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Adam
You're listening to the Archer's omnibus from BBC Radio 4.
Carol
Leonard.
Leonard
Hi.
Carol
Carol sent you to spy on me, has she?
Leonard
Oh, Jill?
Carol
No, not Jill. Anna.
Leonard
Oh, no, not at all.
Carol
A likely taste.
Brad
Pale.
Leonard
Can I come in?
Carol
What for?
Leonard
I just wanted a. A chat.
Kirsty
About what?
Leonard
Well, maybe we could discuss it further over a cup of tea.
Carol
Can't we just discuss it on the doorstep?
Leonard
I brought some of Jill's lemon drizzle, if that's any help.
Carol
Well, why on earth didn't you lead with.
Kirsty
Well, this is a treat. Sunday lunch, just you and me.
Helen
I know. I feel very slightly guilty leaving the kids, but on the other hand, Mum and Dad are so happy to have them.
Kirsty
I'm sure they are.
Helen
So come on. How you doing?
Kirsty
Yeah, good, good. I feel pretty good.
Helen
Excellent.
Kirsty
Just trying to, you know, relax.
Helen
Got a good feeling about this, Kirsty. I know. Maybe I shouldn't say it.
Kirsty
No, no, it's nice. It's lovely.
Helen
I think it's going to happen and I think you're going to be a really fantastic, Mom.
Kirsty
Oh, Helen, thank you. I'm trying to be realistic and philosophical and patient and stoic and all these things, but I want this baby. I want it so badly.
Helen
I know.
Kirsty
What can you do with that?
Helen
Well, I'm not even religious, but I'm just going to pray.
Kirsty
I saw Amber the other day. A Friday, I think it was. Yeah, we were in the pub, actually. We were both in the toilets. And she. She felt her baby kick for the first time.
Helen
Oh, wow.
Kirsty
Yeah, it was really. I just found it so moving. She was literally just saying, I don't know if it's the baby moving or not. And then suddenly she just felt this really definite kick.
Helen
Amazing.
Kirsty
I was so close to telling her that I was pregnant because she was so emotional, you know, and so thrilled.
Helen
When's her baby due?
Kirsty
Oh, I don't know, actually. Autumn. Early autumn.
Helen
Right. Maybe this baby will set George on the road to respectability.
Kirsty
Well, they're doing this work for the Borchester show that David's hired them for, and that seems to be going well. I hope their little family works out for them.
Tracy
Who was having the steak and ale pie?
Kirsty
Oh, that's me. Thanks, Tracey.
Helen
Good source of iron. I mean, you know, for anyone.
Tracy
You must be the sea bass, then, Helen.
Helen
I am. I am the sea bass.
Tracy
Can I get you two anything else?
Kirsty
No, thanks. I'm all good.
Helen
Me, too. Thanks, Tracy.
Tracy
Enjoy.
Helen
Oh, Tracy.
Alice
Yeah?
Helen
Keep meaning to ask. Do you know who that massive SUV belongs to?
Tracy
What massive suv?
Helen
The one that's parked on the green all the time. It's gonna make getting into our drive a bit of a nightmare for me if it's always there.
Tracy
Sorry, I've no idea, Helen.
Helen
Well, if you happen to spot whoever it is and where they live or who they're visiting, I'd be really grateful if you let me know.
Tracy
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
Leonard
How are you getting on with the bats?
Carol
Oh, the bats and I are getting on very well. You know, I find it quite reassuring to know they're up there. Rather like having a lot of little
Leonard
guard dogs, I'm afraid. I can't help noticing that. That you're not wearing your pendant alarm. Sorry, Carol, but the system won't work, will it, if you don't wear it?
Carol
Do you know how I feel wearing that pendant?
Leonard
No.
Carol
Like a cow with a bell around my neck.
Leonard
But it doesn't jangle, does it?
Carol
No. No, it doesn't jangle. No, you can be very literal, Leonard.
Leonard
Sorry.
Carol
Now, come on. What is this brief chat you wanted?
Leonard
Oh, well, I Brought a message from Jill.
Carol
Oh, yes.
Leonard
And you know that phrase, don't shoot the messenger. Yes, well, go easy on me, won't you?
Carol
What did Jill say?
Leonard
Well, she'd like you to go and take a look at the Laurels.
Carol
Why?
Leonard
Because she heard that Anna wanted you to think about some respite care.
Carol
It's all very well Jill telling me to move into the Laurels.
Leonard
She's not telling you to move in. She's asking you to have a look.
Carol
That's the same thing.
Leonard
It's really not. And it's not permanent, is it?
Carol
It's an entirely unnecessary expense and upheaval.
Leonard
But Anna just wants a bit of time to make this place more user friendly.
Carol
Well, I'm the user, and I don't feel very friendly.
Leonard
That's not really what it means.
Carol
Oh, I know what user friendly means. I'm not an idiot, Leonard. It was a joke.
Leonard
Oh, sorry.
Carol
Stop apologizing, will you? You're a fake. Very apologetic person.
Leonard
Well, I'm not usually, Carol, you just bring it out in me.
Carol
Touche. Look, the point is that I don't need to move out for an entire week just so my daughter can throw out half my things.
Leonard
She just wants to make the house a bit safer, which seems to involve
Carol
getting rid of my things. She wanted to get rid of this rug. But I'm very fond of this rug. And I'm very fond of Jill as well. But it's a bit rich for her to send you around here with a lemon drizzle and expect me to do her bidding.
Leonard
I don't think she does actually expect you to do her bidding.
Carol
Plus, there's the fact that no one's bundling her off to a care home anytime soon.
Leonard
Well, no one's bundling you either.
Carol
It's not for the want of trying.
Leonard
Did you know that the Laurels has had a full refurb?
Carol
I did hear something about that.
Leonard
It looks fantastic.
Carol
Appearances aren't everything.
Leonard
Christine is so happy there.
Carol
I am not Christine, Leonard.
Leonard
No, of course you're not. You're your own person. Of course you are.
Carol
But still, I don't trust those places.
Leonard
Care homes. Yes, but the Laurels has excellent standards of care. I was a volunteer there after my wife died, and the staff are.
Carol
So your wife died there?
Leonard
Yeah, but that's not why she died. She was very poorly.
Carol
I just don't want to move out of my home in order to go and die in a strange environment, Leonard.
Leonard
This is not about dying, Carol. It's about moving out for A week? So that someone can come in and fit some grab rails.
Carol
Why on earth does it take a week to fit some grab rails?
Anna
Hello, Mum.
Carol
Is that Anna now?
Leonard
It is. We're in the living room. Anna.
Carol
Back again?
Anna
Oh yes, back again.
Carol
She just can't stay away.
Anna
Yeah, that's it. I can't stay away. Hi Leonard.
Leonard
Hi Anna.
Anna
Oh, is that Jill's lemon drizzle?
Leonard
It is.
Kirsty
So I haven't told you my big news.
Helen
Not twins.
Alice
No.
Anna
No.
Carol
So what?
Helen
What is it?
Kirsty
Eric proposed to me.
Helen
You are joking. You're joking.
Kirsty
No, I'm not. Known. He actually proposed to me.
Helen
Amazing.
Kirsty
I was quite shocked.
Tracy
Did you say yes? No, of course not.
Brad
I'm not insane. Fair enough.
Helen
Just thought for one moment we're going to start planning a last minute shotgun wedding.
Kirsty
Is it a shotgun wedding even if they propose?
Helen
Good question. Maybe not. It's usually the in laws leaning on the bloke, isn't it?
Kirsty
I suppose Jakob might have lent on him.
Helen
Do you think so?
Anna
No.
Helen
I'm surprised. You know, Yakov can be quite left field, can't he?
Alice
Yeah.
Helen
Does Kate know yet?
Kirsty
That I'm pregnant?
Alice
Yeah.
Kirsty
No.
Helen
She'll be delighted for you. I know.
Kirsty
I mean, I think she will, but she'll also start making me drink some weird tea and do yoga.
Helen
I mean, yoga is great for pregnancy.
Kirsty
I know, but enforced yoga?
Bert
Yeah, true.
Kirsty
I hear she's going to be out of control.
Helen
Well, you have to get Jakob to rein her in. As your baby's uncle, it's kind of his duty.
Brad
This is excellent.
Carol
Leonard made it.
Leonard
But it's Jill's recipe. Jill's passed the baking pattern on to me.
Anna
Fair enough.
Leonard
We've all got to accept our limitations, haven't we?
Carol
Speak for yourself.
Leonard
Well, I wouldn't dream of speaking for you, Carol.
Anna
No, no, why would you? You'd just get an earful.
Carol
Have you heard the way my daughter speaks about me?
Anna
Have you heard the way my mother speaks about me?
Leonard
I'm not getting in the middle of this.
Anna
You're a wise man.
Carol
Accept. He's not actually.
Kirsty
Sorry.
Carol
Well, the cake you're eating right now is actually an attempt at bribery.
Leonard
Now that's not quite right.
Anna
What's she talking about?
Carol
I am not the cat's mother.
Anna
No, you're mine.
Leonard
Jill asked me to ask Carol to go and look at the laurels.
Carol
Did she? Ah, no, it's not ah. It's not ah at all.
Leonard
Anna. Jill. Heard you were thinking about respite care for your mum.
Anna
I was, but it seems there's fat chance of that.
Carol
Forgive me for wanting to be in charge of my own destiny, but how
Leonard
in charge will you really be if you go and break your hip?
Anna
Exactly.
Carol
I'm beginning to feel pincered.
Leonard
Sorry.
Carol
Did you two plan this?
Leonard
No, absolutely not.
Anna
Mum, we're not trying to pincer you. But I would love it if you would just have a look, please.
Leonard
You might really like it.
Carol
Fine. Fine. Fine.
Anna
Well, what does that mean?
Carol
Let's go. Let's go right now.
Leonard
Really?
Ben
Yes.
Carol
Because that way you'll both stop going on about it.
Kirsty
So when can you move into your house?
Helen
I don't know. I don't know.
Kirsty
Sorry. Should I not ask?
Helen
No, I'm just really tired of it. I just want to be in.
Kirsty
Yeah, of course.
Helen
So much going on at the farm, then with moving as well.
Kirsty
Yeah, it's a lot, really.
Helen
Need someone to do more hours at the dairy. The irony of us making Clary redundant and how we're expanding. But Tracy's turned out to be brilliant.
Debbie
Yeah?
Helen
Yeah. So I'd like to offer the hours to her.
Debbie
Really?
Kirsty
Well, what's stopping you?
Helen
Susan.
Kirsty
Susan?
Helen
Yeah, I think she might feel a bit pushed out.
Kirsty
You're not getting rid of her, are you?
Helen
No, no, of course not. But she might think she's due the extra hours.
Kirsty
But she's already got another job. She runs the post office, for goodness sake.
Helen
Oh, yeah, that's true. But you could say the same about Tracy.
Tracy
I was everything.
Kirsty
Oh, lovely. Thanks, Tracy.
Helen
Really good. Thank you.
Tracy
Did you want desserts? Fallon's made this very nice eaten mess.
Kirsty
That sounds great.
Helen
Tracy, I'm so sorry to talk shop, but how would you feel about doing more hours at the dairy?
Tracy
How many more?
Helen
I was just this minute saying to Kirsty what a natural artisan you are.
Tracy
Really? She was.
Carol
She really was.
Helen
So, what do you reckon we you'd be interested. I'm hoping to develop a new cheese this year, so that might be quite exciting.
Tracy
Can I have a think about it?
Helen
Sure, sure.
Tracy
Of course.
Helen
We can discuss it when you're next in.
Alice
Yeah, okay.
Tracy
Yeah. What about dessert?
Kirsty
Oh, I'll have some of that eaten mess, please, Tracy.
Tracy
Well, you are.
Helen
Nothing for me, thanks.
Carol
What?
Helen
Well, I thought she was going to jump at the offer. I mean, who wouldn't want to be involved in a new cheese?
Anna
Okay. Here we are.
Carol
Indeed.
Anna
Well, the grounds look fantastic, don't they?
Carol
They do. They really do.
Anna
Well, should we go and have a look?
Carol
Oh, it's all right. I've seen enough.
Anna
What do you mean?
Carol
Well, I Promised Jill that I'd take a look and I have.
Anna
You haven't even got out of the car.
Carol
But I can see the place from here. Mum, let's face it, I was never going to move in here, was I?
Anna
And I wasn't suggesting that you were. It was just a temporary measure.
Kirsty
Was I?
Carol
Get to be honest, Anna dear, I'd rather burn to death in my own home than spend a single day in this place.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
All right, Brad?
Brad
Dad.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
How you doing?
Brad
Fine, fine. But I'm just on my way out.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Where you headed?
Brad
Dad, what are you doing here?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Well, I was supposed to be taking a look at this famous horse box. Chelsea was going to show me around.
Brad
Yeah, she's not here. So you've had a wasted trip?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Yeah, I didn't see that. She messaged me to cancel. Apparently she's got a last minute job.
Brad
Okay, well, as I said, I'm just on my way out, so.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
So where you going?
Brad
I'm supposed to be taking granddad for a walk, but he's taking ages to get ready. Granddad, you coming?
Bert
All right, all right, keep your hair on. Oh, Den.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
All right, Bert.
Brad
Are you ready, Granddad?
Brian
No.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
I hear you're going for a walk, Bert.
Brad
It's part of his new get fit regime.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Oh, very good.
Leonard
What?
Bert
My idea.
Brad
We know.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
So what's it involved? This, this new regime?
Bert
Exercise vegetables and vaping.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Vaping?
Brad
Instead of cigarettes?
Bert
This is Susan and Tracy interfering with my life in ways that infringe my human rights.
Brad
Hardly. Granddad, when you get to my age,
Bert
haven't you earned the right to do exactly what you want?
Brad
Look, I'm meant to be revising.
Bert
Well, go revise then.
Brad
But Mum wants me to take you out. So can we go?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Why don't we all go walk round to see the horse box?
Leonard
Sorry, Carol. Apparently I wasn't supposed to leave the cake tin.
Carol
That's all right, that's all right.
Leonard
Have you got something you can transfer the rest of it into?
Carol
Oh, yes, of course I do. Oh, you will have to bear with me though.
Leonard
There's no rush. So how did you get on at the Laurels yesterday?
Carol
Oh, well, yes, yes.
Leonard
Well, were you impressed?
Carol
I. I thought the grounds were lovely.
Leonard
Oh, they are, they are. All those roses. Fantastic. And the rooms, the staff. You must have been a little bit impressed by them too.
Carol
Well, I didn't actually go inside the building.
Leonard
Sorry.
Carol
You see, I can't lie to you, Leonard.
Leonard
Right.
Carol
I promised jail I'd have a look and I did.
Leonard
Right, okay. Right.
Carol
Well, as the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, Leonard, but you can't make him drink.
Leonard
People don't usually describe themselves ourselves as the horse, though, girl.
Carol
Well, I'm very self aware, you see.
Leonard
What did Anna say when you said you weren't going in?
Carol
Well, naturally she wasn't too chuffed.
Leonard
I bet she wasn't.
Carol
Here you go. Here's your cake tin. Or Jill's cake tin. Oh, and give him my love, will you?
Leonard
Okay. Yes. And what, what do I tell her about the laurels?
Carol
Well, the truth, I suppose.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
It's brilliant. I think it's. It's brilliant.
Bert
It does look smart, don't it?
Brad
Yeah. Yeah, it does.
Bert
I'm glad I've had a look, I am. But I really don't think you should make me walk this far again, Granddad.
Brad
Come on, it's good for you.
Bert
I need to sit down.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Well, there's a nice seat there. Well, I think you've all done a lovely job on it.
Bert
I don't know where I'm going to walk back, you know.
Leonard
That's knackered me out.
Brad
Well, just, you know, just rest for a bit.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Yeah? There's no rush, is there?
Brad
Yeah, yeah, it's been way more expensive than Chelsea was imagining.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Well, she'll have to put her prices up then, won't she? You've got to be canny about these things.
Bert
Clive seems to be doing all right these days.
Brad
Clive?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
How. How is Clive?
Bert
Yeah, yeah, he's as good as gold.
Brad
Good as gold, Clive.
Leonard
Yeah.
Bert
He's a different man these days, is he? He does yogurt.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Oh, right.
Bert
Yeah, he's a different man.
Brad
Well, so he says.
Bert
Yeah. I feel quite proud of Clyde these days, to be honest.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Well, that. That's. That's good, that. That's. That's great.
Bert
He's really turned things around, you know.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
That's wonderful.
Bert
Just goes to show.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Yeah, yeah, people can change.
Brad
Yeah, but can they actually?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
I mean, I really believe that, don't you?
Brad
I think sometimes it's just too late.
Leonard
Hi, Alan.
Alan
Oh, hello, Leonard.
Leonard
How are you?
Alan
Yeah, fine, fine, fine, fine. Really well, you know, just not enough hours in the day, all right? And then, you know, the church is falling down. First we had this ceiling incident, now
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
we got this cracked bell.
Leonard
Neil told me about that.
Alan
We can't ring them until we get them all checked by the foundry. I mean, you can't ring a crack bell, can you? Goodness knows where the money's going to come from. Anyway, never mind. What are you up to?
Leonard
Oh, I. I just popped to Carol's Oh.
Alan
Everything all right with her?
Leonard
I mean, you know Carol.
Alan
I do.
Leonard
She's the definition of intransigent.
Ben
Yes.
Leonard
Poor Anna's tearing her hair out. Carol wasn't wearing a blooming pendant alarm again today. But I didn't say anything because I already mentioned it yesterday and it didn't go well.
Alan
Do you want me to try?
Leonard
No, no, no, don't worry. It sounds like you've got enough on your plate already.
Alan
No, well, it only takes five minutes to call him, doesn't it?
Leonard
I mean, I do think she's more likely to listen to you than me.
Alan
I doubt that.
Leonard
No, but you're a man of the cloth. I'm just an interloper. Jill's toy boy.
Alan
Jill's toy boy.
Leonard
I was joking.
Alan
Yes, of course.
Leonard
Sorry. But the problem is she doesn't take me seriously. Carol, I mean, not Jill.
Alan
Oh, yeah, yes, yes, sure.
Leonard
If you do call in, I think Anna would feel better if Carol agreed to have a camera installed in the hallway, because the stairs are one of the biggest liabilities.
Alan
Okay.
Leonard
So if you could persuade Carol that this was a good idea, well, that would be something.
Alan
Well, I will try, Leonard. I will try my best.
Bert
Oh, I'm worn out now. I'm completely shattered.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Oh, well, you don't have to do anything much for the rest of the day now, do you?
Bert
Rest of the week, with a bit of luck.
Tracy
What's going on in here?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Oh, hiya, Tracy. Hello, love.
Tracy
What are you doing here?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Oh, we just. Just went for a bit of a walk, didn't we, Bert?
Bert
And now Brad's making us a cup of tea.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
How are you, Tracy?
Tracy
Yeah, fine, fine, yeah. Suppose congratulations are in order on the wedding?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks tar very much.
Tracy
Never thought I'd see the day, to be honest.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Well, just because you didn't want me, Trace, doesn't mean no one else does.
Bert
Another woman's treasure, eh?
Tracy
Another woman's treasure.
Bert
There's that saying, one man's rubbish is another man's treasure.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Are you saying I'm rubbish?
Bert
You were rubbish to Tracey, weren't you?
Tracy
Yeah, that's true. He was.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
You were. Well, look. Yeah, yeah, I did let you down, Tracy. I know that and I'm sorry.
Brad
Tea with two sugars for dad and no sugar for you, I'm afraid, Granddad.
Bert
Oh, I ate this. I hate this.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
He can't have sugar in his tea.
Bert
See what I mean about my human rights?
Tracy
What's your human rights got to do with it?
Bert
A man should be able to choose Whether he has sugar in his tea.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
I. I have to agree with you there, Bert.
Tracy
Oh, do you? Do you really?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Sorry, I'm. I'm not trying to stir it. Stir it.
Brad
What shall I do?
Bert
Get me some sugar, please.
Tracy
You could get it yourself, dad.
Bert
No, because apparently I'm not allowed.
Tracy
Oh, for goodness sake. Get him some sugar, Brad. Just get it.
Brian
Okay.
Tracy
To shut him up.
Bert
Oh, that's nice. That's lovely.
Tracy
You know what I mean.
Bert
Also, Brad.
Brad
Yeah?
Bert
Can you get us a couple of them custard creams from the cupboard?
Helen
Oh,
Carol
I feel like a Jane Austen character this afternoon.
Brian
Really?
Carol
Well, I've had a series of gentlemen callers.
Alan
Oh.
Carol
First Leonard, now you.
Alan
Just the two, then?
Carol
Well, there may be more later. You never know your luck. Now, let me just move these magazines on the setting.
Alan
No, no, no, no, don't worry.
Carol
No. Anna has been nagging me that I just have too much stuff everywhere. So I'm trying to have a bit of a sort out. But of course, then I started reading all the interesting articles, so there you go.
Brad
Go.
Alan
Steady, steady. That was close.
Alice
Yes.
Carol
No, it's all right. It's all right.
Alan
Come on. Shut down.
Anna
Come on, come on.
Carol
Oh, I nearly fell.
Alan
I know, I know. I was right there.
Carol
Oh, if you hadn't caught me. Oh, I just. Oh, I just saw myself, you know, just going, going, gone. I just. I saw myself there lying on the floor, you know, like a crime scene. Oh, Carol, you must not tell anyone. You really mustn't. Now, promise me.
Alan
Perhaps I should just move this rug.
Carol
Oh, Anna wanted to move it the other day, you know. She said it was a trip hazard. Basically, she wanted to get rid of it all together.
Alan
Right, let's get.
Carol
Oh, no, wait. If we move it now, she will guess something's up, so. No, no, no. Maybe we should leave.
Alan
Carol, you do realize that Anna is on your side, don't you?
Carol
Well, now, that's only sometimes true. You can't rely on her.
Alan
Leonard says she wants you to get a camera put in the hall. Is that right?
Carol
Yes. Oh, she brought one round the other day, but I didn't want it fitted. I didn't like the idea of it.
Alan
What about now?
Carol
Well, I still don't like the idea of it, but it might be better than being incarcerated in the laurels.
Alan
Oh, whenever I go, I think how nice the laurels is.
Carol
Oh, don't you start.
Alan
Sorry.
Carol
All right, listen, I won't object to having that camera fitted if you swear not to tell anyone that I nearly fell over.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Well, it's nice seeing you anyway, Tracy.
Anna
Yeah, okay.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Listen.
Helen
Yeah?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Do you think Brad would be up for an afternoon off this Wednesday after his exam?
Tracy
I don't know. I doubt it. But you'll have to ask him.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
It's just this. You see, I was thinking, if he's done his exam in the morning, he could maybe afford to take the rest of the day off, couldn't he?
Tracy
I suppose he could. But why would he want to spend that precious time with you then?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
That's fair. That's fair.
Leonard
And I know he's not keen, understandably,
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
but I've got an idea, see? So something that he might really enjoy doing.
Tracy
Well, ask him and see.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Okay. Yeah, Yeah, I will.
Adam
I'll just check.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
I can make it happen first. Don't make any promises. I can't deliver on heaven for a bit, eh, Tracey? Tracy, I'm really trying.
Tracy
It's just too little too late.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Well, I hope it's not actually too late.
Tracy
Look, you can do what you want because the kids are adults and they can make their own decisions. But I don't want you just dropping in anytime you feel like it.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
I wasn't. I wasn't. I was meant to be seeing Chelsea.
Tracy
I don't want you hanging around here like you're a member of the family, because you're not.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Well, I am. I'm Brad's family. And Chelsea, of course.
Tracy
Yeah. And it's a pity you couldn't have remembered that about 20 years ago, but
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
I want to make up for lost time.
Tracy
But why now?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Well, I don't know. I suppose I just. Well, my life's a bit more together now, and I'm in the right headspace.
Tracy
You're in the right headspace?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
I am.
Tracy
Listen.
Debbie
Right.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
I'm listening.
Tracy
If you hurt them, either one of
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
my kids, they're my kids, too.
Tracy
If you hurt either one of them.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
I'm not gonna hurt anyone.
Tracy
I'm telling you now, I will not forgive you ever.
Kirsty
Ever.
Tracy
Do you hear me?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Yes.
Tracy
Good.
Kirsty
Hi.
Leonard
Hey, Ian, Guess what?
Bert
What?
Adam
He said yes.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Who said yes?
Adam
Rory. Rory said yes to supporting me, backing me. He agrees. Basically, Brian has got to go.
Rory
Really?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Yeah.
Adam
Yeah, yeah. We had a good hour on the phone this afternoon talking it all through, and I think, you know, Rory really gets it.
Rory
Yeah.
Adam
Yeah, absolutely.
Rory
I mean, it just surprises me, Adam.
Adam
Me, too.
Rory
After everything Brian's done for him, particularly with the, you know, the whole George thing.
Adam
But, yeah. Ian, this is absolutely about what's right for Brian, too. It's not just about the farm itself.
Rory
Yeah, yeah. No, yeah, of course.
Adam
Rory knows he's caused his an unbelievable amount of stress. He feels horrific about that.
Ben
Yeah.
Rory
Yeah. It must be hard to live with.
Adam
He'd like his dad to actually retire and relax, not just talk about retiring and relaxing.
Rory
Right.
Adam
And Brian is never, ever going to let go of his own accord, is he?
Rory
Probably not.
Adam
Because he can't face the truth, which is he's out of his death.
Rory
Brian Aldridge out of his depths.
Adam
He is.
Rory
Well, you'd better not frame it like that to him.
Adam
I'm not being ageist, Ian.
Akram
What?
Rory
I didn't say you were.
Adam
Farming is changing so fast right now. Our climate's changing, everything's changing. We need to adapt. And Brian is basically a dinosaur, but
Rory
he has phenomenal experience. I mean, that can't suddenly be totally irrelevant.
Adam
No, no, it's not. It's really not. But he's become a liability because he won't listen. He refuses to hear what I'm saying. I'm more in touch. I've got a handle on how to future proof the business and he really doesn't. This idea about the caravans, it's just bonkers. It's not farming.
Rory
So what's gonna happen at the meeting?
Adam
Well, Kate can't make it. She's in Scotland. Yeah, but she doesn't want a bunch of caravans ruining the aesthetic of spiritual home. And she can't afford for her income from the partnership to drop because it subsidizes everything else. So she's like. But whatever you have to do, Adam. Yeah, obviously Debbie won't be there. She's got a conference. But she's already given me the thumbs up, hasn't she?
Rory
Yeah, yeah.
Adam
And Alice? Well, I think Alice is on site, but I just need to have a final chat with her tonight.
Rory
Tonight?
Adam
Oh, yeah, sorry. I invited around for supper. Is that all right?
Rory
Yeah, yeah, of course. So, what are you going to say to Alice?
Adam
Well, I. I just want to check in with her, really.
Rory
I mean, look, you do kind of know now, don't you?
Adam
I mean.
Rory
I mean, you can't keep pretending that you think he's got dementia, can you?
Adam
I wasn't pretending.
Rory
No, you weren't pretending before, but now. Now you have new information, new info
Adam
that I can't actually share.
Rory
But doesn't it change things?
Adam
Well, not really, no, for all the reasons I was just outlining a minute ago.
Rory
So you're gonna let her carry on thinking that?
Adam
Yeah, yeah, because for all we know, he might still have dementia. His behavior's been so bizarre, even with the Rory stuff in the mix. Yeah, but I know what you're saying. Okay, I do. But I don't feel like I've got much choice.
Rory
Okay.
Adam
What?
Rory
I'm just afraid that Brian is gonna react badly.
Akram
Well, he will.
Adam
Of course he will. But we'll be united. Me, Alice, Rory, Debbie, Kate. He can't ignore that.
Leonard
Hiya, Ben.
Akram
Hiya, Leonard.
Leonard
How you doing? Yeah, not bad, not bad. You Good?
Brad
Yeah, yeah, good.
Ben
Mum said, do you want to come over for dinner? And I thought, yeah, why not?
Leonard
Oh, well, Jill be chuffed to see you. Yeah, yeah. Can I ask you something while it's just me and you here?
Brad
Yeah, of course.
Leonard
Do you know, is your mom all right?
Ben
All right? In what way?
Leonard
Well, I don't like to keep asking her how she's doing, but I know she's been very stressless. She's got this dilemma about the whole testing business.
Brian
Yeah.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Yeah.
Leonard
Do you know what she's decided to do?
Ben
I don't think she's made a decision yet. Or if she has, she hasn't told me.
Leonard
Right.
Ben
But I do feel quite annoyed at Josh, to be honest. He doesn't want her to do it because he doesn't want to know the result, which, frankly, is not his call.
Leonard
But it does affect him.
Ben
Yeah, but it's a selfish, very Josh like take on the situation.
Leonard
Well, if there's anything I can do to help, will you let me know?
Ben
I think you do help, Leonard. You help all the time with Gran and all the stuff you do around the house.
Leonard
I don't do much, really. Yeah, you do.
Ben
What are you talking about?
Leonard
Well, I wasn't fishing for compliments.
Ben
I think my mum will be all right. Just think she needs time.
Leonard
Well, I said that to her. Your dad said that to her. She needs time, I mean, and she's not had long to think about it, has she?
Alice
Oh, this is so nice. Eating al fresco.
Rory
Oh, I love it. I love this time of year.
Helen
Me, too.
Brad
So hopeful, isn't it? Yeah.
Alice
Also, how's the new job going?
Rory
Oh, I'm loving it.
Alice
Excellent.
Brad
And well.
Rory
How about you, Alice? How's it going, Rex?
Alice
Oh, yeah, it's good. It's nice.
Tracy
We're having fun, I suppose.
Rory
Well, that's the point, isn't it?
Kirsty
Yeah.
Alice
Yeah, I guess it is. No, he's. He's really great.
Rory
We should have got you both around here this evening.
Alice
Well, yeah, except I think Adam really wants to talk more about this partnership meeting on Friday.
Rory
Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.
Alice
But it would be lovely to hang out the four of us sometime. Or the six of us, even with the kids. Rex is so brilliant with Martha.
Rory
Yeah, well, that sounds great. Let's do that.
Alice
Okay. Yeah, I'll talk to him and said you some dates.
Rory
Perfect.
Adam
Sorry. Sorry for the wait. Here we go.
Alice
Oh, wow. Oh, that looks lovely.
Adam
Aubergine parmesan.
Alice
Oh, amazing.
Adam
It won't be as good as anything Ian would cook.
Rory
That's not true.
Leonard
Completely true.
Alice
Well, if I was at home, I'd be eating a jar of pickles or something.
Rory
A jar of pickles?
Alice
Yeah, you know those gherkins in a jar? I can eat a whole jar of those and some bread and butter and I'm done.
Rory
Oh, that doesn't sound that nice.
Alice
Yeah, it's really not.
Adam
Okay, so how hungry are you? Because I know for a fact that this is one of your favourites.
Alice
Oh, Adam, so sweet.
Leonard
Well, I'm glad I got a chance to talk to you away from the house.
Ben
Anytime, Leonard. Anytime.
Brad
We should go in, shouldn't we?
Leonard
I think we're fine. I don't think dinner's quite ready yet.
Brad
Oh, okay. Good.
Leonard
No bell ringing practice tonight? No, I miss hearing the bells. But Alan was telling us yesterday that one of the bells is cracked and repairing it's going to cost a fortune.
Brad
That's a shame.
Leonard
I felt quite sorry for him, you know.
Ben
Did you?
Adam
Why?
Leonard
Well, he's under a lot of problems from so many different directions. I mean, really, when I talk to people these days, I feel lucky that I'm retired.
Ben
Do you?
Leonard
I just don't remember life being this stressful even a couple of decades ago.
Ben
I mean, I wasn't even five a couple of decades ago, so I've got no idea.
Leonard
Oh, you're so young.
Ben
I don't feel it.
Leonard
But you are it.
Ben
No, I think you're right, though, about life being harder for people. We get a lot of patients coming into the surgery saying they're really struggling.
Leonard
Yeah, Yeah, I bet you do.
Ben
Me and Azra are actually trying to set up some new mental health initiatives in the village.
Bert
Oh, brilliant.
Ben
Yeah, I mean, we're only kicking ideas around at the moment.
Leonard
I'm trying to do some research alongside everything else.
Brad
Yeah.
Ben
But I think there's a need.
Leonard
Definitely there is.
Ben
Do you know what we're eating tonight?
Leonard
Your mum's lasagna.
Adam
Really?
Leonard
But she is trying a new recipe.
Ben
Okay, well, there is hope then.
Brian
I feel bad.
Ben
I feel really disloyal saying that.
Leonard
I'm not gonna tell her.
Ben
Yeah, yeah. Please don't
Debbie
this is really good, Adam.
Bert
It is.
Rory
It's excellent.
Adam
Well, that's a relief.
Alice
Is it a lot of pressure cooking for Ian?
Leonard
It really is.
Brian
What are you talking about?
Adam
You don't know? You're not the one feeling the pressure, are you?
Alice
Oh, well, it's a hard life living with a Michelin starred chef.
Rory
I don't have a Michelin star, Alice, as much as I'd like one.
Alice
Oh, one day, Ian. One day.
Adam
So, should we talk about Friday?
Alice
Yeah. Yeah, I guess we should.
Adam
Sorry.
Alice
No, it's okay.
Adam
I just. I want us to be on the same page.
Anna
Of course.
Adam
Because it's just the two of us at the meeting.
Alice
Yeah, absolutely.
Adam
I've had a really good chat with Rory and he's willing to back us up on. On whatever we think is right. Okay, but we can't really afford to be woolly about it because frankly, things have been woolly for years and you're
Rory
not even running a sheep farm.
Leonard
What?
Alice
It was a joke.
Adam
Sorry, I didn't get.
Rory
Doesn't matter. Sorry.
Alan
Carry on.
Tracy
Woolly. She.
Rory
Yeah, I was just trying to lighten up.
Adam
Well, there's nothing wrong with the atmosphere, is there?
Alice
No, no, I mean, what I am. I am stressed about it, you know I am.
Adam
Well, that's why we're here tonight, to talk it through.
Rory
And I won't make any more stupid
Adam
jokes when you say that.
Rory
Or really won't. I'm just gonna help myself to some more salad. That's a great dressing, by the way.
Adam
Oh, thanks.
Alice
It is a great dressing.
Adam
The point is, Alice, that we need to be a united front.
Rory
Actually, does anyone need anything from the kitchen? I mean, if I go and fetch some water.
Alice
I'm fine, thank you.
Adam
I'm fine too, thanks.
Alice
I know. It's just that dad seems to be on more of an even keel in the last few days, don't you think?
Adam
And even keel?
Alice
Yeah, I think so. I mean, he offered to look after Martha and they were very happy together
Helen
for a couple of hours.
Adam
That was just a couple of hours.
Alice
And he really doesn't think he's got dementia?
Adam
Of course he doesn't.
Alice
So do you feel really sure then?
Adam
I mean, pretty sure, right? I mean, I'm the one working with him every day.
Alice
Not every day.
Adam
I am. Alice, he's in the office all the time or on the phone. The man is not retired. That's an urban myth. Or a rural myth.
Alice
I just wondered if we could slow things down.
Kirsty
How?
Alice
Like not say anything at the spring partnership meeting?
Ben
I'm kidding.
Alice
No, just hear me, Alice. I would much prefer to hang on, not rock the boat. At the meeting, I want all of us to persuade dad to get some kind of cognitive fitness testing with the gp. Look, I really couldn't get him to engage. Whereas if we all try it together,
Adam
he will never ever agree to that.
Alice
Yeah, but he might, Adam. If we all put it to him.
Adam
Alice, I can't do this anymore. I thought you were there. We've talked about this endlessly now.
Alice
I know we have, but I have real reservations.
Anna
And.
Alice
And I don't feel like you're listening.
Adam
I am.
Kirsty
I just.
Alice
I don't understand why there's such a rush.
Carol
Okay?
Adam
Brian is making bad decisions for the farm because his ideas are outdated. And I'm really sorry that you're stressed out, but the clock is ticking on this. And I know that more than anyone else. You aren't actually working with him, are you?
Alice
Oh no I'm not.
Adam
So you don't know. You don't know how. How bad it is now?
Alice
I have some idea.
Adam
Not really. Not if you don't understand how urgent this is. We have to future proof the business, Alice. We have to build up our resilience. Well, do you know what? Home farm is going to fail.
Alan
And I'm.
Adam
I'm just not prepared to let that happen. Not on my watch. Okay.
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Tracy
Let's get started.
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Leonard
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Adam
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Debbie
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Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Hey. All right, Brad?
Brad
Dad.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
How'd you drink, Sam? Go.
Brad
Yeah, okay. Not bad. Dunno, to be honest.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
I'm sure you smashed it.
Brad
Yeah, not sure.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
You're always doing yourself down. You are.
Brad
Am I?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.
Brad
I just don't like people who are overly confident, so, you know, I. I don't want to be one of them.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Well, no one could accuse you of being overly confident confident, Brad.
Brad
So what's all this about?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
What do you mean?
Brad
Well, Mum said you've got a surprise for me.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Yeah, I do.
Brad
So what is it?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
You have to drive there.
Brad
Drive where?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Well, you'll find out, won't you?
S
Hi, Akram.
Akram
Have you got a minute?
S
Yeah, I do, but I've got a meeting with Ben in a sec.
Akram
Okay.
S
Is everything all right?
Akram
Yeah, fine.
Leonard
Yeah.
Akram
I'm just at Bridge Farm taking five minutes and I wanted to ask you.
S
Go on.
Akram
What do I do about Tom?
S
What do you mean?
Akram
Well, it's two weeks since I talked to him about my idea of Bridge Farm becoming a care farm. And he said he'd get back to me, but he's not said a word.
S
Just ask him.
Akram
I don't know then I feel like I'm being pushy.
S
But you're not.
Akram
He hasn't said anything to you, has he?
Tracy
Me?
S
Why would he say anything to me?
Akram
Well, I mentioned the idea of this being a die in with some of the things you and Ben are trying to work out at the surgery. And then, you know, you do see him, don't you? You see him around. You live in the same road.
Tracy
Well, so do you.
Akram
Oh, okay.
Carol
I was just checking.
Akram
We're both so busy at the moment. Everyone is.
S
Including Tom, I guess.
Akram
Yeah.
S
Just ask him again. I'm sure he won't think you're being pushy. I mean, He's Tom Archer. He'll get it. He's pretty pushy himself.
Rory
Okay, thanks.
Carol
Oh, sorry.
S
No, no, no, it's okay.
Tracy
Come in, come in.
S
It's just a room.
Akram
Oh, it's just a. Is it?
S
You know what I mean. Look, look, I've got to go talk to Tom, okay? Just talk to him. You need an answer.
Akram
Okay? Okay.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Okay.
Carol
Okay.
S
Bye, love.
Carol
Bye.
Brad
Bye.
Akram
Bye.
Tracy
Oh, sorry. Sorry.
Brad
No, no, no.
Ben
Sorry, I'm interrupting. I could have just gone away again.
S
Oh, no, no, because we haven't got long. Let's talk.
Brad
Are you going to tell me where we're going?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Well, I can do, but it will ruin the surprise.
Brad
I think I'd rather know.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Yeah.
Brad
Yes, please.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
We're going a new road.
Brad
New road?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
To watch the match.
Brad
You mean to watch Worcestershire play?
Akram
Of course.
Brad
Oh, that's great. That's.
Tracy
That's really, really great.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
It's only the second 11, of course, but we'll have lunch and. And then we'll have a look inside the score box.
Brad
Honestly.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Sound good?
Brad
Yeah, it does, actually. Thank you, dad.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
You're very welcome.
Brad
Was it like expensive?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Well, Soph's got a mate who works at the ground, so she got us a discount.
Brad
Okay, that's good.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
So don't worry about that.
Carol
Great.
Brad
Brilliant.
Akram
Helen.
Helen
Oh, hi, Akram.
Akram
Have you seen Dom?
Helen
He just left to pick up one of the kids from nursery. Apparently Saren's just vomited all over her lunch. Oh, ok, sorry, that was probably too much information.
Akram
No, it's fine. I can handle it. I was really hoping to talk to Tom about this project for the farm.
Helen
Oh, what's the project?
Akram
It was this idea I had about Bridge Farm becoming a care farm.
Helen
Oh, yeah, yeah, he. He told me about that.
Akram
Oh, okay.
Helen
Has he not got back to you?
Akram
No, no, but. But I. I know he's busy.
Helen
Well, he's not that busy. Not so busy he can't just say.
Akram
Say what?
Helen
There's absolutely no way we've got capacity for something like that. Oh, sorry. Sorry. He should have just told you. We did talk about it, but it's not the kind of thing we can prioritize. Certainly not in the near future.
Akram
Okay. I mean, did Tom explain what I was thinking? That it wouldn't be a full time project or anything? Just one afternoon a week at least initially.
Helen
Yeah, yeah, he did mention that.
Akram
And I would take it on. It would be my project, my responsibility. And I'd be coordinating with Azra. People would be referred here in a way, whether formally or informally.
Helen
Honestly, Vakram. I'm really sorry, but even one afternoon a week with the still be a huge ask. My head is so full and Tom's got the kids and we just don't have the head space.
Akram
Okay.
Helen
Now I'm looking at expanding the dairy, developing a new cheese. We're looking at how to develop our branding, how to increase profits, how to stay ahead. I know that sounds bad.
Akram
No, no.
Helen
I'm sorry, Akram. I really am.
Akram
Please, but please.
Helen
We're a busy working farm, not a care facility.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Not bad, eh?
Brad
Well, it's great, dad. It's really great. And lunch was amazing.
Leonard
Good, good.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Well, hopefully you can go back to your revision tomorrow feeling refreshed.
Brad
Yeah, I really think I will. It was actually a great idea.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Good, good. Excellent. Hey, I keep meaning to say to you. I met this bloke down the pub who says there's loads of maths type jobs in sports these days.
Brad
You mean like statistics?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
I don't know. Yeah, yeah, maybe you might know more about it than me.
Brad
Not necessarily.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
But. But things like being a. A performance analyst, that. That must be good money.
Brad
Well, I don't really know.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Maybe you should look into it.
Brad
I mean, I've still got another year, so. But.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
But what's a year? It goes like that.
Brad
That's true.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
So you want to start thinking ahead, don't you?
Brad
Well, I was actually thinking I might do a masters then. A PhD.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
A PhD, yeah. But don't they take forever?
Brad
They can do. But if I get funding and I don't have to work all the time, it would be brilliant. Lead on to work, maybe still stuck at uni. I mean, that would be good.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Brad, Brad, come on. Do you. You really want to spend all that time living on virtually nothing?
Brad
I mean, I'm quite good at it. Living within my means sort of thing.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Yeah, I know, I know, but when you've got significant earning power, a maths degree, that's the best degree you can get for making money. It's tons better than the medicine or engineering.
Brad
Yeah, maybe.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
I don't know, you could go into banking. You'd make a fortune. They'd snap you up.
Brad
Yeah, I can't really see me in banking, can you?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
I don't know, but I don't think you should write it off without looking into it.
Brad
Maybe.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Honestly, Brad, you've got to got to get switched on to the opportunities available to you.
Brad
Yeah, you're probably right.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Damn straight I'm right.
Narrator/Advertiser
Oh, lovely cover drive.
Brad
Great shot.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Other thing, I was thinking about you.
Alan
Right.
Brad
What?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Well, You. You're not using that maths brain of yours while you're lugging people's suitcases around at Grey Gables, are you?
Brad
Not really, but that doesn't matter.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Have you not thought about getting something better paid elsewhere?
Brad
Like where?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Well, croupier is the obvious one.
Brad
Croupier?
Leonard
Yeah.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
At a casino.
Brad
Do they have to be good at maths?
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Of course they do. So people like you are in demand.
Brad
I can't see me in a casino any more than I can see me in a bank.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Why is that, then?
Brad
Well, I'm just not a very risk taking sort of person.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
But you're not the one gambling, are you? You're just doing the adding up.
Brad
I dunno.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
You don't have to be poor all your life. That's what I'm saying.
Brad
I'm not planning on being poor. I'm just not necessarily planning on being rich.
Akram
Apparently they decided on the spot. I feel quite irritated.
S
Yeah, I'm not surprised.
Akram
I understand they have other priorities, obviously.
S
I mean, it is a big deal. A huge ask, really. But why didn't they just tell you that?
Akram
I reckon Dom just forgot. It just went straight out of his head because it didn't interest him. How was your meeting with Ben?
S
Oh, Bob, it's great. Yeah, he's great. I mean, I could ask him about Brookfield. I think David and Ruth, they've got too much going on already at the moment.
Akram
I mean, I really wanted it to happen at Bridge Farm because I've started to know this place and they have this, you know, this ethos.
S
We'll find another farm.
Leonard
I hope so.
S
I need to go. Sorry, Akram.
Akram
Okay.
Carol
Yeah.
S
Don't despair, okay?
Akram
Oh, no, of course not. I never despair. I don't. I'm a very positive person.
S
Okay.
Akram
What about Medelfar?
S
I really have to get.
Akram
Okay, go. Sorry, but I think I might ask Esme.
S
Can we talk about this later? I'm so sorry.
Akram
Go, go, go.
S
Yep, I'm going.
Akram
Bye.
Brian
Bye.
Carol
Bye, bye.
Helen
Oh, he didn't need to get off the phone for me.
Akram
I wasn't. I didn't.
Tracy
Oh,
Akram
that sounded rude. I meant I was saying goodbye.
Brian
Anyway.
Helen
Well, I was just wondering. Yeah, well, I've offered Tracy some extra hours at the dairy, like I said, explaining expanding the business.
Akram
Right.
Helen
And she's still thinking about whether she can take the extra work on.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Right.
Helen
So if she does say no, would you be interested?
Akram
I'm not sure if I would, to be honest. Oh, I want to be outside, Helen.
Helen
I mean, the dairy is not really a confined space.
Akram
That's exactly what the dairy is.
Helen
No, I meant you have a sense of the outside. It's not like you're sitting in an office.
Akram
No, but honestly, it's the land I love, Helen. Growing things. That's what I like about farming. For me, it's not. Well, it's just not about cheese.
Brad
All right, Ben?
Ben
Oh, hi, Brad.
Brad
How you doing?
Ben
How's the exams going?
Brad
Yeah, yeah. Okay, I think. Not bad. Well, I had the afternoon off. Just went to New Road to watch the match.
Ben
Sounds nice.
Brad
Yeah, it was, though. It was a bit weird, too.
Ben
Why was it weird?
Brad
Well, my dad, right, he's suddenly wanting to spend all this time with me, which he's never wanted to do before.
Bert
Right.
Brad
And I don't really know what it's all about, you know? Like, is he just being nice or is he after something?
Ben
Well, what does your instinct tell you?
Brad
I don't know. I don't know if I've really got instinct.
Ben
You don't know if you've got instincts?
Brad
Yeah. I think I'm sort of missing them.
Ben
Well, I'm sure you're not.
Brad
Sorry, I don't know why I'm telling you all this.
Ben
Why not?
Brad
Because we're not really mates, are we? I mean, it's not that we're not mates either. You know what I mean.
Brian
Yeah, no, I do.
Ben
I do, but I'm always happy to listen.
Brad
Well, I haven't got me and George at the moment. We're not as close as we used to be.
Leonard
Right.
Brad
I sort of miss that. Of course, I definitely can't talk about it to Mum. Probably not to Chelsea, either. Anyway. Sorry. I mean, the basic thing is dad is taking an interest in me for the first time ever. And it's a bit weird, but it's also really nice.
Ben
Yeah, well, look, can you not just maybe take it as it comes, then? Keep your expectations low, but, you know, enjoy spending that time with him?
Leonard
Yeah.
Brad
Yeah. Yeah, I can try. Thanks, Ben.
Ben
Anytime.
Anna
Hey, Mum.
Carol
Hey, Anna. When did people start saying hey as a greeting?
Anna
About 30 years ago.
Carol
I don't think I like it.
Anna
Shocker.
Carol
Oh, sorry, but I don't. Oh, you don't have to take it as a personal criticism.
Anna
I'm worried there's something wrong with the new camera.
Carol
Oh, really?
Anna
Well, I've looked and even though it's daytime, the footage is quite dark and grainy. Are you sure it's set up correctly? Oh, can I have a look? Where is it? I thought he was putting it in the Hall?
Debbie
Yes.
Anna
Well, so where is it? I mean, I just want to take a look, see if it's something obvious, like it's facing the wrong way or something. It was supposed to be in the hall. So if you fell getting up or down the stairs, I could see you. I mean, is it in the living room?
Carol
It's in the loft.
Debbie
Sorry?
Carol
I asked Leonard to put it in the loft.
Anna
Why?
Carol
So I could watch the bats.
Anna
Are you joking?
Carol
I mean. Oh, don't you think that was a rather genius idea?
Anna
No, Mum, I don't. Because. Because the whole point of it was that. That if you had another fall, I'd be able to see you.
Carol
Yeah, but the last time I fell it was in the living room, so what good would it do in the hallway?
Anna
Well, more good than it's doing in the loft.
Carol
Ah, well, I'm not sure about that, you see, because it means I can watch the bats there. Oh, no, they are fascinating. I'm rather in love with them, Mum. Why shouldn't I enjoy them? They are my bats, after all.
Anna
They are not your bats.
Alice
You.
Anna
You are bats.
Carol
That's not very nice.
Anna
Surely you knew that I wouldn't be happy about this.
Carol
Yes, but I can't live my life trying to make you happy, Anna. Oh, Mum, I am serious.
Anna
You're not wearing your pendant. Why aren't you wearing your pendant?
Carol
Well, I have actually worn it much more.
Anna
You're supposed to wear it at all times.
Carol
I know and I do. Oh, don't look at me like that. I do, but sometimes I have to take it off.
Anna
Why?
Tracy
Why do you have to take it off?
Carol
Because it gets in my way.
Tracy
How?
Carol
You try wearing one and you will. See what I mean.
Debbie
Where is it?
Carol
Oh, that's a good point. I don't actually know. Maybe in the kitchen. So the camera is in the loft
Anna
and the pendant's in the kitchen.
Alice
Great. That's just great.
Tracy
All right, Brad? How you doing?
Brad
Yeah, good, good, good.
Helen
Yeah.
Tracy
How were yesterday with your dad?
Brad
Yeah, yeah, no, it was good, actually.
Tracy
What did you do?
Brad
Well, he took me to watch the cricket at New Road. Even got to look in the scorebox. Really went to town.
Tracy
What about your exam? How did that go?
Brad
Well, I don't know. It's so hard to tell.
Tracy
I'm sure you've smashed it.
Brad
That's what dad said.
Tracy
Did he?
Brad
He's been so nice.
Helen
Yeah.
Brad
Do you think he means it?
Tracy
I hope so.
Brad
I just don't know if I should trust him.
Tracy
Yeah, yeah, I get that. I do.
Brad
I mean, he Basically ignored us for years.
Tracy
I'm sorry I chose such a deadbeat for your dad.
Brad
Please don't say sorry, Mum.
Tracy
Thing is, if I hadn't chosen him, then you wouldn't exist, would you?
Brad
Exactly.
Tracy
And when I imagine this planet without you and Chelsea, well, it's like the thought of it makes my insides feel hollow. It does, though.
Brad
Well, you've made up for how rubbish he was, though, Mum. You've been fantastic.
Tracy
Oh, Brad, that's true.
Brad
We didn't need him because we had you.
Tracy
Would have been nice, though, if he turned over this new leaf a bit earlier, wouldn't it?
Brad
Yeah, it would.
Tracy
Where's your granddad?
Brad
I don't know. In his room.
Tracy
I need to do them chair exercises with him and then get him some tea and then get out the door to the ball.
Brad
Well, you're working tonight.
Tracy
Yes.
Brad
Even though you've been working all day?
Tracy
Yeah.
Brad
But you worked last night, too. I did, Mom.
Tracy
I weren't meant to be on tonight, but Lillian's asked me to cover for Kenton and Jolene and I didn't like to say no to her. Plus, we can always use the money, can't we? I'll just give your granddad a shout. Dad, can we do your exercises?
Brian
What?
Tracy
We need to do your exercises.
Brad
I could do his tea if you want.
Carol
Really?
Brad
Yeah, yeah, why not?
Bert
I've done them already.
Tracy
Done what?
Bert
My chair exercises.
Tracy
Have you? All on your own of your own accord?
Bert
Yeah. Up and down, round and round. My arms swinging like a windmill. Haven't I, Brad?
Brad
Well, I don't know, Granddad.
Bert
Were you supposed to back me up?
Brad
No, I'm not saying you haven't done them. I'm just didn't see you.
Tracy
Look, dad, we need to do them.
Bert
I told you, we've already done them.
Tracy
Because then I need to start. Brad, on your tea.
Bert
What am I having?
Tracy
Turkey stir fry.
Bert
That sounds disgusting, Granddad. But it does, though, doesn't it?
Tracy
Dad, please, can't we just.
Bert
You know what I like for tea, don't you?
Brad
What?
Bert
Fried egg and chips. Real chips, cooked in real fat.
Tracy
I ain't got time to make proper chips. And the turkey stir fry is all ready to go in the pan.
Bert
You could do proper chips, couldn't you, Brad?
Brad
I don't know.
Tracy
Yeah, maybe no one is doing chips because that is not a healthy option.
Bert
I'm sick of healthy options. Aren't you sick of healthy options too, Brad?
Brad
I mean, not necessarily.
Tracy
Okay, dad, please, can we just do these exercises?
Bert
Only if I can have egg and chips.
Leonard
For tea.
Brad
I could start peeling potatoes, Mum, if you want. If that helps.
Bert
Yes, that's good. You go peel some potatoes, Brad. Good lad. And then I'll show you how to cook real chips.
Anna
You.
Tracy
You're gonna make real chips?
Bert
Why not?
Tracy
Cause you ain't cooked anything whatsoever in about five years.
Bert
What you on about?
Tracy
What are you on about?
Bert
Go on, Brad. What are you waiting for?
Brad
Shall I?
Tracy
Yes, fine, fine. Yes, Brad, you go and peel some potatoes.
Brad
How many?
Bert
A sack full.
Kirsty
Okay.
Tracy
Right. Come on then, dad.
Bert
Oh, I bet Clive wouldn't make me do chair exercises.
Tracy
I bet he wouldn't either.
Bert
Or make me eat turkey stir fry.
Tracy
No, probably not.
Bert
When I go and live with him, I'm gonna have all the sugar in my tea that I want.
Tracy
Sorry?
Bert
When I move in with Clive.
Tracy
When you move in with Clive?
Ben
That's it.
Tracy
That's it, dad. What are you talking about?
Bert
He's kindly suggested that I move in with him and I've said yes. I've already started packing.
Anna
Alan's here.
Carol
So I see.
Alan
I saw Anna's car and I thought I'd just pop in and have a quick word.
Carol
Oh, you mean you thought you could come and gang up on me together?
Kirsty
Don't be so rude.
Carol
Oh, Alan doesn't mind. He understands my sense of humor.
Anna
Oh, does he? Do you?
Alan
Well, maybe. So how's the camera working out?
Anna
It's not.
Carol
She's annoyed with me.
Alan
Why?
Carol
Oh, because she's always annoyed with me.
Anna
Mum, that's not true.
Carol
It's completely true.
Alan
I'm sorry, but what's happened with the camera?
Carol
Oh, you must take a look, Alan. In the evening. You know, if you look hard, you can make out the bats on the move at dusk. The bats?
Anna
Yes, the bats, Alan. That's why I bought the camera, isn't it? So my mother could look at the bats.
Alan
I'm sorry, I'm a bit lost here.
Anna
Basically, she won't ever wear the damn pendant and she's put the camera in the loft.
Carol
Why do you keep saying that?
Tracy
Why do you think I keep saying that? So when exactly is this supposed to happen, you moving in with Clive?
Bert
Soon. Very soon.
Tracy
But when exactly?
Bert
Well, he hasn't given me a date yet.
Tracy
I'll bet he hasn't.
Bert
What's that supposed to mean?
Tracy
And when did he ask you to move in?
Bert
We've mentioned it a few times now.
Tracy
He said nothing to me, you know.
Bert
Why would he say anything to you?
Tracy
Why wouldn't he?
Bert
Because it's between me and him, isn't it?
Carol
But.
Tracy
But you live here.
Bert
I know I do. I know I do. But I fancy a change.
Tracy
Dad, I really don't think that Clive is going to deliver on any sort of promise.
Bert
See, that makes me sad.
Tracy
Tracey, I'm not trying to make you sad.
Bert
You don't see in him what I see in him.
Tracy
No, you're dead right. I don't.
Bert
He's a changed man.
Tracy
No, dad, he just says he's a changed man. There is a big difference.
Bert
He does yoga.
Tracy
Oh, for goodness sake. How many times have I got to hear about Clive's blooming yoga? Right, I'm just gonna go and ring him. I'm just gonna ring him right now. And then. Then we're gonna do those chair exercises, and then I've got to get to work.
Carol
You've got to admit that the bats are pretty good.
Alan
Well, I can see the appeal, yes. See?
Anna
See what?
Carol
Alan thinks I did the right thing.
Alan
That's not actually what I said, is it?
Anna
No, it's not. Please, Please, Alan, can you tell me what to do with my mother? Oh, better still, ask God what to do with my mother. Well, I don't mean to be irreligious,
Carol
but why do you need to do anything with your mother? Why can't you just leave me to live?
Anna
Have you moved the rug in here?
Carol
Yes.
Anna
How did you manage that on your own?
Carol
I'm very strong, Mum.
Alan
I moved the rug.
Anna
Did you? When?
Alan
The other day, when Carol nearly tripped over it.
Carol
Alan, you promised not to tell anyone.
Alan
You promised to have the camera fitted.
Bert
But I did.
Anna
Alan, did you really promise not to tell me that my mum nearly fell over?
Alan
Well, sort of. It was part of a deal.
Carol
You oughtn't to put poor Alan on the spot like that.
Anna
Anna, you're the one putting him on the spot.
Carol
Maybe we should all just have a nice cup of tea.
Anna
Maybe we should have a gin.
Alan
I wouldn't say no to a gin.
Anna
Look what you've done.
Adam
Mum.
Anna
You're driving a vicar to drink.
Carol
All right, how about this?
Alan
Go on.
Carol
We all have a lovely G and T. And I promise to wear my pendant if I can keep the camera trained on my beautiful bats instead of my boring hallway.
Anna
I'll drink to that.
Alan
Me, too.
Tracy
Well, I can't get hold of him.
Bert
He's a busy man.
Tracy
Yeah, busy doing what, exactly?
Bert
Working.
Tracy
Are you really serious about this, dad?
Bert
Do you want to see his messages?
Tracy
I do, yeah.
Bert
Here, take it. Look, I'm an open book.
Tracy
Hi, dad. Just getting your room sorted.
Helen
Blah, blah, blah.
Tracy
I reckon he's after your pension.
Bert
That's a cruel thing to say.
Tracy
I'm not trying to be cruel.
Bert
No, it just comes naturally.
Tracy
Is there even a bedroom for you?
Bert
Of course there is. He says he's getting a room sorted, doesn't he?
Tracy
What about a lift?
Bert
A lift?
Tracy
Well, in a flat.
Bert
Well, he's probably on the ground floor.
Tracy
See? You don't even know.
Bert
It's fine detail.
Tracy
It's not fine detail. It's essential detail. And what about your tablets? Is Clive going to remember which ones are which and which ones you have?
Alice
Have when?
Bert
I can do all that.
Tracy
No, dad, you can't. You rely completely on me.
Bert
Well, you won't have to deal with me anymore, will you?
Tracy
And I think you'll be lonely.
Bert
Lonely? I won't be lonely. I'll have Clive.
Tracy
You think he's going to stay in every night and watch Countdown?
Bert
I miss him, all right? I want to see him.
Tracy
Well, you can see him. You can see him anytime you want. But you don't have to go live with him, dad. And if you do, I think it'll be a disaster for you. I really do.
Brian
Bit depleted, aren't we?
Adam
We are, just a bit.
Brian
Well, perhaps we can make it snappy and then take ourselves off to the Bull. What do you reckon?
Alice
Yeah, that sounds nice.
Brian
Adam, you up for a swift pint straight after?
Adam
Maybe.
Brian
All right, well, let's crack on, shall we? Rory and Kate send their apologies.
Adam
Debbie's got a conference. She's delivering some keynote speech, so she can't even attend remotely, unfortunately.
Brian
Oh, she didn't say.
Leonard
Good for her.
Brian
Why didn't she just say that?
Alice
I've no idea.
Brian
Right, so let's talk about the financials. We've had a small lift in profits the last two quarters, which, all things considered, is pretty impressive. Well done, us.
Debbie
Hi, everyone.
Carol
Debbie.
Tracy
Debbie.
Leonard
Good Lord.
Adam
What?
Leonard
What.
Adam
What are you doing here?
Debbie
Well, I thought I should make the effort, so here I am, making the effort.
Brian
But why didn't you tell us you were coming?
Debbie
Oh, you know, I quite like the element of surprise.
Bert
That's brilliant.
Adam
Yeah, yeah. I'm just a bit confused.
Alice
What happened to your conference?
Debbie
Oh, I asked someone to stand in for me.
Carol
Oh.
Brian
Well, this is wonderful. Isn't it wonderful?
Alice
Oh, yeah, it's great. Yeah.
Tracy
It's great.
Leonard
Absolutely.
Akram
Yeah.
Brian
Great. Adam, look, get your sister a seat.
Bert
Oh, sure.
Helen
No, no, no, no, no.
Debbie
I can do that.
Alice
But have you literally just got off the plane?
Debbie
Yep.
Brian
Very rock and roll.
Alice
Should I get you a cup of tea or something?
Debbie
No, no, no, no, I'm fine.
Carol
I'm fine.
Debbie
Let's just get on, shall we?
Brian
Okay. We haven't missed much. I was just saying the finances aren't looking too shabby, especially considering the various challenges. But Home Farm has proved remarkably resilient. I haven't lost my touch.
Adam
Sorry, Brian.
Bert
Sorry, what?
Adam
Well, I. I just need to say this quite bluntly.
Leonard
Well, go on then.
Adam
Any recent increase in profits in the last two quarters is down to me.
Brian
I don't think so.
Alice
The thing is, dad, Adam is the one who's been running things, isn't he?
Brian
Yeah, under my supervision and with the help of Rory.
Rory
Rory?
Brad
Yes.
Adam
Oh, Rory doesn't have a clue.
Debbie
He's not a farmer.
Alice
Well, not yet he's not.
Debbie
From what Adam's told me, he's got a hell of a lot to learn.
Adam
He was more of a liability than any any actual help.
Brian
He's a very bright boy.
Debbie
That doesn't make him a farmer.
Adam
Felt like a babysitter.
Alice
Was he as bad as all that?
Akram
Yes.
Brian
He wasn't. He really wasn't. I think you're just being unfair.
Adam
I just want some credit, Brian.
Brian
Home Farm has always been a team effort. Now, what's funny about that?
Debbie
Well, you do rather you operate like a dictatorship.
Brian
Hang on a minute. I do not. I do not.
Debbie
Brian, I get it. I do dictate dictatorship is much more efficient than democracy, but never ends well.
Brian
All right, well, can we just get back to business?
Adam
This is the business.
Brian
Look, I've got a ton of new ideas I want to discuss and there won't be time if we get side.
Debbie
Are all these ideas as good as the caravan storage?
Brian
Sorry?
Debbie
Well, Adam told me about your ridiculous caravan park.
Alice
I mean, ridiculous is a bit harsh. Oh, dad. There might be better use of that land, don't you think?
Brian
No, not really.
Leonard
Really?
Brian
I think it's a brilliant idea, Alice. Sorry, darling, but you don't know what you're talking about.
Debbie
But we do, Adam and I. Yeah,
Adam
and as a partnership, we need to be future proofing the farm.
Brian
I know that.
Debbie
I believe Adam has the vision to make that happen.
Brian
Oh, do you?
Alice
Well, I do think maybe you need to start trusting Adam more.
Brian
I do trust him.
Adam
Yeah, right.
Debbie
I think his plan to look at heritage grains and integrate more trees is brilliant.
Brian
I don't need a lecture on trees.
Debbie
My point is that this is the kind of forward thinking Home Farm needs, not an eyesore like caravan storage.
Adam
The thing is that Home Farm needs certain in terms of management and ownership. Now, let's just Take a look at this map.
Brian
I don't need to look at a map.
Debbie
So why are we looking at this?
Adam
Well, since I'm the one with the vision and I'm also the one running the day to day, I have a proposal.
Brian
And what is it?
Adam
That you leave me alone completely to run things my own way.
Debbie
I agree with that. Absolutely.
Alice
I mean, dad, if this meant that you relaxed and looked after yourself.
Brian
I do look after myself.
Alice
I just get so worried about why.
Brian
There's no need.
Adam
But can I just say something else?
Bert
What?
Adam
I'm also proposing, Brian, that you leave me the land.
Brian
Sorry, what?
Anna
What is this a joke?
Adam
No joke, Adam. I'm sorry, Alice. Debbie.
Alice
Well, you don't sound it.
Debbie
Why the hell should you get the land?
Adam
Because it makes sense.
Alice
Adam, this is really not what we talked about.
Brian
It's outrageous.
Adam
Yeah, well, not really. Not if you really think about it.
Brian
Well, I have thought about it, and guess what? I still think it's outrageous.
Debbie
Actually, I have another suggestion.
Brian
No, sorry, Debbie.
Debbie
No, this is important, Brian. I think you should leave the land to Adam and me.
Alan
What?
Anna
Dibby.
Carol
Sorry.
Brian
Just a minute. Just a minute, minute. What is going on here?
Alice
I really don't know, dad. This is a complete surprise to me.
Debbie
Adam and I, we're the real farmers, the two of us. It makes perfect sense for us to take the farm forward together.
Adam
Yes, yes, except for the fact that you live in Hungary.
Brian
Do you all realize I'm right here? I'm not dead.
Debbie
But what's going to happen when you do die, Brian?
Alice
Debbie, stop it.
Adam
Alice.
Ben
Alice.
Adam
He's going to leave absolute chaos, and you know it.
Brian
You cannot force me to hand over over my land.
Debbie
Of course we know that.
Alice
Neither of you have my support. Neither of you. And I'll bet you don't have Kate and Rory's either.
Adam
Alice, you've got your head in the
Debbie
sand, Kate's got her head in the cloud.
Adam
Who knows where Rory's head is.
Debbie
But for the future of the farm, for the future of your grandchildren, and now great grandchild, and for all our future security, you need to step right back, let Adam take over and leave the land to the two of us so we can ensure that the land stays intact and the farm survives.
Adam
Drives, in fact.
Brian
This is outrageous.
Debbie
Just practical business.
Brian
More like daylight robbery.
Alice
I can't believe this.
Adam
Look, look, Alice, it's almost certain that Lillian will leave the stables to you.
Alice
I don't think it's almost certain at all.
Adam
I'd put money on it.
Bert
I wouldn't.
Debbie
I Mean, Lillian does have her own son and her own grandson.
Brian
So your justification for cutting Alice.
Adam
I'm not cutting Alice out.
Brian
She gets the stable.
Adam
Well, regardless of what happens with the stables, if you leave the land to me, then it's safeguarded for the partnership.
Debbie
Everyone gets a decent income from the partnership.
Brian
Some income, yes. But you'll be sitting on land worth millions.
Debbie
Well, someone has to own the land. They have to. You know that better than anyone, since you're so unwilling to sign it away.
Brian
Oh, forgive me, Debbie. Forgive me, really. Forgive me for not just waving my hand and handing over.
Carol
You know what?
Alice
All I wanted. All I wanted out of this meeting was for us to persuade dad to retire properly. Retire? And relax.
Brian
Well, this meeting isn't helping me relax, I can tell you that much.
Alice
I just want you to enjoy your retirement.
Debbie
But I don't enjoy retirement because you've never actually retired.
Adam
Now. And now you've managed to destroy your relationship with Miranda. So you've got no one to spend time with, Adam.
Alice
Why?
Adam
Sometimes you've got to be brutal.
Debbie
Look, Brian, we all know that the stress of running Home Farm is impacting on your general health.
Brian
What are you talking about? I'm fit as a fiddle.
Alice
Oh, well, dad, that's not strictly true.
Adam
You've had two angina attacks.
Brian
But they weren't serious.
Alice
They were quite serious.
Bert
Right.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Sorry.
Debbie
I was actually talking about your mental health.
Brian
My mental health?
Debbie
Frankly, I've been worried sick with all the stories I've been hearing.
Tracy
Debbie.
Debbie
What? It's true. Sorry, Alice, but this is no time to hold back.
Brian
Just a minute. Look, what on earth have you all been saying about it?
Alice
No, nothing.
Brian
There's absolutely nothing wrong with my mental health.
Brad's Father (possibly Brian or another elder male)
Good.
Alice
But look, dad, you have been really stressed out.
Brian
Yes, with good cause.
Debbie
And what is that cause?
Brian
I can't tell you.
Debbie
You can't tell us?
Brian
No, because it's private.
Carol
Oh, here we go.
Adam
That's not much help right now.
Brian
Well, I'm not in the mood to help right now.
Alice
Look, I think I just want. Look, we. We have been worried about you, like I say. And you've got a decent pension, dad. Income from bl. Other investments.
Adam
So many people your age dream of being in your position.
Brian
I am not so many people, Adam, in case you hadn't noticed.
Alice
Dad, you've got to admit that some of your decisions, they've been a bit.
Leonard
What?
Brian
What have they been?
Alice
Well, erratic.
Adam
And that's putting it politely.
Brian
Look, look, I know I've been preoccupied, but my recent stresses have had nothing, absolutely nothing. To do with the farm.
Helen
And what.
Debbie
What's going on that you're not telling us?
Brian
I can't get into certain things. You'll just have to trust me.
Debbie
But we don't trust you, do we?
Alice
Just stop it.
Brad
Stop.
Debbie
It's true, Alice. We have lost confidence in your leadership, Brian, and your mental capacity.
Brian
Do you think I care if you don't have faith in.
Alice
No, no, I do. I have faith in you, dad.
Adam
Our priority is not just the farm. It's your health, Brian.
Brian
Oh, do me a favor.
Alice
Maybe we should stop and take a break.
Debbie
You know, I'm afraid this needs resolving, Alice.
Adam
We can't keep dodging this conversation.
Tracy
I'm not trying to dodge anything.
Brian
I know, I know. I've got it. I've got it. Why don't you just take me around the back of the building and shoot me like a dog? Like a tired old dog.
Helen
All right.
Brian
This is what they're trying to do, Alice, in effect.
Adam
No, it isn't.
Debbie
In order to maintain and increase profit, we need to keep investing in the right strategies. And those decisions are best made by Adam and myself.
Adam
We should vote on this.
Brian
Well, we can't, because we don't have everyone here.
Adam
Well, I'm afraid Kate and Rory are in agreement.
Alice
What, for you and Debbie to inherit the land?
Adam
No, not that bit.
Helen
Yeah.
Brian
Why on earth would I leave you to the land?
Adam
For all the reasons we've just laid out.
Brian
You aren't even my own children.
Adam
He said it. He finally said it.
Tracy
Dad.
Adam
That's okay, Alice.
Alice
No. No, it's not okay. It's not okay.
Debbie
It's not like we didn't know how he felt.
Brian
Look, Adam, Adam, I simply don't believe you have the financial head to run a business. I don't have the confidence you can do it.
Adam
Well, the truth's all coming out now.
Brian
You don't have a clue how tough you have to be in farming.
Debbie
How can you say that to me?
Adam
I have been farming for my entire higher working life.
Alice
I hate this. I absolutely hate this.
Helen
We don't have to stay.
Alice
Oh, well, thanks.
Brian
And, Debbie, for you to walk in here and demand half the share of land you barely set foot on for decades. It's the height of entitlement. It's appalling. I built this place up from nothing. I've steered it through good times and
Debbie
bad and caused us a ton of grief and stress, and had affairs and poisoned rivers, had secret children and used to constant power plays against all of us, and treated Adam and me as if we were second class citizens.
Brian
I never have.
Debbie
No, you literally just told me and Adam that we're not even your own children.
Brian
Because you're not.
Tracy
Brian,
Debbie
honestly, I'm done with this. No, I'm done with it all. Look, I have a life, a fantastic job in which I've proved myself and where I'm treated with respect. I have a really good life somewhere else, far away from this nonsense. So no, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. You can't do what? Fight. Fight with your father. Alice.
S
Brian.
Alice
What?
Debbie
You can't see my talent. If you can't see my ability, then you don't deserve me.
Adam
But we don't have you. You're not here, you're not involved.
Debbie
But I am. I am involved with. Because one of you is always dragging me back. And maybe if things weren't always so incredibly difficult, I would come back willingly. Or better still, never have left. But honestly. Honestly, now. Now I'm done.
Helen
I don't want the partnership. I don't want the land.
Debbie
And I don't want you, Brian. I don't want a relationship with you anymore.
Brian
Okay, that's fine
Adam
then. Brian, you can just leave the land to me.
Brad
I know.
Brian
No, you see, I. I can't actually, because I'm withdrawing the land from the partnership.
Adam
What?
Alice
What do you mean?
Debbie
If you withdraw the land from the partnership, then there is no business.
Brian
That's right. I'll go it alone. Hire in help. I'll run the place without interference. It'll be heaven. You wanted certainty and now you've got it.
Tracy
So.
Alice
Dad, that makes no sense.
Adam
You're insane.
Debbie
I really do think he has dementia.
Brian
No, no, no. I'm entirely within my right mind. But sometimes you've got to be brutal. Isn't that right, Adam?
Carol
Sam. Sa.
Brian
Political language can seem archaic.
Helen
It's like the light from one of those stars that actually died.
Bert
Sometimes bamboozly.
Helen
It's a theme park with a five foot log flume.
Carol
From one thought to another and very often beyond words.
Leonard
I don't know how to describe the language they use.
Brian
I'm Amanda Yannucci. I'm all reset and turbocharged. To stress test. To destruction.
Bert
Used and abused buzzwords and phrases from
Leonard
the world of politics.
Brian
I come with a dazzling array of guest presenters and I'll be exploring the
Bert
verbal tricks of the political trade, the
Brian
intentions behind them and the effect they
Adam
have on all of us.
Brian
The new series of Strong Message. Here with me, Amanda Iannucci from BBC Radio 4.
Bert
Listen now on BBC Sounds
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She was the sister who went unnoticed.
Carol
A daffodil might look plain next to
Debbie
a lily, but on its own there
Carol
is much to be admired.
Narrator/Advertiser
Now her greatest chapter is yet to come.
Tracy
The most important thing is to be yourself.
Narrator/Advertiser
From the world of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice comes a new Britbox original
Carol
drama, Mary you will flourish.
Narrator/Advertiser
Based on the best selling novel the Other Bennet Sister. Now streaming only on Britbox. Watch for the free trial@britbox.com.
Podcast: The Archers Omnibus
Host: BBC Radio 4
Episode Date: May 23, 2026 (Omnibus for week ending May 24, 2026)
Main Theme:
A week of change and confrontation in Ambridge, centered on family power struggles, generational divides, questions of independence and care, and seismic shifts on Home Farm.
This emotional and eventful episode of The Archers Omnibus captures a series of interconnected storylines in Ambridge:
Family dynamics, concerns about ageing and autonomy, the struggle for recognition, and the future orientation of Ambridge’s farms and families are at the fore.
Timestamps: 02:05 – 13:14; 15:15 – 16:50; 21:59 – 23:32; 51:39 – 53:54; 57:59 – 61:32
Timestamps: 26:01 – 37:49; 63:00 – 75:16
Notable Quotes:
Underlying Themes:
Familial rivalry, tradition vs. progress, inheritance, wounds of exclusion, and the challenge of letting go.
Timestamps: 14:00 – 25:21; 40:11 – 47:45; 49:56 – 51:32; 54:02 – 56:27
Timestamps: 35:46 – 37:49; 47:46 – 48:49; 56:27 – 59:03
On resisting care interventions:
On inheritance and hurt:
On the pains of family expectation:
On independence and generational frustration:
On hope and regret:
| Timestamp | Segment Description | |------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:05–13:14| Carol resists pressure to consider The Laurels/Care home debate | | 26:01–37:49| Adam, Rory, and Alice discuss Home Farm strategy and Brian's future | | 51:39–53:54| Carol and Anna argue about safety, pendant and the bat camera | | 63:00–75:16| Explosive Home Farm partnership meeting; family rifts deepen | | 14:00–25:21| Brad’s father tries to reconnect; Tracy confronts him | | 54:02–56:27| Brad and Tracy reflect on family struggles and parental failings | | 33:43 | Ben and Azra plan mental health initiatives for Ambridge |
The episode balances humor (especially around Carol’s stubbornness and bat obsession) with deep pathos, sharp family tensions, and often raw confessions. The language is candid, colloquial, occasionally biting, but mostly rooted in the affection and frustration of long-term relationships.
This week in Ambridge, independence is both cherished and challenged. Carol’s comic (yet poignant) resistance to age-related interventions mirrors Brian’s stubborn grip on Home Farm. Adam, Debbie, and Alice expose long-standing wounds over family hierarchy, with Debbie finally walking away. Meanwhile, Tracy and Brad grapple with legacies—financial, emotional, and familial—while Helen, Akram, and others try to shape a viable future amid growing demands and limited resources. The episode’s emotional intensity crescendos at the partnership meeting, threatening to reshape the future not just of Home Farm, but of the generations who hope to inherit it.
For listeners:
If you want classic Archers drama—emotional showdowns, bracing candor, and a clash of generations—this episode captures it all. Skip to the partnership meeting (63:00–75:16) for some of the tensest drama in years.