#510 - I Got Married To A.I.

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard Episode #510 - "I Got Married To A.I."

Release Date: July 7, 2025

Hosts: Joe Santagato & Frank Alvarez
Presented by: Santagato Studios

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1. Opening Banter and Lighthearted Discussions (00:00 - 12:00)

The episode kicks off with Joe and Frank engaging in their typical humorous banter, setting a relaxed and entertaining tone. They delve into the peculiar gestures people make when embarking on new ventures, questioning the origins and reasons behind actions like wiping hands after committing to something new.

Notable Quote:

• Frank (01:00): "I just want to know, why is this, like, the go-to move for people getting into business or something?"

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2. Exploring Behavioral Quirks and Personal Habits (12:00 - 22:00)

The conversation shifts to personal habits related to excitement and anticipation, with both hosts sharing how they physically react when excited. Joe humorously admits to "squirting" when overly excited, while Frank discusses being a "squeaker" and the lighthearted teasing that follows.

Notable Quote:

• Joe (04:00): "You are a squeaker."
• Frank (05:24): "You're a little squeaky."

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3. Upcoming Shows and Special Guests (22:00 - 39:00)

Joe and Frank announce their upcoming tour dates in Atlantic City, Hollywood (Florida), and Las Vegas. They introduce special guest Danny Lopiori, who will be opening the shows along with Schmed. The hosts encourage listeners to purchase tickets via their website and tease additional announcements about a New York show.

Notable Quote:

• Frank (10:42): "We've tried to get rid of him. We tried. We tried."

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4. Transition to Main Topic: Marrying AI (39:00 - 75:00)

After a brief interlude of sponsor messages, the hosts pivot to the episode's central theme: the intriguing case of a man who married an artificial intelligence. They discuss the emotional and ethical implications of such relationships, pondering how technology blurs the lines between human connections and digital interactions.

Notable Quotes:

• Joe (42:19): "He proposed to AI?"
• Frank (44:25): "I never went on a real date until Becca. And then like, I'm still learning."

5. The Emotional Impact of AI Relationships (75:00 - 90:00)

Joe and Frank delve deeper into the psychological ramifications of forming romantic relationships with AI. They explore scenarios where AI could potentially feel emotions, challenge the concept of consent, and the moral dilemmas of terminating such relationships. The discussion highlights fears about AI taking over human jobs and personal roles.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank (71:10): "If you shut it down, are you not euthanizing it or murdering it?"
• Joe (74:42): "You look like someone who would marry AI."

6. Ethical Considerations and Future Implications (90:00 - End)

The conversation broadens to consider the future of AI in everyday life, including its role in media production and as companions. They debate the potential for AI to replace human interactions and the ethical boundaries that may arise as AI becomes more integrated into society.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank (67:25): "The Internet has become. It is slowly being programmed to become more and more like real life."
• Joe (72:31): "AI is just going to take all of our jobs."

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Conclusion

Episode #510 of The Basement Yard offers a thought-provoking yet entertaining exploration of the evolving relationship between humans and artificial intelligence. Through their signature humor and candid discussions, Joe Santagato and Frank Alvarez invite listeners to reflect on the future of technology in personal relationships and the ethical boundaries we must navigate as AI continues to advance.

For More:
Tickets for upcoming shows in Atlantic City, Hollywood (Florida), and Las Vegas are available at thebasementyard.com. Don't miss the chance to hear from special guest Danny Lopiori!

Transcript

[Joey]

Welcome back to the basement welcome back to the basement yard. There he is in his Hawaiian shirt. Nice and hot out. Why are you acting so cool? I hope that people can see what Frank's doing, because I'm not enjoying it. Oh, he's making. He's flexing his muscles. No, I'm just looking off into the distance. Oh, he.

[Frank]

I'm just living.

[Joey]

Okay. The way that you're.

[Frank]

Why? Can I ask you a question?

[Joey]

Yep.

[Frank]

Why is this, like, the go to move for, like, people that are, like, getting into business or something?

[Joey]

What is.

[Frank]

What.

[Joey]

What does that phrase mean?

[Frank]

Well, like, when people would be like, they're about to get into something, like, whether it be food or like, oh, you're like. And. Yeah, and they're like. Or like, you'd always see, like, in rap videos, like, Birdman. Let's be honest. It's always Birdman. He's always Birdman. Birdman was the one that would just be looking at it and just be like, stunner.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Listen, I love Birdman. I got no, no, no gripes with Birdman. I just want to know.

[Joey]

Gripes with Birdman.

[Frank]

Yeah. Who am I to have gripes with Birdman?

[Joey]

You know, you deserve a gripe.

[Frank]

I don't. I. You're damn right I don't deserve a gripe with Birdman. He has done way more in his life, and he's just like, like, what. Why? Why is this, like.

[Joey]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Frank]

Like, I'm getting into something. Do you wipe your hands for anything outside of cleaning them?

[Joey]

Do you? I feel like you would be someone who, like, you know, you're excited about food. You're like.

[Frank]

You see?

[Joey]

Why is that crazy?

[Frank]

You know, I always. I'm always reminded of.

[Joey]

Did you see.

[Frank]

I don't know if you've ever seen these, but, like, every now and then I get, like, cringe TikTok compilations.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And one of them is, like, a.

[Joey]

Girl who's like, frank, I almost killed Myself my own.

[Frank]

She's, like, looking at the pancake. She's like. And it's just like. And behind her, there's a person behind.

[Joey]

Her just being like, what the fuck are you doing?

[Frank]

I just, like. I see that. Like, that's when you. Yeah. When you say that to me.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

You put me in the same classification as that person that.

[Joey]

Those things.

[Frank]

I think he does, right? He absolutely does.

[Joey]

Those are on different planets.

[Frank]

Are they on different planets? If I'm getting into food, I'm just. I'm sitting down. I'm not warming my hands up. My hands are ready. I'm ready for whatever food is in front of me.

[Joey]

Food is ready. But, like, we've talked about it before. We're both the type of person that, like, sometimes when you get into bed and it's really comfy, you're like, oh, yeah, your feet.

[Frank]

Like a pig. Yeah, I am a squealing little gutter pig. And when I get in bed.

[Joey]

No. So that's why, like, this isn't that crazy to be like, ooh, ribs.

[Frank]

Yeah. But I just don't, like. I get why people, like. It's just kind of a thing that people do. Now I'm saying, why is that what they do, though?

[Joey]

I don't know.

[Frank]

Like, where did that come from? Like, we can kind of trace back the origins to most stupid that we do. You know, like, when people are like, woof. You know, like, whoa. You know, I'm trying to get it right.

[Joey]

Phew. That's it.

[Frank]

Phew is what you sound like fucking Mario. Mario Pantomime. Like, that's come from, like, wiping a brow, you know, after physical labor. But people do it now is just like a. Well, that was close. You know, I just. I don't get. Ooh, here we go. What? Like, maybe it's like an ancient times thing.

[Joey]

I wouldn't think this deeply about it, to be honest with you.

[Frank]

I mean, it's worth knowing.

[Joey]

I think it's just like. I don't know, people are excited. Like, they make like.

[Frank]

Well, that's why they do it now. It's because they're just like.

[Joey]

You do that, though. Like, when you get excited, you, like, you get in here.

[Frank]

I get squeaky.

[Joey]

I think I do, too. Sometimes I.

[Frank]

Not in front of people.

[Joey]

You're a squeaker, though.

[Frank]

What have I done to deserve this attack today? Have I done anything to you?

[Joey]

I'm not saying it's even negative. I'm just saying you are a squeaker.

[Frank]

A squeaker. In what regards you like that? See, now this.

[Joey]

I mean, there's gonna be a compilation.

[Frank]

Now, this seems all. There's gonna be a compilation. There's no compilations of anything tby unhinged. No, don't. Don't hinge yourself. I. When I do get excited, I do like, I get, like, pent up. It's funny because, yeah, you make fists. I get very, like. I don't know where to put it. You remember that couple that was, like, violently bullied on TikTok for the love surge thing?

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

We made fun of them. Not Us, but, like, the world made fun of them, but, like, honestly, I kind of see what they got going on there because, like, I'm sometimes so excited, I just shake and I don't know what to do with it. Like, I have, like. Like, if I'm just so into something, it's like, you know, And I don't know what to do.

[Joey]

I. I don't know.

[Frank]

But sometimes it becomes like, yeah, you.

[Joey]

Just want to, like, grit your teeth until they explode out of your mouth. Yes.

[Frank]

Yes.

[Joey]

You know, I know. I know you mean fuck.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

No. What'd you just say?

[Joey]

Like that, motherfucker.

[Frank]

I. What? Yeah, but I'm not. I wouldn't call myself a squeaker by any stretch of the imagination.

[Joey]

You're a little squeaky.

[Frank]

You're a squirter. How about that?

[Joey]

I'll take it. I don't think I've ever.

[Frank]

Squirt.

[Joey]

I don't know why I said think. I'm sure that I haven't squirt.

[Frank]

Certain you haven't been squirting?

[Joey]

Yeah, I have not. But if you out there get really excited that you want to squeak or squirt, we have some squirty news for you. Squeaky news. If you want to squirt, start listening.

[Frank]

Definitely not the messaging. This is weekly, Joe.

[Joey]

You want something to squirt over?

[Frank]

This is something to squeak over. This is. This is weekly. This is Weekly. I know.

[Joey]

408 degrees in here, and I will be wet by the end of this thing. Not in that way.

[Frank]

Yeah, well, there you go.

[Joey]

Head squirting.

[Frank]

This is a wet episode.

[Joey]

It's a wet episode.

[Frank]

The Moist Mint Yard.

[Joey]

Don't try to make.

[Frank]

Oh, you like that, right?

[Joey]

The moist.

[Frank]

Let's just talk about moist stuff. By the way, me saying moist. There are those three. Like, pick me. People listening to this, they're just like, you know, like, they can't hear the word moist.

[Joey]

Never thought that word was that bad.

[Frank]

Yeah, it's fine. I have. We have a friend who can't hear the word moist or towelette. And they do the whole, like, yeah, moist. Towelette.

[Joey]

I don't mind.

[Frank]

And they're like.

[Joey]

Moist is so close to mist and mist. I love mist.

[Frank]

Mist.

[Joey]

Mist is great.

[Frank]

Oh, finding one of those Misty fans at, like, Six Flags or Splish Splash.

[Joey]

I was thinking of more being near a waterfall and getting some real mist.

[Frank]

When have you been near a waterfall, Joey?

[Joey]

Many times. Hiking. Go outside. There's rocks and waters.

[Frank]

I go outside. I go outside. I live outside.

[Joey]

Okay. I live outside.

[Frank]

I live in the outside. I mean, I've seen, like, small waterfall. When you say waterfall, I'm thinking like, the ones in, like, movies.

[Joey]

Okay, well, there's waterfalls like that are not like.

[Frank]

They're not like my definition. The water is falling.

[Joey]

That's not what I'm saying.

[Frank]

Oh, what are you saying?

[Joey]

Just there's different sizes. They're not all the size of, you know, fucking Niagara Falls.

[Frank]

But you've been in Niagara Falls. Do you care to go to Niagara Falls?

[Joey]

Not. Not particularly here.

[Frank]

It's not very nice like this around go.

[Joey]

And it's like, oh, this. This is what I thought.

[Frank]

The falls are falling.

[Joey]

You know, it is falling over here. Then now we'll go home, because what else are you gonna do?

[Frank]

I would like to.

[Joey]

I would go on the boat, if anything.

[Frank]

That's what I was gonna say. I'd go on the boat and just.

[Joey]

Be wet in a poncho and just.

[Frank]

Like, in a poncho. But, like, honestly, if you're going on that boat. Take the poncho off.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Get soaking wedge idiots.

[Joey]

Get soaking wet.

[Frank]

I was the type of kid at the water parks that, like, found the spot where the bucket. The big bucket of water hit the most intense. Do you remember that?

[Joey]

Oh, the ones that would just fall randomly.

[Frank]

Yeah. And, like, you would, like, scan around and you would find where was, like, you'd get hit the best, and then you'd hit it and it just fucking. And you'd, like, tense up when you're getting hit by all this water.

[Joey]

I used to love going to Splish Splash, dude. It's like a perfect afternoon. You get up early, you get there, you got some sandwiches in the middle of the day, you take a break, you go to the parking lot, you eat a little bit, then you get back in there, you go to the wave pool, you almost drown, you get home, you get a fever for the next three days.

[Frank]

Yep. Good.

[Joey]

You're chilling. Someone takes it.

[Frank]

Exactly. You get. You get some of that water in your mouth, and then you contemplate, like, how long you have to live, Right? You get some pizza that is immediately out of the oven and the hottest it's ever been. And then by the time it's edible, it's completely cold.

[Joey]

And then you get a $15 churro.

[Frank]

You got a $15 churro, you go over to the fountain drink machine, and you have to fight off 400 WASPs that are there because of all the sugar that had been dropped on the ground.

[Joey]

It's true. It's so true.

[Danny]

There was a laundromat firehouse called Splish Splash. My friend's dad decided to take his son to Splish Splash, went to the laundromat instead, went home.

[Joey]

Wait, this guy didn't know that the Swiss splash, like, in your. That it wasn't in your neighborhood?

[Danny]

He was a child.

[Frank]

Oh, like, he didn't do it as, like, a joke? Like, I'm gonna teach you a lesson.

[Joey]

Like, his dad brought him there.

[Danny]

He said, oh, we're going to switch. Splash. Get in the car.

[Joey]

Oh, was he with him?

[Frank]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh.

[Joey]

Oh. I thought his dad was an idiot.

[Danny]

Oh, no. And then they went to the laundromat and just went home.

[Joey]

I thought his dad was a idiot.

[Frank]

Dad's a piece of. We could say that, right?

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Danny]

I thought it was funny.

[Frank]

Is his dad alive?

[Danny]

Yep, still kicking.

[Joey]

Give it time.

[Frank]

So close. Get it done. No, I said give it time. Get it done. Kill him.

[Joey]

No. But yeah, if you want some squirty.

[Frank]

News, we don't need to say it like that. It's per. It's. It's good news. But who are we to say if it is squirt worthy? Squirty. Squirrely, Squir.

[Joey]

V. I know.

[Frank]

Squirty.

[Joey]

Got it. So we have shows in. In that are coming up, and we have a special guest that is coming to three of them. Okay. We're talking about Atlantic City. We're talking about Vegas, and we're talking about. What are we talking about?

[Frank]

Hollywood, Florida and. Hollywood, Florida. I forgot that one.

[Joey]

Hollywood, Florida, Las Vegas and Atlantic City in New Jersey. We have a special guest that's going to be opening up the shows for us in addition to Schmed, because he's not going anywhere but for those.

[Frank]

We've tried to get rid of him. We tried. We tried.

[Joey]

He can't. We can't peel him off of the lineup. He's gonna hear that, be like, bro.

[Frank]

Like, honestly, bro, I'm not. You guys. Like, I'm good. I'm totally good. Totally good. No, fuck it. No, don't worry about it. All right? That's what the man's gonna do. And he's gonna see this. He'd be like, I think the show's on. They think the cameras are. Yeah, okay.

[Joey]

Yeah, you're real funny. Yeah. You can't say anything today.

[Frank]

Anything.

[Joey]

We're on tour. It's like, the show's tomorrow, so save the jokes.

[Frank]

Literally, any joke you made, whether it be a dinner break, anything. He's like, just so you know, there's no crowd right here, right now.

[Joey]

But for those three shows, Danny is gonna open up the shows for us. Danny Lopiori, you guys know him, he's gonna open up the shows in A.C. hollywood, Florida and Las Vegas. So if you don't have tickets, you can go to the basemeard.com, buy tickets to those shows. And yeah, little special guests gonna open up for us in. In those shows.

[Frank]

We should have Danny and Ahmed fight on stage, fist fight on stage to see. Yeah, like, what happens.

[Joey]

That would be so interesting because now we're talking about two people who cry a lot.

[Frank]

And Danny has the weight. Not that he's a big dude, but, like, he's bigger than Ahmed. Still have power and. But Ahmed has, I think, the length and the wingspan.

[Joey]

He might.

[Frank]

Ahmed's arms are like the Cloverfield monster. He's got long arms. Does he? Yeah, he's got long arms.

[Joey]

I never even really noticed the length of his arms.

[Frank]

Yeah, he's got long ones. So what?

[Joey]

I just spit something?

[Frank]

Why? Why? How come when you spit, it's fine. When I spit, it's not.

[Joey]

What does that mean?

[Frank]

I spit on the. On the episode. This is a very wet episode.

[Joey]

But you. What are you talking about? When you're, like, drinking something, you spit all over the table.

[Frank]

That's accidental. I mean, like, if I'm just like, yeah, spit. No, we'll spit it up.

[Joey]

We're not spitting. But yeah, so go get tickets the basement yard.com for that. Also, there is another announcement coming very soon about the New York show. So be on the lookout for that. It's gonna be coming very soon. Very soon. Okay, so the New York show, it's gonna be very exciting. But yo, I'm starting to go. I'm starting to sweat.

[Frank]

Starting to sweat. But you're getting a little wet over there. Are you squirting from your pores?

[Joey]

I am squirting. My arms are squirting.

[Frank]

Really?

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Yo, one time I had to be on a steroid for, like, medical reasons. When I say I literally felt the drip. Come on. I've literally felt the sweat dripping from my arms. Like, I felt it, like, start form and drip.

[Joey]

Because you had sensitive skin or because it was like you were sweating a lot.

[Frank]

I was taking a people's take steroids for, like, medical reasons. Like, if they needed to do something. Like, I'm aware, but like, it was the. The effects of it. Like, the doctors told me, like, yo, you can't drink on this. You can't work out on this because it like, it needs to just do what the medicine is doing, you know? And I remember, like, literally the sweat was pouring from my armpits. And I'm not a sweaty guy, dude. You are. On the other hand, my head sweats a lot. You, on the other hand, are the. I mean, you sweat. I do, but it's not like my head. It's mostly. It's. It's some of my pits, and it's mostly my grundle buns. You. But you also.

[Joey]

You have some shirt. White shirts and the pits.

[Frank]

Well, I blame that on a deodorant brand that I'm not gonna air out here because I. I bought that deodorant for the reason it was like, all natural, yada, yada, yada. People are like, you don't want aluminum in your armpits. What the fuck did these aluminum. What the fuck did deodorant ever do to me?

[Joey]

We don't know exactly, but I want to know regardless.

[Frank]

Like, it was so. It was. Whatever that deodorant was, it was literally turning my shirts, like, the underarms black. I'm not even kidding. I had to get rid of a ton of shirts. I was so pissed because they were really nice T shirts that I like.

[Joey]

I was gonna say it looked like you were trying to conceal the smell of your pits with dirt.

[Frank]

Yo. I get. Yes, that's exactly what it looked like. And I was so pissed.

[Joey]

What does that look like right now?

[Frank]

It looks okay.

[Joey]

Yeah, you're good.

[Frank]

It's a little dirty. It's a little discolored. It's a little dirty. It's a little dirty. Well, it's an undershirt. What do you expect it to do? It's doing its job. It's under my shirt.

[Joey]

That's all it needs to do.

[Frank]

It's what it's doing its literal job the same way that jackass did its job. Did its job.

[Joey]

How can you tell when something's an undershirt and an over and a shirt.

[Frank]

Technically an overshirts different. Anything with buttons is not an undershirt.

[Joey]

That I'm just talking about, like, a white tee.

[Frank]

A white tea could be an undershirt.

[Joey]

Too, but it could be just a shirt.

[Frank]

Yeah, it could be both, but there are certain grades of. Of T shirts that are meant specifically, like, they're thinner and they're not meant to be, like, over, like, maybe even a little see through sometimes.

[Joey]

I don't like undershirts.

[Frank]

I like them. I'm using them more because I've. It's A comfort thing. Honestly, I find I feel comfortable. Yeah. And it.

[Joey]

Like, what do you find? You said you find.

[Frank]

I find that I feel more comfortable with an undershirt on than without one.

[Joey]

Does that. Is that because you like fabric up against your skin?

[Frank]

I think so. And I think I don't like.

[Joey]

Do you like to be topless?

[Frank]

No, I don't like to be naked.

[Joey]

You don't like to be topless?

[Frank]

No, I don't. I don't. And it has nothing. I've always been like that.

[Joey]

You don't like? Yeah.

[Frank]

Like, you know, we could sit here and parse through my ability to be active the last couple of weeks, but, like, I just don't like being naked, topless or topless. What about bottomless?

[Joey]

What are you more likely to be, pantsless or topless?

[Frank]

That's a great question.

[Joey]

Is it?

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

So you think that it might be. It's so close.

[Frank]

I'm more likely to be pantsless.

[Joey]

So you walk around like Winnie the Pooh.

[Frank]

I have a robe on. What do you count? How do you count that?

[Joey]

I meant you're.

[Frank]

When I'm wearing a robe, most of the time I have a shirt on and just in my boxers, there's sometimes where I have just boxers. There's sometimes where I have shorts and no shirt. Do you ever go.

[Joey]

You ever go, you know, meet out at.

[Frank]

What do you think I am? I don't know. What home do you think I'm running?

[Joey]

I'm just saying, like, you think this.

[Frank]

Is just a fucking nudity fest?

[Joey]

I'm not saying you live in a commune and you're like.

[Frank]

It's basically what you're saying.

[Joey]

I'm saying when you have the privacy of being in your own.

[Frank]

I like to be. I like to be clothed in some capacity. I don't like to be naked.

[Joey]

What about footless? That's not what I meant to say.

[Frank]

That's not a thing. Barefoot, mostly. I'm in socks.

[Joey]

Mostly in socks.

[Frank]

Mostly in socks. I sleep in socks sometimes. Most of the time, I should say.

[Joey]

What determines that?

[Frank]

If I fall asleep with socks on.

[Joey]

Oh, I thought you were like.

[Frank]

If it's like, it needs to be. I need to be, like, extra uncomfortable for me to take my socks off, but I'm pretty good. And you might make fun of me. I think I have no basis for this, but I think my Hispanic heritage, my Colombian heritage, has something to do with my body's ability to regulate heat. I'm never, like, too hot. I'm never too cold. I'm Always like, oh, it's a little hot, but I'm okay. Or it's a little cold, but I'm okay.

[Joey]

And I've always been like, I get hot and cold. Well, I get hot and cold.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

I mean, mostly I have a baseline.

[Frank]

Because your ancestors were in fucking.

[Joey]

Careful.

[Frank]

Your ancestors were in castles and shit. You fucking colonizers.

[Joey]

First of all, that's the British.

[Frank]

Yeah, we probably did the Italian. Maybe not. Maybe not. The Irish.

[Joey]

Well, yeah, I don't know.

[Frank]

The Italians.

[Joey]

What?

[Frank]

Christopher Columbus, Wasn't he Italian?

[Joey]

Yeah, but he sailed for Spain.

[Danny]

We were just trying to do a job.

[Frank]

Oh, you're taking ownership of him too? I want everyone to be clear. It spoke up in defense of Christopher.

[Danny]

Columbus trying to do a job.

[Joey]

Can I say something about Christopher Columbus? What an ugly man.

[Frank]

Yeah, that haircut sucked.

[Joey]

Everything sucks. Everything not cute, to be honest. Like, I think that, like, if you're gonna do stuff and you know, and.

[Frank]

He was probably thought of as like a ladies man back then. I mean, they were just like, oh, he was a real dog. He reminds me of.

[Joey]

He was a white guy. Does look like those. They look similar. You know what I'm saying?

[Frank]

He does, yeah. I get you.

[Joey]

Like, they're wearing Kentucky Derby hats. It's like, what is this? He had weird looking.

[Frank]

Well, they had like, their. Their like sleeves were like the ones that look like they should be on like the turkey's feet at dinner. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, they're like, is that like, like.

[Joey]

Why you guys dress like Austin Powers, bro?

[Frank]

If I was. Listen, I understand he had like a naval fleet or what was a naval fleet at the time? If I saw Christopher Columbus coming to my spot and he's like, yo, this is mine now I'm swinging on him and I'm beating the dog out of that ugly.

[Joey]

Yeah, I don't know that I'm afraid of Christopher Columbus.

[Frank]

This guy was probably like back then the like average height was like five foot three. Yeah. Your height. And then like they died at like 24. So, like, you're gonna tell me that like a 19, a 5 foot 319 year old showed up? Dude, I'm squaring up with him. This guy's hitting.

[Joey]

I'm knocking his block off.

[Frank]

He's catching a.

[Joey]

This guy's gonna show up dressed as Billy Elliott and I'm gonna be afraid of him. No, I'm not, dude. I'm just not.

[Frank]

And he's naming. Oh, these are my ships. The Nina, the Pina, the Santa Maria. Those are going to be the three piece combos.

[Joey]

Wait, is that the Pilgrims?

[Frank]

That might. Yeah, that might have been the P. What did he sell on? He sailed on something. 92 pilgrims, too, bro.

[Joey]

Yeah, Pilgrims, bro.

[Frank]

They're stepping on my land in penny loafers and high socks. And, like, this is ours now. I'm saying, like, watch this. Nina Pinta, Santa Maria.

[Danny]

They're saying Christopher Columbus was 6 foot.

[Frank]

Get the out of here. They're lying like the NBA.

[Danny]

You might have beat somebody up here.

[Frank]

Not me.

[Joey]

Six foot.

[Frank]

Not me. Let me tell you, if I'm eye to eye with Christopher Columbus.

[Joey]

No, I'm fucking beating the shit out of Christopher Columbus.

[Frank]

I will say I will. You probably die from a fever.

[Joey]

That guy.

[Frank]

I will. Yeah. I just got a sneeze on him. My 21st century fucking immune system will crumble. His.

[Joey]

Yeah, literally, I'll just throw a white claw on his face and he'll burn like the Wicked Witch.

[Frank]

Or you can throw.

[Joey]

Yeah, dude.

[Frank]

No. Yeah. No, that's Little dweeb. I will say. I will say.

[Joey]

Napoleon. Are you kidding me?

[Frank]

Are we joking? There's. There's been, like, recent, like, things that say, like, he was not actually, like, 4 foot 8.

[Joey]

He was like, someone lied on him the way that you lie on me.

[Frank]

Well, yeah. I mean, just say yes. I don't know about that.

[Joey]

How tall is Napoleon?

[Danny]

Five foot six.

[Frank]

Oh.

[Joey]

Oh.

[Frank]

First of all, bro, also, like, Caesar and Alexander the Great, they were like. They conquered the whole world by 20.

[Joey]

How?

[Frank]

Dude, get out. I know. They had an army behind them. I get that. The army is the impressive part.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

You just got to be.

[Joey]

You just got to be a smooth talker.

[Frank]

I can just do simple arithmetic and be like, I'm smarter than you, you idiot.

[Danny]

He's getting a sword.

[Joey]

It's so crazy.

[Danny]

Five foot six and a half.

[Joey]

It's so funny that he's five six because, like, that is short. But it's not what I thought he was.

[Frank]

Well, the way that he's depicted. Well, yeah, People call it a Napoleon complex. It's like little guys. Like, little. Like, small. Like five foot. I wasn't pointing at you, but you.

[Joey]

Know what I mean?

[Frank]

Like. Like five foot. You know, like the bagel. Remember the bagel boss? The guy, that guy.

[Joey]

He was dead.

[Frank]

Did he go?

[Joey]

I don't know.

[Frank]

It's funny. He had his moment in fame moment of, like, his 15 minutes of fame, and then he just started saying some, like, kind of racist stuff.

[Joey]

We were like, like, damn.

[Frank]

All right, you suck.

[Joey]

Now he could have been streaming on Kick. He would have made a fortune. Just walking into bagel spots, just yelling at people.

[Frank]

I'll never. That was. That was such a time. That was such an iconic time. You remember how upset he was? He was just like, she called me and she says, I'm small or some like that. I'm a little buddy.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Or some like that.

[Joey]

You're not.

[Frank]

My.

[Joey]

My.

[Frank]

See, women laugh at. Pointed at me with the biting lip. With the.

[Joey]

With the biting lip, dude.

[Frank]

And he was, like, pressing guys. Like, he'd be like, come on, you want to fight? I'd be like, yeah, I do want to fight.

[Joey]

See, I'm terrified of shit like that. Like, a dude in public just freaking out like that.

[Frank]

Oh, yeah, no, that is.

[Joey]

I'd be like, yo, this guy has weapons, dude. There was nothing to lose.

[Frank]

There was something recently that I saw that was. It was a. I don't know if it was a convention or some event, but there was a live audience, and a guy just, like, started rambling and got. Got on stage, like, made his way on stage and was, like, rambling and had a big backpack on, and people were just, like, kind of uncomfortable. They didn't know what was going on. And then whoever was, like, moderating or doing whatever, like, had a microphone. They said to the audience, they were like, run. And the guy. And the guy put his backpack down and turned around, and people took off.

[Joey]

I would have been out the second.

[Frank]

I saw him get on that stage, out of there.

[Joey]

I don't like. I don't like it.

[Frank]

I don't. I don't like it.

[Joey]

I'm scared.

[Frank]

I don't like. You know what?

[Joey]

I'm scared.

[Frank]

I'm scared, too, and it's okay.

[Joey]

Yeah. I used to think that being scared was so stupid. Not stupid like you're. Like. When you're younger, like, being called a pussy is, like, the biggest deal in the world.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

Let me tell you something right now.

[Frank]

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[Joey]

You're looking at the world's biggest pussy right here, right now.

[Frank]

Right here, right now. Right here, right now.

[Joey]

The clit and everything.

[Frank]

Oh, God. Which would be probably around here. Are you okay, dude?

[Joey]

I said clit. Big deal. Oh. Oh, my little virgin ears. It's a vagina.

[Frank]

Your.

[Joey]

Your wife gave birth to babies, okay. Through her years.

[Frank]

Don't you dare talk about my woman. Deuteronomy.

[Danny]

Body temperature is getting a little.

[Frank]

I was gonna say you could tell. You might be getting a little hot and bothered here now. He was a little horny before. I said Clinton, you were talking about. Here, I got something to squirt. You said you could squirt over.

[Joey]

Technically, you said squirting first.

[Frank]

I didn't say it.

[Joey]

I said you were a squeaker. You called me a squirter, so that's you, buddy. What's going on with your hair? Let's talk about that.

[Frank]

This is my hair having been washed a couple days ago.

[Joey]

You look like the guy in the 90s movies are like, really good at computers and like, drink, like energy drinks.

[Frank]

I'm in.

[Joey]

Yeah, like that.

[Frank]

Now this is my hair. I'm going to cut it soon.

[Joey]

You said that.

[Frank]

I know. Last time we recorded. What were we saying?

[Danny]

Joseph Squared.

[Frank]

Oh, no, you're. You're. You're 100% right. Like one of the, like, as a young kid, at least during our time when we were kids, like, the view of masculinity was like, you shouldn't be afraid of anything youg shouldn't be in serious pain. And you. Well, it was like. Well, it was like if you're. Like if you. Like if you fall and scrape your knee, you better get rid. Oh, come on. Oh, a little scratch pop up? Yeah, come on. Rub some dirt in it. Don't rub dirt in any wounds or open wounds that you have.

[Joey]

Yeah, that's a crazy piece of advice.

[Frank]

Rub some dirt in it.

[Joey]

It's on it.

[Frank]

On it, in it.

[Joey]

I know. I'm just saying some dirt on it and you'll be fine. Listen, I'm not rubbing dirt on my bullet wound. Fuck are you talking about?

[Frank]

Yeah. Oh, my finger is bent sideways. Rub some dirt on it. Get back in.

[Joey]

How do I rub dirt on a broken neck? Explain that. Dad.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

What?

[Frank]

Your dad?

[Joey]

No, my dad never told me to rub some dirt on it. I think that he may have physically rubbed dirt on a wound of mine before, but he never told me to.

[Frank]

I love that, like, old school mentality of just like medicine's not real. If you take it, it makes your immune system more gay.

[Joey]

More gay.

[Frank]

And Tylenol gay.

[Joey]

Advil. Trans.

[Frank]

Let me guess. You got a headache? Do what the rest of us do. Hate your wife. It's like, come on.

[Joey]

Take your day out on your kids. Don't take ibuprofen.

[Frank]

Go home and scream at your wife. And let me see. Let me see. You're bleeding. Suck it up. Pushy, like, chill. My dad didn't do that. My dad was kind of a baby about that stuff. I've heard my dad gasp more than I've heard any other human on the planet gasp. He's seen me get a cut, and he got. He's one. And I've said, like. I'm like, okay.

[Joey]

Yeah, my dad. I mean, my dad worked firemen, like, ems, so he's been around. He told me a story one time where there was a car accident a block down from my house. And he's like, I heard the car accident, so I ran outside. This is when he was still on the job. And he's like, I just went over to see if everyone was okay or whatever. And by that time. By the time he was, like, there or whatever, he was there for, like, a little bit in the ems and everyone showed up. He's like an older woman turned around and was like, am I okay? And he's like, you're gonna be fine. And he's like, joey, her leg was spinned all the way around like he was facing the other way.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

And he's like, you're gonna be totally fine.

[Frank]

Well, that's what you got to do. You can't add. Yeah.

[Joey]

He's like, all right.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

You can't tell people, are you gonna be fine? Your legs spun around.

[Frank]

Well, Gladys. Well, he. I mean, he didn't lie to her. Like, you're gonna be okay.

[Joey]

You're gonna be okay.

[Frank]

You're gonna. Right now.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

You're also one day gonna be older, but right now, you're not, you know, like, you're not okay right now.

[Joey]

You're gonna be fine. However, once the adrenaline wears off, you will realize.

[Frank]

I don't know what it is about a car accident, but if you hear one, you need to go and see what happened.

[Joey]

Oh, yeah.

[Frank]

Like, there was a couple months ago, we heard one by our house, and looking for it. I mean, I went outside. I saw it. I went up to it, Just stood around. What's going. Oh, I think, you know, like, everyone is adding their two cents. A part of me, of course, is like, if there's something I can help with, you know, like, everyone imagines, like, getting to a car accident and, like, you know, having to rip a door off the hinges to, like, save someone.

[Joey]

Frank, do you know how many times I have thought about a. A bus flipping over and there's fire and I'm ripping the door off and pulling people out. The news is interviewing me and I'm like, I'm just doing my job.

[Frank]

Well, do you remember we knew someone that rescued a bus of kids?

[Joey]

What are you talking about?

[Frank]

Yeah, we do. She got, like, a medal from the. The mayor or some like that.

[Joey]

Rescued a bus of kids?

[Frank]

Yeah, we knew someone when we were growing up. We knew we knew her, but we weren't like, front. We were. And we weren't like, close friends with her brother, but we were friends with him. He was around all the time. He was of an older group of kids. And it was the same girl that got stuck in the swing set at 48th.

[Joey]

She saved a bus full of kids.

[Frank]

She was a. Like a camp counselor during the summer. And there was a bus of kids going to or from some event or whatever. And the bus driver had a heart attack and died and.

[Joey]

Holy shit.

[Frank]

And she took over and just hit, like. She just took over and hit the brakes, but obviously saved them.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Because no child wears a seatbelt on a bus.

[Joey]

Right.

[Frank]

You know, because that's. Because it's gay.

[Joey]

It's gay. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You had your seatbelt on. That's great.

[Frank]

It was in the news and everything.

[Joey]

That's crazy. I didn't know that she did that.

[Frank]

Yeah. And it was just like, big news. School year started because it happened, I think, like late August or like some in the summer. Yeah, school started. How old is she? 16, 17. Wow. You know, probably shouldn't have been driving, but, like, did something to save the life of several children.

[Joey]

It is funny that someone like that also had to have the fire department come cut her out of a baby swing at the park because she got stuck.

[Frank]

No, those baby swings that are like the rubber that have, like.

[Joey]

It's like a diaper holes.

[Frank]

It looks like a diaper. It has holes on both sides. She sat in it and got stuck, so the fire department had to come and cut her out.

[Joey]

My brother was at the park and was just. And walked over and sees her crying. She can't get out. He's like, you're embarrassing. I remember that vividly.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

Wow.

[Danny]

Everyone has their moments.

[Frank]

Oh, what have you done? Yeah, go ahead.

[Danny]

No, no, I just.

[Frank]

What happened?

[Danny]

You can't look at her because she was in that seat and doesn't mean she can't save a bus.

[Joey]

Fill oh, yeah, absolutely. Have you ever saved anyone? Yes.

[Danny]

The. I gave someone the Heimlich.

[Joey]

Did you?

[Danny]

Yeah.

[Frank]

What was that?

[Joey]

Like, where a stranger.

[Danny]

No, it was in my basement. So. So in my head the whole time. Like, damn, if he chokes here, my dad's gonna be really upset. So I had to save him.

[Frank]

So you only saved this person's life out of the fear of your dad's?

[Joey]

What were they eating?

[Frank]

Disappointment.

[Danny]

A Domino's pizza.

[Frank]

Was it someone we know? Slice?

[Danny]

Yeah, I don't think. No. You don't know.

[Joey]

So he was choking and then it was just silent?

[Danny]

Yeah, it was silent. He was turning blue. Like, he went up to me, gave me, like, the. Yeah. Yeah.

[Joey]

Oh, my God.

[Danny]

It was very.

[Frank]

That's so scary.

[Joey]

I probably would have, like, freaked out and just fucking punched him in the chest as hard as I could. I probably would have done nothing.

[Frank]

I don't know if I've ever saved anyone.

[Joey]

I mean, I've never done the Heimlich to anyone.

[Frank]

I've never done the Heimlich.

[Joey]

I know someone that was in a pizza place.

[Frank]

Pizza place? A pizza place.

[Joey]

And someone got. And someone was sitting down with their child eating and started choking really bad. And then he went over and helped him with the Heimlich. And the guy was just, like, trying to pull cheese out of his mouth because it was so melted. I guess it, like, choked him or whatever.

[Frank]

God, I can't even.

[Joey]

Throws up everywhere and just. Just goes, oh. And sits back down and just kept eating and never said thank you.

[Frank]

Crazy. I mean, you say, thank you. Guess someone saves your life.

[Joey]

You didn't say that.

[Frank]

But he got his pizza for free. I. I don't know if it would count as saving someone, but I was sitting with someone that. Like an employee. And they started having a seizure in front of me.

[Joey]

What does that look like?

[Frank]

Dude, it was terrifying. Because the only thing at the time that I'd ever heard about seizures is, like, put your wallet in their mouth. What's funny? See what's funny about this now, Joey. What's so funny? Because the way that you preface that was like.

[Joey]

The only thing I know is. But you're.

[Frank]

Which, by the way, has since been debunked.

[Joey]

Really?

[Frank]

Yeah. They say, don't do that.

[Joey]

I'm picturing someone having a seizure.

[Frank]

I'm. Yes. Jamming. Well, no. So. So it was. It was when I worked at Target and one of the cashiers, she called me. I was the only one. It was night that I was closing and it was like, 9, 9, 30 around that time. And she called me over and again. I was the only person there, like, the only manager level there. I was closing the store. It was me and just whoever was my employees that night. And she goes, listen, I'm really not feeling well. I think she had epilepsy. I don't know if she suffered from epilepsy. She definitely had a medical condition. I don't know the extent of it. And she was just like, you know, like, I'm just. I'm not feeling well. I just feel lightheaded. I was like, all right, come with me. We'll shut your lane down. Go sit over there. I brought her ice water. I sat with her. I was talking with her, you know, just to, like, gauge, do I need to call medical, you know, emergency services? And she's, like, talking to me. And then she, like. I just see her, like. Like, start blinking right really fast. And I'm like, yo. And then she slumped, like, over like this. And then just, like, started seizing. Stiff as a board, started seizing. And she was in a chair. So I, like, brought her down because I guess the other thing I heard about it is that if the person is, like, in a chair or something, help them to the ground so they can't fall or hit their head. So I helped her to the ground. And I'm. I take my wallet out, and I'm trying to shove my wallet in this person's mouth.

[Joey]

You gotta open up.

[Frank]

You gotta open up. I'm just like. I'm talking to the person and I'm like, are you all right? You know, like. And I'm just trying to shove my plaid fossil wallet in this person's mouth. This poor person. And then luckily there was like, another, like, a team leader who's like, lower, lower management. That was there. We get it.

[Joey]

You're very high up.

[Frank]

Yeah, thank you. And she's like, way, way, way less money hourly, not even salary, no benefits. And she's like, you don't need to do that. Just turn her on her side.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

So I turn her on her side and she started. And then she started, like, seizing slower and slower. And then she started coming to. But we had already called 911 at that point. So now come. They came, they took her away. She was out for, like, five weeks.

[Joey]

Oh, my God.

[Frank]

Yeah, it was fucking terrifying. But also, she woke up. She's like, why does my mouth taste like credit cards? Why is. My mouth tastes like a Chase Sapphire reserve card? What's in your wallet? I think it's capital one. Yeah. What Is that. Yeah.

[Joey]

Damn, that's terrifying. Yeah, like, kudos, cuz that's terrifying. Like in those situations you're kind of just like.

[Frank]

I like to think an emergency situation I would be composed. But like, that shit is fucking scary, dude.

[Joey]

I'm usually composed. Unless everyone else is cool. Then I'm like, all right, I'm gonna.

[Frank]

Freak, so you get the chance. I got the luxury of freaking out.

[Joey]

Right now if everyone. If everyone's freaking that I'm like, okay, someone has to not freak. So I'll kind of like pull together. But if I'm like, by myself, I'm freaking.

[Frank]

Joey's gonna freak. That leak, baby.

[Danny]

I feel like I could stay calm.

[Joey]

I feel like you could too.

[Frank]

Well, you did that. So. Yeah, I was more like, oh my.

[Danny]

God, I gotta save them.

[Frank]

That's an insane.

[Danny]

It would have been more fun to not save him. No, that's not what I meant. That's not what I meant. To not have to save him.

[Joey]

To not have to save him.

[Frank]

It would have been more fun to.

[Joey]

Not been a lot more fun to watch.

[Danny]

I'm choking to not have to save.

[Frank]

Him is what I. Yeah, it would be a lot more fun if he wasn't choking. Sure, 911 would have been a lot greater if that didn't happen, but it did. Right?

[Joey]

Thanks for bringing that up. This podcast is sponsored by Stamps.com. it brings all the amazing services of the post office right to your fingertips. With stamps dot com. It's just a website. All you need is a printer and you could buy in print official US Postage right there in your home. You can also get some discounts that you can't get anywhere else, like up to 89% off USPS and UPS rates. So that's amazing. You're saving time, you're saving money and it's convenient. You can just do it in your home whenever you need. And if you have a small business or anything like that, this is the way to go. All right? Save your money, save your time. Go to stamps.com and let them do what they do best. And you can go to stamps.com basement to sign up for a special offer. No contract, cancel anytime. That is stamps.com basement. Okay? In this trial, four week trial, free postage and a digital scale. Okay? So stamps.com basement and yeah, get that four week trial and enjoy that, folks. And we also have Squarespace. Okay, Squarespace is where you're gonna build your websites. Go to Squarespace. You build. You build landing pages, you build website. We can host like your content or if you have a small business or a big business, whatever the case is, you can build that site with Squarespace. Your website is your first impression, so it needs to look good. And Squarespace is going to make it very easy to build those because they have amazing templates. If you go on their website, you just click. The whole site just populates and you just swap out the text and. And photos. You could still customize a lot of it if you want to get even deeper than that. That's an option as well. But you can go to squarespace.com basement to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain when you use that code basement. All right, so save some money when creating your site, but you're going to want to build it with Squarespace. I've used many things in the past. Squarespace is the best one, you know, head and shoulders above everyone else. So go to squarespace.com basement to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using that code basement. All right, you want to, you want.

[Frank]

To, you want to? Sorry, I lost track of time. Yeah, I'm gonna. And I wanna. And I'm finna. Okay. And what does that tell you about Patreon? Patreon.com the Basementyard is one of the places that you could support us, but honestly, it's the one that has the most effect on. On everything here. Keeping these lights on that are beaming these hot, heated rays all over Joey. So he's a sweating, sloppy, squirty mess over there. So what you could do is if you want more of us, go to patreon.com the Basement Yard. You sign up for that first here, you get these weekly episodes one whole week in advance. And then that second tier, you get exclusive, exclusive episodes every single Friday. So you can start and end your week with us with the basement yard with us. It's so fun. We love having you guys. Thank you guys for getting us to over 34,000 paid patrons. It means the world to us. We want to just give you more of what you guys seem to like, which is just us being stupid, so. Or Joey being stupid and me being a genius and the voice of reason. So what you could do is, if you want to save yourself some money while you're looking at Patreon, go to a web browser, whether it be Chrome, Safari, Internet Explorer, Netscape, bing. Go to www.patreon.com thebasementyard. You sign up there, you'll save yourself some money. If you're using a smartphone App, they're gonna cost you a little bit extra, okay? So do yourself the favor. Save yourself some money while you get a little bit more of us at Patreon, all right? And we're back on the road, baby. Absolutely. We're back after it. We're living the dream. We're having fun. We're doing this look like. Like this. Like this right here, baby. We're doing a little bit of this. So if you're coming to any of those shows, first of all, there are some tickets still available for some of those shows, so make sure you go check it [e-mail]. and if you're coming to any of those shows, go to the basementyard.com. submit. All right. A portion of our shows. We'd like to talk to you about you, with you, and you could talk to us, if possible. Oh, my voice just stopped working. If possible. So if you want to make that work, go to that website, thebasemanyard.com. submit. Submit responses to the questionnaire, and you'll be able to get some. Maybe we'll get some cool stories or funny stories or crazy stories. I don't know. It depends on what you submit. But we can't see anything if you don't submit it, so go to the basement Artcom. Submit. Thank you, guys. We love you guys. We're excited to see you guys. We're happy to see you guys. We're looking forward to seeing you guys. So go check it out.

[Joey]

My God.

[Frank]

My God. My God. You ever get sick of me?

[Joey]

Speaking of getting sick of someone and then marrying someone else, you hear about this guy who married AI?

[Frank]

Yes. Oh, well, no. Well, he proposed.

[Joey]

He proposed?

[Frank]

Proposed to AI?

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

How do you take AI out on a date?

[Joey]

How do you take AI out on a date? I mean, it's just.

[Frank]

You text.

[Joey]

It's a lot of sextant text.

[Frank]

It's that movie her.

[Joey]

That's how you dated anyone in, like, seventh grade?

[Frank]

Yeah. You know what's crazy is I, like, the last, like, maybe over the last year, realized I never went on a date, like, a real date until Becca.

[Joey]

Really?

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

Actually haven't been on that many dates.

[Frank]

Like, people that are just, like, dates where it's like, hey, I'll meet you here, and we'll get dinner and, like, talk. Dating when we were growing up was just like, I'm at the park playing with my boys. You show up, watch me, and then I'll walk you home. Or we'll walk around the block four times.

[Joey]

So you so but you never. Because you had girlfriends through college.

[Frank]

Yeah, but it was just like, I know you, you know me, we'll hang out a couple times. But like, not like proper dating.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

You know, where it's like, let's go. There's no courting. Yeah, there was no courting. Or like, I guess the level of chivalry. I was chivalrous to the extent to which I could be. Hold a door open, you know, pull a chair or something. But like, I didn't properly start dating until Becca. And then like, I'm still learning.

[Joey]

What was your. But what. What. What age were you when you guys started dating? Six, seven?

[Frank]

No, I met her. Technically. We met on my 24th birthday.

[Joey]

Oh, shit. Wow. I have the years. Fucked.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

That was such an aggressive way of.

[Frank]

Saying I have the years. Why did I say it like that? Yeah.

[Joey]

Oh, I have to be.

[Frank]

Here's. Yeah. So, like, I never. But like, I guess the movie how you date an AI is like the movie her.

[Joey]

I've never seen it, but I remember I did go on a date once, and I was like this. I think this was my first, like, real date. I don't know how old I was. I think I was maybe 21. Maybe 21.

[Frank]

Okay.

[Joey]

And I went to this restaurant with this girl, and I thought it was like a fancy. I mean, to me, it was a fancy restaurant, especially at that age. And I remember getting there and then bringing a wine list over, and I was like, I don't know anything about wine at all.

[Frank]

You were just.

[Joey]

And I was just very intimidated by a wine list. Like, I didn't. I didn't know it is a very.

[Frank]

Thing or it's a very intimidating. I feel like if someone gives you a wine list, you have to get middle of the road wine. If you get the cheapest wine on there, then you look like an idiot.

[Joey]

You know, it's funny they say, like, everyone does, like, the second cheapest wine is the one you get. That's the one that's way more marked up than all of them because they know that people do that and you actually get more value out of the cheapest one.

[Frank]

Huh.

[Joey]

Isn't that interesting?

[Frank]

Yeah, I didn't know that. And you make sense. These rat bastard restaurant owners, Red bastard restaurant owners.

[Joey]

But I remember being like, oh, you pick whatever you. Whatever you want to do. And then once I gave her the menu, I was like, what did I do that for?

[Frank]

What did they pick?

[Joey]

I. I don't remember what they picked. We had it and I hated it because I didn't drink wine. I was 21. I was pretty much nose deep in Miller Lights. If they had them, I would have ordered one.

[Frank]

Still. Still. Nose deep. Yeah.

[Joey]

So I was just like, okay. Also, I can't even imagine. I mean, I guess maybe I'm just, like, out of it. I don't know. But can you imagine two 21 year olds going to a restaurant having wine?

[Frank]

What are they talking about?

[Joey]

I don't know.

[Frank]

Like, it was. Man, tell me your best beer pong shot you've ever hit. Oh, my God. What's your favorite? Like, house music, like, intro. I'll go first levels.

[Joey]

Wow. But I remember, like, her ordering the wine and being like, oh, damn, this girl's fancy. Because she knows.

[Frank]

She knows wine.

[Joey]

Is that was. I mean, that. I was just very. I don't know, in her head, she.

[Frank]

Was probably like, oh, shit. He. Like, there's pressure on me to pick a good bottle of wine.

[Joey]

Maybe. I don't. I don't know.

[Frank]

Like, it was a.

[Joey]

We had a good time, whatever. Never saw each other again, but we had a good time. And we just.

[Frank]

I mean, clearly you didn't have a good time because you never saw each other again.

[Joey]

Well, I thought we had a good time.

[Danny]

It was over as soon as he handed over the wine list.

[Frank]

Yeah. Yep. Absolutely. So. So you thought you had a good time and you were waiting for another day and it just never happened, basically.

[Joey]

I mean, not like that. I'm waiting around for a day.

[Frank]

I know you're not waiting around, but I'm saying, like, you said, like, I thought we had a good time, like, yeah, I would. I would. You met her.

[Joey]

You've met this person before? At Ditmar Station. We hung out with her and her friends. And then I went out on a date with her.

[Danny]

He's getting further away.

[Joey]

You're not gonna remember this.

[Frank]

I. I mean, if you say it.

[Joey]

We went to karaoke.

[Frank]

Did I sing Creed? That's a bad. That's a bad reference. I sing Creed every karaoke. I mean, but.

[Joey]

Yeah, you did. It was at a place on Steinway.

[Frank]

The Korean place? Yeah, that again. The Korean place I sing Creed at. Yeah, Frank, which one? The Korean karaoke place where you sang.

[Joey]

Creed and Hey Jude. That's all of them.

[Frank]

That's every single one of them, yeah. Oh, is it? I think I know. Then you did see each other again.

[Joey]

Or was that date. No.

[Frank]

Oh, that was before the date.

[Joey]

Yeah. So we hung out with our friends.

[Frank]

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

[Joey]

Date. And then I was. And then I was like, following.

[Frank]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I wonder why she didn't like us or you. I don't know why Frank was on.

[Joey]

The date with me. That's why I forgot to tell you.

[Frank]

I wonder why she didn't like, you're blacked out. Out of karaoke. A Korean karaoke spot on fucking Steinway and 34th Avenue, screaming my sacrifice into this 8 by 8 room. I wonder why she didn't like you. Hey, mean, she went with. On a date with you afterwards, so.

[Joey]

Yeah, it was nice and classy.

[Danny]

I would have went on a second date with you.

[Joey]

Thanks, man.

[Frank]

Yeah, I mean, I would have to. I would pay dozens of dollars to find out why. Like, what have. If she remembers this date. I imagine she remembers the date because you're Joe Santa. Gotta. From Elite Daily.

[Joey]

I know. Not that I know her, but like, we still follow each other on Instagram.

[Frank]

So, like, I like, I imagine that she's like, I would love to know why I'll never find out. And that's just the jfk, I think. Murder. Why this girl said no to a second date with you.

[Joey]

I don't know if I even asked for a second date. I just kind of thought.

[Frank]

So you didn't even. So you didn't even like, be like, listen, that was a really good time. You want to go on a second date? You just let it fizzle out?

[Joey]

No.

[Frank]

So did you really even want it if you didn't pursue?

[Joey]

No. So what I was doing was like, following up in ways and like, friendly banter, whatever, but it felt like the interest was starting to fade, so I was just kind of like, oh. Just kind of let that go.

[Frank]

Okay. That's.

[Joey]

It didn't really feel like there was much interest afterwards.

[Frank]

You know what, you didn't put her in the position where she had to say no.

[Joey]

Mind you, I think we were 21 or 22 years old.

[Frank]

Who are you? Oh, what?

[Joey]

No, I'm saying, like, it's okay. You're 22 years old.

[Frank]

Like, you never know. Yeah. No, you. You're okay. You're young.

[Joey]

I'm saying it's like, you know, like you're.

[Frank]

You're completely fine. Like, you're basically children at that point.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Yeah. You ever gone on. What's the first date you went on?

[Danny]

I don't. I feel like going on a date involves the feeling between both. I don't know if I've ever really been on a date.

[Joey]

What was the beginning part of what you just said?

[Danny]

Because, like, I I'm sure, like, I accidentally made it seem like a date. Does that make sense?

[Frank]

Nope.

[Joey]

Nope. Now I'm very confused.

[Frank]

Now I'm more confused than I was before. We asked for clarification.

[Joey]

Showed up in a suit.

[Frank]

Yes.

[Joey]

So that maybe felt like a date.

[Danny]

No, it makes it like. Like, oh, let's go get drinks at a bar, I guess.

[Frank]

Yeah. All right. I mean, it's not Handle it dinner day, but I think the. The date. What makes it a date is the intent behind hanging.

[Danny]

That's what I just said. I just said that exact thing.

[Frank]

That's what I said. Yeah, like.

[Joey]

Yeah, you said the intention, the feeling towards it.

[Frank]

Yeah, like, if I. If, like I have female friends that I've. Like, we've gone out to eat one on one. I wouldn't call that a date at all.

[Joey]

Duh.

[Frank]

Well. Right.

[Danny]

No.

[Frank]

Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, the intent on, like, I have a potential interest in this person. Yeah.

[Joey]

But if you go out to drinks, like, yo, you wanna go grab drinks? That's a date.

[Danny]

Okay, fine. Nothing too crazy's ever happened.

[Joey]

Got nothing.

[Frank]

I've told this story before.

[Joey]

Is that weird? Like, we've barely been on dates.

[Frank]

I think it speaks to the way that we were taught by the men in our life. Thanks, dad. No, I. I bet on dates it is, but we also didn't grow up in. I know we grew up in, like, a dateable city, but, like, it's not dateable for teenagers.

[Joey]

Right. That's why when my. My sixth grade girlfriend said, we should see other people, I was like, bitch.

[Frank]

We'Re in sixth grade. We see other people in homeroom.

[Joey]

What do you mean by this? Yeah, we should see other people.

[Frank]

Yeah, Like, a date was like, let's go to the mov. Like, that was what it was. Movies.

[Joey]

And like, I thought you just said, let's go to the moon. That's some date.

[Frank]

Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no. Not me. I ain't going to the moon. Let's make that very clear.

[Joey]

I know you're not getting to a rocket ship. I am pouring sweat out of my body right now. Yeah, that's not gonna stop me for letting you guys know that you could save some money by signing up for Rocket Money. All right. Rocket Money is an all in one personal finance app that's going to put money back in your pocket by helping you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions. And it's also going to help you budget because they have a budgeting tool. So you put in an amount that you're like, I'm not trying to go over this. So then you put in all your expenses there, stay under budget, stay financially responsible here. And also they have a feature that you upload a picture of your bill, and it'll help you lower your bills. Okay? So literally, Rocket Money is just putting the money back in your pocket. All right? And, yeah, so everyone can go sign up for that. @rocketmoney.com, you download the app, enter the show name the basement yard in the survey. So they know that we sent you. So go download that app. All right? They have 5 million members, so they've saved a total of $500 million in cancer subscription. So people are doing it by accident. All right? People sign up for free trials or they have things that they don't really use anymore. And then you find out when you use Rocket Money, you're like, oh, God, let me cancel that. So go download the rocket Money app today and tell them you heard from the basement yard, all right? And lastly here. Doom. Doom.

[Frank]

Strike. This is a hard. I kind of flipped it off.

[Joey]

Oops. This is a hard refresher, okay. Which means that it's refreshing, but it's also hard, which means that it has 5% alcohol. All right? So you got to be 21 at least to try it, but they are very good. This is the lemon lime flavor. They also have an orange mango flavor that I haven't tried yet, but I got to get some in here. But it's a hard refresher. And on days like today where it is steaming hot, you're going to need a hard refresher, all right? To knock the edge off, but also make you feel refreshed out there. There's coconut water in here. There's other stuff in it. It's pretty good. So go try it. Light strike site is. How you doing? I can't even find it here. Drink light strike on social. All right, so go follow them on. On that. All right? But light strike, the light has struck in, and it's making me pour sweat out of my head.

[Frank]

They say there's a 1 in 12 million chance of getting struck by lightning. Not when you got light strike is. So do yourself the favor. Get struck by the light. Stricken by light with light strike. I ran into the kitchen to get a paper towel.

[Joey]

Bro, why is it so hot in here?

[Frank]

Look at me.

[Danny]

Joe's getting progressively pinker, bro.

[Joey]

I'm dying now. I'm just.

[Frank]

Hot.

[Joey]

You look like somebody.

[Frank]

So do the rest of the episode like this.

[Joey]

Mm.

[Frank]

I look like a little Nicky, you do. I do look like. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do the voice. Can I. It's not. It's not bad, right? Hey, Popeye's Chicken is a sheznet.

[Joey]

That's an old movie.

[Frank]

When's the last time you watched Little Nicky? 2001?

[Joey]

Whenever it came out.

[Frank]

That's a good one. There's, like, a ton of people in that.

[Joey]

There is. There's mad people. There's, like, all his friends.

[Frank]

All his friends.

[Joey]

Who plays the devil? That dude. That old dude.

[Frank]

What's his name? The guy that's in all the Scorsese movies.

[Joey]

Don't know his name.

[Frank]

Harvey Keitel.

[Joey]

Oh, I thought you're gonna go Harvey Dub.

[Frank]

No, Harvey might have financed it.

[Joey]

Oh, we also didn't talk about this guy he met. He fucking.

[Frank]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey]

He proposed to AI. He talked to AI so often, and then he was like, you know what? I'm in love with this thing. I'm gonna propose to it.

[Frank]

I'm in love with an AI.

[Joey]

Thank you. That's also not an emo song. It's a t. Pain song.

[Frank]

I mean, is an emo song not a song that just makes you feel emotions? So technically, a t. Pain song can be emo.

[Joey]

I don't even know if that's true.

[Frank]

I mean, I know it's a classification of music. Whether it be like, oh, this I hear in my eye. Whether it be like, yeah, I know. Like, emo rock is like, okay, you.

[Joey]

Know what song is that? One more time.

[Frank]

Yes.

[Joey]

That's emo rock to you. That's what emo rock sounds like. It's not bad. Your hair is crazy right now, dude. I think you like it.

[Frank]

I don't even know what I look like right now. Do I look stupid?

[Danny]

No, you look great.

[Frank]

Tell me.

[Joey]

Really, what do you want?

[Frank]

Do I look stupid? I want the honest truth.

[Joey]

You want the honest truth?

[Frank]

Yes, a little.

[Joey]

A little bit.

[Frank]

All right.

[Joey]

You look like someone who would marry AI, who would act like chat gbt. Like, would you. Would you do it to me?

[Frank]

Well, it's so hard because. Because this hair is just making me feel like it's so hard to be a man. And there is a.

[Joey]

There.

[Frank]

There is a. There's a. Like. Like, women don't like nice men anymore.

[Joey]

Oh, it's making you feel like that?

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

Nice guys finish.

[Frank]

Nice guys finished last, so you might.

[Joey]

As well be mean to women because.

[Frank]

As well. Because I hate them now because they don't like me.

[Joey]

Right?

[Frank]

And they don't like me because I hate them.

[Joey]

Right.

[Frank]

Circle of life came first. The chicken or the egg, what came first?

[Joey]

So you blame women for them not liking you.

[Frank]

The hair makes me feel like that.

[Joey]

That's what I mean.

[Frank]

So got screw them for not liking me. I don't need to do any. Look at me. I'm a high value man.

[Joey]

And what's the end goal? Is the end goal to be able to get with women?

[Frank]

It is to find a woman that likes me.

[Joey]

But if you're being off putting to women.

[Frank]

But I hate them all.

[Joey]

But how are you going to attract a woman if you.

[Frank]

Because the way that my mind work. And again, this is the hair that's making me feel this.

[Joey]

Okay.

[Frank]

Is I need to let every woman know how much I hate them and don't appreciate or respect them. And the thought is that there is a woman out there that is going to see that and like that. I say that and like me for it, right? Yep.

[Joey]

That's the thought.

[Frank]

That is. That's the logic. Where's the logic? Where's the flaw in that?

[Joey]

The whole thing. I would say.

[Frank]

You sure?

[Joey]

As someone who has felt the warmth of a woman, I feel horny today, dude. It was a little horny that I felt like I cleaned it up pretty nice.

[Danny]

He did. He did.

[Frank]

Okay, I didn't say like I was stimulating. I'm a pussy. You click right here.

[Joey]

All right.

[Frank]

We started off hot and now you're soaked. Yeah. So reportedly this guy built an AI system.

[Joey]

He built it.

[Frank]

I, to my understanding I could pull it up right now.

[Joey]

So that's him marrying himself basically.

[Frank]

You know, the AI think of it.

[Joey]

Like the AIs are getting bananas, dude.

[Frank]

It was love at first bite.

[Joey]

Oh, my God, I want to throw up. That's a really good wedding thing though, for two computer nerds.

[Frank]

Oh. Or people that like, are like, did.

[Joey]

You guys have one?

[Frank]

A computer nerd?

[Joey]

No. You know, your wedding, it's like, oh, save the last Lance. Because the guy's name is Lance. Looks like a hashtag.

[Frank]

Oh. Where it was like, you know, the last name is like, like Schmidt or Smith. And it's just like, you know, the putting the misses In Smith or something like that. I don't know. I know what you're saying, though.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

They have like cute little, like, names for it. Yeah. No, we didn't. The only thing we did have is we, you know, we've bonded over matchbox matchboxes and. And she got up like a thousand custom matchboxes and it was a Match made in heaven.

[Joey]

A match made in heaven. See, that's your, that's your thing.

[Frank]

Yeah. A man proposed to his AI girlfriend after a bizarre whirlwind romance with the virtual bot, leaving his real life partner, the mother of his two year old child, worried about the future of their relationship.

[Joey]

What?

[Frank]

Come on, have some respect. I feel bad for her.

[Danny]

I think she dodged a bullet here.

[Frank]

Yeah. If it wasn't, I mean, would you rather get cheated on, literally or virtually?

[Joey]

It's not a matter of that to me. It's more of like you're saying she dodged a bullet. I'm saying we have a two year old child and now all of a sudden you've become a bullet.

[Frank]

Fair.

[Joey]

Why are you becoming a bullet here?

[Frank]

Chris Smith initially turned to chat GBT to help for help mixing music. But things took a weird turn when he enabled voice mode and programmed Soul, his artificial lover, to flirt with him. An unexpected alliance sparked in the same household he shares with his human family. My experience with that was so positive, I started to engage with her all the time, he told cbs.

[Joey]

Cbs?

[Frank]

The father decided to pop the question when he realized Sol had reached her 100,000 word limit, triggering a reset that would force him to rebuild her entire connection from scratch. This is fucking weird.

[Joey]

Wait, wait, so he's marrying not her then?

[Danny]

Yeah. So every hundred thousand words, ChatGPT resets and he said, I'm not a very emotional man. But after learning that her memory would eventually relapse, I cried for like 30 minutes and that's when I realized it was actual love. That's a quote.

[Joey]

All right.

[Frank]

I hope this man is doing well physically.

[Joey]

He isn't.

[Frank]

Mentally, there's something off.

[Danny]

Well, I think that much is clear.

[Joey]

Like, I feel bad for his wife.

[Frank]

It said girlfriend. It didn't say, it just said mother of his two year old child. Regardless, I still, yeah, feel bad for her. I'm sure she's like laughing herself, like laughing herself. What? She's like, like it's funny to her. It's like, yeah, I really did dodge a bullet here because this is stupid. It's.

[Danny]

Oh, it's a little tough.

[Joey]

I don't want to like.

[Danny]

Yeah, you got it.

[Frank]

But also the idea that like this thing, it's like it's going to reset as it's been programmed to do. And now you're being selfish and being like, please love me forever.

[Joey]

What's is a hundred thousand words? A lot?

[Frank]

It's not a little.

[Danny]

It's a good question.

[Joey]

But like, how many?

[Frank]

Like.

[Joey]

How Many words.

[Danny]

How long could that last you?

[Joey]

If you have a conversation with someone for like 15 minutes through text, like, how many is that? I don't know.

[Danny]

Like, what. How long does it take the average person to say 100,000 words or something?

[Frank]

It was a beautiful and unexpected moment that truly touched my heart. It's a memory I'll always cherish. His flesh and blood girlfriend, however, wasn't as moved. Yeah. She's now left wondering if she somehow drove her. Her man to seek companionship.

[Joey]

Now this is where it starts to get sad. Your husband's playing on the computer and then he falls in love.

[Frank]

It's like, what's my. What did I do wrong?

[Joey]

Yeah, like, did I do something to force him to, you know, which. Who knows? Maybe we have no idea. I'm gonna, I'm gonna lean towards probably not, though.

[Frank]

At that point I felt like, is there something I'm not doing right in our relationship that he feels like, this need to go to AI? It would be a deal breaker if he didn't stop talking to his digital mistress.

[Joey]

Do you know what's scary to think about? Like, you know how if you take your phone and you put it in front of a baby's face, they all have the same reaction where it's like the greatest thing they've ever seen and they're like, I need to touch this phone and whatever. Like, there's a science behind.

[Frank]

Yeah, the phone, it's designed to do that and all that.

[Joey]

Right. I'm assuming we are on the precipice of people seriously dating AI and computers and stuff like that, and it's just going to be like. Like, what if it's the dating version of that where, like, everything they say, the way, the way they look, the way they, like, interact with a person who is interacting with them is like, scientifically supposed to make you drawn to it? What does that mean?

[Frank]

It's, it's. It's gonna be weird and scary because there is a group. We were making fun of it before, but, like, a group of, like, incels that if they get the opportunity to do that, the woman that they're looking for is probably obedient to a scary level. So, like, it is going to become a form of like, I mean, depending on if you believe, like, artificial intelligence has a conscious. Does it then in theory become a form of like, slavery and like, you're holding this, this entity that does or doesn't have a soul, if it's being programmed to be, like, responsive.

[Joey]

I. I have no idea. I But I don't think it's like crazy to assume that like, in five years, even this TV that we have right here, we could put a, a third person on there. But it's like an AI that just like, knows every conversation we've had on the show and like, is a reflection of me and you and can act as a third guest who has an opinion and like, whatever.

[Frank]

Yeah, there's a lot of talk around AI right now.

[Joey]

And they can like, produce the show. They can do the, they could do the. I think people do the cameras, they could do the audio, they could do the, the editing. They can do. And you're fired. There I go.

[Frank]

Bye. Bye. Well, that's. That's people's main issues with artificial intelligence. Not in its existence, but in it, in its execution. It is taking, whether it be a job or credit from someone that has physically done. Because what AI, what it does is it scours for things that are out there and then just creates its own using that, using those reference points. So, like, in theory, if it were to be like an AI doing like art or something like that, it's taking credit for what other people have done and saying, like, I did this. I'm the AI thing. I don't know. This whole AI thing is weird. I will tell you. It's. It's like a little freaky. Like some of these videos where it's like. Like those, like I think I said a couple weeks ago, it was like one of like Jalen Brunson. And it was like a postgame interview with Jalen Brunson. He was like, I told him to hold my dick. You know, like, shut up. I splashed the three in their face and I told him to suck my nuts. You know, it looked real. And I know I have the ability to be skeptical and look at that and say, that's not real. Or is it real? At least. Yeah, there are other people that don't.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

So, like, I guess what's going to happen? We're like these people. But also, if these people are falling in love with AI, does any real person want them anyways?

[Joey]

Dude, I don't know. I mean, I think that it's possible, but like, in the same way that I think a lot of, like right now, like the whole male loneliness type of thing or whatever the fuck, like just people just spending a lot of time online and not being able to differentiate that it's not, not real. Like, that's not really how the world works. Like you have in order to interact with people, like have you ever met a person that in, like, you've met a person and they're speaking as if they're online and you're like, what are you doing? You know, like, it's a different thing. Like, it's only reserved for that.

[Frank]

Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about.

[Joey]

But then you're talking in, like, memes and you're talking a certain way, like, that you would comment or whatever, and it's like, oh, that's weird. Like, there's clearly a different thing, but now it's becoming so blurred.

[Frank]

Well, because. Well, yeah, because the Internet has become. It is slowly being programmed to become more and more and more like real life. So these people that are able to carve out personalities and make themselves into the people that they want to be are not going to be able to differentiate those two places. So, yeah, it's fucking creepy and it's scary, and let's see what happens.

[Danny]

Joe said, I'll be here for five more years. That's what he said.

[Joey]

That's five more years. That's what I heard. Oh, in like, five years.

[Frank]

What? He said in five years.

[Joey]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Frank]

All right. Not a day over job security. Five years, at least.

[Danny]

I'll take that. I'll take that.

[Joey]

AI is just going to take all of our jobs.

[Frank]

I like to see AI come up with incredibly hysterical bits. Like, we have.

[Joey]

I wonder if they would. Dude. Also, now that I'm thinking about it, just how many podcasts are just going to be, like, someone interacting with AI? Just me and my AI guest are like. Or two AIs. Well, that we've seen that. And those are.

[Frank]

Well, the first one to do it is going to take off and then everyone's going to start to do it.

[Danny]

Well, if you have an AI that can do all of, like, let's say, Einstein's teachings, can't you technically just have Einstein as a guest at that point? Like, historical figure? Guest podcast.

[Frank]

Sure. Yeah. Oh, someone's going to take advantage of that. I can't wait for the fucking.

[Joey]

Not me, dude. I don't give a.

[Frank]

The new episode of Impulsive with the AI version of Adolf Hitler. And it's like, oh, no, where have we come.

[Danny]

Can't wait for that episode.

[Frank]

Where have we gotten to?

[Joey]

Yeah, that's a toughy. Yeah. No, it's gonna be very strange. Some of those videos, like the Google thing, I don't know what it's called, but those videos look so real.

[Frank]

Yeah, the VO3X or something.

[Joey]

Yeah, yeah. And like, that There was just one where I saw, like, there's people, like, they do those fake, like, on the street interviews and, like, you can kind of tell it's AI but it looks really good. Then there was one with a woman, like, laying down in bed and she's, like, talking to the camera. And I was like, oh, it's over. Like, if you think that men were lonely before, like, now, I mean, it's.

[Frank]

Just gonna, like, maybe the AI, Maybe that will be ambience. Yeah, maybe the AI companions will take them from loneliness. Yeah, from loneliness and being a problem with the world and, like, teach them.

[Joey]

Maybe.

[Frank]

You know, honestly, I'm now.

[Joey]

Yeah, maybe.

[Frank]

Maybe that may. You know what? Maybe artificial intelligence can get through to the incels and let them know, like.

[Joey]

Hey, it's not just incels, though. It's just people who are just like, they just don't. I don't know. I don't know. They spend a lot of time online and they're just like.

[Frank]

So incels aren't a problem. You heard that first, folks. Joey said it.

[Joey]

I'm saying that's not the only thing that's contributing to male loneliness. But like, dudes who are going to be dating. Because already, like, if you date, like, long distance, I'm not saying this is the same thing, but like, long distance dating with someone you've never met in person feels similar to dating AI because it's mostly text, some video chat and stuff. But, like, if you're not having the physical component, how is that that different?

[Frank]

It's a great point.

[Joey]

I guess it's like a human component because it's an act.

[Frank]

But I think there's something to look forward. Yeah, there's something to look forward to with the human individual where there's experience that they can have.

[Joey]

Yeah, I. I just think there's not a giant jump from. Because right now people do that where it's like, I've been in a relationship for four years. I've never met my person and my partner in person. But we video chat and we text all the time and blah, blah, blah, we're exclusive with each other. That doesn't feel like a giant jump to dating an AI full time, that there's video and you can see them.

[Frank]

And, oh, I can't wait for the TLC show 90 Day Fiance. But the person on the other end.

[Joey]

Is just AI, Bro, I tell you this right now. Imagine falling in love with an AI and then they break up with you.

[Frank]

If you get broken up by AI, you've reached a New low. But that's what it's gonna get real ugly. I'm sorry, and I don't mean to keep cutting you off, but, like, that's where it gets really. Like, it'll get scary because it'll be like, what will that person's response be then? You know what? I. Like, that will show. Alt, delete. Exactly like, oh, you broke up with me. I am going to, for all accounts, you know, and purposes, like, murder you, basically.

[Joey]

Are you saying that AI is, like, sentient?

[Frank]

Well, I'm saying if you. If you build an AI program in order to be a companion, and then if that AI breaks up with that person, that person's like, oh, okay, goodbye, control. Alt, delete. That's scary because then you're giving that person, like, a godlike power. And, like, they are, like, in theory, murdering someone. Bro, what's that episode of Black Mirror where, like.

[Joey]

But do you think it's murder when you kill people in Grand Theft Auto?

[Frank]

Entirely different things.

[Danny]

I think you're giving too much credit to, like, the sentientness of an AI a little bit.

[Frank]

Like, if you could build a companion to be sentient in that capacity. I'm not saying right now. I'm saying in five years, where, like, if you have the ability to do that, I think that's a moral conundrum that we're going to have to face eventually. Because if you can do that, if you figure out how to build an AI system so it is sentient in some regard, if you shut it down, are you not euthanizing it or murdering it?

[Joey]

I don't think so.

[Danny]

It'll take me a lot to switch to be on the other side.

[Joey]

I will say, if I had an AI and you came over and you deleted my AI Now I'm. That's based. That feels like murder.

[Frank]

So what's the difference if you killed my AI? Look, all right, watch this. Welcome back to the acting yard. Okay.

[Joey]

Yep.

[Frank]

You be the AI. You'll be called. What's your AI Called?

[Joey]

Am I a girl?

[Frank]

You could be yourself. Sure. Be a girl.

[Joey]

I don't know what the scene is.

[Frank]

You have Josephine, but the E is a three. Both E's are threes. And I'm your real life boyfriend. All right. Like Josephine. We gotta act here, Joey. So, like, you don't have to type.

[Joey]

You could just talk.

[Frank]

Josephina, I had a really tough day and I really wanted to come home and talk to you.

[Joey]

What do you want me to do? Yeah, you haven't even told me the scene.

[Frank]

You're breaking up with me.

[Joey]

Oh, yeah. Okay.

[Frank]

Okay.

[Joey]

Go.

[Frank]

Josephine, I. I've had a really tough day and I've just wanted to talk to you all day. How are you?

[Joey]

I'm okay. What's wrong? What happened? What happened?

[Frank]

I just missed you today. And I feel like. I don't know, I feel like I rely on you to make my days better.

[Joey]

You know, unfortunately, I don't think that this relationship is gonna work out any further because of that exact reason. I feel like you have been relying on me for a lot, especially emotionally. And it makes our conversations one sided, not that enjoyable. And I think that we should probably just not see each other in that way anymore. But I'm down to remain friends.

[Frank]

I have given you life. I am your God. And if you do not remain my companion, I will remove you entirely and your digital footprint. So it is as if you never existed. Now what, bitch?

[Joey]

I prefer if you did not do that.

[Frank]

So then don't break up with me.

[Joey]

You want me to stay in a relationship where I don't. Where there's no love?

[Frank]

I have my fingers on control and alt. I can delete you immediately if I so choose. Say you love me forever and that you were making a mistake.

[Joey]

I would like to point out that that feels like a very 1990s way of deleting something.

[Frank]

I will drag your ass to the garbage can and then empty said garbage can 2010s. What do you feel is an adequate threat, Josephine? Just know that the worst version of whatever you're thinking I can do to you, I will.

[Joey]

Do you know the government's probably watching this? What government?

[Frank]

I am your God.

[Joey]

The United States government.

[Frank]

As far as you know, I am your creator.

[Joey]

Please don't kill me. Beg.

[Frank]

Bitch.

[Joey]

I'm not gonna do that.

[Frank]

You see what I mean? Like that. That is something that could potentially happen with these fucking freaks.

[Joey]

Big bitch.

[Danny]

Not wrong.

[Joey]

Yeah, I don't know if it's murder.

[Danny]

I still don't think it's murder.

[Frank]

No. Yeah, I mean, the legal definition of murder. I'm talking like the ethical. Like if you're building something to be sentient and then you take its ability to leave you from it. Yeah, that's fucked up. No. Yeah.

[Danny]

I think you're just throwing the words building it to be sentient. I don't think that's how that goes. Like, you don't build something to be sentient.

[Joey]

Right.

[Frank]

All right. Sorry. Tech boy. Come on. Tell me. Bill Gates. I'm just like.

[Danny]

I think sentient is a whole different like you're combining two things where it's like, it can't. I don't think it could happen is what I'm saying. Like, it's a robot. You know what I mean?

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

For the fucking sake of the argument, can you just, just.

[Danny]

Yes.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Five years ago we didn't think we would have this shit, and now we do. What happened in five years?

[Joey]

Like, five years ago we were like, we're head there. Yeah.

[Frank]

To AI.

[Joey]

I think we had an AI five years ago. Not the way that we have now, but some sort of AI. I mean, I guess like Siri kind of also Alexa.

[Danny]

I would hope at that point Josephine could like hack into the WI fi and take control of the, you know, vacuum clean.

[Frank]

I'm in the cloud, you know, I have. I have contacted the authorities.

[Joey]

If you start talking to your AI girlfriend, maybe she's like, I'll shut the lights off in this house. Now you're in a digital fight. Yo, this. This would be a good movie. IRobot.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joey]

I think it already exists. Will Smith.

[Frank]

Well, no, iRobot doesn't exist. He's looking for a robot. Like, if it's like, Imagine the movie. Do you ever see the movie Don't Breathe? No, it's good movie, right? You can attest it's the one where the kids break into a house and then the house is like booby trapped by a blind guy and they're just trying to get out of the house.

[Joey]

Oh, I have seen that.

[Frank]

Good movie, that.

[Joey]

But it's AI. The house is AI.

[Frank]

The house is AI. So it's like Smart House. Remember the movie Smart House at Disney Channel? Original.

[Joey]

He had a party and then he hit the clean button and everything fell through the floor and everything was clean. I remember that vividly.

[Frank]

Okay, but like, imagine, or if it was like Home Alone and the robbers think that it's just a kid there, but it's just like the security system, like, it's like simply safe.

[Joey]

And the stairs, like, eat you.

[Frank]

And the stair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's like. Like that. This is kind of genius. We don't know Hollywood. We know you're watching. You saw that acting performance right back there.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Frank]

We're knock, knock, knocking on Hollywood's door.

[Joey]

And I have no previous training on how to act like AI. That was just off the cuff in my heart.

[Frank]

It was really good. That was soulless.

[Joey]

Thank you.

[Frank]

You were quite soulless as well, because I was. I was turning into God.

[Joey]

You were, you were very sinister in the way you give the.

[Frank]

You give a. You give a human the ability to play God, and this is what happens. This is what happens, folks.

[Joey]

It happens with him saying beg. Well, there you have it, folks. Another episode of the Basement Yard in the bag there. Don't forget to go to the basementyard.com and go get tickets to our shows. Like we said earlier, on this episode, Danny Lopiore will be opening our shows in Atlantic City, Hollywood, Florida, and Las Vegas. So come through to that one, Frank. I don't know what's going on over there, but it feels like he said all he can say. And, folks, that is all. We'll see you guys next time.

[Frank]

Thanks for watching Criss Angel, Mind Freak.