How to Become the Person You Want to Be in 2026 | Karen Mattar

Summary

The Balance Theory Podcast: "How to Become the Person You Want to Be in 2026"

Host: Erika De Pellegrin
Guest: Karen Mattar
Date: January 18, 2026

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Episode Overview

This dynamic conversation launches the first episode of 2026 with personal development coach and mindset strategist Karen Mattar. Together, Erika and Karen unpack what it truly takes to become the version of yourself you envision—specifically, moving into the new year with powerful self-leadership, self-respect, and practical, sustainable habits. Listeners are guided through tangible strategies to audit their lives, understand the importance of environment, embrace discomfort, and cultivate an identity that supports their biggest goals—all with a refreshing focus on balance, not burnout.

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Key Themes & Discussion Points

1. Karen’s Story: Outgrowing Old Environments and Identities

• Personal Catalyst: Karen details her pivotal decision to leave Lebanon for Dubai (03:01). She describes feeling internally “numb,” stuck in a life centered on validation and belonging over authentic self-respect.
  • “From the inside, I was not happy. It was as if there was this voice always telling me, you know, this cannot be your life.” – Karen (03:13)
• The Pain-Pleasure Principle: Real change came when the pain of remaining stagnant exceeded the pain of change.
  • “People change either out of inspiration or desperation. For me, it was desperation.” – Karen (05:25)
• Raising Standards: The real action was not just moving but transforming her inner standards and self-respect.

2. Self-Respect and Practical Shifts

• Daily Actions: Karen explains how her newfound respect showed up in nutrition, exercise, sleep, and choosing what to prioritize.
  • “It could be as simple as what I ate and how I showed up. Like with my body, what did I do with my body? How did I respect my body?” – Karen (08:51)
• Living in Alignment: Making daily choices that align with the woman she aspires to be.

3. Reframing Balance: Non-Negotiables and Identity (10:04–12:00)

• Erika’s Model: Advocates for clarity around 2–3 non-negotiables in health, relationships, and fulfillment, forming the structure for balanced living.

4. Why Habits Fail and The Role of Identity (11:34–14:00)

• Habits Built on Willpower Backfire: Relying solely on motivation or willpower is unsustainable.
  • “When you rely on willpower or motivation, there is a certain expiration date … At some point, your habit will collapse.” – Karen (12:09)
• Alignment vs. Fear: The sustainability of a habit is rooted in whether it’s built from alignment, not fear.
• Practical Tip: Instead of asking “How do I force this habit?” ask, “Who is the person I am becoming by choosing this habit?”

5. Self-Leadership vs. Self-Control (16:39–18:33)

• Defining Self-Leadership: Leading yourself in daily micro-actions that match your future goals, not fighting your old self.
  • "Self-leadership is … are you behaving in a way that is in alignment with who you say you want to be?” – Karen (16:42)
• Managing the Gap: Navigating discomfort while transitioning identities, and honoring rather than fighting the “old” self.

6. Navigating Self-Doubt & Imposter Syndrome (21:12–22:21)

• Embracing Discomfort: Erika normalizes fear and urges listeners to see discomfort as a part of growth, not a sign to stop.

7. The Power and Pitfalls of Environment (23:39–29:20)

• Silent Force: Our surroundings powerfully shape our identity—sometimes in ways we hardly notice.
  • “You cannot actually create a new identity if you’re trying to still protect the environment that created the old identity.” – Karen (25:40)
• Actionable Tip: Start with small changes—declutter, reduce screen time, curate inputs, set clear boundaries—before considering bigger shifts like changing social circles or locations.

8. Boundaries, Projection, and Internal Strength (27:21–32:16)

• Handling Naysayers: For people close to you who undermine your growth, Karen recommends:
  • Setting conversational boundaries,
  • Focusing on internal validation,
  • Strengthening mental resilience.
• Understanding Projection: Erika and Karen highlight that critical comments often reflect others’ limitations, not your potential.
  • “Triggers are a blessing. They show you where the work needs to be done.” – Karen (32:16)
• Internal Audit: Erika suggests using emotional reactions to criticism as cues for where your self-belief needs bolstering.

9. On Discipline, Self-Respect & External Perception (32:28–41:00)

• Controversial Take: Karen asserts that people tend to respect you more when you’re in shape—not due to aesthetics, but as a sign of self-respect, consistency, and discipline.
  • “Your body is the evidence and reflection of how you treat yourself. It signals you are able to make a commitment and hold it.” – Karen (33:02)
• How You Do One Thing: Discussion transitions to the idea that dependability in one area is often mirrored in others—but both agree life isn’t black-and-white and “blocks” can exist in specific domains.

10. Modern Womanhood and Regulation (43:04–50:12)

• Multiple Roles, Real Regulation: Karen emphasizes that balancing ambition and softness is about nervous system regulation—achieved via structure, boundaries, and self-knowledge.
  • “Softness or femininity is not a personality trait. It’s a nervous system state.” – Karen (43:05)
• Practical Boundaries: Karen gives examples like saying “no” to extra socializing when self-care matters more, and using scheduling and meal plans for effective time/resource management.
  • “Once you have this (masculine) structure, you can tap into your feminine energy … they complement each other.” – Karen (48:20)
• Being Present: Erika shares her own challenge of juggling new motherhood and work, learning to be present in each role rather than multitasking to the point of exhaustion.
  • “You can have it all, just not all at once.” – Erika (46:36)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Change:
  “People change either out of inspiration or desperation. For me, it was desperation.”
  — Karen (05:25)

• On Internal Standards:
  “Choosing myself without needing the permission. My standards rose. My self-respect as well was non-negotiable anymore.”
  — Karen (06:17)

• On Identity-Driven Habits:
  “When you work on identity, discipline is a byproduct—it's not something you force, it's who you are.”
  — Karen (13:18)

• On Triggers:
  “Triggers are a blessing. They show you where the work needs to be done. Now you get to evolve.”
  — Karen (32:16)

• On Modern Womanhood:
  “Softness or femininity is not a personality trait. It’s a nervous system state.”
  — Karen (43:05)

• On Boundaries and Structure:
  “Structure … gives you freedom. It’s not this rigid thing that controls you. For people wired like us, it actually gives you freedom.”
  — Erika (49:20)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Karen’s Turning Point Story: 03:01–07:12
• Defining Self-Respect Through Daily Choices: 08:49–10:04
• Erika’s Balance Model: 10:04–11:34
• Why Habits Fail / Identity Alignment: 11:34–14:39
• Self-Leadership vs. Self-Control: 16:39–18:33
• Managing Discomfort in Identity Shifts: 18:33–21:12
• Addressing Self-Doubt/Imposter Syndrome: 21:12–22:21
• Role of Environment: 23:39–29:20
• Boundaries and Handling Projections: 27:21–32:16
• Respect & Discipline / "How You Do One Thing": 32:28–41:00
• Modern Womanhood / Structure, Boundaries, Regulation: 43:04–50:12

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Actionable Takeaways

• Audit your habits and their origin: Are your goals aligned with your future self or based in fear/expectation?
• Redesign your environment: Start small; clear clutter, limit exposure to negativity, curate your media diet.
• Nurture self-leadership: Focus less on willpower, more on building a self-image aligned with your aspirations.
• Practice boundaries: With people, habits, and your own tendencies—protect the space for your growth.
• Honor your journey: Embrace the discomfort, knowing growth means grieving old identities and normalizing fear.
• Create supportive structure: Systems and planning don’t stifle—they free you to flow and be present.
• Be patient and compassionate: You can do it all, just not simultaneously; let go of self-imposed and external timelines.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a roadmap for anyone eager to step into 2026 as the upgraded version of themselves. With a blend of honesty, practical wisdom, and acceptance of both ambition and self-care, Karen and Erika invite listeners to lead with intention and courage. The journey to who you wish to be is built on daily choices, conscious boundaries, and compassion—for yourself and those around you.

Transcript

[Karen Matar]

At some point, I couldn't ignore this feeling from the inside. I was not happy. And it was as if there was this voice always telling me, you know, this cannot be your life. Today's guest challenges the way we think about change, identity and why so many people stay stuck.

[Podcast Host]

This conversation might change how you see.

[Karen Matar]

Yourself heading into 2026. Joining me on the podcast today is Karen Matar.

[Podcast Host]

How do we start auditing or looking at our habits and shifting those so they can actually take us where we want to go rather than work against us?

[Karen Matar]

The number one thing why habits fail, they try to build the habits through more motivation, more willpower, push through, etc. Instead of tackling the one thing that actually would move the needle forward, which is working on your.

[Podcast Host]

You talk about how you outgrew a life that you knew was no longer meant for you. Can you talk to us about the moment you actually knew that that was true?

[Karen Matar]

Outgrown a version of myself who shot her dreams, her goals, her vision, a version that belonging mattered more self respect. And you cannot actually create a new identity if you're trying to still protect the environment that created the old identity.

[Podcast Host]

How do you actually do that for yourself?

[Karen Matar]

I would say?

[Podcast Host]

All right, balancers, welcome back to the first episode of 2026. I hope you all had a really beautiful rest ready for your new year and I have a guest today that we're going to chat a lot about mindset and things I think that are going to really help you align for the year to come. I always love this time of year because everyone is refreshed, they've had some time off generally and it's a really nice time to sit and think about how you're going to move into the new year with intention. This guest content I saw on Instagram and it really resonated with me personally on many different angles. You're going to, you're going to hear some of those today and I think it is the perfect episode to kick off the year with. So it's my absolute pleasure to welcome Karen Matar to the Balance Theory. Karen, welcome.

[Karen Matar]

Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Podcast Host]

No, it's really nice to connect and have you here. As I've said a few times on the show before, I'm very intentional with who I bring on and when I see people putting out their message and it really aligns with me, it's just like a no brainer to get you on the show. So when I, whenever I see that and then they're in Dubai, it's like, yeah, so exciting for me.

[Karen Matar]

I'm honored to be here.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, thank you so much. I'd love to start out with a little bit about yourself and your story. You talk about how you outgrew a life that you knew was no longer meant for you. Can you talk to us about the moment you actually knew that that was true?

[Karen Matar]

So it started that moment was when I was in Lebanon in 2014, and I left Lebanon and I moved to Dubai. And the feeling that I had when I was there is the feeling that I was numbing myself and not using my potential, so I was wasting my potential.

[Podcast Host]

What were you doing? If you don't mind me asking.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah, so it was more like the surrounding, the environment that I had when I was in Lebanon. The it. What looked like, you know, the fun life, the cool people, the parties, the validation, all of that. From the inside, I was not happy. And it was as if there was this voice always telling me, you know, this cannot be your life. You know? So at some point, I couldn't ignore this feeling and what people call, like a toxic environment. It was, for me, just an identity that I had outgrew. So I outgrew. I've outgrown a version of myself who shot her dreams, her goals, her vision. A version that had to shrink to make other people feel comfortable. A version that believed that belonging mattered more than self respect. So I've grown the version who could survive even in this environment. This is what I've outgrown. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

So I think it's. It's. It's amazing when you hear people talk about this realization that they had. Right. That they have outgrown the surrounding. But I think it's almost. And I'd like to hear your thoughts. I think it's almost. There's two parts to this. There's the realization and then there's the action. A lot of us have this realization.

[Karen Matar]

Then.

[Podcast Host]

I've had it before, too. But it's not that you take action straight away. Sometimes you really have to sit with it, understand what's going on. It takes a lot of confidence to actually then change, especially if it's, you know, we're talking about your hometown, where you grew up, and your environment involves people you've known, and this voice inside is telling you to move countries or change careers or leave a relationship. Like, sometimes these are very big nudges, even just to start a new business or start a podcast, whatever it is. That was the feeling I had too. It was this nudge. How did you actually take action on it? Can you walk us through that a little bit?

[Karen Matar]

Yeah. It's very true what you're saying, and I do understand it and I can see it with a lot of people out there, like they want something, but taking action is what is missing, really. So I do think, and I do believe in the concept of pain and pleasure. So if the pain of staying where you are right now is far greater than actually changing, then you're gonna change. If changing is more painful than staying where you are, than not changing the behavior, whether it's moving countries, whether it's starting your business, etc, then you're not gonna do it, right? So for me, I reach a point where, like staying where I am with the same surrounding and like playing small and not listening to, you know, this voice, this inner drive that I had was as if I'm like dying slowly, right? It was very painful. And it came to a point where I couldn't tolerate this anymore. Like, I've reached a threshold. People change either out of inspiration or desperation. For me, it was desperation. At that time, I was like, I'm done, you know, And I reached this I'm done moment. And this is when I thought, okay, I'm gonna take action. And it didn't feel like me moving to Dubai. It didn't feel like an impulsive move or an emotional decision. It was very intentional. And it felt like self leadership, as if like I gave myself permission to just choose myself. Without needing the permission. Yeah, like choosing myself without needing the permission. And I think really the difference is not just moving to Dubai. The action was not moving to Dubai. It was what was happening internally. And the main thing was that my standards rose. My self respect as well was non negotiable anymore. So that's why me coming to Dubai and like having all this internal work. And it was not overnight, of course, right. It happened gradually. This was the real shift. And also like deciding that I don't want to live a life that required me to numb who I was. Because in Lema I was like literally nubbing myself. So yeah, it was a decision as well.

[Podcast Host]

I want to move into that idea of self respect in a minute. But I just want to ask you. So I just shared that I had that similar moment where it was like this inner knowing for me. The sentence, if I could describe it in one sentence, what that felt like in my mind was like, you're meant to do more than this. That was the nudge that if I could give it a sentence, that's what it felt like. What did it feel like for you in like one sentence.

[Karen Matar]

So definitely for me I can relate to what you're saying. Like this is like, I am meant for more. I am meant for greatness. This is not my life. Right. When I said this is not my life, it meant like, I know I have the potential. Like I know I can do more. It's knowing you know it. You know, you cannot not listen to. You have to be true to yourself. And for me, being true to myself is just following this nudge, following this intuition that I had.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, yeah, I can definitely relate to that. I guess on the idea of self respect now because sometimes you have that feeling but you don't really know what the next step is, right? You don't really know what you're supposed to do. You just have this feeling and that can feel very overwhelming as well, not really knowing what the next thing is. I like how you kind of spoke about how you, your standards rose with the move and it was an internal shift that happened over time. When you reflect now, what's sort of the biggest difference between the way you looked at yourself when you were a numbed version of yourself in Lebanon versus let's talk about you today. What can you give us like a real practical example of what that difference looks like in terms of your self respect?

[Karen Matar]

So it could be as simple as what I ate and how I showed up. Like with my body, what did I do with my body? How did I respect my body? How did I honor it? Before I used to eat like I was. I didn't have really good eating patterns. I didn't step my foot even at the gym. I used to have really bad sleeping patterns. Party all the time and you know, very disconnected from my body. But now I prefer not to go to this party. I don't remember even the last time I went to a party just because I know I want to wake up early and I have things to do and I have a business to run. I want to go to the gym and I'm intentional with what I'm eating because I know if I eat crap or junk, I'm going to feel like sorry shit later on, right? So it's really about honoring my body and really staying connected with how I feel, what my body needs so that I can live in alignment with the woman I want to become. Because the woman I want to become, if she, if I want to be successful, if I want to, you know, be happy, I need to act in a certain way.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, yeah, definitely. This bring is bringing up a concept which really Is like the core of this show.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

So the show is called the Balance Theory. And the reason I started it was because I was working in a corporate job and I was, I had that feeling like there's got to be more to life. And I constantly struggled with this idea of work, life, balance. And I was like, I constantly feel overwhelmed and I feel guilty that I'm not doing enough of anything. And I was doing a hundred things at once, just trying to do everything. So the real idea of balance today, to me in 2026, what this show represents is being clear on your non negotiables and making those things a priority. And this doesn't need to be a 50 step routine that you do every single day. It's very, very simple. The top two, three things in your health, the top two, three things in your relationships, and the top two, three things in your career or your fulfillment or your business. Right. And if you can navigate your time around those things, it starts to not only paint and sort of move you in the direction of what you actually want to do, because the things you're saying are important, are being prioritized, but it then starts to shape your identity. And I know you talk a lot about this too, like how your habits shape your identity. So for people listening that are sort of moving into 2026, maybe they've had time to think about their goals, maybe they haven't. But you know, it is this time where we're thinking about, okay, what does this year represent for me? What do I want to work towards? How do we start auditing or looking at our habits and shifting those so they can actually take us where we want to go rather than work against us.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah, very interesting question, because I get that a lot. And you know, the number one thing why habits fail, especially, you know, now it's the New Year, 2016. 6:26, not six people, you know, have New Year's, resolutions, etc. And we know that sometimes, you know, they set all these goals and then by February, they're back to square one.

[Podcast Host]

Why?

[Karen Matar]

It's because they try to build the habits through more motivation, more willpower, push through, etc. Instead of tackling the one thing that actually would move the needle forward, which is working on your identity. Right. Because when you rely on willpower or motivation, et cetera, there is a certain expiration date, right? And your willpower also depletes under stress. It will backfire. At some point, your habit will collapse. And especially as well, when they build the habits around fear. So fear of let's say I want to get my dream body goal, right? Why, why do you want to get. Why do you want to achieve this physique? Is it because you're fear of not being good enough, Fear of not being accepted, or I want to have be successful. So if it's built out of fear, then it's not sustainable. So it's important to also understand where from which space is it built on? Right from. Is it a place of fear or is it from a place of alignment? If it's from a place of alignment, then this is something that is sustainable and that will last. Right? When you work on identity, it's who you are. So discipline becomes the byproduct of actually who you are. It's not something you force, it's not something you do. It's something that comes naturally because you are actually, you know, acting every day in alignment with the woman that you want to become. Right. So I would say in 2026, in order to build habits that stick, it's important to work on your identity. And also, when I say identity more practically, it means shifting from self control. Because willpower is what self control, right. You're controlling yourself to self leadership. When you move from self control to self leadership, then you're. You stop fighting with your behaviors and they become natural.

[Podcast Host]

This is really interesting. I love that idea of looking at like the source of your goal and whether it's based in fear or alignment. I think that's really important because often we can set goals based on things we should have, you know, like should be doing. And often that can take us off course when, you know, sitting from alignment is a really nice place. How do we know, like, what kind of questions, just to give people something practical to work with here. Can they ask themselves when they're, let's just say, looking at their goals or after this episode, they're sitting down to think about their goals. What kind of questions can we ask ourselves to know where is this goal coming from?

[Karen Matar]

Yeah, I think before even asking, where is this goal? Actually, yeah, you can know from this question instead. Because a lot of people ask, how can I just force this habit? How can I actually be consistent with this? Right. Instead of asking, how can I force this habit? It's more, who is the woman that I'm becoming when I choose this behavior? Right. So as simple as who is the woman that I choose to become when I actually commit to going to the gym three times a week? I choose to be the woman that follows through. I choose to be the Woman who says she's going to do something and does it. I choose to be the woman who honors her body and her health. This is who I choose to be. Right. And automatically then you're gonna know if it's from a place of fear or not.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, that's nice. It also gives you some really nice internal affirmations.

[Karen Matar]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

To sort of guide you as you know. I mean, I'm not really a type of person that sits down, does affirmations every day. But the self talk is really important. And I think if you can think about like, what's the identity in this goal? Because one thing I love about what you just said and something I really believe, a goal is not about what you achieve, it's about who you become. And it's always a process of you shifting into a new version of yourself. It's not about this moment where you get this amount of money or you get this amount of followers. Like, it's about who you had to become to achieve those things. And so thinking about this identity piece underpinning the goal is really, really nice. I want to dive a bit more into what you said about moving away from self control into self leadership. What does it mean to have self leadership? Is it. Is it sitting in that I am the type of woman that does xyz like, can you talk to me a little bit about that? Because it sounds like a really nice idea.

[Karen Matar]

Self leadership for me is as simple as how do you choose to lead yourself? Are you behaving in a way that is in alignment with who you say you want to be? So there is a. We have two usually, like when you have a goal, Right. And. But you're not able to achieve it, it's because you are operating from an outdated identity. You know that there's a version of yourself, your upgraded identity, who is this woman, let's say, who has these amazing goals and she can't achieve them? But if you feel that there's this gap, it's because you are not leading yourself the way you're meant to. Right? So self leadership is recognizing this gap and actually taking repeated small behavior every day without fear. Right. So because your nervous system and your body have to trust you that, oh, this is my new normal, this is my new identity. Right. So it doesn't. It must not be rooted in fear and leading yourself in this way in a way that is in alignment with where you want to be headed. It's as simple as that.

[Podcast Host]

How do you distinguish between, you know, that gap you spoke about in Terms of an outdated identity and who you are, who you're becoming and that fear that can possibly sit in that gap and moving away from that, how do you distinguish that and setting a big goal for yourself, which can often also come with feelings of fear and often there's also a gap then because it's like not who I used to be, it's who I am now and who I want to be in the future. Like, how do we distinguish those? Because it's kind of like present me today, old me, who I'm like shifting out of and then the new me that I'm becoming. Is that gap then between the old me and the new me in the future and I'm sort of in the middle, or is it two separate sort of journeys? Does that make sense?

[Karen Matar]

Yeah. So let me reply first to the first part of the question is that it does feel weird to have this gap, right. When you're evolving and growing, whether it's from a relationship, whether it's in your business, whether it's in your body. Right. It's weird to sit in this gap because you're grieving an old part of you. Right? An old version of you. Even if it didn't serve you, it feels like an emptiness, it's quiet, it hurts. Sometimes it feels lonely. Right? Because sometimes along the way you're gonna also have to say goodbye to some people and just grief. So it is, it is weird to be in this, in this, in between. But I would say. And then you let me know if I'm replying to a question. But the way I view, I handle this duality, like the old identity and the new identity and how I coach my clients with this is that you don't have to fight this old identity. It's not about fighting it because this old identity got you to where you are today, right? And if you fight it, it's going to resist back. It's about honoring it and telling yourself, okay, this old identity got me here to where I am today, but I don't like where I am today. So I want to move forward, I want to grow. Thank you for showing me the way. But from now on, I'm going to lead the upgrade version of myself. And you know, what are the things that actually are coming from the old identity? You know? Right. All the, the self talk, the things that you say to yourself, the behaviors that you do, you catch yourself because you are someone who's very self aware. The more you practice radical self awareness, the more you're going to catch the Little, you know, self talks or the things that you say to yourself that will lead to actually reinforcing the old identity. But when you catch yourself like, nope, nope, this is not who I want to be. Right. So let me choose differently because I want to choose differently. This is my choice. It's not through force, it's not through punishment. It's discipline coming from identity because this is where I'm headed. It's going to feel awkward at first maybe, but repetition is the mother of skills. The more I repeat, it doesn't have to be a big step. Small steps every day and people underestimate the small steps. Yeah, yeah. It's really like after, If I do one small step, 1% every day and then I'm going to look back after 30 days I'm going to, oh, wow. It's a compound effect, right.

[Podcast Host]

It's like that visual of a staircase. You can't have a staircase without one step at a time and compounding effect. I like this conversation a lot because it speaks to the detail of what we often label as like self doubt and imposter syndrome. Of course, when you're trying new things and you're breaking old identities, you're going to naturally be in this feeling of discomfort because you're breaking something that's been comfortable for you for who knows how many years. And so what I like about this is it helps us understand what's actually going on underneath. It's the breaking of normality. It's trying to integrate new things that are not, let's just say, natural as part of our routine. Yet we're trying to shift our identity. We're trying to move to a new version of ourselves. And so the one thing I just want to remind people is if they are feeling that self doubt or imposter syndrome and you're moving towards something big, just give yourself time to adjust. I think it doesn't happen overnight. Like once you make the decision that's step one, then it's the consistency is the 1% every day, then you're slowly bridging that gap between, you know, where you are now and what you're trying to build. And it's not that those feelings of doubt or imposter syndrome means you're, there's.

[Karen Matar]

Something wrong about you. Everyone feels that.

[Podcast Host]

Exactly. It's just that I, I actually say now it's, I expect that fear to come up when I'm trying something new because otherwise it's the ticket to entry. It's the barrier that keeps a lot of people from pushing to the next level. But you have to pay that price of feeling uncomfortable because that's what it is when you're breaking a mold and going into a new identity. So I really like that explanation because it gives people the detail of what's going on. To not just say, oh, I doubt myself and stay there, like that can limit you from achieving so much in your life. I think another part of this, because what we're talking about now is a lot of internal work. It's a lot of self awareness. Environment obviously plays a big role. You spoke about how leaving Lebanon was a big catalyst for you to sort of shift into this next version of yourself. So for people who are thinking about their environment, maybe feeling limited by their environment and they're not, say, ready to pick up and move overseas, maybe they feel like their work's a little bit toxic or they. Whether living at home is a bit toxic or the city they're in, just the general feeling of it is not expansive. The people they're around, the friends have always had what are some little things people can start to do to make big shifts and impacts on their, I guess, trajectory without saying doing something as dramatic like moving overseas.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah, the thing with environment, it's really a silent force. It really shapes and reinforces the identity that you live in. So sometimes it either can destroy you or it can build you. Right. And sometimes it's very sneaky as well, the way it impacts you if it's destroying you. Because it could be as simple as if someone is trying to get fit, for example, and they're cooking a healthy meal at home and their sister or their father or their mother is saying them, ah, this is not gonna last. Like, you know, then this is gonna affect this person, right? And then she's, she might cook this healthy meal and then right after she's gonna say, you know what? Maybe she's right. Let me just go back to my old ways. So sometimes, unfortunately, it could be family. Sometimes it's your partner, sometimes it's your friends, sometimes it's your country. But sometimes it could be in the very. In the details. Like when you wake up in the morning and the clutter that you have in front of you. Right. It social media scrolling what you listen to. So it could, it's in the details. Yes. And then it can scale to your friends, your partner, to the home that you. The country you live in. And I think people, many times, they think when they have goals and they want to achieve them, that they're not able to achieve Them because they don't have the discipline or the motivation. But many times it's because of their environment. And as I said, sometimes it happens in ways that you don't actually see, but it's very sneaky. So I would say that my. That in 2026, to really, you know, achieve your goals, you need to redesign your environment and how you don't have to move countries. It's just in the little details, like declutter your home, what are you. How many hours do you spend scrolling on Instagram? This is not neutral. These things, little things, are literally training your nervous system and your brain, you know, to. To act in a certain way to reinforce the identity that you live in. And you cannot actually create a new identity if you're trying to still protect the environment that created the old identity. Right.

[Podcast Host]

If you guys are loving this episode so far, don't forget to hit the like button and subscribe so you don't miss any future content. Definitely makes sense. It's like you're trying to. Let's use the analogy of like a garden, right. If you've grown something and then it's died and then you're trying to replant in that same soil, if maybe that soil is just not exactly to what. What needs to thrive and. And build a new plant. That's a semi good analogy, is what's come to mind. But yeah, it is. It's thinking about what created the current version of me and what do I need to shift, not just internally.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I mean, I am the kind of person, sometimes I need a vacuum before I work because I need my environment to be clean in order for my mind to just be like, so just know yourself and like, what's going to help? What about for those people listening, who they've, you know, they feel like they've got the internal stuff or they're going to work on the internal stuff. Physically, in their environment, we're good. But they have someone very close to them that you know. And sometimes these people, like, it's not even bad intention. Like it might be your mom or your best friend or your partner. The comments they make, like you, you take them on board because you care about these people. But maybe they're not coming from a place where they're trying to shut you down. What's the balance there? Because you can't really change people.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

How do you shift to not internalize that and let it like sabotage where you're going?

[Karen Matar]

Yeah. So either option one, you get rid of these people.

[Podcast Host]

If you can Sorry, mom, that's not happening.

[Karen Matar]

Or option two is setting boundaries, not talking about the things that actually matter to you, your goals, in front of these people. Because these people might love you, they want the best for you, but they are doing the best they can with the tools they have. Right. If that's your mom or your dad or your sister, and sometimes even your closest people project onto you their insecurities. Oh, you can't do this. This is not gonna last you. You think that it's not gonna last for you, but it can last for me. Right? Without meaning anything, without bad intentions. So it's setting boundaries so that you don't have to put yourself in the situation one and two, I would say doing the internal work, because I've had a lot of clients in the same situation as well. And you need to have strength mentally so that it doesn't get you. You need to actually implement some tools that you have in your toolkit to become this woman who is not shaken easily because your identity, the new upgraded version, is taking over. She's dominating now. It's not like one comment will actually make me wobble. No. Because I'm practicing every day. And so eventually this new identity is going to become stronger. So the comment that before used to shake me, today I'm going to reframe it. Oh, I know why she's saying this. It's not because I'm not good enough. It's not because I am not capable. It's because maybe she's projecting or maybe whatever is. It's fine. Let me actually do my inner work. Let me remember who I am and remember my standards and remember where I'm headed. So it's an internal work. Of course. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I'm really glad you brought up the idea of projection. It's something I learned about a few years ago. And I can think back to an example where somebody said something to me maybe five years ago, and it really, really shook me because it went to the core of me not being good enough. If that same person said that same thing to me today, wouldn't. It wouldn't land. Because I've understood this idea of projection. Now, I think, you know, constructive criticism, there's a place for that. You know, there's a place for loved ones around you, telling you, hey, look, I think you could maybe improve in this or like, hey, I didn't really like the way you spoke to me. I'm not talking about those comments. When somebody's trying to limit or downplay your goals and dreams, they are Straight up projecting. Because anyone that genuinely cares for you and has a little bit of self awareness, honestly, would just support you in what you want to achieve because that's what you want. You know, my, my dad, now even he's working on something and he's almost 60 years old. So many people would look at him and say, oh, it's time for you to wind down. It's time for you to retire. Like, they're projecting what they think is possible for them onto him. But I care and love him so much. Like, I'm so proud that he's, you know, trying something new at an age where you're told to, like, just chill out and not really do much else with your life. So I think whenever somebody comes at you not knowing who you are, even if they are someone close to you and have the best for you, like you said, they're just operating from the tools they have. They probably don't understand. You know, I have these limits in my own life, and so I just automatically think that that's what life is.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

You know, every one thing I try and remind myself is that people come to all experiences in life with the events that they've gone through, the beliefs that they have. So in their mind, their worldview, that's just the way it is. It is the way in their mind that you can't be a millionaire before you're 40, that you can't travel the world and work. You know, these limitations come from their own experience. And that's okay. It's true for them, but it doesn't have to be true for you. So I think one just takeaway I want to share is if you find yourself really shaken by what people say, because it can come from loved ones and it can really hurt. I think for me, that's a point for me to reflect. Where is my foundation Unshaky? Is that showing me a gap I have? Maybe I don't actually think I'm good enough for what I want to achieve. That's something I need to work on.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Because it wouldn't impact me. It's the same concept. If I said to you, oh, I love your white pants.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

You'd say to me, I'm not wearing white pants, I'm wearing jeans. You know, it's just a fact. Same thing as if I said to you, oh, you can't really do that. You'd be like, yes, I can. It's a fact that you believe. It's something so ingrained in your foundation and your identity and, and you're operating from that place of like, self leadership. It's not going to impact you. So I think I just wanted to bring out that idea of projection that you brought up because it's really helped me not only deal with maybe external comments, they're always going to be there. Like, you can set boundaries. People are still going to say things.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

And then it kind of identifies to you where maybe you need to strengthen your own self identity.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah. I love that because I always say that triggers are a blessing.

[Podcast Host]

Yes.

[Karen Matar]

They show you where the work needs to be done. Right. Rather than, oh, my God, I'm triggered. No, like, like it's a blessing. Now you get to evolve.

[Podcast Host]

Yes. 100. Yeah. I want to ask you about. You have this video and it went viral online. It's quite controversial, but I really like the subtext of it. You said that people respect you more when you're in shape. I want to say that I believe how you do one thing is how you do everything. So I'd love to understand your thoughts behind this, I guess, controversial statement and what people can take away from it.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah. I said people respect you more when you're in shape. And I do think that we need to stop pretending that this is not true, because it's true. And this is not about esthetics, it's about self respect. It's because your body literally is the evidence and reflection of how you treat yourself. It's a reflection of your consistency, your standards, your follow through. Right. It signals that you are able, you're someone who's able to make a commitment and also hold your commitment. So when you walk into a room and people see that you take care of yourself, what I said is that they assume that you can take care also of other things like your business, your responsibilities, your word. And this is why discipline is important, because it's not. Because discipline is not punishment. A lot of people think of it as punishment. It's actually integrity. And people instinctively respond to integrity. And when you act in alignment with who you are and you show discipline, then people trust you, they respect you. They can rely on you because you say that you're gonna do this thing and then you. You do it. So it's not about aesthetics, it's about self respect. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I don't know if you saw. So on the Diary of a CEO podcast, he had a guest called. Her name's Natalie Dawson. And she spoke about how she has employees. She found out that there. There were two employees that were both separately married. They had an affair together.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

And she fired them both. And she had this clip that went viral and was very controversial. She basically said, if you're going to be like that in your personal life, you're going to be like that in work, you're going to be lying, you're going to be toxic. And so she fired them. And so I wonder, because of your thoughts on sort of how you look after yourself is how you are in life, what are your thoughts on that sort of other controversial take on how you do one thing is how you do everything.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah, definitely. I do think that it can be. If you see someone who is treating themselves in one area of their life a certain way, then this could mean that in their relationship maybe they will be. Also, if they're not taking care of themselves, they wouldn't take care of the relationship, they wouldn't take care of their business. So why would I hire this person? Why would I work with this person if they cannot hold the commitment they have towards themselves, towards their body? So how can I trust them with actually, you know, my, my work or other things? So I do think it's, it's a mirror and it does a lot about a person. It tells about how they can handle discomfort, how they can handle challenges, consistency. Because you need all of these in all the other areas of your life, right? Not only in your body and your health, but in your business and your relationships as well. Yeah, yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I think it's interesting because, I mean, I do have this belief that how you show up in one area is it's, if it's consistent and that's who you are, you know, you should be able to show up in all areas of your life. But I do have a lot of people around me and, and even in my own experience, where you may have limiting beliefs or blockages in a certain area of your life, whether it be finances or relationships, everything else is consistent, but you might have a block in just one area. So how do, how do you kind of, what are your thoughts on that? And in terms of what we've just discussed, in terms of being like consistent.

[Karen Matar]

Across everything, what do you mean by, let's say they have a block? I didn't understand the question.

[Podcast Host]

So, for example, if I'm like looking after myself, going to the gym, I have a really good business, but I constantly date the same kind of guy and he's very toxic and I'm in this loop and I, I can't seem to find that consistency in self belief and self worth in relationship. But everything else kind of feels like aligned. Or it might be the case that you're in a really good relationship and, you know, you look after yourself. But in work, you're maybe not progressing or you're not able to take that next leap. Like, when you have a block in one area, what does that tell us about our identity? Like, it's kind of like there's a gap in just one area. You know what I'm saying?

[Karen Matar]

Yeah. I mean, it doesn't say anything about our identity. The only meaning we give things are the meaning that we give to things. I don't believe that, you know, we are. We need to put. To give labels to ourselves, to who we are. Because identity is just who your past believed made you believe that you are. You can reinvent who you are every time. I don't put people in boxes, you know. Now, yes, this can. If they are really taking care of themselves physically, this can tell me a lot of good things about maybe how they treat their business. But it doesn't mean that someone who is great in their business, it means, you know, it means if they're not great physically in their, you know, health, that they're failing their business. No, it doesn't mean that. I don't. It's not black and white.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Karen Matar]

You know, I would say this blockages that you have, this limiting belief that you have, let's say, in your relationship, it might actually help you, if you uncover it to identify. Might help you in other areas, too. Without even noticing it. You might think that, oh, I'm doing great in the other areas. But actually, if you work on it, you're going to be even greater, you know, because we are as a human being, everything is interconnected. So it's not like, oh, my business, my relationship. No, everything is interconnected. Right. So I like to approach this in a holistic way and see if there is one blockage. Okay. In one of the areas. Let's tackle that. And let's see, once we tackle that, what are. What is the ripple effect on the other areas as well?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, Yeah. I quite like that approach, too. I don't think where these compartmentalized people, where it's like in work, I'm like this at home, I'm like, yes. Like, it's not. That's not how humanity.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Works. But I do think it's interesting to reflect on. If you do have an area that you feel is sort of a. A weakness or something you find you're struggling to have consistency in, it could be almost like, you know, like the one part of your chain that is a little bit. It's not fitting properly right now. And to consider how you show up in other areas that you find you're really aligned and then reflect on an area that you maybe not, I think is just an interesting point of reflection. And then like you said, it's all connected. We're not saying what do you think of it yourself? Yeah, I think, I think if you have. I. I know people in my circle, for example, that they're really successful in many areas of their life. But for example, they're struggling with this relationship piece or they're really good with their health and they've got a beautiful relationship but they're struggling with like their personal f. Fulfillment. So I think that this dissatisfaction, it's kind of like that in a inner knowing. It's like there's still a little bit more shifting. You need to do either with your identity or with your environment. And it's not that having a relationship will fix everything. Right. It's about who do you still need to become.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

To sort of mend that part of you which as you said, will then have ripple effects onto everything else. And the other thing I wanted to say, I think the fact that you could look at someone who looks after themselves like, you know, if you're in shape, people respect you more. I think that tells us a lot about that type of person. But I agree that if somebody was not in shape or not looking after themselves, that wouldn't automatically mean you're not doing that in everywhere else. I think it's only a positive reflection in that respect.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Because people do also just put all their attention into one area and they neglect other areas. And I think that's where a lot of hustle culture comes in. It's like do this and only this until you achieve X amount of money, until you achieve X amount of promotion in your business. Forget everything else like that rule like go hard until you like go hard or go home mentality. So I think you could still really be someone who has a lot of self respect and drive and motivation, but your attention is just hyper focused. Whereas my approach, I think especially as women as well, we can't take this very masculine approach to everyday life because we have such a ebbs and flows in our energy, in our hormones. I think not every day looks the same for us in terms of the physical output we have. I don't know if you've looked a lot into like training with your cycle and eating with your cycle and things like that, but also like Working with your cycle in terms of how you operate is also very interesting. So I've gone on a bit of a tangent, but I think that real hyper focus, like say just focus on your business and forget everything else whenever you're swinging to an extreme for me personally, that doesn't work for me. And I think the balance theory. The balance theory, yes. It's important to have your non negotiables in your different areas and I think where you're finding one area might be a bit off. It's an opportunity for you to grow and consider how that sort of impacts everything else. As we're sort of wrapping up, I want to end on the conversation of women and the modern woman. You know, the modern woman is someone who is a boss babe who looks after herself, but she's also feminine and soft and a nurturer and are expected to be all these things. And I was just telling you, I had a baby five months ago. I'm stepping into many new things in 2026. In my professional career with the podcast, I've wanted to be a mom for so long, these things can often feel very conflicting. So what does it mean to be a modern woman and what can we learn from, let's say, our grandmothers that's really different from the way we need to show up today?

[Karen Matar]

So softness or like femininity is not a personal personality trait. It's a nervous system state. So women, they think, you know, when I'm more ambitious and I wanna, when I'm ambitious, it means if I wanna be more ambitious, it means I'm gonna lose my softness or my femininity, which is not true. I think the reason why women nowadays are feeling exhausted is because of this switching roles. They switch roles in one hour without, you know, boundaries. It could be switching from working to nurturing, to being productive to so many roles that we do and often in one hour and without boundaries. And add to that the guilt, the people pleasing, the emotional labor so the system never comes down. And I don't think that balancing this is through choosing either to be ambitious or to be more nurturing or doing less. It's about regulation. So regulating your nervous system right through structure, through boundaries, so that you are able. I think you can, I believe that women can be, you know, she can be a high achiever and also be soft and also be a mom and all the things. But you need a structure in place. You need a system in place. You need to regulate through that system and through that structure. Regulation is very important. And also boundaries are included as well. Because yes, nowadays it's expected from a woman, you know, to be successful, to be nurturing, to stay calm, to. To handle everything together. And instead of fighting this, we can accept this and act according accordingly. So that you are able to do all the things while staying sane. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I'll tell you something now that I'm noticing that I'm now in this period of very conflicting big priorities conflicting in terms of if I'm focusing on work, I'm not being a mom. If I'm being a mom, I'm not focusing on work. At the same time, in that moment, that is, that is, I've realized it's not just that there's this conversation in society that that's what women should do. It's what I expect of myself. It genuinely is what I expect myself to be able to do. Everything. And that is just to my own suffering. Honestly. It's been a process for me to have a lot of patience with myself and I've interviewed a lot of moms before I became a mum and so a lot of what they said to me is in the back of my head. And one thing that I'm really trying to lean into is just being where I'm at. If I'm at work and I'm focusing and I've got that real ambitious and I guess more masculine energy, I lean in and I'm trying to just enjoy that and be there. And then when I'm with my daughter or I'm doing things with her, or I'm feeding her, I'm just playing with her, I'm not also on my computer, I'm not also there with my phone out. It's trying to just be very present with where I'm at.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

And I love this saying, you can have it all, just not all at once. And I think like you said, it comes back down to how you regulate yourself. And if I take that one step back, it comes down to your balance theory. It's knowing what are your non negotiables and how are you prioritizing those if it's important for you and everyone's different. Right. Some people, it's important for them to be 100% with their children. I think that's such a beautiful privileged thing to be able to do, to just raise your children and sorry, I don't mean just raise your children, I mean to be a mum and be that full time is a privilege. I think in today's society it's not the standard as it was many years ago, because a lot of women have to work. It's not necessarily a choice. You might also be a mum that has a lot of things outside of work. And so you are finding that unique combination of both. I think wherever you are, there's still a point of, like, that softness and that ambition. Like, they don't have to be conflicting. It's about, you know, like you said, being able to regulate and tapping into both. What does that look like for you? Like, what does regulation? How do you actually do that for yourself?

[Karen Matar]

As I said, it's mainly boundaries and structure.

[Podcast Host]

Can you share some of that regulation?

[Karen Matar]

It could be as simple as if. I'm out for dinner. Yesterday I saw, let's say, a friend, I'm out for dinner, and then she's like, let's, you know, one more glass of wine or let's stay till like 12am No, I need to go back home because I want to wake up early. I want to feel fresh in the morning. No need for people pleasing. Right. No need for. Oh, issues with my friend. I haven't seen her for a long time. No. Because this will literally ruin my whole day. All right, so this is. This is called boundary. A structure having a structure. I have my Google calendar. Everything is set. Because I do believe that, yes, structure is. Comes from masculine energy. But once you have this masculine energy, which is great to have masculine energy because it creates the structure, once you have this structure, then you can tap into your feminine energy, you can flow because you are supported. So this is why there's always this duality. And how can you work with your masculine energy, but also with your feminine energy? Because they complement each other.

[Podcast Host]

Definitely.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. It's not that, you know, one's an evil or we should be one or the other. I think everyone's very different. And not only, like, let's just say, like me, we're not just different, but like, for me, it's different for me at different moments in life. And so just being really patient, understanding what are your priorities, how do you make them work? And then I can tell you're like an A type personality like me. And I think a lot of the people that listen to the show are as well. And so that structure really gives you a lot of freedom. It's not that that structure has to be this rigid thing that controls you. It's actually the opposite for people that, I think wired like us. It gives you freedom.

[Karen Matar]

Exactly.

[Podcast Host]

And it's a really beautiful guide for how you should be spending your time and how you should be I guess accepting or declining things in your environment.

[Karen Matar]

Yeah. For example, another thing that now came to my mind is food. For example, I have a meal plan because I know that cooking is going to take more time for me, and I prefer to use this time to actually work on my business, let's say. So there's a lot of things. Where can you outsource, where can you delegate? Where can you actually make things easier for you so that you can focus on the things that you want to focus on so that you spend more time with your baby, so. So that you do other things, et cetera, you know, so it's about being a bit more resourceful and seeing, okay, what are the things that are taking more time than they should and what can I do about these things so that I have more time for the things that matter for me? Yeah, yeah.

[Podcast Host]

And I think that that is a very important thing to do before you set goals. Because if you set goals that are going to mean you're going to have a routine or a lifestyle that's not going to be aligned for you or that you're going to have to compromise on looking after your body, is that a goal you really want? Is it a goal you want? Maybe you need to change the timeframe or maybe you need to actually. You know what? It's. It's not so much changing the goal because if you want something, you want something. It's thinking about how you're going to achieve it and how you're going to go about it in a way that aligns with what's important to you. So whenever I. It's actually permanently linked in the show notes for anyone that's interested. I have like a just a goal setting PDF and it literally takes you through these two steps. It's first working out what kind of a life do I want, what's important to me, and then setting goals from an aligned place. And I think you have to do that first. Otherwise you just think of these big things you want without considering what's it going to take to get there and how am I going to achieve those things. But I think this has been a very useful conversation for everybody to kick off, not just the show for 2026, but to really just get them in the right mindset and kind of encourage you guys to really audit the goals you've set for yourself and make sure they are coming from an aligned place. You're not operating out of fear. You do have systems in place that are going to help you show up the way you want. To show up and the way you need to show up. And Karen, I just want to thank you so much for coming on and sharing your thoughts today. I've really enjoyed getting to know you.

[Karen Matar]

Thank you.

[Podcast Host]

And I'll link your Instagram because you're constantly sharing really amazing tips and I think thought provoking ideas for people to just reflect on their own life and circumstances. So thank you so much.

[Karen Matar]

Thank you for having me.

[Podcast Host]

My pleasure. Thank you.

[Raj]

Hey, it's Raj and Noah and we're back with a new season of Am I Doing It Wrong? The show that explores the all too human anxieties we have about trying to get our lives right.

[Noah]

Because we're still doing a lot of stuff wrong.

[Raj]

But who isn't? That's why each week we're talking about the topics that we could all use a little helping hit with. Whether it's making new friends as an adult, managing our emotions, or even dreaming.

[Noah]

We'll be talking to experts in their fields who are definitely doing things right so the rest of us can be a bit wiser and a lot better equipped to handle whatever life throws at us.

[Raj]

Subscribe now and listen to new episodes of Am I Doing It Wrong? Dropping every Thursday starting January 1st, wherever you get your podcasts.

[Noah]

And for the first time ever, we're going to have full video episodes on YouTube because as long as there are things to get wrong, we're going to be right here to help you do them better.

[Karen Matar]

Love y'. All.

[Podcast Host]

You.

[Noah]

Close.