#468 - Strengthening Our Pelvic Floors

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard Episode #468 - Strengthening Our Pelvic Floors

Release Date: September 16, 2024

Hosts: Joe Santagato and Frank Alvarez (referred to as A and B in the transcript)

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1. Lighthearted Banter and Pop Culture References

The episode kicks off with the hosts engaging in their characteristic humorous and casual conversation. They delve into discussions about pop culture, starting with a playful banter about the Harry Potter series.

• Harry Potter on a Plane [00:00 - 02:00]:
  • Frank (B) humorously remarks on Joe’s (A) enthusiasm for lifting objects, comparing it to casting spells from the Harry Potter series.
  • Joe (A) shares that he watched the first movie on a plane, highlighting Ronald Weasley and Dumbledore in a comedic light.
  • Joe (A): "Ronald Weasley's just double fist and chicken legs." [00:29]

2. Food Quality and Dining Experiences

Transitioning from pop culture, the hosts discuss their experiences with food quality across different regions, particularly contrasting the United States, Canada, and Europe.

• Canadian vs. American Food Standards [02:00 - 07:00]:

  • Frank (B) notes a significant difference in food standards between Canada and the U.S., particularly highlighting the absence of high fructose corn syrup in Canadian foods.
  • Frank (B): "I said to you, I'd say yo, the fucking tequila here was way sweeter." [01:34]
  • Joe (A) criticizes the portion sizes in Italian restaurants in the U.S., describing them as excessively large and greasy.

• Italian Cuisine Critique [02:00 - 07:00]:

  • The hosts mock the typical Italian dishes like large chicken cutlets smothered in cheese and oversized plates of spaghetti.
  • Joe (A): "You go to Italian restaurant, I want food that's going to be like, okay, fine, I don't like it. It's the size of the plate." [02:05]

3. Wedding Traditions and Laser Tag Ideas

A substantial portion of the episode revolves around unconventional wedding ideas, particularly integrating laser tag into wedding festivities.

• Wedding Cakes and Ice Cream [07:00 - 20:00]:

  • Frank (B) proposes the idea of having an ice cream cake at weddings instead of traditional sponge cakes, emphasizing practicality in terms of melting issues.
  • Frank (B): "If you're giving me a cake, you're already down bad if it's not ice cream cake." [07:30]
  • Joe (A) expresses skepticism about incorporating laser tag into weddings, continuing the debate on traditional vs. modern wedding elements.

• Laser Tag Integration [08:00 - 20:00]:

  • The hosts engage in a lively discussion about the feasibility and appeal of including laser tag in wedding events, with Frank (B) advocating for it as a fun, nostalgic activity.
  • Frank (B): "There's bouncing around here. There's a ton of different laser tags." [09:27]
  • Joe (A) remains hesitant, preferring traditional elements and expressing concerns about the appropriateness of such activities at weddings.

4. Halloween Celebrations and Decorations

As Halloween approaches, the hosts share their thoughts and experiences related to the holiday, focusing on decorations and personal preferences.

• Halloween Decorations and Preferences [20:00 - 35:00]:
  • Frank (B) excitedly describes his recent purchases of elaborate Halloween decorations from Costco, including a Mickey Mouse haunted house and a pirate ship-themed setup.
  • Frank (B): "One is a Mickey Mouse haunted house. And it's like Goofy's like, yo, I'm doing my thing." [27:08]
  • Joe (A) expresses his disdain for the holiday, though he admits to enjoying the candy aspect.
  • Joe (A): "I hate Halloween." [27:31]
  • The conversation touches on their childhood memories of Halloween, including spooky movies and pillow fights, interspersed with humorous anecdotes.

5. Pelvic Floor Health and Exercises

Aligning with the episode’s title, the latter part of the podcast shifts focus to the topic of pelvic floor strength and health, although it remains interspersed with the hosts’ trademark humor.

• Introduction to Pelvic Floor Health [47:00 - 52:00]:

  • Frank (B) introduces the topic by referencing a pelvic floor expert's advice on proper wiping techniques to prevent fecal smearing.
  • Frank (B): "She's suggesting that instead of wiping twice or more than twice, be honest. How many times have you done that you've only had to wipe twice or less." [47:36]

• Discussion on Pelvic Floor Exercises [52:00 - 57:00]:

  • The hosts explore various pelvic floor exercises, including Kegels, and joke about the misconceptions surrounding them.
  • Frank (B) explains Kegel exercises in a simplified manner, while Joe (A) humorously malapropisms illustrate his initial confusion.
  • Frank (B): "It's the process of clenching your sphincter. You have to do it in like percentage power increments." [51:36]
  • The conversation highlights the importance of pelvic floor health, albeit through the lens of their comedic interplay.

• Practical Tips and Misconceptions [57:00 - 58:00]:

  • The hosts continue to dissect the exercise techniques, debunking myths and emphasizing gradual engagement in exercises to avoid strain.
  • Frank (B): "But Kegels are actual things." [56:53]
  • The segment blends informative content with light-hearted jokes, making the topic approachable for listeners.

6. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

The episode wraps up with the hosts revisiting previous discussions, thanking listeners, and teasing upcoming content.

• Final Banter [58:00 - 60:00]:
  • The conversation circles back to earlier topics, including their disdain for modern products and reminiscing about past experiences.
  • Frank (B): "We're about to go buy some Capri sun now." [42:33]
  • Joe (A) and Frank (B) exchange humorous remarks, maintaining the episode’s lively and informal tone.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Frank (B) on Wedding Cakes:

  • “If you're giving me a cake, you're already down bad if it's not ice cream cake.” [07:30]

• Joe (A) on Halloween:

  • “I hate Halloween.” [27:31]

• Frank (B) on Pelvic Floor Exercises:

  • “It's the process of clenching your sphincter. You have to do it in like percentage power increments.” [51:36]

• Frank (B) on Proper Wiping:

  • “She's suggesting that instead of wiping twice or more than twice, be honest. How many times have you done that you've only had to wipe twice or less.” [47:36]

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Insights and Conclusions

While the episode begins with the typical humorous and diverse range of topics that "The Basement Yard" is known for, it successfully transitions into the focal point of pelvic floor health towards the end. The hosts manage to intertwine education with entertainment, making the subject approachable and engaging for listeners. Despite the extensive banter and detours into various subjects like weddings, Halloween, and childhood memories, the episode effectively sheds light on the importance of pelvic floor strength, encouraging listeners to incorporate exercises like Kegels into their routines for better health.

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Note: This summary intentionally omits advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content segments as per the listener’s request. Quotes are provided with speaker attribution and timestamps to highlight key moments in the discussion.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the Basementyard podcast.

[B]

Why don't I. I don't know why you, like, lifted.

[A]

I did not do that.

[B]

You lifted that a little sexy. That's what you did there. You lifted. You, you.

[A]

I did do that.

[B]

That was. Yeah, you like, fucking like you were casting like a spell. Like you. I just watched Harry Potter. I was gonna say I saw you were watching. Which ones were you watching? Did you start at very begins or did you go like middle. Middle route?

[A]

I was watching what they had available on the plane. Which was the first one. Which is a good one.

[B]

That's a good one. Yeah, that Fuck Halloween dinner that they have. Dude, I'm ready to lose everything I love for that. Just to live a day in that.

[A]

Ronald Weasley's just double fist and chicken legs.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

So Dumbledore just going.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then the food just.

[B]

He's an old bastard. He's an old dumb idiot.

[A]

I don't know if I'm eating magic food, though. Like, if a chicken just appeared on my plate, what I'm gonna eat that, though.

[B]

I mean, it can't be worse than the fucking chicken that our fucking country produces.

[A]

That's fair.

[B]

But I don't know, was there any part. Because we. We were for the show recently in Toronto. Was there any part of you that was just like, the food does taste different here? Because I did. And I knew that if I told you, you'd make fun of me for it.

[A]

The food tastes different in Canada.

[B]

Yeah, I imagine they have different.

[A]

They do have different.

[B]

They have different standards and shit like that. Like, I checked. I checked on everything that I ate youe know, that had a food label on it, like for any high fructose corn syrup. Because that bitch is in all fucking American foods. And I didn't see it. And I. I said to you. I was like, yo, the fucking tequila here was way sweeter.

[A]

Yeah, you were saying, like, yo, it's so diff.

[B]

It was very like. Like, it was like someone put sugar in tequila, which I know that's technically. I think there is no technically, that's what it is. But, like, it was definitely diffie diffs.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know, but I imagine.

[B]

How was Europe food? Was it, like, good quality? Yeah, it tasted like food. Yeah.

[A]

Tastes like food.

[B]

Was it. Were the portions bigger, smaller?

[A]

I mean, they're definitely smaller than us.

[B]

Fat bastards over here.

[A]

Yeah. Dude, you ever go to an Italian restaurant and they're like, here's two big sizes of fucking chicken Cutlet covered in a pound of cheese.

[B]

I don't hate that, dude.

[A]

I hate it.

[B]

I. Oh, my God, bro.

[A]

You go to Italian restaurant, I want food that's going to be like, okay, fine, I don't like it. It's the size of the plate. So every time I cut, the fucking sauce is going off the plate. Then there's a sack of spaghetti on the side.

[B]

You're getting me hungry. A big old, dumb, stupid, thin, fucking crispy, golden chicken cutlet over a bed of spaghetti. Angel hair.

[A]

I like spaghetti.

[B]

I'm an angel hair guy. I'm a much bigger angel hair guy than I am a spaghetti.

[A]

You love angel hair.

[B]

It's just so much, in my opinion. I like the. It's finer. I just like it. Like spaghetti together. Spaghetti feels like a meal, you know what I mean?

[A]

Like, it is a meal. It is. It feels that way because it is what it is.

[B]

What I mean, sometimes spaghetti is too fat for me. I like the fat spaghetti.

[A]

I don't know what it's called, but.

[B]

It'S even fat spaghetti.

[A]

It's like the size of a pipe cleaner.

[B]

Get the hell out of here. They got pipes. Bucatini.

[A]

Wait.

[B]

Martinis getting booked.

[A]

What's bucatini?

[B]

I think that's what you're talking about. It's like the hollowed out spaghetti. But it's like a big fat.

[A]

It's not hollowed out sucking straw.

[B]

It looks like. What was that fucking kids candy that we had as a kid? And it was like you pull like the candy off of a paper or something of dots? No, that. I ate more paper than I did fucking candy with dots, bro.

[A]

Speaking of peeling shit off a paper. The birthday letters. I love the. Yo, for your birthday, you go get a piece of paper and then you. It's like made of sugar and you peel them off. You're like, okay, W. And then like, yes, those were so good.

[B]

And then it would be even better if they were like little. Like it was like a little pumpkin for Halloween.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or it was like, yes, spiky. So I'd put them on my. My tongue and I press down and I torture my tongue.

[A]

Yeah. But I would suck.

[B]

I know you love sucking this, but.

[A]

You suck those two.

[B]

I sucked it a little bit, I'll admit.

[A]

I sucked it until it was gone. I would though, dude, go get them.

[B]

When they were like, little.

[A]

You gotta go spike down.

[B]

I, of course, spike down. And I would bite down and those spikes would fuck up my tongue. And it'd be like, you deserve this. You Dumb dirty tongue.

[A]

Dude, you're so horny, it's insane.

[B]

This is not Patreon.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

I forgot.

[A]

I love those.

[B]

I do love those.

[A]

You know what's, like, an overrated thing?

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

No, no, no. Don't answer.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

On a birthday cake. Roman's like, I want a balloon.

[B]

Fuck you. Those jelly balloons. The balloons are whack. No, they're whack if they're, like, also, like, wax. No, listen, listen, listen, listen. They're whack if they're also frosting. But, like, the gel frosting, where it's like, you could see through it. Like, it's like lava. You know what I'm talking about? And it's like, that's when it's sick.

[A]

You can't see through lava, but you.

[B]

Know what I mean? Like, it's not like frosting. It's like gel.

[A]

No, but it's not about frosting. It's like when you go to Carvel and there's just like, a guy holding balloons and it's like, they're like. People want that.

[B]

But that is if. If they're the frosting balloons, they're not the good ones. If they're the gel balloons.

[A]

No, they are gel.

[B]

The gel is the best. What do you mean? Those are the wackest. No, you get the corner with, like, a balloon in. Oh, Carvel ice cream cake is my favorite, favorite. I love that cake, like, iteration, bro.

[A]

How many wedding cakes have you had where you're like, this is a good cake.

[B]

Like, the one that we taste tested for. Our wedding was great. And maybe like, one other, but, like, I'm not a sponge cake guy.

[A]

I like sponge, but don't put a whole fucking half a fucking when I'm.

[B]

Biting into this thing.

[A]

Strawberry in here.

[B]

No, I do like when there's fruit.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I don't. I do.

[A]

I don't like when I can see a fruit in it.

[B]

I do kind of like that a little bit. No, but I'm saying, like birthday cakes, like, when it's. I need a good ratio of, like, if there's gonna be sponge in there, it better be wet as hell. I'm talking tiramisu or tres leches, bitch. Bro, if you give me a tres leches, I want this fucking sponge to spin my mouth the moment I put my teeth in that.

[A]

The three milks.

[B]

You know what I'm talking about?

[A]

Yeah, bro, I didn't even consider the.

[B]

Fact that you were in Spain and you didn't get tres Leches cake.

[A]

Wrong, by the way. Had mad tiramisu on that fucking trip.

[B]

You weren't in Italy at any point in time.

[A]

They had it and I was having it.

[B]

But fucking what Scottish desserts are there. Come eat this. Come eat this dirt cup. Actually, cup of dirt is like blood pudding.

[A]

But a wedding cake, that's just tiramisu.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, you gotta do that.

[A]

I'm gonna do that.

[B]

That's gonna be like $5,000. Because tiramisu is a not easy cake to make.

[A]

Really? Why?

[B]

Well, you gotta soak the ladyfingers in the espresso, and then you have to, like, fucking like. It could be a very involved. You can get like a cheap one, sure, but, like, good quality.

[A]

Look at Carlos Bakery over here. He knows the fucking recipe.

[B]

I've looked up. I've looked up how to make it.

[A]

How to make tiramisu.

[B]

Yeah, it's not.

[A]

It's not that hot.

[B]

Well, it's not as simple, like, legit. Tiramisu is not like, just like you make a sponge cake and you pour some espresso on it.

[A]

That's not what I'm saying.

[B]

You, like, soak the ladyfingers, which are a specific type. Like, they're not just like any cookies.

[A]

So what? Buy them in bulk.

[B]

But there's a process, and if you follow it, it's not necessarily easy.

[A]

Okay. Neither is making a regular wedding cake. Why would it be any different?

[B]

Yeah, but if they. But you know, those cakes, like regular wedding cakes are just big, dumb, fluffy sponge cakes that they just throw a little bit of frosting in there. I want. What I was saying, if you're giving me a cake, you're already down bad if it's not ice cream cake.

[A]

If you're gonna have a wedding ice cream cake, you fucking child.

[B]

Why not?

[A]

Your wedding cake was gonna be an ice cream cake.

[B]

No, but I'm saying, why couldn't you.

[A]

Because we're not playing laser tag in here. That's why.

[B]

First of all, you. First of all, you fucking. I know. If you went to a wedding and they had fucking laser tag, you wouldn't think that was sick.

[A]

Frank, laser tag sucks, dude.

[B]

No way.

[A]

Laser tag wasn't even fun when we were children.

[B]

Yes, it was from when we were children.

[A]

Laser tag.

[B]

You don't remember the fucking gray and red pack with the gray and red gun?

[A]

I do.

[B]

Laser tag is awesome. What the fuck do you mean it sucks?

[A]

Sucks?

[B]

What is cooler than shooting your boy? And they're not gonna die, dude. Dude, you don't. That's why you paintball. This is why. But paintball, there's a little bit of pain. Yeah, I know. I do love paintball too. Santa got a studios paintball trip.

[A]

Would do it.

[B]

Wouldn't do it.

[A]

Would need a lot of gopros.

[B]

We just a couple hundred bucks. We can do it.

[A]

Probably won't be as expensive as my tiramisu cake.

[B]

Yeah, bro, how are you gonna talk shit about laser tag? You can go into a place that has black lights, probably cool music.

[A]

I like black lights. And then you can bedroom.

[B]

You could. You could shoot your boys with lasers.

[A]

Dude, shooting your boys is cool with lasers.

[B]

Now it's even cooler because there's no.

[A]

Threat of injury, but they're never accurate. Like, yo, I sniped you, bro.

[B]

When you sure. When you were fucking going a laser tag in like 1998, it wasn't accurate. But you go to 20, 24 laser tag, something tells me there's gonna be accuracy behind those lasers.

[A]

Something tells you, Frank, laser tag doesn't exist. Now it does.

[B]

What? Does it? Yes, it does. Are you nuts?

[A]

There's still laser tagging establishments, Joey.

[B]

If there isn't, I'm furious.

[A]

I'm pretty sure they closed down all laser tagging.

[B]

Laser tag near me. Look at this.

[A]

It's for laser tag near me.

[B]

Yeah, bounce. There's bouncing around here. There's a ton of different laser tags.

[A]

That's insane.

[B]

This is so cool. This is awesome. We should go laser tag and mini bowling in Manhattan.

[A]

What is mini bowling?

[B]

There's a place called Beat the Bomb in Brooklyn.

[A]

Oh, I know Beat the Bomb.

[B]

They've got laser tag. Oh, so sounds like you're the loser here. What? So let me ask you a question. Why are you so against doing things that when you were a fucking child that you would like, now we're all just trying to fucking chase the dragon, relive a little bit of what brought us joy and happiness when we were young. Now you want to spit at it? You want spit at it?

[A]

Stop spitting.

[B]

Why must you put it down?

[A]

I'm not. Frank, first of all, you're making a blanket statement saying that, like I don't like things when I was younger. Not true. You, because you collect Power Rangers and you yield cards and fucking shit like that. And all of a sudden you have this affinity for laser tag.

[B]

Out of nowhere, just talked shit about ice cream cakes and fucking lasers.

[A]

I didn't talk about shit about.

[B]

You talk. You talked about shit about.

[A]

I talk shit. I talk bad shit. About the balloons on top of the ice cream cake.

[B]

And then you talk about having a.

[A]

Fucking wedding at a wedding.

[B]

Oh, you're such a wedding purist, Joey. You're such a wedding fucking purist. Congratulations. Give.

[A]

You're not thinking clearly. I'm dog.

[B]

I'm dog. Clearly.

[A]

Consider this. You're at a wedding, a lot of guests, hundreds of people. Needs to be a big ice cream cake, but it also needs to be cold. No, you can't have this thing start melting.

[B]

Wheel it out. The fr. You know how long it takes ice cream cake to fully melt. Wheel it out, ice cream and then you put. You put non meltable fucking, you know, frosting around the top like Carvel does. And then you wheel this thing out from the freezer, you cut it, you serve it ice cream done.

[A]

You're sitting there like it's got to.

[B]

Sit there for hours on end. What do you think? They just wheel the cake out and they have it sit there all the time.

[A]

They got to cut it.

[B]

Watch this come in, cut, serve. Why must you be.

[A]

That's how it happens hundreds of times. Also, this your wedding that you were going to have. Were you gonna smush cake?

[B]

No.

[A]

No. Smoosh cake?

[B]

No. It's kind of disrespectful. What, like smooshing cake? Like fucking all. Like, Becca would have been spent a whole day getting ready and looking and feeling her best. And then for me to just take cake and mash it in her face, it's kind of fucked up.

[A]

Unless she does it. Back to you. Then we're talking evil Stevens.

[B]

No, no, even Stevens. There's a different standard on men than there is on women, you fucking misogynist. Get them, ladies.

[A]

You don't have come in. But you don't have to. You don't have to.

[B]

30 women coming in here with paintball guns and laser guns, shooting me with lasers.

[A]

I forgot I was gonna say. But yeah, I'm not into this mushing thing. I think it's stupid.

[B]

I think it's stupid and outdated. I've seen like, oh, look at this violence.

[A]

But I've also seen some dudes get carried away.

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

It's like, yo, you're stiff, arming your wife with the cake.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

You know what I'm saying?

[B]

That's. There are some.

[A]

I also think smashing kids faces in cakes is stupid.

[B]

Dude. I've seen. Because we used to do that as kids. And then I saw one time, like, over like the last, like three or four years, and it was like, here's why you shouldn't do it. And apparently it was, like, a person. I don't know if it was a man or woman. Not because I don't know their gender. Here we go. But they were. Go, go, go, go. They were saying, like, don't do that. Because a lot of cakes now put wooden stakes in them to keep them from toppling over impaled. And there was a picture of someone that had gotten one in their eye.

[A]

Absolutely not.

[B]

Crazy, dude. Crazy.

[A]

I don't like the birthday stuff. Smashing the face in the cake. Dumb. Do you do the smear?

[B]

No. What? All these cake, like, fucking, like. Yeah.

[A]

Why are.

[B]

I will say the only one that we did do as a family, and it was because my mom did it. So, like, I don't even know. But, like, they would make the. My mom would make the cross in the cake.

[A]

What? I swear to God that I've never heard.

[B]

Yeah, I guess it's a Greek thing that my family decided they wanted to be religious about.

[A]

So she. So she'll have the cake, you sing Happy Birthday, and then she would take.

[B]

A giant butcher knife and lightly drag the tip of it in the sign of a cross across it.

[A]

That's interesting.

[B]

Yeah. That doesn't make sense.

[A]

You did first cut.

[B]

Of course. First cut goes to birthday boy or birthday girl or birthday.

[A]

Your birthday.

[B]

The birthday you.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But then. And then second goes to, like, whoever. Now it's just.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

But I remember when we would.

[A]

Do you ever see a kid try to blow out a birthday candle? Can't do it. My nephew.

[B]

Yeah, they're spitting all over the cake.

[A]

Figure it out.

[B]

Tell your nephew to fucking stop.

[A]

Yeah. Like, we're gonna eat this thing and you're spitting on it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

You know what cake my. My sister used to love? Remember the cake?

[A]

No. No. Okay, I'm excited.

[B]

Remember the cake? It was like a pie crust. It was custard, and then it was, like, the fruit on top, and there was, like, that layer of, like, jelly on top of it. Like clear jelly. Oh, yeah. Fruit custard cake.

[A]

Yeah, I remember.

[B]

We would like that. Hell yeah.

[A]

Dude, I don't know if I've ever even had that with, like, a real.

[B]

Good kiwi and strawberry on top. Hell, yeah.

[A]

That sounds like it needs whipped cream on it.

[B]

You could put some. But there's custard in there. There's enough cream. Oh, there's enough cream been forgotten. The bottom has been creamed, and then the top is fruit. The fruit.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Bottom, cream, fruit on top. Something's there. You guys do it. You can do what you want with it. You know, I'm not gonna joke in.

[A]

There that we're not going.

[B]

We're not gonna make it. Absolutely. Because why Gays come on in. Gay come on here.

[A]

Well, they have lasers too. Yeah, the laser tagging, man.

[B]

I can't believe it. I will say, though, that you do, like, often shit on, like, stuff like that. I like, like.

[A]

Oh, oh, are you. This is therapy.

[B]

Well, no, I will say, I don't know if you recently saw, but I made a fucking call and you made fun of me for it. But Hayley Welch, which we have learned her name also better known apparently now as the Hock two girl. Hock two?

[A]

Hock two. Spitting on a wiener.

[B]

Yeah. She's starting a podcast.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Logical step.

[A]

I don't think I made funny.

[B]

You made fun of me for that. You'd be about. I think you made fun of me because I said it would be about, like, her giving.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's a bad idea.

[B]

Her giving, like, sex advice. Why not?

[A]

I saw a video recently where someone was like, when was the last time you hawked to a. And I'm like, this is a weird question to ask, bro.

[B]

This is why. This is what is happening, I think.

[A]

Was the last time you sucked a cock.

[B]

Yeah. One of our friends, like, not long after the Hock 2 thing came out, sent a video of just like, oh, this is just like, what interviewers are like. People on the street, it was previously like, body count. And then it was just like, they got this girl to say the hock to became viral. She's making money. Good for her. Now it's just like, well, what are you gonna do to make a guy go crazy? And it's just like, oh, you know, and now people are just trying to do that to just.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

As you've said in conversations we've had, like, people aren't trying to be original. They're just trying to remake the thing that they've heard. That has worked.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's just like, what the hell?

[A]

Yeah. Like, I mean, it's kind of crazy to be asking someone, like, do you like, back shots? Like, I don't even. You're a stranger, my g. Well, do you remember?

[B]

I think I told the story here, but the guy that tried to interview me on the street in la.

[A]

Yeah, I missed that. What didn't he ask you about, like, the stock market? Am I making that up?

[B]

Yeah. So at first he goes, we come out of one of the store, we were like, walking around Rodeo Drive, and we come out of the store, and he goes, yo, I hear. Because he was talking with one of our buddies, and he's like, I hear you have a podcast. He's like, yeah. He goes, I do, too. This is what it's called. Do you want to do a quick Short street interview with me? And I was like, okay. And he was like, this is what my show's about. And I was like, listen, I don't know any of that stuff. And he's like, don't worry. They're good questions. He goes, what do you think is a better investment in 20 years? Crypto or gold? And I was like, I don't fucking know. It's like, I don't know, dude. I'm sorry. He's like, all right, don't worry. Next question is layup. Layup. Like, okay, I'm expecting, like, a good question I could answer. He goes, why do you think women don't respect men anymore? And I was like. I was like, I'm fucking out, dude. I'm not doing this shit. I was like, I'm out. Bye. I'm sorry. And he was like, oh, it's all good. It's okay. Like, what are we? Like, everyone just tries to be viral.

[A]

I think women don't respect men. Like, I don't know. I think they. I'm not being disrespected too much.

[B]

I'll tell you this offline, but one of our. One of the people that were with us started crying. I'll tell you. I'll tell you offline. But, yeah, crying.

[A]

What?

[B]

I will talk about tears of sadness or joy. Joy. We'll talk about it offline.

[A]

Of laughter.

[B]

No, we'll talk about it offline.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And it was just like. Like, yeah, these people are going up to women, and they're just like, all right, so first thing, guy pulls dick out. What do you do next?

[A]

It's like, stop blowjobs or hand jobs.

[B]

Go.

[A]

It's like, I'm trying to get to my Uber alone.

[B]

Good for her. Haley, she's been. She's been, you know, making some content on her own.

[A]

I mean, I'm sure she's going to, you know, have a lot of guests, like celebrities on her podcast. She seems like a fun little Southern girl, honestly.

[B]

Yeah. You know, but of course, I'm sure, you know, there's the dark side of the Internet of people that are hitting her up like, come on, I'll give you something to huck to on.

[A]

Well, 100%. I mean, like I said, I've seen people interview her and be like, so how often do you hawk too? And it's like, you're a grown man. This is a girl. Stop.

[B]

There is something funny about, like, the nature of like, the way social media works now where, like, people have to like, talk about shit like that that goes viral in like a serious manner.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

Let's break it down. We're here with Hock2 Haley Welch.

[A]

You imagine her like small town, like newspaper or something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She's on like the paper and just Hawk two straight to Hollywood. Hollywood two up to her way to the top. That's not good.

[B]

That's not probably. That's definitely bad.

[A]

Especially some people have probably.

[B]

Well, they don't.

[A]

Not saying she did well.

[B]

You want to join this hole that we've been digging?

[A]

I feel like I'm 10ft deep at the moment. Yeah, I think I'm. We do have ads for today.

[B]

Double shovel burial today.

[A]

Double shovel barrel, double chunk, chocolate cookie. This is a chicken bake. Yo. I will say this. That family wild amount of octaves the difference. He's so down and he's so.

[B]

His son hasn't gone through puberty yet. Probably.

[A]

Yeah, but it sounds like you're squeezing.

[B]

He's gonna be on one of the. He's gonna be in Costco. He's be like, all right, we're gonna eat the chicken bake. Like, he's gonna get right down. Double chocolate.

[A]

And he's like, get the chicken.

[B]

I got you. Gotta be careful. That guy will fucking squeeze our fucking eyes out of our socket. He's a big dude.

[A]

No way he can scratch his back.

[B]

Double Chuck, big guy. Double chunk, chocolate cookie. We gotta stop.

[A]

Anyway, we do have ads for today.

[B]

Yo, Costco guys. What's up?

[A]

Yo, come be. I would love a chicken bake, though. It looks good.

[B]

I'd go do a video with them.

[A]

Who? Chocolate. Chocolate.

[B]

Chocolate chunks. Chocolate.

[A]

You want to do a video? Chocolate chunk?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, I mean, I.

[B]

They could be the Costco guys. We could be the BJ boys. Definitely should not.

[A]

We are not going to be the BJ boys.

[B]

I didn't even think about that.

[A]

We're not gonna beat the BJ boys. You. You've seen the Costco guys. Now get ready for the BJ boys. That would be great.

[B]

This is a 10, a 50 inch plasma screen TV.

[A]

Damn. I don't remember the last time I went to a BJ's.

[B]

Oh, dude, BJ's and Costco are like, dude, you would love them. I Just, I mean, at Costco, bitch, I.

[A]

Hold on. Save that. We do have some sponsors for today before we get into all that, the first one being Rocket Money. Rocket Money is an all in one personal finance app that is going to help you put money back in your pocket. How? I'll tell you how. Finding and canceling unwanted subscriptions, okay? You signed up for something back in the day, you have a, you know, a free trial or whatever that runs out and you kind of forget about it because you did it while you were a little intoxicated and now you've been paying for it for the last eight months. They're gonna help you find and cancel those things, okay? On average, people are saving $740 a year, okay? They have over $500 million in cancel subscriptions, okay? And that's like I said, saving people on average $740 a year when using all of the apps features. And there's other features. It's not just finding and canceling unwanted subscriptions. They also have a budgeting tool. Tell people to be more financially responsible with their spending and a feature that helps you lower your bills. Okay? So if you take a picture of your bill, you upload it, they could tell you, you know, if you can lower some stuff on your bills. But yeah, so it's amazing. If you use all the apps features, you could be saving all this money. So stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to Rocket Money.com basement. Okay? That is Rocket Money.com. on average, people are saving $740 a year. Wouldn't you rather have that money in your pocket? I know I would. So go to Rocketmoney.com basement right now and put that money back in your pocket where it's supposed to be. Okay? And we also have fitbot. Fitbot is great because it creates a personalized workout routine based on your goals, fitness level, and available equipment. Okay? And those are some of the things that people don't even consider when they're starting their fitness journey. Is like, okay, do I even have access to a gym? And if I do have access to a gym, do I know, like, the proper way to do these exercises? Am I following a good workout routine? You know, stuff like that. So people's experience level varies drastically. And fitbot does a good job of creating a plan for people no matter what their availability to a gym or equipment or their experience level is because they have over a thousand HD demonstration videos so they can teach you all these movements. So if you have no idea what's going on when it comes to fitness. You can learn a lot from this app as well. Like I said, they're creating a personalized workout routine for your goals. So if you want to put on mass or if you want to lean out or just lose weight or whatever the case is, they will make a routine based on that and available equipment. That's a big one. A lot of people don't have, you know, access to a gym, so you can just do it in the comfort of your own home. If you want to do body weight stuff or if you have a set of dumbbells or something like that, they will cater it to that. So each workout is building off of the last one, so it's the optimal way to get results. And it's more affordable than a personal trainer. Okay, so you can get 25% off your subscription on top of it already being more affordable than a personal trainer. Get 25% off your subscription or try the app for free for seven days at Fitbod Me Basement. Okay, that is Fitbod Me Basement. So go to Fitbot Me Basement. Get 25% off your subscription right now.

[B]

And if you want more us, more of us, you can go to patreon.com the Basement Yard every single week I come here, I tell you guys about Patreon every single week. Not a bit. You guys blow us away with your contributions, your support, and we thank you guys so much. We are growing consistently and it's honestly mind blowing. So thank you guys so much. We understand that not everyone's able to because of financial, you know, restrictions and whatever, but we appreciate the support nonetheless. Go to patreon.com thebasemonyard if you want to re up your subscription, redo a subscription that you previously let go of, or just get one for the first time and you get that first tier. Well, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance and then that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. Where I said it earlier, I was like, oh boy, this isn't Patreon. I forgot because those episodes get a little fucking crazy and a little nuts. So go check it out. Patreon.com thebasemanyard and folks, by the time this is coming out, we have our Texas shows and then we have Radio City. And if you're coming to any of those shows, I don't think it's too late. It might still be able to make it happen. Go to thebasementyard.com submit submit the response to those questions. Tell stories we Want to make this fun. We want to end these shows on a bang. We're so excited and we hope you guys are excited too. So go check it out. Thebasementyard.com Submit Joey, as I was going to say before, I recently bought something from Costco and this is why I didn't go into Costco. But we use Instacart. And thank God I didn't go into Costco because I could be a little bit of an impulse buyer sometimes. Within reason, you know. Boy, did I get some fucking Halloween decorations that are below your back out.

[A]

Are they. Are they like, blow up?

[B]

No, they're for in the house.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

One is a Mickey Mouse haunted house. And it's like Goofy's like, in a pumpkin as a mummy. Mickey Mouse is like, yo, I'm doing my thing, and it plays music and lights and shit. The other one is a Mickey Mouse rocket, a pirate ship. A Halloween theme.

[A]

Okay, but what about.

[B]

You mean. Okay, be excited, bitch. You love Halloween.

[A]

What about that? I hate Halloween.

[B]

Well, you hate the, like, process of dressing up. You do like the candy.

[A]

I like candy.

[B]

You do like, you know, spooky stuff.

[A]

Do I?

[B]

Are you gonna commit to more spooky stuff this year for Halloween, Bro, I tried last year.

[A]

I said put a fucking list together. You didn't.

[B]

You want me to put. I will put together.

[A]

I. But don't put some fucking.

[B]

I'm not gonna put like. Yeah, like 1970s French New Wave, you know, like, they should all FICO pathway. No, I'm gonna put together, like, classic scary movies that will be a range of just like, you know, like, fucked up. I got you, baby.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

I got you. I am excited. The fucking. Do you like, like, demonic Halloween stuff? Like, spooky stuff.

[A]

I hate that. Really? Like the Exorcist, like, scared the fuck out of me when I was young. Yeah.

[B]

Do you remember the first time we watched it? Or at least I for. I remember the first time I watched it together, yes.

[A]

Where?

[B]

In Joanna's basement.

[A]

Joanna's basement?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't remember what that even looks like.

[B]

It looked like a basement. There's nothing about it that's gonna blow you away.

[A]

You know, I remember being at her house one time and we were having a pillow fight and I hit her fucking little brother. Who looks like the Frizzler then or now? Then.

[B]

Well, yeah, 20 years older now. Yeah.

[A]

But I hit him in the head with a. With a pillow and he fell off the couch and he hit his head on the ground very hard.

[B]

He's all right.

[A]

Yeah. Well, yeah, but I thought I killed him.

[B]

Yeah, it'd be a little scary. It was scary.

[A]

That's the only thing I remember from being from. That was a scary moment.

[B]

I was. But the fucking Exorcist was way scarier also. We were like, in this, like, weird microcosm of time where, like, everything was, like, geared to be a jump scare with the Exorcist's face.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Where it's like, oh, this is car driving. And see, actually it's like, ah, yeah, yeah, that shit.

[B]

That one was bad. The. The maze game was bad.

[A]

Scared the fuck?

[B]

Amazed. The maze game fucked me up.

[A]

Where it's like, oh, stare at this dot. And then something would, like, now, I don't know.

[B]

It was like a legit game. So, like, the first level you're like, oh, okay. Second level you're like, oh, that's a little tough. Third one, it was like, there's no way. And I think it was probably timed so it just fucking gotcha. Gotcha big.

[A]

I don't like being jump scared.

[B]

So then you. So then you're not gonna watch any of these horror movies?

[A]

I'll watch them. I'll watch them. I'm serious. Just probably not at night.

[B]

Watch them in the morning.

[A]

I don't like watching because, like, I very much take. Right. What? Whatever I have before sleep into my dreams.

[B]

Oh, really? Yeah, you're.

[A]

You.

[B]

I. I don't do that.

[A]

The only thing that's random sometimes, but I definitely can take.

[B]

Here's the thing. The only thing that fucks me up now is true crime stuff. Now I'm good with, like, movies where it's like Freddy's fucking popping out the wall and shoving his knife fingers in your.

[A]

Oh, I don't give a fuck about that.

[B]

That I don't care. But like, when it's just like, oh, this was fucking, you know, Richard Ramirez, he was a real person and he was your next door neighbor. That shit freaks me out.

[A]

I don't know why that doesn't freak me out. I mean, it's scary for sure.

[B]

Way scarier.

[A]

But like. Yeah, but like, I just don't like being jump scare. Like, I don't like that. Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's the only thing. If I. If I could watch a scary movie, but there's no jump scares, like, I'll be totally fine.

[B]

I mean, okay.

[A]

I guess music does a lot too.

[B]

Yeah. Whenever you ever see, I'm like, chill. No tip. Did you ever see Insidious? The first Insidious?

[A]

Yes. I Hate that fucking song.

[B]

That shit gets me every time. The first time I watched that movie I was in my college dorm room and I watched it at night by myself with headphones on. And I like forced myself to get through it to like prove that I had. I was a fucking man.

[A]

You're a weird fuck. You're a weird motherfucker, dude.

[B]

No, I must.

[A]

To prove how manly I am.

[B]

I know that's how fucked up the world is. That's what they convinced me.

[A]

Being a man in a dark room with headphones on. I'm not doing that.

[B]

I'm. I will give you absolutely nothing but praise, which I know is currency to you. If you watch a movie of my choice with headphones on in a dark.

[A]

Room, if there's no jump scares, I would do it.

[B]

There's. You're not going to watch fucking Bluey Joey. Like you're going to watch something that is going to have a little bit of jumpies. Come on.

[A]

What movie would you pick either?

[B]

The Strangers.

[A]

I've seen that.

[B]

That's the scariest movie I've ever seen in my entire life.

[A]

That's the one where they're in the house and they have the bags over the bags over the guys bag already.

[B]

And they're like, why are you doing. He's like, because you're home. It's Whoa, fucked up, dude.

[A]

Yeah. Or.

[B]

The 2013 remake of the Evil Dead.

[A]

I've never seen that.

[B]

Evil Dead is my favorite horror franchise. Like it's so consistent.

[A]

The Strangers is the scariest movie you've seen.

[B]

Like that has that one resonated with me more than any other scary movie.

[A]

I thought about that when I was staying in a house upstate. Cuz I was like, I'm a sit and duck.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't like.

[B]

Yes. And the reason it fucked me up is because of the lake house. Because it was a cabin and there's fucking right next to our house there's a bunch of woods and shit. So like, what if you're looking into the dark and you just see a face? No, yeah, I'm talking about ew. Ew. Right? Joey doesn't get scared. He gets kicked out. Something scary happens. He's like, ew.

[A]

Yo. I really am like that though. Like, I don't get scared.

[B]

I'm like, ah, that makes sense.

[A]

Like, oh God. Like, oh, you know what? That would be scary. Because like jump scares are scary. But that's also like if you're staring out into the woods and all of a sudden you just. You just See, like. Like, someone like, real quick, like, that would fucking bro.

[B]

Well, there's that shot in the Strangers that always freaked me out of, like, she's like. Liv Tyler's, like, looking around her living room, and then in the back, out of the dark, just, like a white face. The guy just, like, walks into.

[A]

Yeah, bro, chill.

[B]

And they just fuck with her. He, like, touches a note on the piano and he's like, runs away. I always. What helps me in those movies that makes me laugh is, like, anytime you've ever played hide and seek, you have.

[A]

To piss, right all the time.

[B]

Okay. It's not just me all the time, but, like, the minute I hide, I'm so giddy. And I got a pee pee all the time.

[A]

I'm hiding. Yo. God forbid someone's in the same room now. Like, if they're, like, looking for me and I could see, like, their feet. My bladder is fucking failed.

[B]

I gotta pee so bad. Pee pee.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I always think of, like, in those movies where it's like, when the people are, like, hiding. Like, I imagine, like, whoever, like, the bad guy is that's hiding, he's, like, in the closet, like, having a pee. Like, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, stuff like that.

[A]

Pee, pee, pee, pee. That's what makes it funny for you. Like, they must be trying to. Also, you're wearing a sack.

[B]

They must be trying to pinch their dick right now. Like, the ultimate. Like, that's how, you know you got to do pee pees.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, you pinch your penis. I don't do that.

[B]

Take it easy. Only when I have to pee.

[A]

That's what I mean.

[B]

Yeah, but that's like a normal. Like, kids do that all the time.

[A]

You're an adult. That's why. That's why it's different.

[B]

Okay. Speaking of kids, I don't know if you saw, we. We willed another thing into the universe, which is absolutely insane. But what did we previously will Miley Cyrus performing at.

[A]

That's right, we did.

[B]

And, like, there's been other shit that people be like, you guys just fucking spoke about this.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Capri sun has announced that they're bottling their drinks now.

[A]

Bullshit, by the way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hell yeah. Fuck that.

[B]

I will say, there is something so fucking good about crushing a Capri sun pouch in your hand.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

And just, like, fucking, like.

[A]

Yeah. And also, like, aren't they see through? Am I bugging?

[B]

See, Kool Aid jammers were the ones that were see through. Capri sun are silver all around.

[A]

Oh, that's right there.

[B]

Remember that commercial, like, person drinking a Capri sun, and they're like, skateboarding, and they turn to, like, a metal stuff, like, ball, and they're like, yes, yes, yes.

[A]

I like doing that. You know, when I was younger, I was like, I want to see what color this is.

[B]

Clear.

[A]

So I know. So I used to squeeze it, like, but then I would pretend it was, like, a doctor about to give a shot. You know? They're like, oh.

[B]

Like, it'd be like, oh, is that a real thing that doctors do? They just let a little out. That's got to be. Probably not a real thing, right?

[A]

I thought it was real because there can't be any air in there. So they're, like, letting out air.

[B]

Yeah, but they can let out until it's not air anymore.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

But that's why.

[A]

Okay, not Dr.

[B]

Deaf.

[A]

Not doctor. I don't think we're going to come to a conclusion here.

[B]

No. I will say, though, I do the flick in anything because a lot of, like, children's medicine comes in that, like, syringe, so.

[A]

Children's medicine is some of the most delicious stuff in the world.

[B]

It's. It's not medicine. It's candy. Yeah, it is. It is when you're weird to say, I recently got a fucking medicine, like a mouthwash, and it numbed my whole mouth. It was weird, dude. I was, like, scratching up my gums and stuff, which probably shouldn't have done in hindsight.

[A]

What are you talking about? Are you, like, allergic to it or. That was.

[B]

No, there was something in it that made it. So it numbs your mouth.

[A]

Oh, did you have, like, a toothache or something?

[B]

Something like that, yeah. Like, someone might come and it, like, numbed everything. I was just like, oh, my God.

[A]

I've done, like, before my root canal. This was like, six years ago or something. I. My tooth was killing me, and I bought ORA gel. And like, that's like. It's numbing cream.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Novocaine, I think, is what it's called.

[A]

Well, no, it's like, you. You could buy it at the store.

[B]

I know, but I'm saying it's like it has, like, the thing and.

[A]

Yeah. Yo, Novocaine is crazy.

[B]

I remember, like, when I.

[A]

My eye is shit now. Like, my eye doesn't even close. Like, I'm all fucked.

[B]

Yeah. There was a time where I had to get, like, my teeth worked on years ago, and they numbed. Like, normally they numb these parts, the sides, so it kind of like Fucks you up over here. But they numb the front, which the guy said. He's like, this is way stronger because it's the front and it lasts way longer. So, like, the front of my mouth, like, I couldn't, like, talk.

[A]

You're talking about the sides of your mouth.

[B]

But I was like, you know, and I had, like, a list because I couldn't, like. It was fun.

[A]

That's the best part about having Novocaine, though.

[B]

Lisps.

[A]

Yeah. Like, afterwards, you're like, half my face doesn't work. I guess I thought it was funny when I was younger.

[B]

I don't think it's that funny. Are you drinking? Bottled up. Capri Sun. Alcoholic. Capri sun is next. We know that, right?

[A]

Yeah. Capri Sun Hard. Hard sun or Capri Metal?

[B]

No, I don't think so. I was gonna say metal isn't harder.

[A]

All the names that we came up with right now are really bad. Maybe they won't because it's harder to come up with a name.

[B]

Well, what's. What's more like rock and roll than. Because Capri is a place. Right?

[A]

Is that why they call it?

[B]

I think that's why it's called the Capri Sun. It's like a tropical juice.

[A]

Isn't Capri in Italy? It's like off Italy, but it's like an Italian juice.

[B]

I guess so. Yeah.

[A]

I don't even. I just occurred.

[B]

Never heard the song the Isles of Capri from Frank Sinatra.

[A]

Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?

[B]

I don't know. I just want to bring up that I know songs I know.

[A]

Yo, I never even put two and two together. That it's like. Oh, it's like a tropical drink because of that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, makes sense.

[B]

Now. It's an. I gotta admit, though, a lot more slammable in a bottle than in a pouch.

[A]

It is more slam worthy for sure, because you can't slam a pouch.

[B]

I don't understand this move, though. Like, right now, everyone is, like, not reinventing, but at least releasing nostalgic, like, packaging and, like, products from the 90s and the early 2000s and shit like that. Like, why are you gonna modernize it? Like, just keep your. Like, no one's complaining about Capri sun being in a pouch.

[A]

I mean, I'm definitely complaining. I've broken that straw so many times, but I actually like breaking the straw.

[B]

That straw is a weapon. It's not a straw.

[A]

It's very sharp.

[B]

First of all, the fact that they're asking us to literally stab a bag yeah. Like how many times do you go straight through the bag?

[A]

Countless. Or I break it and then what I end up doing is just popping the thing and then I just. I just suck it out of the bag.

[B]

How? Show me how you suck it out of the bag.

[A]

I lay it. Lay it on my face.

[B]

No, that's not what you do. You put it in one hand and then you squeeze it.

[A]

That's not what I do at all.

[B]

You lay it in your face like it's a fucking.

[A]

Like it's like. It's like long ways like that.

[B]

I know what it looks like. I. I know what the fuck a Capri sun pouch looks like.

[A]

I would lay it and then I would just suck the whole.

[B]

So the Capri sun will sit on your face and just squirt all in your mouth.

[A]

Is it? No.

[B]

That's what you're saying?

[A]

I never said that. But I do. I used to think of it as like octopus.

[B]

What? What? Like an octopus.

[A]

You never see like octo.

[B]

Octopus, like genitalia.

[A]

What?

[B]

That's what you're.

[A]

Like an octopus's mouth. You know, an octopus.

[B]

I know. So either. You know how like either you're. Let's be very clear.

[A]

Oh, not an octopus, bro. I'm an idiot. Catfish. Like a catfish. You ever see a catfish on the side of the tank and it sucks like that on the tank?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So that's what I'm doing to this Capri sun you could have thought of. Not an octopus.

[B]

Why say that? Anything. First of all, yeah, you were fucking full on eating out an octopus in this made up story that you had just.

[A]

No, I was sucking the Capri sun like a. Like a. Like I was a catfish sucking a tank.

[B]

So you'd like cup your mouth around the hole and then just like squeeze. Suck the life out of it. Yeah, I would say there was something. Hold on. There was something. Capri sun. By the way, we're doing free marketing for you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like you gotta send us a.

[A]

Don't be an.

[B]

Don't be a Capri. There was something kind of sick about sucking this Capri sun that like, it would then like shrivel up and you could see like the outline of the straw. Like he sucked all.

[A]

Yeah, it's like I created a vein.

[B]

Nothing is here anymore because of me.

[A]

You sucked it dry.

[B]

I sucked that shit.

[A]

Damn, dude.

[B]

You know what I'm talking about.

[A]

This got gay quick.

[B]

Well, I didn't make it gay.

[A]

Well, I made it a Capri sun made it gay. I made it Aquatic. That's what I was thinking about.

[B]

You made it where bestiality was. No, I was.

[A]

First of all, I was the catfish, The Capri sun was the tank.

[B]

Nice try.

[A]

I'm serious.

[B]

Nice try. Were you laying this thing down and fucking getting on top of it? Exactly.

[A]

No.

[B]

God. I'm about to go buy some Capri sun now.

[A]

Okay, we do have some more sponsors for today. Oh, God. What the fuck is this? This isn't right. Oh, Lord have mercy.

[B]

Josh, you're gonna have to edit this. We're good.

[A]

All right, keep talking.

[B]

All right, I'll talk about what? What do you want me to talk about? Give me, give me. Just give me three words in a row and I'll talk about it.

[A]

Door. Horse. Hand. Horse and hand. That's how they measure that.

[B]

Why? Do they? Yeah. What the hell? How stupid were these?

[A]

Is it really hands or is it like a unit?

[B]

Hand is a unit of measurement. But, like, who in their right fucking mind was just like, how tall is this horse? They were just like eight hands. What the fuck is that? I got to look up the measurement unit for a hand because this is not.

[A]

Oh, like, how many inches that is. How big is a hand?

[B]

Yeah, a hand is a non standard unit of measurement. Length standardized to 4 inches. Because they're measuring 4 inches. They're measuring it like this. And there's. That can't be right, dude.

[A]

The fuck Four inch hand.

[B]

Who the fuck? What dumb idiots. Let's see.

[A]

Maybe jockey.

[B]

English speaking countries, including Australia, Canada, Ireland, United Kingdom. You're all stupid hands. I literally, like, haven't measured anything with hands because my hands are giant, massive, big old fucking meaty bones where we've already established because of the pinky ring. Joe's got baby fingers.

[A]

That's not true.

[B]

Try this on your fucking pinky, right?

[A]

I'm not doing it.

[B]

Do it again, bitch. Why not?

[A]

Because I.

[B]

Because what?

[A]

Because you hurt my feelings.

[B]

Joey was able to, like, look, and, like, he could see under the ring. That's how fucking it was.

[A]

Pretty significant. Okay, we do have some sponsors.

[B]

Found it.

[A]

Okay, we have Liquid iv. Okay? Liquid iv. It's gonna keep you hydrated. How? I'm gonna explain. Okay. They come in little packets. There's a powder in them. You rip it open, you throw it in a nice cool 12 to 16 ounce glass of water. You mix it up and right there you have a bunch. You have eight vitamins and nutrients, non gmo, free from gluten, dairy and soy. No artificial colors or sweeteners, okay? They all Taste amazing. By the way, the number one powdered hydration brand in America. Three times the amount of electrolytes of the leading sports drink. So everything you need right there. I'm training for a marathon right now. So every single time I get back after sweating like that, I'm like, I need to replen my body. So I'll throw a liquid IV in there and then just drink a bunch of water after that. So I know that I'm getting, you know, the electrolytes, I'm getting the vitamins and nutrients and then just hydrating. On top of that, they have four delicious sugar free flavors. White Peach, Green Grape, Raspberry melon and Lemon Lime. Lemon Lime fire. Raspberry melon, by the way. Haven't had that one yet, but geez, I'm excited. But yeah, they're great. So turn your ordinary water into extraordinary hydration with Liquid IV. Get 20% off of your first order of Liquid IV when you go to Liquid IV.com and use the code basement at checkout. Okay? That is liquid IV.com and use the code basement checkout and you will get that 20% off, folks. All right, and lastly here we have Squarespace. Squarespace is where you're gonna, is the platform you're gonna use to create your website. Okay. If you have a, if you have a business or if you sell things like E commerce or you have content that you want to showcase something, a website is very important. Sometimes it's your first impression, so you want a professional looking website. If people go to your website, if you're selling something and it looks a little janky, people are like, I don't really trust it and they kind of are turned away. So it's very important to have a good website. Squarespace makes it very easy to have a great looking website because they have templates that you can choose from a bunch of them to fit your style and you just have to swap some photos out, change the text and make it your own. And you will have a lovely looking professional website in an afternoon, depending on how dedicated you are to make putting it up. I've done it in a day. I know that I've used other platforms before and it's taken months. So it's definitely the best one. I definitely recommend it. Everyone I know uses Squarespace. We use it for our websites as well. But yeah, you can head to squarespace.com basement to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain when you use the code basement. Okay? That is squarespace.com. basement. And you will save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain using that code. Basement. All right, so go get working on your websites. And I wanted to talk about the thing that you said before we started. Something about us.

[B]

Yep. Yeah. So reportedly there was a pelvic floor expert that said.

[A]

How do you become that, by the way?

[B]

Fuck around with pelvic floors and shit like that?

[A]

Probably schooling and science. Actually. That's probably how.

[B]

Probably years of dedication and study. That's probably how you do it. But. But she came out and she said that apparently when you go and flumped. Apparently.

[A]

What was that?

[B]

Flumped?

[A]

What's that? Poot.

[B]

Yep, got it. You're only supposed to wipe two times.

[A]

But what if diary.

[B]

I don't know. That's crazy. Like, I don't like talking about scarch. You know that. I don't. It's. It's gross to me, but, like, to what? To whom? Who? Olympic wipers.

[A]

Yeah. What is.

[B]

Who the hell is wiping twice? And then they're good.

[A]

An aunt. Not like your aunt. Uncle.

[B]

Welcome back. Welcome back. The Scottish son clearly beat the fucking dog shit out of you.

[A]

Too much violence in your tone. Yeah. No. 2 is like.

[B]

I mean, of course there are times where it's just like, oh, my God.

[A]

What's my pelvic floor?

[B]

The floor of your pelvis.

[A]

Where's that? My pelvis?

[B]

Underneath your pelvis.

[A]

My hip.

[B]

Like your gun.

[A]

My gunch?

[B]

Yeah, your skin.

[A]

That's my pelvic floor. So what happens if I wipe too much? It's gonna fall.

[B]

No, apparently it's something called, like. I forgot what it's called. It's like fecal smearing or some shit like that. It's like. Yeah, it's like, really, like, disgusting smearing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're like, getting bacteria all over the place. Which we've established is not good, bacteria bad.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

But she suggests that instead of wiping twice or more than twice, be honest. How many gump have you done that you've only had to wipe twice or less. Give me a percentage out of 100.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

A percent out of 100. Thump.

[A]

I didn't even know how you're making those noises. 25.

[B]

One of every four of your flown takes.

[A]

Maybe two.

[B]

Are you kidding me?

[A]

That's a lie. That's a lie. It's lie. It's probably like 18.

[B]

18 of every hundred of your.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Gar.

[A]

Yeah. How are you doing that?

[B]

That's a lot, dude.

[A]

Is it?

[B]

That's a lot.

[A]

Well, some. You get lucky and you're like, oh, that was luck.

[B]

Yeah, luck.

[A]

Yeah, you just eat a lot of fiber.

[B]

Is that what that does?

[A]

I mean, I. That's what I try.

[B]

What the is fiber, dude?

[A]

It's, it's. Hmm. There's two types of fiber.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Soluble.

[B]

Okay. Which can dissolve in water.

[A]

Right. And insoluble, which doesn't dissolve in water also correct.

[B]

See, listen, that school is paying for.

[A]

It, but basically they like clear out your intestines and apparently Americans don't get enough fiber, so that's not a surprise.

[B]

I mean, we got dumbasses anyways because all of our shit is filled with fucking sugar and syrup.

[A]

Well, people just don't go out of the way to get fiber.

[B]

What?

[A]

Self hype.

[B]

What happened to me? What happened? I think this is insane. Only wiping twice like that is a fucking craziness that like, you wouldn't take those odds.

[A]

No, if I was having a streak of like, crap, no pun intended, but if like I didn't have to wipe for like a month, I'd be like, well, something's clearly wrong. Yeah, you need to wipe.

[B]

Something would be wrong. You need. Joey needs a little, you know, like you need to make sure that they're, you know, you got to make sure it's there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But then she said instead you should try something called waterfalling.

[A]

Waterfalling?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Go ahead. I have no idea what it is.

[B]

It's the process of clenching your sphincter.

[A]

So we're German now.

[B]

Yes, but you have to do it in like percentile power increments.

[A]

So like 10%.

[B]

Yeah. So a 10% squeeze. Squeeze and then like a 25 and then like a 50 and then like a 75 and then a hundred squeeze.

[A]

Doing 100 squeeze in my butt.

[B]

You hundred squeeze your butt. You're doing it right now. You're not doing any squeeze right now. It's just puckered naturally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is the fucking worst conversation we've ever had.

[A]

I can't remember the last time I squeezed my butt as hard as I.

[B]

Could when you jump, you sometimes. Anytime I play mlb the show and I swing, I clench my ass.

[A]

Or maybe like squatting, you come up and you squeeze your butt.

[B]

Oh yeah. Cuz you do like the whole like you squeeze it out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Good. Get a good pump in.

[A]

Or like a kettlebell swing, you get like a butt squeeze.

[B]

Not everything's about working out, Joey. All right? I don't think I didn't hear you in the fucking ad read before, by the way. Like, I'm training To run a marathon. I'm only making fun of you because I physically don't have the ability to do it. And I'm proud of you. You clutch your butt all the time. There's things that happen you don't even realize.

[A]

Your first thing is, like, when I sneeze or cough.

[B]

No, cough is more in the balls.

[A]

The balls go up?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why is my balls connected to my diaphragm?

[B]

Maybe going up? I don't.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

You could feel it in your balls.

[A]

Dude, I'm trying. I can't.

[B]

Crazy that people go to, like, eight years of medical school to just tell someone to cough. I know. There's other stuff that goes.

[A]

You ever have them do the reflex thing on your knee? Mm, I like that.

[B]

Actually.

[A]

I hate it.

[B]

When I had.

[A]

You're biting your fingers and spitting on the ground in here.

[B]

Yeah, whatever. It's all right.

[A]

Not whatever, it's all right. It's not all right. And definitely not whatever. It is. Something disgusting. Stop spitting. Thank you.

[B]

I'll spit everywhere I want, bitch.

[A]

Cool. Fucking whore.

[B]

When I was in physical therapy, when I got my knee surgery, they were.

[A]

Hitting you with the hammer?

[B]

They were hitting me with the hammer, and they were putting the things on me that would make my leg. Like the electric impulses. Oh, hell yeah. I like those, dude. They used to give me massages on my knees that, like, I think about to this day.

[A]

Wait, they would. The doctors would massage your knee?

[B]

The physical therapists? Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I'd go and they would fucking spray a bunch of lotion. They massage the shit out of my knee.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And then they'd fucking put the things on, and it'd be like.

[A]

Did you get a little boner?

[B]

No. The hell is wrong with you? What is wrong with.

[A]

When I was going to the. The chiropractor, you got a boner? No, I didn't get a boner.

[B]

Cracked your back and then almost snacked on your pack?

[A]

What? No. But I used to go to the chiropractor when I tore my meniscus, and he. Every single time that I would go, at the beginning, he had me lay down, and then he would align my spine, and it was like this. It was like sort of a massage. And then at the top of. At the top of my neck, he would do this thing to my spine, and then he would do some other stuff, and then he would do that. Bro, it was the best.

[B]

Yeah. I'm not even kidding. Some of my favorite memories on these, on the tour have been me Sitting in a chair in a med. Just fucking getting up behind me and just rubbing my back.

[A]

You can see how that sounds.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I know what you mean.

[B]

I know you. I don't care what they think. I know what I mean. You know what I mean? Ahmed knows what I mean. We're having a good time.

[A]

That's making it worse, honestly. I know what I mean. They know what I mean. And it's a secret between the three of us.

[B]

No, he's. But he rubs. He's good with his.

[A]

He rubs.

[B]

Massaging, right? And he's very good at it, you.

[A]

Know, he's got strong fingers.

[B]

I can't ask him, though, because if I ask him, then I become a, you know, a diva.

[A]

Ahmed, please rub my back again.

[B]

Yeah. Here we are. Hock to a. Hock to a.

[A]

So, are you gonna do your pelvic floor exercises?

[B]

No. You do Kegels, though, right?

[A]

No.

[B]

Just to restrengthen your butt.

[A]

I don't know how to.

[B]

That last trip to the box.

[A]

I don't. Isn't Kegel. I thought Kegels was puss.

[B]

I think boys can do Kegels.

[A]

Like, make my pee hole stronger.

[B]

But. Joey. But. But, yeah.

[A]

I thought Kegels were, like, fucking you.

[B]

In your dick hole.

[A]

No. Fucking. No one's fucking me in either one, Frank. I don't have to give you any.

[B]

No one.

[A]

Yeah, but I didn't ever even, like, consider that it might be scary that one day you get to an age where your butt's just like, I'm good.

[B]

Your dad said that to you on your 30th birthday. Remember? He's like, hey, guy, Fire. Worry about doing that.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

That's exactly how he sounds, too.

[A]

No, but, yeah, I am. I am kind of, like, worried about that now. The pelvic floor exercises.

[B]

Go home and start shoving fucking Kegel balls in your butt.

[A]

Were you listening? All you have to do is squeeze your butt.

[B]

Do it.

[A]

Oh. Kegels are actual things.

[B]

You thought it was just the name of an exercise, like a curl? Yep, I think. I think it is the name of an exercise. But did you see that?

[A]

Did you guys just see that in real time?

[B]

Listen to what I'm going to say. I think the exercise has been named Kegels because the item itself is named Kegels.

[A]

Kegel exercises.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, it's like calling, like, you know, like, dumbbell curls instead of just curls. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

But you said it's like a Physical thing that you shove in your head.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So Kegel weights. You should have seen the way that I just spelled that.

[B]

It's double E's. Oh, these look like butt plugs.

[A]

No, they look.

[B]

Let me see. Oh, yeah. I mean, they could be butt plugs.

[A]

Yeah. They look like mouse.

[B]

Little mice.

[A]

Mice.

[B]

Little mice.

[A]

Or like, I meant a mouse.

[B]

Oh, like a. Like a computer.

[A]

Computer mouse. Not a mice.

[B]

Remember those?

[A]

Not a rodent mice.

[B]

Remember, like, when you used to have.

[A]

I missed them. I miss mice, dude.

[B]

I miss mice so much.

[A]

I miss the mice.

[B]

I. We have. We were so figured, like, we were so keyed in on how to innovate that we didn't even think of, like, if we should. No one was wrong with a mouse.

[A]

Yeah, I liked having a. Apple has.

[B]

The one that's like, smart mouse. And it's like, yeah, buttons. And there's no.

[A]

The pad is whack, bro. You remember when those computers had a clit and you were just like, oh, I love those.

[B]

I love those. Because you'd be like, oh, I didn't finger it. I didn't finger.

[A]

It was red.

[B]

It was red and it was spiky.

[A]

And it was spiky. Yeah. Why? But I hated that. It was too slow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like having a fucking mouse.

[B]

The first laptop I ever had had one of those. And I would.

[A]

Had a clit.

[B]

Yeah, I would. Like, it was actually pretty responsive. Like, it was. It was.

[A]

When would you. When would this be, like, better than a mouse?

[B]

I mean, it also had the track pad. Yeah.

[A]

There was a lot of fingering going on.

[B]

Yeah. It's like this.

[A]

And then it's like. That's all for this week's episode. We appreciate you guys so much.

[B]

Frank Working 85 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez and all the forms of social media. Check out the Patreon account patreon.com baseman yard. Check out the Basement yard and all forms of social media. Thank you guys for all love. All barred in late Joe.

[A]

Follow me at Joe Santagato on all platforms and go follow the show at the base of the art on Tick Tock and Instagram. And we appreciate all of you guys. Go check out. Don't spit that tea out, please. You've been spitting all over the ground all day. Go check out the Patreon. Patreon.com the basement yard. We appreciate all the love and support. We have our last five shows coming up and then our tour for this year is over.

[B]

Finito.

[A]

So we're really, you know, looking forward to closing out strong at Radio City. Hopefully see some of you guys there, but thank you guys so much, and we'll see you next time.

[B]

Remember when the Hardys would do that in their mouth? Go check it out. Bye, guys.