#475 - Crashing A Wedding

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard Episode #475 - "Crashing A Wedding"

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Hosts: Joe Santagato and Frank Alvarez
Release Date: November 4, 2024
Duration: Approximately 62 minutes

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1. Opening Banter and Setting the Scene (00:00 - 01:33)

The episode kicks off with the typical playful and contentious banter between Joe and Frank. They exchange jabs and humorously navigate misunderstandings, setting a lighthearted tone for the discussion ahead.

Notable Quote:
Bob (Frank): "Who thought of calling me Stripes? I can't keep up with all these new slurs you guys come up with."
(00:09)

2. Wedding Preparations and Cocktail Hour Strategies (01:34 - 10:36)

Joe and Frank delve into their excitement about attending a wedding that weekend. As groomsmen, they discuss strategies for navigating the cocktail hour, including their preferred drink choices and past experiences at weddings.

Notable Quotes:
Joe: "How are you? I don't know. I'm cutting you off now. I'm sorry."
(01:24)

Frank: "I'm doing well. I'm very excited for the wedding that we have as of recording this weekend."
(01:45)

They humorously debate the merits of starting with cocktails like Martinis versus beers, sharing anecdotes from previous weddings where Frank remembers overindulging with multiple premium spirits.

Notable Quote:
Frank: "If it's an open bar, I always tip well because I'm probably consuming more than what I'm contributing as a gift."
(07:06)

3. The Art Exhibit Experience (27:21 - 33:03)

Transitioning to cultural topics, the hosts discuss a provocative art exhibit featuring two naked individuals at the entrance, challenging visitors to squeeze through them. They debate the boundaries of art, contrasting traditional forms like statues with more interactive and edgy installations.

Notable Quote:
Joe: "Do you give your butt to the woman or the man? It's a real Sophie's Choice."
(29:23)

Frank: "Nudity has always been a part of art, but rubbing against someone's flesh to appreciate it takes it to a whole new level."
(28:10)

4. Movie Theater Etiquette (33:04 - 39:50)

Joe and Frank hilariously explore the unwritten rules of movie theater behavior, especially regarding personal space and interactions with others. They create exaggerated scenarios about passing by nude exhibits or dealing with uncomfortable situations in theaters.

Notable Quote:
Frank: "You need to be a parseltongue in that moment. You gotta speak like a snake."
(36:19)

Joe: "What's the proper way to excuse yourself to the bathroom without attracting unwanted attention?"
(36:32)

They mockingly outline "etiquette courses" for handling awkward encounters, emphasizing exaggerated politeness and self-deprecation.

5. No Nut November and Humorous Takes on Self-Discipline (44:30 - 48:38)

The conversation shifts to current internet trends, specifically "No Nut November." Joe and Frank engage in a comedic debate about the physiological claims surrounding the challenge, mixing misinformation with humor.

Notable Quote:
Frank: "Your body just fucking blasts you if you don't. Too much?"
(46:43)

Joe: "You're telling me my body just sucks up my cum. That's right."
(46:57)

They playfully disagree on the seriousness of the challenge, poking fun at the participants' discipline levels.

6. TV Shows and Movie Discussions (50:00 - 61:15)

Wrapping up, the hosts discuss various TV shows and movies, including characters from Deadpool and Wolverine. They share their opinions on actors like Colin Farrell and Russell Crowe, touching upon their performances and roles in popular media.

Notable Quote:
Frank: "I love that character. He's so ruthless and will do anything."
(58:31)

Joe: "Matt Reeves, David Zaslav, James Gunn—send us to work on the show!"
(56:35)

Their conversation highlights a blend of genuine fandom and humorous critique of film and television narratives.

7. Creative Ideas and Merchandise Promotion (52:00 - 62:10)

In the latter part of the episode, Joe and Frank brainstorm creative ideas, such as designing "Picture Perfect Pants" with stitched windows for showcasing tattoos. This segment intertwines their inventive humor with promotional content for their merchandise.

Notable Quote:
Frank: "Picture Perfect pants—where your tattoos become part of your attire. It's a multi-billion dollar idea."
(53:08)

Joe: "So go to tbytourmerch.com and pledge your investment for the pants."
(54:05)

They blend playful creativity with practical promotions, encouraging listeners to engage with their brand.

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Conclusion

Episode #475 of The Basement Yard offers a mix of humorous dialogue, personal anecdotes, and light-hearted discussions on various topics ranging from wedding preparations to cultural exhibits and popular media. Joe and Frank maintain their signature wit throughout, providing entertaining content for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Note: This summary excludes promotional segments and focuses solely on the main conversational content to provide an informative and engaging overview for those who haven't listened to the episode.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard, stripes.

[B]

Whoa. Whoa. Oh, yeah. All right. I didn't know if that was, like, a new, like, cool, like, slur that you were gonna use at Hispanish people by just calling me Stripes. I don't know. I can't keep up with it. You guys are coming up with new stuff all the time, so.

[A]

You guys. I haven't come up with a new slur ever.

[B]

Ooh, you saved yourself there. You haven't come up with a new slur ever. You just use the ones that you've already heard of.

[A]

Okay, you're enough. You're done. You're done. You're done. You're.

[B]

You kind of walked into that one also. I don't know if what it says about me. I don't like the pointing. What?

[A]

This one's pointing at you.

[B]

Yeah, I don't. I don't think I'm sensitive.

[A]

You don't think you're sensitive?

[B]

I think. All right, I am pretty sensitive. Like, not in, like. You're saying it in, like, a bad way. I think I am. I am. I'm a good sensitive who said it.

[A]

In a bad way. I think sensitive.

[B]

You said it. You said it in a bad way.

[A]

You chose to interpret it as bad because you have masculinity.

[B]

Fucking therapist Joe.

[A]

Toxic masculinity.

[B]

It's not toxic. Masculine. My assembly is very. You could. You could drink it, and you'd be fine.

[A]

Bitch. Okay, but if I say you're sensitive, why is that a bad thing? You interpret it as bad. But do you think it's weird?

[B]

90% of the things that you say on here are meant to insult me. Bitch. You just called me a bitch. It is what it is.

[A]

We can't start an episode, two minutes without fucking yelling at each other.

[B]

Do you want to start?

[A]

Let's start over.

[B]

Let's start again.

[A]

Ready? How are you?

[B]

I'm doing well.

[A]

How are you doing?

[B]

I'm. I just said I'm doing well.

[A]

I know, I know, I know. You fucking.

[B]

Listen.

[A]

I'm an idiot.

[B]

All right, you want to start it one more time?

[A]

Okay, go one more time.

[B]

Okay, I'll start it this time. Go. Hey. Welcome back to the basement yard.

[A]

How are you? I don't know. I'm cutting you off now. I'm sorry.

[B]

I'm sorry. Jesus Christ.

[A]

It's my fault.

[B]

I'm doing well. I'm very excited for the wedding that we have as of recording this weekend.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

We're gonna unloose. Unloose.

[A]

We're gonna. I thought you say un lube. And I was like, what does that mean?

[B]

No, I'm getting ready to fucking. Yeah. A little this, baby. A little this.

[A]

I'm gonna get my hips going.

[B]

How? Show me. Like, Frank.

[A]

I'm gonna get the hips going. Yeah, we're gonna cause a world.

[B]

Now here, here's the thing. We're men of a certain age now. We need to plan what our drink of choice is gonna be throughout the night.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

What are you starting with? What are you gonna go for fucking the marathon with Babe?

[A]

Okay, let's. Let's do what we're gonna start with.

[B]

All right. I always.

[A]

First, same time, right?

[B]

Hold on, wait, are we. Are we. Cuz here's the thing. You are. You and I are both groomsmen, right? We're technically gonna be starting before the wedding tomorrow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So which is the day before the wedding. Right out there. So what are we considering the start Cocktail hour.

[A]

No, I mean, I have to officiate, so I can't get ham sauced.

[B]

Well, that's why I said cocktail hour.

[A]

Isn't cocktail hour before?

[B]

No, it's after Joey.

[A]

That is true.

[B]

Yeah. Joe, you know what? You're good at this. Yeah, it's.

[A]

It's ceremony.

[B]

Ceremony. Cocktail hour, receptions, they fit the cock right in between the party and the serious stuff.

[A]

Yeah, you do.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then the reception.

[A]

Okay. You know, if I don't see a pigs in a blanket at this cocktail hour, I will flip a table.

[B]

I think I have hope because I think people are realizing, like, I think this is going to be a really beautiful wedding. I think it's a. It sounds like it's a really classy establishment.

[A]

It's classy.

[B]

Pigs in a blanket. It has far reaching effects. It could be dirt cheap. It could be classy, it could be everything in between.

[A]

It all depends on what you have for the sauce.

[B]

Well, they probably won't call it pigs in a blanket. They'll probably call it like, you know, like cocktail Frank in a puff pastry. Yeah, yeah, like, just be who you are, bitch.

[A]

Tell us what it is, baby.

[B]

Be who you are, you dumb bitch. You're still a gutter slut under all those fucking layers.

[A]

Yeah, you're just a little pig wrapped up in a little nice blanket.

[B]

What's wrong with that?

[A]

Nothing.

[B]

Nothing. But what drink is your drink to start the cock hour?

[A]

I was gonna cock hour. I was gonna start with a little drink called Anything. Okay, you know what I may do if it's Allowed. I don't know what kind of, like, vibe we have, but, like, if it's, like, you know, it's so busy and everyone's blah, blah, blah, then I might just, like, start with, like, a mark or, like, a beer.

[B]

I have noticed something about you from the many dinners and times that we've been on the tour and stuff like that. You're a big fan of spicy margs. So I could see a spicy. If they tell you, like, we're starting off with spicy margs, sure. You're going for it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or hello. Hi.

[A]

I might just be, like, fucking Spres teen.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

Little espresso Martino.

[B]

Cause you be that you. Espresso. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like, what's her name?

[B]

What's Sabrina Carpenter? Carpenter.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You could be that.

[A]

You. You think her family were carpenters back in the day, and that's why that's her last name.

[B]

I mean, that's where most of names come. Like, they were just given the name based off their occupation, which is interesting.

[A]

Now, because she could not be less of a carpenter.

[B]

I mean, you never know. We don't know how, you know. Like, fair. We don't know. That was kind of a little sexist to you.

[A]

Sexist. She's a pop star.

[B]

I mean, pop stars could be many things a lot of people don't realize. You know, look at Harrison Ford, legendary actor. He got started because he was a carpenter, a union carpenter. A lot of people didn't know that.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. Well, there you go.

[A]

I rescind. I rescind.

[B]

So Sabrina Carpenter.

[A]

She could be very good.

[B]

Maybe it's like a rite of passage, like, to be in that family, you need to know how to, like, build, like, a small desk or something, you know?

[A]

Unlikely, because I don't think that's how last names work, but I. But, yeah, no, it's fair. But, like, Sydney Sweeney works on cars. What the fuck is that? She's a mechanic.

[B]

Well, she comes from a white family, so that's pretty on brand.

[A]

Same. But I can't fix a car. I could barely drive it.

[B]

Okay. I mean, your words, not mine.

[A]

If I popped the hood, I'd be like, I don't even.

[B]

I love. I've done that before where, like, things have gone awry in my car and I've popped the hood to look just.

[A]

What am I looking?

[B]

I wouldn't know what looking at.

[A]

Yeah, I'm looking for fire. As long as there's not fire.

[B]

An active fire. Yeah. Or like, something that's, like, clearly broken.

[A]

I'll pick up a dipstick to impress a girl or something, you know?

[B]

Really? Yeah.

[A]

Like, if there's a girl there, I'd.

[B]

Be like, oh, we got a horse. Just. Just test this out.

[A]

You know, I'm always pissed off to see I married.

[B]

You know, Becca is very, like. I was gonna say handsy. She is. Whoa.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

You know what I'm saying? But, like, she's very good with, like, handiwork around the house because her father was a carpenter.

[A]

Look at this. Wow. But, well, also, someone has to be.

[B]

Well, fuck you. Fuck you all the way. But, like, I can't do, like, stuff like that. If I were to pop a hood, she would probably be able to come over and be able to, like, figure something out.

[A]

Yeah, I'd be slamming a wrench against it. That's all I can do.

[B]

It's not working. Here's my, you know, my move here. Normally, I start. If it's an open bar, top shelf wedding. I try to get a drink for every of the premium spirits. I always.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah, I always do that. How many drinks is that? I guess why I get very drunk at these things. Joey, because Dominic's wedding, I was eviscerated.

[A]

Hold on. So you do rum, whiskey, tequila.

[B]

Rum, whiskey, scotch, tequila, vodka, scotch.

[A]

You took a scotch at wedding?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Joe, you don't remember? At Dom's wedding, I was pounding a Bud Light and I had a glass of Johnny Blue. You're a sick person. If it's an open bar, I always tip well.

[A]

Frank, this. Frank, if the wedding.

[B]

No, of course it's open bar.

[A]

No, no. If it wasn't, I'm raising hell.

[B]

I know. Well, first of all, knowing the two people whose wedding it is, it's open. It's open bar. That bar has been open for a week. And their families. Yeah. I'm gonna say this. If you're having premium top shelf at an open bar, right. You as a guest have to celebrate. You need to take advantage of that. If there's something you've always wanted to try, have it.

[A]

What do you Gin. What do you gin?

[B]

A gt, baby. I'm an easy boy. I always start with swamp water. Shrek Piss dirty martini.

[A]

Yeah, you love that.

[B]

Three olives. If they have blue cheese olives, I may kill myself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If they have garlic olives, someone is gonna get murdered.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it might be the dance floor.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I then go to depends on how I feel. Oh, Marg. Okay, maybe, you know, I can even.

[A]

Do, like, something that requires me to lick the rim. Fuck with that.

[B]

That's. Oh, okay.

[A]

You like licking the rim too? Well, we're talking about.

[B]

I didn't know what I was saying until you just gave me that look.

[A]

Yeah, but that's what I mean.

[B]

You're a rim licker the day you die, right, Bitch?

[A]

Put it on my toes.

[B]

Honestly, it's a good man. Right there, baby.

[A]

Hey, man.

[B]

But. Yeah, I'm fine, bro. Give me a playful drink.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't give a fuck if this thing is smoking. Oh.

[A]

I mean, it's a wedding. They're not gonna make a smoky drink.

[B]

Right. It's Long island, you know, they might be feeling freaky. This is prime wedding season.

[A]

He's got a good job.

[B]

You know, they both. They both do well for themselves. Pay for some smoke, you know. And I also got to be realistic. The amount that I'm probably consuming and the wedding gift, I'm probably over what I'm giving.

[A]

You're in the hole. You're in the hole.

[B]

I'm in the red.

[A]

Yeah. 100%.

[B]

I.

[A]

But if. Here's the thing. If I'm going to do like a martini to start, I'm going to have to do.

[B]

This is the best way to start, if you ask me.

[A]

You went, oh, yeah, I'm going to start like that because I can't hold a martini later on.

[B]

Exactly. That's why you start with a dainty glass.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because it looks classy. It looks classy. And you can walk around cocktail hour.

[A]

You're not sweating yet.

[B]

Not sweating. Not dancing. When it comes to full on dancing beer. Yeah. You don't care. And you're not dropping a glass. Don't be that person that drops a glass on the dance floor.

[A]

Can't have that.

[B]

You could drop a beer glass, a beer bottle, and like everyone.

[A]

Because the thing holds it all together.

[B]

And it holds it. And for the most part, it's pretty sturdy glass. Yeah. If it falls on hard wood or like linoleum, whatever those dance floors are made of. Yeah. It's gonna be okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I'm ready.

[A]

I'm ready too.

[B]

The reality is we'll probably start with some scotch or whiskey. Knowing. Knowing whose wedding it is, we is a little crazy.

[A]

I'll pro. Oh, you mean like in the bridal suite? Yeah. Yeah. There'll probably be a big fat whiskey there.

[B]

Oh, I need to find my flask.

[A]

You should have had. Yeah, I got mine.

[B]

I know. I just gotta make sure I bring it.

[A]

I forget. I don't really. I've never really Drank and drank it.

[B]

Flashed it up.

[A]

You would.

[B]

I flashed it up. I've gotten it. Like, a big thing when I was in college was drinking out of a flask. Well, we did, like, sorority for fraternity and sorority formals, which were just weddings, but no one was getting married. It was just a party.

[A]

It's just a dance.

[B]

It was just.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And we had flasks. But we would also pay the people to, like, just. We'd be like, yo, here's like, here's 40 bucks. Give me a wristband. Whatever. But a big thing was gummy bears infused in vodka or any alcohol. So I have walked around sorority formals and fraternity formals with a pocket of, like, a Tupperware.

[A]

Frankie, don't. Don't say this.

[B]

Just filled with gummy bears.

[A]

You're telling me in college you walked around a party getting drunk off of gummy bears?

[B]

Well, let's be. Let's be very clear. I was also way drunk before I got to these parties.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then I just kept it going by. Just.

[A]

How did you fit a Tupperware in your pocket?

[B]

Not a full, like this size. You know how they make the Tupperwares that are kind of longer and skinnier?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Kind of like they almost look like a glasses case.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You can fit that in your pocket. And I did both breast pockets.

[A]

You had a double breast shirt on, jacket.

[B]

Double breast.

[A]

I know you. And I know you. You were definitely pawning those things off, too.

[B]

Oh, you want some?

[A]

And you are fucking Joey Acid.

[B]

You know, if you know me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Any of. First of all, life, from the near 30 years of knowing me, you need.

[A]

To have everything Frankie has.

[B]

I can. I like to share. I like to share. That's what I'm saying. I like to share.

[A]

He's like. He's like, yo, you got to try these pancakes. Really? You gotta try them. He'll push him four times before he stops. He needs you to try.

[B]

Yo, these pancakes are great. You should try them. And then it's a.

[A]

Does anyone want to try.

[B]

Does anyone want to try the pancakes? Last call in the pancakes. You know, like, last call the pancakes.

[A]

And then the last one's, like, right.

[B]

Before anyone want them. That's what it is. That's the etiquette. It's offering your food.

[A]

It's nice. You have a nice experience. You want to share the experience?

[B]

Yes, I do. That's what I want to do. It's a little. It's a little push. I wouldn't say pushy, because I'm not Like, fucking shoving it down your throat.

[A]

Passing affairs on the defense a little bit.

[B]

Okay, I'll give you that. I'll give you that.

[A]

Defensive holding.

[B]

But, like, that's the way to do it if you're gonna offer. Because what I order, I'm very happy in. And if it's delicious, I want everyone to experience. That's what Becca and I do. We go out to dinner. She's like, I want these two things. And I'm like, I want these two things. And it's like, you order that, I order that, and we share.

[A]

Right? Make this table a lazy Susan.

[B]

That's what I'm talking about. You know what I mean? Is that insensitive? Lazy Susan?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Let's call her dumbass Susan then.

[A]

How is that better?

[B]

I don't know. Cause it doesn't mean she's lazy. She might just be stupid. One is worse.

[A]

Yeah, I'm not sure.

[B]

Lazy is subjective. Stupid is universal.

[A]

I feel like you made that worse, but.

[B]

Yeah, but that's the thing. I got this steak, yo. This steak is ridiculous. You want some? First time? No, I'm all right. You sure you don't want any? Yeah. Okay. Last call on this. And then finally. Oh, I can't eat anymore. Anyone want these? Yeah, just. And that's. Honestly, around 3 and 4 is when people are most susceptible to trying it because they're excited when they get their own food.

[A]

Really? I feel the opposite. Like, I'm either in on the first one, because when food lands, that's when I'm like, oh, that looks good. And then I'm hoping someone's like, oh. Or I'll say like, wow, that looks good. Then it's like, do you want to try? Yeah, that's why I said it looked good.

[B]

You know, that's. That's the. You. Everyone does that. The worst person I've ever seen do that is Keith.

[A]

Yeah, he's. He's not very subtle.

[B]

He's not very subtle.

[A]

Wow, that's good. I probably eat that.

[B]

I've told this story probably a dozen times. Maybe not on this show.

[A]

No. A baker's.

[B]

Now a baker's doesn't. That's right. Doesn't make any sense. We've agreed on that, right?

[A]

No sense. What requires 13 eggs?

[B]

I don't know. But Keith, we would be out, probably at Subway, and we'd get those cookies, which, we, hindsight looking back, probably not even cookies. And he'd be like, oh, that looks good. I would so have one. You know what I'M gonna go buy. Oh, but I don't have any money. I'm probably not just gonna get. But if I did, I'd get it. And I'm like, all right, Keith, here, have the.

[A]

We can hear that. You want this cookie so badly.

[B]

So excited for wedding season. Yeah. By wedding season, I mean the one wedding on the horizon.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, this is not wedding season.

[B]

No, this is wedding season.

[A]

Is it wedding?

[B]

The fall is like peak wedding season, right?

[A]

I only have one.

[B]

Yeah. The one that I know of.

[A]

Yeah, I think so.

[B]

I don't even know anyone else getting married. Who else do we know is getting married? Everyone is either already married or just not getting married yet.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know.

[B]

So we gotta live this up, baby.

[A]

Tell everybody to be living it up by saying. Do you think they're gonna be. Are we gonna have to make requests?

[B]

It's a live band. You didn't know that?

[A]

I totally forgot.

[B]

It's a live band.

[A]

Do you think they'll let us do a song?

[B]

Let me be very clear about something.

[A]

Officiating isn't enough. I need to perform.

[B]

Let's be. Not been a month out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

From fucking Radio City. It's not about if they let us do a song. We're getting those mics.

[A]

You're gonna get up there and be.

[B]

Like, excuse, do me a favor, Play. Fucking play. You know, piano man. And it's mine, bitch.

[A]

Yeah, it's. Maybe they'll be into it. Well, I'm not gonna. I'm not.

[B]

I gotta be honest.

[A]

I think I'm scared.

[B]

I think, oh, that's why I started drinking earlier. The fear of doing this stuff will be long gone by.

[A]

I'm scared of.

[B]

Buy the best man speech.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

As soon as the party starts, my fear and inhibitions will be out the window. I see a moment that I can slip in and be a part of the live band. I might even play the drums.

[A]

Oof. That's good too. At the very minimum, I think that we can get up there and like be background singers.

[B]

Oh, yeah, we could. We could do here with them or.

[A]

You know what's gonna happen a lot, a lot is when. Usually when they do that and they like at the edge of the stage and then they go to the crowd, bro, I'm right there. 24 Karat.

[B]

If they do a live band version of 24 Karat Magic.

[A]

Of course they are.

[B]

I am. I'm telling you right now, I might not walk home with feet. I might not walk home cuz I'm Driving home I might not leave that place with feet. I will fucking burn my feet off dancing.

[A]

Driving home. What do you mean?

[B]

I'm saying, like, after the next day, you're not driving home. Not that night. Not at all. It's gonna be. It's gonna be. It's gonna be. It's gonna be. I'm excited. I'm excited.

[A]

Me, too.

[B]

And I know your least favorite part of every wedding you've been to with the lake people is we're probably gonna do.

[A]

Oh, my God. I forgot about you freaks.

[B]

So for those of you uninsured, A paradise by the dashboard light.

[A]

Yeah, dude, you gotta see these people perform this song, like, so. At the lake house where they are, which. Our friend who's getting married also has a house there. So his family's there, Frankie's family is there, and a bunch of other families. And for whatever reason, you know, this. This. These little bunch of cottages have. Their theme song is Dashboard by the who's Life. Sunlight by the dashboard's height.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

Light by the dashboard Dashboard Just go.

[B]

Just go.

[A]

Whatever it is. I knew the song, but I can't.

[B]

Remember just said it.

[A]

Well, I know I was, like, making a joke, and now I've completely scrambled my brain.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Something by the dashboard light okay. Paradise, paradise they perform this song and it gets so. Especially you guys.

[B]

What's up, baby?

[A]

Frank's family gets a little weird because of the lyrics are like, it's about.

[B]

Fucking in a car.

[A]

It's about fucking the car. And then you and your brothers are singing it to your sister. She's.

[B]

No, no, no, no. First of all, take it the fuck easy, okay? Take it the fuck easy.

[A]

Let's be very lovely.

[B]

Yeah. Do you need me? You know? Yes.

[A]

All that stuff. And the song is one hour long.

[B]

It's a long song. There is a big part in the middle of it where they just are playing the fucking radio version of a Yankees baseball game from the 40s or 50s, whenever it is. And it's like, here he comes running around third and he say, you know, like. But it's like. I don't know where it came from, to be honest. I think it just started happening one year, and then we just committed to it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And made it our whole, like. And people get into it. Don't even sit there and lie about you not getting into it, bitch, because you're fucking in it.

[A]

It depends.

[B]

You're right there.

[A]

I've been on and off.

[B]

And the boys line up on this side, the girls Line up on this side. And the boys sing the boys verse, you know, like fucking.

[A]

Your mom goes hard like Greece, you know.

[B]

And the girls sing the girls verse, you know, like the fucking Pink Ladies. And then at the end, you know, everyone just gets together and dances, has a good time. Yeah. And there's nothing wrong with it. It is about fucking in a car. So when you look across and you see your family members there.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And women of significantly older age, it could be a little weird, but it's all just music, baby. Yeah, that's music. My music's about fucking and sucking. It's just a matter of which songs you allow to steep into your brain. About the fucking and sucking.

[A]

Well, I don't know if that made any sense, but, yeah, I think so. But I forget. That's definitely gonna go in there.

[B]

It's gonna go in there, and it's gonna be a good time.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, man, I totally forgot about the band. I'm fucking amped.

[B]

I've never been to a wedding with a live band.

[A]

I've only been to your brothers right now. My cousins.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

My cut. And they had, like, 14 people in this band. It was ridiculous.

[B]

I'm just letting you know I know this is coming out both on Patreon and publicly available after the wedding to our friends getting married. We apologize for what might happen at this wedding with the live band and us. It's been a couple weeks since we've performed. We've got the itch.

[A]

Got the itch.

[B]

We've got the itch.

[A]

It's not our fault.

[B]

It's not.

[A]

It's not our fault.

[B]

You can't take. You can't put baby in a corner because these babies. You put these babies in a corner, these babies are gonna grab your mic and rip it.

[A]

God damn, I'm hyped now. So we will apologize for that, but the other thing that we have to apologize for is that we forgot to plug something and Greg's gonna murder us. Guys, just so you know right now. Frank, hold up the sign.

[B]

Just go to this website. We won't tell you what it says.

[A]

Tbytourmerch.com.

[B]

Oh, I was like. I was gonna let them decipher the hieroglyphics that are fucking Greg's handwriting.

[A]

Our Greg's. Oh, that is.

[B]

Okay, that. I think you said our Greg's handwriting.

[A]

You said our. Oh, he's ours.

[B]

Tby. Well, technically, he's yours. TBY Tour merch dot com. We have.

[A]

Yeah. Tbytor merch comes for the first Time, I guess, and, like, you know, whatever. But on the tour, we put out a bunch of merch. And, you know, we bought a bunch for all the shows and whatnot, and that was the only place that you can get them. We have some leftover inventory, so we're putting it up on that website, tbytourmerch.com and you can go get it. So we have a Santa Gado Studios baseball uniform. Frank.

[B]

Okay. Uniform. It's just the shirt. It's just a jersey.

[A]

It's just a jersey. There's no pants. There's no bat and ball.

[B]

You.

[A]

Come on. It's a jersey. I know. We don't have all of them. Look. So we have this sick jersey. You guys have probably seen it in some photos. But this jersey is now available on tbytourmerch.com says Santa Gallo Studios on the back, is 24 for 2024. We also have this shirt from the first three shows.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So this is the basement yard experience. That's me and Frankie drinking champagne with the flame in the background.

[B]

We're now forever tied to champagne.

[A]

I'm totally fine with that. Also, that shirt gets really cool because when you wash it a couple times and it starts to look a little, like, vintage.

[B]

And technically it is vintage because they will not be reprinted. So they are right now one of a kind. You're not getting anything more, bitch. You are so fucking accept it.

[A]

Tbytourmerch.com so go get it while you still can. And there's a couple of other stuff up there as well that are from the tour. So, you know, for everyone who bought merch during the tour, thank you so much. And everyone has said, you know, they enjoyed it. One thing that I will say about that merch is that we have our actual tour tea that has, you know, the basement art experience. Over here on the back is a bunch of dates, and it's a really cool shirt and we love it. A lot of people have sent, like, emails to our merch company being like, this was misprinted because it looks like the seams are inside out. We did that on purpose.

[B]

That was a design choice.

[A]

It was a design choice. We thought it was cool. So we were like, it has this little, like, inside out type of thing.

[B]

Yeah, it's different. It's fucking different. That's what you want.

[A]

Now you're getting yelled out by him, which you don't want. So, yeah, just go check it out. Tbytormerch.com Franklin.

[B]

There you go. There it is. You see it?

[A]

Also, if you want give greg a rating 1 through 10 on his handwriting? Frank, what are you going to give him?

[B]

A zero?

[A]

I'm going to give him a two. But yeah, so we do have sponsors for today as well, the first one being, hello, how you doing? We have zocdoc. So zocdoc is a platform where you can, you know, find and book patient reviewed doctor's appointments. So you go onto their platform and you put in your insurance that you have and they will show you doctors in your area and their next available appointment. Also, like I said, they're patient reviewed. So then you can weed out like, oh, this guy probably isn't a good doctor or their office is like, you know, whatever, and you can find good doctors in your area. This is exactly what I used before they were a sponsor to find my primary care physician. And it's not, it's not just primary care physicians and physicians either. You can find specialists on it as well. You just plug in your insurance, you type in what you're looking for and it'll show you people in your area that do that and their next available appointment. So it's great. And yeah, you can stop putting off those doctors appointments. Go to zocdoc.com basement to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That is Zocdoc.com basement. Again, that is Zocdoc.com/basement. And we also have BetterHelp. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp, which is online therapy. For those of you who are not in therapy, I do suggest that you do do it. I think that, you know, even if you're not going through anything traumatic in your life or you feel like you kind of all got it all kind of together, I still think therapy is beneficial to, to you and to anyone else in the world. It really does help in ways that you probably can't even think of right now. But it's nice to have someone who is not biased, that you can kind of like talk to and just helps you with, you know, decisions and whether with your career or personal life or whatever it is, it is very helpful. So better help can help facilitate that because they are more affordable than in person therapy, which is, you know, super expensive. And sometimes that's like the biggest deterrent for people is that how expensive it is. But betterhelp is a fraction of the price. And yeah, you can start talking to a therapist in just under 48 hours. So it's very quick onboarding and you know, we're gonna save you some money as well. So you can go to betterhelp.com basemyar today to get 10% off of your first month. Okay? That is BetterHelp spelled B E T T E R h e l p.com basementyard to save 10% off your first month today.

[B]

And make sure you go to patreon.com thebasement yard Folks, we are gearing up and getting ready to offer you guys some new cool stuff for Patreon, which you're gonna definitely wanna be a member of. So you can see it, because it'll be exclusively offered to our patrons. So go check out patreon.com the basementyard. Check out that first tier where you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. And that second tier, not only you get those weekly episodes a week in advance, and then you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. Start your week, end your week with us, the Basement Boys. So go to patreon.com thebasement yard and sign up today. Guys, thank you so much. We're continuing to grow. We wanna get to 33,000. We are planning some stuff. Don't want to give away too much, but you're definitely going to want to keep an ear to the ground. Maybe sanitize the part of the ground where you're going to put your ear and then put it there, and then you'll be notified when things are going on. All right. Patreon.com TheBasement Yard thanks, folks. Go check it out.

[A]

So we have to talk about this art exhibit where there's two naked people at the front door.

[B]

Yeah, I saw that.

[A]

There's a naked woman, naked man, and you have to squeeze through them. You can't walk.

[B]

Shoulder. Wait till I get into the exhibit.

[A]

I actually don't know if that's true, but it's part of the art exhibit is like, you have to walk through these people.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Why?

[B]

Why is this part of the exhibit?

[A]

One word.

[B]

Art. Okay, what happened when art was just, like, fucking fat babies with wings and, like, naked fucking people, like, you know, like, eating apples from trees, and now you gotta, like, fucking, like, grind on someone in order to be considered art?

[A]

To be fair, nudity has always been a part of art, especially.

[B]

Yeah, but like nudity in paintings. My uncle was an artist. He drew fucking tits and dicks all the time. Okay, but drawing it and rubbing your own shit upon it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Very different things.

[A]

I also think they're different, but you got to be. I mean, let's be fair here. I mean, back in the day, they had a lot. Back in the day they had a lot of statues that for. I will say the most unnecessary thing that I think ever in the history of the art world. I get it. Nudity. It's artistic for your body, whatever it is. Do the statues have to be pissing? Do they have to be pissing?

[B]

I think those are fountains, brother.

[A]

Well, whatever they're pissing though.

[B]

Fountains piss. Statues don't. Fountains aren't considered like art.

[A]

A fountain is a statue.

[B]

But it's it. But it's more about the aquatics behind the statue. No one cares about it and say like, oh my God, this beautiful piece of art. They just say like, I just want water to shoot up in my front yard.

[A]

Yeah, but why does it got a piss?

[B]

I've never really seen pissing statues. I've seen like many of these. One. Who? Fish spit. I've never seen a fish spit.

[A]

They can.

[B]

Can they?

[A]

I don't know. Anyway, I don't care. So the art exhibit, right. This part of the exhibit is like, there's a man and a woman and they're naked.

[B]

I saw.

[A]

Right. So you have to squeeze through them. And it. The Internet was kind of asking, how do you pass by?

[B]

So do you crawl?

[A]

Do you give it Crawl?

[B]

Can you crawl?

[A]

No, dude, you. Come on, let's play the game.

[B]

Can you run and jump?

[A]

Run and jump. You fucking Super Mario. You're gonna jump over these people, not over. So if you had to squeeze through a naked man and a woman, which are you giving your butt to, the woman or the man? And giving your thing to the woman or man. Well, hold on, because you can't have this.

[B]

I'm clothed, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, I don't need. I. Yeah. Don't say like, that's not a crazy thing to ask. Like, no. These freaking artists is like, you'd only experience the nude art if you're also nude as well.

[A]

If you have your clothes on and you're passing through a naked woman and a naked man, what? Which way is your butt going?

[B]

Oh, man, I don't know what's worse.

[A]

You got to give an answer.

[B]

I can't give my butt to a guy.

[A]

So you're gonna, you're gonna scrape shafts. You're gonna do a little of this.

[B]

Oh, man, this is. This is a real Sophie's Choice.

[A]

You're gonna give him one of those. You're gonna have a little Johnny Depp sword fight.

[B]

Why? Cuz he was a pirate. Yeah, yeah. That's actually. That's pretty spot on. I. I mean, I. I think. What do you do Here, dude, I.

[A]

Think throw butt at.

[B]

No way, dude. Why you're giving your ass to this guy?

[A]

I don't want to give him my ass, but the way that I'm thinking about it is, like, I'm gonna be passing by this guy, and if I'm giving him wiener, then he's in my.

[B]

You're giving him butt. That's like that.

[A]

But I'm worried about my fit. Like, my face. I'm facing the guy.

[B]

Your face. The face of the guy. You've been this close to a man's face.

[A]

Not. Not fucking. Because I want.

[B]

None of this is sexual. None of this. You're doing any of this sexually.

[A]

I know, but I got pants on. It's. It's like you were not scraping.

[B]

I would wear three pound. I would wear three pairs of jeans.

[A]

Why is it you? What is that gonna do?

[B]

I just. If I felt the skin on my.

[A]

Like you would feel them on your jeans. I just don't know, like, face to face with a random guy being like, sorry.

[B]

And like, you've done that in nightclubs and like that. Like, I'm. I don't know, dude. What if I did?

[A]

Like you just said nightclubs, by the way. That's. That's wild. Nightclubs.

[B]

You.

[A]

You do that in, like, a dancing joint.

[B]

What if I go face? But I. But I turned back to see the girl, and I.

[A]

Well, you would need to have a broken neck in order to achieve.

[B]

No, look at how. Look at how good of that turn was.

[A]

You just turned like crazy, though. You're. But you're just looking to the side. You know what? Actually, you don't. Yeah, exactly. I could just go like this.

[B]

I could just go like that. And then. And then, like, you. You. You men have kissed you on the cheek.

[A]

Italian old men. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. There you go. You could do that. So I give the. I give this guy my front, but I give a.

[A]

Okay. Yeah.

[B]

And I keep the hands up here if they.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Down here.

[A]

I don't want to catch.

[B]

Catching residual.

[A]

Yeah, I'm not catching a dangle. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not.

[B]

You're catching. Yeah, you're catching the. You know, a meat hook, if you catch my drift.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You might have sold me.

[B]

I think you. You can even go this way. You can go this way.

[A]

So how do you do it in a movie theater, though? You throw butt? No, but.

[B]

But that's feet. I'm not passing. People aren't standing in a movie theater. Yeah, a lot of the Movie I go to now have recliners. So it's just people laying down.

[A]

Oh. Oh, geez. Money bags over here.

[B]

Definitely not money bags. You're just there.

[A]

Fucking movie theater. You only go to the ones where there's beds.

[B]

Joe. All honestly. And this is not be me being money bag.

[A]

20 years, by the way. I haven't been to them.

[B]

I was gonna say most of the ones around here probably have the same exact thing.

[A]

Really? I don't know.

[B]

They don't have, like, the seats, Bro, they ruined movie theaters. I just want to put that out there.

[A]

I'd rather be in a reclining seat.

[B]

I'd rather. No, because then it's like, I like the old, like, dingy seats. You show up and you see. All right there.

[A]

You'd rather that rickle.

[B]

You feel like you're in a fucking spaceship when you get into one of these things. I want to have, like, I can. You know, like, if I. Becca and I go. And I can, like, cuddle her arm around her. There's a giant fucking armrest in between us now that's mechanized.

[A]

Wait.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So wait, but you're talking about going back to regular movie theater.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[A]

Where there's an armrest.

[B]

Yeah. And you could just pick it up, and then it's just the seats.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now the armrest is, like, this big.

[A]

Oh. And then you. Because you have your drinks.

[B]

You have your drinks, and the buttons are in it a lot of the time. So, like, it's. It's electrified, so you can't pick it up.

[A]

Electronic, I think.

[B]

Yeah, it was.

[A]

It's an electrify. You touch it, you get electrocuted.

[B]

We did. So we were. We got interviewed by People magazine, which was really, really cool. Which. If you guys haven't seen that, go check it out. I'm shocked you didn't bring this up sooner.

[A]

I forgot.

[B]

But I. You know, print media is dead. It's dead. A lot of people don't even use it anymore. Everything is read online. So after the interview, she was really nice, and I asked her, like. I meant to say, like, is this gonna be digital only? But I was like, is this only gonna be electronic?

[A]

And he didn't, like, know that he said anything wrong. And she went electronic. And I'm like, digital is what he means.

[B]

I caught it. That bounced out.

[A]

It did, but that. That's a miss.

[B]

Yeah. I just. I think the right way.

[A]

So wait, in the movie theater, what do you do? Like, in a regular movie theater?

[B]

I face the screen, baby.

[A]

So you throw butt at these people?

[B]

Yeah, people are getting my butt. You are too.

[A]

I don't know. You know what? It depends. If I'm getting out of my seat and going to the bathroom, then I think. I think I throw penis at them. But if I'm getting into the seats for the first time, then I think I'm throwing butt.

[B]

So your first entrance into there, you give them your ass. Second time you come back, they get your cock.

[A]

Yeah, I think so. I think I switch it up or it depends where I'm.

[B]

If you're on the end, it doesn't even matter if you're sitting on an aisle seat.

[A]

I mean, if I'm. If I'm turning in to the seats this way, then maybe I throw.

[B]

If you're coming up the stairs and turning that way, then I throw butt. Easy to give him your ass.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But if you have to, you know, like come down and turn in.

[A]

Yeah, I'm not gonna do a spin ballerina.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. I think the most important part of whatever way you pick hands need to be a.

[A]

Hands.

[B]

Hands need to be up here because. And I'm not talking here or here, because you'll get. You'll get boobs.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You gotta stop and you gotta freeze.

[B]

You need it.

[A]

I mean, freeze your under.

[B]

Eyes up, baby hands up. Giving your heart. Gimme, gimme. Yeah, right here.

[A]

Yeah. I also think that it's. It's required to be like, oh, yeah. And you don't have to say sorry, but you have to sound like a snake.

[B]

You need to. Yes, you need it. You need to be a parseltongue in that moment. You gotta speak. Yeah, that's. That's just.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Even when you're like, when you are trying to get through a crowd, it's. Excuse me, I'm sorry, yeah. Or like you're crossing a street and there's a car and he's like, yeah, yeah, bro.

[A]

And also when you get back to the seats after the bathroom, you gotta like be so self deprecating. Be like fucking, I'm sorry. Like, I. Obviously I have that plan.

[B]

I do that movie theater etiquette is a whole other course.

[A]

I'm sorry that I have a body.

[B]

We should get back in touch with our friend Micah Meyer, the etiquette expert that proved that I was a better etiquette person than you don't know. And see if there is like, if we can help her write a book on movie theater etiquette.

[A]

You've gone too far with the idea.

[B]

Now because you're right. When you get back to your seat, you're just like, I'm fucking sorry.

[A]

I'm so.

[B]

I'm such a fucking idiot.

[A]

I'm just a big fat pissing idiot.

[B]

My fucking bladder sucks. It sucks. It sucks.

[A]

And then you slap me in the face.

[B]

Thank you. I'm such a. You know, like. You're right. You need to be the enemy of yourself in a movie theater.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, and especially if you sneeze.

[A]

Getting up two times in during a movie, by the way, just.

[B]

No. Piss your pants. Yeah, piss your pants.

[A]

You get one bathroom break.

[B]

You get one bathroom break. And the proper way to go to the bathroom during the movie is to run to the bathroom so you don't move. Miss any of the movie and piss as hard and fast as you possibly could.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then grip your butt and like.

[A]

Push more piss out. I was hoping you were gonna keep talking.

[B]

We're here. We've arrived at the station. Time to get out and talk about your choices there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know, Is that how you like squeeze pee?

[A]

No.

[B]

Did you squeeze your butt like you're a sponge?

[A]

No. No, I don't.

[B]

You do.

[A]

No, I don't.

[B]

Yeah, you do. I did.

[A]

I was being a joke. Funny.

[B]

I don't know about that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you know my bathroom etiquette. You have to preload your piss.

[A]

Preload your piss.

[B]

Yeah, Preload.

[A]

What does that mean?

[B]

As soon as I enter the bathroom, my hands in my pants.

[A]

Yeah, but that's. We're entering illegal territory.

[B]

No. Because I'm not exposing myself to anyone but the urinal or the toilet.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, pee as hard as you can. Run back.

[A]

Let me ask you something about urinals. You get right up on those things. No, you so, you so people next to you, they.

[B]

Honestly, it depends on one, the type of urinal and two, if there is someone to the left and or right of me.

[A]

So you'll hug the thing. You'll get right up on that bitch.

[B]

If, if there are people on both sides of me, I'll get a little close.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But then I got a really a. My piss stream right down.

[A]

Cuz then you're peeing on yourself.

[B]

Then I'm pissing on myself.

[A]

And I hate when urinals are just flushing the whole time.

[B]

Yeah, I hate that too.

[A]

I hate it.

[B]

I'm getting like. We're trying to save the word world. Urinals that are just like, they don't flush. It's just a drain in the bottom.

[A]

What are we doing.

[B]

Give me water when I pee.

[A]

Give me water. I'd like to waste some water.

[B]

Listen, if anything. Pee might save the turtles.

[A]

I don't know how that's adding my.

[B]

It might. It adds more liquid into the water, right?

[A]

What?

[B]

No. Bad.

[A]

I don't even know where you are.

[B]

All right, no big deal.

[A]

But anyway, yeah, I guess in a movie theater. You got it. Depends which way you're going or whatever.

[B]

When's the last time you went to a movie theater? Was it Avengers? Endgame?

[A]

I don't know. I think. I think I've been after that.

[B]

I go fairly, like, regular, maybe like three, four times a year. Really? Yeah. Wow. Well, Miles wants to see movies. I want to see movies.

[A]

Popcorn. Love a good popcorn. Slushies.

[B]

No, I don't do slushies because those are not real slushies. Those are like, the fucking ones that you drink all the good stuff, then you just left with just cloudy mess.

[A]

That's why you gotta spin it. You gotta keep.

[B]

I'm only drinking slush puppies if they're slushies. One, two pretzel nugs, baby. Pretzel nugs and cheese.

[A]

You find my mom and cookie dough bites.

[B]

Yeah, but, like, Frank, you're a bastard. I'm fine without them. I'm good with a pretzel bites. A soda? Because you have to get a soda at the movies.

[A]

I don't do that because it's just too much. I'm not going to drink it.

[B]

Twizzlers.

[A]

Twizzlers? What are you fucking 47 and going through a divorce?

[B]

Hopefully no and never Twizzlers. Ill Milk Duds.

[A]

I'm there. You're buying another thing. How much money you spend it?

[B]

I'm not buy. I'm saying, like, my options, babe.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Popcorn is a death.

[A]

You gotta get popcorn.

[B]

And now they have, like, all these cool, like, popcorn buckets, bro.

[A]

I hate popcorn.

[B]

Bags. Bags. Give me the fucking tub bags.

[A]

Keep your fucking bag, dude.

[B]

Give me the goddamn cup. Fucking little bags.

[A]

Here's a bag. Give me a fucking helmet. Give me something with structure.

[B]

Well, that's why, like, a lot of movies like AMC now when, like, movies come out, they have, like, collectors, the custom ones. Buckets they had like.

[A]

And then weird people on Reddit figure out ways to fuck it.

[B]

Yeah, well, that one was an easy one. The fuck that Dune bucket. It didn't take much. A lot, you know?

[A]

Yeah, they know what they were doing. They made a flashlight.

[B]

Listen, listen. If you're going to see a movie with Timothy Chalamet and a bunch of sand. You might as well the bucket when you get home. That's the least.

[A]

You gotta get something out of this.

[B]

You gotta get something out of this fucking movie experience, you know?

[A]

Oh, my God. All right, well, I guess on that note, we have.

[B]

We have Stitch Fixed.

[A]

Stitch Fix is going to act as your personal stylist, okay? You go onto their website, you fill out a style quiz, you let them know, you know, your height, your weight, what kind of fit on your shirts and pants you like, and all your little sizes and your shoe size and stuff like that, and then they get right to work, okay? Your personal stylist just kind of jumps out there onto the Internet and they start shopping for you from like a thousand different brands that you know and love. And they send stuff to your house, and then you only pay for the stuff that you keep, okay? So it's nice. You get it. Every so often you're like, oh, some new clothes. I like this. I don't like this. You send. You send back the stuff that you don't want. Free returns, okay? Free shipping always. So, boom, just like that. And you keep your wardrobe nice and fresh. So it's very lovely with Stitch Fix and you can make style easy. Get started today. Go to stitch fix.com basement, okay? To get this deal. So go to stitch fix.com/basement right now and upgrade that wardrobe, baby. It's gonna be amazing. And lastly here we do have Rocket Money, which is a personal finance app that's going to find and help you cancel unwanted subscriptions. Okay? We're all guilty of it. We've signed up for free trials. We are paying for some app to do this thing, and I haven't used it in eight months, and I've just been pouring money down the drain. Rocket Money is going to help you identify those things, cancel them, and put the money back in your pocket. And look, it's not just you and it's not just me. This is everybody. They have millions of users and they have 5 million users and have saved a total of 500 million in cancel subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the apps features, on average, $740 a purse. Okay? Everyone's doing it, so go check out Rocket Money. Also, I didn't even mention the other things. They have a budgeting tool to help you stay on budget, and they have a feature where you can send a picture of your bill and they can help you lower it possibly. So they're gonna put money Back in your pocket. That's the business that they're in. So stop wasting things on. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your wanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com basement. Okay? That is rocket money.com/basement. Get to it.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

The hell are we talking about?

[B]

We somehow got from nude art exhibit to the movie theaters.

[A]

Oh, before we go, it's officially hello. No nut November.

[B]

Oh, hi. Why? Who are you saying hello to? All the people that practice.

[A]

Yeah, apparently that's an Internet thing they like.

[B]

It is?

[A]

No, not November.

[B]

Oh, you're so cool. I actually. I saw. That's so funny you bring that up. I was. Don't ask me why I was reading this, but there was like, a fucking article about, like, what does no nut November actually do to your body and shit like that. Apparently it's not that bad. Like, it can. Like.

[A]

What's not that bad?

[B]

Like, no nut November. People are thinking like, oh, you get, like, backed up blue balls, big old fat balls and stuff like that.

[A]

What?

[B]

People say that? People say that? I think.

[A]

I thought it was like, no, not November. It's like. It's about discipline and, like, semen retention.

[B]

I think that's what. I think that's what the general. But it's funny because it's coming from the least disciplined people on the planet that are doing it. Like frat boys in, like, fucking college. What happened to no, it was like, I practice discipline and do no nut November. And it's like, you just smoked 14 cigarettes in an hour.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what happened to no fap? No fap November?

[A]

Well, no fap was like, no no fapping. Why is that called fapping?

[B]

I think the noise sounds like you're fap.

[A]

Fap time. So is no fap and then no nut.

[B]

Well, I think no nut November, because no fap just. It specifies masturbation. No nut means, basically, you are abstinent the whole month we went from.

[A]

Have you done that?

[B]

No. No, I have not.

[A]

I was. I was setting you up there.

[B]

Have you.

[A]

No, I was setting you up for an easy joke to be like 16 years.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, well, then, yeah, sure, I guess. But I. I apparently, like, it said, like. It's like, you don't get, like, swollen testicles or anything because your body just, like, resorbs the semen.

[A]

Wait, what?

[B]

Yeah, you heard that there, folks?

[A]

Ew, dude.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

You're telling me if I don't.

[B]

If I don't come, you're gonna come yourself? Damn, dude, that's right.

[A]

You're telling me my body just sucks up my co. That's right.

[B]

Your body just fucking full on blasts you if you don't.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Too much. I think so you heard it here, frat stars.

[A]

So it.

[B]

No, not November. You're just nutting in yourself.

[A]

So it eats my stuff?

[B]

Yeah. You're fucking eating your own stuff, dude. Crazy, right?

[A]

I'm not.

[B]

No, you are.

[A]

How?

[B]

Because you're eating it.

[A]

How long does it. Do you have to wait until it starts eating it?

[B]

I mean, I'm not a doctor.

[A]

I'm asking for gonna answer. Give me a hypothesis.

[B]

I would say maybe like a week and a half.

[A]

So like nine days?

[B]

10. 10. 10. 10. 10 days. 10 days until your body starts to like. This is my cum now.

[A]

Yeah, give me. I'm taking it back.

[B]

You know what the offers off the table.

[A]

Yeah, that's it.

[B]

Give me it back now. It's mine.

[A]

Okay, that makes sense though. You can't just build up a big old like sack of toys just like Santa Claus.

[B]

Big old fat nuts.

[A]

Yeah, you can't have that. That's crazy.

[B]

I mean, I guess, but.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah. I mean I wish, you know, kind of wish it did happen. That'd be pretty funny.

[A]

Can you imagine? You're just walking, walking around with like.

[B]

Just like wheelbarrow nuts.

[A]

Well, that's too heavy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I was gonna. I was thinking way smaller than that. Before they had to be in a soft balls. Now we're warmer. Yeah. Something I could hide. But imagine your balls just got like so much bigger.

[B]

That'd be crazy, dude. I would get rid of that.

[A]

I would have won big fat balls all the time.

[B]

Yeah, I don't care about my balls.

[A]

Especially we gotta go to a wedding, I gotta wear a tuxedo. Yeah.

[B]

You think I want to fit into a tux with these giant nuts?

[A]

No way.

[B]

No way, dude.

[A]

Certain. Certain dress pants that I've put on before. Big nuts, they get too high in my ball.

[B]

Oh really? Like they do like a bit too much of a tapered look. Yeah.

[A]

And it's like, it's. It's like. Am I wearing a diap?

[B]

Yeah, quite possibly. You might have to with the amount that you drink at these weddings.

[A]

I hate, I hate that. Dude. You know what I hate? When you could really feel a seam.

[B]

I kind of don't like that either.

[A]

Say that you do.

[B]

I kind of don't like that either. Yeah, but I do like short seam like shorts and stuff like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like my thighs are works of art.

[A]

I. Yeah, I. I like your thighs. And I have a. And I. Now I have the. I have a thigh tattoo, too.

[B]

Oh, you have to.

[A]

I like when it. You have a little bit.

[B]

You have to. Yeah, absolutely. You. I mean, you have literally art to show off on your legs. So, like.

[A]

True.

[B]

You would be doing the artist a disservice and yourself a disservice if you didn't show those thighs off, baby.

[A]

Right? I gotta. Yeah, I gotta. I gotta. They should talk to me.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Like, are you about to invent something?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Then I'm certain it exists. Go ahead.

[B]

Pants. But like, they have like a pocket that. Like a window that you can. If you have a thigh tattoo. So, like, they're pants, but, like, there's just a stitched window where you would have a thigh tattoo.

[A]

Now when you say window.

[B]

Window.

[A]

So, like, I don't know.

[B]

I'll be honest.

[A]

Ripped pants that have holes.

[B]

Yeah, but ripped looks a little dingy. And it allows every baby boomer dad to be like, I think you got a hole in your pants. Your pants ripped. You know, like that. I'm saying like a designed window in your pants. Like, think assless chaps, but your ass is on your thigh.

[A]

Yeah, but that's just a hole.

[B]

Thighless pants.

[A]

And then. So the pant is just ank. Ankle to knee. Copyright trademark and copyright COP Copy to knee. Ankle to knee. Nothing. And then a.

[B]

Like a.

[A]

Like a pant.

[B]

It. This is a. Is a cutout window. It's stitched around it. Make sure they hear my idea.

[A]

So basically, like shorts. Short shorts with long socks. Basically. But it's all pants.

[B]

No, because this. This.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

This all exists. This all exists. Right, but there's just like a five by seven plexiglass. No, no, no, because. Because if there's a. If there's like a rubber or a plexiglass over it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It'll fog up. Baby.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Those things. I'm thinking of this shit.

[A]

So what kind. What can we put there?

[B]

Nothing.

[A]

Oh, hole.

[B]

It's just a window. Oh, it's just a hole.

[A]

But it is square.

[B]

But it's square and it's stitched. So it meant. It's meant to be there.

[A]

So it looks like a picture frame.

[B]

Picture frame pants.

[A]

Picture perfect pants.

[B]

Picture perfect pants. Pfp. Ppf. Ppp. Triple P. Triple P. P Cube. Trademark of the basement yard. Why would you say f. Wait, my. Fuck. It's not yours, it's mine, bitch. Trademark of Frank Alvarez from the basement yard.

[A]

That's not how you file it.

[B]

There's no such thing.

[A]

I think Picture perfect.

[B]

Picture Perfect pants. So you could show off your tattoo. If you have, say you have a calf tattoo. There could be a window there for your calf tattoo. If you have thigh tattoos. Knee tattoos.

[A]

Knee tattoos.

[B]

People have their knees tattooed. I know a shin tattoo. I think this could be a genius idea. I'm telling you, if some fucking Brooklyn hipster picks this up, it probably exists and runs off with it. I don't think it exists. Joey, you're basing that on nothing.

[A]

You're gonna. Frank, you can't type in windows on your pants. Pants with windows with. Nothing's gonna come up.

[B]

Windows.

[A]

That's what he did.

[B]

Pants with windows. Don't see anything.

[A]

No kidding.

[B]

Well, hold on. Oh, shit. Wait a sec. It exists there.

[A]

So what's their name?

[B]

Is selling jeans with knee windows. Damn it. Shit. That's exactly my idea. But my idea is cooler.

[A]

Is it?

[B]

And it's being sold by Topshop. Who the fuck are they? Nobody.

[A]

Picture Perfect pants are way better.

[B]

Picture Perfect pants, I think are so cool. Look. And like, they could even be something like this if you're feeling nasty. There's like. It's like the butt. It's like the butt. And there's little curtains.

[A]

Oh, it's like a quilt instead of Jean.

[B]

But just putting this out there, it's a great idea. Multi billion dollar idea. Possibly.

[A]

Possibly rate a billion.

[B]

Everything could be a multi billion idea. With the right backing and enough time and enough time and passion and. I've got it, baby.

[A]

Passion. Enthusiasm.

[B]

Passion, Enthusiasm. Time.

[A]

Adjectives.

[B]

Investors.

[A]

Investors.

[B]

Could be you. Could be you.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

So go to T. Buy, what is it? Tbytormerch.com and pledge your investment for the pants.

[A]

That's not going to be up there, but there is going to be a lot of merch up there and a lot of exciting stuff for you guys.

[B]

You think if I throw this, like, if at the right angle, I can just slit your throat?

[A]

I don't want to think about that. Let's not. Let's not. Oh, that hurts me.

[B]

Got you. Right?

[A]

It hurts me a little bit.

[B]

And be honest, that was a pretty good throw. I don't like Remy LeBeau, who is obviously known because of his mutation where he's allowed to charge playing cards. Traditionally playing cards.

[A]

Gambit.

[B]

It is Gambit, baby. At least you got it.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, he's French.

[B]

Well, he's from New Orleans, so he's got like a Creole thing going on.

[A]

Oh, I get it.

[B]

Yeah, like a Louisiana. Like mon ami le beau.

[A]

I don't think they sound like that in Louisiana.

[B]

Have you watched Deadpool and Wolverine yet?

[A]

No. Oh, Penguin, though.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Mad good.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Mad.

[B]

Fucking love that fat bastard.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I love that character. He's so. And it's also just an exceptionally well written show.

[A]

How the fuck is that Russell Crow?

[B]

Not well, that's how it isn't. Colin Farrell.

[A]

I always get them mixed up.

[B]

I don't know why. They're two different people. Different names. Look radically different.

[A]

Radically is crazy. They're white guys with beards. One's Irish though.

[B]

Colin Farrell has a mustache only dude. And he's just like. He's. He's back hair and he's like. Hi. I like to. I like to read of Hanging, you know, Russell Crowe is Australian. He's like. Or no, that girl on the show.

[A]

Is really good too.

[B]

Kristen Milioti.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Unbelievable. Remember that episode of Black Mirror she was in?

[A]

Was that the.

[B]

Oh, that was the USS Callous.

[A]

Yep. I was gonna say Challenger.

[B]

I mean, close.

[A]

Different tragedy, kind of.

[B]

It is a different tragedy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I will say though, that, like, I didn't. I now, like, have seen that. She. She was in the Sopranos.

[A]

She had Sopranos.

[B]

She plays Johnny Sacks daughter when they go to visit him in prison. Wow. She was in an episode of 30 Rock where she was really good.

[A]

She was in that movie with Andy Samberg.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I liked it. Palm Springs.

[B]

Palm Springs. Yeah. She's been really. And this. Yo. She is unbelievable. Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's really fun. You should.

[A]

We don't work for the show. We just.

[B]

We don't, but we will.

[A]

What I will work for.

[B]

I mean, listen.

[A]

We'll be in the show.

[B]

Matt Reeves, David Zaslav, James Gunn, whoever's working on the stuff over there, just.

[A]

Send us Mr. Gunn.

[B]

I'm a big fan of James Gunn. I don't want to. I'm legit a huge fan of his. Yeah, it's good. Guy makes good movies.

[A]

He does make good movies. And we'd like to be in season. I'm assuming three.

[B]

Well, well, well.

[A]

Two. You gotta feel.

[B]

How about we start with. Let's just get us to hang out with the Penguin, you know, I don't want to hang out with Colin Farrell. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but, like, I want to hang out with Oz.

[A]

We want to hang out with the Penguin.

[B]

You know? I want to. You know. Yeah. You know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know. Yeah.

[A]

You're not doing a good impression. It's just surprising. You usually do.

[B]

Give me. Honestly, give me a little bit of time and I'll crank one out for you.

[A]

Okay? Dude. Wild dude. Give me a little bit of time and I'll crank one out for you. Do you like this penguin or the Danny DeVito penguin?

[B]

I mean, they're so different. Yeah.

[A]

Danny Devino's penguin's got a way bigger nose.

[B]

Way bigger nose. And on it. I mean, do you want me to really get into it? More comically accurate penguin is Colin Farrell. No.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah, Colin Farrell. I mean, in terms of, like, physical deformities, you could say Danny DeVito was more comically accurate. But, like, the character is not known as, like, a sewer dweller. Fucking, like, rat. Fish freak. Yeah, he's like a rat. I mean, that's what Danny DeVito's character is. The guy is like, black goo in his mouth and shit. Rat sewer. With fucking penguins. With other penguins. Yeah. In a duck boat. Like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's not, like, the real.

[A]

Which Batman was that?

[B]

Batman returns.

[A]

Okay, cool.

[B]

1992. That's us, baby.

[A]

You're the monkey.

[B]

But, like, he's traditionally, like, just like a, like, really smart gangster that's just ruthless and will do anything. And, like, this show is showing that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Without spoiling it, because it is currently on, like, it is. That is him and he is him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, God. So good. I actually haven't finished the last episode.

[B]

So I have to finish what was up. Without spoiling it, what was the last thing you saw in the last episode?

[A]

I don't even remember.

[B]

Did you see.

[A]

Don't say. Oh, I think I know you're referring to. Because I was talking about this at the barbershop, and then some idiot was like, oh, this thing.

[B]

And I was like, oh, the barbershop scene.

[A]

No, I was like, I was at the barbershop.

[B]

Oh, you haven't seen the barbershop scene. So you're way early on in the episode.

[A]

I haven't seen the last.

[B]

Oh, no, I'm sorry. Barbershop. It's a tattoo shop.

[A]

Tattoo shop.

[B]

Tattoos. There's a guy getting a tattoo and something happens.

[A]

Oh, no, I don't think I see that. I didn't see the last episode at all.

[B]

You just said you haven't finished it.

[A]

Oh, well, I watched, like, five minutes. I was like, I'm technically.

[B]

All right, so technically, you are not wrong. You didn't finish it.

[A]

But there's something in that, right? There's something big.

[B]

There's something in that episode that is Fucking banana sandwich. God, I love bananas. He's so good, by the way.

[A]

A banana sandwich.

[B]

Banana, peanut butter, honey, cinnamon.

[A]

That's a good fucking sandwich. Anyone who's hungry right now, go make that. Right now.

[B]

Go make that. So. And send a picture of it to.

[A]

And if you don't have bananas in your house, bitch.

[B]

Yo, you're a bitch. We have to get, without exaggeration, 20 bananas a week. Mave Maeve has two every day at least. And that's just made.

[A]

Damn, that's mad potassium.

[B]

And then Miles has. I make Miles a snack. Like, right before bedtime, I split a banana in half, put it on a plate. Peanut butter, honey. Basically what I just said. Without the bread. Yeah, yeah, but he eats it with a fork. It's good snack. All healthy stuff, too.

[A]

You give him. You give him the.

[B]

What the hell is that?

[A]

Like the honey. The honey.

[B]

The honey. I give him a little drizzle of honey. I give him some. Sometimes I do granola on it. A little crunch.

[A]

Granola.

[B]

Granola. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Here we are, baby. Listen. Oh, some cheese seeds on that, too. Why not? Cheez, its chia seeds.

[A]

Oh, chia seeds. I was like, cheez, its.

[B]

What's on that? It's gotta have rules. Yeah, I like cheese. I don't like rules. I do like rules, actually. I'm a big rule guy.

[A]

We have a lot of rules around the house.

[B]

We have a lot of rules. But.

[A]

Yeah, man. Unbelievable. Shout out to the Penguin. Unless they don't want us on the show, then fuck them. You know?

[B]

I mean, they're probably realistically not gonna put us on the show, which sucks, but we would be. So let me. You know what?

[A]

It would be cool if, for once, something could work out for us, you know.

[B]

Hire me on the show as, like, a creative consultant, because I'm well versed in the comics and stuff like that. And I'll be like, I'm a two package deal. Because although I might know it, this is my ideas guy right here.

[A]

Okay, good. Now we're talking.

[B]

And now we're together, right? And here we are.

[A]

And now we're gonna get the knowledge. And I will package it and deliver the knowledge.

[B]

There's a theory about who one of the characters could be, and I don't want to spoil it for you, but it's fucking sick.

[A]

One of. One of. One of the. That I've already seen.

[B]

You've seen, baby?

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

We'll get into it. We'll get into it.

[A]

Oh, I think I have a guess.

[B]

You could be guessing, but are we done? Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. But you know what? Go watch the episode. Send us pictures of banana sandwiches. No one will get it, but we get. And we're here and we're appreciating it. Thank you so much for love and support. You can check me out at f.alvarez8085 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez on all the forms of social media, and then go check out the basement yard on all forms of social media. Very easy to find. Just type in the basement yard and we're there. Thank you for the love. Thank you for the support. You can find Joe at joesanagato on all forms of social media. And you can find Greg probably trying to work on his handwriting now that we've bullied him into his shitty handwriting.

[A]

We is crazy. I think that was just you. You guys can follow me like Frank said at Joe Santagato on everything and go follow the show at the basement yard on TikTok and Instagram. And that is all TBY tour merch.

[B]

Go check it out.

[A]

See you next time.