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In today's episode, we're starting a brand new series all about play. And I want to begin with something that might feel simple but actually changes a lot of what many of us were taught. Autistic play is real play. It's not practice play. It's not something meaningless, it's not pre play or something we need to fix before it counts. It's a real, meaningful, authentic play. And if we don't start here, everything else falls apart. I'm Tara Phillips, and this is the Autism Little Learners Podcast, where I share simple neuroaffirming tools to support young autistic children with compassion and confidence. A lot of us were trained to believe there is a right way to play. That imaginative, symbolic, peer, interactive play was the gold standard, that pretend kitchens, dollhouses, cooperative board games, and elaborate storylines represent developmental success. And that lining up toys or scripting scenes from movies or spinning wheels or watching the same clip over and over are behaviors that we need to redirect. Maybe we were taught they're non functional or not developmentally appropriate or a precursor to real play. But here's the problem with that mindset. When we decide ahead of time that a child's play isn't real, we stop looking for meaning in it. And when we stop looking for meaning, we stop connecting. We move into fixing mode instead of curiosity mode. And children feel that shift immediately. Years ago, Dr. Pamela Wolfberg, who mentored me and shaped so much of my thinking, talked about play not in terms of how it looks, but in terms of its qualities. She said play is pleasurable, it's intrinsically motivated, it's voluntary, it's process oriented, and it's actively engaging. Notice what's not on that list? Nowhere does it say it must include pretend scripts, it must involve peers, it must look flexible and imaginative, and it must resemble neurotypical development in the area of play. If a child's deeply engaged, if they're choosing the activity and it brings them comfort or joy, if they return to it again and again because it feels good in their body, that is play, even if it doesn't look like what you expected. Pamela also talked about something called monotropic focus, that deep, intense concentration on something meaningful. For many autistic children, that focused engagement isn't a deficit. It's a flow state. It's immersion. It's regulation. And if we interrupt that without understanding it, we risk interrupting something really important. So much of autistic play is tied to regulation. When a child lines up cars, they may be organizing their visual world. When they Spin wheels. They may be seeking predictable movement. When they repeat the same movie scene, they may be returning to something that feels safe and known. When they script dialogue, they may be using language in the way their brain processes language, especially for gestalt language processors. If play is serving a regulatory function and we abruptly stop it, what happens? The nervous system dysregulates, and we wonder why. We see resistance, shutdown, meltdowns. It's not really defiance. It's disruption. When I interviewed the incredible Carrie Ebert, she said something that has always stayed with me. There is no right or wrong way to play. Autistic play is authentic play. That framing matters, you guys, because when we label something as like they play with this inappropriately, we automatically put ourselves in that correction mode. But when we call it authentic, we move into curiosity mode. We start asking, what does this child get from this? What need is being met? How can I join in instead of interrupting the way they play? That internal shift changes everything about how we show up. So let's gently bust a few myths that are still alive out there. Myth number one, lining up toys isn't real play. Okay. Lining up toys can involve pattern recognition, sequencing, visual organization, predictability, and focus. And if it is chosen and joyful, it is play. Repetition means lack of imagination. Repetition actually builds mastery and safety. It allows the nervous system to settle. Many of us as adults repeat songs, routines, and comfort shows. We call that self care. Scripting isn't communication. For many children, scripting is how language is processed and expressed. It can be deeply meaningful and often becomes the bridge toward more flexible language. Myth 4 solitary play is not social. Parallel play, proximity play, shared space without direct interaction. These are valid developmental pathways. Not every child moves through play in the same sequence. When we widen our lens, we begin to see depth where we once saw deficit. I remember a student years ago who loved holding cars up in front of his face and looking at them from every angle. If I had approached that with a deficit mindset, I might have thought, we need to teach him how to drive the car appropriately. Instead, I sat beside him and I held up my own car. I copied him. And then after a few minutes, I gently rolled my car down a ramp beside him. I didn't take his car. I didn't say, your turn. I didn't initiate a demand for imitation. I just modeled. He glanced over and he kept looking at his car. And then about two minutes later, and this is where patience matters, because it's not always going to be just two minutes. He slowly put his car on the ramp and let it go. The giggle that came out filled the room. He discovered something new. Not because I corrected him, not because I told him to do it, but because I joined him. So what is our role? Honoring autistic play doesn't mean we don't do anything. It doesn't mean we avoid teaching. It doesn't mean we never introduce new ideas or different ways to play. It means we shift our posture instead of thinking they're playing inappropriately. I need to fix this. We think, how can I support where he's at and expand this? Our role is to, number one, protect joy, protect their autistic joy. Number two, support regulation three, build connection. And then, and only then, can we gently expand play schemes. We don't want to override them or replace them or force them because forcing creates compliance. And compliance is not the same. It's actually the opposite of joyful play. Expansion means offering, not demanding. If a child loves dinosaurs and stomps them on the table, you might model dinosaur stomp, stomp, stomp, roar. We're adding one little thing in the roar. Or dinosaur stomp, stomp, stomp, eat the leaf. We're not asking the child to do it. We're just modeling some different things to see if something sticks as something that they find joy in. And like dinosaur stomp, stomp, stomp, hides in the cave. Oh no. Help me, help me. If a child loves water play and pouring, you might add a funnel, a water wheel, floating toys. See if any of them capture their interest after you model them. If they love blocks and stacks, you might model, build, tower, knock down or build a bridge. Drive the car under some of them they're going to completely ignore and they have no interest in. But every once in a while, you hit on something that captures their interest and that's going to help them expand their play. You're widening the doorway. You're saying there are more possibilities here, but you're never closing the door on what they already love. So again, some ideas will stick, some won't. And that is totally okay. Sometimes children benefit from seeing options visually. So that's where things like play visual supports can help. So simple, one step visuals might be car down the ramp. We're not forcing them to do it, we're just showing different options and modeling it. Feed the baby, people in the bus. These visuals are not compliance tools. They're invitations. They reduce cognitive load. They make possibilities visual. They create clarity without pressure. And again, the child chooses always. Now, what if they're not interested in toys yet? This is where people games become incredibly powerful. The hand and center outlines this beautifully in plan for people play. People games are simple, familiar routines that require at least two people, but no toys. Things like peekaboo, chase, tickle games, row, row, row your boat, swinging, bouncing. I'm gonna get you those kind of games. Children naturally enjoy people games because they're based on sensory preferences like movement, touch, sound, anticipation. And they have structure. They have a beginning, a middle, and an end. And that predictability creates safety, and safety creates participation. The Hanon strategy Rock R O C K encourages us to R repeat and be predictable. O offer opportunities for the child to send us messages. C create routines. K keep it fun and connected. People games are especially powerful when a child isn't showing interest in toys yet, or you're building early social communication, or you want to strengthen your relationship with a child. Sometimes the most meaningful play doesn't involve toys at all. Involves faces, laughter, shared anticipation, and that connection. When we force play to look a certain way, several things can happen. We increase cognitive load. We increase stress. We reduce intrinsic motivation. Now remember, play should be intrinsically joyful. And the child learns that. Play with adults feels like work. Are they going to want to do it then? No. But when we join them first and we observe and we expand gently, we preserve joy. And joy is not extra. Joy is the foundation. Autistic children grow into autistic adults. And autistic adults have told us clearly. When adults tried to make me play differently, it didn't feel good. When someone joined me, I When someone valued what I loved, when someone built from there, it changed everything. Play is not something we train into children. It's something we protect. It's something we join and something we expand gently. And when play stops being joyful, it stops being play. It's just a task. So this week, I want you to try something. Before you redirect, before you teach, before you expand, pause and ask yourself, is this joyful for the child? Is it voluntary? Is it intrinsically motivated? And if the answer is yes, start there. Autistic play is real play. And when we honor it, we create space for connection, regulation, growth, and trust. Next week, we'll go even deeper into the practical side of expanding play without disrupting it. Until then, observe, join, and protect the joy. Thank you for spending this time with me. You're doing important work, and the small supports you put into place matter. Keep leading with connection, and I'll talk to you again next week.