#476 - Booking Our First Acting Gig

Summary

The Basement Yard Episode #476: Booking Our First Acting Gig

In episode #476 of The Basement Yard, hosts Joe Santagato and Frank Santagato explore their early artistic endeavors, the challenges of depicting skin tones, and their humorous journey toward booking their first acting gig. The conversation is rich with personal anecdotes, playful banter, and insightful reflections, making it engaging for both longtime listeners and newcomers.

---

Art Class Anecdotes and the Struggle with Skin Tones

The episode kicks off with Joe and Frank reminiscing about their school art classes, specifically the difficulty of accurately portraying skin tones in self-portraits. Frank shares his frustration:

Frank ([01:43]): "I never finished mine because I just couldn't get your skin tone. My skin tone. Right."

Joe recounts his own techniques, highlighting the subjective nature of colors like tan and beige:

Joe ([01:08]): "I would take the orange one, but then I would go very lightly... giving the white people a tan."

Frank elaborates on his approach, describing his skin tone as resembling a popular quarantine-era beverage:

Frank ([02:33]): "Like a whipped coffee drink during quarantine."

This discussion not only underscores the technical challenges they faced but also sets the stage for their camaraderie and mutual support.

---

Navigating Subjectivity in Color Descriptions

Joe and Frank delve deeper into the complexities of color terminology, particularly focusing on the word "beige." Frank expresses his frustration with its spelling and origin:

Frank ([00:34]): "It's French. They're so stupid out there. Is it."

Their playful exchange highlights the often-overlooked nuances in artistic terminology and the personal preferences that influence color choices.

---

Venturing into Acting: Improvisation and Practice

Transitioning from their art struggles, Joe and Frank discuss their foray into acting. They engage in spontaneous improvisational scenes to hone their skills, demonstrating their natural comedic chemistry. One notable attempt involves a dramatic betrayal scenario:

Frank ([10:38]): "Who’s the craps? Leonardo the Craps. Who is the craps?"
Joe ([10:46]): "Watch this. You ready? Actors and directors, you're watching."

Frank praises Joe's performance, likening it to an Academy Award-winning act:

Frank ([12:23]): "Goodness gracious. What needs to be done?"

These improvisations reflect their determination to break into the acting world despite lacking formal training, blending earnest effort with their signature humor.

---

Humorous Bucket List Dreams and Lighthearted Banter

The conversation takes a whimsical turn as Joe and Frank share their bucket list aspirations, including Frank's quirky wish to be sniffed by an elephant:

Frank ([23:10]): "I want to get sniffed by an elephant so bad, dude."

Their lighthearted exchanges about past antics, such as scamming vending machines and awkward high school memories, add depth to their friendship and provide listeners with relatable and entertaining content.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Frank on self-portraits:
  "I never finished mine because I just couldn't get your skin tone. My skin tone. Right."
  ([01:43])

• Joe on his art method:
  "I would take the orange one, but then I would go very lightly... giving the white people a tan."
  ([01:08])

• Frank describing his skin tone:
  "Like a whipped coffee drink during quarantine."
  ([02:33])

• Frank commenting on acting practice:
  "That's showbiz right there."
  ([17:11])

---

Conclusion

Episode #476 of The Basement Yard offers a delightful blend of nostalgia, humor, and aspiration as Joe and Frank navigate their artistic roots and comedic talents. Their candid discussions about past challenges and future ambitions provide listeners with both entertainment and insight into their creative processes, setting the foundation for their first acting gig.

---

Note: Advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections have been intentionally excluded from this summary to focus solely on the core discussions and insights shared by Joe and Frank.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going in brown again?

[B]

Why? See? Why do you. Why?

[A]

No, I'm saying that was an observation.

[B]

Just an observation.

[A]

You look great in brown.

[B]

Thank you. I feel good in my earth tones. Greens, browns, beiges. It feels like it just works with me. Beiges, beiges.

[A]

What a stupid way to spell a word.

[B]

Beige, Beige. It's French. They're so stupid out there. Is it.

[A]

Is it French?

[B]

Look at how it's spelled. And e's and I's and G's and e's.

[A]

What happened to tan? Uh, tan. Tan is beige.

[B]

But see, the thing with tan, though, is that tan is subjective.

[A]

When you drew white people when you're a kid, what color. Carry on. Did you use? Did you use peach? Were you one of those guys?

[B]

You peach? I peached it up.

[A]

I never used white.

[B]

Yes, you did. You X out the black. I remember. I remember Joey would. Joey would X out any people of color, and then he would color in everyone. White. I remember that.

[A]

That is not what happened. I wouldn't use peach. Sometimes you know what I would do? I would take the orange one, but then I would go very lightly.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Because it was like, I'm giving the white people a tan.

[B]

Well, that's why peach would make more.

[A]

Like a brown, you know? You know, it's crazy. Sorry to cut you off again.

[B]

You're not. Sorry.

[A]

Third time, I think so far.

[B]

Two minutes in.

[A]

I don't know that I've ever tried to draw a person of color when I was younger because I was afraid of them.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

No, I was afraid of being like, oh, I can't. I don't know how to do this.

[B]

Yeah, no, no.

[A]

Offending.

[B]

I remember in. It must have been like seventh or eighth grade, we had to do like. You remember, I was. I was at baccalaureate, and they were all like, you have, like a big project for every class at the end of the year.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You, like, worked toward it. And in our art class, we had to do self portraits, and I never finished mine because I just couldn't get your skin tone. My skin tone. Right. And by the time I would mix and get it right, class would be over.

[A]

Pain or what?

[B]

Paint, baby, paint.

[A]

You had a pain of self port.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. It was tough, man.

[A]

So you started with brown?

[B]

I started with. Well, what I would do is I would start. I would literally go white, and then I would. Little drops of brown and I. Where I would get it to. I would feel so good. And Then I would just stop.

[A]

How would you describe your skin tone? Like, compare it to an item.

[B]

Um. Um.

[A]

Like, are we getting, like, a. Like a light potato? Something like that?

[B]

Don't. Don't call my skin potato.

[A]

Don't do that. I'm thinking colors.

[B]

All right, if we're going colors, like a. I'm going like a. I'm going. Ooh, like a Whipped. Here we go.

[A]

Whipped.

[B]

Here we go. Like, you ever see people that were, like, making that, like, whipped coffee drink during quarantine? And it was, like, such a light brown. Okay, you like a latte? You know what? I'm like Dalgana. You remember Dolgana?

[A]

What Pokemon is?

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

Remember.

[B]

Remember squid game? The game that he lick. He'd lick it. Yeah, that color, but a little.

[A]

Frank, that color was like. You'd have jaundice if you were that color.

[B]

No, it was. It was kind of brown. It was in yellow.

[A]

It was, like, closer to yellow than brown.

[B]

Might have been. It might have been.

[A]

No, not might. I've seen the show. I mean, you'd be. I put you in the hospital if you'd like. It might have been gold, to be honest with you.

[B]

I would. I would. I would.

[A]

Frank, you're not gold.

[B]

Oh, look, a Dalgona coffee. That. But a little lighter, right?

[A]

That looks like a glass of milk.

[B]

You don't see the coffee? The whipped coffee on top, baby.

[A]

Okay, I do see that. Yeah, you see that?

[B]

Like, a little.

[A]

It's a little.

[B]

It's a little. It's a little dark, but light. That's why I said lighten it up a little bit. Yeah, Dalgana, though.

[A]

You're definitely like a latte. You got.

[B]

I could see this. Give me that bitch.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Give me that bitch.

[A]

That's fine. That's fine. I'll take that.

[B]

You're not taking anything. It's my skin.

[A]

I'll give that.

[B]

You can't have my skin. What about.

[A]

What about me? What am I.

[B]

Don't.

[A]

And be nice, because I'm not being mean.

[B]

Oh, okay. See, the only way to describe it is just white hands. Like, not.

[A]

Look. Don't look at my hands.

[B]

Okay? Just like.

[A]

Look at my face. What am I. What cut. What do I look like? Like. What thing do I look like? Skip over the first two.

[B]

Yeah youh look like. Like a coconut. Like a. Like a. Like a coconut custard pie. Like, not as golden, but. Just whiten it up a little bit.

[A]

Okay. My legs. We're getting into.

[B]

Now we're getting translucent. Like, your legs look like a spring roll.

[A]

We're getting like a key lime pie.

[B]

Like a spring roll.

[A]

Look at that. Yeah, like one of those.

[B]

Yeah, look at my leg. That's bad.

[A]

That's white as hell.

[B]

I would show you. I'm wearing jeans right now. I'm not pulling my pants down.

[A]

Yeah, that's crazy.

[B]

This is like my skin tone for most of the year. I would say even probably a little darker right now because it's still a little sunny out.

[A]

See, I kind of look like a pig sometimes.

[B]

You do? I've often said that.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like, my. Under. Under my arm looks like a pig's body. Kind of like I get pain.

[B]

Like, if you were to roll over a pig and roll you onto, like, your side, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

[A]

I mean, you'd be able to tell the difference.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

You ever feel a pig? I've felt a pig recently.

[B]

Pigs.

[A]

I don't like the way they feel, though.

[B]

I think they're just feeling big old fat pigs.

[A]

No, they. They feel like. Like a scab.

[B]

No, I don't know what you were petting. That might have been a diseased pig. It was.

[A]

No, it was a big fat pig. And I pet multiple.

[B]

Their hair is too, like, hairy to me. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's like barely hair, but I don't know. It's pretty hair. Like, it's very much so hair.

[A]

Very hair.

[B]

I don't like it have like, more like fur. I don't fuck with. I like fur hair on animals. Fucks me up.

[A]

I don't. You're right. Fur for animals.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

If animals have hair. That's disgusting. Oh, my God.

[B]

Fur.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

I love that. Because that's what it's supposed to be. I feel. I'm like, this should just be a human.

[A]

Unless you're a horse. That's. That's hair. Like, that's a man.

[B]

Yeah, but no one calls a horse is a hair. They call it horse hair. Like, it has its own type of hair. It's there, you know, like, no one calls it, like, oh, this is like pig hair. They just call it regular hair. Fuck the pigs.

[A]

Yeah, well, don't fuck the pigs.

[B]

Well, not, like, have the action.

[A]

Not the action. Black mirror.

[B]

I'm talking about, like, their hair.

[A]

Right?

[B]

How.

[A]

How do we get here? How do we get here?

[B]

How in God's name, right, have we. Have we gotten here?

[A]

So what was the thing your dola dolatrix what was it called?

[B]

Dalgana.

[A]

Dalgana.

[B]

I haven't had one of those. I want to.

[A]

I ate one.

[B]

I remember you did a video.

[A]

It's just sugar.

[B]

Well, it's. It's honey and, like, baking soda.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And. And they, like, cook it.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

Do you.

[A]

It tastes like. I mean, of course it tastes like. But like. Like a. Without the cream. Like a creme brulee. Like the top of the creme brulee.

[B]

It tastes like that show sugar.

[A]

Yeah. That's why that sugar.

[B]

That's it. Yeah.

[A]

Was it you who made the edible glass for, like, a science fair and, like. I wish. I think it was my sister. Then how would you mix us up?

[B]

Because I remember being in someone that you love dearly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just making edible glass, and it kind of tasted like that also.

[B]

I mean, just sugar.

[A]

It was more brown.

[B]

Just sugar.

[A]

Yeah. I'm not looking for the ingredients list. I know what it is.

[B]

When we were. When I did Fiddler on the Roof in high school, we had one of the breakable glass bottles, and it was sugar. I want to get a couple. Can we just buy those? How fun would it be on this show? Break glass. It just pissed me off if I just threw a glass bottle at you. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

I wonder if they still hurt a little bit.

[B]

I mean, they're still sharp. Right? Like in what. What movie I'm thinking about right now. Glass.

[A]

Are you just saying the word glass?

[B]

Yeah. When the Grinch eats the glass.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And he's like, I can't be that.

[A]

Sharp if he's eating it like that.

[B]

I mean, it's Jim Carrey. This guy's got teeth on him.

[A]

He does have chompers.

[B]

He's got. This guy's got some fucking biters.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Um, let's get props. That would make our show better. Glass bottles.

[A]

Mm. You haven't thought this far.

[B]

A gasoline can, but with water in it. How funny. How funny would it be if you just pissed me off and I just doused. I doused myself in gasoline.

[A]

You're giving it away one day. You should do that. You'd be like, just pick up a thing and dump it on your head.

[B]

How funny.

[A]

Would you flick it a match?

[B]

How funny would that be?

[A]

It'd be so funny. I guess. What? YouTube wouldn't find it funny.

[B]

Demonetized. Pissed right now.

[A]

De platform. It's like we're giving. Fucking committing the Susan on tv.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So a gas can, glass bottles. One of those, like, Fake, like. Like, gag knives that, like, they, like. Oh, they go into. You know what I'm trying. Yeah, they handle.

[A]

Yeah. How sick would it be to fake stab each other?

[B]

Stab each other?

[A]

So far, we've only picked violent things, and the first thing that popped into my head when you brought that up was chain Ma. Which is sick.

[B]

I would. Why don't. Why haven't we done an episode in chainmail?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Didn't Danny do an episode in chainmail? No, he, like, he.

[A]

There was a birthday party where he was, like. He was dressed up as, like, a knight, and he had chainmail.

[B]

Full chainmail.

[A]

I would love some chain.

[B]

Yeah, I would, too. But if we have chainmail, we got to test it. We have to stab each other.

[A]

I would literally. We would have to stab each other. Not, like, as hard as we can.

[B]

Puncture, stab. I'm good to take a hack.

[A]

You to take a hack at me?

[B]

Yeah, with, like, a sword.

[A]

Don't hack at me. I want to see if it goes through. I would like to be stabbed, like. Yeah, like that.

[B]

Give me your best stab right now. But it's. Someone understood.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right, let's set the scene here. I didn't tell you to close your eyes.

[A]

I didn't close my eyes.

[B]

Oh, they were just looking down.

[A]

Looking down.

[B]

Got you. All right, now close your eyes. Go. So. Oh, they're open again. It's the love of your life who stabs me. Who stabs you. But you understand why they had to do it. It's for the greater good. Okay. And action.

[A]

Wait, you gotta stab me.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

You can't even look at me. Look at me. I have tears. I have tears in my eyes.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

Academy motherfucking Award. Leonardo the Craps.

[B]

Who's the craps? Leonardo the Craps. Who is the craps?

[A]

Joey Santa.

[B]

Listen, Scorsese put us in.

[A]

Let me get stabbed in a movie.

[B]

Watch this. You ready? Actors and directors, you're watching.

[A]

Producers are watching now.

[B]

Yeah. Tom Holland's. He's. He. You're. You guys are boys now. I wish he might watch this. You ready? All right, Joe.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

You've just been betrayed by the love of your life. We're gonna stay.

[A]

Am I. Have I been stabbed?

[B]

You've been. But no, like, you've been, like, figuratively stabbed in the back. Oh, in the back. All right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm the love of your life in just this scenario.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Right? Yes. Okay, wait.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

All right, so forget it.

[A]

Don't even.

[B]

His emotions Will tell the story. I'm trying to hype you up here, baby.

[A]

No, no. I know.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Oh, I'm in character.

[B]

Oh, sorry. My bad. All right.

[A]

You say actually you betrayed me, only.

[B]

I'm in front of the camera. All right. And action. God, that actually. All right. Shut up, bitch. And action.

[A]

Yeah, I just want to know why.

[B]

You already know.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Maybe it's because you farted on my tits.

[A]

Maybe that's why.

[B]

Maybe. Maybe it's because I asked for non farts.

[A]

You knew what you were getting when you got into this relationship.

[B]

Look. Did you see that? Did you see the composure that he had there? Marty Scorse. That was really good.

[A]

Come on, honestly.

[B]

We had stuff to talk about. I kind of want to just do.

[A]

These acting scenarios now for the rest of time.

[B]

Honestly. Okay, this is the last one we're gonna do until the next one. You're with the love of your life, Frank.

[A]

Give me a different scene.

[B]

I don't want you typecasted. You're right. Okay. Yeah.

[A]

You don't want to pigeonhole me.

[B]

You just found out that you got the best news of your life. But it means that you need to kill your whole family.

[A]

What the hell?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm gonna do it.

[B]

Well, that's. You express it. Give me something here.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Give me something. All right.

[A]

And the best news of your life. But I have to kill. But my whole family's gonna die.

[B]

Well, no, you have to kill them.

[A]

I have to do it.

[B]

You have to do it. You have to. Delivering for the final blow.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right. And action. Wow. Unbelievable. I mean, look at how. Look at how he is exploring the space around him. There is no. You see what he did there?

[A]

See what I did?

[B]

If you're not. By the way, if you're not watching this on video, all of this is gone.

[A]

Yeah. Guys, what you're missing is an Academy Award winning performance.

[B]

A tour de force, baby.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A tour de force.

[A]

My face is like a book that you can read.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And enjoy.

[B]

And every. Every. Every single atom around his body right there. He explored that whole space. Used it all up.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I felt the pain.

[A]

There's no more room in this. In this room.

[B]

There's no use.

[A]

I've used it all, babe.

[B]

Call your carbon dioxide. You took the air out of the room.

[A]

Oh, God. You're so good. Guy has a way with words, too. You're good. You're like a savant.

[B]

I don't know if like. All right.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Can you can you.

[A]

You want one?

[B]

Give me something.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, give me a little. Let me show it off. You never know who's watching here, baby. This is weekly. We're live. We're not live. We're not.

[A]

Okay. So you're married to the love of your life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's always the love of your life. So it's high stakes. So it's love your life. You come home, you're slightly drunk, not hammered. You're slightly drunk.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And you looked through the window and you see, like, one of your. Like, the neighbor is in there. And you don't know why.

[B]

No. What are they doing there?

[A]

Well, what are they doing there? So you're a little confused and you're a little scared.

[B]

Yeah. This is tough. All right. Wait, wait, wait. Give me a second. Fucking character again.

[A]

Character. Here we go.

[B]

You know.

[A]

First. First thing you're gonna do is open the door. All right.

[B]

Do you want me to pantomime the door?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Explore my space. Right.

[A]

I will. I'll be the love of your life.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. Ready? Action.

[B]

What's up?

[A]

Hi.

[B]

What's up? What's going on?

[A]

Nothing. We're just talking about what's up, dude?

[B]

I know you're here.

[A]

Am I him, too?

[B]

Okay. Or do you want to be?

[A]

No, I don't. Nothing. How was. How was work?

[B]

All right. You know. Well, I didn't.

[A]

Are you drunk?

[B]

What?

[A]

Are you drunk?

[B]

No. I had, like, three beers.

[A]

Okay, you just sound like a little drunk.

[B]

No, no, no, no. No, I'm good. What are you guys talking about?

[A]

Nothing. Jake was. He just came through next door. He was, like, walking by.

[B]

What's up? Kids Good? All right. What were you guys talking about?

[A]

No, Jake was just talking about the kids and whatever. I invited him in just for some coffee or whatever. You okay?

[B]

I told you what happened. I told you.

[A]

Please. What are you doing?

[B]

What needs to be done. You see that? You see the rollercoaster of emotions. Goodness gracious. What needs to be done?

[A]

You made me do this.

[B]

No, but see, I didn't have a steady hand. I did have a steady hand. No shake. Because I knew internally you already knew the answer. This is where. If I had had to shake this tipping point, there was no doubt in my mind that Jake was dying. Yeah, you weren't d. Oh, but you pointed at me. I know, but, Jake, I. That. Like, it's the old double, the do the doo. See? Do you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do si do do si do is where you. I'm a little drunk.

[A]

Right.

[B]

See, I had to get in it right there.

[A]

Right? And that's acting, folks.

[B]

Acting 101 with Joe and Frank.

[A]

If you guys are wondering, that's showbiz right there.

[B]

I know what you're thinking. Do these guys have no formal training? Correct? Yes. We don't.

[A]

Did they figure that all out on their own? Yeah. So put us in a fucking movie. That's what we're trying to say.

[B]

Listen, God. Why? You know, not God.

[A]

Oh, I thought you were speaking to God via pod.

[B]

I mean, you never know, they might be.

[A]

God's always watching. And Santa Claus. Weird how those are the two, the.

[B]

Only two that are always watching. God, Santa Claus and Big Brother.

[A]

And Big Brother. They're always.

[B]

They're always. They're always traditionally also like your dead relatives.

[A]

Are they always watching?

[B]

Hope not.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

Hope not. Yeah, cuz Yaya has seen some stuff.

[A]

Yeah, my grandma has seen wild things.

[B]

You know, just know I'm saying I hope they. I hope that they watch without the confines of like me and Becca's bedroom. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

I hope it's blurred. Yeah. Something.

[B]

Yeah, like it's like a special casted spell where, like their eyes, they're like. What's going on in there?

[A]

Yeah. Or it's like Asian porn where it's like all blurred and stuff.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

What? Asian porn. Asian porn, they like blur dicks.

[B]

So then why is it called porn?

[A]

Oh, I mean, I don't know. That's how it is. They blur.

[B]

The Asians are just blurring dicks.

[A]

You didn't know that? How would I know that, being a purse?

[B]

I know, but I'm sorry, I never looked up Asian porn in my youth.

[A]

I mean, well, that's. I mean, no, I've got through an Asian face, but I. No, I. I mean, you see Asian porn, but it's like they blur. I don't know why.

[B]

I don't blur it.

[A]

Yeah, I don' know if it's like.

[B]

A law or is it like those, like. You know how like they have those bathrooms in the middle of their city and you lock the door, then it just becomes like an opaque room. You know what I'm talking about? That's cool. I think it's so cool. Dude, we need more cool bathrooms.

[A]

I need I more cool bathrooms in this country. I mean, I don't think it's cool to take a shit and it looks like everyone can see you. That's weird.

[B]

Terrifying. Yeah.

[A]

But I do think the technology of getting into a room, flipping a switch and Then and then people can't see in Israel.

[B]

Fire. I agree.

[A]

Two way mirrors. Super creepy if you have one. But they're a cool technology.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't tell you how many tick tocks I've seen of the person. I just like, put your finger up to it.

[A]

Yeah, that shit go up to. If you're an Airbnb, fucking go up to the window and then market. And I'm like, what the fuck are you doing?

[B]

I mean, they have to do that, unfortunately, because, you know, they're fucking weirdos and creeps out there. But the Asians are innovating with bathrooms and vending machines.

[A]

Vending machines?

[B]

Vending machines, brother.

[A]

Whatever they vended.

[B]

The Japanese love vending machines. They got them all over the place, everywhere. Yeah, yeah, man.

[A]

I like vending machines too. It's a fun game.

[B]

It's not a game, but it looks like what you want. Yeah, well, you're just talking about a casino. You like to gamble.

[A]

I'm not talking about a casino. Even if I want to buy. You know what I don't like when it's just like I can't see the drink and just. It just looks like a big like.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Kicks it out the bottom.

[B]

Let me see.

[A]

Go get it.

[B]

Yeah, I want to see it. I do miss the good old days of like the vending machine. Like you would just. You'd get a soda from a vending machine and you would hear it just bouncing around in there and then it comes to you and you can't open it for five minutes or it would.

[A]

Come out at a 500 miles an hour.

[B]

Did your school have like a Fruitopia vending machine or something like that in middle school? We had that in at baccalaureate Fruitopia, man.

[A]

You know what vending machines I love were the ones that have like the little thing like this and it's like, shit, shit. And then it goes in and then it like carries it over and it like.

[B]

Yeah, and it's like slides out. Yeah, it like kicks it out of its house. Because like, it like showed up drunk one day and then it was just like, I told you to be home at 9 and you showed up like three hours late.

[A]

Yeah, it's exactly like that. I love those vending machines.

[B]

They're pretty cool.

[A]

Or like vending machines that have like food. I'm like, this is interesting.

[B]

I gotta be honest. They're like vending machines. I don't care what's on the top row. I just want to get it because it's up there. I want to see it travel all the way down. Yeah.

[A]

You know, like, this thing Kersplat against the bottom.

[B]

And normally the vending. All the vending machines I've seen, they put, like, the stuff at the top that shouldn't be up there. Like pretzels. Pretzels, Things that, like, they will fall and become crush. What? Like, why do that?

[A]

Stupid.

[B]

You know, I can't put a Coca Cola up there. Oh, man.

[A]

To fall down.

[B]

I love hospital vending machines.

[A]

They got good hospitals. You don't want to be there, but if you're gonna be there, hit this.

[B]

Vending machines. They. They make up for all the other stuff that happens there with some pretty sick vending machines.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Let me tell you.

[A]

Yeah. If you're. If. Listen, if grandma's going down, you head on down to the cafeteria. Hit the vending machines, all right? Because they got good stuff there.

[B]

That's what I'm talking about. A good old vending machine. Just makes it fun. I've always wanted to, like, scam one, though, dude. Like, drill a hole in a quarter and, like, put it in and pop it out, you know, with a string.

[A]

I feel like. Not that I've tried to do that, but that sounds like something that we would do. But it would just. You would have to, like. How would you get a hole into a quarter?

[B]

Drill it. I just said it.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

Do you remember the vent?

[A]

Just get a. Like, a Phillips head drill and drill it.

[B]

Why not?

[A]

I guess. I don't know exactly.

[B]

Bitch, you're stupid. Do you remember the vending machine at icyp, if you would press the brisk and any other soda at the same time, you'd get both.

[A]

What the fuck? I didn't know that.

[B]

Yeah, baby.

[A]

I would get powerades from that thing.

[B]

Oh, my God. Brisk iced teas to the day I died.

[A]

You know what's. You know what? I will say the one redeeming thing about the vending machines that you can't see anything is they had those big, fat buttons that were the white angles. Oh, but the rectangles where you're like, talk, talk, talk.

[B]

I did like those.

[A]

You know, and you know what?

[B]

Vending machines are underrated. Have you ever seen, like, the dippin dots ones where it's just a fucking big old, like, elephant nose that it just, like, goes down and it vacuums up?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, dude.

[A]

Yo, not to get too off topic.

[B]

Go ahead. I know where you're going with this.

[A]

I. It is on my bucket list to get sniffed by an elephant.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Have an elephant. Be like. That would be so cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I saw a video of someone, they were just like sitting in like a, like a fucking, like a Humvee or whatever the fuck. And an elephant cane. And it's. And it's not, bro. It's nose looks not human. It isn't.

[B]

It is.

[A]

But like it looks like, not like from earth. It looks otherworldly and it just like comes in and it's like sniffing her lap and shit.

[B]

I love how much water they can hold in that thing where they just like suck up like 4 gallons of water and just spray it. Oh, man.

[A]

Elephants are fucking crazy.

[B]

Pretty sick.

[A]

I want an elephant to smell me so bad, dude.

[B]

Yeah, just like. I'm. I'll be honest, I didn't know if you were going with smell.

[A]

What do you think I was gonna do with sexual?

[B]

I thought you were going sexual because you're a freak.

[A]

You thought it was on my bucket list to get sniff sucked by a fucking elephant. What do you think of me? Demonetized. We do have some sponsors for today. We have some sponsors for today. The first one being Squarespace. Squarespace is where you're going to build your website. If you have a website, you have a small business, you have content, you have anything you want to promote your website is your first impression, okay? You want a professional looking website so people can take you seriously. You could have the best product in the world. But if you don't have a good website, that is going to hurt you detrimentally. Okay? So with Squarespace, you can build a professional looking website in a short amount of time because they have these templates that you can use. You click on them and then you switch out the photos and the text or whatever. And then you have a wonderful looking website. And if you really dedicate yourself, you can get it done in a day. I've done it before. Okay. But yeah, and they also have tools that will help you optimize how much traffic you're getting, where you're getting it, let you know where things are coming from, so you could help with marketing in that direction or whatever. So it's very helpful in a number of ways. And not to mention any single person that I know that has built a website is using Squarespace. And that's from small businesses to big businesses, they're all using Squarespace. So if you're going to do it, do it with Squarespace. And right now you can head to squarespace.com basement to save 10% of off your first purchase of a website or a Domain by using the code basement. Okay? So that is squarespace.com basement. Get that 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain. All right? So there you go, folks. And we also have fitbot. Okay? We're entering the winter, all right? And everyone, when January comes around is like, I'm gonna get into shape this year. Let's start a little early now, okay? Because with Fit Buy, they're gonna help you on your journey. It creates a personal. A personalized workout routine based on your goals, fitness level, and available equipment, okay? And that's why they're so cool, is because one fitness goals, okay? Not everyone has the same goals. Some people want to put on muscle, they want to put on some weight. Some people want to lose weight, they just want to burn fat, they want to lean out. Or some people want to do all those things at the same time. Whatever your goals are, you need a plan that is catered to exactly that. The next thing, fitness level, okay? How much experience do you have? Some people have never worked out before. Some people are like, well, I used to go to the gym years ago. I don't really know, blah, blah, blah. And if you never worked with a trainer, maybe you don't know too much. Doesn't matter. They have over a thousand different HD tutorial videos that are going to help you, you know, coach you into doing these movements and learning things. So it's also educational. It's not just, you know, about the fitness. So there's that and the last one, available equipment, which is a huge one, because a lot of people don't have access to a gym membership or don't have the proper workout gear. And if you have none whatsoever, you can still use fitbod because they will help you with a bodyweight workout routine for your personalized goals. So they kind of COVID all their bases there. Every workout is built on the last one. So it really is the most optimal way to work out and not that expensive. Also, get 25% off your subscription or try that for free for seven days at Fitbot. Me basement. That's Fitbod. Me basement. Okay? So you're gonna get a personalized workout and 25% off your subscription. Or you could try that for free for a week. So definitely just go try it out at the very minimum. Fitbod Emme Basement. Go.

[B]

Yeah. And if you want someone to join you when you work now, why don't you go to patreon.com thebasement yard. You sign up today for that first tier, you get These weekly episodes one week in advance. That second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. And, you know, there's some more stuff coming down the pipeline. Joe, Greg, myself, and the team we got over here are working to make the next step, give you guys more content, more stuff. So go check it out because there'll be some stuff on there you're definitely gonna want to be, you know, dialed in on. So patreon.com thebasement yard. Thank you guys so much for getting us to a consistent record breaking number. We want to keep growing. We want to keep giving you guys more and more and more. So we're gonna be able to do that with Patreon's help. So thank you, guys. Patreon.com the basement yard. Go check it out. Baby, baby, baby, baby.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Also, we should talk about, you know, there was something in the news. Frank said this before. He was like, olivia Rodrigo.

[B]

This is a little trouble she got.

[A]

Not like, trubs. Couple, couple.

[B]

A couple of trumps.

[A]

A couple of trumps.

[B]

A couple of trubs.

[A]

Apparently there was, like, a kiss cam at her concert.

[B]

Yeah. Why? That's the first thing. Why? It's like a pop concert. Like, why are. Why do we do kiss cams at places? I mean, I would like me to kiss.

[A]

I would.

[B]

I love kissing, but don't force me to kiss.

[A]

Have you ever showed up on a jumbotron?

[B]

Yes, once at a Yankee game.

[A]

What'd you do?

[B]

Air guitar, Frankie. Yeah. Becca has a video of it.

[A]

You did air guitar?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Was it. Was it. Were they, like, prompting people to do.

[B]

It was like the air guitar cam.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

And I fucking shredded. Let me tell you. I don't know what song it was. It could have been Crazy Train. Yeah. It could have been Paradise City.

[A]

Mm. It could have been, you know, sub naming songs.

[B]

Oh, you sure?

[A]

You just went like, oh, you know.

[B]

How I get with air guitar.

[A]

You stood up.

[B]

Did I? Yeah. Yes, I did.

[A]

But the reason why we even brought that up, Olivia Rodrigo, she, like, had a kiss cam. These two people showed up on it, and she was like, kiss, kiss right now. Kiss. They ended up being bro and sis.

[B]

Now you have your big anxiety guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If someone puts you in that position, does your anxiety tell you, like, I have to kiss my brother or sister? Or like, you just like, no way, dude.

[A]

Hey, man, what the fuck kind of question is that?

[B]

Well, because, like, the anxiety of, like, you're on screen and, like, Olivia Rodrigo is screaming at you.

[A]

Frank. Easiest decision I ever made.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. To not kiss my fucking brother.

[B]

I'm with you. I'm not kissing any of my siblings.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But, like, all right, I know, like, you and I have had talks behind the scenes. What about if it was one of your cousins?

[A]

What does that mean? I thought you were gonna ask, like, if me and you showed up.

[B]

I mean, it is a funny accident, though.

[A]

What?

[B]

Telling a brother and a sister to kiss. I've learned in my age should never assume people are couples.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, because then if they are brothers, there's like, ew. What are.

[A]

You ever see two people that. That are. That look alike and they're, like, dating?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're like, huh?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What is that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or like, there's a lot of that.

[A]

Weird shit, what people say. Oh, you date someone that reminds you of your mom. I was like, what?

[B]

Well, yeah, they always say that women end up with someone that's, like, their father.

[A]

Oh, okay. So are we all just, like, doing that?

[B]

I mean, I don't know. I don't think I'm. I think in ways. In good ways, I'm like Becca's dad, you know? But that's weird. You know, I think, like, in terms of, like, you want. Like, this sentiment is like, if you're treated well by your father, you're gonna end up with someone that also treats you well.

[A]

That's pretty vague, though. Like, I wouldn't say that means, like, oh, it's my dad. Because they're both nice. Like, come on.

[B]

I know, but, you know, people. These horoscope people will make anything fit they love. They'll read his message in a newspaper. That'll be like, tomorrow, the stars will be for you. And it's just like, oh, my God.

[A]

I do feel better tomorrow.

[B]

That obviously, you know, oh, my God.

[A]

Tomorrow feels so different. But, yeah, that's kind of crazy. I don't know that she got in.

[B]

Trouble, but I mean, also just say, oh, my bad, you know, oh, your brother and sister. That's. That's a funny accident. Sorry. Yeah. Why do we need to, like, apologies for stuff like that?

[A]

Did she issue an apology?

[B]

I think she had to, like, say, like, my bad. Like, sorry, guys, I'm. I'm. That was a mistake.

[A]

It's not like she took their heads and was like, do it.

[B]

Yeah, she, like, tied them together and just like, you know, we're not. We're not continuing going anywhere until you guys make. Yeah.

[A]

Brother said, I don't care. Fuck your sister. Like, chill, bro.

[B]

There it is. That's. That's like, that was the next logical step.

[A]

I was taking it to an extreme level for comedy also.

[B]

Like, you know, actually.

[A]

What the hell are you about to say? I know what we're talking about. What are you thinking about?

[B]

I was gonna say, like, has this ever. Do you think this has happened and people have kissed like they're the brother or sister or someone.

[A]

Hope not.

[B]

Or, like, they put it on, like. You ever see the one where it's like, they put it on, like, the wrong. It's just two random people sitting next to each other and they.

[A]

I'm sure that's happened.

[B]

Where they're just like, all right, I guess.

[A]

Yeah, I think that's happened.

[B]

Oh, I don't want to be on a kiss cam.

[A]

Me neither. I don't want to be on the camera when there's anything else going on.

[B]

I do want to be at, like, a Knicks game, and they show, like, a clip of us, and then we're there, and, like, you know, people are just like, oh, my God. Yeah. Like, yeah, that's. That one. Yeah, that one is my favorite one. Where there's, like, you know. Yeah. And they just pointed their hat. Yeah, yeah. You know, but I mean, if they.

[A]

If they put us on the jumbotron at msg. Oh, I don't think there's gonna be an insane roar.

[B]

I would hope. Give me a couple chips. Yeah.

[A]

Two people in my section, like, oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah. You know, like, I think there'd be more.

[A]

Like, why do I. For some reason.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, my God. Did you see the Costco guys went on Fallon?

[A]

I did see that.

[B]

Did you see he was not having it, brother?

[A]

Yeah. He's like, boom, boom. He's like, yeah, boom, boom, boom.

[B]

They're, like, saying that. He's like. The boom meter is like. And he's just like, what, dude? He's. He's just.

[A]

He wasn't into it.

[B]

He was not into it. To his defense, I will say the.

[A]

Rizzler looked like a Lego. You ever see a Lego sit in a chair?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It looked exactly like that.

[B]

He did. He did. Where did that.

[A]

You know, he's just.

[B]

Because he's a small boy short is what you're referencing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

His legs are, like, straight, and he's sitting straight up.

[B]

Yeah. And he's just like.

[A]

Yeah. What is that? Like, is he giving the sign to bunt? Like, what is he doing? He's like, like, what are we doing?

[B]

It's gotta be swing away. Yeah. There's gotta be some, like, coaching aspect to it. Or something like that.

[A]

Yeah, I'm just.

[B]

I gotta. We could make up our own, like, face thing. You know what I mean?

[A]

No, I don't know what you mean. What did I do?

[B]

Like, the Rizzler has the.

[A]

Do you know what it is actually?

[B]

Do you know the motion on the show? And I don't know. Oh, he does it all the time. I think it's just like, like, shush.

[A]

Here's my chin. Shut up.

[B]

Shush, chin. Shush, chin. But, like, can we have our own, like, face thing?

[A]

Go ahead, make one.

[B]

The basement yard where we're just like, like.

[A]

Okay, I take back everything I said. Rizzler face. Oh, here we go. Riz face.

[B]

It's the. It's the Shush, shush. Let me show you my jawline. Oh, and this and this, like, this look. Yeah. What is that? He's just like. He's telling. He's like, I'm thinking about shutting you up and looking at my jawline. Duh. You're giving him fucking free promo now. These kids should fucking get songs on our show. Relax.

[A]

I don't even know what that was. It was like two fucking 13 year olds, bro. They make lunchily in their hand.

[B]

They've made rap songs, dude. Who the Costco?

[A]

Oh, I heard the original one. Here comes the boom thing.

[B]

Yeah. And then now they have the new one. Still bringing it.

[A]

Oh, the sequel. Yeah, still going on.

[B]

It's still going. And then they had a remix with the Rizzler on it, dude. Oh, the Rizzler dropped a quick 16 and he wild feature dude came in drop 16 Upton fucking left.

[A]

That's kind of wild.

[B]

We can have our own, like, our.

[A]

Own shit is hard.

[B]

It could be like, you suck at it.

[A]

Dude, just let him do it.

[B]

Why? Why? Why do I suck? Give me a face. Oh, very good.

[A]

I don't have a. There's only one Rizz face.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

It's the boy.

[B]

You know what fucking drove me nuts? Do you remember around, like 2010, 2011, people did like, the whole, like, I don't know how to smile, like, awkward, like.

[A]

What are you talking.

[B]

You don't remember that shit, bro? It was like those same group of people that refer to food as nom noms, you know what I'm talking about? And they like, their. Their fucking Facebook picture was them. And their name was just like, Melissa Rawr. Xd, you know? Or like, you know, like, like Stephanie Panic at the disco. Yeah, Stephanie at the disco. You know? And then they got to a point where like, they Wouldn't. They would pretend they didn't know how to smile, so they'd be like, okay, oh, my God, I do remember that.

[A]

And I remember there was a girl in my high school who. She was like. Is seen the right word?

[B]

What is that?

[A]

I don't know. With the black hair that would just, like, come across.

[B]

Emo. Emo, I guess.

[A]

Emo. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And she had a picture on her MySpace that scared the fuck out of me. She had a picture, she was just going like this with her hand. Shit. And her hand was so bony.

[B]

What was in her hand? Nothing. A skull. Nothing. An apple.

[A]

I think the caption was something.

[B]

Fucking something. Some form of fruit.

[A]

I think it was like. The caption was something about the world.

[B]

It was like, the earth crumbles beneath my posterity.

[A]

And she was just going like this. And I was like, let's get the fuck out of me.

[B]

It was like the people that took the picture up here, and it was like them. And their feet were like, Greg. You know, and they had the black and white checkered socks and the black and white checkered. And they'd be like, oh, you know.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

God, I hated those people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They hated us, too. Let's be honest about it, you know?

[A]

Well, I mean. And we were all. I mean, we weren't much better, what we were doing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The digital camera flash. Can't see.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

But it was a style.

[B]

It was the style. It was. And we. We were. We were cool. That's what. That's what I tell myself. Okay.

[A]

It was us.

[B]

It was very cool. Yeah. But I feel like looping it back up. Twenty years ago, that would have been Olivia Rodrigo. She would have been one of those, you know, like. You know, like Avril Lavigne, you know, like the. You remember, it was like the skull and crossbones that had a pink ribbon on its head. Yep. And it was. Yo. Oh, my God. It like. That was their, like, AIM profile picture and stuff like that.

[A]

Yeah. Cause I love Olivia Rodrigo. I think she has great music.

[B]

Everything I've heard from her, very talented, haunted.

[A]

All of her music, though not all of her music, but a good deal of her music is like, this dude who I used to date or something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This all. What's that song Good for you, bro.

[A]

The song Good for you is so good. You were off, and then you got.

[B]

On Help Me Here.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, you did. You got it.

[B]

Oh, you got there eventually.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It just took you A second.

[B]

Took me a second. Okay, yeah, with that bitch, you gotta.

[A]

Get on the track.

[B]

Nothing is wrong with that. Yeah, but. Yeah, everything I've seen. But she was definitely one of those, like, you know, mm, fucking.

[A]

But you are like the male version of that because.

[B]

Get the fart out of here, dude.

[A]

Every away message or title or anything was a subtweet towards the girl that you liked.

[B]

Ewan. Joey, do me a favor. Do me a favor. Say that's not true. Do me a favor. What's the H Vac like in that fucking glass house of yours, bitch? All right? Don't you fucking dare try to cuz Joey.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Because this is what he would do.

[A]

He'd be like, you're away.

[B]

Messages were targeted at girls that you liked. And it was like, so were yours. Sorry. You also included a line, like a fucking motivational line from fucking like, you know, Trent Lott or someone like obscure fucking athlete that no one remembers. No, that is. Yes, you do, bitch.

[A]

But what you would do, Frankie would update his in real time. That's the difference. All right, I will admit I did that as well. But you. In like real time. One day.

[B]

Yes. Kettle, we're both black.

[A]

Yeah, don't take that out of context. No, but Frankie, like, one day you'd get home and his MySpace name would be changed to I guess I'll just walk home.

[B]

Something like that. Yes, yes.

[A]

Fair, fair, fair, fair.

[B]

Bitch. It'll be like I asked a girl if I could walk home and she said no. And my. My then away message that night would just be like, I don't like walking people home.

[A]

Or like walking home alone is like, actually very dangerous.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Some shit like that where it would be. But you did the same.

[A]

I almost got killed tonight.

[B]

No, I probably. It would be something like. It'd be something like chased by three raccoons. Guess that's what happens when you walk home alone. You know, that's what it would be. But Joe, you would do the same shit.

[A]

But I would do it. It would be more general. Like, I would just put in a way message. This is for no reason, by the way. Not pointing at anyone, just pointed at everyone.

[B]

It would be just a broken heart. Yeah, that's what it would be. I mine you. This is what this is. I didn't understand subtext. You did. I gave full context.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Joey would fucking post a broken heart and 30 people would hit him up saying, what's wrong? I would post like casting away that. Damn. I guess you would Cast a white fucking fisherman out there. I would post like, damn. All right. I guess breaking hearts is just part of the routine now. And people would just be like, this is fucking stupid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is dumb. Leave this kid alone.

[A]

Oh, my God. Like, I remember one time, I think I said before on the show, but in my bio, on instant. On the instant messenger. But whatever I remember, I just put, you go, miss me when I'm gone, bro. I was in seventh grade.

[B]

I do that now. If I'm being honest, every now and then, just to get a rise out of Becca, I'll just be like, you know, one day I'll be gone. And she's like, you have to stop. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, that's stupid.

[B]

Yeah. Well, it's, you know, a testament to. I. Sometimes certain things never change.

[A]

Consistency, and that's what we want.

[B]

If I'm nothing else, I am the same person I've always been. No. But, yes. Olivia Rodrigo would have been one of those people where it would have been like, you know, her away message would have been like, you know, at PacSun. Because I'm heartbroken.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, some shit.

[A]

Like, maybe food will make me feel better.

[B]

Yeah. Ooh, nice pizza. Rawr. You know, pizza has my heart.

[A]

You know what's funny about this? The other day, I posted on my story, everything is bothering today.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I never do that anymore. Funny.

[B]

Who does this? You, dude does this.

[A]

First of all, I could do it a hundred times, and the score wouldn't even be fucking close.

[B]

That is fair.

[A]

We do have. Hold on. We have to get that. We got to get his sponsors. We do have some more sponsors here.

[B]

Okay. Come on. All right.

[A]

How you doing?

[B]

We got Liquid iv. This show is sponsored by Liquid iv.

[A]

Liquid iv. It's gonna make you nice and hydrated. Okay? You got little packets. You open up, you pour it in, like, 12 to 16 ounces of cold water. You mix it up, and you got a nice. It tastes great, by the way, but it has a bunch of electrolytes as nutrients and everything to keep you hydrated. Three times the amount of electrolytes as leading sports drinks, and eight essential vitamins and nutrients. Okay. I always have them in my house, especially now, training for a marathon, running it in a few days. I'm terrified, but I'll. I will rip a liquid IV before big runs or after big runs. I usually try to do it before. And, you know, you got to keep your electrolytes, stay hydrated, and they taste amazing, honestly. So sometimes when I just haven't had one In a few days, even if I'm not running that day, I'm like, I'm going to pop one just for funsies. Okay, so go check out the Liquid IV. Liquid IV.com use the code BASEMENT at checkout. Okay? That is 20% off your first order when you use that. By the way, Liquid IV.com use the code BASEMENT. 20% off of your first order when you shop. Better hydration when you use that code basement. All right, so like I said, they're just little packets. You open them, you put in water, you mix it up. They have really good tasting flavors. The lemon lime one is amazing. Right now I'm on like the. It's like strawberry lemonade or something like that.

[B]

Oh, I love the peach. The peach gets me all the time. It's a good one.

[A]

So, yeah, go check it out. Liquidity.com. 20% off your order when you use the code basement. And lastly, here we have Simplisafe. Simplisafe. We actually were just talking about this literally minutes ago because when you have a home, you need to keep it safe. You need to get. Frankie has Simplisafe set up in his house. That's why we were talking about it. But it really is great. You have motion sensors, you have video cameras, things like that, 247 monitoring. So if something's happening or if something happens, if there's a fire or someone's breaking in or something like that, the proper authorities are called and they'd be there as soon as they can. There's no long term contracts, no cancellation fees, and it's around a dollar a day for all this protection. Okay? And Simplisafe is offering our listeners exclusive early access to their Black Friday sales this week only. You can get 60% off any new system with a select professional monitoring plan. This is their best offer of the year. Head to simplisafe.com basement. That's simplisafe.com basement. It is spelled S I M P L I S A F E dot com basement. There's no safe like Simplisafe. Okay. Keep yourselves safe. I'm having so much fun today. So fun. I'm having a great week.

[B]

It's been a really good week.

[A]

I wouldn't say it's been a good week. I mean, yesterday was horrible.

[B]

Yesterday? Well, my entire day was great. We did trick or treating with the kids.

[A]

Nice. But that's good.

[B]

You know, at night, watching the Yankees lose was not fun.

[A]

Not fun.

[B]

But we did go to the one.

[A]

Of the games to get the one game that they did win.

[B]

The only.

[A]

We were there.

[B]

I'm not. Listen. The superstitious person in me has to acknowledge that the only game they won was the one we went to, and it was because our friends at SeatGeek sent us there. That was fucking unbelievable.

[A]

Yeah. World series tickets. I don't know if you guys took a peek at how much those were going for, but whoa. A lot of months.

[B]

Yeah. Got a big thank you, guys. Thank you, seatgeek, for sending us to the game. That was really, like, an insane opportunity that we got to do, and we got to see the Yankees win, and.

[A]

Anthony Volpe grand slam.

[B]

Let me tell you something real quick. If you guys have never lost your voice, go to a sports game and watch something happen. That's it.

[A]

That's great advice. I thought I was going to pass out.

[B]

When I screamed, when he legitimately, I had to grab onto gray.

[A]

I was seeing stars.

[B]

And then I turned around to the guy next to me. No clue who he was. I grabbed him by his collar and I shook him as hard as I could. And I had. I apologized to him after. I was like, I'm sorry, buddy. He was like, oh, it's good, man. Go Yankees.

[A]

Let's go Yankees.

[B]

You know? Exactly. But it was. It was a really, like, a fucking outstanding opportunity to get to go to a world series game.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Fifteen years since the Yankees went there. Who knows how long, you know, it'll take them to get back?

[A]

But didn't think we would be able to go. Like, tickets are really expensive. We also sat in great seats. So thank you to SeatGeek. And, you know, I always talk about sea you guys go down to Seat Gap. If you use the code JOE15, you'll get 50, 15% off any ticket. So whether you bought tickets before or whatever the case is, use the code JOE15. You will get 15% off of any tickets you buy on SeatGeek. And again, thank you so much for sending us bucket list thing to see the Yankees win a world series game. Unfortunately, didn't come away with the series, but we were there, and it was awesome.

[B]

Yeah. So thank you, seatgeek, and we really appreciate it. Before the game, though, getting in was a funny one. First of all, 90% sure my car was not gonna be where I left it.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Well, I parked it in a garage, and I drive it, and it was like, normal parking for the garage. And then, like, a girl comes up to my window, knocks on the window, and she goes for a tip. I'll give you this parking spot it's right near the exit. And I was like, okay. I checked my wallet. I only had like 15 bucks on me. So I gave it her. She's like, that's more than enough. I walked out of there. I was like, this car is going to be on blocks when I get back.

[A]

This may be a stupid question. Did she work there? Why did you think that she did?

[B]

Because she had the confidence, Joey.

[A]

Conviction.

[B]

You know what I'm talking about? She had the. She was like, excuse me. She's an entrepreneur. Honestly, if the worst thing I did that day was I supported a small businesswoman.

[A]

A scammer, potentially.

[B]

In your eyes, does she wear a.

[A]

Did she wear a jacket?

[B]

She had a hoodie on. It was an all black hoodie. It might have. It might have had the logo or the parking garage on it, but I don't know. I don't remember. I don't remember. I was so excited to get in.

[A]

It's a good scam, though.

[B]

Kind of smart, if you ask me.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[B]

You're one year at the lake house. I did that. I charged people to pay, like, during, like, Fourth of July. I charged people 20 bucks to park at the lake house, like, in our, like, parking area.

[A]

I mean. I mean, that's not like scamming. It's your property. Yeah, Yeah. I mean, that's not the same. I don't know.

[B]

I made like 400 bucks that day. Whoa. Yeah. I would crush that shit. A lot of cars, so. But I was. I don't know if I told you this. I was getting. I was online to get in, and there were two, you guessed it, drunk white guys that were trying to, like, hop the barricades. And people kept yelling at them because the way that, like, my gate was set up was like, it was just barricades, like, just snaking around.

[A]

I was in the barricades for mad long.

[B]

Ours went super. I didn't stop. I just kept walking it. But it was just like a half mile long and they kept trying to hop and people were like yelling at them. So then I lost track of them. And then there as I get to, like, the gate where, like, the fucking metal detector is. The guys are in there. I see them yelling and the cops have them.

[A]

Oh, good.

[B]

And one of the. Like, there's a woman yelling at them. And I hear. And she goes. They kept. She was Hispanic and I could do it.

[A]

Good.

[B]

She goes. They kept. All right, I'm not gonna do it. She was yelling at them and she was telling the cops, like, they Kept trying to jump the barricade. And the guy's like, what? No way, dude. Absolutely not. She's like. And she points to one of the guys, she goes, he was pissing behind this car right here. And he goes, what? And the other guy goes, he didn't mean to do that.

[A]

He didn't mean to. He didn't mean it.

[B]

That's one of my favorite. You taking it out.

[A]

He's taking the piss out of context.

[B]

Oh my God. He didn't mean to pull his dick out and pee. Accidentally did that, bro.

[A]

I also, I don't know if I told you this, but we, me and Greg were get it. We're online, right? And it's snaking back and forth like crazy.

[B]

Snakes are out.

[A]

There's a guy in front of us, it's like this big white guy and he's wearing an Ohtani jersey, right? And the guys like, you know, you have to walk past pretty much the same people every time you're sneaking.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So the guy who was walking past there was a guy in a Yankee uniform being like, I should gut you, I should gut you. Right?

[B]

Gutting.

[A]

Saying that to the guy wearing the Ohtani jersey. Right. But they're like joking back and forth and they just kept laughing. First of all, the snake, maybe six times. He did the joke every time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like, I was like, I feel bad for this guy. He's just like, you know, whatever.

[B]

Oh, did you give him a little sign of like reassurance, like a pat on the back, buddy?

[A]

Didn't do that. I was having a panic attack.

[B]

Were you really?

[A]

I don't know why, I was just having a panic attack.

[B]

No. Are you okay?

[A]

Yeah, I was totally. Yeah, that was two days ago.

[B]

I mean.

[A]

No, yeah, I was alright. I was alright. I literally was just like, oh God. Fuck. But I was fine. No. So then we're walking, I was like, I feel bad for this guy, like, whatever. Cuz the guy like literally every single time. And I turned to Greg, I'm like, he's gonna do that joke every time. Yeah. He kept me like, I should, I should.

[B]

Got you.

[A]

And I was like, fucking relax.

[B]

We also, how did we know? Oh no, keep going.

[A]

Sorry. So listen, then we're walking and there's a like, I'm assuming, Japanese woman and a Japanese cameraman with the light and a microphone. So they're like, oh, come talk to us, right? To the white guy.

[B]

To the white guy. They said this.

[A]

He's wearing Ohtani jigga.

[B]

Who's oh, not that I thought you meant the guy that was.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Offering to.

[A]

No, they're talking to the guy who's wearing the Ohtani jersey.

[B]

Gotcha. Okay.

[A]

I'm assuming they're Japanese for. Because of Ohtani, you know, duh. So he. And this is the guy that I'm like, oh, I feel bad for this guy. So he walks over and he just goes, oh, Tani. And then runs away. And then I look at Greg and I'm like, that was racist.

[B]

What the hell? I was like, what is happening here? Where is that? Why would he do that? I don't know. Did you ask him? Ask him.

[A]

I didn't want to get near the guy after that.

[B]

He. Loose cannon.

[A]

He was massive.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

But he ran over to this woman and she was so excited to be like, because, you know. Yeah, they want to talk to a Dodgers fan wearing an Ohtani jersey. And he went over and did that. And I was like, to the. Greg. And I was like.

[B]

We didn't talk about this, but the first play of the. Bottom of the first, when the guys grabbed Mookie Betts GLOW stands. Listen, let's, let's, let's, let's say this. Yeah, that was dumb.

[A]

Dumb.

[B]

Don't do that. Also hysterical.

[A]

Hysterical.

[B]

Absolutely the funniest thing I've ever heard. And like, first of all, his name was just like, Bucare Beppo Gappa Gigoli or something like that. And the guy's like, they interviewed him. He's like, listen, for the Yankees, I got a D up a little bit.

[A]

He said that.

[B]

Yeah. Yo, did you hear, by the way?

[A]

Gronk was like, I went to college with him. That was one of my friends.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Swear to God.

[B]

He was like.

[A]

He was on the hockey team. He like always talked about how he.

[B]

Loved the anchor, I gotta say, because I also saw at the game, the game that we went to that seat sent us to. Thank you, Siki. They like, first of all, be rational as a fan. Whether your team is winning or losing. Don't be one of those pieces of shit that's just like, I'm gonna fucking do it. I'm gonna, I'm gonna scream at this little kid, but don't goad Yankee fans. Yankee fans are one of the.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Few fandoms that I would say, like, don't poke the bear, cuz you're going. Even if your team wins, you're gonna lose the battle. Yeah. You know, you'll win the battle. You'll lose the war with the eight.

[A]

Like, you can, like, they're like Yankee fans specifically are up there with some of the worst fans.

[B]

The worst, like it's.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And that's a lifelong, die hard Yankee fan.

[A]

Yeah, Philly, like Phillies up there. Philly Eagle fans, Eagles fans is really the ones.

[B]

They're known.

[A]

They're worse than the Phillies, I would say.

[B]

I mean, I get, you know. You would know because you're a bigger Giant fan than I think Yankee fan. But like, I can't.

[A]

Like.

[B]

But yeah, pretty bad. Like if you. There was a guy that was sitting next to our section that was in full Dodgers gear, whatever. Okay. But he brought a broom.

[A]

That was a bad idea.

[B]

For those of you guys that don't understand the context, I'm gonna mansplain it to you. Do you understand life? No. So the Yankees were down three nothing, and it's the first team to win four. So he brought the broom as like, you know, it's going to be a sweep. He kept turning around and holding it up and like pointing at Yankee fans with it.

[A]

Not good.

[B]

Regardless of what you're doing, like, just don't. Most of these guys are drunk Italians from the Bronx that will fuck you up. Like, they're not all me. They're not all lovable, kind, handsome, okay. Smart.

[A]

Too many.

[B]

They're gonna kill you if you give them the chance.

[A]

Yeah. It was a good time, though. I had a great time.

[B]

It was a really good time. I was very.

[A]

How many hot dogs did you eat?

[B]

Only two.

[A]

Only two.

[B]

Only two. I did. I went into like the Pepsi Lounge and like, they were just like, they didn't have it because Joey wanted. Joey goes, oh, he looked at the menu, he goes, I'll take a pretzel. As we walked away from the seas, I said to Greg, I was like, he's getting a hot dog. Oh, you were not getting a pretzel.

[A]

Well, the thing I, like, had just ate before I got there, so I was like, I don't need to eat a hot dog.

[B]

But did you eat a hot dog last night, by the way?

[A]

Did I eat a hot dog last night?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No.

[B]

Just want to throw this out there. Go to a game, eat a hot dog, they win.

[A]

Don't go to the game.

[B]

Don't go to the game and don't eat a hot dog. They lose. I ate two hot dogs. I committed to the bit. I said, Joey, one picture was me drinking wine, a really nice bottle of wine. And then the second one was me just dogging two hot dogs at 9:30 at night.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hey, man, you Commit to the bit. I only know one speed.

[A]

How to grill cheese and vegetable soup.

[B]

What kind of cheese?

[A]

Cheddar and provolone.

[B]

What kind of bread?

[A]

Sour.

[B]

I have a trick for grilled cheeses, Frank.

[A]

It's just cheese and bread. No, baby, there is no tricks.

[B]

No, baby, the outside of the bread. Mayo.

[A]

I've done that.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Not on. Not on grilled cheese, but, like, on sandwiches.

[B]

No, I know, but you toast it.

[A]

Yeah, In a pan.

[B]

Fuck, dude.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I want to grill cheese now. I'm trying to do no bread, no pasta right now.

[A]

So, yeah, I have to eat an insane amount of bread in the next four days.

[B]

That's right. You got the marathon coming up. How you feeling?

[A]

I'm ready. I went for a run last night. Super easy. Feel good?

[B]

Yeah. Half.

[A]

No, I ran, like, four miles.

[B]

And you're feeling good, man.

[A]

Yeah. You're not supposed to run long now, jokes aside. Yep.

[B]

I want to say this.

[A]

Mm. Don't be proud of me yet. Didn't do it.

[B]

Okay. Never mind. I'm not.

[A]

Don't do it.

[B]

Not gonna say anything until after.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

By the way, solid chance we don't record when we normally do. Next week. Right.

[A]

Why?

[B]

You're gonna be shot, brother.

[A]

Oh, no, I'll be fine.

[B]

All right, cool.

[A]

Yeah. Anyway, I guess we can end that podcast there. Yeah. You slammed the last year tea a little bit.

[B]

Baby.

[A]

Don't spit. You love spitting. Yeah, you do. I'm surprised we didn't get peanuts at the game. That's the one thing that we fucked up.

[B]

You know, they had them for free in that lounge, but I didn't get them. I'm sorry. I got hot dogs and sweet Italian sausage, you know, all the way. Also got all that for pennies because the person that was there gave us a discount. She was fan. Thank you.

[A]

Don't remember her name.

[B]

Carla.

[A]

Nice. She worked at the. In the.

[B]

Yeah, she did the classic, like, oh, my God, my friends love you.

[A]

That's fun, dude.

[B]

Yeah. So. But no, seriously, best of luck next time that they. The people will see you. Well, actually, that's not true.

[A]

They'll say I should have a medal.

[B]

You get a medal.

[A]

That's the whole reason why I'm doing this.

[B]

Oh. I thought it was just for, like, internal fortitude.

[A]

I wouldn't do it for that.

[B]

You would do it. You need the physical, Frank.

[A]

I need the swag. You know what I mean? I'm buying a hat. I'm buying a jacket.

[B]

Oh, yeah, but then you get a.

[A]

Free medal once you cross the finish line, they give it to immediately. That's so it looks like a fucking Olympic medal.

[B]

Is it bronze? I don't know. Is it gold?

[A]

I don't know. What?

[B]

They can't give thousands of people gold medals. That'd be a little.

[A]

Not a chance.

[B]

It's probably made out of just like recycled manhole covers.

[A]

Probably. If it was gold, I'd be punching people and taking medals.

[B]

You'd be people. Other people would probably be doing that too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's gonna be sick. Well, listen guys, make sure you check us out patreon.com thebasement yard. You could find me at F Alvarez 8085 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez and all the forms of social media. Check out the basement yard on all forms of social media. Thank you for all the love that we're getting across TikTok, Instagram, all over the place. We appreciate it. We love you. We see you. Go check out Joe.

[A]

Yeah, you guys can check me out at Joe Santagotto on TikTok, Instagram, whatever else. And yeah, go check out the Patreon and everything. We appreciate you guys so much. Thank you again to seat for sending us to the World series bucket list thing. So we appreciate that. And tpytour merch.com I guess.

[B]

Oh yeah, we forgot that. I don't know if it's still up.

[A]

I don't know if it's still up.

[B]

Oh great. Greg might be mad tpy tour. He's alright. Greg's on vacation, so he doesn't give a true. He doesn't give a shark. Yeah, he's.

[A]

He doesn't give a shark.

[B]

He doesn't give a shark.

[A]

He give any shards?

[B]

None.

[A]

That is awesome.

[B]

This week's episode on tour when Greg crapped his pants.

[A]

Every. Every show.

[B]

You remember that, right?

[A]

Yeah, all the time.

[B]

All right, well now it's true.

[A]

See you guys next time.

[B]

Bye.