#505 - Would You Fly "Standing Room" On An Airplane

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard Episode #505 - "Would You Fly 'Standing Room' On An Airplane"

Introduction In Episode #505 of The Basement Yard, hosted by lifelong friends Joe Santagato and Frank Alvarez from Santagato Studios, the duo delves into the intriguing and somewhat controversial topic: the concept of standing room on airplanes. Released on June 2, 2025, this episode combines their signature humor, personal anecdotes, and candid discussions to explore the practicality, safety, and overall appeal of a new airline seating arrangement.

High Ticket Sales and Toronto Tour Expansion The episode kicks off with exciting news about their tour ticket sales surpassing last year's figures. Joe enthusiastically announces:

"We've already sold more tickets than we sold all of last year. It's been incredible." [04:17] Highlighting Toronto's overwhelming support, they reveal the addition of a third show in the city scheduled for August 5th, emphasizing that tickets will sell out rapidly once they go on sale at noon on June 2nd.

Main Discussion: Standing Room on Airplanes The core of the episode revolves around the concept of standing seats on airplanes. Joe and Frank discuss the feasibility and safety aspects, considering factors like flight duration and passenger comfort. Frank raises concerns about longer flights:

"I don't think someone's gonna do it. Crazy to me." [33:44] Joe contemplates the practicality, especially for short flights, but acknowledges that longer journeys might render standing seats impractical: "Two and a half hours might be too long." [32:38] They explore various scenarios, including potential safety measures and the economic incentives required to make standing seats appealing over traditional seating.

Personal Anecdotes and Experiences Throughout the discussion, Joe and Frank share personal stories related to flying. Joe recounts an incident involving an anxious passenger holding his seatbelt:

"I was kind of like, this guy seems like he's nervous to fly... he was holding on to that." [42:50] Frank adds his perspective on dealing with turbulence and flight anxiety, emphasizing his preference for being seated: "When you're seated, I feel like I can just be in my seat." [37:43]

Humorous Role-Playing Segment Towards the end of the episode, the hosts engage in a playful acting segment where Joe pretends to introduce a newborn named Walrus Santagado, leading to humorous exchanges about unconventional baby names and the chaos that ensues.

Community Engagement and Interactive Elements Joe and Frank encourage listener participation by inviting fans to submit their responses and engage during live shows. They emphasize the interactive nature of their performances, aiming to create memorable and engaging experiences for their audience.

Conclusion Wrapping up the episode, Joe reiterates the details about the additional Toronto show and directs listeners to their website for tickets and show information. The hosts maintain their lively and humorous dynamic throughout, providing an entertaining yet thoughtful exploration of the idea of standing room on airplanes.

Notable Quotes:

• Joe on Ticket Sales:

  "We've already sold more tickets than we sold all of last year. It's been incredible." [04:17]

• Frank on Flight Duration Concerns:

  "I don't think someone's gonna do it. Crazy to me." [33:44]

• Joe on Passenger Anxiety:

  "This guy seems like he's nervous to fly... he was holding on to that." [42:50]

• Frank on Seat Preference:

  "When you're seated, I feel like I can just be in my seat." [37:43]

Final Thoughts Episode #505 of The Basement Yard offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and insightful discussions on an evolving aspect of air travel. Joe and Frank's chemistry and candid conversations provide listeners with both entertainment and food for thought on the future of airline seating arrangements.

Transcript

[Joey]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. There he is, twiddling his thumbs.

[Frank]

How can you do that? How fast? Have you ever thought about like how fast you can move those?

[Joey]

My thumbs?

[Frank]

Just any finger.

[Joey]

I remember one time you were like trying to do this or something.

[Frank]

Really, bro, if you get going on that, it feels like a force of like nature. Like, it doesn't feel like the white people.

[Joey]

Roll dance.

[Frank]

Yeah, I hate white people. Need to like get back together. Call a meeting.

[Joey]

Yep.

[Frank]

And go back over.

[Joey]

Well, I don't know about a meeting because like. Yeah, they call them rallies, I think Frank. They're not meetings.

[Frank]

Well, it depends on what you wear to the meeting.

[Joey]

It's true.

[Frank]

And where the meeting is because you could wear normal clothes, but if you do it inside a government protected building.

[Joey]

Right.

[Frank]

Some people will call it one thing, some people call it another. Right. You know, but.

[Joey]

But if you're out in the middle.

[Frank]

Of the woods, if you're out in the middle of the woods, that's also scary. Right. You know, but like do this as fast as you can and tell me it doesn't feel like there's just a force of nature and like you are like creating like a, like a, like a, like a, like an atomic bomb level amount of energy.

[Joey]

I did try this on the show.

[Frank]

And it didn't, it didn't feel like that.

[Joey]

I also hit my knuckles against each other and that like, like. Did you just break your hands?

[Frank]

Hit my hand, but I'm okay. It feels like there's just something there.

[Joey]

You look like you're doing that boxing thing.

[Frank]

Ever been able to do that?

[Joey]

I can do it like not insanely fast.

[Frank]

Here's big cock McGee can fucking do it. Yeah, some.

[Ant]

I would say it's easy actually.

[Joey]

By the way, I just want to point out this, you know, follow the NBA. This fucking piece of shit showed up today wearing an Indiana Pacers crewneck and I should punch you in the face.

[Frank]

What's. What's more crucial is that this is being recorded after game one.

[Joey]

Yeah, that's even more crucial. And I know that there's comments. Oh, they're so mean to. And sometimes or whatever, I want to ball up all the energy I have and take it out on you like a rabid wolverine.

[Frank]

They don't, they don't understand that we have literally made a living. And even before that, off of ragging on each other, friend banter. Bing bang, bing bang, boom. You know, so like he comes in here trying to poke the bear and not get A response out of us. He's come in with, by the way.

[Joey]

I want to tell you what happened.

[Frank]

Celtic shirts, Pacers shirts.

[Joey]

I came in here and his office is like, off to the side. And I literally just put my middle finger over there. And he goes, you didn't even see my shirt. And I start walking. I hear him, he goes, I'm gonna chase ya. I'm gonna chase ya. And I sit down in my office. He opens up the door and he's wearing that.

[Ant]

Well, he started with the finger, so.

[Frank]

Really?

[Ant]

He started it.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

Wore the thing.

[Frank]

You gotta. You. You have. You have. You. You came.

[Joey]

I don't have weapons. If I had ninja stars, dude, they'd be in you. Oh, that sounds sexual. But I meant, like, I would throw them into your skin. Right?

[Frank]

I. I think. And he's clearly poking the bear. We asked him earlier. We were just like, you know, who are you? Like a sport? Like a fan of. And he's just like, sports and the game.

[Joey]

And he's like, the game.

[Frank]

He's like my dad. He's like, I'm a better sports fan than you guys.

[Ant]

Just want to see a. Oh, I'm sorry.

[Frank]

Way to go. You're fucking. I'm. I said it before and I'll say it again. You're that meme of Rob Lowe sitting at a game with just an NFL hat. Like, that's who you are.

[Joey]

Let's go, refs.

[Frank]

You know. You know, you remember those fitteds back in the day that were like. It had like, the MLB logo and then it had a patch for every single MLB team. They had them for football and basketball as well. That's what we should get.

[Joey]

Remember the pants. Remember the big pants.

[Frank]

I don't remember the pants.

[Joey]

I remember that.

[Frank]

I don't.

[Joey]

Wait, hold on. Before we go any further, guys, we do have some major, major news about the tour ticket sales going unbelievably. We've already sold more tickets than we sold all of last year. It's been incredible. And one place in particular has supported us so much. And like, every single show that we have listed in this city has sold out in literal seconds. So we're adding a third show to Toronto. Free.

[Frank]

Free. Pick number three. My Lord.

[Joey]

So we're gonna add another show, a third show on Aug. 5 in Toronto. Tickets for that show go on sale right now. Well, not right now, technically, if you're watching that. 7:00am today, June 2, noon. Okay. Eastern time. So at noon, June 2, which is today, when this is going out to the public. So at noon, get your tickets. Our third show there and if that sells out in seconds, I don't even know what to do. I don't even know. We're gonna have to move to Skosh. We'll have to move to the bank.

[Frank]

We'll do the show. If we sell that third one out, we will do a show where Ant is entirely covered in Timbits. We'll tape an entire.

[Joey]

Hanging upside down.

[Frank]

Hanging upside down will tape covered in.

[Joey]

Some sort of oil or adhesive.

[Frank]

Well, Timbits, you know, but they're, but.

[Joey]

They'Re stuck to his.

[Frank]

They're stuck to him. Tape them or glue them. But we will, we will adhere. How many tin bits it takes to adhere to his skin if we sell out this third show.

[Joey]

Right.

[Frank]

I think that's a no brainer.

[Joey]

I think it's a no brainer as well.

[Frank]

And he's also a huge fan of any team that ever has existed in Toronto. Leafs fan, big Leafs, Raptors, Blue Jays fan. You, you know.

[Joey]

But yeah, so go to the basement yard dot com. There's no code or anything. Just go to the basement yard.com at noon today, June 2nd. You will get tickets to that third Toronto show. Thank you to Toronto specifically for being so supportive over the years.

[Frank]

And thank you to everybody. The Thor. As Joey said, the tickets have sold incredibly well. There's still some available. So go to the basement yard.com click and see if they're available in the area you're coming to. If not, if you feel so inclined and you want to take a trip somewhere, it's going to be a good fun time. Yeah. What was that?

[Joey]

I was stretching but then I stretched you on turtle.

[Frank]

What's your, what's your go to stretch in the morning?

[Joey]

That's a great question.

[Frank]

So you wake up, you wake up, you wake up.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Walk me through. Are you still in bed for your stretch? Do you get up and stretch out of bed?

[Joey]

What are you insane?

[Frank]

People stretch in bed?

[Joey]

Yeah, me.

[Frank]

Oh you.

[Joey]

You stand up and stretch.

[Frank]

Yeah, I get up and I. Alright, so show me your go to morning stretch.

[Joey]

You probably stretch like a cartoon.

[Ant]

Definitely makes a noise.

[Joey]

Yeah, you definitely.

[Frank]

I mean.

[Joey]

Oh.

[Frank]

My Yogi Bear.

[Joey]

Yeah, you stretch like a bear.

[Frank]

Ah, no, no. What a good slumber if I make. That's how you stretch? Yeah, like, oh, I guess I'm getting a little tired. If I wake up, any noises I make during the stretch are completely involuntary. I want to make that very clear. I'm not waking up and going like, like I'm not like, it's not like a cute stretch. My stretches. My stretches get ugly. That's it.

[Joey]

How do you stretch? What do you do?

[Frank]

My stretches are like, they like start here and then they like, like contort. Did you heard his shoulder? Right shoulder. I don't know what part of my body that was, but everything popped and cracked, I think. I. I don't do like cute stretches.

[Joey]

No, me neither. I go back.

[Frank]

You go back?

[Joey]

I go back while I'm laying down.

[Frank]

Oh, so like, do you like, arch your back like a good little.

[Joey]

Okay, that's insane. That's not what happens at all. But I go back and then I think I go like, my face always contorts.

[Frank]

I go like, oh, yeah, you're pushing. You're pushing through.

[Joey]

And then I go out.

[Frank]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're pushing through the stretch. So it's like, yeah.

[Joey]

And then. But then I get them. I. I get in here and I push my tits together. You push your titties and then I. And then I, I stretch down.

[Frank]

So you go. So you pop your. I go down, pop your cleavage, arch your back.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And then you just moan through it.

[Joey]

Yeah. You're horny.

[Frank]

No. It's funny because, like, I think the Internet like movies again. It's all movies. They've made it so, like, you wake up and it's like, oh, wow, good morning. Like, no, my morning stretches are like. I'm kind of like a little bit of a gremlin in them. You know what I'm saying? I was like, sometimes my hands do.

[Joey]

Stuff and I'm like, what was that? Like, I'm like, I come up like, I'm like.

[Frank]

You pull up?

[Joey]

Yeah, like my arm just like, like, what am I doing?

[Frank]

Okay. And you don't, you don't do like.

[Joey]

I don't stand up and stretch. That's banana.

[Frank]

I do stand, stretch. I do stand, stretch. I'm up here and like sometimes I get up a little too fast and I have to stop.

[Joey]

I'm like, that hasn't happened to me in a while.

[Frank]

I used to do that on purpose as a kid.

[Joey]

Stand up really fast.

[Frank]

Yeah. I would lay down on the couch upside down and then get up as fast as I could.

[Joey]

And how do you lay down upside down?

[Frank]

Like you lay like with your head hanging off the couch. Oh, so like, literally my feet are my head, my head is my feet. And I lay there and then I quickly stand up and I'm like, that.

[Joey]

Did it for you, huh?

[Frank]

It's like whip its without the drugs.

[Joey]

You know, I'm very glad you're not into heroin. Guess that's crazy thing to be doing. Yeah, I didn't do that. I just, you know.

[Frank]

You didn't have any, like, cute, like kid things that you did in turn.

[Joey]

I'm sure I did. I just. But I did sit on a couch normally, I think. Right.

[Frank]

I also sat on my couch normally. Don't try to turn this into like, I was just a psychopath.

[Joey]

I mean, you got off on. On like just standing up real fast.

[Frank]

See, now getting off is going down weird territory.

[Joey]

I didn't get your rocks off.

[Frank]

I didn't get my rocks off. My rocks were right where they needed to be. My rocks were on tight. Just. Just like those Timbits that are gonna be on. And if we sell that third Toronto show.

[Joey]

I need one.

[Ant]

Oh, that's nice.

[Frank]

Wait, you'd eat him off of him?

[Joey]

1.

[Frank]

Can I ask you a serious question? Serious question.

[Joey]

Yeah. I love Timbits. I love it.

[Frank]

No, no. Yeah, those are good. Whatever. Fine. If you went to a party and there was one of those, like naked, Asian naked sushi situation. Are you even gonna.

[Joey]

If I had to.

[Frank]

No one's holding a gun to your head.

[Joey]

No, I know, but I'm saying, like, I think, like, I think the answer is no. Unless it's prosciutto.

[Frank]

Oh, so you. If it's a shark. I've always seen it as sushi.

[Joey]

Well, one, I'd walk in, I'd see the naked girl with the food all over her, and I'd be like, oh, I'm in one of those parties. I'm gonna get killed tonight.

[Frank]

You gotta get. You gotta.

[Joey]

Or bribed or blackmailed. Yeah, yeah, because that's what happens.

[Frank]

Those, yeah, those freak offs, as they call them.

[Joey]

Right? Yeah, fos. But I. I would not opt for that. If I had to though. I'd probably try to stay like up here, like get a show the shoulders. Like a shoulder.

[Frank]

Okay, but like I would even go.

[Joey]

For a boob, but I'm not. I don't know.

[Frank]

Once we start venturing on top of nipple or are you going for like upper boob?

[Joey]

I think we're staying as high as we can. I think once you get around to that belly button. A belly button, I feel like is like a pool things pool.

[Frank]

It is. Belly buttons are kind of like little like gross. Like septic tanks.

[Joey]

Like, like a. Like a. You know, you could. I don't know. Have you ever done a body shot?

[Frank]

I don't think I have I feel.

[Joey]

Like I've done a body.

[Frank]

If I have, I've completely forgotten.

[Joey]

I think I did a body shot at your house.

[Frank]

Off of whom?

[Joey]

One of our friends who was a girl.

[Frank]

Who was a girl who. You don't need to say their name.

[Joey]

Unless you want to try to figure out how to describe one of our, like, friends. They're like, actual friends that. I'm still friends with her.

[Frank]

Oh, okay.

[Joey]

She doesn't live here anymore.

[Frank]

Gotcha. Yeah, I got it. That's just really. It was just like, that's honestly knowing how this. This person was a little, like, kind of conservative. Not with her political views.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

But like, with just, like, being the life of the party. So like, that sounds a little surprising.

[Joey]

I think it was just like a. We were like, I would be fun, a funny joke.

[Frank]

It'd be hysterical if no one else in this room knew about this. And you did it by yourself.

[Joey]

It was literally on your kitchen counter.

[Frank]

Don't remember that.

[Joey]

I also remember, like, immediately afterwards, I was like, why did I do that?

[Frank]

What was it a shot of?

[Joey]

Probably something disgusting like Jameson.

[Frank]

Yeah, sorry.

[Joey]

Jose Cuervo or something.

[Frank]

Oh, yeah, we're never gonna get a deal with Cuervo, so you let that fly.

[Joey]

But it was something like that. And then immediately after, I was like, why the hell did I do that? Because then I just started thinking about belly buttons and I was like, mine, belly buttons, brother. Yeah, I've, like, found. I actually like finding crumbs in my belly button.

[Frank]

Do you eat them?

[Joey]

Do I eat them? What am I, nine?

[Frank]

You like finding crumbs in your belly, but I don't know the extent of.

[Joey]

I never ate. I never ate my belly button crumbs or any of that.

[Frank]

Ye. I as like a little. Little kid, like two years old or something. Eight years. Yeah. I mean, everyone years old. Maybe. Maybe three or four. But, like, as soon as I started.

[Joey]

Sentient at two years old, as soon.

[Frank]

As I started getting grossed out by it, like, that's one of those things that, like, I see videos of people eating boogers, and it just sends chills down my spine.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

It's disgusting. Into two years old. You don't know who I was at two years old, bitch, bro.

[Joey]

People who do. You. When you blow your nose, do you check it? You look at it and you go.

[Frank]

No, no, I don't want to see the mess in that.

[Joey]

I take a peek. The mess in that. I take a peek just to make sure I'm not like, blowing out some weird. But I don't like go there and go, oh, no, actually that's a lie. Sometimes I'll blow my nose and I'm like, oh, my God, there's so much coming out.

[Frank]

You got that from your dad. Your dad used to do that. You told me that your dad would, like, inspect his tissues.

[Joey]

First of all, my dad doesn't blow his nose into tissues. Are you insane?

[Frank]

That's fair. Yeah, he would inspect his hands or your childhood blankets or something. Yeah.

[Joey]

I don't think I've ever seen my dad use a tissue, nor do I think they would work against his face. You would need a paper towel for that sort of thing.

[Frank]

Well, if I blow a nose, I'm starting a fucking small hurricane somewhere.

[Joey]

This thing you always with this giant nose.

[Frank]

I have a big nose and I'm proud of it.

[Joey]

I don't think you.

[Frank]

And it's a powerful nose and I.

[Joey]

Think it's proportionate to your face.

[Frank]

Then I also have a big face because I have a big nose.

[Ant]

Can we see a side profile?

[Joey]

I've got a big face. I think I got a big head.

[Frank]

I saw a picture of me at like 14 and I was like, damn, that. That nose is my current nose at my then size.

[Joey]

Maybe it was big then.

[Frank]

Maybe it was big then.

[Joey]

Yeah, but you've grown into your nose.

[Frank]

I think so.

[Joey]

I feel like I have such a big face.

[Frank]

I don't think your face is that.

[Joey]

It's getting smaller.

[Frank]

You know what? You're lucky. You're lucky you have a, like your, Your face goes. Your profile goes back. The people whose face like open up like this.

[Joey]

What? People have triangular face.

[Frank]

Like they're just like wide ass heads and faces.

[Joey]

Oh, wide faces.

[Frank]

Yeah, like they suck. You don't.

[Joey]

No, you're.

[Frank]

You're pretty good sometimes.

[Joey]

I've seen pictures of myself. Oh, how many of us are in here? I've seen pictures of myself from like a year ago and I'm like, look at my head.

[Frank]

I saw a picture of you from like five years ago and I was just like, that hair. Thank God he fixed it.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Because you look great now. You know that what you got working for you is.

[Joey]

Thanks.

[Frank]

But like, at the time, I was just like, huh.

[Joey]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, you know, one of the unfortunate things about being white is that usually your hairline is in all that.

[Frank]

Yeah. And you age like spoiled milk.

[Joey]

I don't need to be reminded of that. But I was like, why would I be doing that hairstyle if it's like.

[Frank]

It's crazy because, like, you're probably at your peak of good lookingness now.

[Joey]

Wow.

[Frank]

And then you're only getting uglier from here every day. Every day you're getting uglier. And then I'm probably gonna like, look my best when I'm in like my like late 40s, mid to late 40s, early 50s, Hispanic.

[Joey]

I, you know, I feel like I'm offended by what you're saying.

[Frank]

You shouldn't be. I'm not saying that you're ugly. I'm saying you're gonna be ugly pretty quickly.

[Joey]

Right. And you'll be better looking for.

[Frank]

We'll swap. We'll swap spots. I'm not ugly right now, but like, I'm only getting better looking with age.

[Joey]

Right. And I'm falling off a cliff.

[Frank]

Falling off a cliff is dramatic. I would say you're rapidly driving downhill.

[Joey]

So I'm driving off a cliff?

[Frank]

No, the cliff. There's no cliff. You're not like, here, gone. It's like you're just steadily getting worse, which is okay.

[Joey]

It feels like it isn't, but like. But I will bring it up in therapy, I think, and we'll see what she thinks.

[Frank]

Oh, no. Did I actually hurt your feelings?

[Joey]

Hand me an Academy Award if that really. If I tricked you.

[Frank]

That was very good. That was quite impressive, honestly.

[Joey]

I could have got some tears going probably.

[Frank]

You could have. You should have honestly rolled with it and told me. Yes. So I can lose sleep over.

[Joey]

Can you fake cry? No, I can, but I need like a full two minutes.

[Frank]

What?

[Joey]

I like, try to make myself yawn, then I get it going.

[Frank]

Oh, did you just said it?

[Joey]

I never hear that thing that's like, if you yawn and then someone else doesn't yawn at your yawn and they're a psychopath. Yeah. Like, yeah, like a serial killer.

[Frank]

People are trying so hard to find, like serial killers now that it's just like they'll look at anything. I'll be like, well, if a dog doesn't like you, it means you're a murderer. And it's like. Or it's just a dog that doesn't like.

[Joey]

Yeah, dogs, they can sense evil.

[Frank]

Yeah, I've heard that, my brother.

[Joey]

Because I was so afraid of tornadoes when I was younger.

[Frank]

We live in a very, very, very obvious thing to be afraid of.

[Joey]

I was so scared of tornadoes growing.

[Frank]

Up in New York City.

[Joey]

Yeah. So every time it rained or like a thunderstorm or it got like gray, I'd be like, oh my God, tornadoes are coming.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

And I'd always be looking the clouds thinking there was tornadoes.

[Frank]

Well, we grew up in the age of Twister. That was one of the biggest movies from when we were kids.

[Joey]

That's exactly what did it. And I remember my brother was like. We had birds, Marty and Molly. They survived two years. But in those two years, I remember my brother used to be like, if the birds are going crazy, and, like, that's when you should worry, when. Because they can sense weather, like bad weather.

[Frank]

See, I've heard of that.

[Joey]

Yeah, but they're domesticated parakeets.

[Frank]

Yeah, but there is a certain evolutionary instinct that they don't miss.

[Joey]

I tell you what, the only thing that made those fucking birds squeak were food, Nothing else.

[Frank]

Well, they say if you look, sometimes you could tell, like, whether. If you look at, like, certain trees and plants. So, like, there are trees by where we live that they say that when it rains, they turn upside. The leaves turn upside down. And if you look, the tree will be green. Like, the leaves will be green. And then, because they're called. It's called a silver maple is the type of tree because the under part of it kind of looks, like, whitish, silvery. And sometimes when it rains, they turn a little bit. It's crazy, man.

[Joey]

Fascinating.

[Frank]

Aren't trees wild?

[Joey]

Yeah, they're, like, alive, but, like, also, they're just, like, not.

[Frank]

What are they? And then they're just like, yo, we're gonna die for a couple months.

[Joey]

Also, like, we breathe with you. You know what I'm saying? Like, we breathe breath with you.

[Frank]

Circle of life. Elton John.

[Joey]

Like, if you. I used to, like. And when I found out that I was breathing the, like, tree piss. I mean, tree breath, tree piss. Like, I'm like. So if I'm in a jungle, is there just more oxygen? And I'm, like, breathing.

[Frank]

Really good point or something. But think about where there's no oxygen. There's no trees, space, and.

[Joey]

Oh.

[Frank]

Oh, yeah. So, yeah, maybe, like, if you go take a deep breath.

[Joey]

There is oxygen and water, though.

[Ant]

There's a lot.

[Frank]

But it's mixed with two hydrogen compounds. Yeah. That's why it's water. And I actually heard that it's. It's technically is. Isn't it H2O2 is water.

[Joey]

I don't need to not know what water is.

[Frank]

I think. I think I saw something one time that it was just, like, water isn't just H2O apparently. It's like, technically H2O2. Good chance I'm wrong.

[Joey]

And I also wouldn't make a dent in my life. What am I gonna Do. Yeah, I'm still jumping in the pool.

[Frank]

Wouldn't care. So that's a good. We should do that as an experiment. Let's fly you to the Amazon. No, give you, like, 10 hours. Or just go take as many deep breaths in the middle of the jungle.

[Joey]

And then test my, like, and then.

[Frank]

Just see if you get more air.

[Joey]

My pulse ox. Yeah, we'll find out. My blood oxygen level.

[Frank]

And it's got something.

[Ant]

It's saying H2O. Hello. H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide.

[Joey]

Oh, you know, before you turn this podcast in, one of those jubilee videos that every time we make a claim, there's, like, a fact check in the corner.

[Frank]

Just have a lower third. Just say, like, actually, it pops up. Yeah, that would. That's not it. It would be mostly that at the.

[Joey]

Bottom of this hydrogen peroxide. I put that in my ear sometimes they say.

[Frank]

Yeah, they say, yeah, yeah.

[Joey]

Like, when my ears get clogged, I throw it in there and it bubbles up.

[Frank]

Oh, does it feel bubbly?

[Joey]

I don't love it.

[Frank]

Throw some champagne in that. Why not? I know that the champagne. The champagne wouldn't do the same thing, but, like, if you're going for bubbles.

[Joey]

I'm not there for the bubbles.

[Frank]

I mean, it doesn't, like, give you an ear infection just putting liquid in your ears.

[Joey]

It's like. No, I mean, I. I hope. Well, I was told by an old Irish woman to do it, so then.

[Frank]

It'S got to be real.

[Joey]

Yeah, it was my.

[Frank]

Or it's meant. Or it's meant to, like, exacerbate the, like, Catholic Irish guilt that, you know, it's like, maybe they did it back in the day.

[Joey]

I threw it in there.

[Frank]

You ever get soap in the mouth?

[Joey]

No, my parents didn't do that.

[Frank]

I got it once.

[Joey]

Soaped you?

[Frank]

Yeah, because I said, like, fuck or pussy or. Or something.

[Joey]

Damn, dude, you said pussy. I don't think I said pussy until I was, like, 17.

[Frank]

But, like, accidentally in front of our bro. You definitely said pussy before.

[Joey]

Well, not pussy in the vagina sense.

[Frank]

You definitely did, Joey. Pussy. 17.

[Joey]

That may be an exaggeration.

[Frank]

But.

[Joey]

But in. But like, 16.

[Frank]

No way, bro.

[Joey]

I would call it. You're a but. Oh, no, that's a. I'm looking at.

[Frank]

No, you but. You would say. You're like, look at this lovely. I. You way earlier than 16. No way earlier.

[Joey]

No, I didn't.

[Frank]

Oh. Oh. So you were a good Catholic boy. It's not about being as everyone else around us was pussying and you Were just like, not me. No.

[Joey]

I just. It's not about me being that. I just didn't. I just. I don't know why I feel like I never use that word. Really?

[Frank]

I feel like I can't wait until the technology comes out that we could talk to ourselves at 12 and then just see how bullshit. Because I'm honest. I was a little piece of shit. Joey was like, I. You'd go home and pray and Mummy and Daddy would help me clean my ears with hydrogen peroxide. And I was like, yo, me d4l dem franchise boys pussy shit all day, you know?

[Joey]

I hope you guys know how flawed that is. It's insane. One didn't pray to clean mirrors by myself. What are you doing? This big cool guy because you're just gonna shake that Laffy tab.

[Frank]

No.

[Joey]

Dude, you were gaslighting girls.

[Frank]

No.

[Joey]

Into thinking you were crying.

[Frank]

No.

[Joey]

When you weren't. Once with your away messages.

[Frank]

Once.

[Joey]

What?

[Frank]

I. All of your away. Oh, no. The. The. The tear on the paper was.

[Joey]

I guess I'll just walk until I can't walk anymore because who care? No one even cares. That's the.

[Frank]

You would say. I. Oh, Joey, let's not talk about away messages. Joey would just be like, damn, broken heart. That's what Joey would do. And he'd get flooded.

[Joey]

I would do you get flooded.

[Frank]

What I would do.

[Joey]

I was. I would use lyrics, but I was never like you. I feel like no gives a shit.

[Frank]

You know what? We were two coins.

[Joey]

What?

[Frank]

We were two sides of the same coin. Joey. No, no, no. And then Joey would write a fucking, like, song lyric like, where are you? I'm so sorry. With a broken heart. And people just be like, oh, my God, what's wrong with Joey?

[Joey]

Frank would change his away message to, like, my chest hu. From crying so hard.

[Frank]

No.

[Joey]

Like that.

[Frank]

No. You bullshitter.

[Joey]

Hurt my ankle. That's the last thing I need after all the pain I've been in my whole life.

[Frank]

We were two sides of the same coin. I was just probably a little more of a piece of about the way I was getting it. Asking for attention.

[Joey]

A hug is not a hug is nut.

[Frank]

No, that wasn't me. That was. That was somebody else. That was somebody else who made their hug is nothing.

[Joey]

I want more than that.

[Frank]

The days of, like, people are always just like, oh, my God. Like, being passive aggressive. Started with Twitter, bro. You forgot MySpace.

[Joey]

Your. Your full name on MySpace sometimes as a paragraph. Someone that we know, I guess was dating this girl, seeing this girl. And then like, they were Leaving each other, and they hugged each other and then went home. And then he changed his MySpace name to a Hug is Nothing. I went mode in that mo den dad he wanted.

[Frank]

Who doesn't want moden dat, though? Because let's be honest, a hug is nothing.

[Joey]

Hug is something. It's.

[Frank]

I agree. But, like, what this person was clearly looking for, they wanted mo. They wanted mo. Then that.

[Joey]

Then that being the hug, not dad. Right.

[Frank]

You know, but more than. More. More than the hug. That. And referencing more than what he got. Yeah.

[Joey]

What would you shake that Laffy Taffy?

[Frank]

One of them was. Shake that Laffy Taffy. One of them was. Do you remember Josh? He's gonna be editing it, so he probably just, like, jumped out of his chair screaming it. Like, he was just like. One of them was when I, like, got together with, like, a girl that I previously broken up with. And it was like, finally, Sheesh, Josh. Like, I have. I don't remember last time he brought it up, but for, like, years after that would always just say, like, finally. Sheesh. Sheesh.

[Joey]

Oh, sheesh. Finally.

[Frank]

Yeah. What are you gonna do? We were.

[Joey]

We were children. Do my mom get super pissed at me because one time I made my away message, like, running around. Running around the house naked, like, catch me if you can. My mom's like, the fuck is that?

[Frank]

See what I'm saying? Like, that's what yours were.

[Joey]

You know where I got.

[Frank]

Mine were just like, damn, like, heartbreak means something to me. And yours were just like, I'm naked, like, oh, I'm showering. Oh, like, oh, my God. So sweaty. After that basketball game where I scored 500 points. Like, that's what he would do. And then I am the psycho I was. First of all, you.

[Joey]

You make it seem. You're like, oh, man, my heart's so broken. It's like one. Your heart wasn't broken. You were lying.

[Frank]

No, I probably was heartbroken over for. For what, four hours? I mean, you know, back then, heartbreak was so different than what it is now. Now we have the benefit of maturity and responsibility. Benefit of maturity. Back then. That four hour heartbreak was the worst four hours of your entire life, Joey.

[Joey]

Got that right.

[Frank]

You damn right.

[Joey]

Oh, man. But we do have some sponsors to start to. To talk about here. Okay, so we can't have the show without stamps dot com. Stamps dot com. It brings all the amazing services of the post office right to your fingertips. All you have to do is go on their website. You can buy and print official US Postage right there in your own home. You can do it in your underwear at 3am if you like. I don't know why you'd be doing that. Sounds kind of sus. But you could if you wanted to, theoretically. But go to stamps.com and you can save some time. Okay. You don't have to drive to the post office, maybe wait in a line or something like that. It's convenient so you can do that. Also, it's very useful for people who have e commerce businesses and you're mailing stuff all the time stamps dot com. You also get rates that you wouldn't get anywhere else. You can save some money as well, like up to 88% off USPS and UPS rates. Massive. Okay, so big savings there and you're saving time. It's a no brainer. So sign [e-mail] basement for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long term commitments or contracts or anything like that. Just go to stamps.com basement and yeah, you'll get that special offer. And this podcast is also sponsored by Better Help. BetterHelp is online therapy. Okay? It is customizable so you can talk with a therapist at whatever frequency you like. You want to do it once a week or once every other week, you can do that, customize it the way that you want. And yeah, it's a fraction of the price of in person therapy, which is probably the biggest deterrent I would say. There was also like a study recently that like 26% of people felt like the thing that deterred them away from therapy was the fact that they'd be judged. But in my experience, as someone who's felt like that before and then turned to therapy, like it's just not true. So if anyone out there is feeling like, oh, I don't want to be judged or you know, be uncomfortable or whatever, like I'm telling you, it's going to be very a really good experience and you should, you know, definitely jump in and if you want to, you can do so with better help. Like I said, they're more affordable than in person therapy. So you can save some money and you can also save 10 off your first month when you go to betterhelp.com Basemanyard okay, that is B-E-T-T E R H E-L-P.com Basementyard so enjoy.

[Frank]

And you know what, if you're feeling crazy and you like just typing in URLs going slash the basement yard, I got a good one for you. Patreon.com the Basement Yard. All right, go check it out. That's where we tell you guys to directly support us. And we are so appreciative and thankful you guys getting us to over 34,000 paid patrons. We appreciate it, we love it, and we want to keep giving you guys more of what you like. So if you sign up for that first tier, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. You get in on the jokes, conversation, all that fun stuff seven days before everybody else. And then that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday delivered directly to you 7:00am like clockwork, baby. Bang, bang, bang. Okay, so go to patreon.com the Basement Yard Sign up today and do yourself the favor if you want to save a little bit of extra cash, which who doesn't, right? Go to patreon.com the basement yard on a web browser, whether it be on a desktop or you use, you know, the web browser on your phone and sign up. That way, if you use the app, it's going to charge you a little bit more. So patreon.com the basement yard we thank you guys. We love you guys. We support you guys. You support us. And let's keep this party going.

[Joey]

This party going.

[Frank]

Oh, and also, sorry, I'm out of breath. As Joey said, at the top of the show, we're adding a third Toronto show. Okay. Which is going to be on August 5th. Yep. So go check that out. Also, if you're coming to any of the other shows or if you're not coming to any other shows, go check out. Tickets are still available in some cities. So go to the basementyard.com and you'll see the list of shows and then check out which one you might want to take a trip to. Or it's in your city near you. Go check it out. Okay. If you are coming to any of those shows, we do like a part of these shows to be interactive. We want to talk to you, about you, with you, all that fun stuff. So go to the basementyard.com submit S U B M I T in order to submit your response to some of the prompts and questions that we have in there. Okay. A lot of these places have been pretty crazy and wild and they've made some really fun interactive experiences for everyone at the show. So go check it out. The basementyard.com submit. You're not going to feel bad about it. You're not going to feel good about it. You're really just doing. Okay.

[Joey]

The ending part of that.

[Frank]

I have a question for you.

[Joey]

Go.

[Frank]

Have you Seen this whole nonsense about airplanes now offering, well, next year offering standing seats on certain flights.

[Joey]

Yeah. I think I would do it if it was like a short flight. A short flight is what, like from here to Toronto? It's like an hour.

[Frank]

You'd stand for an hour on a flight.

[Joey]

Stood for an hour.

[Frank]

How can I ask? How does that not. Like, do you need to be seated for takeoff and landing? Because I know like they say, like, you, like the rules are you need to be here, you need to be. This needs to be closing.

[Joey]

Yeah, you have to like, yeah, but.

[Frank]

Like, so, like, what do you do in that situation?

[Joey]

I think you strap in like a, what's it called?

[Frank]

Like a roller coaster.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Kind of got me on board there now. I do love a good roller coaster.

[Joey]

Yeah. And like, you just, you just chill.

[Frank]

So what is, let's say the climb.

[Joey]

Might be weird though.

[Frank]

Very weird. That's why I'm wondering, like, are you going to be sitting or standing?

[Joey]

I feel like I could stand right now on a plane and be like, I'm good.

[Frank]

What's the longest a flight would be for you to not do standing or. Sure, I guess I should say shorter. That was the worst way. I've got to ask that question.

[Joey]

Not long. I, I don't know. Like, I, Two and a half hours might be too long. So it would depend, it would depend on the situation. So like, I am a travel snob at this point in my life.

[Frank]

Really, I don't think, like, I mean, you would know better than I would.

[Joey]

Well, like, I, I, I don't like, I, I like to spend on travel. Like, if I'm gonna travel, I was like, okay, I want to be as like comfortable as possible.

[Frank]

That makes sense.

[Joey]

But like if, if a standing, but to a, to a certain degree. So like, that's why I'm saying like a flight to Toronto, like, I'm not booking a first class ticket to a flight for Toronto. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not doing that. Yeah, like, that feels like a waste of money.

[Frank]

That makes sense. What is like the, the rate. So like, let's say if it's like main cabin bucks. Let's say main cabin is 200.

[Joey]

Okay.

[Frank]

And then standing is like 175. Is it worth the 25?

[Joey]

No.

[Frank]

All right. It's.

[Joey]

Oh, no. What's worth the 25?

[Frank]

Is it worth the. Only the 25 difference?

[Joey]

Oh, to do standing. Yeah. No.

[Frank]

So it needs to be like significantly cheaper. Yeah.

[Joey]

Yeah. So like, if I'm gonna stand, bro, then like, if seats are 200, then standing room would be like 60 bucks.

[Frank]

Wow, that's a lot cheaper, dude.

[Joey]

I mean, I'm standing here.

[Frank]

That's a lot cheaper. Yeah, I don't know. Like, clearly the people that are coming up with these designs have forgotten about the mid 2000s and party buses. Because clearly the people have knopping on a party bus.

[Joey]

You people gotta strap you in though, bro.

[Frank]

Do you remember how chaotic party buses were? Everyone was holding on and then would just. They would try to dance at a red light and then it would move and they were.

[Joey]

Yeah, that'd be all over the place.

[Frank]

You know, like this is like, that is dangerous.

[Joey]

Yeah, but so, you know, it's funny, like a while ago I saw a video of the CEO of Ryanair, which is like an affordable airline in, in Europe, talking about standing only. And then he had made the. They were like, how safe is that? And he's like, it's actually incredibly safe. And I don't know the reasons why or the research, that's all I have to say. But if someone like that, who Ryanair famously zero plane crashes their whole airline. But if that dude is saying like it is safe, I also believe that it's safe. I just, I don't just stand there, I just landing.

[Frank]

First of all, Europe, brother. The longest flight that's there is what, an hour tops.

[Joey]

Unless they're coming here.

[Frank]

Yeah, well then, I mean, if someone took bro and someone's gonna do.

[Joey]

Or Africa. I mean, they have pretty big access to Africa right there.

[Frank]

Well, northern tip of Africa. I mean, the rest of Africa is ginormous.

[Joey]

They could get flights that are like four hours, five hours.

[Frank]

And bro, you would do a four or five hour flight standing only.

[Joey]

Nah, that's crazy.

[Frank]

I don't think it's gonna like someone's gonna do it. Crazy to me.

[Joey]

What happens if you get tired? Like, can I just take a little.

[Frank]

When I saw the seats, they're like, they look like they're in like the seating.

[Joey]

Sam? Yeah? Can you pull up a picture of them?

[Frank]

Like they're in the seating position and then the like bottom falls out and it's like a. It's more like a lean, like a healthy lean. Almost healthy. Like it's not entirely. Like on a bus, like people stand and shit like that.

[Joey]

A lean seat.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

See, like, is this Ryanair? Cuz those are yellow.

[Frank]

I don't, I don't know, whatever, click on it.

[Ant]

I'm not sure, but these are the designs. Like they're kind of pseudo Standing.

[Joey]

First of all, that looks way harder than just standing.

[Frank]

Yeah, you're squatting. You're doing wall sits on this.

[Joey]

Yeah. What the fuck? I changed my answer to 45 seconds.

[Frank]

There.

[Joey]

That's standing.

[Ant]

This is what?

[Frank]

That's not. I don't think the one that I. Looks like way harder left.

[Ant]

This is what they're considering.

[Frank]

The top left is the one that I saw that like.

[Ant]

Like this.

[Frank]

And it like, it starts in like a seated position and then it opens up a little more.

[Ant]

It looks the same as these.

[Joey]

I would have to get in it. You would have to strap me.

[Frank]

I would need to be either my.

[Joey]

Crotch like a baby.

[Frank]

Like those old baby seats.

[Joey]

Yeah, like that.

[Frank]

I would need to be either completely standing or completely sitting. This whole, like half in, half out.

[Joey]

Yeah. Come on.

[Frank]

Not gonna work for me.

[Joey]

I'm not doing this bent knee. Oh, maybe they do that because I heard that, like, if you're straight legged for like an extended, you could pass out. Yeah. Like the. It's like your circulation.

[Frank]

Yeah, I've heard. I've heard. And, and like, I. I've not seen people do that, but, like, I've heard of people. The first hand accounts I read here.

[Ant]

That it says that they're pretty much not gonna be on flights over two hours. Like, it's designed for planes to go under two hours.

[Frank]

Yeah, that's smart.

[Joey]

I would. I would consider. I would definitely do it for this story too. Like, just to say I would do it.

[Frank]

You have to go and raw dog it.

[Joey]

Yeah, that's fine.

[Frank]

I think. Hear me out. Whoa. I got an idea.

[Joey]

Turbulence. Like that is probably better. I mean.

[Frank]

No, because then you have. No, like, at least when I'm seated, I feel like I can just be in my seat. Like, if I'm standing up, it's like I have nowhere to go but down.

[Joey]

Hey, that's the reality anyway.

[Frank]

But I mean, like, in terms of standing, it could be double down. Like, I could fall and then be down. What if. Because a lot of airlines. Airlines, you listening? Big plane. They're looking for, like, the next evolution in like air travel and like, making things more luxurious and shit like that. And I'm not talking like the ultra luxury brands.

[Joey]

Like, I was about to say something ultra luxurious, like.

[Frank]

No, not like Virgin or, or Qatar. Like airlines. That's. That's one, right? Yeah.

[Joey]

Virgin is like, crazy.

[Frank]

Oh, I don't know. Emirates, I know, is one like the mom and pop brands. Although they're not mom and pop brands. Delta, United, JetBlue, them.

[Joey]

Okay.

[Frank]

They make it.

[Joey]

Bless you. What were you saying all that? What were you saying all that?

[Frank]

Instead, now you can book, like, seats at a bar on a plane. And, like, that's your standing seat, but.

[Joey]

It'S at a bar on a stool.

[Frank]

But no, no, the stand. The standing one is at a bar. It's like you could sit at the bar on the flight.

[Joey]

That'd be fire.

[Frank]

And it's like.

[Joey]

I mean, if they have a bar on the plane, then you could just wait till it gets up there and then you walk around.

[Frank]

No, fuck that. But your seat is at the bar. If you're a real alcoholic.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

You know, and you're just like. So they have like, you know, like. Like, let's use Delta as an example. They have Delta 1, okay. That's like, premium.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

You know, like, bang. Then they have, like, extra plus or whatever. Whatever it's called.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Then they have, like, comfort, and then they have main cabin. Get rid of extra plus.

[Joey]

Okay.

[Frank]

And just put a bar and the seats are just at the bar.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And like, there's a bartender on, like, one of those, like, you know how, like, VR games, they. They like, strap them in and they can, like, turn and walk around and stuff like that.

[Joey]

Yep.

[Frank]

Put them in one of those so they're safe. It's not necessary.

[Joey]

So not safe. What do you say?

[Frank]

They are safe.

[Joey]

Yeah, right.

[Frank]

I trumped it there. I don't know why. And then they're just like. You're sitting at the bar for two hours for your flight.

[Joey]

I was thinking that. I can't believe they don't. You know, like, the ultra rich people don't do this where it's like, if you got a flight. Australia, bro, just put me under. Wake me up when we get there.

[Frank]

I mean, people do that with, like, they do, like, allergy medicine and shit like that when they get on planes, don't they?

[Joey]

I'm saying, like, anesthesia.

[Frank]

Oh, like, gas my room and then, like, I'll fall asleep, bro.

[Joey]

Gas the cabin, put us all out and then fucking wake us up.

[Frank]

I don't like that because sometimes you need the passengers. Like, is there a doctor on board? We have an emergency.

[Joey]

No emergencies. If everyone's taking a snooze or someone.

[Frank]

Has a bad reaction to anesthesia, that too.

[Joey]

Does that happen?

[Frank]

You're the one that said you're afraid of that movie Awake.

[Joey]

I am. I've never been put under.

[Frank]

I've been put under.

[Joey]

I talk all this shit like that. I would, but I would never do that on A fucking plane. My like unconscious body. What if it ain't happening, bro? One time, by the way, I've been doing this thing where I don't wear my seatbelt when we land. Bro, I'm gonna tell you something where you should wear it. Because I did it once and it was. I guess I just had a really good flight. I don't actually like do this all the time, but I did do it the first time I did it by accident. The second time I did it on purpose. The first time I didn't realize that we were landing and we landed perfectly. And I was like, why do they make you wear your seatbelt? Is that just like because of insurance or they have to so they could say I like it was some stupid shit that I was thinking this is.

[Frank]

The whole where, like the approach where you take where it's just like, you don't need to check out at hotels. That's all a myth.

[Joey]

I don't check out at hotels. Do you check out at hotels?

[Ant]

No. Honestly, Frank.

[Joey]

Frank, like has to check out.

[Frank]

Yeah. Because it's courtesy. Because these people need to know that I'm gone.

[Joey]

But I'm usually leaving at the time that I have to leave anyway.

[Frank]

Sometimes you may not, but I'm still not checking out. Crazy. But go ahead.

[Joey]

I just don't. But anyway, what was I even saying.

[Frank]

The whole like the. When the plane lands and stuff, like, oh.

[Joey]

So the second time that this happened, I was like, I'm not gonna wear my seatbelt.

[Frank]

Like whatever.

[Joey]

Last time I was chilling, I almost went under the fucking seat.

[Frank]

Really?

[Joey]

Because when you hit the ground and then they hit the brakes, bro, laws of motion. Almost fucking flew under.

[Frank]

Yeah. I mean, you think about it. You're going from when you're landing, probably slower, 300 miles per hour to. So like. Yeah, your body's gonna keep moving. Same idea with a car crash.

[Joey]

Well, it's, it's, it's not until that they hit the brakes, like you're already on the floor. Then they hit the brakes really hard and then you're kind of like. Like that where I almost slid underneath the seat and front of me. And I was like, never doing that again.

[Frank]

That's such a bro.

[Joey]

Did I ever tell you the story about the old Asian dude who took my seat belt?

[Frank]

Yeah, you did.

[Joey]

Did I tell you that I was on a flight and there was this old Asian guy sitting next to me and I had a middle seat, so I was a little confused about where my seat belt was cuz I couldn't find it. I found. I was like, okay, I have one of them. And then I look over, he's buckled in, and he's holding mine. Like he's bracing himself, basically. So I was kind of like, this guy seems like he's nervous to fly. Like, I'm not gonna, like, take his thing from him or whatever, but he held on to it. So I was just kind of like. It was crazy.

[Frank]

I asked him be like, hey, can I have it back, please?

[Joey]

Yeah, I just figured the dude was, like, scared to fly or something because he was holding on to that. Clearly, he knew. He took my belt and he was just like, no, I'm scared. Which I'm sympathetic to. I used to be very afraid of flying.

[Frank]

Good for you.

[Joey]

And there was another time our girl came on my flight. I thought I was gonna have a free seat next to me. This is in Vegas, going home. She got on the flight, her sandal was blown to shit, and she was sweating like crazy. And I was like, oh. She just ran for the plane. But then she sits down and she's fucking terrified of flying. And she's audibly. When the plane's just, like, driving on the Runway, like, on the tarmac, she's like, not having a good time. We're climbing and she's freaking.

[Frank]

Oh, no.

[Joey]

And I. I. This was already, like. This was like, one of my first kind of flights. And like, that. So I'm just like, yo, shut up. Like, in my head I'm saying like, yo, please stop. You're making this worse for me. But I couldn't say anything. And she's going like that. It's like, it's at night. It was a red eye, bro. I was up. I couldn't. It was terrifying. Like, think about how much worse that makes it when someone else is like.

[Frank]

Oh, oh, well, you know how I am. Anytime someone brings up, like, something happened on a fight, I'm like, shut up.

[Joey]

Yeah. Frank just goes into his zone. He's like, turbulence. Not anymore.

[Frank]

In my head, it's. It doesn't exist anymore. Yeah.

[Joey]

You're like, nope, it's fine. I'm literally in a truck.

[Frank]

Yeah. Or I'm in jello.

[Joey]

That's not what I say. That's what the Internet says, which makes no sense.

[Ant]

But you ever been on one of those flights that has a full bar? Like, you go walk up to it.

[Frank]

Like, never.

[Ant]

Like, the very big airplanes.

[Frank]

No, never.

[Joey]

I think you can only do that.

[Frank]

If you're going to be Big Dick McGee. You have.

[Ant]

No, I have not.

[Joey]

Oh yeah.

[Frank]

He's like, have you ever done it? Have you ever done that? Well, guess who has. This guy with the 10 inch flaccid.

[Joey]

Yeah, no, I haven't. That would be lovely though. Or like take a shower, which is kind of dumb, but I mean, yeah.

[Frank]

There are those flights that are like 20 hour flights and you can pay like $30,000 to have basically like a studio apartment on a plane. Which if I, if I had that like money to just blow $20,000. First of all, I don't think I'll ever be getting on a flight that's longer than five or six hours. But like you have six hours to Europe.

[Joey]

Oh, but you would, you've already been there. If you were a little further, it'd be seven hours.

[Frank]

I don't, I don't like, it's scary and I like that I live on there, you know.

[Joey]

Then I like seven hours.

[Frank]

Yeah, it's like, this is too long.

[Ant]

Hawaii is long.

[Frank]

I wouldn't do Hawaii.

[Joey]

You refuse to get on a flight longer than six hours.

[Frank]

I don't refuse, but the idea of it is something I would need to be coerced into.

[Joey]

What is it about the time that's scary?

[Frank]

It's just too long.

[Joey]

But what does that mean?

[Frank]

I just don't like it. What do you mean? It's.

[Joey]

Well, I know I get like turbulence and like, you know, you're just, oh.

[Frank]

When you're like, you're just in the air too long. Our bodies are not made to be.

[Joey]

There, to be in the air.

[Frank]

Supposed to like every now and then like touch down, just like check in with the ground. Like I could do like, it would suck. But if it was like 12 hour trip and it was like broken up into like 43 hour flights or 34 hour flights or 26 hour flights or 62 hour flights.

[Joey]

Enough.

[Frank]

I would do, I would do that. Okay, what about like, or eight 1.5 hour flights, you know?

[Joey]

Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Imagine that. It's like, yeah, you can go, but there's eight layovers. I, I, I would, you would never go to like Amsterdam or like Sweden.

[Frank]

You didn't hear what I said straight.

[Joey]

You got to break it up.

[Frank]

Yeah, I could break it up. But like these people that are just like, oh, I flew to Australia and It was a 12 hour flight and then another 12 hour flight and then another 10 hour flight. It's like, just don't go, dude. Just. We're just not, maybe we're just not meant to go. There. And that's okay. Like, accept it. Cool. We just don't need to do it.

[Joey]

I mean, the question, I guess it begs the question, what are we meant to do?

[Frank]

That's a great question. I don't have an answer for it.

[Joey]

We were meant to live for so.

[Frank]

Much more without non turn. I don't remember or know the lyrics.

[Joey]

Okay, so like, Australia is out of the question. You're never.

[Frank]

Yeah, I have no Japan.

[Joey]

You want to go to Japan?

[Frank]

I would like to, but I would hope that they figure something out by the time I decide I want to go.

[Joey]

Well, we're gonna get Elon Musk rocket ship you all.

[Frank]

They've said, they've said that they have discussed planes that could do like the trip from here to London in an hour and a half.

[Joey]

Right.

[Frank]

Terrifying, but be blasting through the sky. Dude, it's something, right? Like, it's a choice. I'm not saying that.

[Joey]

Like, what does that cabin feel like? Or maybe it feels normal.

[Frank]

I. I feel like it'd be like when you're on one of those, like, not roller coasters, but like, remember at the fair they had those.

[Joey]

You stick to the wall.

[Frank]

Yeah, you stick to the wall. And then you could like, you know, I feel like it'd be that. Which wouldn't be ideal, but, you know.

[Joey]

So if you were to go to Japan or like Australia or whatever, it would have to be like, all right, we're gonna stop in France.

[Frank]

I feel like there's no way to get to Australia that isn't at least a 15 hour flight. Props because like you. Unless it's legit, like you're stopping everywhere.

[Joey]

Yeah, you'd have to stop in like France and then like it'd be.

[Frank]

It would be like, yeah, France. But even that's nine hours, right?

[Joey]

No, France is six hours.

[Frank]

Okay, so like France and then like somewhere else. Somewhere else. Somewhere in between those two. But then like, like Russia or some shit.

[Joey]

Oh, you probably have to like.

[Frank]

I don't even know Russia, brother. Russia's just going fucking.

[Joey]

By the way, I forgot who someone in my group chat access to this, but like, I think it was Geo. How close do you think Russia is to United States? In miles. Like the closest points of those countries. How close are they?

[Frank]

Well, there's that. That thing that, that connects Alaska and Russia and it's like a couple miles.

[Joey]

The Bering Strait.

[Frank]

The Bering Strait. Yeah. Isn't that like six miles?

[Joey]

That was not the answer I gave. But yes, you're right. Oh, I didn't know So I didn't know that was Russia. It's not.

[Frank]

I told you guys.

[Joey]

I think the answer is six miles. I'm saying if the Bering Strait though is like the thing that connects them.

[Frank]

Yes, it's.

[Joey]

But it's under a hundred miles. I said like 4,000 miles.

[Frank]

No. Yeah, it's very close to the joke I had joke that Sarah Palin said she was like, I could see Russia from my house, you know.

[Joey]

Damn, do you sound just like her?

[Frank]

What is it? What is the actual mileage? Did you look it up?

[Ant]

I thought, I thought.

[Joey]

I think it's like 40 something.

[Ant]

I only know that because of the risk board. I know Alaska and the thing on the other side is connected.

[Frank]

What an insanely loserish answer. I know. Because of the risk board. Goodness gracious.

[Ant]

You know, we don't judge where people get their facts.

[Frank]

I. You know what? You're right.

[Ant]

Okay, 2.5 miles to pretty close.

[Joey]

Wait, what?

[Ant]

Did you look up the closest point? The US and Russia are separated by 2.5 miles.

[Joey]

That's crazy. The answer was like 40 or something. That's so sick. Anyway, we do have some more sponsors. We have a new one here today, and that's Square. Okay. Square is your all in one business partner. Making your day to day easier. Okay. So it's like a POS system, a point of sale system. You know, you can use it for payments, inventory, customer tools. Brings everything together in one simple platform. Okay. And Square is what we use when we go on tour. When we're selling merch, that's what we use. There's like a little machine and then you know, you pay for it and blah, blah, blah. It's got everything. It got your inventory, got the, you know, the sales and everything. You could pay with it. So it's great. And whether you're running a cafe, a salon, a boutique, or you know, you're selling merch at a show or something like that, you know, Square's got your back and yeah, they can help you grow and even set up an online store in just a few clicks. Okay. And right now you can get up to $200 off square hardware when you sign [e-mail], go basement. Okay, that's s q u a r e dot com. Go slash basement. Okay. You could visit Square to get started. So if you have a local business or you have a small business or whatever and you are going to be selling things in person or they can help you set up an online store, go to square.comgo/basement to get Started, you know, using the thing that again, we use on tour. And lastly here, not to be confused with the last one, but we have Squarespace and Squarespace is a website that's going to help you build a website. Okay. It is going to help. It's going to make it super easy to. To do that. They have templates to help, you know. Helps. Whoa. That helps. You set it up real quick. All you have to do is click on the template. It kind of populates, and then you switch out the photos and the. And the text and then you're good to go. And websites are super important. It's your first impression. So, you know, whatever kind of business or content or whatever the case is, Squarespace is going to help you, you know, give your best first impression. So you can save some money here. Go to squarespace.com basement and use the offer code BASEMENT to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain. Okay, that is squarespace.com basement and use the offer code BASEMENT to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or. Or a domain. Okay, enjoy. What were we just talking about?

[Ant]

Whatever you want.

[Frank]

He had to move us away from the fact that he gets most of his world knowledge from Risk.

[Joey]

Forgot about that.

[Frank]

Is there any, like, worse? Like, I love board games, but like, in terms of like the worst board game, is there anything worse than Risk?

[Joey]

Monopoly?

[Frank]

No way. Monopoly. So fun.

[Joey]

Monopoly.

[Frank]

Monopoly is incredible.

[Ant]

You're also naming very popular board. There's some bad.

[Frank]

I know they're popular. I'm not saying that they're not popular, but like, you know who else was popular? Hitler. How do you feel about that ant.

[Joey]

Hard h. Getting demonetized there. All right, who the worst board game name?

[Ant]

There's some bad ones. Like, there's a board game called Diplomacy. Very bad board game.

[Joey]

What is that like?

[Frank]

I imagine it's just like a UN meeting that you need to like, kind of.

[Ant]

There's some bad board games. Catan's good, though.

[Joey]

What's the.

[Frank]

Oh, you guys love.

[Joey]

I knew.

[Frank]

I knew he loves Catan. I've yet to play Catan.

[Ant]

I'll tell you what I played at his house the other day. They've been.

[Frank]

Been all.

[Ant]

They've all been playing by the wrong rules for about 14 years.

[Joey]

First of all, the first time I played that game was like three years ago. Second of all, that wasn't the other day. That was like last year was that it was not. It was not 2025 and I was blacked out on wine so that's.

[Frank]

I think what makes Monopoly fun is, like, you can kind of like your inner Tony Soprano could come out. You know what I'm saying? Like, you could just be like, lace it up. You can make deals under the table. You can strong arm people into certain things.

[Joey]

Steal money from the bank.

[Frank]

I never. You know, I understand why that's a thing. People do that. I like to win legit. You know, we know that the cream of the crop in board games is Cranium. Duh.

[Joey]

I like Cranium. I like Trivial Pursuit.

[Frank]

Trivial Pursuits. Too smart for me.

[Joey]

It depends.

[Frank]

Like, it asks about, like, Anne of Green Gables and shit like that.

[Joey]

You need an updated one. You can't be like, oh, this 1970s cartoon. Like, all right, bro, what is this?

[Frank]

Yeah, there was one, actually. There's a. It made the rounds a couple years ago. It was a Trivial Pursuit card, and it was like, the entertainment question on the card, and it was like, which of these actors has never played Batman? And at the time, it was accurate, and the choices were Michael Keaton, Christian Bale, Adam West, Ben Affleck. And then it was like, oh, well, yeah, someone has played Batman since then.

[Joey]

Damn.

[Frank]

Risk. Like, my father, I've never played Risk. He keeps trying to get me to play it. And I hear it's fun, but, like, it just seems like such a chore.

[Joey]

Is it like, armies and.

[Ant]

Yeah, my. My mom's side of the family used to play when they were younger. Every week. And it's. It could ruin families.

[Joey]

Every week.

[Frank]

Oh, dude.

[Joey]

Parcheesi, bro. Wait, hold up. Are we skipping over the fact that your family would play Risk every week?

[Frank]

That's cute.

[Ant]

Every week they got together. I wasn't around yet. It was a while ago, and it would.

[Joey]

Risk every week is banana.

[Frank]

I think it's a very common thing that families do, like, board game night every week.

[Joey]

We used to do that growing up.

[Frank]

Okay, so, I mean, I'm saying Risk.

[Joey]

Every week is insane.

[Frank]

Yeah, that might be a little much.

[Joey]

We used to play a lot of Scrabble.

[Frank]

Oh, I hate.

[Joey]

Really.

[Frank]

I really dislike smart board games.

[Joey]

Why?

[Frank]

Because I don't want to be smart when I'm having fun.

[Joey]

Cranium. And there's trivia.

[Frank]

I know, but it's just, like, fun trivia. Like, you need to be smart for Scrabble. You need to have, like, knowledge outside of just general nonsense knowledge.

[Joey]

It's. It's words.

[Frank]

I know, but, like, certain words, like, people get too into it, and I don't like that.

[Joey]

I don't like, when people start doing the. The two letter words, like, oh, qi, triple letter, and I'm like, you.

[Frank]

Yeah. I just. I feel like risk is one of those that I'm just not a big. A big fan of, but. Sorry. Trouble.

[Joey]

Sorry's underrated, you know? Troubles. Underrated.

[Frank]

You know what I recently played, and it's a lot of fun. Do you remember perfection?

[Joey]

Oh, were you taking the pieces out of the.

[Frank]

No, you need to put them in the thing.

[Joey]

Oh.

[Frank]

And it's like it's popping up. Or like, the timer's going and it pops up at the end.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

That is fun.

[Joey]

Oh, I was thinking operation.

[Frank]

Oh, yeah. Operations. Fine.

[Joey]

Similar game.

[Frank]

It's okay.

[Joey]

It would just, like, be the. Huh?

[Frank]

Oh, it would. It would. It would. Ha.

[Joey]

Yeah. Yeah. What's the one?

[Frank]

Oh, you know what I loved?

[Joey]

I've never played an actual round of this, but I just liked with it. Mousetrap.

[Frank]

We have Mousetrap. The pieces might be destroyed somewhere, but it's okay.

[Joey]

Yo. I love videos of, like, anything that's like, dominoes, but it goes on for, like, 10 minutes. Or it's like a marble that, like, lands in this thing, and the thing spins and drops it in here.

[Frank]

Goldberg. Rube Goldberg or what those are called?

[Joey]

Rube Goldberg?

[Frank]

Yeah. They're like. It'll be, like, to make coffee, and it, like, starts with a marble. I love that.

[Joey]

It's so cool. I saw one where a guy had a whole machine to, like, help him get into bed, and it, like, brushed his teeth and, like, made his bed. I was like, this is so.

[Frank]

Yeah, that's a little too much. It always reminds me of that scene in Casper.

[Joey]

Yes.

[Frank]

Oh, I love Casper. But they. I'm okay with Rube Goldberg's. They're cool. But, like, setting them up as such, I imagine a chore.

[Joey]

Oh, I don't want to do that. I just want to, like, watch.

[Frank]

You just want to see them already done.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I love when people do the dominoes, and it's like a big domino thing of, like, Mario riding Luigi. And it just. Like, in one.

[Joey]

You never seen that Mario riding Luigi.

[Frank]

I meant Yoshi. You know what? I'm sure in the right parts of the Internet, that one exists, too.

[Joey]

You know what I love? When Domino's reveal a picture of two brothers each other. Two cartoon brothers have an at it.

[Frank]

All right.

[Joey]

I'm going crazy.

[Frank]

Forgive me. Before we started recording and asked a question.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And it was a really good one that I. I don't particularly know if I have any more Answers to. But the question was if you could have a billion dollars, but you can only buy things with that start with the letter that your name starts with. So you can only buy things starting in J.

[Joey]

Right.

[Frank]

F A.

[Joey]

Jungle Juice. Oh.

[Frank]

Oh. Why would you buy that?

[Joey]

My. My snap answer was jewelry.

[Frank]

Jewelry. But that's a good one. I said fruit.

[Joey]

Yeah, but you could buy that.

[Frank]

Now I know.

[Joey]

Billion dollars. How much fruit you buy?

[Frank]

A lot of fruit.

[Joey]

I could buy.

[Frank]

There's expensive fruit, too. Those, like, Japanese melons and shit like that.

[Joey]

Jellyfish.

[Frank]

Why would you buy jellyfish?

[Ant]

I don't know, but he can.

[Frank]

He can.

[Joey]

I can get one for my tank.

[Frank]

You could buy a jet. A jet. You can buy a jet.

[Joey]

That's great.

[Frank]

And I could buy an F1 car or an F1 racing team.

[Joey]

Oh, they're gonna say, like an F150. Like. All right, bro.

[Frank]

Yeah. No, I'm not a good truck, I guess, but. I guess. But not. Not for a billionaire, you know, I'm not a F1 racing team. That's not bad, right?

[Joey]

That would be awesome.

[Frank]

Would a billion dollars get me.

[Joey]

That's a good question. I don't know any part of it.

[Frank]

Because it's owned by, like, Ferrari and. Sure you would. You know who else owns them? Ferrari. Someone else. I know so much. You know what it is? I know so much about F1.

[Joey]

Ferrari, Red Bull, Aston Martin, Martin, Williams. What else you got?

[Frank]

I know so much about F1 that it's hard for me to keep up with.

[Joey]

Tough.

[Frank]

Well, I mean, Audi's become.

[Joey]

Or Cadillac.

[Frank]

Well, Cadillac is, like, slowly trying to get themselves in.

[Joey]

Right.

[Frank]

You know? But you know what else? And Aunt said he'd buy an airplane. He also said an air hangar.

[Ant]

Well, I would need that for my airplane, obviously.

[Frank]

That's fair. Honestly, he's kind of right.

[Joey]

What can I get? What else can I.

[Frank]

You could just buy jungle cat. I could buy a jungle cat. But, like. But what are you gonna put them in?

[Joey]

What am I gonna put them in?

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

A cage.

[Frank]

Can't buy a cage. Oh, it's like everything, everything, everything, babe.

[Joey]

How do I survive? I can only eat jelly beans.

[Frank]

Jambalaya.

[Joey]

Jambalaya.

[Frank]

Great.

[Joey]

I'm chilling.

[Ant]

Jalapenos.

[Frank]

Jalapenos in your jambalaya. Those are.

[Joey]

Even think of things with silent jays.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

Jalapenos.

[Frank]

Others. Go ahead. Jambalaya. Jolly fruits.

[Joey]

Jollibee.

[Frank]

Jollibee's Japanese food. Japanese. Japanese. Oh, you're chilling, brother. You're chilling.

[Joey]

Can I buy.

[Frank]

I could buy Finnish food. Which Is probably like fermented shark or something.

[Joey]

Probs.

[Frank]

I could buy frankfurter. Frankfurter. I'm living on hot dogs, baby. Hell yeah. I'm dead in a month. Yep. If I only hot dogs and fruit.

[Joey]

Me jumbalaya and jelly beans. I'll meet you there.

[Frank]

I mean, Japanese food. They got some stuff in there.

[Joey]

That's true. Yeah. F.

[Frank]

I can. I can have a steak and French.

[Joey]

French fries.

[Frank]

French fries. I can have a steak in Frankfurt, Germany.

[Joey]

That's not how that works.

[Frank]

I think you can buy part of a city, can't you? For a billion, bro.

[Joey]

I thought you meant a steak that you would eat.

[Frank]

Oh, no. Like, I can own a piece of Frankfurt, Germany. What's j. I mean, fried foods I could eat. I'm gonna be dead very quickly. Nothing that I could like. You could buy like jogging equipment, a.

[Ant]

Jeep, shoes, a jet ski.

[Frank]

A jet ski jogging equipment. I mean, shoes, sneakers. Yeah, I mean any or, like, nipple. Like. You guys love getting your nipples fucked up, taped up, right?

[Joey]

I have two shirts that don't make my nipples hurt.

[Frank]

Okay, so you could buy jogging equipment. Shirts fall into that. I could buy Jersey Mike's. Oh, not the worst sandwiches in the world.

[Joey]

No, honestly, I had them once and.

[Frank]

I was like, this is what Subway should be. Minus a lot of stuff that Subway is, you know?

[Joey]

Yeah. What about jumping jacks?

[Ant]

Jump rope.

[Joey]

Jump rope.

[Frank]

Jack in the boxes.

[Joey]

Rope.

[Ant]

I'm sorry. Apartment building for myself. I'm buying that, by the way.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Buying an apartment building.

[Joey]

Can't get a house, though.

[Ant]

I can't get a house.

[Frank]

Oh, well, you could buy like a.

[Joey]

Buy apples.

[Frank]

You could buy anal beads, bro. You could buy. You could buy steak in Apple.

[Ant]

That's a good one.

[Frank]

That's a good one.

[Joey]

Apple.

[Frank]

Yeah, you could buy an. And you could buy a ton of AirPods.

[Ant]

Back to Apple.

[Frank]

Apple iPhone. Apple laptop.

[Joey]

Anus.

[Ant]

Yes, technically.

[Joey]

I don't know.

[Ant]

Oh, Frankie. Factory by factory by a factory.

[Frank]

That makes what, though?

[Joey]

Nothing.

[Frank]

Frankfurters. You know, I could buy fort. I could buy a fort. That's where I'll live.

[Joey]

In the fort.

[Frank]

I'll live in a fort.

[Joey]

Where am I gonna live?

[Frank]

Like, you could buy like fort. Like, Netflix just bought Fort Monmouth. I could buy fort. Anything.

[Joey]

What if I bought a jump jar?

[Frank]

You can buy several Jennifer Lopez.

[Joey]

No. Well, Jennifer Aniston.

[Frank]

Again, I don't think the person was the issue. I think maybe the purchasing humans was. You could buy several Copies of the 1997 classic jingle all the way.

[Joey]

Right.

[Frank]

I could buy any movie that starts in F. You know, Fast and the Furious. I hate those movies, but, like, Joy, Buddy could own it. Yeah.

[Joey]

I could buy Ginger Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jar Binks lifelike statue.

[Frank]

Yeah. See how much that gets you. Oh, no. You'll only dip into your billion dollars and you'll have 9mil. $999,999,999 left. Everyone. Better that I made that joke. Yeah.

[Joey]

I feel like after the second round of 99, I would buy Fire.

[Frank]

Fire.

[Joey]

Fireplace.

[Frank]

Fireplace. For my fort. Firewood. Fire starters.

[Joey]

You could buy a firefighter.

[Frank]

Firestone tire.

[Joey]

A fire department.

[Frank]

I could buy a fire department. For what reason?

[Joey]

Just.

[Frank]

I could buy firefighters. I could buy. Your dad.

[Joey]

He's not a firefighter.

[Frank]

He was once. Once and always, brother.

[Joey]

It's a brotherhood.

[Frank]

It is.

[Joey]

And it's for life.

[Ant]

You can have a Jacuzzi.

[Joey]

A Jacuzzi, a jet ski and a jet, but nowhere to live.

[Frank]

I mean, you can live in, like, a jungle house.

[Ant]

Okay.

[Joey]

You can live in a. Oh, yeah.

[Frank]

You could buy Janko Jeans. Joey's. Goodbye Janko Jeans. You could buy a lot of Jenga. I could buy. This is.

[Joey]

Fucked up. Piece of shit.

[Frank]

I could buy film studios.

[Ant]

Oh, we can.

[Joey]

I don't know.

[Frank]

Why not?

[Joey]

Billion dollar.

[Frank]

I don't know.

[Joey]

Aren't they.

[Frank]

I mean, you could probably buy a stake in them.

[Joey]

Yeah. More steak. That's all I got. I mean, I. I think Jay's a bad name. A bad letter.

[Frank]

So Jay's a good one. A is a really good one, too. I feel like jewelry.

[Joey]

And then I could pawn that, but then I would have more money that. I can't buy stuff.

[Frank]

I could buy fancy stuff if I just put fancy in front of it. Can I buy it? It's like, oh, that's a fancy car. Oh, that's a fancy, fancy house.

[Joey]

No, if you could do that, then I can do.

[Ant]

Can I buy a house? A water bottle.

[Frank]

A is. Fancy is an adjective. A is just.

[Joey]

And then I could do like. I don't. Can't do that. I could get a. I could.

[Frank]

A john.

[Joey]

Just a house.

[Frank]

Just the house.

[Joey]

Just throw whatever I want. Oh, if your name is Walter, can you get whatever I want?

[Frank]

I mean, if we're avoiding just a house.

[Joey]

That's true, but I got nothing. Walter.

[Frank]

That's the name you went with.

[Joey]

I name another W name.

[Frank]

Whitney.

[Joey]

Male.

[Ant]

William.

[Frank]

William. Yeah.

[Ant]

Sorry.

[Joey]

One more.

[Frank]

Walrus.

[Joey]

Walrus. This is my son, Walrus. If I had a child and I named them Walrus, what would you say to my face?

[Frank]

Well, how did you land on walrus? All right, do we do another, like, turn in the Santa Gatto Studio acting course?

[Joey]

We'll do an acting thing.

[Frank]

All right.

[Joey]

I'm named my kid. Something insane. All right, and then you're just.

[Frank]

What's your name? Give me backstory.

[Joey]

No.

[Frank]

Oh, we're just acting now. Okay.

[Joey]

Yeah, yeah. Ready?

[Frank]

Oh, my God. First of all, he, she, they, them. What, are we going with pronouns for this baby?

[Joey]

It's a boy walrus, Frank.

[Frank]

It's.

[Joey]

Okay. So I'm telling. I'm telling you. I'm coming in.

[Frank]

Oh, I'm not meeting the baby.

[Joey]

I'm coming into the scene. I have the baby.

[Frank]

You have the baby with you. Okay.

[Ant]

It's not a walrus, right?

[Joey]

No, it's a baby.

[Frank]

Gotcha. Yeah.

[Joey]

All right, I'm in.

[Frank]

All right.

[Joey]

Okay. And this is. You're in the hospital. Okay. So I'm coming out.

[Frank]

I'm like, why are you coming out of the hospital?

[Joey]

I'm coming out of the room with the baby.

[Frank]

Okay, so you're meeting me in the hallway. You didn't even invite me into the room.

[Joey]

Yes. My wife's in there. She's fucking opened up. She's. She's. You know, give her some space, for God's sakes.

[Frank]

Oh, so this is immediately after. Yeah. So in this situation, this is immediately after the cesarean.

[Joey]

Yes.

[Frank]

You go from taking your child?

[Joey]

No, I was naturally born.

[Frank]

Oh, well, you said opened up.

[Joey]

I mean, like, her shit was opened by a baby.

[Frank]

Okay. I mean, they recover.

[Joey]

Yeah, I know.

[Frank]

Okay.

[Joey]

But I'm saying, like, she's.

[Frank]

She's still. She doesn't want you visitors. I respect that. Okay, that's fine. No problem.

[Joey]

So I'm walking out with this very fresh baby.

[Frank]

Okay.

[Joey]

You know. Yeah, but he's been. He's been hosed off, and. And he's been hosed off, and the. You know, he's. He's good, you know?

[Frank]

Yes.

[Joey]

So I. Now I'm coming out.

[Frank]

All right, you're coming out of the room. Are you opening the door? Is it a sliding automatic.

[Joey]

Meet.

[Frank]

Oh, my God.

[Joey]

Walrus.

[Frank]

Wow.

[Joey]

We named him Walrus Santagado.

[Frank]

Wow.

[Joey]

Hold the head.

[Frank]

Oh, my God. He is. How's everyone doing?

[Joey]

She's. She's doing.

[Frank]

Doing okay.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

You know. Oh, my God. He's incredible. Can I hold him?

[Joey]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frank]

Oh, my God.

[Joey]

You're already. Yeah.

[Frank]

Where do you get the name from?

[Joey]

We, like. It's her favorite animal. It's her favorite animal. And, like, I don't Know, I just think, like, the name Walrus just kind of, like, sounds cool. We're gonna call him Wally.

[Frank]

Okay?

[Joey]

Yeah. You don't like it?

[Frank]

I. No, listen, man, it doesn't matter what I. I'm gonna love this bundle of joy no matter what his name is.

[Joey]

Right? But what do you think of the name?

[Frank]

I think it's a choice. I support it, though. So cool. Wally. Wally West. The Flash. Walruses are cool animals.

[Joey]

Why'd you say it's a choice?

[Frank]

Well, it's. It is. It is by.

[Joey]

You don't like it?

[Frank]

No, I do. I think it's so. I think. Hold on.

[Joey]

Give me my baby. I just. I just had.

[Frank]

Hold on. Hold on.

[Joey]

Give me my fucking baby. Scurry. Give my fucking baby.

[Frank]

Now he's yelling at me. This is not his baby, Frank.

[Joey]

Give me my baby, you son of a bitch.

[Frank]

We're gonna be okay. We won't name you walrus.

[Joey]

That's a newborn.

[Frank]

We won't name you walrus anymore. And scene. Incredible acting.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I would rescue your child named Walrus.

[Joey]

The way you were running and slamming a newborn in here, unbelievable. Not naming my child Walrus. So there's that.

[Frank]

But let me ask serious question.

[Joey]

Okay.

[Frank]

How much money would it take to give me the naming rights to your firstborn child?

[Joey]

There's not an amount of money.

[Frank]

Oh, so, like, for free?

[Joey]

The other way.

[Frank]

So, like, you'll pay me?

[Joey]

No. I feel like you're ignoring the obvious one that I'm saying, which is there isn't enough an amount, but you don't.

[Frank]

Trust me to name your child.

[Joey]

I don't want you to name my child.

[Frank]

It's not about wanting.

[Joey]

It's not about trust.

[Frank]

It is trust.

[Joey]

It isn't trust.

[Frank]

Do you think I would name him something or her?

[Joey]

Huh?

[Frank]

Oh, my God. I said him first, though.

[Joey]

Do you think pregnant.

[Frank]

Do you think I would pick a good name?

[Joey]

It's not about that.

[Frank]

I'm asking that, though.

[Joey]

Do I think you would pick a good name? Yeah. Your kids have good names.

[Frank]

Thank you.

[Ant]

Would you let him do the middle name?

[Joey]

No.

[Frank]

Would you let me do that was.

[Ant]

More intense than the first name.

[Frank]

And. Yeah. Why is the middle name more important?

[Joey]

Because it's like that. Like, that changes something. Like it's naming a child.

[Ant]

Got it.

[Frank]

Joey's. That's the overall reason why it's gonna be the most, like, traditional white names for children. Like, it'll be like, you know, like Maria Angelina and, like, Joseph William. He's looking at me, isn't he?

[Joey]

He is looking at you. You're talking about my unborn children in a disrespectful way. I told you that your kids have great names.

[Frank]

My kids do have great names and I appreciate that. I'm just. I need to protect.

[Joey]

Right. Protect what?

[Frank]

Your kids from you.

[Joey]

Right? This kid's gonna be.

[Frank]

Can I just see him?

[Joey]

You have him, apparently.

[Frank]

Oh, that's right.

[Joey]

Stop running. Anyway, I think that's all we have for today. But guys, don't forget, like we said, we are adding a third show in Toronto on August 5th. Tickets go on sale at noon June 2nd, which should be today if you're watching it on YouTube on the day this comes out, June 2nd, the basementyard.com Tickets go on sale at noon August 5th. We'll see you there in Toronto. And also, you know, there's tickets to other shows that are available as well. Go to the basement dot com. Get your tickets there, fill out the forms so that we can, you know, interact with you guys during the show. You know, the basement.com submit to. Do any of that. And yeah, we're gonna find you with your baby somewhere.

[Frank]

Yeah, I have your child Walrus with me.

[Joey]

Try to try to get Frank to act out a scene where I have a weird name of a baby and then he's kidnapped it. I don't know how we got there.

[Frank]

I mean, things happen. Things absolutely have. But you know where to find me. F al885 on Twitter x whatever. The Frank Calvary is everywhere else. And then the basement yard. Patreon.com the basement yard. Go. See the shows go bing, bang, boom. Bang, bang, bang, boom. It Walrus and I are going to start a new life in my purchased property in Frankfurt, Germany.

[Joey]

Enjoy that.

[Frank]

I hear it's actually kind of nice. Frankfurt, Germany.

[Joey]

All right. Yeah.

[Frank]

So you're just letting me leave with.

[Joey]

Your kid, that's all. We'll see you guys next time at the jet. I'm coming over with a jungle cat and a jet ski and gonna kill you.

[Frank]

I mean, the jungle cat won't be able to differentiate me from the baby. It'll probably eat the baby first because that's quicker.

[Joey]

We'll see you guys next.