#492 - We Took The Substance

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard - Episode #492 "We Took The Substance"

Release Date: March 3, 2025
Host/Author: Santagato Studios (Joe Santagato)

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Introduction

In episode #492 of The Basement Yard, Joe Santagato engages in his characteristic humorous and candid conversations with his co-host Frank. The episode spans a variety of topics, including the definition of pornography, creepy sea creatures, nostalgic memories of youth, mythology, a spoiler-filled review of the movie The Substance, and a playful dive into astrology. The hosts maintain a light-hearted tone throughout, peppered with witty banter and personal anecdotes.

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Defining Pornography

The episode kicks off with an in-depth and often comedic discussion about the definition of pornography. Frank and Joe explore the nuances between different forms of explicit content.

• Frank: “Look, just Google the definition of pornography. Who's going to get in trouble? Who's going to get in trouble here? You think HR is coming through and they're going to save us?” (00:18)

• Joe: “Printed could be magic.” (03:00)

They debate whether descriptive language qualifies as pornography and distinguish between softcore and hardcore content, ultimately agreeing that the context and medium play significant roles in classification.

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Creepy Sea Creatures and Pop Culture

Transitioning from abstract definitions, the conversation shifts to the fascination and horror surrounding anglerfish, referencing the iconic depiction from Finding Nemo.

• Joe: “Why does it have a mouth like... it not only has a severe underbite.” (06:03)

• Frank: “These are such hideous animals, dude.” (06:46)

The hosts lament the existence of such bizarre creatures, humorously contemplating drastic measures like nuking the oceans to eliminate them, before dismissing the impracticality of such ideas.

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Glow Sticks and Nostalgia

Frank reminisces about college glow stick parties, sparking a nostalgic recount of youthful revelries and the cultural significance of glow sticks during events like dances and Fourth of July parties.

• Frank: “They would be like, this looks. But they knew what they were doing.” (08:57)

• Joe: “You're gonna skip over that. Yeah, your little fucking glow stick parties.” (09:00)

This segment blends fond memories with humorous criticism of past behaviors, highlighting the ephemeral nature of such festivities.

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School Dances and Grinding: Personal Anecdotes

A substantial portion of the episode delves into personal stories from Joe and Frank's school days, focusing on the social dynamics of grinding at school dances and the strategic "retirement" from dancing to create demand.

• Frank: “If I remove the supply of me grinding, the demand for my grinding abilities was through the roof.” (12:34)

• Joe: “Yeah. Every show, this was every single year that I don't do it anymore.” (60:03)

They humorously analyze their past actions through an economic lens, showcasing their unique approach to social interactions and personal branding during adolescence.

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Mythology: Trojan Horse and Greek Legends

The hosts transition into a playful yet informative discussion on mythology, covering topics like the Trojan Horse, Hercules, Medusa, and other Greek myths.

• Frank: “How stupid do you think I am? How stupid do you think I am?” (26:35)

• Joe: “Perseus was the bitch.” (29:58)

Their conversation melds factual information with comedic misunderstandings and mispronunciations, providing an entertaining take on ancient myths.

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Spoiler-Filled Review of "The Substance"

In a spoiler-heavy segment, Joe and Frank review the horror movie The Substance, sharing their thoughts and reactions to its plot and characters.

• Joe: “It was a shot that you have to give yourself, and then your back splits open.” (37:00)

• Frank: “It's like a fucking juice. A glow stick.” (08:44)

They dissect key scenes, expressing discomfort with the film's gore and certain visual effects, such as the depiction of a giant pimple on a character's spine and the transformation sequences involving bodily alterations.

• Frank: “You could just lay it like this. But it's like, oh, no.” (48:19)

Despite their criticisms, they acknowledge Demi Moore's performance as worthy of accolades, discussing her character's journey and the movie's thematic elements related to Hollywood's pressures on women.

• Joe: “She was amazing. And, bro, by the way, she's fucking 62 years old and looks insanely good.” (41:37)

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Astrology: Leo and Capricorn Banter

The episode takes a whimsical turn into astrology, with Joe and Frank exploring the traits associated with their respective signs—Leo and Capricorn.

• Joe: “Leos are known for being dedicated friends and lovers who put their hearts into every relationship. So true.” (64:45)

• Frank: “I did mythologize my grinding. And it worked. Yeah, it did work.” (35:28)

Their exchange includes playful mockery, impressions, and an attempt to 'roar' like their zodiac representations, emphasizing the humorous side of astrological stereotypes.

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Childhood Toys and Growing Up

The duo reflects on their favorite childhood toys, such as Polly Pocket and Mighty Max, sharing stories about losing their toys and the emotional impact it had during pivotal moments like watching Toy Story 3.

• Frank: “It's like the boy version of Polly Pocket because if I was seen as a young boy playing with Polly Pocket, people pointed me, said, gay.” (59:15)

• Joe: “I cried at Toy Story when he gave all the things away. I was like, you fucking idiot.” (56:39)

These anecdotes highlight the universal experience of growing up and the bittersweet memories associated with childhood possessions.

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Humorous Interactions and Skits

Interspersed throughout the episode are segments of Joe and Frank engaging in humorous skits, including attempts to perform roaring sounds and playful insults. These interactions add a layer of comedy and showcase their dynamic chemistry.

• Frank: “I need to get in the moment.” (66:19)

• Joe: “Show me a roar. Don't look up at me. Okay, okay.” (65:37)

Their playful banter, complete with exaggerated actions and reactions, serves as comic relief amidst the more structured discussions.

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Conclusion

Episode #492 of The Basement Yard offers a blend of insightful conversations, personal stories, and comedic interludes. Joe Santagato and Frank navigate through diverse topics with ease, providing listeners with both entertainment and relatable content. The episode's structured yet informal format ensures a rich and engaging listening experience for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

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Notable Quotes:

• Frank on Grinding Economics: "If I remove the supply of me grinding, the demand for my grinding abilities was through the roof." (12:34)

• Joe on Pornography: "Printed could be magic." (03:00)

• Frank on Anglerfish: "These are such hideous animals, dude." (06:46)

• Joe on Demi Moore's Performance: "She was amazing. And, bro, by the way, she's fucking 62 years old and looks insanely good." (41:37)

• Frank on Childhood Toys: "It's like the boy version of Polly Pocket because if I was seen as a young boy playing with Polly Pocket, people pointed me, said, gay." (59:15)

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Note: The timestamps provided correspond to the transcript segments for reference.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back to the basement welcome back to the basement yard I don't know why I lifted up my microphone, but welcome back to the basement yard Frank, you're all in light blue.

[B]

Show your muscles. That's why you were doing it.

[A]

I don't know why I picked it.

[B]

Up like this today. Your Goldie, Goldilocks.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Gold to gold? The shirt, gold.

[A]

This is called beige.

[B]

I know what it's called, bitch. But I'm saying, like, everything. Like, you got the gold on the watch.

[A]

I mean, you're all light blue.

[B]

I mean, I.

[A]

Old. Old merch.

[B]

Old merch. You see this? Old, old.

[A]

Do you know, Oldilogs? I cut that with a knife.

[B]

That's what all those cuts are.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That sucks. Why would you do that?

[A]

Why are you wearing it if it sucks? That's a stupid question.

[B]

Touche. Touche.

[A]

Yeah, actually, I don't wear it.

[B]

Why is it a stupid question? Cause I wear other stuff. It sucks. Wait, wait, wait. So hold on. So this was just a normal denim hat, which is a crazy thing to say in the year of our Lord 2025.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you just like. You know what? I want to make it look tattered, so I'm going to take a knife to it.

[A]

That was the idea with it. Yes.

[B]

So every one of these hats that went out, you did that, too?

[A]

Now? I can't remember. I feel like there wasn't a lot of those that actually went out, but I'm pretty sure I did it.

[B]

So if anyone has this hat in the world, just know that the Lord and Savior over there, Joey Sanigati, took a knife to it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, held a knife. Do you hold a knife to it? Like British style? Like it was a. Or was it a fucking kitchen?

[A]

What's British style?

[B]

Where it's like the. Like they butterfly knife, but not the. Press the button and it pops out and they press it to the neck and like. Oh, you got dying. Like one of those.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know. And if you don't start that timer, I will come over there and I will kick you in half.

[B]

Kicking in half is crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What kind of knife did you use?

[A]

Whatever was in my kitchen. So not a butter knife, like a Nice. Like a knife.

[B]

Like a. Like a serrated knife.

[A]

A knife that I've used to cut food with.

[B]

So if anyone has a hat that is. This is old.

[A]

It was a clean hat. It was a clean knife.

[B]

It was extra. This is Extra Joe. That's what the X stood for.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Extra Joe on top of the other parts of Joe that they got.

[A]

All right, this is more Joe.

[B]

There were people that probably were hoping that extra Joe meant something else.

[A]

Triple X.

[B]

Triple Joe X extra.

[A]

Extra Joe. No.

[B]

What? Realistically, have you ever even thought about doing, like, any form of, like, porn? No, I wasn't gonna say porn, but just like, showing your balls, showing your porn. Is that porn? I think porn is the act of sexing.

[A]

No, it's a sex. What's Playboy?

[B]

Is Playboy porn? Showing your boobs on magazine definition of pornography? Is it just naked?

[A]

I can't Google porn. Pornography sounds like magazines. Porn sounds like digital stuff. Pornography is so like.

[B]

I think they're frogs and toads. I think that, like, you can have video stuff that is pornography and have pornography that's not video stuff like frogs and toads. Do you remember the. Do you remember frogs and toads?

[A]

Yeah, it's been beat into my head, so I remember it.

[B]

You just look, just Google the definition of pornography. Who's going to get in trouble? Who's going to get in trouble here? You think HR is coming through and they're going to save us?

[A]

It honestly is weird.

[B]

What is the definition of pornography?

[A]

Art or photography? It does. It is kind of weird that, like, porn is. Has the same. It's like. You know how geography has graffiti?

[B]

Graffiti is one of the graffiti. The study of it. So this is the study of porn. Is it the study printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs? Yeah. All right, so.

[A]

So printed.

[B]

So technically, 50 shades of gray is porn.

[A]

I soft core.

[B]

Well, no, I mean, who cares about the core? It's just porn.

[A]

Mean, the core matters.

[B]

We have. We have, by the way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So quickly. Been demonic.

[A]

Yeah. You know, it's over with. But I think. Yo, did I ever tell you. I may have told you, but I found a Playgirl in my neighbor's house. And it was just like dudes in jeans with their dicks out. And I was like, what? Swear to God, bro.

[B]

You know. Do you remember the wrestler Shawn Michaels?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He was in Playgirl before.

[A]

Probably had his thing out before, you know what?

[B]

Before the eyes went their own separate ways, you know, before his eyes.

[A]

One of his eyes. Yeah, they came. One of them got off the leash.

[B]

So technically, like, fanfic is porn.

[A]

I don't think words is porn.

[B]

It just said printed.

[A]

Printed could be magic.

[B]

Go back to that. It says printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display description.

[A]

Yeah, I guess, maybe.

[B]

So this is if I were to just like, describe.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I'm doing. I'm.

[B]

If I were to describe your penis, that would be. That would be porn, right? You know, that'd be great. Two inches. Don't bear.

[A]

Don't. You. Don't. Don't do that. Barely. What? Oh. What should we say for you? Oh, just so big and hairy or whatever.

[B]

You said it, not me. You know, you got a big hairy dick.

[A]

You gotta get off of this top.

[B]

This is crazy.

[A]

We gotta get off.

[B]

This is absolutely crazy that we got here. Extra Joe X XTRA XXX yo, by.

[A]

The way, I just. I knew I wanted to talk about this with you because it was big on social media. I watched one video, and then every single video was this. But the story about that angler fish just, like, getting to the surface and dying.

[B]

Dude, these things are fucking terrible. What was the first movie that. Finding Nemo. Remember that shit?

[A]

Finding Finding Nemo. Of course.

[B]

Yeah. That's where they first saw an angler fish. You think I saw him before Finding Nemo.

[A]

I didn't know those fish were real. And then even seeing the videos of this thing. Why does it have a mouth like.

[B]

This that it not only has a. Like, the Bro.

[A]

Severe underbite.

[B]

If you. Yeah, Insane. If you had asked me at the age of 9 years old to draw a scary fish. Like, this is like. And this is not even a joke. Like, that is what I would have drawn.

[A]

A million teeth.

[B]

Just the sharpest teeth that are coming out of nowhere.

[A]

And it's got a light bulb in its head.

[B]

Well, that's because it needs to see where it's going. But how much does that work down there?

[A]

That's not what it's.

[B]

What is it for?

[A]

It's to attract other fish so they can kill them. Yo, those are such hideous animals, dude.

[B]

It's crazy that an animal like this exists on our planet and we're just, like, cool. Like, why don't. Why haven't we nuked the oceans yet to get rid of these fuckers? That wouldn't be good for us, nuking the oceans. No.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, you want to pollute the ocean with nuke.

[B]

I mean, if we get. All right, hear me out.

[A]

I'm hearing.

[B]

I know J. Robert Oppenheimer's family watches the show. Do you.

[A]

That's the first I'm hearing.

[B]

If they could figure out a way to just target an animal like this one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then, like, release a bomb that. It only takes out these.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

We can add ticks in there, too.

[A]

We don't even know how many There are. I don't even know if we know fish.

[B]

Could there be.

[A]

Apparently this was the first one that they have seen, like, near the surface.

[B]

These big little. Bro, I hate them.

[A]

I saw a video of a girl, like, crying about this.

[B]

Why is she crying? She's upset.

[A]

She was upset because it was like. There was like. They, of course, romanticized the story and made it so, like, you know, this angler fish, they use that light on their head to attract other fish. Then I was reading these comments. I'm not kidding, bro. I got a little choked up.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Like, it kind of, like, fucked me up a little bit.

[B]

Wait, how does this thing just produce light?

[A]

Dad, I'm not even gonna even.

[B]

Because them and lightning bugs, this is all.

[A]

Wait, how do they do that?

[B]

Bro, Lightning bugs have lighting up their ass.

[A]

Yo. They. They literally have light. They literally.

[B]

And there's like. They're like.

[A]

They're like, oh, take a look at this.

[B]

Look at. What do you think about, bro?

[A]

And. You ever kill a lightning bug and go like that?

[B]

Yeah, you're.

[A]

Wait, hold on.

[B]

There's problems there. Wait, no, there's problems.

[A]

No, I feel bad, but I've killed one. I was on purpose, but I, like, killed one and. But it's like the light, like, it's like.

[B]

Yeah, it's like a fucking. It's like. It's like. It's like a juice. A glow stick. Glow stick.

[A]

It's like that shoved in there.

[B]

Do you remember glow stick parties in college where people would break them and, like, put them all over their face and shirts and shit like that? And they would dance and be like, this looks. But they knew what they were doing.

[A]

You're gonna skip over that. Yeah, your little fucking glow stick parties.

[B]

I mean, I was also.

[A]

Putting glow stick on your body is probably bad for you. I don't know.

[B]

What the fuck is it? What is glow stick?

[A]

It's. It's like neon. What is glow stick? What is on. Shit. Why does it get activated when I crack it?

[B]

I imagine because it's like a bag of, like, an ice pack. Like, there's, like, chemicals and water. And then when you mix them together, it makes it. So the plastic tubes filled with a chemical mixture including diph, Diphenol, diphenol oxalate, or a similar oxalate ester.

[A]

Oh, similar to oxalate ester.

[B]

That's Esther Gotcha.

[A]

A separate glass vial inside the tube holds hydrogen peroxide.

[B]

Nothing was cool, bro. And also, why the fuck did we put them in the freezer after? And they Were like, if you want them to last longer, put them in the freezer.

[A]

When am I gonna use a glow stick again?

[B]

I mean, glow sticks were pretty cool. I know you're finding them anywhere but like back in the day you can only find them at dances, school dances and like fourth of July firework parties, you know. I'm sure they were everywhere. But like my family protected me from them enough in order to feel joy.

[A]

When I feel like I've only been around glow sticks. Around your family probably.

[B]

Honestly, I mean I. Pretty cool, Pretty cool family.

[A]

Yeah, we're a glow stick family.

[B]

Oh my God. Do you remember at like Remy, the like guidos that would get the glow sticks and put them in their hands and they would frolic, you know, you.

[A]

Brought this up not too long ago. It's so seared into your brain, bro.

[B]

Because they'd be like. Cuz they would be like, you know, like the most like hyper masculine, like oh, I'm sorry, you like to fucking wax your eyebrows. Gay. Like they were so like hyper toxic masculine. And like then they would put glow stick in their fingers wearing skin tight puma tracksuits and they would fucking and like dance with their boys.

[A]

Be honest, have you ever done it in front of the mirror and try to be good at it?

[B]

No.

[A]

Have you ever tried to learn a dance?

[B]

Oh yeah, I've told. I. Have I not told you this story?

[A]

Which dance?

[B]

So as you know, for those of you you know that don't know this, I. You might know the story, but there might be people you know every show. I get it. Every show there might be a first time listener.

[A]

We don't know.

[B]

Well that's why need to pretend as if this is their first time.

[A]

But what dance you may have told.

[B]

I gatekeeped Gatekeep. Kept gate, kept gate, kept dancing from who? When I was in middle school, so.

[A]

Oh yes you did.

[B]

Yeah, so what I did is when I was in middle school. So for those of you guys that don't know, I went to a different school for sixth grade and then a different school for seventh grade. And when I got to seventh grade I told people like I don't dance anymore.

[A]

Like yeah, that you're retired.

[B]

I retired from.

[A]

Because you're so good.

[B]

I was so good at dancing, dude. That included grinding.

[A]

Oh, you did, you didn't ground.

[B]

It took. I took a while. But oh, but the real story, you.

[A]

Went on a grinding hiatus.

[B]

I.

[A]

The real you're like, yo, chill, chill, chill, chill.

[B]

My shit is like mashed potatoes right now.

[A]

Yeah, like sixth grade was wild. I'm off the ground.

[B]

But the real, the truth was that like I, I had done it a few times before, but I, I looked stupid doing it. So yeah, I, I didn't want to keep doing it.

[A]

You were scared because you were like, oh, I'm not.

[B]

I was scared because I was like, what if this is not a good ground?

[A]

You know, what if it's not you grinding?

[B]

Not if I'm not a good grinder.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

So then I gate kept it. I told all the girls, like, I don't dance and it made them want.

[A]

To dance with you.

[B]

Supply and demand, Economics 101. If I remove the supply of me grinding, right. The demand for my grinding abilities was through the roof.

[A]

So. So people were just desperate to grind on you?

[B]

I. I wouldn't say desperate, but they were clamoring.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There was a clamor out there for grinding on me.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I really put it out there. Like I was a world renowned grinder. I mean, you know, obviously if you saw me in seventh grade.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Would you not think like this is someone that knows how to dance?

[A]

I would think that. Yeah. And I would think, why is he wearing four shirts and they're all double xl?

[B]

I think the most I wore at a point is three. It's a lot.

[A]

Too many.

[B]

It's a lot.

[A]

The most I wore was three.

[B]

And the biggest shirt I had was a 5XL.

[A]

No, you didn't.

[B]

Yes, I did.

[A]

You had a 5XL T shirt.

[B]

Yes, I did.

[A]

Was it covering your shoes?

[B]

It was quite big.

[A]

It must have been.

[B]

It was quite big.

[A]

I didn't even know. I don't know if I've ever seen.

[B]

A 5XL up to 7.

[A]

I've seen a 7.7XL.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's a lot of.

[B]

So as I gate kept grinding, Right. I knew that I had to reenter the market. The grinding market reintegration. So who was your first comments102? You know, I mean, I don't think that's how that works. I think it's 201.

[A]

I don't. Yeah, I don't know.

[B]

You don't know because of college.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And you probably should know because you were a business major, weren't you?

[A]

I took all these classes.

[B]

Okay. So, you know, understand that Market reintegration.

[A]

For grinding supply chain. Yeah.

[B]

You remove the supply of grinding and Market Marketing, Economics 101. Reintegration into the market.

[A]

Naturally.

[B]

Naturally.

[A]

Who was your first grind?

[B]

I'm not going to say their name.

[A]

Do I know them?

[B]

You might have met them, but, like, they were from my school.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But in order to properly re. Enter the market, there was a whole business plan behind it. I needed to make sure, as I reentered the grinding market, I didn't go in.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Looking as a good product. I needed a good product.

[A]

So you. Wait, hold on. So you were in your mirror, like, getting ground on.

[B]

So I started the reintegration process, joking around, saying, like, I'll. I'll go and I'll, like, dance behind people like that. Just to, like, joke, like, what is he.

[A]

You are testing the market. That's what it is. Yeah.

[B]

Dipping my toe into the market.

[A]

Right. That's your finger, but, yeah.

[B]

I can't show my toes, people.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, Run away with that one. Yeah.

[B]

Triplex Joe.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So in order to make sure that I didn't look like an idiot, because that was of paramount importance to me, of course, you know, I would dance like that in the mirror. And I did it once, and I.

[A]

Said, wait, you would, like. You would be like, oh, I'm getting grinded.

[B]

I was like that in the mirror.

[A]

If someone's grinding on you, you're doing that.

[B]

Well, that's. That's how I started the reintegration into the market.

[A]

Right.

[B]

No, I'm talking the reintroduction of the grinding market.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Making sure I moved into a place of comfort and confidence, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is Market Testing 101, Joey. Economics 301. Now we're at Economics 301. You're getting. This is more college experience you've ever had in your life.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, it is. I am trying to picture this, but. So that first time that you came back, you unretired.

[B]

I unretired Jay Z. I probably had, you know, put feelers out into the market to understand what the demand was.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And said something along the line.

[A]

Where was this first grind?

[B]

It was at a school dance or a bar mitzvah. It's very difficult to tell the difference.

[A]

Between the two that I feel like should be easy.

[B]

I went to a lot of bar and bat mitzvahs growing up.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So chances are it was at one of those. But like I said, I was.

[A]

What made you, like, be like, yo, this is the moment. I'm coming back a girl. But did. But did the. But did everyone be like, oh, he's doing it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Stop it. There was a crowd of people being like, frankie's grinding.

[B]

Look at it. Look at.

[A]

I can't believe he retired this. Look how good he is.

[B]

Economics, my Friends, Economics.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Understanding the market.

[A]

And you just pulled up your 5 XL shirt and you were like.

[B]

I mean. No, the 5. I was probably. If I was at one of those. Bar Bamitz was wearing a shirt and.

[A]

Tie or something like that and, like, a disposable yarmulke. You had a bunch of those.

[B]

I have, yeah. They weren't disposable. I have. I only have one left. It's a real yarmulke.

[A]

I don't know if they just gave you, like, you know. We'll give them one.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I mean, maybe. I'm not sure.

[A]

Have clips.

[B]

No, some of them. Mine doesn't have a clip.

[A]

That's why. That's why I said.

[B]

I mean, it's. It's like a very, like.

[A]

Probably. That's what I wanted to say.

[B]

It's like a good quality. Like, it's, like, felt.

[A]

Okay. Does it say, like, fucking Jonah's 16th birthday?

[B]

You know, I don't know if it. I don't think it does, but I'll check.

[A]

Jakobs Bar mitzvah. Who's the bar in the bar?

[B]

I don't remember. Forgive me.

[A]

Yeah, we don't know our friends. Have you bought Misfit Bard? Never. Yeah, me neither.

[B]

I've been probably to more bar and bat mitzvahs than I have sweet sixteens.

[A]

I only went to and weddings. Okay. That's bananas, bro.

[B]

Because I went to that. That camp on Long island that was all.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Jewish kids, too. And I went to a ton there.

[A]

Wait, you were 15 back then? I thought you were way younger than that.

[B]

No, I was younger. Bar and Bob mitzvahs are like 12 and 13.

[A]

Oh, I thought it was like 16. I thought it was like a sweet 16.

[B]

No, no, no, it's. It's younger.

[A]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[B]

Barnaby Mitzvahs and then quinceaneras is 15.

[A]

Well, that I know.

[B]

Sweet 16's a 16.

[A]

I've never been to a quinceanera.

[B]

Neither have I. Really? Yeah.

[A]

Frank Alvarez. Francisco Alvarez. You never been to a kitchen?

[B]

You think just because I'm a Hispanic man, that means that I just go to quinceaneras?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, that would make sense.

[A]

You would have family that has fucking.

[B]

No, I can't remember ever going to a quinceane.

[A]

Do you remember the Sweet sixteen show growing up?

[B]

My super sweet sixteen.

[A]

Oh, my God. And these girls would be like, fuck the fuck. Like, their dad got him. Yeah.

[B]

I'll tell you right now, if fucking the yin yang twins are not at my sweet 16. You're fucking dead, dad.

[A]

Yeah, it would be like that.

[B]

Like, legitimately.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Looking back on them, it was like some of them where they were just like, diddy better be here. And it's like, whoa.

[A]

Yeah. If all that porn talk didn't do it, that did it. There we go. D. Monetized. But I remember on that show, there was, like, a girl who was, like, upset because her dad got her, like, a Range Rover and it wasn't white.

[B]

So she was like, can you look up? Craziest moments on my super sweet 16. I remember they had all those shows back then.

[A]

There was like, we're just gonna sit here and watch a video compilation.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

That's not gonna happen.

[B]

No, it'll tell you, like, something, and, like, it'll be like, what happened? This is what happen. I'm just saying, like, the Lexus, extravagant, over the top.

[A]

You're just reading the show without the videos. You're not gonna know what any of these mean. It's fine. We can make assumptions.

[B]

Do you remember off completely derailed this episode?

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

Do you remember my ex girlfriend's sweet 16 that I got uninvited from at the end where you were already there.

[A]

And you got uninvited.

[B]

All right, can you remember, have you been to sweet sixteens?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

How many?

[A]

Like, two.

[B]

And you're going to one next week, right?

[A]

Absolutely not. I went to.

[B]

Oh, wait, you went to one last week.

[A]

I did. Why?

[B]

It was his family. Still funny. But the thing that they do. Did they do it at yours? Do they still do it? It's like the candle per. Like, this candle is. Yeah.

[A]

Did you get a candle? I did not.

[B]

What a loser. You get a 316 cannon family, his own flesh and blood. They don't give you a.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Crazy. Have you ever gotten a candle at sweet 16?

[A]

I have gotten a candle.

[B]

Who's.

[A]

My sisters. Which one? Which candle? It was very far down the line.

[B]

Yeah. That's crazy. Bananas.

[A]

I don't know if it's good to be first.

[B]

Have you gotten a candle at a sweet 16?

[A]

No.

[B]

No, I did not. I've gotten two that I can remember.

[A]

It's like this for the boys.

[B]

Yeah. Like, this first candle is for my mom and dad. You're, like, so important to me. I wouldn't be here without you.

[A]

Like, yeah, I'm becoming a woman. You're 16.

[B]

Gross. Let's make that very clear. What Sweet sixteens and quinceaneras and bar bat mitzvahs.

[A]

Now it's like you're becoming 13 years old.

[B]

But I think bar and bat mitzvahs have a religious meaning, so I don't want to touch that. I don't want to make of that one. But, like, the sweet sixteens, where I just. Like, now you're a woman. It's like.

[A]

No, no, she is.

[B]

That is gross. Pretty gross.

[A]

Why is she in cheetah print? Yeah, everyone was in cheetah print.

[B]

No, but my, my, my. A girl that, you know and I, we were dating, and it was like.

[A]

You were dating at this thing.

[B]

So we were on and off again, okay. Leading up to her sweet 16, and she told me. She was like, you're getting a candle. And I was just like, you found.

[A]

Out at the thing?

[B]

No, before.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I was like, really? She's like, yeah, you're getting a candle. I was like, all right. And then, you know, like, I found out, like, a bunch of shit went down between her. And I didn't end up going to the sweet 16. To the sweet 16. A bunch of our friends did. And she had obviously not given me a candle, but she said, you. No, but someone made, like, a slideshow of pictures, you know, like, over. Like, you remember, all 2008 people did the. The lowest lift for, like, it was like a slideshow of pictures and, like, Windows Media Player.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Played in the background. And it was like Vitamin C. Of course, you know, like, we'll be best friends, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And anytime a picture of me and her popped up, the whole place booed.

[A]

Shut the fuck up.

[B]

I wasn't there, though. But a bunch of our friends told us, like, yo, like, every time I think I wasn't there. I know you didn't go, oh, I would have booed.

[A]

So what?

[B]

It's hilarious. You would. If you would have booed me, that would have been grounds for fighting. I would have listened to whatever, like, rap I was listening to that week.

[A]

And I would have fought you that week.

[B]

Yeah. I would have fuck like, yo, that's it. You know what? Honestly, I smell pussy, Joe.

[A]

Damn. They started booing you?

[B]

They started booing me.

[A]

So that's awesome.

[B]

Who am I?

[A]

Wait, did you not go? Or. She was like, don't fucking come.

[B]

No, I said, like, I'm not going.

[A]

Okay. You know, cuz I date after that whole thing.

[B]

On and off again, on and off. Even after the booing. But, like, it was all. It was public shaming. It was all. So you know me, right? You know, I Do. Yeah, I called her, and I was just like, hey, heard about the sweet 16. Thanks for making it more about me than about you.

[A]

Click. You scumbag. You didn't say that.

[B]

Did I?

[A]

What day did you call it? The day after.

[B]

I remember what day it was after knowing you.

[A]

You didn't let it breathe.

[B]

And let me. Let me let you know something.

[A]

A lot of IMs.

[B]

Boy, oh, boy, was I in trouble.

[A]

She didn't like that.

[B]

Oh, no, she didn't.

[A]

But you guys were still together? Eventually. After.

[B]

Not like together, but like, you know, just like, as, like, young teenagers. It's like, we're gonna work it out.

[A]

Thanks for making that more about me than you.

[B]

Bang, bang, bang. Or more like this? More like.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, and it felt good.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

Are you gonna just take your battery out of your phone at that point?

[B]

Just lay it down and. And I. And I remember when I would do that, I would watch it ring.

[A]

Yeah, you're. You're a sicko. I think.

[B]

Was a sicko. I'm no longer.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

It's either laughing or having a stroke. Yeah. I don't know what's going on over there. Attack.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, Mesa mesothelioma.

[A]

Right. What's Mesopotamia?

[B]

That was a place.

[A]

Right, but what is that?

[B]

That was, like, an ancient place.

[A]

Like Atlantis, I think it was.

[B]

Where? Like, Iraq and Turkey. That area was.

[A]

Oh, I thought this was, like, a fairy tale place.

[B]

No, I believe Mesopotamia was a real place. I believe. So can you look up Atlantis wasn't real. No, a lot of people believe it was real, too. Can you look up where was Mesopotamia?

[A]

If you're right, I'm gonna be so. I'm gonna have so much respect.

[B]

Located in the Fertile Crescent area. Yeah. Iran, Syria, Turi. I was right. That's why a lot of people like the ancient city of Troy, because the only, like, talks about it were in, like, ancient, like, texts. And a lot of people thought they were myths, but a lot of people believe that Troy was Turkey. So, like, the whole, like, they're coming with a horse. Let me be very clear about something. If I'm at war with a country and they just drop a horse off at my front gate as a gift.

[A]

What.

[B]

How stupid do you think I am?

[A]

Also, what am I gonna do with this giant horse?

[B]

Yeah. And also, I don't want this. Like, it was a big wood, and you wouldn't hear the people in it.

[A]

Like, I mean, maybe you wouldn't, but, like, also, what am I gonna do with the horse.

[B]

I would. Honestly, I would be like, you know what? Fuck this thing. Set it on fire.

[A]

I would have burnt it and sent it back.

[B]

This guy's looking up Trojan horses.

[A]

Trojan horse diagram. Yeah. How big was this horse, bro?

[B]

I don't give a fuck how.

[A]

Yo, can I say this?

[B]

If I'm at war with a country and they're like, yo, here's a big wooden horse, I know something's up.

[A]

It's hollowed out and not filled with Trojan men.

[B]

While the Trojan army was like, the.

[A]

Greek army, yo, honestly, this was. Whoever did that. Whoever was the guy who made that call. What a good call.

[B]

What a stupid call. Whoever was the one that it was like, you know what? You know, this looks pretty cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Bro, if. I'm telling you, right? If a package shows up at my house and I don't know what it is, I'm terrified. You think of a fucking giant wooden horse shows up at the gates, I'm gonna be like, yeah, get the fuck out of here.

[A]

I get a phone call from a number I don't have saved, and I'm like, no way I'm picking that up. I'm not wheeling in a giant or zero.

[B]

Less than 0% of a chance am I fucking accepting that?

[A]

Who willed it up to the gate? Idiots.

[B]

Well, no, I guess the people that did it were.

[A]

So the Trojans got there and they're like, yeah, we just want to get you some nice, you know, some wooden horse.

[B]

What does it say here? Greek mythology. Yes, he was mythology. Trojan horse was a wood.

[A]

Why do you say horse like horse?

[B]

Horse said to have been used by the Greeks during the Trojan War to enter the city of Troy and win timeout.

[A]

Wait, the Trojan horse wasn't a real thing?

[B]

No, that's what I just said. That the. All the mentions of the Trojan War were in, like, the Odyssey, you know, like. Wait, wait, you didn't know?

[A]

This isn't real.

[B]

There is some evidence to suggest that it was. But, like, mythology, I think of Zeus.

[A]

Throwing lightning, which didn't happen.

[B]

Well, as far as you know.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

But no. So, like, the. The. The. What's it called? The Iliad and the Odyssey. That's what is, like, the story of the Trojan War, bro, this is baffling. And. And a lot of people believe, like, they're like, oh, maybe it was fake. But then there's like, oh, wait, maybe it wasn't fake.

[A]

Answers diving in. Was the Trojan horse real? It was not real. Google says no.

[B]

It might have been, though, bro. It might have been, though. That's what we don't know.

[A]

Do you also think that Hercules can pick up the sun?

[B]

Let me ask you a question.

[A]

Relax, Peter Pan.

[B]

First of all, Hercules wasn't picking up the sun.

[A]

Whatever the fuck.

[B]

Second of all, you're talking about Apollo holding the world on his back.

[A]

His name was Atlas, dumbass.

[B]

That's him.

[A]

Damn it.

[B]

Damn it.

[A]

And Medusa. Snakes for hair? I don't think so.

[B]

Medusa. Fuck that shit. You look at me. You turn me to stone when you look at me.

[A]

It's like you can look through a mirror. What was that?

[B]

Yeah, that was. Who was that guy that did that? The ancient Greek, like mythological. What was his name?

[A]

Stavros, probably.

[B]

Perseus. I knew that. Perseus. What's his name? From Troy? Brad Pitt. Isn't it Brad Pitt?

[A]

Bro, that's not. Is it Achilles.

[B]

He's only Brad Pitt. Achilles. Achilles. He's Achilles.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's Achilles because of the Achilles heel. But the other guy was Percy. The other guy was Perseus.

[A]

Perseus was the bitch.

[B]

Perseus is the other dude.

[A]

The other dude who was like a. Who is that?

[B]

Oh, Braceus.

[A]

Nope, that's not right. Bryce.

[B]

Bryce's Rose Byrne was. Percy is.

[A]

No, I don't know.

[B]

That's Bryce's.

[A]

Yeah. Was there just no Perseus and Troy? I have probably not.

[B]

Just go to the IMDb look up the movie Troy.

[A]

I mean, the cast is right there.

[B]

No, it isn't.

[A]

Well, whatever.

[B]

Amy, Louie Wilson, while you're looking that.

[A]

Up, we do have some sponsors for today.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Call the first one. How you doing?

[B]

We have.

[A]

And I don't have it up. How's it going, everyone? I'm just.

[B]

Talk. I can talk. So. So, so, so, so, so, so, so Achilles is Paris is Orlando Bloom.

[A]

Whoa, there it is.

[B]

We got none.

[A]

There's no Percy.

[B]

We called the kid Agamemnon growing up. Remember that?

[A]

We is crazy. You do.

[B]

No, we. Stop. Stop doing this thing. It was you and Danny and it was.

[A]

Read the ad.

[B]

I'm gonna pee. Read the ad and then I'm gonna yell at you for that.

[A]

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[B]

Yeah. What you can also do is go to patreon.com thebasementyard you wanna hang with us? You wanna play with us? You want more triple X Xtra Joe? Well, maybe you'll get it at patreon.com/the basement yard. Thank you guys for all your continued support, whether you're a patron or not. But listen, we want to give you guys a little more extra bit of us. So go to patreon.com the basement yard. You join, you sign up for that first here you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. You get that second tier. You get exclusive episodes every single Friday, Monday, Friday. You start and end your week with the Basement Yard. It sounds like a no brainer to me. Thank you guys for all the love and all the support and continued growth. We want to keep going, pushing in order to be the best versions of herself that we could be on. Patreon on everywhere. So go check it out. Patreon.com yard and folks, we obviously are going to our Europe shows. So if you're coming to any of those shows, go to the basementyard.com submit okay, there's going to be some little question prompts. You submit a response if you feel so inclined. Let us know what show you're coming to. And a lot of the show you're not a lot of the show, but portion of the show. We like to talk with you guys, to you guys, about you guys, about whatever you guys put in those, those responses. So maybe we'll pick you, maybe we'll talk to you about you, whatever. So go check it out. ThebaseManyard.com Submit Let us know the show you're coming to. And there we go. Back to me and pissed at you.

[A]

What'd I do?

[B]

You called him Agamemnon too. You called the Magamemnon and you do this where you're just like, you did the thing. No, you did it too, you little bitch.

[A]

I don't even know who we're talking about.

[B]

It was that kid that told Dennis that he had a wide back at the gym. And we're like, crazy thing to say.

[A]

I will say that this all. Danny started that.

[B]

He called the Magamemnon first probably. But like we were all there when he told him he had a wide back.

[A]

I did hear that and I was like, that's crazy way to describe somebody.

[B]

But that's a crazy way to describe anyone. But yeah, it's. I didn't know like, I knew that the, the Trojan War was from like mythology, but I didn't know.

[A]

It was just like, I did not know that. I thought that was like a real well documented thing.

[B]

I mean, so there are documents and like murals of it and shit like that. Like.

[A]

Yeah, but we're talking about mythology now.

[B]

I mean myth, technically every war is mythologized.

[A]

Did you just make a word up?

[B]

Mythologized. That's a real word.

[A]

Is it?

[B]

Yeah, of course it is.

[A]

That's shocking. But I mean that's not true at all, by the way.

[B]

Yeah, it is. Technically, all things are mythologized in one way or another. Why? Because at the time, they just thought that there was a big guy shooting lightning bolts with a big white beard, that it was more fake than stuff now. Yeah, that's right.

[A]

That's exactly it.

[B]

Yeah. See, mythologize is a word.

[A]

Yeah. Make the subjects a myth. Yeah, like. Like what you did with your grinding.

[B]

I mean. That's right. I did mythologize my grinding. And it worked. Yeah, it did work.

[A]

Also, I. I just watched this movie the other day, so we're gonna definitely get into it. The substance. Did you watch that movie?

[B]

Yes. Becca and I watched about three quarters of it, and then we turned it off.

[A]

Wait, hold on. By the way, I. There's going to be spoilers. So if you're like, what? I'm gonna talk about the movie, like, you can skip ahead.

[B]

So it's a. It came out last year. Big Oscars. Push for it.

[A]

Massive.

[B]

Demi Moore, Margaret Qualley, both in the conversation to me.

[A]

Is it Demi?

[B]

I believe it's Demi Moore.

[A]

It's Demi, I think. Is it Demi Moore?

[B]

Oh, I always heard it. Demi, Demi Moore. Honestly, that's where I heard it.

[A]

Demi.

[B]

Can you look up? The proper pronunciation is.

[A]

It might be Demi Moore. I have no idea.

[B]

Demi or dummy?

[A]

Like.

[B]

What is it? I think it's dummy. Yeah.

[A]

Dummy. Oh, he's right. Yeah.

[B]

Wow. Look at me.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I'm right. You're the dummy. I'm right.

[A]

That's all for this week's episode.

[B]

But for those of you guys that don't know, I know Joe's going to spoil it. I got to. I'll give some background. Basically.

[A]

I really want to know where you stopped watching. Quitting before the end is bananas.

[B]

Yeah, I. Becca and I. Becca was tired, and she's like, I'm gonna fall asleep. And I was like, do you even want to keep watching this? And she's like, not really. And I was just like, it's just a little much for me. But Demi Moore's character is like Elizabeth Sparkle, and she is like an aging actress in Hollywood. And in order to, I guess, re. Enter the spotlight, she takes this substance that things happen. And I don't.

[A]

You know, I mean, I'm perfectly fine with saying with what happened. I'm not gonna give you, like, details of everything, but here's a detail. It's a shot that you have to give yourself, and then your back splits open.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And a person crawls out of it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I mean, so, yeah, I mean, it's. It's. A lot of people said that they couldn't watch it because of, like, the gore and. But I think a big part of why they couldn't watch it was like the whole needles of it all. Like, there's a lot of needles.

[A]

I'm telling you right now. The worst part about this movie for me, it wasn't that needle, per se. It is the giant pus pimple on this woman's spine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It gets progressively worse throughout the entire movie. And there's a needle like this big that goes in it. And I'm like, I cannot watch if they go back to this pimple again.

[B]

I just.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

You gotta be see the movie. So here's the thing, why I stopped watching it.

[A]

Where did you stop watching?

[B]

I don't remember, honestly, what part I stopped watching it at.

[A]

Did you see that?

[B]

I don't see that. Did you have to do that?

[A]

Back up. This kid's googling pimples. Do you see that over there?

[B]

I don't think I saw that.

[A]

Well, they.

[B]

You know, that's Demi, that. I know who that is. I know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why did I go, Christopher Walken there? I know. It's more to me.

[A]

More or less.

[B]

By the way, A story is finest.

[A]

I know you like that fucking impression.

[B]

I ate at his deli, by the way.

[A]

You ate at his deli?

[B]

Yeah. Christopher Walken? Yeah. He had a deli. The Walk in Delaware. Dellery. The Walk in deli on like 30th. And was he in there? I don't think he was there.

[A]

When was it? Like him or like his family?

[B]

His family's deli.

[A]

His family owns Adele. I didn't know.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was. It was 2009 when I went. So forgive me, but there you go. I mean.

[A]

So much.

[B]

The messaging is not subtle.

[A]

Yeah, I get the messaging.

[B]

I like, that's the thing. I think people when. Because I'm not saying I dislike the movie. I just felt like it was just a little too cartoony for me. Like, it freaked me out. But I get. That's the point of it. I also get that I'm not the fucking audience for it. Like, it's. It's. The messaging is very clearly, you know, around what Hollywood and entertainment forces women to have to do in order to be relevant.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But it was like the way it was shot and like, the close ups on some people. Like, there's one scene in particular where, like, Dennis Quaid's character has like a Bunch of people around him, and he's, like, talking in the camera, and it was just like, yeah, back up. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah. But I'm sure that guy exists by the thousands.

[B]

Well, I'm sure that the real version of him is way worse than that movie version.

[A]

That guy was such a piece.

[B]

He was such a dumpster bug.

[A]

One of the worst parts of that movie for me was in the beginning when he's, like, at a meeting and he's just eating shrimp.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he just. He was just, like, dipping it. And, like, it was like, this is fucking gross.

[B]

And again, I get it. I get it. It was just like. Do you think. Honestly. Because this movie's in a lot of Oscar buzz, Right? Do you see why? Because I think that the most grounded part of it was Demi Moore's character. And, like, I could see why she deserves the Oscar.

[A]

I thought she was phenomenal.

[B]

Yeah. Best Picture. It's nominated for Best Actress in a leading Role. It won the Palme de Or last year at Cannes, which is, like, their best movie.

[A]

It's. Yeah. For the top three, essentially. Right? Best Picture, Best Actress.

[B]

Yeah. And she won Best Actress.

[A]

She was amazing. And, bro, by the way, she's fucking 62 years old and looks insanely good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And she's just naked the whole time.

[B]

I. Well, I think I. So anytime I watch a movie, I go on IMDb and I read the trivia. Might not be real, but I think I read that. That her and the other actress in the movie Body Doubles. Oh, well, yeah, I'm sure they did, but I. Yeah.

[A]

Unbelievable, though.

[B]

I'm not gonna sit here.

[A]

Insane, like, is. It was a crazy movie. But again, spoiler alert. Here's your spoiler. You want to know how it ends?

[B]

I think I kind of know. She turns into, like, a big, like, goopy, doopy monster. Right.

[A]

That's a good way of putting it. Have you seen the movie? No.

[B]

Ants Going home and watching this tonight.

[A]

If you. So when you do the substance, like, you put the substance in your body, this other, like, hotter, younger version of.

[B]

You, like, pops out, literally crawls out of your back.

[A]

Your back, and you're. And she had to get her back, like, stitch stitched. Which. The fucking younger one did it in a bathroom.

[B]

And, like, it's like, a week that, like, you're the younger version, you're the other version. You're the younger version. You're the older version, and, like, they just are, like, asleep in a bathroom for that week.

[A]

So the. Yeah, the younger one, they like, hook you up to an I.V. so you, like, get fed. But, like, the younger one starts booking gigs, and there's like, all right, I'm just gonna do an extra day. So, like, takes a little bit more fluid because you need, like, this fluid from your fucking spine or something. So it takes a little more fluid, and then that makes the older character get really fucking old. And, like, her finger just gets old and crusty like a dragon's hand. Right? And then. And then. So then that's what happens. And she's like, what the. My finger has a dragon foot? And then she's like. Then she's calling a number, and the.

[B]

Guy'S like, you got.

[A]

I don't know. You guys got to figure it out. They were no help on the other end, by the way, the entire movie.

[B]

Oh, the shady people in the back alley that give her this thing only called the substance or no help. Shocker.

[A]

They're not helpful. Bad customer service. But then. So then they start getting into a battle, and, like, then the younger one is like, yo, this, like, I need to have, like, weeks at a time. So it takes mad fluid. So when she's taking all that fluid, it ages the out of Demi. Demi Moore. And then when she finally gets awake because she runs out of the spinal fluid, she finally becomes awake, and she looks in the mirror, and it looks like an. It looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, like, her no hair, all up, blah, blah, blah. And she's just like, all right, and old and, like, hunch. And then there's all this shit. Then the young one starts beating the.

[B]

Shit out of you. Just really spoiling everything. Yeah, I said.

[A]

I said beating the fuck out of her, right? Disgusting. Beat up. And then she. I don't even know if she's alive or dead. I can't remember. But then at one point, they wake up, and they're a swan. Like, there's, like, teeth and, like, a face on the shoulder, and then they put on a dress and they try to look nice for, like, a New Year's Eve show.

[B]

Yeah. And then she melts on her fame and walk of fame.

[A]

She's just a face and a pool of blood and, like, muscle, and then just. That's it, man. Cinema. If anyone needs me to describe more movies, I'll be here.

[B]

We should do an episode where we get you hammered and ask you to just describe weird movies.

[A]

Bro, that movie was so weird. I was like, what am I watching? And then I was like, now. Now, like, I get the messaging the messaging is not lost on me. But the rest of it is like, how did this even get greenlit to do this?

[B]

Well, if I were to tell you that it was made by a French director, would you believe me?

[A]

Nothing about the movie stood out as French to me, man.

[B]

Pretty French, if you ask me.

[A]

What?

[B]

I don't know. I don't ever see another French movie. Honestly, it might not even be a French director. I think it is. Yeah. It was just like. It was so, like. I don't know. Like, I've seen people talk about it and they're just like, it's the best movie of last year. And it's like. Seems like a bit of a stretch to me. Personally, I don't even get it. You don't know the other movies that came. Oh, you still haven't seen Wicked, which is bananas.

[A]

Well, was that. I guess I was last year.

[B]

Yeah, this was last year. There was. But like.

[A]

Yeah, it was interesting. Yeah.

[B]

Would you take the substance? No. What would the younger version of you be? I know mine would be.

[A]

What would it be?

[B]

Well, my older version would be me looking as I do now. My younger version would obviously be Zayn Malik.

[A]

Huh. Okay. No, we've never seen Frank and Zane Malik in the same room, so it could be true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Check my spine. You never know.

[A]

Yeah. But then. Never mind.

[B]

A lot. I heard that a lot of people had to leave the theater because the needle stuff was like, really, really.

[A]

This stuff was pretty intense. It was the. It was the.

[B]

It was the everything else.

[A]

For me, though, it was the pimple. For me, mean. Oh, my God.

[B]

The pimple wasn't the worst part. It was the. I feel like the needles was the worst.

[A]

And. And Dennis Quaid.

[B]

Yeah, fuck him. What?

[A]

When did you turn it off?

[B]

I don't remember.

[A]

See, how does he turn it off before all that? Because to his defense, it's like a 30 minute block where it's like just all this shit is happening. And I'm like, what? I don't even know what it just.

[B]

Like I said, bro, watching TV with Becca is a coin flip because she's either all in and then she'll literally. Will literally be watching something. And I know just from the sound of her breathing, like she's falling asleep. Because she'll just turn over to me and I'll just be like, I'll turn it off now in the middle of this fucking, like a long breath, like.

[A]

You'Re like, well, that's.

[B]

I know. And like, I know. And she tried once. She Tried. What's. Listen, she's a mom. A fucking stay at home mom. She has a very hard job and it's exhausting. I get that. She tried once and she was just like, well, when we watch tv, I'm laying down so my eyes are already closed. And I was like, nice try.

[A]

What does that have to do with a stay at home mom?

[B]

Well, she's exhausted at the end of each fucking day.

[A]

Oh. But she's trying to make it. It's like, yo, you're trying to make it a Cabbage Patch doll. You, like, turn them sideways and their eyes closed. Yeah, that's funny. Oh, you know what you should do? You can get her one of those. A pair of glasses that's like. You could just lay it like this. But it's like, oh, no.

[B]

Well, I mount. I mounted our TV on the wall now, so it's not like it was previously sitting on our dresser.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And I mounted it on the wall so now it's higher up.

[A]

You're about to say you mounted it on the ceiling.

[B]

No, it'd be cool.

[A]

That would be weird as hell.

[B]

I mean, why? Oh. Ow. I just look directly in that light.

[A]

There you go. We do have some more sponsors for today.

[B]

I was gonna talk.

[A]

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[B]

You got saved by the ads because I was ready to yell at you for something when I don't remember what you're doing.

[A]

Your. Your anime face.

[B]

No, don't do that. Don't do that to me. What?

[A]

That's what you do. And you do this thing.

[B]

I was just like, I don't do.

[A]

Stop.

[B]

You know, these people probably think that I'm a monster.

[A]

Because I say you did an anime.

[B]

No, because you. You just make up stuff about me on this episode.

[A]

Frank, you made up that you retired from grinding.

[B]

I made up that at the time.

[A]

You, mythology was mythologized. Mythologized genius, not genius.

[B]

I Mean, it worked.

[A]

Business.

[B]

It was business, Frank. That's what we get. That's why business, Frank. That's. That's. That's economy 401, dude.

[A]

Now we're up to 400.

[B]

We're just like, recognizing that at the time I was a young entrepreneur and with grinding. I mean, today's grinding is tomorrow's bitcoin. You know what I'm saying? Like these. All these.

[A]

You have bitcoin?

[B]

No, no, no, no Bitcoin. None, Whatever.

[A]

None whatsoever.

[B]

None. Whatever.

[A]

Okay. You have no crypto. No, because. Because you just like. I'm not.

[B]

I just don't have any. I mean. Okay, do you?

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Yeah. I don't have like a YouTube. I mean, you should definitely diversify a little bit. Yeah, just.

[B]

I mean, maybe I do. I just don't know. I'll probably have to ask my finance guy.

[A]

He's not going to buy crypto for you.

[B]

No, I mean, I. Probably personal purchase. I'll be honest, I'm a little upset I didn't get into bitcoin when it launched at a dollar a coin.

[A]

That would have been so crazy.

[B]

I would have every pet if you had told me what it would have become. Every penny doesn't work like that. No one know how many times have you ever thought about, like, that where it's just like, if you can go back and make, what would you invest in? Yeah, I mean, obviously the big three. Apple, Google, Amazon. Right?

[A]

When people are like, I would have invented blah, blah, blah.

[B]

I'm like, bro, I. I love when people bring that up because I can go back in time and show them an iPhone, but that's pointless because they'd just be like, this is still magic. This is nonsense. Magic, this is still nonsense.

[A]

I don't think I would go back that far.

[B]

When, like, realistically have you within my.

[A]

Timeline, what have you thought?

[B]

Like, you're Loki.

[A]

Like, I wouldn't go back to like the 20s. Like, what am I doing here?

[B]

Would you ever, like, have you ever thought, like, I would go back and invent this and be a billionaire?

[A]

No. The only thing that I think is like a smart thing to say is, like, you can invest in stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, like, the day I heard about fucking, like, Apple, Tesla, Google, Amazon, I'd.

[B]

Be like, we have this new company that's coming out. It's called Google.

[A]

You know what I would do? I would Google Jeff Bezos his address.

[B]

And just go make. Be buds with him and just like.

[A]

Walk by his garage all the time. Be like, oh, dude, I love the bookstore that you're making. Whatever the fuck. Like, I love to work here.

[B]

This is really dense and crazy, like the Amazon jungle and see what happens, you know?

[A]

What do you. What was that?

[B]

I'll just like drop hints about Amazon.

[A]

Oh, I would go while he was building it in like the first few days and be like, you know what? I really love books. And I think like, we can sell these online.

[B]

You'd walk by like the garage in San Francisco where they came up with Apple. Yeah, that'd be a cool one.

[A]

Didn't they, like buy computers from like IBM and then they just like created their own thing or something like that?

[B]

I don't know. Possibly. But I know that like Apple was in big time, big time fat trouble at one point in time.

[A]

For what?

[B]

I think not for like being bad people maybe, I don't know.

[A]

Oh, documented.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Document it.

[B]

But like, they like had no money. They, like were almost bankrupt. And then Steve Jobs had to come back because he like left the company. And I think that at that time he invested in Pixar, of all people. Oh, yeah.

[A]

I mean, that was.

[B]

We got Toy Story because of Steve Jobs.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love Pixar.

[B]

I.

[A]

Nothing gets me more hyped than that lamp jumping on that eye. I love it.

[B]

You know, and it looks at the. You know what I'm talking about. There are some new Pixar hits that you haven't watched that you are flat out missing out on.

[A]

Really? Am I gonna cry?

[B]

Some of them might get you a little bit, but maybe not as much.

[A]

The Pixar movies, just that type of animation in general, like, could get me to cry. I watched the one, the first one with that old guy playing chess. That one would make me cry.

[B]

That was a. That was like before A Bug's Life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Holy shit.

[B]

I'm very good at this.

[A]

I'm very good at this memory. I watched that and it's like he's playing himself, right? No, I think no, he's like playing chess.

[B]

You're spoiling a 25 year old Pixar short. I'm pretty sure people are more okay with that than the movie that's up for best picture this year.

[A]

Yeah, I, Yeah, I watched that and I was like, that's so sad. Like an old guy playing.

[B]

I think it's like he starts off, he thinks he's playing with someone and it shows you, like someone else. But then as time goes on, you see he's just playing by himself.

[A]

Makes me upset.

[B]

Dude, what makes you more upset? Old people, like, not, like, mad, but, like, when? Like. Like, up. Like, what makes you cry harder? Up or something? Like, Toy Story.

[A]

I never cried in Toys. Oh, that's not true. I cried at Toy Story when he gave all the things away.

[B]

Three.

[A]

The toys away. I was like, you fucking idiot.

[B]

Now you get it. Now you get it, Joey.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, it's because there was a movie that I just watched. I gave away all my. I didn't give. I. I literally put them in the garbage and probably threw spaghetti on top of my toys.

[B]

No, mine were ripped from my hands by my mother.

[A]

I could picture you, like, no, no.

[B]

No, no, no, no. She didn't do it like that. But we did. Like, one day they were just gone and, like, not realize it because we were just, like, out playing football or something.

[A]

Dude, I. Honestly, now that I think about it, I can't remember, like, how that. How they. How your toys go away.

[B]

I'm sure my mom donated them, knowing my mom.

[A]

Yeah, but, like, I didn't even know, you know? Like, I can't remember with my, like, thinking, like, where are my toys? And mom being like, I gave them away or, like, I threw them out. Like, I don't remember that ever.

[B]

Yeah, I don't. Until I asked. It was the day I saw Toy Story 3. I called my mom as soon as I walked out of the theater. I was like, hey, Frankie. What?

[A]

Look at the year Toy Story 3 came out.

[B]

2010.

[A]

Was it 2010? Yes.

[B]

And I'll tell you why this was such a pivotal moment. Don't look it up, because I know the answer. It was because I saw it right before I was getting ready to go to college, and just like Andy, just that. So that's the story. That's why it hit so hard for me, because Andy was getting ready to go to college and grow up, and he had to give his toys away.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

And it hurt.

[A]

So you called your mom when you got out of the theater, and you're like, where's my toys? And she's like, what the fuck are you talking about?

[B]

Yeah, basically, I was like, hey, what happened, Ma? Hey. Just saw a Toy Story. Yeah, it was. It was cool. What happened? Like, where are my toys? Oh, they're long gone, Frankie. What?

[A]

I wouldn't have even dignified it with a response. You're 18.

[B]

I was 17 at the time. When it came out.

[A]

Well, whatever.

[B]

Still a child.

[A]

You were just like, yo, where is Polly Pocket?

[B]

It's real. Real funny over there, huh? Real fucking Funny aunt.

[A]

I loved Polly Pocket.

[B]

I love Polly Pocket too. But I was more of a Mighty Max kid. Because if I was, that is. It was the boy. My God, Joey. Mighty Max.

[A]

It was a boy version.

[B]

It was the boy version of Polly Pocket. Because if I was seen as a young boy playing with Polly Pocket, people pointed me, said, gay.

[A]

Well, I was playing with the Polly Pocket. I used to put the Polly Pocket in my pocket.

[B]

You put Polly Pocket in your pocket? The Polypocket Inception I would put the.

[A]

Polly Pocket in my pocket. I would walk around with it and then I would pop it open. I'd be like, look at this.

[B]

A little world favor. You know? You know this. Look up Mighty Max Castle Doom.

[A]

You.

[B]

You know this shit. Ricardo had it. We'd go play with it at his house.

[A]

What the fuck is this?

[B]

Yeah, there it is.

[A]

No, you brought this up to me before.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I never had this.

[B]

Oh, well, $230. Yeah. And that might not even be. Is it complete? Near complete. Joey, if you're looking for any birthday gifts for good old Frankie, your birthday.

[A]

Is in six months.

[B]

So it's in five, but who's counting?

[A]

Oh, look at those sets you do every year.

[B]

Look at this.

[A]

Oh my God, have we ever been? All right.

[B]

Thank you for coming to Basement Yard. Thank you for coming.

[A]

Frankie started this thing and I don't know when, but he does it every.

[B]

Single year that I don't do it anymore.

[A]

His birthday is July 30, and on the 1st of July he would start a countdown. But the countdown would start, like, how would you do it? Like 30, 30,000 it would be. Or like 3,000. And then would be 2900, 2800, and then it'll be up into his birthday. But it would be a countdown. So you post like on MySpace or on Facebook, all his statuses, he would do a countdown every single day. But why would you put like 2900 when there was 29, 29 days left?

[B]

So I'm pretty sure the first year I did it was 2008. And I love.

[A]

You're pretty sure we know. And then you did it every year after.

[B]

Well, one of my favorite musical acts is Andre 3000. Andre 3K, you know, so you were Frank. So my, my, my MySpace name at the time, I changed it to Frank 3000. And it just so happened to be on June 30th, when there was exactly 30 days into my birthday.

[A]

Uh huh. So then I was just like, wait a sec, 2900.

[B]

Frank with 2900 was the next day. And just to piss off Joey to this day, I'll text him on random days before my birthday and she'll be like, 1800, 1300.

[A]

I'm like, I don't care.

[B]

That's so funny. Yeah, it happens.

[A]

That sucks. That sucks. He would count down his birthday, bro. Like, he's the queen. That was banana.

[B]

First of all, fuck you. Second of all, who the fuck are you? How is fucking king? King Disney over here?

[A]

Yeah. When's your birthday? January 16th. We missed that.

[B]

No, we did it. We said, happy birthday.

[A]

I'm saying, yeah, we did.

[B]

January 16th.

[A]

Here we go. Don't make a joke.

[B]

I'm not.

[A]

What's your sign?

[B]

Ten days after Joe's favorite holiday.

[A]

I knew you were gonna make a joke. It was a funny joke. Capricorn.

[B]

Oh. The fact that you had that teed up because, you know, it's in this seashell. Sea goat. Sea goat.

[A]

Sea goat.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's a sea goat? It's a goat With a mermaid's tail.

[B]

Yeah, something like that.

[A]

More mythology.

[B]

That's what all that is.

[A]

What does it mean? What kind of guy?

[B]

It means, like, you're gonna be horniest on this moon. And, like, you're. You're. You're shy until you break out of your shell.

[A]

What are you? Leo?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's cool. It's a cool name.

[B]

Yeah. What are you, something stupid?

[A]

Like, you know what I am? You know me. You know what I am?

[B]

Libra. Capricorn.

[A]

Frank.

[B]

Pisces. Yes. Okay.

[A]

What is Capricorn? What does it mean?

[B]

Just cool guy. Yeah. Wrong.

[A]

Look it up. Wrong.

[B]

Let's find out what kind of guy Capricorn mean.

[A]

Cool guy.

[B]

Fucking dweeb. Sorry.

[A]

Capricorn.

[B]

Oh, I thought I said termin. I was like, what's the Latin word.

[A]

For horned goat or goat? Horn. This kid is horny.

[B]

I told you. This horny bastard over there.

[A]

Oh, he's determined, disciplined and ambitious.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Break as much discipline as possible.

[B]

He was just honest before. I pack a bag of bottles to bring to my hotel rooms. Disciplined. He's determined to chase.

[A]

I want to see what else. What other they have here. We'll see what kind of guy you are.

[B]

You're getting into Joey. You're getting into a workaholism. Just take. Yeah, well, seriousness. Definitely not.

[A]

No. He's so serious.

[B]

I would say deter. I, I, I. From the amount that I've gotten to know you, I would say you're pretty determined. Oh, there we go.

[A]

Let's turn it around now. Relentless. Determined. To overcome obstacles. Look at this.

[B]

Saturn is the rule.

[A]

Go to Leo. Let's find out who Frank is. This is. This.

[B]

I. Hold on, hold on. Before you look anything up, I've had people when they'll be like, what's your sign? I'm like, leo. They're like, oh, yeah?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Let's find out what a Leo is.

[B]

A consternation, a name and a police term.

[A]

Oh, a police term.

[B]

I don't know what the hell that means. Born under the sign of the Leo. Said to be law enforcement officer. Okay. Strong, charismatic. And hot. Brave.

[A]

Frank, you're making things up. I think. Confident. Yes. Passionate. You got it. Natural leaders.

[B]

Where are you reading this?

[A]

Look at this. Leos are known for being dedicated friends and lovers who put their hearts into every relationship. So true.

[B]

I. Look at that. Barack Obama. Madonna, Daniel Radcliffe, Laurence Fishburne. Jennifer Lopez, Helen Mirren. Jennifer Lopez, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex. Neil Armstrong. Fiercely loyal. You damn right, bitch. Yeah, dude, I'll fucking. Oh, this all sounds like great stuff.

[A]

Leos are often described as having a regal air.

[B]

Damn right.

[A]

Commanding roar.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[A]

Show us your roar.

[B]

That was insane, dude.

[A]

Oh, what a commanding roar. I feel so commanded right now.

[B]

You feel commanded?

[A]

No.

[B]

If you want a real roar.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You want a real roar?

[A]

Yeah, give me a real roar.

[B]

All right, hold on.

[A]

Let me take these off.

[B]

Okay, well, don't make me laugh.

[A]

What am I doing?

[B]

You want a real roar? You can't. You can't roar either.

[A]

I'm just a little Pisces fish.

[B]

You are, you little fish. You're swimming like a little bitch.

[A]

Show me a roar. Don't look up at me. Okay, okay.

[B]

All right. No, I need to get in the moment.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Come on, guys.

[A]

Find your inner line.

[B]

I'm trying to find my inner lion so I can command this roar. Okay? Yeah.

[A]

Are we gonna roar directly into the mic?

[B]

Is that a bad idea?

[A]

Why? What the.

[B]

Can I try again? You only get one shot of it. One more. One more. You want more roar? I'll give you one more roar, and that's it.

[A]

All right.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Send us off with one more.

[B]

Good roll. Oh, no. We're getting going. Yeah.

[A]

Yo, you.

[B]

You went like this. I need to. What is this show? I don't know what is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My head. My head hurts.

[A]

What are you doing, jacket?

[B]

Your face is wet with tears, dude. Oh.

[A]

Oh, no. Frank, why are you crawling?

[B]

Frankie's crawling. I am gonna watch that a thousand times, dude.

[A]

Immediately putting up that footage.

[B]

Oh, why did you. Why did you do that?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

You're so easy to get.

[A]

Don't punch it.

[B]

Oh, man. Can you roar? Can you roar? Come on, just call him up, Let him know. Oh, God. You took this so serious. Oh, my God, dude. I wish you could have seen what I saw. This is gonna. This is gonna. Yeah. Oh, God.

[A]

Oh, my God, dude.

[B]

Yeah. So stupid. Yeah.

[A]

Well, I think that's it.

[B]

Yeah. Thanks for coming. And.

[A]

He'S gonna get him. He's to gag. It's crazy how easy you get. It's insane how easy it is to get you good.

[B]

Oh, God. Hey, thanks.

[A]

Thanks for.

[B]

Check out the basement yard everywhere. If you're coming to the Europe shows, go to the basementyard.com/submit.

[A]

I have a laugh headache.

[B]

Yeah. And go check us out everywhere at the basement yard everywhere.

[A]

And that is all. We'll see you guys next time.

[B]

Bye.