The Autism Little Learners Podcast

Episode #169: Expanding Play Without Taking It Over

Host: Tara Phillips
Date: April 7, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Tara Phillips explores the nuanced art of expanding play for young autistic children without taking control or invalidating their interests and play style. Drawing from her experience as a speech-language pathologist, Tara offers practical, neurodiversity-affirming strategies to encourage growth in play skills, foster connection, and respect each child’s unique ways of engaging with the world. The theme: gentle guidance and shared joy—not compliance or forced imitation.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Value of Exploratory Play

• Exploratory play is developmentally meaningful.
  • Many autistic children spend extended time in this stage (dumping, mouthing, spinning, lining up, etc.), which supports sensory processing, cognitive development, and early language foundations.
  • “When a child is dumping, mouthing, shaking, spinning, or lining things up, they're not doing nothing. They are exploring through their senses.” (00:43)
  • Staying in exploratory play longer is not a deficit—just a different pathway.

2. Expanding Play vs. Taking Over

• Taking Over:
  • Redirecting play because it’s not “functional”
  • Removing toys, forcing imitation, interrupting repetitive play, turning play into drills
  • Shifts control to adults
• Expanding Play:
  • Observing first, joining in, adding one small idea, following the child’s lead
  • “The key difference? Control. Taking over shifts the control to the adult, and expanding keeps the child in the driver’s seat.” (03:44)

3. The "OWL" Strategy: Observe, Wait, Listen

• Step 1: Observe
  • Get on the child’s level; watch closely to recognize their play patterns.
  • “O is for observe, W for wait, L for listen is powerful here.” (05:17)
  • Recognizing patterns helps adults build from what is already meaningful to the child.
• Step 2: Join (Not Interrupt)
  • Imitate the child’s actions with your own items.
    • E.g., lineup your own cars, spin another wheel, dump your own container.
  • Sends the message: “I see you. What you’re doing matters, and it’s really cool, and I’m not here to change you.” (06:30)
  • Connection comes before expansion.
• Step 3: Add One Small Idea

  • After joining and building trust, gently introduce a single, simple variation.

  • Example: Add a sound effect, pause for eye gaze, exaggerate a movement.

    “Not five, not a whole storyline, just one.” (07:31)

4. Moving From Exploratory to Functional Play

• One-step functional play: Basic expected use of a toy (pushing a car, dropping ball, etc.)
• Transition often leverages cause and effect.

  • For a child obsessed with dropping objects, introduce a ramp or a tot tube (linked in show notes).

  • Reframes dropping as structured and predictable, rather than eliminating a beloved action.

    “You're not saying, ‘Stop dropping toys or objects.’ You're saying, ‘Let's drop them in a new way.’” (09:13)

5. Expanding Beyond Repetitive Actions

• Layer 1: Expand Toy Variety
  • If a child pushes one car, try a bus or a train.
• Layer 2: Expand Action Variety
  • Add ramps, tunnels, make cars crash, etc.
• Layer 3: Combine Actions
  • E.g., Put people in a bus and push; car down a ramp and crash at the bottom.
  • Build one small action at a time, based on what the child already enjoys.
• Memorable Quote:

  “Expansion comes easier when you build one small action at a time from something they already love.” (12:45)

6. The Role of Regulation

• Recognize the safety of repetitive/sensory play.

  • Sudden interruption can increase stress.

  • Expansion works best when honoring the play first and gently stretching its boundaries.

  • If a child shows distress to a new idea, that’s valuable feedback: maybe the leap or the timing was too much.

    “If the child becomes distressed when you add something new, that's feedback. It means that stretch was too big or the timing wasn't right, or they needed more connection with you first, and that's okay.” (16:25)

7. Pathway to Pretend Play

• Pretend play emerges after exploratory and functional play.
  • Avoid jumping ahead to complex pretend scenarios before foundational skills are ready.
  • Gently model pretend actions (e.g., making animals sleep, feed, bathe) in parallel with the child’s preferred play.
  • No expectation for copying—just exposure.
• Practical Example:

  “If they love washing toys in water, you might add soap or a towel. Add a night-night after bath. Pretend grows when functional play feels comfortable.” (18:45)

8. Letting Go of the Outcome

• Focus on exposure, not enforcement.

  • Some ideas will land, others “will be ignored, and that’s okay.”

  • Not every modeled play idea will be adopted; the child decides what feels good.

    “Our role is exposure, not enforcement. We introduce new possibilities. The child decides which ones feel good.” (20:14)

9. Practical Guidelines for Gentle Play Expansion

• Ask yourself:
  1. Did I observe first?
  2. Did I join before I directed?
  3. Did I add just one small variation?
  4. Did I keep it playful?
  5. Did I respect regulation cues?
• If all “yes,” you’re expanding, not taking over.

10. The Big Picture—Why It Matters

• Gentle expansion increases language, joint attention, cognitive flexibility, problem-solving, and emotional regulation.
• Most importantly: “The child learns my ideas matter. Play is safe, adults are fun, new things aren’t scary.” (22:01)
• The episode closes with a powerful analogy:

  “Expanding play without taking it over is a dance. Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow. Sometimes you simply sit beside. Autistic play is authentic play. Our job is not to reshape it into something typical. Our job is to widen the world gently, one small step at a time.” (22:40)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “When we slow down enough to observe, we finally realize something important. The child already has a pattern, and the patterns are something we can build from.” (05:52)
• “Connection always comes before expansion.” (06:48)
• “Play should be pleasurable, intrinsically motivated, flexible, voluntary, and actively engaging.” (16:43)
• “Not every idea will stick. Some ideas will land beautifully, others will be ignored, and that's okay.” (20:02)

Additional Resources Mentioned

• Tot tube and ramps for cause-and-effect play (see show notes for links and visuals)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00-03:30 – Introduction to the tension between expanding and taking over play
• 03:30-07:30 – Exploratory play vs. functional play; “OWL” strategy explanation
• 07:30-12:00 – How to join and gently add ideas to play
• 12:00-16:00 – Strategies for expanding repetitive play; building in layers
• 16:00-18:45 – Regulation, safety, and respecting feedback
• 18:45-21:00 – Development of pretend play and letting go of outcomes
• 21:00-23:00 – Guidelines, benefits of gentle expansion, closing thoughts

Conclusion

Tara Phillips delivers a warm, practical, and compassionate guide to expanding autistic children’s play—always affirming the child's pace, patterns, and autonomy. Through observation, connection, and incremental steps, adults can support growth while showing children that their way of playing is valued and meaningful. The episode is an invitation to become a responsive play partner—and a reminder that true inclusion means honoring every child's authentic self.