Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard - Episode #492 "We Took The Substance"

Release Date: March 3, 2025
Host/Author: Santagato Studios (Joe Santagato)

Introduction

In episode #492 of The Basement Yard, Joe Santagato engages in his characteristic humorous and candid conversations with his co-host Frank. The episode spans a variety of topics, including the definition of pornography, creepy sea creatures, nostalgic memories of youth, mythology, a spoiler-filled review of the movie The Substance, and a playful dive into astrology. The hosts maintain a light-hearted tone throughout, peppered with witty banter and personal anecdotes.

Defining Pornography

The episode kicks off with an in-depth and often comedic discussion about the definition of pornography. Frank and Joe explore the nuances between different forms of explicit content.

• Frank: “Look, just Google the definition of pornography. Who's going to get in trouble? Who's going to get in trouble here? You think HR is coming through and they're going to save us?” (00:18)

• Joe: “Printed could be magic.” (03:00)

They debate whether descriptive language qualifies as pornography and distinguish between softcore and hardcore content, ultimately agreeing that the context and medium play significant roles in classification.

Creepy Sea Creatures and Pop Culture

Transitioning from abstract definitions, the conversation shifts to the fascination and horror surrounding anglerfish, referencing the iconic depiction from Finding Nemo.

• Joe: “Why does it have a mouth like... it not only has a severe underbite.” (06:03)

• Frank: “These are such hideous animals, dude.” (06:46)

The hosts lament the existence of such bizarre creatures, humorously contemplating drastic measures like nuking the oceans to eliminate them, before dismissing the impracticality of such ideas.

Glow Sticks and Nostalgia

Frank reminisces about college glow stick parties, sparking a nostalgic recount of youthful revelries and the cultural significance of glow sticks during events like dances and Fourth of July parties.

• Frank: “They would be like, this looks. But they knew what they were doing.” (08:57)

• Joe: “You're gonna skip over that. Yeah, your little fucking glow stick parties.” (09:00)

This segment blends fond memories with humorous criticism of past behaviors, highlighting the ephemeral nature of such festivities.

School Dances and Grinding: Personal Anecdotes

A substantial portion of the episode delves into personal stories from Joe and Frank's school days, focusing on the social dynamics of grinding at school dances and the strategic "retirement" from dancing to create demand.

• Frank: “If I remove the supply of me grinding, the demand for my grinding abilities was through the roof.” (12:34)

• Joe: “Yeah. Every show, this was every single year that I don't do it anymore.” (60:03)

They humorously analyze their past actions through an economic lens, showcasing their unique approach to social interactions and personal branding during adolescence.

Mythology: Trojan Horse and Greek Legends

The hosts transition into a playful yet informative discussion on mythology, covering topics like the Trojan Horse, Hercules, Medusa, and other Greek myths.

• Frank: “How stupid do you think I am? How stupid do you think I am?” (26:35)

• Joe: “Perseus was the bitch.” (29:58)

Their conversation melds factual information with comedic misunderstandings and mispronunciations, providing an entertaining take on ancient myths.

Spoiler-Filled Review of "The Substance"

In a spoiler-heavy segment, Joe and Frank review the horror movie The Substance, sharing their thoughts and reactions to its plot and characters.

• Joe: “It was a shot that you have to give yourself, and then your back splits open.” (37:00)

• Frank: “It's like a fucking juice. A glow stick.” (08:44)

They dissect key scenes, expressing discomfort with the film's gore and certain visual effects, such as the depiction of a giant pimple on a character's spine and the transformation sequences involving bodily alterations.

• Frank: “You could just lay it like this. But it's like, oh, no.” (48:19)

Despite their criticisms, they acknowledge Demi Moore's performance as worthy of accolades, discussing her character's journey and the movie's thematic elements related to Hollywood's pressures on women.

• Joe: “She was amazing. And, bro, by the way, she's fucking 62 years old and looks insanely good.” (41:37)

Astrology: Leo and Capricorn Banter

The episode takes a whimsical turn into astrology, with Joe and Frank exploring the traits associated with their respective signs—Leo and Capricorn.

• Joe: “Leos are known for being dedicated friends and lovers who put their hearts into every relationship. So true.” (64:45)

• Frank: “I did mythologize my grinding. And it worked. Yeah, it did work.” (35:28)

Their exchange includes playful mockery, impressions, and an attempt to 'roar' like their zodiac representations, emphasizing the humorous side of astrological stereotypes.

Childhood Toys and Growing Up

The duo reflects on their favorite childhood toys, such as Polly Pocket and Mighty Max, sharing stories about losing their toys and the emotional impact it had during pivotal moments like watching Toy Story 3.

• Frank: “It's like the boy version of Polly Pocket because if I was seen as a young boy playing with Polly Pocket, people pointed me, said, gay.” (59:15)

• Joe: “I cried at Toy Story when he gave all the things away. I was like, you fucking idiot.” (56:39)

These anecdotes highlight the universal experience of growing up and the bittersweet memories associated with childhood possessions.

Humorous Interactions and Skits

Interspersed throughout the episode are segments of Joe and Frank engaging in humorous skits, including attempts to perform roaring sounds and playful insults. These interactions add a layer of comedy and showcase their dynamic chemistry.

• Frank: “I need to get in the moment.” (66:19)

• Joe: “Show me a roar. Don't look up at me. Okay, okay.” (65:37)

Their playful banter, complete with exaggerated actions and reactions, serves as comic relief amidst the more structured discussions.

Conclusion

Episode #492 of The Basement Yard offers a blend of insightful conversations, personal stories, and comedic interludes. Joe Santagato and Frank navigate through diverse topics with ease, providing listeners with both entertainment and relatable content. The episode's structured yet informal format ensures a rich and engaging listening experience for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank on Grinding Economics: "If I remove the supply of me grinding, the demand for my grinding abilities was through the roof." (12:34)

• Joe on Pornography: "Printed could be magic." (03:00)

• Frank on Anglerfish: "These are such hideous animals, dude." (06:46)

• Joe on Demi Moore's Performance: "She was amazing. And, bro, by the way, she's fucking 62 years old and looks insanely good." (41:37)

• Frank on Childhood Toys: "It's like the boy version of Polly Pocket because if I was seen as a young boy playing with Polly Pocket, people pointed me, said, gay." (59:15)

Note: The timestamps provided correspond to the transcript segments for reference.