How to Start Over (Even When You Think It’s Too Late)

Summary

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The Balance Theory with Erika De Pellegrin

Episode: How to Start Over (Even When You Think It’s Too Late)
Date: March 15, 2026
Guest: Ann Chambers aka “Crazy Auntie Ann”

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Episode Overview

In this powerful and deeply personal episode, Erika welcomes Ann Chambers—better known online as Crazy Auntie Ann—for her first-ever podcast interview. Ann’s remarkable journey takes center stage, as she shares how posting fun, authentic content during lockdown unexpectedly led to social media stardom and a global DJ career. From confronting serious personal challenges, including addiction and rebuilding self-worth, to redefining life and success in her 60s, Ann offers uplifting, honest, and compassionate insights. The conversation is an inspiration-filled guide to starting over, cultivating authenticity, and living joyfully—at any age.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. From Teacher to TikTok Sensation: The Origin Story

• Ann’s Background:
  • Former college mental health teacher in the UK, working with 16-18-year-olds.
  • Began making uplifting videos for her students during the COVID lockdown to boost morale (03:09–06:45).
• TikTok Genesis:
  • Niece Kelsey (age 12) created Ann's TikTok account for them to do silly dances together, setting a goal of hitting 10,000 followers (04:00–06:30).
• Breakout Moment:
  • A video of Ann reading a mental health poem in her dressing gown went viral, gaining millions of views and launching her unexpected online career (07:46–08:16).

"One of the videos, I read a poem, a mental health poem, my favorite mental health poem, in my dressing gown—and it just, it got, it went to 2.1 million views and everybody was saying, I love your dressing gown. So actually my dressing gown was more famous than I was."
—Ann Chambers (07:49)

2. The Power of Authenticity and Enjoyment Online

• No Strategy, Just Joy:
  • Ann never set out to find a niche; her approach was led by fun and enjoyment for herself first (11:42–13:30).
• Community Building:
  • Her throwback dance/DJ videos triggered nostalgia and created community—especially among those reminiscing about the 1990s club scene.
• Advice for Creators:
  • Authenticity is essential: show your real self, be vulnerable, and don't worry about external approval (16:04).

"The person that got the most and still gets the most out of my videos is me, because I enjoy doing them."
—Ann Chambers (11:47)

"Be yourself. Become vulnerable as well…let people into your world just enough…If people don’t like it, I’m not bothered. I like it. I enjoy it."
—Ann Chambers (16:04)

3. Overcoming Fear—The Cream Bun Theory & Internal Drivers

• Self-Image Transformation:
  • Ann discusses her journey from shyness to self-acceptance, highlighting how much of our behavior is driven by concerns about others’ opinions (18:04–19:33).
• The Cream Bun Theory:
  • Used as a metaphor to explore: are your actions motivated by your own desires, or fear of judgment? (18:33–21:03).

"For me, the most important thing is to be yourself, but also be yourself unapologetically. And it’s so freeing."
—Ann Chambers (20:14)

• Host’s Reflection:
  • Erika suggests asking, "If nobody was watching, would you still do it?" as a litmus test for authentic motivation (21:03).

4. Conquering Addiction & Self-Forgiveness

• Rock Bottom & Recovery:
  • Ann candidly recounts her years-long struggle with alcoholism, failed attempts to control it, and the moment of surrender that changed her life (23:47–27:07).
• Key Lesson:
  • The pivotal mindset shift wasn’t “winning” over addiction but accepting defeat and changing herself fundamentally (27:07–29:00).

"It’s not about winning or self control, it’s about actual defeat. And that’s what happened to me that day. I just sat there and just thought, I give in, okay?"
—Ann Chambers (29:00)

• Forgiving the Past:
  • Through therapy and the 12 Steps, Ann worked on forgiving and loving her inner child, rebuilding her self-worth, and stopped living for others’ expectations (32:45–35:21).

"I had to learn to love myself and forgive myself. And it was a process…but yeah, I think I may have gone too much the other way now and gone, who cares what anybody thinks? I'm just me."
—Ann Chambers (34:24)

5. Rechanneling Addictive Traits: From Self-Destruction to Self-Expansion

• Healthy Addictions & Channeling Obsessive Energy:
  • In sobriety, Ann directed her addictive tendencies into new passions—Diet Coke, teaching, helping others, and eventually content creation (39:43–41:49).
• Addictive Personality as Strength:
  • Host and guest agree: high-achieving “addicts” can flourish when they find healthy outlets (42:23–43:30).

"It really came down to the way you channel that addiction. But it can be such a superpower..."
—Erika De Pellegrin (42:59)

6. Family Reactions & Support

• Initial Skepticism, Now Pride:
  • Ann’s family once rolled their eyes at her quirks, but now her children and grandchildren are proud and help behind the scenes with editing and support (44:23–47:54).
• Management & Growth:
  • With her manager and family joining forces, Ann’s social success has become a collaborative, intergenerational journey.

7. Life at 64: Reinventing Yourself is Ageless

• Pursuing Joy, Not Retirement:
  • Ann started DJing at 64 and encourages everyone, regardless of age, to keep following their passions, challenging social conditioning around “slowing down” in later life (48:38–49:33).
• Advice for Late Bloomers:
  • “Is that the cream bun theory? ... You just got to go with what’s going on... I’m lucky, I’m doing a DJ set because I’m a DJ.” (48:38–49:33)
• Learning New Skills:
  • She learned DJing through lessons and practice, and embraces imperfection (“I still don’t know what 70% of the buttons do, but don’t tell anybody that.”) (49:37–50:16)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Following Your Own Path:
  "Your niche is actually you because there is one of you in the world. And finding an authentic way to show that online...is the thing."
  —Erika De Pellegrin (17:13)

• On Recovery and Accountability:
  "Deal with your addictions in the order they're going to kill you."
  —Ann Chambers (41:45)

• On Chasing Dreams at Any Age:
  "I absolutely love people's faces when they say, so what are you doing in Dubai? What are you doing? And I'm lucky. I'm doing a DJ set because I'm a DJ."
  —Ann Chambers (48:38)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:34 – Ann’s lockdown inspiration for videos
• 04:00 – TikTok account origin; influence of niece
• 07:46 – Viral video and the power of authenticity
• 13:32 – Community and nostalgia in Ann’s content
• 16:04 – Advice to nervous creators
• 18:33 – "Cream Bun Theory" explanation
• 23:47 – Addiction journey and rock bottom
• 27:07 – The "defeat" moment and shift to recovery
• 32:45 – The role of self-forgiveness in healing
• 39:43 – Replacing habits and channeling addiction
• 44:23 – Family's response and involvement
• 48:38 – Embracing new passions later in life

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Final Reflections

Ann’s journey encapsulates the spirit of authenticity, resilience, and embracing change—no matter the stage of life. Her story is a motivating reminder that you are never too old to try something new, and lasting transformation begins with honesty, self-love, and not worrying about public opinion.

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For listeners seeking courage to start over or rediscover joy, Ann’s story delivers both a permission slip and a practical roadmap.

Transcript

[Ann Chambers]

A lot of people say, don't they find a niche? And I thought, I don't know how to find a niche. What I was doing more than anything was just enjoying myself. The person that got the most and still gets the most out of my videos is me.

[Podcast Host]

From rock bottom to over 3 million followers. Today's guest shares her story of reinvention,

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

self forgiveness, and finally living for herself.

[Podcast Host]

In her first ever podcast interview, we get to know the woman behind the decks and dancers. Joining me is Crazy Auntie Ann. This really all started from you just posting online. What was life like for you before you Posted your first TikTok?

[Ann Chambers]

We went into lockdown and a lot of my students were suddenly all shut in the bedrooms. I started making videos myself, silly videos myself to cheer them up. They said, get 10,000 followers on TikTok. So I said, yeah, okay.

[Podcast Host]

You strike me as quite a self assured, confident, grounded kind of person. Was that always the case?

[Ann Chambers]

No, not at all.

[Podcast Host]

Can you share a story of rock bottom? Like, what was sort of the worst

[Ann Chambers]

it got for you at that point? I'd kind of still got my house and I still got my kids and I'd still got my job and I'd still got my car, but I couldn't accept that was alcoholic. I just literally sat on the edge of the bed one day and I just thought, I can't do this anymore. I was always trying to beat it. It's not about winning or self control. It's about actual defeat. I had to change me. Something had to change.

[Podcast Host]

What do you think was the most powerful reframe you had about you that you rebuilt during that time?

[Ann Chambers]

I had to. I absolutely love people's faces when they say, so what are you doing in Dubai? What are you doing? And I'm lucky. I'm doing a DJ set because I'm a DJ. Bought a big RX3 set of decks. I still don't know what 70% of the buttons do, but don't tell anybody that.

[Podcast Host]

All right, balances. Welcome back to another episode of the Balance Theory. I am very excited to bring you today's guest. It's actually her first in person podcast, which I'm very, very excited to claim. Joining me today is Ann Chambers, or more commonly known as Crazy Auntie Anne. And welcome.

[Ann Chambers]

Hi. Thank you for having me.

[Podcast Host]

Thank you so much for being here and welcome to Dubai. I know you've been here for a few days already. You're here for the one billion Creator summit, right?

[Ann Chambers]

Yes. Yeah, we've been here since Sunday. So Yeah, yeah. And Dubai is wonderful. I'm falling in love with it.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, so that means we'll have you back, is it?

[Ann Chambers]

Hopefully. Hopefully, yeah. Yes, hopefully. Yeah. So yeah, I'm here for the 1 billion summit of the weekend and I've done a few other things as well. I'm doing, I'm doing a DJ set as well on Saturday night, which is a big.

[Podcast Host]

A club here in Dubai for those that don't live here.

[Ann Chambers]

Yeah, awesome. My first international DJ set as well. So.

[Podcast Host]

Wow, you're really stacking up the resume this trip. I love it. Yeah. So this all started for you. We were just speaking before we started rolling. This really all started from you just posting online. I'd love to know what was life like for you before you posted your first TikTok. Walk me through a day in your life.

[Ann Chambers]

Well, I was, I used to teach in a college. I used to teach in, in England. The college students are sort of 16, 17, 18. So I used to teach mental health in a college.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, that's a subject?

[Ann Chambers]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Wow.

[Ann Chambers]

It was a qualification that was like a pre university qualification. So students that want to go to university to do mental health nursing or.

[Podcast Host]

Okay.

[Ann Chambers]

So I taught students about all the different mental health conditions, about depression and PTSD and all that sort of thing and that's what I did for a living. So yeah, it was, I liked, I enjoyed that as well and I'd been doing that for something like 12 years, so. Excuse me. And then. And actually my niece made my, my TikTok account. So my niece Kelsey, she made my account just before, I think went to visit was before lockdown and she was like, come on Auntie, let's, let's hunt and let's make you a tick tock account. And at the time it was so we could do like silly dances together because I, I am, I am a bit of a crazy aunt. You know, I'm the auntie that puts chocolate under the pillars and all that sort of thing. So I've always been a little bit eccentric and of all the aunties, she's

[Podcast Host]

like, you're the one that will do the dances with me.

[Ann Chambers]

Yeah, yeah, well, yeah. And in his Einstein, in hindsight, I actually think she was 12 at the time, so I think possibly she also thought she would be able to watch Tick Tocks on my phone and mum and dad might, because mum and dad won't like. Clever little one. Yeah, she's not daft, you know, so beautiful and clever as well. So yeah, she started. It started then and I had maybe, I don't know, a couple of hundred followers, something like that. And then we went into lockdown. We hit into lockdown and all of my classes, all of my students all went online. It all went on zoom. And so a lot of my students who were 16, 17, 18 year old were suddenly all shut in the bedrooms. And I know that I think we all had difficult times when Covid was on, but for me, for the 16 year old, girls that, and boys, but mostly girls that went into that, into nursing, they should have been going out, having the nails done, having their eyebrows done, meeting boys. And they were all stuck at home in the bedrooms. And I really felt for them. And also at the time as well, the government, they kind of, it was March time and they said sort of get them through the qualification. So they suddenly had to have an understanding, but they didn't have to do the 4,000 word essays that we had that, you know. But I, I kind of, it being mental health thought, I'm not giving out a mental health qualification unless these people understand that. So I sat down and I thought, how can we make this more interesting, more fun? And so I started making videos myself, silly videos myself, to cheer them up and to just get them up in the morning and get the classes going. So I played one at the beginning of the class and then we also did, we did days in hats and days in hoodies and all this sort of thing, eyebrow competitions, makeup competitions. But me doing a makeup competition with all my students, made them get up out of bed, get dressed, put some makeup on, you know. And then so I was making fun videos for them, but also I wanted to encourage them to make him maybe make some videos of their own. So some of them were up for it straight away. They were like, yep, let's do it. And then there was like, no way am I doing a video. So we did a combination of like holding cards up, talking about how they were getting through lockdown, what they were doing to help themselves. But also in each video we also put out the local organizations like mind and that sort of thing. And we sort of did the qualification that way. And that's how it started. So beautiful. I was talking to one of, to my students one day and I said, you guys can be anything you want to in life. Look what you've achieved. We made a video which went on YouTube, which is on YouTube, which talked about how to, what they were doing for their mental health, how to get through lockdown and where you could get help if you were feeling lonely. All that sort of thing. And I said, look what you've achieved. You've done so well. You can do anything you want to in life. Anything you want to do, you can do. So I said, bearing that in mind, set me a challenge. So they said, get 10, 000 followers on tick Tock. So I said, yeah, okay, amazing. And that's where it started.

[Podcast Host]

So, and what did you honestly think, you know, that you, you were completing, let's say, the challenge for them initially you were showing up and posting content for them. What did you think would happen once you hit 10, 000, like at that time?

[Ann Chambers]

To be honest, I didn't think I would at 10,000. I just, I thought after you had

[Podcast Host]

given them the spiel of you can achieve everything you want in life.

[Ann Chambers]

Yeah, no pressure. I thought, how am I going to get 10,000? And I thought all I can do is just, just do tiktoks and be fun, you know, so, and then look kicked in and one of the videos, I read a poem, a mental health poem, my favorite mental health poem in my dressing gown and it just, it got, it went to 2.1 million views and everybody was saying, I love your dressing gown. So actually my dressing gown was more famous than I was. It got famous before me.

[Podcast Host]

I hope you had a affiliate link for it.

[Ann Chambers]

Oh yeah, it's got, it's got its own little place and it's got a place of honor now. It's. Yeah. And, and it just took off and it took me up to something like 70, 000 followers. So. But it was really funny as well because we, we came out, we had a couple of lockdowns, didn't we? So we came out of the first lockdown and I think at that point I'd maybe got about 123,000 followers. So I've blown it out the water. Went into the classroom and I thought they're going to be so proud of me. And I went, and I went tada. And they all went. Eden halves commented and all they were bothered about was one of, one of the famous creators at the time that had commented on my video. So. And I thought okay, so that's. And I said, so you're not all proud of me then. You're only proud because this famous person's commented on it. So but they were, you know, but it was quite fun after that because I used to laugh and joke if one of them came in and said I can't go into my maths class today, I would say if I can get 120,000 followers. You can go to maths.

[Podcast Host]

That is like you've created the ultimate trump card for yourself.

[Ann Chambers]

See you later.

[Podcast Host]

Love it. So yeah, that's amazing. Honestly, it's. It's. I personally always love hearing people's whether where the stories come from and why it evolved the way they did. And more often than not, it's never a case. You start something fully seeing where you're going to end up. You start it because there's a genuine passion, there's a real genuine reason as to why you're showing up and then the journey it takes you on is always so beautiful and unknown. But you could never have sort of forecasted that question for you. How does what you use every day shape how you feel?

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[Podcast Host]

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[Podcast Host]

I was scrolling all the way back because I was wondering like how long had you been making content for? And I did notice there was a point in time where you shifted from more of that mental health content where you were speaking to camera and you switched into the DJ kind of style. I'd love to know what was the. What was the rationale for that, that change. Why did you think to even start doing that style of content? Because fast Forward now you're DJing internationally, you know, so I'm just like, what kind of brought you on that journey that's so fascinating.

[Ann Chambers]

I think it's really interesting because a lot of people sort of say, don't they find a niche? And I thought, I don't know how to find a niche. So I was doing some reading, some mental health things, some just dancing around. But what I was doing more than anything was just enjoying myself. Just the person that got the most and still gets the most out of my videos is me because I just, I enjoy doing them. I was literally. I used to do dances in my kitchen. You'd see a lot of music and I absolutely love music anymore music. But also my, my sort of. I married quite young and then I got divorced at 35. So that's when my clubbing days, where they started at them and that's when we were in the late 90s with the house music and the clubs and all that. Marshall Jefferson. And so one day I thought, what song can I do today? And I wanted to do Silence by Delirium. And straight away it took me back to. It was actually an over 30s singles night in Bradford that I used to go to on a Sunday night and the DJ used to play. So I thought, I'm going to do sounds like I know. And I literally got two panelings out, put them on my kitchen top, put some headphones on, made the video and it went berserk. It went absolutely, you know, viral. And it just went from there. And everybody. So everybody was sort of like, oh, you're bringing back all this, bringing back the memories of the 90s and things like that. But also one of the things which again was incidental, not accidental, but incidental was in the videos I started putting. This was in 1998. I was 37. How old were you? So I started asking that question.

[Podcast Host]

Like I've seen that as a running thing.

[Ann Chambers]

Yeah. So if you look at all the comments from there, all the comments are like, oh, this reminds me of when I was this or when I met my husband or, you know, and it just, it, I don't know, it just, it just all kind of took off from there really. So it became like this community of, you know, so, yeah, loving it from there. So then that became my niche without trying. Yeah, I'D created a niche.

[Podcast Host]

So, yeah, that's amazing because it is such a big question. Like, I speak to a lot of people or creators in general, and, you know, a lot of people say, just experiment to find your thing. But it's like, just like you couldn't have seen this journey. Like, you could never have said, oh, I'm going to just start DJing in my kitchen pretending, and then, you know, knowing that that was going to resonate with people. But I think you said something really important, which is the, the best part of the content is that you actually enjoy yourself. Do you think there's something. And I don't know how spiritual you are or anything like that, but do you think there's something in the, the genuine enjoyment or excitement you put into a video that then goes out? Like, have you ever had the polar opposite effect where you just, you know, it's Sunday night, you said you're going to post and it didn't do too well. Like, do you actually feel there's something in that?

[Ann Chambers]

I. I actually, I absolutely do think, yeah. I think an awful lot of what. When I get a lot of feedback from people, they'll kind of say that it is genuine and that I'm down to earth and I am. One of the things I am is it's just me having fun, enjoying myself. And as you said, it can in. And those videos sometimes where I've made a video and it's taken two minutes to do because I like the song and I've just done it and it goes really well. And then another one that you on for ages and you make it on set it all up and it's not really who I am will flop. Because people can see the genuineness, I think the authenticity. Authenticity, you know, and, and I think that's one of the things that, that people like. They like the fact that I'm down to earth and I'm just not, you know, so sometimes I look at videos and I've not even combed my hair, but that's who I am. It's just, you know.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, that's what resonates with people when they can see themselves or that it's like, you know, I'm probably sitting there first thing in the morning having my coffee with my unbrushed hair and in my robe too, you know, it resonates with people. What advice would you give to a creator listening to this right now, who is looking at what you've achieved? A journey that is, is really incredible and it's very inspiring that they have no idea where to start. They're a bit nervous about posting their first video or they've posted a few and they're feeling a bit lost. What kind of advice would you give them?

[Ann Chambers]

I. I would say it's really important to be yourself, I think. And I think it's also important is particularly on Tick Tock or I think that people want to get to know you. So especially if you're, if you kind of, if you're doing makeup videos and things like that. There was, there are, for example, there are lots and lots of creators out there doing great makeup videos. But I think people still will be interested in the makeup if they know the person. So I think you need to let people get to know you as a person, yourself first. You know, like I said, it's important. I would say be yourself, allow. Become vulnerable as well. You know, become sort of like let people into your world just, just enough, you know, and just let people like my husband sometimes sat in the background eating his cornflakes. You know, people like real, don't they? They like authentic. So, yeah, be yourself. Don't care what. I don't care what think. I don't. If people don't like it, I'm not bothered. I, I like it, I enjoy it. I have a laugh and it. And I think that's important.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, yeah. We're speaking about niches before. One thing I've always said, because as a podcast, a lot of people say, you know, like, there's so many podcasts, like, what do I start mine on and what niche do I do? It's a sort of the same thing as creating content online. And I always say, actually your niche is you. It doesn't need to be, you know, DJing or a fireplace or whatever it is. Like your niche is actually you because there is one of you in the world. And finding an authentic way to show that online in a way that sort of feels aligned for you. You know, if you don't like talking to camera, do it through, you know, dancing or, you know, people have different ways or there's a lot of faceless accounts these days that just share writing or poetry or whatever it is.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

So.

[Podcast Host]

But I think a piece of that is to be able to show up as yourself online, you have to know yourself first. So in your life, I mean, you strike me as quite a self assured, confident, grounded kind of person. Was that always the case?

[Ann Chambers]

No, not at all. I am now, but no, not at all. I was very shy when I were younger.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Really?

[Ann Chambers]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

This was Pre clubbing days.

[Ann Chambers]

Yeah. Oh, pre clubing this. Pre. Pre rehab days. Yeah. Yeah. I was very shy when I was younger and I was also very, very. I don't know how to say the word is like. I'm going to talk. Have you heard of the cream bun theory?

[Podcast Host]

No, tell me.

[Ann Chambers]

And it seems to be a really good way that I explain a lot of things. And I learned this actually because I, because I, I, in my clubbing years I ended up in addiction and I'm actually been sober, I'll be sober for 20 years in March, so. Thank you. And so in this last 20 years, I've worked on myself a lot and I have learned to accept myself as I am a lot. So the cream bun theory is something where there's a imagine. There's a imagine there's a waiting room here and there's a little boy with his mum and he's waiting to go to see the doctor, whatever, and there's toys around and then there's a lovely big cream bun in the middle of the table. And then mum says, I'm just going to go to the ladies room. And she goes out of the room and the little boy is playing and then he goes, ooh. And he sticks his finger in the cake in the cream bun and goes, yummy. Carries on playing and thinks nothing about it. But then mum comes back in the door and then he suddenly thinks, oh, I shouldn't have had that cream bun. Does he think he shouldn't beat the cream bun because he shouldn't have eat it? Or does he think he shouldn't have eaten it because of what his mum thinks? So how much of our. From that, how much of what we do in life are we bothered about what other people think of us? So, for example, doing a, doing a tick tock video in, in your bikini, doing a tick tock video without your makeup on, is it really that you are uncomfortable because of how you feel? Are you uncomfortable because of what you think other people will think? So for me, the most important thing is to be yourself, but also be yourself unapologetically and just, you know, and it's so freeing to be that. And that's something that I have learned, I think that comes with age as well, to be honest. I think. You know, I still remember the first day when I was teaching that I went to work without any makeup on because I just woke up that day and I thought, and I think it was the first time that I'd ever gone into work or gone, I don't know. If it's the first time I'd ever gone out of the house with no makeup on. But again, it was a process of becoming free of who cares? Who cares what people think? You know? So, yeah, I think sometimes you've got to think about the cream bone and think, am I feeling uncomfortable now? Because, I mean, sometimes it's because you think you're doing the wrong thing or whatever. But if you always do the right thing and if you, if you're uncomfortable because of what other people think, the problem is theirs, not yours. Just got to be yourself.

[Podcast Host]

I love that. I've never heard that. Thank you for sharing. I think actually a quite a practical question anyone listening could ask themselves to apply that theory is if nobody was watching, would you still do it? You know, would you still do it for yourself? Would you still just post a video because it brings you so much fun? Would you still go speak on stage if no one was watching because you like the, you know, whatever it is, Would you still do it if no one was watching? Because there's something in, you know, feeling nervous and excited and anxious about doing something for the first time. But then to actually not do something you genuinely would want to do because you're fearful of other people's thoughts will lead to so much regret later on in life. Like, you're never going to look back and think, I regret posting that Tick Tock video, regret going on that podcast or DJing @Barasti. You know, like you're going to feel nervous doing things you've never done before. But it is a question of just to separate. Right. Is am I nervous because it's something I haven't done before? Am I nervous because I am worried what other people think? I think that's a good question. To sort of position yourself.

[Ann Chambers]

Yeah. Ask yourself why you're nervous. Are you nervous just because you're excited or because you're. And if you know it's because of what you think people might think of you, it doesn't, doesn't matter what anybody else thinks because people will have opinions anyway, what they're. And yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Do you think if someone is nervous because they're scared of what other people will think, it means that it's maybe not something they want enough or is not authentically them?

[Ann Chambers]

I think, yeah. I mean, as I get. Again, I think when people are younger, they tend to be more worried about what other people think. And as I've got older, as I said, I feel I don't really care what other people think. Maybe, maybe you Question. There is a difference between being nervous about doing something because it's not the right thing. We all, I believe you said earlier, I'm a spiritual. I believe fundamentally within us, we all know the difference between right and wrong. We all know the difference between what I should be doing and what's not right to do. And sometimes, as you said, you can feel nervous because you think this just isn't right. I was talking about the going to the desert and I didn't want to ride the camels and I questioned why, you know, But I think also sometimes as you said, is it because it's out of my comfort zone? Well, maybe you can just do it a little bit at a time and just, you know. But yeah, I think the only way forward is to move out of his comfort zone into. Yeah, I think you can learn.

[Podcast Host]

Well, you're a beautiful example of that. Would you mind sharing a little bit about how your addiction sort of started in the first place?

[Ann Chambers]

It's an age old question into about addictions. You know, there is no, there is no answer to why someone ends up in addiction and why someone doesn't. And I don't know. My view is it's a mental illness. I think it's a mental illness. And for me it ended in my. By the time I had hit 40, I was just drinking too much. But I also, I think when someone's in addiction, you end up in a place where I thought differently. It's really hard to explain, but I mean they call things mind altering substances and that's because your thinking is different. It is mind altering. So I ended up in relationships that were, you know, jokingly, but I'll often say I always ended up with these. Why do I end up with these men? But then look at me, I was drunk most of the time. So you know, it's. And there's, there's these levels of where. So for three or four years I ended up in this really horrible relationship and then combination of that and stubbornness. In other words, the more he said you drink too much, the more I went really and drank. And then it all ended up being really chaotic and the more I drank and then I started, then I started hiding drink. And it's just a process over years. And I think you cross a line at some point. But I also believe, I fully believe that if you're. I think I've got an addictive personality and I think that some people have been through, I've been through in life and they've not ended up being an Addict. Some people have had wonderful childhoods or wonderful lives and they end up being an addict. I just think it's, I think it's a personality trait. However, I ended up where I was just in a really bad place. I had seven detoxes and. But finally got sober when I was 44 after three or four years of really bad, really bad rock bottoms. You know, they say you hit rock bottom. I think I scraped along for about two years. But. Yeah, but I will also say, having said that it made me who I am today. I'm. I am not ashamed of it. I don't think a lot of people will say like, you know, it's a choice. Nobody chooses that. Nobody chooses to be. End up in me up. Nobody chooses to sleep in a doorway. Nobody chooses consciously. So I just think, I think I was always, it was always meant to happen to me. I believe, I very much believe that everything happens for a reason. Because what it did is it completely changed me as a person and it made me who I am today. It's because of that that I learned about mental health. It's because of that I became a teacher. So, you know, I think actually it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I know it sounds a ridiculous thing to say, but as awful as it was, it's the best thing that ever happened to them because it, there's nothing like a rock bottom to make you appreciate life. So.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, yeah, I hear you. Can you share a story of rock bottom? Like, what was sort of the worst it got for you?

[Ann Chambers]

For me, it was the, the. I will tell you quickly about the last time that it got worse, actually. So I, I first went. I first went to. Look, I went to, I go to a group of people that help each other and I first went three years before I actually got sober. At that point I'd kind of, I'd still got my house and I still got my kids and I'd still got my job and I still got my car. But I kind of, I couldn't accept that I was an alcoholic. I couldn't accept that I have this drink problem. And so it was a three year process for me where I would stay sober for a certain length of time and then I'd just go on a big bender. And they started off being days long. The last one was five weeks. And I don't remember any of it. Just. But not causing. Luckily I was, I was, I drank at home so I was just shutting my home just, you know, my, my twins had to be taken away to, to my ex husband's and I was just drinking just 24 7, you know and, and I, I, I kept getting detox. Every time I had a session where I would drink I'd get detox. Then I'd stay sober again for three months and then I'd do it again. And then the last time that, the last time that I was in I was taken into a detox again and I was starting to go through all the process of coming off it all again because that's the worst bit. And then I just, I literally sat on the edge of the bed one day and I just thought it's like a rock, the proper rock bottom was just like I can't do this anymore. It's too, I can't do this anymore. And you know I like me analogies made so, so I think finally getting sober was when I was trying to get sober I was always trying to beat it and the only way to beat something is by doing it. So I kept thinking I can drink how I want to drink and I wouldn't accept that I couldn't control it. So therefore I kept drinking because I was trying to control it. So let's say you live next door to me and we run every day we run for a mile, right? And seven o' clock in the morning we set off and run and you beat me. And the next day we get up and you beat me and you beat me and you beat me and you keep beating me. And then so I get new trainers and I go to the gym on the sly when you're not around and then you come and we, and we run and you still beat me. And then one morning I wake up and I think no, no, no, you knock on me door, you come on, let's go for a run. And I go, do you know what, I don't want to run against you anymore because I'll never beat you whatever happens. So I don't want to do this racing anymore. And that's what getting sober is about. It's not about winning or self control, it's about actual defeat. And that's what happened to me that day. I just sat there and just thought I give in, okay? It's going to kill me is this. And it's like I said, I'm sin. I have. It was the 3rd of March in 2006. I've never wanted to touch a drop of alcohol since that day, not once. I mean I had a life to rebuild but I realized straight away as well that I had to change me. Something had to change, otherwise three months later I would end up doing it again. So, you know. Yeah, but it was, it was awful, really. And when I think back, you know, dreadful times, but yeah, but maybe who I am today, really. So thank you.

[Podcast Host]

Thank you for opening up and sharing that period of your life and, and I very much align with you in the sense that all these things that happen to us, they happen for a reason. And you're now, you know, 20 years on and can maybe see what the why behind that period of your life was.

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[Podcast Host]

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[Podcast Host]

I'd love to know, you know that last time really cemented it for you. Kind of accepted defeat. You just shared what that meant for you and why that changed, why you didn't relapse again and again. That was like the final nail in the coffin in terms of the way you felt about yourself. The thoughts and feelings you had about yourself, no doubt you had, you know, like you said, a life to rebuild. But that trust with yourself and your perception of yourself. What do you think was the most powerful lesson or shift or reframe or just way of thinking you had about you that that took you, that you rebuilt during that time?

[Ann Chambers]

I think one of the first things I have to do is forgive myself. I think it's really important.

[Podcast Host]

Difficult to do that.

[Ann Chambers]

Yeah, very difficult. Yeah. I had to. I mean, there is a. There's a 12 step program that I live my life by even to this day. You know, that. And I still do that fellowship. I still go to meetings. Not. Not only, you know, only not as much as I did. I'm not. I went every night to start with and got a sponsor and all that. And now, in fact, I was actually thinking of looking for a meeting while I'm in Dubai. Just thought that might be interesting. I might look one up tonight. And so going through the process of, of working through, there's a, There's a process to work through where you have to be like, look at yourself and look at why. What was it about me that did that, as you said? And actually some of these things can be very, very deep rooted. There were things from my childhood that made me so. That I was the youngest of five for a staff, I was incredibly shy and there's so many things about that made it so that I was more interested in what other people think. I think the thing is that I grew up being a. I better be what you want me to be, otherwise you won't love me. And so that about me made me always trying to please everybody else, being a people pleaser and all this sort of thing. And I think when I finally got sober, I had to learn to actually look at me and go, well, actually, I don't have to be what anybody else wants me to be. I don't have to be. What I can be is me. And I think, you know, now this is what I'm saying about how I could at last think I need to. The only. I needed to be of myself. I needed to start looking after myself. I can, I can remember being with a. I was with a counselor one day and was talking about. And I said, I think there's a little girl. I think we all about. There's this little girl within me that wants to stamp a foot and go, let's just get drunk. And you know, and I think everybody's, you know, that's. And I said, and I need to keep her under control, and I need to make sure that she does what she's told. And then he just said. And he just said, yeah, or you could learn to love her like she should have been when she were little. And that was like, oh, you know, so that's why to do. I had to learn to love myself and forgive myself. And. And it was. It was. Is a process, you know, But. But yeah, I think I may have gone too much the other way now and gone. Who cares what anybody thinks? I'm just me. So, yeah, if you're living your truth

[Podcast Host]

and there's no two one way or another, you know, you are the only one that can. That can really tell that for sure. But that is very powerful. Speaking to your inner child. Right. And healing.

[Ann Chambers]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

Parts of you that you feel didn't get what. What they needed when they were younger. And it's almost interesting when you just said, you know, I need to keep this child under control and I need her to do this. It's almost like that's the way you were spoken to when you were a child. And you. You then internalize that dialogue. And we're speaking to yourself that way. So it's really interesting when you. You know, I've worked with a therapist, too, to understand myself better, and I think it's just the best use of your time. A lot of this stuff is subconscious meaning. You don't walk around knowing it for truth. It actually governs the way you do your life, but you don't really see it unless you do the deep work and dive deep. And it's uncomfortable. But when you can be your own champion, be your own supporter, you then can create a life from a place that's really authentic for you. You've now been sober almost 20 years. What do you think for people who are in that mindset of, you know, just need to have a drink to have fun. When I go out, just need to have a drink to take the edge off and relax. You know, it's not so much that they're on that extreme addiction level, but they're somewhere in the middle. Do you think there's anything to be said about that or your kind of experience more sits on.

[Ann Chambers]

I think there's a. I think there's a difference between someone who is an alcoholic than. And someone who is drinking because they're trying to get through something. I think. I think sometimes we can, like you said, maybe drinking or taking drugs to try and get through a difficult time. And I always think one of the things that you need to look at. Look is. Look at beyond that. Yes, I drink. Oh, yes, I take drugs. Why. Why am I doing that? What is it about me that that makes me do that? And that's. That's what I had to look at. And so possibly if someone feels like they're drinking too much again. Within ourselves, we know when something's not right. I have often said that within. Even in my darkest, deepest drinking days, I knew. I knew. I knew when something wasn't right. There's a. There's a little interesting story that's. I'll tell you that I didn't end up in trouble with the police, but I did wake up in a cell one day.

[Podcast Host]

Oh.

[Ann Chambers]

Oh, yeah, it's interesting. But I wanted to get away from the. The black eyes and all that. And I found a load of wine. And it was interesting, actually, because we'd bought wine and we'd bought it cheap, so we'd put it in the garage, and I knew it was there. And he went to sleep, and I thought, I'm gonna go. So I pulled. Drove off in my car, parked up, and. And I put on a piece of paper. I wrote, do not drive your car. And I put my car keys in it, and I locked them in my glove compartment. And then I drank this wine. And I woke up in a police cell, parked up, hadn't driven, hadn't done anything. But they interviewed me and they said they just literally I was in the famous dressing gown, I think. Oh, no, no, it's. Before that. I was in a dressing gown. Anyway, he said, you weren't driving. I said, yeah, I know I wasn't driving. I knew. I. Even though I don't remember being picked up, I don't remember going to the police cell. And then I said to him, I wrote something on a piece of paper. I know I did. And he said, do you know what you wrote on it? And I went, no, but I know that I wrote something about. And I know. I think I threw my car keys away so that I didn't drive. And he showed me and told me what I'd done. Now, I did that in complete blackout. So that's what I'm saying about. Even in my deepest, darkest days, fundamentally, I was still looking after myself. I Still doing. Making sure that what I did wasn't. You know. Do you understand what I mean? And I think fundamentally, we all know. So if someone knows they're drinking too much, then they know. I think that there's a reason behind it. So if if that's you look at that reason. What is that reason? Because that's what you need to deal

[Podcast Host]

with, you know, and sort of fast forward. I always like to think of when you're trying to remove a habit, you know, it could be anything, like scrolling drinking. Whatever it is, you have to replace it with something. Otherwise you have this void of time and it's very easy to go back in and do something else. So what became your replacer?

[Ann Chambers]

Diet Coke.

[Podcast Host]

That's a good step.

[Ann Chambers]

Do you know, I actually one of the things that I learned about myself when after sobriety was that I am a bit. I'm a bit crazy, you know, I'm a bit eccentric. And I used to think that was a bad thing. But now another saying, you can take the booze out of a fruitcake, but you're still left with a fruitcake. And that's me, you know, I'm still. Nowadays I quite embrace that. Yeah, yeah. I'm a bit odd and I'm a bit quirky, you know. But that's all right. I'm okay. That I did replace. I think I'm. Even now I can still get addicted to things. It's just whether it's a healthy addiction or not. So I know that when I first got sober, I would like. I remember going and buying a vest top from Asda from a supermarket. And I got home and it was really comfort, it was really love. So I went back and got one of every color and that was that week's addiction, you know. And even now, strangely enough, I hoard things as well. So I think it's about that I have this addictive. Some people run, some people go to the gym. I went to meetings for a very long time. And I also, I. I had a sponsor. I do sponsor other people. So I still, I still work with, volunteer work with, and I do voluntary work with the Samaritans as well, which is like a suicide helpline. So I replaced it with. With Diet Coke. But then I also, I could remember being about six weeks old when I wanted to stop smoking as well. I mean, like my sponsor told me something really good. She said, and deal with your addictions in the order they're going to kill you. So if I'm drinking a lot of pop or if I'm eating chocolate, it's, it's, you know, is it keeping me sober? Probably. Well then, you know, just deal with it in the order. But I still can get very addictive. I'm very organized. I'm a little bit like in My classroom when I were teaching, I had three groups of students and each group, student had to have their own coloured folders.

[Podcast Host]

A bit ocd.

[Ann Chambers]

Yes, bit ocd, yeah. To the point where once, one time a new student came into my class. So my classroom assistant said, shall I go get a folder for her? So I said, yeah. So she got, she brought this phone out with different color and all day I kept staring at my cabinet thinking. And then when all the students went home, I had to. And I went on different floors looking for one yellow folder because I couldn't even go home until. So, yeah, I can be a bit ocd, a little bit. I'll hoard things, you know, but it's, it's not unhealthy. So. No, that's okay, you know.

[Podcast Host]

You know, I, my therapist actually taught me this. So she used to do work with a lot of people with addictions, alcohol, drugs. And what she started to notice was there was a commonality between all the people in the rehab center and they were all high performers, they were all C suite executives, you know, like people doing really amazing things in the world that you often wouldn't maybe brand as they're a bunch of alcoholics. So she kind of went deeper on what is it with addiction and addictive personalities? And it really came down to the way you channel that addiction. But it can be such a superpower.

[Ann Chambers]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

For, you know, look at what you're doing now. You're addicted to posting videos maybe, or that's your outlet, creating content like it's not a bad thing. But understanding that about yourself and how it works and how you channel it and how you're in maybe control of how you channel it now with the understanding and the lived experience you have is a really powerful thing. But I always find that really interesting when she kind of walked me through addictive personalities and how they can be mischanneled or channeled the right way. It really just helps you understand the aspect of yourself and nurture it in the right way.

[Ann Chambers]

Yeah, it's how you do it that's. I could be. There's a, there's a thing about as you're right about as we, we have to be the best at what we do or I'm not interested or I, I, I either I want it all, I want it now and I want to be the best at it or I don't want to do it at all. And I think that's part, like you said, that that is a personality that I'm pretty sure that all addicts have, we're also, we also have great senses of humor. And as you said, I know in my group of friends there are doctors, there are priests, there are, you know, people in very high places that addiction. And that's why I think addiction gets you and it's not the other way around. So. Yeah, but yeah, it's health if there's healthy addictions, you know, it's part of who I am. And accepting who I am is accepting those traits as well, 100%.

[Podcast Host]

I'd love to know how your family sort of reacted to you, really growing on social media. I mean, now you're what, over 3 million on tick Tock. How did the family initially respond to your like, growing fame, let's say?

[Ann Chambers]

Well, at first, for a very long time they were all very much like, what's she doing now? Because as again, I'm that black sheep, that crazy auntie, the quirky one in the family. So my sister's very like, so what I'm saying, Sensible, I think, and very grown up. And I've always been like the sister that was a bit like flighty, that sort of thing. So she was a bit like, oh, what you doing? My sons were just like, whatever, mum, you know, because they've been through so much with me that I mean, my children are all, you know, it's all good now. So everyone was a little bit like, not really taking it serious and a little bit like. But then. And one of my sons. It's interesting as I started getting really famous or getting more views, one of the videos that I did was of me pretending to play guitar where I'm like the top half of the gift and someone else is playing the guitar at the bottom and it. And it's like a stitch. Yeah, yeah. So I'm doing the faces and, you know, pretending. And it's got something like 31 million views on this one video. So my son, one of my sons is a probation officer who works in, you know, like he went into work one day into the office and they were all, they were all around the phone and they went, come and have a look at this video. So I went over and he just went, oh, yeah, that's, that's my mother. So, yeah, they're just, they were all, yeah, but they do love it. The boys are really proud of me now and they all help a little bit in terms of like one of the, one of the boys does some of the editing and. And actually I've got a management, I've got manager now and my manager's amazing. She's over there.

[Podcast Host]

And shout out to her.

[Ann Chambers]

Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. It's really, you know, we were talking about how everything happens for a reason and that came along just when I think I'd got to about 700,000 followers and I was making maybe about 50, 100 pounds a month from TikTok, but I were giving it to the NSPCC, it went to charity and then I would just begin to get to the stage where I thought this could start making some money. And then. And I was looking for management and I managed. I sort of went to a few companies, said, you know, and they just didn't even reply. And then Liv got in touch, who's managing and now some of these other

[Podcast Host]

management companies, now they're calling you.

[Ann Chambers]

No, fine, thank you. But again, everything happens for a reason. It was meant to be. We get on so well and it just. We clicked and we have a really good relationship, so. And my sons kind of work with, live a little bit. They will help out. So she needs anything doing. She knows she can that like one of my sons, Mark, will edit some of the stuff and the other one helps with this. So they're kind of. From that point of view, it's really good because they will help out, you know, and she bosses them around and tells them what they should do. It's all good. Yeah. So. So, yeah, they're really proud of my husband. You know, he gets.

[Podcast Host]

He's an extra in the videos. It's good. You won't have to pay him much, I assume.

[Ann Chambers]

No, no. Cup of tea? Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, he's easy work.

[Ann Chambers]

Yeah, yeah, he loves it. He loves it. Really? Yeah. And my grandchildren, so, yeah, they're all really proud of me now. You know, my family are like, really, you know, I think it's really impressive and things like that, so.

[Podcast Host]

But yeah, well, I feel that for you. So I feel proud of you and I'm in awe of your journey. So I can only imagine how they feel, you being their mother, their grandmother. It's really amazing for anyone listening, just as like a parting thought, parting words of wisdom. It's not often you see people later on in life, you know, picking up a passion or a hobby. I think generally speaking, this is a time where you're told, you know, you're getting close to retirement, you're thinking about winding down and enjoying life, but to actually pick something up and follow a passion and it's quite a youthful, spirited thing to do and I think a lot of people wouldn't tap into that because of maybe the stage of life they're in. What advice would you give to people who maybe have that mentality?

[Ann Chambers]

But again, is that because of what they think other people will think they should be doing? Is that the cream bun? The crane bun theory? Is that the crane bun theory? You know, you just got to go with what's going on. And I think it's great, you know, I mean, learning to dj. I absolutely love people's faces when they say, so what are you doing in Dubai? What are you doing? And I'm lucky. I'm doing a DJ set because I'm a DJ. And they were like, 64. I've learned to DJ. So someone. When I was doing the pots and pans, someone offered me DJ lessons. So I did six lessons, and then I bought a set of decks because I'm an addictor. Because when we're doing something, we go 110. Oh, not at all. So not only did I buy a little set of decks, I went out and bought a big X RX3 set of decks because that's the way I'm absolutely loved it. You know, now I'm DJing, so it's just, you know, amazing. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Was it hard to pick up, like, to learn?

[Ann Chambers]

I think I'm glad I have those six lessons. If it is. I would say if you think everybody, you should learn to dj. It is so much fun. And also it's really good in terms of being able to show your own creativity, because I can play my taste in music and. And that's, you know, so you can show your own personality in it. I still don't know what 70% of the buttons do, but don't tell anybody that. I know they change colors, but. So I've learned the basics in six lessons, and then I've just done practice, practice, practice, practice, and. And lives, and just learned that way, really. But I just really enjoy it. I love it.

[Podcast Host]

Amazing.

[Ann Chambers]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Well, thank you for all the wonderful energy you bring to the online space. I think accounts like yours are very much. And bring so much value to people's everyday life. And I'm very grateful that you've carved out some time during your stay in Dubai to come and chat with me. I've really enjoyed getting to know you, so thank you. Thank you so much. If you get even just one idea from this episode that shifts something within you, make sure you hit subscribe so you don't miss the next conversation.

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And if somebody came to mind while

[Podcast Host]

you've been listening, make sure you share this episode. With them. The right conversation at the right time can genuinely change someone's day, week and intern life.

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It.