Podcast Summary:

The Autism Little Learners Podcast
Episode #162: Protecting Autistic Joy Through Play With Cari Ebert, SLP
Host: Tara Phillips
Guest: Cari Ebert, Speech-Language Pathologist and Advocate
Release Date: February 17, 2026

Episode Overview

This vibrant, compassionate conversation between host Tara Phillips and guest Cari Ebert explores how to recognize, protect, and celebrate the authentic ways autistic children play. Cari, a nationally known SLP and parent of an autistic adult son, explains why honoring neurodivergent play styles is crucial, how deep interests build genuine connection and communication, and practical strategies for supporting joyful, individualized play environments. Throughout, the focus is on connection over compliance, presuming competence, and bringing flexibility — and fun — into early childhood support for autistic children.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Valuing Autistic Play as Authentic Play

[05:32] – [08:12]

• Cari defines autistic play as authentic, not needing to be fixed or reshaped into neurotypical norms:

  • “Autistic children have brains that function differently. … They learn, communicate, and play differently. There’s no right or wrong way to play because play, by definition, is the spontaneous activity of children. So autistic play is authentic play.” — Cari Ebert [05:59]
  • Emphasizes neurodiversity-affirming practices, moving away from deficit-based or behaviorist approaches that aim to “fix” the child.

• The shift from “appropriate play” to “authentic play” is essential and echoes recent neurodiversity-affirming movements.

2. Deep Interests: Joy, Connection, and Communication

[08:47] – [16:32]

• Autistic children often have “deep interests” rather than the “wide interests” seen in neurotypical peers.
• Deep interests are a gateway for connection and communication:
  • “Meaningful connection leads to meaningful communication.” — Cari Ebert [09:04]
• Real-life examples:
  • One child’s deep interest was vacuum cleaners; therapy centered around this, leading to gains.
  • Another family bonded with their son through his passion for car washes, even buying a car wash pass to indulge and connect.
• It’s crucial NOT to “squash” these deep interests; embracing them can transform relationships and learning.

3. Reframing Language & Expectations

[14:20] – [16:32]

• Deficit language like “obsessions” or “fixations” is reframed as “deep interests” or “focusing intently.”
  • “He focuses intently on his own interests. … That will make him an amazing employee one day!” — Cari Ebert [14:20]
• The importance of individualized education (the "I" in IEP): modifications and flexibility are necessary to foster engagement.

4. Practical Strategies: Creating Environments that Honor Autistic Play

[21:14] – [26:53]

• Fix the environment, not the child:

  • “When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower. … When a child doesn’t thrive, you fix the environment.” — Cari Ebert [21:14]

• Cari’s three-step formula: Regulate, Reach, Teach:

  1. Regulate: Meet sensory needs, create a ready state for learning.
  2. Reach: Build connection, prioritize a strong bond over compliance.
  3. Teach: Embed learning in the context of connection and regulation.

• Adapt the classroom: reduce clutter, provide sensory accommodations (lighting, seating), avoid compliance-based postures like "criss-cross applesauce."

• Goals should be activity-flexible and embed seamlessly into child-preferred activities.

  • “Follow their lead— doesn’t mean free-for-all, it means embedding our strategies into what they’re already doing.” — Cari Ebert [24:53]

5. Responsive, Relationship-Based Teaching (Not Compliance)

[26:53] – [31:21]

• When a child protests or disengages, it’s a prompt for adults to pivot, not for the child to comply:
  • “Those moments are not a reflection on the kid … We have to look at ourselves and say, ‘I need to pivot right now.’” — Tara Phillips [27:33]
• Dysregulation or “challenging behaviors” are forms of communication; the environment or activity must shift.
  • “If a child gets dysregulated, that’s an us problem, not a them problem.” — Cari Ebert [28:00]
• De-pathologizing behaviors: “Behavior is the most accessible form of communication once they have a stress response.” — Cari Ebert [29:35]

6. Expanding Play, Not Replacing It

[39:48] – [43:30]

• SLPs and teachers should introduce, not impose, new play ideas—broadening “play schemes” rather than demanding a shift.
  • “Expanding their play schemes— not about stopping their current way of playing … Pressure-free environments.” — Cari Ebert [40:53]
• Adult flexibility is key: “Don’t expect them to be mentally flexible— that’s our job.” — Cari Ebert [42:04]
• Practical examples: modeling new ways to use cars or materials without removing or controlling the child’s approach.

7. Presuming Competence: Memorable Story

[43:50] – [48:13]

• Most unexpected lesson? Always presume competence.
• Cari’s moving story of a minimally speaking child whose “obsession” with letters led to the discovery he was hyperlexic and capable of spelling, identifying, and reading more than anyone realized—once the environment and expectations shifted:
  • “Nobody ever presumed competence. … Because this is a minimally speaking child, they treated him like an infant. … The most important thing I’ve learned is: presume competence with our kids.” — Cari Ebert [48:13]

8. Honoring Autistic Joy Across the Lifespan

[50:53] – [53:14]

• Autistic children often carry their childhood passions into adulthood; these are not “immature,” they are sources of enduring joy.
• Example of Cari’s son, Aaron, who continues to love letters, labeling, and wild animals as a young adult:
  • “Autistic adults don’t outgrow their childhood passions. … That’s the biggest piece. We’ve gotta honor autistic joy.” — Cari Ebert [53:14]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We do the best we can until we know better, and when we know better, we do better.” —Cari Ebert, quoting Maya Angelou [04:13]
• “The goal is never to make autistic kids play like neurotypical kids … It's to honor their neurotype, honor their way of being human, and honor their play.” — Cari Ebert [39:24]
• “Info-dumping is an autistic love language.” — Cari Ebert [33:55]
• “Honor autistic joy.” — Cari Ebert [53:14]
• “Don’t ever forget what the I [in IEP] stands for … Individualized.” — Cari Ebert [20:20]
• “When a child gets dysregulated, that’s an us problem. … Fix the environment.” — Cari Ebert [28:00]
• “Presume competence.” — Cari Ebert [48:13]

Other Practical Takeaways

• Write IEP goals that are open-ended and allow play expansion, not rigid milestones.
• Use visuals/adaptations to subtly introduce new options, never to coerce.
• Share time (“talking stick”) is more valuable for connection than rigid calendar routines.
• "Child-led" does not mean lack of guidance—it's about using what motivates and regulates.
• Adults need mental flexibility; children—not yet having that skill—should not be forced into adult agendas.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Cari’s Definition of Autistic Play: [05:59]
• Deep Interests & Connection: [09:04], [13:36], [16:32]
• Environment Over Compliance: [21:14], [24:53]
• Shifting Adult Perspective: [27:33], [28:00], [29:35]
• Practical Examples: [39:48], [42:04]
• Presuming Competence Story: [43:50], [48:13]
• Honoring Lifelong Joy: [53:14]

Further Resources & Where to Find Cari

• Website: cariebert.com — Courses, products, and resources for parents and professionals
• “The Learning to Learn Program” (Cari’s book, geared for Birth to Five)
• Free one-page summary: Autistic Play Is Authentic Play (linked by Tara in episode notes)
• Social Media: Instagram/Facebook @cariebertseminars

Final Message

The core takeaway: Honor autistic joy. Play, deep passions, and authentic interests are foundational to connection, learning, and dignity for autistic children—throughout life. When in doubt, follow the child, presume competence, and find the joy.

(Summary faithfully preserves the speakers’ language and the upbeat, affirming tone of the episode.)