#472 - Is Bigfoot Officially Real?

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard – Episode #472: Is Bigfoot Officially Real?

Release Date: October 14, 2024

Hosted by Joe Santagato from Santagato Studios, The Basement Yard delves into a myriad of topics with a humorous and candid approach. In Episode #472, titled "Is Bigfoot Officially Real?", Joe teams up with co-host Frank Alvarez to explore the elusive creature known as Bigfoot, interspersed with their trademark banter and personal anecdotes.

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1. Introduction and Lighthearted Banter (00:00 – 05:35)

The episode kicks off with Joe and Frank exchanging playful jabs and setting a relaxed tone for the conversation. They attempt to create an NPR-style opening, which humorously falls short as Frank’s attempt leads to unexpected interruptions.

Notable Quote:

• Frank Alvarez [00:08]: "I was going for like a slow, steady NPR opening... Most likely won't [get to it]."

2. Discussing Diddy Parties and Allegations (05:35 – 15:00)

The hosts transition to discussing the controversial Diddy parties, touching on allegations and their personal stances regarding attendance. They express discomfort with the alleged behaviors at these events and debate the ethical implications.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank Alvarez [02:23]: "If I saw some weird fucking shit that was bad and evil, I'd be like, yo, I'm sorry, guys... I gotta get out of here."
• Joe Santagato [02:52]: "I like Shaky Tail feather just as much as the next person, but I'm not gonna stick around if there's a bunch of weird."

3. Main Topic Introduction: Bigfoot Real? (27:06 – 43:28)

The central focus of the episode emerges when Joe introduces a new video allegedly showing Bigfoot in the woods. This sparks an in-depth discussion about the validity of such evidence, the history of Bigfoot sightings, and the cultural impact of the legend.

Notable Quotes:

• Joe Santagato [27:06]: "There's a brand new video of allegedly a Bigfoot hanging out in the woods."
• Frank Alvarez [33:09]: "A big footage. Threesome."

Subtopics Covered:

• Authenticity of the New Video: Both hosts analyze the clarity and credibility of the footage, with Joe dismissing it as likely fake due to its high quality.

• Belief vs. Skepticism: Frank adopts a middle-ground stance, neither fully believing nor dismissing Bigfoot’s existence, while Joe leans more towards skepticism, requiring irrefutable evidence.

  • Frank Alvarez [33:26]: "I am big skeptic."
  • Joe Santagato [33:27]: "Yeah. So, like, what are we talking about here?"

• Cultural Representations: They reference various media portrayals of Bigfoot and similar creatures, including movies like Planet of the Apes and discussions about anthropomorphic characteristics.

  • Frank Alvarez [35:35]: "There's a bunch of like is at the top. I think monkey is just like a class like dog."

4. Diversion into Personal Anecdotes and Other Topics (43:28 – 60:04)

The conversation takes a humorous detour as Joe and Frank discuss personal stories, including unusual foot sizes, experiences with blood tests, and mishaps during their professional endeavors. They also touch upon classic Disney movies, critiquing outdated and culturally insensitive elements.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank Alvarez [43:09]: "You've never heard of, like, people saying, like, their houses are on, like, Indian. Native American. Yikes."
• Joe Santagato [56:10]: "So you buy a house and you start digging to put in your pool, and they find a body rolled up in a fucking carpet in your backyard."

5. Concluding Discussions and Wrap-Up (60:04 – 62:50)

As the episode nears its end, Joe and Frank reflect on their recent experiences, including a successful show at Radio City and the ensuing aftermath. They share plans for future events, express gratitude towards their audience, and briefly touch upon upcoming content.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank Alvarez [61:48]: "It hit me the night before. I was just like, holy shit."
• Joe Santagato [62:50]: "Also, go grab yourself some new Halloween merch @shop.sanadostudios.com..."

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Key Insights and Themes

• Skepticism vs. Belief: The hosts navigate the thin line between curiosity and skepticism, especially concerning legendary creatures like Bigfoot.

  • Joe emphasizes the need for concrete evidence before accepting Bigfoot's existence, while Frank remains open yet cautious.

• Humor in Conversation: Their playful banter keeps the discussion light, making complex or dubious topics more entertaining.

• Cultural Critique: Brief critiques of outdated media portrayals highlight ongoing societal shifts towards greater cultural sensitivity.

Conclusion

Episode #472 of The Basement Yard offers a blend of entertaining dialogue and thoughtful discussion on the age-old question of Bigfoot's existence. Through their engaging interaction, Joe and Frank provide listeners with both laughter and contemplation, maintaining the podcast's signature style of unfiltered conversation.

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Calls to Action:

• Support the Show: Listeners are encouraged to support through Patreon (patreon.com/thebasement) for exclusive content and early episode access.
• Follow on Social Media: Stay updated by following Joe Santagato and Frank Alvarez on various social media platforms.
• Merchandise and Sponsors: Check out sponsored offers and merchandise at shop.sanadostudios.com and other sponsor links mentioned during the episode.

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This summary captures the essence of Episode #472, focusing on the Bigfoot discussion while highlighting the hosts' dynamic interaction and supplementary topics for a comprehensive overview.

Transcript

[Joe Santagato]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going?

[Frank Alvarez]

Don't appreciate how you interrupted. I was doing. I was going for like a slow, steady NPR opening. It was going to include my silky smooth voice and it was going to be, you know, just me introducing the show. Yeah, maybe some things we will or won't get to. Most likely won't. Right. And really just get people, you know, start them off because a lot of people listen in the morning. Start them off on a nice quiet note.

[Joe Santagato]

Mm.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can I do it?

[Joe Santagato]

Good. All right, go.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can you?

[Joe Santagato]

Well, no, no, no.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just record on my.

[Joe Santagato]

Just start.

[Frank Alvarez]

We're going on.

[Joe Santagato]

Go, go, go.

[Frank Alvarez]

On my time, go. Hey guys. See it now? I didn't have it.

[Joe Santagato]

That was like a weird.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hey guys, welcome. It's Frank from the basement yard. We're gonna have quite the show today. We're gonna talk some stuff. Has Joe been to a ditty party this year?

[Joe Santagato]

Back up. Back. That hasn't happened, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

All those. Those names are coming out, man.

[Joe Santagato]

Hope so.

[Frank Alvarez]

They're coming.

[Joe Santagato]

Imagine there's a name on there that you know, but it's like not a famous person. It's just like someone who likes down the block.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, my neighbor Jerry youy know it's funny is I saw someone. There's this Twitter account. Hey, welcome back. Back to Fuck NPR or I don't know. But there's this Twitter account that just like takes today's stories and like puts them in like small Seinfeld like blurbs for episodes. And it was like a Seinfeld episode where fucking. What's the guy's name, the bald fuck?

[Joe Santagato]

George.

[Frank Alvarez]

George. Escape me for a sec. I was watching it last night where George goes to a ditty party and is photographed but doesn't do anything. And it's just like he gets the credit for being at a party. It's a very Seinfeld esque episode. But yeah, it's. They're coming. Let's see what happens. I don't think we're going to see any names. Realistic. I think they're trying to scare people.

[Joe Santagato]

What are you getting out of that?

[Frank Alvarez]

Knowing other people are. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Like what? You scaring them? Like, I think just release the names. Let's find out who's going to. Who's doing it, who's doing stuff.

[Frank Alvarez]

But see, I think about a bunch of people went to Diddy parties, right? It's just the people that were like, co in like the bad stuff with him.

[Joe Santagato]

Would you have gone to a Diddy party? See, it's a. It's a tough question.

[Frank Alvarez]

Here's the thing.

[Joe Santagato]

I know, I know, I know you're the thing.

[Frank Alvarez]

Here's the thing. Here's the thing.

[Joe Santagato]

Give a real answer.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm gonna give a real. I'm gonn real first if. If it was like pre allegations, bro, and I got invited to a ditty party. Yeah, I'm showing. Of course. Of course I'm showing up. But then if I saw some weird fucking shit that was bad and evil, I'd be like, yo, I'm sorry, guys. Hey, the verse on Nasty Girl wasn't bad, but I gotta get out of here. You know what I'm talking about? This is not. This is where I draw the line.

[Joe Santagato]

Exactly. I like Shaky Tail feather just as much as the next person, but I'm not gonna stick around if there's a bunch of weird.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's what I'm saying, you know, Like, I need a girl Part two is a banger. But this is not. This is not the right place to be.

[Joe Santagato]

Exactly. Bad boys for life. The beat there is fucking awesome.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it is weird now that he. After these allegations have come out, he's.

[Joe Santagato]

Definitely a bad boy.

[Frank Alvarez]

He has been a bad boy.

[Joe Santagato]

He will do life.

[Frank Alvarez]

If these allegations turn out to be true and the long arm of the law does its thing and kind of swiftly serves up a hot steaming plate of justice, Right? Maybe, yeah. But we don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

But at the end of the day.

[Frank Alvarez]

We would have went.

[Joe Santagato]

I would have went.

[Frank Alvarez]

You would have went.

[Joe Santagato]

But, like, you know, I don't even.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would have been like, I mean, this is a cool party. And then I would have been like.

[Joe Santagato]

What is that, bro? Can you imagine me and you going to something like that? And all of a sudden it's like, all right, now people are gonna start fucking. I'd be like.

[Frank Alvarez]

This is my curfew.

[Joe Santagato]

I literally would be like, I couldn't.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do live sex parties. I couldn't do it.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't mean I could do it if there was glass and, like, I can watch from a mile away.

[Frank Alvarez]

So if you were in like, a mezzanine level, you'd be okay. But not if you're.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Happening down there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. You wouldn't be able to sit in the pit. You'd have to be like, you need your, like, rich person binoculars.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, the thing is, it germs. Gross.

[Frank Alvarez]

Very disgusting.

[Joe Santagato]

Also, any crimes? I'm out of there. Yeah, I'm out on crime.

[Frank Alvarez]

But here's the thing, is that some people at the time might not have known that they were crimes because there's a lot of stuff that went on behind the scenes, you know, like out allegedly. Let's make that a veritly. Veritly. Abundantly clear.

[Joe Santagato]

A veritly.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Is that a word?

[Frank Alvarez]

That's now. And it's overtly and verily. I'm putting them together. Okay, cool.

[Joe Santagato]

But also, yo, I love all these.

[Frank Alvarez]

People just like, oh, these pigs that went to the fucking Diddy parties. Like, you would have went.

[Joe Santagato]

It was a party.

[Frank Alvarez]

You would have went.

[Joe Santagato]

And I don't know any. I don't know shit about Diddy.

[Frank Alvarez]

You would have went. I didn't. I didn't know shit about Diddy.

[Joe Santagato]

I will say this very aware of the fact that if I was ever at like some high profile party and someone went drink this, I'd be like, yep.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, you would have done the cronk from Emperor's New Groove where.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pours it down his shoulder.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I'm not drinking or eating fucking anything.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I mean, that should be no matter whose party it is. Like, there are very few people that all of us know that like you accept a drink from. Yeah. Just anytime you go to a party, just, just, just. Unless you're seeing it poured in front of you, don't drink it.

[Joe Santagato]

Right. Just.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just a blanket. Doesn't matter if it's coming from Diddy, if it's coming from anybody. Just don't.

[Joe Santagato]

This may come as a surprise to some people also, I feel like, especially me, have a. Have a. A bit of so shingai.

[Frank Alvarez]

So. Yeah, you are an anxiety associate.

[Joe Santagato]

The people who are throwing this party. I'm not. I don't think I'm going anyway. See, the thing I would need to.

[Frank Alvarez]

Know at least a few when we were younger. It was different. When we were. When we were kids and you know, into our early adulthood, it was different because you didn't need to really know someone. Like you'd go to a party because it was a party. Like they were not. Like it was, it was not rare. But like, you didn't. You didn't.

[Joe Santagato]

I would never.

[Frank Alvarez]

The party brought you there. That's the idea is the idea of the party. You knew people there. I know. But what I'm saying is now in our current life, the idea of a party without people I know just sounds like a nightmare.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm just like, I don't want to.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, I'm good. I.

[Joe Santagato]

You know what I hate and I don't like. So here's what I don't like, right. Showing up to a place where you don't know anyone. And if I only know one person, then I'm a dog. So now I gotta follow this person around.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

But then, like, also a part of you is like, well, just make friends. Like, cool. But I don't want to have to like, hey, what's going on, fellas?

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, I don't want to do that shit either. Going to a party to get to know people. Oh, the worst. If I'm going to a party, I want to know four people at minimum. I would say three.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, that's fine.

[Frank Alvarez]

Three and a half to four. Let's say three and a half. Let's. Let's put the middle. We know a half a person.

[Joe Santagato]

We.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay. You know, on average.

[Joe Santagato]

On average. We're not talking about not.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay. I just want to make sure we're.

[Joe Santagato]

Talking about on average.

[Frank Alvarez]

On average. Yeah. Not.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, averaging out to three and a half. Move forward.

[Frank Alvarez]

Very close. I'm just saying, like, you need to know at least three and a half people there.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And even, like, the knowledge of the person could be a half. Like, you know their name, you know, like, you know them, but you don't know them.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, you know what I want? I want to know someone who knows the host so that I could be introduced to the host. Because if I have no connection to the host, I might not go anywhere.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, that's the thing. And also, like, you, I've always been like this. And my friends and I don't know if you made fun of me for it. Probably did. Chances are you probably did.

[Joe Santagato]

I'll say yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't go to a party that I'm not personally invited to. I've always felt that to be like, I don't like that. You know what I mean? Like, if someone's just like, hey, come to this party with me. And it's like, is it your party? No, just come with me. I'm like, that's. That's uncomfortable for me. Like, the person that is throwing the party doesn't know I'm gonna be there. Like, it's a little weird. Am I wrong?

[Joe Santagato]

In a lot of cases, I would say, yeah, I agree with you. I at least want the person who's throwing the party to be knowledgeable.

[Frank Alvarez]

Knowledgeable that I'm gonna be there. Yeah. Like, the idea of, like, seeing someone and be like, oh, who are you? At my party?

[Joe Santagato]

Like, especially if it's at a house, I'm definitely. I'm dead.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm sorry. I don't want that at all.

[Joe Santagato]

But imagine like you imagine you.

[Frank Alvarez]

My fucking stupid microphone. What laugh was that?

[Joe Santagato]

Sorry for having fun. Imagine you and Becca went to a party that it was like her friend.

[Frank Alvarez]

Stories over, folks. Stories over. Just move on now. You can't, you can't even tell it. It straight into his hand that he said hi to me with. Twice now both hands.

[Joe Santagato]

No, but imagine, Imagine you went to a party and it was like Becca's friend's boss and you went to that. No, I'm not go. That's 20 degrees of set.

[Frank Alvarez]

I will not.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, no, I will not at their house. Like, no, I'm not doing that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that would be very.

[Joe Santagato]

To this.

[Frank Alvarez]

Very, very.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I mean.

[Frank Alvarez]

But, but see that's the thing that, that is a little bit different because I know Becca and I know Becca and I could go and if it's just her and I at a party, we can have fun, just us. But if it's like, yo, just come and I go and it would be a solo dolo mission. There's no chance in that situation I'm going.

[Joe Santagato]

I just would rather not be in that situation. Like I could go to a place. Like if me and you went to some like, event or something, like I.

[Frank Alvarez]

Could go because we have each other. That's all we need in life outside of our. You know, like there are people like, I need my, my family. You need your.

[Joe Santagato]

And watches and food and toilets.

[Frank Alvarez]

You need your watches. You need. You know, you're Shut the fuck up.

[Joe Santagato]

But like, you can go to a thing like that. But like I wouldn't if it was just like me and you. It's like, oh, go to this party. You don't know anyone. I'd be like, no, yeah, I'm not doing that.

[Frank Alvarez]

It would be uncomfortable. But again, like, we're also in a weird position where it's like that's kind of like a business outing for us. You know what I mean? Like, if it's like I'm talking about a social part. Oh, you're not talking like any like, you know, like professional gain from it for the podcast.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not, no, but like also an event that like, if it's a sporting event or something.

[Frank Alvarez]

I did that last year.

[Joe Santagato]

I would go to that. Cuz it's like there's a thing happening.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, exactly.

[Joe Santagato]

But like a house party.

[Frank Alvarez]

No way.

[Joe Santagato]

And like, no, I don't want.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's murder. That's how murders be happening.

[Joe Santagato]

Or like weird games, you know, we're all gonna start Playing charades.

[Frank Alvarez]

If someone says, like, come to this murder mystery, just. And it's just me getting the invite. No. And I don't know anyone there. No. Because that's how movies start. Yeah, that's how movies start.

[Joe Santagato]

What's the movie with a white girl's whole family and the family tries to kill her or whatever? Hide and seek. One, two, three. What's it called? No, not hide and seek. Manhunt.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not gonna say anything. I'm just gonna.

[Joe Santagato]

Do you know the name?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, I do.

[Joe Santagato]

You do? What's Weaving? Truth or Dare?

[Frank Alvarez]

No. That is another horror movie. But that's not.

[Joe Santagato]

But it's like one of those games, right?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

It's like tag. You're it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Nope. Come on. You're right there.

[Joe Santagato]

Give me the first letter. R. Run away.

[Frank Alvarez]

No.

[Joe Santagato]

Run and hide.

[Frank Alvarez]

Nuh.

[Joe Santagato]

Run. Is it Run.

[Frank Alvarez]

What do you say when you're playing a game of hide and seek?

[Joe Santagato]

Ali. Aliax. And free.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, you don't.

[Joe Santagato]

Run away.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, you don't.

[Joe Santagato]

You don't need that either. Race me.

[Frank Alvarez]

Nope. What games are you playing?

[Joe Santagato]

Does it start with R? Are you fucking with me?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait. It's a game of tag, you're saying.

[Frank Alvarez]

It'S a game of hide and seek.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, run and hide.

[Frank Alvarez]

No.

[Joe Santagato]

Did I already say that?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes. Run away.

[Joe Santagato]

Race. I'm just thinking of running.

[Frank Alvarez]

When you count. Say you count to five.

[Joe Santagato]

Ready or not.

[Frank Alvarez]

There it is.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

There you go.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, that's the name of the movie?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

And she's, like, covered in blood at the end.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

And everyone keeps dying.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, spoiler. You know, just spoiler.

[Joe Santagato]

It was in the trailer, baby. I've never seen the movie.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, really?

[Joe Santagato]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's pretty fun.

[Joe Santagato]

People get killed.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes. I mean, that's not a spoiler.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

People die in a movie where there's murder afoot.

[Joe Santagato]

I believe in stuff like that. Like, I think that really, really wealthy families, like the Walmarts. Is that what they call it? No, the Walt.

[Frank Alvarez]

Definitely not.

[Joe Santagato]

The Waltons or whatever they, like, you know, like. Kill.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I don't. They play the Most Dangerous Game. That's. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to make any accusations about one of the most powerful families, so. You do that. Just give me the passwords for everything before you fucking.

[Joe Santagato]

I was kidding.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Jokes.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I think. I think that there are freaky weirdo freaks out there. Yeah. You know, because you know that. I mean, and honestly, there's been some stuff that has come out over the last couple years that, like, has kind of proved that some of that stuff is true. You know, like all, like the, you know, stuff with the Epstein's, you know, all this stuff with other people and stuff.

[Joe Santagato]

Dude, I don't think anyone really realizes how fucking weird that Epstein. I mean, obviously they were.

[Frank Alvarez]

They realized, oh, oh, shadow.

[Joe Santagato]

That's not what I meant.

[Frank Alvarez]

Shed a light on that's not what I meant.

[Joe Santagato]

Obviously we know that it was up and that's what I'm saying. But like, the details of like his apartment were so weird. Like the painting of Bill Clinton and then he had like tits next to the bathtub. Like he was like bathing and he'd.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just be like, this is what happens. Rubber tit. This is what happens when you have. I had rubber tits once. This is what happens when you not.

[Joe Santagato]

Going to move forward. Back up.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why'd you have rubber tits when I was in.

[Joe Santagato]

Were they on you or they were on your stuff?

[Frank Alvarez]

They were on, mate. Not like I wore them. When I was in middle school, a friend of mine got me a joke gift from Spencer's and it was. Remember. Yeah, Remember how. What were those balls that were like filled with like that, like, like shimmering liquid? You know what I'm talking about?

[Joe Santagato]

I know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Talking about sometimes they come in like a mesh like a jacket and they can like squeeze through it and stuff like that, but it was titties.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I had one of those tit stress balls as well.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I loved it.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, you had to.

[Frank Alvarez]

You. I had to. I got in trouble with them at school.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, you can't just carry around little tits.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, well, I did.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

But yes. Weird weirdos, all of them. Speaking of weirdos, I randomly came across this the other day. I don't know why I'm making the segue here now. I don't care. Fuck. I don't care a.

[Joe Santagato]

You don't care a.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's kind of right. It makes sense.

[Joe Santagato]

Kind of.

[Frank Alvarez]

I saw that someone. It was like, oh, someone just set the world record for drinking a Capri sun with a paper straw. What do you think it was 1.2 seconds. 21 seconds, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

I could murder that.

[Frank Alvarez]

What do you think the world record for a Capri sun with a Capri sun straws?

[Joe Santagato]

Probably longer.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's eight seconds, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, really?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes. Do I have? I have. I'm just letting you know I broke many world records drinking Capri Suns. There's no chance I haven't drank.

[Joe Santagato]

8 seconds is pretty good. 21 seconds. I'll fucking blow that's head off, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

With a Paper straw, though. I think that's like, what they're saying is like.

[Joe Santagato]

But I feel like a paper straw is, like, bigger. Like a Capri sun. Straw is fucking tiny, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

A Capri sun. I can get that down in four seconds flat, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

No straw. I'm sucking this thing in.

[Frank Alvarez]

Two seconds, no straw.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm fucking teach. Like that. Finishing it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do it one more time.

[Joe Santagato]

No, actually, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay. You see what you did there, right?

[Joe Santagato]

Stupid fuck.

[Frank Alvarez]

You got it.

[Joe Santagato]

But I'll definitely. Yeah, 100%. But a paper straw. Like, I thought they were like, thicker, so you could probably get more.

[Frank Alvarez]

I love. I love what we have done with paper straws. Like, we got rid of just like a great design with plastic straws, and now we're just like, let's paper it up. And it is just ruined drinks I've had.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not gonna lie. I've been to some places and they have good paper straws. And I'm like, oh, this one's built with some, like, effort.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's some. There's some design. Yeah. Behind the.

[Joe Santagato]

Someone somewhere spent the little extra money on making these straws good.

[Frank Alvarez]

But like, dude, I'm sorry. Call me what you want. You know, you can get Greta. What's her name?

[Joe Santagato]

Greta Thunberg.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's it. They like, yell at me or whatever. Plastic straws are way better than. Than paper straws.

[Joe Santagato]

100%.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, it's not even fun either. Like, paper straws, dude. I remember the first time I really, like. I've had paper straws. I'm sure before this, but, like, the first time I really remember a paper straw was when we went to Key West. Do me a favor. Try drinking a frozen fucking pina colada out of a paper straw. Let me know how much fun you have. Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

It's impossible.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just paper.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And you don't get drunk on paper. I've tried.

[Joe Santagato]

I've tried as well.

[Frank Alvarez]

It doesn't work.

[Joe Santagato]

It doesn't. It just tastes weird.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't like it.

[Joe Santagato]

I also don't really like plastic straws that don't bend at the top.

[Frank Alvarez]

I like a little bend. You're a child. Yeah. Yeah, you're a child.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, a child would be the loop de loop straws, which are the top of my list of straws.

[Frank Alvarez]

So then you're definitely a child.

[Joe Santagato]

100%.

[Frank Alvarez]

I do like the.

[Joe Santagato]

Literally, when I was 27 years old, on my birthday, my sister got me a fucking straw that spelled out Joey.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, that's okay. I just. I think it's cool. But, like, I don't want to have to see the liquid. Like, then it makes a weird. Like, I don't want to watch the liquid. Like, because when you. When you look down, you watch the liquid fucking.

[Joe Santagato]

That's the best part.

[Frank Alvarez]

Driving the road. I don't want that.

[Joe Santagato]

You don't want to look at it?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I just want.

[Joe Santagato]

That's the best part about getting a blood test. You can see the blood go. You don't like that?

[Frank Alvarez]

Are you serious? Was that like a. Like a joke or like, you're serious about.

[Joe Santagato]

No, you.

[Frank Alvarez]

First of all, the best part of the blood test is none of it. None of the. Part of the blood test.

[Joe Santagato]

That bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't mind needles, but I'm not like. I don't like watching the blood escape my body.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not sitting there jerking it. I'm just, like, sitting there. And then, like, the blood comes out, and it's like, whoop, whoop. And then it goes into the little pouch, and I go, wow, that's a lot.

[Frank Alvarez]

Mine goes into, like, a little vial, whatever that. Yeah, I'm just say this. Yeah, I got strong blood. That shit fucking hits the back of that vial. Yeah, it's that little, like, cummy substance at the bottom. You know what I'm talking.

[Joe Santagato]

I have. You have completely lost me. What are you talking about?

[Frank Alvarez]

In the. In the vials, when they take blood, like, you know, they, like, inject it in, and then the fucking shoots to the back of it. There's, like, a substance at the bottom. I'm pretty sure it's like an anticoagulant, but looks a little. Looks a little semeny.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I don't know about that. I'm paying attention. I'm watching. Because I had a bad experience once. I had a nurse who, like, she didn't have a whole lot of experience.

[Frank Alvarez]

I've got, like, pretty big v. I got sick veins.

[Joe Santagato]

So, like. So she somehow missed. And. And she just put it in, and then we're just both looking at. Not blood coming out. And then she was like, oh, shit. And I was like, nurses are not supposed to say that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, shit.

[Joe Santagato]

And then she had to go into the other one.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh.

[Joe Santagato]

So I had two little holes so that when I took the bandaid off, like, that night, it looked like I got bit by a little, like, some spider.

[Frank Alvarez]

Vampire.

[Joe Santagato]

Vampire.

[Frank Alvarez]

Vampire. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Just like a little fucking tulu.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. I think it was.

[Joe Santagato]

What the. Did I just say?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. I think. I think when Becca was in labor with Maeve, she was, like, having contractions, and the nurse was trying to, you know, put an IV in her, and she kept missing, and she. She. She hit her, like, six or seven times.

[Joe Santagato]

Six or seven? Fire this broad. Are you kidding me?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, not my. Not my call.

[Joe Santagato]

I know, but I'm saying that might.

[Frank Alvarez]

Have been when I got kicked out of the room. Yeah, it's possible. You're stabbing my wife.

[Joe Santagato]

Six or sevens? Bananas. I'll give you one mulligan for sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is there any world where you can't suck down a Capri sun in quicker than 10 seconds, bro?

[Joe Santagato]

I honestly think that I could do it.

[Frank Alvarez]

You could beat the world record.

[Joe Santagato]

Definitely. Under 10.

[Frank Alvarez]

They did it. And like, dude, let's get some Capri sun in here. Let's. Let's test hot.

[Joe Santagato]

It's a small hole. And the fucking straw, it's like sucking it through a needle.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. But here's the thing is you want to get it so, like, you know, you're gonna know what I'm talking about here.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

You want to squeeze enough so the pressure is that it's coming around the straw, too. Like, you know when you have to pee and you push your pee stream out? Normally your peace stream is, like, nice and, like, it follows the laws of urine, I guess. But, like, when you push too hard and then it's just like fucking, like, sprays everywhere.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's what you need to do with a Capri Sun. You need to let that shit pee in your mouth.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I don't understand when you. That end part, but I do understand.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, you need to. You need it. Like, you can't just allow it to go through the straw. You need to add some force, of course.

[Joe Santagato]

But, yeah, not too much because it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Doubles, because then it'll just piss around you. Yeah, but you definitely. I think I realistically think we can get a Caprice and down, and I'd probably.

[Joe Santagato]

I'd go vert. I'd let gravity kind of help me out, too, with a little bit of squeeze at the bottom.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a really good point. I didn't even think of a gravity, man. I'm just thinking, like, just here.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then just like, Titan Submarine this. You know what I mean?

[Joe Santagato]

That was way too much pressure. You're gonna make a mess.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right.

[Joe Santagato]

Maybe better now it just looks like you're. Jesus Christ. What are you doing?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't want it to look like a dick.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, but you're making it look like a fucking massive when you do that. This guy's got a fucking 5 inch circumference going. Wait, that's not big. I don't even know.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean that's not bad.

[Joe Santagato]

I just was gonna say like that's not bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like 5 inches is like what like that. So like around. I don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

I honestly don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. I don't know. Inches. Yeah, I can't ideal in feet. That also sounds.

[Joe Santagato]

That sounds very strange. Dude. The guy loves feet. It's crazy. You saw me sound like Trump just now. That sounds very weird, dude. Damn. What were you just talking about? Now I've completely forgot all Capri Sun. Sucked down a Capri Sun. Yeah, Capri Sun.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think Capri Sun. I would be shocked if I can't get it down in 5 seconds.

[Joe Santagato]

20 ones A. With a paper straw.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's the thing with the paper straw.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't give a.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you remember we knew someone in like middle school that told us that their dad was a. Or grandfather was a competitive Coca Cola drinker?

[Joe Santagato]

No. Can I be honest with you? I have no idea what you're talking about. But this is. Sounds like something you would say.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I mean, no, my. My grandfather did this game that my. With his knuckles that my dad taught me about.

[Joe Santagato]

But there's a knuckle game being passed down through the generations.

[Frank Alvarez]

Apparently. Apparently my dad told me that my grandfather would like on his time in like working at the printing press or. I don't fucking know. They would lock middle fingers and they would turn in opposite directions and like.

[Joe Santagato]

Whoever gave up first lost your dad and his brother.

[Frank Alvarez]

My dad told me his father. Oh, my dad didn't work at a printing press, but I don't fucking know the fuck.

[Joe Santagato]

Why are you telling me about this knuckle game?

[Frank Alvarez]

Because of the Coca Cola drinking.

[Joe Santagato]

Who's the Coca Cola drinker?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's someone that we know is a well known, well documented liar. So like it's on brand but I.

[Joe Santagato]

Remember that competitive Coca Cola drinker.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. And they died because they like burnt a hole in their esophagus or something.

[Joe Santagato]

The lie gets deeper as they did.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wow. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Unbelievable. Well, we know that's not true. Rest in peace though, in case. I guess. I don't know. But we do have some sponsors for today. The first one being fitbot. Okay. If you've dropped drank too much Coca Cola this year and you want to get into a little bit of good shape, you can do so with fitbot, because fitbot is going to create a personalized workout routine for you. Okay? So it's going to create a program for you based on your goals and based on your experience. Okay? So you can't just go online and pick a random, you know, program and follow that. It's. I mean, you probably could do that, but it's not the most optimal way to, you know, meet your fitness goals. Whether you want to lean out or you want to put on mass or whatever the case is, just lose some fat. You can do so with fitbod, because like I said, they create something based around your goals and fitness experience. So if you have no experience, it's going to be actually very educational because they have over a thousand demonstration videos to teach you new movements. Okay. And I don't even know, I mean, I've been working out since I was in high school, and I don't know a thousand different movements, fitness. So it's educational for anybody, really, but it's great. So they. It tracks your muscle recovery so you can avoid burnout and keep your momentum. It's the most optimal way to get in shape, and it's more affordable than a personal trainer. And if you don't have access to a gym or you don't have, you know, you don't want to pay for a personal trainer, you can save money by doing it with fitbot, and we're going to save you even more money. You can get 25% off your subscription or try the app for free for seven days at fitbod me/basement. Okay? Try it. It's fitbod me/basement today. Get that 25% off of your subscription. Okay? Also, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online therapy, and they make it very easy to talk to a therapist. You can start talking in just under 48 hours. Also, it's customizable, so it's meant to, you know, be as convenient for you as possible. If you want to do it every week, every other week or once a month or something like that, you can. It's more affordable than in person therapy. They have a license, you know, therapists in every state. And yeah, you can do texting or calling or, you know, video chat. They make it very, you know, up to you, whatever you want to do. So, yeah, if you want to, you know, dip your toe into the world of therapy, which I suggest that you do, you can get started with BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com basementyard and you will save 10% off of your first month. Okay? So that first month, 10% [e-mail] basementyard okay. B E T T E R h e l p.com basementyard get that 10% off of your first month.

[Frank Alvarez]

Patreon.com thebasement yard Folks, I have a very serious message for you. And what is it? Patreon's fun. It's fun. It's great. It's happy. Go to patreon.com thebasement and sign up today, please. That first tier, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. And that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. And then there's other stuff for other tiers, but we want you guys to come hang out with us. It's a lot of fun over there. It really is. We have good old time Joe's, you know, like on these Patreon episodes, like taking his feet out and stuff like that. It's all crazy. But go check it out. @patreon.com TheBasement Yard you guys can consistently help us break records. We're hoping to get by 30 to 35,000 by the end of the year. I mean, that would be. That'd be something, right? So thank you again for all you guys. The support is overwhelming and appreciative, and we love it. So go check it out. Patreon.com TheBasement Yard Sweet.

[Joe Santagato]

Also, we do have to talk about the fact that there is new. My dad's very excited about this, but there's a brand new video of allegedly a bigfoot hanging out in the woods.

[Frank Alvarez]

Speaking of big feet.

[Joe Santagato]

Your dad's feet, dude, Massive.

[Frank Alvarez]

What the hell is that?

[Joe Santagato]

He might be one of.

[Frank Alvarez]

How does he get. This is a serious question.

[Joe Santagato]

I agree.

[Frank Alvarez]

How does he get shoes?

[Joe Santagato]

Well, here's the thing about the shoes. I'm gonna not talk about it. The second thing I wanted to say, though, is that I don't know how someone could have that big of feet and be five seven. Whoa, don't look at me. Well, first of all, you say that my foot is like a size five and I'm five foot five.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I'm saying that's he. How it's. He's your father. That's what it's gonna happen.

[Joe Santagato]

Literally. Man has some clown shoes.

[Frank Alvarez]

You have. You do have really small feet for. Well, I guess they're kind of even small for yourself.

[Joe Santagato]

Fucking shoe off right now and show me the tag. Show me the tag right now.

[Frank Alvarez]

I have.

[Joe Santagato]

I know what size your foot is. What is it, ten and a half?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, it's not. Yes, it is. I have a size 13 boot E. What's E? That's what. That's my. I don't know, but that's what my shoe is. Booty, Booty. No, no, seriously, I have a size 13 foot.

[Joe Santagato]

Show me. Let's see.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Why are you smiling so much? What's so funny, buddy? Ten and a half. You're ten and a half? Look, you're ten and a half. Oh, he's gonna show me like the European. Oh, I'm size 44.

[Frank Alvarez]

12.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, these are 12 in what? UK. Oh, why are you covering so much? I'm not even playing this game anymore. First of all, you think I could see that your size 10 and a half. No, you're not.

[Frank Alvarez]

And these are really tight on me. Oh, yeah, a big.

[Joe Santagato]

What the was that?

[Frank Alvarez]

But yo, big, massive feet, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, massive veiny feet.

[Frank Alvarez]

Big. Yes. Bigfoot.

[Joe Santagato]

Bigfoot. There's a new video of a Bigfoot.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bigfoot, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

Laying in the forest eating a branch. Get the.

[Frank Alvarez]

You think he's stroking his shit?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, Bigfoot's definitely got a big cock.

[Frank Alvarez]

What if the first like confirmed video of Bigfoot we have is him just fucking cranking his shit or just railing another one too. Big, big feet. Do two big big feet. Sex.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, A big footage. Threesome.

[Frank Alvarez]

Definitely. There's. Oh, there's definitely three feet. I know. Yeah, I know, I know. Those fucking, you know, black holes of porn. You've gone down in your life. I guarantee there's Bigfoot threesomes.

[Joe Santagato]

I've never seen that. But if I do come across it, I will let you know.

[Frank Alvarez]

But the big foot, he's laid out.

[Joe Santagato]

He's just chilling.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's chilling. This might. It did look like an ad for life.

[Joe Santagato]

It was mad fake.

[Frank Alvarez]

It looked like an ad for Jack Ly. I don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

Jack Litt.

[Frank Alvarez]

Jack Links. Oh, Jack Link.

[Joe Santagato]

Jack Link.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, like those commercial jerky. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

I thought it looked like one of the. Not Lord. The Planet of the Apes. Like costumes yous know, I mean, those.

[Frank Alvarez]

Movies are not with costumes anymore.

[Joe Santagato]

The old ones.

[Frank Alvarez]

The old old from the 60s.

[Joe Santagato]

That's the only ones I've seen.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. What? Yeah, dude, you need to watch the new ones. They are unreal.

[Joe Santagato]

They're four hours long. I'll do anything but spend my time watching monkeys take over the world.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really good, though. They're really well done movies. I don't know. I think I want to believe it's fake.

[Joe Santagato]

I want it to be real.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I see. We're too completely.

[Joe Santagato]

You don't. You don't you. It wouldn't Be cool to find out that Bigfoot is real, and then you could go, like, try to see him.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, People have been trying to do that for a long time. Like, these. These fucking poor animals probably just want to be left alone. They're the last one of the last species on the planet that haven't been identified, and they're just like, yo, please just fucking leave us.

[Joe Santagato]

So you believe?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I don't know, dude. I really don't know. Like, I don't care.

[Joe Santagato]

My dad thinks they travel through wormholes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, your dad is the problem.

[Joe Santagato]

He's a fucking moron for that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't want to say that.

[Joe Santagato]

But wormholes, Moron in Washington? What are we talking?

[Frank Alvarez]

Moron with chode feet? Let me tell you, those things don't make sense.

[Joe Santagato]

His foot spills out the side of his shoe.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's got those things. Like. Remember when you were kids and you knew kids that had like, bigger kids that had shoes, and they just, like. They just like, fell over the sole of their shoe? You know about wide feet. Your dad's feet are not wide.

[Joe Santagato]

They're wide.

[Frank Alvarez]

They're fucking wide. Obese. Your dad is like. His feet are huge. I've never seen that.

[Joe Santagato]

He's got a big foot.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's a big foot.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Crazy, though.

[Joe Santagato]

He used to have. This is disgusting. But when you were younger, he would have his shoes and he would put those balls in them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I remember those. They're like deodorizer balls.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah. And I would play. I would play with him.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. You're a freak.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, well, no, I was.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, it was a. No.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. You know what else I used to. Bro, hold on. I just remember this. You know what I love? Please tell me you know what I'm talking about. I loved playing with my mom's curlers when I was younger. You know, like, how they put them in their hair, but they would all be in this, like, machine, and they were, like, different sizes, and I would just sit there and I would take them out and I would, like, go like this, and then I put them back. And you have no idea what I'm talking about?

[Frank Alvarez]

No.

[Joe Santagato]

Your mom never curled her hair.

[Frank Alvarez]

My mom is naturally curly hair.

[Joe Santagato]

That is true.

[Frank Alvarez]

Your mom.

[Joe Santagato]

Damn. You missed out a good portion of life.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I didn't. I have a sick life because of it.

[Joe Santagato]

No, dude, you missed out on a great part. Rebecca doesn't have this.

[Frank Alvarez]

She has curlers, but she doesn't have, like, a thing.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, she has, like, the wand.

[Frank Alvarez]

She has the wand.

[Joe Santagato]

See? No, Back in the day, they had the curl.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know. They had to put the curlers in and shit like that. I know what you're talking about.

[Joe Santagato]

I just want to.

[Frank Alvarez]

No sell you because you were really excited about it.

[Joe Santagato]

I am still excited about it.

[Frank Alvarez]

You shouldn't be. It's honestly one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. You excited for? You know what I used to play with?

[Joe Santagato]

You're a miserable whore.

[Frank Alvarez]

My mom had those hair clips that, like, I'd put them in my mouth.

[Joe Santagato]

I had like, teeth.

[Frank Alvarez]

Teeth.

[Joe Santagato]

What I would do.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what I'm talking about? I would do that.

[Joe Santagato]

But you know, I would also put it on my skin. Cause it made my skin all squiggly.

[Frank Alvarez]

It made it squiggly and hard like this. And I'd go like this. Yes, I would do that too.

[Joe Santagato]

Cuz like when you. When it's crunched like that. And then you could touch it. My skin so hard.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, I love that. I did, I did, I did. I love a good brush too. Yeah, all right. Okay, enough.

[Joe Santagato]

Like a good brush.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bigfoot. Speaking of brush. Bigfoot.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You don't think that video is real? Fuck, it kind of looks real, but like, that's the clearest video we've ever seen.

[Joe Santagato]

That's why it's fake.

[Frank Alvarez]

You think so, bro?

[Joe Santagato]

I will believe it if, like, there's no winning.

[Frank Alvarez]

Everything you'd think is fake, that's bro.

[Joe Santagato]

Me. You are skeptic. 101.

[Frank Alvarez]

I am big skeptic.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. So, like, what are we talking about here? I'm a big. I'm more of like, in a position to believe youe don't like believing?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't like believing because it affects.

[Joe Santagato]

But you don't like saying you don't believe either because, like, just in case.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I like.

[Joe Santagato]

So that's.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a ride the middle. I like to ride the middle because then if it.

[Joe Santagato]

You're never wrong.

[Frank Alvarez]

That I'm never wrong. That's right, baby.

[Joe Santagato]

What an asshole.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, the unknown of life. It's okay to ride in the middle. You don't. You don't need to stake your fucking claim in one side or the other.

[Joe Santagato]

Have fun.

[Frank Alvarez]

Have fun. Have a good time.

[Joe Santagato]

Believe.

[Frank Alvarez]

I believe in a ton. I believe in a ton. I believe in happiness.

[Joe Santagato]

Believe it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wonder.

[Joe Santagato]

I believe in happiness and wonder.

[Frank Alvarez]

Love.

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

What? Do you believe in Bigfoot? No. You're such a fucking Renaissance man.

[Joe Santagato]

Idiot. I've never even said I believed in Bigfoot.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you believe in Bigfoot?

[Joe Santagato]

I Don't know exactly. I don't know if I do or not.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm kind of afraid to believe in him because then if he comes out.

[Joe Santagato]

It'S not him, bro. It's a speech.

[Frank Alvarez]

They.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wow. Definitely.

[Joe Santagato]

No, it's not a misgendering maybe though. We don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean they're. They're they huge?

[Joe Santagato]

They're huge.

[Frank Alvarez]

They are big.

[Joe Santagato]

There have been people who said that they've seen a Bigfoot in the forest and that they like drag deer like up trees and and like eat them in the trees. That's so fire.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm ask you a question here and be honest.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Big Bigfoot lady comes out, you dogging it?

[Joe Santagato]

Nah, dude, I'm nah Good, cuz probably kill me.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, she.

[Joe Santagato]

What are you trying to say? See, this is why this kid loves Planet of the Apes. You man horny for apes? No, no, no. Yeah, you are.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I'm not. Yeah, horny for apes, dude. They're fucking animals. I'm not into bestiality. Like you guys are.

[Joe Santagato]

What is an ape, by the way? Is that just like. Is that like gorilla, chimpanzee? Is it all together? It's like an all encompassing.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's a bunch of like is at the top. I think monkey is just like a class like dog.

[Joe Santagato]

It's the blanket.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like the blanket like frogs and you guys and toes.

[Joe Santagato]

You got gorillas, chimpanzee, baboons, spider monkeys.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah. Then you got like the other like, you know, like the old ones that are extinct, like the giant. The Pithecus and stuff like that.

[Joe Santagato]

Frank, I know you made that up.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, Gigantic Pithecus is like an old. I'm telling you, giant Gigantopithecus is like an old Giganta.

[Joe Santagato]

Giganta Pithecus.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, Gigantopithecus is an old type of monkey, dude. It's like. It's like what? Fucking what? From what's his name? What? King Louie was from the Jungle Book, dude. He was a gigantic Pithecus.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, I haven't seen that movie.

[Frank Alvarez]

The new one is pretty good.

[Joe Santagato]

I haven't seen any of it.

[Frank Alvarez]

You haven't seen the original either?

[Joe Santagato]

I maybe. I don't know. But I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is one of those like old time Disney movies that have just no, like structure. It's just like. Let's just put stuff on tv, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

Bambi, it's a deer that can't walk. That's it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Even movie Dumbo. It's like everything that people remember about Dumbo's Crazy happens in, like, the first. Like, 30 minutes. And then, first of all, it's only an hour movie, too.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

After that.

[Joe Santagato]

It's crazy how much racism you could fit into a movie in just an hour.

[Frank Alvarez]

If their goal was to make a, like, tightly compact racist movie, they did it. They did it. They did. They did what they set out to do. I don't think, like, they. I watch Leaders had a clear vision.

[Joe Santagato]

I watched it as an adult, and I was like, this is a different movie now. I thought it was about an elephant.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. And then. Then you see a couple of crows and you're like, this is about.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. The railroad workers or something. Because there's a train in it that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm trying to remember. How does that movie start?

[Joe Santagato]

Dumbo's born and everyone's like, ill. Fucking ugly elephant.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. What the. That was a cute ass. Like, you would have to be a real. I guess they're all racist elephants in there.

[Joe Santagato]

So, like, I don't think they're racist elephants.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, the crows had racist depiction. And there were a bunch of other people in that.

[Joe Santagato]

There was the. There was the railroad workers. They sing a racist song.

[Frank Alvarez]

Which one was that?

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, my God, dude. The lyrics of that are insane.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think.

[Joe Santagato]

I feel like we've talked about it before.

[Frank Alvarez]

Have we talked about the lyrics? I don't remember the lyrics. I remember the depiction of.

[Joe Santagato]

Read the lyrics to that song, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Disney had.

[Joe Santagato]

When the fuck did that movie come out?

[Frank Alvarez]

Dumb 48. I think it was Dumbo, if I got that nailed down.

[Joe Santagato]

No, 41.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, okay. I'm a little off.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. No, but they.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was. You know, they didn't care back then.

[Joe Santagato]

It was actually. Its main themes of bullying, prejudice, and discrimination are as relevant now as they were in 1940s. So they thought.

[Frank Alvarez]

They thought they were gonna talk about, like, the bullying against. Like, don't bully this cute elephant.

[Joe Santagato]

Bully them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Yes. Like, we'll do more races.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

It doesn't make any sense.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Honestly.

[Frank Alvarez]

But even after that, like, there's some shit, like, a lot of people, like, if you watch Aladdin now in Disney plus, they. Well, they have, like, the thing before the movie that's like, this is. You know, there are some lines in here that might not be, you know, culturally sensitive and stuff like that. And it's. Because during. There's, like, a couple different things, but the first one that I remember is during the Arabian Night song, they say, like, you know, arabian Nights. Like, you know, it's barbaric, but, hey, it's home. Like, they're saying, like, you know, people that live in, like, the Middle east are all barbarians.

[Joe Santagato]

Weird.

[Frank Alvarez]

But yeah, Disney's had some. Some shit.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

What?

[Joe Santagato]

Well, Walt was, you know, he wasn't.

[Frank Alvarez]

A big fan of some people.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not gonna say who.

[Joe Santagato]

Right. I've said this before. They froze his head. We should thaw it out and step on it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just kick it around.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, just kick it around one time around. What would you do?

[Frank Alvarez]

What would you do if, like, we actually get Sasquatch? The Sasquatch. Like, we get it and we capture.

[Joe Santagato]

We put it on a zoo or something.

[Frank Alvarez]

Put it in a zoo and then it just. It can speak English, but it's just crazy racist. Like we've been searching all these years. Oh. Because just like a crazy racist animal that just comes out and he's just.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, oh, say something racist. Go. Pretend to be the racist Bigfoot. Say it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Go. I'm trying. I gotta look at these lines you've taught me.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Oh. Don't even know. That would be nice. Is these.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bigfoot just come out. They're just like, oh, my God. These inner cities are really going to shit. Huh?

[Joe Santagato]

I feel like if we did get big feet.

[Frank Alvarez]

Mm.

[Joe Santagato]

That you can make a pretty cool army out of them, probably.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, that's exactly what's gonna happen.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. But give these things guns.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, they would. It'd be like Jurassic World. It'd be like, let's strap guns because they're great hiders. Dude. Speaking of hide and seek, bro, who's catching a Bigfoot?

[Joe Santagato]

I know.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's been how long people have been trying.

[Joe Santagato]

Can't even get them on tape how send them in.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let me. We must really not want to capture these animals because if we wanted to, we would have. You know what I'm saying?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Just decimate the forest.

[Frank Alvarez]

Fuck about decimating it. But just like, just. Just you. I'm telling you, we could have done this.

[Joe Santagato]

I agree. I think that we should get one and just have a chat.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just sit down with it and ask it where it stands on, you know.

[Joe Santagato]

Bro, imagine this, because both of these scenarios are crazy. That if they are real, that we can't get a hold of them. And if it's fake, we can't debunk it. Someone made something up years ago and we're still trying to figure out whether.

[Frank Alvarez]

It'S true or that's how good. That's how good of a rumor it was.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because rumor to spread like that in like the 30s, 40s, 50s, so everyone. It was like, known across the world as, like, Sas, you know, Bigfoot, Sasquatch. Yeah. You had to have some sick rumor.

[Joe Santagato]

Telling skills, bro, and I went to Washington. There are certain towns over there that they're like. All of their shit is like, Sasquatch.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, well, dude, when I was in the airport like, getting like, little, like, trinkets and stuff like that for the. You know, the kids back home, everything has Sasquatch. Everything had Sasquatch on it.

[Joe Santagato]

Maybe that's why.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because it's like an industry now. Yeah, because if they prove he's not true, then it's just, like, they lose your revenue. Who the hell wants to go to fucking Washington? I know. It's beautiful.

[Joe Santagato]

It is beautiful.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know it is. I saw it with you. Not the hiking part, but, like, beautiful place.

[Joe Santagato]

But I will say this. Maybe it's like the big conspiracy with, like, oh, we could cure cancer, but we don't because there's too much money in it. So they won't find Bigfoot or debunk Bigfoot because there's too much money in the merchandising.

[Frank Alvarez]

I gotta say, I don't think in the almost 30 years that I have known you, I've ever seen your hands move that much in such a short period of time.

[Joe Santagato]

I can get them going.

[Frank Alvarez]

You. You had it. You had him. You were out here, you came back here, you went up, you went down, you were all over the. The place.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm sending signals.

[Frank Alvarez]

I kind of want that Sasquatch video to be real just so everyone could shut the fuck up.

[Joe Santagato]

I'd like them to be real. I would go back and try to find one.

[Frank Alvarez]

I flipped here. I didn't want them now. I kind of hope that they are.

[Joe Santagato]

I would go into the farce with a shotgun just in case they're mean guys.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it set. If they're that big and strong, a shotgun is not gonna do a goddamn thing.

[Joe Santagato]

It's better than not having a shotgun.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would say you would need, like, bazooka.

[Joe Santagato]

Frank. I can't. 1. I can't get a bazooka. And I'm not dragging it through the forest, Frank.

[Frank Alvarez]

You could do it. A grenade. Just have some grenades on you.

[Joe Santagato]

You ever see a grenade explode? It's not like.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's not an explosion. It's just. It's. It's a concussive blast.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, it's like. It's not like.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like it's not fire. I said.

[Joe Santagato]

You remember what I said? I was like, yo, if you threw A grenade in this room and you put it over there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Like there is a chance you survive.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Joe Santagato]

Like when you do it in video games, you're like, there's no way, like big explosion.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. It doesn't make. It's not like a fiery concussion. It's not like a fiery black.

[Joe Santagato]

I've got shrapnel all in me though.

[Frank Alvarez]

You will be shrapnel up. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

I will be hurt a lot.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. That would not be sick.

[Joe Santagato]

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[Frank Alvarez]

Frank, Do I take the shot? Do I take it again? Two in a row.

[Joe Santagato]

Two in a row.

[Frank Alvarez]

Two in a row.

[Joe Santagato]

It's getting crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Two in a row.

[Joe Santagato]

Two in a row. We could probably start believing and I mean, if we're going to believe you making those Bigfoot has a chance of being real.

[Frank Alvarez]

Fuck you. I've been. I've been practicing basketball.

[Joe Santagato]

I keep hearing that if you and.

[Frank Alvarez]

I played one on one, I would not get wiped out. I would lose, but I would not be like. It wouldn't be like 12, nothing.

[Joe Santagato]

The way you said that too. I've been practicing basketball.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm just saying my jumper is now looking a lot more fluid. You know, my ball handling skills still leave a lot to be desired, you.

[Joe Santagato]

Know, but the rebounding's there, the rebounding's there.

[Frank Alvarez]

All I need to do is sit under the, you know, sit under the basket and I will beat you.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, you're.

[Frank Alvarez]

I actually think I might be able to beat you in a game of one on one basketball. Really? I think so.

[Joe Santagato]

What else do you believe?

[Frank Alvarez]

I might be faster than you in a dead sprint.

[Joe Santagato]

All right, now we're getting fucking crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

You don't think so?

[Joe Santagato]

Absolutely.

[Frank Alvarez]

You will obviously run fucking circles around me if we were going long distance.

[Joe Santagato]

But Frank, what amount of distance do you think you could beat me in a race?

[Frank Alvarez]

A hundred feet.

[Joe Santagato]

How far is a hundred feet?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, it's a hundred feet.

[Joe Santagato]

Is that like 30 yards?

[Frank Alvarez]

I would give or take 30.3 or something like that.

[Joe Santagato]

Dusting you, you know, 30 yards. Are you banana pants? What am I saying?

[Frank Alvarez]

Wait, it's 33 point something.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, 33 yards.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, 33 and a third, I believe. Yeah, I think, I think, I think, I think I can. I really do. Good.

[Joe Santagato]

That counts for nothing, though. I think I can.

[Frank Alvarez]

But like, you have all the gear and stuff. Like gear. I think if it was barefoot, I Think I could beat you?

[Joe Santagato]

What does that mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

You have, like running gear and stuff like that?

[Joe Santagato]

Sneakers?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Is that what you're referring to?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I have the gear.

[Frank Alvarez]

You have like running sneakers.

[Joe Santagato]

Do you have running sneakers?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think so.

[Joe Santagato]

You just have what?

[Frank Alvarez]

Just like, sneakers?

[Joe Santagato]

Loafers.

[Frank Alvarez]

I have loafers. I have sneakers. I have basketball shoes. Yeah, but like, those are not meant for running. Those are meant for basketballing.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, basketballing put me right.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you remember when we would play. I don't know if you remember this. When we were younger and we'd play kickball, which Bring it back, let me tell you.

[Joe Santagato]

I like kickball.

[Frank Alvarez]

Love kickball.

[Joe Santagato]

An adult. Adult kickball.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would love to.

[Joe Santagato]

Do they have some of those in Brooklyn?

[Frank Alvarez]

I know I wouldn't do a league, though.

[Joe Santagato]

We're not gonna be too much.

[Frank Alvarez]

But I used to purposefully, when we were played kickball, wear my Timberland boots because I thought it made me kick better.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, the steel toe, I would assume.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I'm not stupid.

[Joe Santagato]

It's a steel toe that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, So I thought. I always thought I was like a dumb thing to do. You're telling me I'm not stupid?

[Joe Santagato]

No, I mean, I think like a regular sneaker, but if it was made of steel, it would go further.

[Frank Alvarez]

But it was. It's not the shoe, it's the leg. It's the leg. But it helps to have how you kick. Remember our stupid friends that played soccer would kick with the inside of their foot. Idiots.

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

You had to kick with your fucking toes, baby.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I don't even know how I would kick a kickball right now. I think I would kick with, like, the top of my foot.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, I would try to, like, get on. You'd get under it. I'd try, man. Good old game of kickball.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't remember kickball.

[Frank Alvarez]

Miles. Becca and I played recently, like, in the backyard. But, like, we should get a big game with Santa. Got a studios kickball.

[Joe Santagato]

There's not enough of us to fill half a team.

[Frank Alvarez]

We could do five on five.

[Joe Santagato]

There's not 10 of us.

[Frank Alvarez]

Me, you, Keith Ahmed, Greg, Ant. We just need four more people. Zach, Mikey, Josh.

[Joe Santagato]

You'Re breathing. I don't know. Five on four. There you go.

[Frank Alvarez]

There we go.

[Joe Santagato]

We can do it. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do a little handicap, you know, One catcher, one pitcher.

[Joe Santagato]

Mm, no catcher.

[Frank Alvarez]

No catcher. Two in the outfield. Three in this, in the. In the field. I put three in the outfield. Maybe I don't think you need three.

[Joe Santagato]

I didn't play kickball Come on, let's do it. Yeah. We don't have a field. What are we doing? We're not doing this. This is never gonna happen. Why are we talking about it? This is insane. Also, can we please talk about the woman that found the rug in her yard?

[Frank Alvarez]

Holy shit.

[Joe Santagato]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

That'S it.

[Joe Santagato]

So what happened was there was a woman who was like, putting up a fence in her backyard.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, her and her husband, they bought a house and they were putting up a fence. And while they were digging, they saw like, cloth and they realized, like, oh, this is a rolled up carpet. Dude, I've seen movies. You've seen movies, right?

[Joe Santagato]

That's a body.

[Frank Alvarez]

You think so?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So it like opened. There's like a full police investigation going on into it. Now what?

[Joe Santagato]

So what happens, right? You buy a house and it's like your dream house, and you're like, all right, I gotta do some construction. Or you're like, I'm gonna put a pool in or something like that. So they start digging, they find a body rolled up in a fucking carpet in your backyard. What are you doing?

[Frank Alvarez]

See, there's more that needs to happen in order for me to really make a fucking.

[Joe Santagato]

No, no here, Frank. My body.

[Frank Alvarez]

Cuz I'm gonna. Carolina also said that her house, she believed her house was haunted because I.

[Joe Santagato]

Would have been out.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I didn't need to find the body. I hear haunting. I'm fucking up out.

[Joe Santagato]

Also, did you ask that when you bought a house? You like, yo, is there ghosts?

[Frank Alvarez]

Not when we bought our house, but we went and saw another house and it was like a situation where, like, the people were, like, really eager. The seller was like, they're really eager to get out. They're open to, like, real great, you know, and it's like they wanted to get rid of the house. So when I went with our realtor, I was just like, is there. Is there. Is this haunted? Because I think there's like a law and like, real, real realtorship. Like, you need to say if it's haunted.

[Joe Santagato]

Who makes that call, though? The fucking Ghostbusters?

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, how can you honestly say but like, reported hauntings? Like, if it's like, oh, well, someone said they might have believed it was haunted, but then everything is haunted.

[Joe Santagato]

But do you believe that?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, enough of. If someone else think. If someone else thinks something is haunted and they're getting the fuck out of.

[Joe Santagato]

That's enough.

[Frank Alvarez]

Possible. Yeah, I'm fucking up and out too.

[Joe Santagato]

Definitely nothing.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't need to, like, figure it out. Yeah, no, I'm not fucking around with potential hauntings. Yeah, but if it's just the body and there's no other weird stuff happening.

[Joe Santagato]

Frank, That's a big weird stuff.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, but, like, there are probably bodies everywhere that we don't even realize.

[Joe Santagato]

Dude, not my backyard.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, maybe.

[Joe Santagato]

So you buy a house, you start digging to put in your pool, and they find a carpet rolled up with a dead body in. And you go get the body out of there and put my pool down.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm gonna say this. First place I'm going is to, like, the township, the town hall or whatever. And I'm gonna say, listen, you gotta drop my property taxes. If they say, like, all right, we're gonna cut your property taxes, then I'll be like, all right, I'll stick it out.

[Joe Santagato]

Frank.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll get some sage.

[Joe Santagato]

Are you an idiot? No, they're not going to cut your property taxes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why not? I bought this land and it's. It's been besmirched with the death of a human.

[Joe Santagato]

They didn't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Exactly. So, like, it devalues the property. I imagine it does because property taxes are based off the tax assessed value of the home. So now if there's just fucking dead people all over the place.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, we're talking about one dead be.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dead person.

[Joe Santagato]

One John Doe.

[Frank Alvarez]

One John or Jane.

[Joe Santagato]

Jane Doe.

[Frank Alvarez]

They do. What do you say for someone that doesn't identify?

[Joe Santagato]

Dope. Dead though.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dem though.

[Joe Santagato]

Dead though.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dem though. Yeah. I would need to see more. I need to see, like, weird stuff happening. Just a body. I can maybe look past it.

[Joe Santagato]

That'd be a toughie for me.

[Frank Alvarez]

But then if there was just like a. Like a. Like a. Like a Native American, like, thing next to that body, then it's just. I'm not even gonna fucking play around.

[Joe Santagato]

What the fuck does that mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

You've never heard of, like, people saying, like, their houses are on, like, Indian. Native American. Yikes, There we go. Native American burial sites or something like that? Oh.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think that's what the movie the Poltergeist was based on.

[Joe Santagato]

I haven't seen that either, but was that where the TV comes on?

[Frank Alvarez]

Any movies?

[Joe Santagato]

Poltergeist 1981. No, I haven't seen it.

[Frank Alvarez]

If you nailed the year on the head, I'm gonna be very impressed. I just want to put this out there. It might have been 78, but it's worth looking. 82. So close.

[Joe Santagato]

I just threw out a number.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a really good one.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you're telling me oh my God. Fuck. Which one?

[Joe Santagato]

Just this one. It's a clown face.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah. Under the bed.

[Joe Santagato]

Ew. Wait, what?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, you didn't see that movie?

[Joe Santagato]

No, wait, they did a new one.

[Frank Alvarez]

They did do a new one. Yeah, they did a do it.

[Joe Santagato]

Yes, they did.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're telling me you go in the backyard, you find a body in a carpet. You're. You're up and out immediately. You're not even asking any other questions. What if it's like the body of like Jimmy Hoffa?

[Joe Santagato]

Cuz then that would be cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

Then you have a cool fucking. Like it's a spot you could pay people to come see. What if it's a body of people.

[Joe Santagato]

Showing up in my house to look at my yard?

[Frank Alvarez]

If it's like a, like a body of like a really bad person, like Hitler, I think.

[Joe Santagato]

What is that body?

[Frank Alvarez]

I think it's like burnt up.

[Joe Santagato]

We burnt it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think they burnt it. He burnt it. He like killed himself.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. That doesn't mean he burnt his body too.

[Frank Alvarez]

What's Google? What?

[Joe Santagato]

Where's the body?

[Frank Alvarez]

Where's it? Where's Hitler's body?

[Joe Santagato]

Where's everybody's body? You know what I mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Joe Santagato]

Where is. This isn't a weird. Oh, they were completely burned in the, in the ashes. Scattered. But they don't say where they were scattered.

[Frank Alvarez]

Imagine they were scattered on like dog shit. Should be. That's crazy.

[Joe Santagato]

That's crazy though. But yeah, I mean, if I, if I knew that there was a dead body in my backyard that was like buried underneath it, I probably wouldn't walk out barefoot.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, in case the icky, like icky gets like.

[Joe Santagato]

They're like, they're in the.

[Frank Alvarez]

Also said, I read the story. The girl said it was buried only like two feet deep.

[Joe Santagato]

That's a murder. That's a lazy murder.

[Frank Alvarez]

But I was gonna say if it's a murder, it's a lazy.

[Joe Santagato]

How far are you digging if you're burying a body? I'm saying minimum four feet.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, go all the way people always. To dig a hole. Yeah, I've dug holes.

[Joe Santagato]

Like dug mad holes.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think it's that hard.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, it would take an afternoon.

[Frank Alvarez]

It would take, I would say two hours to dig a six foot hole, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

Have you not seen holes? It takes them all day to big to dig those holes.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a movie. Because they're dumb kids in the middle of the desert with nothing.

[Joe Santagato]

Digging a hole in a desert is probably very hard.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, because of what? No heat? Yeah, you know, all that stuff. But, like, you give me, like, a forest or a backyard I could think of. You give me. Give me two hours. You see how big that hole is?

[Joe Santagato]

There's no way you're digging a six foot hole in two hours, all right?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm getting at least three feet in six hours. Two hours.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I agree.

[Frank Alvarez]

I might even get more, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, you could dig down, but you have to make it big enough to fit a bod. Unless you fold it up. But it's in a carpet. You can't fold it. Fold it over.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bro. You guys don't understand. We are so tired.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm fried.

[Frank Alvarez]

I am so fried. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, spiritually.

[Joe Santagato]

Spiritually, spiritually, spiritually. We. We just. We had Radio City.

[Frank Alvarez]

What do we do? Two days ago, we just hung out.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Big moment for us doing Radio City. It was. It was pretty incredible. Honestly.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're. I love how you're saying, like, yeah, it was pretty incredible. It. Otherworldly.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I almost passed Different World. I might. My knees got a little shaky the first show.

[Joe Santagato]

The first night, we came up on an elevator on the stage and I yelled and almost threw up. And I wasn't expecting that.

[Frank Alvarez]

If you had thrown up on people in the first row, I would have given you every cent I've ever made from any of these shows.

[Joe Santagato]

So we came up and I. We, like, said hi to the crowd and stuff. And as we were walking to get our microphones from, like, the chairs, I said to Frank, I was like, I legitimately almost threw up. And then we're standing there and Frankie's talking, and I'm like, oh, I might throw up right now.

[Frank Alvarez]

I had moments of just like, whoo. My legs, where they go, you know, like, there was a. There was a bit of that, but.

[Joe Santagato]

A little bit of a power stance.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because I was worried about that once. Yeah. Once we got moving, I'll tell you this, that second show. Yeah, I had to pee. The fattest pee that I've ever had to pee.

[Joe Santagato]

Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

The biggest, fattest. Just like, massive, you know?

[Joe Santagato]

I'm so glad. Like, I didn't want to say this out loud because I thought I would jinx my body, but I'm surprised. Not that I'm surprised, but I'm happy that there was never a situation with either of us of being in the middle of the show and being like, I have to shit so bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that would have been really bad.

[Joe Santagato]

Horrid.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because, well, then, honestly, if it had happened just Run off, do your thing, and come back and we're hanging out.

[Joe Santagato]

I know, but, like, you ideally would not like to do that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes. That would be very.

[Joe Santagato]

Not going to hold my pants or, you know, fucking. If you fill it up in the.

[Frank Alvarez]

Middle of the show, if you would crap your pants. I told Keith. Truly, transparently, I told Keith. What was it, the second night?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because he was, like, laughing about. He was like, what if I pee my pants on Sage? And I looked at him in the face, I said, I will give you $5,000 cash.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Joey said he'd double it. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

I was like, you got $15,000 if you piss your pants on stage. Would be a hell of a way.

[Frank Alvarez]

To end the tour.

[Joe Santagato]

Didn't take the bait.

[Frank Alvarez]

You didn't take it. But that would have been a first on Radio City. No, probably, like, those rides are probably wearing diapers and those in their outfits.

[Joe Santagato]

And they were pretty strict about union, so I feel like piss would probably cost a couple bucks on the stage. Couple dollars be a couple. Couple cents.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. But it was crazy. It was awesome. It was something that we'll never forget for the rest of our lives. And. Yeah, super cool. Now we have time to just decompress and catch our breath.

[Joe Santagato]

Catch our breath, chill out, enjoy. Like Thanksgiving and creamies.

[Frank Alvarez]

I am gonna murder Christmas. Are you kidding me? I'm not so there yet, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm thinking about, you know, like, an autumn and just, like, a breezy walk with, like, a hot chocolate and then, like, you know, just like, thanksgauge Thanksgiving stage. Yeah, I love a little Thanksgiving. I love orange and brown shit. You know what I mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I'm all right with orange and brown, but I like them separately, you know?

[Joe Santagato]

No, I like when they're, like, side by side, like, Thanksgiving and then the day after Thanksgiving. Full Christmas mode.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, you got you commit to the bit.

[Joe Santagato]

Hard body. God damn.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah, I'm fucking. I'm ready for, like, pajamas. Oh, I'm not.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I need a pair of slips.

[Frank Alvarez]

I want just a big old candy cane.

[Joe Santagato]

A big one. Yeah. Damn fire.

[Frank Alvarez]

You getting a real tree this year? Are you gonna be a coward?

[Joe Santagato]

I have a tree.

[Frank Alvarez]

Coward. Yeah, there he goes.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I have a tree.

[Frank Alvarez]

Be a adult.

[Joe Santagato]

I'll get a tree, A real tree when I have a house. But I'm not lugging a fucking fake tree into an elevator, down a hallway, into my apartment. Fucking needles everywhere.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not your problem if there are needles everywhere. Let the fucking building that you pay $9 million a fucking month for pay for it.

[Joe Santagato]

I will say, during January, the first two weeks of January, there's fucking needles everywhere.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, do it, do it, do it, do it.

[Joe Santagato]

But, yeah, we'll figure it out. But, yeah, guys can speak for both of us here. Thank you so much for the support. Our fucking dreams came true that night. Like, I can't believe you guys did it. And, like, we can't. I'm honestly waiting until we see all the pictures from that night to be like, wow, I can't believe you fucking did that. That's insane.

[Frank Alvarez]

It hit me the night before. It hit me a little bit. I was, like, sitting down. I was just like, holy shit. And Becca was like, are you okay? And I was just like. I had to, like, fucking, like, do one of those. You know what I mean?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then, yeah, I think we saw one picture that our buddy Jimmy sent us, and we were like, holy crap.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, it, like, shot a bunch of confetti out at the end of the show, and it was just, like, a sick photo, but. And also for the cities that we didn't hit this year, another year.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who knows? Who knows?

[Joe Santagato]

We don't know what's happening here. Okay, but, Frank, where can they find you?

[Frank Alvarez]

Taking a nice long rest in a pile of leaves. Oh, you know what I'm talking about.

[Joe Santagato]

Getting a little itchy, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Ants in there. Be careful.

[Frank Alvarez]

There are f albers885 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez and other forms of social media. Guys, the Love Support. We can't say more how appreciative and thankful we are for you guys. Unbelievable. Patreon.com the Basement Yard. Kiss my mouth right here. Bang, bing, boom.

[Joe Santagato]

Also, go grab yourself some new Halloween [e-mail] and you can go follow me at Joe Sangato on all forms of social media and the basement yard on Tick Tock and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time.