A Paranormal New Year's Eve with Trixie and Katya

Summary

The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

Episode: "A Paranormal New Year's Eve with Trixie and Katya"

Date: December 30, 2025
Hosts: Mary (Trixie Mattel) & Katya Zamolodchikova

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Overview: New Year, Paranormal Fears, and Family Frenzy

In this festive episode, Trixie and Katya dive into their holiday experiences and recount Trixie’s harrowing encounter at the stage adaptation of "Paranormal Activity." The queens riff on haunted houses, family holidays, terrifying theatre, dog names, and why live singing isn’t always necessary for a good time. The mood is a spirited, campy cocktail: equal parts hilarious overshare, cult horror obsession, and homespun familial nonsense.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Trixie's "Paranormal Activity" Stage Fright Adventure

[05:26 - 15:22]

• Trixie shares her experience attending the stage version of "Paranormal Activity" in Los Angeles.
• She describes the play as "the most scared I’ve ever been in my life" ([11:24], Mary).
• Detailed moments of supernatural stagecraft, like doubled actors, terrifying FaceTime twists, and "peekaboo" eyeball scenes, had her (and the audience) on edge.
• “The sound design was so low. Rumbling. When things like that happened. Big musical stings with blackouts that were so scary.” ([11:25], Mary)
• Katya expresses intense FOMO, joking she would have been "jerking it with both hands" if she’d attended ([16:01], Katya).
• They praise the play’s commitment to atmospheric, psychological terror rather than cheap jump scares.

2. The Scariest Movies (and Why)

[21:50 - 25:25]

• Katya confesses that "Freddy Krueger really, really, really got me" as a kid, due to an unfiltered diet of HBO horror ([21:57], Katya).
• They critique modern horror for relying on jump scares, preferring the slow-burn dread of films like "Candyman," "Paranormal Activity," and "The Visit."
• Trixie: "Paranormal Activity, the stage show, almost no jump scares. Real built momentum scares.” ([24:41], Mary)

3. Holiday Food & Family Gatherings

[26:01 - 39:16]

• The hosts trade stories about family holiday gatherings and the chaos of being around nieces, nephews, and children’s toys.
• Both admit to loving their families, but only in short, manageable doses.
• Trixie: “I come over, and [my mom] just sets up a TV tray with cheese and crackers. It’s like, that's all I need. I love that.” ([37:15], Mary)
• Katya shares her Atlanta trip for Thanksgiving, reuniting with friends, and the surprise joy of reclining airplane seats ([29:09], Katya).

4. Living with Ghosts & Real-Life Hauntings

[15:22 - 16:33]

• Brief updates on Trixie’s haunted house: Roz the ghost hunter contacts her about a “bearded guy that you keep seeing in your house,” possibly the ghost of a guitar tech named Evans who died tragically ([16:05], Mary).

5. Pop Culture: Lip Syncing, TV Themes, and Covers

[44:02 - 47:00]

• The duo discuss the art of covers, with Katya wishing Lana Del Rey would do an album of classic rock.
• Trixie shares her work remixing pop songs and floats the idea of a disco TV theme covers album.
• Katya: “That is so fierce. I had when I was like 16 … goth remixes of exactly that, theme songs like Charles in Charge.” ([43:35], Katya)

6. Dog Names, Cousins, and the Culture of Naming

[52:03 - 54:27]

• The most popular dog names by state, with “Luna” and “Bella” emerging as the winners—much to the queens’ horror at their basic-ness.
• Trixie’s made-up dog names: “Teacup, Cindy Sweeney, Simpy Sweepy." ([53:16], Mary)
• Katya: “I love like regular people’s names. Linda, Jeffrey, and Curtis. No abbreviations. No, no.” ([54:04], Katya)

7. Holidays in the Drag Queen Universe & Reflections

[47:00 - 49:01]

• Thanksgiving Day Parade chatter: viewers' outrage over "woke" performances, Cynthia Erivo’s transcendent vocals, and the history of the parade.
• Trixie and Katya agree—singing live at the parade isn’t necessary. “I think we all need to like, like the Britney fans have never really cared if she sings. The Britney fans have it figured out. Who cares?” ([50:24], Mary)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Play’s Biggest Scare:
  "He’s talking from the second level. She’s in the kitchen …. From the second level, you see her pop her head out and go, 'Babe, who are you talking to?'” ([11:07], Katya)
  “It was the most scared I’ve ever been in my life." ([15:22], Mary)

• On Family:
  Katya: “I want to put [my nephew] in the oven, right? On 450, right? And just broil him and eat him, right?" ([34:45], Katya)
  Mary: “There’s this great age where babies look like old men, love that age.” ([35:28], Mary)

• On Dog Show Fashion:
  Katya: “These are beautiful dogs being led by the worst dressed mannequins you’ve ever… camel capris three sizes too big.” ([51:27], Katya)
  Mary: "She was dressed like a branchless tree. It was so crazy.” ([51:41], Mary)

• On Name Trends:
  “You can't name your baby Macaroni, but you can name your dog." ([55:05], Mary)

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Important Timestamps

• 02:38 — Opening banter post-ads about having a “town hall” sets the episode’s loose, conversational mood.
• 05:26 — Start of Trixie’s Paranormal Activity play account.
• 11:07 — Play’s first major scare (“Who are you talking to?”)
• 15:22 — Trixie’s haunted house update.
• 21:50 — Discussion about the scariest movies from childhood.
• 29:09 — Katya’s Atlanta Thanksgiving adventure and plane seat revelations.
• 37:15 — Trixie on comfort food at home.
• 44:02 — Remixes, TV themes, and goth covers.
• 47:00 — Thanksgiving Parade, lip syncing, and why authenticity is overrated.
• 52:03 — National Dog Show, dog names, “Luna” and “Bella” debate.
• 55:05 — Segment on dog and people names.

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Tone & Atmosphere

The episode is classic Bald and the Beautiful: raucous, irreverent, and intimate. Trixie and Katya seamlessly blend sharp cultural commentary with lowbrow humor and heartfelt anecdotes, all delivered in their signature deadpan and comedic exaggeration. There’s camp, there’s critique, and there’s real affection—both for each other and for their messy, scary, beautiful world.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a prime example of what makes Trixie and Katya’s podcast so addictive: offbeat storytelling, a gift for tangents, and an ability to make everyday (and otherworldly) experiences riotously funny. Whether dissecting paranormal plays, riffing on family, or roasting midwestern dog names, their chemistry reigns supreme. You’ll laugh, you’ll cringe, and you’ll leave wanting to name your dog Simpy Sweepy.

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Transcript

[Mary]

Hey, Katya, you know what I love?

[Katya]

Jason Momoa on a bed of mashed potatoes.

[Mary]

Nuts. I'm obsessed with nuts.

[Katya]

I know. I've seen your search history.

[Mary]

No, you little idiot. I'm talking about the snack that pretends to be bad for you, but it isn't. I'm talking about wonderful pistachios.

[Katya]

Well, slap my behind and call me Shirley. You're talking about wonderful pistachios? The don't hold back snack. Tell me more, oh, wise purveyor of nut facts.

[Mary]

Well, it came in a package to my house, and each serving has 6 grams of protein. Plus, they're bold, flavorful, and just a little dangerous. You can get honey roasted, jalapeno lime, chili roasted, or my favorite, which I tried this morning, dill pickle.

[Katya]

And as my great Aunt Olga used to say, wonderful pistachios bring the heat, the sweet, and everything in between.

[Mary]

Plus, they come with shells or no shells for your snacking pleasure. I'm a no shells person. I can't have anything get in the way of me eating. I've got lashes to glue on. I got wigs to fluff. But if you like cracking them, I want you to live your nutcracking truth, honey.

[Katya]

Whether I'm backstage on the road or hiding in a wig closet with a bag in hand, wonderful pistachios are my go to. I love the flavor of them.

[Mary]

I love them now.

[Katya]

Yeah, I love them, too.

[Mary]

And when I'm in drag, I can't always sit and eat a whole meal. But sometimes I just need a little something.

[Katya]

A little nut.

[Mary]

And if I have a healthy option, I'm a lot more likely to eat that. Yeah. So don't hold back, dear listeners. Grab a bag of wonderful pistachios and snack like the stunning diva you are.

[Katya]

Visit wonderful pistachios.com to learn more.

[Mary]

Again, that's wonderful. Fullpastachios.com to learn more. Take it from us. We know our way around a bag of nuts.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

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[Mary]

I think we should have a town hall.

[Katya]

But I want to have a town hall.

[Mary]

I want to have a town hall.

[Katya]

I don't know about what I do. What All's fair. Oh, it's not a town hall.

[Mary]

It's not. It's not.

[Katya]

It's not adversarial. It's celebratory.

[Mary]

Right? The dicks who did this and the cunts responsible. Right? So last month. Last week's responsible.

[Katya]

My crusty. My crusty.

[Mary]

My crusty. Last. Last week on the pod, I told you that I would be willing to cliffhanger about girl.

[Katya]

I've been waiting.

[Mary]

Now, before you laugh, I haven't even eaten. I want you to. I want to tell you, okay. I heard about this show being. It's a stage show, and I heard about it being in Los Angeles, and I said, I want to go. And I checked for tickets, and the only I could go was December 2nd last night. So I said, I'm gonna go. Now, I want to acknowledge that I've been having some health issues, bladder issues, so I couldn't wake up and be on a red carpet at 8:00am this morning for the Hollywood Reporter Women 100 luncheon. Brencheon.

[Katya]

You're not a woman.

[Mary]

I did want to go. You're not a woman. But that's why I thought, I have to go on drag. I can't show up at 8am out of drag at the women's luncheon.

[Katya]

They'll think you're, like, there to serve hors d'. Oeuvres.

[Mary]

But me on the red car, I.

[Katya]

Just like 8am That's. That's abusive.

[Mary]

But it's not that waking up, it was like, I don't feel good. I had a camera in my urine. My. My. Yesterday. Like, I can't pull the camera out of my urethra and head down to the women's brunch. Like, I can't. You know what I mean? I can't. I can't.

[Katya]

The.

[Mary]

The dick sit. Then the cunts responsible. So I saw that you stole fizzy lifting drinks. You get nothing. Good day, sir. Willy Wonka.

[Katya]

Oh, the. There's a musical.

[Mary]

No, no, no. This is. I was just saying it. It's from the movie. That's Jean Wilder. That's Jean Wilder. We can't do vocal stems on the pod. What the. Is. What is this, npr? Speaking of, have you ever been on npr? Sorry? Have you ever been on npr? I think I have a couple times. And whenever it airs, I guess I don't realize how many people listen to it, the phone blows up. Everybody listens to npr.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Mary]

Why don't we get NPR numbers?

[Katya]

This is Fresh air. Terry Gross. Do you listen to Fresh Air? Terry Gross. I love FRESH Air with Terry Gross. Democracy now, democracy. Democracynow.org, the war and Peace Report. I'm Amy Goodman. Do you watch Democracy Now? I highly encourage you to do so.

[Mary]

I listen to.

[Katya]

It's a. It's a watch.

[Mary]

I'm a. I'm a. I'm a big bat pod. Save America, faggot.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Mary]

So I love that.

[Katya]

I'm sure they'd be happy to have you on.

[Mary]

Oh, Thursday. I'm doing a live show with John Lovett, Tonight's typewriter.

[Katya]

Love it or leave it.

[Mary]

So I got tickets to the stage version of Paranormal Activity.

[Katya]

Okay. What is this?

[Mary]

I was like, I've never seen a horror play. I love the Paranormal Activity series. I love that you like found footage.

[Katya]

And I thought that greens.

[Mary]

And I thought, if there's a stage version has all these amazing reviews, be like, oh, my God, it's so scary. And I said, I would love to be scared. So I went online, I looked up tickets, and I like a good ticket seat. I'm sorry if I. I always sort the seats by closest first. I like to sit as close as I can. I want to see tears. I want to see the real, you know.

[Katya]

You want to get spit on by Jonathan Groff.

[Mary]

Yes. And some people like to sit for their back. If I can get an affordable seat in the front, I will go for it.

[Katya]

What's affordable?

[Mary]

So get this. Mato says, well, I was in the mezzanine in the middle, and my tickets were like $240. I don't know how this happened. That's paranoid. I got the front row, two center tickets for 160 each.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Okay.

[Mary]

I don't know how it happened. I don't know how to queen. Maybe they. Maybe they kind of hacked my iPhone and saw pictures of my fat. And they were like, she just had.

[Katya]

A camera up her, right?

[Mary]

We need to throw her a bone.

[Katya]

Well, that's Paranormal Activity.

[Mary]

It's very. It's above normal for sure.

[Katya]

No, the camera. Oh, found footage.

[Mary]

That's Periscope. Remember Periscope? I do you on drugs? Speaking French on periscope.

[Katya]

Oh, my God, what a time. Well, not only that. Fully psychotic.

[Mary]

I know. Fully psychotic and full branch with urgency, with 100% seriousness. Like you're an actors on actors.

[Katya]

And I was down by MacArthur park.

[Mary]

When the girls used to show up at your house.

[Katya]

That was way, way, way, way back. That was in Boston. I was just thinking about that, actually.

[Mary]

These.

[Katya]

They're like, hey, we're down the street bringing you pizza.

[Mary]

I was like, weird. Really weird.

[Katya]

But I'm the dumbass who, like, you know, would live stream outside my home, and I lived above a bar.

[Mary]

No, that's. That's. That's. She deserved it. What was she wearing? Was she drinking?

[Katya]

Thank you.

[Mary]

Okay.

[Katya]

Thank you. So, Paranormal Activity.

[Mary]

So I go, front seat. I go. And I show my thing. And they go, lucky you. Your seats right in the front, the very middle. So me and my boyfriend walk up. Oh, yeah. Hello. So we sit, and it's starting. I'm all excited. And I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm excited. Let's go down. So it's an original story. It's nothing like Paranormal Activity other than it's a couple in a home where paranormal events are happening. And so it starts with this. I won't give away much.

[Katya]

No, to give it all away.

[Mary]

This couple who moved to London maybe two weeks ago from Chicago. And it's sort of inferred. The guy's on the phone with his mom, being like, yeah, she's doing better. The female in the play, Lou, Depressed, seeing things. Postpartum, seeing things. No, she hadn't had a baby. They dream of having a baby. They're trying to furnish a nursery because they want to have a baby. She's on depression medicine. And it starts a little like. He's like, you think you heard something? Did you take your medicine today? Which.

[Katya]

The gaslighting.

[Mary]

Which in movies. Ghost movies. When no one believes you. Which would be the natural thing.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Mary]

If you called me and said you were seeing ghosts, I would not believe you were seeing ghosts.

[Katya]

No, no, no, no, no. And. And Right. You would be. Right. You would be. Because.

[Mary]

In the play, they just moved to London and they're staying in a little flat and. Because paranormal things were happening in Chicago, where they lived, and they kind of set up in the play. She's like, I know you don't believe me. This has been happening my whole life. And, like, an entity has been after me. I feel it in presence my whole life, all the time. And it's Gone. Better and worse. And right now it's been worse.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Mary]

And it starts with him not really believing it. I'm kind of spoiling part of the play. And so if you want to see Paranormal Activity, the play, just the magic of knowing nothing is amazing.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Mary]

But for those of you who will never see it or just want to know, the tea. And I don't want to say too much, but I will. Yeah. So you're not going to go? No. Today was. I think today is the last day. They're in L. A. They're going to London. They go to west endlock.

[Katya]

I'm gonna go to London to see it.

[Mary]

Worth it?

[Katya]

No, no. First class of 21st.

[Mary]

It's worth it. It was amazing.

[Katya]

Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me.

[Mary]

So it starts with a few things, like water turning on. Or like, oh, the Alexa turned on its own. Like, the power's out. Ha. Weird things. As a couple, you can tell they're in turmoil because they wanna have a baby. Things start happening. And I felt what I thought was gonna happen was him sort of not believing her For a lot of the play. Early on, something happens that's so crazy. What? Where? He comes home from work and she. Things have been happening when she's alone, the lights are out, she's freaked out. And he goes to like, did you take your medicine today? And that turns into a fight. Because if you're a woman who's being haunted by real ghosts and your husband thinks that you're just a little sad.

[Katya]

Thank you.

[Mary]

You know, women being like, you should get in your meds. You're being real crazy.

[Katya]

Is it your time in the month?

[Mary]

Right?

[Katya]

Yeah. You're hallucinating, so I'm just gonna tell you.

[Mary]

The stage magic in the show is so unbelievable and so chilling. I've never been so scared in my life. I've never been more scared in my whole life. No movie, nothing is giving me. There's a part where they get in this fight and she puts on this. This robe and she's looking for slippers and she's like, gonna go to bed because they get in this fight.

[Katya]

Thank you.

[Mary]

And he's on the phone with his mom and he's like, you know, mom, whatever. Like, yes. It's like the mom is very Southern and very overstepping. And, you know, he's like, you know, I don't appreciate you talking about her like that. Whatever. And she comes back downstairs in her robe and she's got her hood pulled up and she's all covered With a blanket. She's kind of pouty. And he's like, I'm sorry. I hear you. I'm sorry. That was wrong of me. Let's just have a fresh start. He's talking to her, and she turns to the kitchen, away from the audience, and she's cutting vegetables with a knife. And he's like talking and talking. He's like, you know, I read about this paranormal event that happened where these people swore that they were haunted and their animal died. And that's how they found out that there was a gas leak in the home and they were all hallucinating. It's crazy. It wasn't actually paranormal. It was a. A gas leak. And the stage is like a dollhouse. It's two levels, bedrooms or whatever. And this was so scary. He's talking from the second level. She's in the kitchen from the second level. You see her pop her head out and go, babe, who are you talking to?

[Katya]

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.

[Mary]

I knew it was gonna be her. Audience goes, I mean, it was a 2000 people.

[Katya]

Go, fear.

[Mary]

And he turns and it's her standing there. The blanket drops. She's gone.

[Katya]

Oh, I love it.

[Mary]

It was. Sorry.

[Katya]

Screaming. Sorry.

[Mary]

Scream. The sound design was so low. Rumbling. When things like that happened. Big musical stings with blackouts that were so scary. Oh, that's. It's a two hour play with one intermission between each hour. So things like. That's one of the first scares. That makes you like, oh, years. So then they have a ghost hunter. I'm like ruining the play. Is okay.

[Katya]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on.

[Mary]

So then it's sort of like almost comedic because now he believes her. Yeah. And she's lived this her whole life. And you know her. She. Her parents died in a fire when she was younger and she escaped the fire. And that's sort of the impetus of her seeing this entity was after her parents died. She's like, this thing is with her, right? And he's. She never told him. She didn't. He didn't think she would marry her. He'd marry her. So then they call an investigator. The parental investigator comes and sets up a bunch of equipment. And then like an event happens again. That is so fucking crazy. You want to know?

[Katya]

Yes. No, I don't. I'm just going to go to bed.

[Mary]

She tells the story of her parents dying. And, you know, they think they're talking to that ghost, that her parents. They're not. That gets really crazy and scary. There's A part in the second act. That scared me, too. My core. And if you guys are going to see the play, do not listen to this. Okay, Don't.

[Katya]

Okay, tune out. I'm tuning.

[Mary]

So his mom, his overbearing Southern mother, who's very religious, the whole play, they're sort of like, his mom's a Bible thumper, and his mom's like, maybe your wife needs to pray, you know? He's on FaceTime, and he rigs up FaceTime at the beginning of the play on the TV that face the audience. So whenever they're on FaceTime with the mom, they can see the mom. And the actress is Obi backstage doing the call, who is amaz. The acting was amazing. I'm in the front row watching tears, watching all of it. It was like, these people are television actors. It was serious. Oh, he's on the phone with his mom, and his mom is like, it's getting a little serious on the phone. The mom. The mom's getting a little mean, and the pivot is so small to his mom being like, why don't you eat a bullet, Jimmy? Why don't you kill yourself and kill your wife while you're. I mean, it gets so scary. And then the door rings, and he goes to open the front door. He told time. He thinks he's talking to his mom on the phone. He opens the front door, and his mom shows up. Surprise. I'm here. I use my miles. I. So then you're like, oh, my God. So now she's here. And before the end of the second act, before the end of the second act, the ghost hunter runs out of the house. And it's like, if you have anyone in your life you love, you will not let them come to this house because you're. You've moved from Chicago. The ghost as followed you're. So his mom showing up. He's like, oh, my God, mom, you got to get out of here. Right? And the mom means well. She's super Christian. She's like, I just want you to pray. She sits with them. He's crying. She's standing across the room. She does. She's like, I think having Bibles in the house will even make this worse. Like, this is bad. And the mom and him are crying and praying, and he's feeling better. So during the phone call, at the end of the phone call on the FaceTime, she. She. After she says, bite a bullet and all that to her son. And he's like, freaking out. He goes. She goes on the phone, she goes, why don't you answer the door, Jimmy? And the doorbell rings. And so that's when he answers his phone. It's his real mom. Scary. So then the mom is holding him, and they're crying and he's sobbing, and it's this moment of, like, not really religious, but, like, his belief that things could get better. He's crying with his mom. His mom is really religious. And they're hugging, and you as the audience are like, thank God. And then she looks at him and goes, answer the door, Jimmy. And the doorbell rings. It was so fucking scary. It was the most scared I've ever been in my life. And he goes and answers the door, and there's no one out there. And the whole time he's walking to the door, the mom, who obviously is an apparition, is looking at them like it was so scary. He opens the door. It's no one. She stands up and she's. There's nothing for you out there. Everything isn't here. And then she says, peekaboo. And she starts going like this. And then the stage magic is so real. She screams, peekaboo. And pulls out her fucking eyes. And then there's a black girl. You have to go to this.

[Katya]

I need to see this.

[Mary]

I won't ruin the ending because that's really the magic of what it all is. But I've never been so scared in my life. How it almost went back around the way to not fun, because, mind you, I live in a haunted house.

[Katya]

Sure.

[Mary]

So, by the way, there's development on that. Tell it Roz the ghost hunter. Text me. I did some research. We contacted a ghost called Evan in my house. There was a guy. Oh, go watch the YouTube video. If you haven't. Thank you, Nick. 13 always be selling. 45.

[Katya]

45.

[Mary]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Katya]

You want to do it?

[Mary]

I'm an Olaf. An of where I just bought ghosts.

[Katya]

Tried it.

[Mary]

Tried it. So if you've skipped ahead, this is the moment where now you didn't miss the plot.

[Katya]

Thank you so much for inviting me, by the way.

[Mary]

Like, you would have. You actually would have loved it. But I'm afraid you would have been in the front. Like, you would have been too into it.

[Katya]

No, I would have been jerking it with both hands, jerking the people next to me.

[Mary]

Roz calls me and says, hey, and you know that guy, that bearded guy that you keep seeing in your house? I said, yeah. She said, there was a guy whose last name was Evans, who was a guitar tech, and he had spent some time in your house. And after he'd left your house sometime later he was on drugs and got gunned down by the police. How about that? So I go home to that house. I get in bed, I go to sleep. Slept great. But I don't fear the ghosts. No, that movie was that. That play was the most scared I've ever been in my life.

[Katya]

Wow, that is impressive. Kudos to them.

[Mary]

Oh, I hope I didn't ruin it. Is it illegal? To illegal. And the stage magic of props falling off the walls, shadows, sound effects that seems difficult. It was so chilling.

[Katya]

Oh, I love that.

[Mary]

It was so chill.

[Katya]

Wicked found dead.

[Mary]

In the beginning of the play, they introduced this bell that is like supposed to be like. Oh, if this bell's supposed to be like a bell that people use that for the dead to contact the living. And that's on stage the whole play. And you're like waiting for it to ring. At some point it. It gets so escalated. It was so scary. By the end of it, I was like shook. I was like having a. A blood pressure. Full body chills. Full body chills. I'm sorry, was that too much to talk about? What are you talking about?

[Katya]

I feel like I ruined the PlayStation. The author's gonna be like, people don't want to know. They could just tune out or pay 13.

[Mary]

And that was honestly, I skipped. The meat of the show is this people who are one year married trying to. In an impossible situation. The drama is the meat of the show.

[Katya]

Yeah, it was a little bit Stephen.

[Mary]

King where you care so deeply about the couple. That's what makes these scenarios scary. Yeah, things like her sleeping on stage and the blanket getting off her on its own. I don't even know how they're doing these things. Not to mention there's whole parts of the show where it's a two story dollhouse, basically. And he's walking around stage with just a flashlight, her appearing in different places and not remembering any of it. Ooh, baby.

[Katya]

Word for wor. This episode of the Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Olipop. Ah. Do you hear that crackle? That's not mere carbonation, my dear. That's the overture of the holiday season itself. This sweet symphony of joy, nostalgia and bubbles. Because this year I have sworn upon the spirit of St Nicholas himself to begin a new tradition. One that will shimmer through generations like a family heirloom wrapped in tinselthe great Katia Olipop Christmas celebration. You see, I've always loved sodathat effervescent nectar of youth. The joyful fizz of childhood memories captured in a can. But Olipop is no ordinary soda. It's a new kind of soda, a celestial blend of classic taste and modern virtue, lovingly crafted to delight your taste buds and your digestive system. With only 2 to 5 grams of sugar, no artificial nonsense, and up to 9 grams of fiber, it's the rare holiday indulgence that loves you right back. And oh, the Yetis. Last year, those snowy ambassadors of cheer, Ollie and Pop graced the limited edition cans of vintage cola and ginger ale. The world rejoiced, the elves sang and the sugar plums danced. And this year, the Yetis return. Fluffier, jollier and more majestic than ever, they bring with them a new jewel of the season. Crisp apple. Imagine biting into a frosted orchard at dawn with a choir of angels singing O Holy Night from within the bubbles. It's magical. I can picture it now. Twinkling lights, halls filled with laughter, the air thick with cinnamon and sentiment. We'll gather by the fire, each of us holding our holiday chalice of Olipop, basking in the glow of the holiday season. Because that's what Olipop is. A better for you holiday miracle. Less than 50 calories, only 2 to 5 grams of sugar, up to 9 grams of fiber, and sold in nearly 50,000 stores across this great nation of merriment. Conveniently available in a single can, a festive four pack, or the mighty 15 pack from Costco. This year, the holidays will taste like joy, redemption and freshly fallen snow. Olipop tastes like Christmas reborn. Get a free can of Olipop. Buy any two cans of Olipop in store and they'll pay you back for one. Works on any flavor. Any retailer, including the Yeti. Limited edition cans, go to the URL drinkolipop.com bald Olipop is sold online, drinkolipop.com and Amazon and available in almost 50,000 retailers nationwide, including Costco, Walmart, Target, Publix, Whole Foods, Kroger, and H E B.

[Mary]

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[Katya]

I think probably. I mean, I want to say Candyman.

[Mary]

But I don't care. Huh?

[Katya]

No, I think I want to say Candyman, but you know what? It's so, so lame, but Freddy Krueger really, really, really got me because I. I watched that so young. My parents had no restrictions of what we watched as children, so we watched HBO like we're 3, 4, 5 years old, seeing real sex. All these, like, basically softcore porn horror movies. Traumatizing.

[Mary]

And I like, when you're young, your ability to be scared is very deep.

[Katya]

Well, the thing about Freddy Krueger, I know he's so. It's so corny. Especially the sequels are so bad. They're so, so, so bad. They get worse and worse as they go. But the dream thing, the premise is so good. The premise is so, so good.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya]

That you can't. When you go to sleep.

[Mary]

Well, did you watch Black Phone 2?

[Katya]

No, but. Is he a ghost in that or something? Is he a ghost?

[Mary]

This is. Can I just. Can I just ruin it all for you?

[Katya]

I'm not gonna see that.

[Mary]

I'm not gonna. Black Phone 2 is hard, stiff Christian propaganda.

[Katya]

Are you kidding?

[Mary]

He starts attacking them in their dreams. Like Freddy them flying around while the awake people are watching them sleep, getting slashed and stuff. It's fully Freddy and it's super Jesusy. They're investigating murders at a Christian camp that he had killed people at the Grabber, he's called in those movies. And the first Black phone was so good.

[Katya]

With the black balloons and the mask.

[Mary]

Yes, the first Black phone was so good. The second one, I didn't make it all the way. I turned it off. It was too Christian. It's so Christian. And I don't mind Christian, because the conjuring is always like demons verse. They're pretty much.

[Katya]

They use the Bible.

[Mary]

Right.

[Katya]

By the way, the Last Conjuring. Oh my God. Bring a book.

[Mary]

Was that the Dell?

[Katya]

Maybe do it a book. It was the Conjuring Last rites. It was the most recent one.

[Mary]

I don't think I've seen it.

[Katya]

It sucks. The pacing is so bad.

[Mary]

Girl, have you seen that audio that the drag queens are all doing the defiler? And I do know your name. You are Valak.

[Katya]

Oh, it's so bad.

[Mary]

But the gays are. Oh, I did the Boston Halloween gig with Plane Jane and she did a lip sync too with those big rubber boobs. You are the defile. Just kind of like, faggot.

[Katya]

I marry the nun. The nun.

[Mary]

Do you know that? Did you know that? I went. That's one of the only premieres, Hollywood premieres. I've gone to the Nun and I love those movies. So they gave me an invite. So I went and you know, you walk the red carpet in exchange for your free ticket. I actually felt bad that the actors were in the room while we were watching. I was like, this isn't good.

[Katya]

Sucks so bad. It's just there's. It's so filmy. There's nothing to it.

[Mary]

It's all.

[Katya]

All jump scares. Like when. When the measure of the movie is just blood pressure. That's not scary. That's jolting. Do you know what I mean?

[Mary]

Paranormal Activity, the stage show, almost no jump scares.

[Katya]

Thank you.

[Mary]

Real built momentum scares.

[Katya]

Yeah, Actual like Candyman. There's. I don't think there's maybe two jump scares. And they're not like. Actually they're fake outs like a dog or something. You know what I mean? All the really scary stuff happens in broad daylight. Like it's not like. You know what I mean? It's like, like hypnotizing. That's really like. It needs to be scary. Without.

[Mary]

I don't like to jump scare, but I do like a. Like in this play when the mom is like answered the door and the doorbell rings. That is scarier than anything.

[Katya]

Well, that's just scary.

[Mary]

And the Shining, the kid in the Shining, when he asks, is there something bad here? That's really scary.

[Katya]

Oh yeah.

[Mary]

When somebody says something like that, the.

[Katya]

Do you know what is terrifying? Opening the door and having the, the, the. The guy on the bed with the kneeling and then the other guy with the bear mat. Whatever the costume.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya]

That's terrifying.

[Mary]

Yes, that's terrifying. Very bad.

[Katya]

The old lady.

[Mary]

That's what I felt like when I. In drag. When I saw myself in the mirror. When I saw myself in the mirror, I saw myself getting my dick sucked in a wig. And I thought I saw, like, great party. Like, really? I was like.

[Katya]

Girl, when I get out of the tub with my unit.

[Mary]

On and you tiptoe your gray feet on the dirty tile, Oreo cake stirs everywhere. Can't take it, can't take it.

[Katya]

Oh, baby.

[Mary]

Do you like those holiday zebra cakes?

[Katya]

I know.

[Mary]

Those little Christmas trees. I do.

[Katya]

No. What's your favorite Christmas cookie?

[Mary]

Fina came over for the holiday special, which is out now, and she made her beautiful homemade gingerbread and homemade sugar cookies with royal icing. That can make cookies.

[Katya]

No, when she makes the chocolate chip cookies, I eat them all. My.

[Mary]

She pulls them out of the oven and puts kosher salt on top. She eats. I don't even like chocolate chip cookies that much to me. Like a Chips Ahoy. I will never just eat one of those. Gross.

[Katya]

No. Dry. Yeah, that dry.

[Mary]

Sick. But you like an Oreo?

[Katya]

I mean, yeah, I like. I like a. I like a soft, out of the oven chocolate chip cookie.

[Mary]

Yeah, classic. Take it out, put it right in your face.

[Katya]

I use cucumbers for the eyes.

[Mary]

Cucumber.

[Katya]

Wait, what's the. I'm trying to think. What else is scary? What else is scary? What else is scary?

[Mary]

The first conjuring scared me pretty bad.

[Katya]

It's just the paranormal activity first movies. Really?

[Mary]

I watched it in college and I was so scared. Did you watch the Paramor activity where they go to the Amish village? Baby, it's the best. Like, the best one.

[Katya]

Okay.

[Mary]

They're making a documentary. This girl's trying to connect with her family. She's. She's not. She doesn't know. And she's related to the Amish, so she's making a documentary, staying with them. Very scary.

[Katya]

What is the scariest movie ever made? What is the scariest movie?

[Mary]

The. The Visit.

[Katya]

Oh.

[Mary]

When she goes. That is like one of the scariest moments.

[Katya]

That's. Boop, boop, boop, boop.

[Mary]

Those aren't your grandparents.

[Katya]

Yeah, yeah, that's. But it's kind of a slow burn. But then she, like, she turns out to be like a. Yeah, yeah. Like a vampire kind of.

[Mary]

And listen, old people. I'm fine with old people being crazy.

[Katya]

Yeah, it's fine.

[Mary]

It's aist. Yeah.

[Katya]

Like, you know, I. I was thinking about, like, barbarian. It's kind of like AIST Anti woman in a way. It's like, oh, my God. What She's a crazy lady. Naked. That's crazy. That's me.

[Mary]

Right? That's me.

[Katya]

Just drink from my bottle, everything will be fine.

[Mary]

So what else? Is the tea with you?

[Katya]

Oh, I wanted to talk. Oh, I just thought about it in the parking lot.

[Mary]

I just went to. Did you go home for Thanksgiving?

[Katya]

Yes. That's what I wanted.

[Mary]

What did you do?

[Katya]

Okay, so I went to my sister's in Atlanta to visit her.

[Mary]

Your sister lives in Atlanta?

[Katya]

Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah, she's been there for a little while. She just got a new house.

[Mary]

Direct flight from la. Oh, yeah. Thank you, Delta. Hello? Hello?

[Katya]

Wait, something happened on the flight.

[Mary]

Hello? What happened?

[Katya]

It was. I was. I got surprised.

[Mary]

Okay.

[Katya]

It's very relatable, this. I got like.

[Mary]

Like you got on the plane and everyone had those hats and blowers and said, surprise.

[Katya]

No, they just booed me. They just booed and they made me go to the back of the plane.

[Mary]

Yeah, and you were like. Someone coming out on Maury, they were booing and you were like, shut up, shut up, shut up, y'. All.

[Katya]

I took my top off and I said, no, I am.

[Mary]

It was screaming, y' all fake while you get on the plane. Y' all fake.

[Katya]

You are not the father.

[Mary]

I.

[Katya]

It was a. Like a. It was a. Not a lay down bed, but it was something. It was the in between level of first class that I've never experienced. I know this is going to be great with the listeners. Like, it was like a reclining.

[Mary]

If you don't start flying in coach, you coach. You need to. You do need to do town hall steerage.

[Katya]

I need to get in a. Yeah, I need to get with the crates with the dogs.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya]

No, no, it was like. You know how sometimes it's like first class and it's just, you know, it's.

[Mary]

Up in the front. The uk. A lawn chair where they waterboard you. A lawn chair.

[Katya]

Can I have a glass of wine? They just threw it in your face?

[Mary]

Not even.

[Katya]

That's crazy.

[Mary]

They're like, did you want. Did you want a Coke Zero? And then they hear your accent like, you want us? Yeah. No, warm soda.

[Katya]

A thimble of warm soda that tastes like shit. Anyways, it was. It was a recliner, right? It was. Oh, I loved it. I was smiling the whole way.

[Mary]

I was like, love, love.

[Katya]

And I read Misery. And then I went over my state of. My friend David. David, who does Slick it up. He moved.

[Mary]

Love, David, love. Slick it up. Shout out to. Slick it up.

[Katya]

Shout out to Slick it up. Shout out to Dave Mason. He left under the COVID of night like a thief. I've never felt so shocked and betrayed.

[Mary]

What do you mean?

[Katya]

He left LA under the COVID of night, like a thief.

[Mary]

He moved.

[Katya]

He moved. I feel so shocked and betrayed.

[Mary]

Where is he now?

[Katya]

In Atlanta?

[Mary]

Well, can I say if you're. He's a small business owner and a designer and an artist. Doesn't. Doesn't.

[Katya]

Doesn't change the fact that my shock and my betrayal are so bad they.

[Mary]

Might have better tax breaks for small businesses.

[Katya]

Doesn't matter. I'm still shocked and so betrayed. Anyways, it's so funny because all between me and, like, a lot of my friends, me who will talk about something for about 15 years and never do it, he just like, casually mentions, I think I moved to Atlanta. Next day, gone. But he had a great. He has a great house.

[Mary]

He should have consulted with you first.

[Katya]

I feel so shocked and betrayed right now.

[Mary]

And you did it at my birthday, moving to Atlanta.

[Katya]

But it was great.

[Mary]

I know.

[Katya]

Nobody cares. Ugh, whatever.

[Mary]

What about. What about this? Opening a clock store at the mall. Sucking tick and clock. Sucking tin clock.

[Katya]

That deserves its own kiosk at the mall.

[Mary]

You know what I see for you? Being one of those people that's. Ma', am, can I ask you a question? Yeah.

[Katya]

Oh, yeah.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya]

And I just throw up on them.

[Mary]

Or the gold face. The gold face. The gold face. They love to sell the gold face mask.

[Katya]

I just wanted to fix people's cell phones. I just put them in my mouth.

[Mary]

Very helpful.

[Katya]

I just put them in my mouth.

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[Katya]

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[Katya]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw.

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[Katya]

Oh, sorry.

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[Katya]

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[Mary]

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[Katya]

Welcome to our ugly home. Reddit is back for a historically hideous season.

[Mary]

It's our 1 100th ugly house.

[Katya]

This place is mayhem. That is impressive. And if these walls could talk. Do you cry a lot?

[Mary]

I do.

[Katya]

They'd have a lot to say.

[Mary]

What in God's name is this pit? Don't get too close. You know, if you've seen the show.

[Katya]

I'm scared of that. Ugliest house in America. Season premiere Wednesday, January 7th at 8 on HGTV. But wait, my. My nephews. My sisters. Children. The sons of my sister. Mama, these are so cute. I don't give a shit about children. That's well documented. I don't care about children.

[Mary]

My new thing is, are adults that great?

[Katya]

No, that's true. Human beings are all flops. But these motherfuckers.

[Mary]

You love them.

[Katya]

Owen, He's a little. He's a little man now. He's growing up.

[Mary]

How old?

[Katya]

He's got to be fucking four or five or some.

[Mary]

I don't know. He's like. He's eight or 12. I don't know.

[Katya]

No, he's got to be like, he's three or four or five, six, seven. He's like a young man. He's talking, he's moving around. He's got a. He's got. We praying. We're playing with a lizard that. That a motorized lizard that climbs on the wall. We're having a blast.

[Mary]

Kids. Kids, toys. Now, don't even get me started.

[Katya]

Oh, my Mary. If I had a. If I had a remote control lizard that could climb the wall.

[Mary]

Do you know what? We. We had a wooden paddle with a. With a ball and a rubber string. We had kicked the can, girl.

[Katya]

And I'm not joking, we kicked a can.

[Mary]

I was in Kentucky and I was at some friends who have twins. Their children have a 3D printer. I said, I'm sorry. Wait, what?

[Katya]

They have a 3D printer?

[Mary]

Yes.

[Katya]

That's crazy. That's too much.

[Mary]

I was like, back in my day, yeah, we had Jenga.

[Katya]

We never. I didn't have a printer, any printer. So Benjamin is. Ben is the. The baby. He's 11 months. He's almost a year.

[Mary]

Cute.

[Katya]

This motherfucker.

[Mary]

You love it.

[Katya]

I want to put him in the oven, right? On 450, right? And just broil him and eat him, right? I want to eat. I'm going to eat.

[Mary]

There's a lot of great things about babies the chubby legs.

[Katya]

Mary, he's this mother.

[Mary]

The Michelin man legs. The tiny little toes.

[Katya]

The Gerber baby is so ugly by comparison.

[Mary]

The razor fingernails. Babies have sharp fingernails.

[Katya]

Razor fingernails.

[Mary]

They're so small. Baby comment below. Baby finger. Adorable. Baby fingernails are fucking sharp. They're dangerous.

[Katya]

This is what he thinks of me, right?

[Mary]

I don't see a resemblance yet, but not yet.

[Katya]

You don't think so? But look at this. Look at this motherfucker. Oh, he's so fucking cute. He's so fucking cute.

[Mary]

There's this great age where babies look like old men love that age.

[Katya]

So cute. I just want to fucking eat him. I just want to eat him up right? Wait.

[Mary]

Well, maybe you should visit him and then you can do that.

[Katya]

This is me, right?

[Mary]

Have you thought about having more of a presence in his life?

[Katya]

No.

[Mary]

Right? Showing up once a year and taking some videos. Hardly. Parenting.

[Katya]

You know parenting. No, I'm. You know, I. I am wondering.

[Mary]

Take them down to the Learning Annex and enroll them in some classes.

[Katya]

Take him down to the Brookline Adult Education Center.

[Mary]

You should open some kind of savings account for him.

[Katya]

Oh, mama, I'm way ahead of you. I'm way ahead of you, right? I got. I got. I got plans.

[Mary]

You're gonna will him your bed.

[Katya]

I already got him all set.

[Mary]

Oh, good.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Mary]

Not the other one.

[Katya]

No, no. He's.

[Mary]

He's.

[Katya]

Let me tell you about this motherfucker. I'll keep the nephew talk to a minimum.

[Mary]

I think it's my.

[Katya]

My brother's son. My nephew.

[Mary]

Right?

[Katya]

This motherfucker is going to be President of the United States.

[Mary]

Okay.

[Katya]

He's so funny. He's so quick. He's so hysterical.

[Mary]

He could probably do it now and do a better job.

[Katya]

I know. It's like, at.

[Mary]

He could win. He should run now.

[Katya]

Seriously. He is so smart and he's so funny. Like, at that age. It's like six years old. I know. They're like, he's.

[Mary]

Again, he's two or 12. I don't know.

[Katya]

Somewhere between two and 12. No, he's like. Yeah, yeah, six. He's so funny. I don't remember any child being that funny that young.

[Mary]

Right.

[Katya]

I don't know. Good for him. He looks exactly like me, which is very suspicious. I did not. My brother's wife.

[Mary]

Right. Okay. But your brother looks so much like you. This all makes a lot of sense.

[Katya]

No, he's. He's so cute. He's so cute.

[Mary]

My niece. I stopped by home for Thanksgiving and I went to my mom's house and she did something, she does something very Wisconsin that I really appreciate.

[Katya]

She luck you out?

[Mary]

No, I'm like, I don't ask for anything. I come over and she just sets up a TV tray with cheese and crackers. It's like, that's all I need. I love that. All I need.

[Katya]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mary]

You don't have to cook. You know, for me, if we're visiting my family, I'm like, we can go for three hours the whole weekend and I'm good. Love them, but I don't need to spend a lot of time with my family.

[Katya]

No, that's so. Personally, that's what I was struggling with. First of all, my brother in law Ian is incredible cook. He air fried this motherfucking turkey. Air fried this turkey. Air fried the turkey. It was so delicious. He's such a good cook. It's incredible. But, but David, David and I went to my sisters and my, my parents were there and I was like struggling with how long do we stay?

[Mary]

You were with David?

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Mary]

Oh yeah.

[Katya]

I stayed at his house and then.

[Mary]

We went to my. Yeah, okay. Sorry I didn't get Hot tub bun.

[Katya]

Hot tub. Hooligans around the hooligans on the street. On, on.

[Mary]

Oh, drunk people.

[Katya]

On books. No, on bikes. Just like young kids. Kids, kids.

[Mary]

Hooligans getting wild. Yeah.

[Katya]

But I was like, I don't know, it's like I flew all the way here but I don't know when to leave.

[Mary]

Sure.

[Katya]

So it's like three, four hours.

[Mary]

Can I be honest? It's. That's enough for me. It's. I felt like me sitting with my mom and talking for like two hours. My niece was at church that day because her dad said the family's religious so they've been taking her to church. And so honestly, getting to see be with my mom without kids running around was really nice.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Mary]

Different vibe. Yeah, Kids love them. Annoying.

[Katya]

Thank you. Also exhausting.

[Mary]

Messy.

[Katya]

And also Graham, when he was much younger, he was like, I think he slept about a half an hour a night and then he ran like his energy level was like crystal meth.

[Mary]

Devil, child, devil.

[Katya]

The son of Satan. And now he's mellowed out a little bit, but still very energetic.

[Mary]

We have a child in my family who's at an age where isn't interested in any toys, just wants to take pictures off the wall, grab silverware. Everything that's on a toy is fair game.

[Katya]

It's a toy. Yeah.

[Mary]

And so you're watching an adult pick up one thing for Every two things that get thrown on the floor, one thing is getting picked up. And it's a losing battle.

[Katya]

It's a whack.

[Mary]

A mole.

[Katya]

Yeah.

[Mary]

Yeah. I think the newborns can't only make so much mess. And then the older kids. But there's that middle baby zone where they have no responsibility. Yeah. I don't know.

[Katya]

Terror like two, four years old.

[Mary]

Yeah, that would be really hard.

[Katya]

I would have to. I would, I would love like the newborn. I mean, I'm a born breastfeeder. But then I would like ship them off to boarding school until they're like 20.

[Mary]

I mean, do you think boarding school is bad? Do you think it's bad to ship your kids away?

[Katya]

I don't think it's bad if it's a different exit. I do. I grew up with a rich girl. Like, we were, we were not rich.

[Mary]

And like Gwen Stefani, rich girl.

[Katya]

Like, she went to a 20,000. This, okay. In the 90s, her high school was $20,000 a year. She did a whole year in school.

[Mary]

What?

[Katya]

In high school?

[Mary]

She lives in Spain.

[Katya]

She loves, everything's great. No, but imagine that in high school, right? Imagine your high school costing $20,000 a year in the 90s. These days, that same high school is probably 50,000. Think about it.

[Mary]

I can't imagine.

[Katya]

No. So she was, she was rich. I think I told you the story where I got so drunk I drove her dad's BMW. Oh, no. I got so drunk at her house, face down, like dead drunk. We had to wake up her sister who was 14, to drive the dad's BMW to drive me home because I had my mom's car.

[Mary]

Mary.

[Katya]

It was so wild. It was so off the. It was so off the hook. So off the hook. My friend who was drunk drove my mom's car with me in it. And then the 14 year old daughter was woken up to drive the Beamer to drive the girl back to the house. Oh, yeah, that was shenanigans we got into in high school. Christina and I walked into the house, my mother's in her robe, having tea in the morning. She's like, oh, thanks, I need the car to go to work.

[Mary]

Did she know what the tea was?

[Katya]

Oh, yeah. I mean, I walked in dead drunk.

[Mary]

Was she mad?

[Katya]

We had a discussion. We had a discussion.

[Mary]

Didn't take, huh?

[Katya]

Not about that, just about other things.

[Mary]

You know what, you're right. I'm gonna quit on booze.

[Katya]

Well, I never really drank again after that.

[Mary]

You said, I'm never gonna have an Issue Movies with little bitches are always like, I'll never tell a lie. Love that.

[Katya]

But I mean, they really soured me on drinking. Yeah, drinking is kind of disgusting.

[Mary]

Why does it.

[Katya]

Very love it.

[Mary]

Maddie, can you grab my computer? You know, you know, I think is really the vibe. Do you remember that little from A Little House on the Prairie?

[Katya]

I never saw Nellie Olsen. Wait, she's the one who cut pushed on the.

[Mary]

No, no. Who's that?

[Katya]

In the Green Gables?

[Mary]

That's not that. That's not that show, is it.

[Katya]

That I'm. I love that clip. I love that clip. She just.

[Mary]

I used to love to watch Little House on the Prairie and recently I've been thinking about it a lot. I think I'm gonna rewatch it. Michael Landon. Oh, the dad.

[Katya]

Yeah. Hot.

[Mary]

Oh, yeah. I know. But I was. I was thinking of the theme recently. What do you think about it? Let me just play this for you. What do you think about it as a disco remix? Hold, please. I know this is like not on anybody's bingo card today. I've been doing a lot of producing for other people. I got to. I can't say who, but I'm doing remixes for other. For pop girls. Real pop girls. People in the car. Would you. Would you gaze. Would you bop around to the little House on the Prairie disco theme? One, two, three.

[Katya]

Ow. This is horny.

[Mary]

Hey, everybody say 1, 2, 1, 3.

[Katya]

Everybody, this is horny.

[Mary]

Horn. Horny.

[Katya]

I'll see you at the Grammys.

[Mary]

I was listening to it. I was like, why is it this? It's this dreamy, dreamy 70s.

[Katya]

It's almost like never ending story kind of night. It's this very like, ooh, you need to do Dynasty next. Please do Dynasty next. Girl, you would up Dynasty.

[Mary]

I was like, what about I live.

[Katya]

You do Dynasty next. You have to.

[Mary]

Maybe that's next. What about a whole album of just disco tv?

[Katya]

No, it's. Girl, that is so fierce. I had when I was like 16, I mailed away like because, you know, no Internet. I sent away a check in the mail and I got back it was goth remixes of. Of exactly that theme songs like Charles in Charge. Charles in Charge. And then like all. I forget what it's called. It was really fierce. Like it was a really fierce like concept. All dark, dark weave industrial like theme songs.

[Mary]

I love a reimagining fierce. I. I have a two part story to. This one is one of the girls that just got to do a remix for. She hadn't heard the remix yet and she Came to the studio, and we were sitting in the studio with the big speakers, and she. We played it, and I was like. It was one of those moments. I'm like, she actually hasn't heard this, and now she's gonna have to either fake a response if she doesn't like it. And I was like, this is awkward.

[Katya]

She couldn't get enough of it.

[Mary]

She was like. She stood up, started screaming. She started dancing. She loved it, and it was so gratifying.

[Katya]

That's fierce.

[Mary]

I was like, oh, thank God she likes it. Because she could have been like, it's a nice start. You know what I mean? She loves it. Thank God. I was like, that's fabulous.

[Katya]

Will you please do Dynasty next?

[Mary]

Yes, I'll give it a shot. I want to finish Little House on the Prairie. Dynasty, Twink Peaks.

[Katya]

Twink.

[Mary]

Sometimes the remix, you know that song by, you know, Pet Shop Boys, they're kind of gothy, right? No, because they're a little bit Depeche Mode.

[Katya]

No, they're. They're like new wave.

[Mary]

Yeah, but don't the goths like that?

[Katya]

I mean, it's, like, adjacent. Okay, but it's definitely not goth, though.

[Mary]

Their version of you were always on my mind with Liza. Oh, no, you were thinking of. You were thinking of the Dusty Springfield version.

[Katya]

No, I'm thinking of the Pet Shop Wave remix with Liza singing. It's so good. I forget what it is.

[Mary]

Oh, I haven't heard that. You know what I'm talking about. Oh, yes. But I don't know what song that is.

[Katya]

It's a cover. I, I, maybe I'm going in.

[Mary]

Oh, that is what it. Yes, the Pet Shop Boys. Maybe I didn't love you like a.

[Katya]

Oh, I love them.

[Mary]

I read. I was like, why did they think they were doing a uk A holiday special in the UK honoring Elvis, where they asked all these bands to do their own versions of Elvis songs in their own style, and they were like, we all like, you're Always on My mind. It's widely considered the best, like, cover of any song ever.

[Katya]

Really?

[Mary]

Because it makes the song sound like that's the original song. It's so good. And did you know what's Veneno? Remember, she's titties out in the club dancing to that song.

[Katya]

Oh, that's right.

[Mary]

It's such a great piece of music.

[Katya]

You know what else is a fabulous cover? One of the best covers of all time. Do in Time by Lana Del Rey.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya]

Better than the original. The. The great heartbreak of my life. The biggest Regret that I have right for her is that she didn't do a whole album of covers.

[Mary]

She still could.

[Katya]

She still could.

[Mary]

But what do you want her to do? This is time to speak it into existence.

[Katya]

I want her to do classic rock.

[Mary]

Sure.

[Katya]

I want to do Led Zeppelin, the Doors, Black Velvet, Jimi Hendrix.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya]

I mean, all. I. I would love for her to do all, like, male tunes, you know?

[Mary]

Oh, yeah.

[Katya]

I mean, Lynyrd Skynyrd. I mean, she could fucking rip that shit apart.

[Mary]

She could fuck up bald horses.

[Katya]

Like, I mean, Roger, she could like 60s 70s classic rock. She would. She took a. She would take down her bloomers, pull her butt cheeks apart and just on.

[Mary]

It right as the time we filmed this. I think Wicked came out last week.

[Katya]

Now, what do you think about all this?

[Mary]

I mean, I didn't see it because I don't want to go to crowded theater.

[Katya]

I didn't. I tried to watch it at home, the first one. It's not for me. I'm not a hater. Yeah, I know. You told me a hater before. I'm trying to change my ways. I don't want to be a hater.

[Mary]

Right.

[Katya]

Like. But it's just not for me, bro.

[Mary]

It's okay.

[Katya]

It's fine.

[Mary]

I watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade when I was home for Christmas. And I don't normally get to watch it, but I had a really good time watching it. They were favorite Balloon Mary Pokemon ones. Obviously, they were saying that. Go online and search for the comments. The comments are like, of course. This year's Thanksgiving Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is woke. All because they just had Cynthia Erivo sing. And people are like, there used to be white people in this parade. Black Les. Nobody wants anything black or gay or. It's like Thanksgiving used to be great.

[Katya]

What about her voice? Her voice is transcendent, of course. Transcendent. She's like. Like a technically an incredible singer.

[Mary]

Yes. She. I mean, I was like, she's up here, she's saying Feeling Good, which I thought was a universally loved song.

[Katya]

Well, feeling Good is woke.

[Mary]

I'm feeling good.

[Katya]

No, no, no. That's woke.

[Mary]

And then there was one part where somebody was saying, like, baby, it's cold outside or some shit. And they took Bowen Yang's hand and did a spin. And I'm like, this derailed the Thanksgiving Parade. Pikachu's flying in the sky. That's woke. Do you know what I mean? Also, did you know, I looked it up originally, the Thanksgiving Day Parade was a Christmas Parade. It just happened so close to Thanksgiving. It became Thanksgiving, but originally it was a Christmas holiday parade, but I've always thought of as Thanksgiving. It's also a weird mix of people singing live and people not singing live, and it's interesting to see which one it is.

[Katya]

You know what?

[Mary]

Sometimes they do.

[Katya]

Let me tell you something.

[Mary]

Sometimes they're not.

[Katya]

Let me tell you something like I do you ask me if I felt shocked and betrayed when I learned that Whitney Houston was lip syncing to a recording of the Star Spangled Banner when you heard. Oh, I was not. I was not shocked and betrayed because she recorded that. That was her voice or her vocal vocals.

[Mary]

I don't care. It's outside, the wind's blowing.

[Katya]

It's not possible to do what she did in that.

[Mary]

I don't care if they're singing in the parade.

[Katya]

I don't care if they're singing ever. No, no, no, no, no. I care that it's their voice, but I've seen, especially with Russian singers, it's such a. They don't even bother with the farce.

[Mary]

Why move the lips, Mary?

[Katya]

They have air guitars. There's not an outlet in the place. Oh, yeah, they got a full band. No, no plugs. Nothing's plugged in. There's no batteries, nothing.

[Mary]

Have the songs play in the order of the album.

[Katya]

Mary. Just put on the CD album version.

[Mary]

To the T. Put on the cd.

[Katya]

Every once in a while, they'll turn the mic ons. They'll be like, ah, you know, like.

[Mary]

Hello, My background singers.

[Katya]

But I don't want it. Like, I've seen singers who. Like Alla Pugacheva in her farewell tour. She was, like, in her 60s, you know, she's got a voice these days. Sounds like. Like a bag of nickels down a wooden stair, you know, like, not great. But I. So I don't want her to sing live necessarily. When she did sing live, three or four songs, it sounded like who done it, right? And it was like, a little uncomfortable. So I wanted to do the album versions or I wanted her to sing over a track. I want her, and I want her mouth and I want her body there, and I want the music there. But it doesn't need to come out of her mouth.

[Mary]

Right.

[Katya]

Do you. Does that. Is that crazy? I don't think it's a crime.

[Mary]

I think it's crazy. Some people, okay, if they're.

[Katya]

If they're dancing.

[Mary]

Ben Platt is playing the same theater I saw Paranormal Activity. It's a live show evening with Ben Platt. You go. Because you want to hear the same.

[Katya]

That's a vocalist, right?

[Mary]

You want to see the thing. Yeah, yeah.

[Katya]

So he's not dancing the house down.

[Mary]

I think we all need to like, like the Britney fans have never really cared if she sings. The Britney fans have it figured out. Who cares?

[Katya]

She's there.

[Mary]

She's there.

[Katya]

Her. And she's, you know, Mariah Carey.

[Mary]

I don't even.

[Katya]

Those are her breasts. That's her gown.

[Mary]

That's her.

[Katya]

She's beautiful. She's there. It's her music. She wrote it. That's all I need.

[Mary]

I don't care.

[Katya]

I want. I would lip sync.

[Mary]

Well, it doesn't matter.

[Katya]

I don't think it doesn't matter.

[Mary]

I don't think it really matters. I mean, especially at the parade. Who cares? I, I also after the parade, the dog show plays the Westminster dog show.

[Katya]

Now that is woke.

[Mary]

It's at Westminster. No, it's the.

[Katya]

The.

[Mary]

What is it called?

[Katya]

The. The. The. The.

[Mary]

Yes. That played fun to watch. I never really watched it. It's weird that it just. Best in show is. It's that.

[Katya]

I know, I know.

[Mary]

Best in show is so close to Rhapsody in White. Who won this? These are, these are beautiful dogs being led by the worst dressed mannequins you've ever. I mean this clothes are from feet from. From These dumpy judges are putting on the national dog show.

[Katya]

Me. They're wearing, they're wearing camel capris three sizes too big.

[Mary]

One of the judges was wearing a brown knitted long sleeve turtleneck dress to the floor. She was dressed like a branchless tree. It was so crazy.

[Katya]

Like a haunted cat's ass. I don't want to take away from the beauty of the animal.

[Mary]

The women's fashion choices are very debate team.

[Katya]

Well, when we're talking dog show, we're not exactly thinking couture.

[Mary]

Why not?

[Katya]

You don't want to take away from the beauty of the dog. The more dog like you look, the more gorgeous your dog is going to be.

[Mary]

It's the log lady versus Versus Annie Wils. Like, like that's doing.

[Katya]

That's what I want though. I don't want Gisele Bundchen. I don't want, you know, they also girl.

[Mary]

They did this graphical graph where they broke down the most popular dog names by state. What is it?

[Katya]

What is it?

[Mary]

There are two main ones and they both piss me off.

[Katya]

Is it Kelsey?

[Mary]

One of them is Luna. One of them is Bella. Those are the two.

[Katya]

Our producer's name is dogs and Luna is It.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya]

Mark's dog's name's Luna. Yeah.

[Mary]

Basic Wisconsin was Daisy. Kentucky was Bare. But Luna and Bella, I was like, what are these? What. What happened in. What. What happened in culture? Is it. Well, Luna Bella, Luna Bay.

[Katya]

Think about it. The Moon Bell.

[Mary]

What.

[Katya]

What is your. You got three dogs. What are their names? You have a.

[Mary]

Knowing me, probably Doggy, Doggy puppy, And. And. And you have doggy puppy, Chris Nagula. Doggy puppy.

[Katya]

And you got a Teacup Chihuahua. You've got a Weimaraner, and then you've got a Shih Tzu.

[Mary]

If I have a Chihuahua, what were the dogs?

[Katya]

Teacup Chihuahua, Moai Maranar, and then a Shih Tzu.

[Mary]

Probably, knowing me, this is my Teacup Chihuahua. Teacup Chihuahua could be just Teacup. Yeah. Weimaraner is. Oh, simpy sweepy. Simpy sweepy.

[Katya]

Simply sweepy.

[Mary]

Simpy sweepy. Simpy sweepy. Oh, my God. Cindy Sweep. Cindy Sweeney. Cindy Sweeney. I saw a press thing that was like. People keep telling me how much they connected with Chris. Chrissy. Shut up, bitch. What is it? The hell down. Ho.

[Katya]

What about that? I love jeans.

[Mary]

She loves jeans.

[Katya]

It's so diabolical.

[Mary]

It's fierce.

[Katya]

Just like, zip it. And then the Weimaraner.

[Mary]

Oh, the Weimaraner.

[Katya]

And the Shih Tzu.

[Mary]

Sorry. The Shih Tzu, obviously. Caleb.

[Katya]

Fierce.

[Mary]

What about you?

[Katya]

I love. I love, like, regular people's names. Linda, Jeffrey and Curtis.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Katya]

No abbreviations. No, no.

[Mary]

Paco and Linda Evangelista. Yeah.

[Katya]

No, no. Baby talk, straight human language.

[Mary]

Yeah, I just.

[Katya]

What are you doing? Yeah.

[Mary]

Bella and Luna.

[Katya]

I mean, you know, I. I just.

[Mary]

We gotta look outside ourselves with. With names.

[Katya]

Well, yeah, we also have to look at. What are the top two female gymnastics girls names, because it's like McNavy and MC.

[Mary]

Like McBraylon.

[Katya]

Yeah, yeah. They're very, like, Midwest.

[Mary]

I don't want to. I just feel like Bella and Luna also both feel just very Caucasian. Maybe that's not the case. Also.

[Katya]

Women's energy bars.

[Mary]

Maybe that's how they're naming it. This is my Shih Tzu. Nature Valley. This is funny.

[Katya]

This is my cat Tiger's Milk.

[Mary]

Oh. Oh, my God.

[Katya]

Nature's Valley.

[Mary]

I don't know. I just. I.

[Katya]

This is my dog Nutrigrain.

[Mary]

I feel like with dogs, because we don't have to use people names. The world is your oyster. You can't name your baby Macaroni, but you can name your dog.

[Katya]

It's like Ann, I think Poopy. Her dog's name.

[Mary]

Is Poopy. Who's Ann and Pine? Oh, Poopy. Yeah, I think so. Right. I had a cousin named Poopy. It was her nickname. But I have an aunt named Gooch.

[Katya]

That's true.

[Mary]

So we're doing all kinds of stuff. I have.

[Katya]

Oh, how many cousins do you have? Do you know?

[Mary]

Who knows? You don't know? My aunt's Gu's 60th birthday was last year, and I went. People I either have never met or have no recollection of.

[Katya]

Hundreds.

[Mary]

I don't know who was related. I know they're all related to me. I had no idea who was related to me in what way.

[Katya]

On how many uncles and aunts do you have?

[Mary]

Oh, I mean, just a couple, but I have great aunts and uncles. I have a lot of babies.

[Katya]

No, no, just uncles and aunts.

[Mary]

I don't know. Your mom one. Now I have one aunt. Just.

[Katya]

Just Gooch.

[Mary]

Yes.

[Katya]

Damn.

[Mary]

But she got like four kids and they all got kids, so what is that?

[Katya]

What are those? First cousins?

[Mary]

I guess those are second cousins. That's what I'm saying. I know we're related, but I don't know what the terminology is. Even.

[Katya]

Would you have sex with them? Do you think that's wrong? Let's take a break. Actually, we got a wrap. I don't think it's necessarily bad.

[Mary]

Is that bad to your cousin?

[Katya]

Second cousin. Listen, I. If I roll up to the family reunion, I mean, the amount of presidents.

[Mary]

And kings, I mean, we don't have. I don't think my family has hot people. So it's not been a big press.

[Katya]

It's not. I mean, it's kind of a dog show at my family reunion.

[Mary]

You know, if somebody showed up at my family reunion and said, did you know that your second cousin is Josh Hutcherson and is here and wants to talk to you?

[Katya]

Like, that's so strange.

[Mary]

I don't know.

[Katya]

Because, yeah, we would be.

[Mary]

I know he's a little short, but I don't know.

[Katya]

You know who else is really short? Jeremy Ellen White.

[Mary]

Yeah. Do you feel horny to that?

[Katya]

I feel. I feel neither way. I've saw him at the Rose Bowl. Four foot two.

[Mary]

That's right.

[Katya]

We hope you enjoyed this. If you want to hear more, just tip $18 in the chat.

[Mary]

Honestly, I want to say, I never know when I listen to the pod, which I don't always catch them. I never remember talking to you or what we talked about.

[Katya]

No, me neither. I, I, I.

[Mary]

This is a re.

[Katya]

A repeat shirt. I guess.

[Mary]

Sometimes I think, like, oh, am I? Am I? I love to listen to my own pod, but I'm like, I don't know what we said.

[Katya]

Me neither.

[Mary]

And we tape them so far in advance, sometimes a month in advance.

[Katya]

Who knows? Yeah. No.

[Mary]

Days happen.

[Katya]

You know what?

[Mary]

You know what happened? Day. Every day.

[Katya]

Every day. Every minute. Something. Something else.

[Mary]

Something fresh.

[Katya]

I hope your bladder's okay.

[Mary]

Yeah, me too. Me too.

[Katya]

I'll perforate my bowel just in solidarity.

[Mary]

It sucks. No, I know it sucks.

[Katya]

Goodbye.

[Mary]

Bye.

[Katya]

Limu game. And Doug, here we have the Limu emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug. Uh, Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us. Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Mary]

Liberty. Liberty.

[Katya]

Liberty Savings Ferry unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates Excludes Massachusetts.