#503 - Hiding A Paperclip From The FBI

Summary

Episode #503 - Hiding A Paperclip From The FBI

Released on May 19, 2025

Introduction

In Episode #503 of "The Basement Yard," hosts Joe Santagato and Frank Alvarez from Santagato Studios engage in their signature blend of humor, candid conversations, and playful banter. This episode traverses various topics, including clothing sustainability, extensive underwear collections, a hypothetical challenge of hiding a paperclip from the FBI, and a humorous take on the appointment of a new American Pope. Below is a detailed summary capturing the essence of their discussions, enriched with notable quotes and timestamps.

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1. Clothing Sustainability and Vintage Collecting

The episode begins with Joe and Frank discussing their approaches to clothing, particularly focusing on the value and memory attached to garments.

• Donating High-End Clothing:

  Frank mentions his practice of saving quality shirts to pass down to his children, who can later donate them. This leads to a discussion about the resurgence of vintage clothing, especially graphic tees from the 90s.

  Frank: "I save a lot and I donate a lot of clothes, and I save a lot for my kids." [01:15]

• Value of Vintage Tees:

  They explore how graphic tees have become collectibles over time, with companies capitalizing on their nostalgic value. Joe shares his experience of donating a Gucci polo shirt, questioning its practical future use.

  Frank: "Graphic tees in the 90s are like big now. Are they?" [01:19]

2. The Great Underwear Debate

Transitioning from outerwear, the hosts delve into a humorous yet insightful conversation about their underwear collections, highlighting differences in their habits and attitudes.

• Frank’s Extensive Collection:

  Frank proudly boasts about owning 30 to 40 pairs of underwear, contrasting sharply with Joe’s more modest collection. This sparks a playful debate on the practicality and necessity of such extensive inventories.

  Frank: "I have at least 200 pairs of socks." [08:41]

  Joe: "They're not gonna wear those." [07:54]

• Sentimental Attachments:

  Frank explains his emotional connection to his underwear, hoping to pass down meaningful items to his children, while Joe admits to having little sentimental attachment to his own clothing.

  Frank: "Some of them just have a story to them." [08:12]

  Joe: "I right now I'm getting, I feel like closer to the idea of like, okay, I get it." [06:55]

3. Hiding A Paperclip From The FBI: A Hypothetical Challenge

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to a comedic yet intricate discussion about how to hide a paperclip from five FBI agents raiding their house. This segment showcases the hosts' improvisational skills and their ability to blend absurdity with practical thinking.

• Frank’s Bold Strategies:

  Frank proposes extreme methods, including swallowing the paperclip, embedding it deep within household items, or even converting it into a different object altogether.

  Frank: "I would hide it all in the same place. That's a trick, Joey." [34:25]

  Frank: "I'd hide this thing. 40ft down, people down. I'm burying it." [39:51]

• Joe’s Practical Approaches:

  Joe suggests more deceptive techniques, such as disguising the paperclip within the molding of the house or using common household items like toothpaste tubes to conceal it.

  Joe: "Here's what I would do. I would shave a part of the molding out and then put the paperclip... it'll just look like part of the molding." [36:54]

• Humorous Exchanges:

  Their back-and-forth is filled with humor, debating the feasibility of each method and often escalating the absurdity of their ideas.

  Frank: "Damn, I thought I'd get him." [41:10]

  Joe: "This is a horrible idea." [43:36]

4. The New American Pope: A Satirical Take

In a playful segment, Joe and Frank fabricate the news of a new American Pope from Chicago, blending religious themes with everyday cultural references for comedic effect.

• Imagining the Pope’s Persona:

  They joke about the Pope’s background, imagining him as a Cubs fan and integrating elements like hot dogs and local Chicago culture into his persona.

  Frank: "Chicago Pope. He's a Cubs fan. He's from a hot dog place." [60:30]

  Joe: "He's gonna be like naming a father to shine and Jordan drop in 84." [60:27]

• Comedic Scenarios:

  The hosts envision humorous interactions between themselves and the new Pope, including imagining the Pope attending their shows or participating in local events.

  Joe: "We got a Chicago Pope. What's gonna..." [70:10]

  Frank: "I'll go steak fries. I don't like." [70:35]

5. Closing Remarks and Announcements

The episode wraps up with brief announcements about sponsors and upcoming tours, maintaining the light-hearted and engaging tone characteristic of "The Basement Yard."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Frank: "I save a lot for my kids, so they can get them one day and then donate them." [01:15]

• Frank: "I have at least 200 pairs of socks." [08:41]

• Frank: "I would hide it all in the same place. That's a trick, Joey." [34:25]

• Frank: "Chicago Pope. He's a Cubs fan. He's from a hot dog place." [60:30]

• Joe: "This is a horrible idea." [43:36]

---

Conclusion

Episode #503 of "The Basement Yard" showcases Joe Santagato and Frank Alvarez's dynamic chemistry, seamlessly transitioning between personal anecdotes, humorous hypotheticals, and satirical commentary. Whether debating the merits of vintage graphic tees, joking about extensive underwear collections, or concocting elaborate schemes to hide a paperclip from the FBI, the hosts deliver an engaging and entertaining experience. Their ability to intertwine relatable topics with sharp wit ensures that both long-time listeners and newcomers find value and amusement in each episode.

Transcript

[Joey]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. I'm here with Frank. What you sucking on over there, Frank? What you slurping on, Frank? Because you're slurping over there.

[Frank]

It's tea, baby. You know how I be Big T boy is that. That means something trans. Oh, well, I'm not. I'm not supporting Love it, but not me personally. He's a big D boy.

[Joey]

He's just a big D boy. That's all right.

[Frank]

It's okay. T, E A. I got tea.

[Joey]

We knew what you meant.

[Frank]

Careful. Some people might not.

[Joey]

It's true.

[Frank]

But I don't want to. You know, it is what it is.

[Joey]

We're gonna skip it over that. Just dance around.

[Frank]

How you doing?

[Joey]

I'm doing well.

[Frank]

Can I ask you a question?

[Joey]

You're looking up and down. Go ahead.

[Frank]

How's that shirt?

[Joey]

I don't know.

[Frank]

Was it too much? Yeah. What's the most you've paid for a T shirt?

[Joey]

A T shirt.

[Frank]

A T shirt.

[Joey]

The polo. The Gucci polo.

[Frank]

We know about Gucci polo.

[Joey]

Which I donated.

[Frank]

Yes. Which is crazy.

[Joey]

What was I gonna do with it? Hand it down.

[Frank]

I get it, but, like, I don't. I don't know. I mean, you know how I feel. I save a lot of. I donate a lot of clothes, and I save a lot for my kids.

[Joey]

Right.

[Frank]

So some of the shirts that, like, nicer, like, shirts like this.

[Joey]

He saves them for their kids so he can. They can get them one day and then donate them.

[Frank]

It's funny, because most of the stuff I have for my kids is, like, graphic tees.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Because that stuff always comes back around. You know what I'm saying? Like, and think about it. Graphic tees in the 90s are, like, big now. Are they? Yeah, there's a whole, like, companies, like, culture Kings and people that, like, sell. Yeah.

[Joey]

They're selling to, like, us.

[Frank]

They're not, like, vintage. Yeah. I mean, us is like, the people we were a kid at that point in time.

[Joey]

That's like us wearing, like, a Cheers shirt or something. You know what I mean, bro?

[Frank]

That's a big market. Like, vintage clothing, stuff like that, bro. I ever tell you I looked up. So those of you guys that may not know this Young Jeezy, the rapper. Hey, crazy that you did the accent. You dressed up like him for Halloween one year. Right?

[Joey]

I did not dress up like Young Jeezy. But you, however, had the same closet as him.

[Frank]

Yeah. So apparently I had a shirt from him that was a big. It was an all Black shirt and it had a, like a glitter printed on snowman. And it said, I got that snowman. Hindsight, I now understand it was referencing cocaine. Yeah.

[Joey]

And I will go as far to say that, Frank, we knew.

[Frank]

I might knew that I probably knew.

[Joey]

But you back then thought cocaine and selling drugs was so cool. Not cool for you to do. No, but it was like, yeah, sick. Well, because I'm a big pimp.

[Frank]

Because you know what I mean?

[Joey]

You're like, I'm a big pimp who slangs cocaine. Yeah.

[Frank]

And then, I mean, no, not fair. I'm not. I was.

[Joey]

I mean, that's this. I mean, I probably.

[Frank]

Probably. Here's probably what happened.

[Joey]

I like.

[Frank]

It's a great song. I like Young Jeezy, the rapper.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I went and bought the shirt from the place that I went and bought my graphic, like, you know, large tees, you know, and then after I learned that it was pro, it was probably that I end, like, then learned it was about cocaine.

[Joey]

Right.

[Frank]

That.

[Joey]

Right.

[Frank]

I then wore it even more frequently to feel cooler.

[Joey]

Why are we talking about Young Jeezy?

[Frank]

Because I went to look up. I had that shirt and I went to go look up to buy it, and it's expensive now. It was like 200 bucks for, like an XL shirt.

[Joey]

$200 for an I got that snow.

[Frank]

I got that snowman shirt. But, like, bought it. No, I didn't. Oh, crazy. No, I didn't buy it.

[Joey]

Frank, if you walked in here with that T shirt, I would explode from excitement.

[Frank]

Like, I would explode as an adult father, wear a shirt about doing coke.

[Joey]

First of all, your kids will not know what it means.

[Frank]

They will eventually and be like, daddy, what is that?

[Joey]

No one's asking you to wear it to the family barbecue.

[Frank]

They're asking me to wear it on the Internet, where it will be forever. I'd rather wear it to the family barbecue.

[Joey]

Also, you're like, I can't be a dad doing. I saw this morning. I open up TikTok, there's a picture of you playing with fucking Whatever those are.

[Frank]

What do you think you want your kids seeing you do more often? Playing with toys or referencing cocaine on a shirt. Come on.

[Joey]

Well, you. First of all, I'm not asking you to snort cocaine.

[Frank]

I once went to a family gathering. The person shall remain nameless. And someone not ironically, like, seriously, because they thought it was a sick shirt, showed up wearing a shirt that was like, it said, like, strippers and cocaine or something like that.

[Joey]

That's it. Was it an ampersand?

[Frank]

I don't know. Apparently it's like a brand or something. Maybe.

[Joey]

Maybe a brand is strippers and cocaine.

[Frank]

I don't know if it's strippers and cocaine, like specifically, it might be like hookers and cocaine. Just.

[Joey]

Right, yeah.

[Frank]

Any variation of a Lady of the Night? Yeah. And, and drug, and drugs in powder form.

[Joey]

Right.

[Frank]

Just, you know, there's, you could put them together however you choose.

[Joey]

Right.

[Frank]

But yeah. Dude. So my kids are going to inherit shirts that might be worth like 3, $400 in a couple years.

[Joey]

They're not going to sell them.

[Frank]

I know. They'll hold on to them and then what? They gain more value.

[Joey]

But you're not gonna sell it.

[Frank]

I'm gonna give it to my kids.

[Joey]

I'm aware of that, but are they gonna sell it?

[Frank]

No.

[Joey]

Exactly. So what value matter?

[Frank]

I don't know. Like, how are you not asking yourself that question? I just want my kids to open up and I'll be like, you know, I'm like a 55 year old man and I'm just like, these are shirts from when I was 18. Here, these are for you. And they go, whoa.

[Joey]

Yeah, it's gonna go exactly like that.

[Frank]

Is that a Daredevil logo? It is. Yes. Correct.

[Joey]

They're like, no way. Frosted fl.

[Frank]

That's so sick.

[Joey]

And you're like that, careful. I bought that for $25. That's $28. That's what you're gonna say.

[Frank]

Hey, careful with that Spider man tea. It's vintage. It's a collector's item now.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

What have you saved for your potential children one day?

[Joey]

Nothing.

[Frank]

Nothing but money. Which is hindsight a good idea now that I said it.

[Joey]

Nothing but money. No, you know, I don't have that yet. Where I have like a sentimental attachment to like material things or like items or something. Like, I, I, I, I understand it, I'm sure. And I know that there will be times in my life where I will have sentimental stuff that I probably keep. But I don't know, it's hard to imagine. Like now I'm getting, I feel like closer to the idea of like, okay, I get it. But like five years ago even I was like, I, I don't know. There's nothing in my life. Whenever I want someone to ask you, like, what's, what's the first thing you would grab? Or like, what's the three things that you would grab if there was a fire in your apartment? My mind would just go to like, what's the most expensive stuff? So it's Easy to replace. It was never like, oh, there's just something that's really important to me, like a pen or some shit.

[Frank]

Crazy. Crazy. I've been collecting things meaningful to me my whole life.

[Joey]

I know.

[Frank]

I guess you're just. You don't care about stuff.

[Joey]

I mean, I wouldn't say that. I just think that you.

[Frank]

I think the obvious answer is the most important thing you would grab is. Charlie.

[Joey]

Oh, we're not counting humans and pets.

[Frank]

Like, you said it with humans. I thought you were gonna go, we're not counting people. So you say, then that dog dies. Yeah, I just. I think, like, there's something, like, I always look at, like, even, like, some, like, old shoes that I have. I'll be like, wow, this will be cool. Like, seeing my kids, like, run around in them one day. Like, that was Daddy's.

[Joey]

But do you think they will do that?

[Frank]

I think with certain stuff they will. Like old shoes? Yeah, like, shoes and socks and stuff. Like, I think they will. Socks.

[Joey]

You're gonna give your kids your old socks, Frank? They're not gonna wear those.

[Frank]

I. I mean, maybe that's.

[Joey]

Here's my socks.

[Frank]

No, it's not, like, ones that I currently wear. It's like socks that I had previously worn that I saved for them.

[Joey]

Yeah, no, that's what I'm talking about, too, that you have old socks.

[Frank]

I don't wear them all the time now. They're. And they're in storage, Frank.

[Joey]

They could be in the Smithsonian protected. It wouldn't matter. Old socks that you wore. What is your. What is your attachment to these socks?

[Frank]

Some of them just have a story to them. Like, when I got them, what they.

[Joey]

Are, like, is there. Is there one that, like, stands out? Like, here's a story about these pair of socks that I can't wait to pass on.

[Frank]

Not at the moment, but I'm hoping that something will come to me before. And, like, if I see them. You know how they say, like, you need to feel the energy of something when you hold it, and it's just.

[Joey]

Like, oh, like, when you, like, you know you're going to name your baby and then you hold it and you're like, oh, exactly.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

You feel that way about your old socks?

[Frank]

Well, yeah.

[Joey]

Right.

[Frank]

I have. Just so you're in agreement, Becca also feels that I shouldn't have a bin full of socks saved for our kids.

[Joey]

Bin. How many pairs of socks.

[Frank]

How many pair of socks are just.

[Joey]

Like, in your house that are yours?

[Frank]

Mine? At least 200.

[Joey]

200, I would say, for Yourself. Frank, do you have a sock drawer?

[Frank]

Yep.

[Joey]

Is it just socks in there?

[Frank]

Yep.

[Joey]

Do you have a sock drawer with just socks?

[C]

Socks and underwear?

[Frank]

Yeah. Oh, I have an underwear drawer. And then. So it's. Mine is.

[Joey]

Hold on. How many pairs of. Let me ask you, how many pairs of underwear do you currently have in rotation?

[Frank]

Maybe like, 30 or 40. 30 or 40? Too much.

[Joey]

How many do you have?

[C]

13.

[Joey]

That's a normal answer. I was going to say anywhere from 13 to, like, 20. And I only really get to, like, nine of them.

[Frank]

Oh, all right.

[Joey]

40. You have 40 pairs of underwear. So I get why women have.

[Frank]

Between, like, what I have and then what's in storage.

[Joey]

Women have an unbelievable amount of underwear.

[Frank]

But, like, it's in their ass, bro. It's in their ass. Like, you need a lot because you. Those things are, like.

[Joey]

They're cool and colorful, and it's like, this one's laced.

[Frank]

Shut up. I got some cool and colorful. I'm sorry. I bitched again. Yeah, that's a cool and colorful underwear, too.

[Joey]

I get that. But it's less of an accessory for men, in my opinion.

[Frank]

That is true.

[Joey]

We don't. Like, they got matching sets and, like, that looks nice. We don't.

[Frank]

Well, because. Yeah, there's no. There's no fucking.

[Joey]

We don't have a bra.

[Frank]

Yeah. Like, what are we gonna wear? Like, there's no. What's it called? Like, you get a Victoria's Secret. What's it called again? The word is escaping me.

[Joey]

Penis.

[Frank]

Nope. That's not what you get there.

[C]

Lingerie.

[Frank]

No, men's lingerie. You know what I mean? Like, that's a big industry. So that's why women have, like, cooler, like, underwears and stuff. I mean, I don't. I guess now that you guys are. 40 pairs of underwears, I would say maybe 30. Still crazy.

[Joey]

But also.

[Frank]

But I never run out, so, like, I never. I'm never, like, oh, my God.

[Joey]

I don't run out.

[Frank]

I mean, you must. If you only wear nine. Oh, you only have. I'm sorry, you. I thought you saying you only.

[Joey]

I have. I have, like, a top five that if they're clean, I'll go out of my way to wear those. So, like, if they're not clean, though, then I go to the other ones. But then I'll do laundry.

[Frank]

Yeah, I just.

[Joey]

But, like, do you. Do you wear 40 or 30 rather?

[Frank]

Sometimes. Yeah, sometimes I'm a little late on.

[Joey]

Always flipping them around.

[Frank]

I'm wearing, you know, one per day, and I do laundry.

[Joey]

Switch to like tighty whities too?

[Frank]

No. See, this is why you have to be careful with what you say. I have not switched to tighty whities. I accidentally bought underwear.

[Joey]

But you wore them.

[Frank]

Yeah, they're. They're very comfortable. Yeah, and they're not white.

[Joey]

And they were gray.

[Frank]

And I have a gray and a blue.

[Joey]

A gray is crazy.

[Frank]

Gray and blue.

[Joey]

Blue's fine.

[Frank]

Why is gray crazy?

[Joey]

I don't know. Could leave evidence.

[Frank]

Of what? Crap. Is that what you're worried about?

[Joey]

Anything? I mean, it's a.

[Frank]

Can I ask you a serious question?

[Joey]

You've got two holes with stuff.

[Frank]

Well, you think I'm just like leaking piss out of my pee pee?

[Joey]

Frank, you're a human. You're a human being, okay? Everyone's penis has deceived them one day. Okay, Fair, fair, fair.

[Frank]

I did it yesterday. Can I ask you a serious question? Yes. And I know this might be a little gross for some people. Legit. Yeah. When's the last time you had a skid mark in any form of underwear.

[Joey]

You'Ve worn in the last 365 days?

[Frank]

That's disgusting.

[Joey]

I know that's gross, but it's not every day.

[Frank]

It's still gross. Control your butthole, dude.

[Joey]

I know. I mean, what.

[Frank]

Honestly, how? Accidents. What? Like I. Oh, like you, you played. You. You flew too close to the sun.

[Joey]

No, well, that did happen too when I had fucking food poisoning. Yeah, okay, that was fucking crazy.

[Frank]

Too close to the sun and he was like.

[Joey]

Well, no. Well, yeah, I had food poisoning and I was just like literally dying. I had neural virus and I was.

[Frank]

Just like shitting every neuro virus or food poisoning their holes in this story. Just like apparently in your penis. Apparently. It's crazy.

[Joey]

We all, we all have one. We need that. We need the hole. But yeah, just like an accident, you know, or like, just like a little. I'm not saying I'm shitting my pants. And I'm like, I got, I mean.

[Frank]

In theory, if you have skid marks, you're shitting your pants.

[Joey]

Why wouldn't you wear white underwear though?

[Frank]

Because I am an adult male.

[Joey]

Because, but like, also because like, bro, just in case.

[Frank]

Yeah, honestly, if I was younger. Not me, like I, I, I, I couldn't tell you the last time there was like something that I just went.

[Joey]

Like.

[Frank]

You know, I mean, it's, it's.

[Joey]

Not, it's, it's like having car insurance.

[Frank]

No one of those is required by law.

[Joey]

No, so what? It's like having car insurance to me, because it's like, I'm not saying that because I have car. I'm getting car insurance because I get into accidents all the time. It's just in the event of an accident, I'm covered. So I'm not going to wear white. I'm not going to wear gray. I'm going to wear dark colors just in case there's an accident. Then there's nothing crazy.

[Frank]

I guess. I guess I'm. You're working really hard to get me to follow you there. And you know what? That's fine. I just. I don't see. Honestly, do yourself a favor. Go out and pop. Go out and buy yourself underwear. Like legit, like underwear. You know what I'm talking about?

[Joey]

Whiteies.

[Frank]

No, it doesn't need to be white. It could be any color you want. Wear it. And tell me, like, it's not kind of fire. I'll be honest with you. I'm.

[Joey]

Why did you do this?

[Frank]

Because, like, they come up around the thighs.

[Joey]

Those are whites.

[Frank]

No, they. You're just. There's more. They don't need to be white, Joe.

[Joey]

I'm just saying, like, tidy. Tighty white.

[Frank]

It could be tighty. Bluey's.

[Joey]

Sure, sure.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

You know, those to me are tighty. Whitey is like the shape.

[Frank]

Oh, like granny panties is like the.

[Joey]

The term women.

[Frank]

Yeah. All right. Just tighties, okay? Just call them tidies. Go out and buy yourself tidies and tell me that they aren't kind of superior.

[Joey]

Let me ask you this. Or actually that. Let me ask you anything but that finger. Or maybe I'm. Am I telling you something? Do you know, I'm asking. Do you think granny panties would be comfortable to wear?

[Frank]

Bro, we've. We spoke about this recently. If I was a woman.

[Joey]

No, no, I'm saying as a man right now, if you put on a pair of granny panties, do you think it'd be.

[Frank]

What's granny panties if not tighties?

[Joey]

Just thinner, but also the material.

[Frank]

I just said thinner.

[Joey]

That just beat the fuck out of me. Material.

[Frank]

I said. I said that. Thinner.

[Joey]

No, no, it's like a. Am I crazy? When I'm thinking of a granny panty, I'm thinking something like shiny, like silk or like.

[Frank]

Oh, no, that's just like.

[Joey]

Yes, silk underwear.

[Frank]

No, no, I don't.

[C]

And all those 40. You don't have one pair of silk?

[Frank]

Oh, fucking forgive me, giant cock. No, I. I do not have any silk. I have like a silk, like. I'm pretty sure it's silk. Smoking jacket. Why is it like. It's crazy. I don't have silk underwear.

[Joey]

I have a silk smoking jacket.

[Frank]

What are you, Hugh Hefner? What are you talking about?

[Joey]

I don't have. I don't have silk underwear. I have a silk smoke. What is a smoking jacket?

[Frank]

I think it's exactly what it sounds like. It's meant to be smoked in.

[Joey]

But what do you. What does it look like?

[Frank]

Like a robe Kind of. It kind of looks like pajamas.

[Joey]

Okay.

[Frank]

It kind of just looks like. Like I have a set. It's the pants, and they're smoking pants. I'll wear them one day.

[Joey]

Are they silk?

[Frank]

I think they are silk.

[Joey]

They're like a shiny. Like, they're.

[Frank]

They're shiny as hell.

[Joey]

Feels good.

[Frank]

Oh, yeah, it does.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Yeah. I'll wear them in one day.

[Joey]

Silk hotel.

[Frank]

I've heard that silk under the under heat doesn't do well, because I remember I looked into getting a silk shirt for Radio City.

[Joey]

Frank, now that this moment has passed. Okay, now that this moment.

[Frank]

Go ahead, I'll do it. You got it. Go, go, go.

[Joey]

Frankie, when we were doing Radio City, he's like, oh, we gotta wear something nice or whatever. And then he showed me this shirt, and I was like, oh, you're gonna get that. And he's like. He's like, yeah, I'm thinking about it. He's like, it's super expensive. Whatever. It's a Radio City. Blah, blah, blah. Frank, I didn't say this at the time, but that is the ugliest shirt I've ever seen.

[Frank]

What?

[C]

Wow.

[Frank]

No way.

[Joey]

Frank, it is worse than the Polo. It is infinitely worse.

[Frank]

It's louder.

[Joey]

Frank, it is a flashbang, okay? You would have deafened the audience with this. I almost would have probably been like, I don't know that you should wear that. Can we pull a picture of it?

[Frank]

I mean, yeah, if he could find it. I don't want. Well, let's start here. Just go to the Versace website.

[Joey]

Yeah, you know what? Anyone who's familiar with Versace, just go to the. Look at those underwear.

[Frank]

$95. It's crazy.

[Joey]

Sab Karp is here.

[C]

Dude, what am I.

[Frank]

Just scroll to men's shirts, okay? Just go. Men's shirts. While he gets that up type. Let me defend my.

[Joey]

Let me.

[Frank]

Let me defend myself. Okay, really quick. So it wasn't those.

[Joey]

Where am I going?

[Frank]

It wasn't those. You're getting closer. It's black. Keep going, keep going.

[Joey]

That's close.

[Frank]

Keep going. Oh, that's all they got. They might have removed it.

[Joey]

Oh, no. Show more, baby.

[Frank]

You're not getting it on the right.

[Joey]

Yes.

[Frank]

This. Yes.

[C]

That's not black.

[Frank]

First of all.

[Joey]

First of all, that's the shirt that he was going to wear. Wow. Let's read off the price. Yeah.

[Frank]

It's a couple bucks.

[C]

Was it this one or. $990.

[Frank]

I wasn't wearing long sleeve, babe.

[C]

Okay. I'm so sorry.

[Frank]

Hear me out. Hear me out.

[Joey]

Yeah. Okay.

[Frank]

You want to do this? Yeah.

[Joey]

What?

[Frank]

We're gonna get heard out then? If we're airing this out. If you're. If. If I've gone through all 40 of my underwear and we got dirty laundry. Let's air this out. I didn't get it.

[Joey]

I know.

[Frank]

In hindsight, it was not, like, what was I thinking? Yes. However. However. Shirts. Crazy. However, it was a big occasion.

[Joey]

Yep.

[Frank]

And I wanted something to memorialize the event. Do me a favor.

[Joey]

Memorialize.

[Frank]

Ask me if you think I ever would have wore this shirt again ever, ever.

[Joey]

Frank. I know the answer.

[Frank]

It was going in a frame.

[Joey]

In a frame? Yeah.

[Frank]

People frame shirts like they frame jerseys.

[Joey]

You Aaron Rodgers. It's not going in a frame. Did you frame the clothes that you wore?

[Frank]

No, I actually just put them away, though. And I said, like, all right. Like.

[Joey]

All right, wait, like, put them.

[Frank]

Away for the winter? Like, for, like, their winter clothes or like, fall.

[Joey]

It's not like you put them down. You took them out to the backyard. All right. You've served.

[Frank]

Just look at the flowers now. But that's such a crazy. Who would do that? Who would buy something to memorialize an event? Did you buy anything to memorialize Radio City?

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

What do you buy?

[Joey]

A watch. Frank, how much was that? The watch was very expensive. The most expensive thing I've ever bought in my entire life. However, 1. Let's go. Let's go.

[Frank]

Are we going?

[Joey]

1.

[Frank]

Gloves out. Let's go.

[Joey]

No, no, no. The watch.

[Frank]

Yep.

[Joey]

I don't think the issue that I have with this thing that you bought. Were planning on buying was the price.

[Frank]

Okay.

[Joey]

The issue was what it was. What it was.

[Frank]

The item. Okay.

[Joey]

What it looked like.

[Frank]

Listen, Joey.

[Joey]

Me.

[Frank]

You see that there's.

[Joey]

I'm a little confused.

[Frank]

See that there? You see those veins?

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Runs through those veins. Blood. And what does blood make me? A human. I'm only human, babe. I make mistakes. We make mistakes, okay? And we only. We can only do what's best for us as humans in those situations. At the time, he's doing one of.

[Joey]

His rants that don't make sense, but.

[Frank]

It'S a lot of words, hindsight. With the benefit of hindsight on our side. Hindsight is always 20. Of course, we can look back and say, that was a dumb idea.

[Joey]

You think that's true? I don't think it's true. I think sometimes I look back and I go, what? I don't know.

[Frank]

Well, you look at it like that because you have the benefit of hindsight on your side. You can look back and say at the time, you're like, yeah, I was gung ho about it. Hindsight. Now I don't know.

[Joey]

Gung ho.

[Frank]

Damn right. I'm just saying I was trying to memorialize what was professionally biggest achievement. Right, okay.

[Joey]

But. And. But I know, and I wanted to.

[Frank]

Do it with Versace with me. Okay. With a silver Sasha Donatello. With Donatella Versace on by my side.

[Joey]

You know what? I will say this. I will say this. I don't like it. Right. I don't like the shirt, but I will say this. I think that if you did wear it, of course I'm joking. I would have never gone like, ew, Frank, don't buy that. If you wore it, I honestly think that you could pull it off.

[Frank]

Thank you.

[Joey]

And I think that it would have looked good. It would. It. It honestly would not have boded well for you, though.

[Frank]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Joey]

To be like, hey, Frank.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

All of the jokes.

[Frank]

There were some other ones that I had contemplated. Yeah. There were some other considerations. There was a white one that I almost got. You can keep going and I'll tell you, if it comes up.

[Joey]

Some of these are just like.

[C]

These are hideous.

[Joey]

These are.

[Frank]

Some of them are. That white and black one and that golden and blue one were up there, too.

[C]

These two.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

You know, one time I actually walked into a Versace store or someone I was with. Maybe I was with Danny or something, but, like, I think someone wanted to buy a Versace swimsuit, trunks or whatever the fuck. And some of the shit there is just like, when I picture these. These things, it's all like, older, rich dudes in Miami with white pants. And they're wearing that shirt.

[Frank]

Yep, absolutely.

[Joey]

You know what I mean?

[Frank]

Flowy white pants, too.

[Joey]

You don't really see a lot of younger people in.

[Frank]

I just. Again, more of the. More at the time, my mentality was.

[Joey]

Just like, these are.

[Frank]

My mentality was just like, let's memorialize this with something that is so insane, because you know me, I like loud shirts. You know me. That's not like. I know this is not loud, but, like, it's louder than what you're normally used to, you know, like, you're not a loud shirt guy. If you were to say, is Frankie a muted style person or a loud style person? You would obviously say Power Rangers or something like that. Louder. I thought in my head, it's almost become like a part of the show that, like, Hawaiian shirts, loud clothing.

[Joey]

You haven't worn Hawaiian shirts in very long, Frank.

[Frank]

I can't remember the last time I wore them, but I wear them.

[Joey]

That man one you've worn.

[Frank]

But like, besides that, I wear them every now and then. But, like, do you see me twice a week normally, you know?

[Joey]

Yeah, but I've seen pictures of you.

[Frank]

But also, I mean, not. Regardless, we're splitting peas here. I just think that it would have been like, this is Frankie at the pinnacle of being Frankie on stage at Radio City.

[Joey]

So you think in order to be the pinnacle, the peak of yourself, I need to be. Your shirt needs to be.

[Frank]

Well, I need to show that I am 400 decibels. Listen, Joey, a worry that people might have about you and I is that along this road that we call life, there it is.

[Joey]

Which is a long, winding, winding road. Is windy a word?

[Frank]

Windy? I think so. Or. I know it's winding in that song. Yeah, but like, if something is windy in the path. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah. In a circle.

[Joey]

You go low.

[Frank]

The circle of life. Boom. The Lion King. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Bang. Yeah, that's. They held that up.

[Joey]

Imagine that was real. Like the animal kingdom. Like, a monkey's gonna hold up a cub and all the animals line up and then they're.

[Frank]

And the. The. The. What are they called? The ones? The gazelles are just like, hell, yeah, I'm about this also, the Gil.

[Joey]

The gazelles aren't going to be there. Those things get eaten by everybody.

[Frank]

Well, that was. That was a thing that they said in the movie. It's just like, don't we eat these animals? And it was just like, yeah, but every. It's the circle of life. We all.

[Joey]

It's like we're having an assembly. Everyone chill.

[Frank]

Yeah, dude, I. Yeah, bro. That soundtrack. Go back and crazy. Go back and watch that movie. You open up with circle of life. Just can't wait to be king. Be prepared. Hakuna matata. Is that. Is that like the pinnacle of, like, Disney soundtracks? Not my answer, but it's one or two.

[Joey]

I recently Finney texted me and he was like, yo, I just saw a video where it was like, top 10 movie soundtracks or something. Or maybe it was Disney soundtracks. And he's like, Tarzan is 10. I was like, that's illegal.

[Frank]

Illegal. We can debate this one day on a Patreon episode. But I think it's Lion King is definitely in the top five. Wh.

[Joey]

Without question, bro.

[Frank]

You're forgetting so many other movies that are.

[Joey]

I mean, Aladdin's probably number one.

[Frank]

Aladdin is in there. Little Mermaid is in there.

[Joey]

Oh, Little Mermaid.

[Frank]

Pocahontas is in there. Mulan is in there, bro. People go. People ride for Mulan, dude.

[C]

Tarzan.

[Frank]

Tarzan, exactly.

[Joey]

Not Mulan. Pocahontas is like, it's got one.

[Frank]

Colors of the Wind. That's it. Yeah. That's a problematic movie now that we think about it. A lot of them often.

[Joey]

I don't even know the story of that movie. I don't even know what I mean. It's just like, what is going on? White guy falls in love with a. Yeah.

[Frank]

And then like, his big, like, dude is just like, nah, that this is our now. And she's like, no. But the. What makes it problematic is like, what the real story was. It was like at the. Like, the real Pocahontas was like 11. Yeah, there's some stuff.

[Joey]

Pocahontas is such a cool name, by the way. That was like my first crush.

[Frank]

Pocahontas.

[Joey]

One of them. Yeah. Pocahontas.

[Frank]

I could see that. I was in love with Pocahontas, you know? You know my answer. Christina, Richie and Casper. That's it.

[Joey]

That's another one. Yeah.

[Frank]

You know, see, I didn't.

[Joey]

I didn't have the same kind of crush on Christina Ricci that I had on Pocahontas. Pocahontas.

[Frank]

I was like, fucking Roxanne in a goofy movie. Are you kidding me?

[Joey]

I know. When I was younger too, I was like, I'll never. I'll never be able be good enough for Roxanne Nala.

[Frank]

We did. Years ago, we did an episode where I think we did a bracket of like, the best looking animated characters. Might be time to revisit that.

[Joey]

But yeah, some goodies there. Anyway, we do have some sponsors for today. Hello, mama. So the first one being. How you doing? Better Help. The show is sponsored by Better Help. Okay. That is online therapy. So if you're going through something traumatic or even if you're not, if you're going through, you know, if you just have a lot of life decisions coming up or anything, I suggest you get into therapy. I've been in therapy for a number of years. I think it's very helpful. I think everyone should be in it and would benefit from it. Even if you think like, ah, you know, it's not for me or whatever. Trust me. I think that it's, it's good for everyone. It makes you a better communicator. It's just, it's just all around a very helpful thing in my opinion. But BetterHelp has over 10 years of experience with matching people at the right therapists from their diverse network of over 30,000 licensed therapists. Okay. With a wide range of different specialties. But it's fully online so it makes it customizable. You can talk to your therapist every week or every other week. So you kind of like make it like that. Make it very easy to find a therapist. You could start talking to a therapist in just under 48 hours. And the best part about it is that it's more affordable than in person therapy, which I can tell you from experience is insanely expensive. Even if you have the right insurance. Some of them don't even take insurance. It's a lot. So, yeah, this is a fraction of the price. And we're also going to save you some money. So go to betterhelp.com basemanyard and you'll get 10% off of your first month. Okay? That is BetterHelp spelled B E T T e R h e l p.com basemanyard and you will get 10% off of that first month. Okay? And we also have rocket money, okay? Rocket money all in one personal finance app that is going to put money back in your pocket. Okay? They find and cancel unwanted subscriptions. You know, if you like signed up for something like a newsletter and it's like you get a free trial for a month and you gotta start paying for it and you forgot that you had it and now you've been paying for it for the last six months and you had, you just forgot and you had no idea it was coming out of your account. Stuff like that or the yearly things like. That's what got me is like I was paying for stuff, but it would be one payment and then it would be for the entire year. Even if that's like 50 bucks or something, that's one day. If I don't see that on the statement, I just miss it and then I end up paying for it a bunch of times. So it's finding things like that, canceling them, putting it back in your pocket. They also have a feature that will help lower your bills. You can grow your savings and also it monitors your spending. They Have a budgeting feature that will help you budget. All right, so put the money back in your pocket. Has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in cancelled subscriptions. So that saves members up to $704 a year when they use all the app's premium features. Okay? So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com Basement today, again, that is RocketMoney.com Basement.

[Frank]

Listen, whatever journey you on, whether it be personal wellness, whether it be personal wellness, financial stability, or anything going on in the world, why don't you allow the basement yard boys to be along with you? Okay, go to patreon.com the Basement Yard. We're gonna do this.

[Joey]

We're gonna.

[Frank]

On this windy road, okay? We're gonna be together. You sign up for the Patreon and you directly support us. And you get more of us, too. So that first tier, you get these weekly episodes seven whole days in advance. That's one week in advance. Okay? And that second tier, well, then guess what? You're going to get exclusive episodes every single Friday, which are kind of nuts, honestly. Those episodes get a little all over the place. If you can believe it or not, they're crazier than these. So go check it [e-mail] the Basementyard. Thank you, guys. We finally pushed to over 34,000 patrons. Unbelievable. We were just talking about it and it. And it's. It's.

[Joey]

And he agreed to run a half marathon because of that. So we thank you guys so much.

[Frank]

No, I did not. In November, we did not. So thank you guys for pushing us there. We obviously want to continue to grow so we can give you guys more of what you love. And Patreon allows us to do that the best. So thank you. Please go to patreon.com the basementyard and if you want to save some money while supporting, go to the. Go to your web browser and go to that URL. Go to patreon.com the basementyard and use it. You'll save yourself a little bit of money because if you use an app on Apple, they get a cut of it. So it's just easier to save you money. Whatever journey you're on, let us come and hang out with you. Okay? So go check it out.

[Joey]

And.

[Frank]

The boys are back at it. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Too much. I'll be honest.

[Joey]

I don't know where you're going.

[Frank]

I lost my elbow on that one. We announced that we are the. The new tour.

[Joey]

New tour.

[Frank]

From the Basement to the world tour. The basement yard boys are getting back after it.

[Joey]

Yes, sir.

[Frank]

If you guys for some reason haven' seen everything that we have been talking about or posting about, go to the basementyard.com. all of our information is going to be on there. If you're seeing this early on Patreon May 13th. Yes. At 12:00pm Eastern Standard Time is when the tickets go live for pre sale with the pre sale code basement. If you're not a patient and you're seeing it after that still go check. See if we're still available in whatever cities are close to you or in your city. So go check it out. Thebasementyard.com we're excited.

[Joey]

Get your tickets. Come see your boy.

[Frank]

And this is, this is, you know, if you came last year, new show. Yeah. We got new stuff. We make you. We want to make it so it doesn't. It doesn't feel like last year and you're not, you know, you're getting. You're getting new stuff.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

So go check it out. Thank you guys. We love you. We wouldn't be able to do this without you.

[Joey]

Yes. Amazing. Let me ask you a question.

[Frank]

Oh, you. I don't know. Can I. I don't know why I hate the pointing so much. Like, it's not a bit. I just don't like it. It's not like you're doing anything wrong. Like, we're in a show, we pointed each other, we talk. But like you just did that. And I was like, oh, maybe you.

[Joey]

Got some.

[Frank]

Like, what? I don't know, trauma.

[Joey]

But you, but you do. The way that you react to like poop conversations and mustard and me pointing apparently is pretty, pretty the same. It's pretty like.

[Frank]

It's similar to how you reacted to when that shirt popped up on the screen that I was gonna buy. Yikes. But what were you gonna ask me, babe? Go ahead.

[Joey]

Well, the question that aunt. He kind of proposed to us before this, so I wanted to bring it back up, but it was like if you had a full day to hide a paperclip.

[C]

Paperclip.

[Joey]

A paperclip from the FBI. Five agents.

[C]

Sure.

[Joey]

Five detectives are gonna raid your house. You have to hide a paperclip somewhere in your house. Do you think that you could fool them and you could successfully hide it?

[Frank]

What, what equipment do they have, bro?

[Joey]

I don't work there. I don't fucking know.

[Frank]

I mean, do they have like X ray? Do they have like stuff that can do that?

[Joey]

Cheating. That's cheating.

[Frank]

They have a metal detector and stuff like that, or are they just looking like good old gumshoe tactics? Like, are they just going with their hands and they're looking around?

[Joey]

Let's say that.

[Frank]

Okay, Yes. I can hide 40 of those fucking paper clips.

[Joey]

Okay, that's insane. No, bro, one I'm gonna find, I'd hide them all.

[Frank]

I'd hide them all in the same place. That's a trick, Joey.

[Joey]

That's not a trick. Okay, well, where would you hide a paperclip?

[Frank]

I mean, the easiest way that I know they're not getting it is I swallow it.

[Joey]

Oh, how they're gonna check you?

[Frank]

Well, they said they don't have a metal scanner, so what are they gonna do? They're just gonna poke my belly and just like, you know, put their ear to it and stuff like that.

[Joey]

Also, I don't know what's gonna happen to you. Well, you already got a little sensy tummy. You just swallow a piece of sharp metal. Yeah.

[Frank]

It won't work. Well, but if.

[Joey]

Because let me tell you.

[Frank]

Here's the thing. Here's the thing.

[Joey]

It's gonna be a red wedding when you take it.

[Frank]

Here's the thing. Here's the thing, babe. Ant said that if they successfully don't find it, I win a billion dollars.

[Joey]

Oh, is that the thing?

[C]

Yeah, but if they find it, they die.

[Frank]

But if they don't find it, they die.

[Joey]

If they find it, do I die?

[C]

No, you still get if they don't.

[Frank]

Find it, they die. And so I get a billion dollars.

[Joey]

So they're gonna shove their hands down your throat and up your ass to try and find this thing?

[Frank]

They could try, bitch, but they ain't getting very far. It'll be in my belly.

[C]

The first place they'll check is definitely some sort of wand to make sure it's not in you.

[Frank]

Regardless, there's no way they're finding this thing.

[Joey]

Where would you put it then? If you weren't there, what would you do? Do you know?

[C]

I have no idea.

[Joey]

I know. Here's what I would do.

[Frank]

Okay, walk us through. I'm a detective.

[Joey]

You ever. Well, you're gonna have to be tougher than that, detective.

[Frank]

Open up, Joe. It's me.

[Joey]

We're not doing role play.

[Frank]

Why not? Because people like it.

[Joey]

So you know when you get, like, a scratch in your wall or something, and then you, like, take soap and then you paint over it?

[Frank]

Soap?

[Joey]

Yeah. You've never done that?

[Frank]

What the fuck are you talking about?

[Joey]

Like, if you get, like, a Little nick in your wall or something. Or, like, the molding, you can take, like, soap, and you keep going, oh.

[Frank]

Like a bar of soap, like, to fill it in?

[Joey]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frank]

Oh, I thought you meant, like, to clean the mark out. Okay, I meant, like, that.

[Joey]

Okay, so my thought process is, like, shave a part of the molding out and then put the paperclip. Like, open it and then put it like that. And then do the soap over it and then paint over it. It'll just look like part of the molding.

[Frank]

That's actually. That's a really good one. That's really, really good.

[C]

If they have metal detectors, maybe I would shove it deep in a TV or something.

[Frank]

Well, here's the thing. If they have metal detectors, they're gonna find it deep in a tv.

[Joey]

They're flat screens.

[Frank]

Okay.

[C]

I'm saying I would take it apart and put it in somewhere deep, because if they have a metal detector, maybe that'll throw it off.

[Frank]

So you're hoping, like. Well, you know, something like lead. You need something like lead in order to protect from seeing through. That's what's famously, Superman can't see through lead. So Superman works for the FBI. No, I, I. If we're saying, like, metal detectors, they're gonna find it. Does it need to remain in paperclip form? Could I, like, melt it? Can I, like, melt it down and make it into a ring?

[Joey]

You're hiding a paperclip?

[Frank]

I'm hiding a paperclip.

[Joey]

Make it into a ring.

[Frank]

Stick it out loud.

[Joey]

Here.

[Frank]

What? All right, I think, like, the easy answer is, like, hide it in the piping somewhere. So, like, most bathrooms have, like, copper piping and stuff like that. And, like, put it down the drain.

[Joey]

You have to be able to get it.

[Frank]

No, he didn't say that. That was not. That was not spoken.

[Joey]

Oh. I mean, I'm assuming you have to, like, be able to access it. You can't just flush it.

[Frank]

Well, then it wouldn't be in your house. That's why I didn't say flush it. I said, like, put it in a drain and, like, tape it to the side or something.

[Joey]

No, they'll find that.

[Frank]

Think. So there's the spot that we have in our house. So technically, our house has a chimney and. But there's no fireplace or anything. I guess it's just, like, a chimney for some reason. And in the attic, there's a spot between the brick chimney and the, like, attic, and there's just a hole, and I don't know where it goes. Throw it down there, and it's not, like, big enough that, like, they can fit down there and get it. They would have to, like, send a drone.

[Joey]

What if I took it and I wore a rubber glove and I shoved it in a socket, electrified it, so even if they find it, it's like, I can't get that.

[Frank]

You know, they could just. They could put on the rubber glove and remove it.

[Joey]

Didn't even think of that at all.

[Frank]

I think, like, I. I definitely think also, we have young kids. There's, like, a ton of, like, little toys that, like, you could hide in.

[Joey]

They're gonna just smash them all.

[Frank]

But could they?

[C]

I like, in a pipe I like is not bad.

[Frank]

Or like, a. So, like, you know how, like, bike tires like that, you have to, like. It's like a tire and then a tube on the inside. Put it in between, you know, the tube and the tire.

[Joey]

Yeah, I like that.

[Frank]

You know, that's not bad.

[Joey]

Does your yard count? Can we bury this fucker?

[Frank]

Oh, sure. Oh, then they're never finding it.

[Joey]

Yeah, I'm buried.

[Frank]

I'm burying this thing. 40ft down, people down. I'm burying it.

[Joey]

You probably hit China. I believe that when I was a kid, I legitimately believed at the beach that if I dug far enough, I would end up in China. Yeah, you fucking stupid.

[Frank]

Yes.

[Joey]

You are dumb.

[Frank]

Yes. And go and try it right now and let those walls cave in and take the oxygen and your life with you. I think that there is if you get. How much prep time do I have? If you tell me, like, they're coming tomorrow. Yeah. Like, okay, so, like, then I could definitely do it. But if you're like, they're coming in an hour, I'll be like, oh, fuck.

[C]

If you dug 40ft, you can tell. Oh, someone just dug there in a day.

[Joey]

What if I took a cucumber and I just shoved it in slow?

[Frank]

Brother, I'm. That's the easiest thing to see. Something metallic in a cucumber.

[Joey]

They would have to crack open the cucumber.

[Frank]

Done. Bing. There it is. I guess I'm on, babe.

[Joey]

Doing that. Yeah.

[Frank]

Oh, what if I know what I would do? I know exactly how I would do this. I would buy a truck's worth of needles, and I would throw the paperclip in the needles. Needle in a haystack, Frank.

[C]

I believe that's a paperclip and a needle stack.

[Frank]

Exactly.

[Joey]

So, I mean, if they need.

[Frank]

Best case scenario. Damn, I thought I'd get him.

[Joey]

Frank.

[Frank]

Frank.

[Joey]

Bing, bang, boom.

[Frank]

Best case scenario, they're Sitting there, sifting through that. Or I got another one. I buy the big needle stack, and.

[Joey]

You tell them it's in there.

[Frank]

And I tell. And I. And I don't tell them it's in there, but they think, like, well, that's where he must have put it. It's elsewhere.

[Joey]

You fill your house with needles, and then you hide it in a good place anyway. Or needles.

[Frank]

I'm on it. I'm on it. Remember the movie saw to hear me out. Remember saw two?

[Joey]

Where are we going?

[Frank]

You saw saw two, right?

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Remember the girl gets thrown into the big, like, hole in the floor with the syringes?

[Joey]

Literally, my least favorite part of the song.

[Frank]

That's a bad one.

[Joey]

Ew.

[Frank]

What if I had a pit like that? You don't, but I'll buy a kiddie pool.

[Joey]

Are you saying if you had a pit of syringes?

[Frank]

Yes.

[Joey]

In your house?

[Frank]

Yep. And I turn the paper. I open the paperclip so it looks like the needle part of a syringe, and I put it in there.

[Joey]

The whole pit of syringes was so, like, not needed for you to, like, do that. Yeah. Ooh. What if this is. This is good. I think it's good.

[Frank]

All right, hear me.

[Joey]

You're supposed to listen. All right, Hear me somehow. Okay, you take it. You take the paperclip and you make it flat. And then you put it into a tube of toothpaste, and you get it all the way onto the side so you could just use it normally. And it's like toothpaste. Like, there's nothing in there. If you get it all the way in and then you put it off to the side, then it'll just act as toothpaste.

[Frank]

Bro, I'm sorry. If I have 24 hours and I'm a detective, everything that could have something in it is getting torn open and cut open and searched thoroughly.

[Joey]

It's true.

[C]

I think the molding's a good answer. What if while they're in there, I slip it in their pocket?

[Joey]

They're going to walk away with it, you dumb ass.

[Frank]

Well, they're staying in the house for 24 hours unless they.

[Joey]

But if they can't find it, like, I guess we're leaving as soon as they walk out, they're like, wait, I have it.

[Frank]

Exactly. It's over. The 24 hours is over.

[Joey]

But they'll have it on their. In their possession.

[C]

But they didn't.

[Frank]

Yeah, but they didn't find it during the time. The allotted time that they had to find it.

[Joey]

This is a horrible idea.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

All the. They're gonna be like, damn. And be like, oh, yeah.

[Frank]

I think hiding it in something or under something is the easiest answer. Like you could.

[Joey]

In an urn. Yeah. They can really dump out grandpa. Let's be honest.

[Frank]

That's fair. That's true. I was thinking. What about. You know, I think I got it.

[Joey]

Okay.

[Frank]

You have hardwood flooring in your house. You guys had harder with flooring in your house. You know, there's like the nails in the hardwood flooring.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

What if I make it look like it's one of the nails? I just like ham. I like drill in and put it in. Then like, make it look like a nail.

[Joey]

I think it would stick out. Unless you're gonna put that, like floor glaze.

[Frank]

I would make it look good. I would make. I would do my best to like, make it look good.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

You know, or like in, you know. You know how, like floors that have carpeting, they have like ugly throw up colored carpeting. It's just like the spongy foam underneath it.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

What if you just shove it in there, like in. In the. In the throw up carpet?

[Joey]

I mean, this is another thing that I think they're probably just gonna rip up the same way that you said anything packaged.

[Frank]

I think we could do it.

[Joey]

What if we put it in a. In a pot of boiling hot water?

[C]

Gotcha.

[Joey]

Gotcha.

[Frank]

Come on. Or watch this. Turn it off. Let it just look inside and let it cool down.

[C]

I feel like if I drill a hole into a door and then put it in there and plug that up. How are they really finding.

[Frank]

Can I, can. Can I.

[Joey]

You'll tell that there's a. There was a hole in a door.

[Frank]

Can I alter this paperclip at all?

[C]

Yeah, you can make. You just can't melt it.

[Joey]

You can't melt it. You can.

[Frank]

So I can. I can make it. I can bend it. I can paint it a different color. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Okay. I just wanted to check if I could do that. I just wanted to check. I think that there's a possibility that. Why don't we do this, bro?

[Joey]

Why don't we just put it like when you first walk in the house, there's molding above your door. And do the thing that I said right by the front of the door.

[Frank]

I think that's tough because that's the first place they're gonna check. Like any good detective, bro.

[Joey]

Shove it. Get a giant ladder. Right. Climb up to your roof and shove it.

[Frank]

He said in the house, not on the house.

[Joey]

Oh, so does it count as in the house if I put it in the brick outside? Like, what if I was. If I'm, like, pointing the house. You know, you get rid of the old. The concrete between the bricks. You put it in, and then you point the house. Boom.

[Frank]

I was gonna say in a paver.

[Joey]

I'd say the driveway.

[Frank]

In the driveway, in a paver. Cut. You cut a little. Like a little section of it, and you put it in there, and then you put it down. Just make it look like the paver never came up.

[C]

Yeah, I was gonna say just under a tile in your house. How are they getting that?

[Frank]

Here's the thing. Yeah, so here's the thing. Pure. Regardless. If there's five of them. If you put it somewhere where they just. The timing doesn't make sense that they would get to something like that.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Like, by the time they got through every single paver. I'll take those chances for a billion dollars.

[Joey]

Unless they just. Yeah, yeah. No, you're right.

[Frank]

Billion dollars.

[Joey]

Yeah. There's no way. There's no way they're finding it. There's no.

[Frank]

Not a single fucking way. What fucking detectives do you know, Cluso? Who do you know?

[Joey]

Wait. What if they have a dog and the dog knows? What?

[Frank]

Paper dogs can't smell metal. They smell bombs and drugs and kids.

[C]

But if they smell me, they'll know I. You have to have someone else place the paper.

[Frank]

Hey, brother, it's your house. Everything smells like you.

[C]

Not outside in that one brick.

[Frank]

It's your house. The place probably smells like.

[Joey]

I can't smell a brick. In the air.

[C]

In the air.

[Frank]

That's like. If you were just like. Well, if I murdered someone in my house, my fingerprints are on the. All over the place. It's like. Yeah, because it's your house. Same thing. Your scent is everywhere.

[Joey]

Do you think you could hide like a. I'm trying to think of, like, something, like, bigger than a paperclip.

[Frank]

A baseball?

[Joey]

No.

[Frank]

No baseball. They'll find it's impossible. That's really tough. Yeah.

[Joey]

Literally impossible. I can't hide it in the wall. I can't Also, if I'm the agents and I'm gonna die, I'm walking in here with a sledgehammer. The walls are coming down.

[C]

Everything's down.

[Frank]

Everything. I'm dismantling that piece by piece.

[Joey]

That'll make it harder if you start knocking the walls down.

[Frank]

I mean, they'll have to go through it. Take it out. Not in there. Go through it. Like, they'd have to do it in a smart way.

[Joey]

This is like not the conversation we're having but like, you're moving into a new house soon. Do you ever like, and I don't mean to ruin this for you, Here.

[Frank]

We go, it's done. I'm not, I'm.

[Joey]

But you ever think about like that there could be stuff in the walls, like, like a body?

[Frank]

I've never thought about it, but thank you for this now.

[Joey]

Right, or like haunted. Have you ever spent the night there? Do you know, haunt?

[Frank]

I don't think you know how buying houses work, but they don't like give you like a one night trial. Yeah, just like if you don't like it, you know, satisfaction guarantee you'll get a full return. No, you basically, the first when you, when you get the place is when you stay in it.

[Joey]

I always think about that when I like in my new apartments. The first night, I'm like, I hope it's not haunted.

[Frank]

So I don't know. I don't have my realtor's license, so I can't with confidence say where this happens or like the minutia of it. But like, Frank, to my under the fuck on.

[Joey]

You've said minutia four times today, Frank.

[Frank]

Four. Four minutia. When have I said minutia?

[Joey]

He minutiaed in the video we shot before. You minutiaed on the call earlier.

[Frank]

Did I minutia?

[Joey]

You minutiaed.

[Frank]

I don't remember any manuscript in the video. I honestly don't remember.

[Joey]

You guys see the video, you will know he minutiaed and you're minutia now. And then you minutiaed on the call. Did you just learn minutia?

[Frank]

No, I've always known minutia.

[Joey]

Well, now it's very popular now. And it's been funny.

[Frank]

It's a popular word. It's going to be pretty laborious for me to take that out of my vocabulary.

[Joey]

Don't bring that back either. And I'm giving you a point on purpose. I think Frank also. Can I be.

[Frank]

You know, you know, I, I, you don't know.

[Joey]

I don't know.

[Frank]

All right, what is it? So like, Wait, what are you talking about?

[Joey]

Minutia?

[Frank]

Oh, just like the little parts of something, like minute. Yeah, like minutiae. Like, like, like the little, like little things, little details. But what I was gonna say is that some places, some states, it might be different state to state or whatever, but you need to like if there's a known crime, like a murder or Something that has happened or, like, if it. It's suspected of being haunted.

[Joey]

Like, I'm not thinking. I'm not saying, like, known crimes. I'm saying, like, this guy was covered up.

[Frank]

Unknown crime. Yeah, yeah. Hey, listen, man. Out of sight, out of mind. Ignorance is bliss.

[Joey]

Could be all bodies in the wall.

[Frank]

There could. The walls could be. This house could be being propped up by skeletons. And I wouldn't know. Yes.

[C]

And I'd be more worried that someone sees an open house sign and then.

[Frank]

They'Re just living in there, like, squatters.

[Joey]

That's.

[Frank]

That happens. Dude, you ever see those videos of people are.

[C]

Oh, that my bunch of bananas is gone. I don't know what it is.

[Joey]

Is.

[Frank]

Oh, my God. And there's, like, a small Asian woman that crawls out of, like, a. A cupboard. And they've been living there for, like, four years or some.

[C]

That's kind of what I'm talking about.

[Frank]

Yeah. That terrifies me. I'm telling you right now. Well, there we go. I don't know where this happened, but, like, I saw a video once, and it was just like, I've noticed, like, things have gone missing, so I set up a camera, and then there's just, like, someone that, like, crawls out of a cupboard. You've heard about this. You might be able to look it up. Look at that video. You've never seen this, but, like, in that situation.

[Joey]

Wait, what are you talking. Why are you saying open house? That's like, when people are showing their house, right?

[Frank]

And they're. Go ahead.

[C]

And then they see that, okay, this house is gonna be vacant. They get in there, and then when the family moves in, they're just secretly living in the house.

[Frank]

So. Son, that can happen. I'm sure it has happened. And, like. Like that.

[Joey]

I'm sure I. I'm, like, beating this person like they're a demon, because I wouldn't believe that they're human.

[Frank]

It's. It's pretty crazy. It.

[Joey]

It happens in my house. A person crawling out of a cupboard.

[Frank]

Bro, I can't.

[Joey]

Eating a banana.

[Frank]

You need to. And you need to pull this up.

[C]

I'll try to find it.

[Frank]

And, like, they would, like, they, like, found the area. And there was, like, quilts and, like, pillows set up and shit like that. And, like, food wrappers. And, like, this person would sneak down. Maybe it was, like. Maybe it was, like, publicity for, like, a movie or something.

[Joey]

But, like, no, that's terrifying, bro.

[Frank]

I would.

[Joey]

I'll take 10 dead bodies before I take a human living in my oh.

[Frank]

So you rather, you'd rather the dead.

[Joey]

Absolutely dead don't talk.

[Frank]

Yeah, that's true.

[Joey]

That can't creep around.

[Frank]

I mean if they're a ghost.

[Joey]

I don't like being jump scared. That's my thing. Yeah, I would rather have someone squat and squat and be in the living room like and let's have an argument in court or something.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

But don't sneak out in the middle of the night and steal the cookies.

[Frank]

Well, you know, sometimes when people show houses and open houses, like it's someone's house that currently living there and then they move out after it's sold. So like they might, people might not have the opportunity, but I'm sure like new build construction, people just go in. That's also a thing with like, they'll like steel piping and shit like that. Copper piping isn't cheap.

[Joey]

Right? I, I don't know if you know the law, the rules around this, but like how does squatting make any sense, bro?

[Frank]

It's like you. I, I don't know either. But like I've heard stories of like people just show up, they have like a bank statement, like send them mail there and it's like, well, I got mail here, it's mine now. I'm a squatter and there's like rules and regulations that people are like, landlords are like, please help me, I can't get this person out.

[Joey]

I can't understand that. Like, I don't know the law.

[Frank]

It was, I think in theory it was meant to, it was set up to protect. So like the landlord just didn't kick people out for no fucking reason. But like it has now become like you have the opposite of that.

[Joey]

If there's no contract where you're like living there or something like that, then you know what I mean?

[Frank]

Yeah.

[C]

So this is, this guy was missing things, then he set up a camera and then he saw this.

[Frank]

I can't see shit.

[C]

It's. It's very dark. Cuz it was nighttime. But someone crawls out of the gasp and then starts living their life while they're sleeping. Steals things. A deranged woman living in the attic is what it says.

[Joey]

Broke. Oh my God. Ceiling. And this is so scary, yo. I. I don't even know what I would do. I think I would abandon my house.

[Frank]

Abandoned my house. I take. I'm not gonna say what I would do.

[Joey]

Yeah, because, because I'll say it though. If I woke up in the middle of the night and there was a dark figure, shadowy figure in My kitchen grabbing shit. It's fucking on. It is so on.

[Frank]

Here comes Ken Griffey Jr. You're swinging away, baby.

[Joey]

And I'm screaming at an octave I'd be embarrassed of because it'd be very.

[Frank]

Be honest with me. Would it be like, screaming or would it be like, yo, yo.

[Joey]

It would be that.

[Frank]

Barking a little.

[Joey]

It would be that. But the second they turn around and come at me, I feel like.

[Frank]

Do you really think, like, have you. I've thought of this before. Like, do you really think you could beat someone up with a bat? Like, what are you asking? Like, if you had a bat right now and I charged at you, you think you can kick my ass?

[Joey]

Are you saying, like, I feel like.

[Frank]

People think it's easier that because they think it's, like, a stationary target, they're gonna swing, hit him once, and not.

[Joey]

Gonna knock your block off. What are you talking about?

[Frank]

Watch this.

[Joey]

So then you. Did you get hit with a bat, though?

[Frank]

No, because I ducked it.

[Joey]

Right. But, like, swing lower.

[Frank]

I imagine that, like, it's not as I can. As you think. Like, I think people think, like, if I, you know, like those people that have, like, bats by their base, bats by their bed. If, like, someone breaks in and they run down like that, like, bro, I.

[Joey]

Think it's better than not having one.

[Frank]

Correct. But I think people think that, like, I'm going to swing at a stationary target and I'm going to hit them square in the head, where it's going to knock them out immediately.

[Joey]

I mean, if you have a weapon and someone runs at you and you do end up connecting with their head.

[Frank]

They'Re probably dead, but their head is, you know, what, 8% of the length of their body or something like that. Definitely more than eight. It's more than eight, but you know what I'm saying?

[C]

Is there a sock on the bat?

[Frank]

What the. What the hell? A sock on the bat.

[C]

It means, like. So if you swing at somebody, what is it?

[Frank]

Like, you put. People put socks on their doorknobs. Like they're having sex in their room. Are you fucking a bat?

[C]

If you swing at somebody and they grab the bat, if there's a sock on it, when you pull the sock comes off, you got another chance.

[Frank]

That's incredible.

[Joey]

Wow.

[Frank]

Really good. We called you stupid for a sec.

[Joey]

Well, the camera just its pants, so we had. We, you know, we got. We jumped right to here.

[Frank]

Well, good thing it wasn't wearing tighty whities. Full circle, not a half circle back. Brought it back.

[Joey]

But A full circle.

[Frank]

You're welcome.

[Joey]

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[Frank]

It's right here.

[Joey]

It says Light Strike is not a hydration product. It's a hard refresher that hits different. Okay? It's got some alcohol in it. I took a sip of it. I love it. It's nice. Okay. 5% ABV. It's got coconut water. Okay. It's got sea salt. It's nice. It's very tasty. And I like the name Light Strike. Frank. You like that?

[Frank]

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[Joey]

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[Frank]

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[Joey]

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[C]

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[Joey]

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[Frank]

In final news.

[Joey]

In final news.

[Frank]

In final news. In final news, we have a new Pope.

[Joey]

Oh, we have a new pope.

[Frank]

Is ill. New papa.

[Joey]

We're new pope.

[Frank]

El nuevo papa.

[Joey]

Okay. Isn't he American?

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

But apparently it's like another country is trying to take credit for him, too. But we got a Chicago Pope. Hey, this guy's out there.

[Joey]

He's from Chicago.

[Frank]

Chicago.

[Joey]

He's a Cubs fan. He's.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

What's the place called? The hot dog place.

[Frank]

Oh, I don't know. I don't remember dogs. I don't remember. But he's gonna be like naming a father to shine and Jordan drop in 84, you know?

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I. I think the Internet is ablaze now because I think this is the first American pope ever. Is it? And you might need a question.

[Joey]

I didn't even know that popes could be American.

[Frank]

Why not? They're from.

[Joey]

They were all, like. It'll. I was gonna say all Italy.

[Frank]

No, the last one, Pope Frankie, was from. Oh, yeah, he was from Argentina or something. And then before that, German. He was German, right? There was some stuff. John Paul. Where was he?

[Joey]

J.P. i mean, I imagine Italy.

[Frank]

Oh, was. So is this the first American Pope?

[C]

Never in the history of the Roman Catholic Church has there been an American Pope.

[Joey]

We're back up.

[Frank]

We're back up.

[Joey]

Trump's gonna take fucking credit for this.

[Frank]

Listen, I mean, he could take credit for whatever he wants.

[Joey]

And the Vatican, America again. That's kind of crazy, bro. Imagine a guy up there. This is kind of weird, bro. I don't know if I want a pope that is American.

[Frank]

Yeah, we got to know which way he's moving if he's going American, because American. American.

[Joey]

Are you American? If you're living in the Vatican, though.

[Frank]

It'S a different country. I mean, technically, Yeah. I mean, I don't think he was living in the Vatican. He was part of, like, the boys. He was just, like. He was there on Like a weekend bender. And he was just like, I'm Pope now, guys.

[Joey]

No, he's not. Like, I'm just like a priest. And then you're Pope.

[Frank]

He was a cardinal. We've talked.

[Joey]

Yeah, bro, being a cardinal is like, you got to put in some years. You got to do your time. He did it. He. You know, you start in the mail room, but what's that called?

[Frank]

He grit his teeth. What do they call it? Cut your teeth? Grit, Grit. He grit his teeth. He was getting after it. Yeah, he did. He put in. I wish they could do, like, for whatever the new popes are, they have, like, you know, like, stats, like, Tale of the Tapes for them and stuff like that. And it'll be like, Pope. This guy.

[Joey]

15 time Pope of the Year, 15.

[Frank]

Time Priest of the Year, 22 year Cardinal, you know, 38.

[Joey]

38 inch wingspan, over a hundred thousand Hail Marys hailed.

[Frank]

I just think this could be the turning of the tide to bring America back to a place of just like, oh, okay. Or it could be real bad.

[Joey]

I wonder what. What they. How do they. How do they vote on who to who to Pope?

[Frank]

I think they go up there and they're just like, yo, what do you think?

[Joey]

Yo, anybody cure blindness?

[Frank]

Or like, there's that movie Conclave. I haven't watched it.

[Joey]

I haven't either. And I watched the trailer, and I was like, I'm not watching that.

[Frank]

Why is Voldemort telling me who should be the Pope? You know what I'm saying? I. I heard it was a good movie. I haven't watched it, but John Lithgow's in it, so. What does that do for you? Nothing.

[Joey]

I mean, it's a. He's an actor.

[Frank]

I don't know how they, like, how they choose it. Is it just, like. Because you've never been in, like, fraternity, like, election board meetings and stuff like that, where it's like, everyone gets to vote. It's basically like, they vote. I know. They. They vote. And also the smoke thing.

[Joey]

Fire.

[Frank]

So sick.

[Joey]

Just edging the Italians out there. So it's like, all right, send out the smoke, but don't.

[Frank]

Not even the Italians, The Catholics, dude, just, like, they're out there, and they're just like, oh, oh, oh. White smoke. It's white. It's white.

[Joey]

Then I feel like old Italian women are crying in the streets, and they're like, he's calm or something. I don't know.

[Frank]

Papa is a key.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Papa Nueva papa, bro. The Twitter has been absolutely electric. It's like, you know, like the. I don't know the name of the song because I know there's an actual name, but like the Bulls walkout music.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And it's like, this is what the new Pope is coming out to. And he's just like, you know, hi.

[Joey]

That's crazy. Does he get new, like, drip, bro.

[Frank]

If we don't get, like, a Cubs pinstripe, bro.

[Joey]

Also, I didn't know that they get to choose their own name.

[Frank]

Well, yeah, you got to choose like.

[Joey]

Robert, but he's like Pope Leo.

[Frank]

You got to choose your own communion name. I imagine it's the same shit. Like, what were you. What was your name again? Like, Frederick.

[Joey]

No. Nicholas.

[Frank]

Nicholas. Okay. Well, there you go. It's the same idea. I think they probably do that in order to be in line with, like, tradition. Not just traditions, but, like, probably so they, like, fight. Like, they're kind of like, in line with maybe who they're taking the name after.

[Joey]

Oh, like who you're most like.

[Frank]

Yeah, like, who they want to most follow. And being in the poping, isn't there.

[Joey]

Like, 15 John Pope John Paul's?

[Frank]

Well, no, I think there was only two, really. John Paul and Pope John Paul ii. He was the one that. That.

[Joey]

Were they back to back?

[Frank]

No. I don't know. I know JP2.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I know CMC. I know Benedict.

[Joey]

What about JP the OG? JP the OG I don't know anything about these guys, to be honest.

[Frank]

I mean, either. And we should probably be careful so we don't blaspheme. We're only just talking about their names.

[Joey]

We're not lasting any.

[Frank]

Okay.

[Joey]

There's just names.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

What are you worried about? Are you scared of God? You're not even got a God guy.

[Frank]

We are doing a show in Chicago. Do we invite the Pope? Do we invite the Pope to the show? Just like, yo, bless our show.

[Joey]

Do you think that we could sell out a theater at the Vatican? What is the vat? Have you been to the Vatican?

[C]

I have.

[Joey]

What is it like? Like, what's the surrounding?

[Frank]

Because it's like, it's the only completely. Isn't it like, the only, like, country that's entirely in another country or something like that.

[C]

I don't know the facts about it.

[Frank]

But there's also the smallest country in the world, too.

[Joey]

It is. That's also true. But, like, what. What. How big is it?

[C]

This is a big, big, pretty church. Also, there's catacombs down there.

[Frank]

Speaking of buried on top of dead bodies, is that where they put all.

[Joey]

The popes, I think so at least they. They throw all the bones down there. Is the, is the Vatican.

[Frank]

Throw the bones down there?

[Joey]

I think that is, is the, is the Vatican? This is probably a very stupid question, but like, the Vatican is not just that building. It's like a little city.

[Frank]

Yeah. Vatican City is the name of the country.

[Joey]

So, like, what is that? Like, they got like a gift shot.

[Frank]

Those gift shops probably go hard.

[C]

So many gift shops.

[Frank]

Oh, my God.

[Joey]

Really?

[C]

So many gift shops. You could buy everything.

[Joey]

Holy water's probably. You can fucking holy water.

[Frank]

It's from the brook. It's right there. You know what I mean? That's like taking a cup of water from a river, go to the Vatican. You're. You're getting it straight from the source. That's some. That's some pure spring water.

[Joey]

You know, saying, kill a guy and drink the fucking holy water there. That'll be totally fine.

[Frank]

Can you drink holy water?

[Joey]

It's water.

[C]

Yeah.

[Joey]

What you think holy water was?

[Frank]

I thought it was something different. I'll be honest.

[Joey]

Just water that someone's like, that's it.

[Frank]

One more time.

[Joey]

That's what, that's what it is.

[Frank]

Could we make this holy light strike? Yeah, can we make it holy light strike?

[Joey]

Speaking of holy water.

[Frank]

Holy strike.

[Joey]

I've been stricken by the light of God. Yeah.

[Frank]

I, I think of like all, like, the chain restaurants, you know. What do you think would make the most sense to be in Vatican City?

[Joey]

Chick fil A.

[Frank]

They have been pretty consistent.

[Joey]

So, yeah, they're like, you know, they're like, yo, we're so holy that we hate gay people and won't open on Sundays. Isn't that what they say?

[Frank]

I. I could think of one. I'm pretty sure I might upset some people. I'll tell you offline.

[Joey]

Well, you could think of one.

[Frank]

I can think of one that would. That would line up with some stuff that has happened in the past.

[Joey]

What? Oh, I know your answer. Yeah, Subway.

[Frank]

Yeah, right.

[C]

Little Caesars. Caesar, Roman. No. All right.

[Joey]

I don't know what you're coming off the heels of Subway. That was like, what are you talking about?

[C]

That's fair.

[Frank]

If they did. I mean, Subway would have great marketing if they did it like it was like a, a foot long. If it was like five dollar foot long, but it was in a cross.

[Joey]

Oh, a five dollar across long.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

Yeah, that would be good because you can get two different sandwiches.

[Frank]

Let me get a pizziola. Chicken pizziola.

[Joey]

I used to order that from Subway.

[Frank]

I know that's what you used to get. I remember very clearly that thing was soaking wet with sauce. It was.

[Joey]

I used to tell it keep going.

[Frank]

When I got this thing, I would douse mine in oil and vinegar. Listen up.

[Joey]

I used to like, dirty talk to the Subway. Basically, I'm dirty talking to the people at Subway when I'm like, make it.

[Frank]

Oh, my God. More, more, more. Toast it.

[Joey]

But, but leave it in. Leave it in.

[Frank]

More cheese. More, more, more. Yeah, you can't order from Subway without it sounding a little sexual.

[Joey]

Like banana pepper.

[Frank]

It's just like, what kind of bread do you want? It's just like, oh, garlic herb.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Oh, let me get that. Garlic herb. And then they open it up and there's like, they like split it open for you.

[Joey]

They're like, they literally. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Frank]

This bread.

[Joey]

Yeah, this one. You want a 6 inch or a foot long? It's like the. What do you think I'm here for? Get the foot long.

[Frank]

What do you. What do you want? You want some oil on it?

[Joey]

Yeah, give me some more oil and vinegar on that.

[Frank]

More. Oh.

[Joey]

Yo, anyone who walked into a Subway and ordered a 6 inch is a. Okay.

[Frank]

Yo, I've never in my life, ever in my life ever gotten anything other than a foot long Subway sandwich.

[Joey]

Six inch. Who are you a.

[Frank]

Or the kids one, bro, if you bring your kids to eat at Subway.

[Joey]

That better get a foot long, too. I don't give a.

[Frank]

Just bring them to McDonald's, dude. Yeah, just bring them, you know, six inch.

[Joey]

Great America, dumbass.

[Frank]

Yeah, and now we got the. The Pope. Now what?

[Joey]

Now what?

[Frank]

Now what?

[Joey]

We got a Chicago Pope.

[Frank]

Hell yeah. What's gonna. Now what are you gonna say? Chicago Popeyes out days.

[Joey]

Like, I really want to hear him talk. Really do. Is he an old folk.

[Frank]

I'll be honest. I don't want to hear him talk.

[Joey]

Is he an old bastard?

[Frank]

He looks like he's in his, like, 60s.

[Joey]

Oh, that's young.

[Frank]

Yeah, he looks kind of young.

[Joey]

He's a young guy from Chicago. Get the fuck.

[Frank]

He looks like he's in his 60s, maybe 70s.

[Joey]

But like, I might go visit this dude. I mean, you're not.

[Frank]

You're not going to.

[Joey]

Why not?

[Frank]

Who you. What, are you going to go visit the Pope?

[Joey]

I want to see the Vatican.

[Frank]

Okay, you could see. Visit him, though, is different. Let him.

[Joey]

I'm not going to like fucking go have dinner with the guy, but if he drives by in the Popemobile, shit.

[Frank]

If the Pope hit us up tomorrow, I was just like, yeah, let's I want to have dinner with you guys and bless your show.

[Joey]

Frank, we're going. And I'm asking him about how much he loves Chris Bryant, former Chicago Cubs.

[Frank]

I was going to say, of all.

[C]

The Chicago athletes, he's 69 years old.

[Frank]

Yeah. Okay. So we were close. Of all the crazy number to get in, they're just like, you're the new pope. 69 year old pope. You know, Pope Coach Ditka, bro, if he was the first American Pope and he was voted in on April 20th and he's age 69, my head would have exploded. And imagine he came out and his like robes were just like weed socks.

[Joey]

420. Oh, my God.

[Frank]

Jokes aside, what does the Pope do?

[Joey]

Can he like do some.

[Frank]

I'm sure. I think it's. It's like a liaison, you know, between the Catholic Church and different. Different countries and stuff like that. I do in all jokes. She's an ambassador, kind of. Yeah. I think. I hope that this creates more of a sense of love and happiness and inclusion on behalf of the Catholic Church.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Because there has been some times where they've not been those things.

[Joey]

Sometimes.

[Frank]

Yeah, most of the time they have not been those things.

[Joey]

Props. That's crazy though, dude. Shout out to Chicago just getting the Pope, dude, they probably lost it. Oh, man, that fucking river is gonna run green.

[Frank]

Why green when they run it red? Chicago, when they run it red?

[Joey]

I don't know why? What? Why does that mean?

[Frank]

Well, red. Green is for St. Patrick's Day.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Red it would be for the Pope.

[C]

It'D be white, I think white.

[Frank]

I feel like you got a better chance of making it probably white. Yeah, you can dump like milk or something in it.

[Joey]

See what happened? Like, I told one of the worst jokes of all time. And then the conversation, which is horrible. I'm sorry, guys. I think I was struck it by the light. What did you even just say? Well, there you have it, folks. I think that's all we can do legally.

[Frank]

Okay.

[Joey]

Me and Frank are gonna take, you know, at some point during the tour, we do have some time off. So we are going to go to the Vatican and have hot dogs with the Pope, brother.

[Frank]

No, in Chicago. If we in Chicago have a hot.

[Joey]

Dog with the Pope, he can't go back to the hood.

[Frank]

Dude, imagine they were like, this is the Pope. He's from old blocking chief Keef up there.

[Joey]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, that's fire, though.

[Frank]

Hey, man, let's hope this is good for the Catholic Church because America as a whole ain't been doing so hot.

[Joey]

I wonder if he was doing his time in Chicago. Like, he was just like a pastor at like a. You know, I don't even know what a pastor is, to be honest with you.

[Frank]

But, like, yeah, I don't know.

[Joey]

He was a priest or something. I don't know that. Like the.

[Frank]

I don't know. Yeah, like the, The. The track toward Pope ship.

[Joey]

Because if you're a cardinal, I'm assuming it's like, all right, you don't have to be at the little churches we'll put you in.

[Frank]

Well, I think that the Pope needs to be cardinals. So, like, it's like cardinal is like pope junior.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

So like, then it's like, oh, shit, there's an opening.

[Joey]

Maybe you could jump. Like, maybe like, bro, can you imagine.

[Frank]

How fucking mad you would be if you worked your whole life to be the Pope? And then it's open. And then it's like, nope, someone else Pope. Someone else is getting poked first.

[Joey]

I'd be fucking tight. Also, apparently he had like, there's like betting odds on it.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

And he had a 1% chance at winning at the beginning.

[Frank]

Just lit up. The guy wearing a chance of winning.

[Joey]

Probably a lot of plus money, man. Someone with insider trading, because you know, that's corrupt. Someone's probably like on the inside, like.

[Frank]

Oh, well, yeah, Robert from Chicago is.

[Joey]

Going to win the whole thing.

[Frank]

Listen up. You didn't hear it from me. You didn't hear it from me, but Wrigley is a great place during this time of the year.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

It's like, huh.

[Joey]

Damn. That's crazy. So all the Cardinals.

[Frank]

Yo, how hype would you be if he sings Take Me out to the ball game at, like, the next Cubs game?

[Joey]

I just want him to get at that because I'm used to the Pope just being so old that you could barely understand them. And then they're all. They also, like, you know, I'm just. I'm just not expecting a 60 year old guy from Chicago out there.

[Frank]

You're not a very. I wouldn't define you by any stretch of the imagination as a religious person.

[Joey]

You couldn't tell from the last 20 minutes.

[Frank]

But if this guy.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

In his first, like, meet, like, official, like, press conferences. Pope. If he does this, tell me if you're completely back in. If he's just like.

[Joey]

Feed up.

[Frank]

So my plan is by the end of the year, 20,000 Hail Marys supplemented with an our Father, like, how pumped would you be? And then he just like cracks open a light Strike.

[Joey]

This is like the perfect way to get out of a bad joke. You just go right to the light.

[Frank]

Strike. And just cracked it open.

[Joey]

I've done it twice.

[Frank]

And he's just like. You know like how, like, when people crack open it, like, what would he do if the Pope sat down with a 40 and, like, just not doing pack of cigs?

[Joey]

I don't even know, dude. I mean, him kicking his feet up would probably be enough for me. I'd be like, damn, this guy's really on. It's something. He's like, we gotta change something. We gotta change this the whole thing around. I don't know.

[Frank]

What if he, like, makes it? Will you go back to church if he was just like, at every Sunday mass, every person that comes in gets.

[Joey]

A hot dog and crinkle fries.

[Frank]

I'll go crinkle if you go.

[Joey]

If he throws in a crinkle fry.

[Frank]

I'll go best fry.

[Joey]

I'm not having this conversation.

[Frank]

We don't need to because all best.

[Joey]

Fry, go.

[C]

Steak fry.

[Frank]

Yep. Oh, yeah.

[Joey]

I was gearing up to yell at you.

[Frank]

I'll go steak fries. I don't like. I think fries are one of the most overrated.

[Joey]

Steak fries.

[Frank]

I think fries, period are overrated.

[Joey]

I remember you said that you like onion rings. I think that shoestring fries. I would literally rather eat my legs. Light strike, ladies and gentlemen, I think that is all we have for today. Frank, where can they find you? Yeah, also, you guys, like Frank said earlier, go to the basementyard.com. our shows are posted there. So if you're coming out to the shows, also don't forget to go to the basementyard.com submit and submit your stuff to our show. And sometimes, you know, we read those things out at the end of the show and we have conversations with people in the crowd. So come out, come see your boys. You know, our time is going to be split between the tour and the Vatican now at this point. So, yeah, so come out to our shows. Go to the basement.com, get tickets and yeah, that is all. See you guys next time.