#481 - The Weirdest Dream I've Ever Had

Summary

Summary of "The Basement Yard" Episode #481 - "The Weirdest Dream I've Ever Had"

Introduction and Lighthearted Banter (00:00 - 02:08)

The episode kicks off with Joe Santagato welcoming listeners back to "The Basement Yard," accompanied by co-host Frank Alvarez. The conversation begins with playful teasing about favorite colors, setting a humorous and relaxed tone for the episode.

Notable Quotes:

• Joe Santagato [00:18]: "Can I guess your favorite color?"
• Frank Alvarez [00:19]: "No. Red."
• Joe Santagato [00:22]: "I know."

Fashion Showdown and Personal Style (02:08 - 07:08)

Joe and Frank engage in a lively debate over fashion choices, specifically discussing the merits of wearing single versus multiple colors. Frank humorously critiques Joe's outfit, suggesting it would make him "invisible in a blizzard," while Joe defends his style, leading to an entertaining back-and-forth about personal fashion preferences.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank Alvarez [00:35]: "You're cream head to toe."
• Joe Santagato [01:23]: "This is the day you choose to say a joke about me. And I look good. Sorry."
• Frank Alvarez [01:30]: "This is me defending the fact that you can just sit there and wear one color."

Retail Stories and Folding Techniques (07:08 - 09:58)

The hosts reminisce about their days working in retail, sharing amusing and sometimes frustrating experiences related to folding clothes. They discuss different techniques for folding long-sleeve T-shirts, highlighting their unique approaches and the monotony of repetitive tasks.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank Alvarez [07:25]: "I spend 10 hours without exaggeration just folding T shirts."
• Joe Santagato [07:44]: "Here I go, here I go."

AI-Generated Content and Its Accuracy (14:13 - 21:47)

Frank introduces an intriguing segment where they explore an AI-generated version of their show. They listen to a 90-second script created by artificial intelligence, finding it both eerily similar and noticeably different from their natural dialogue. The hosts discuss the implications of AI in content creation, noting how the AI attempts to emulate their style but misses the mark in capturing their unique chemistry.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank Alvarez [15:35]: "It's like, Oh, that's not a nice thing to say."
• Joe Santagato [15:54]: "We blow each other. We're blowing each other."

Family Dynamics and Middle Child Syndrome (21:57 - 31:38)

The conversation shifts to personal family dynamics, particularly focusing on the concept of middle child syndrome. Joe and Frank delve into their childhood experiences, discussing parental favoritism and how being the middle child has influenced their personalities. They humorously critique the stereotypes associated with birth order, sharing heartfelt and funny anecdotes about their families.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank Alvarez [25:45]: "My dad is like the ultimate... he is that to a T."
• Joe Santagato [26:31]: "Bless us, oh Lord, for these, thy..."

Dreams and Their Meanings (47:22 - 53:35)

Joe shares a vivid and unsettling dream about an intrusive waiter at a restaurant, leading to a discussion on the symbolism of dreams and their possible meanings. Frank offers interpretations, suggesting that such dreams might indicate feelings of a lack of control or violations of personal boundaries. The segment blends humor with introspection as they explore the eerie parallels between dreams and reality.

Notable Quotes:

• Joe Santagato [49:27]: "He looks at me like this, like I like it. I was like, yo, get the fuck out of here."
• Frank Alvarez [53:14]: "He was literally invading my private."

Recollections of School Days and Family Memories (63:52 - 71:27)

As the episode nears its conclusion, Joe and Frank reminisce about their school days, sharing humorous memories and reflecting on their teachers and classmates. They delve into the dynamics of their families, discussing their parents' personalities and the impact of family interactions on their upbringing. The conversation is filled with nostalgia, humor, and heartfelt moments, illustrating the deep bond between the hosts.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank Alvarez [63:43]: "I am a naked faced, ugly idiot."
• Joe Santagato [66:50]: "You're a capitalistic pig."

Overall Summary

In "The Weirdest Dream I've Ever Had," Episode #481 of "The Basement Yard," hosts Joe Santagato and Frank Alvarez take listeners on a journey through a mix of humorous banter, personal anecdotes, and thoughtful discussions. Topics range from fashion debates and retail experiences to the intriguing realm of AI-generated content and the complexities of family dynamics. A standout segment features Joe recounting a strange dream, prompting a deeper exploration of subconscious fears and boundaries. Throughout the episode, the hosts maintain their signature comedic rapport, blending laughter with moments of introspection, making the episode both entertaining and relatable for listeners.

Notable Quotes Overview:

• [00:18] "Can I guess your favorite color?"
• [01:23] "This is the day you choose to say a joke about me. And I look good. Sorry."
• [07:25] "I spend 10 hours without exaggeration just folding T shirts."
• [15:54] "We blow each other. We're blowing each other."
• [25:45] "My dad is like the ultimate... he is that to a T."
• [49:27] "He looks at me like this, like I like it. I was like, yo, get the fuck out of here."
• [63:43] "I am a naked faced, ugly idiot."
• [66:50] "You're a capitalistic pig."

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This summary encapsulates the essence of the episode, highlighting the key discussions and memorable moments while excluding advertisements and non-content sections as per your instructions.

Transcript

[Joe Santagato]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard.

[Frank Alvarez]

Welcome back to the basement yard. It is I, Frank Alvarez. Thanks for joining me on this adventure of laughs, love, and maybe a little bit of self reflection.

[Joe Santagato]

Can I guess your favorite color?

[Frank Alvarez]

No. Red.

[Joe Santagato]

Red is what I was going to say.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, bitch. Well, guess what? It's purple.

[Joe Santagato]

I know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Relax. Guess what, bitch? It's Frank Alvarez. Here I am, joined today by Monochrome Mikey. Sorry, One Tone Terry.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, you wrote down a bunch of jokes, Bland.

[Frank Alvarez]

Brian. That's you today too, bitch. Or Carl the Cream looking cuck. That's you, bitch. You're cream head to toe. What the fuck is wrong? Stand up. Show them the whole outfit. Show them the whole outfit. Show them. Okay. Show them.

[Joe Santagato]

I will, but.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no, no, no. Before. Okay, yeah. Look at this. Nice sweater. The exact same look. And then show them the shoes. Show the shoes. Look. Look at you. You'd be invisible in a blizzard, you fucking loser. Frankie, some flair. Add some pop. Pizzazz. Oh. How about my Buc ee's football shirt? Hell, yeah. Jersey. Don't you dare disrespect jerseys.

[Joe Santagato]

I said football shirt.

[Frank Alvarez]

You did say football shirt. Because, Frank, you're wearing one color, too. I am not, bitch. I'm wearing several colors. 3.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

4. 5.

[Joe Santagato]

This is the day you choose to say a joke about me. And I look good. Sorry.

[Frank Alvarez]

You do.

[Joe Santagato]

Look, I apologize.

[Frank Alvarez]

This is. You know what this is?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

This is me defending the fact that you can just sit there and wear one color. You can walk straight out of the paint aisle at fucking Lowe's and you could look passable.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, and what do you look like?

[Frank Alvarez]

I look great. I look like the Everyman. I look like someone that people look at and they're like, that's a bro that I'd like to have a beer with. You know what you look like? You look like you came straight out of a fucking Eyes Wide Shut party where people are fucking each other with giant dildos on their noses.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know. Have you seen the movie? Yeah, I don't think you have.

[Frank Alvarez]

Long time. Long time.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't think so.

[Frank Alvarez]

Long, long time since I've seen that. Yeah, well, you know. Are you wearing a watch? At least that adds a little color.

[Joe Santagato]

It's not. I'm not. No, I said it's not.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's not. So you're just committing to Cream today? The Cream commitment from Joey? Yeah, he's committing to Cream all over his body.

[Joe Santagato]

And you're committing to red and black and white.

[Frank Alvarez]

Red, black and White. A classic combination.

[Joe Santagato]

White, cream, and beige.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're gonna tell me red and black isn't a great color combination?

[Joe Santagato]

In eighth grade, I used to think it was the coolest thing. Like, oh, it's so cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

What was your. Like, you remember on AIM how you could make it so like, anytime you typed, it was, like the font color and then it was highlighted in a different color? Do you remember what yours was?

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, my God.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you remember what yours was?

[Joe Santagato]

Green and black, I think.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, okay. You're gonna hate mine.

[Joe Santagato]

It's like alien.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're gonna hate mine.

[Joe Santagato]

Sure, I will.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was lime. Lime green and red.

[Joe Santagato]

Lime green and red.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why?

[Joe Santagato]

Because you love the watermelon?

[Frank Alvarez]

I was different, brother.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because I was being so different down to my font.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, huh? That's just the way it was.

[Joe Santagato]

That's just the way it is. Things will never be the same.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a great song, man.

[Joe Santagato]

I see no changes Wake up in the morning and I asked myself it's.

[Frank Alvarez]

Life worth living Should I blast myself? Well, there we go. Demonetization immediately.

[Joe Santagato]

But you say blast yourself, I don't think that you get in trouble.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, unaliving is good.

[Joe Santagato]

Blasting is good. Even better. I would say finger blasting, I think might get you demonetized. Also, a wild way to describe what.

[Frank Alvarez]

You have to say. Blast is having the comeback year that, like, crap had last year. Finger blast. Blast me in the face, you know.

[Joe Santagato]

Youw act like people are, like, saying that abundance.

[Frank Alvarez]

I have seen more blasting in the last year than I have in the previous 31 of my life.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not like, I mean, like, on. I should probably. I mean in text or verbiage, not like an actual action.

[Joe Santagato]

I was gonna say something so weird.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, now you should sound weird, but you know what I mean. Don't. Don't. Please don't throw me in a hole.

[Frank Alvarez]

Here without saying, listen, we're in this hole together. If you're going down.

[Joe Santagato]

I was going to say that. I feel like the younger generation doesn't talk about.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, listen, I have no.

[Joe Santagato]

That was such a big deal for us when we were younger.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know. I. You know what? We're in this together. Yeah. We go down with the ship together, baby. Hop on the SS Titanic that berg just hit and we're swimming right now.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that was a thing back in the day.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was. It was. It was. It was. Yeah. I can't confirm nor deny, actually, I'll go as far as I don't Know how many people are talking about it now?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, me neither.

[Frank Alvarez]

Me I don't have to tapped into the finger blasting community.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't have the finger blasting statistics in front of me.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. But where do you think that term came from? The blasting? Yeah. Do you think someone doing it far too.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I don't think that. Not everything is Star Wars, Frank. It's time to grow up. Take the jersey off. Uh.

[Frank Alvarez]

I can't believe it. You had the audacity to walk in here like the fucking poster boy for Williams and Sonoma and you're gonna make fun of me for my incredibly cool.

[Joe Santagato]

It's a cool company.

[Frank Alvarez]

Incredibly cool jersey.

[Joe Santagato]

I like the jersey.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. What if we got a sponsorship by BUC EE's? What if we are the first podcast they sponsor? It wouldn't be us.

[Joe Santagato]

First of all, get Greg on the motherfucking horn because that would be awesome.

[Frank Alvarez]

Greg, if you have ever done work here, now is the time. Yeah, is the time.

[Joe Santagato]

Get on the horn and make something happen. Show me family owned business.

[Frank Alvarez]

Family owned business. They might find maybe they like us. They might find us appealing when they find out that we went to four Buc Ees in a matter of 24 hours. Disgusting amount we spent collectively probably $2,000.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

At a Buc Ees.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. We put. We paid for a car payment over there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Someone we paid for one of their very well paid employees to have lunch or something like that.

[Joe Santagato]

100%.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because that's another thing. If you guys have been to a Buc Ees, look at that sign. That tells you what they get paid good for them.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, they make bank good for them.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I'll tell you, someone that worked in retail, they deserve every fucking penny of it. Because that is a hellhole of an industry. Yeah, it is. And especially around this time of the year.

[Joe Santagato]

Did you ever work, I mean, did you ever work in retail to the point where you had to like fold clothes?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. So really? So just to give you. I can't speak for what the breakdown and like the fucking structural shit is.

[Joe Santagato]

Good because if you were going to go through your resume, I was going to walk out of here.

[Frank Alvarez]

But the way that Target was organized when I was there is there was a, like the store manager and then there was like the assistant managers. But the store manager was called like the store team lead. And then the people that were in my position were the executive team leaders. So like it was just kind of like, you know, and we were, we had our like work, you know, like center like what we were doing. Mine was asset protection. Other was like guest experience, sales floor.

[Joe Santagato]

But you still had to fold, but.

[Frank Alvarez]

You kind of just had to do whatever the job required. So there were days where I spent 10 hours without exaggeration just folding T shirts. And it was.

[Joe Santagato]

Are you good at it?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm a pretty good T shirt folder. I don't mean.

[Joe Santagato]

Yo, I don't know how I still, to this day, I'm not good at folding long sleeve T shirts.

[Frank Alvarez]

Long sleeves suck. But you have to fold the sleeves and then fold them up on themselves like a full Nelson.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I just. I don't do that. Yeah, you want to know how I fold them?

[Frank Alvarez]

Here we go, here we go, here we go.

[Joe Santagato]

So I take how you would fold a T shirt.

[Frank Alvarez]

Here. No, just go. Just go. It doesn't matter.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, here. I just like. So this is a tea. This is the thing with the long sleeves. I just fold the T shirt in half. So now it's like.

[Frank Alvarez]

And you fold the sleeve like in itself.

[Joe Santagato]

And then I just.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's fine. That's not bad.

[Joe Santagato]

That's cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think so. I'm not. I mean, I am not the folding police.

[Joe Santagato]

That's true.

[Frank Alvarez]

So I mean, you're usually the police.

[Joe Santagato]

For everything around here. Yelling at me forever.

[Frank Alvarez]

Someone needs to be there. This is a lawless organization where people just run amok and make people get Brazilian waxes.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, that was 10 years ago.

[Frank Alvarez]

Two. But who's counting?

[Joe Santagato]

Someone is.

[Frank Alvarez]

My bonch is counting. I'll tell you that.

[Joe Santagato]

I bet you wish it was more slick than it is now.

[Frank Alvarez]

I will bet you any amount of money that I'll never do that again in my entire life.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean.

[Frank Alvarez]

But yeah, I think that's a fine way to do it. But like, the way that I was taught was like, you hold it up, you fold the sides in.

[Joe Santagato]

Mmm.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then you like do a little flip on the bottom and then a flip over the top.

[Joe Santagato]

Got it.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then, you know, of course, when I was there, our store then decided to get like, the like, table. Oh, yeah, I wish, brother. Because I might get one of those at home. Fuck it.

[Joe Santagato]

I've gone down deep rabbit holes of washing Asian women fold clothes before.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's those TikToks where it's just like, grab this, grab this, grab this. Folded. And I'm just like, you're a wizard.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm literally watching that and I'm like, yo, this is so crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's the closest we'll get to Hogwarts is being able to Fold shirts like that.

[Joe Santagato]

But it's like. Yeah. And I can't. I can't understand.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's. It's. It's like, you know, like contortionists and shit like that. Like, they.

[Joe Santagato]

It's like.

[Frank Alvarez]

They're like, oh, yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

And I'm like, how the fuck?

[Frank Alvarez]

Doesn't make sense. And I'll be honest, I'm a little pissed off about it.

[Joe Santagato]

But you know what do you ever watch on Netflix? There's that woman who, like, comes into your house and like, organizes the shit.

[Frank Alvarez]

I've never watched it, but if I hear one more thing about the. It was the Asian woman, right?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

We're on to you. Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

Organization and folding.

[Frank Alvarez]

And math.

[Joe Santagato]

And math.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, and tech innovation.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but I'm just saying, like, squid, everyone. There was a, like an eight. Okay. There was like an eight month period where all I heard about was that shit. Yeah. And it was just like, fucking enough. People were just like, walk into a closet, touch a shirt. If you don't feel anything, throw it out. And I was like, oh.

[Joe Santagato]

It was like, energy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. It was like.

[Joe Santagato]

I didn't see that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah. It was a big one. No, that was a big one.

[Joe Santagato]

I feel nothing when I hold every piece of clothing.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because it's clothing. It's clothing. Exactly.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not like mom, but see, I.

[Frank Alvarez]

Am the opposite end where I'll see it and I'll be like, I wore this the first day of ninth grade. And I remember that was the day that Paulette said that she might have a crush on me.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. And you would be that woman's worst nightmare. I would, Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would be like, you know, like those.

[Joe Santagato]

Could you, Frank? Oh, my God. Do you think if we sent someone into your house to throw out like 10% of your stuff that you would make it out alive?

[Frank Alvarez]

No. I would be like, you ever see that little, like, that little, like, Southern fat kid that was like, pissed at the woman, came in to get rid of all, like, the bacon in his house.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Show where he's just like, all right, get these women out of here. Yeah, I would be that. I would be very upset and it wouldn't make for a good video because.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, it would.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, my God, dude, that would be so funny.

[Frank Alvarez]

But see, now you're like.

[Joe Santagato]

Like in Hoarders when they stop that.

[Frank Alvarez]

You stop that bitch.

[Joe Santagato]

No, you're not as bad as them. Obviously. There was a woman, though, that I.

[Frank Alvarez]

Saw who was obvious. Hoarding shit. Yeah. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Feces, feces, feces.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think that's the multiple of feces. One is a feces, several is feces.

[Joe Santagato]

Feces.

[Frank Alvarez]

Feci.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Not to be confused with fetuses. There was none of those there.

[Frank Alvarez]

No.

[Joe Santagato]

No one's having sex with a woman who's hoarding shit in her house. Human shit.

[Frank Alvarez]

You would be surprised.

[Joe Santagato]

I would be shocked. But she had all this shit, and then the guy's like, yo, we got it. And she's like, stop.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that's a. That's an obvious mental health issue. Mine is not tied to any confirmed cases of mental health. But I just. I feel. I feel like a deep sense of connection to things that I have because I have a very vivid memory. I'll be honest with you. Recently, I've gone through and gotten rid of a lot of stuff because.

[Joe Santagato]

Not because of me.

[Frank Alvarez]

I have just.

[Joe Santagato]

No, thank God. Nothing I do is because of you.

[Frank Alvarez]

I've just, like, put myself in a position where I am like, my. I forget some of this stuff were like. I, like, recently remembered a story, and it was like. I almost forgot that forever. We've been watching a lot of Inside out and it's been fucking me up mentally. You haven't watched it.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not.

[Frank Alvarez]

You don't.

[Joe Santagato]

I've seen that scene, and I like the bing bong.

[Frank Alvarez]

Right?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Don't. We're talking the character, not the obvious relation to a flaccid thing that we have spoken about before. Oh, pretty sure on our show we've called anyone who's making that connection. I'm pretty sure on our show we've called a penis a bing bong before.

[Joe Santagato]

We've called it everything.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, well, but I have gotten. I've been getting better at it.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

I also live with someone who's the polar opposite, who will.

[Joe Santagato]

Just wants to throw everything out.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not everything, but, like, she's pretty good at getting rid of things.

[Joe Santagato]

Like getting rid of stuff.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't.

[Joe Santagato]

You like new stuff.

[Frank Alvarez]

I do like new stuff. But you know what's even better than new stuff? New stuff. On top of you already having this also cool stuff. You know, old stuff. Yeah, well, you say old, I say storied. That's the way that I storied. The way I approach.

[Joe Santagato]

That's a cute way of.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well seasoned.

[Joe Santagato]

Right?

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, think of.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, when you're talking about underwear and then you're saying seasoned.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I think because I have a better connection to the earth and, you know, just a sense of spirituality than technically.

[Joe Santagato]

Because you're not littering. Because you're not throwing out your old underwear. I think, like, I have 25 year old underwear. You know that.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I have 20 year old underwear. Okay, got the 25 shout out to.

[Joe Santagato]

Whoever made that, by the way. Holding up. Like, holding up.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no, it is not.

[Joe Santagato]

It is on your body. You wear it.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no, no, no, no. It is in storage underwear and you don't wear it. Yeah, of course.

[Joe Santagato]

Is it framed?

[Frank Alvarez]

It is. It is in storage at the moment. It is tattered. It has gotten to a point where the elastic is like, if I push. Turn into dust. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

So you know, that's insane, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?

[Joe Santagato]

Throw it out.

[Frank Alvarez]

Speaking of insane. Okay, I. God, thank God I remember to show you this. There was a guy that tweeted at us. I am firmly assuming gender here, but Luke Schultz, shout out to our friend on Twitter X. I don't care. But he's like, all right. We talked about AI recently and he's like, yo, I was fucking around with AI one day and I asked them to make a script and audio for you guys for your show. And it.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, like an AI version of our show.

[Frank Alvarez]

An AI version of our show. It is like 90 seconds long. So it is not long at all. But it is. And I listened to it. Joey has not seen it yet.

[Joe Santagato]

Please.

[Frank Alvarez]

It is. I texted him saying, don't check your Twitter mentions. And he said, I don't anyways, so I need to play this view. 90 seconds. It's us. It is a fucking world.

[Joe Santagato]

Does it sound like us?

[Frank Alvarez]

Honestly, kind of.

[Joe Santagato]

That's freaky.

[Frank Alvarez]

But, like, you can hear it and you hear, like, something is off.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like the un. You know, it's just weird. So this is not. This is like our actual intro.

[C]

Welcome back to the Basement Yard, the podcast where we sit in a basement and talk about everything and nothing at the same time. Today I'm joined by my co host, Frankie.

[Frank Alvarez]

What's up, Joe?

[C]

What the hell are you doing? What do you mean? You look like you just escaped from a mental institution.

[Frank Alvarez]

And. Hey, so that's us. That's opening already.

[Joe Santagato]

Accurate.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, very accurate. Because you're.

[Joe Santagato]

What are you doing?

[Frank Alvarez]

Just fighting off the bat, immediately offending me. And, like, it's scary. It sounds like us.

[Joe Santagato]

I love that it's AI saying, like, this is a show about us in a basement. I probably wrote that on, like, a bio somewhere.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was probably the very first episode where it's just like a show where we, like, just like basement chats, which could be like, very strange, but, yeah. So you immediately start off making fun of me.

[Joe Santagato]

Right. Which is what you did today.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, we. Well, we exchanged blows. We blow each other. We exchange blows.

[Joe Santagato]

We're blowing each other.

[Frank Alvarez]

We're blowing each other. So one day, you're blowing at me, I'm blowing you. It's a good old blow fest.

[Joe Santagato]

Sometimes we blow. Blow at each other at the same time, and he gets caught in the.

[Frank Alvarez]

Middle, and we get. There's. Yeah, there's like, that, like. Like, thing in the middle where, like, Voldemort and Harry Potter are squaring off. We're just exchanging blows, and it's just, like, melting in between us.

[Joe Santagato]

Comic book, Frank. Taking it to the next level. Here we go.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not a comic book. What's up, Joe?

[C]

What the hell are you doing? What do you mean? You look like you just escaped from a mental institution.

[Frank Alvarez]

And.

[C]

Hey, that's not a nice thing to say. I'm sorry, but it's true. You know what, Joe? Our fathers don't love us.

[Frank Alvarez]

What the hell? What?

[Joe Santagato]

Hey, man, that's not nice. You know what our father's done?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, the immediate pivot. I think maybe AI If I'm putting myself in the brain of this wildly intellectual algorithm, artificial intelligence. I think. I think. What are you thinking? I'm doing three fingers for thinking. I'm doing three fingers for thinking. Okay. I think that it is connecting our ability to blow each other, go back and forth with our lack of love from our fathers. Maybe it's just drawing them, maybe that we're so defensive and like to make fun of each other because we saw love as being made fun of from our fathers, which is not accurate, if we're being honest.

[Joe Santagato]

Our fathers love us.

[Frank Alvarez]

Our fathers love.

[Joe Santagato]

We just like to make that joke.

[Frank Alvarez]

It took a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, maybe it's connecting those two things and it's just saying, like, you know, maybe. I don't know. Maybe.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know how. That was a wild segue. I will say that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

Not that we're good at segues, but, like, that was pretty.

[Frank Alvarez]

We're not good at segues. AI is not.

[Joe Santagato]

Definitely not.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's capturing how bad we are at Segways.

[Joe Santagato]

Maybe that's what it is. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, here we go.

[C]

I'm talking about the fact that we grew up with divorced parents who had strong opinions about everything. We grew up in Astoria, and we. And let's just say it wasn't the best experience, that.

[Joe Santagato]

First of all, it was the best.

[Frank Alvarez]

Experience that was the greatest place on the planet. AI, correct yourself. Yeah, I'm not gonna say bitch, because I don't want them.

[Joe Santagato]

We don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

We don't know yet.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, we've seen iRobot.

[Frank Alvarez]

We've seen iRobot and Terminator.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And maybe we just. Oh, wow.

[Joe Santagato]

Didn't even think about Terminator.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you should probably.

[Joe Santagato]

That's like physical intelligence. That's like. It's not.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, it starts in one place, it kind of moves to the other. You. I mean, what. You know, what's the difference? But we did grow up with parents that had very strong opinions on things.

[Joe Santagato]

Sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

But that has just created us that have strong opinions on things.

[Joe Santagato]

Mm.

[Frank Alvarez]

Which is not bad. Right?

[Joe Santagato]

What was the end part of that?

[Frank Alvarez]

And then it was just, oh, we.

[Joe Santagato]

Grew up in Astoria.

[Frank Alvarez]

We grew up in Astoria, which was.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, not the best.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not the best experience.

[Joe Santagato]

I had a great time.

[Frank Alvarez]

The greatest time.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I had a good time.

[Frank Alvarez]

I.

[Joe Santagato]

It's not a bad neighborhood.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I don't know what it is now. Cause I haven't lived there.

[Joe Santagato]

I feel like it's way safer now. And then. It was. Than it was safe then.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it was great. It's. Astoria is if.

[Joe Santagato]

I actually don't know if any of that's true.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. That's why you're sitting there making like, you know, fucking. It just.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm going off a feel.

[Frank Alvarez]

You are. And honestly, I would much prefer a world that goes off field and actual crime statistics.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, yeah, that's what you did, bitch. Okay. Greatest place on the planet to grow up. We had the greatest childhood. I will. I will. I will ride that until I am dead.

[Joe Santagato]

Mmm. Right?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's okay.

[Joe Santagato]

All right.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[C]

Astoria was a crap hole, but we.

[Frank Alvarez]

Made it out of there. And now we're living in the greatest.

[C]

City in the world, New York City.

[Frank Alvarez]

But AI. Hey, bitch. Fuck. I did it, bitch. Astoria is in New York City.

[Joe Santagato]

Crap hole. Yeah, it is.

[Frank Alvarez]

And also not a crap hole.

[Joe Santagato]

Also crap hole.

[Frank Alvarez]

Maybe AI didn't want a curse for us.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because normally when you insult me, I don't say, that's not very nice. I say, go fuck yourself.

[Joe Santagato]

Right. You say something of that effect.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Crap hole. And now we live in the greatest city in the world, New York City.

[Joe Santagato]

Same place.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah. One of New York City's little smaller towns. Yeah. A lot of people don't know that.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let's keep going.

[Joe Santagato]

Put it in front of the mic.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sorry. Did I Should I do.

[C]

There's still one big fat problem.

[Frank Alvarez]

What's that?

[C]

911. I'm just joking, man.

[Frank Alvarez]

This AI is good. It knows us pretty well.

[Joe Santagato]

Dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

There'S still one big fat. There's one big fat problem. 9 11.

[Joe Santagato]

Also a big fat problem.

[Frank Alvarez]

Big fat problem is that. That's a. That's a goodie. Yeah. We have coined that.

[Joe Santagato]

We coined. We have a coin.

[Frank Alvarez]

We have coin.

[Joe Santagato]

Now we have a coin.

[Frank Alvarez]

We are the originators of Big fat problem. Just like the Rock is the originator of Smackdown. What a. Who else made words? I don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. There's still one big problem.

[Frank Alvarez]

One big fat problem.

[Joe Santagato]

And why did I go 9 11? I wasn't sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

This is awesome. I will say that is a big problem.

[Joe Santagato]

I would. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would say it's still.

[Joe Santagato]

We are saying still to this day.

[Frank Alvarez]

Feeling the effects of it. That is true. Yeah. You know, so honestly, AI is kind of not missed yet.

[Joe Santagato]

Never mind.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no, go ahead.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I wasn't. I was gonna say. I wasn't gonna say anything interesting.

[Frank Alvarez]

You weren't gonna say anything interesting? I told you that.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[C]

Greatest city in the world.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. I keep rewinding a little bit.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[C]

Problem.

[Frank Alvarez]

What's that?

[C]

911, right?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, come on, Joe.

[C]

That's not funny. I'm just joking, man. The NYPD can handle it.

[Joe Santagato]

The NYPD can handle it.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, the famously thick skinned police department in the city of New York.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm just kidding, man. The NYPD can handle it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why am I the nypd? Diddly.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, what did I say just now?

[Frank Alvarez]

P Diddly. That is so fucking funny. Because why, like, can they. Can they hit like the end?

[Joe Santagato]

Not only that, but where is AI going? That. That's what you come up with?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, like they can handle. They could take the joke. And I like that they have put me as the moral high ground of this show.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, that's what that means.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Like they can take a joke.

[Joe Santagato]

I thought it was like, the NYPD can handle 9 11.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean they did they. I mean, in addition to the FDNY port other, you know.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Everyone neighboring, you know, places and offices.

[Joe Santagato]

But like I didn't know it was the joke that it was referring to.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was saying like, I was like, oh, that's not nice. And you're like, they can handle it.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, I'll be honest with you. It's mad funny. If anyone were to hear our 911 jokes, I don't think the NYPD and it's not like we're making jokes about 911, but, like, I don't think they would handle it.

[Joe Santagato]

I'll do you one better. I know the FDA won't, because there is one that I have made 911 jokes too, and he's not.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's not yet. No, no, I can imagine he's not pumped about.

[Joe Santagato]

Dude, he saw a clip where we made a 911 joke and he did not.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, shit.

[Joe Santagato]

Sort of.

[Frank Alvarez]

God, what did he say?

[Joe Santagato]

He was just like, it's not funny.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it's. It is not funny. We know it's not, but what we. For just. Let's clear the air real quick. Yeah, we're not making jokes about it happening. We're making it word. People use it as, like, the soapbox to stand on. Like, oh, yeah, you think there's a. There's a current war and this and these people and they're treated bad. What about 9 11? And it's just like, yes, that was bad. Like, they use it as, like, a red herring. Just, like, kind of draw attention away.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I don't know. I also told my dad to, like. I'm like, dad, come on. You've made worse jokes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah, I've heard some jokes.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, come on. It's fine.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I remember I was one time in, like, your dad had drove me home, and it was on the. On the car clock. It was 9 11. And I saw it and I did the sign of the cross. Like, that was something. No, but that was something I legitimately did for years afterward. And your dad stopped the car and would not let me out to talk to me. Like, he talked to me for like.

[Joe Santagato]

30 minutes about 9 11.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just like, you know, like, that's all, you know, he loves. So passionate. Dad not only is so passionate, but he's just blown away by viewing small acts of compassion in other people.

[Joe Santagato]

He's a very soft and compassionate guy. So when you do something like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

He'S like, oh, your dad is like the ultimate, like, snl years ago, did a sketch which I thought was so funny, where it was like, NYPD officers, like, giving a speech at, like, their daughter's birthday. And it was just like, you know, I'm rough and tough, but, like, don't get me. You know, he's that. And he is that to a T. The guy, for lack of better, maybe even literal ways, has sandpaper thick skin. Yeah. But the minute you crack something that makes him emotional, it's a rap. He's. He's a very emotional Guy and, like, Joe, it's just.

[Joe Santagato]

It's so nice. It, like, calls me and tells me.

[Frank Alvarez]

He'S so, like, he is so, like, on a human level, like, amazed at compassion.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, can you believe they held the door open for me? Like, yeah, that's a pretty standard thing to do.

[Joe Santagato]

It's. It's just nice. That's what he'll say.

[Frank Alvarez]

My dad, on the other hand, skin level, understanding dad, they. They held the door open for you. Yeah. Okay. You know. You know, just like that.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay. Talk to him about, like, building a chair, though. He'll light up like Christmas.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. The moment you talk about, like, lathers and, like, you know, fucking pipe fitters, the guy will cry you a river. What are those chairs called that are like, Adirondack?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, Adirondack. You put a. You want to put a fridge in it? They put a cooler in everything.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is what you cooler in everything?

[Joe Santagato]

Everything.

[Frank Alvarez]

I remember I was in college and he would call me three times a week to tell me about when he would build Adirondack chairs.

[Joe Santagato]

He loves them.

[Frank Alvarez]

And what was the most annoying is that he would call them Adirondack. I'm like, you know that that's wrong.

[Joe Santagato]

Adirondack, the Adirondack chairs.

[Frank Alvarez]

What you got do is I can make it for you. I was like, dad, please stop.

[Joe Santagato]

When Twitter was, like, a popular thing, my dad would be like, twat that. I'd be like, you know it's not called that. Like, you know it's not called.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Remind me. I gotta tell you a funny joke about my dad in social media. Here we go.

[Joe Santagato]

Keep Adirondack chairs, by the way. Love them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, they're okay.

[Joe Santagato]

I like them.

[C]

What's that, 9, 11? Oh, come on, Joe, that's not funny. I'm just joking, man. The NYPD can handle it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[C]

They got this. But seriously, I've got something to share with you guys. I've invented an everything bagel hot sauce. That's great, Joe.

[Frank Alvarez]

What's next?

[C]

I don't know. Maybe you can pitch me some ideas for a new product we can invent and sell. How about a hat that doubles as a toaster? That's ridiculous. What about a pair of shoes that can clean the toilets? You're insane.

[Frank Alvarez]

So.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, so the AI is picking up on how you have bad ideas.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Yep. I have no defense there. Is there mics in here? Yes, there are. They're in front of our face. Join.

[Joe Santagato]

Secret mike. Secret little Mike.

[Frank Alvarez]

They also just absolutely picked up on the fact that you're a shill for anything you make. What do you mean you're a shill for anything you make? It's like.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know what a shill is. I know shillings.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, when you shill for something, you're just like a. Like a. Just. You will just put out for it, basically. Like, you know. So you're a shill for your hot sauce, which you posted on social media the new hot sauce.

[Joe Santagato]

Didn't tell you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Flyer. I know. I'm not saying the flavor. Baby, don't worry. I'm Big secret guy over here. Don't worry about it, okay? You know me. Bsg.

[Joe Santagato]

Big secret guy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bsg.

[Joe Santagato]

Bsg.

[Frank Alvarez]

Frank. As someone that has not only tried it, but bought several bottles of it. Very good. Congratulations, you guys. Take a victory lap, bitch. Okay, I can't.

[Joe Santagato]

I was like, I'm here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. So. Yeah. So then it went into my. Call me. Call me crazy.

[Joe Santagato]

Mm.

[Frank Alvarez]

Shoes that can clean a toilet.

[Joe Santagato]

That's a good idea.

[Frank Alvarez]

Don't sound like a bad idea. That should exist if it doesn't already.

[Joe Santagato]

It's easier to get, like.

[Frank Alvarez]

You don't want to get your hand into a toilet, so you just shove your toes into it.

[Joe Santagato]

You could just get, like, a thing. They make scrubbers better.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but even those. Those things are fucking Just caves of bacteria.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I don't. But I don't like when people have, like, blue water. I hate that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, why?

[Joe Santagato]

Because it reminds me of, like, my aunt's house or something.

[Frank Alvarez]

Gotcha. Which. What happened there? Okay. Yeah. You have anything to tell the room?

[Joe Santagato]

No, I just. It just, like.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

It's just, like, whack. Like, I'd rather have white water. Like, clear water. The bowl is white.

[Frank Alvarez]

You wear that outfit, Joe, you got to be really careful. All right, let me finish this.

[Joe Santagato]

There's no hood on this.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I know. We cut it off. Let's get to. Let's finish it so we can get to the ads, Frankie.

[C]

I know, but that's why you love me. Speaking of love, do you remember that time when you tried to gaslight me into believing that I said something very, very offensive about African Americans and the Jews?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, man. You fucking. Are you kidding me? I'm gonna throw up. It's right. It is, right, But I don't think I've ever gaslit you into saying something about. I mean, probably. I just said we cut off your hood, you white bastard. Yeah, exactly. Fucker. That's crazy.

[Joe Santagato]

That's wild.

[Frank Alvarez]

They have picked up on what I think makes, you know, certain things that people like seeing.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, what is with the inflections? There was one point where I went. I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think that's just a weird AI thing that, like, they can't. Like, there's just certain parts of, like, human speech that you can't replicate, I guess, like.

[Joe Santagato]

And the juice.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Yeah. What is that? And it's just like, hey, Joe, that's nice. You know, like, it's just. It's. It's working. The king.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, the voice version of, like, when Alia has, like, an extra finger. You ever see those pictures?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah. Or those ones that I. That I know you love, where it's just like, the animals and like, the Chernobyl sewers and stuff like that. Oh, dude, you want me to show you another one? No, I saw one the other day that might haunt you legitimately to the day you die.

[Joe Santagato]

I will close my eyes.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was a giant spider with a dog's mouth. Okay, I think I'm.

[Joe Santagato]

Hey, Frank. Don't even attempt to show me that because I'm not gonna look.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that's it. That's it.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, we ended it with that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Luke. What?

[Joe Santagato]

Good stuff. Gotta say, good stuff.

[Frank Alvarez]

Crazy. I mean, listen, if more people tend. Do this.

[Joe Santagato]

Please don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

Maybe don't. But, like, maybe we'll look at them. Maybe they're good. Maybe they're funny.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, it would be interesting to see, like, what AI comes up with. But that's. That's terrifying.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it's gonna be hard. They just set a real clear benchmark. That was pretty good. So go ahead.

[Joe Santagato]

Speaking of, we had 9, 11 and gaslighting in it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, and our dad's not loving us and divorced parents. Those are the three pillars.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Of now I just feel like a hack, you know, every episode, buildings were famously made with three pillars. What's the fourth pillar of our episodes? Gas me gaslighting you into trying to convince the world that you're a horrible person. Person.

[Joe Santagato]

Father's father's not letting us.

[Frank Alvarez]

Parents and 911. Yeah, yeah, I guess those four. Those four things. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Maybe there's a. There's a.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, famously, buildings were built with four pillars.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

But what do I know?

[Joe Santagato]

Anyway, we do have some ads for today. The set hut the first one being FitBot. FitBod is a lovely way to get in shape. Okay? They're gonna wonderful workout routine for you based on your needs, your experience, and whatever it is you Want to get out of life. Okay, so if you want to lose weight or you want to get lean muscle mass, or if you want to put on mass or whatever it is, you just want to burn some fat. Fitbod can put together a workout routine for your goals based on, like I said, your experience as well, which is a very important one, because a lot of people, they don't have access to a gym membership. They don't have any workout, or maybe they just have some dumbbells, or maybe you don't have dumbbells, or you have no interest in going to a gym. You just would rather work out, like by yourself, and you can do all of that. So if you put all that information in, fitbot will create something for you so that you can start, you know, your workout journey, and it tracks your muscle recovery so you can avoid burnout and keep your momentum, because that's also a mistake a lot of people make when they're first getting into fitness is working out too much. Actually. You have to throw rest days in there. They're actually extremely important when you're trying to put on muscle or lose weight or anything like that. So they're gonna hit all the points for that. It's very smart when coming up with the, you know, routines for you. And it's also more affordable than a personal trainer. You can get 25% off your subscription or try the app for free for seven days at fitbot Me Basement. Okay, so if you want to try jumping into the world of fitness, even if you have never done it before or you don't know too much, there's over a thousand demonstration videos, so you can learn a lot from this as well. But, yeah, get 25% off your subscription or try the app for free for 7 days at Fitbod Me Basement. Spelled F I T B O D M E Basement. Go try it right now. Also, this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online therapy. Okay? If you want to talk to a therapist, you can do so with BetterHelp in just 48 hours. They will connect you to a therapist. They also make it very easy to switch from, you know, different therapists to different ones so that you can find the right fit for you, because that is a big portion of it. You know, you don't want to be telling all your secrets to someone you don't really vibe with. So it's important to find the right fit for you. And I've been in therapy for years. I think that therapy is very important, and everyone should be in it at some point in their life, if not all the time. So yeah, I think that it's very helpful, especially in ways that you don't even really know. Like, even if you feel like I'm good, I don't really have anything, I'm pretty happy and blah, blah, blah. Like it's good starting. There is a good starting point and you can kind of probably unlock some stuff. It's very helpful. It feels like organizing your life.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's.

[Joe Santagato]

It's nice. So if you want to get started with BetterHelp, you can go to betterhelp.com basementyard and you will get 10% off your first month. Okay, so that is betterhelp.com basementyard to get 10% off of that first month. All right, enjoy.

[Frank Alvarez]

And while you're taking that self love, self help journey, why don't you do me a favor and go to patreon.com and take a journey with us. A journey into more of us. Baby, I don't mean to assimilate both things to being the same, but you never know, maybe you need some more time to smile, happy, all that stuff. So go to patreon.com thebasement yard where we continue to tell you guys and thank you guys for all the love and support you sign up today. And that first tier, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. And that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday so you can start and end your week with the Basement yard. You guys have continued to support us and help us grow. And you know, I know this is something Joe has spoken about on our Patreon episodes, but we're currently in transition into a new studio and it's because of people like you that have helped and supported us. Also, if you're looking for a last minute gift for the basement yard fan in your life or someone that you want to get into the show or said, hey, I've been wanting to get into a show. Patreon is a great, great, great holiday gift idea. So check it out. Patreon.com TheBaseman Yard thank you guys so much. We appreciate you. We love you and we're really excited for 2025. Speaking of the new studio, I have to thank you for the carte blanche that you have given me to really just build out the studio to be.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, I'm gonna stop you there. 1. I don't know what carte blanche means to know whatever you're saying I haven't done.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes you have.

[Joe Santagato]

You said you carte blanche.

[Frank Alvarez]

You Said, what is that?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, what language is that? Latin?

[Frank Alvarez]

Come on, Joey, it's French. Look it up. If you don't understand it, you don't know. Don't you look up carte blanche.

[Joe Santagato]

You don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Joey, I know what it means. Look it up. You don't know look up carte blanche, Joey.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I know Cate Blanchett.

[Frank Alvarez]

She is so. She is a descendant of Mr. Carte Blanche.

[Joe Santagato]

You must think so low of me.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I think I have you that you're gonna check that I'm not and, you know, teach yourself. But. But I had a conversation with Greg, and he told me that you said that I'm good to, like, build out a tea section in the new studio.

[Joe Santagato]

That never happened.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it did.

[Joe Santagato]

Tea section?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, like a whole section of, like, now you will be able to enjoy quality teas in the new studio.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Are you gonna get a really cool teapot?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm gonna. Again, carte blanche. So I'm gonna get everything from the bottom up. I'm talking quality teas, good tea, you know, a nice little tea table, some cups.

[Joe Santagato]

You can do whatever you want. I just don't know, you know, I think it's gonna have a really tough time getting expense.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no. I think that's gonna. Greg gave me the number for the credit card. I'll read it here if you want.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, go ahead, read it.

[Frank Alvarez]

But, like, I appreciate it. I appreciate you allowing us, your. As you have referred to us as your underlings, to really take.

[Joe Santagato]

Never said that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sorry. I mean, I can't say the exact word that you use.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, here we go.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay, but take ownership in the space that we are using to. To create because we want to feel at home in this space.

[Joe Santagato]

So you're gonna bring a bunch of oolongs?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, no, no, no. I'm gonna buy a bunch of oolongs. Right on your dime. Right on our dime. Because we are in this together.

[Joe Santagato]

Can't reach there. Come on. But it doesn't feel like that with what you're saying.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think it does feel like that. Doesn't you think that? I think there have been some great ideas for the studio that you have done nothing but shoot, bro gre.

[Joe Santagato]

And this is not a joke. Greg has had maybe the worst ideas he's ever come up with when it comes to the studio.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think that's true.

[Joe Santagato]

And both of you have ran away with this idea where, like, suddenly they forgot that we have a job and it's like, we could do this, this, this. I'm like, there will be no room left if you want to make this a fucking. Greg has pitched a basketball hoop eight different ways. And one of them legitimately, he was like, he's like, dude, you're probably gonna say no. So like for whatever, but he's trying. He was hitting me with the Keith. He's like, you probably won't like this, but like here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh man, that's the Keith move of all. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

He's like, no, you probably won't like it. You're probably gonna say no.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was probably gonna think he's the dumbest thing you've ever heard.

[Joe Santagato]

I was like, greg, I'm going to say no, but tell me. And he's like that room in the back there, like if we just put down like hardwood and a basketball hoop.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was like, I think it's a great idea.

[Joe Santagato]

Good. You guys could fucking do it.

[Frank Alvarez]

So we're not putting.

[Joe Santagato]

No, we're not doing okay. It's a, it's a big room and they want to put a half court there.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think that hardwood. What do we need, Joey? Someone like you who consistently reads books about different business and setups and stuff like that. I think you have to acknowledge that the approach to business sis nowadays have been more playful and they engage in, you know, feng shui that promote more of a placement for creativity. So for instance, when I worked as an electrician for a couple years, I. One of the. One of the sites I was at was the LinkedIn headquarters and this is serious in Manhattan. I don't know if it still uses a LinkedIn headquarters, but they had a whole room. They have a whole room of like arcade games and like, you know, like just like fun, fun creative spaces.

[Joe Santagato]

Fun, fun. Yeah, like fun startups that now they have like the ping pong table. There's a beer taps get done during the day and it's so cool. 90% of startups fail. 90, 90%.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I don't even consider what we're doing. A startup 90 is low.

[Joe Santagato]

I thought it'd be higher.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think we are a well seasoned storied.

[Joe Santagato]

We are seasoned.

[Frank Alvarez]

We are seasoned well. And I know they're seasoned well. You know, adding in people like myself, Ahmed, have allowed the seasoning to be just more diverse, seasoned.

[Joe Santagato]

You guys are the seasoning.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because I think you would admit that you and Greg are more of a salt and pepper. And the addition of myself, Ahmed, we add a little more. Speak of the devil. He just walked by the window POCs. Yes, we add pox. That's what you've referred to us as. A pox on the industry.

[Joe Santagato]

What does that mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

You never heard that saying?

[Joe Santagato]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

A pox on the industry is just like the death of the industry or something.

[Joe Santagato]

Is it really?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. You've never heard of that?

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, is that like. Sure, for, like, people of color.

[Frank Alvarez]

They just called pocs. They call. Pox is like small pox, large pox. Oh, whatever's in between. Monkeypox.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't think that large pox is a thing.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dog pox.

[Joe Santagato]

Dog pox is also. Isn't a thing. Dolphin pox.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dolphin pox.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I made that up.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, how many poxes are there? Chicken.

[Joe Santagato]

I know Pocky's. Those are good.

[Frank Alvarez]

Love Pocky.

[Joe Santagato]

I love Pocky. Love underrated.

[Frank Alvarez]

You remember used to have those, right?

[Joe Santagato]

Also Asian.

[Frank Alvarez]

Remember who used to have those? All the time.

[Joe Santagato]

Tiffany wins. Our girl.

[Frank Alvarez]

Haven't spoken to her in 21 years, but what's up? Tiffany.

[Joe Santagato]

We've talked about Tiffany mad times on this show.

[Frank Alvarez]

We have talked about Tiffany. When I'm committed. We are here. We're here like, a lot.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And we just want her to know we haven't spoken, made an impact. She is a member of the basement yard lore at this. She is.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. And she had all the pencils.

[Frank Alvarez]

We hope she's well.

[Joe Santagato]

She did not share them.

[Frank Alvarez]

We hope. First of all, hope she's alive. Could you imagine if she's like, jeez, if she has left us, that would be heartbreaking.

[Joe Santagato]

Left us. If she left us.

[Frank Alvarez]

We wish you well.

[Joe Santagato]

Do you think anyone from our fifth grade graduation class.

[Frank Alvarez]

I can name one person with a certainty that has.

[Joe Santagato]

Has passed away.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, yeah. Our friend in fourth grade.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, fifth grade.

[Joe Santagato]

Who? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's sad.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. That was really sad.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't think anyone else, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

I heard. I hope everyone's thriving, Thriving, Doing well, getting by today. I wonder if they even realize, like.

[Joe Santagato]

Or if they hate it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, if they. Oh, yeah. They're just like. Please shut the fuck up.

[Joe Santagato]

Shut these two fucking idiots up.

[Frank Alvarez]

I will say this. We are due for a, like, return to elementary school.

[Joe Santagato]

Walk the halls. Nobody knows us there anymore. Frank.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's not true. Probably true, actually.

[Joe Santagato]

My mom's not there. Actually, there's like three women in the office that probably know us.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really? Probably still there. First and last, baby. First and last.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I don't know. First and last. Ms. R.G. is there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Ah, yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

I think Ms. Watkins is still there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hey.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not her I loved her. Yeah, she's awesome. I think Ms. Y is there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Were you smart? Smart not saying her name. Smart not saying her name.

[Joe Santagato]

Dormus is there.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's the one that we said don't. The name of the one that we don't say.

[Joe Santagato]

She came to our Radio City show, said hi to her.

[Frank Alvarez]

She did, yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Tell me I look like a porn star.

[Frank Alvarez]

Strange thing to hear from your fourth.

[Joe Santagato]

Grade teacher like, you look like a porn star. I was like, that's exactly what I was going for. I was not going. I didn't know what else to say in that moment.

[Frank Alvarez]

Listen, just to kind of revert back. Greg is not listening to this, but he will probably get a clip of this or tagged in something. Yeah, Greg, I support you. I understand that you have a thriving business acumen that is trying to push the status quo forward and with synergy and understanding.

[Joe Santagato]

It's not how you. Synergy.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, understanding that a happy atmosphere creates a thriving atmosphere. Greg is just trying to do best by us.

[Joe Santagato]

Greg also was like, we should get a sauna.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I was like, what a great idea.

[Joe Santagato]

There isn't a shower. And also, I'm not getting a sauna.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, maybe you want me to.

[Joe Santagato]

You want me to put a couple of wipes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pipes. Pipes.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, pipes.

[Frank Alvarez]

You could do an electric sauna.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not allowed legally to not put a shower in there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Electric sauna.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, Frank, I'm not worried about that. You can. The sauna would run on infrared regardless.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, you could do a steam one or you could do an electric one.

[Joe Santagato]

That would be a steam room.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. No, there are steam powered, hot water powered saunas and there's electric ones.

[Joe Santagato]

Whatever. The point is, you'd be sweating.

[Frank Alvarez]

I love that.

[Joe Santagato]

And then no shower. That's my point.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, sometimes, Joe, in business you need to get a little dirty.

[Joe Santagato]

No, you don't have to use a sauna to go record a podcast.

[Frank Alvarez]

How many of our ideas do you think would have just gotten better if they were discussed in a sauna?

[Joe Santagato]

Zero.

[Frank Alvarez]

You sure about that?

[Joe Santagato]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

A lot of the things that I think about in my life happen when I'm in a steam room or sauna, okay. It's a breeding ground for ingenuity, synergy.

[Joe Santagato]

We're not getting a sauna.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay?

[Joe Santagato]

That's not happening.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

There's the basketball hoop. There was air hockey table.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a good one, too.

[Joe Santagato]

I do like air hockey, but I said, no one's gonna use it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I said, we should get those, like, tables that it's like half a pool table and then it's a ping pong table, and then it's a shuffleboard table. Like, it's just a bunch of tables.

[Joe Santagato]

But, like, when is anyone gonna do this?

[Frank Alvarez]

You never know, Joey.

[Joe Santagato]

You do know, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

You never know.

[Joe Santagato]

I feel like everyone who owns a pool table or any of those types of tables, they used it for like, the first month that they had it and they never touched it again.

[Frank Alvarez]

Speak for yourself.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I'm speaking from experience.

[Frank Alvarez]

When did you own a pool table?

[Joe Santagato]

I had a pool.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not a pool table, Joey.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, it's still someone that lived.

[Frank Alvarez]

In a building that had a pool table readily accessible. I had the time of my life. I use it all the time, several times a week.

[Joe Santagato]

What? Where'd you wear?

[Frank Alvarez]

My first year college residence hall and my second year and then my fifth year. You were 18 years old and 19.

[Joe Santagato]

And you had to congregate somewhere.

[Frank Alvarez]

21, Joey. Yeah, and I would play pool a lot.

[Joe Santagato]

Did you have one of those gloves?

[Frank Alvarez]

I didn't have one of those gloves.

[Joe Santagato]

It's gonna say, may have prevented you from intermingling with the women. Frank. You guys see my glove?

[Frank Alvarez]

I did well for myself, bitch.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, man. Anyway, I want to talk about a dream that I had back.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dream. Dream Joe is back.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, Dream Joe's back. This one wasn't a cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

We should have a cool, like, like, song way of like doing this, like, segment, like introducing a segment.

[Joe Santagato]

Dream Joe's back.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dream Joe's back. But it should be the song Dream Weaver. Dream Weaver.

[Joe Santagato]

What's that song?

[Frank Alvarez]

Dream, Dream, Dream. It was from, like the 60s where all the songs were about, like, screwing underage people. And like, they were. Dude, were they gold?

[Joe Santagato]

Listen to dancing queen was 17.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was in the 70s. Go listen to like, Chuck Berry and it's just like, I love you. You're so beautiful. My sweet 16 year old. Yeah. Dude, it is weird. Chuck it.

[Joe Santagato]

Fucking Chuck it is.

[Frank Alvarez]

There is a lot of like. It's like, she's the girl of my dreams and I want to sing to her and take her out for a milkshake and a egg cream. And she's 14 years old and it's just like, hey, Bobby Darin, cut it the fuck out, yo.

[Joe Santagato]

An egg cream is disgusting.

[Frank Alvarez]

I've never had one of you.

[Joe Santagato]

My mom likes them and I wanted to slap it out of her hand.

[Frank Alvarez]

Good thing with Good thing you went with out of that hand and not slap your mother.

[Joe Santagato]

I would never slap my mother. Are you kidding me?

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay, well, good Good.

[Joe Santagato]

I put a stick in my eye.

[Frank Alvarez]

Before I would do that.

[Joe Santagato]

But I had a dream, dream, dream, dream. We're past the intro, but it was.

[Frank Alvarez]

A crazy sweet dreams are made of this. Who am I to disagree?

[Joe Santagato]

But I had a dream that I was at a restaurant and there was this weird waiter there. And I'm not going to lie.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who was the waiter?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is that true?

[Joe Santagato]

Do you think I'm lying?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, but your brain is incapable of making new faces. So, like, whoever the waiter is, is someone whose face you've seen.

[Joe Santagato]

You guys? You guys ready? This is what's like being with friends with Frankie. You heard that? One day didn't look it up.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I have looked it up. I have looked it up. Is it true? I all.

[Joe Santagato]

I've also heard that, but I don't. I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who are you attacking then?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, because I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's a be true. You're sitting over there like your Bobby dreams. No, I have, I have. I have looked into it. More to the point, I have confidence that it is true.

[Joe Santagato]

Whatever.

[Frank Alvarez]

Trust the guy in a Bucky's jersey.

[Joe Santagato]

You can't.

[Frank Alvarez]

Come on. Yo.

[Joe Santagato]

But you can't. Like, I've heard it too. You can't create a face in a dream. It has to be a face you've seen before. But it could have been a face that you've seen in passing. That's what I've heard.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying, like, it's someone in your life that, like, you remember.

[Joe Santagato]

But I literally. You asked me who it is. I'm like, I don't know. You said, that's not true. I was like, I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

But it was this very blond guy. Like, he had like platinum blonde hair, right?

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

And he was weird looking.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you're having dreams about Aryans? Continue.

[Joe Santagato]

So he. I'm at dinner, I guess, but there's a bunch of people there. There's like maybe five people, but I don't remember who was there. And the waiter comes over and he like, hands me my food. And then he gets down and kisses me on my hip.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh. Oh.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, it was. But my hip was, like, exposed.

[Frank Alvarez]

What was I wearing? Low rise jeans. What the hell?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know what I was wearing, but my hip was exposed. And this guy smooched it. He was like. And I flipped. I was like. I was like, the fuck are you doing?

[Frank Alvarez]

Say this.

[Joe Santagato]

Hold on. I was like, what the fuck are you doing? And he gets up and he's like. And he's just looking at me like this, like I like it. I was like, yo, get the fuck out of here. And then he turned kind of sinister and holy shit. And then he looks at me and he goes, you look terrified. And I got out of my chair and I got in his face and I was like, where? Get the out of here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I thought. I thought you meant like, where are you gonna kiss me next?

[Joe Santagato]

What's next?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm gonna go as far as to say this. Kissing on the hip.

[Joe Santagato]

Kiss my hip.

[Frank Alvarez]

Way more sexual than any other kissing.

[Joe Santagato]

Mouth, penis. Frank, come on. Neck.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh yeah, neck. Neck is the name. Yeah, yeah. What the hell is that?

[Joe Santagato]

Nape of the neck.

[Frank Alvarez]

Isn't that just the neck, babe? Yeah, you know, but chest. Chest is chest.

[Joe Santagato]

I've already named five, but like hip is crazy. What do you wear?

[Frank Alvarez]

Are you wearing like a crop top and low rise jeans? And this guy was just able to.

[Joe Santagato]

Just go, I don't know. But he kissed it and I was just like, what? What did you do?

[Frank Alvarez]

What did you order?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't remember any other details.

[Frank Alvarez]

You don't remember any other.

[Joe Santagato]

I remember the table.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, what do you order? Could have, could have invited Frank.

[Joe Santagato]

If it was Afro DZX and I ordered only oysters, maybe it was.

[Frank Alvarez]

Was it like one of those like themed restaurants where it's like, haha, the waiters are mean to you. It's just called like. Instead of like resort, it's called like we kiss your bare hip.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Wow. So that was the payoff for the joke. Was that? Okay, good. But yeah, I had a dream and I woke up and I was like, did I just get S A?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, in a. In a way.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I was very pissed off.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, yeah, I can.

[Joe Santagato]

I didn't like that. He was like, you look terrified as.

[Frank Alvarez]

Someone who fucking killed someone who was on the receiving end of a. I told you, the guy in my legs and stuff like that.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I was there for that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, you were. Yeah. And you remember how mad I was.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's an invasion of privacy, you know.

[Joe Santagato]

So he's in your private.

[Frank Alvarez]

He was literally invading my private.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

On top of the pants. Let's be very. But that's great. Did you hit him? Or like did you then wake up? Cuz, you know, he walked away.

[Joe Santagato]

He walked away. I woke up shortly after that. Yeah. Or maybe I didn't put it. That's all I remember.

[Frank Alvarez]

Damn.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, it was weird. It was a very weird Dream.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, that's insane.

[Joe Santagato]

It was such a strange feeling.

[Frank Alvarez]

What is that? You know, the dream people are back and they're just like. This means that you feel a total lack of control in your. I don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. And I was like watching Seinfeld before I went to sleep. So I don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

Was it Jerry Seinfeld that kissed your. What's the deal with this Cute looking hip low rise jeans at a dinner? Come on, man.

[Joe Santagato]

What's that?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't even know.

[Joe Santagato]

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[Frank Alvarez]

Oh.

[Joe Santagato]

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[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Our frames was kind enough to send us and without exaggeration, easy. And our favorite, like our favorite Becca and I just sit there and just watch. And it's incredible, your background.

[Joe Santagato]

Your phone does that too, right?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it does.

[Joe Santagato]

You're all about that interchanging photo.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let me tell you right now. And we have kids and see our kids all the time, every day. So imagine like the loved one in your life doesn't get to see you or your face. Just it's a great gift.

[Joe Santagato]

Now they get to see them age.

[Frank Alvarez]

Don't do that.

[Joe Santagato]

Sorry.

[Frank Alvarez]

Don't. Why, like, come here. Break.

[Joe Santagato]

I got kissed on my hip last night by a man.

[Frank Alvarez]

I stared at a picture of Ruby the other day and like my eyes welled and I was just like, I need to get this off of my phone right now. I want to see what's the picture right now.

[Joe Santagato]

Is that your favorite?

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay. It's not the same picture.

[Joe Santagato]

Is Ruby your favorite child?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't have a favorite child, Joe.

[Joe Santagato]

I tried.

[Frank Alvarez]

I see you. This is, you know why you're doing that? You know, the only people that ask that is because they know they weren't their parents. Favorite child.

[Joe Santagato]

Mmm. Well, that makes two of us.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was, you know, it was funny is like someone was like, like recently. Like you were middle child. Like you have middle child syndrome. And I was.

[Joe Santagato]

What is the syndrome?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like a thing where, you know, I don't want to. It's. It's just one of those things where like people just make up things that is. That are wrong about someone. It's like middle child syndrome, but like.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, dude, that sounds exactly what something you would do.

[Frank Alvarez]

Middle child syndrome is a hypothetical condition that suggests middle children develop different personality traits in their siblings based on the idea that parents treat middle children differently.

[Joe Santagato]

That said a whole lot of nothing. What are those characteristics?

[Frank Alvarez]

High sense of independence. I, you know, you could say what you want about me, but I think I have that. Feelings of alienation. Competitive risk taking. Definitely not me. He's not a risk taker. Not a risk taker. Strong social skills. Strong sharing behaviors. Peacemakers. Low self esteem. Flexible friendship skills.

[Joe Santagato]

You are very flexible. You could get your leg all the way up.

[Frank Alvarez]

They meant like physically flexible friendship skill. Peacemakers. I'm a. I think.

[Joe Santagato]

Were you about to say you're a violent guy, Frank? You're definitely not.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not. I'm a big teddy mate. Yeah. But I think some of those I have, you know, and you're the baby of your family.

[Joe Santagato]

What does that mean? I'm desperate for attention or something?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I think you were probably. There's all these dynamic things. It's like, you know, like the oldest gets treated this way. The baby gets like to do whatever they want. Characteristics of the last born child.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, there goes the backspace of the youngest child. Independent, creative, social, attention seeking, fun loving, easygoing.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I think, I think it's pretty on brand.

[Joe Santagato]

Charming, confident, Manipulative.

[Frank Alvarez]

What does it say, please?

[Joe Santagato]

Manipulative. Did you hear how I tried? Manipulative. Manipulative. Persistent problem solvers. Okay, this is just insane.

[Frank Alvarez]

This just sounds great. Mine is just like, you're an idiot, you're stupid, you're weak and yours are like smart, kind, really easy going.

[Joe Santagato]

Really super easy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, the reason that I technically fall into the middle child syndrome Is because my younger brothers are twins. So it's like they're treated as one.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, but there definitely was in our house, the dynamic of, like, my. My parents were stricter with my sister. They loosen.

[Joe Santagato]

Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah. They loosened up on, you know, me in terms of their rules. And then with my parent, my brothers, it was just like, who gives a fucking? They were so tired at that point.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, this is probably very obvious, but I have no idea how, like, we. We all know that. My parents love Tom.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Like the first child. They love Tom. He's the golden child. So, like, that. We know that. But, like, I think for the rest of us, they weren't really, like, super strict about most things.

[Frank Alvarez]

How were they with Shannon? Because she's the only girl. So I imagine. I imagine your dad just being like, you're not dating until you're 98.

[Joe Santagato]

No, my dad actually was not like that at all. Really.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

But he, like, he was. You know what?

[Frank Alvarez]

You're right, because I remember your sister's like, boyfriends would be friends would be. They'd come over frequently.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, but my dad loves making fun of them, though. Like, he would give them a hard time.

[Frank Alvarez]

Guess what? He gave everyone a hard time. Joey, it's not like they were special. Everyone got made fun of by your father.

[Joe Santagato]

We would have dinner with my family, and then, like, her boyfriend would be there, and he'd be like, yeah, you're going to do the dishes tonight. All right? Handle that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, like, we would have to help.

[Joe Santagato]

But he'd be like, do the dishes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Your dad's favorite thing I remember when we'd come over for dinners is yelling at me every time I'd forget to not eat before grace. Well, I would eat before grace, and he'd be like. And I'd be like, do you.

[Joe Santagato]

Do you remember grace?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes. Because Keith would rush through it. I've heard this a million times. It would always be whenever, I guess, the way that the cards fell. Keith was always the one to do it. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, my dad would sit at the end of the table. He's never, never done it. But he would nominate everyone else.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do it. Do grace. And it was always Keith. And he'd go, ah, bless the Lord for these. I guess I'm about to save in the battle. Okay, come on. Can we eat?

[Joe Santagato]

Bless us, oh Lord, for these, thy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Gifts I'm about to receive in the bounty of Christ, O Lord. Amen.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, that's a. You're janky with it, but you're there I mean.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, for someone that has never.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, that's so funny that you remember that. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Always, Keith. Always, always, always.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, Keep fucking. All right, all right, eat.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then I could fucking just, like, swallow the rigatoni I have already chewed up in my mouth.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I was within fork range, so if I forgot. Dude, I remember when we started to wean that out, it felt so weird to be like, we could just eat. I still have that in me. Like, when I'm at other people's houses.

[Frank Alvarez]

You wait.

[Joe Santagato]

I. I don't, like, I don't know. Like, I don't know the right time to eat.

[Frank Alvarez]

Becca's family is big into prayer. Not prayer, but saying grace. And it's always like, wait.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Oh, actual, like, Southern style grace is like, you got to give a speech.

[Frank Alvarez]

So Becca's dad will, like, you know, he'll just, like, he'll see that people are, like, getting. And there's kids involved. So he just does, like a blanket grace over the house. He'll just be like, thank you for this food. We appreciate the blessings in our life. You know, like one that I could.

[Joe Santagato]

Get behind while people are still going.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, right before, like, okay, he tends to wait, but, like, he does, like, a blanket grace. Just like, thank you. We appreciate it. Good.

[Joe Santagato]

Get home safe.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Basically, tip your waitress. I don't know. He doesn't do that. But, you know, it's fine. You know, but like, the ones where you guys were doing full on prayers.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, well, we just do that one. We would never do, like, well, you know, it's been a good year.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would love to go to, like a. Like a legit southern dinner where they're just like, lord, baby Jesus, you have given us this bounty, you know, and.

[Joe Santagato]

Just see, two mice fell in a bucket of cream. One of the mice drowned. No, no, no.

[Frank Alvarez]

Two mice fell in a bucket of milk. One mouse drowned. The other became butter.

[Joe Santagato]

No, it's cream. And he turned that. But he turned that cream into butter.

[Frank Alvarez]

And he walked out. I wonder how long they get. There's someone watching this that is from the south, and they're just like, yeah, so long.

[Joe Santagato]

I would. If I get. If I'm ever in the south and I have to, like, give a grace. I'm doing the Two Mice and the bug.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would love to, like, you know how remember in the first Borat movie, he goes to, like, a. Like an etiquette. Not an etiquette school, but it's like a Southern gentleman thing where he, like, goes to a dinner Yeah, I would love to see that. And us there. But, like, also, we would be taking the piss out of it a little, so maybe they'd get upset.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I'd be all right.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'd be upset and I wouldn't be okay. For a couple reasons.

[Joe Santagato]

I just remembered I also had a dream last night that I shaved my face and, dude, I looked very bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, don't do it.

[Joe Santagato]

Dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

I had like a golf. A lot of your charm is your facial hair. Because we know how shitty your bare naked face is. It's true. Mine too. I'm not. I'm not free of.

[Joe Santagato]

I didn't want to say it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll say it. I'm a naked faced, ugly idiot. Wow.

[Joe Santagato]

Are you crying? No. No. But that's so weird. I just remember that too. I was like, what the. Why would I do that?

[Frank Alvarez]

You about. I would say like a year and change ago, you committed to this whole, like, prominent mustache, scruffy, untamped, unkempt facial hair thing. It's. It's worked wonders for you, Joey, I have to say. You do. You're doing well for yourself. You should be proud.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm so proud of myself, dude, for being unkept.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I just think that, like, you know, what works for you.

[Joe Santagato]

Mm.

[Frank Alvarez]

But I do miss, you know, double breasted shirt, bare Face Joe. Who took pictures.

[Joe Santagato]

Mm.

[Frank Alvarez]

Those.

[Joe Santagato]

Frank, you took the same ones.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no, no, no. Frankie, no, I did not. Frankie, no, I did not. Frankie, no, I did not. Show me one, bitch. Yeah, that's bad. It's not tank top. You know, fucking snapback of. You know, the tank top says something like, you know, it's a fucking Tasmanian devil and it says like, devilish. And you're like, that was you, Frank.

[Joe Santagato]

You probably still have this in your 32 year old drawer. You probably still have that T shirt in there.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't.

[Joe Santagato]

Yes, you do.

[Frank Alvarez]

I have put all of my.

[Joe Santagato]

It's like all the monsters in Space Jam.

[Frank Alvarez]

Put all my graphics as Slam magazine. I put all my graphic tees into storage. So what about your.

[Joe Santagato]

Your gas station football jerseys? Where are those? Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, God. You're lucky.

[Joe Santagato]

It's Bucky's.

[Frank Alvarez]

One day. One day one, we're gonna physically assault each other on this show. Yeah. You know, just to see what happens.

[Joe Santagato]

Maybe we should.

[Frank Alvarez]

Maybe we should do a boxing match. Maybe get us on the next card. Netflix. We'll take a couple million dollars.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, yeah. I'll take a dive if you need me to.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let me explain something very quickly, people Were so up in arms about this Tyson versus Paul fight.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

For the money he got. You could say whatever you wanted to about me on the Internet. I am taking. You want me to take a dive?

[Joe Santagato]

I'm diving.

[Frank Alvarez]

Going headfirst into the canvas.

[Joe Santagato]

I'll break my neck into the canvas.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know about that.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I won't do that either.

[Frank Alvarez]

I will. If they're like, hey, you need to make him look good and you need to let this go the distance. Put on a show and he wins, I will say, no fucking problem. Yeah, no problem. Yeah. Netflix. Come on, babe. Let us. Let us. Yeah. I think if you took all the people that listen to our show, the opportunity to pledge, like, a dollar or two.

[Joe Santagato]

To do what?

[Frank Alvarez]

To, like, we would be able to raise enough money to get you and I to box.

[Joe Santagato]

We don't have to raise money for us to box. Oh, you're being a capitalistic pig.

[Frank Alvarez]

Damn right, bitch. Learn from the best. Yeah, exactly.

[Joe Santagato]

You added that little thing. Mirror, meet Frank, meet reflection. I don't know what I'm saying yet.

[Frank Alvarez]

But I tried to say, mirror me.

[Joe Santagato]

Flame me, Frank reflects you project onto me. But it's really you talking to yourself because you think I'm you. Who's me?

[Frank Alvarez]

Listen, baby. Birds of a feather we flock together. Flock. Make sure that the Internet picks that L up.

[Joe Santagato]

Really flock, not fock each other. We're not fucking.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right. Birds of a feather. What's that song?

[Joe Santagato]

Birds of a Feather?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know the words.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know. It's a Billie Eilish song. I think it is a Billie Eilish song.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is it Billie Eilish?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, it is.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah, it is.

[Joe Santagato]

Billy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Kids at me up like, shout out to Billie Eilish. Yeah. Friend of the show. Billy. Billy, come talk with us, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Billy Goats. Gross.

[Frank Alvarez]

Be cool as hell.

[Joe Santagato]

Billy Goats Gruff.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why I say that, I don't know, but you might have just forget what he said, Josh. You know what to do with. Yeah, I think that would be a fun episode.

[Joe Santagato]

I think so, too.

[Frank Alvarez]

So no pressure.

[Joe Santagato]

We'll sing. We'll sing songs.

[Frank Alvarez]

We'll sing. And we'll talk to her about, like, singing. Because I'm sure. I'm sure that's what she wants to come on the show and everyone talks to her about singing. We won't have this, Billy. We won't talk to you about singing at all.

[Joe Santagato]

We'll talk to her about bugs.

[Frank Alvarez]

She likes bugs. The office.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know. She wears.

[Frank Alvarez]

She loves the office. I love we. I love the office. I don't know, sometimes she wears outfits.

[Joe Santagato]

And I'm like, this person looks like they're into bugs.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, we'll talk about bandanas. She wears bandana sometimes.

[Joe Santagato]

How much? How often? How much can you say about bandanas?

[Frank Alvarez]

You give me the right amount of time, bitch, I'll fill time with bandana talk.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay. I guess you just got to be careful about Bandit. Oh, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Gotta be real careful. Be careful. Which one you aware and talk about. Yeah, that too, you know.

[Joe Santagato]

Anyway, geez. Right off target, off tar, off track.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. I'll talk, I'll talk. What am I talking about? Are we done?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, we're done. We're done. I'm done with this. I'm done with this. I'm losing my mind.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think if Albert is 8085 on Twitter.

[Joe Santagato]

Say it with confidence, with conviction.

[Frank Alvarez]

F. Alvarez. 885 on Twitter. The Frank Alvarez and all other forms of social media. Follow the Basement Yard. Be like Billie Eilish who follows the show just on TikTok.

[Joe Santagato]

I think she still does, but I'm not sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

And also the Rizzler.

[Joe Santagato]

He does.

[Frank Alvarez]

He does. What's up?

[Joe Santagato]

Being excited about it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Billie Eilish, the Rizzler. We're connect.

[Joe Santagato]

We have range.

[Frank Alvarez]

We're connected.

[Joe Santagato]

We've got range.

[Frank Alvarez]

Go check it out. Social media. The Basement Yard on everything. Thank you for love and support. Patreon paceman yard patreon.com pa we love you. We appreciate you. We k. We love you. We care.

[Joe Santagato]

We love you. Yeah, you guys can go follow me at Joe Santa guy. We'll go follow the show the bas on Tik Tok and Instagram and that is all. See you guys next time.