
The Maliks have a dilemma on their hands, and Paul fears for a friend.
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Paul
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Narrator/Advertiser
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Paul
And Doug here we.
Announcer
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Alistair
And save hundreds with Liberty Mutual.
Josh Archer
Fascinating.
Akram
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Josh Archer
Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us. Cut the camera.
Announcer
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Josh Archer
Liberty.
Announcer
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Paul
You're listening to the Archers Omnibus from BBC Radio 4.
Lily Pargetta
This is ridiculous. What's all this junk mail doing here?
Josh Archer
Don't ask me.
Lily Pargetta
We never read any of it.
Josh Archer
So chuck it away, then panic over.
Lily Pargetta
I didn't leave it here.
Josh Archer
Neither did I. Lily.
Paul
Shop had custard powder, so we will have my granny's.
Zainab
Oh, careful, Paul.
Paul
I nearly went flying there. Whose is this gym bag?
Lily Pargetta
Two guesses.
Paul
Josh, can you put your stuff away?
Josh Archer
I only got in two minutes ago.
Paul
So you just dumped it in the middle of the doorway?
Josh Archer
It wasn't in the middle of the doorway.
Paul
Oh, this place is an absolute tip.
Josh Archer
Thanks to you. Me?
Lily Pargetta
Yeah. You are so untidy.
Josh Archer
Josh, that knackered old stereo isn't mine.
Paul
Well, Mum's going to take it to the recycling place for me.
Josh Archer
You've been saying that for weeks and you can't talk. Lily, what about all the laundry in the bathroom?
Lily Pargetta
Well, I can't dry it outside, can I? Have you seen the weather?
Josh Archer
But it stays there forever.
Lily Pargetta
Anyway, never mind that. Have either of you seen my passport?
Paul
Why would we have seen your passport?
Lily Pargetta
I took it to work to get a couple of photocopies and now I can't find it. I. Or the copies. The one thing that's absolutely essential.
Josh Archer
What about a credit card?
Lily Pargetta
What?
Josh Archer
That's essential too.
Paul
Unless you took cash.
Josh Archer
Well, hardly anyone uses cash these days.
Paul
Maybe the Australians still do.
Lily Pargetta
Anyway, that's not the point. My passport's gone missing and it's impossible to find anything in this place.
Paul
True. Josh could create a mess in an empty room.
Josh Archer
Why are you picking on me? I'm not the one who's lost an essential Travel document. Anyway, are you really sure about this Australia trip?
Lily Pargetta
Yeah, of course I am. It's all booked. Leaving on the 17th. Open ticket.
Paul
And you're going to spend a whole year out there?
Lily Pargetta
Absolutely.
Josh Archer
With Mason?
Lily Pargetta
Not with Mason. I'm just flying out with him and he's gonna help me get settled out there.
Josh Archer
A guy you barely know?
Lily Pargetta
I do know him.
Paul
Do you really, though?
Josh Archer
Yeah. What's his middle name?
Lily Pargetta
That is completely irrelevant.
Paul
Alright then. What do his mum and dad do?
Lily Pargetta
I don't know. Something financial. He hasn't really talked about them and.
Paul
It is completely platonic?
Lottie
Yes.
Lily Pargetta
Just mates.
Josh Archer
Mates? You barely knew the bloke until two months ago.
Lily Pargetta
I knew of him.
Paul
You are sure he thinks it's just mates too?
Zainab
Yes.
Paul
Cause if you're on different pages, that could get really awkward.
Lily Pargetta
I can look after myself, thank you.
Josh Archer
And the timing's not great, is it?
Lily Pargetta
The timing is perfect. I'll be leaving the British winter behind.
Paul
Missing Christmas.
Lily Pargetta
Yes, well, I can't help that.
Paul
And haven't you just been offered this plum job at Grey Gables? Wedding coordinator.
Lily Pargetta
There'll be other jobs as good as.
Paul
This one round here. Seems a shame to be missing out on that sort of opportunity.
Josh Archer
Why are you really going?
Lily Pargetta
Everyone wants to travel.
Josh Archer
Not everyone.
Lily Pargetta
I want to broaden my horizons. Explore new cultures, discover myself.
Josh Archer
Come home with dreads and a tie.
Paul
Dye T shirt and a Chinese symbol tattoo.
Lily Pargetta
Don't be ridiculous.
Paul
It is a bit of a cliche, Lily. But even if you do want all that, why just Australia? If you're going to the other side of the world, why not Vietnam? Bali?
Lily Pargetta
Maybe I'll go there as well, once I've got myself sorted out.
Josh Archer
People who do the traveling thing don't solve anything by backpacking across Thailand or whatever. You just take your problems with you. They're still there when you get home.
Lily Pargetta
I don't have any problems.
Josh Archer
Oh, you don't? I see.
Paul
I know what Josh means, though. Are you sure you're not just putting off the decision of what to do the rest of your life?
Lily Pargetta
No. And anyway, even if I was, what would be so bad about that?
Paul
I'm just saying.
Lily Pargetta
Ah, here it is. Onto this PS3. Which hasn't worked for over a year. Josh.
Josh Archer
I was going to ask Uncle Tony to take a look at that.
Lily Pargetta
Except you just keep moving it around. Do you know what? I'm actually glad I'm leaving this rubbish dump.
Josh Archer
If all you're going to do is have a go at me, I'm glad.
Paul
Guys, guys, come on. Let's not fight. We don't want to spoil our house meal, do we? We are still doing it, aren't we?
Josh Archer
We might as well. I've got all the ingredients now.
Paul
Brookfield beef. Yeah, Roasted with spuds and carrots.
Josh Archer
That's my plan.
Paul
Sounds amazing. And, Lily, what are you doing for the side?
Lily Pargetta
Cauliflower cheese.
Paul
I love cauliflower cheese. And as well as my granny's sponge pudding and custard. Why don't I knock up a jug of cocktail? Yeah? Help lighten the mood a little.
Zainab
When will it be fixed, do you think?
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Janto said Tuesday.
Zainab
That's definite, is it?
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Zenab Yanto knows his scooters.
Zainab
Jimmy's Tire Garden will be pleased.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
I'll be pleased.
Zainab
It's not very convenient, you not being able to deliver on the weekend.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Just for tomorrow morning, though.
Zainab
Yeah.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Any chance of a lift to Grey Gables?
Zainab
On me, I expect. Between your father and me, we could probably arrange something.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
My dad couldn't get away from the table fast enough, could he?
Zainab
Well, you know he always likes to hear from Cousin Usman.
Lottie
He does.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
He kind of lights up.
Zainab
Well, they're more like brothers, really.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
It sounds like Usman's doing really well.
Zainab
I think a lot of construction work's going on in Pindi.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
New Mercedes again.
Zainab
Oh, and after Dad's replied to that email, he needs to sort out that loose bit of fencing. If he leaves it any longer, it's going to collapse completely.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
And we don't want that dog getting in our garden.
Zainab
They're quite big panels. He'll need a hand, I expect.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Khalil, Dad's got a job for you.
Zainab
Cheeky.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Is my day off.
Zainab
Oh, mine too, theoretically. But I've got to go into the surgery this afternoon.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
What?
Zainab
We've been getting stick from the partners, you know, at the main practice. They're complaining that I haven't been hitting my targets for recording things like blood pressure and diabetes tests. Well, I understand it affects the practice income, but the thing is, I know I have been inputting all the test data, but I'm not convinced the IT system's recording them properly.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
So?
Zainab
So, for the past couple of weeks, I've been keeping manual records as well. I'm going to check them with what the computer thinks.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Well, that's outrageous. Because of their dodgy computer system, you've got to work on your day off.
Zainab
That's too frantic during the week. I just need some quiet time. I'll only be a couple of hours.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Yeah, but still.
Zainab
I just hate anyone thinking that I'm not doing my job properly.
Paul
I don't know why everyone's so mardy today.
Josh Archer
What do you mean, mardy?
Paul
Well, I just saw Emma Grundy in the shop. Looked like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.
Lily Pargetta
Can I have that knife?
Josh Archer
Sure.
Lily Pargetta
This cheese definitely needs using up.
Paul
You'd think she'd be happy with George home.
Lily Pargetta
How can you tell, though? What do you mean?
Paul
Lily?
Lily Pargetta
Emma's just got that sort of face, hasn't she?
Josh Archer
I think she's got a rather pretty face.
Lily Pargetta
Well, perhaps, if you like that sort of thing.
Paul
Well, Josh obviously does.
Josh Archer
Shut up, Paul.
Lily Pargetta
She could pout for England.
Josh Archer
Meow.
Paul
Right. Quality control.
Lily Pargetta
You did wash this knife, didn't you?
Josh Archer
Yeah. Yeah, I think so.
Lily Pargetta
You better have, after cutting meat with it.
Josh Archer
I haven't cut any meat. Just the veg.
Paul
More tequila, I think.
Narrator/Advertiser
More?
Lily Pargetta
The first one was strong enough.
Paul
Are you both going to be around next Sunday?
Lily Pargetta
Not sure.
Zainab
Probably.
Paul
We should give Lily a Christmas dinner, shouldn't we?
Josh Archer
Oh, yeah.
Paul
Turkey. And all the trimmings to make up.
Josh Archer
For missing it this year.
Lily Pargetta
Who says I'm going to miss it? I bet they have turkey in Australia. Just in glorious weather. On the beach, drinking white wine in the sun.
Josh Archer
Okay, to make up for missing the tractor run, then.
Lily Pargetta
Oh, yes. I actually am devastated about that. Can you open the oven? This is ready to go in.
Josh Archer
No problem. I've left the top shelf free.
Lily Pargetta
Oh, excellent. 35 minutes, which should allow 20 for.
Josh Archer
The beef to rest.
Paul
What a team. Right, bring your glasses. This one's even better than the first version.
Zainab
Oh, come on. Come on.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Hey, Mum.
Zainab
Oh, Zeynep. Why are you answering Dad's phone?
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
He's in the garden with Khalil, sawing those fence panels like you told him, right? Moaning about the drizzle and the wind. He'll never get used to British weather.
Zainab
Zainab, could you please go and get him immediately?
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Why? What's up?
Zainab
I'm at the surgery. There's water all over the waiting room floor.
Josh Archer
Tomorrow. That's far too early.
Paul
No, it's already late. A tree should go up in the first week of December.
Josh Archer
No, it shouldn't. The week before Christmas.
Paul
Where's the fun in that? You've no sooner put it up than you'll be taking it down.
Josh Archer
What do you think, Lily?
Lily Pargetta
Don't ask me. I'm not going to be here.
Paul
We really do need to get on with finding a new tenant.
Josh Archer
Yeah.
Lily Pargetta
Don't hog all the wine, Josh.
Paul
We can open another bottle.
Josh Archer
What do you think I should Get.
Paul
Nina for Christmas another string to her bow. You know, because she plays the violin.
Lily Pargetta
Yeah, no, we got that.
Josh Archer
How's the stand up career working out?
Lily Pargetta
Paul, do you really want to get her anything?
Josh Archer
Why shouldn't I?
Lily Pargetta
Well, will she get you something?
Josh Archer
I expect so.
Lily Pargetta
Moribund.
Paul
What a great word.
Josh Archer
What?
Lily Pargetta
Moribund. That's how I describe your relationship with Nina.
Josh Archer
No, it isn't.
Paul
It could do with reviving. Josh, you need to make a big dramatic gesture.
Josh Archer
Actually, I did have something in mind for Christmas. More than that. The Straw Crows have a pile of new songs. Right. But their record label went bust a few months ago. I was thinking about getting a loan so they could make another album.
Paul
No.
Josh Archer
Showed Nina how serious I am about her.
Paul
No, I meant something rom com y. Like turning up under her window of a beatbox.
Lily Pargetta
Yes. Or like learning how to dance the tango.
Josh Archer
What would be the point in that?
Lily Pargetta
It's romantic.
Josh Archer
No, I've decided. They're playing Felpham Corn Exchange on Wednesday. I'm gonna tell Nina then.
Lily Pargetta
I don't know.
Josh Archer
Josh.
Lily Pargetta
What?
Josh Archer
It's from Shula. Just letting you know that I'll be visiting Ambridge next weekend. Planning to drop in on Saturday.
Lily Pargetta
Shula?
Josh Archer
Nothing to worry about. Just want to see that everything's okay.
Paul
Coming here?
Lily Pargetta
She can't see it like this.
Paul
No, no, the place is in a total state.
Lily Pargetta
Yeah, well, we never really stuck to that cleaning rotor, did we?
Paul
This kitchen is a disgrace.
Lily Pargetta
A health hazard, I'd say.
Josh Archer
And have you seen the bathroom?
Paul
We're gonna have to blitz the place. I'll get a load of cleaning stuff from the shop.
Lily Pargetta
Yes, good idea. We'll all chip in, obviously, but before we clean, we need to have a massive tidy. Yeah, I mean, not now.
Paul
No, but maybe let the cocktail subside a bit.
Josh Archer
But tomorrow.
Lily Pargetta
Yes, tomorrow, definitely.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Mum, is that you?
Zainab
Oh, yeah. Put the kettle on, will you?
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
You look frozen.
Zainab
I am.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Tea?
Zainab
Oh, yes, please. And you put some sugar in it.
Lily Pargetta
Okay.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
So what's happening?
Zainab
Pinholes have started to appear in some of the pipes, apparently.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Oh, it doesn't sound good.
Zainab
Dad was able to fix the leaks, but of course he had to turn the heating off while he was working on it.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Well, at least it's sorted in time for surgery tomorrow.
Zainab
Sadly not.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
What?
Zainab
He says that when the current boiler was put in years ago, he reckons they used an inferior grade of copper piping. The entire system is really at the end of its safe life.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
What does that mean?
Zainab
It means it needs replacing. Urgently. He's still there now, ringing round to find someone who can help him and sourcing parts and so on.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Does that mean the heating will have to stay off?
Zainab
Yeah.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
So how are you going to manage with the patients and everything?
Zainab
We'll need to get in space heaters, self contained hand wash stations and drinking water.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
What a nightmare.
Zainab
Yeah. As soon as I've got that tea inside me, I'm going to ring around all the stuff, starting with Janet, the practice manager. Yes, we're going to be under emergency conditions for several days.
Lily Pargetta
Oh, Paul.
Paul
Morning.
Lily Pargetta
What are you doing?
Paul
Or should I say afternoon?
Lily Pargetta
Slept through my alarm. Oh, my stomach.
Paul
Feeling a little bit delicate, are we?
Lily Pargetta
There must have been something wrong with Josh's rose.
Paul
Oh, yeah? What does Josh have to say about that?
Lily Pargetta
Nothing. I banged on his door but he told me to. Well, go away.
Paul
Oh, so the roast is to blame then.
Lily Pargetta
Do it. It must be.
Paul
Nothing to do with that third jug of cocktail which you were very insistent that I made. No, what you need is an extra large portion of my famous hangover fryer. Oh, shame we haven't got any black pudding. How do you like your eggs, yolk? Nice and runny. Oh, dear. I'll do a side dish of paracetamol, shall I?
Josh Archer
Why are you so cheerful?
Paul
Well, lovely day ahead. Christmas is coming. What's not to like?
Josh Archer
That's an awful lot of breakfast. Hope you're not expecting me to eat any.
Paul
Oh, not you as well.
Josh Archer
Lily's cauliflower cheese has given me food poisoning.
Paul
Her cauliflower cheese?
Josh Archer
Yes.
Paul
Well, that's odd, because she reckons your roast is to blame. But I ate exactly the same as you two and I'm feeling fine. So the cause is obvious, isn't it?
Josh Archer
Is it?
Paul
You can't hold your booze. Total lightweight.
Lily Pargetta
And you and me what?
Josh Archer
There was nothing wrong with my roast.
Lily Pargetta
Fitting the meat in the tin with.
Josh Archer
Your bare hands, which I'd washed. What about that cheese you used?
Lily Pargetta
What about it?
Josh Archer
All mouldy.
Lily Pargetta
Oh, there was a tiny bit of mould which I cut off. Anyway, I haven't got the energy to argue. I'm going to need all my strength to get to work.
Josh Archer
Oh, there's no way I'm working today.
Paul
Yeah, lightweight.
Josh Archer
I'll call pit to cover the hens, then I'm going back to bed. Where would you like this heater?
Zainab
Oh, in the corner there, please, Ben. Okay, we're going to close the upstairs waiting room and move more chairs into this one.
Josh Archer
It makes sense.
Zainab
It'll be a bit crowded, but needs must.
Josh Archer
You're okay, Ezra.
Zainab
Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Tell your parents again how grateful we are.
Josh Archer
I will.
Zainab
Means we'll save a bit on the higher costs.
Josh Archer
When I explained the situation, they were glad to help. We've got no bookings for the events barn until the weekend anyway, so the.
Paul
Heaters would have just been standing around.
Zainab
Well, as soon as this place gets warm, Akram and Cliff will turn off the mains and start the work.
Josh Archer
Cliff is. Is he Akram's business partner?
Zainab
Oh, no. Akram usually works alone, but because this is such an urgent job, he's got called in another plumber to help him.
Josh Archer
Well, if it gets us back to normal as quickly as possible.
Zainab
Exactly. Marilyn picked a very good time to be off, didn't she?
Josh Archer
Lottie was saying we've got a locum GP this week.
Zainab
Dr. Lang? Yes. I don't know him, but I hope he's adaptable. We're going to be boxing and coxing with some of the rooms.
Josh Archer
Right.
Zainab
Why did this have to happen in the winter?
Josh Archer
Akron was saying plumbers know all about the problem of poor quality copper. Result of boom and bust in the.
Paul
Industry back in the day.
Zainab
Ben, don't get him started on that hobby horse. You'll never get away.
Paul
Hello?
Josh Archer
Oh, Borsich and medical supplies are here.
Zainab
Oh, that'll be the hand wash stations.
Josh Archer
I'll go and see if they need any help unloading.
Zainab
I'm so grateful to you for coming in early.
Josh Archer
It's all hands to the pump, isn't it? Don't worry. We'll get it sorted before the first patients arrive.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Oh, Lily?
Lily Pargetta
Yeah?
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Can I ask you something?
Lily Pargetta
I was.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
It's just a quickie.
Lily Pargetta
Uh, yep.
Lottie
Okay.
Lily Pargetta
What is it? Zainab.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
You know we've got a special room rate for the AI conference in February. I know you won't be here then, but I thought you might know.
Lily Pargetta
Sorry, I'm not really following.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
It's just that someone wants to stay on for the weekend afterwards and they were asking if the discounted rate still applied.
Lily Pargetta
Oh.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Are you all right? You look very pale.
Lily Pargetta
I don't feel.
Zainab
Lily?
Alistair
Yes, Paul?
Paul
Have you got any free time this afternoon? Alistair, just five minutes would do. What's up, Gordon? Mr. Baker brought Achilles in for his post op check after that gastrosurgery.
Alistair
Oh, yes, I remember. He'd swallowed a hearing aid battery.
Josh Archer
Yeah.
Alistair
Why do you need me?
Paul
I wasn't sure about how the wound's healing. You were still at Valley Farm and Gordon couldn't hang about, but he could pop back this afternoon if you Were free to take a look at it this afternoon.
Alistair
Well, not 2:30 to 3:30, obviously.
Paul
Obviously.
Alistair
Your annual appraisal.
Paul
Oh, yes, of course.
Alistair
That is still okay for you.
Paul
Totally.
Alistair
And you filled in the employee's side of the form?
Paul
Yes. I just need to check the spelling. I'll do that now.
Alistair
Paul?
Paul
Yes?
Alistair
That review on Achilles.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Are you okay?
Lily Pargetta
Yeah, I can manage. Oh, you're up then?
Josh Archer
Not really.
Lily Pargetta
Not really?
Josh Archer
Why are you back?
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Lily nearly passed out.
Lily Pargetta
Zainab kindly brought me home.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Yeah, well, Mick gave us a list.
Lily Pargetta
You're stars. Both of you. What do you mean, not really up?
Josh Archer
I just came down for a glass of water. Then I realised I needed a rest before I tackled the stairs again.
Lily Pargetta
Oh, I feel just the same. Josh.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
I'm gonna call my mum.
Josh Archer
This isn't a hangover, is it?
Lily Pargetta
No way.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Nearly reckoned it's something you ate.
Josh Archer
Dodgy.
Lily Pargetta
Cauliflower cheese, iffy roast beef.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Oh, I thought we'd go to voicemail.
Zainab
You're lucky to get me.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Mum, you're on speaker. I've got Lily from work and Josh Archer. You know, they house share. Say hi, guys.
Josh Archer
Hello.
Lily Pargetta
Hi.
Zainab
What's this about?
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
They think they've got food poisoning. I've had to bring Lily home from work.
Zainab
I see.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
They both seem too ill to come to the surgery, but I wondered if you could give them some advice.
Zainab
Well, it's a bit irregular.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Zainab, Please, Mum, they're really poorly.
Zainab
All right. Can they hear me?
Josh Archer
Yeah.
Lily Pargetta
Yeah.
Zainab
And are you okay for me to talk to you both together?
Josh Archer
Sure.
Lily Pargetta
Yeah. Fine by me.
Zainab
Can you describe your symptoms?
Josh Archer
I felt pretty lousy most of the night.
Lily Pargetta
Same then. Then this morning, I started having to rush to the loo.
Josh Archer
And me?
Zainab
Diarrhea, Vomiting?
Josh Archer
All of the above.
Lily Pargetta
Yeah, me, too. I've got a splitting headache.
Zainab
And you, Josh?
Josh Archer
Not so much. But I just feel exhausted.
Lily Pargetta
Yeah, completely wrung out.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
They think it's something they ate yesterday.
Zainab
Well, let's treat the symptoms, shall we? Most important is to keep hydrated. Just water or squash is best.
Lily Pargetta
Okay.
Zainab
Eat when you feel able.
Josh Archer
I couldn't face anything yet.
Zainab
Yeah, there's no rush on that. When you do, stick to plain food. Nothing fatty or spicy. You can take paracetamol to help with any pain.
Josh Archer
Right.
Zainab
And stay at home and get plenty of rest.
Lily Pargetta
The way I feel, there's no chance of doing anything else.
Josh Archer
Ditto.
Zainab
Okay, I'm gonna get Ben to drop off a couple of stool sample kits.
Lily Pargetta
On his way home. Thank you.
Zainab
And is there anyone who can look after You, Paul?
Josh Archer
I guess.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
That's Sarah, the housemate.
Zainab
And he's alright, is he?
Lily Pargetta
He is. In fact, he's annoyingly. Well.
Alistair
I think it's fair to say that after the difficult personal circumstances of the previous year, we've all been able to find a way forward where we respect each other professionally.
Paul
I hope so.
Alistair
I know it was very challenging for you, Paul, understandably. But I'm glad we were able to work through it. And I'm very glad we didn't lose you.
Paul
Me too.
Akram
Okay.
Alistair
Other positive things. Well, we say this every year, but it's worth repeating. Your relationship with clients is exemplary. Very caring, very empathetic.
Paul
Thank you.
Alistair
Stock control. You and Denise are very diligent about rotating supplies. And the results speak for themselves because we have one of the lowest levels of wastage in the entire firm.
Paul
Oh, that's.
Lily Pargetta
That's.
Paul
That's brilliant, Alistair.
Alistair
Yeah, so that's all pretty good. However, there is one major area that really does need addressing. We've spoken about it before, but now it's come to Don and Doug's ears and we can't let it slip any longer.
Paul
Okay.
Alistair
You may remember when you started at Lovell James, you didn't have a driving license.
Announcer
Yes.
Alistair
But you assured us that you'd soon take your test.
Paul
Yes.
Alistair
Can you remember when you made that promise? October 2022. You know it causes problems, Paul.
Paul
Yes.
Alistair
When I had to give you a lift back from Brookfield after Stella's dog had hidden your trainer.
Paul
I'm sorry about that.
Alistair
Well, to be fair, that was just a minor inconvenience. But when I was called to that road traffic accident last month, when the sheep transporter turned over after leaving Borchester Market.
Paul
I remember.
Alistair
And I had nowhere near enough supplies with me. But because you couldn't drive, Denise had to come in on a day off. Yes, I know she's your mother, but she's also a colleague and that really was unacceptable.
Paul
You're right. It's gone on far too long.
Alistair
I agree.
Paul
I'll get onto it. I promise.
Lily Pargetta
Hello? All right.
Josh Archer
All right, keep your shirt on. Hey, Ben. How you doing, bro? Terrible. I won't come in, if that's all right. I don't blame you. Dr. Malik asked me to drop these off. Okay. All right, Lily?
Lily Pargetta
Not really.
Josh Archer
The instructions are inside. Thanks. Any improvement since you spoke to her?
Lily Pargetta
If anything, I feel worse.
Josh Archer
Sorry to hear that. Does anyone else know how you are?
Lily Pargetta
I don't think so.
Josh Archer
I asked Pip to do the hens for me, but that's it okay? I can't see myself being able to work tomorrow, either. And I've got deliveries. Well, I'll pass the news around the family, including Elizabeth and Freddie.
Lily Pargetta
Thanks.
Josh Archer
And don't worry about the eggs, Josh.
Alistair
We'll see to them somehow.
Josh Archer
Thank you.
Paul
My, oh, my. Look at you two. Don't tell me you're still hungover.
Josh Archer
No, Paul.
Paul
Talk about milking it.
Josh Archer
No, no, no. Whatever this is, it's not a hangover. We've spoken to the doctor. Oh. They're both gonna need looking after. What?
Paul
By me, you mean.
Josh Archer
Yeah. Yeah. And you're gonna have to be very careful about hygiene. Oh, no.
Paul
Hang on a minute.
Zainab
I'm sorry. I was later than I'd hoped.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
No problem.
Zainab
It's been a heck of a day, Zainab.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
I'm just happy I'm not walking home.
Zainab
Your father's still at the practice, beavering away.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
I understand.
Zainab
How's he doing with the plumbing? It's difficult to tell. He tries to explain it to me, but after the third sentence, my head begins to swim.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
I know what you mean, but the.
Zainab
Staff love him already. He's definitely in cahoots with Lottie.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Do I know Lottie?
Zainab
Yeah, the newest receptionist. Tall woman, black.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Oh, yes. Quite glad.
Zainab
That's a but.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
How do you mean, in cahoots?
Zainab
This afternoon, she tipped him off that I had an unexpected gap between patients, and as I'd missed lunch, he appeared in my consulting room with a sandwich.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Oh, how thoughtful of him.
Zainab
Yeah, it was actually a bit of a Trojan horse.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
How come?
Zainab
You remember that email from Cousin Usman?
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Of course.
Zainab
It's got dad all fired up again about as we relocating to Pakistan.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Oh. I thought that had gone away.
Zainab
Me, too. How would you feel about it?
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
I don't really know. I mean, I'm not saying I'd absolutely rule it out.
Zainab
Okay.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
But it would be a pretty huge change for us all.
Zainab
Yeah, it would.
Josh Archer
We were wrong about Paul. He hadn't sneaked off early to get out of looking after us. He won't be going to work at all today.
Lily Pargetta
Oh, you're not saying.
Josh Archer
Yep.
Lily Pargetta
He's got it, too.
Josh Archer
If anything, Lily, he's feeling worse than us.
Lily Pargetta
It can't have been the booze after all, then.
Josh Archer
I knew it wasn't. And, well, it's obviously not food poisoning, either.
Lily Pargetta
No. We'd have all come down with it about the same time, wouldn't we?
Josh Archer
It's got to be something viral.
Lily Pargetta
I'm sorry for slagging off my cauliflower cheese. Yeah, I Owe you an apology, too. That roast was delicious. You're actually pretty nifty in the kitchen, Josh.
Josh Archer
Thanks. And seeing as Paul won't be making any toast for us, I'll do some.
Zainab
How's it going?
Akram
Well, if we put in another long shift, there's a chance we might get it all finished today.
Zainab
Really?
Akram
No promises?
Zainab
No, but that would be wonderful.
Akram
Azra.
Zainab
Yeah?
Akram
You've got a few minutes, haven't you, before your first patient?
Zainab
How do you know that?
Akram
Lottie told me.
Zainab
Honestly, you're like a spymaster.
Akram
Hardly.
Zainab
Informants everywhere.
Akram
Seriously, I haven't been able to stop thinking about a crime.
Zainab
Really?
Akram
We never seem to discuss it properly.
Zainab
We discussed it last night for about two minutes.
Akram
I know moving back home isn't really your dream.
Zainab
I told you, Pakistan isn't home to me the way it is to you.
Akram
But when we married, that was always the understanding.
Zainab
That was such a long time ago, though. We're different people now. We've made a life here.
Akram
I know, but.
Zainab
And it would be such an upheaval. What about the children, their education?
Akram
Actually, I think for Khalil, it could be a very good move. There are perfectly good schools in Pakistan. But anyway, he's hardly academic, is he?
Zainab
Well, no, maybe not in the conventional sense.
Akram
You know how much he loves to be out in the open air, working with animals. Our farm over there. It could be an idyllic life for him.
Zainab
Zeynep's hardly the same, though.
Akram
No, but she's adaptable. She'll find her way, whatever the environment. And as for upheaval, no offence to her current jobs, but they're hardly her dream career, are they? And if she eventually changes her mind about uni, she could just as easily go to one in Pakistan. She might even get a scholarship.
Zainab
Supposing she ever makes up her mind, that is.
Akram
And I bet she'd end up with a smaller student loan than she would hear.
Zainab
Maybe.
Akram
And you know how much they both love being there.
Zainab
But Akram visited. Family is very different from uprooting yourself completely.
Akram
It's not like this is a new idea.
Zainab
I'm not saying it is.
Akram
Anyway, I need to get on.
Zainab
Yeah, me too.
Akram
I never wanted to be a plumber, you know.
Zainab
I do.
Akram
I just took the trade because it was convenient. It's farming that's in my blood. And I'm not getting any younger if I want to change my career.
Zainab
Time is running around a crumb.
Lily Pargetta
Don't think I'm not grateful, Josh.
Josh Archer
No, no, it's all right.
Lily Pargetta
Making that Toast was obviously a major effort.
Josh Archer
Just too early.
Lily Pargetta
Yep.
Josh Archer
We'll stick to the water for the time being, shall we?
Lily Pargetta
Definitely.
Josh Archer
So, you were saying? What about that job offer? Wedding coordinator?
Lily Pargetta
Yes. Yeah, it threw me a bit. I mean, would it be the right job for me? Do I actually want a career at Grey Gables? I'll get it. Oh.
Josh Archer
Oh, good.
Lily Pargetta
Sorry, Josh.
Josh Archer
No, no, it's fine.
Lily Pargetta
I will stop pulling my weight.
Josh Archer
I know. Don't worry about it. Oh, morning. Is that Leonard underneath that rigmarole? Can I come in? Yeah, sorry. Sorry for looking like something from Porton Down. No, it's very sensible. Ben said if I'm going to call around, I'd better wear the full works.
Alistair
Ppe.
Josh Archer
Hello, Lily.
Lily Pargetta
Hello.
Josh Archer
It's just I wondered if you could do with a bit of help.
Lily Pargetta
Well, possibly Paul's come down with it now as well.
Josh Archer
Oh, dear.
Lily Pargetta
You're obviously taking a lot of precautions, Leonard, but aren't you still putting yourself at risk?
Josh Archer
Yeah. Do you mind if I sit down? Oh, no, not at all. Mum was all for shooting around yesterday, but I told her and dad to stay away, especially as they're looking after the eggs for me. Well, I'm here now, so could I make you a snack? Boiled egg or something? Oh, no, no, thanks. Maybe you could refill our water glasses. Consider it done.
Lily Pargetta
Oh, this is so good of you.
Josh Archer
No, no, not at all. Oh. Oh, yeah.
Lily Pargetta
Oh, yeah, sorry. Kitchen's a bit of a mess.
Josh Archer
Understatement. Not to worry. Once I've got you some fresh water, I'll do some washing up, shall I? That'll be awesome.
Lily Pargetta
Thank you. I told Mum and Freddie to stay away too.
Josh Archer
Yeah, you said.
Lily Pargetta
With Deck the Horn. I couldn't help feeling guilty about not being there. It's one of Lower Loxley's busiest times.
Josh Archer
It's not your fault you got ill.
Lily Pargetta
No, no, I mean running off to Australia. Oh. Oh, right. But then again, why should I hang around when Freddy's the one who's going to inherit the place? I know it's my family home, but really, what loyalty do I owe it?
Josh Archer
Here we are.
Alistair
Is it just water you want?
Lily Pargetta
Oh.
Josh Archer
Oh, sorry.
Lily Pargetta
Yes, plain water's fine.
Josh Archer
There you are, then.
Lily Pargetta
Thank you so much, Lily.
Josh Archer
I couldn't help hearing earlier about you and Lower Loxley.
Lily Pargetta
Oh, yes.
Josh Archer
I think you might find Josh feels the same.
Lily Pargetta
What about Brookfield Farm?
Josh Archer
Inheritances?
Alistair
Jill's told me how difficult it can be.
Lily Pargetta
I see.
Josh Archer
Anyway, I'll crack on with that washing up and. Oh, would you like me to sort the Recycling.
Lily Pargetta
Leonard, you are an angel.
Josh Archer
No, no, it's no problem. Did I. Did I fall asleep?
Zainab
You did.
Lily Pargetta
Let's get some water.
Alistair
Oh, wonderful.
Lily Pargetta
Josh, you know what I was saying about L Oxley?
Josh Archer
Yeah.
Lily Pargetta
Leonard thinks you might feel the same about Brookfield. Is that right?
Josh Archer
Well, if I'm honest, yeah, probably. I mean, I help out there as well as running my own business. Mum and dad do involve me in family decisions, but Pip's the golden girl. They're grooming her to take over when the time comes.
Lily Pargetta
That does sound horribly familiar.
Josh Archer
Maybe it's partly my own fault, branching out so early with the machinery business.
Lily Pargetta
You shouldn't be penalized for that, though.
Josh Archer
Does make me wonder how things are going to work out long term. In fact, when I heard you were planning to chuck it all in and go down under, it got me thinking of doing the same.
Lily Pargetta
What, going to Australia?
Josh Archer
No, more like. Sounds a bit silly. Go on. I was wondering about joining Nina and the Straw Crows on their next tour.
Lily Pargetta
What, as a groupie?
Josh Archer
No. Roadie, maybe. I don't know. Really?
Lily Pargetta
That would be a huge change for you. I had no idea you were thinking of chucking in your business, you work so hard at it.
Josh Archer
Anyway, it wouldn't be until next year. The way it's looking, I'm not even going to make it to the gig tomorrow night.
Lily Pargetta
That's a shame.
Josh Archer
But Nina's going to pop in on Thursday.
Lily Pargetta
What, here?
Josh Archer
Yeah.
Lily Pargetta
That's nice.
Josh Archer
It will be. She can give me some tlc.
Zainab
A crumb.
Akram
Oh, boom. My back.
Paul
Oh.
Zainab
Do you need some ibuprofen?
Akram
I took some earlier. Whoever decided to install the boiler in here.
Zainab
Oh, sorry. It's in a cubby hole and it's been so cold. Someone turned the heating off.
Akram
I'll have words with him.
Zainab
Yes, you do that.
Akram
It's at times like these that the prospect of striding over a field in Rawalpindi seems extremely attractive.
Zainab
Look, I. I do get it, you know. I understand what farming means to you. But they do have farms here too, you know.
Akram
Of course. But land is so expensive in the uk. What chance would I have here of getting on the farming ladder?
Zainab
Well.
Akram
And it's not just about the money. Do you think I'd be accepted as a farmer looking like this?
Zainab
I don't see why not. People have been very friendly since we moved here.
Akram
Some people. But we still get looks in the shop or walking around the village.
Zainab
Hardly ever.
Akram
We've only got a toehold in Enbridge. The nearest mosque's in Felpership. And even that's got problems.
Zainab
Those can be addressed.
Akram
That's not the point though. I know you're up was different to mine, but surely you can see it. Pakistan will always be our true home.
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Alistair
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Akram
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Josh Archer
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Lily Pargetta
Here's a bit of sky.
Josh Archer
You sure, Lily? Looks like sea to me.
Lily Pargetta
Oh. Oh, yeah, maybe.
Josh Archer
Thoughtful of Joy to bring this over, wasn't it? And she did say it was one of her easier ones.
Lily Pargetta
I hate to be trying a hard one. Oh, I don't know, Josh. Should we do a bit more of the boat?
Josh Archer
Okay.
Lily Pargetta
Braver to come around really, considering those silly rumors.
Josh Archer
Probably Nathan Booth's idea of a joke saying we've got Ebola.
Lily Pargetta
Only Nathan could think a contagious disease is a laughing matter.
Josh Archer
We should get some police hazard tape, wind it all around the house.
Lily Pargetta
That would get the gossips going.
Josh Archer
Beware zombie apocalypse.
Lily Pargetta
Actually, that's not so far from the truth.
Josh Archer
Looking at Paul, what's not so far from the truth? And here he is, our very own member of the walking dead.
Paul
Shut up, you.
Announcer
Oh, I feel bad.
Josh Archer
We all feel bad, Paul, but you elevate it to an art form.
Paul
What do you mean?
Lily Pargetta
It's true. You are actually the worst patient ever.
Paul
Is that a jigsaw?
Josh Archer
Yeah. Joy brought it round, but we've not.
Lily Pargetta
Made a lot of progress with it.
Paul
I don't know. You've got all the edge pieces done.
Josh Archer
No, we've got to face facts. We're just not up to the intense mental and physical demands.
Lily Pargetta
Nope.
Josh Archer
Telly.
Lily Pargetta
Good idea. Right, what shall we watch?
Paul
Nothing loud.
Josh Archer
Yeah, something gentle.
Lily Pargetta
Okay.
Paul
No car chases.
Josh Archer
I'll just message Nina, wish her luck for tonight.
Lily Pargetta
Why won't this?
Josh Archer
Hometown gig. Big show error.
Lily Pargetta
No network connection.
Josh Archer
Yeah, I haven't got Wi Fi. Oh, no, I've got 5G.
Lily Pargetta
Though I don't say the WI fi has gone down.
Josh Archer
Probably just need to reboot the router. Hope it isn't something major. Don't want to miss the football tonight.
Paul
Would it be that much of a loss?
Josh Archer
What do you mean? Champions League? Real Madrid? Man City.
Paul
Josh, for all that means to me, you could be speaking a foreign language.
Josh Archer
Heathen.
Lily Pargetta
So is someone going to try the router, then?
Paul
Sounds a bit technical to me.
Josh Archer
I will in a minute.
Lottie
What about the heaters?
Zainab
The people from Brookfield Farm are coming, I think, David. Oh, of course. You know them, don't you, Lottie?
Lottie
Maddie and I have been there loads.
Zainab
Yeah, well, they're gonna collect them tomorrow.
Lottie
They've been a lifesaver, Ezra.
Zainab
Haven't they?
Lottie
It's so nice to be getting back to normal. Akram's done an amazing job. Well, ankle.
Zainab
Yeah, I thought it would be closer to Friday before they got the heating working again.
Lottie
Rhoda's going to give me a hand getting these chairs back to the upstairs waiting room.
Zainab
Okay.
Lottie
And then I think we'll be ready for the afternoon list.
Zainab
Fantastic.
Lottie
Ah, just as this emergency is over.
Zainab
What?
Lottie
Raymond's gone ill. The pharmacy delivery guy.
Zainab
Oh, you're kidding me. Lottie? No.
Lottie
You think being near all those medicines, he'd be immune, wouldn't you?
Zainab
Oh, if only it worked like that.
Lottie
And they're really scratching around for a replacement. Because they have to be DBS checked.
Zainab
Well, actually, yes. Ockram. Is DBS checked. He had to have it done for some work at Borchester Green School. And it was up to date.
Lottie
Isn't he a bit overqualified?
Zainab
I'm pretty sure he didn't have anything urgent on after this job. And he does like to keep busy. I could mention it to him.
Lottie
At least I know they'd be grateful. The deliveries are piling up.
Zainab
Right. Okay.
Lottie
Oh, Azra, I've been meaning to say, that advice you gave me about Maddie, the fussy eating, it was really helpful. I just relaxed and didn't make such a big thing of it. And we're already seeing a difference.
Josh Archer
Yay.
Zainab
I'm pleased. But if you have any other worries, we can always put you in touch with a dietitian.
Lottie
Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. In fact, I was telling Akram you're the best boss I've ever worked for.
Zainab
Oh, well, that's very kind of you to say.
Lottie
I mean it. It's true.
Josh Archer
There you go.
Paul
Oh, Josh.
Josh Archer
Blanket for the invalid.
Paul
You absolutely star.
Josh Archer
Knackered.
Lily Pargetta
Now, Paul was just saying about his appraisal.
Paul
Yeah, it completely blindsided me.
Josh Archer
This about you not driving?
Paul
Yeah. And then Alistair basically said if I don't pass my test, they're going to fire me.
Lily Pargetta
Basically said or actually said?
Paul
Well, as good as the big bosses are on the case now, so there's no hiding place.
Josh Archer
I don't see the problem. Get some lessons, Pass your test, Join the rest of society.
Paul
Well, it's. It's not as simple as that, though.
Josh Archer
Why not?
Paul
Well, I've. I've got a bit of a thing about driving tests.
Lily Pargetta
How big a thing?
Paul
Jumbo. Economy size. With added bonus extras.
Lily Pargetta
Okay. I have a feeling there may be a story attached to this.
Paul
You could say that.
Josh Archer
So.
Paul
No, I. You don't want to hear it.
Josh Archer
We really do.
Lily Pargetta
It's not like we've got anything else on.
Paul
Okay. But just between us, right?
Lily Pargetta
Obviously.
Paul
Okay. So Mum and Dad bought me driving lessons for my 18th birthday.
Josh Archer
Standard.
Paul
And of course I assumed I'd sail through the test, but I. I didn't.
Lily Pargetta
Well, most people don't pass. First time I did. Okay. Not helping, Josh.
Paul
Well, the thing is, I. I didn't pass my second test either. Or my third.
Josh Archer
So what did you fail on?
Paul
You name it. Wrong way round, a mini roundabout, driving with full beams on, calling a pedestrian a tosser. Walked right out in front of me. I couldn't help myself.
Josh Archer
Properly. Fair.
Paul
One time I actually thought I'd done pretty well, but at the end, I parked on double yellow. Then there was the time I couldn't remember Where I'd parked the car.
Josh Archer
This is priceless.
Lily Pargetta
Josh, stop it.
Paul
By the end, I'd got in such a state I barely knew how the gears worked.
Lily Pargetta
So how many tests have you failed altogether? Seven. Seven.
Paul
I just gave up after that.
Josh Archer
I'm not surprised.
Paul
I assumed I'd always be a non driver. It wasn't a problem at the practice in reading. All small animals, all local.
Lily Pargetta
But then you applied to Lovel James.
Paul
I was so keen to get the job. When they asked me, I just blurted out that I'd get my license. I never thought they'd hold me to it.
Lily Pargetta
Bit optimistic.
Paul
The idea of getting back behind the wheel of a car. It just gives me the heebie jeebies.
Lily Pargetta
Who's that?
Josh Archer
It's Mum.
Lily Pargetta
Oh.
Josh Archer
Just wondering how we are.
Lily Pargetta
Not Nina then?
Josh Archer
No. Well, they're probably busy with the get in.
Lily Pargetta
Hi.
Announcer
Alan Franks. I meant to have a 4:30 appointment with Dr. Malik, but I'm afraid I'm a few minutes late.
Lottie
Don't Worry about it, Mr. Franks. Dr. Malik's running a little bit behind anyway.
Announcer
Oh, that's a relief.
Lottie
Just take a seat.
Zainab
She'll be with you soon.
Announcer
Thank you. I hope you don't mind my asking, but.
Lottie
Lottie.
Announcer
Lottie. The gentleman who was in the queue before me. It was Lawrence Harrington, wasn't it?
Zainab
Yes.
Announcer
Because I couldn't help noticing that. Well, I didn't really think his manner towards you was very appropriate. Are you all right?
Lottie
Oh, thank you for asking, but yes, please don't worry about me.
Announcer
Well, if you're sure.
Lottie
Mr. Harrington seems perfectly fine with the other receptionist. If he wants to take that attitude of me, then that's his business.
Announcer
What, you mean you think he was like that because of. Well, because of your colour?
Lottie
Welcome to my world.
Akram
Oh, Lord.
Zainab
Alan Franks.
Announcer
So that's it, really?
Zainab
Has there been any change in your mood?
Announcer
No, no, just this tiredness. It's very inconvenient not to be running at 100. Advent's just about my busiest time.
Zainab
I expect you're a busy man most of the year.
Announcer
Well, yes, I know I can't expect to have the energy of youth, but when you're used to being so active.
Zainab
I understand, Alan. Right. I see we did call you in for a routine health check when you turned 60, but it doesn't look like you took it up.
Announcer
No, sorry, Asra.
Alistair
Guilty.
Zainab
Well, we'll just get some basic details now and then we can make you an appointment to have some bloods taken.
Akram
Okay.
Zainab
So if you'd like to slip off Your shoes.
Alistair
Right.
Zainab
We'll get your height first. Right, you are just over here.
Announcer
Yep.
Zainab
There we are.
Announcer
I was at an event last week. Felpersham Interfaith Network. I was talking to Munir, the imam.
Zainab
Oh, yes.
Announcer
Back to the water, please.
Zainab
Yes.
Announcer
Yeah. He was saying you're having some structural issues with the mosque.
Zainab
Yes. Yes, we are. 178. There you go.
Announcer
Thank you.
Zainab
I don't know if you know it, but it's not what people usually expect when they think of a mosque with a minaret and a dome and so on.
Announcer
No, I've visited.
Zainab
Just keep as still as you can.
Announcer
It's actually a terraced house, isn't it? Monir was saying it draws a cliff. A couple of dozen worshipers, though, from quite a wide area.
Zainab
That's right. They've been patching up the roof. Well, certainly since I moved here.
Announcer
Yeah, but you can only patch for so long.
Zainab
Precisely. You're 78 kilos.
Lily Pargetta
All right.
Announcer
I'd like to work that out in old money.
Zainab
The time has come when it needs a proper re.
Lily Pargetta
Roofing.
Announcer
Yes.
Zainab
So, while that's being done, it looks like we'll be traveling to Birmingham for jama.
Announcer
That's the Friday prayers. I know. Not very convenient.
Zainab
Convenient for you, no, but it won't be forever.
Lily Pargetta
So, when did you message Nina?
Josh Archer
Oh, I don't know, about one.
Lily Pargetta
And she still hasn't replied.
Paul
That's not great, Josh.
Josh Archer
Well, you know, gig days are busy days travel.
Lily Pargetta
It's a hometown.
Josh Archer
Get in, sound check. There's a lot to do.
Lily Pargetta
Okay, Fair enough. She's your girlfriend.
Josh Archer
She is, theoretically.
Lily Pargetta
What was that anyway?
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Poor Paul.
Lily Pargetta
I've been thinking about your driving dilemma.
Paul
That makes two of us.
Lily Pargetta
If you absolutely have to pass your test to keep your job, maybe I could give you lessons.
Paul
Yeah, well, it's not lessons I need, it's therapy. Anyway, you're going to be in Australia, Lily.
Lily Pargetta
Oh, yes, of course. Silly me.
Paul
So it'd be tricky.
Lily Pargetta
Yeah. No. Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking.
Zainab
Well, your blood pressure's normal and it's all right to talk now.
Announcer
I'm sorry, Azra, I do tend to rabbit on.
Zainab
No, no, it's fine. What was it you were saying?
Announcer
Well, I was just thinking about your Friday prayers. While the roofing work's being done on the mosque, maybe you could relocate Jummer to Ambridge.
Zainab
What, to your church?
Announcer
Well, I think that might be tricky, but, no, no, I was thinking about the village hall. I mean, if that worked for your fellow worshippers of Course I could ask.
Zainab
Gosh, that's. That's a really kind offer, Alan.
Announcer
Well, if you think it's worth pursuing, I'll float the possibility with the committee.
Zainab
And I'll mention it to the Imam.
Announcer
And of course, even if they can find somewhere closer to home, I'm sure your family would always be welcome to carry out your regular prayers there. It'd save a trek to Birmingham.
Lottie
Thank you.
Zainab
I'm. I'm actually quite touched by that.
Lily Pargetta
Well.
Zainab
And I know someone who'll find the offer quite astonishing.
Announcer
Oh, who's that?
Zainab
My husband.
Josh Archer
So, yeah, sorry I can't be there. Hope it goes well. Yeah. Love you.
Lily Pargetta
She sent it to voicemail, then?
Josh Archer
She didn't send it to voicemail, it just went to voicemail.
Lily Pargetta
Okay.
Josh Archer
Probably just a bad time to ring. Expect she's getting in the zone, doing her warm ups.
Paul
Yeah, that'll be it.
Josh Archer
Doesn't matter. We'll have a good catch up tomorrow.
Lily Pargetta
You're not still thinking of funding their next album, are you?
Josh Archer
Of course.
Paul
Really, Josh?
Josh Archer
Nothing's changed, has it?
Zainab
Apart from home.
Josh Archer
I think we all need a bit more water, don't we? Gotta stay hydrated.
Lily Pargetta
Oh, Paul. Isn't it sad?
Paul
I know. How can he not see it?
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
It's a bit random, isn't it, Mum?
Zainab
Sorry, what were you saying, dad?
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Delivering prescriptions. Where did that come from?
Zainab
Well, yeah, it's rather out of the blue, but the pharmacy was in a hole and he was available, so.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Acromanic to the rescue.
Zainab
You know how he likes to keep occupied.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
At least I don't need a lift to work anymore.
Zainab
No.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Greg Abels is getting busier now. Lots of Christmas party bookings. Oh, has Khalil said about Deck the Hall?
Lily Pargetta
What?
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
You know the thing at Lower Locksley. Sounds really magical. They light up the grounds, that sort of thing. There's a trail through the woods. Ben was waxing lyrical about it.
Zainab
Sorry, is it in a.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
They have food stalls and a skating rink and. Well, lots of other stuff. I can show you online now.
Zainab
There's no need. Elizabeth told me all about it when she showed me around. The place does sound really lovely.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Well, the point is, it sounds like it'd be nice for all of us to go family outing.
Zainab
Oh, I see. Yeah. Yeah, no, it sounds really good. When we're all together. Let's. Let's see if we can find a time.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Are you all right, Mum?
Zainab
Yeah, no, I'm sorry. It's just been a really difficult week.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Well, the heating's done again, isn't It.
Zainab
Yeah. That's a relief, saying I. But no sooner we're back to normal than something else comes up.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Like what?
Zainab
The partners are talking about a. What do they call it? Widening patient contact opportunities.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
And what does that mean?
Zainab
Basically extending the surgery hours.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
What?
Zainab
Opening in the evenings? Maybe.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
No way.
Zainab
Not every day, but. I don't know. Two evenings a week, you're already working.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Yourself into the ground.
Zainab
It does feel that way sometimes.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
And I bet you wouldn't be paid overtime.
Zainab
Of course not. We just have to hope to be able to get time off in lieu.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
And how likely is that?
Zainab
Well, let's not meet trouble halfway. It's only a consultation at the moment. It might not happen.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
You need to tell them where to get off.
Zainab
Don't worry. I'll make my feelings come clear.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
You can't get blood out of stone.
Zainab
Hello?
Lottie
Lottie, I'm really sorry to call you so early.
Zainab
No, no, go on.
Lottie
It's Dr. Lang. He's phoned in sick.
Zainab
What?
Lottie
I'm so sorry. Janet's doing her best to find cover.
Zainab
A locum for the locum, but she.
Lottie
Says it'll probably be tomorrow at the earliest. Do you want me to cancel all his appointments?
Zainab
No, no, don't do that. Then just see if you can divide them between me and Dr. Cartwright.
Lily Pargetta
Okay?
Zainab
Yeah. We'll just have to get through them best we can. Thanks for the heads up.
Lottie
You're welcome.
Zainab
I'll be in as soon as.
Lottie
Okay. See you then.
Josh Archer
Won't be long.
Lily Pargetta
Really, Josh, no rush.
Josh Archer
These sachets of rice only take two minutes.
Lily Pargetta
I know. I use them a lot. I've never got the hang of cooking rice properly. Me neither. Is Paul coming down?
Josh Archer
Unlikely. He said all that talking yesterday exhausted him.
Lily Pargetta
What, lounging on the sofa and moaning?
Josh Archer
Here's a day behind us, Lily. I guess. I don't think I could have faced anything yesterday.
Lily Pargetta
Maybe not, but now we know who's the real lightweight in the house.
Josh Archer
Plates.
Lily Pargetta
Ah, here you are.
Josh Archer
Right.
Lily Pargetta
Mind esteem.
Josh Archer
Some for you and some for me, thanks. Not very appetizing, I know. Half a plate of plain white rice?
Lily Pargetta
No, but we're going to try to eat something. We definitely want to start with this.
Josh Archer
Right. I'm going in. And you.
Lily Pargetta
Okay. Okay.
Josh Archer
This is a joint experiment.
Lily Pargetta
Here goes.
Lottie
So could you chase imaging at Borchester General?
Zainab
No, she had the ultrasound at Felpisham Royal. I think that's where the computer confusion started.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Okay.
Zainab
It meant her appointment was a complete waste of time, I'm afraid.
Lottie
Sorry.
Zainab
It's not your fault. Lottie. Of course, it didn't stop her giving me her complete life story. Oh, dear. So who's next?
Lottie
Lulu Duxford.
Josh Archer
Oh.
Zainab
What time was her appointment for?
Lottie
10:05.
Zainab
Nearly an hour behind. Now, Azra, before you go. Yep?
Lottie
Test results have come in for two patients, Lily Pargetta and Josh Archer.
Zainab
And?
Lottie
Confirmed norovirus.
Zainab
I thought so.
Lottie
Shall I ring them?
Zainab
Yes, please. Okay. Ms. Duxford, I'm sorry you've been kept waiting so long.
Lottie
Next, please.
Alistair
Lawrence Harrington, 11 o'.
Lily Pargetta
Clock.
Alistair
Dr. Lang.
Lottie
Mr. Harrington. Yes, that's fine. Dr. Lang's unfortunately indisposed today. You'll be seen by Dr. Malik, but I'm afraid appointments are running.
Akram
Dr. Malik?
Lottie
Yes.
Alistair
The person you were just talking to?
Lottie
Yes. As I say, we are.
Josh Archer
No, I'm sorry.
Zainab
Pardon?
Alistair
That's not acceptable.
Lily Pargetta
How are you feeling?
Josh Archer
Actually? Okay. I mean, I'm still as weak as a kitten, but. Yeah. And the rice has stayed exactly where it should.
Lily Pargetta
Me too. Do you think we've turned the corner?
Josh Archer
Better than that. We've turned the corner and we're halfway up the home straight.
Lily Pargetta
Oh, I do hope so, Josh.
Josh Archer
I can't say the same for Paul.
Lily Pargetta
Though it's not surprising.
Josh Archer
I offered him some of the rice, but he just pulled the duvet over his head.
Lily Pargetta
Aw. He'll start to get better soon.
Josh Archer
I expect so. This is just in time for you, isn't it? What do you mean, getting better? Looks like you should be okay to fly next week after all.
Lily Pargetta
Ah.
Josh Archer
Ah. Not. Yes, Josh. That's a great relief.
Lily Pargetta
Lily, don't get me wrong. Obviously being ill has been horrible.
Josh Archer
Can't disagree with that.
Lily Pargetta
But in a strange way, I've been wondering if it's. Oh, you know I don't believe in fate or the universe. Trying to tell me something?
Josh Archer
No. We'll leave that sort of thing to Kate.
Lily Pargetta
But when I was thinking I might have to delay the flight, maybe cancel it altogether, I didn't hate the idea.
Josh Archer
Okay.
Lily Pargetta
Which made me think, do I really want to do this trip? Or at least do I want to do it the way I've been planning? I mean, I'd still really like to see Kya.
Josh Archer
This is the woman who lives in Perth now?
Lily Pargetta
That's her. She's the only person from Uni Manchester that I'm still in touch with. And it's such a good opportunity to meet up again, but. I don't know, a year away from home. It's a long time, isn't it?
Josh Archer
It is.
Lily Pargetta
Am I partly doing it just to put Two fingers up to Mum and Freddy.
Josh Archer
So long, suckers.
Lily Pargetta
When you said about setting up on your own and how that maybe put you out of the running at Brookfield, it got me thinking.
Josh Archer
Sorry about that.
Lily Pargetta
And then there's Mason. Yes, you're right. I don't really know him that well. If I'm totally honest, I might have been burying my gut feelings about him. I found out last week he'd barely scraped a third. I wonder if he's maybe running away from, you know, disappointed parents.
Josh Archer
Wouldn't surprise me.
Lily Pargetta
I mean, is that really the sort of person I want as a guide to a whole new country? Have I been just pushing myself through all of the doubts?
Josh Archer
But haven't you got accommodation booked?
Lily Pargetta
Not really. Mason said we could stay with some mates of his, but I'm not sure that's a firm arrangement, so. Oh, I don't know. It's such a mess. I don't know what I think, really. Is it Nina?
Josh Archer
Yes.
Lily Pargetta
Is she on her way?
Josh Archer
No, not yet.
Lily Pargetta
What does it say?
Josh Archer
We had a bit of a heavy one after the gig. See you this afternoon.
Alistair
It's bad enough I've had to come here two days running.
Lottie
I'm sorry, I can't help that.
Alistair
But if Dr. Lang isn't available, why can't I be sick? Seen by the other doctor?
Lottie
Dr. Cartwright?
Josh Archer
Yes.
Lottie
That would be difficult, I'm afraid, but not impossible. I'm sure it's just the way Dr. Lang's appointments have been shared out.
Alistair
Well, that's your problem, not mine.
Lottie
We are trying to do our best under difficult circumstances.
Alistair
I know my rights, Miss him.
Lottie
There are lots of patients waiting, so.
Alistair
Let'S just cut all this shilly shallying.
Lottie
If you do want to see Dr. Cartwright, I could make a fresh appointment, but it would be for late. Next week at the earliest.
Zainab
Lottie, I need a. Oh, I'm sorry.
Alistair
No, that's out of the question. I want to speak to your superior, please.
Lottie
I can get the practice manager clearly completely incompetent. She'll say the same thing as me.
Alistair
No need to ask how you got this job.
Lottie
What did you say?
Zainab
Is something wrong?
Alistair
I want to speak to this girl's direct manager.
Zainab
Can I help?
Alistair
No. And kindly keep out of it.
Zainab
If you could just moderate your voice.
Alistair
Oh, don't you tell me what to do.
Zainab
Disturbing the other patient.
Alistair
I'm not the problem here. You're the problem here.
Zainab
This really isn't acceptable. Acceptable?
Alistair
You and this. This.
Zainab
Mr. Harrington, are you all right?
Josh Archer
Oh, God.
Zainab
Jam it. Get the oxygen. The Reese, Pack and the defibrillator. L. Call an ambulance. What's his name? Harrington.
Lottie
Lawrence Harrington.
Zainab
Mr. Harrington, I need to loosen your tie. Please stay in your seats, everyone.
Josh Archer
Keep your hands off me.
Zainab
They're having difficulty. Look, we need to help you to breathe. He's losing consciousness. Where's that oxygen?
Lily Pargetta
You're dropping crumbs.
Josh Archer
So are you.
Narrator/Advertiser
No, I'm not.
Lily Pargetta
I'm catching them on a plate. Well, most of them.
Josh Archer
What time is it, Lily?
Lily Pargetta
Nearly six.
Josh Archer
Right.
Lily Pargetta
Josh, I know musicians keep different time from us civilians, but surely it's not this afternoon anymore.
Josh Archer
I hear you.
Lily Pargetta
I don't think Nina's gonna turn up.
Josh Archer
No.
Lily Pargetta
Still, look on the bright side.
Josh Archer
There's a bright side?
Lily Pargetta
We did manage to finish Joy's jigsaw.
Josh Archer
Oh, yeah. Monumental achievement. Tomorrow we climb Everest.
Lily Pargetta
Do you want a cup of tea?
Josh Archer
Mind the.
Lily Pargetta
Oh. Oops.
Josh Archer
Crackers.
Lily Pargetta
Oh, this place looks dreadful, doesn't it?
Josh Archer
Even worse than before, which I wouldn't have thought was possible.
Lily Pargetta
Shula can't possibly see it like this.
Josh Archer
No, but do you feel up to a mass tidy?
Lily Pargetta
Oh, not in the slightest.
Josh Archer
Me neither, let alone a cleaning blitz.
Lily Pargetta
Mum?
Zainab
Yes, it's me. Sorry I'm late. Have you eaten?
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Yeah. Dad cooked.
Zainab
Oh, good.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Yours is in the oven.
Zainab
I think I'm past hunger at the moment, but thank you.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Well, no offense, Mom. Well, you look awful. Are you all right?
Zainab
To be honest, I feel completely wrung out.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Well, dad said everyone at time the same surgery was buzzing with what you did.
Zainab
What I did?
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
The man who collapsed and you were a total hero.
Zainab
That's really overstating it, Zainab.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
What happened then?
Zainab
Patient had trouble breathing. I think probably because of an underlying heart issue. He had got very agitated.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Really?
Zainab
In fact, he was being horrible to Lottie. It was only afterwards that I realized who he was.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Who?
Zainab
I should have remembered him from the cricket. That Batman Lawrence that you all had that trouble with.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
No.
Zainab
Which also explained his behavior. I don't think Lottie and I were his sort of people.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
No.
Zainab
I bet he certainly didn't want me to treat him.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
That's wild. How is he?
Lily Pargetta
Do you know?
Zainab
Well, by the time the paramedics arrived, he'd lost consciousness.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Oh.
Zainab
And I'm afraid he went into cardiac arrest in the ambulance. I shouldn't really be telling you all this.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
I won't say anything.
Zainab
The last I heard, he was in intensive care and could go either way.
Lily Pargetta
Whoa.
Zainab
He didn't make it easy for me. But honestly, Zainab, I did everything I could for him.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
I know you did, Mum. And I bet no doctor could have done more. I just hope he's grateful.
Zainab
Who knows what that sort of person thinks?
Lily Pargetta
Oh, I'm shattered.
Zainab's child (possibly Zeynep or a sibling)
Oh, poor you.
Zainab
You know, as I was driving home, I was wondering.
Lily Pargetta
What?
Zainab
Whether your father's right. Perhaps we would all be better off in Pakistan.
Lily Pargetta
How are you doing with those noodles?
Paul
Okay so far.
Josh Archer
You don't have to eat them all.
Paul
I know.
Josh Archer
Just a little at a time. That's what we found, didn't we, Lily?
Lily Pargetta
Definitely. But once I did start to get some food inside me, and it stayed inside, I really began to feel better.
Josh Archer
Me, too.
Zainab
Right.
Josh Archer
There you go.
Lily Pargetta
Thanks, Josh. And this morning, we actually had our first proper breakfast since.
Josh Archer
Since Sunday, wasn't it?
Paul
I think that's probably enough for now.
Josh Archer
No sweat, Paul. See how you do. And then you can always have some more.
Lily Pargetta
So.
Paul
So what's been happening? How did Nina's visit go? Well, I didn't hear her, but. What?
Lily Pargetta
Well, actually, she didn't turn up.
Paul
Not at all?
Josh Archer
No.
Paul
Even though she knew you'd been ill and how much it would have meant to you?
Josh Archer
Something like that.
Paul
And this is the woman you're talking about going into debt for?
Josh Archer
Well, I've been thinking about that.
Paul
So she can record an album.
Josh Archer
Thinking pretty hard, actually.
Lily Pargetta
About time.
Josh Archer
The thing with Nina, she's. I don't know, I guess. I guess the only word is captivating.
Lily Pargetta
She certainly captivated you.
Josh Archer
She's got something about her that I've never seen in any other woman. When she's on stage, it's magical.
Lily Pargetta
Yeah, I'm sure that's true, but, Josh, you're talking like a fan.
Paul
Yeah. You're meant to be more to her than that.
Josh Archer
You're right. And. And if I'm her boyfriend, then I deserve more than, well, what she's been.
Paul
Giving me, which is just a pile of grief as far as I can see.
Josh Archer
So, yeah, yeah, I've. I've given up on any idea of bankrolling the band or trailing round after them on tour.
Lily Pargetta
I am so relieved to hear that.
Paul
Me too, man.
Josh Archer
Either she steps up and starts to behave like a proper girlfriend, giving as.
Lily Pargetta
Much as she gets.
Josh Archer
Exactly. Or I walk.
Paul
That's my boy.
Josh Archer
I'm gonna see her and lay it on the line.
Lily Pargetta
Well done, Josh. We've been. I'm so worried about you.
Josh Archer
I know. It's taken me a long time.
Paul
Better late than never.
Josh Archer
But I feel better for making the decision.
Paul
Do you know, it's actually made me feel a bit better, too.
Lily Pargetta
Well, I've got some news you'll probably be pleased with too.
Paul
Oh, Bring it on, Dr. Pargetta.
Lily Pargetta
I'm changing my plans for Australia.
Paul
Please tell me you're binning off Mason the Muppet.
Lily Pargetta
I am, yes. And I've decided that a year's two much time to be away.
Josh Archer
So how long are you thinking?
Lily Pargetta
Well, not quite sure yet, but more like a few weeks. A month maybe.
Paul
So will that mean we don't have to look for a new tenant?
Lily Pargetta
It does.
Josh Archer
Awesome.
Paul
And awesome to still have you as a housemate.
Lily Pargetta
Of course. Thank you.
Josh Archer
So, if you're not doing the Mason.
Lily Pargetta
Thing, I'm still going to see Kyra in Perth. She's really excited about it. Cool. And then I'll have some time traveling on my own.
Paul
That sounds like a really good plan, Lily.
Lily Pargetta
And when I get back, who knows, maybe that wedding job will still be available. I'm gonna talk to Dane.
Paul
Ah, well, I bet he'll keep it open.
Lily Pargetta
Well, we'll see.
Paul
So what changed your mind?
Lily Pargetta
What Josh said had a lot to do with it. Me? It would have been running away a bit.
Josh Archer
I'm really pleased for you, Lily.
Lily Pargetta
Thanks. But as I'm staying here.
Paul
Yes?
Lily Pargetta
It means I'm now very keen not to be thrown out by the landlord.
Paul
Ah, yes.
Lily Pargetta
Who is visiting tomorrow?
Paul
I hadn't forgotten.
Josh Archer
Nor me.
Lily Pargetta
If this was my house and I found it in this state, I'd evict the lot of us. I know, but I. I'm sorry, we can't afford buts now. I'm still pretty weak. However, I had a shower this morning and it really helped. So why don't you two follow my excellent example and then we'll see what we can do to the place.
Josh Archer
She's right, Paul.
Paul
I know. That's what makes it so awful.
Josh Archer
I'll go first, shall I?
Lily Pargetta
Oh, that's good.
Paul
Ah, there you are, Lily.
Josh Archer
We thought you'd run away after all.
Lily Pargetta
No, I'm just enjoying the air. I been outside all week. No. Are you showered then?
Josh Archer
Yeah, all fresh now.
Paul
Squeaky clean.
Lily Pargetta
Right, let's get on with it. So, how are we going to approach this?
Josh Archer
What do you mean?
Lily Pargetta
Well, there's three of us and three downstairs rooms and the loo and the hall. Well, yes. All right. Five areas.
Paul
Oh, I'll go.
Josh Archer
Thanks, Paul, but the kitchen is the worst bit.
Lily Pargetta
The sitting room's looking pretty. Pretty awful too.
Josh Archer
Yeah, but in here it's going to take the most cleaning.
Lily Pargetta
Oh, hold on, Josh. We can't even start to think about the cleaning until we've had a really good tidy.
Josh Archer
It's enough to give me a relapse.
Lily Pargetta
I know what you mean. But we haven't got any alternative, have we?
Josh Archer
No, I get it. I'm just not sure I'm up to the planning, let alone doing the actual work.
Lily Pargetta
So, what do you think? Allocate a room each or all concentrate on one room at a time?
Josh Archer
Hello, you two.
Lily Pargetta
Hello, Leonard.
Josh Archer
Well, I must say, it's good to see you all vertical.
Lily Pargetta
Yes.
Josh Archer
Very different from the last time I was here. Yeah, we're all on the mend now.
Lily Pargetta
Even Paul.
Josh Archer
So I'd heard. And I'm very pleased to see the proof. I've come with a suggestion for your recovery, actually. Sounds promising. It's such a beautiful day. What you all need now is a breath of fresh air.
Lily Pargetta
I was just doing that in the garden.
Josh Archer
But we've got a lot of cleaning and tidying to do.
Lily Pargetta
Yeah. Shoelace tomorrow.
Alistair
I know.
Josh Archer
You said.
Paul
Well, it's all a bit daunting, to be honest.
Alistair
That's my point.
Josh Archer
You'll make a much better fist of it if you come at it properly refreshed.
Lily Pargetta
Hmm. I can see the sense in that. I only spent five minutes outside, and it did me the world of good.
Josh Archer
Well, think how much better you'd feel if you took an hour.
Paul
Well, I wouldn't mind a bit of a walk, actually, as long as it was slow.
Josh Archer
We can be slow.
Paul
Where shall we go, though?
Lily Pargetta
Well, actually, today's my birthday. Oh.
Paul
Oh, no.
Josh Archer
Well, happy birthday.
Lily Pargetta
Thank you.
Paul
No, Lily, I'm so sorry. I completely forgot.
Josh Archer
Me, too.
Lily Pargetta
Don't worry about it. The week we've had.
Paul
Well, yeah.
Lily Pargetta
So, why don't we have a little stroll and end up at the ball?
Akram
You're looking cozy.
Zainab
The wonders of a day off. You've been a long time.
Akram
On my way back from the shop, I saw those three who'd been ill. Ben's brother Lily, who Zainab works with, and, you know, from the vets.
Zainab
Paul. They're up and out and about then?
Akram
Not just that. They were thinking of going to the pub, so they're obviously feeling better.
Zainab
That's good.
Akram
They asked me to pass on their thanks to you for the advice you gave them.
Zainab
That was just routine.
Akram
They were so grateful, though. You really set them on the right track.
Josh Archer
Happy birthday.
Paul
Yes. Many happy returns, Lily.
Lily Pargetta
Thank you.
Josh Archer
First time I've ever toasted someone with lemonade.
Lily Pargetta
It's the thought that counts. Yeah. So, Paul, when I get back, I can give you driving Lessons, after all.
Josh Archer
Really? I'm not sure that's a good idea.
Lily Pargetta
Why not?
Josh Archer
No offence, Lily, but you aren't the most patient person. The cheek. And if Paul has this phobia.
Paul
Actually, that won't be necessary. While I've been laid up, I been doing some research.
Josh Archer
Into what?
Paul
Well, there's a driving instructor in Hollerton who specialises in nervous students. She's actually a qualified hypnotherapist, too. So you have sessions at her home for, like, your nerves. And that works hand in hand with the driving lessons.
Josh Archer
Amazing.
Lily Pargetta
Are you going to give it a go?
Paul
Well, I think I've got to, haven't I?
Josh Archer
Well done, you.
Paul
And there's something else I wanted to say. Josh. I've been feeling guilty about the hard time I gave you.
Josh Archer
Hard time last Sunday.
Paul
You might not be the tidiest bloke, but you've been an absolute legend this week.
Lily Pargetta
I agree. Maybe you should retrain as a nurse, like Ben.
Josh Archer
I think that would be going a bit too far, but thanks.
Lily Pargetta
No, thank you.
Zainab
Akram?
Akram
Yes?
Zainab
Are you all right?
Akram
Of course.
Zainab
It's just you seem very subdued after what I said last night about maybe going back to Pakistan. After all, I. I thought you'd be celebrating. Well, although now I come to think of it, you didn't say much about it last night either.
Akram
No, I've been thinking. That's why I was so long at the shop.
Zainab
I did wonder.
Akram
I came the long way home.
Zainab
And what have you been thinking?
Akram
I've seen a lot in the last few days, Azra. Don't laugh, but I'm not sure about moving back anymore.
Lily Pargetta
Really?
Akram
I realised I'd been very focused on me. I've wanted it for so long. I've never really questioned the idea, but when I really think about what's most important to me, it's my family, their happiness.
Zainab
Yeah, Me too.
Akram
The children have good friends here. And I'm amazed at how much you have become part of the village.
Zainab
I do feel at home here in.
Akram
A short space of time.
Zainab
It's two years.
Akram
You've made such a contribution to the community.
Zainab
So have you.
Akram
I don't mean fates and things. You probably saved someone's life yesterday.
Zainab
Well, we'll see.
Akram
Despite what it cost you personally, with me being at the surgery, I saw at first hand how committed you are to this practice. I don't mind admitting I found it quite humbling.
Zainab
Oh, Akram.
Akram
It's the sort of thing you don't want to turn your back on.
Zainab
So, what are you saying?
Akram
Don't get me wrong, I know things aren't perfect. Plenty of bad things happen and work's always going to be challenging. But that's true of anywhere, isn't it?
Lily Pargetta
It is.
Akram
The grass isn't always greener.
Lottie
Although.
Zainab
What about your farming ambitions?
Akram
Oh, I don't know. Maybe that was always a pipe dream. If I want to get my fix of the outdoors, perhaps I could take on another allotment or something.
Zainab
Okay.
Akram
Unless you really want to go now.
Zainab
No, no, not if I'm honest. I. I think I was just overreacting to a bad week. So, yes, this is going to take a little getting used to.
Josh Archer
Was there something in that lemonade?
Paul
What the earth's happened to the place?
Lily Pargetta
And what's that noise upstairs?
Josh Archer
Hello again.
Paul
Oh, wow.
Josh Archer
Leonard, you crafty thing.
Paul
We thought a miracle had happened, but.
Josh Archer
It was you and Joy. She's upstairs finishing off.
Alistair
It was actually her idea.
Zainab
It's spotless and so tidy.
Josh Archer
We did have to guess where a lot of things belonged to.
Paul
Oh, don't worry about that.
Josh Archer
But at least it's ready for Shula now.
Lily Pargetta
I could cry.
Josh Archer
I could cry.
Lily Pargetta
Thank you so much.
Josh Archer
You're very welcome.
Lily Pargetta
And we promise we'll do our best to keep it this way, won't we?
Paul
Absolutely.
Josh Archer
100%.
Zainab
Right. We better get ready for mosque.
Akram
Okay. That's right. Then. When we come back, I've got a suggestion.
Zainab
What for?
Akram
Those three youngsters said there's going to be a big Christmas light switch on all around the village green. Why don't we go?
Zainab
You and me.
Akram
Khalil too, if he wants. There'll be a band and refreshments.
Zainab
Akram.
Akram
I know. I just feel you and the children belong in Ambridge now. Which means that I do.
Lily Pargetta
Sam.
Josh Archer
Hello.
Alistair
I'm Sean Farrington, presenter of the BBC.
Paul
Radio 4 series Toast, which looks at amazing brands that promised a lot, yet somehow ended up Toast.
Josh Archer
We're back with another series.
Alistair
Kicking off with a treat.
Josh Archer
Sir Stephen Fry on his disappointment when.
Paul
The BlackBerry smartphones he loved took a.
Announcer
Turn for the worse. It was badly designed and the haptic.
Alistair
Click noise was hideous.
Announcer
It sounded like a dislocated knuckle.
Paul
Among our other topics is Skype. Why couldn't it capitalize on the popularity of video calling during the pandemic? And a bottled water from Coca Cola. Big in the States, but it. It sank here within just six weeks. Listen to Toast first on BBC Sounds.
Narrator/Advertiser
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Podcast: The Archers Omnibus
Host: BBC Radio 4
Episode Title: 14/12/2025
Date: December 13, 2025
Theme: The week's events in Ambridge
This week's episode of The Archers Omnibus centers on a turbulent week for Ambridge residents. Domestically, the focus is on housemates Lily, Josh, and Paul coping with illness and some life-changing decisions. Meanwhile, Dr. Zainab Malik and her family deal with professional pressures at the village surgery, major plumbing disasters, and the lingering question of whether to return to Pakistan—highlighting issues of belonging and home. Subplots include romantic misadventures, career crossroads, and a dramatic medical emergency at the surgery.
Key Characters: Lily, Josh, Paul, Zainab, Lottie, Leonard
“People who do the traveling thing don't solve anything by backpacking across Thailand or whatever. You just take your problems with you. They're still there when you get home.”
— Josh Archer (04:32)
“Guys, guys, come on. Let's not fight. We don't want to spoil our house meal, do we?”
(05:12)
Key Characters: Zainab, Akram, Zainab's children, Lottie
“If I'm her boyfriend, then I deserve more than, well, what she's been giving me, which is just a pile of grief…” — Josh Archer (64:03–64:07)
“The idea of getting back behind the wheel of a car. It just gives me the heebie jeebies.” (44:10–44:17)
“This really isn't acceptable.” (58:49)
“I've seen a lot in the last few days, Azra… when I really think about what's most important to me, it's my family, their happiness.” (71:13–71:45)
“I'm changing my plans for Australia… I've decided that a year's too much time to be away.” (64:48–64:58)
The episode expertly weaves together themes of change, home and belonging, and the challenges of both personal and communal responsibility. Major household events prompt big self-examinations and result in significant character decisions—most notably for Lily, Josh, and Akram.
The housemates' usually light-hearted banter is balanced by more somber notes about community acceptance, professional challenges, and the realities of rural life for minority families. Acts of quiet heroism, neighbourliness, and last-minute interventions remind listeners of the strength and complexity of life in Ambridge.
End of Summary