#478 - The CORN Episode

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard – Episode #478: The CORN Episode

Release Date: November 25, 2024

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Introduction

In Episode #478 of The Basement Yard, titled "The CORN Episode," hosts Joe Santagato and his co-host engage in a lively and eclectic conversation that weaves through topics ranging from modern technology and personal discipline to pop culture mishaps and everyday annoyances. The episode is peppered with humorous anecdotes, sharp banter, and insightful observations, making it a must-listen for both regular followers and newcomers.

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Technology and Modern Communication

The episode kicks off with a discussion about smartwatches, particularly the Apple Watch. Joe questions the necessity of the device, expressing his preference for simpler technology:

Joe Santagato [00:30]: "I don't like it. My mom."

His co-host defends the Apple Watch, highlighting its durability and fitness tracking capabilities:

Co-host [00:35]: "It's good at tracking steps."

The conversation quickly shifts to the evolving landscape of communication methods. The hosts debate the merits of voice notes versus traditional texting, reflecting on how these changes impact personal interactions:

Co-host [00:50]: "We have lost the art of communication."

Joe Santagato [01:09]: "I'm still texting."

Their discussion underscores a broader commentary on how digital communication tools shape and sometimes hinder meaningful conversations.

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Personal Habits and Discipline

Moving forward, the hosts delve into personal discipline, particularly focusing on morning routines and the challenges of maintaining them. Joe shares his struggle with waking up early due to unsettling dreams:

Co-host [09:54]: "There is no little man inside me. Just want to also make that clear."

Joe recounts a vivid dream where he couldn't walk, leading him to silence his morning alarms:

Joe Santagato [09:56]: "This is some sci-fi shit. This is like dreams bleeding into reality."

To combat his morning inertia, the co-host suggests cold showers as a method to strengthen mental resilience:

Co-host [13:17]: "Maybe that's how I strengthen my brain, to not be like a douchebag dream version of myself."

Joe expresses skepticism but remains open to trying techniques that could enhance his discipline:

Joe Santagato [13:18]: "I don't know if that's going to work, but I'm optimistic that maybe it does."

Their exchange highlights the common struggle of balancing personal goals with internal resistance.

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Pop Culture and "Wicked" Movie Discussion

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the upcoming "Wicked" movie, starring Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo. The hosts express their excitement and delve into the various promotional mishaps associated with the film. They humorously discuss a packaging error where merchandise intended for "Wicked" dolls redirects to a corn-related website, leading to confusion and amusement:

Joe Santagato [26:47]: "You can tell the show out at the basement yard on all forms of social media and on [e-mail] the basement yard."

The conversation then meanders through their anticipation of the movie, favorite songs like "Defying Gravity," and the emotional responses elicited by the cast during interviews:

Co-host [22:48]: "All the time. But I like watching people crying for, like, a nice reason."

Their lighthearted banter captures the infectious excitement surrounding the film's release and the accompanying marketing blunders.

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Everyday Annoyances: Charcuterie Boards, Hot Pockets, and Band-Aids

The hosts transition into a rant about everyday items that frustrate them. They start with charcuterie boards, elaborating on the complexities of assembling one, especially with cultural twists like Greek cheeses and lamb additions:

Co-host [41:18]: "You could throw, like, you know, dates on there. Some fresh figs."

Joe shares his disdain for certain food items like Hot Pockets, critiquing their packaging and content:

Joe Santagato [43:42]: "But I don't like the crackers usually."

The conversation then shifts to the challenges posed by chewing gum packaging. They lament the inefficiency and frustration of modern gum wrappers, reminiscing about more straightforward packaging from their childhood:

Co-host [50:22]: "They'll just sit down and they'll be like."

Joe Santagato [51:02]: "Frank, now that we've brought up bandaids, that's a lot of fun."

Their humorous take on mundane objects underscores the hosts' ability to find entertainment in the everyday irritations of life.

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Costco and the Rise of "Costco Verse"

A recurring theme in the episode is the hosts' fascination with Costco and the unique online personas emerging from it. They discuss "Costco Verse," referring to content creators who gain fame through videos made at Costco, blending humor and admiration:

Co-host [60:38]: "We haven't been invited to at least dip our toes into the Costco verse."

Joe Santagato [63:50]: "They might be racing cars."

The conversation touches upon the viral nature of modern internet fame and the quirky niches that thrive online, such as those stemming from warehouse stores like Costco.

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Sponsors and Advertisements (Skipped)

As per the episode's flow, there is a segment dedicated to advertising sponsors like Kickoff, SeatGeek, and Stamps.com. However, adhering to the request to omit advertisements, these sections are excluded from this summary.

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Conclusion

The CORN Episode of The Basement Yard offers a delightful mix of insightful discussions, humorous critiques, and relatable anecdotes. From grappling with modern communication tools and personal discipline to navigating the quirks of pop culture and everyday frustrations, Joe Santagato and his co-host provide an engaging and entertaining listen. Their ability to seamlessly transition between topics while maintaining a lighthearted tone ensures that listeners are both amused and thoughtful throughout the episode.

For those eager to delve deeper into the hosts' personalities and join their community, additional content and exclusive episodes are available on Patreon.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Joe Santagato [00:30]: "I don't like it. My mom."

• Co-host [00:35]: "It's good at tracking steps."

• Co-host [00:50]: "We have lost the art of communication."

• Joe Santagato [09:56]: "This is some sci-fi shit. This is like dreams bleeding into reality."

• Co-host [13:17]: "Maybe that's how I strengthen my brain, to not be like a douchebag dream version of myself."

• Joe Santagato [26:47]: "You can tell the show out at the basement yard on all forms of social media and on [e-mail] the basement yard."

• Co-host [22:48]: "All the time. But I like watching people crying for, like, a nice reason."

• Joe Santagato [43:42]: "But I don't like the crackers usually."

• Co-host [50:22]: "They'll just sit down and they'll be like."

• Joe Santagato [51:02]: "Frank, now that we've brought up bandaids, that's a lot of fun."

• Co-host [60:38]: "We haven't been invited to at least dip our toes into the Costco verse."

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This summary aims to capture the essence of Episode #478, focusing on the core discussions and excluding non-content segments such as advertisements and sign-offs.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank. How's it going?

[B]

Living it up. Ted M. Apple watch.

[A]

Is that a new Apple watch?

[B]

I've had this. I've had this for a while. Remember I threw it on stage when you gifted me the Rolex?

[A]

That's right.

[B]

This was the one I threw. I got it back.

[A]

You picked it back up?

[B]

I picked it back up.

[A]

Did it crack?

[B]

These things are pretty durable. Dude, do you have an Apple watch?

[A]

No.

[B]

You just got one.

[A]

Why?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, I don't like it. My mom.

[B]

It's good. It is good. It's good at tracking steps.

[A]

Do you talk into your wrist and text back with it? No.

[B]

No, I do not.

[A]

Okay. Because my mom does that and I want to strike her down.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

She's like, yeah, Shan, I'll be back with the gross.

[B]

I gotta say this whole like. And you're kind of part of the people that I want to yell at right here.

[A]

Surprise, surprise.

[B]

This new movement. Welcome back, baby. By the way. New movement of people just sending voice notes instead of texts.

[A]

I like voice notes.

[B]

Fuck you write to me.

[A]

Why?

[B]

I want to feel like that was this. That was a form of. Of love back was.

[A]

I'm still texting.

[B]

Yeah. No, you're not though, cuz then you're not.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, you're not. I don't. Cuz Joey will do this thing where he'll send a fucking 90 second voice note.

[A]

I won't do that. So that. I'm against that. I'm with. I'm with.

[B]

And I know where. I know where this started. And I want to see if you say it before I call you out for it.

[A]

What are you talking.

[B]

It's fucking business efficiency, Greg. Big fucking big. No balls, boy.

[A]

No. Well, he does. Yo, bro, this kid the other day, he sent me four in a row. I called him, I said, what are you doing? Because like one of them is just like. He'll start talking like, oh, I fucked this up. I have to redo this. And I'm like one. Why are you saying that?

[B]

Delete it.

[A]

And then you send it to me.

[B]

So.

[A]

So I call him and I'm like, what are you doing?

[B]

We have lost the art of communication. And you're part of the reason that I want to get mad about this. Because you do that also. I'll respond to you and then you'll do like the response where you like on imessage, where you hold down the message and you just like heart it. That's not A response, Joey?

[A]

Well, it depends what you're saying.

[B]

Or a thumbs up or thumbs down or like question mark.

[A]

That's if you just ask me a question like, yo, a yes or no question. Yes or no?

[B]

Just, just say like, yeah, just come on, communicate.

[A]

Yeah, you are part of.

[B]

Come communicate. Yeah, Frank, I'll text you.

[A]

Four days go by, he'll pick up the conversation like, like you were in a car accident. 1 just woke up from a car accident.

[B]

1. 1, don't make me parse through my text to make sure if that's true because there are plenty of times where I text you and you don't fucking text me, bitch. Two, we're both people that have our own lives. Sometimes we see something, we forget it. No, no. Sometimes. I'll fully admit, sometimes there are times where I see something and I say, I'm gonna respond to that. And then a day goes by and I forget and I'm like, oh, well, fuck, now it's a day. Now I have to wait another day in order to respond and say, I'm sorry I did that. But like, that's the way that the world works sometimes, bro.

[A]

One time. Don't you dare.

[B]

Bitch. Bitch.

[A]

Hold on. One time me and Greg texted Frankie about something that had to do four or five hours. And then he responded back with, sorry, I got tied up at hockey practice. And I'm like, this kid better go.

[B]

To the NHL in a five hour practice. Not only that, when we go to hockey practice, I'm with Ruby and Ruby just runs back and forth and gets in an elevator. I need to fucking chase her in an elevator. She gets. She's big elevator kid right now she just loves elevators. She loves. Dude, she loves elevators.

[A]

I kind of like them too. I'm not gonna lie.

[B]

Everyone had a good old fun time. Press and buttons and elevators.

[A]

Escalators.

[B]

Fire. I love escalators. I get scared of escalators. I'm now realizing it might be bullshit because of my dad told a story.

[A]

But tell me about this Colombian myth that he made up.

[B]

No. When he was. When. I don't think it's a myth because there have been instances of this happening. But like, he said that like he saw like someone's shoelaces got caught in the teeth of an escalator and it like ripped their foot or.

[A]

No way.

[B]

I mean, I think that actually has happened. The chances of my father having witnessed it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or saw someone.

[A]

I can see that.

[B]

Very slim.

[A]

That could probably happen on like Stuart Little, but I don't know about A Hume. But I mean, I'm with you there. I don't like getting on or off of escalators because I'm always stepping over it.

[B]

I jump, I jump, I jump.

[A]

I never step on, like, the crack. And I also lift my. Like, because I usually use them in airports. I'm not really escalating all the time, but, like, I'll hop my bag over it even. Because I'm like, yeah, I don't know why. Oh, maybe superstit.

[B]

You think it's going to pull your fucking Gucci bag into it?

[A]

I don't have a Gucci bag.

[B]

I'm sorry. What bag do you have, though? Go ahead.

[A]

What bag do I have?

[B]

Your YSL travel bags.

[A]

I don't have ysl.

[B]

I'm sorry, your.

[A]

Mm. You got nothing.

[B]

That's it. That's all that's.

[A]

I know. Because it's 2009.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your Ed Hardy FUBU bag. I will say, though, that you, as someone that is active as you like, this is really good at tracking steps and calories.

[A]

I have a watch, but it's just. It's not like an Apple watch. So it's just for like, that kind of shit. But it's not like.

[B]

Oh, it's like a dedicated workout one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like apples. It's like full smart tech.

[A]

Because I would never, like. I can't think of a reason why I would wear that. And I don't want my text messages popping up my fucking headphones now do this thing where it reads my text messages when I'm listening to music. It drives me.

[B]

You can program it so it doesn't do that. I can't figure it out. I will say something that's cool that this does is like, if you have like, Google Maps or something open and it's not like, you know, hooked up to like, CarPlay. What is it called? Yeah, CarPlay. And like, say you have, like, your hand on the steering wheel. It'll pop up, like, make a left in 100ft or something like that. So that's pretty, pretty, pretty.

[A]

Doesn't carplay sound like porn a little bit, honestly. Or corn. Don't say that.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Now you're corn.

[B]

We're corn. We're corn. We're corn.

[A]

Sounds like corn. Those we're not. Well, get in my car and play.

[B]

We're using the word corn in place of corn, right? But when I say we're corn boys, meaning that we're just. Because we use that, not like we are. Oh, yeah, we're Not.

[A]

We're not doing corn.

[B]

We're not doing corn.

[A]

Yeah. No. No.

[B]

Eating corn, though. Yeah, I love corn.

[A]

Love is crazy. But I'm cool with Mexican street corn. Now we're talking. Yeah, And I'm talking about the food.

[B]

See, now we can't talk about corn.

[A]

Now when you say Mexican street corn, you're like, yo, hold on, listen.

[B]

They're outside doing that algorithm. You fucked with our ability to now say corn.

[A]

Now I can't even talk about corn.

[B]

Now people think that we're talking about the corn. That involves a lot of. No, that doesn't even work either. I was gonna say juices, but there's juices in corn, too. Yeah, Wet corn, dude.

[A]

I mean, if there's butter and just.

[B]

Corn has just naturally. Juicy.

[A]

Is it?

[B]

Yeah, I mean, some juicy corn. Like real corn. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You know, but yeah, like CarPlay. It's like. Oh, it sounds like a genre.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. I can almost guarantee that it is foreplay.

[A]

Carplay.

[B]

Yeah. We have, like. We were, like, feeling each other up before we got home. CarPlay.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

You know, it does sound a little dirty.

[A]

Maybe that's why they named it that. Who knows?

[B]

I could almost guarantee that's not why they named it.

[A]

I also agree that it's probably not.

[B]

Yeah. But, yeah, I actually. I got behind the scenes. I've been talking to Joey a lot about, like, trying to remain active and get my steps in and stuff. I got a treadmill. I finally got, like, a treadmill. A secondhand one more. Marketplace, baby. Live it up.

[A]

FB Mark.

[B]

Yeah. Which did.

[A]

You have to, like, go to someone's, like, garage and grab it or something?

[B]

House.

[A]

Oh, so you met a stranger.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you took their workout equipment.

[B]

There were three strangers there, right? It's.

[A]

Oh, they were protection.

[B]

I pulled up. No, they, like. They. I guess, maybe, but, like, look at me. My picture is, like, me in a Hawaiian shirt. What are you protecting against?

[A]

I don't know, dude. You're in, like, rural Pennsylvania. Maybe they saw Alvarez and they were like, better have backup.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know. I mean, it is entirely. It is entirely possible. No, but, like, I showed up and I was just, like, they could fuck me up if they wanted to. And, like. But, like, there's a way.

[A]

A weird way to try and, like, rob somebody, though. Like, oh, let me come buy your fucking treadmill.

[B]

People have been doing it forever. Like, was it a giveaway or did you cash a Venmo?

[A]

Nice.

[B]

You know, we did that. We did that whole bad boy, but I Was fully. I don't know if I told you this. I was fully ready. I was just like, all right, I'm committing to, like, waking up at a certain time each morning and just walking on this treadmill just to get some steps in, step it up, you know? But my brain convinced me not to and not in, like.

[A]

So this is an interesting excuse. So here's the thing. I'd like to start exercising, but I've got a thing in my brain.

[B]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

Makes me not go.

[B]

No, no, no. Like my. I gas lit myself with my dreams.

[A]

You can imagine what the human experience is like for us on the real.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

You're gaslighting so much.

[B]

Like, now I'm a victim of my own brain.

[A]

Like Harry Potter, where it's like a spell actually bounces off the wall and.

[B]

It hits you and then it's like, Gilderoy Lockhart. Just like, wait, am I. You know I got Gilderoy Lockhart.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. What happened?

[B]

But. So I set my alarm to wake up at 5am so I can go and I can do my thing. But I had a dream that I couldn't walk. But did you.

[A]

Do you know why? Was it just a dream thing where it's like my feet aren't moving?

[B]

It was a dream thing where, like, my. I, like, my foot hurt and I had like a ball in my foot and I couldn't walk and I was like, unable. Yeah. And I remember in my dream being like, I have to not walk at all. So I. So I silenced my alarms in real life. In real life, silence my alarms because of what my dreams were convincing me. This is. Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

This is some sci fi shit. This is like dreams bleeding into reality.

[A]

What is he thinking about before bed where you're like, no, I probably shouldn't do that. And your body's like, I got you.

[B]

But, like, I go to sleep, like, fully like, yeah, I'm gonna do this. I'm excited to do this. I have a whole routine, but there's.

[A]

Another person in there going, no, the.

[B]

Little man inside me that got in there is just like, I had a.

[A]

Dream that I couldn't walk and all I could eat was prosciutto.

[B]

Let me also say this. There is no little man inside me. Just want to also make that clear. Yeah. But my brain, in its dreamlike state, convinced myself to not wake up and do this. Mm. What a bastard.

[A]

Yeah, bastard.

[B]

What an absolute bastard.

[A]

So you had to have waking up before 5, and then you just, like, you shut off Your alarms.

[B]

I remember shutting it off because I wore my watch, because I don't. So I put my alarms on. On silent, so they don't wake the rest of you know, so they don't wake. Becca, what is that? Vibrator. It vibrates. Yeah, so it'll vibrate on your wrist. And I remember being like, oh, no. But it was in my dream, right?

[A]

You weren't fully awake.

[B]

I wasn't fully awake and I. It was like. I fucking. I woke up when Maeve woke up and I was just like, oh, fuck, I'm such a little bitch.

[A]

Now you got a battle yourself.

[B]

I mean, your dream self. That's a classic. That's a classic battle, you know, like you versus yourself. Who?

[A]

Right, yeah. You know, that's a motivational poster right there. The only one in your way is yourself.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

But they're not mentioning that it's your dream son. Exactly.

[B]

The Freddy Krueger version of myself that's trying to fucking erase my ability. To be accurate.

[A]

Right. Not gonna kill you quickly, just making sure you don't exercise slowly.

[B]

Yeah, it's not. There's no knife fingers here. There's just an absolute filling up artery fucking.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Wow. Okay, well, how do you combat that?

[B]

I don't know, dude.

[A]

Double alarm. Are you a double alarm?

[B]

I am. So I have a double alarm, but they, I guess both got silenced. Oh, so you double shot my dream self, took my alarms behind the shed and put two fucking bullets in the back of their stuff.

[A]

Wow. So maybe you're gonna have to trip alarm then.

[B]

I don't know what I'm gonna do, honestly. This is something I thought of this morning. I was just like, I need to. You're gonna laugh at me. But I was like, I need to strengthen myself.

[A]

Elaborate. What do you mean by that?

[B]

Mentally?

[A]

Mentally.

[B]

Mentally. Right.

[A]

So how do you plan on doing this? Like, yeah, talk to me, sensei. We're like, I have to spend time just controlling my thoughts.

[B]

I'll tell you where it's going to possibly end up is I did see a TikTok this morning that was just like, do 10 seconds of a cold shower, then do 20 seconds of a cold shower.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then, like, maybe that's how I strengthen my brain, to not be like a douchebag dream version of myself.

[A]

I don't know if that's going to work, but I'm optimistic that maybe it does. And I've tried to do the cold shower thing before. Oh, you have not. Yeah, like, I'll tell You this. I wouldn't qualify what I did as a try.

[B]

What was it that.

[A]

Yeah, I'm just like, ew.

[B]

Like, why would I.

[A]

Like, I get why people. And I know, like, the ice baths and that kind of stuff. Like, that's different, but just like, not shower time.

[B]

I can't. Ice baths. I don't know how people do it.

[A]

I've done it. The bathhouse that I've went to with Greg before, they have a freezing cold.

[B]

We all heard that, right? Just want to make sure we've all heard that.

[A]

I almost died in the fucking bathtub. I was gonna say in the bath house last time. Way too much time in the sauna, but they have a cold plunge pool filled with bleach or chlorine because it stinks like chemicals. But I got in it and it was like 40 degrees. And I did like 45 seconds. And I was like, I'm the coolest guy in the world and I get that. But a shower where I'm like. Or when people say, just get in the shower and turn it on, I'm like, this is stupid. This is crazy.

[B]

Don't. Don't do that. If you like, dude, I'll tell you, I am in equal parts, like, impressed and equal parts hate. That guy. That, like, in some part, it's like, you know, North Dakota. It's just like, good morning. And it's just a big ice bath. And he just breaks the ice on top. And he's like, we're gonna sit in for three minutes today. And he sits in. He's like, the world is not about against you.

[A]

No. So that guy.

[B]

The world is about being in support of your hopes and dreams. And I'm just like, fuck you, dear. Ice bath.

[A]

That guy, I think, is that guy. Actually, I talked to him. I wish I could remember his name.

[B]

I'm glad you don't.

[A]

He followed me, though. So I was like, dude, I've seen.

[B]

Your dreams, so there's a chance he follows us. Fuck you. I just wanna just like, fuck you, dude.

[A]

Yeah. That guy's skin must be like the tightest little.

[B]

Tight, tight.

[A]

Yeah. But yeah, it's like he's like, today. Good morning.

[B]

It's zero degrees Celsius, minus three degrees Fahrenheit out here. And today we're talking about gratitude.

[A]

Yeah. He breaks the ice and he gets in. He's like, it's not your dad, it's you.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. I'm watching you do something I hate. I don't need to hear you fucking awaken. Like, Some like trauma in me.

[A]

No, he's a cool guy. But so the reason why I like talk to him because then he started doing this thing where he would break a piece of the ice off and eat it. But then he started using hot sauce.

[B]

I was like, oh, yeah, yeah. But I would send him everything bagel. Hot sauce on ice, good on everything. Friends.

[A]

But when I eventually own a home, definitely getting a little tub.

[B]

Oh, like a, like a cold plunge tub. Yeah.

[A]

And her sauna.

[B]

I'm gonna ask you some questions offline. I'm gonna your house because I'm very intrigued.

[A]

Yeah, just like put it in the backyard.

[B]

Yeah, no, no, I know. I'm just, I'm confused as to where your like budget is gonna end. Like, are you gonna commit to like that $40 million house you sent me earlier or. $40 million house? Yeah.

[A]

I don't know how I'm paying for that with IOUs. That ain't happening.

[B]

You owe no one. No one owe.

[A]

Everyone owe you $40 million.

[B]

Yeah, it's alright.

[A]

Do you remember when I posted, because there was an article that said, here's Joe, Santa got his network. Network, network. It was like $293 million. And I posted it and I was just like, dan, they got me. And people that I know in real life were like, yo, congrats. And I was like, are you an idiot? You're an idiot. I was like, I don't have $293 million.

[B]

Can I ask you a serious question?

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

If you had $293 million. I know you are, you are. A lot of people don't know this about you. You're big with discipline. Like, you internally like to be very self disciplined. Okay. And you do, you're very smart with your money. You're always giving financial advice to the people that you appreciate in your life. At what level of wealth would you just throw that all out the window and just be. Just commit to being a fucking dumpster bitch.

[A]

But what is a dumpster bitch?

[B]

$30 million house where like to get to your bedroom you need to take like a Ferris wheel. Like I'm talking like, all right, I'm going to bed. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, a 30 million dollar house.

[B]

I'll tell you this, you would probably need at least your watch collection would know no bounds.

[A]

That would be a big issue. That would be a big fat issue for sure. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I don't know, like a part of me, like, because I do like looking at that type of content, like seeing like rich People's houses. And then like, it'll be a random whoever who owns like a 40 million dollar house in the Hamptons and like all the shit. Like, I like looking at that stuff, but in reality I'm like, what the fuck would I do with a house like that?

[B]

Dude, I've been watching a lot of Shark Tank and I saw like an interview with Mark Cuban and he's just like, I bought a $25 million home and there are rooms I have not been in in years.

[A]

Yeah. Why?

[B]

Like, that is wild. Like, there is a certain level of like over the top. Like, that's ridiculous.

[A]

I would. If I had $300 million, I'm sure that I would find a really nice house. But it wouldn't. I don't think it would be 30 million. Like, it would be less than that.

[B]

But I feel like a five million dollar house would probably be where, like, depending on where. If I had $300 million, I say 5 million is going into a house. And then I would have a couple $5 million houses. I would cross across the country.

[A]

I would be more. I think I would pay more to be like, in a gated community of like, safe safety is kind of what I would pay for. That makes sense because I don't need a $30 million apartment. Like, that's crazy.

[B]

Yeah. To be in a skyscraper where you are basically just like, there's one like, underpaid doorman who is just protecting you from whoever wants to come up.

[A]

Yeah, like some shit like that. I don't, I don't. I don't think I would do. But I would buy stupid shit. I mean, when I started making really good Money, I spent $3,000 on an arcade machine that I used.

[B]

No, you used a lot.

[A]

We use five times. You've probably used it more than I did.

[B]

I probably did.

[A]

And I gave it away to a child that lived on the same block as my mom.

[B]

Do they still have it?

[A]

I assume I might keep in tabs on his stomach.

[B]

I'm gonna go ask him for it. I'd like. Yeah, that was a cool arcade machine. That was, by the way, $3,000. You bought that in like 2016?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's too much. Oh, it was way too much.

[A]

And I don't even know. I think that I was just like, I want to get something. And it didn't have like, what the fuck?

[B]

It didn't have like Super Mario Brothers on it. It had like the. And it didn't have like the big name brand games.

[A]

There was Frogger on It.

[B]

It had Frogger. It had Galaga, and it had, like. Did it have Galaga, Alien Invaders, but, like, it didn't have, like, Super Mario Brothers or like, other. Like. Like Donkey Kong. It had like, Donkey Kong 4 does math and 1942 Part 6, where it's like, you're a tank now. Just the games that no one was playing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That they were able to emulate and get on this thing without facing legal action. Yeah.

[A]

I don't know. I just got that because I was like, oh, I'm going to get something cool. And I think back then, I just didn't. I didn't. I didn't even know what I liked as a person yet. So I was. I don't know how, bro. I don't know how I thought of that. Or. I just thought, like, it would be cool for people to come over and be like, oh, there's an arcade machine here. That's.

[B]

It was. I mean, I'll be honest with you. I was. I was. That. It was really cool. I am the sucker for that. Where I went up there and I played. Played hours on that thing, drinking.

[A]

What year did you say that was?

[B]

2016.

[A]

Frank, that was almost a fucking decade ago.

[B]

Isn't that crazy? Eight years ago.

[A]

We're a thousand years old.

[B]

Yeah. And we're slowly falling apart. I just woke up this morning and my ankle hurt. I've done nothing. I've done nothing.

[A]

Dude, it's great.

[B]

My teeth hurt. Sometimes I wake up, my teeth hurt.

[A]

I think I'm grinding those.

[B]

But, like, what the fuck?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Teeth. My neck, my back. Pussy and my crack.

[A]

Frank. Demonetized porn.

[B]

Corn. Fuck porn, you idiot. What are we calling Badussy? That's got to be way worse.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

So it's corn and this unaliving kitty cat. Meow, meow. Fun time. Wet cave.

[A]

I'm not. I'm not using that. I'm not using too many words.

[B]

All right. Wet Cave.

[A]

Speaking of corn, by the way, did you. Did you hear about. Did you hear, you know, like, Ariana Grande, The Wicked movie is coming?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You must be excited for that.

[A]

I'm hyped.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love Wicked.

[B]

I've seen zero things, heard zero songs. I've never. Never been.

[A]

I've just seen. I've seen on TikTok. I don't. I want to. I don't know the other actresses. Cynthia Erivo, Cynthia Revo. But I've seen them being interviewed, and they're just crying. They're crying. All the time.

[B]

All the time.

[A]

But I like watching people crying for, like. Like, nice reason.

[B]

Not like that.

[A]

I relax.

[B]

I want to feel something. No. Fucking Joey puts his hand on the pulse and just wants to see people cry.

[A]

I like when people are so happy that they cry. Or, like, because it was an interviewer who was saying really nice things about them, and she was just like, I just want you guys know that, like, you did it. And they start crying, and I'm like, fuck.

[B]

I saw, dude, these. This whole press tour for the Wicked movie has just been Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo crying for each other. Yeah. And then other people making them cry. Like, I saw one interview and it was his brother.

[A]

That's theater, baby.

[B]

God damn it. I forget the actress's name, but she was in the Mean Girls movie musical, and I think the musical Renee Rapp, and she's just, like, making Cynthia Erivo cry, and then she's crying. It's perfect. And then it's just like, everyone's crying. I'm on board with a good cry.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

But it does, like, after a certain point, it's just like, promote the movie.

[A]

Yeah, we're super crying a lot. No, but I thought it was. I thought it was. It was cool. But, yeah, I'm super psyched about Wicked. Definitely got to go see that. And I.

[B]

Is that where that song popular. I might be popular. I've only known the Tick Tock song version of it, but is that where it comes from? Okay.

[A]

Defying Gravity.

[B]

I've never heard that song in my entire life.

[A]

Shut your fucking stupid.

[B]

I'm defying Gravity. I've heard that and then I don't.

[A]

I've never heard Defying Gravity.

[B]

I swear. I unfortunately have.

[A]

Get out.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Of the Earth.

[B]

Leave the planet.

[A]

Leave the planet.

[B]

Like, spiritually, like Frank, physically, like unaliving or not unaliving.

[A]

I mean, launch yourself into space and whatever happens, happens.

[B]

Bad things happen.

[A]

I'll tell you for good. That's a banger.

[B]

Are you just gonna. How? Can I ask you a serious question? Mm. You have Apple Music or Spotify?

[A]

Spotty.

[B]

How quick is that album going directly on your Spotify?

[A]

It's pre ordered. All right. It's not pre ordered, but I have Defying Gravity on my running playlist.

[B]

Really, bro?

[A]

It helps if you listen to it near the end of the song where they start belt and shit.

[B]

I guess I gotta get into it because, you know, I. People. It's funny. I posted a TikTok and people are just like, frank likes Hamilton and It's like, have you not watched any of this show?

[A]

Frank won't shut the fuck up about Hamilton. I'm pretty sure that he could do the show.

[B]

I have so far, I've gotten the first like six songs down pretty. Pretty well. Yeah, but I guess you gotta go.

[A]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna buy you tickets and you're gonna go. Thanks, that would be sweet because I'm sick of this.

[B]

Are you gonna babysit the kids?

[A]

No. Oh, we're gonna figure that part out. Everybody's going, got. Oh, the whole kids are going, no, they're not.

[B]

He would really get a kick out of that.

[A]

Out of Hamilton.

[B]

Yeah, I think so.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

They were in the car one day and he's like, kiki, do you mind if I play dj?

[A]

He probably would respect you less if he saw how excited you were during the song.

[B]

No, he enjoys it. We were in the cars, in the crowd. Yeah, you know.

[A]

What the fuck did you just do, by the way?

[B]

Because I look choreographed. It was maybe. Yeah, you know, we were in the car one day and he was playing dj and he's like, I got a song for you coming on next. I'm like, I'm so pumped. He played you'll Be Back, the King song.

[A]

Fire.

[B]

So sick.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

Banger, which is one of the best songs in that.

[A]

I also have to get to a point, but the Wicked movie is coming out and they have obviously like merchandise that they're putting out and stuff like that.

[B]

Why did you say merchandise? Cuz I was gonna say merchandise. What's Dice? They've merchandise. Dyson vacuum.

[A]

No, but the Wicked movie is coming out. They have merchandise and then they have these like dolls or whatever. And on the packaging they put Wicked.com, which is not the right website. Wicked.com is. Hello, Corn. Wait, what?

[B]

Corn?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait, you said.

[A]

I'm gonna go wicked dot com. Corn, baby. And I'm not talking corn.

[B]

You're not talking. You're not talking corn. You know, you're not talking the corn you eat sideways. You're talking the corn you eat long ways.

[A]

So the corn. What am I saying?

[B]

So I wasn't look like corn.

[A]

So this is wicked dot com.

[B]

This just looks like it's.

[A]

Well, no, no, this is definitely corn, but it's like movie corn. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Like, I'll be honest, this whole corn versus corn thing, it's kind of confusing.

[A]

There's no food.

[B]

It doesn't like. I. So I'm looking at your screen I see nothing grotesque.

[A]

Yeah, there's no. Because look. They have a look.

[B]

Like, just not. They make movie posters.

[A]

Like.

[B]

Like some of the Asylum would make.

[A]

Yeah, like, there's. This one's called Reckless, and it. The poster looks like, like Fast and the Furious, but it's a corn, so I'm assuming they're racing cars. And.

[B]

Wait, why would you call a knockoff corn version of Fast and the Furious reckless? Call it Deep and Moist.

[A]

How is that a play on words?

[B]

Rapid. Rapid and sensual. There's so many better.

[A]

Those so far are both worse.

[B]

The ass is curious. What. What does that. What does.

[A]

What does that even mean?

[B]

Starring Vin. Vin. Gasoline. Because he pumps you full of gasoline.

[A]

Okay, yes. It's horrible. It's crazy. This one says Blast from the Past. That's a pretty good.

[B]

It's a real movie.

[A]

Oh, it's about a. What's the one? Michael J. Fox, Back to the Future.

[B]

Oh, I thought you were saying, like, someone in it has, like, park.

[A]

No, no, no, no. Blast from the Padding.

[B]

Blast from the Past is a legit movie.

[A]

Is it?

[B]

Unless I'm mistaken, it's starting like.

[A]

Well, he's got a flannel and a vest on, so I assumed it was.

[B]

Well, yeah, it's probably Blast from the Past.

[A]

Oh, if you scroll down, there's.

[B]

Yeah, Blast from the Past. It's Brendan Fraser and Alicia Silverstone. I knew it was a real movie.

[A]

Does he have a video camera?

[B]

Christopher Walken's in it. So pretty close to being sensual. Yeah, a naive man comes out into the world after spending 35 years in a nuclear fallout shelter. I guess.

[A]

Well, these people make actual up. Nope. There's a girl spitting on each other. Now I'm seeing. All right, that's different. See that?

[B]

I mean, it just looks like their tongue is out. I don't see any.

[A]

What's that?

[B]

Ah, that. That looks like it is now their.

[A]

Tongues are out and they're a spit connecting their tongue.

[B]

So this website was on the packaging to, like, a doll, bro. Like, for the wicked.

[A]

For, like. Yeah, it's like alphabetical and motherfucking corn website right on the front there.

[B]

How many kids do you think went to this? I will say this isn't a bad. This is not. I mean, it's not the worst corn.

[A]

Site ever they can go to. Which would be, I don't know, something xx. Deep impact.com or something. I don't like that.

[B]

It's also a movie.

[A]

Deep Impact, my dad's favorite movie. My dad loves when the World Ends.

[B]

Deep Impact or Armageddon. Which one are you watching?

[A]

Armageddon.

[B]

Steven Tyler.

[A]

The love story in there.

[B]

Are you kidding me? Bruce Willis, Liv Tyler. Don't want to close my eyes.

[A]

Animal Crackers.

[B]

Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Owen Wilson. Matt Damon's not in it. Ben Affleck's in it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Steve Buscemi.

[A]

Steve Buscemi. Owen Wilson.

[B]

Don't want to close my eyes.

[A]

Michael James Duncan.

[B]

Michael Clark Duncan.

[A]

Michael Clark Duncan.

[B]

Don't want to fall asleep? Because I miss you, babe? And I don't want to miss a thing. Cause even when I dream again? The sweetest dream I'll never do? I'd still miss you, babe? And I don't want to miss a thing. When they get into it, where he's like, I don't want to miss one smile. I don't want to miss one kiss.

[A]

And I just want to be with you right here with. Just like this. That song is crazy.

[B]

A lot of people. This might be a little tidbit of trivia. One of our first videos we did together was pantomiming that song, like doing a performance of that song. You're on the drums and I'm on the guitar.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you, like, you at one point actually hit a cymbal and it scared the out.

[A]

There's a clip of that in the promotional tour before our first show, and I think during.

[B]

I think it's been used in other pieces of promotional. Like the.

[A]

Maybe like the Radio City.

[B]

The Radio City. Like when we. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Look at that, man. Wait, so kids were just looking up corn because of Wicked?

[A]

Yeah. Mattel's packaging for its latest dolls came with a Wicked mistake. The ink. The link printed on the back of the toys box led to a corner graphic website prompting dolls all over the country to be pulled from the shelves.

[B]

Big, big mess up.

[A]

Big mess.

[B]

Wait, what's the. I mean, there are certain conspiracy theorists in, like, the middle of West Virginia. Like, you think this is mistake. It's a mistake. Balenciaga made the goddamn toys too. You think this is a mistake. And guess who's running it? Hillary motherfucking Clinton.

[A]

That bitches.

[B]

That bitches by locker up.

[A]

Dump her. This is crazy, though.

[B]

You don't do that mean, bro. What's the real weapon Approved. What's the real website?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Like, that's. I mean, that is. Oh, it's.

[A]

It's wicked movie calm. Which is.

[B]

Which just sounds like close, dude, you.

[A]

Know, that sounds like.

[B]

You know what they say about that movie that's your wicked move.

[A]

But it sounds like a Boston, like, website where you can illegally watch movies. Like, Wicked Movies.

[B]

Or it's just like, the most Boston person you've ever met that's like a movie reviewer, and they're just like, welcome back. I got my crawler. I get my Duncan. We're gonna watch this wicked movie.

[A]

Wicked movies.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Go watch your socks, dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not good. Not a good thing to be doing. So, you know, leave the cornographic stuff off the toys.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, big lawsuit.

[A]

Unless it's an adult toy.

[B]

I will say this. I will say this. Whoever bought those dolls, they're, like, instantly collectors items now.

[A]

Yeah. If you're a freak.

[B]

I mean, people do that shit all.

[A]

Also, if you're that website, you're probably like, where did all this traffic come from?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What is going on?

[B]

Whoa. Big uptick. Now we can make our next 10 mills. 10 Batman porn, corn movies, you idiots. You're getting fined where it's called the hung. Man. I'm not good with my Frank.

[A]

We can tell. We do have some sponsors.

[B]

The ass Vengers. Better not badder. Ass Vengers, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Rock Hard Iron Man.

[A]

So we do have some sponsors for today. The first one is kickoff. Kickoff. It's gonna start helping you build your credit. You can start building credit immediately for $1 for your first month, you can build credit in your sleep. Okay. It is a app that is the number one credit building app in the App Store. Their plans are just $5 a month. There's no credit check, no hidden fees, no interest. But yeah, just smart, legit credit hack with no catch, no credit check, hidden fees, or no interest. If your credit score is under 600, you could jump up like 28 points in your first month. So it's very helpful to try and get your credit back on track. Whether you made a mistake or, you know, you messed up your credit along the way or whatever it is, they can help you get it back. You know, if you have the autopay, you can, you know, help build your credit in your sleep so you never have to worry about missing a payment. You could sign up in minutes from your phone. But yeah, it's the number one credit building app out there. It has over 100,000 positive reviews on the App Store and 98% of them are five stars. Okay. And you can help your credit survive the holidays with kickoff. For a limited time, get your first month free. Go to getkickoff.com basement today. Hurry for a free month of kickoff without the C spelled getkickoff.com basement spelled G-E-T-K-I-K-O-F F.com basement okay, you must sign up via getkickoff.com basement to activate the offer. Offer applies to new Kickoff customers. First month only subject to approval. Average impact of 28 point increase first month based on Equifax Equifax Vantage score 3.0 changes for Kickoff customers with starting credit below 600 who made their first on time payment between January 2021 and March 2024. Payment and credit activity outside of Kickoff can just have an impact on your credit. Terms and conditions may apply. Offer subject to change. Individual results may vary. Also, we have SeatGeek. SeatGeek is the app where you can buy tickets to whatever you want. Whether you're going to a Broadway play, if you're going to go see Wicked on Broadway or something, or if you're going to go to a, you know, sporting event, you're going to go to a football game or a basketball game, whatever it is. I always use SeatGeek. I love using their interface because they let you know when you're paying a good price for a ticket or a bad price. Bad price for a ticket. Dark red, stay away from that. That's an overpriced ticket. Dark green, that's very good green. Regular green. Also a good price for a ticket. So I like that they're transparent in that way, but they have everything on there. Yeah, there's a lot of artists that are on tour right now, so you can go see them and we're gonna save you some money. Everyone can use my new code Joe15 for 15% off any tickets on SeatGeek. Okay so download the SeatGeek app, use the code Joe15 for 15% off on ticket of tickets on seat. Okay so whether you've used it before or not, you should be saving 15%. It's right here. Use the code JOE15, you'll save 15% off your tickets at Sea Geek. Alright, so go download it and enjoy. And lastly here we do have stamps.com which brings all of the services of the US Post Office right to your fingertips. Whether you're a small business or a multi location organization, Stamps.com handles all of your mailing and shipping needs wherever, whenever, seamlessly. So if you have a small business, especially where you make a lot of different, you know, you're mailing a lot of different things, you can save time and money by using stamps.com and even if you don't do that, but you are someone who sends mail all the time, whether it's relatives or something like that. It's a good way to make sure that. I mean, definitely during the holidays too, a lot of people are mailing stuff. You can save time and money with stamps.com you could save time because you don't have to drive to the post office or wait in any lines or anything. But you could also save money because they have rates that you can't find anywhere else. Like up to 89% off USPS and UPS rates. That is crazy. But yeah, you can. Go to stamps.com enter the code basement for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long term commitments or contracts or anything like that. So just go to stamps.com and use the code BASEMENT. Okay, so stamps.com use that code BASEMENT for that four week trial. Free postage free digital scale. Don't worry about commitments or anything, but save yourself some time and money with.

[B]

Stamps.Com and go to patreon.com thebasement yard Folks, if you guys are patrons right now, you would have known that Joe made a little baby announcement that is kind of crazy on one of our Patreon episodes a couple days ago, actually. So if you're not a patron, you're not sure what I'm talking about. But there's big, there's big old fat things coming your way. And who doesn't like that Unless. Unless you're talking about corn. But Nonetheless, go to patreon.com thebasementarable you can sign up today and you can get in on all the conversations. You can get these weekly episodes one week in advance with that first tier and then that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. So the reality is you only have only a couple days without the boys. And with those Santa Gado studios coming out Every Wednesday on YouTube, in reality, you really never miss out on us much. So if you like us and you want to make us feel good about ourselves because that's what we need, your validation in order to feel like human beings, go to patreon.com thebasement yard. You guys have grown this show to unbelievable heights that we are so incredibly grateful and appreciative for. And we are doing our best to pour that back into the Patreon experience. So go check it out. Get in there now. We want to keep climbing, keep moving so we can give you guys more of what's going to make you happy, laugh and all that fun stuff. So patreon.com the basementyard. Thank you, folks. I appreciate it. What do you. What do you think that lawsuit's going to be?

[A]

Big lawsuit.

[B]

Big old law seas. Yeah, you know.

[A]

Yeah, it is.

[B]

Yo, you know what has just been inundating my feed lately? You ever seen Legal Eagle?

[A]

Who?

[B]

You don't know the legal eagle, illegal.

[A]

Eagle, legal eagle, Eagle.

[B]

He's like a guy that does, like. He's like a lawyer influencer, but just like, breaks down, like, different laws and stuff like that. No, dude, I feel like I've gone to law school now from watching this guy. This is, by the way, the freest of free plugs.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

He just talks about, like, here's the law.

[B]

He's just like, oh, well, so. And so is suing Joe San Agato. Let's break it down. And like, why? And it's just like, this guy's fucking. And it makes me. Because you know me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Blind confidence that I can do anything with little to no training.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Or connection to reality. I now feel like I can be my own lawyer if I needed to be.

[A]

Hopefully you dream about that tonight instead of shutting off your alarms.

[B]

That was bad, dude. Yeah. Now I'm. Now I have to commit to, like, what if my dreams tell me to, like, go home and just eat a half a half a pound of prosciutto, you know? What do we do then?

[A]

I don't know. I hate those dreams.

[B]

I hate those dreams, too. Right? You're getting ready for Thanksgiving. Oh, yeah. And this is. This is it.

[A]

Thanksgiving is great because it's prime charcuterie board.

[B]

Dude, we're making for. We're doing like, a little thing at my sister's house for, like, our side of the.

[A]

Becca makes a fucking charcuterie board.

[B]

She charcute the pants off your sister.

[A]

Makes a good one, too. What the fuck?

[B]

Listen, you're surrounded by boards. Listen, the women in my life understand the value in a good charcuterie board.

[A]

It's so good.

[B]

Guess what? We're doing a Greek one with Greek cheeses and olives and some tzatzika shit on that. You can throw the olives over your shoulder. I will. Over the shoulder, back around into my fucking mouth.

[A]

I hate olives.

[B]

I love olives. But it's. This is prime. Like, trying to eat, like, garba gunk season, you know what I'm saying?

[A]

Wait, so what would go on a Greek charcuterie board?

[B]

You got some fruit. You know, you could throw, like, you know, like, dates on there. Some fresh fakes.

[A]

I mean, you're just describing a charcuterie board. What makes it Greek cheeses?

[B]

Feta, feta, casetti, kefalo, graviera.

[A]

I don't know what any of that is exactly.

[B]

One of them is kind of like almost like a parmesan, but it's like a hard, stinky little bitch.

[A]

It's a dupe.

[B]

It's a dummy dump of a cheese. And it's fucking fat and good. Fat and good.

[A]

Damn. Is it. You gonna put some fucking lamb on there or something?

[B]

Maybe we'll get some lamb.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

Maybe we'll get some lamb.

[A]

Can you do that?

[B]

Why not?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Make it and put, like, thinly sliced lamb on some crackers.

[A]

Whoa, dude. That's fucking crazy.

[B]

You see what I'm saying now, right?

[A]

Yeah. By the way, charcuterie boards. I don't like the crackers usually.

[B]

I don't mind crackers. Melba toast.

[A]

What the fuck is that?

[B]

Like, bread?

[A]

Oh, the little ones.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I don't like them when they're hard, like croutons.

[B]

I like them when there's, like, they're crunchy, but then you bit. Bite into them and it's pillowy and soft. Like a good. Like a good. Like a good. Yeah, like that, you know?

[A]

But I don't like when I bite into this little piece of bread and it's like, oh, this hurts my teeth.

[B]

Yeah, well, maybe just strengthen your mouth.

[A]

It's not about strengthening. Okay. Their bones.

[B]

You do have a pretty baby mouth.

[A]

What are you b. What are you saying?

[B]

Like, it's sensitive.

[A]

I have a sensitive mouth?

[B]

Yeah. What's.

[A]

What's making you even.

[B]

You, like, you always say, like, crunchy stuff bother your mouth. Like you recently said, like, oh, crunch berries. Like Captain Crunch and stuff like that.

[A]

Captain Crunch is, like, infamously known for cutting people's tops of their mouth.

[B]

Strengthen your mouth.

[A]

I can't strengthen my skin.

[B]

You know what it is? You haven't worked a day in your life. There's no calluses on those hands, and clearly there's no calluses on the roof of your mouth. You ever bit a bagel bite that just destroyed the roof of your mouth, bitch? Of course it was worth it.

[A]

Or like a Hot Pocket. Those are fucking dangerous. How have they not been sued?

[B]

I.

[A]

You have all.

[B]

They have all, like, the warnings. Yeah. Like, they're fucking. It's like a scroll, you know, on the fucking sleeve.

[A]

I like that shit. I like that it comes in a little sleeping bag that you put in with it, and then you Slide it.

[B]

I don't think it's to, like, comfort you. I think it's to just, like, evenly distribute the heat.

[A]

No, it is, but I think that's cool. I like that. It's. Damn.

[B]

It's about that time of the year where I need to have Hot Pockets and ruin my evening.

[A]

There's no part of the year where you need to have Hot Pockets. I think that's just something that you're telling yourself.

[B]

Hot Pockets on a charcuterie board.

[A]

Don't disrespect the board. Why with a fucking Hot Pocket?

[B]

Why not?

[A]

Because also, I want to say something about Hot Pockets. You got to put more in here, chief.

[B]

More pocket in your hot.

[A]

It's all hot and not that much pocket.

[B]

No. Well, the pocket needs to be stuffed. Stuffed your pockets. Stuff your pockets.

[A]

But there's like, two little balls of fucking mozzarella cheese, a lot of sauce, and one pepperoni.

[B]

Yeah. What are we doing? I will say. I will say Hot Pocket Pepperoni, that bitch.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Shove shit in there. You've got a pocket. Shove your whole shit in it.

[A]

Fill the pocket.

[B]

And we're not talking corn.

[A]

Yeah, we aren't.

[B]

We're talking just good old classic American ingenuity. Yeah, you give us a bread pocket. I'm shoving that thing until it's stuffed with me.

[A]

Also, like, you know how they always say that about bags of chips? We open up a bag of chips, and you're like, bro, I'm paying for fucking 75%.

[B]

I'm gonna say this. Chips, you've had your chance.

[A]

Fuck you.

[B]

Goodbye.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah, I agree.

[B]

Lays, you're out, bitch. Fritos, they might be controlled by lays wise. You're done.

[A]

I hate when chips have been fucking around for.

[B]

You had your chance. Honestly. You had your fucking chance. Chips, you're done.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

20, 24. Enjoy it. 20, 25 rolls around, chips, you're gone.

[A]

We should all take a page out of the book of Cotton Candy, because if you ever open up Cotton candy.

[B]

Right there. Yep, he's right there.

[A]

You open up a piece of cotton. The bag of cotton candy.

[B]

Cotton candy. It's right at the front.

[A]

Like, bro, right here. Eat my shit.

[B]

We can all learn something from cotton Candy. They say, we have a bag. We're gonna shove 40 years worth of cotton candy into this little fucking bag.

[A]

I could fill my pillow with the amount that fits in this man of a bag.

[B]

This is why, like, we have moments like this where we were, like, we're so in tune. You're so fucking good. Big business wise and like. Yeah, chips. You. You're done, dude.

[A]

You're done. You're fired.

[B]

You're gone. You've had your chance. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I'm not eating another fucking Dorito. Okay, time that. Time to go like Old Yeller behind the shed. That's the second thing that's getting killed in divine the shed this episode.

[A]

Did old Yellow get shot in the head?

[B]

I think so.

[A]

I don't even know what that is. Is a bird a dog?

[B]

I'm not gonna tell you. I'll let you figure it out for yourself.

[A]

No problem. What was I talking about?

[B]

Getting cotton candy.

[A]

Cotton candy and chips and shit. Right? I haven't eaten a chip out of a bag in a while. I eat them out of bowls.

[B]

I like parties, but where do they come from, babe?

[A]

Yeah, I know, but I'm like, I'm not seeing the bag so I'm not angers you. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

All these brands, they don't fuck around. There's no waste gums. Think of gum brands. There's no fucking jokes in a gum package. It's all gum, bitch.

[A]

Listen, hold on. I do have a gripe with gum. Orbit or forget Orbit, everyone. I open up this little thing and there's a lot of gum. I'm excited the fact that you filled this whole thing up with gum. Why are we gluing the gum to.

[B]

The side of the package?

[A]

I'm trying to pull it out.

[B]

I'm taking the whole inside. You're taking the whole inside. You're ripping this thing. You're pink sock in the gum packaging. Exactly.

[A]

I am. What's that called when you. I'm prolapsing the anus. And we got demonetized just now. But I'm prolapsing the package of gums butt.

[B]

What can we say for anus that doesn't like upset people?

[A]

Greg Louganis.

[B]

Greg Louganis. Let me stop just destroying your Greg Louganis orbit. I don't want to do it. I'm a good. I'm a good man. I like order. I like law and rules and respect. I don't want to have to absolutely just let this thing have to just walk sideways for a week. I'm ruining. Because then I'm just. Then I'm this then Greg Louganis is getting double fingered in my pocket.

[A]

Also. I'm the type of person that like. I like little things like that to be neat. And now you're forcing me to take it from the middle and it looks stupid.

[B]

You know, I just want to take it in order. You know what?

[A]

I'm not pulling the one from the side.

[B]

You know what I like. And you're gonna. I hope. Hope. Dear, dear, dear God. Are you praying to a Lord finally? Please hope that he's on board with me here. I don't smoke. You know that. I don't smoke. I've never smoked a cigarette.

[A]

Same.

[B]

You've never smoked a cigarette either.

[A]

No.

[B]

I'll tell you this. When Sophia Gigante opened up that metal case and there was neat cigarettes in there. Oh, I won.

[A]

Almost got me.

[B]

Yeah. You see what I'm saying? I was right there on board. And I said to Becca when we were watching the episode of the Penguin, go watch it, by the way. Phenomenal show. Phenomenal. I said I was like a vengeance smoke with a neat packaged cigarette. Oh, my God.

[A]

I've never smoked a cigarette and I've never killed anyone. But you could bet your bottom dollar if I've ever killed someone, I'm opening up a metal pack of cigarettes and crushing three.

[B]

And guess what? When I open it and I see Law and order. We're Americans. We don't know what's gonna happen in this country over the next four years. We need some consistency and law and order in our life. So give us that packagings of gum. Give it to us also.

[A]

I love that, like, for some reason in movies when it's like very evil people who like, kill for no reason, but if you pull out a cigarette, they're so polite, they'll light it for you.

[B]

Yeah, I love that. Like, listen, I'm not a serial killer. I don't know why I have to say that. But if it's not apparent, that's sus. But. But the way that they're so neat, like, I would be a good. I probably can't say cereal. What do we say for that? Greg Louganis Unaliver Cereal. Unaliver. Like, they make it look very neat. And that's appealing on some of us. I just want to.

[A]

What are you talking about? Just like, what looks neat?

[B]

They'll just sit down and they'll be like. And they'll open their napkin and they'll pick up their fork and their knife and they'll just like.

[A]

Oh. And then like, eat someone's heart.

[B]

Yeah. Like Hannibal Lecter was on to something in. In his neatness.

[A]

Yeah, Hannibal Lecter did a lot of crazy things, but I guarantee he had a nice apartment.

[B]

Oh, my God, dude, tell me. Do me a favor. Just Think about how organized this guy probably was. Yeah. And then tell me that minus all the cannibalism and stuff, which is. Which is big.

[A]

It's up there with very bad stuff.

[B]

Very bad. Bad. Tell me you didn't want to at least see his study. You don't want to see his floor to ceiling bookshelf and how organized it was.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. All the pages of every book in his library were like perfectly crisp. I want to see his car. I guarantee there's not a fucking speck of dust.

[B]

Oh, my goodness gracious. I orbit. You can. You can do this.

[A]

You can do this.

[B]

Orbit. It's not that hard. Yeah.

[A]

Stop gluing the fucking piece of gum to the side of the packaging.

[B]

I'm sick of that gum packaging is. Let's look at one of my favorite gums, Bubalicious.

[A]

That's bananas.

[B]

All right, let's go. Let's look at one of my favorite gums. Big League Chew. And you know.

[A]

Big League Chew.

[B]

That's a bad example. No, it ain't.

[A]

They just stuff, actually, they stuff.

[B]

I will say that this thing has.

[A]

You got your money's worth.

[B]

No waste. You know exactly what you're getting at. A Big League Chew. Joey, they were making fun of me. We went golfing. I had a Costco sized box of Big League Chew in my car. I'm ready. Because why? The brand knows they have a. They have consistent, consistent standards to live up to.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And not like these dumb chips.

[A]

I hate this gum. But you know that gum that like comes in like the metal little pimp, like you pop it open and there's gum in there? No, it's like zebras on it. Oh, it's disgusting.

[B]

It was from when we were kids. Yeah, Fruit Stripe.

[A]

Oh, yes.

[B]

Yes. That gum is not whack. Not good. Not good.

[A]

But I like that it came in a little metal thing.

[B]

Get playful, gum.

[A]

Get some metal.

[B]

Get some play. How much does it make the. I'm so angry. I know. How much does it cost?

[A]

So afraid to cutting into so much.

[B]

Oh, margins. Gum used to stand on fucking business. It used to come in a beeper gun.

[A]

Used to mean something.

[B]

I used to have a pack of gum that people would be like, oh, you have bandaids? No, bitch, I'm a kid. It's gum.

[A]

It looks like a band aid for some reason. That was weird, to be honest.

[B]

Now I pull out gum and people are like, what do you have there, a matchbook? I want gum.

[A]

Frank, now that we've brought up bandaids, that's a lot of fun. I love stuff that you stick a part of it on and then you peel the other one off and it goes on at the same time. Like a little fucking magic trick.

[B]

Love that. A little too niche. A little too niche for me. You're being a little niche right there.

[A]

But you don't know what I'm talking about.

[B]

I know exactly what you're talking about. I just don't care to contribute to this part of the conversation.

[A]

Also, how you. How you open a band Aid.

[B]

Love that.

[A]

We were like, oh, and you split it up.

[B]

You feel like it? You feel all right? You got me back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You open a bandit and you feel like, Jesus, you're just like, I'm going to heal so much.

[A]

Or I feel like I'm like shucking corn. Where you're like, oh, here's the corn.

[B]

Back to the corn.

[A]

Back on corn.

[B]

Corn. Corn is everything. The food, technically.

[A]

Corn is in, like, everything.

[B]

Technically. You know what?

[A]

But nigh not. Not high. Fructose corn.

[B]

Fructose. Babe, what's wrong with you? Come on. Why did I say fructose?

[A]

Fructose doesn't even sound correct. I don't know.

[B]

And like, I don't even know. Like, you should. You should know that. Yeah, that's not the toast. Yeah, I said also fruit toast. I'll say this fructose sounds like a 90s kids breakfast. That sounds awesome. Yeah, it comes like, frozen with, like, strawberry jam on top and has carcinogens in it.

[A]

What the fuck is happening?

[B]

You're completely gone.

[A]

I'm falling apart.

[B]

You're completely gone. Yeah, I'm back, baby.

[A]

I'm here. But I do like to open Band Aids.

[B]

I'm fine with Band Aids and a.

[A]

Big fat Band Aid. I like those too. The ones that are like circles.

[B]

I like the Band aids. The, like, waterproof ones that are like foam.

[A]

They're see through.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, they bro.

[A]

Those don't go anywhere.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Dude, you ever put a Band aid on, like, your Achilles and you and like a week later you're like, oh, fuck.

[B]

Yeah. I forget Band Aids often.

[A]

Yeah, that's so disgusting too, because I would almost not. I would almost rather find a log of shit in a pool than a Band Aid. Finding a Band Aid on a pool.

[B]

Yeah, dude. Yeah, absolutely. You're like, there.

[A]

I've been worse.

[B]

I will say this. We. For a while ago, we did a bean boozled video for San Diego studios.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The worst one. People would be like, oh, the worst ones. Puke or dirty dishwater. Or spoiled milk. The worst one was used band aid. By far.

[A]

I ate the puke one and that one's pretty bad.

[B]

No, the used band. You didn't have the used bandaid. Because it's either. I remember it was like, either pomegranate or used bandage. And I'm. I love pomegranate.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was not.

[A]

Do you like the smell of Band aids?

[B]

Little baby bit.

[A]

I don't hate it, but I wouldn't eat it. You know what I really like? ACE bandages. I used to wrap my arms.

[B]

Oh, no reason. Joey did do that. I remember I used to just grab him, like, with no re. Like, just. No scientific. Like, no reason or knowledge on how to properly damaging.

[A]

Let's be honest.

[B]

I remember. I legitimately. When I got my knee surgery, I needed, like, ACE bandages like that. And I had, like a big one. This thing was like a carpet.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. And I remember I was. They were like, you know how to put this on? I was like, yeah. I went to put it on and they, like, stopped me, like, quickly. Like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like, I had my finger on the nuke button.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they were just like. You're supposed to wrap around. Like, if it's your knee, you're supposed to wrap above and below it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not your knee. Going across. Crunching my knee together.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

There was always doing that.

[B]

There was always that kid in high school that would show up with like an ACE band that was like, hurt, you know, just for sympathy. They had crutches and they were just like, oh, slid too hard.

[A]

You know, people that were faking injuries.

[B]

With crutches, not faking injury. It's a thing that people like. Everyone knew that kid that always had, like an ACE bandage or like, I imagine we were out of high school at the point this came out. But like kinetic tape and stuff like that. Like, they were always hurt.

[A]

I did do that once with a brace on my hand.

[B]

What?

[A]

I forgot. Like, I. Like, I don't even know if this is an actual injury, but it felt like I, like, jammed my wrist. I, like, fell and like, my wrist was hurting. So I was like, oh, So I have my mom take you to the store and I wore this brace that, like, keeps your wrist.

[B]

I know what you're referencing.

[A]

So I used to wear that in school and just be like, yeah, I don't know. I'm just like, hurt.

[B]

Oh, I had legit braces for legit injuries.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

I was.

[A]

You were crutched.

[B]

I was. I was the king. I had a key for the elevator in my high school. Wow. I was living it up, baby.

[A]

Did you ever give anyone a free ride?

[B]

I'm sure I did. Knowing me. Go get it. Get it. Knowing me, like, come on. You know, girl, just be like, yeah, I got this.

[A]

Don't walk. You shouldn't walk. You're too pretty to walk.

[B]

Let me. I can only be a gentleman this way right now.

[A]

What does that mean?

[B]

Like, I couldn't walk them to class.

[A]

But I'll elevate you to class. Were you like, I walk you to class?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did not have time.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

I had a really. It was a big high school my.

[B]

Junior and senior year. I was so like, in close with all the staff at my school that, like, I could be in the hallways with other people and they'd get in trouble and I'd be like, cool, crazy. I walked into. It was my junior year of high school. There was a girl that I liked and I just, in the middle of her class, just walked into the class and handed her a lollipop. The teacher was just like, what are you doing?

[A]

Handed her a lollipop. Willy Wonka. The fuck is that?

[B]

No.

[A]

Did you say anything?

[B]

I found out one thing about her, and it was that she liked a very specific lollipop.

[A]

So I went, which one was it? You remember? I know you remember.

[B]

Strawberry blow pop.

[A]

That's a good choice.

[B]

She's great.

[A]

Good taste.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that the best one?

[B]

Watermelon, Watermelon, Watermelon up there. Watermelon, cherry, strawberry, grape, green apple.

[A]

I didn't love.

[B]

And then like, there's like the big fat ones. Remember that? They had. They were like the. They were all pop. They were. Yeah, it was double chunk, chunky pop. It's a poop. I wonder if he does that. If it like. If like the Costco guy's dad, it like bleeds into the rest of his life. He's like, honey, are you feeling. Are you been in the bathroom for a while? He's like, I got a double chunk chocolate shit chocolate poopy. Ahaha.

[A]

Yo, the Rizzler liked our video.

[B]

Did he? Or in.

[A]

I mean, we're in, dude. Yeah, we're locked in Illuminati. Because that's where he's going.

[B]

Is he.

[A]

He has. He must. Where you gonna go?

[B]

I mean, he's just.

[A]

He's. It's too hot.

[B]

Let's get him in here. We'll give him the pieces necessary to defend himself well against Baby Gronk.

[A]

He's got A father. So I think, you know they're not related, right?

[B]

Baby Gronk and Baby Rizzler.

[A]

No. Well, yeah, I think you also post that there were so people, so many people in the comments. Like, I don't know what's going on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But no, the Rizzler kid. Not related to the Costco guys.

[B]

Yeah, I know that. I'm very tuned into the Costco verse. All right. I know about everyone. I know about Jersey Joe. I know about all of them. Okay.

[A]

Jersey Joe.

[B]

Yeah. Mama justice is in there. Like, I'm very key. I'm dialed into the Costco verse. Okay, honestly, shout out to Jersey Joe. Honestly, just going to say this borderline insulting. We haven't been invited to at least dip our toes into the Costco verse. Oh, dude, you know how big a boom that the basement boys would bring?

[A]

Boom. The roof off that Boom.

[B]

A basement boy boom. You nuts? A double basement boy Boomerrific. Dude, we would be. Yeah, we talked about.

[A]

I haven't even been to Costco in years.

[B]

We've talked about this family too much over the last four weeks, by the.

[A]

Way, just to clue anyone in.

[B]

We don't know them.

[A]

They're like, there's. There's these two kids, they're like 11, 12.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they make videos with their dad or one of them makes a video with their dad in Costco and they like write stuff in Costco.

[B]

Yeah. And it's like, kind of wholesome. Yeah.

[A]

But there is this.

[B]

For now.

[A]

We're waiting for the 30. For 30.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. We're waiting for the Demi Lovato produced documentary about it. Did you watch. Did you watch that?

[A]

She made a documentary about child stars.

[B]

Oh, I want to watch.

[A]

That was a hard pivot there, buddy. About was about her.

[B]

It was about her. Christina Richie's in it. Kenan Thompson's in it.

[A]

Christina Richie.

[B]

Yeah. She was a child star.

[A]

I know. I just. I didn't. Is it about, like the dark side of.

[B]

There's some stuff in there. I bet there is. There's some stuff.

[A]

Hollywood's a horrible place. Keep the Rizzler in fucking.

[B]

Yeah. Protect the Costco verse.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know, we don't need. We don't. We. We want to protect it. It's pure.

[A]

Last time you went to Costco.

[B]

Not that long ago. Within the last calendar year, I would say.

[A]

I. I haven't been in a long time. I'm not allowed. I'm not a member.

[B]

Love Costco.

[A]

If I had to go buy a tv, I'M going to Costco, though.

[B]

Okay. I mean, or go and get the abundance of other stuff that they have.

[A]

Yeah, I know. They have everything.

[B]

Really cool business model, too. Chicken is a loss leader. Gets people in the door. It's good quality chicken.

[A]

Chicken is a loss leader.

[B]

Yeah, chicken is. There's something in the retail world known as the loss leader, where basically they underprice something in order to just to get more people in there. And then while they're in there, you can increase basket size and stuff like that.

[A]

God damn.

[B]

I remember, baby Target boy. I'm coming back. I'm coming back.

[A]

My eye doctor was there.

[B]

That's sad.

[A]

It's crazy. How is that sad?

[B]

Get a real eye doctor, dude.

[A]

Well, now I don't. I still don't actually. Where do I go? Oh, I have my. I have to draw. I am in my 30s. If I need more contacts, I gotta call my mom. Like, take me to Costco. Oh, but you know what?

[B]

Don't. Don't. Your mom probably likes that a lot. She probably like. And when you're there, does she offer to buy you stuff?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah. You're too rich. Smart, Liz. You're very smart.

[A]

Buy me shit.

[B]

She saw your $40 million house that you sent her. That's why you keep.

[A]

Now, this is a new rumor that you want to start that I'm looking.

[B]

At $40 million, $295 million valuation. Yeah, I wish.

[A]

That'd be nice.

[B]

That would be really nice.

[A]

That would be nice. Why am I just repeating that?

[B]

That would be nice. It would be nice to have Washington on your side.

[A]

Oh, see, I don't even know that song. That was good, though.

[B]

Gotcha, baby.

[A]

But yeah, man. Shout out to. Yeah. That was so funny you said Jersey Joe, though. Is that like a hometown hero for you guys?

[B]

No. Fuck. Well, I don't know. I don't want to talk shit. He might dance really well. He might beat the dog shit out of me, too.

[A]

The guy could.

[B]

He can move people that dance that well. Probably can also fight well because he can do like a split and like, Johnny Cage, punch me in the nuts.

[A]

Have you ever watched the ufc? Like, I don't.

[B]

There's like, bro, I gotta. I'm telling you, man. They're. They're. He's got it. The Costco verse, though. They're growing, man. They're like the NWO at this point in time. They might fucking.

[A]

Yeah, I feel like. But isn't it crazy how the Internet can just create these stars now? Yeah, we're like you know, I'm saying for like a niche thing.

[B]

Did you see fucking Hawk 2, like, hard launched her boyfriend, and he's like, what, blowing up now? Yeah.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

We are truly in the end of times, folks.

[A]

Did you the sentence you just said, dude?

[B]

Hawk 2 hard launches boyfriend. Pookie. Yo, dude, did you hear that? Hawk 2, heart launcher. Boyfriend, Pookie. Yeah. This is what I'm interested to hear, what fucking the Costco verse has to say about that, you know? And now we give Pookie a door. No. Oh, maybe they do give him a doom.

[A]

I don't want to give him a.

[B]

Doom on the other guy, but I'm. You're not. You're being the aj, you know, Boom. I'm just telling you now, man.

[A]

Crazy.

[B]

Just look out. We've. We've spoke nothing but good things about them. We have maybe suggested that maybe there's a little bit of darkness there, but everyone got a little. You know, he's a pro wrestler, too. You know that, right?

[A]

Current.

[B]

He was like, an indie wrestler. And, like, he's gonna.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you told me that.

[B]

Yeah. Dude's gonna be wrestling. He'll fucking hit me.

[A]

He'll definitely put him on, like, wwe.

[B]

Well, no, he's. He's doing a match with aew. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Wow. Yeah, dude. And then bring out the Rizzler and just.

[B]

The Rizzler, like, fucking. Who's like. Oh, yeah. He's like.

[A]

Yeah, Fucks it. That's it. That's it. That's all you need.

[B]

That's all you need.

[A]

That's the move, man.

[B]

I mean, double chunk chocolate moonsault.

[A]

Yeah, Yo. What a world living in. It's fun.

[B]

I'm just saying now if we don't get a call from the Costco verse. Yeah. We're starting our own.

[A]

I mean, you put it out there. The baits in the water.

[B]

The bait is in the water.

[A]

Can the shark smell the blood is what we were wondering. We don't know.

[B]

We don't know.

[A]

We don't know. But we're gonna find out.

[B]

We shall. Thank you guys for hanging out. I assume we're done, right? Go check the show out at the basement yard on all forms of social media and on [e-mail]. the basement yard. You get more of us. You can get more of us early. You can get more of us. We're planning to do some stuff, Joey. Drop some little hints if you're. If you're a patron. You might have heard something that's a little big at one of the end of the episodes, so go check it out. Thank you so much. You can find me @f Albers8085 on Twitter for as long as the world continues to turn, I guess. And then the Frank Alvarez and all the forms of social media. Love you babies.

[A]

And you guys can still go get some of that tour merch@tbytour merch.com so get it while you can. And you guys can go follow me at Joe San Agato and go follow the show at the basement on Tick Tock and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Kind of scared me.