REPLAY: When Connection isn't Safe (Oppositional Series - Part 3) - The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

The Baffling Behavior Show: Replay Episode Summary

Episode Title: REPLAY: When Connection isn't Safe (Oppositional Series - Part 3)
Host: Robyn Gobbel
Release Date: October 29, 2024

Introduction to the Series Replay

Robyn Gobbel reintroduces her listeners to the crucial four-part series on oppositional and defiant behavior, originally aired in October 2023. This replay focuses on understanding and addressing oppositional behaviors in children who perceive connection as unsafe—a common challenge among families dealing with trauma, toxic stress, or neuroimmune disorders.

Understanding Connection and Regulation

Timestamp [10:45] – Robyn Gobbel:
"Connection supports regulation. Developing babies learn that connection feels good and safe inside the attachment cycle."

Robyn delves into the neurobiology of oppositional behavior, explaining how connection typically facilitates emotional regulation. However, for some children, especially those who have experienced trauma or medical hardships, connection can become associated with danger or discomfort. This association disrupts their ability to find safety and regulation through interpersonal connections.

Challenges for Highly Sensitive Children

Timestamp [15:30] – Robyn Gobbel:
"Some kids are born into the world with such sensitivities in their nervous system that it's hard for their grownups to soothe them."

Robyn highlights the plight of children with highly sensitive nervous systems, who may not experience connection as soothing due to early adverse experiences. These children often engage in oppositional and defiant behaviors as a defense mechanism, making traditional soothing techniques ineffective and contributing to caregiver burnout.

Caregiver Regulation Strategies

Timestamp [25:10] – Robyn Gobbel:
"It's the grownup's job to meet the grownups needs, okay? Giving our kids the responsibility of meeting our needs for connection is just way too big of a burden for them."

Robyn emphasizes that caregivers must regulate their own emotional states to provide a stable foundation for their children. She introduces strategies such as:

Noticing and Acknowledging Personal Suffering: Recognizing the emotional toll of unmet connection needs.
Increasing External Support: Utilizing resources like the podcast, community forums, and professional support to bolster personal regulation.
Titrating Connection Offers: Adjusting the intensity and frequency of connection attempts to avoid overwhelming the child.

Metaphor: The Game of Catch

Timestamp [30:45] – Robyn Gobbel:
"When I offer up some connection to someone, I want to gently toss the ball in their direction... What if they don't make an attempt to catch it? They just stand there frozen?"

Robyn uses the game of catch metaphor to illustrate the dynamics of connection. She explains that when a child doesn't reciprocate connection attempts appropriately—either by ignoring, rejecting, or overwhelming the caregiver—it can lead to feelings of frustration and grief. Understanding this metaphor helps caregivers navigate the emotional landscape of offering connection without triggering defensive responses.

Building Internal Safety Through External Connections

Timestamp [35:20] – Robyn Gobbel:
"The connection and co-regulation that's offered here through this podcast or through my emails... is changing your nervous system."

Robyn discusses the importance of internalizing safety cues from various sources, such as podcasts, books, and community support. By consistently receiving positive safety signals, caregivers can enhance their own sense of safety, which in turn enables them to better regulate their interactions with their children.

Key Takeaways and Next Steps

Acknowledge the Challenge: Recognize the difficulty of maintaining connection with a child who perceives it as unsafe.
Self-Regulation is Crucial: Caregivers must prioritize their own emotional well-being to support their children effectively.
Utilize Available Resources: Engage with Robyn's extensive resources, including her book, online community, and upcoming training programs.
Prepare for the Final Part: The series will conclude with strategies to strategically titrate connection, facilitating a safer and more regulated relationship dynamic.

Notable Quotes

Robyn Gobbel [10:45]: "Connection supports regulation."
Robyn Gobbel [25:10]: "It's the grownup's job to meet the grownups needs, okay?"
Robyn Gobbel [30:45]: "When I offer up some connection to someone, I want to gently toss the ball in their direction."

Additional Resources

Free Audio Training: Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors – Available for a limited time robingobel.com/bafflingbehaviors
Book: Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors – Available in paperback, ebook, and audiobook formats.
Online Community: The Club – Access support from over 500 members robingobel.com/theclub
Upcoming Training for Professionals: Being With – Enrollment begins in late spring/summer for the 2026 cohort robingobel.com/beingwith

Conclusion

In this insightful episode, Robyn Gobbel provides invaluable strategies for parents and professionals dealing with oppositional behaviors in children who struggle to see connection as safe. By focusing on self-regulation, leveraging external support, and thoughtfully adjusting connection approaches, caregivers can foster a more harmonious and regulated family environment. Stay tuned for the final part of the series, where Robyn will delve deeper into titrating connection to enhance safety and reduce oppositional behaviors.

Connect with Robyn Gobbel:
For more information and resources, visit robingobel.com. Follow her on social media and join her community to continue supporting your journey in parenting after trauma.

Transcript

Robin Goble (0:00)

I finally get to share with you something that I've been working on for a while. Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors is a free audio training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big baffling behaviors. This four part free training is delivered to you again for free right in your podcast app, the one that you're using right now to listen to the Baffling Behavior Show. If you work with high intensity families with a lot of dysregulation and baffling behaviors, you might occasionally, or yeah, maybe even a lot of the time feel overwhelmed or even burned out. Making sense of those baffling behaviors, the kids, the parents, and yes, your own, is the first and most non negotiable step in decreasing burnout, being more effective at your job, and yes, even loving your work again. If you join this training, you'll also get access to a discussion forum that I'm holding over on Facebook and 2 live Q& A sessions with me. This is a pop up audio training, meaning it's time limited. It will start May 5, runs throughout the week and will be available to listen to you until May 12th. That's one week total. I mean there's really no reason not to sign up. It's free, it's offered in a podcast app so you can listen whenever you want. There's no live commitment, just those bonus live Q&As. The link to register is down in the show. Notes robingobel.com bafflingbehaviors Y'all, this is one of my most favorite weeks of the year and I cannot wait to share it with you. Now let's get to that episode that you pressed. Play on. So when your kids behavior is baffling and yours is too sometimes. Yeah, I know. Let's take a break from all the bamboozle here on the Baffling Behavior Show. Hello. Hello everybody. Welcome or welcome back to this episode of the Baffling Behavior Show. I'm your host Robin Goble and today we are doing part three of a four part series on oppositional and defiant behavior. This series is a replay. I originally aired this four part series about a year ago. I think it was October of 2023 and it is such a big topic, such an important topic. Probably one of the most common questions that I get asked is about what to do about oppositional behavior. So we are replaying this four part series. Two weeks ago we talked about the neurobiology of oppositional behavior to looking at why behavior is oppositional. Then last week we talked about Strategies to help our kids move from protection mode to connection mode. And today we're going to talk about how we can help our kids move from protection mode to connection mode if they experience connection as unsafe. Then next week we will end this series with an episode about how we can titrate connection for kids to experience connection as unsafe. Alrighty, here we go. Now, this week in episode three, we're gonna talk about how we offer safety and connection to folks who don't experience connection as safe. What do we do when we have kids or grownups who don't experience connection as safe or regulating? If this feels true for you and your family, I definitely hope you are going to stick around because this is actually where I have the most experience. This is my area of expertise. Now, I'm sure that there's a lot of reasons why kids and humans might not experience connection as safe or regulating. My specific area of expertise is with kids who's an adult too, whose nervous systems have experienced connection as either dangerous or life threatening. And typically that means they've experienced danger or life threat inside or from the early caregiver relationship. Now, although connection's a biological imperative and we're always driven to search for connection, we also know that when we feel connected to others, we actually use fewer internal resources to deal with and navigate stress. And what we know from that research, what that implies is that connection supports regulation. Developing babies learn that connection feels good and safe inside the attachment cycle, right? Babies cry, someone comes and soothes them, and they feel better. They feel safe, their nervous system soothes. They feel held and seen and known. They learn that when they feel bad, they'll feel better again. That feeling bad doesn't last forever. And they learn that people will help them. They learn that connection brings relief and safety. But of course, some babies don't get enough of those experiences. And they learn that connection does not bring soothing or safety. In fact, sometimes connection actually makes them feel worse. And sometimes connection is what caused those scared or terrified feelings in the first place. I definitely want to recognize that some kids are born into the world with such sensitivities in their nervous system that it's hard for their grownups to soothe them. Even the most loving, attentive and attuned grownups. So despite their grownups having the best of intentions, these very sensitive, very vulnerable babies might not get as many experiences of connection bringing safe and soothing as they really need. And that's nobody's fault. It's not the baby's fault. It's not the grownup's fault. It's just kind of a thing that happens. Some babies have special medical needs and maybe spend some or a lot of their early life uncomfortable or in pain, maybe ongoing medical procedures and being surrounded by bright lights and noisy environments. Again, despite their very best intentions, their caregivers struggle to soothe them or help their body feel better, because the medical supports and the interventions that they're receiving that are causing such discomfort are what's keeping them alive. Sometimes this can unfortunately even create an association between connection and pain. So in all those circumstances I just talked about, and probably many more as well, what happens in the nervous system essentially is that the connection side of the nervous system and the protection side of the nervous system get kind of tied together. Connection gets tagged as not safe in the nervous system, and it becomes a barrier to connection being safe and regulating. These kids don't have their nervous system formed around connection and soothing, being associated with, like, all sorts of happy, feel good neurochemicals. They don't get to learn that connection feels good. And in fact, in many circumstances, they learn the opposite. That connection feels bad, or at the very least, doesn't relieve them from feeling bad. So how does this relate to your child who is maybe stuck in protection mode and has a lot of oppositional, defiant and controlling behaviors? What this ultimately can lead to is that as caregivers, we can't rely on using ourselves, our connection, as the primary source of regulation. But even if that's true, we still do need to be regulated. And in connection mode, we need to hang on to our owl brains as much as possible. And this gets really tricky. So let's go back to some of the science we learned in part one. If you haven't listened to part one yet, when this episode's over, just head back two episodes to opposition and defiant behavior. Part one. Our kids are neuro ceiving safety from inside, outside, and between. So one of the places they're neuroceving safety is based on the nervous system of the person that they're with. And generally speaking, we're kind of thinking about ourselves in this situation, right? We're the person they're with. Right. So they're taking cues of safety or danger from all sorts of places. One of those places is our own nervous system. Are we in connection mode or are we in protection mode? Right. This little piece of science helps us understand why it's so important for us to stay in connection mode, for us to stay regulated, connected to our owl brain, though of course not necessarily calm. And if you're hearing that language for the first time. Regulated but not calm. You can scroll very far back to an episode called Regulators Did Not Equal Calm with Lisa Dion. It's robingobel.com Lisa Dion. Or a much more recent episode that was called Match the Energy but not the Dysregulation. Okay, so two episodes that will help you understand that part about how regulated does not equal calm. We want to stay in connection mode with our kids, though of course that doesn't necessarily mean that we're calm. I mean, sometimes calm would be wildly inappropriate. Okay, so this science helps us understand why we need to stay in connection mode. But this also helps us understand why this is so hard for us. Because we are neuro ceiving safety or not to and one of the places that we're getting our sense of safety from is the state of our kids nervous system. And just like them, just like all humans, we are constantly scanning the people that we're with to see if they're available for connection or not. And we just like them, are really longing for to rest into the connected space of our nervous system. When we can't find a connected space to sync up with, that feels scary to us. We need our kids connection just like they need ours. Our nervous system is looking for connection. And when we don't get it, even if it's from our kids, that's a cue, just a real quick interruption. If you're loving the podcast, you should go right now to my website. Check out all my free resources. There's webinars, downloadable ebooks, and a huge amount of infographic cheat sheets on so many different topics. Felt safety and boundaries. How to handle lying. What to do if you have a child who seems always dysregulated. How to not flip your lid when your kid is flipping theirs. Steps you can take when your nervous system is fried. What co regulation really looks like. And y'all, that's not even all. There's more. And my team and I add at this point about one new free resource a month. So you're going to want to check in regularly, see all those free resources and download exactly what you want@robin goble.com freeresources let's go back to the show of danger. Now what makes this exceptionally unfair is that unfortunately we just cannot expect our kids to regulate through our lack of connection. Yet somehow we need to figure out how to regulate through their lack of connection. And y'all, I get it. It's super unfair. And theoretically, we are the more regulated person in the Relationship. I know, I know, I said theoretically. But theoretically we're the more regulated person in the relationship. And so yeah, this burden of figuring out how to regulate through their lack of connection, this burden falls to us. And we don't have to do it perfectly. And frankly, we don't even have to do it terribly well, which is good because we can't. What we do have to do is just keep trying. And we can recognize our own experience of protest, of anger, of grief and loss when our offerings of connection to our children aren't met or reciprocated. Sometimes I hear professionals say things like kids aren't supposed to meet the needs of the grownups. And of course there's a lot of truth to that. It's the grownup's job to meet the grownups needs, okay? Giving our kids the responsibility of meeting our needs for connection, for safety, for regulation, for anything, it's just way too big of a burden for them. They need us to regulate through our own distress so that they can turn to us for co regulation. And then this builds their own regulatory circuits, this builds their sense of safety. Eventually this could start to untie how they've linked up connection and protection. And eventually through a lot of patience and a lot of really slow titration, they'll be able to perhaps increase their tolerance for connection before it becomes dangerous. So yes, of course it's not our kids jobs or responsibilities to meet our needs, it's our job to meet theirs. But that can be true. It can be true that it's not our kids job to meet our needs while also still recognizing that it's just a part of our inborn physiology for our nervous system to shift into protection mode when we're seeking connection and we can't find it. Even if that's from our kids, it is very painful to be seeking connection and not receive it. It's very, very sad. There is so much grief there. Think about the energetic serve in return of connection. And I like to think of this as an actual game of serve and return, like, like of a ball, right? So when I offer up some connection to someone, let's say our child, when I offer up connection to my child, I want to like gently toss the ball in their direction. And I am really longing for my child to participate in this game of catch, of back and forth that I've just initiated, right? Because otherwise it's no fun. So I gently toss this ball and I look to make some sort of eye contact with them, right? So that we can kind of Sync up our nervous systems and come into this game of back and forth together. So what happens if my child doesn't catch that ball and then gently lob it back? What happens if they maybe, like, just watch the ball sail past their head? Like, they don't even make an attempt to catch it? They just stand there frozen? What if instead of catching it, they lob it back at us with intense energy and force so that it's coming back at us in this scary, forceful way? Right? Then we're scared. What if they catch the ball and then chuck it on the ground as hard as possible? Or what if they catch it and just hold onto it and run away? Right? So all of this is a metaphor for how we want the serve and return of connection to go. We want to gently lob it to our children and have them catch it and gently lob it back, because this is how we want connection to go with anyone. Okay? So when it doesn't get caught and gently served back, it feels bad, it feels painful. We can feel angry, we can feel really sad. There can be tremendous, tremendous grief in that. Not only is there anger and sadness and grief in that experience, but then I'm going to tell you that you have to keep playing. You have to keep offering. I am going to tell you how we might be able to make this kind of a metaphorical game of catch go a little bit better for your kid and then ultimately for you. But I am going to tell you, you have to try to keep playing, y'all. Parenting is hard. I mean, just being in relationship with anyone is really hard. There's a lot of vulnerability. There's a lot of commitment. There's a lot of being willing to regulate through the things that are hard and make repairs and then reconnect, right? Parenting is so hard. And part of why we agree to this gig and part of why we agree to any relational experience, but especially parenting, we agree to parents, evolutionarily speaking, because it's also pretty darn rewarding, or at least it's really, really supposed to be. Doing something really hard, like parenting without a whole lot of reward can eventually start to feel really impossible. It's working completely against our own physiology. So what are our options then? What do we do? Just give up? I mean, I tell you what, I really understand that urge. I understand that possum response so intimately, and that possum response, giving up, moving into helplessness and hopelessness. It makes so much sense in the face of perpetual challenge and a perpetual challenge that it seems never ending. Like there's no way out. So what we have to do is first just notice this. We have to notice that this is hard. It's impossibly hard sending connection to somebody who never sends it back or who rarely sends it back. Or if they do send it back, they send it back, like spitefully chucking it in your face. It's impossibly hard. And then we have to acknowledge the truth about how much we are suffering, that we are longing for connection from our kids and that not receiving it at times is unbearable. It is only in the recognition of this and the recognition of how hard it is, and then recognition of how intensely we are suffering that we can begin to even consider what we need to do to be able to move forward. And mostly what we need to do to be able to move forward is grieve, believe it or not, being honest and authentic with ourselves, noticing and acknowledging our own suffering. Y'all, that is a cue of safety. It's a cue of safety that we get to offer to ourselves. It becomes like this little drop in the inside safety bucket, right? Inside, outside, between. There's three. So if we imagine these as little separate buckets, there's a bucket of drops of inside safety. And when we attune to ourselves, when we notice and acknowledge our own suffering, that's a drop in the inside bucket of safety. And if the in between bucket is really low because our kids don't reciprocate our connection, then we've got to fill those other buckets. We're also going to need other places to get that in between bucket filled. If you can increase your cues of safety from. From your other relationships, eventually your neurobiology will hold on to the felt safety of those relationships. And then those relationships actually start to also fill your inner bucket of felt safety. Because you internalize those people and their safety and connection, you. You literally build neural networks of the safety and connection that you experience with other people. And then that also fills your inside bucket of felt safety. This actually, this tenant here that I'm talking about, this little science of how we internalize the safety of others, this is actually really the core of my being with program. The professionals that I train to work with parents are of course learning a lot of tools to help them navigate their kids really baffling behaviors. But really, mostly what those professionals are learning is how to increase their capacity to be with the most struggling parents, to continue to offer those really struggling parents the connection and co regulation that they're longing for. Because eventually the cues of safety that are offered from the professional, the cues of safety that are offered from that relationship with a professional, they become internalized into the parent's own neurobiology. And this is when parents begin to be able to stay in connection mode, even when their child is in chronic protection mode. Okay, let's take a second here and summarize. Okay, so I said the number one strategy for when your child experiences connection as a cue of danger is to notice and acknowledge it. This is sending a cue of safety to yourself. It's going to help you stay stay in connection mode, even if it's just one second longer. The second strategy that I just described is to increase the connection and co regulation that you get from others. Now, maybe you don't have access to a whole lot of support to a whole lot of connection and co regulation from others, but you're listening to this podcast, and I know that listening to this podcast is helping people internalize me and the safety and connection that I offer because y'all write me and tell me this. In fact, it was those emails and messages of how you are starting to kind of hear my voice just through the emails that I was sending out. Because three years ago, I didn't have this podcast. I was communicating to y'all through my emails. And then I had a blog, right? And y'all were telling me, even way back then that you were starting to internalize me and internalize my voice and that you could hear my voice in your head when things got really hard. And it was helping you hold on a little longer to your owl brain. And those emails, those messages you sent me was literally the reason I started the podcast, right? Because I was like, wow, if I can do that through emails, through social media, through blogging, imagine the power of podcasting. And then I drew on what I was learning through podcasting and writing those emails and being on social media. And I tried to write a book in a really similar way, in a way that you could receive the connection and the co regulation from me even if we never meet. Because the connection and co regulation that's offered here through this podcast or through my emails or through the book or through the club, if you're in the club, that connection and co regulation, even if we never actually meet, it's changing your nervous system. So if you've ever felt like you could hear my voice in your head, or hearing my voice helps you hang on to your owl brain a little bit longer, or hearing my words is helping you feel compassion for yourself for even one more second, right if you've ever felt like that, you've ever felt like you can hear my voice in your head, then this experience here of connection and co regulation through the podcast, through my book, through being in the club, it's working. You are increasing the drops of safety into your own inner felt safety bucket, which will then eventually help you stay regulated even when your child isn't as you've internalized me or whoever else is offering you a connection, co regulation, I know in the club they're internalized one another, right? Maybe it's your therapist, your parent coach, your spouse, anyone who's offering connection, you connection and co regulation, as you begin to internalize them, that is increasing your own inner cues of safety. That is going to help you stay regulated even when your child is not. That's going to help you stay regulated even when your child is rejecting your connection. Because rejecting your connection, that's a huge cue of danger. And unfortunately, as the grownups, it's our job to try to figure out a way to stay regulated, to stay in connection mode even when we're getting a lot of cues of danger. Okay, now the third strategy we're going to talk about is that we have to learn how to then titrate the amount of connection that we offer to our child. That same sometimes we're offering too much connection. It's totally flipping them into danger danger mode and really significantly contributing to their dysregulation. Now, that's not your fault. But what we can do is look at how we're offering connection, how fast we're offering it, the intensity of it, the different ways connection gets offered. We can learn how to kind of strategically or deliberately back that off. We can titrate it so that the connection can be offered in doses that might not be experienced as so unsafe, so dangerous, so life threatening. Now, I was planning to talk about that in today's episode, but here we are half an hour in and I'm thinking about all the things that I want to say about how we titrate connection. I think I'm turning this three part series into a four part series. So that's what we'll pick up with next week and maybe that'll be the conclusion of this four part series on oppositional and defiant behavior for our kids who don't experience connection as regulating. How can we be really thoughtful, really strategic about the ways in which we offer connection and so that we titrate it so that we offer it in a way that maybe offers up the opportunity that connection and protection the tangling of connection and protection can maybe start to be untied because that will be a huge contributing factor into decreasing your child's oppositional behavior. If you have a child who experiences connection as dangerous, you are of course seeing a lot of oppositional behavior. You're seeing like some really baffling, confusing behavior for sure. And some of that is oppositional behavior. So we'll round out this four part series on oppositional behavior by looking at how do we strategically offer connection in a way that can allow our kids to titrate the amount of connection that they take in so that connection can start to feel safer? Connection can start to feel regulating instead of dangerous and dysregulating. I want to tell you about a couple other places that you can go and explore the science of human behavior where you can really explore what behavior really is and how can we make sense of that? Over on my website, I have a lot of free resources. It's just@robingobel.com free resources, you're going to find a webinar on how we can focus on the nervous system to change behavior. It's kind of like an introduction to all of my work regulation, connection, felt, safety owls, watchdogs and possums. Okay. Webinar and ebook free. Focus on the nervous system to change behavior. I also have a separate specifically curated podcast feedback that's called Start Here. I was getting so many questions from parents and professionals. I was like, you have so much great information. You have so many episodes on your podcast. Where do I even start? So I actually literally took 10 podcast episodes, curated them, put them in order in a separate podcast feed that's called Start Here. So you can just press play, listen to episodes one through 10 without thinking about it with Jump, without jumping around the podcast, without searching for episodes. Episodes, that's a private podcast, meaning you're not going to find it in your regular podcast player. You need to go to robingobel.com starthere and sign up for it. I'll send you an email. You'll get the directions on how to subscribe to this private 10 episode podcast. All of those episodes are here on the Baffling Behavior Show. I've just taken them out, put them in a curated feed so you don't have to think about it. You can just play them in order. I have a lot of other free resources@robingobel.com freeresources one page infographics, things you can print out, sign, you know, hang up on your fridge, give to teachers, or you know other caregivers that your child has. And then of course we have the club, which is a virtual community of parents and caregivers who are caring for kids with vulnerable nervous systems and big baffling behaviors. You can find that over@robin goble.com the club. And oh my gosh, I almost forgot to mention my book. It's still brand new. I'm still getting used to mentioning it. Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors came out September 21, 2023 and has wildly exceeded my expectations and how many families it was going to reach, how impactful it was going to be. And y'all, that is so, so, so exciting because the more people it reaches, the more people who are going to know about the science of behavior know about the science of safety and they're going to be able to be with our kids in that way so that we don't have to work so hard to educate everybody. Okay, you can get Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors wherever you buy books online. Okay, so next week we'll be back here. I'm going to plan to conclude this three now four part series on oppositional and defiant behavior. We'll talk about titrating connection so that our kids whose nervous systems are really stuck in protection mode can eventually start to experience connection as regulating. And they'll be more easily brought into or invited into that connection side of their nervous system, which will of course decrease their oppositional behaviors. As always, thank you, thank you, thank you for everything you do to show up for your kids, show up for yourselves and contribute to truly making the entire world safer. I'll see you next week. I hope that you loved that episode of the Baffling Behavior Show. If you did and you're wondering where can I go to learn more or get more support? Or maybe you're a professional and you want to be able to bring this work to your overwhelmed clients. I have got three places for you to go next. Number one, my USA Today best selling book, Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors. A year and a half after publication, Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors continues to exceed our wildest dreams, breaking sales goals and getting feedback that it is changing people's lives. Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors is available in paperback, ebook and audiobook, which I read wherever you buy books online. The second way to get more support is to come and join us over in the club. It's an online community of connection, co, regulation and yes, even a little education. We have over 500 members and you'll gain support from the wisest, most compassionate, most in the trenches with you parents in the world. You'll be able to pick my brain, watch over a hundred different videos and Download the over 50 resources that are uniquely developed just for the club and just for you to bring owls, watchdogs and possums into your family. And if you're a professional like a therapist or a coach, a teacher, an educator, maybe an occupational therapist, a daycare owner, anyone who supports the parents of kids with big baffling behaviors, hop onto my waiting list for the 2026 cohort of being with. It'll be our fifth cohort of our year long immersion into the neurobiology of big baffling behaviors and the science of connection, safety and co regulation. You'll grow your capacity so that you can hang in the hardest places with families of kids with vulnerable nervous systems. And you'll finally get the professional support that you need and deserve to work with the families who keep being told by other professionals that they can't help them anymore. One of my goals is that families never hear that again. We'll be opening applications in the late spring or early summer and we'll be opening those applications only to folks who are on the waiting list. So be sure to add your name to the waiting list over@robin Goble.com beingwith y'all. I'm so grateful to support you and be with you on this journey till next week.