13/07/2025

Summary

The Archers Omnibus: Episode Summary (13/07/2025)

Released on July 12, 2025 by BBC Radio 4

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1. Family Dynamics and Reflections

The episode opens with Lillian visiting the cemetery to honor her mother, seeking solace amid family turmoil. She reflects on her upcoming birthday, marking it as her first without her mother and sister Jenny—a sentiment she shares with Neil.

Notable Quote:

Lillian (00:30): "I came to see mom enjoy the peace of the cemetery, but I keep getting interrupted by Kate messaging about this family holiday."

2. Neil's Engagement Announcement

A significant revelation unfolds as Neil announces his engagement to Amber, a woman currently serving time in prison. Lillian grapples with the news, expressing skepticism and concern about the legitimacy and timing of the relationship.

Notable Quotes:

Neil (02:00): "Hi, Mum. Me and Amber are engaged and I wanted you to be the first to know."

Lillian (02:44): "How can George be marrying someone I haven't even met?"

3. Efforts Toward a Phone-Free Social Event

In an attempt to foster genuine social interactions, Neil spearheads a "phones off" evening at the local pub. His endeavor faces resistance from peers, highlighting generational gaps in communication preferences.

Notable Quotes:

Neil (11:08): "Our theory about smartphones eroding our desire to socialize with those in our vicinity."

Lillian (11:56): "Don't let him railroad you, Alistair."

4. Community Band Rehearsals and Challenges

Parallel to family issues, Neil and Lillian engage in revitalizing their community band, Dross. They navigate the challenges of attracting new members and reconciling creative differences, reflecting on their past musical endeavors.

Notable Quotes:

Neil (37:07): "What about Grant?"

Lillian (43:07): "Maybe our time's really gone. We've lost track of Ash."

5. Tensions Over Amber's Stay and Engagement

The plot thickens as Amber seeks refuge with the family following a fallout with her parents over Neil's engagement. Lillian attempts to mediate, setting conditions for Amber's stay while grappling with underlying resentments.

Notable Quotes:

Lillian (32:00): "I'll get me thinking cap on."

Neil (58:07): "Would you take me for a mug?"

6. Subplot: The Poisoned Cat Incident

A suspenseful subplot emerges when their cat, Tortoise, exhibits severe symptoms after ingesting unknown pills. Neil and Lillian investigate, uncovering traces of methylphenidate, leading them to suspect foul play within the household.

Notable Quotes:

Neil (70:12): "These aren't the cat treats we buy. They're bigger. They're the kind you could well press a pill into."

Lillian (71:45): "Sam."

7. Confrontations and Emotional Climax

The episode crescendos with emotional confrontations as Lillian and Neil confront the ramifications of Amber's engagement and the strained family relationships. Accusations surface, leading to heightened tensions and unresolved grief over George's incarceration.

Notable Quotes:

Lillian (67:00): "We were by their side through it all."

Neil (68:14): "I. I am sorry, love."

8. Resolution and Ongoing Struggles

As the day concludes, the family gathers to complete haymaking, symbolizing their ongoing efforts to maintain unity amidst challenges. The poisoned cat incident remains unresolved, casting a shadow over their relationships and trust within the household.

Notable Quote:

Lillian (58:27): "I like it here."

Neil (72:23): "Someone has most likely come into our home... poisoned our cat."

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Key Themes:

• Family and Loss: Navigating life without key family members.
• Trust and Betrayal: Suspicions arising from personal relationships and unexpected tragedies.
• Generational Gaps: Differences in communication and social interaction preferences.
• Community and Identity: Efforts to preserve and rejuvenate local traditions and groups.

Conclusion: This episode of The Archers Omnibus delves deep into the complexities of family dynamics, personal relationships, and community involvement. Through heartfelt dialogues and unfolding suspense, it captures the essence of Ambridge's evolving narrative landscape.

Transcript

[Lillian]

BBC Sounds Music Radio podcasts.

[Neil]

You're listening to the archers omnibus from BBC Radio 4.

[Lillian]

For heaven's sake, stop.

[Neil]

Lilia.

[Lillian]

Oh, Neil. Hello.

[Neil]

You all right there?

[Lillian]

Yes, yes. I'm just putting some flowers down for Mama. Getting rid of these.

[Neil]

Come on, up you come.

[Lillian]

Oh, thanks. Easier getting down there than coming back up.

[Neil]

Yeah, don't I know. Here, I'll get rid of these for you.

[Lillian]

Thanks. I came to see mom enjoy the peace of the cemetery, but I keep getting getting interrupted by Kate messaging about this family holiday to see.

[Neil]

Can't you tell her you'll get back to it?

[Lillian]

Well, I would if you give me a moment. Oh, Mom. What were you thinking? It's all a bit of a mess.

[Neil]

I'm not disturbing you, am I?

[Lillian]

No, no, no, not at all. Actually, I. I came to get some advice.

[Neil]

Advice?

[Lillian]

From Mum. Can you believe it? I have my birthday coming up and I still want advice from my mother.

[Neil]

Well, it's never a good age to lose a mother. Or so I've heard.

[Lillian]

Of course, my. My other go to person would be Jenny. This will be my first birthday without them both.

[Neil]

Yes, of course. You're the eldest now, aren't you?

[Lillian]

Thanks, Neil.

[Neil]

Not that you look it, mind.

[Lillian]

Thanks, Neil. But you know, you're right. If things had gone in order, not that there is an order in life, it would have been mom leaving Jenny to look out for us all. And then somewhere in the distant future, I'd be after Jenny. I'm not ready for it, Neil.

[Neil]

You don't have to be ready, Lillian. It happens anyway, doesn't it?

[Lillian]

Yeah, you're so right. Engaged? Yeah, that's what he said when he called. Hi, Mum. Me and Amber are engaged and I wanted you to be the first to know. I don't believe it. I'll believe it. So I'd only just put the phone down to George and Amber was calling me telling me the same. No, my mind's racing all over the place and she's just squealing down the phone. How can George be marrying someone I haven't even met? Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. They've only just got engaged. There ain't even a ring. And she said yes. Oh, no. She said yes? Yes, yes. I'm not kidding. What else did she say? Honestly, it was just a jumble of noises. I'm still getting my head round it.

[Neil]

Ready to order, ladies?

[Lillian]

Oh, yeah, I'll add the chicken. Mango salad, please.

[Neil]

Excellent choice. And Emma.

[Lillian]

Oh, you know, I can't think I'll I'll have the falafel wrap with chips, please.

[Neil]

Great. More drinks?

[Lillian]

We're good for the minute. Thanks, K. You're looking very bright and happy today.

[Neil]

Maybe it's the sunshine. And having finally found someone to help Fallon in the kitchen.

[Lillian]

Oh, of course. Joy started. How's she getting on?

[Neil]

Oh, brilliantly. It's like she's always been here. Okay, I'll bring your food over when it's ready.

[Lillian]

Oh, thanks. Did you hear he went in to identify one of the men involved in that dreadful dog attack? No, Tracy said. Apparently he was really nervous about it, but then he just went in and pointed the guy out. That's brave. Isn't it? Anyway, back to my grandson's recent engagement to a total stranger. Well, stranger to us, you mean. George can't stop talking about her like he's known her forever and they've been writing to each other for months. I don't know how he's managed to get himself a fiance from inside prison. Mum, how long was he pining after that button girl? That's ancient history. If you speak to him, chance would be a fine thing. Oh well, maybe we're fussing for no reason. Might be a flash in the pan, forgotten by the time he comes out. Mum. I hope so. I've been trying to find a way to have like a proper talk with him, but how can I burst their bubble when they're both so excited? Maybe you're right. Love. Young love can be pretty powerful stuff. Don't I know it. The thing is, I'm not like either of them. Mum loved being a mother and a grandmother and a great grandmother. She did it her way and she never seemed to question it or have any self doubt.

[Neil]

Not Peggy and Jenny.

[Lillian]

She was always able to take her responsibilities head on. Her family was the centre of her life. I mean, look how close Alice and Kate are with Adam and Debbie. Despite having different fathers. And the way she took Rory in.

[Neil]

Well, you haven't done so badly yourself.

[Lillian]

Oh, I'm not sure I can say that. James and I muddled through as best we could, but I was never a hands on mum the way she was.

[Neil]

Just cause you weren't the same doesn't mean either of you was good or bad.

[Lillian]

I'm afraid it does with me, Neil. I was in an awful relationship. I was drinking too much. I packed James off to boarding school as soon as I could. I feel so proud of Alice when I see what she's managed to overcome. And all while caring for Martha herself whenever she could. I'm sure James was a lonely child. Except I'd never had the courage to ask him about it. And I'm not sure he'd want to discuss it either.

[Neil]

Maybe if you spoke to him, you'd see it wasn't all like that. None of us perfect. Lillian.

[Lillian]

I don't think I was even trying, Neil. Back then, or as far back as I can remember, probably. I always had an escape plan. Even if I didn't use it, or even if I did use it and regretted it later on, I always felt better knowing I could up sticks and leave if things got too much. Now I've had to be there for Alice and Adam, and I've always got along well. And Kate's very independent in some ways, but you know, I'm here for her too, no matter what. Poor James never bothered to expect anything from me, knowing what I was like. Jenny's brood is the first time I feel needed, which is. Which is nice.

[Neil]

I think you're being a bit too hard on yourself.

[Lillian]

Okay, Neil. When I say it's nice to be needed by my nieces and nephews, I really mean it scares me to death to be relied upon. Clearly they miss Jenny so much because she was always there for them. Even Debbie, who walks her own path. How can I replace that?

[Neil]

You don't have to. What is it the young uns say these days? You do you now? Half the time I can't make head or tail of what they're on about. But that I do understand. You can only be you, Lillian. No one's expecting you to be your mum or your sister. I mean, the whole family just came in. There's five of them. They ordered their drinks and then sat at a table on their phones. Not a word to one another.

[Lillian]

Oh, there's so much of it about Kenton. I'm glad me and Mick aren't fussed about my phones. We've pretty much put them down somewhere when we get in, and that's where.

[Neil]

They stay, there would be something we can do about it.

[Lillian]

I'll get me thinking cap on.

[Neil]

Well, me too. Oh, and I can't thank you enough for your advice. It's down to you and Usha. I was able to go back to the police station and do the right thing. I feel so much better now, thanks to you.

[Lillian]

Those horrible people won't be able to do that to someone else. Hopefully.

[Neil]

Yes, that's the hope for sure.

[Lillian]

And that's Emma and Susan's order done.

[Neil]

Oh, no. Tortoise? No, no. You know, you can't come in the kitchen. Stay right where you are.

[Lillian]

I gave her a bit of chicken left over from a sandwich the other day, and she keeps hanging around outside the door and meowing at me.

[Neil]

Being a grandparents, no picnic. George is the eldest, the first grandchild, but he always seems like he's out of reach somehow.

[Lillian]

I know. Every time I see Mungo. It's been so long between visits. Whatever I've got for him or planned for him to do slightly misses the mark because he's moved on already. Whereas I bet you're the life and soul for Kira and little Martha. You know, you can't hold yourself accountable for George's actions. How is he?

[Neil]

Well, he seems to be managing okay.

[Lillian]

Look, we both know how I feel about that entire chapter, but I hold no ill feeling towards you or Susan. You know, if anything, it's you who saved that boy. Mark my words. And it was not an easy thing to do.

[Neil]

Yeah, that's what's tricky about this parenting and grandparenting Lark. The times when you have to be cruel to be kind. And you're the only ones who can see what they need, even if they want something else.

[Lillian]

Well, you recognize the right thing and acted accordingly.

[Neil]

I wonder if George will ever see it like that.

[Lillian]

He will, Neil. Eventually he will. There you go, ladies. Enjoy. Oh, thanks, Joy. It's one of them days when I just need some profiteroles. Oh, I did mean to ask you, Joy, when you'd be starting plans for the fight. Oh, I'm afraid I won't be involved this year. Oh, why not? Well, I've started here, haven't I? And I've got me volunteer shifts at the shop. I can't really take on more, so Linda's gonna have to find another trusty deputy. What about you, Susan? No, hardly. You'd be brilliant. No, no, no, no. It's not for me, anyway. Enjoy your food, ladies. Thank you. Enjoy. Dodged a bullet there. Absolutely. Although that means some other poor mug is going to have to be Linda's number two. You know, I honestly think George would have listened if you'd reacted more truthfully. He'd have known you were shocked, for one. Right. When is it they want to tie the knot asap? From what they were both saying, she'll change her mind. She'll realize it might not be such a good idea to marry someone who's been in prison. I don't know. She sounded pretty excited. Excitement's like fizzing pop. It flattens after a bit. Maybe she said yes to Please, George. I mean, someone getting down on one knee in the prison visiting room with everyone watching, that's a lot of pressure. Yeah, I hope so. Then she might realise this is all a big mistake. I just need to find a way to delay them for now. Convince them to have a long engagement. A very long engagement. Exactly. There you go, Alistair.

[Neil]

Cheers, Charlene.

[Lillian]

So how exactly would this work?

[Neil]

Well, I was discussing it with Joy yesterday and we came up with some possibilities. We could have a phones off event where punters voluntarily turn their phones off while they're here for an evening. Oh, what, you think people will be up for that? I think they're crying out to be saved. They just don't know it yet. Isn't that right, Alec? Alistair. Oh, sorry, I was just responding to a text from dad.

[Lillian]

Everything all right?

[Neil]

Yeah, yeah, I fancied an after work drink. You know, taking the sunny evenings, unwind a little. Dad said he'd meet me but he's just cancelled. Perfect. Is it? No, no, no, mate. I mean, you're the perfect candidate to test our theory out on. What theory?

[Lillian]

Leave him pee, cant it?

[Neil]

Our theory about smartphones eroding our desire to socialize with those in our vicinity. I was only answering a text.

[Lillian]

Oh, don't mind him, Alastair. He's got a bee in his bonnet about summer so he's firing off random ideas.

[Neil]

There's nothing random about it. Look, hand me your phone, Alistair. Why? So you're phone free but what if someone calls? What if dad or Denise message me?

[Lillian]

Don't let him railroad you, Alistair.

[Neil]

Oh, thanks, Joey. No.

[Lillian]

Well, can I get you.

[Neil]

No. You're going to join Drew Clunes sitting over there all on his lonesome. Why on earth would I do that? Alistair, do you want to remain a slave to your mobile phone? Oh, that's not fair. Or do you want to take this opportunity to help me prove to my gorgeous wife that a phone free evening in the pub would be a great idea and of great benefit to our community. I just want to have a quiet drink. Drew is a local novelist, a writer. He's not loud. In fact, he is probably the most interesting person we've got in tonight for you to get to know. Kenton, I don't want to get to know. But you should want to interact with a fellow local instead of sitting alone with your drink. I'm talking to you and Jolene. Jolene serving someone else. We're working, I'm afraid. Come on, hand it over. But I'll keep an eye. Don't Worry any emergency comes through along, let you know. I can't believe the things I get roped into. You'll thank me later. Evening, Eddie.

[Lillian]

Everything all right?

[Neil]

Yeah, fine. Except Alistair looks like he's stuck in on a limb.

[Lillian]

Oh, that might be my dear husband's doing.

[Neil]

Alistair's risen to the occasion.

[Lillian]

I heard Eddie said he looks miserable.

[Neil]

More like constipated. What's wrong with. Nothing, Just a social experiment. Oh, I don't suppose you fancy handing your phone over, Eddie, so you can socialize with someone new this evening. Would you take me for a mug?

[Lillian]

What can I get you?

[Neil]

So, what are you drinking? Well, I think it might be another point because this one tastes funny. Tastes funny? But you're already more than halfway through it. Yeah, well, I was trying to put my finger on what exactly was wrong with it. And it tastes funny. Right, well, I suppose I'll get you another. Oh, thank you. Hang on. You said it tastes funny. Oh, it does. I'm just so parched. To be honest, it's taken all the energy to come back to the bar to complain. Right. Sorry.

[Lillian]

Don't sweat it.

[Neil]

Waste not, want not at all. I'll be over there when you're ready please, Canton. Oh, and a packet of ready salted too. Here you go. Keep the change. Oh, and of course he takes it with him.

[Lillian]

Who's taken what?

[Neil]

Eddie complaining his pint tastes funny.

[Lillian]

Did you test it?

[Neil]

Well, hardly. He drunk most of it and then he took it with him while I pour him a replacement. It's clean enough.

[Lillian]

Honestly, Ed, she lives in a fancy flat on top of her parents garage. What's the bet in her flats Bigger than our entire home.

[Neil]

So?

[Lillian]

Oh nothing. Just wish me luck and go.

[Neil]

I didn't know you were inviting her over. I've had this dross meeting plan with Fallon and Jazza since last week. We've got the auditions on Wednesday.

[Lillian]

Yeah, I'm not complaining. It's actually better if it's just us girls. It's more chance for wedding talk.

[Neil]

That's if she still wants to go through with it. She might come to her senses.

[Lillian]

Yeah, let's hope so. Go. Right, off you go to the bowl.

[Neil]

Y.

[Lillian]

Say hi to Fallon for him.

[Neil]

Is good luck.

[Lillian]

You too. Right. What have I missed? It's open. Only me mom in law to be. Well, I just saw dad in law to be. Oh, Ramber. Hi. I am so excited. Wow, you are, aren't you? And so is George. Of course. I know it's practically all he wanted to talk about when he called. I'm the same. Except before. Now I could only really talk about it to George. Your parents must be excited. They don't actually know yet. Oh. Well, that's nice. Do you want to surprise them? Sort of. I figured they could know when I do my online engagement reveal for my followers. Wow. That's a bold move. Okay, so my parents aren't like you and Ed and Will. They don't really understand me. And even though they know that I visit someone in prison, they don't really know much about George. But if you're engaged, don't you think they should know? Why? Because weddings are wonderful occasions. And ideally, there shouldn't be any bad feeling. You want the day to be all about you two. Don't you want your dad to give you away? Oh, he already has. Oh, he just doesn't care, Emma. He doesn't care what happens to me. That can't actually be true. Anyway, don't you want to start your new life with a clean slate? So you can focus on your marriage? I guess. I mean, have you thought about what kind of occasion you want? What kind of dress? To be honest, no. I. I just want to be with George. Well, me and Ed had a lovely wedding. It weren't big or fancy or nothing, but my mum and Clary made the wedding dress. Really? Yeah. I'll dig out the photos if you like. Oh, I like. You want your wedding to be the way you want it because everyone hopes it'll be their one and only. Yours wasn't, though, was it? No, it wasn't. But was it difficult for you? No. I didn't mind a small wedding. It was more about. No, I mean, because you were married to Will, weren't you? Was he at your second wedding to Ed? Actually, Will was Ed's best man. Shut up. He was. I don't believe that. Try. I do not believe that. Well, it happened. And it was the perfect day in so many ways. I just don't want you or George to look back and have any regrets. We haven't really got a choice, have we? With him in prison? Of course you have a choice. You're engaged now. Neither of you is going anywhere. No. So you have some time. Choose the venue, the cake. I don't usually eat cake. Well, you can find your dress. That's all the fun of getting married. You don't want to lose out. Maybe. And with a bit more time, your parents might have a chance to get used to the idea. I doubt that. Well, don't. Will was Ed's best Man, that's proof you can have a clean start with people you might have a difficult time with. And I'm telling you, Amber, it might have taken me two tries, but when it comes to your wedding day, you want it to be special.

[Neil]

Well, don't ask. Apparently Drew was very sociable. Thank heavens you had my phone because he was trying to give me his number. You made a friend for life there, Al. Don't. It took all my skills in diplomacy to get out of the conversation.

[Lillian]

But it must be nice to know someone that little bit better, no? Ah, shame that. Kenton. Tequila's empty.

[Neil]

Sure, I'll do it. Before you go anywhere, phone, please. Well, you haven't had any calls, by the way. We've been keeping an eye. And you go, well, I think we can mark that down as a success. Yeah. Onwards with planning an evening of phone free socializing. Long as I'm not in that night. You're right. All right, Kenton. I believe I asked for salt and vinegar crisps. And I seem to have ready salted. Really easy mistake to make. But I wondered if you wouldn't mind replacing these with the correct flavor. Right, I'm heading upstairs to the dross rehearsal. I'll see you. You had two things, Eddie. Firstly, I really do clearly recall you asking for ready salted crisps. And secondly, you're already more than halfway through that pack.

[Lillian]

There you go, Eddie. One pack of salt and vinegar.

[Neil]

Oh, you're a star, Jolene.

[Lillian]

Can I take the other packet off you?

[Neil]

Oh, no need for that, Jolene. I'd hate to see these crisps go to waste.

[Lillian]

So she left to speak to her parents.

[Neil]

Oh, look at you working your magic with your soon to be daughter in law joke.

[Lillian]

She actually called me mum in law to be when she walked in.

[Neil]

She really does throw down some shockers, eh, didn't she?

[Lillian]

Just kind of felt sorry for her. I don't want to burst a young couple's bubble. And they're all loved up. What?

[Neil]

You so do.

[Lillian]

No.

[Neil]

Yeah.

[Lillian]

All right. Only because we both know it's a terrible idea. I don't even know each other. Anyway, her mum and dad will know by now and they'll be talking her out of it as we speak.

[Neil]

You think?

[Lillian]

Yeah, she definitely called off the idea of a quick basics wedding, which is no surprise. I mean, who wants that? Not Amber. Exactly. And by the sounds of it, her folks are not going to let her marry some kid they don't know who's inside. Oh, that sounds terrible. He's our kid.

[Neil]

That's True, though. No escaping it. It's not about George, is it? If Kira came in a few years from now and said she wanted to marry someone she'd been visiting in prison.

[Lillian]

What we say don't do it.

[Neil]

Well done. You're right. There's no way her folks are going to let her do it.

[Lillian]

Should we watch something?

[Neil]

I'm quite happy having a cuddle on the sofa, to be honest.

[Lillian]

A me too. How is Dross?

[Neil]

Well, we've got a few candidates coming for the Wednesday auditions.

[Lillian]

Oh, brilliant.

[Neil]

It's a miracle there's any, if you ask me. Some people just got in touch to say they're not interested and that we should rethink the band name.

[Lillian]

Oh, I kind of agree with that.

[Neil]

Sorry.

[Lillian]

Oh, who's that?

[Neil]

Kira lost her keys.

[Lillian]

No, she's staying at the farm tonight.

[Neil]

Amber?

[Lillian]

Amber, Can I come in?

[Neil]

I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, of course.

[Lillian]

I. I didn't know where else to go. What do you mean? Ed, would you mind bringing my cases in? Amber, what's happened? So I told Mum and Dad like we discussed, and, well, they just didn't understand. They didn't even let me explain properly. Wouldn't hear a word about George. Actually, they were. They were really mean about him. Oh, Amber. So I was just wondering if I could stay here for a while. In. In George's room. Did they kick you out? No. No, I left. I wasn't gonna stay in their pesky annex if they were gonna be so rude about my fiance.

[Neil]

Oh.

[Lillian]

Oh, don't be upset, Amber. Of course you can stay. Thank you. Oh, you should have heard the things they were saying. It was just awful. I'm so sorry. They're nothing like you guys. George is so lucky. You have been understanding from the moment you found out. It's always the poorer people in the world who are sensitive and the rich ones who are so mean.

[Neil]

Yeah, well, that's just us. Generous and poor as they come. I'll get the bags. Shh. What? I'm trying to make some eggs.

[Lillian]

Can't you just have toast or something? Why'd you have to make a mess with Amber staying here?

[Neil]

I didn't ask her to stay, did I? And there's no bread anymore.

[Lillian]

What was I supposed to do? Upset George by kicking out his fiance in the middle of the night?

[Neil]

Oh, it was 8 o'. Clock. It wasn't 3 in the morning, was it?

[Lillian]

If her folks decide to show up, I'm not gonna let them see us living like pigs.

[Neil]

Oh, it's just eggs. Anyway, I Doubt they're showing up anytime soon, given they watched her walk out and didn't stop her.

[Lillian]

My parents ain't coming, are they?

[Neil]

No, not likely.

[Lillian]

Amber. I didn't know you two were up. We was trying to keep it down in case you were sleeping. Oh, no chance. Haven't had to sleep in a single bed since. You know, I actually can't remember eggs. I'm usually on a 168 fast, so I don't eat until 1112 if I can help it. But I didn't have dinner last night and I could murder some carbs.

[Neil]

Oh, sorry, we're out of bread.

[Lillian]

That's okay. I better go get washed anyway. You were staring at her head.

[Neil]

What? It took me by surprise, that's all. She looks different first thing in the morning.

[Lillian]

She's not got loads of makeup on. Course she looks different.

[Neil]

Yeah, but did you see how young she looks?

[Lillian]

I know. And she's pretty just like that. I don't know why she plasters herself with all that makeup.

[Neil]

Well, she's gonna be in there for hours, no doubt.

[Lillian]

Yeah, probably. Oh.

[Neil]

What?

[Lillian]

Thinking about Kira. I don't want her to see Amber as some sort of role model. Copying her makeup.

[Neil]

This isn't gonna work.

[Lillian]

So are you gonna tell George? Amber needed somewhere to stay and we said no. It's our responsibility to ensure BL remains in arable as per the plan for the direction of the company. Martin.

[Neil]

100%. Hey, Martin, you ready for we're meeting? One second, Annabelle. Not quite, Jazza. Why did you come back? In a bit. I'm on an important call. Fine.

[Lillian]

We know we're not the only ones. Brian, Glenda, Jerry and even Andrew have been frothing at the mouth at the idea of Justin's proposal.

[Neil]

I can see why. It's not exactly risk free.

[Lillian]

More like inviting risk. And as chair, you're key to keeping us all on track.

[Neil]

Exactly. I mean, Justin's new proposal does rely somewhat on grants and subsidies for future environmental schemes. There's no way of accurately predicting the lie of the land that far ahead.

[Lillian]

Which is why we need to threaten resignations.

[Neil]

Really, Annabelle? You'd go that far?

[Lillian]

Martin, with Justing holding the majority shares, we have to show him we mean business. We need to see who else might leave.

[Neil]

Perhaps we could discuss this over dinner.

[Lillian]

Discuss what? We're all on the same page. It's only Justin who's not. And maybe Ira. But someone needs to work on him more. He's a bit of a close book.

[Neil]

Ira's daughter's getting married soon, isn't she? I'm afraid he may be a little distracted. And to be honest, he's always been receptive to Justin's ideas.

[Lillian]

Not this time, surely.

[Neil]

I'll see if he's at the club tomorrow. Try and get something out of him.

[Lillian]

Good.

[Neil]

So, dinner tonight? We can discuss how to keep everyone on the agreed strategy for the company.

[Lillian]

I'm afraid I'm busy tonight.

[Neil]

Tomorrow?

[Lillian]

No can do.

[Neil]

I'm afraid you're not really thinking of resigning.

[Lillian]

Martin, you and I both know the threat of resignation and actual resignation are two very different things.

[Neil]

Good. Because as chair, I wouldn't want to be handling multiple resignations.

[Lillian]

And that's exactly what you say to Justin every chance you can get before the proposal is pushed through. He needs to know the boardroom will be left threadbare if he continues on this belligerent. I have recently acquired more shares in the Shires brewery.

[Neil]

Oh.

[Lillian]

Barley production is crucial for business. If this sort of thing starts happening up and down the country, we're only shooting ourselves in the foot. If Justin wants to build a legacy, he ought to do it separately and not through Borchester Land.

[Neil]

Morning, ma'.

[Lillian]

Am. Hiya. Nearly afternoon, more like under Sat T shirt, which you laugh.

[Neil]

Oh, yeah. Kira get off okay? Yep.

[Lillian]

And they took her to the bus stop. Are you two just up? Well, we had an unexpected guest last.

[Neil]

Night who hogged the bathroom for practically an hour.

[Lillian]

Wasn't a whole hour, Ed.

[Neil]

It was.

[Lillian]

I know all about Amber turning up. Oh, she's here, then? Only once we was up and dressed, she was gone. She's inside now with the telly on, having some toast and jam. Apparently you're out of bread, so. She come over to see if we had any.

[Neil]

Did she really?

[Lillian]

There's a couple of loaves in the freezer if you want to help yourself. I can grab one after I've done the washing. No, no, don't worry. I'll buy one later. Listen, thanks for letting her have breakfast. I'm sorry. I didn't know she was coming over. Oh, I don't mind. Besides, she told me everything that's happened. And if she's sticking around for a bit, I expect she'd be popping over again. Hi, guys. Oh, thank you again for breakfast, Clary. You off? Yeah, I need to make some content ASAP for my followers. They'll wonder what happened to me after I left my flat. I'll see you later. Jan, where's the plate and mug from your breakfast, love? On the arm of the sofa where I was Sitting. Right. Well, they need to get washed or put in the dishwasher. Sure, don't they? If Poppy can do it, surely you can, Amber. Yeah, sorry. Sure. We all just pull away, don't we? Got it. Sorry. I will do that now. Oh, she certainly likes you, Carrie. I think I like her too, but not enough to be clearing up after another grown adult go.

[Neil]

Mum. I thought she was going to kick.

[Lillian]

Off, but she had to be. The last time she'd be having toast and jam in front of the telly in this house. Huh. You're right. You know we can't tiptoe round Amber as a George. If she's staying, she needs to be told there are rules to follow. That sounds like a plan. I'll see if I can get anything more out of Andrew. He can sound quite persuasive when he wants.

[Neil]

Yeah, I'll work on Ira now.

[Lillian]

I really must.

[Neil]

Maybe we can have dinner. Dinner? You know, just like a date.

[Lillian]

Sorry, Martin, I'm busy.

[Neil]

Well, when you're next free.

[Lillian]

I don't think so.

[Neil]

Annabelle. Is there a reason you didn't show up last Friday like we'd arranged?

[Lillian]

I told you. I got home and was so tired I must have fallen asleep.

[Neil]

But then you didn't answer my calls or texts.

[Lillian]

The phone must have been out of juice all weekend. I have a life, Martin. I don't stare at my phone all day.

[Neil]

Annabelle, we are on the street. Same page, aren't we?

[Lillian]

Of course. We've just agreed a way forward.

[Neil]

Not the board. I mean us.

[Lillian]

Look, I know we've had some fun flirting.

[Neil]

It was more than flirting. Come on.

[Lillian]

Not for me.

[Neil]

I'm sorry, but the riding lessons.

[Lillian]

I didn't ask you to take them.

[Neil]

I practically bought a new wardrobe.

[Lillian]

A floral shirt or two and a pair of jeans does not a new wardrobe make.

[Neil]

You mean you're ending it?

[Lillian]

There is no it. Let it go, Martin. It was just a bit of fun while we deal with this ridiculous plan of Justin's. Now I really must go.

[Neil]

Wait.

[Lillian]

Listen. If you continue with the riding lessons, maybe we can go for a hack sometime. And lighten up. Don't take everything so seriously. See you at Veronica's for cocktails next week. Bye, Martin.

[Neil]

How long have you been standing there? Not long. You said for me to come back. I know I did, but now's not the best time. Fine. What did you hear? Nothing. I'll be outside if you need me.

[Lillian]

Didn't have to wash up the other stuff, Amber. Chloe only asked you to do yours. No, it's fine. I like to keep things clean and tidy. I mean, we did have a cleaner, but she only came once a day, so I did have to keep on top of stuff myself. Hate the cluttered look.

[Neil]

Oh, well, that's good, actually.

[Lillian]

Oh, I might have some good tips for you guys on storage solutions to make your place look bigger. Right.

[Neil]

Look, about that, we think that we need to lay down.

[Lillian]

Before you say anything, sorry. I just wanted to say thank you, really, for letting me stay with you guys. It's fine. Honestly. And I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but it's just not gonna work.

[Neil]

What isn't gonna work?

[Lillian]

Me. At your place. What? I just need more space, if I'm honest. Like here. Clary said George has a room here too, so I'm gonna stay here at Grange Farm. Clary agreed? Well, she needs to clear it with Oscar.

[Neil]

Oliver?

[Lillian]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, him. But she said that he's really nice, so I'm sure he'll agree. Are you sure Clary agreed?

[Neil]

Sure.

[Lillian]

Clary agreed with what? That I could stay here if Oscar says yes.

[Neil]

Oliver.

[Lillian]

Oliver. Yes, you can stay if it's OK with Oliver. Can you ask him please? Now? Like, can you call him now? No, now I have to go to work and Oliver's a busy man too. I'll ask him when the time is right and I'll let you know what he says. But it's okay if Ed brings my bags over?

[Neil]

Wait, what?

[Lillian]

Okay, but you'll have to put them in the space next to the pantry out the way until we get an answer. Yay, Clary, you are the best. In fact, I should start calling you Grandma Clary. If you like. You know, my grandparents are okay, but one lot are in Scotland and the others live in Spain, so I don't really see them much. Like we're not close. But you are the best grandma in law to be ever. Clary, George is going to be so happy. Oh, come on Edge. You can get my bags.

[Neil]

Come on.

[Lillian]

Give a round.

[Neil]

Edward, have you seen how many fine claret?

[Lillian]

Are you sure about this? I am.

[Neil]

Yes. Emma.

[Lillian]

That George is really thinking of marrying this girl.

[Neil]

Then I want to know exactly who.

[Lillian]

She is under all the show.

[Neil]

Jazza. Hi. Listen, Jazza, I shouldn't have spoken to you like that before. You were only following instructions. No, I was. Sorry. Whatever you overheard, you must know I'm a complete idiot. Having feelings for someone who's not interested. You know, the first and you won't be the last. Maybe it's for the best, you know. I know working at we an attached woman. She's attached. You've been in a relationship? Of course. Well, do you know? Everybody knows. She's always with him. Who you kidding? Me? Justin. Justin? Annabelle's with Justin? Who's Annabelle? My. My. Well, my unrequited love. So what's the matter with Lillian? Lillian? Justin's Lillian? Hi. What the hell are we talking about? Aren't you, Lillian, all loved up, talking about positions and harden your core and pelvic tilts and stuff? Jazza, I do not, nor have I ever had feelings for Lillian. She's totally not my type. You flirted like she was. Did I? Ay, man. Oh, that's it, then. Clearly not all flirting is actual flirting. Annabelle said the same. It's just flirting. Take it easy, mate. It's not that bad. It's humiliating. It's been dumped on the phone like you said. You want together, so it's all good. Give yourself a few days. You won't feel so bad. Thank you. You've been a real friend in my moment of humiliation.

[Lillian]

That is a lot of stuff, Amber. Oh, all essentials. Honestly, I need all of this to do my work. Right. We'll need to get it all out the way, like I said. Sure. And we can call Oliver now. I already answered that question. You did, you're right. And I have to get to work now. Of course. But when I get back, if Oliver agrees. There will be house rules, Amber, and they will need to be followed. Got it. And there's one more thing I'll need from you. If you end up staying. Anything. I'll need you to apologise to Neil. Georges are the granddad for what you said to him in this very kitchen last week. Clary, I'm. And if you're not prepared to do that, then I'm afraid you can't stay. Take it or leave it. Your break's a bit early, innit? Haven't you got a few more auditions for the band yet?

[Neil]

Two. Haven't they shown up? Oh, shame. Ed and Fallon were a bit miffed, but fairly don't show the no team players.

[Lillian]

How many more after that?

[Neil]

Just the one.

[Lillian]

Oh, no pressure.

[Neil]

I don't suppose Martin's been in.

[Lillian]

Actually, I think I did see him.

[Neil]

No. Might be out in the beer garden.

[Lillian]

Come to think of it, does the.

[Neil]

Man not respect personal boundaries?

[Lillian]

It's a pub, Jazza. He's allowed to come in whatever he wants.

[Neil]

He's a rejected man, Trace.

[Lillian]

Oh, sweet. You cared about how he's feeling.

[Neil]

Choice, whatever he's gone through, he takes it on us. No, he's going to make his work work. Backsides half and all because he's been dumped by the lovey's life.

[Lillian]

Not much you can do about that though, is there?

[Neil]

Maybe we could find him someday else a new girlfriend to take the heat off us at work.

[Lillian]

I thought she was okay.

[Neil]

She was a bit young.

[Lillian]

What age you got today do with it?

[Neil]

I don't know, but look like she didn't really know what she wants. You know what her tastes are and we do. Yeah. Loud.

[Lillian]

You sound like mum back in the day.

[Neil]

We were loud though. We were. I'm just not sure this Cody is really us. I mean Cody.

[Lillian]

I still hope she comes back and says she wants in.

[Neil]

Yeah, well, let's see.

[Lillian]

What about Grant?

[Neil]

Well, he was all right. Bit of a talker.

[Lillian]

Yeah, a bit of a philosopher, but he sounded good.

[Neil]

He was closer to our age.

[Lillian]

Why is that such a big thing for you?

[Neil]

Well, it's not, but didn't you feel old tonight? I mean, Grant was easily early 30s, but even he looked at us like we were old.

[Lillian]

Did he?

[Neil]

Well, maybe not you, but me in Jazza. He definitely thought we were a bit tired.

[Lillian]

Do you think that's what he was going on about when he was talking about reinventing rather than reviving the band?

[Neil]

Yeah. Yeah. Heavy hints. Where's our food?

[Lillian]

Do you think this is a mistake?

[Neil]

What do you think?

[Lillian]

Oh, don't look at me like that. Or maybe Jazza was having a moment and we're fools for giving into it.

[Neil]

You wanted to do something exciting, remember?

[Lillian]

So you reckon we're over the hill?

[Neil]

I'm not saying we're old old. I just mean maybe we're past the band stage.

[Lillian]

What does that even mean?

[Neil]

No, no, you're right. We're here now.

[Lillian]

Sin 2 been let down by several.

[Neil]

We've got one more to go.

[Lillian]

I guess it's better than being at Grange Farm with your. Your special guest.

[Neil]

Don't.

[Lillian]

I can't believe that George is engaged.

[Neil]

No, neither can can anyone. Just a blessing. Amber's moved over to mum and Dad's rather than staying with me and him.

[Lillian]

Be Will's place next.

[Neil]

Will's?

[Lillian]

Well, she's doing the rounds, isn't she? Where is Jazza with our drinks and food?

[Neil]

I don't think this lasting's coming either. What a waste of an evening. Well, no, she was only worth it.

[Lillian]

Were you?

[Neil]

You could talk. What does that mean? Well, I seem to remember you weren't exactly brilliant at showing up for rehearsals? Once or twice, maybe. Yeah, whatever. I seem to remember it was Fallon who could never make her mind up if she was in Or. Oh, nice deflection. I've not played these babies in ages.

[Lillian]

She's not coming.

[Neil]

I just said the same.

[Lillian]

She doesn't think dross is for her, so that's another one off the. The list. Oh, I wish we could get a hold of Ash.

[Neil]

He's probably abroad somewhere having a ball, like Dermot.

[Lillian]

Yeah, probably. But if he's not, I hope he gets in touch so we can swing him in.

[Neil]

Either way, folks, we need someone right now.

[Lillian]

So, what about Cody? She's a bassist who can sing. That's a big tick.

[Neil]

Don't look at me. You know my view.

[Lillian]

Jazzer.

[Neil]

She really can a gal. What kind's that, that can't.

[Lillian]

Oh, my gosh, where did you dig that photo up? I totally forgot I had my hair like that.

[Neil]

How young does Jazza look, eh?

[Lillian]

And how baggy are your jeans, Jazza? When would this have been taken? We were still rehearsing up here, then.

[Neil]

Well, it's gotta be December 2000 in summer, I reckon. Look, you can just about see a bit of a Christmas tree there, look. Nice one. Sherlock said. No kickers. Uttering a bit, then.

[Lillian]

Yeah, because we were too noisy. Yeah.

[Neil]

Oh, man, we thought we were so cool. Well, we sort of were, yeah, if you say so. I mean, that was meant to be our band publicity photo, remember?

[Lillian]

If we take some now, we can be a bit more professional about it.

[Neil]

Well, if we take them now, we can pretty much edit in and out whatever we want. What about authenticity? I mean, sure, it was better back in the day, when a thing was the thing, it was meant to be. And no, some edited people. Piece of fakery. They were all cassette recordings. Didn't Jolene find an old cassette player?

[Lillian]

Yeah, over here. There's a few tapes here.

[Neil]

Great. Now I can remind you to doubt us just how good we were. Plug it in, please, Edward. Although we tripped in memory lane. The thing is, Tracy, it's a steak and kidney pie and I've had five bits of kidney and no steak.

[Lillian]

Maybe all the steaks in that quarter you've left.

[Neil]

I doubt it. Plus, me mash was on the cold side, if I'm honest.

[Lillian]

Eddie, I brought that meal out to you 15 minutes ago, piping up. If it's cooled down while you've been outside, we can't help that.

[Neil]

And the steak.

[Lillian]

What steak?

[Neil]

Exactly. There's none in this pipe. It's more a Kidney and kidney than a steak and kidney.

[Lillian]

Everything all right, Eddie?

[Neil]

Yes, Tracy. Sorting me out.

[Lillian]

Apparently, he's steak and kidney. Pie is all kidney. Oh, Eddie, has someone said summit to upset you?

[Neil]

Not at all, Jolene. What gave you that idea?

[Lillian]

It's only one complaint, Jolene, even if it is a bit odd. Actually, Tracy, we've had a pint the other day that tasted funny.

[Neil]

It did.

[Lillian]

And we've had a packet of crisps that was the wrong flavor.

[Neil]

Ready? Salted when I asked for salt and vinegar.

[Lillian]

Now, apparently, it's the pie that's wrong.

[Neil]

Look. Well, it's half right, the kidney off. Evening, all. Can I get some drinks for upstairs, Jolene?

[Lillian]

Sure. Once I've sorted out this situation with your dad.

[Neil]

Situation?

[Lillian]

Eddie says his pie is all kidney with no steak.

[Neil]

All right. All I'm saying is if it says steak and kidney, it ought to have steak and kidney. Ain't that right, son?

[Lillian]

Ed, you tell me, what is your father doing? Is he up to Summit Joel Lean?

[Neil]

He's just a customer who wants what he ordered, right? 100%, son.

[Lillian]

He's eaten most of it. Which has been a theme throughout your complaints, Eddie.

[Neil]

I was eager to get a bit of steak, wasn't I? That makes sense. Come, Jolene. Tracy. A pie's got to have what it says it's got on the menu, right? Fine, fine.

[Lillian]

Tracy, get him another pie. Okay.

[Neil]

Oh, you're a gem, Jolie.

[Lillian]

Am I now?

[Neil]

Yes, of course.

[Lillian]

He takes the bad pie with him.

[Neil]

It's not. What?

[Lillian]

Not. Oh, that's exactly what he said last time. Good girl, bad girl.

[Neil]

Turn it off, please. Why?

[Lillian]

Oh, my gosh, Jazzo, we were awful.

[Neil]

Take it easy, woman. This isn't some studio recording. It's a basic recording, a raw talent.

[Lillian]

It's raw, all right. Not sure about the talent part root much.

[Neil]

Okay, people, where we at? There you go.

[Lillian]

Cheers. Jazza Cody. Message. She turned us down. And I think I might know why. Listening to that recording.

[Neil]

Ed, listen to this and tell me it's not the raw material I'm using. Musical genius. It's not the raw material of musical genius. Jazz up. Getting used to life, responsibilities, maturity. Highly overrated, if you ask me.

[Lillian]

Maybe our time's really gone. We've lost track of Ash. Cody was the only decent one who showed up, and she's refused.

[Neil]

Did you see why?

[Lillian]

Artistic Difference was her polite way of putting it. And she doesn't like the band name.

[Neil]

Well, that is on you, Fallon.

[Lillian]

Hardly.

[Neil]

He's right. You came up with Dry Smeat he.

[Lillian]

Was meant to be ironic.

[Neil]

It's not anymore. You could offer that other guy, that Grant fella. No, he'd never stop talking.

[Lillian]

And he basically wanted to reinvent us to his own taste.

[Neil]

So where are we? Well, I reckon we might have to accept that Dross won't be selling out stadiums.

[Lillian]

I think you might be right. We're officially getting old. You. You guys.

[Neil]

Speak for yourself. I think you might have to accept it, mate. Age is nothing but a number.

[Lillian]

I'm sorry that I started all this reminiscing.

[Neil]

No, don't be. It's worth it just to see Jazza in his baggy jeans.

[Lillian]

They look cool back then.

[Neil]

You making fun of me?

[Lillian]

Really?

[Neil]

He had looked like a whip and a T shirt. And Fallon.

[Lillian]

Come on, let me have it.

[Neil]

Actually, you always look kind of fitting a Jazzer. I'll go swimming. Grow up. Shut up. It was a long time ago.

[Lillian]

25 years.

[Neil]

That seems like ages at the same time. It's like five minutes ago. Come on, let's play a few songs, eh? See if we've still got the chops. No, you're talking. Yeah, go on, then.

[Lillian]

I don't see why you can't just grab another chair, Eddie.

[Neil]

It's just this one leg that's the problem, I reckon. Giving it a wobble.

[Lillian]

Sorry, Eddie, but this chair is solid as a rock giant. A Stacks could sit on it and it'd be fine. Oh, rehearsal over? I heard you play it.

[Neil]

Oh, yeah. What? He dressed. Maybe permanently shelved.

[Lillian]

Oh, no. What about the auditions? Well, we didn't really find anyone who shares our creative vision.

[Neil]

Edward, son, come and have a sit on this chair.

[Lillian]

Oh, Ed, would you please have a word with your father? He's going to give me a breakdown.

[Neil]

Boy. What's happening? I was only putting pointing out this chair might need a look. It's a bit wobbly, you know, not safe for the punter.

[Lillian]

The chair's fine. The pint was fine.

[Neil]

Yep.

[Lillian]

The crisps were the right flavor. And I'm willing to bet my life your pie had plenty of steak. Kenton's told me you were checking of all the toilets flushed just now.

[Neil]

Working toilets is a good sign.

[Lillian]

What's wrong with the pie?

[Neil]

Pie sounds like a good idea to me. Is the kitchen still open, Jazzer? Dad, I think you need to come clean.

[Lillian]

What's this? What's this? What's so funny?

[Neil]

I'm sorry, Jolene. I'm sorry to all of you. I was only testing the level of service at this fine establishment.

[Lillian]

Level of Service.

[Neil]

Yeah, there's this Best Local Pub award and apparently the Buck and Hounds by the Market has been nominated. Really? That's a bit of dump, is it? No, it is a dump, which is why I've been testing our local establishment and the staff for the various categories of excellence, because I'm nominating the Bull this year.

[Lillian]

Oh, that's great.

[Neil]

Yeah, he's been sending back pints and pies, checking the loos and the cleanliness and all sorts, because he's going to nominate you for the South Borsichire Best Local Pub award.

[Lillian]

That's wonderful. Thank you. You're still messing about with that nomination.

[Neil]

I'm making a note of all the things that make the ball the best local pub in the region.

[Lillian]

Well, I suppose everyone feels that way about their local.

[Neil]

Yeah, but feeling it and it being true are two different things.

[Lillian]

Thank you.

[Neil]

A wise one. And I've tested them good and proper. Oh, Jolene's face was a picture, I tell you.

[Lillian]

So how does this competition work, then?

[Neil]

Well, first off, people nominate their local and write down all the things that make it great. They collect the nominations and decide on a short list.

[Lillian]

Well, fingers crossed the ball gets through to the next stage then.

[Neil]

Yeah. Oh, it's a shame I'm not at the market today. I'd love to tell Stuart at the Buck and Hounds that I'm nominating the ball. Honestly, that place is as rough as it comes, Larry. Dirty carpets, broken urinals.

[Lillian]

Oh. Eh, finally. Just had me breakfast.

[Neil]

No competition there for Jolene and Kenton.

[Lillian]

Right, I'm off to school in a sec.

[Neil]

Are you done? Oh, I am. Thanks, love. Oh, any more tea in the pot?

[Lillian]

Half a cup, maybe.

[Neil]

Cheers.

[Lillian]

Now, are you sure you'll be okay haymaking with Amber?

[Neil]

Oh, I'll be fine. She's probably going to be sitting on a hay bale on her phone most of the time.

[Lillian]

Well, I have asked her to help, so don't put her off if she tries.

[Neil]

No, I won't. Oh, William says he's popping around this afternoon to give us a hand.

[Lillian]

Good. I'll have my phone with me if you need me. I'll be going straight to Underwood's local from the school, so there's some chicken left over from yesterday and some fresh bread. You can make yourself some sandwiches and a picnic.

[Neil]

Ain't she carb free?

[Lillian]

If she don't want sandwiches, she can have the chicken with some tomatoes and cucumber. Or Summit.

[Neil]

Yeah, I'll tell her.

[Lillian]

Maybe I should go and wake her before I leave.

[Neil]

Why do you want to do that.

[Lillian]

Eddie, if she said she's going to help? Money. Here she is. I was just coming to wake you a. Well, no need, obvs.

[Neil]

Morning, Amber.

[Lillian]

New clothes? No, silly. This is my outfit. The haymaking. Very nice. George said he wouldn't mind. So I've got George's old jeans and one of his T shirts. I cut off the sleeves, see? It's gonna be hot today. And George said to make sure I dress for the heat.

[Neil]

It can get a bit grubby on the foam.

[Lillian]

Yeah, I see farmers all the time at work. Don't I always a bit grubby like you work? Borchester Farm Supplies.

[Neil]

Oh, can you get us a disk?

[Lillian]

Okay, I will see what I can do. Only I'm off at the minute with stress.

[Neil]

I see.

[Lillian]

I am just gonna take a pic of my outfit. It is so cute.

[Neil]

Them pictures for our George?

[Lillian]

Actually, they're for my. My feed. Before and afters are really good. So I will take these now and then some when we're done.

[Neil]

All right? Okay. I'll be outside hooking the tenor up.

[Lillian]

I best make a move too. Now, try and listen to Eddie, love. I will. A farm is no place to play around machinery going and everything. So you do what he says. How George would be doing it if he was here. You can trust me, Clary. I've got this.

[Neil]

Good.

[Lillian]

Before you go, I don't suppose you've had a chance to speak to Oliver? No, love, not this morning. As soon as I can, I will. And you'll be the first to know what he says. Oh, look at you. They jeans will be falling down before you know it. Well, they are a bit big, but I couldn't find a belt. This twine will keep them up for a bit.

[Neil]

Bit.

[Lillian]

Oh. Oh, thanks, Clary. Emma said you were a brilliant seamstress. Threading a bit of twine through a pair of jeans ain't sewing. No, I know. But you found a solution right here in the kitchen. Hey, maybe we could sit together and I can talk you through some wedding dress design ideas I've had. One thing at a time, Amber. Today's about hay making. Now, how's that? Hmm? Great. These jeans aren't going anywhere.

[Neil]

You're doing great, Amber.

[Lillian]

William. You're here.

[Neil]

Mum. I thought you were at school and in the shop.

[Lillian]

I was. Only I kept worrying about whether your dad and Amber were getting on.

[Neil]

As you can see, she seems to be enjoying herself.

[Lillian]

Is she running the tractor?

[Neil]

Yep. Dad's in there too, but she's driving and waving at us.

[Lillian]

So she is.

[Neil]

She's not bad, you know.

[Lillian]

Good. I had to tell them at work. I weren't feeling too well. Did the cooking, but couldn't handle the lunchtime supervision.

[Neil]

Well, you're not telling me you pulled a sickie.

[Lillian]

I am.

[Neil]

Go on, Mum.

[Lillian]

Well, it's nothing to be proud of, son. But Amber can be a handful when.

[Neil]

She wants to be. How's she been so far?

[Lillian]

Oh, fine. But it's only been one night.

[Neil]

I was worried she'd turn up at mine.

[Lillian]

I wouldn't put it past her. But she's here for now.

[Neil]

How long? For how long's a piece of string? And her parents haven't been in touch?

[Lillian]

Not that she's mentioned. Summer's not right, that's for sure. She says they don't care about her. They ain't done nothing to prove her wrong.

[Neil]

Is Oliver okay with it? Your Amber staying?

[Lillian]

Well, I still need to ask him. You know she spent last night in George's room, but I ain't spoken to him about staying a bit longer.

[Neil]

Come on.

[Lillian]

While they finish this field, you can help me get some lunch sorted. Then we can all have a picnic.

[Neil]

Right, that's this field done. Two down, plenty to go.

[Lillian]

This is fun. And you'd already cut and turned it all before I came out?

[Neil]

Yeah. You were a dab hand at the tractor, Amber. I wasn't expecting that, if I'm honest.

[Lillian]

Oh, I've been driving from the moment I could get my provisional, but this is my first time on a tractor.

[Neil]

Your line started out a bit wonky, but you soon got into the swing of it.

[Lillian]

Onwards you.

[Neil]

Yeah, but let's just take a minute.

[Lillian]

Of course. Is it okay if I film the field? I'm doing a before and after and I can. I can do the voice over before I upload it.

[Neil]

So long as I ain't in it.

[Lillian]

I can see why George looked so happy when he was out here haymaking last summer. He misses this place. Can't stop talking about it. And I. I kind of get why.

[Neil]

The swift with wings and tail as sharp and narrow as if the bow had flown off with the arrow. Only the scent of woodbine and hay new mown travelled the road. Wow.

[Lillian]

Oh, what was that?

[Neil]

A poem I learnt in school once. Haymaking by Edward Thomas.

[Lillian]

Oh, I've never heard of him.

[Neil]

Well, my teacher was a fan, I reckon. Right, you're done filming?

[Lillian]

Yes. Yes, for now. Is that the stackyard where George would have stacked hay last year?

[Neil]

It is.

[Lillian]

Oh, I remember his posts. Oh, he looked so cute and tanned in the sun.

[Neil]

More like sunburnt.

[Lillian]

You know, I think that's when I actually fell for him. I just didn't know it.

[Neil]

And when did he fall for you?

[Lillian]

Okay, so we wrote to each other a bit, and then I really wanted to see him. And once we had that first visit, he was hooked.

[Neil]

Was he new?

[Lillian]

I am not exaggerating, Eddie. Maybe I should call you Grandpa Eddie. But I was wearing this all in one jumpsuit. And he said I looked mint.

[Neil]

The night before he got sent down, he was on the farm with me. Worked the whole day like he had nothing on his mind. But he did. I didn't know how to help him, so we just worked. A couple of turkeys flew out up.

[Lillian]

For the fencing and he told me about that.

[Neil]

You don't have to say that.

[Lillian]

Look. No, no, he did. He said he caught them in the end and something about your trousers getting dirty and you got into trouble with Clary.

[Neil]

He really did tell you?

[Lillian]

He said that you made him feel normal that day, and that's all he wanted.

[Neil]

He said he'd missed this place. And I told him it'll all be here when you get back. How many? October feels like a million miles away.

[Lillian]

You know, he always talks about you. And it's always the good stuff. Things that made him happy. He cares about you and Clary a lot.

[Neil]

Dad. Will you. Well, have you checked the forecast this morning? Well, it's 90% chance of raining the next hour. Oh, how the heck did that happen? We can't do anything about all the cut hay, but at least we should get the bales on the far field in the stackyard out of the rain. Oh, we better move quick, Will. We get them all in time, the two of us. We have to try.

[Lillian]

Hello? There's three of us. Come on, we've got this.

[Neil]

How you holding up, dad? Oh, I'm all right. Keep them coming. Yeah, hold for a second. Amber.

[Lillian]

Everything all right?

[Neil]

Yeah, just need a sec for dad to catch his breath. Fine, William. We need to get this done, guys.

[Lillian]

I already said let me do some lagging.

[Neil]

Nah, it's okay. We just need a minute.

[Lillian]

Eddie, you don't need a minute. You need a rest. You're all hot and sweaty.

[Neil]

I'm fine.

[Lillian]

Just get in the cab, Will you? Me and Will can handle it. Can't we, Will?

[Neil]

You sure? I mean, they're smaller bales, but it's hard to stack them when they're coming so quick.

[Lillian]

How about you both stop yakking and let my arm mums do the talking.

[Neil]

Yeah, all right. But the minute you feel like it's too much, you've got to shout.

[Lillian]

Deal. Come on, Eddie. Chop chop. That rain cloud's nearly overhead.

[Neil]

Right you are. Come on after field to go. And we're done. Mom's got us a picnic.

[Lillian]

That's motivation, Eddie.

[Neil]

Yes, it is. Right, Ready?

[Lillian]

All ready.

[Neil]

Ready.

[Lillian]

Amber, get on with it. Lovely. More lemonade, anyone?

[Neil]

No, thanks.

[Lillian]

I am super stuffed. Thanks, Grandma Clary, that chicken salad was sick. I'll take that as a compliment. It was. Oh, by the way, I heard back from Oliver and he said you're welcome to stay for the time being. Oh, yay. All things being.

[Neil]

Well, I gotta say, Amber, you can lug bales with the best of them.

[Lillian]

We have some hefty stuff to stack at the farm supply store. I mean, it's not really my job, but I try and help them out when I can.

[Neil]

Hey, look. Can you believe it stopped? Just a few drops after all. At least we got the bale stack sharpish. Well, we can get another couple of turns in before the end of the day, I reckon. Yeah, sounds good. I'll just go and check how wet it is.

[Lillian]

Oh, I'll come with you.

[Neil]

Yeah, if you like, love.

[Lillian]

I wonder if it's going to reach again soon. Right. I better clear this lot up.

[Neil]

Yeah, I'll give you a hand.

[Lillian]

Thanks, love.

[Neil]

They seem to be getting along nicely.

[Lillian]

They do, don't they?

[Neil]

I wasn't just being polite, Mom. She really went to work on them bales.

[Lillian]

Oh, I'm glad. I feel like there's more to her than she lets on.

[Neil]

Maybe. Although, Grandma Clary, it's not too bad. William's right. We can get a bit more done before the day's out. Hopefully there'll be no showers overnight.

[Lillian]

I'm so pleased Oliver said I can stay with you and Clary. I like it here.

[Neil]

Oh, I'm glad to. But you do remember Oliver? Agreeing ain't the only condition.

[Lillian]

No, I meant to apologise to Neil.

[Neil]

And are you gonna.

[Lillian]

Eddie, that man and his wicked wife put George in prison. I don't care what they think. And sorry, but I'm not sorry, if you know what I mean.

[Neil]

Oh, it took me a lot to come to terms with what Neil and Susan did. Clary's not one to forget what she said.

[Lillian]

What if I say I'll apologize and then accidentally on purpose just don't get round to it?

[Neil]

I can see why you and George get along so well.

[Lillian]

Will it work?

[Neil]

Oh, I Don't know. This is Clary we're talking about, love. Is it a risk worth taking?

[Lillian]

I feel bad, Susan. Neil's in the middle of his tea. No, don't be daft. He's got bell ringing in a bit, so I always try and send him off after a sandwich or something to keep him going till dinner time.

[Neil]

Yeah, thanks, love. This is perfect.

[Lillian]

You carry on, Clara. Well, I was only going to say, for a young lad, Henry's advice and hasn't half hit home. Oh, so the kids are behaving better?

[Neil]

Not exactly.

[Lillian]

It's more that I don't take no notice of their comments. I just wade through it all. Like the sewage at Bridge Farm. That's a good analogy. It's the only way to deal with it. He's so right. Just take no prisoners. Anyone crosses the line, I report them for a detention. That sorted half of the troublemakers out right away.

[Neil]

School kids must be really challenging, Clary. Especially secondary.

[Lillian]

It's the year sevens I feel sorry for. Some of them are so small, I think their school bag will tip em over. And some of them clearly ain't having much fun at home. I blame Covid.

[Neil]

What do you mean? Yeah, I agree.

[Lillian]

It hit them the hardest not going to school properly all that time. Some of them are still struggling. Well, it sounds like you've found a way to deal with it all. Which is smash. Yeah, I hope so. Which brings us to the other hot topic we haven't had chance to discuss. Oh? Our grandson's fiance. Oh, right.

[Neil]

That's me done now.

[Lillian]

I was shocked when Emma said she just turned up at the Blue Suitcases and all, having rode with her parents. Apparently they haven't even checked in with her. I'm surprised you want to talk about Amber. To be honest, Susan. What else would I want to talk about? You two are lucky you've met her. I haven't even laid eyes on her yet. That's why I thought you wouldn't want to discuss her after Neil saw her at mine last week. Oh, he's terrible. You know what men are like, wouldn't it tell me a thing?

[Neil]

Well, there's nothing to tell, Susan. I only saw her to say hello.

[Lillian]

Neil.

[Neil]

I best be off, I think. Thanks for the sandwich, love.

[Lillian]

Don't be daft. Have a good practice. Oh, leave the plate and take it in with Alice. Thanks, love.

[Neil]

See you, Clary.

[Lillian]

Hi, Neil. I did look her up online, given she seems to be telling everyone about her channel and her stories and posts and whatnot. So, go on then, tell me Everything, you know.

[Neil]

Come on to us.

[Lillian]

Food. Yeah, I found this website asking punters to make nominations as to why they think they're locals best. There's a list of possible categories.

[Neil]

I can't believe that Eddie, of all people, was trying to test us by stealth instead of just letting us know.

[Lillian]

Oh, bless him. He says he was determined to give us a thorough test. Wants to be sure we make the competition short list.

[Neil]

Tortoise. Tortoise. Come on, love.

[Lillian]

Come on.

[Neil]

Dinner time.

[Lillian]

I've asked around. And that Buck and Hound sounds like a right dive.

[Neil]

Have we ever been? I have. And it is. I didn't think you'd frequent a place like that. I don't now.

[Lillian]

What can I get you?

[Neil]

Oh, the usual, please, Jolene. I was actually there while I was on the dating app. One of my not very successful dates.

[Lillian]

You were meant for Denise, that's why.

[Neil]

Oh, congratulations on the nomination, by the way. Eddie told me all about it over darts the other night. Oh, did he? Which reminds me, your no phone experiment means I now have Drew wanting to bend my ear whenever I bump into him. No. Yes. Wants me to be his go to person for animal facts for his books and stuff.

[Lillian]

It's. There you go, my darling. Tap on the reader when you're ready.

[Neil]

Thanks. He's not in tonight, is he? No. No. I think you're in luck. When Drew's riding something, he doesn't venture out as much. It's when he's got writer's block or he's between projects that he comes in a lot desperate for human contact. I should get him to focus on horses and then hand him over to Jakob. You wicked man. No, Jakob would actually probably enjoy Joy Drew's company, believe me. Well, see, so it can't be that bad. Ah, there you are, Tortoise. What's up? You don't want your food? I hope Joy's not been feeding her leftovers again.

[Lillian]

Ah, you can talk. You know, I don't think she's herself today. She's been a bit tired looking.

[Neil]

Overfeeding pets is a big problem. People do it without realizing. Especially when different people are doing it at all times of the day. Separately. No one keeps track.

[Lillian]

Well, thank you, Alistair. It's Kenton you should be speaking to. He loves spoiling that cat.

[Neil]

Alistair, can you come here a minute? Over here. She doesn't look right. And she's just been sick in the corner.

[Lillian]

She must have eaten summer. That hasn't agreed with her.

[Neil]

Yeah, maybe. All right, go just for a relax. Yeah. See our Head's tilting to the side. I don't think this is a simple upset stomach. If it was, they're usually better once it's out of their system. Oh, she's never been like this before. I think we need to get her to the practice so I can examine her properly. She's not looking well at all.

[Lillian]

Hey, Mikey there? Oh, no. William come to help. And he couldn't believe it neither. She was lugging bales like she was born to do it. Oh, Clary, I'll be honest. I don't know what to make of the girl. From everything I've heard, Emma keeps talking about her eyelashes and her tan. And she and Ed reckon she puts her foot in it every other word and didn't seem to care. That's true. But she does seem to like you and Eddie. I wouldn't go that far, Susan. But she does listen. Or try to. I can't give her that. The way you were talking makes me think you actually like her. I think I do, probably. Although I've never really met anyone like her. Ah, George getting engaged while he's inside. I still can't believe it. I was saying to Emma last week, I can't believe he's engaged to someone I haven't even met. I'll just have to pop by yours one of these days and fix that. Of course. Are you being so funny about it? I'm not, am I? You are. I just think maybe it's not such a good idea, you popping over on account of what happened between Amber and Neil when he met her last week. What do you mean? Neil said he only popped his head in the door and said hello. I'm afraid they said a lot more than hello, Susan. A lot more.

[Neil]

My suspicion is she's been poisoned by something. Poisoned? Cats can get into all sorts of places and ingest things that don't suit them. Whatever poor tortoise has eaten, it's causing neurological symptoms and sickness. I'll give her a course of treatment to stabilize her electrolytes, fluid therapy and a couple of injections. And she's best kept here overnight. She's going to be okay, though? Oh, yeah. I'm confident. With the medicine and treatment, she should be fine. Good thing she vomited, though. That probably got rid of a large part of whatever's caused this. Do you know what it was? No, afraid not. Can be challenging with indoor cats. One owner and a daily routine. Even then, we can't always track back to what's caused it. But with Tortoise here, she's in and out, fed by different people roaming outside. Could really be one of any number of things.

[Lillian]

Why didn't you tell me?

[Neil]

Because I knew it would upset you.

[Lillian]

Of course it would upset me. It's upsetting to know some young upstart who thinks she knows George better than us had a go at you. And in front of Clary, too.

[Neil]

You sit down, Susan, and take a breath.

[Lillian]

No, Neil. I'm sick to death of you and me bearing the brunt for what happened to George. As if he didn't make one wrong step. It's all just a yes.

[Neil]

I know.

[Lillian]

We were with Emma when she had to make that awful call. I was at the court when George was sentenced. We didn't gob him in and run for the heels. We were by their side through it all.

[Neil]

I know he pleaded guilty because he knew what he did was wrong. And God love him, he faced up to it.

[Lillian]

What lesson would we have taught Emma? Would she be teaching George if we'd stop? Send him on the run to avoid punishment and let Alice take the blame for something she hadn't even done? How dare that girl tell you George hates you. Us. Of all the things we've had to face, now we have to face George going backwards. Getting more angry with us, not less.

[Neil]

I. I am sorry, love.

[Lillian]

When he said the solicitor was taking him through to the courtroom of the sentencing and Emma knew it was the last time she'd get to touch him, hold him if he got sent down.

[Neil]

Don't, love. Don't.

[Lillian]

I. I didn't know what to say. I knew he didn't want me to hug him, so I just told him the truth. I said, I love you, George. And he looked at me, Neil. And that look wasn't full of hate. He was softening. Accepting his part in what happened. I'm sure of it. What's happened to him now?

[Neil]

Look, it's all my fault. I should have just left when Amber started at me. I could see she was upset, but I thought I could just make her understand.

[Lillian]

It's not your fault, Neil. It's always difficult doing the right thing. Never a good deed goes unpunished. Eh, Kenton?

[Neil]

Oh, there you are.

[Lillian]

Teething tonight.

[Neil]

You come in one second.

[Lillian]

It's probably something the cat ate outside.

[Neil]

Here, look at this tablet. Yeah, Strewn about. There are a couple still in the corner. And some cat treats. And on.

[Lillian]

What are you saying?

[Neil]

These aren't the cat treats we buy. They're bigger. They're the kind you could well press a pill into. Yeah, exactly. Kenton is Everything okay? Yeah, I'm sorry, Alistair. We're looking for anything at the pub that tortoise might have ingested and we found some pills not far from where she was sick. Pills? Yeah, it's probably a long shot, but somehow there are a few on the floor. Floor. And the blister packs empty, so it looks like she could have eaten some. Do you know what they are? Hold on. It says Charlie. Can you read that? It's tiny.

[Lillian]

Yeah. Methylphenidate.

[Neil]

Okay, that's an 8D HD medicine would definitely cause the symptoms Tortoise was displaying. Or worse. Thankfully, she kind of had much. Or if she did, it left her system when she was sick. But an unlikely accident. Do you think someone dropped their meds and it had treats? What if the pill was embedded in one? A cat tree? Yeah, well, that sounds even more unlikely. An accident or quite sinister. Right, but this methyl, whatever it is, it could be the cause. Very well could be. Yeah. Right. Okay, thanks. Oh, how's she doing? Oh, good. She's doing well and she'll be home soon. Great. Well, thanks again, mate. Bye now. Bye. Alistair said it's an unlikely accident. But what if it's not an accident? Oh, please, no. How stupid am I thinking I could point the finger at one of Marky's mates and come home and everything would be fine?

[Lillian]

Don't, my darling.

[Neil]

No. Jolene. I've been another fool. Someone has most likely come into our home, back here by the stairs to our flat and poisoned our cat. And I think we both know who that could be.

[Lillian]

Sam.

[Neil]

We pulled into what felt like an old compound. You think, wow, this is a very old property. I'm Danny Robbins and Uncanny is back. We have three brand new summer special episodes and things are about to get scary. I could feel something moving up the side of the bed and I can't quite believe what I'm seeing. A trip to a tiny medieval town in central Spain turns into a holiday from hell. I could make out its long matted fur and I am absolutely petrified. Absolutely petrified. This was just pure terror. And we'll investigate more. So spine chilling cases in an episode recorded live at the Hay Festival. Uncanny Hay audience who is feeling team Believer and who is team Skeptic? Listen now on BBC Sounds.