Episode #503 - Hiding A Paperclip From The FBI

Released on May 19, 2025

Introduction

In Episode #503 of "The Basement Yard," hosts Joe Santagato and Frank Alvarez from Santagato Studios engage in their signature blend of humor, candid conversations, and playful banter. This episode traverses various topics, including clothing sustainability, extensive underwear collections, a hypothetical challenge of hiding a paperclip from the FBI, and a humorous take on the appointment of a new American Pope. Below is a detailed summary capturing the essence of their discussions, enriched with notable quotes and timestamps.

1. Clothing Sustainability and Vintage Collecting

The episode begins with Joe and Frank discussing their approaches to clothing, particularly focusing on the value and memory attached to garments.

• Donating High-End Clothing:

  Frank mentions his practice of saving quality shirts to pass down to his children, who can later donate them. This leads to a discussion about the resurgence of vintage clothing, especially graphic tees from the 90s.

  Frank: "I save a lot and I donate a lot of clothes, and I save a lot for my kids." [01:15]

• Value of Vintage Tees:

  They explore how graphic tees have become collectibles over time, with companies capitalizing on their nostalgic value. Joe shares his experience of donating a Gucci polo shirt, questioning its practical future use.

  Frank: "Graphic tees in the 90s are like big now. Are they?" [01:19]

2. The Great Underwear Debate

Transitioning from outerwear, the hosts delve into a humorous yet insightful conversation about their underwear collections, highlighting differences in their habits and attitudes.

• Frank’s Extensive Collection:

  Frank proudly boasts about owning 30 to 40 pairs of underwear, contrasting sharply with Joe’s more modest collection. This sparks a playful debate on the practicality and necessity of such extensive inventories.

  Frank: "I have at least 200 pairs of socks." [08:41]

  Joe: "They're not gonna wear those." [07:54]

• Sentimental Attachments:

  Frank explains his emotional connection to his underwear, hoping to pass down meaningful items to his children, while Joe admits to having little sentimental attachment to his own clothing.

  Frank: "Some of them just have a story to them." [08:12]

  Joe: "I right now I'm getting, I feel like closer to the idea of like, okay, I get it." [06:55]

3. Hiding A Paperclip From The FBI: A Hypothetical Challenge

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to a comedic yet intricate discussion about how to hide a paperclip from five FBI agents raiding their house. This segment showcases the hosts' improvisational skills and their ability to blend absurdity with practical thinking.

• Frank’s Bold Strategies:

  Frank proposes extreme methods, including swallowing the paperclip, embedding it deep within household items, or even converting it into a different object altogether.

  Frank: "I would hide it all in the same place. That's a trick, Joey." [34:25]

  Frank: "I'd hide this thing. 40ft down, people down. I'm burying it." [39:51]

• Joe’s Practical Approaches:

  Joe suggests more deceptive techniques, such as disguising the paperclip within the molding of the house or using common household items like toothpaste tubes to conceal it.

  Joe: "Here's what I would do. I would shave a part of the molding out and then put the paperclip... it'll just look like part of the molding." [36:54]

• Humorous Exchanges:

  Their back-and-forth is filled with humor, debating the feasibility of each method and often escalating the absurdity of their ideas.

  Frank: "Damn, I thought I'd get him." [41:10]

  Joe: "This is a horrible idea." [43:36]

4. The New American Pope: A Satirical Take

In a playful segment, Joe and Frank fabricate the news of a new American Pope from Chicago, blending religious themes with everyday cultural references for comedic effect.

• Imagining the Pope’s Persona:

  They joke about the Pope’s background, imagining him as a Cubs fan and integrating elements like hot dogs and local Chicago culture into his persona.

  Frank: "Chicago Pope. He's a Cubs fan. He's from a hot dog place." [60:30]

  Joe: "He's gonna be like naming a father to shine and Jordan drop in 84." [60:27]

• Comedic Scenarios:

  The hosts envision humorous interactions between themselves and the new Pope, including imagining the Pope attending their shows or participating in local events.

  Joe: "We got a Chicago Pope. What's gonna..." [70:10]

  Frank: "I'll go steak fries. I don't like." [70:35]

5. Closing Remarks and Announcements

The episode wraps up with brief announcements about sponsors and upcoming tours, maintaining the light-hearted and engaging tone characteristic of "The Basement Yard."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Frank: "I save a lot for my kids, so they can get them one day and then donate them." [01:15]

• Frank: "I have at least 200 pairs of socks." [08:41]

• Frank: "I would hide it all in the same place. That's a trick, Joey." [34:25]

• Frank: "Chicago Pope. He's a Cubs fan. He's from a hot dog place." [60:30]

• Joe: "This is a horrible idea." [43:36]

Conclusion

Episode #503 of "The Basement Yard" showcases Joe Santagato and Frank Alvarez's dynamic chemistry, seamlessly transitioning between personal anecdotes, humorous hypotheticals, and satirical commentary. Whether debating the merits of vintage graphic tees, joking about extensive underwear collections, or concocting elaborate schemes to hide a paperclip from the FBI, the hosts deliver an engaging and entertaining experience. Their ability to intertwine relatable topics with sharp wit ensures that both long-time listeners and newcomers find value and amusement in each episode.