The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
Host: Robyn Gobbel
Episode: EP 238: Happy Birthday RKBBB - and a gift for you!
Date: September 23, 2025

Episode Overview

This special episode celebrates the second birthday of Robyn Gobbel’s influential book, Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors (RKBBB). Robyn reflects on the book’s unexpected success, its impact on readers and professionals worldwide, and offers listeners a "birthday gift": practical strategies for addressing three of the most baffling behaviors in children (and parents themselves). The episode focuses on understanding these behaviors through neuroscience and compassion, reinforcing her message that healing and connection are possible for even the most challenging situations.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Celebrating Two Years of ‘Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors’

• Milestones and Unexpected Success
  • Robyn recounts the surprising moment she discovered RKBBB made the USA Today Bestseller List at #61 ([03:30]).
  • The book has now sold over 50,000 copies.
  • “Nothing about this book would matter…if it wasn’t helpful to you.” ([07:40])
• Intentional Book Design
  • The book is crafted for real-world impact, focusing on practical change rather than abstract advice ([09:10]).
  • Robyn used stories of “Nat,” a fictional parent, to foster deep connection and build “relational resonance” with readers.
  • The goal: “Strengthen your own stress responses and widen your own window of tolerance the teeniest, tiniest bit…just 1% better.” ([15:23])

2. Professional Opportunities & Community Expansion

• Announcement of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s Professional Immersion Program for 2026 ([17:28]).
  • Now includes a new evening cohort, making it accessible to Asia, Australia, and those in the US who couldn’t attend daytime groups.

3. The “Birthday Gift”: Decoding Three Baffling Behaviors

Robyn offers listeners neuroscience-informed strategies for three common, confusing behaviors:

a. Regression / “Acting Like a Toddler” ([21:10])

• Why It Happens:
  • Children (and adults) function out of lower parts of the brain under stress. As stress increases, behaviors become “younger.”
  • “Regressive behavior isn’t backsliding. It’s a sign of stress—a brain in protection mode.” ([25:23])
  • All behaviors—even aggravating ones like whining—are attempts to seek safety and connection.
• Practical Tip:
  • Don’t shame yourself for being annoyed by regressed behaviors. Use your “owl brain” (higher brain/calm state) to see the need underneath.
  • Ask: “What does my child's nervous system need right now in order to feel safe?” ([29:35])

b. Inconsistency in Skills and Regulation ([32:10])

• Why It Happens:
  • Stress, neuroception, and bodily states cause children to lose access to some skills at times.
  • “Skills come and go…in this moment, what is the capacity of my stress response system?” ([32:48])
• Practical Tip:
  • Recognize that inconsistency is neurological, not deliberate.
  • Respond with empathy; adjust expectations for yourself and your child as needed.

c. Baffling Adult Behaviors—“Why can’t I do what I know I should?” ([37:09])

• Why It Happens:
  • Adults under stress revert to old, ingrained response patterns—often those learned in childhood.
  • “Everything you believe about your child is true about you too.” ([40:19])
• Practical Tip:
  • Apply science to yourself: Widen your own window of tolerance slowly over time, with compassion.
  • Access resources like Robyn’s infographic “How not to Flip Your Lid when Your Kid is Flipping Theirs” ([42:40]).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I wanted to write those sections of the book in a way that you, the reader, could feel as though I was talking directly to you.” ([10:40])
• “Sometimes folks say…they could never be like me as a therapist. What I wanted…was that it would strengthen your own stress responses…hang onto your owl brain one second longer than you could the day before.” ([14:44])
• “Regression…isn’t only a behavior problem. It’s a sign of stress. It’s a sign of a brain in protection mode getting more and more activated.” ([25:23])
• “It can feel manipulative. It can feel like laziness. I get it. And it’s about the nervous system.” ([33:21])
• “When we get more stressed, we tend to access memory networks that were exercised earlier in life…so we start behaving in those ways that we’ve been trying to change.” ([41:50])
• “Everything you believe about your child is true about you too. So let’s take a breath, let’s be with ourselves, with some self-compassion, and then let’s try again.” ([40:19])
• “The brain and the nervous system are changing all the time. It can't not work. It can't not work. It's simply the science.” ([50:33])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:02] – Welcome and episode context
• [03:30] – Making the USA Today bestseller list
• [07:40] – The real value of the book
• [09:10] – Book design for practical change
• [14:44] – On therapy, self-doubt, and the gift of “1% better”
• [17:28] – Professional Immersion Program announcement
• [21:10] – Discussion of regressive behavior
• [25:23] – Regression as a sign of stress
• [29:35] – Practical approaches to regressive behavior
• [32:10] – Inconsistency in skills explained
• [37:09] – Parents struggling with their own behaviors
• [40:19] – Compassion for self and child
• [41:50] – Accessing old memory networks under stress
• [42:40] – Free infographic/resource hub mention
• [50:33] – Reassurance: the science of change
• [54:00] – Invitation to celebrate RKBBB’s birthday

Final Takeaways

• Progress is slow but inevitable. Healing the nervous system takes time, but the brain is changing, even when results aren’t immediately visible.
• Use science and compassion—for yourself and your children. Both understanding and gentleness are needed for change.
• Connection builds resilience. Every act of resonance—between Robyn, her readers, and the wider community—strengthens families.

How to Join the Celebration or Get Support

• Share Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors with someone who might benefit.
• Leave a review on Amazon—even if you didn’t buy there ([54:00]).
• Check out Robyn’s free resource hub, join “the club” (online parent support), or look into the Professional Immersion Program at robingobel.com.

For any parent, therapist, or professional facing baffling behaviors, this episode is a heartfelt reminder: change is possible, you’re not alone, and your efforts matter more than you know.