't seem to matter. He only had him for six weeks while I've been looking after him for 14 years.

[Tracy Horribin]

I'm sorry, Tracy.

[Brian Archer]

Seriously, Susan, I've shaved him, I've sterilized his dentures, trimmed his toenails, and all I get is snapped at. He's worse than he was before.

[Bert Horrobin]

Don't forget, three showers.

[Tracy Horribin]

Something's obviously gone on at Clive's. I tried calling him again last night, but he's still not picking up.

[Brian Archer]

Of course, he.

[Tracy Horribin]

Dad just doesn't want to admit things weren't as rosy there as he made out.

[Brian Archer]

And now I'm getting the brunt of it.

[Tracy Horribin]

I know. Look, I don't mean to leave you in the lurch, but I do need to get to the shop.

[Brian Archer]

No, no, I'm going out soon. Him too. I'll just take him his tea.

[Tracy Horribin]

All right, then. Well, good luck.

[Ian Ryan]

Stop gossiping.

[Tracy Horribin]

I parched in here and I'll have a think about what more I can do to help.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Alice.

[Ian Ryan]

Hold on.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Wait up.

[Tracy Horribin]

Hi, Ian.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

You all right?

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

I just got home from work.

[Amber]

Already?

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

I got a half day. I don't suppose you've got got time for a chat. It's about the farm partnership and how much it's costing to get us the solution properly sorted.

[Amber]

Look, that's really not got anything to do with me.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Well, it will if Adam gets a settlement. Maybe it would be easier to talk about it at mine.

[Amber]

Oh, Ian, I don't know.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Look, come over to the cottage for a few minutes. We just want to resolve things so that everyone's happy.

[Amber]

Well, as long as it's just a few minutes. Yeah. Okay.

[Bert Horrobin]

You're as bad as your sister. You can have the money as soon as I get my pension.

[Tracy Horribin]

Dad.

[Bert Horrobin]

Don't you trust me?

[Tony Archer]

Susan?

[Lottie]

Oh.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, all right. Thought you were giving up smoking. What happened to your vape?

[Bert Horrobin]

I never wanted that thing. It was your stupid idea.

[Tracy Horribin]

Well, at least you've made it out of the house. That's one positive, I suppose. There you go. 20 king size. Do you need anything else?

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Nope.

[Bert Horrobin]

That were it.

[Tracy Horribin]

Okay, well, I need to carry on restocking the counter display. It's hard keeping on top of it all when we're so short of volunteers. Dad.

[Bill]

What?

[Tracy Horribin]

Maybe you could stand to one side.

[Bert Horrobin]

Oh, right.

[Tracy Horribin]

Thank you. We lost a couple of people when we had to move the shop to St Stephen's and we've never gotten back.

[Bert Horrobin]

That's so.

[Tracy Horribin]

Still, at least Christopher's flat is almost finished. Did I tell you he's moving in with us for a little while?

[Bert Horrobin]

I expect so.

[Tracy Horribin]

We had dinner with his girlfriend last week. You know Lottie. Lovely girl. We had such a nice evening together.

[Bert Horrobin]

Just so long as she ain't a drunkard like the Aldridge girl.

[Tracy Horribin]

Dad, are you gonna pay for that paper?

[Bert Horrobin]

I'm only seeing if there's anything worth reading. Never is in the Echo these days.

[Tracy Horribin]

Ah, well, now, that's where you're wrong. There's a special pull out about the Borchester show. Amber's done an interview with her dad. I mean, it's only promoting his dealership, but I thought it was great that. That she'd done it. When you think how straying their relationship's been. Oh, here. Here it is, dad.

[Bert Horrobin]

Oh, you can open these mints for me.

[Tracy Horribin]

Where did you get those?

[Bert Horrobin]

Myself. Oh, you got a chair? My legs ain't gonna last much longer.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, there's a chair here behind the counter. Look, I tell you what. Why don't you come and sit around here?

[Bert Horrobin]

What?

[David Archer]

Really?

[Tracy Horribin]

Yeah, yeah, go on. At least there you'll be out in. Tell me why.

[Amber]

Ian, are you serious? You and Adam want to take dad to court.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

We don't want to, Alice.

[Amber]

How's that going to make things any better?

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Brian's not giving us any choice if he'd pay you all what you're owed.

[Amber]

So this is just about money now? No, that's what it sounds like.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

It's about what's fair. I mean, what kind of fowler deliberately chooses to make his own children poorer? Losing the income from the partnership, Ian, that's got to make things harder for you.

[Amber]

Well, I'll have to tighten my belt a bit, but that's done so much for me already.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Well, and Martha? How's it going to affect her?

[Amber]

Well, there are more important things than money. I want Martha to grow up with a grandfather and aunts and uncles who are actually speaking to each other. You know, I had lunch with dad yesterday and he agreed we need to find A way of healing things.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Alice, come on now.

[Amber]

Wouldn't that be better?

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

If he really meant that he could have done the right thing already.

[Amber]

Look, I'm not going to help you take dad to court.

[Chris]

What's going on?

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Well, Adam, I thought you'd gone to pick Xander up.

[Alice]

I'm just about to. I was going to put this shopping away first.

[Amber]

Where do you think this is going to end, Adam? Even if you do beat dad and get a big payout.

[Ian Ryan]

Alice.

[Alice]

Hang on.

[Amber]

Will it have been worth it?

[Bert Horrobin]

No.

[Alice]

Which is why I've told my solicitor I don't want to pursue it.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

You've done what?

[Alice]

When? I spoke to him this morning.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Hold on.

[Amber]

Ian said that?

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

I know, I know. We discussed it again last night.

[Alice]

Yes, but I've been thinking long and hard about this.

[Amber]

We said you were gonna fight dad all the way.

[Alice]

Well, I'm not. I've wasted too much of my life on Brian already. It stops here.

[Tracy Horribin]

Right, that's the display. Finished. You all right there, Dad? I just need to take the empty boxes out the back.

[Bert Horrobin]

You work to work, girl. Take a breather.

[Ian Ryan]

Here.

[Bert Horrobin]

Go on, have a mint.

[Tracy Horribin]

No, thank you. Maybe I will have a little break, though.

[Bert Horrobin]

Suit yourself.

[Tracy Horribin]

I've been trying to persuade people to come to my taster session on Friday. To show people what it's like to work in the shop, getting them to make a regular commitment. Now, that's the problem.

[Bert Horrobin]

Really don't seem that hard a job to me. It's quite comfy here behind the counter. And with the card thingamy Jiggy. You don't even have to count out the change. Better than being at home by yourself anyhow.

[Tracy Horribin]

Dad.

[Linda]

What?

[Tracy Horribin]

I know you wish you had more company. Are you gonna tell me what happened at Cloyd's? You seemed a lot happier when I came to visit. But then, judging by the state you came back in.

[Bert Horrobin]

I weren't in no state. Just because you and your sister are always faffing.

[Tracy Horribin]

All right, all right.

[Bert Horrobin]

It were a relief not being primped and prodded all the time.

[Tracy Horribin]

Fine. Still doesn't mean you can treat Tracy the way you are.

[Bert Horrobin]

Did you talk her into doing more hours at Bridge Farm?

[Tracy Horribin]

What?

[Bert Horrobin]

She's gonna be at the Borchester show all day Thursday selling cheese for them.

[Tracy Horribin]

Dad, for goodness sake. What's Tracy supposed to do, eh? She has to live her life. For all we knew, you'd moved out for good.

[Bert Horrobin]

Yeah, well, maybe I should have done. If I'd known coming back here would be even more miserable, maybe I wouldn't mind volunteering. Least it would be a change of scene.

[Tracy Horribin]

Hmm.

[Bert Horrobin]

See? You ain't even listening to me.

[Tracy Horribin]

No, I am. I heard you. You want a change of scene.

[Amber]

It's okay, Adam. I'll see myself out.

[Alice]

Yeah, all right, Alice. And don't worry about collecting Martha. She and Xander will be happy playing in the garden. Come and fetch up whenever you like.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Great. Thanks.

[Amber]

I'll see you later then.

[Alice]

Okay.

[Bill]

Bye.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Right.

[Alice]

I should be making a move soon, too.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Oh, hang on. What was all that about? I thought we agreed you weren't giving up.

[Alice]

And I'm not. What I'm doing is getting on with my life. Putting all the anger and resentment behind me.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Yes.

[Alice]

What are you doing talking to our anyway? I told you I couldn't ask her to help towards the legal costs.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

I know, but I thought if Brian saw it. Was it just you who was willing to take action against him? What happened to showing him we were up for the fight?

[Alice]

Well, I'm sorry. I'm not.

[Chris]

Alice is right.

[Alice]

It'll just create even more bad blood. And I don't want to put myself through that.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Well, even if it allows you to start something new? You're a brilliant farmer, Adam. Do you really want nothing to show for it? With your share of money from the assets, you could do anything. But you could.

[Ian Ryan]

Thank you.

[Alice]

But honestly, Ian, I've got plenty to show for it elsewhere. There are the. The projects I helped build in Kenya. I'm immensely proud of those. I've got you, I've got Xander.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

What about the injustice, though? After everything you've put up with from

[Alice]

Brian, who said the world was just hanging. Look, it's wonderful you're so aggrieved for me, but Brian's never going to change. I really do need to go pick up the kids.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Still doesn't make it right, Adam.

[Alice]

No, but we do have to accept it. I love you. Okay.

[Brian Archer]

Go on, dad. You go and sit back down again.

[Bert Horrobin]

Yeah, all right. All right.

[Brian Archer]

Let me make a start on tea.

[Bert Horrobin]

What are we having tonight?

[Brian Archer]

I ain't decided yet. I need to have a look what we've got in the freezer.

[Bert Horrobin]

Oh, great. I'll probably be picture again.

[Tracy Horribin]

I'll come and sit with you in a minute. So, what do you think?

[Brian Archer]

Oh, it's a kind offer, Susan, but we've discussed it before. Dad, living at your place wouldn't work.

[Tracy Horribin]

Why not?

[Brian Archer]

Lasagna. This will do. At least in pizza for a start. And you got Chris moving in with you soon?

[Tony Archer]

Yes.

[Brian Archer]

Which means Martha will be There some of the time, too. It's a lot for you to cope with.

[Tracy Horribin]

What do you mean? There's five of you living here.

[Brian Archer]

I know, but you like your house to be a certain way. Where would dad sleep? Can't go upstairs.

[Tracy Horribin]

Well, move one of the beds down to the dining room.

[Brian Archer]

Susan.

[Tracy Horribin]

And there's the shower downstairs. The one we put in for Neil for when he comes back from the pigs. Dad can use that as his bathroom.

[Brian Archer]

I don't know.

[Tracy Horribin]

Look, I'm not suggesting he moves in permanently. Just for a little while. So the pressure's not all on you.

[Brian Archer]

Look, I know I were whinging before, but I weren't saying I couldn't look after him.

[Tracy Horribin]

No, no.

[Brian Archer]

I just have to vent sometimes.

[Tracy Horribin]

Of course you do. But you've been doing the lion's share of the caring for so long. You were right. What you said before about me not doing enough. It's time I took on more.

[Brian Archer]

So did dad tell you that's what he wants? He preferred to stay at yours?

[Tracy Horribin]

No, not in so many words, but after seeing how difficult things were here earlier and then him coming over to the shop.

[Brian Archer]

Right.

[Tracy Horribin]

I mean, obviously I wanted to discuss it with you first.

[Brian Archer]

And what about Neil?

[Tracy Horribin]

What about him?

[Brian Archer]

Have you asked if he wants to have dad living with him?

[Tracy Horribin]

No, not yet.

[Brian Archer]

Don't you think you should? I can't imagine he'll be too thrilled.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, maybe not. But, look, I'm sure if I talk to him, explain the situation, he'll understand.

[Brian Archer]

If you think so.

[Bert Horrobin]

Tracy. When's P gonna be.

[Brian Archer]

I'm putting it in the oven now, dad. It's a lot to ask, though. Susan.

[Whole Foods Market Announcer]

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[Bert Horrobin]

Evening. Buyer's remorse. Buy a new car. I'll be moving in. Let's get started.

[R]

Sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana.

[Bert Horrobin]

You what?

[R]

Yeah. Great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it.

[Bert Horrobin]

So there's no.

[Amber]

No.

[R]

No buyer's remorse. More like buyers rejoice.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it.

[R]

Buyers rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our 7 day return [e-mail].

[Bert Horrobin]

don't play games with us.

[BBC Podcast Narrator]

A vicious gang of hackers causing chaos for businesses, councils and hospitals.

[R]

What if I don't finish this treatment and this cancer grows?

[BBC Podcast Narrator]

But they didn't care. I'm dying, laughing, making outrageous demands for money.

[Tracy Horribin]

They wanted millions.

[BBC Podcast Narrator]

It was high tech and high stakes.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

The country is under attack and it

[BBC Podcast Narrator]

was highly secretive until someone exposed it all. Cyber Hack Season 4 the Conti Files Listen on BBC.com or wherever you get your BBC podcasts.

[Chris]

George, no. What are you doing?

[George]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Chris]

Give me my hoodie back. Don't you dare.

[George]

This is going to make such great content. Put your foot. Don't be such a buzz kill.

[Chris]

I'm serious. I don't want anyone seeing me like this.

[Bert Horrobin]

Is that stuff still wet? George, get off.

[George]

Chris, you're gonna get it on me.

[Ian Ryan]

I mean it.

[Chris]

That's enough.

[Bert Horrobin]

Okay, okay.

[George]

How come you've got fake tan on anyhow? You worried how you're gonna look in the farrier competition?

[Chris]

Look, the Borsashire Farrier association are gonna be taking photographs. They're even talking about doing a charity calendar.

[George]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

I'm not gonna leave the moose on for long. Just an hour or so, so my arms aren't quite so pale.

[George]

Do what you want. No judgment here.

[Chris]

Now, can I have my hoodie back?

[Bert Horrobin]

Yeah, of course.

[George]

So how are you gonna wash off the moose?

[Ian Ryan]

How do you think? In the shower.

[Tony Archer]

What?

[George]

This horse box has a shower?

[Chris]

Yeah, I told you. It's got everything. There's even a full sized double bed above the cab. You should move in here instead of Nana and Granddad's. Well, I'm only here for one night to keep an eye on the horses. They're traveling straight back after the show tomorrow. Shame right this minute though. I need to get back to the farrier's tent. Look, none of the tint is showing, is it?

[George]

Let's see. There's a bit around your cuff.

[Alice]

What?

[George]

You need to pull your sleeve down further.

[Ian Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

Wait, hang on.

[Lottie]

Can I come in?

[Chris]

Oh, Lottie.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, my days.

[Brian Archer]

This place is unreal.

[George]

Believe me, you ain't seen half of it.

[Chris]

George, haven't you got social media stuff you need to do?

[George]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Well, go on.

[George]

Oh, yeah, right. I'll catch you later then.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Yeah.

[George]

Lossy, you should ask Chris to show you the shower.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, there's a shower.

[Chris]

Yeah. See you, George.

[Linda]

Where is it?

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Is it in here?

[Chris]

Never mind that. Did you find your pitch?

[Tracy Horribin]

Yeah.

[Lottie]

In fact, I'm next to Someone I know from the other craft markets I go to.

[Chris]

Huh.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, seriously, Chris, when you said you

[Lottie]

were sleeping in a horse box, I

[Brian Archer]

thought, be on the floor or something.

[Amber]

Something.

[Lottie]

If I'd have known it was like this, I'd have booked a babysitter.

[Chris]

Is that right?

[Amber]

Still, I suppose we're here now, aren't we?

[Chris]

Oh, Lottie.

[Lottie]

What?

[Chris]

I'm sorry. Hannah's waiting for me in the farrier tent.

[Tracy Horribin]

But.

[Chris]

And you must have stuff you need to do too.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Come on, let's.

[Tracy Horribin]

Amber, what are you doing home?

[R]

Susan. Hi.

[Tracy Horribin]

Thought you'd be at the Showground.

[R]

I was, but George forgot to pack the replacement batteries for the drone since he's not allowed to drive. Oh, no, I'm heading back now. As if today isn't frantic enough.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, I saw the piece about your dad in the Echo pull out, by the way. He was chuffed. It was a great bit of advertising.

[R]

Yep, well, that's what you get when you're a platinum sponsor.

[Tracy Horribin]

I was saying to my dad, you can see where Amber gets her entrepreneurial spirit from. You and George ought to pop in and see now he's back from Clive's, we should all try to spend more time with him.

[Tony Archer]

Yep.

[R]

And we will do, as soon as we have a spare minute. Now, I really do need to get back.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, hang on. Wait. Was that the cottage your parents bought you in the boot?

[R]

Oh, yes, but we've decided not to accept it.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, you're giving it back?

[R]

When I have time. I've only put it in there because it was taking up so much room in the house.

[Tracy Horribin]

Do you think that's a good idea? Giving it back? I mean, I know Neil was keen for you to use the Grundy family cop, but to be ashamed to upset your parents?

[R]

I didn't ask them to buy it.

[Tracy Horribin]

No, I know, but you don't want to spoil things. Not now you're starting to get along and that's fine.

[R]

They can be in my life. I. I just don't need their money, Amber. I need them to realize that we can manage on our own.

[Tracy Horribin]

J. I am. You okay?

[Brian Archer]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

[R]

Just came over a bit faint.

[Tracy Horribin]

You've gone over so pale. Where are your house keys? Come on, let's get you inside.

[Bill]

Now. I know what you're thinking, Bill. I'm here for the sheepdog demonstrations, not to buy a new set of wheels. But just look at this lot behind me. We're offering exclusive show only finance packages you won't find anywhere else. So Come on down tomorrow and say hello. You'll see us on the west side of the main arena. How was that, George?

[George]

Yeah, that was solid, Bill. Cheers.

[Bill]

No, no, no, thank you. After all this promotion you've got for us, I'm hoping for a very good day.

[George]

You ought to have all these motors and mint. Is this the performance version?

[Ian Ryan]

You know, you're stuff.

[George]

Yeah, well, I watch a lot of car videos. Closest I'll come to affording a proper motor like this.

[Bill]

Who says all it takes is hard work and ambition? You know, you've impressed me with everything you've been doing for the show.

[Tony Archer]

Have I?

[George]

Oh, tah. I'm not sure Amber would agree with you. She thinks all I do is mess up.

[Bill]

Don't worry, it's not just you. Me and her mum haven't been able to do anything right for years.

[George]

Listen, Bill, about the cot. I know it'd be great for the baby and everything and it would really generously.

[Bill]

Hang on, George. Sure need to take this. Nicholas. How are you, sir? Yeah, so you got the inventory? I'll send you then. Sorry, Nick, can you hang on a moment? What's this fella doing?

[Ian Ryan]

Back up, go round.

[Bill]

If he doesn't know how wide his truck is, he shouldn't be driving it.

[George]

Yeah, right.

[Chris]

All right, all right.

[Ian Ryan]

Just wait there.

[Bill]

George, do us a favor, shift the three series, will ya?

[George]

What?

[Bill]

Nick, just bear with me.

[George]

But, Bill, I'm not really supposed to.

[Bill]

What's the matter?

[Ian Ryan]

You only have to move it out

[Bill]

the way so this idiot can get by. Don't you want to drive one of my mowers?

[Ian Ryan]

Yeah, of course.

[Chris]

I'd love to.

[Bill]

Well, then, this is your chance. The key's in the safe and the side cabin. The code's Amber's birthday.

[George]

Amber's birthday. Right.

[Bill]

Good lad. Nick, apologies. I'm in the middle of setting up for a show. No, no, no, no good. Everything's under control.

[Chris]

What, you're going now?

[Lottie]

May as well. My stands all set up for tomorrow and you're obviously still busy.

[Chris]

Lottie, I'm sorry, I've been having a total mare. The steel we ordered for the competition, it was the wrong spec. I had to ring around a whole bunch of suppliers trying to find anyone with enough of the right stuff in stock and then drive 30 miles over the other side of Felpersham.

[Lottie]

But it's sorted now.

[Chris]

Well, yeah, but it's taken half the afternoon.

[Lottie]

Exactly, so there's not much point in me hanging about. It's a shame, though. We don't ever seem to get a moment alone, do we? Well, don't I at least get a kiss goodbye?

[Chris]

Sorry, I've. I've just remembered something I need to do right now.

[Tracy Horribin]

Chris.

[Lottie]

Hang on.

[Tracy Horribin]

Where are you going?

[Brian Archer]

Remembered what?

[Tracy Horribin]

Can I fetch you another glass of water?

[R]

No, thank you. Susan,

[Amber]

I am feeling a lot better.

[Tracy Horribin]

Maybe you ought to have a little lie down.

[R]

Honestly, it's my own fault for rushing around non stop. I didn't get to bed until 3 o' clock this morning.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, Amber, that's no good. You need to be looking after yourself.

[R]

I know, but there's been so much to do for the show and I still have my own content to keep on top of. You know, if you stop posting regularly, you start to drop out of people's feeds.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, well, that's just too bad. And have you taken maternity leave yet from the farm store?

[R]

I've been trying to put that off as long as possible.

[Tracy Horribin]

Well, I think you should tell them you're taking it now.

[R]

Look, it'll be all right once the show's over. I just need to get through tomorrow.

[Tracy Horribin]

Can't George do more?

[R]

He's doing as much as he can, but to do social media properly, there's all the editing, writing the descriptions with all the right keywords, designing the thumbnails.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, right. I see.

[R]

It's just going to be really full on. I'll be fine though, honestly.

[Tracy Horribin]

Well, if you say so. Look, is there anything I can do to help? I don't mean with the show, but if there's anything that'll make things less stressful, like the cup, for instance. I could return it to your parents.

[R]

No, no, thank you, Susan. That's something I ought to do.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, don't be silly. It's daft. You luggin a great big box about. Let me take it over for you. Save you the worry. You can just concentrate on looking after your. You alright, Chris?

[Lottie]

You've been in there ages.

[Chris]

Yeah, I'm fine.

[Lottie]

How long do you need in the shower? Come on.

[Chris]

Promise you won't laugh.

[Lottie]

Laugh? What are you on about?

[Tracy Horribin]

Just open the door.

[Bill]

All right,

[Chris]

look, it wasn't my fault.

[Lottie]

Why are your arms that color?

[Chris]

It's fake tan. I didn't mean it to be this orange. I said don't laugh. It's because I was rushing around getting the right steel. I forgot to wash it off. I've been scrubbing and scrubbing.

[Lottie]

Well, you don't normally wear fake tan, do you?

[Chris]

No, never.

[Lottie]

So why now?

[Chris]

I just didn't want to look too pasty for the competition. Have you seen some of the other farriers? One of them's got tens of thousands of followers. You're not telling me? They're all watching his videos to learn about the trade.

[Lottie]

Oh, really? What's his handle? Lottie, I'm teasing.

[Chris]

If I hadn't got thrown into competing, now I'm gonna look really ridiculous.

[Lottie]

Well, maybe we could do the rest of you, Try to even you out.

[Chris]

Are you kidding? I look like an Oompa Loompa. I need to get it off.

[Lottie]

Well, then I guess you'll just have to keep scrubbing. Would you like me to give you a hand?

[Chris]

I'm sorry.

[Lottie]

You heard.

[Chris]

Well, okay. There's not a lot of space in here.

[Lottie]

Oh, we'll manage somehow. Lets see what I can do to help.

[Bill]

Here you go, George. You did want onions, didn't you?

[Ian Ryan]

Yeah.

[George]

Thanks. Bill. This looks amazing.

[R]

Oh, so this is where you are. I've been looking all over for you.

[George]

Oh, Amber.

[R]

Haven't you been getting my messages? You're supposed to be recording some background footage.

[Ian Ryan]

All right.

[Bill]

Don't be too hard on him. He's been helping me shift cars about.

[R]

Sorry, what? You've been driving?

[George]

Just throwing the stand. There was this truck what needed to get through and then your dad wanted help repositioning some of them.

[R]

But you're banned.

[George]

Yeah, but it's not like it was on a public road or something.

[R]

That doesn't matter. What if you've been caught? You could be sent back to prison for that.

[Ian Ryan]

Don't be daft.

[R]

You don't know.

[Brian Archer]

And dad, how could you let him?

[R]

You know he's not allowed.

[Bill]

Yeah, you're right.

[Tony Archer]

I forgot.

[R]

How could you forget? Mum keeps stressing about who's going to drive me to the hospital.

[Ian Ryan]

What can I say?

[Bill]

I didn't think. No harm, no foul, though. We've been having a grand old time, haven't we, George?

[Brian Archer]

Have you now?

[Bill]

Yeah. We've been getting to know each other.

[R]

Don't you ever ask George to do something like that again.

[Ian Ryan]

Amber.

[Bill]

Don't make it such a fuss.

[R]

Oh, and while I'm at it, we don't want your stupid cot either.

[BBC Podcast Narrator]

What?

[R]

Susan's got it. She's going to drop it over in the next couple of days.

[Tony Archer]

What do you want to put about?

[Bill]

George and I have been over this.

[Lottie]

He agrees with me.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Don't you?

[Ian Ryan]

Actually, Bill, the baby deserves to have the best.

[George]

And you're right, it is a brilliant car. We'd still rather use my old family One, though. It just means more. I did try to tell you.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, I see.

[Bill]

Well, if that's your final decision. Well, were all the keys back in the safe?

[George]

No, I've still got one.

[Ian Ryan]

Here you go.

[Bill]

So I'm gonna go and lock up the cabin.

[R]

George, what is the matter with you? I can't believe you did that.

[George]

Look, I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do. He asked for my help.

[R]

Yeah, and what about helping me? All the time you've been chumming around with my dad, you've not made any progress with what we're supposed to be doing. Where is your head at, George? Why do I have to do everything myself?

[Ian Ryan]

I think the hat suits you, David. I was always very impressed as a child, seeing the show officials striding around in their bowlers. Good to see you keeping up tradition.

[David Archer]

Well, I suppose it does give one a certain sense of, you know, belonging.

[Ian Ryan]

If you say so. No, seriously though, you deserve to hold your head up high. Everything seems to be running so smoothly. And you plan to attract new people? I've seen plenty of youngsters in young families.

[David Archer]

Yeah, yeah. That push to improve our social media seems to have paid off.

[Ian Ryan]

I'm sorry I couldn't be here yesterday, Tony.

[David Archer]

Sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but I need to get over to the Members Pavilion, The Spirit. Someone I have to meet.

[Ian Ryan]

Yes, of course. Don't let me distract you from your duties, Mr. Chair.

[David Archer]

Thanks. Now, you are going to be in the main arena later to hand out the awards.

[Ian Ryan]

Yes, he says I'll be there.

[David Archer]

Good. No backing out now, David. Sorry, George, I can't stop.

[George]

There's a problem with the livestock area. Hand wash station. I don't know if there's a leak or something, but there's hardly any water.

[Whole Foods Market Announcer]

What?

[George]

See, there's already a queue building up.

[David Archer]

Oh, right. Oh, thanks, George. I'll go and see what I can do.

[Ian Ryan]

Oh, dear, that's not good. If people can't disinfect their hands, they won't be able to enter the lines to see the livestock.

[George]

Did you know Kira's getting on okay? I've been so busy filming stuff, I've not been able to come and see her. I wanted to wish her luck before she goes into the ring.

[Ian Ryan]

Don't you worry. Last time I saw her, she was giving the Texels a final going over with the carding brush.

[George]

Okay, great.

[Ian Ryan]

Just head down this walkway and turn left.

[Amber]

Yeah, yeah.

[George]

Cheers.

[Ian Ryan]

What was that?

[Chris]

I don't know.

[George]

It sounded like.

[Ian Ryan]

Oh, David, are you all Right.

[Brian Archer]

Excuse me. Can I just get past?

[Lottie]

Thank you.

[Brian Archer]

Oh, Lottie.

[R]

Tracy.

[Lottie]

Hi. Where did you come from?

[Brian Archer]

I spotted you up here at the front. Thought I'd say hello. How's our Chris doing?

[Lottie]

Okay, I think. He and Emily have shot one foot so far.

[Brian Archer]

Really? They better pick up the pace if they want to do the other three. Oh, no.

[Tracy Horribin]

They only have to do one side

[Brian Archer]

of the horse and a specimen shoe for the judge to inspect. Is there something wrong with his arms? They look sort of orange. It isn't just me. They are a different color to the rest of him.

[Lottie]

No, it's not just you. Chris used fake tan on his arms, but he left it on too long.

[Brian Archer]

Oh, you ain't serious.

[Lottie]

We've tried everything to get it off.

[Brian Archer]

Bless him. He's been scrubbed raw. Oh, what a plonker.

[Lottie]

Promise you won't say anything.

[Brian Archer]

Are you kidding? I wouldn't be a proper auntie if I didn't tease him remorselessly. Oh, please don't.

[Lottie]

I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. And he'll be so embarrassed.

[Brian Archer]

Oh, I don't know. It'll be tough. Tracy, please. I'll do my best to keep my lips sealed.

[David Archer]

Any sign of Tony? I feel like the little Dutch boy at the dyke, holding the pike like this.

[George]

Hang on, David. Here he comes down.

[Ian Ryan]

Sorry it's taken me a while. Finding someone with a spanner wasn't easy, but. There. There you go. Oh, that's great.

[David Archer]

But you get a move on. I'm getting uncomfortable.

[Bert Horrobin]

Yes, all right.

[Ian Ryan]

Right, George, see. See if you can tighten the coupler.

[George]

Sure, no problem. David, you're gonna need to move your hands.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Right.

[Bert Horrobin]

Okay.

[David Archer]

Oh, hurry up. The water's going everywhere.

[Bert Horrobin]

I know, I know.

[Ian Ryan]

Is the spanner on?

[David Archer]

I can't see anything.

[Ian Ryan]

Yep. Hold on.

[Brian Archer]

It's turning.

[Tony Archer]

Oh.

[Ian Ryan]

Are you sure you're not loosening it?

[Tracy Horribin]

There.

[Ian Ryan]

Well done, George. We definitely needed your muscle.

[George]

It's nice to be useful for once.

[David Archer]

Oh, could someone please help me out?

[Ian Ryan]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Brian Archer]

Oh, my goodness, David, what happened to you?

[David Archer]

Oh, hello, Trace.

[Ian Ryan]

We had a bit of a leak.

[Brian Archer]

I'll say you did.

[David Archer]

I can't go to the Members Pavilion like this. I need to find some dry clothes.

[Ian Ryan]

Hang on. What's all that shouting?

[George]

No, there's a Catholic.

[Ian Ryan]

George, get after it.

[Brian Archer]

Whoa, whoa.

[Chris]

Come back here.

[David Archer]

Oh, here comes the mother. Tony, what are you doing? Watch out.

[Ian Ryan]

Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. You come here.

[David Archer]

Tony, you're right.

[Ian Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, I've got her. What do you think you're doing, girl? Now's not the day for a walkabout. Come on, let's get you back to your pen.

[Brian Archer]

Crikey. You okay?

[David Archer]

Oh, just about. If Tony hadn't managed to grab her halter, though.

[Whole Foods Market Announcer]

Oh.

[David Archer]

What's going on? I've already been nearly drowned now. I've almost been trampled. And look at the time. I should have been over at the pavilion 10 minutes ago. You couldn't do me a favor, could you, Tracey?

[Brian Archer]

I can try.

[David Archer]

Could you go to the pavilion and tell someone from the organizing committee that I'm running late? You see, we've a very important guest coming.

[Bert Horrobin]

Something.

[Brian Archer]

Oh, who's that, then?

[Lottie]

Oh, well done, Chris. Are you pleased?

[Chris]

I will tell you when they've announced the results. I'm a bit disappointed with the specimen. The fuller could have been a little more even. Not bad, though, considering me and Emily haven't worked as a team before. But all in all, yeah, I'm happy.

[Lottie]

Well, you've certainly worked up a sweat.

[Chris]

Do you think anyone noticed me or Emily gave me a couple of odd looks? They still look pretty orange to me.

[Brian Archer]

Honestly, Chris, it's just because you know about it.

[Lottie]

I'm sure no one's noticed at all.

[Brian Archer]

Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt while you're filling your plate.

[Tracy Horribin]

Not at all.

[Brian Archer]

You don't know who's here on the organizing committee, do you? I ain't sure if I'm supposed to say, but David Archer, the chair, is meant to be me, the Duchess of Edinburgh. You know, Sophie, married to Prince Edward. Thing is, he's managed to douse himself in water.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Oh, goodness, no.

[Brian Archer]

How well. Daft lummox. Thought you were a plumber. He wanted me to let him know he's running late.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Well, you've told me.

[Brian Archer]

Oh. Are you on the committee?

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Not exactly.

[Brian Archer]

Oh, flaming Nora.

[Bert Horrobin]

Are you?

[Brian Archer]

I'm so sorry, your majesty. I mean, your royal highness. Is that right?

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Yes, it is.

[Brian Archer]

I am so sorry, your royal highness. When I saw you helping yourself to a scotch egg, I didn't think you'd be.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

No, no, no, no. Honestly, don't worry. It's fine. Are you a steward?

[Lottie]

Me?

[Brian Archer]

No. I work at a local dairy. I'm helping on their stand selling cheese. Borsetshire blue and another unpasteurized cheese called Sterling gold Bors Blue.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Yeah, that rings a bell. I think I've tried it.

[Brian Archer]

No, no, you never.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Yeah, I have.

[Brian Archer]

You're having me on.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

No, really, it was delicious.

[Brian Archer]

You should come to the dairy to see us making it. You wouldn't even have to wear one of Them horrible air nets. There's a special window so the public can look in from outside. Not that you're the public.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

No, that's absolutely wonderful. I'm the president of Leaf.

[Lottie]

Leaf?

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Yeah. It's linking environment and farming. Reconnecting people with where their food comes from. It's something I talk about a lot. What did you say your name was?

[Brian Archer]

Tracy Horribin.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Tracy, I would love to arrange a visit.

[David Archer]

Excuse me, Your Royal Highness. I'm David Archer. I'm chair of the organizing committee. I am so sorry for keeping you waiting.

[Brian Archer]

David, there you are.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

It's a pleasure to meet the. You, David. I hear you got yourself rather wet.

[Linda]

Yes.

[Brian Archer]

What happened to your bolo? Has it shrunk?

[David Archer]

No. The person I borrowed it from has a smaller head than me. If you have a moment, ma'. Am, I just wanted to run through this afternoon's presentations. In particular, the Lifetime Achievement Award, which is going to a very special farmer indeed.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Ladies and gentlemen, the deserving recipient is a lifelong member of Ambridge's farming community, and alongside his wife, Pat, was one of the country's first organic farmers. What began with a field of carrots is now a thriving business that includes a shop, a tea room and a dairy, which, may I say, makes delicious cheeses. In this, his 76th year, the winner of the Lifetime Achievement Award is. Tony Archer.

[Ian Ryan]

I still can't quite get my head round it. I thought David had got me up there to present the award.

[David Archer]

Sorry, Tony.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

I'm afraid you got me instead.

[Ian Ryan]

Oh, no, no, no, no, Mama. It was just a shock. I never imagined in a million years I've been given something like this. I don't really feel like I deserve it.

[David Archer]

Oh, don't be so modest.

[Ian Ryan]

But I couldn't have done any of it without Pat.

[David Archer]

No, of course.

[Ian Ryan]

All my kids, Tom and Helen. So much of what the farm is today is down to them. To be honest, the more I think about it, the more it feels like you gave it to the wrong person.

[David Archer]

Still, it's nice to be recognized, isn't it? Especially by Her Royal Highness.

[Ian Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill]

Yes.

[Ian Ryan]

No, it's wonderful.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

I'm glad. It sounds like you raised a really strong family. And now they're picking up the baton. I'd say that's a pretty big achievement.

[Ian Ryan]

I suppose so. Thank you, ma'.

[Chris]

Am.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

No, I'm afraid I have to go. It's been such a pleasure to come to a show that's doing so much to showcase farming to the public. Enjoy the rest of your day.

[Tracy Horribin]

Goodbye.

[David Archer]

Thank you, ma'.

[Ian Ryan]

Am.

[David Archer]

Goodbye. Bye. Right, I think it's time for a drink. What can I get you?

[Ian Ryan]

Well, shouldn't I be getting back to the livestock lines? I've been gone quite a while now. Unless, of course.

[David Archer]

What?

[Ian Ryan]

You asking me to be involved? That was just part of the ruse, wasn't it? You never needed me, did you? Well, I could knock that hat off your head, Tony.

[David Archer]

Honestly, today you saved us from a biosecurity disaster and rescued everyone from a stampeding cow. We definitely needed you here.

[Brian Archer]

There she goes, My new pal, Sophie. Honestly, when I realized who she was,

[Lottie]

I bet you wanted to sink through the floor.

[Brian Archer]

Oh, I did, Lottie.

[Chris]

I can just imagine you doing that too. Talk about excruciating.

[Brian Archer]

All right, you don't have to rub it in. I ain't the only one here who's done something embarrassing.

[Chris]

What's that supposed to mean?

[Brian Archer]

She didn't mean anything.

[Tracy Horribin]

Did you, Tracy?

[Brian Archer]

No. Although into a bit. Need to be wearing a hoodie, Chris. You should take it off. Get some colour on them arms.

[Chris]

Wait, Lottie.

[Lottie]

Did you tell her?

[Tracy Horribin]

Tracy, you said you wouldn't say anything.

[Brian Archer]

I know, but I just couldn't help myself. In fairness to her, Chris, it were pretty obvious.

[Chris]

You told me no one had noticed.

[R]

I'm sorry.

[Tracy Horribin]

I just didn't want you to be self conscious.

[Chris]

Oh, what the heck?

[Tracy Horribin]

Chris, what are you doing?

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Taking my hoodie off.

[Chris]

Why should I care what people think? Me and Emily still got second place. I don't give a monkeys, Chris.

[Brian Archer]

Oh, that's it. Get them orange guns out.

[Tracy Horribin]

What's going on here?

[Brian Archer]

Oh, hi, David. Tony.

[Tracy Horribin]

Congratulations.

[Ian Ryan]

Thank you very much.

[David Archer]

Here comes George. How's the social media going?

[George]

Oh, it's going great. I've just done a short of Kira. Her lamb came first in its class, her sore.

[Ian Ryan]

And Kira showed it with such confidence.

[George]

What can I say? Say she learned from the best.

[David Archer]

Well, it seems that we've all got a lot to celebrate.

[Brian Archer]

Especially you, David.

[David Archer]

What? How do you mean?

[Brian Archer]

Well, you're the brains behind the operation and it's gone off without a hitch. Sort of. Congratulations on an amazing day.

[Tracy Horribin]

Honestly, Ian. Wish I'd gone to the Bulchester show yesterday. Now, spent this morning in the dairy and it's all Tracy could talk about.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Well, it's not every day you get to meet a duchess, as we know.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, no, I'm not begrudging her. Although, of course, the duchess we met all those years ago is the queen now. Dad, what are you doing? Are you okay?

[Bert Horrobin]

You need to do something about this.

[R]

Door.

[Bert Horrobin]

Oh, the spring's too strong. I can't get me a walker in. What it wants to do is sweep sut on me.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Here, do you need a hand?

[Ian Ryan]

I can manage.

[Bert Horrobin]

You here for the taster session too, or ya.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Taster session?

[Bert Horrobin]

To volunteer in the shop.

[Tracy Horribin]

Worried dad, are you? Oh, Monty, get down.

[Linda]

You're too big to be jumping up at people.

[Lottie]

Oh, he's just being friendly.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

He's such a softy.

[Linda]

Actually, it's fortuitous I've bumped into you, Fallon. I've been meaning to speak to you. Oh, yes. The summer fate is once again hoving into view. Ah, it's going to be back in the village this year. With Dane no longer at Grey Gables, there doesn't seem to be much impetus to hold it there again.

[Lottie]

No, I'd heard.

[Linda]

Now, I realize how busy you must be, but I was very much hoping you might consider rejoining the committee.

[Duchess of Edinburgh]

Yes, of course.

[Linda]

Excuse me.

[Lottie]

I've been meaning to ask if you wanted any help.

[Linda]

Oh, well, that's marvelous, Fallon. Maybe I could pop over later, bring you up to speed.

[Lottie]

Sure thing, Linda.

[Tony Archer]

Ladies.

[Linda]

Oh, Brian. Good afternoon.

[Tony Archer]

Sorry, could I just get.

[Lottie]

Yeah, of course.

[Tony Archer]

Thanks so much.

[Linda]

I must say, Brian, I was surprised to see your recent planning application. I'd assumed even a farmer such as yourself would balk at the the idea of littering the landscape with ghastly caravans.

[Tony Archer]

Well, as you doubtless heard, I'm doing things differently on the farm now.

[Linda]

Needless to say, I've objected.

[Lottie]

Oh, hi, Ian.

[Tony Archer]

I would have thought less of you if you hadn't. Linda. Ian Ryan. How are you?

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

No, there's a question. I've been better.

[Tony Archer]

Yes, I'm sure.

[Lottie]

Well, I've got stuff to do.

[Linda]

Indeed. I should find out where Robert got to see you. Bye. Come on, Monty.

[Tony Archer]

And I suppose I should really be pushing on, too. Brian, tell Xander his grandpa misses him. I've got to get back to the farm.

[Tracy Horribin]

So when you said you wanted a change of scene, I meant doing a

[Bert Horrobin]

couple of shifts here in the shop. What do you think I meant?

[Tracy Horribin]

Well, I thought maybe you might like to come and stay with us for a while. Me and Neil have spent the last few. Few days discussing it.

[Bert Horrobin]

Why would you think that? Has Tracy put you up to this?

[Amber]

What?

[Ian Ryan]

No, that's it, ain't it?

[Bert Horrobin]

She's trying to get rid of me.

[Tracy Horribin]

Oh, dad, really. Don't be so silly.

[Bert Horrobin]

She's enjoyed not having me.

[Ian Ryan]

A boat.

[Linda]

Here I am. Please, please forgive my tardiness. Oh, this is the correct day for the taster session. Am I the only one here for it?

[Bert Horrobin]

No, I'm here too.

[Tracy Horribin]

Dad, you can't.

[Bert Horrobin]

Well, I thought you wanted fresh blood.

[Linda]

Fresh. Right. I see. In that case, I really ought to forewarn you, Susan. I only agreed to attend, to offer my expertise as a former volunteer and to ascertain if things had changed.

[Tracy Horribin]

Changed? What things?

[Linda]

Well, to highlight one example, there's the aesthetic incoherence of the shelves. Now, I understand the need to stock an array of products, but for me to return it would require a thorough reorganisation.

[Bert Horrobin]

I couldn't agree more. How am I meant to reach the fish paste when it's down on the bottom shelf?

[Tracy Horribin]

Yes, well, thank you for that. Maybe we could start by going over the basics. How about we begin with the till?

[Tony Archer]

Trust me, it could have been a single caravan and the NIMBYs would have begun howling. No, council won't reject the application. They're under too much pressure to support economic growth. Oh, hang on, Steve, one of my farm hands at the door. Yes, Ed. Come in. Ian.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Sorry to turn up unannounced. We need to have a conversation.

[Tony Archer]

Well, I can't right now because, as you can see, I'm on the phone.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

That's fine.

[Tony Archer]

I'll wait. No, I'm sorry, but it's really not convenient.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Well, things haven't been convenient for us either. Now, if you really miss Xander like you say you do, you'll end your call now.

[Tony Archer]

I'm sorry, Steve. I won't be a moment. Just give me five minutes and then I promise you'll have my undivided attention. Please, just wait outside.

[Bert Horrobin]

That door's a death trap.

[Linda]

Oh, I know.

[Tracy Horribin]

Yes, all right.

[Linda]

It would help if there weren't so many signs of scare. The window. The time. Someone's almost opened it in my face.

[Tracy Horribin]

Can we get back to how to use the price gun?

[Bert Horrobin]

And the bell's another thing. Can you muffle it or something?

[Tracy Horribin]

What?

[Linda]

The ding, ding, ding does get rather tiresome. Susan.

[Tracy Horribin]

No, that bell's part of the shop. It's been there since I can remember.

[Linda]

Well, it's your decision, of course, but to be perfectly honest, I think I've gleaned enough to be certain that returning as a volunteer isn't for me.

[Bert Horrobin]

Well, you're off.

[Linda]

I need to pop in on fan. You will bear my suggestions in mind, though. The shop is such a vital part of the community, I only want what's best for it. And we'll all benefit from constructive criticism, do we not?

[Tracy Horribin]

Thank you, Linda.

[Linda]

Bye now.

[Bert Horrobin]

So does that Mean I got the job.

[Tracy Horribin]

Dad, come on, lets be serious. How are you gonna stack shelves or lift boxes?

[Bert Horrobin]

I could still sit behind the counter.

[Tracy Horribin]

Yes, maybe. But what about customer service?

[Bert Horrobin]

What about it?

[Tracy Horribin]

Well, to be a good shop assistant, you generally have to like people.

[Bert Horrobin]

I do like people. Ain't my fault half the people nowadays are total nitwits. The only reason I'm here is because I could do with the company. I didn't get a lot when I were at Clive's.

[Tracy Horribin]

Dad.

[Bert Horrobin]

Not his fault. He had to work. Now I'm back and your sister wants shot of me.

[Tracy Horribin]

No, she doesn't. I only suggested you come stay with us because they're all so busy. But if you don't want to stay with us, that's fine. No one's forcing you to do anything.

[Bert Horrobin]

Well, maybe I'll think about it. All right.

[Tracy Horribin]

Of course we'd love to have you. As for Aya, being a volunteer isn't a good idea. But you could be my personal assistant. You can sit in the corner, read the paper, keep me company when things are quiet. How does that sound?

[Bert Horrobin]

That sounds great. When do I start?

[Tracy Horribin]

Well, let me try and get the spring on the door sorted out for you first. How about the week after next?

[Linda]

Well, at least Chris will have the excuse. He's lived with you for months. You'd be amazed how many B and B guests leave their belongings behind.

[Lottie]

I bet. Have a seat.

[Linda]

Oh, thank you.

[Lottie]

Tea?

[Linda]

Chamomile, please. Still, we're not here to discuss that. We need to talk about the fate. I'm so delighted you want to help with it.

[Lottie]

Oh, before we do, I should let you know I won't be around next week.

[Tony Archer]

Week?

[Whole Foods Market Announcer]

Why?

[Linda]

Are you off somewhere?

[Lottie]

Well, in a way. Me and Harrison are having a homecoming staycation.

[Linda]

Oh, right.

[Lottie]

It's something he surprised me with during COVID It didn't quite work out that time, so I figured why not try it again?

[Linda]

Yes, indeed.

[Lottie]

I'm taking the whole week off work and I'm gonna set up the back garden. So it's like our own little beach resort. Paddling pool and cocktail bar. I know it sounds dark.

[Linda]

No, no, it's charming. You've had so little time together.

[Lottie]

Exactly. And we need to celebrate him getting his dream job too.

[Linda]

Really?

[Tracy Horribin]

What's that?

[Lottie]

Rural crime officer.

[Linda]

Oh, you must both be so happy. No wonder you're eager to see him.

[Lottie]

Three more days, he'll be.

[Tony Archer]

Apologies for keeping you waiting here. I tried to end the call as soon as I could.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

That's okay.

[Tony Archer]

Would you Mind if we walk? I need to check how Ed's got on cleaning out the grain store.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

No, walking's fine.

[Tony Archer]

I'm guessing you're here to talk about Adam.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

I'm here to talk about the farm partnership and him getting what he's owed.

[Tony Archer]

Now, let me stop you right there. Adam knows my position. Now, if he wants to waste his time pursuing it through his lawyer, that's up to him.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

He doesn't. Oh, you could see all the pain it would cause. He didn't want to put the rest of the family through it.

[Tony Archer]

I see. Well, in that case, I'm glad he's come to his senses. Not sure what there is to discuss.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Then you do know that all he's ever wanted is your approval, that's all. For you to actually treat him like a son.

[Tony Archer]

I've always treated Adam like a son.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Oh, really? You aren't even my own children.

[Tony Archer]

I'm sorry.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

That's what you said, isn't it? I mean, poor Adam. You offered him the farm. He thought you'd finally accepted him.

[Tony Archer]

I have accepted him.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

No, you haven't. You've always kept them at arm's length.

[Tony Archer]

Just ridiculous.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Oh, is it? Adam told me what you said to him and Debbie. Why on earth would I leave you to the land?

[Tony Archer]

Ian? I've done everything for Adam since he was a child. I raised him. I taught him about free farming. Heavens, I even paid to send me

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

to my old boarding school, which he hated. You just sent him there to get rid of him.

[Tony Archer]

Not at all. I've given Adam every. Every opportunity, and what have I got in return? Stabbed in the back. He tried to oust me from my own farm. No, I'm not standing around listening to this.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Oh, no, no, Brian, wait. I've not finished.

[Tony Archer]

Well, I have. You can think what you like.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

I know it was Rory who bottled George, and I know you told George it was you. That's what you do for a son you really care for.

[Tony Archer]

I see. And is there a reason for this accusation? I mean, if it's meant to be a threat, you might as well be clear about it.

[David Archer]

No.

[Tony Archer]

Then I think it's meant best you leave.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

Pay Adam what he's owed, or I'll tell George the truth. Is that clear enough for you now? Brian?

[Lottie]

Sam.

[Brian Archer]

Gods and monsters, wandering heroes and barefooted philosophers. That's how we often think about ancient Greece. But it's much more varied and more curious than that. I'm Mary Beard, and in Being Greek, my new podcast from BBC Radio 4, I'll be telling the stories of the real people of ancient Greece from a mobster with dangerous ambitions.

[Lottie]

If you're a would be emperor, then emperors have power to do whatever the hell they like.

[Whole Foods Market Announcer]

Really?

[Brian Archer]

To the unrepentant husband who's murdered his wife's lover.

[Lottie]

Those of us who go in first see him lying on the bed beside my wife. Those who came in in the second wave see him standing naked.

[Brian Archer]

Subscribe to Being Greek With Mary Beard on BBC Sounds.

[Bert Horrobin]

Don't play games with us.

[BBC Podcast Narrator]

A vicious gang of hackers causing chaos for businesses, councils and hospitals.

[R]

What if I don't finish this treatment and this cancer grows?

[BBC Podcast Narrator]

But they didn't care.

[Bert Horrobin]

I'm dying laughing.

[BBC Podcast Narrator]

Making outrageous demands for money. Money.

[Tracy Horribin]

They wanted millions.

[BBC Podcast Narrator]

It was high tech and high stakes.

[Lasik MD Advertiser]

The country is under attack and it

[BBC Podcast Narrator]

was highly secretive until someone exposed it all. Cyberhack season 4 the Conti Files Listen on BBC.com or wherever you get your BBC podcasts.