The Balance Theory with Erika De Pellegrin

Episode: Stop Giving More Than You Get in Relationships

Date: October 19, 2025

Episode Overview

In this solo episode, host Erika De Pellegrin delivers an empowering and insightful message for anyone who finds themselves over-giving in relationships—whether romantic, professional, or with friends and family. Drawing on her own growth journey and practical experiences, Erika reframes the idea of emotional reciprocity, providing listeners with actionable questions and a powerful mindset shift for protecting their energy and finding alignment in their connections.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Core Insight: Meeting People Where They Are

[00:32]

• Erika introduces the central idea:

  “People can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves.”
  She repeats this for emphasis, encouraging listeners to let the concept sink in.

2. What This Means in Practice

[01:09]

• Erika unpacks the core insight with relatable examples:
  • If someone hasn’t processed their own emotions, they’ll struggle to hold space for yours.
  • If they don’t value honesty within themselves, they won’t value your honesty or vulnerability.
  • Resistance to depth from others often mirrors where they haven't gone with themselves—not that you’re "too much," but that your authenticity highlights their own limitations.

3. Shifting Responsibility & Protecting Energy

[02:00]

• Erika offers a liberating perspective:

  “It’s not your job to make people get it. It’s your job to choose who you give your energy to, knowing that people can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves.”

• This reframes relationship frustration—not as a personal rejection, but as a reflection of the other person's journey.

4. Practical Self-Reflection Questions

[02:25]

• Erika suggests three powerful questions for listeners to ask themselves:

  • Where are you overextending for people? Are you giving more than the other person is capable of matching?
  • Where are you expecting depth from someone who hasn’t met themselves at that level yet?
  • How deeply have you met yourself? Erika emphasizes the importance of ongoing self-exploration.

  “If I haven’t done that for myself, why would I do it for you? The same rings true for other people and their relationships with us.” (02:42)

5. Judgement as Self-Reflection

[03:25]

• Erika addresses the tendency to judge others for not showing up as deeply as we’d like:

  • Judgment is a learning opportunity; often, it highlights areas where we haven’t met ourselves or explored our own thinking.
  • Encourages introspection in place of frustration.

  “Those judgments, they're opportunities for us to learn something deeper about ourselves, to go deeper.” (03:47)

6. Attracting Aligned Relationships

[04:11]

• The more inwardly you go and the more authentic you become, the more you attract people aligned with that depth.
• Erika reflects on her own experiences:

  “You become more spiritual and then you have a spiritual friend, or you start to like astrology and you randomly have that one friend who just always goes on about astrology… You end up attracting that energy for yourself too, which is really beautiful.”

7. Summary & Empowerment

[05:00]

• This concept is not about judging others; it’s about releasing unrealistic expectations and honoring your own energy and growth.

• Erika encourages investing your self-growth into relationships that reciprocate that depth.

• Recognize that frustration and forced connection are replaced by honor and alignment.

  “I'm not going to try and be the person that's going to come in and change their life. I'm just going to decide that that's not a relationship worth putting more effort into—or at all.” (05:43)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "People can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves."
  — Erika De Pellegrin [00:32]

• "It's not your job to make people get it. It's your job to choose who you give your energy to."
  — Erika De Pellegrin [02:00]

• "Those judgments, they're opportunities for us to learn something deeper about ourselves."
  — Erika De Pellegrin [03:47]

• “I'm not going to try and be the person that's going to come in and change their life. I'm just going to decide that that's not a relationship worth putting more effort into—or at all.”
  — Erika De Pellegrin [05:43]

Key Timestamps for Reference

• 00:00 – Erika introduces the episode’s core idea and sets the stage for personal transformation.
• 00:32 – Main insight: “People can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves.”
• 01:09 – Practical explanations and real-life examples.
• 02:00 – Shifting responsibility and how to protect your own energy.
• 02:25 – Erika shares actionable self-reflection questions.
• 03:25 – On judgment and using it as a tool for self-growth.
• 04:11 – Discussion of attracting aligned relationships.
• 05:00 – Final summary and empowerment to reset expectations and relationship dynamics.
• 06:24 – [End of content; episode transitions to sponsored segment.]

Episode Tone & Delivery

• Warm, empathetic, and empowering—Erika speaks directly to listeners as a peer on the same journey, providing reassurance and actionable advice.
• The tone is supportive, non-judgmental, and pragmatic, creating a “permission slip” for people-pleasers to put themselves first.

Summary

This episode delivers a succinct but transformative lesson: You are not responsible for making others meet you at your depth. Instead, honor your own growth by investing your energy in relationships that reciprocate and appreciate your authenticity. Erika gives listeners practical questions and a lasting mindset shift for healthier, more aligned connections, making this a must-listen for anyone who struggles with over-giving or people-pleasing.