← The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
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Robin Goble
I finally get to share with you something that I've been working on for a while. Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors is a free audio training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big baffling behaviors. This four part free training is delivered to you again for free right in your podcast app, the one that you're using right now to listen to the Baffling Behavior Show. If you work with high intensity families with a lot of dysregulation and baffling behaviors, you might occasionally, or yeah, maybe even a lot of the time, feel overwhelmed or even burned out. Making sense of those baffling behaviors, the kids, the parents, and yes, your own, is the first and most non negotiable step in decreasing burnout, being more effective at your job, and yes, even loving your work again. If you join this training, you'll also get access to a discussion forum that I'm holding over on Facebook and 2 live Q& A sessions with me. This is a pop up audio training, meaning it's time limited. It will start May 5, runs throughout the week and will be available to listen to you until May 12th. That's one week total. I mean there's really no reason not to sign up. It's free, it's offered in a podcast app so you can listen whenever you want. There's no live commitment, just those bonus live Q&As. The link to register is down in the show. Notes robingobel.com bafflingbehaviors Y'all, this is one of my most favorite weeks of the year and I cannot wait to share it with you. Now let's get to that episode that you pressed. Play on. So when your kids behavior is baffling and yours is too sometimes. Yeah, I know. Let's take a break from all the bamboozle here on the Baffling Behavior Show. Hey hey hey everybody. Welcome or welcome back to the Baffling Behavior show or the podcast formerly known as Parenting After Trauma. I'm your host Robin Goble and as we move in to mid December approach the end of the year, my team and I are on holiday break. We're going to be playing replays from now until mid January. We do this every year. I will often post more than one or release more than one replay a week. I try to choose replays that could be supportive to you during this holiday season in which things for many families, again regardless of holidays celebrated or not celebrated where you live in the world, typically this season is a little higher stress. So I try to choose episodes that could be helpful to you during this time period. It's also a time where maybe your kids are home, they're not in school. So look for some helpful replays over the next four weeks. Starting with today I'm going to replay a three part series on felt safety and I'll be replaying this episode today obviously, and then tomorrow we'll release episode two in the series and on Thursday we'll release episode three in the series. Felt safety can feel really, really confusing because it's often conveyed as only being about rel safety, which then leaves parents feeling really blamed and as though like you're at fault for why your child is struggling with health safety. But felt safety is way more complex than relational safety. And it's super important that we understand the three streams of safety, inside, outside, in between, so that we can stay really curious about what might be helpful interventions that could invite our kids nervous system into safety into connection mode. So part one is about the inside stream of felt safety. Part two is about the outside stream of felt safety. And part three is about the between part of felt safety. I also have a downloadable infographic all about felt safety over on my website and I'll make sure the link for that is in the show notes. Alrighty y'all, here is my replay of episode 161, felt safety from the inside felt safety. So why am I going to do a three part? I'm expecting it to be three parts, but y'all know that I'm flexible. This three part series on felt safety because actually felt safety, despite being so foundational, also tends to be one of the things that people get most confused and tripped up about. I think that something about the language of felt safety, as well as, you know, a decade and a half now of the field really talking about felt safety in relationship to parenting and specifically in relationship to parenting. Kids with such vulnerable nervous systems, there's just been some misconceptions drawn about what felt safety really is. For example, that felt safety is all about relationship. And so what is challenging about that is if I start to talk to a family about their child's felt safety, it can feel really personal. Like I'm suggesting there's something wrong with their relationship or I'm suggesting that their child doesn't feel safe with them, which isn't the implication at all. Felt safety is so much broader than simply the relationship. And then the next misconception when we start talking about felt safety and folks will say but this child is safe, what they typically mean is this child is physically safe, or they mean there's this belief that things that are leaving a child feeling not safe should be super easily identifiable. So if me as the grownup isn't noticing what could be contributing to their lack of felt safety, then it must just mean that felt safety isn't it. That's not what the problem is. The child is safe. So the idea that cues of safety or cues of danger always really identifiable is another big myth. It's important to address these myths because felt safety is such a broad, broad, broad topic. And if we're going to use language to talk about felt safety and supporting our kids experience of felt safety, inviting our kids into felt safety, and there's pretty consistent misconceptions about what that really means, then we easily, of course, get stuck in confusion and it's not helpful. Right. And then it starts to feel like all this talk about felt safety is not even helping me. When usually what I have found when folks feel like the concept of felt safety isn't helpful is because there's just some misunderstandings about what felt safety really is. And also how much control we as the caregiver or the adult or the therapist or professional or teacher, how much control we have over someone else's felt safety. So we're gonna take three episodes and deep dive into this and then we're gonna do three. Because there are three components to felt safety. Felt safety from our inner environments, our inner worlds, felt safety from the outer environment, from our surroundings, and felt safety from relationship. And so since there are these three components to felt safety, we're gonna do a three part series. Series today's is going to focus on internal felt safety. Now there's a very, very foundational key concept involved in this discussion of felt safety called having a nervous system in protection mode versus having a nervous system in connection mode. A nervous system in protection mode is experiencing cues of danger. A nervous system in connection mode is experiencing cues of safety. And a nervous system in connection mode leads to behaviors that invite connection. And a nervous system in protection mode lead to behaviors that don't invite connection. Right. It's a big oversimplification. So when we're talking about felt safety, we're really talking about, you know, is this person's experience leaving their nervous system resting in connection mode or activated in protection mode. Connection versus protection is a really important concept. And I have a podcast episode all about connection protection. I'm going to link it for you in the show Notes. It's so foundational. It's one of the very first episodes of this podcast, episode six, seven. And actually, there was a felt safety episode at the very, very beginning of when I started podcasting as well. But I've decided that some of the ways I laid out the concept of felt safety, I've just shifted my language. I've shifted my understanding a little bit. I want to update that, and I also want to pull out the series. And so instead of one episode on felt safety, we're going to have three. This episode is going to focus on felt safety coming from the internal world. And because this is a parenting podcast, I'm going to mostly talk about our child's internal world. But please remember, these are universal concepts. Universal concepts that don't actually even have to do with trauma or sensitized stress response systems or nervous system vulnerability. All of us, regardless of the strength of our nervous system and the flexibility that we have in our nervous system, have the same mechanism by which we are determining safe or not safe. And again, you can learn about that concept back in the connection or protection episode. Let's talk about getting cues of safety or danger from our internal world. So we're constantly scanning these three places, our inner world, the environment, and the relationship that we're in. In our inner world, our neuroception is constantly scanning for anything, really that it needs to pay attention to. So when it determines there's something that needs to be paid attention to, it's going to flip into protection mode. It's going to experience that as a cue of danger. That might feel a little confusing because, for example, is being kind of hungry a big cue of danger? Or is having to go to the bathroom a big cue of danger? I mean, maybe not if we use, like, kind of the commonly held definitions of the word danger, but if we kind of pause that definition for a second and really remember the point of the system, which is to scan for and be aware of things that need paid attention to. And absolutely, cues of hunger need to be paid attention to, right? Going to the bathroom. Cues that you need to go to the bathroom need to be paid attention to. Cues of being tired need to be paid attention to so that our nervous system, our bodies, can function as optimally as possible. If we're hungry, we need to find nutrition, right? We need to satiate that hunger. So those kinds of, hey, pay attention to me cues, being hungry, being tired, being, you know, having to go to the bathroom, having an uncomfortable temperature, like being too hot or too cold, really, anything that kind of pulls us out of our homeostatic regulation and goes, hey, something's up, pay attention to me. That is going to be neuroceived by the nervous system as a cue of danger. Now, in nervous systems that aren't very sensitized or aren't very vulnerable, that's neuroceived as a really mild cue of danger and achieves the purpose of kind of waking up that what's up watchdog, which helps the person go, hey, what's, what's up? Something's going on here. The challenge, of course, in folks with vulnerability and sensitized stress response system is that these mild or minor cues awaken a much more activated watchdog or possum, right? These minor cues elicit a very, very big stress response. Internal cues like being hungry, being tired, having to go to the bathroom, needing to move our bodies, being hot or cold. And then there's bigger things. Meaning when I say bigger, I think what I mean is kind of more chronic. Like being hungry is hopefully a very short lived experience in the grand scheme of our existence, right? We're hungry, we get the cue to, you know, find food, we eat food, we're satiated. That's theoretically short lived with relatively quick and easy return kind of to baseline. So when I say bigger things, I think what I really mean is more chronic things like infections or toxins that can be things as kind of average or typical to childhood, like an influenza infection, some sort of respiratory virus, but it also can be much more chronic infections and infections that often go. Infections or toxins that often go unnoticed like toxic mold. Having some gut issues. Neuroimmune disorders. I have a whole series on neuroimmune disorders that you can find on the podcast. If you suspect neuroimmune disorders or really any of these kind of chronic internal cues of danger, any of the. If you suspect any of that, the neuroimmune disorder series will be helpful to you even if your child doesn't have a neuroimmune disorder. But these kind of insults to the body, these toxins and these chronic infections are going to be something that neuroception tags as a cue of danger in that internal space. Just a real quick interruption. If you're loving the podcast, you should go right now to my website. Check out all my free resources. There's webinars, downloadable ebooks and a huge amount of infographic cheat sheets on so many different topics. Felt safety and boundaries, how to handle lying, what to do if you have a child who seems always dysregulated. How to not flip your lid when your kid is flipping theirs steps you can take when your nervous system is fried, what co regulation really looks like. And y'all, that's not even all. There's more. And my team and I add at this point about one new free resource a month. So you're going to want to check in regularly, see all those free resources and download exactly what you want@robingobel.com freeresources let's go back to the show. And then this really can end up culminating in a nervous system that is constantly, you know, checking out cues of safety or danger that ultimately ends up neuro ceiving fight flight cues. So like neuro sieving a body in protection mode as danger and then we end up in these really vicious cycle. So let's break that down a little bit. There's a lot of reasons, including the amount or the level or the intensity of danger that has existed throughout an individual's entire lifespan that can make it very difficult for the neuroception system to receive enough cues of safety even when danger isn't happening, that it makes it difficult for the nervous system to return to a sense of safety, to return to connection mode. So I'm going to say that again for a whole lot of reasons. Some folks have a nervous system that has a hard time noticing cues of safety. Even when danger isn't physically happening in that moment and therefore returning to safety in their nervous system. Returning to connection mode is elusive. It's very challenging. So the cue of danger continues to be neurosieved from the danger danger system. And again we end up like stuck in this feedback loop that's really, really hard to break. There's this constant bidirectional conversation that's happening between the brain and the body and the body in the brain. Okay, so the brain is sending information down to the body and the body is sending information up to the brain. And actually that direction body to brain is dominant in the conversation. It's about 80% of the way information travels in the nervous system. About 80% of it is body to brain, where only about 20% of it is brain to body. So for example, when a nervous system is neuro seeming danger, when a body flips into protection mode, one thing, just one of the things that happens is that muscles tighten to prepare for protection, to prepare for the eventual need to fight or flee or to use that muscle tension to stay safe. And what is supposed to happen is either that muscle tension gets used, right? There's enough danger that that muscle tension is needed to fight or flee. And or the neuroception system ends up deciding like, oh, I actually am not in that much danger. I can return to safety even without expressing the activation in my muscles, because I was just preparing to fight or flee, right? I ended up not needing to. I ended up realizing I was safe after all, and my muscles released that tension. That's what's supposed to happen. Either that muscle tension is used right away efficiently and there's a return to safety, right? So a release of that muscle tension, or the neuroceptive system goes, oh, actually, nevermind, I actually don't need this muscle tension. I was mistaken. Enough cues of safety are now returning to me and I can release this muscle tension. Now, if the return to safety is elusive, if somebody lives in pretty chronic danger danger, or if somebody has a history of living in pretty chronic danger danger that's going to impact how quickly and easily the nervous system can return to safety. And in a sense, then the nervous system sort of gets kind of stuck in protection mode. What ends up really happening is that cues of danger continue to be dominant and then the muscle tension is what becomes an internal cue of danger. Because the neuroceptive system knows that muscles tightening, tighten in response to danger. So therefore there's, you know, this logic of like, well, tense muscles must be a signal of danger. So the muscle tension, you know, kind of was activated because of cues of danger. Then some nervous systems don't return to safety and connection, even when the environment returns to safety, then that muscle tension remains. And now the neuroceptive system is neuro ceiving that inner cue as that cue of danger. If you've been listening for a while or if you've read my book, you know that Bonnie Badenoch has been my primary mentor in interpersonal neurobiology and relational neuroscience and really taking the science and making it practical so that I can, I can help y'all. And in her book Heart of Trauma, Bonnie writes that for many of us, probably most of us, the return to safety is elusive and infrequent. And in this case, the ascending arc of the circle, which is always active, sends the message upward from chronically tight muscles that dangerous still present. That message then in turn helps to maintain the tension and then supports an ongoing neuroception of danger, often at such a low level that we have no conscious awareness of it. So I wanted to give you Bonnie's actual words after I had kind of decoded it and deconstructed it for you. Right. So that's what I did first, kind of put it into my language and language that you and I are used to, you know, connecting with one another over and then. And then helps you kind of put it all together by giving you that sentence there by Bonnie. And I'm going to make sure that that specific sentence gets in the blog that I always post in connection to all my podcasts. So the link to that will be in the show notes. Now, I've spent this last few minutes talking specifically about our muscles, but this idea can be applied to all of the ways our bodies physiologically respond to threat on either the watchdog or the possum pathway, right? So muscles, and what our muscles do on those pathways is just one piece of it. There's so many other pieces here, so many other physiological responses, responses that our body has as it activates the watchdog or the possum pathway. And the same theory applies that because either presently or in the past, the return to safety has been so elusive, we end up getting, you know, metaphorically stuck. I mean, neurochemically, we can get stuck as well the neurochemical messages, right, that are responsible for supercharging our HPA access and giving us all the hormones and neurochemicals that we need for a watchdog or a possum brain reaction, right? Because all of these pathways are powered by these pieces of our bodies neurochemically and hormonally, right? So if the neurochemical system continues to send the message, hey, hey, hey, there's danger, right? It's going to end up in the same feedback loop as I just described when our muscles stay tense. This is one reason that psychopharmacology can be helpful, right? Psychopharmacology can prompt a neurochemical experience that gets closer to or even achieves the neurochemistry of safety, which could in turn invite the nervous system to rest in safety enough that now relational and environmental cues of safety that are being offered can be actually noticed. So it's like if the overall bucket of cues of danger isn't being flooded by cues of internal danger, right? Then the child might be able to actually take in the experience of safety of the relationship and the safety of the environment, assuming that that's what it actually is, it's that it's safe. What gets tricky here, of course, is that often by this time, right, that this time that a child's nervous system has been so stuck in protection mode that the caregiver's nervous system, the adult's nervous system, is also pretty stuck in protection mode at this point. And therefore, it gets just really hard to Offer and create relational safety. That's not criticism, that's not blame. That's not fault. That's just neuroscience. Now, if you're a longtime listener, you know, one of my biggest passions actually is memory processing. I love to talk about memory processing. I love understanding memory processing. Understanding memory processing is. Was this major linchpin for me. And really being able to conceptualize all of these pieces. And over the holidays season, I don't know, several weeks ago, I replayed my memory processing series. I also have a webinar on memory on my website that's free to download and has an ebook that goes along with it. So because I love to talk about memory, because I very recently replayed an episode about memory, I want to talk just briefly about how memory relates to this experience of felt safety. Okay? If there is implicit memory of danger that has maybe even triggered by something in the environment, there's an external cue of danger. That external cue awakens an implicit memory network of the body's response to that external danger. And now, as that memory network has awakened, we're also adding in cues of danger internally. So a trigger in the environment that awakens an implicit memory network of danger now also is sending cues of danger from the internal world. There's also ways that internal cues of danger are what the cue of danger is that awakens a memory network of cues of danger. But even environmental cues of danger if they awaken a memory network of danger. Now, we've kind of like almost, let's say we could attempt to quantify this, which we can't. This is all metaphor. But now we're, like, doubling the cues of danger, because now we have internal cues of danger going along with it as that memory network activates internal cues of danger, which would be mild for most, maybe due to their memory networks and previous experiences, right? But for our kids and maybe for ourselves or our partners or your clients or whoever it is that you're thinking about as you're listening to this, right? They have internal cues of danger and their memory networks, which are actually tagged as extreme danger and thus evoke an extreme response. So an example of that is hunger, right? That all of us experience cues of hunger. And if we have interoception, connection, connectedness, right? We are aware of our sensations that are happening inside our body. We get mild cues of hunger before we are starving, right? And I say starving metaphorically, right? The way we all kind of use that word colloquially, like, I'm so starving. Right? Foreign. Hey, friends. So just a really quick interruption. Make sure you know about the new Owl, Watchdog and Possum Workbook for kids. The All About Me workbook is 24 pages, full color. It's created to help kids strengthen their owl brain and take care of and calm their watchdog and their possum. Your child can do the workbook alone or with you. And in fact, even if they aren't interested in the workbook, you could learn a ton about how to help their owl, watchdog and possum just by reading and maybe even doing some of it yourself. The workbook's available to purchase and you'll get it instantly as a digital Download over@robingoble.com Store. But for individuals where those cues in the past actually are tagged with extreme danger, right? Like we know people, I know people. Maybe you know people, maybe you don't, where hunger hasn't been a mild like, huh, I should go get a snack cue. But hunger has turned into a I might die. And if there's enough of that in the memory networks, then in present day, a mild cue of hunger is going to wake up hunger memory networks which are tagged with severe danger and thus are going to evoke a significant danger danger response. We're going to go all the way down to the back off or the attack level watchdog. So I don't want to get too overly nuanced in all of the nitty gritty details, but I do think as we are more deeply exploring the concepts of health safety, having this awareness that something could start as a cue of danger and then the way that the body responds to it, the way that the muscles respond, the way that their neurochemistry responds, or the, the way that the muscles and the neurochemistry are kind of at baseline, the way that it awakens an implicit memory network, an external cue quickly becomes something that are internal cues, right? And so that trigger becomes that much more evocative. Now, knowing there's a lot of you listening who haven't been brought here because your child has a history of trauma, but because they have nervous system vulnerability in another way, I want to touch super briefly on the autistic neurotype and specifically pathological demand avoidance pda. Now I want to be so, so, so clear. This is not my area of expertise. Please. If you are here because you're parenting a child who's autistic, has a PDA neurotype, please don't rely on this podcast alone, right? Please be, you know, listening to the voices of lived experience, listening to adults with an autistic neurotype or with, you know, the PDA profile. But here's my very basic understanding and please feel free to reach out to me if I am getting this wrong that the autistic neurotype, the way the autistic neurotype processes the world could create a propensity to tip towards protection mode if for no other reason that the world is built for a neurotypical experience. And in much of that expectations, relational experiences, environmental design, for example, is experienced as too much or too little for someone with the autistic neurotype. This too much or too little then is experienced as a cue of danger and gets exacerbated as that experience is so unseen and often despite even so much, our best intentions not well co regulated by folks or caregivers or companions or friends or professionals, whoever, right, who are neurotypical. So if we look specifically at the PDA profile of the autistic neurotype, it is predisposed to experience demands as the cue of danger, internal demands and external demands. The demand of I'm hungry or I need to go to the bathroom is like a double whammy. Like not only is the nervous system going, oh, cue of danger, let's do something about this. Well, the let's do something about this is then experience is a cue of danger, right? The demand itself is the cue of danger. And so I think even without me saying much more, it's so clear how this profile of this neurotype can then lead to a nervous system that is pretty chronically stuck in danger, danger, protection mode. Now this of course gets a little tricky to tease out the differences between the neurotype that somebody is born with that we're not looking to, you know, help or fix or integrate or heal or whatever language we want to use, right? The autistic neurotype isn't something to try to change and traumatic experiences, if possible, folks. It is my belief that if possible, folks do deserve the opportunity for those traumatic experiences to get integrated so that they have less negative impact on present day experience in the world, right? And so this gets really tricky, right? We're not trying to change a neurotype, but we are trying to help folks integrate their traumatic experiences so that their nervous system can experience the safety that is available to them. And it's hard to tease out like what's neurotype and what's a result of adverse experiences or toxic stress or attachment trauma or any kind of trauma, right? Because for folks with histories of trauma, toxic stress, really any kind of trauma, but particularly relational Trauma demands are a cue of danger. Right? So there's a lot of overlap here. And I'm not attempting to solve that, tease that out for you. I don't think that I can. I certainly can't do that on a podcast. Right. And I think that this is a space where folks with expertise in the autistic neurotype and their lived experience and folks with expertise and lived experience in complex trauma are hopefully going to be coming together more and more, more and more over the coming, you know, years to help to create this conversation. So I can't answer or solve those problems, but I did want to at least mention that, especially for those of you who have found the podcast, because you're parenting a child with an autistic neurotype or an otherwise neurodivergent neurotype. It's not my area of expertise. And I am working so hard to help bring these pieces together for you so that you can use the different pieces of information to make more sense of what. To make more sense of what's happening in your specific life or in yourself or with your child. Now, regardless of the why, right? Regardless of whether we're talking about neurotype or toxic stress and trauma history, this understanding of the cues of danger, and specifically demands as a cue of danger, helps us change how we see our kids, which helps our nervous system settle and also begins to kind of open up that roadmap of how to move forward both for our kids and for ourselves. If demands are the cue of danger, then demands must be lowered, right? The danger cues need to be lowered. There is no strengthening the nervous system until first the nervous system can find safety regularly. Okay, so I'm going to say that again. If the demands are what's the cue of danger? Demands must be lowered so that the cues of danger can be lowered. Now, there is an important caveat here about lowering demands and doing that. Choosing to lower our kids demands from our nervous system, being in a state of connection mode during versus protection mode. And that's really hard, right? Like, if you have a child with this level of kind of like nervous system burnout, yours is likely in protection mode as well. And so choosing to lower demands from connection mode versus protection mode, it's real tricky. I have a podcast about that. It aired last year. I honestly, at this exact moment, don't remember the name of it, but I will link to it in the show notes. I'm thinking it was about. I talked about the difference between enabling versus lowering demands because that's the language I Get so often, which is like, well, how do we know we're not just enabling this behavior? So I use that word in the title, enabling versus lowering demands. But essentially, that podcast is about lowering demands from connection mode, ourselves versus protection mode. So that might be one you want to go check out. Okay. Why am I doing an entire episode just on felt safety from the inside? I mean, we're at 40 minutes here, y'all. Right. Like, why have I spent this much time just on this one? Like, one third of felt safety? Well, I very much believe it's been my experience that understanding the vastness of this system doesn't leave us in protection mode. It doesn't leave us feeling overwhelmed. It doesn't leave our watchdog or possum rays on alert, but actually can invite the owl brain, invite your owl brain to stick around just a little bit longer, right? When we can understand, stand, and sort of appreciate the enormity, the vastness, the complication of this neuroception system, it can invite the owl brain, it can invite curiosity, right? Because we couldn't possibly know. And if we couldn't possibly know, the other option is curiosity. And curiosity, as opposed to certainty, is a characteristic of connection mode. I also think this information about internal cues of felt safety help us relieve ourselves of this burden, that somehow controlling our child's sense of felt safety is something we can totally control, right? We can't control any other person's experience of felt safety. And I think that gets really clear when we understand this internal piece. Now, of course, we can take steps to create experiences for them that could shift it, right? Like, we could help their. You know, by feeding them if they're hungry, right? We can. We can make shifts in an environment. We can lower demands. We can seek the appropriate treatment, right? There's steps we can take to impact what our kid is experiencing from their internal cues of safety, but we cannot control it. And that is a really hard but really important thing for us to practice being in acceptance with our impact and our influence, but not our control. And finally, I think when we really understand the mechanisms underneath what's happening with these very baffling behaviors that often feel so personal, right? We can fall back into the power of how changing how we see people changes people. If we interpret our child's behavior as a result of their sense of danger, as opposed to all the other labels that are so easy to do, we respond to them differently. They see themselves differently through our eyes. Their neuroceptive system takes in cues of safety from us. And while this certainly might not make an immediate difference, like when you're facing a baffling behavior. This certainly might not be enough to impact the behavior in that moment. And it might not even make a difference in observable behavior for years to come. But it does matter. What's happening when we see their behavior for what it really is, is that they are slowly, slowly, slowly building a neuro neural network of safety, a new neural network of safety, of relationship. And then this relational experience, which now has a neural network built around it, becomes an internal experience because that's what neural networks are. And in that way we are shifting their inner world. Again, it might not be enough that we're seeing any change in observable behavior, but it is happening. Okay, that was a lot. That was a lot of intense, heavy information. If you are feeling either like, oh my gosh, this information is so over my head, I need more of it, or you're feeling like, oh my gosh, I love this information and I need more of it. But either way, you're feeling like you want to know where else to go. You can, of course, just keep looking for episodes here in the baffling behavior show. Right there's over 160 now. So many free episodes right there at your fingertips. You can get my book Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors, Brain, body, Sensory Strategies that really Work. All of this is very much explained inside the book. It's also explained a lot through story. And so it's written in a way that's intended to help but make sense for you. But also it's written in a way that will helpfully that. I'm sorry I said help and hope at the same word, helpfully. Okay, we'll just go with that. Helpfully impact your nervous system because I know that all the information in the world is totally useless when your nervous system remains totally fried and burned out. So listen to other episodes on the podcast. Grab my book. Come back next week for part two of this series on felt safety. It's going to be a three part series. @ least that's what I'm planning at this moment. Y'all. It's just been awesome to sit here behind the mic again. I haven't done it in, in months. It's been awesome to kind of reestablish this connection that I feel energetically with you, with all of you all around the world who are listening. I'm so grateful for your patience. I'm so grateful for your willingness to show up and reengage in this serve and return experience. We have here on the podcast. Even though I stepped away for a couple months and I'm really looking forward to continuing to record more episodes for you that you can listen to, but that while I'm recording them I get the experience of connecting with you. So we all are benefiting from these podcast episodes. Thank you, thank you, thank you for everything you do for yourself, for whoever it is in your life that's prompted you to tune in to this podcast. It's gutsy, it takes a lot of work and I'm exceptionally grateful for you for making the time for yourself and for those folks that you're in relationship with. Y'all, I'm gonna see you back here next week. I hope that you loved that episode of the Baffling Behavior Show. If you did and you're wondering where can I go to learn more or get more support? Or maybe you're a professional and you want to be able to bring this work to your overwhelmed clients, I have got three places for you to go next. Number one, my USA Today best selling book, Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors. A year and a half after publication, Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors continues to exceed our wildest dreams, breaking sales goals and getting feedback that it is changing people's lives. Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors is available in paperback, ebook and audiobook, which I read wherever you buy books online. The second way to get more support is to come and join us over in the club. It's an online community of connection, co regulation and yes, even a little education. We have over 500 members and you'll gain support from the wisest, most compassionate, most in the trenches with you parents in the world. You'll be able to pick my brain, watch over a hundred different videos and Download the over 50 resources that are uniquely developed just for the club and just for you to bring owls, watchdogs and possums into your family. And if you're a professional like a therapist or a coach, a teacher, an educator, maybe an occupational therapist, a daycare owner, anyone who supports the parents of kids with big baffling behaviors, hop onto my waiting list for the 2026 cohort of being with. It'll be our fifth cohort of our year long immersion into the neurobiology of big baffling behaviors and the science of connection, safety and co regulation. You'll grow your capacity so that you can hang in the hardest places with families of kids with vulnerable nervous systems and you'll finally get the professional support that you need and deserve to work with the families who keep being told by other professionals that they can't help them anymore. One of my goals is that families never hear that again. We'll be opening applications in the late spring or early summer, and we'll be opening those applications only to folks who are on the waiting list. So be sure to add your name to the waiting list over@robingobel.com being with y'all, I'm so grateful to support you and be with you on this journey. Till next week.