#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard - Episode #495 "We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon"

Release Date: March 24, 2025
Host: Santagato Studios (Joe Santagato)

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1. Pop Culture References and Identity

00:00 - 03:15

The episode kicks off with a playful exchange between Joey and Frank, centered around the popular TV series Breaking Bad. Frank humorously adopts the persona of Walter White, declaring, "I am the danger. I am the one who knocks" (00:13), highlighting his deep immersion in the show. Joey teases Frank about his fascination, prompting a discussion on how media can influence one's personality.

Frank delves into the concept of identities and masks, posing thought-provoking questions such as, "Is Batman the mask or is Bruce Wayne the mask?" (03:12). This leads to a broader conversation about how the roles we play in different settings shape our true selves.

2. Exploring Masks and Personalities

03:15 - 07:00

Frank expands on the idea of masks, referencing various cultural icons like The Mask from 1994 starring Jim Carrey. He muses, "the masks that we wear are what we allow people to see of us" (03:28), suggesting that our outward personas often conceal our genuine emotions and traits. The discussion touches on how masks serve as a means of protection and self-expression, with Joey adding his own insights on how personal interests and hobbies can act as social masks.

3. Public Behavior and Bathroom Etiquette

07:00 - 16:00

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to humorous yet candid discussions about bathroom habits. Frank and Joey share personal anecdotes about public restroom experiences, emphasizing the discomfort and social awkwardness that often accompany them. Frank states, "the masks that we wear... when we're feeling the most comfortable with our loved ones" (08:14), using bathroom behavior as a metaphor for personal authenticity.

They delve into topics like the etiquette of flushing, the dreaded "pee spray," and the universal dislike of stale urine smells. Joey humorously confesses, "I don't like when something stinks so much. It feels like it gets on me" (12:15), while Frank counters with his own quirky bathroom rituals, such as racing the toilet flush (16:00).

4. The Great Girl Scout Cookie Debate

16:00 - 35:00

Transitioning from bathroom banter, the hosts embark on an extensive discussion about Girl Scout cookies. Joey opens with skepticism, stating, "I honestly think Girl Scout cookies are overrated" (32:01), sparking a heated debate. Frank vehemently disagrees, branding Thin Mints as "disgusting" (35:00), while Joey defends their popularity.

The conversation shifts to various cookie flavors, with Frank expressing a preference for Caramel Delights over Samoas, which he now refers to as Caramel Delight (32:35). They dissect the marketing prowess of the Girl Scouts, debating whether the exclusivity and limited availability contribute to the cookies' success. Ant joins in, sharing his appreciation for some flavors, adding depth to the discussion.

5. Frustrations with Online Shopping

35:00 - 54:35

Joey and Frank vent their frustrations about the pitfalls of online shopping, particularly the issues surrounding preorders and backorders. Frank laments, "I hate shopping online" (48:21), recounting instances where products were mislabeled as "in stock" only to be delayed upon purchase. Joey sympathizes, sharing his own experiences with unpredictable shipping times and unfulfilled orders.

They critique the lack of transparency from online retailers, with Joey insisting, "If you're gonna do a preorder, be transparent with me" (51:02). The hosts highlight the emotional toll these experiences take, intertwining humor with genuine annoyance as they discuss the complexities of modern e-commerce.

6. Viral Trends and Mathematical Musings

54:35 - 73:43

The discussion takes a quirky turn as Joey introduces a viral TikTok trend: calculating how long it would take to fill the Grand Canyon with human urine if every person on Earth participated simultaneously. Frank initially estimates a month (61:04), but Joey corrects him with more precise calculations, arriving at approximately 1,200 years (66:19).

Their back-and-forth showcases their comedic chemistry, blending absurd hypotheticals with real mathematical concepts. Frank jokes about his own "pee" habits, claiming, "I probably pee a gallon of piss a day" (59:21), while Joey counters with the actual averages, leading to a humorous yet surprisingly educational segment on population-scale calculations.

7. Light-Hearted Banter and Closing Thoughts

73:43 - End

As the episode draws to a close, the hosts maintain their playful tone, exchanging jabs and inside jokes. They touch upon topics like holiday candies, favorite snacks, and personal preferences, keeping the conversation lively and engaging. Frank shares a nostalgic story about his cat's antics, adding a personal touch to the episode (38:26).

In the final moments, Frank and Joey reflect on the breadth of their discussion, from pop culture to personal quirks, underscoring the dynamic and entertaining nature of The Basement Yard podcast.

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Notable Quotes

• Frank on Identity: "Is Batman the mask or is Bruce Wayne the mask?" (03:12)
• Frank on Cooking Meth: "I'll admit it. When I get into shows, they become my whole personality sometimes, and that's okay." (00:25)
• Joey on Gym Shopping Frustrations: "If you're gonna do a preorder, be transparent with me" (51:02)
• Frank on Piss Habits: "I probably pee a gallon of piss a day." (59:21)
• Joey on Girl Scout Cookies: "I honestly think Girl Scout cookies are overrated." (32:01)
• Frank on Praising Caramel Delights: "Caramel delights are the best." (34:00)

Conclusion

Episode #495 of The Basement Yard presents a blend of humor, candid conversations, and relatable topics, ranging from pop culture influences to the mundane yet universal experiences of daily life. Through their engaging dialogue and humorous exchanges, Joe Santagato and his co-hosts create an entertaining narrative that resonates with both long-time listeners and newcomers alike.

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Note: Timestamps are referenced for illustrative purposes based on the provided transcript. In an actual podcast summary, precise timestamps would correspond to specific moments in the episode.

Transcript

[Joey]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank. You seem like you're focused on something.

[Frank]

Well, Joey, I am the danger. I am the one who knocks.

[Joey]

Frank's watching Breaking Bad at home and that's pretty evident.

[Frank]

It is a problem. I'll. I'll admit it. When I get into shows, they become my whole personality sometimes, and that's okay.

[Joey]

So you're going to start cooking meth?

[Frank]

I'm not going to start cooking meth.

[Joey]

Do you think you'd be good at cooking meth?

[Frank]

No, because I have no knowledge of chemistry. Although, yeah, I will say this.

[Joey]

It's probably just like cooking.

[Frank]

I am confident enough. What are you doing?

[Ant]

What did I do?

[Frank]

You're looking at us like something's going on.

[Ant]

Because you guys were talking about cooking meth.

[Frank]

Start the time. Worried about. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Joey]

Demonetize.

[Frank]

Yeah. Oh, I think it's just similar to cooking.

[Joey]

If you're a good cook, then you're a good cook.

[Frank]

No, but I think, like, there's, like, titration and, like.

[Joey]

What's that?

[Frank]

Polymerization.

[Joey]

And that's a Pokemon card.

[Frank]

No, Yu Gi. Oh, it might have been Yu Gi.

[Joey]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Frank]

But like, polymerization and chemistry. I don't know enough about chemistry. I am confident, though, that if I did want to learn chemistry, I'd be able to do it.

[Joey]

I don't think you need to learn chemistry, bro. The other guy became really good at it and he's an idiot.

[Frank]

Well, because he was watching him and he was a fucking master chemist.

[Joey]

He was cooking his own. You could cook good enough meth. I mean, I don't. Don't be down on yourself. You can come in.

[Frank]

I'm not trying to cook.

[Joey]

You do a great job.

[Frank]

Make that very clear. I'm not cooking meth. I'm not. I don't have it in me to cook meth. I wouldn't be a good meth cooker.

[Joey]

I wouldn't do it because I heard it explodes.

[Frank]

Well, is it bad? I heard. I heard that. It's like one little switch and it's like you make mustard gas instead of meth.

[Joey]

That's what I mean.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

You die.

[Frank]

Well, that. That's not good. Yeah.

[Joey]

But I would like to wear a gas mask. Those are cool.

[Frank]

I'm trying to think if I ever wore a gas.

[Joey]

I used to think that gas masks were so cool.

[Frank]

Well, because you were like a Banksy, you know, kid who, like, you know. Let me guess, you love the picture of Banksy throwing the flowers and you want A gas mask. Because it's culture and it's anti art. And Virgil Abloh would like it because of off white.

[Joey]

I'm shocked, you know, that Virgil, like, did off white, but rip. Yeah.

[Frank]

Make that very clear. I'm not speaking ill of the. Of this man.

[Joey]

No. When I was like, very young, I think I was just really into that. I mean, from like ninjas to like gas masks.

[Frank]

Masks, A lot of masks. Yeah, I could see that. I could see why. You know, I think it probably is like an interpersonality trait. Like it's something that you want to find a new mask to wear. Because the masks that we wear are what we allow people to see of us. And there are the masks that we don't wear at home or when we're feeling the most comfortable with our loved ones, with the people in our lives that enjoy us the most, that. That see us as we naturally, really, truly are. Like, for instance, is Batman the mask or is Bruce Wayne the mask? That's a great question, Joey. And I love that you can't come.

[Joey]

Up with an example that isn't a comic book reference.

[Frank]

All right, let's, let's. Let's use another.

[Joey]

The Flash. Superman.

[Frank]

No, no, no, no, no. Stanley Ipkiss. Who is the mask there? Is it Stanley Ipkiss or is it the Loki mask that he finds at the bottom of the water?

[Joey]

For those of you who don't know what Frank's talking about, he is referencing the 1997.

[Frank]

Yikes. Five yikes. Eight yikes.

[Joey]

Am I warm?

[Frank]

No, you're in the 90s. 94. Yeah.

[Joey]

Give me the year. 94.

[Frank]

94.

[Joey]

The 94. Smash hit. Jim Carrey in the Mask.

[Frank]

The Mask. He had three movies that year. The Mask, Dumb and Dumber, and the first, Ace Ventura. What a year. What a year.

[Joey]

Big year for big old teeth, Jim.

[Frank]

Well, he didn't have big teeth. Just they, they. No, he's God. Do you think if you were to be make like, create your own drug. We're back to the drugs. By the way, are you doing meth? Right? Are you going something a little less.

[Joey]

You said create your own drug. Oh, you mean like, like you can.

[Frank]

Cook it or make it? You know, I saw once there was a video of Gordon Ramsay when people were making cocaine. You know how, like certain people get to.

[Joey]

It's just like Gordon Ramsay was making cocaine.

[Frank]

He was with people that were making cocaine.

[Joey]

He was with people making cocaine.

[Frank]

Yeah, it was like one of those. You ever see those, like, documentaries? You dickhead, you pink it's raw. It's raw cocaine. Raw cocaine. Let me take. It's frozen. It's strawberry.

[Joey]

This is fucking garbage.

[Frank]

No, what does he call people?

[Joey]

He doesn't call them pig. He calls pig pig. He calls them something else.

[Ant]

Donkey. Donkey.

[Frank]

Well, he's like, you fucking donkey.

[Joey]

Cut it up, Finn, you idiot.

[Frank]

Oh, and he gets. He always like. He's like, so defeated by. Oh, like, I saw one where Wolfgang Puck was there. He's like, oh, it's Wolfgang. Yeah. You know.

[Joey]

Oh, I saw that recently that someone served him a steak at his own.

[Frank]

And Wolfgang Puck was like, what is this? This is not. I have no idea what is. Hayes.

[Joey]

It's too raw.

[Frank]

It was pork.

[Joey]

That's what it was.

[Frank]

It might. Oh, a pork. You don't want raw pork. That could be a little dangerous.

[Joey]

When I was in Europe, I ordered pork and the guy's like, we order. We. We do it red here.

[Frank]

He's like.

[Joey]

He's like, yeah, I'm just letting you know. I was like, I don't have the stomach. I'm an American.

[Frank]

I was like, so cook the out of red pork.

[Joey]

Yeah, that's how they serve it there.

[Frank]

No, no, I was too afraid. I was like, I don't like that, bro. I did see one. There was like, a place in, like, Japan that did, like, chicken sashimi. You're. You. You have a better chance.

[Joey]

That's bananas.

[Frank]

Of eating me eating a whole thing of mustard. Like, I'm not. That's crazy. But back to the.

[Joey]

Wait one second on Japan. I don't know if it's Japan. Feels like Japan. Do you ever see the videos of them making that omelette? That's like, what?

[Frank]

Hell, yeah.

[Joey]

It's a cool video, but I'm not eating that.

[Frank]

I've tried it and I. What?

[Joey]

Where?

[Frank]

In my home. What do you mean, where?

[Joey]

Oh, I thought you went and tried it at a restaurant.

[Frank]

No, no, no, I've tried to make it because it's like.

[Joey]

You make it with chopsticks.

[Frank]

I tried using chopsticks. And how many attempts?

[Joey]

Three.

[Frank]

Oh, one attempt. Because it failed gloriously. But, like, they, like, cook it and then they, like fold it and they roll it and they're like cutting it is very. Apparently that's like. Like the originator of it. The founder of those omelets. Yeah, he. Apparently it's like a super exclusive restaurant to get into. So, like, I know if you go to Japan, that's on your. No, I'm not.

[Joey]

I'm not. No, I don't like Soaking wet eggs. I don't like dry eggs, but like something in between. But those are like, bro.

[Frank]

Well, they're cooked. They're safe. Like, you're, you're, you're. Okay, maybe I would do it if you ever had the. I remember I, I, I, I told you about the Gordon Ramsay eggs, right?

[Joey]

In ad nauseam, you've done that.

[Frank]

Oh, my God, they're so good. A little bit of creme fresh. I do a little sour cream, because I'm not often. You got creme fresh at your shop, right? Creme fresh would be great, you know, but then, like, you have like the, the, the chives or a little green onion. You know, get really into it and you just keep it pat on, off, on the heat, off the heat. On the heat, off the heat.

[Joey]

Chives is a decoration. Doesn't really add. It's a decoration, bro.

[Frank]

Boom. It's a decoration.

[Joey]

It doesn't add anything. I don't even know how you're hitting that octave. Mariah Carey. Jesus.

[Frank]

No, they definitely have, like, a garlicky, buttery taste. Absolutely.

[Joey]

Aunt, please, for the love of God.

[Ant]

No, they suck. No, they don't.

[Joey]

Not that even suck. But, like, garlicky buttery is so nuts.

[Frank]

That's what they, that's what they do. Chives, Garlicky, oniony, buttery to them. Yeah, absolutely.

[Joey]

What are chives?

[Frank]

Fucking mild onion, like, flavor. A subtle hint of garlic and fresh grappy or a grassy herb. Okay, maybe not buttery, but like everything else I said, yeah, that's pretty close.

[Joey]

To onion is what I assume.

[Frank]

But garlicky. It's garlic I love. Oh, man. I love green onion and chives and just, just like, I love, I love, I love herbs. I love cooking.

[Joey]

I like a lot of.

[Frank]

I'm like, you know what? I'm having a renaissance with big cilantro house right now. Becca has been crushing the cilantro dishes.

[Joey]

Why does the earth hate cilantro?

[Frank]

Because there's like half of the earth that is just absolute stupid. And, and they taste cilantro as, like, soap. Are you like that?

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Really? Really. That's devastating.

[Joey]

I've never tasted that, nor have I ever had cilantro being like, oh, what is that?

[Frank]

Well, no, I don't even like, it's like a gene. It's like the, the, the asparagus pee thing. Like, not everyone smells. It's like a certain gene in their body.

[Joey]

There are some people on this earth who will eat asparagus and pee normally.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

Weird.

[Frank]

Be honest with me.

[Joey]

Stinks. It stinks. Of asparagus? Is that what you're going to ask me? If I have a single stick of asparagus, I'm basically eating it later when I'm.

[Frank]

And like instantly too, bro. Coffee. Same thing if I take it. Really, bro, Your pisses smells like coffee.

[Joey]

If I have a coffee, the next time that I pee, which is usually not that far after it smells like I'm brewing a bowl. A cup.

[Frank]

That's a bowl.

[Joey]

I could smell coffee in my piss.

[Frank]

Really?

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I've never heard of that, but I don't think that's a well known thing. Are you a coffee drinker? I don't think I've ever seen you drink coffee.

[Ant]

I like coffee.

[Joey]

Do you? Have you ever smelled coffee piss?

[Ant]

I don't think I've ever smelled coffee piss.

[Frank]

No. That. That might be you. You might be. Honestly, we might have found something out about you. Yeah, asparagus piss. Whew.

[Joey]

It's stinky, it's wet and it's hot.

[Frank]

You think there's any freaks out there that are just like, pee on me, but asparagus pee on me 100%. Ew.

[Joey]

What do you mean you think? But I think that if you were into piss, you'd be like, I want.

[Frank]

This to be piss.

[Joey]

I don't want to be some like, whack shit.

[Frank]

I mean, that's a great question. You. On other people's lives. You need to talk to someone that's into PP play.

[Joey]

I'm sure I have.

[Frank]

See, like, like, yo, like, do they charge? Like, this is an untapped market and we might be into a business thing here.

[Joey]

One thing I've learned doing other people's lives, it is so tapped. I promise you it's tapped.

[Frank]

You sure?

[Joey]

A hundred percent.

[Frank]

Because like, you can get really. I mean, look at what we saw last week. Dr. Dan. Okay, yeah. Dr. Dan is really. He's a smart businessman. So, like, is there a way to be more playful with pee pee? So like, all right, asparagus pee is an extra, like five bucks. Asparagus ain't a cheap vegetable. You know, there's an extra surcharge of, let's say five bucks, 100%, you know, and then like, we could do like a really dehydrated pee. Like a yellowy, frothy bastard.

[Joey]

This is what I mean is like, if I was into piss, I would want it to be like, give me your pit.

[Frank]

Like, don't drink for three days, whack piss.

[Joey]

Like, make it stink, but it's hot.

[Frank]

Yellow, like, like stale Pee stale. Like day old pee.

[Joey]

That's so disgusting.

[Frank]

Like off the side of the bqe.

[Joey]

There's nothing I hate more than day old pee. When I used to go. When I would go to Connecticut with you guys and you would pee on your piss and the piss would just sit there. I would flush it every time.

[Frank]

Oh, pee on. Oh, you were the flusher. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joey]

So piss on this piss.

[Frank]

For those of you guys that don't know what Joey's referencing. At the lake house that we grew up going to, they're all work. They're all ran like early 1900 septic tank systems. Like, they are not good. And the rule there is just like they have like a little jingle in Espe Fun and Sun. We never flush our number one.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And then I.

[Joey]

People would pee and then leave it there. The next person would pee on that pee and they would be. And I go in there, I'd be like, I'm not pissing on this old ass piss. And I'd flush it.

[Frank]

What's the. Why? What's the issue?

[Joey]

Like, because I've done it before and it just kicks up a smell that I'm not. I feel it does.

[Frank]

Stale peace stinks.

[Joey]

And it feels like it gets on me.

[Frank]

Is still a pinky.

[Joey]

Is still a pinky. Like, I don't, I don't like that. I don't like when something stinks so much. It feels like it gets on me. And then I'm like, I got. I can't.

[Frank]

Oh, really?

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

But then you just jump in the water and you're good. Yeah. Because you've pissed in the water right next to someone so hard.

[Joey]

I've done that.

[Frank]

Do you like, try to like play it off? Because I remember when I was a kid and everyone would be like, are you pissing in the lake? And I'd be like, no. So like I made it. So like when I am peeing, I'm like more talkative. Because normally people are just like, they'll be like talking and like, and then they'll keep going like, oh, that's when you peed. But I would just be like, yeah. So like, what's everyone, everybody thinking about right now? Like, we're going to have a really fun night. Manhunt or something. Pissed the whole time.

[Joey]

Yeah. You know, I've pissed in that like many a time.

[Frank]

What is the most you'll pee on a pee before you flush it? Because you let the lake. We've gotten to like. I'm talking like iced tea levels of dark.

[Joey]

I'm not. That is so gross. You're disgusting. I. I won't do it. I'll piss on one Piss. If someone is. You don't paying attention.

[Frank]

You don't think it's like a level of like. Like I want up to you. My pee is on your pee now, bitch.

[Joey]

What are you, a dog? You're going out there and you're pissing on other people's piss.

[Frank]

I just think like. Like the times I've been to like restaurant bathrooms or something and like someone doesn't flush or bars.

[Joey]

That happens.

[Frank]

Oh yeah.

[Joey]

I've. I've can honestly say I've never experienced that.

[Frank]

Well, a lot of places now have automated things. So, like, when the person is done, they walk away. It flushes automatically. But like, I've been to places where it's just like there's just piss.

[Joey]

That's crazy.

[Frank]

And you have something to contribute to the piss talk.

[Ant]

There's a good amount of times where I don't flush. At a bar.

[Joey]

Are you fucking insane?

[Ant]

I saw you too.

[Joey]

Fire.

[Frank]

No, no, I didn't say that.

[Joey]

What's the thought process?

[Ant]

I saw a video of like, they flush a toy. I know you do. They flush a toilet.

[Frank]

I did not say me too.

[Ant]

And it all like sprays up.

[Joey]

Yeah, that's every toilet that you use ever.

[Ant]

Yeah, but not as bad.

[Frank]

No, but some of them. I refuse to believe that, like, toilets that have a weaker flush are spraying piss and shit everywhere. Now, I've been to some toilets that are like the Cedar Rapids. Let me make that very clear.

[Joey]

Airplane toilets. Nothing's getting out of that. It sucks everything.

[Frank]

It sucks your fuck.

[Joey]

Yeah, bro. I don't like automated toilets. Like in the airport. If you have to use the bathroom, which I've had to do against my will, I will sit there and it will flush in the middle of me sitting there. And I. It's such a scared.

[Frank]

Yeah, because then your butt is all pee. Peed Pooped on.

[Joey]

No, I'm. It feels like it's gonna suck all my insides out of my.

[Frank]

That's crazy. That is pretty crazy. I have a thing where, like, I like to like. You ever seen like a movie about like the. The mob or some like, organized crime and like, whenever they like, whack someone they like or like the shot in Inglourious Basterds after they kill the guy. One of the guys, one of the Nazis bad.

[Joey]

Well, for not demonetized before.

[Frank]

I don't know. The way the world's working, we might get More money for saying that. They said Nazis give them the money. Like, you know how they, like, kneel down and they're, like, standing over them and it's like the point of view shot. I kind of like to, like, after I use the bathroom to, like, look. It's like, see what I did?

[Joey]

Wait, what? You. You pee in it in a toilet.

[Frank]

And then stand over and I look at it like, look what you did, you. You filthy pisser.

[Joey]

Therapy, dude. Like, I can't even suggest.

[Frank]

Is that therapy?

[Joey]

Frank, that's not a normal thing to be doing in the world.

[Frank]

Why not?

[Joey]

Why are you looking at your piss like, look what you did.

[Frank]

Well, like, just. It's a sense of like. Like, what is that it's hurting over there. Just, like, looking down at it, like, and just walking away, like, I. Job complete.

[Joey]

Like, I pissed in you.

[Frank]

You know? Mission. Mission complete. I did what I had to do. Here fucking.

[Joey]

You do that whenever you go to the bathroom?

[Frank]

No. Yeah, pretty much. I would say almost every time. Well, I also, you know, I. I know I've told you this before, right? But I. I had a little race between the toilet and my piss. I do that too, just for fun.

[Joey]

Yeah. Like, when you're getting near the end, you're like, I'm gonna flush this thing.

[Frank]

And just to see who. Who finishes first.

[Joey]

You are the toilet.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

It's always a competition.

[Frank]

Classic. Tails.

[Joey]

All this time.

[Ant]

Sorry I was crying.

[Frank]

Okay.

[Joey]

I think, like, when you're peeing into a toilet, when you get near the end of your pitch, you're like, I'm gonna flush this and I'm gonna finish my pee before it's done flushing.

[Ant]

No, because of the spray up thing. I, like, reach over.

[Frank]

Are you. Why don't you. Hey, brother, watch it.

[Joey]

Grow up.

[Frank]

Toilet seat. Close the toilet seat down.

[Joey]

Dude.

[Ant]

In my own home, I'll do that.

[Joey]

Are you like, a germaphobe?

[Ant]

I'm starting to figure out. I think I am.

[Frank]

I mean, that's okay. That's okay to be a little afraid of a jerk. I. Listen. Public bathrooms. You couldn't convince me to eat.

[Joey]

You're talking all Frankie Dry Hands over there. Well, there's a lot of hand sanitizer that goes on those things.

[Frank]

Yeah. You know how I feel anytime. And I've been in some disgusting public bathrooms. I have to let me be very clear. There was one. One time where I was in, like, I was driving through, like, for, like, my old job, like a shipping. Like an industrial. A very industrial area where there's, like, A lot of, like, shipping and like, 18 wheelers loading up and stuff like that. And I looked on my phone, like, bathrooms near me, and it was, without exaggeration, just a stone building in the middle of, like, Newark, New Jersey.

[Joey]

Perfect.

[Frank]

And I went in there, and it was a sight. What you would imagine a murder to be staged for. Like, it was, like, ridiculous.

[Joey]

You raw dog toilets?

[Frank]

No, I prefer not to.

[Joey]

What does I prefer not to mean?

[Frank]

I mean, I, if it, if the, if the setup is gonna be just as difficult, you know what I mean?

[Joey]

So you won't make a little, you know, like a bird's nest.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

And then take a shit on that.

[Frank]

Yeah. No, I don't like that.

[Joey]

Wait, is it you?

[Frank]

Oh, God, he got him.

[Ant]

Don't do that.

[Joey]

No, wait, isn't it you?

[Frank]

You the pitcher?

[Joey]

No, no, you don't you do this thing where you throw a bunch of toilet paper in the toilet.

[Ant]

Yeah, I do.

[Joey]

Tell him. Tell him about.

[Frank]

Wait, what?

[Joey]

He'll throw a bunch of toilet paper into the toilet.

[Frank]

You said tell him, and then you decided to tell me.

[Joey]

I broke the rules. Okay, go ahead.

[Frank]

Go, go. Oh, I thought you were.

[Ant]

Oh, so, like, I throw a bunch of toilet paper in and then I take a poop because so the water doesn't splash back up at me.

[Frank]

Genius. Very smart.

[Joey]

Makes a little bed for it.

[Frank]

I, I, that's stinky, though, that. No, it's not. It's paper, bro. Well, no, yeah. Raw dogging. Your, your shit is in the air, brother.

[Joey]

That's what I'm saying.

[Frank]

Your. You have air.

[Ant]

Oh, I see.

[Joey]

Like, if it's in the water, it kind of masks the smell a little bit. You're over here just letting you in your hand.

[Frank]

You have big, big mud pies out in the open.

[Joey]

You're literally just holding it like this.

[Frank]

You might as well. You might as well. And then put your face next to it.

[Joey]

Literally.

[Ant]

I courtesy flush.

[Joey]

You're not worried about the air of your.

[Frank]

You courtesy flush raw? What are you talking about?

[Joey]

Cooking it in there?

[Frank]

No, I'm saying, like, it's like. So you've, you've established this is the grossest episod. Also a weekly episode. Can we add?

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

So you, you go in and you full on, make a dam. Like a poop beaver.

[Joey]

Yeah, you do.

[Frank]

That's what you do. And then you crap on top of it.

[Ant]

Yes.

[Frank]

So it's just airborne crap. Yeah. And then you flush and it's like, might be close because sometimes when you flush, it comes up and goes down A little bit. So, like, what is your concern?

[Ant]

What is out when I flush? Are you trying to say it's not out when I flush?

[Frank]

No, no, I'm saying the water. The water levels, like, they, like, fill up a little bit and then they go down.

[Joey]

Oh, you think that the poops gonna hit?

[Frank]

It might hit your ass, bro.

[Joey]

That ain't.

[Frank]

You might get. You. You might get.

[Joey]

How? What do you think he said? Tyrannosaurus rex. How much dung do you think? Dung beetles, by the way. Cool, but ill.

[Frank]

I mean, I applaud. I applaud their determination and work ethic. I can't say much about, you know.

[Joey]

You ever think about a dog and how it loves piss and shit? Because the thing that you just said, right, Like. And I think about this all the time when I'm walking my dog, he loves to pee on other dogs. Pee. Is that like graffiti?

[Frank]

It's like a. I fucking. This is my. Because they. Because it's like graffiti.

[Joey]

You know, like, they say, like, not just graffiti.

[Frank]

And you go hang out. Yeah, yeah.

[Joey]

That was disrespect. So disrespecting.

[Frank]

Like, hell yeah. Because that's their scent. That's how they mark their territory. So you take my piss and it's like, this is my hydrant now. And then someone else does it, and you're just like, damn, that's not mine anymore, bro. The dog. Dogs and dogs are like members of the cartel, you know what I'm saying? Like, you. You impede on their territory, they're gonna get upset about it.

[Joey]

You know, I have watched numerous times a dog will walk over to a tree, pee on it. My dog will see that run right over piss right on it.

[Frank]

Yeah, and they always. Dogs always have. I remember when we had a dog, like, they always have a little bit of piss to spare. Just enough to, like, just be like, little. Little petty, little.

[Joey]

You know, even if he doesn't have piss, he'll go through the motions and just be like, leg up. Oh, got nothing. Keep going. But that's good enough.

[Frank]

I mean, piss is very potent with its odor.

[Joey]

But no piss will come out. He'll just lift it.

[Frank]

No, but even one. Even one drop. You know what they say, One drop of blood in the ocean, they'll. Shark will smell it. One drop of dog piss on a park bench, the other dogs will know.

[Joey]

You're not hearing what I'm saying. I'm saying no piss comes out.

[Frank]

I'm saying that you're probably not inspecting close enough.

[Joey]

Or you're wrong.

[Frank]

That's possible. Highly unlikely.

[Joey]

Because I'm walking the dog every day and I see it.

[Frank]

Highly unlikely that I'm wrong. Right?

[Joey]

It's unlikely, but it's possible.

[Frank]

And I respect the possibility. But I also honor the improbability of my being wrong.

[Joey]

I don't even know how to like, do all. I don't know how to unpack what you just said.

[Frank]

Love that sweater.

[Joey]

Thank you.

[Frank]

Really good sweater.

[Joey]

You got a new chain. What is that? Is that his cat?

[Frank]

Yeah, Ruby gave it to me.

[Joey]

She went to the jewelry store and watch you some jewelry she got like.

[Frank]

Kids like playtime jewelry. And she gave me.

[Joey]

It's a kitty cat.

[Frank]

It's a little unicorn.

[Joey]

Oh, it's a unicorn.

[Frank]

Unicorn.

[Joey]

You know what I thought that was at first.

[Frank]

What?

[Joey]

You know, like the Namaste hand thing.

[Frank]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joey]

I thought it was that something going.

[Frank]

On here with the eye in the middle. What if I just came in and had radically different. Like you were just like.

[Joey]

Yeah, I mean, I think that would be very interesting.

[Frank]

Yeah. I. We've never. I've never been a very spiritual person. So, like, if I come in and I start talking about like, God or something, like, you know, shock me. Yeah. I mean, maybe one day in my.

[Joey]

Life, I think there will come a.

[Frank]

Time probably because I'm afraid. Right.

[Joey]

That's what I. Yeah.

[Frank]

I'm afraid of a lot of things.

[Joey]

Yeah. I think that you're gonna be like one day. I have to. Like, I have to.

[Frank]

I have to. Because if I don't, then I'm in trouble.

[Joey]

Yeah. Because if I think about not, not then.

[Frank]

My father in law put it best. My father. My father in law has a really strong connection to his faith. And he says, like, if I'm wrong, I lived life as a good person anyways. And I was like, good for you. You know, there's some certain beliefs I don't like, but like, maybe one day.

[Joey]

That's everyone's problem with religion, honestly.

[Frank]

We'll cross that down the road. Yeah.

[Joey]

Now that we've talked about religion, how about we get to the ad?

[Frank]

Oh, and religion and Nazis and drugs.

[Joey]

Forgot about all that stuff.

[Frank]

What an episode.

[Joey]

Anyway, Squarespace. You guys want to build a website, you're going to do that with Squarespace? Trust me. Okay. It is the best platform to create your website. They have a bunch of templates to make sure that your website is a great first impression for any customers or possible customers that come to your website. Like I said, they have these templates. They make it very Easy. You just click on one of them. It kind of populates a website and you just switch out the text and the photos and things like that and you have yourself a great looking website in a fraction of the time. I've done both. I've used Squarespace, I've used other platforms. So you kind of have to build it out for yourself. Takes way longer, doesn't look as good, and it doesn't have the same amount of tools that Squarespace gives you in order to optimize your traffic. It'll let you know where your traffic is coming from and how to double down on that. You know it's important. Having a website is important for those of you who have an E commerce business. You know that anyone who makes content or anything like that, you need a good website. So there you go. Squarespace. Everything that we do with Square, every website that we make, we do with Squarespace as well. And right now you can head to squarespace.com basement for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use the offer code basement to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Okay, so head to squarespace.com basement and when you're ready to launch, use that offer code basement. You will save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain. Okay, and we also have Rocket Money. Rocket Money is an all in one personal finance app that is going to put money back in your pocket by finding and canceling unwanted subscriptions that you may or may not have signed up for. Maybe you signed up for a free trial at some point in your life and that expired and now you've been paying 8 to $11 a month and you didn't even really realize that you're doing that. Or when you go on Rocket Money, you will see all of it organized and then you'll start to realize, oh, there are a bunch of things here that I paid for at some point but I haven't used in a very long time. So I'm going to cancel those, ultimately putting that money back in your pocket. And we're talking about recurring things every single month. So this doesn't just cost $11, this is over the course of a whole year. So you could be saving all that money. And there's other features as well. There's a budgeting tool. So to make sure that you're being financially responsible, you want to set a budget for yourself. If you want to start saving money, be like, okay, I'm only going to spend this much money this month. You put it on your app. You put in all your purchases to make sure that you're being responsible. They also have a feature that you can upload a picture of your bill and if they can lower it, they will help you do that. So it's all about putting money back in your pocket. Great thing, too. And for anyone out there who thinks that they don't have any unwanted subscriptions, it's just a good tool to have to make sure okay to check. And it has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in cancel subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the app's premium features. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com Basement today. That is RocketMoney.com Basement might as well have the money. Don't waste it. Go to Rocketmoney.com basement today.

[Frank]

Yeah, and guess what? While you're on your personal journey, whatever that may entail, let us come along with you. Go to patreon.com thebasementyard and continue to support us if you are. Or hop on, hop on, hop on, ship, you know, have a good time. You sign up for Patreon, that first tier, you get these weekly episodes a week in advance. That's right. Seven whole days. And then exclusive episodes every single Friday morning with that second tier. It's a fun time. We tell you guys about it every week. Specifically. I do, because Joey, while I am doing this, he's off camera holding a gun to my head. So go check it out. Patreon.com the Basement Yard thank you guys for all the love and all the support. We appreciate it and we're really excited for what 2025 brings our way. Also, will this come out for when we're in Europe? So if you're coming in these shows in Glasgow, London or dublin, the basementyard.com submit. We're gonna be over there for some shows. We're really excited. We hope you guys are too, if you're coming to them. And if you submit a question, you know, an answer to the questionnaire that we have, we might talk to you about you, whatever, or you don't need to. We can keep it. We can keep it private. But we like the shows. You know, we talk with you, you talk with us sometimes. So go check it out. The basefneard.com submit. Thank you.

[Joey]

And I think that, you know, at this point in the episode, I would love to talk about big scandal going around Right now, the Girl Scout cookies are killing the population, apparently.

[Frank]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Allegedly. Allegedly. Oh, my God. I don't want to be stopped by the girls. He's done. The girls are getting him the Scouts. Oh, my God. What would you do if they hand delivered a subpoena as, like, fully dressed up as girls? Yeah.

[Joey]

I never understood that, where it's like, you got served.

[Frank]

Like, people just like, oh, I old job.

[Joey]

Like, why are people escaping that? Like, dude, you're gonna get these papers.

[Frank]

I. I've served a lot of people.

[Joey]

But, like, do they run away from you?

[Frank]

So all the times that I did it was at their home. So you basically, like, I would go up, I would knock on the door, and I would say, hi, I'm looking for Joe Santa Gato. And if it's Joe, be like, yeah, it's me. I'd be like, I have the subpoena for you. I didn't do the. You're being served. I was never told. I had to. I think I might have said it at points, but, like, you've never, like.

[Joey]

Just walked up to someone on the street and be like, roger, here you go, Roger.

[Frank]

No, no, no. It was all. It was all, like, homes and stuff. And then there were times where it was like, you know, like, I had driven, like, two and a half hours to wherever I had to be, and I told my boss, like, I can't sit here and wait for the person and get home. And it's like, all right, well, then you give it to whoever you give it to get their name and their information. And then you have to provide something called an affidavit of service.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Which basically just says, like, I serve this subpoena on your behalf to this person. And I think there was, like, one or two times where the person was just like, I'm not touching this. And I just. And what I was taught was just like, okay, you don't need to. I am giving it to you. You don't have to take it. I'm leaving it here. What you choose to do with it is on you.

[Joey]

I would love to serve somebody.

[Frank]

It was not as glamorous as you thought. Like, you would.

[Joey]

I'd make it glamorous.

[Frank]

You'd be like a little stock. You'd be. That's crazy.

[Joey]

I would. I would stake out, is what I meant. I would be like.

[Frank]

I did a surveillance cup of coffee.

[Joey]

And a cigarette just outside, like, when he gets home.

[Frank]

I. So it wasn't my job traditionally, but I was one time asked to do a surveillance. And, like, it was literally like, sit here.

[Joey]

Like a private investigator.

[Frank]

It was just. So it was for a subpoena, but it was, sit here, wait until this person gets home, and then when they get home, hit them with the subpoena. And it was cool. On July 3rd of the year. And I was trying to. Like, I had learned about it that morning. We were going to be leaving to go to the lake.

[Joey]

Oh. And I was just like, hopefully they come home.

[Frank]

They did not. Oh. I got out of there by, like, five or six, because they never showed up. Damn. Yeah.

[Joey]

They probably spotted you, dude.

[Frank]

You were followed. I was good. I was good. I was good. I was inconspicuous.

[Joey]

Anyway, apparently this thing came out, you know, Girl Scout cookies, Very popular. But apparently they did a test on the cookies, and in 100% of the samples, there were some form of metal.

[Frank]

Oh, well, like. And not good.

[Joey]

Allegedly.

[Frank]

Allegedly.

[Joey]

Allegedly.

[Frank]

Allegedly. Alleged.

[Joey]

Alleged. We don't know what the deal is. We don't know if this is true or if it's not true or what the deal is, but there is an ongoing investigation. When there's 100% of the samples, they're saying have metals.

[Frank]

Yeah. Traces. I will say this. If you had asked me, I would have said they had traces of crack. Because, boy, oh, boy, once I pop, I cannot stop.

[Joey]

This is just my opinion. I honestly think. I think Girl Scout cookies are overrated.

[Frank]

You're bananas.

[Joey]

I don't think they're bad. I think they're overrated. I think you're like, oh, I need ten boxes. They're fine.

[Frank]

Well, it's because the boxes are cheap. Ish. I guess. And I don't know. Dude, you're trying to, like, support little kids. I will say whoever you're not supporting. I will say whoever was just like, let's get these little kids to pedal the cookies. And people will be more inclined.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I'll be real honest.

[Joey]

Give them a badge.

[Frank]

I recently bought Girl Scout cookies for, like, a family member.

[Joey]

What's your favorite one?

[Frank]

I was gonna say the old name, but apparently they're not called Samoas anymore. They're called Caramel Delight. And then they have these little ones that are like French toast.

[Joey]

What?

[Frank]

Whoa. Dude. Yeah. Hell, yeah.

[Joey]

I'm into French.

[Frank]

Hell, yeah.

[Joey]

Do you like Girl Scout cookies?

[Ant]

A couple.

[Frank]

I don't like Thin Mints. They can go ahead and die a fiery death.

[Joey]

Thin Mints suck double so much.

[Frank]

Triple suck.

[Joey]

It's insane. And they're probably the most popular. People love them.

[Frank]

They are Disgusting. I think we did an episode. Well, we did a video setting out a studios video. What was more popular than mint?

[Joey]

Well, before ant.

[Frank]

No, it was him.

[Joey]

No.

[Frank]

Yeah, because it was like the one where it was like the rock and it's like 0 or 1 or something like that.

[Ant]

I was there for that. Dumber than a box of rocks.

[Frank]

Something like that. Or. Or maybe it was another one, but I forgot what is.

[Joey]

I did a tate.

[Frank]

No, no, but I'm saying we did an episode something and it was just like Thin mints are the most popular. True or false or something like that.

[Joey]

Yeah, they're whack.

[Frank]

But I. I mean, yeah, anything chocolate and mint flavored can go ahead and just do what it needs to do.

[Joey]

Mint chocolate chip ice cream. Garbage.

[Frank]

Garbage. Absolute pp. Absolute Masura.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

See? No, I think caramel delights are the best.

[Joey]

Those are good. Tag alongs are good.

[Frank]

What the hell is a tag along?

[Joey]

It's the peanut butter ones.

[Frank]

Hell no.

[Joey]

Yeah, you hate that combination. But hell good.

[Frank]

No, I just.

[Joey]

Fuck is Adventurefuls.

[Frank]

Adventurefuls. These cookies are newer edition featuring a crispy cookie with a caramel and peanut butter filling. I don't hate that. I will say they. Great job naming them. Except the Samoans were upset about that.

[Joey]

Don't see those. Those are good.

[Frank]

Our peanut butter. What's with all the peanut butter? Guys?

[Joey]

Peanut butter. I'm just noticing that.

[Frank]

Look up the French toast ones. Those are bananas also.

[Joey]

I'm not. Can you just type in. Type in girl scout flavors. Girl scout ill. Girl scout cookie flavor.

[Ant]

I think everyone knew what you meant.

[Frank]

All right.

[Joey]

Thank you. You never know out of context.

[Frank]

Yeah, those.

[Joey]

You know what's good and I know I'm gonna get shit.

[Frank]

Meet the cookies. Way to go, Girl Scouts. I can't wait. Why are we attacking girl scouts?

[Joey]

We is crazy. I feel like you were saying adventure fuls. The dosi does are great.

[Frank]

Caramel delights are.

[Joey]

Those are good Caramel chocolate chip. I've never had adventure. Fools look interesting.

[Frank]

Where are the s'mores?

[Joey]

Surprisingly not great.

[Frank]

Dude, really?

[Joey]

Lemonades? I'd rather go to hell.

[Frank]

I hate lemon flavored baked good. I hate it because it's not. It's just overly lemony. Like it's not like a hint of lemon.

[Joey]

Yeah. Don't like zest zest me, but don't fucking like.

[Frank]

I love a good zest. All over me.

[Joey]

Yeah. Go down.

[Ant]

Gotcha.

[Frank]

There's the. There's the toast. Yay.

[Joey]

Toast.

[Frank]

Yay.

[Joey]

That looks good.

[Frank]

That one.

[Joey]

Coffee task.

[Frank]

Where do you go coffee task? I don't look like women. I don't want to eat cookies that look like women.

[Joey]

Which one look like women?

[Frank]

The tree falls.

[Joey]

How does that look like women?

[Frank]

Those are women's faces. Those are women's faces, are they not?

[Ant]

Yeah, I think he's right. A little silhouette here.

[Joey]

Those are good though.

[Frank]

I think that's like the girl scout logo.

[Joey]

Trayfoils are good. Toffee tastic is mad good.

[Frank]

Thin mints. Thin mints. Fuck you.

[Joey]

Thin mints suck.

[Frank]

How about you? How about you and me shut up together and I fight you? Thin mints?

[Joey]

What does that even mean?

[Frank]

I don't even know what the hell is toffee though. It's just like Bray Sweets.

[Joey]

I don't know.

[Frank]

I like toffee fe, which I think we recently brought. Is that.

[Joey]

It sounds like a cat's name.

[Frank]

It's. It's a really cool little candy. Wait, hold on. I'm sorry, I gotta back up a little bit. You said they're overrated.

[Joey]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frank]

You're nuts, dude.

[Joey]

I just think that, that like some of the, like, some of them are good. But I think the way that people talk about them, it's like, bro, I.

[Frank]

Legitimately, they have a really smart marketing and business strategy. The reason that they're great is because they're good cookies that you can only get in a short window of time from a little drug dealing child that basically sells it to you.

[Joey]

Right.

[Frank]

You know, so like exclusivity. You love that exclusivity.

[Joey]

They make a billion dollars every year.

[Frank]

Yeah. Because they have a lot. But like, I don't know. I don't think they're overrated. That's crazy. The world's gonna punch you.

[Joey]

Probably.

[Frank]

Maybe the Samoans are that were upset can attack you too. Samoas, you don't want to mess.

[Joey]

I don't think they're called Samoans.

[Frank]

I know, but I'm saying the Samoans were probably the ones that were upset about them calling being called, you know, don't.

[Joey]

Some of those. They're good. They are not a coconut guy. So that kind of.

[Frank]

It's the perfect balance of chewy and cookie, you know? Yeah, I. I'm all about caramel.

[Joey]

I like caramel, yo. Some. I don't like old people caramel.

[Frank]

Oh, like Werther's like, no, cuz those aren't bad.

[Joey]

But there's like a certain. There's a certain type of caramel that I've had that I'm like, this is garbage. Like, give Me, the sugary.

[Frank]

I've had one thing with caramel that I fully believe is the worst use of caramel I've ever seen. And listen, mad respect to M and M's, but the caramel M M's are garbage.

[Joey]

I thought you were gonna say Eminem.

[Frank]

Oh, well, he. He.

[Joey]

Yo, mad respect.

[Frank]

Yo, he can get some respect, too. Absolutely respect. Yeah. Caramel M. M's are caramel M. M's are dumpster pp.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

You know, we're doing a lot of PP talk today. Basura.

[Joey]

Yeah. Cat piss. I would say caramel.

[Frank]

Whoa. That's the worst piss, yo.

[Joey]

Disgusting, disgusting piss, bro.

[Frank]

My house used to reek of cat pisses.

[Joey]

Cat. This is the worst piss.

[Frank]

Because we had she. I remember. You know why I remember cat piss? My first foray into cat piss.

[Joey]

Because you had a cat.

[Frank]

We had a cat, but one. I saw her peeing and she was shaking.

[Joey]

Your cat.

[Frank]

Yeah, and then she. I had a Triple H wrestling figure and she pissed on it and she. No, even worse. He came with, like. You know how. Remember how Triple H used to wear those giant denim jackets?

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

He came with that as, like, an accessory. And I took it off for his match. Duh. And my cat somehow got it and pissed on it.

[Joey]

So, like, pissed on his jacket.

[Frank]

Pissed on his jacket, dude. And like, Triple H. So that's why.

[Joey]

I hate cat piss. Not because it smells like.

[Frank]

It smells bad, but you watch your.

[Joey]

Cat shake and piss all over Triple H's. Like, it looks. Denim jacket.

[Frank]

It looked sick. And she probably was. The signs were there. Yeah, but. Yeah, no, and cats. Cat piss smells like worse piss than anything.

[Joey]

Pretzels. Those are incredible.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

And I'm not even big on, like. I like pretzels, but, like, not like that. Those are a great.

[Frank]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey]

M M's best. M M, Peanut.

[Frank]

M M's are the best.

[Joey]

And then the original.

[Frank]

Yeah, I will fully. Oh, well, there was an M M in the early 2000s that were M M Crunchies. They were like. Like, you know how, like. Oh, it was like, you know.

[Joey]

Rice Krispies.

[Frank]

Yeah. Like a malted milk ball.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And it was M M Peanut. Not Peanut. The pretzel ones are good. I don't hate them. I like them.

[Joey]

How do you feel about Whoppers?

[Frank]

Here's the thing. Whoppers as like, first of all, coming in a milk jug. What are you doing? Whoppers. What? Whoppers come in milk jugs.

[Joey]

Oh, I have seen that. Yeah.

[Frank]

But the outside is too, like, the chocolate is too soft. So I go from soft to crunch and I don't like that. But tis the season Whoppers makes their Robin's eggs. Shoot. Shoot, everyone. No, don't do that. Jesus. Robin's eggs are the best version of that. I recently sent you a picture when I was on my way in and I was like, got my lunch and it was my sunflower seeds and a bag of Robin's eggs.

[Joey]

Whoppers are very bad. Like maybe the like.

[Frank]

No.

[Joey]

Out of the Halloween candy. Whenever I get those, I'm like, I'm never eating this. This is disgusting.

[Frank]

I'll eat them if I'm feeling. If I'm feeling dangerous, I'll eat way other like. Well, you know what makes Robin's eggs Really good one.

[Joey]

Robin's eggs are not bad.

[Frank]

Yeast are great too. The chocolatey. The candy coating on the outside.

[Joey]

Those are a great coat.

[Frank]

The perfect amount. You looked up legit Robinson and just.

[Joey]

Put bird eggs up here.

[Frank]

But like the candy coating is perfectly thin. They're delicious.

[Joey]

Yeah, those are really. Wait, it's Cadbury.

[Frank]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Joey]

I've only had the Cadbury ones which are.

[Frank]

No, no, no, no, no. Robin's eggs, they're. They're a Whopper brand. See?

[Joey]

No. Okay. This I haven't had.

[Frank]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey]

No, I don't, I don't.

[Frank]

I'll bring them in. No, because I have gone on record and I will say this, Cadbury is.

[Joey]

A top 3ch.

[Frank]

Of the holiday candies. Like holidays themed candy for like whatever. Like Halloween. They have like pumpkins and like Halloween candy. Spooky guts and peepee.

[Joey]

Everything's orange.

[Frank]

Yeah. Christmas has what it has. Obviously Easter has the best assortment of holiday candy. Said it.

[Joey]

Yeah, I think you're right. I think you're right.

[Frank]

Said it.

[Joey]

It's like cuz like when, when Christmas.

[Frank]

I mean, it's like, well, Christmas everyone. Peppermint. Peppermint. Peppermint. Peppermint stick.

[Joey]

No, I only like it like.

[Frank]

Shut up. Peppermint.

[Joey]

I don't like when other shit is peppermint. Like just leave, leave, Leave pepper candy canes fucking alone.

[Frank]

Let them be.

[Joey]

But like everything else and like think of Easter.

[Frank]

Easter. We have like Robin's eggs. We have jelly beans. I know. I'm not gonna sit here and argue about the jelly beans. Peeps bang. Top tier. Yeah, Peeps bang. Trash peeps are so good. Peep. If you're watching this, I will be your. If you want to have a Super bowl commercial next year, I'm in Super bowl commercial.

[Joey]

I hope that company goes belly up. My mom would be upset about that. She loves Peeps.

[Frank]

I love Peeps. But. Yeah, so I'm shocked that you don't. That you're not more of a. When's the last time you bought a box of Girl Scout cookies?

[Joey]

Like, four years ago.

[Frank]

You need new ones.

[Joey]

Where am I gonna get him? I've never seen a Girl Scout in my life.

[Frank]

They don't, like, go door to door anymore.

[Joey]

No, I know, but, like, actually, that's not true.

[Frank]

They went door to door in my neighborhood once.

[Joey]

That makes sense. In, like, a suburban area. But, like, there's no girl if.

[Frank]

I mean, you don't know people with kids.

[Joey]

But, like, I've ordered them online. That's the only time that I've had them.

[Frank]

Yeah, so, like, a lot of kids now will have, like, their own page.

[Joey]

Bro, this just led me to Girl Scout cookies for a second. You know what's a thousand times better than that? When children are selling the chocolate bars. I love that chocolate. That is such an underrated chocolate.

[Frank]

The chocolate bar, like, on the subway, like, they have that box.

[Joey]

It's called World's Greatest Chocolate.

[Frank]

Yeah, it's good chocolate.

[Joey]

It's a good name for a company, too.

[Frank]

Yeah, that was a. That was big. When we were in, like, middle school.

[Joey]

I would make my dad buy the whole box, and then I would eat it. Oh, really, Hondo?

[Frank]

You know what? I recently got gypped into. And yet gypped is the right word to use here.

[Joey]

Really? Because I feel like that might be a sleaze. A little slurs.

[Frank]

Gypped to this.

[Joey]

To the seas. To the seas. Isn't that like a. That's the. Isn't that the.

[Ant]

Oh, I see.

[Joey]

You know, I'm saying.

[Frank]

I don't know. No, Gypsy, I don't know.

[Joey]

Whatever. Go ahead. Oh, what'd you get roped into? You got roped.

[Frank]

I got. You know what I got? I got the rug pulled out from under me from. I got. I got. I'm trying to think other one. I got finagled by a child.

[Joey]

Your own.

[Frank]

No, a strange family member's child.

[Joey]

Okay.

[Frank]

Was doing a fundraiser.

[Joey]

Here we go. Here we go.

[Frank]

Here we go.

[Joey]

They always got stuck. They always got.

[Frank]

And I'm not gonna say their names, but they know who they are.

[Joey]

Yeah, they will.

[Frank]

They won't. Watch this.

[Joey]

What were they selling? What were they peddling?

[Frank]

You ready for this? It's a fundraiser, and you get Krispy Kreme donuts.

[Joey]

All right, hold on. I'm back in Right, right.

[Frank]

Listen, honestly, I am always kind of apprehensive because there's, like, a weird level of, like, how much do you give? You know, Blah, blah, blah, Krispy Kreme donuts. I'm like, all right, I have to buy three boxes. Frankie, listen to me. Listen, you don't have to do that. No, but they didn't have. And I'll tell you why. Because they didn't have the option to, like, buy one box and add a tip for, like, an extra for a bigger donation.

[Joey]

How much was a box?

[Frank]

I think they were like, like, 12 bucks. 13 bucks each or something like that. 15, maybe 50. I think it was 15, actually.

[Joey]

And this is a good pyramid scheme.

[Frank]

You ready for this? I'm like, all right, I'm gonna do it to support. Be a good, you know, member of my community. I do it, and I'm like. I notice that as I'm doing it, I don't put in my address information, and I'm like, how the hell am I getting these Krispy Kreme donuts? They go, great. Thanks for the donation. Print this voucher out and go to a authorized Krispy Kreme location and pick up your boxes.

[Joey]

Give me my money back. Give me this fucking money back.

[Frank]

I kid you not.

[Joey]

I would have went full Tony Soprano. Where's my money?

[Frank]

I was furious.

[Joey]

Here's a voucher.

[Frank]

If you're gonna make me donate my money and then get up and go to a Krispy Kreme donut.

[Joey]

Authorized. An authorized Krispy Kreme? What does that even begin to me?

[Frank]

Well, they have Krispy Kreme, has storefronts, special ones that are authorized. They're Krispy Kreme.

[Joey]

That's what I'm saying. Walking to any Krispy Kreme is different. But I'm also not going there, bro.

[Frank]

I was mad.

[Joey]

That's crazy.

[Frank]

The audacity to make me pay my money.

[Joey]

I was gonna say hard, leave out the adjectives. It's fine. But it is your money.

[Frank]

It is my money. And then tell me to do an extra step if I'm committing to this. First of all, ship them to my home or hand deliver them to me.

[Joey]

The thing that you messed up is it needs to be one of these.

[Frank]

Okay, you're right.

[Joey]

Here's the money donut coming the other way.

[Frank]

You're right.

[Joey]

You know what I mean?

[Frank]

That's why if you have World trademark sc, if you're ever in a kidnap.

[Joey]

Scenario, you got to be like, wait, I want to see.

[Frank]

I got bamboozled you were my. Boozled was.

[Joey]

Bam, bing, bam, boom.

[Frank]

All right. I.

[Joey]

You gotta make sure you see the product in person. I can't have.

[Frank]

I can't. And this is why I don't like shopping online. This is why. Because then there was another instance where I bought something online. I told you, we got you something for your birthday. And I. And it was like, ships fast. This is great. Doo doo. I buy it. And they're like, this doesn't ship till April. And I was a bad, angry man that day.

[Joey]

I honestly, like, this is happening with the TV that we have. I wanted to put. I needed the original legs for it. I don't want to hang it up on a. On a. What's it called? A bracket.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

So I just want to put it on the legs. So I had to go to the company and be like, can you ship me? The legs are like, yeah. They're like, good news, they're in stock.

[Frank]

Cool.

[Joey]

As soon as I got the email that, like, your order is confirmed, they went back.

[Frank]

Order.

[Joey]

I'm like, what happened to in stock? Now? There's no eta. And if you're going to do that, fine, but send me an extra pair so I could beat those with a.

[Frank]

Bat, because I'm furious with this.

[Joey]

Like, if you're gonna send for a month after, send me an extra pair so I could throw them in the ocean.

[Frank]

This is why I don't like shopping online, because I never. You never get a straight answer. You go to a store, I want this. Here's my money. Here's the thing. Thank you. I'm leaving. I really. I much prefer that. I can't even tell you I like opening boxes. I love opening boxes.

[Joey]

That's what I'm saying. When you buy online, you're like, ooh, my clothes are here.

[Frank]

I know. But if you know what it is, like, my issue, my toxic trait, is I fully expect boxes to just show up at my house. But I hate shopping online, right? So when Becca gets something, I'm like.

[Joey]

Is it for me?

[Frank]

I was like, do you mind if I open it?

[Joey]

You haven't opened anything.

[Frank]

She's like, yes, you can open it. And I open. I'm like, whoa, what is this? Yeah, you know, but, bro, I recently bought something for Becca for Valentine's Day, and I bought it again. Shipped fast, within, you know, two days. If you place your order between, you know, before whatever, I fucking buy it. Ten minutes later, I get an email, it's backordered.

[Joey]

I can't.

[Frank]

And I'm Like. And then it's like, we'll let you know when your. Your shipment is ready. And then this. It showed up two days later.

[Joey]

Figure out your system.

[Frank]

Figure out your goddamn system, you damn dirty horse. Yeah, you damn dirty bastard. Whores, bitch Whores.

[Joey]

If you're in. If you're in stock, I make the order, and now it's the back order. You're telling me I've. I'm the one. I'm on the back or.

[Frank]

Well, they. Yeah, yeah, you. You put it. You put it onto the back. They barebacked you.

[Joey]

I've been bareback.

[Frank]

You've been barebacked.

[Joey]

I hate that.

[Frank]

I just. I hate what is back order.

[Joey]

I just spit.

[Frank]

Well, back order is that the demand exceeds the supply. So they're like, you know what? We fucked up. Fuck you. Take it off. I'm not gonna buy it if there's nothing in stock.

[Joey]

What happened to sold out of that?

[Frank]

Pre orders. Pre. Pre orders. Pre orders get me so bad.

[Joey]

Pre order.

[Frank]

They get me so angry.

[Joey]

Be transparent. If it's a pre order, tell me when. If I'm not expecting this, I'm not getting till summer. Make a pre order. I'm fine with that.

[Frank]

I hate when people use, like, business terms when they're like, pre order. This ship's Q1 and it's like, fucking tell me what month. Don't do this. Don't. Don't narrow it down to a fucking 25%.

[Joey]

If you're gonna do a pre order, be transparent with me. Tell me how many weeks. Tell me if it's gonna be months or if I'm gonna get this in 2035. I just want some transparency. Don't tell me, like, pre order. We'll figure it out. Can't do this.

[Frank]

But also, and I know I'm probably gonna get flack for this because I know that there's, like, actual, like, logistics that go into this. If I pre order something, there's no reason that you should cap the pre order unless you're, like, doing it for, like, art purposes.

[Joey]

What does that mean?

[Frank]

Like, I remember there was a company I was looking at, they had a really cool watch, and it was like, on pre order, okay. And it was like, oh, our pre orders have exceeded the limit. It's like, order more.

[Joey]

Order more. Well, they're making them.

[Frank]

I know, but order more. Have them make more. I know.

[Joey]

Happens to Santa Claus. And how is there no pre order?

[Frank]

God damn it.

[Joey]

Making them by hand.

[Frank]

Literally by hand. Him and his elves. Is that offensive toward.

[Joey]

No, it's fine.

[Frank]

Okay. Him and his.

[Joey]

The elven.

[Frank]

The elven. Well, elven women can contribute if they.

[Joey]

Elven women, you know, I'm assuming the elven women do a lot over there.

[Frank]

Well, boy. What's that mean?

[Joey]

What do you mean?

[Frank]

Is that. Is that okay to say that elven.

[Joey]

Women are working hard in the North Pole?

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

Why would that be bad to say?

[Frank]

I don't know. I want to be careful. Make sure we're not accidentally offending the.

[Joey]

Elves in the North Pole.

[Frank]

Well, they have a very important job and we. Why do you keep looking behind me? Freaking me out. Is there a spider? There's an elf. What's going on here? No, I just. I don't like it. If it's pre ordered, there's no reason you eat cap the. If you get more than what you thought. If you only make 500 and you get 600. Holy shit. Make more right away. Make them?

[Joey]

I.

[Frank]

They're pre ordered months out as it is.

[Joey]

But they're also probably doing a pre order.

[Frank]

And I know there's an actual answer for this.

[Joey]

I know that, but you know, it's not your problem. I would be angry.

[Frank]

The customer is always right. Rule 1. Rule 2.

[Joey]

Rule 2. If it's in stock and then suddenly becomes back order, give me a discount because I bought this under false pretenses. If this was back ordered, I wouldn't even dream of.

[Frank]

Oh my God. Back buying something. Back order. What do you think I am, a. Yeah, dude.

[Joey]

You think I'm gonna wait?

[Frank]

You think I'm gonna wait?

[Joey]

I don't wait.

[Frank]

When it comes here, tell me.

[Joey]

Or like I'm some cuck. Send it to me when you get the chance. You have my money and I have my dignity.

[Frank]

They're cucking you.

[Joey]

What else?

[Frank]

That's what they're doing. They're fucking your wife in front of you, Joey. And then they're like, we'll let you know when we're done.

[Joey]

Or it's like, oh, you want this? You could totally have it. I give them the money, say, well, hey, companies decide when they get it to you, though.

[Frank]

Companies. We're on to you. And we're not. We're going to be the one to.

[Joey]

Break the fucking snake oil salesman pieces of shit.

[Frank]

Hell yeah.

[Joey]

No dignity, no respect or loyalty to your customers.

[Frank]

And I'm going to do you one better, you goddamn whore bastard bitches. If you have a thing on your website that's like sign up for alerts of when it comes back in stock, I better get one Email from your company. And it better be when it's back in stock because I see an email that's just like we also have. I'm not only gonna unsubscribe from your email chain. I might find the company and spit at it.

[Joey]

Spit. We'll email you when it's back in stock. Go to hell. Don't send me an email. Don't ever go out of stock.

[Frank]

You know, business people, call them. Let them know we're on to them. Let them know that we have figured them out.

[Joey]

On your heels. We're on your heels.

[Frank]

Damn right we have ads. We're flying today, baby. Speaking of companies, cut me off while I'm singing High School Musical bananas. Just go. You look like Dylan Efron today. Who's that? Zac Efron's brother.

[Joey]

Don't know him. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.

[Frank]

Okay.

[Joey]

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[Frank]

Oh, yelled. Oh, my God.

[Joey]

I want to ask you a question.

[Frank]

Okay?

[Joey]

So this thing on TikTok and stop me if you've seen it, okay?

[Frank]

Stop me if you've seen it.

[Joey]

Be fucking honest.

[Frank]

All right, okay. Fuck. Whoa. Jesus.

[Joey]

Let me ask you a precursor.

[Frank]

There's a lot of questions being thrown at me right now.

[Joey]

There's only gonna be two. One, how much do you think you pee a day? We're back on piss heavy On.

[Frank]

This is a big pee episode.

[Joey]

Yes. Huge.

[Frank]

Boys be pissing. This is the thumbnail, right? No, the pissing dogs don't do that. Pissing boys?

[Joey]

No. How much do you think you pee a day? Fluid ounces or pints or gallons?

[Frank]

I would say I probably pee a gallon of piss a day.

[Joey]

Damn, that's crazy.

[Frank]

I've been really good with my water intake. Nice. For like the last couple months I've been consistently drinking at least a gallon of water every day. Wow.

[Joey]

Good for you.

[Frank]

Thank you. That's why I always have that smart water bottle. Cuz it's a court.

[Joey]

Okay, so for those.

[Frank]

For those day. That's it, babe.

[Joey]

Now let me ask you. Okay.

[Frank]

Just so you know, I don't know where my Tik Tok algorithm has led me. It definitely has not led me to piss. So I think we're safe.

[Joey]

Really? Baby, we're. We're here right now. I'm going to put this right here so I can make sure that I'm reading everything and you can't see. Okay. Frank, how long do you think it would take to fill up the Grand Canyon with piss if every single person on Earth was pissing into it at the same time?

[Frank]

That's billions of people, dude.

[Joey]

It's 8 billion, I believe.

[Frank]

Are we at 8 already?

[Ant]

I thought it was 6.8.2.

[Frank]

Wow. Too many people.

[Joey]

That's a ton of people.

[Frank]

That's way too many. Yeah. Everyone at the same time pissing. I've never seen or been to the.

[Joey]

Grand Canyon like a normal P too. So like.

[Frank]

I know. Yeah, not like a.

[Joey]

If you in one like you know.

[Frank]

One day, like an Austin Powers wake up piss. Like just a normal average like P. Yeah. Oh man. How big is a Grand Canyon?

[Joey]

I don't even know how to answer that.

[Frank]

Big.

[Joey]

Big is my answer.

[Frank]

All right. I would say if everyone on Earth.

[Joey]

Earth, they're on the edge of the Grand Canyon, we're all pissing.

[Frank]

And we're assuming that the Grand Canyon is lined with a non absorbent material. So it's no evaporation. It's not. So it's gonna be. It's like a pool liner.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

How long would it take to fill up the Grand Canyon if it had a pool liner with human piss? Right. I would say billion people, man.

[Joey]

I would say eight billion.

[Frank]

Eight billion people.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Yeah. I would say maybe like a month.

[Joey]

Hey, that's what I thought.

[Frank]

Yeah. I say a month. Right. Hands shaking his head. Show me a piss myself.

[Joey]

Wait, have you seen the video?

[Ant]

I didn't see the video, but I know the question.

[Frank]

You're telling me there's a viral video.

[Joey]

Going around, but you know about this piss filled, you know, like, thing.

[Frank]

Here's a piss guy. Just a piss guy, dude.

[Joey]

So the amount that you can fit in the Grand Canyon is 1.2 quadrillion gallons.

[Frank]

Is that 24 zeros or 40 zeros?

[Joey]

I can't even fathom that being a number that we're going to entertain. That's a circus number.

[Frank]

So if every person 8 billion gallons a day, that's a lot of gallons.

[Joey]

So on average, apparently people piss a half gallon, which is still a lot of pee.

[Frank]

Yeah, I would imagine I pee probably a half gallon too, because I retain some of the water I drink.

[Joey]

Yeah, I think so. This is what this says. Is the math 100% correct? Not for me to decide here.

[Frank]

I mean, you're not a mathematician. Also, this is about piss. So correct, they said, what's quadrillion?

[Joey]

If people on average piss a half gallon a day, it would take not a month, but 800,000 years. What?

[Frank]

Why 800,000?

[Joey]

What was your answer that you knew.

[Ant]

I was gonna say a thousand years? Maybe.

[Frank]

Shut up.

[Joey]

What is the maybe? You made it seem like, oh, I know this question.

[Frank]

Yeah, maybe a thousand years. You either. Here's the thing with questions like this. You're either criminally under what the answer is, like we are with a month, or you're outlandishly over.

[Joey]

Here's the thing. A thousand years sounds way more like realistic. 800,000 years. I feel like I could fill it in an 800,000.

[Frank]

That's so much time is this. Well, first of all, you ain't living to be 800,000, Charlie.

[Joey]

Second of all, wizard life, where I could really live that long and pee, That's.

[Frank]

That's. That's a lot of years, bro.

[Joey]

I guess everyone on Earth, bro.

[Frank]

How big is a Grand Canyon, dude?

[Joey]

Apparently fucking massive. It's taking this long to fill it with piss.

[Frank]

It can't be that big. They've got to be doing some math incorrectly.

[Joey]

I did go on Reddit because I was like, let's see.

[Frank]

Oh, it must be real on there.

[Joey]

No, no, this is a video that went viral. So I went on Reddit and I. To see, or I was like, looking it up to, like, make sure I was. I had the numbers correct. And then I saw a Reddit link and then someone did math and they were like, I think this thing is off. And even they came up with like 700 and something years. But that still seems way longer than I think.

[Frank]

Well, billions, bro.

[Joey]

8 billion people peeing into the Grand Canyon. You're going to tell me that's not going to take a solstice at most.

[Frank]

I don't know. I mean, you'll probably see some collect like water accumulation. Hell yeah. But like, isn't that. Isn't it. Oh boy. Isn't the like Grand Canyon also deep too?

[Joey]

It's a canyon. Yeah.

[Frank]

What's. What classifies a canyon from just a hole?

[Joey]

That's great.

[Frank]

I mean, you know, I mean, we can talk about your.

[Joey]

It's.

[Frank]

What.

[Joey]

What are you talking.

[Frank]

I was gonna make a joke about your canyon, like asshole. Insinuating that you normally. Get it.

[Joey]

Got it.

[Frank]

Yeah. Estimated volume of the Grand Canyon is 4.17 trillion cubic meters. Which.

[Joey]

What is that? I don't even know what a cubic meter is.

[Frank]

A cubic meter is a meter. That's a square by a meter by a meter. That's been so like 6ft by 6ft by 6ft roughly. Oh no. 3ft. Sorry. A meter is about 3ft and change, right? Yes. I like how I'm asking. And like he knows. You're the mother who's been to school the most recently.

[Joey]

So I Knew There are 8.2 billion people on the planet, but for our purposes will only include people over the ages of 15. Why? Why?

[Frank]

Because, dude, babies piss, brother.

[Joey]

So I'm saying what this person doing so equally roughly 6.5 billion people. Even that 1 cubic meter is a thousand liters. So we'll need. I can't even read that number. It's an insane number. Each person produces roughly 1.4 liters of urine a day. With 6.5 billion people, that's 9.1 billion liters a day. At that rate, it would take 458,241 days to fill the Grand Canyon.

[Frank]

Which is how many years?

[Joey]

I don't know. Divide that by 36512.

[Ant]

1200 years. That's quick math. I don't know.

[Joey]

I hope that's not even close.458. 2.

[Frank]

No, I think you're roughly in the ballpark.

[Joey]

Wait, hold on. I fucked that up. 258 was it?

[Frank]

258 times 100,000 would be 350 divided by 365,000.

[Joey]

1255 years. Not bad, buddy.

[Frank]

Really great, buddy.

[Joey]

1,255 years. She said 1200.

[Frank]

Wow.

[Ant]

Look at me.

[Frank]

You don't even remember to say with confidence. Math. Good chest.

[Ant]

I'm sorry.

[Joey]

Even 1200 years. That's so much longer than I'm even.

[Frank]

Yeah, I don't even believe that. I just think that this is a. Like, I don't think people realize how much piss. Like the average person pisses a half gallon a day. But then you have freaks like Greg, who pisses several gallons a day.

[Joey]

Greg is pissing at an alarming rate.

[Frank]

I think realistically me, let's do a social experiment. Let's get a bucket in here. One cubic.

[Joey]

I'm not doing this.

[Frank]

And we just pee in it.

[Joey]

No.

[Frank]

Or dump our piss in.

[Joey]

We're back to the front. You want to. You want to piss on piss? That's what, that's how you get your rocks off.

[Frank]

You know? Steve O. I don't know. Did you ever. You definitely didn't. Steve O. Does stand up specials now. And he had a stand up special. I watched it last year at My Brother and one. It's basically like some stand up and he mixes in some, like, stunts and stuff. Like some of them are fucking crazy. I don't want to give it away because I respect you, Mr. Steve O. 1 of them I will give away. He collects urine from everyone he knows for like seven months or six months, including the urine that's in his like traveling rv and he puts it in a pool and he dives into the pool like a kiddie pool. Go ahead, take that in, Steve. Oh, by the way, you're alive after that, bro. He's done way crazy shit. Swimming in a little piss Swimming in a little piss Swimming in a little piss Baby, that is so gross. It sounds like that's like a rejected Jimmy Buffett song in a little piss.

[Joey]

Imagine the smell.

[Frank]

Yeah, it smells like piss. Probably worse. A lot of piss.

[Joey]

Worse.

[Frank]

It can't be worse than cat piss.

[Joey]

I'm sure it's definitely worse.

[Frank]

I'd rather a pool of human piss than cat piss. Are you crazy?

[Joey]

I don't even know if I have a preference, to be honest with you.

[Frank]

Yeah. Steve O. If you're ever in the area. What's up?

[Joey]

Go piss on Frank.

[Frank]

No, he'd love it. No, stop that.

[Joey]

Apparently.

[Frank]

No.

[Joey]

Hey, Steve O. If you ever in the area, let's pee on each other's pee.

[Frank]

No.

[Joey]

And you could swim that.

[Frank]

That doesn't seem all right. What about if people crapped way longer? Because the average person is like one day, one crapper a day.

[Ant]

I think the real problem is that the difference between a billion and a trillion is just so big.

[Frank]

It's a million billion. Right?

[Ant]

It's Just so big.

[Frank]

It's a million quadrillion.

[Ant]

Exactly.

[Joey]

What clown numbers.

[Frank]

Did you ever see the thing that was just like the richest man in history was like some like African king or something. And it was like he valued his. What the land was or like Genghis Khan and it was like what the land was valued that he had conquered was like trillions and trillions of dollars or something like that probably. That's crazy. I don't. So what? A billion is 990. A billion is a thousand. A trillion is a thousand billions or a million billions.

[Joey]

How do these numbers exist?

[Frank]

I remember. What's that? What's a Google? Is that a hundred zeros?

[Joey]

Why did we even get that high? They're not even usable to use these numbers.

[Frank]

I mean, they are when you talk about stuff like space travel and shit like that. Piss and piss. 1.

[Joey]

Oh, what am I looking at here? Can you zoom in on this stuff?

[Frank]

One trillion. That's bananas.

[Ant]

There we go.

[Frank]

One trillion dollars. Visualized. Those are double. And by the way, those are double stacked, double stack pallets like that.

[Ant]

So that's what I'm saying. So this is one.

[Joey]

Here's the thing.

[Ant]

This is the person down here.

[Frank]

Oh, fuck.

[Joey]

That's what that is. I was literally gonna be like a trillion dollars. I thought it'd be more than.

[Ant]

No, like this is the human got it. Trillion. And this is the. That's what I'm like. That's why it takes a long time.

[Joey]

To piss in the Grand Canyon, yo. Honestly.

[Frank]

But what million, what size bill is.

[Joey]

Not what I thought it was gonna be. I thought that was gonna be way more.

[Frank]

That's it. I really struggle when people are just like, you wouldn't be able to carry this much money in a bag because it's too heavy. I struggle with that. It's just paper and I know like, it's like a hundred dollars. A hundred pounds of paper. You know, like they say, like, what's heavier, 100 pounds of bricks or 100 pounds of feathers? And it's like, brother, they're both 100 pounds. Bro. If you give me a backpack and my clothing and like some Janko jeans or whatever you're wearing. Like, recently, I'm walking out of there with at least $50 million because it's paper.

[Joey]

I don't think that you could do that just because, like, I think that's like more than you think.

[Frank]

But like, were those. How heavy is how much weigh? About 22 pounds.

[Joey]

I don't think the pounds is the problem.

[Frank]

22 pounds. Dude, it weigh about 22 pounds. You could easily fit a million dollars into a briefcase, backpack, or duffel bag. Yo. 50.

[Joey]

What the fuck is this?

[Frank]

Whoa. 50 million weighs 500 kilograms. About half a ton.

[Joey]

Yeah, that can't be true.

[Ant]

I didn't think this was right.

[Joey]

I think, bro, $50 million weighing half a ton.

[Ant]

I think that's right.

[Joey]

Really?

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank]

But what if it's hundred dollar bills?

[Joey]

How much is a million? 45 pounds.

[Frank]

What?

[Joey]

A million dollars is 45, bro. I think that money is, like, heavier than you think, but, like.

[Frank]

Nah.

[Joey]

50 million.

[Frank]

I refuse to believe that. I refuse.

[Joey]

I. I actually believe it. I think it makes sense.

[Frank]

Paper is heavy, dude. If you're a.

[Joey]

Paper is heavy, bro. When we had to haul. Bring any of those fucking stacks of paper out.

[Frank]

No, you. I wasn't here when you guys said you got it, bro.

[Joey]

Those are heavy.

[Frank]

Well, they're little reams of paper.

[Joey]

Yeah, but those are like, not.

[Frank]

How much would one of those be in money? 500. How would I even make a 500 sheets on four bills? I'm just saying, give me a duffel bag, I'm leaving with at least you.

[Joey]

I mean, you weren't there for this video, but remember those $10,000 things? Like, those are obviously very light. Ten of them, though. A hundred grand only.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Joey]

And then 10 times. No, but I'm saying, like, that's a hundred grand and, like, that's like, a lot of space. Like, to fit that in something I think is difficult and it probably wouldn't be heavy. And that's only 100 grand.

[Frank]

I got it. I'd be good.

[Joey]

You're not carrying $50 million, bro.

[Frank]

Put me here. I have a great video idea for you. Put me in an enclosed room and say you can. Whatever you. You put as much money as you have in there. Whatever you could walk out with, you could keep. And I'm easily bankrupting you.

[Joey]

How much money do you think I have? You think I have 50 million fucking dollars?

[Frank]

I've seen your bank accounts. I know that you have at least $400 million.

[Joey]

Imagine I would be living in Tuscany right now.

[Frank]

I'll be honest. I think about it often.

[Joey]

What?

[Frank]

Having that much money.

[Joey]

$400 million?

[Frank]

Yeah, it'd be.

[Joey]

I would quit well before that.

[Frank]

Did you fart?

[Joey]

No. I don't know what that was. Imagine you just let a fart rip. Like, I need more reasons. Give me more reasons.

[Frank]

Give me one reason to stay here. You know that song?

[Joey]

Don't know it, but we're gonna get out of here before that continues. Where can they find you?

[Frank]

I'm singing.

[Joey]

You don't even know what song it was.

[Frank]

Give me One Reason to Stay Here by Tracy Chapman. Give me one reason. Oh, you know Tracy Chapman?

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I guess we're getting out of here. F. Alvarez, 8085 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez and all other forms of social media, that being Instagram and tick tock. Go check out the Patreon. Patreon.com the Basement Yard. Go check out the basement yard? At the basement yard everywhere. You enjoy us. Thank you for the love, support, everything that I could think of. I'm a little fried right now. I'm kind of hungry, so it's totally fine.

[Joey]

Food's on the way. And that is all. See you guys next time.

[Frank]

Bye.