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In any educational setting, the relationship between teacher and student is crucial. For young autistic children, this connection takes on even greater significance. Positive, authentic relationships create a sense of safety, build trust, and set the stage for meaningful learning experiences. These relationships are not just about teaching, but about understanding and celebrating the individuality of each child. Research consistently emphasizes the importance of relationships in early education. Dr. Stanley Greenspan's floor time model highlights that relationships formed through joyful interactions and mutual respect are the cornerstone of social and emotional development. Dr. Barry Prizant, in his book Uniquely Human, underscores that fostering trust and honoring individual differences are critical for supporting autistic children.
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Hi, I'm Tara and this is the Autism Little Learners Podcast. I am a speech language pathologist with a twist. I've run my own communication based classroom for over two decades and I'm so excited to share actionable tips and strategies for supporting young autistic children. My goal is to help you feel more confident and successful when teaching your autistic child or students at the early childhood level. If you are ready to learn some tried and true strategies that really work, this is the podcast for you. Let's get Started.
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Let's start today's episode talking about four reasons why positive relationships matter. The first reason is emotional safety. Authentic connections create a sense of safety for children, reducing anxiety and fostering an environment where they can thrive. The second reason is it's the foundation for regulation. A trusting relationship helps children co regulate with their teachers and caregivers, making it easier for them to manage sensory and emotional challenges. The the third reason is because it supports development. Relationships built on trust and respect promote communication, social skills and emotional growth. And lastly, it fosters joy. When children feel connected, they're more likely to experience joy in learning and play, which is essential for their overall well being. Now let's talk about the role of sensory differences regulation when it comes to connection. Before connection can happen, a child's sensory and regulation needs must be addressed. Sensory processing differences are common in autistic children and can significantly impact their ability to engage and learn. Understanding and accommodating these needs is the first step toward building a trusting relationship. So let's meet them where they're at by recognizing their sensory profile. Every child's sensory needs are unique and some kids might be sensory seekers while others may avoid sensory input. Collaborate with occupational therapists and observe each child's behaviors to understand their sensory preferences. Provide sensory Tools Create a sensory friendly environment with tools like fidget toys, weighted blankets and noise reducing headphones to help the child feel comfortable and offer sensory breaks. Incorporate movement or quiet sensory breaks into the daily routine to support regular now we're going to talk a little bit about CO regulation and how it's the path to self regulation. CO regulation happens when a caregiver or teacher supports a child in managing their emotions and sensory needs. For example, using a calm voice and body language to help a child settle during a moment of dysregulation, or offering sensory tools and calming activities like deep breathing. To model regulation strategies, the key is to approach the child with empathy and patience. When children see that their teacher understands and respects their needs, they begin to trust the relationship. The next thing is to get out of teacher mode, and I'm putting up air quotes there with teacher mode. One of the most important shifts in fostering positive relationships with autistic kids is stepping out of that teacher mode that we get into. As educators, we often default to asking lots of questions or giving constant instructions. What color is this? How many blocks do you have? What letter is this? While questions are a natural part of teaching, too many questions can feel overwhelming or demanding. For young autistic children, this approach can unintentionally create a dynamic where the child feels they're being tested rather than connected with. Instead of building a bridge, excessive questioning can build a wall. So here are a few ways to step out of that teacher mode and create opportunities for authentic connection. The first way is to observe and reflect. Watch the children's play without interrupting. Instead of asking, what are you doing? Reflect on what you see. Wow, you're lining up the cars. You made such a long line. And the second area is to model without directing. If a child is playing with blocks, resist the urge to turn it into a lesson like, okay, let's count the blocks. You do it with me. Instead, build your own tower nearby and mimic what they're doing. This is the start to building that relationship. And the third tip is to use parallel talk. So this is where we go back into narrating what the child's doing rather than asking questions. So you're stacking the red block on top of the blue one. Now you're adding a yellow block. Or you could keep it even more simple. Red. Oh, now blue. Now yellow. By stepping out of that teacher mode, we create space for connection that feels natural and affirming. Another area we really need to think about is the validity and importance of autistic play. Play is always looked at as the work of childhood, but for autistic kids, play may look different than we're used to. And it's essential to honor and validate autistic play rather than trying to control it to fit into neurotypical norms. So what is autistic play? Well, it might involve repetitive actions like lining up toys, spinning objects or scripting dialogue from a favorite show. It may not always involve other children or follow traditional social play patterns. But that doesn't make it less meaningful or valuable. And here are some reasons why autistic play matters. Number one, regulation. Repetitive play can be soothing and help children self regulate. For example, if a child is spinning a car's wheels, it might be providing sensory input that they need to feel calm. Another reason it matters is for joy and comfort. Autistic play often revolves around a child's deep interests which bring them happiness and comfort. Lining up dinosaurs or scripting from a favorite movie isn't just play. It's a source of joy and creativity. And the third reason why autistic play matters is expression of identity. Autistic play reflects a child's unique way of interacting with the world. Trying to change or correct their play sends the message that their natural way of being isn't accepted. There is a lot of power in deep interests. Many autistic children have passionate interests that bring them immense joy. These interests are the doorway to connection. We need to discover their interests by spending time observing them to understand what they love. We need to use these interests to connect. So we want to incorporate their passions into learning activities and play. And we want to honor their joy. We want to celebrate their interests as a way of showing respect for their individuality. And using play with these deep interests can be a really great bridge to connection. When we're following their lead, letting them guide the play when we're present and we are engaged in the moment, showing genuine interest, we can get to the point after we build this trusting relationship that we're able to introduce maybe some new elements to their play to encourage interaction and flexibility. You know, sometimes they might discover something new that they like through us exposing them to a variety of different toys or ways to play. But this isn't going to be accepted on their end until we have that trusting relationship. Next, I want to talk about some of our core values in the autism little learners community and why they matter when it comes to connecting with autistic students. I'll also give an example of what it looks like in practice for each of these core values. The first one is compassion over compliance. We emphasize the importance of prioritizing compassion over strict adherence to compliance based approaches. This Philosophy is essential when building relationships with autistic preschoolers. You might be asking, why does it matter? Compliance driven methods often focus on making children conform to adult expectations, sometimes at the expense of their individuality and well being. For example, forcing a child to complete a task without addressing their sensory or emotional needs can lead to stress, dysregulation and disconnection. Now, how does this look in practice? Well, compassion based approaches focus on meeting the child where they are, supporting them through that CO regulation that we've talked about, and focusing on strength based approaches and creating a sense of emotional safety. For example, allowing a child to take a sensory break during a structured activity rather than insisting they sit still. Another way is validating a child's feelings, such as saying, oh, I can see you're upset, let's jump together to the count of 10, or the child's pushing away an activity that you planned on doing with them. And rather than getting in a power struggle with them that will most likely end in a meltdown, you pivot and offer a choice between a couple activities that you know they like. When compassion leads, connection follows. Children feel seen, understood and respected. And once you have that authentic connection, children will do more challenging activities with you. The next core value is honoring neurodiversity. A central tenet of our work is honoring the individual and unique strengths of each child. Building relationships that celebrate neurodiversity means recognizing that there's no one size fits all approach to learning, play or social interaction, valuing autistic play and deep interests as valid and meaningful ways of engaging with the world. A piece of that is respecting autistic play that we talked about. When we honor repetitive or solitary play, we send the message that the child's natural way of interacting in the world is valid. For example, rather than redirecting a child who is lining up the cars, you might join them and celebrate their precision and focus and using deep interests as bridges. The deep interests are often a source of joy and comfort like we talked about. So incorporating these into learning activities shows respect for their passions while creating a pathway for connection. So an example of that would be if a child loves dinosaurs. Use dinosaur themed visuals for schedules or for academic activities. And if a child enjoys a specific movie, see if you can find a way to incorporate characters or scenes into work activities or play. The third core value is building joyful neuroaffirming classrooms. Creating environments where children feel joyful and accepted is at the heart of autism little learners. Joy isn't just a bonus, it's a critical Part of connection and learning. So how can we use joy to strengthen connections? Well, we go back to that play play as a language for joy. For young children, play is a natural way to express emotions and build relationships following their lead. Whether it's scripting their favorite movie or doing an activity that they really, really love with their deep interest, it shows them that their joy matters. And positive interactions, positive moments throughout the day, build trust. And when children experience joy with you, whether it's through shared play, laughter, or celebrating their success, they're more likely to feel safe and connected. Here are a couple examples. Let's turn transitions into playful moments. Maybe we're going to sing a favorite song or incorporate a movement activity, like hopping to the next activity. We're going to celebrate small wins throughout the day. Like if a child tries a new sensory tool or participates in a group activity, these things are going to go a long way. When it comes to relationship building. The next area that is really, really important to us at Autism Little Learners is presuming competence. Positive relationships are built when we approach children with the assumption that they can learn, can communicate, and can connect in their own way. When we think about this, we want to really respect and honor communication styles. Whether a child's using AAC gestures or mouth words, treating their communication as valid and meaningful builds trust. For example, if a child is using an AAC device to express no. Honoring that response reinforces the connection with you. Giving choices. Allowing children to make choices and have agency shows that you respect their autonomy. For instance, offering a choice board during playtime to let them choose what activity feels right for them that day. Another area is empowering educators and caregivers. Part of our mission is to empower the adults working with autistic children. Connection doesn't just benefit the child, it transforms the educator's experience. A classroom focused on connection is one where teachers feel joy in their work. As they see children thrive. Parents feel supported and included in their child's educational journey. Everyone in the environment works collaboratively to support the child's growth. And you can support educators through providing them with the practical tools. And I know for all of you educators out there, you're thinking, man, I wish my budget was bigger. I wish they actually provided training that was relevant to me and what I do. These things are so important. Providing those visual supports, social stories, sensory strategies, really will equip teachers to meet the children's needs with confidence. And then having that training for the whole team, paraprofessionals included, that is gonna help create a cohesive team that's working together. And then let's talk a little bit about the long term impact of connection. Connection isn't just about creating positive experiences in the moment, it's about laying that foundation for long term success. When children feel valued and supported, they're more likely to be actively engaged in learning and their self esteem and confidence will grow and they develop the skills to navigate the world in a way that feels authentic to them. Connection is at the heart of everything that Autism Little Learners stands for. I encourage you to reflect with these two how can you bring more compassion, joy and authenticity to your interactions with autistic children? And what small changes can you make to prioritize connection over compliance? I encourage you to take one small step today. Whether it's observing a child's deep interest, joining in their play, or simply celebrating who they are, together we can create classrooms and homes that honor the uniqueness of every autistic child and foster meaningful, joyful relationships. Fostering positive relationships with autistic preschoolers requires patience, empathy, and intentionality. By addressing sensory and regulation needs, stepping out of that teacher mode, connecting through their passions, and honoring autistic play, we create an environment where they can thrive. When we honor their way of being and celebrate their joy, we send a powerful message. You are valued just as you are. I want to end with a quote from Amy Sesquizzina. Autism acceptance means accepting us as we are in all our neurodivergent beauty. It means challenging the status quo so that diversity of human brains is treasured. Okay you guys, join me next week, same time, same place and have an awesome week.
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I'm sending a big virtual hug your way because you just finished another episode of the Autism Little Learners Podcast.
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The good in every day.
Host: Tara Phillips
Date: December 2, 2025
This episode centers on the vital role that authentic, compassionate connection plays in supporting young autistic children. Host Tara Phillips draws on her two decades of experience as a speech-language pathologist to break down why connection must come before compliance or academics, and how shifting our mindset can unlock growth, trust, and joy for both children and educators. Tara weaves together research, real-world strategies, and the core values of her neurodiversity-affirming approach to help listeners feel empowered in their work with autistic children.
“Authentic connections create a sense of safety for children, reducing anxiety and fostering an environment where they can thrive.” (01:45, Tara Phillips)
“Understanding and accommodating these [sensory] needs is the first step toward building a trusting relationship.” (03:42, Tara Phillips)
“Instead of building a bridge, excessive questioning can build a wall.” (05:55, Tara Phillips)
“Trying to change or correct their play sends the message that their natural way of being isn’t accepted.” (10:10, Tara Phillips)
“Using play with these deep interests can be a really great bridge to connection.” (11:52, Tara Phillips)
“When compassion leads, connection follows. Children feel seen, understood and respected.” (14:40, Tara Phillips)
| Timestamp | Topic | |-----------|----------------------------------------------| | 01:41 | Four reasons why positive relationships matter| | 03:20 | Meeting sensory needs | | 04:09 | Co-regulation and self-regulation | | 05:20 | Stepping out of "teacher mode" | | 08:10 | Validating autistic play | | 11:00 | Harnessing deep interests for connection | | 12:17 | Autism Little Learners core values | | 15:55 | Small steps and encouragement | | 16:50 | Closing quote by Amy Sesquizzina |
Tara is warm, practical, and affirming throughout, blending evidence-based ideas with everyday examples. Her tone invites listeners to reflect, experiment, and celebrate the strengths and individuality of each child.
The episode drives home that connection is foundational—before academics, behavior, or compliance. Educators and caregivers who lead with compassion, honor each child’s uniqueness, and cultivate joyful environments create lifelong impacts.