Robin Goble (0:00)

I finally get to share with you something that I've been working on for a while. Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors is a free audio training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big baffling behaviors. This four part free training is delivered to you again for free right in your podcast app, the one that you're using right now to listen to the Baffling Behavior Show. If you work with high intensity families with a lot of dysregulation and baffling behaviors, you might occasionally, or yeah, maybe even a lot of the time feel overwhelmed or even burned out. Making sense of those baffling behaviors, the kids, the parents, and yes, your own, is the first and most non negotiable step in decreasing burnout, being more effective at your job, and yes, even loving your work again. If you join this training, you'll also get access to a discussion forum that I'm holding over on Facebook and 2 live Q& A sessions with me. This is a pop up audio training, meaning it's time limited. It will start May 5, runs throughout the week and will be available to listen to you until May 12th. That's one week total. I mean, there's really no reason not to sign up. It's free, it's offered in a podcast app so you can listen whenever you want. There's no live commitment, just those bonus live Q&As. The link to register is down in the show. Notes robingobel.com bafflingbehaviors Y'all, this is one of my most favorite weeks of the year and I cannot wait to share it with you. Now let's get to that episode that you pressed. Play on. So when your kids behavior is baffling and yours is too, sometimes. Yeah, I know. Let's take a break from all the bamboozle here on the Baffling Behavior Show. Hey. Hey everybody. Welcome or welcome back to the Baffling Behavior Show. I'm your host Robin Goble and you are about to listen to the replay of part two from a previously aired four part series on oppositional and defiant behavior. So last week I replayed part one of the four part series. It was all about the neurobiology of oppositional and defiant behavior and the importance of shifting our language away from simply labeling behavior oppositional to looking at the why that behavior is oppositional. Now today in part two, we'll talk about strategies, practical, implementable strategies that can help our kids move from protection mode to connection mode. Now if you end today's episode feeling a little Bit discouraged because you have the sense that, like, these strategies won't help my kid. Hang out and wait until next week. Next week, we'll be talking about how we can help kids move from protection mode to connection mode if they experience connection as unsafe. And then in our final week in part four, we will talk about how we can titrate connection for kids who find too much connection to be too overwhelming, and that keeps them in protection mode. I originally aired this series, gosh, right about a year ago. I think it was last October, actually 2023. And it is such an important topic. It's a topic that I probably get some of the most questions about and some of the most confusion about what oppositional behavior is. Where does it come from? What does the diagnosis, oppositional defiant disorder, really mean? Okay, so I'm just gonna go ahead and replay the entire series from top to bottom. I'm not gonna give any more of an introduction. Let's dive into part two in this replayed series on oppositional and defiant behavior. So last week, we talked about the neurobiology of oppositional behavior. And if you're new here, you may be just learning that I am a little obsessive about understanding the neurobiology, the why behind behavior for a whole host of reasons that I find this so, so, so important. But one is that it actually does become a technique or a strategy. Understanding the why shifts us, shifts how we see behavior. And when we really look at relational neuroscience and how the brain changes and things like the resonance circuitry and mirror neurons, we start to see how actually changing how we see people. It's a strategy. It changes people. So understanding the theory, I'm huge proponent of, and I'm a huge proponent of continuing to circle back through the theory to really, like, solidify those neural pathways. So that was episode one. Now here today in episode two, we're going to talk about some strategies for helping kids who have a lot of oppositional behaviors and who seem really stuck in protection mode. How can we help them shift more into connection mode? Because once we're in connection mode, those oppositional behaviors will drift away. So that's what we're going to talk about today. And then next week, I'm going to do kind of a special episode for those of you parenting kids who have attachment trauma in their history, because that does add a whole new layer to a nervous system that's in protection mode. Because one of the primary offerings that helps invite kids from protection mode into connection mode isn't as easily utilized by caregivers or educators or grownups who are in relationship with kids who have attachment trauma in their history. Because for those kids, connection doesn't necessarily equal safe. Connection doesn't necessarily equal co regulation like it does for kids who don't have attachment trauma in their history. So. So I'm just aware of the fact that that of course adds a whole new layer to connecting with parenting. Kids who have significant oppositional behavior spend a lot of time in protection mode. So we're going to talk about that very specifically next week in Part three. So today's episode, you should leave with some pretty practical strategies that you can attempt to see if those are offerings of safety that could be received by your child. But before we get into those strategies, I want to have a really, really quick, I don't know, maybe kind of like a little disclaimer. I think we're really missing something if we talk about and do an entire series on oppositionality and oppositional behavior without kind of bringing into this conversation a look at an examination of some bigger social values and pause to ask ourselves or to invite some curiosity from ourselves around some conversations that we probably don't spend a lot of time thinking about. Especially those of you who are like deep, deep, deep in the trenches navigating really intense kid behaviors. You're just thinking about moment to moment survival. You're not thinking about some of these kind of bigger, broader social conversations that we could be curious about. So I want to touch on it for just the briefest of moments and think about how when we use words like oppositionality, how implicit in describing somebody else's behavior as oppositional, implicit in that is a idea of a power hierarchy. That there are some ideas that we commonly hold as a culture about who holds the power, who doesn't hold the power, and how people who don't hold the power, how they then are expected to behave. And I think that we. I don't have an answer to those things. I just think these are things we can hold. Really curious, really keep in that curiosity place of our mind those of us that have an avowal brain on board that we can think about those things. When did we culturally decide that based on age is how we determined a power hierarchy? Why do adults implicitly have power over and children implicitly have power under? Now, I'm not talking about things that require adult brains. Right. To think about. Right. Safety, anticipating the future. I mean, there are things that the adult brain developmentally is capable of that kids brains developmentally aren't capable of. For example, here's a really silly example, teeth brushing, right? Like, little kids are only concerned about basically what's happening in the immediate here and now or the very, very short term Future. This is 100% due to how their brain works, and it's how their brain is supposed to work. Their brain simply isn't developed enough for them to care about things that are going to happen in the future, like cavities or oral health, right? So as the adults, we can think about those things. And we also understand the importance of establishing these types of habits and behaviors really young. And so we can use our connection and relationship with our kids to cultivate an experience of safety around this new and unusual sensory experience of brushing your teeth so that their nervous system kind of opens up into cooperation about teeth brushing. And when they don't, we have some choices to make, right? Like how much do we use our power as adults to insist that this thing that this child doesn't like brushing their teeth? Just a real quick interruption. If you're loving the podcast, you should go right now to my website. Check out all my free resources. There's webinars, downloadable ebooks, and a huge amount of infographic cheat sheets on so many different topics. Felt safety and boundaries, how to handle lying, what to do if you have a child who seems always dysregulated. How to not flip your lid when your kid is flipping theirs, steps you can take when your nervous system is fried, what co regulation really looks like. And y'all, that's not even all. There's more. And my team and I add at this point about one new free resource a month. So you're going to want to check in regularly, see all those free resources, and download exactly what you want@robingobel.com freeresources. Let's go back to the show happens. And there's a lot of things we have to take into consideration there. And my point in this example is that when I say that it's important for us to really examine these power over power under hierarchies when thinking about oppositionality. I am not talking about these kinds of experiences that really do require an adult brain to make some decisions, right? Like if we let kids only be the one who's only making these decisions, they're highly unlikely to brush their teeth, right? And so we use the developmental capacity of our brain to see into the future, and then we use the developmental capacity of our brain to search for ways that we can invite our kids into cooperation in doing something they don't really want to do. And if they are exceptionally opposed to, to doing this thing, then we can use our advanced adult brain to brainstorm why, like what's happening? What's the sensory experience? What's the, what's the intensity of the experience with teeth brushing that is leading to this oppositionality? And so I'm hoping in this example, it's maybe not super clear, but I'm hoping in this example. What you're seeing here is that there is still a way, even in these decisions, where adults can see into the future. And therefore we know things that are important to have happened now. We can still use our thinking brain to invite connection and cooperation and still stay in a power with experience with our kids without relying on like, power over power dynamics. Okay, so the whole reason I went off on that little tangent is just to be clear, I'm not suggesting that we relinquish all responsibilities and decisions to our kids and their immature, you know, still developing brain that would actually in many circumstances decrease some felt safety. What I am suggesting is that for almost all of us, certainly for me too, there is space for us to consider how our values around the parent child relationship and the power dynamics involved, how those implicit ideas are impacting how we view oppositional behavior. Now, again, I don't have an answer to that. I am not a philosophical. Whatever, I'm not a philosopher, but I do enjoy the thought experiments. And so if you have a child whose level of oppositionality is causing like, great distress in your family, it's leading to extremely dangerous behaviors or extreme stress in your family due to the level of oppositionality, you don't have the bandwidth to like wax philosophical on some of these things. So I'm not asking you to do that. But there are probably some folks listening who do have the bandwidth to contemplate some of these ideas. I'm a real big believer in those of us that have the bandwidth, have the window of tolerance, that we use the privilege of that window of tolerance to consider some of these ideas that some other folks don't have the bandwidth for. Okay, as usual, I talked about that longer than I anticipated. I understand. I have a proclivity, to use lots of words, and I actually am working on that and working to be a little more succinct. And I'm also balancing that with it kind of just is who I am and trying to find a space where both, where both can be true. Okay, so now let's actually talk about strategies. Okay? Strategies of felt safety, strategies that are intended to invite somebody else's nervous system into connection mode from protection mode. That's what we're talking about here. If we want to have strategies to reduce oppositionality. Okay, how do we invite their nervous system from protection mode into connection mode? We have to remember that felt safety offerings are exactly that. Offerings. We cannot yank somebody into safety. And if we even kind of frame it that way, I think it. Well, again, I kind of chuckle a little, and I think it becomes really obvious that that's true. I cannot yank somebody into felt safety. And when I approach somebody with that kind of energy, like I'm trying to get you to do something different or to be something different, generally speaking, that kind of energy comes from us being in protection mode. And as we will talk about later in this episode, we, the grown up, really do need to try to be in connection mode if we're going to offer felt safety. So we have to remember these are offerings. There are a lot of reasons why somebody in production mode can't receive those offerings. A lot of different kinds of reasons. And my core theory is that it's my obligation to trust them. That if their nervous system says it's not safe for me to feel safe, I trust that in that moment, their system is doing exactly what it believes it needs to do in order to be okay. And it is that trust, actually, that is another offering of safety. And so over time, it's very possible that those offerings of safety will add up and add up and add up, and that we can kind of fill that proverbial bucket of safety. I can't promise that. I don't really want to approach that as my, like, only objective. Right. My objective isn't exactly to change the other person, but my objective is to offer up an authentic experience for them that could allow their nervous system to experience rest, which is what it means to shift back into connection mode. So feld safety comes from three places. I've talked about this a lot on the podcast before. There is earlier episodes on the difference between connection and protection. There are earlier episodes on feld safety. And of course, last week's episode, we addressed some of the neurobiology of oppositionality. And of course, in the book Raising Kids with Big Baffling behaviors. The science of safety is the. The foundation of the book. There's a whole chapter on the science of safety, but the entire book is talking about, you know, connection mode versus protection mode and how to grow connection mode and invite kids from protection mode into connection mode. Essentially, that's what the book is about. So we know that felt safety comes from three Places. And we know this based on, you know, decades and decades of, decades of psychological and child development research. And then we also can lean into Dr. Porges theory of neuroception when thinking about felt safety and how cues of safety are being gathered from three places. From the child's inner world, from their environment, and then from the relational experience that they're in. And Deb Dana, who is a clinician who is known for kind of translating polyvagal theory into clinical practice. Deb Dana kind of summarizes that cues are taken from inside, outside and between, in order. That's where the cues are taken from when folks are kind of neuro CV felt safety. Okay. Inside, outside, between. Inside their inner world, outside their environment, between the relationship. Let's talk first about inside. The easy things to talk about are things like, is your child hungry? Are they thirsty? Are they tired? Do they need to go to the bathroom? Do they need to move their bodies? Okay. We really underestimate kids needs to move. Especially our kids who struggle more from like shifting from rest to movement. You know, our kids who struggle to, to move, to do anything, to get off the couch, to get out of bed. Right. We then can kind of under. Easily underestimate that their need for movement because it feels like they're telling us the opposite, that they don't need to move. Some people just have a harder time transitioning from one state to, to a next. Right. And some people have a harder time transitioning from, you know, not moving to moving. Right. Actually, we're going to talk again about how an object at rest tends to stay at rest unless acted upon by an outside force. Look at that. There's. We got. What is that? Physics. Two episodes in a row. Because I talked about that last episode too. So be sure that we're not misunderstanding. Underestimating. That's not the right words. Be sure we're not underestimating your child's need for movement simply because they have a body that often is at rest and has a hard time shifting from rest into movement. Movement. Oh my gosh, y'all. We could do a whole series on movement. Maybe we will. Movement is so important for our experience. Experience of I exist. Okay, so somebody is some nervous system, some sensory systems. And this seems to be more likely in kids who have experienced early attachment trauma. Some nervous systems experience more dysregulation due to a lack of movement than others. And there's many reasons for this. The lack of movement for lots of just sensory based reasons can be super dysregulating. But for some people, the lack of movement also starts to really start to send off this experience of I don't exist. And this is coupled with the fact that once we sort of shift into an intense state, state of like lack of movement, and we start to have this I don't exist feeling which very few people can actually articulate. It is so hard to move. It is so hard to like physically move. It's so hard to energetically move back into a state of oh yes, I exist. So do not underestimate how important movement is for your child's sense of health, safety. And this doesn't have to be like running races and playing basketball. Gross motor movement that coloring gives movement. Doing crafts is movement. Sensory input through things like weighted items or lycra is movement. I do talk about movement slightly in the book, but actually in the book what I do is refer you to my colleagues Marty Smith's book the Connected Therapist, which is my favorite resource to learn about kids and their sensory systems and how to support their unique sensory needs and how to do that through the lens of both attachment and trauma. So the inside place of inside, outside, in between is also where we have to think about our kids neurotransmitters, amino acids and gut health, things like that. Inside is where we're taking into consideration possible diagnoses like pans or pandas, Lyme and co occurring infections, illnesses. This is, generally speaking, far outside my scope of practice. I know just enough to stay curious about it when I'm working with kids and families and say, hey, I think this warrants further assessment. Dr. Javid was a guest on my podcast about a year ago. I'll make sure the link gets in the show notes where we talked about neuroimmune disorders, how that contributes to baffling behaviors, essentially because it's contributing to a nervous system being stuck in protection mode. And I do highly recommend you give that episode a listen even if you have no reason to suspect that your child has an actual neuroimmune disorder, which is what we talk about mostly in that episode. I think Dr. Javit does a really great job of helping us understand from a physician's point of view how the body and what's happening in the body, particularly with regards to infection, inflammation can send cues of danger to our kids neuroceptions and to their minds and their bodies and then how this can become a pretty intense feedback loop of living in protection mode. So I'm going to make sure that that link goes in the show notes. It looks like that was episode 98. And I also have the episodes grouped together over on my website@robingobel.com neuroimmuneseries so again, a lot of these things are really outside my scope of practice. I learned just enough to know, like when a referral seems appropriate, these kids need services or interventions may be offered by people like occupational therapists, even physical therapists, psychiatry, nutrition, functional medicine, things like that. Things that are really tending to foundational body based needs. My husband has a neuroimmune disorder and I interviewed him in that neuroimmune series. And without question, my husband can at times be a grownup with pretty intense oppositionality, pretty intense living in protection mode. And he's given me permission and is comfortable with me chatting about him on the podcast. And we have had to look outside Western medicine. We've kind of. I use a blend of both, like western medicine and non traditional alternative approaches to treatment to help support his nervous system system. Being that his nervous system that lives often in protection mode, how can we help his nervous system experience connection mode more? And surely, of course, relational pieces are extremely important. Right? The relationship with me and him, the relationship between him and his provider, super important. But we have to be addressing the actual physiology or nothing will shift for him. So addressing the physiology has been crucial. So again, if you have a kid who's been stuck in protection mode for a long time, even if you don't suspect a neuroimmune disorder at all, I would encourage you to go listen to that episode. Episode 98. I sort of suspect that in the coming decades, we are going to see a pretty big shift in our understanding of things that we typically call mental health disorders. And we're gonna have a much, much, much better understanding of how our physiology is contributing to these symptoms. We would typically put under a mental health disorder. Okay, so that was inside. Now let's look at outside. Outside is where we have to critically look at the environment for cues of safety. So I tend to talk the most about things like offering structure, routine and predictability. Does your kid have a schedule? Do they know what's going to happen next? What does the environment look like or sound like or smell like? Right. Is health safety being compromised during transitions or at recess or at specials at school? Right. What kinds of different cues of safety or danger are present in the school environment, in the home environment? And when I see cues of danger, I am not being critical. Right. This isn't, these aren't necessarily things that people are doing, quote, unquote, wrong It's a relatively neutral description of something that your child's nervous system could be neuro ceiving as unsafe. And it could be as simple as again, like sensory stuff, smells, tastes, what things sound like, what they feel like. Right. Like if you have a kid with sensory sensitivities, you might have a kid who won't wear certain socks. Right. That the, the feel of those socks or the feel of that seam is a cue of danger. That's not criticism. That's not you doing something wrong. That's not the socks doing something wrong. It's just neutral information. Right? So it's important to kind of apply that perspective to different things that are happening at the school and at your home. Now, the other important piece here is that you might discover things you can't do anything about, especially if it's not in your home. Like, there's a lot of things happening in our kids schools that we have no control over. We can't impact what the gymnasium sounds like or what the cafeteria smells like. You know, we might be able to help our kids schools make some accommodations for them, but ultimately there are many things that we're not going to be able to shift or change or control. What becomes important is that we keep those things in mind, right. That when our kids are struggling, we remind ourselves like, well, this experience in this environment that they're having is sending them cues of danger. We can't fix that. And therefore it doesn't make any sense to expect my child to feel safe. Hey, friends. So just a really quick interruption. Make sure you know about the new Owl Watchdog and Possum workbook for kids. The All About Me workbook is 24 pages, full color. It's created to help kids strengthen their owl brain and take care of and calm their watchdog and their possum. Your child can do the workbook alone or with you. And in fact, even if they aren't interested in the workbook, you could learn a ton about how to help their owl, watchdog and possum just by reading and maybe even doing some of it your yourself. The workbook's available to purchase and you'll get it instantly as a digital Download over@robingobel.com store. Right? And so the shift then becomes in understanding our kids and their behaviors and then again making accommodations if we can, but, but understanding seeing them using our x ray vision, right? To see beneath their behavior and understand why they're in protection mode, why they're demonstrating oppositional behavior and then not expecting that to change simply because we don't like it. Right? Their nervous system will change when they receive enough cues of safety that they can be, you know, kind of invited into connection mode. All right, so we talked about inside. We talked about that for a long time. That's a big one. I don't think it gets talked about enough. We talked about the outside, now let's talk about the between. This is the relational space where our kids are, you know, getting cues of safety or danger. From now, the number one thing that we want to look at is ourselves. Am I in connection mode or protection mode? Because as unfair as it is, it's pretty hard to invite our kids into connection and safety if we're in protection mode. And I write a lot in the book about how just like wildly unfair this is. It's so unfair that even though you are surrounded by cues of danger because of everything that's happening in your life and in parenting your child and all that kind of stuff, it's unfair that the responsibility remains on you to attempt to try to, despite all of those stressors, find a space of safety and regulation in your own nervous system. Okay? It's so unfair, yet it's also true. So I think just recognizing the truth and the reality in that is really important. But I also do want to offer just a little, I don't know, solace, for lack of better word, if you have a nervous system that is pretty regularly or chronically in protection mode. My experience, actually, and I wouldn't say this is in any way, shape or form based on actual research. I mean, I've this decision. Decision has been informed by my understanding of the science and the research and my personal experience. But my personal experience is that even when I'm with families who are pretty locked into protection mode because of all the stressors that are happening in their life and in their family, the most important piece of the in between space, the most important way we're going to send cues of safety to our kids through the in between space is by keeping a hold of our own X ray vision. Okay? So we want to keep hold of our X ray vision for ourselves and for our kids. So even if you feel really, really stuck in protection mode, really fried, really burnt out, really traumatized, right? Let's just say what it is. Even if you feel just really stuck in protection mode and then therefore maybe a little overwhelmed by the idea that your kid kind of needs you to be in connection mode, what I want you to hear me say is that the most important piece of this is that you Keep your X ray vision goggles on. What that means is you keep being able to see below behavior, you keep working towards knowing that your child is this precious, wonderful human who is struggling a lot, struggling so much that you have some pretty intense feelings towards them, right? And then use those X ray visions on yourself. That even though you're really struggling, what you know is that that's not because you're a bad person, you're not a failure, you're not a bad parent, you're not a bad mom, you're not a bad dad, you're not a bad grand or grandpa, you're not a bad caregiver, you're not a bad teacher, you're not a bad therapist, you're just really far down the protection pathway. You see the difference there, that even if you can't change anything, you can still keep those X ray vision goggles on, you can still see below the behavior. And that matters. I actually think that matters just about more than anything. So if you are really stuck in protection mode, you feel completely unable to have the energy to do anything to soothe your own nervous system. If you can try to just to do nothing else but keep those X ray vision goggles on and again, keep them on for your child. And how you see your child, but also how you see yourself, that tends to be the most impactful. And then the second thing I'd say is the most impactful part of the between is can you offer repair? Can you reflect on a moment of rupture with your child, be with yourself, with compassion, and then offer a repair up to your children? So those are the two things that I find to be really most impactful in this between place. Can I keep my X ray vision goggles on? Even if I can't do anything like actually do anything different, like I'm still behaving in all the same burnt out ways. But can I keep my X ray vision goggles on? And can I practice even just a little bit offering repair? And if you have a child who's spending a lot of time with an adult like outside your family, who doesn't offer a lot of cues of safety from the in between space, right? A teacher, principal, an administrator, a coach, caregiver, right. The important thing to do there is of course try to impact that person and your child's experience with that person. Of course, of course. But you know, we have limited impact there. The important thing to do is that you hold your child's behaviors then in perspective, that you understand that they're oppositional. Defiant behavior makes perfect sense given the experience with that specific adult or in that specific environment. We just simply cannot expect kids to change if the grownups can't. And that's not criticism to grownups because, you know, I feel the same way about grownups that I do about kids. They're all doing the very best that they can. But generally speaking, kids are the more vulnerable. Right? And we cannot expect the more vulnerable person in a relationship to be the one who changes. Again, that's not criticism against the adult if the adult is really struggling and they can't shift their nervous system into connection mode. But if the adult can't shift into connection mode, we can't expect the child, we can't expect the more vulnerable person in that relationship to make that shift. So I have episodes on all the things I just talked about. Episode 13 is about X ray vision. Episode 80 is about rupture repair. Episode 139 is about what to do if your nervous system is fried. Episode 8 is about self compassion. But basically every episode I record has self compassion really infused into it. I will make sure links to all of those go in the show notes as well as over on my website. I always, in addition to the show notes that are in your podcast app, always over on my website is a longer summary of podcast episodes which does then include the transcript. And so all of these links are live over there on my website as well. All right, so next week we're going to talk specifically about those kids who have been really hurt in relationship. And we cannot rely on connection or relational engagement as a way to offer felt safety in the way that we can with other kids with vulnerable nervous systems. Right. Like many kids with vulnerable nervous systems, they don't have experiences of disorganized attachment or relational or attachment trauma. Right. But some kids, and I know a lot of y'all listening, part of what's impacting your child's nervous system vulnerability is their previous negative experiences inside connection or attachment, a relationship. And that does add another layer to inviting a child with oppositional and defiant behaviors who is in protection mode. It adds another layer to inviting those kids into connection mode. So we're going to look at that very specifically next week and then wrap up this three part series on oppositional and defiant behavior. Of course, if you really want to deep dive explore the science of safety nervous systems that are in connection mode and protection mode, the very best place that you could go is to my new book, Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behavior. Meaning? Meaning it's the Most like thorough and laid out in, you know, a scaffolded order. There's so much that you're, you're going to get here on the podcast as well. The book is just organized so you can grab Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors. Really anywhere books are sold. You can also join us in the club when the club is open. We really deep dive into all of these topics as well through masterclasses and of course in our connections in the forum. Also, if you're new here, I do want to just remind you that in addition to the podcast, my website is like overflowing with free resources@robingobel.com free resources. Okay, let's say that again. Robingobel.com freeresources you're going to find webinars, ebooks, infographics. There's so much there that's just freely downloadable. So if you haven't been there lately, I encourage you to go to robngoble.com freeresources and really just stock up on all those free resources and maybe give them to teachers and grandparents or partners and other folks that you want to help learn about the science of the nervous system. All right, y'all, this has been fabulous. I will see you here next week with part three. I hope that you loved that episode of the Baffling Behavior Show. If you did and you're wondering where can I go to learn more or get more support? Or maybe you're a professional and you want to be able to bring this work to your overwhelmed client. I have got three places for you to go next. Number one, my USA Today best selling book, Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors. A year and a half after publication, Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors continues to exceed our wildest dreams, breaking sales goals and getting feedback that it is changing people's lives. Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors is available in paperback, ebook and audiobook, which I read wherever you buy books online. The second way to get more support is to come and join us over in the club. It's an online community of connection, co regulation, and yes, even a little education. We have over 500 members and you'll gain support from the wisest, most compassionate, most in the trenches with you parents in the world, you'll be able to pick my brain, watch over a hundred different videos and Download the over 50 resources that are uniquely developed just for the club and just for you to bring owls, watchdogs and possums into your family. And if you're a professional, like a therapist or a coach, a teacher, an educator, maybe an occupational therapist, a daycare owner, Anyone who supports the parents of kids with big baffling behaviors Hop onto my waiting list for the 2020 sixth cohort of being with. It'll be our fifth cohort of our year long immersion into the neurobiology of big baffling behaviors and the science of connection, safety and co regulation. You'll grow your capacity so that you can hang in the hardest places with families of kids with vulnerable nervous systems and you'll finally get the professional support that you need and deserve to work with the families who keep being told by other professionals that they can't help them anymore. One of my goals is that families never hear that again. We'll be opening applications in the late spring or early summer, and we'll be opening those applications only to folks who are on the waiting list. So be sure to add your name to the waiting list over@robingobel.com being with y'all. I'm so grateful to support you and be with you on this journey. Till next week.