#511 - The Biggest Show We've Done

Summary

Summary of "The Basement Yard" Podcast Episode #511 - "The Biggest Show We've Done"

In episode #511 of "The Basement Yard," hosted by lifelong friends Joe Santagato and Frank Alvarez from Santagato Studios, the duo celebrates a monumental milestone—the announcement of their biggest show to date at the legendary Madison Square Garden (MSG) in New York City. This episode blends enthusiastic announcements with their trademark casual banter, touching on various topics from their upcoming show to playful debates about animals and conspiracy theories.

---

1. Announcing the Madison Square Garden Show

A Monumental Achievement

At the [06:55] mark, Joe and Frank reveal the exciting news: their upcoming show at Madison Square Garden, scheduled for November 13, 2025. Frank exclaims,

"This is the craziest thing that's ever happened to us."
[06:57]

Joe adds his disbelief and excitement:

"Madison Square Garden, it's fucking Madison Square Garden, dude. It doesn't make any sense to us."
[13:54]

Reflecting on Past Success

They reflect on their previous achievement at Radio City Music Hall, emphasizing how quickly their shows sold out:

"Last year we did Radio City. It sold out those two shows very quickly... Now we're doing MSG. It's crazy."
[15:05]

---

2. Ticketing Information and Promotion

Securing Tickets

The hosts provide detailed information on how listeners can purchase tickets for the MSG show. Joe outlines the pre-sale details:

"July 16th at 11:00am Eastern. Use the code [e-mail] for tickets."
[20:37]

Frank emphasizes the importance of acting quickly due to high demand:

"For these bigger shows, a lot of times they go quickly. I suggest everyone jump in on the pre-sale date."
[21:26]

Final Encouragement

They passionately urge their listeners to support them by attending the show:

"Come support your boys. Let's fucking sell this out."
[22:24]

---

3. Conversation on Animals

Debating Red Pandas

A significant portion of the episode involves Joe and Frank engaging in a playful debate about their favorite animals. Frank starts by mentioning red pandas being in the news:

"Red pandas are in the news. That's a top five animal for me."
[24:14]

Joe counters, expressing his preference for other animals:

"I like lemurs more than them. Get the fuck out of here. Lemurs are way cooler than red pandas."
[26:01]

Exploring Other Favorites

Their discussion expands to other animals they admire, such as gorillas, lemurs, and chimpanzees. Frank praises gorillas:

"I love gorillas. Love all monkeys."
[26:50]

Joe shares his fascination with chimpanzees' strength:

"Chimps are us. I could wrestle it and win."
[27:05]

Humorous Exchanges

The conversation is filled with humor as they discuss the physical abilities and behaviors of these animals, often exaggerating for comedic effect.

---

4. Discussion on the Moon Landing and Conspiracy Theories

Moon Landing Beliefs

At [35:47], the topic shifts to the moon landing and related conspiracy theories. Joe asks Frank if he believes in the moon landing video:

"Do you believe in the moon landing? Yeah. The video? Like, you're like, yep. They were there."
[35:47]

Frank responds with skepticism:

"I think it's not outside the realm of possibility that that video is fake."
[36:03]

Conspiracy Theories Mentioned

Joe brings up the theory that Stanley Kubrick directed the fake moon landing footage:

"Stanley Kubrick was the one they said directed it."
[36:31]

Frank discusses the influence of such theories on public perception:

"I think it's not outside the realm of possibility... someone thinks it was staged."
[36:16]

---

5. Miscellaneous Banter and Light-Hearted Topics

Erasers and Pencil Cases

Throughout the episode, Joe and Frank engage in humorous discussions about everyday items like erasers and pencil cases. Joe shares a funny encounter:

"Last time you saw a raccoon. Look at. That's not real. That's a stuffed animal."
[46:11]

Smells and Sensory Experiences

They delve into conversations about various smells, such as new shoes and crayons, blending humor with personal anecdotes:

"I love the smell of horseshit."
[82:07]

Television and Movies

The hosts casually mention their favorite TV shows and movies, recommending titles like "Ironheart" and reminiscing about "Tarzan":

"I just watched Ironheart. You should watch it. It's pretty good."
[89:36]

---

6. Reflecting on Past Experiences

Protecting Their Family

Joe shares a personal and introspective story about killing a mouse to protect his family, leading to a deeper conversation about ethics and animal treatment:

"I grabbed that mouse into the garbage... I put it out of its misery."
[73:48]

Frank critiques the action, sparking a humorous yet reflective exchange:

"You are bloodlusted. That's you."
[74:25]

---

7. Closing Remarks and Final Promotions

Final Encouragement

As the episode winds down, Joe and Frank reiterate the details of their upcoming MSG show, emphasizing ticket sales and encouraging fans to support them:

"Madison Square Garden, July 16th. Pre-sale at 11:00am. Use the code [e-mail]. Come support your boys."
[90:32]

Acknowledging Support

They express gratitude towards their listeners and patrons:

"Thank you guys for the continued support. It is honestly mind-blowing to us."
[40:46]

Sponsor Promotions

The episode includes brief mentions of sponsors like BetterHelp, Fitbod, and SeatGeek, with specific discount codes for listeners.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Frank on MSG Show:

  "We're gonna be at fucking Madison Square Garden, dude."
  [13:47]

• Joe on Disbelief:

  "I don't think I'm physically, like, have the capacity... to comprehend it."
  [18:00]

• Frank on Red Pandas:

  "They're the cutest little things."
  [25:58]

• Joe on Lemurs vs. Red Pandas:

  "Lemurs are way cooler than red pandas."
  [26:01]

• Frank on Gorilla Strength:

  "I love gorillas. Love all monkeys."
  [26:50]

• Joe on Chimpanzees:

  "Chimps are us. I could wrestle it and win."
  [27:05]

• Frank on Therapy:

  "I talk to one every single week."
  [34:02]

• Joe on Moon Landing Conspiracy:

  "Stanley Kubrick was the one they said directed it."
  [36:31]

• Frank on Protecting Family:

  "You are bloodlusted. That's you."
  [74:25]

• Joe on the Importance of the Show:

  "Being able to make a difference to just one person is a luxury."
  [65:02]

---

Conclusion

Episode #511 of "The Basement Yard" masterfully balances major announcements with the hosts' signature humor and candid conversations. The highlight is undoubtedly the unveiling of their biggest show at Madison Square Garden, a testament to their growing popularity and dedication to entertaining their audience. Alongside this, their engaging discussions on a variety of topics—from animals to moon landing conspiracies—provide listeners with both entertainment and a glimpse into the dynamic friendship between Joe and Frank. As they wrap up, their genuine appreciation for their supporters shines through, making this episode a memorable milestone in their podcast journey.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. There he is with the Baltimore.

[A]

But come on.

[B]

The Baltimore Orioles. You can't.

[A]

You gotta.

[B]

I can't say it.

[A]

You gotta.

[B]

I can say it.

[A]

It's not bad, right? It's a nice hat. What's the top. What is that?

[B]

Is that fatigues? That's not what I meant to say. Camouflage.

[A]

I was gonna do. It's fatigues.

[B]

That's like an army uniform.

[A]

They wear fatigues?

[B]

Yeah, that's what they call them.

[A]

The only. Only time I've ever heard the phrase fatigue was like, if you're tired, if you're a sleepy boy.

[B]

You've never heard fatigues?

[A]

No. What is it?

[B]

It's like the uniform. It's like a.

[A]

But isn't that camo?

[B]

Camouflage is like that.

[A]

Have you ever remember when we would play Call of Duty games and it would be like digital camo? Red camo. When would that ever be used?

[B]

Red camo?

[A]

Yeah, when would like. It was like red camo, blue camo. I guess because like, if you're doing.

[B]

Like water operations and white cuz like snow.

[A]

Snow. Yeah. Arctic, I think is what it was called. Sure, that makes sense, but like digital. What is that for, bro? I guess cities. Oh, figured it out.

[B]

I don't know. I'm not tapped into the army. How about you?

[A]

I'm not. But you know what I feel like.

[B]

Can I ask you a question?

[A]

You're gonna. Anyways, so what have you in the.

[B]

Last couple of months looked up how old you have to be to get drafted?

[A]

I have.

[B]

I just wanted to know.

[A]

I think it's. I think we're cool. I think we're good. We're old farts. Yeah. I think no one wants us. Yeah. Mainly because I got a bad leg. You got a bad knee?

[B]

Well, I do have a bad knee.

[A]

You have a bad knee. Ride that home, baby.

[B]

Right? Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Because if that. If the draft people come real quick, you get drafted.

[B]

But you got a gun, right? But you got a gun. Would you shoot your Foot.

[A]

What do you mean, my.

[B]

So you don't have.

[A]

Someone else shot my foot.

[B]

But would you do it?

[A]

I would. Someone else did it.

[B]

Okay. Would you have your wife shoot your foot? I would, yeah.

[A]

I love how I remember.

[B]

When would you shoot your foot?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I shoot myself in the. Probably not the foot. The knee.

[B]

That would be so much infinitely worse.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Why would you do that?

[A]

Be like, foot's not that bad.

[B]

I have a hole in my foot. You want me to go there with a hole in my foot?

[A]

Yeah, we'll fix it. We'll patch it up. You're good.

[B]

You want to blow out your kneecap?

[A]

I would rather just, like. I love how people. Because I remember we're going to get political, but, like, I remember when Trump was, like, first running and. And he was a draft dodger. Like, that was the story about him. I don't know how accurate it is. Might. It might be accurate, but, like, people were talking about that as if they wouldn't do the exact same shit.

[B]

I probably would have been hop skipped.

[A]

Let me tell you something.

[B]

I'm too scared.

[A]

I wouldn't be good if they come knock on my door tomorrow and they're like, all right, you're Alvarez. You're at the top. We need you.

[B]

They go by last name.

[A]

I hope. Not.

[B]

Like a classroom.

[A]

I was gonna say, I hope it's not like elementary school lunch. That was.

[B]

We had assigned seating. In elementary school lunch?

[A]

No, but, like, for elementary school lunch, the lunch line was by last name.

[B]

Was it?

[A]

Yeah, I remember. I was so hype, and I would always yell at Dick because I'd be like, how'd you going back there?

[B]

Yeah, his last name was Ye. And I mean, I was back there.

[A]

Too, but there was. Yeah, you were. You were pretty far back there. S is shady toward the back of the Alphabet.

[B]

It's not shady at all. It's pretty back there.

[A]

I remember there was one kid that was before us, though, and I was so pissed because I would have been first in the lunch line. First to get your lunch, dude. You get first dibs on who was before you. Muhammad Alamo. I went for.

[B]

I remember that kid.

[A]

He was a cool kid.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What I remember. Wherever he is.

[B]

Yeah, Muhammad Alamo. I'm gonna look him on Facebook and see if I can find him. Don't look him up. Yeah, you guys are weird with that.

[A]

But I will say if they. If they come and they knock on my door and they're like, hey, look, we need you over in. Wherever the war is, we need you at war.

[B]

I'd be like, I'll be right out. And I would close my door, and I would go into my kitchen, I would cut my hand off.

[A]

I mean, I feel like they wouldn't want me. They're like, hey, we need.

[B]

Never mind.

[A]

You wouldn't even want someone like me.

[B]

Yeah, they'd be like, hey, we need. Never mind. And just.

[A]

They'd open the door, they'd see a Megazord in the background, and they'd be like, no, we're looking for someone else. Yeah, I just. I don't think. I also think for whatever tummy issues I have, I would just be more of a headache for the armed services, whether it be the Navy, Marines, Army. Then I would be an asset.

[B]

Right.

[A]

What would I really contribute? What would you contribute to the army?

[B]

Not much.

[A]

You know?

[B]

Not much.

[A]

Hey, we need someone to go out there and distract, you know, women that find, like, white men attractive. That would be your role.

[B]

Who are we going to war with? That's the strategy. See, this is why you can't work in the office either, because that's a bad strat. Hey, let's just distract him.

[A]

I would. They'd be like, all right, we need a title for this plan. And I'd be like, I'm not.

[B]

Ideas.

[A]

Yeah. All right.

[B]

We're gonna call it Operation Operation Good Plan.

[A]

Yeah. You know, I wouldn't be able to come up with anything that was, like, legitimately, like, halfway decent.

[B]

Yeah, that would not be great. Anyway, today is a. It's a magical episode. This is the craziest thing that's ever happened to us. But we are announcing our New York City show, finally.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And we know we've been teasing this. We've been blue balling. We've been. Well, we haven't been blue ball over the pants. Just kind of brushing it and letting the blood fill up and then running away. That's what we've been doing. We've been doing that.

[A]

We have not.

[B]

We've been doing that. Yeah, we've been doing that thing.

[A]

We've been. We've been, like, looking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Edging our.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. We've been getting them there. Yeah.

[A]

And you're like, you want that New York date? It's at. Yeah.

[B]

You get. You get right to the cusp. And then you're like, no. And then you're like, well, pick this back up tomorrow.

[A]

Just to be clear. We've been doing that.

[B]

We've been doing that.

[A]

Okay. All right.

[B]

We have been doing that. We've been Doing it. All of us.

[A]

Well, I think it's a little fun, you know, to edge.

[B]

You're edge.

[A]

You ever edge? I'm not an edger. No, you've never edged. I don't edge. I don't have the patience for it. I just be like, come on. Come on.

[B]

You buy. All right, let's get. Let's get this done.

[A]

I would just be like, I don't like to deal. Like, if I buy. That's why I don't like shopping online, because once I'm buying something, I want to have it in my hands. I want to have it, take it home, feel it, use it.

[B]

So once you have a boner, it's like this Now.

[A]

Now, now, now, now.

[B]

Yeah. I'm not putting this off.

[A]

This is. What are we gonna do with this thing now? You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where I. I just. I can't, like, do the whole. I don't think it's horny or, like, sexy to, like, bring someone to the edge and then.

[B]

And then pull them back. Yeah. You want to push them off the edge.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. If I'm going to the edge of that cliff, you best believe I'm driving straight off.

[B]

I. I've heard of people edging for, like, a month.

[A]

Are you an edger?

[B]

No, that's crazy. I mean, I wouldn't, like.

[A]

Wait, hold on.

[B]

What? What did I say?

[A]

I want to make sure I understood what you said, because you probably said it right, but I misinterpreted it.

[B]

Okay. They edged for a month.

[A]

Oh, I thought when you said, I heard people have edging for a month, like, the last month, you've heard more and more, like, stories of people edging.

[B]

No, no, no. So, like, one person will go a month just like. Oh, no, that's crazy. I feel like you're messing up the pipes.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, that's.

[B]

It's.

[A]

You're going to destroy. You know, there's going to be a pipe burst somewhere.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, that's why you need to bleed the system dry. I'm talking plumbing now. Now that I'm talking.

[B]

Yeah. I'm not familiar with that term.

[A]

I was, like, bleeding the system.

[B]

I don't know what comes out of you, but I don't have blood.

[A]

Not blood. I want to make that very clear.

[B]

All right. All right. I was about to call the doctor.

[A]

Yeah, that would have been a good move, big time. But edging for a month, Crazy. How do people do, like. And I'm not even meaning, like, I think it would fall off Mentally. Yeah. Like, my. My balls would be the size of fucking medicine balls.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they would be painful.

[B]

Two big grapefruits, two moons.

[A]

There's got to be a scientific. Like, you fill it, like.

[B]

But think of that explosion.

[A]

No, I imagine it would hurt.

[B]

I think that it would feel like a giant.

[A]

Like, have you ever had to pee so bad that.

[B]

Yeah, but I.

[A]

When you peed, you get the relief. But also, it's just like, I waited too long.

[B]

No, I think that, like, you know, sometimes I hold my pee if I'm in my apartment just to, like, play.

[A]

Around, just to be like, oh, I.

[B]

Get so close and then I pee. And I'm like, that's what I do too.

[A]

You made fun of me for doing this.

[B]

For doing.

[A]

I said that I pee when I'm, like, almost pissing myself. I like, I let go just to see if I'm gonna piss myself.

[B]

Because, you know, that's feeling. Well, that's the part.

[A]

You know that feeling that when you have to pee, it's like you're holding your. Your pee. Like you don't realize it, but you're holding.

[B]

It feels like a muscle strain.

[A]

Yes. So, like, just to see if I need to pee bad enough, I'll let go of that to see if I start to piss myself, and then I'll go pee.

[B]

Right. That's an interesting strategy there.

[A]

I mean, you do the same thing. You just don't almost piss yourself.

[B]

Right. That's the part.

[A]

That's the part.

[B]

That's the only part that I'm talking about.

[A]

The tagline.

[B]

Yeah, you make it an emergency. Just, you're like, oh, finally, I made it there.

[A]

You know, there's incredible irony in the fact that we have just spent the last three and a half minutes talking.

[B]

About edging, and we're edging. When we're edging, guess where it's gonna be.

[A]

Guess when it's gonna be. You already know the date.

[B]

Yeah. Yes. Guess where is it's gonna be?

[A]

It's gonna be. Hey, just when tickets are going for breakfast this morning.

[B]

What did you eat for breakfast? Yeah, I didn't eat breakfast.

[A]

You haven't ate thus far?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

Not great. I think.

[B]

I don't really love eating breakfast. We're gonna keep going.

[A]

Oh, I feel like once we get.

[B]

To another conversation, it's just gonna edge even further. And then they could get.

[A]

Then they could get like, the opposite edge. I was gonna say asshole eggs.

[B]

Oh. I said.

[A]

Whoever a soul. Oh, a zool. Yeah, blue eggs.

[B]

That's what I was referring to.

[A]

Asshole eggs.

[B]

Ew, that sounds disgusting.

[A]

It does, I guess. If you edge someone too much, will they shoot it out of their ass? Like, it's like, you know how. Like when. You know how in, like, those, like, old, like, Elmer Fudd duck season, wabbit season, when they put the fingers in the barrel and then it blows out the back end.

[B]

I honestly think that probably.

[A]

I wonder if, like, I'm not gay.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

But, like, say this is a penis. Probably shouldn't do this with the sponsor for this episode.

[B]

Say it is, though.

[A]

Say. Say there's a penis right here and you cover it. If you edge it by grabbing the tip and closing it like that, will it then, like the old cartoon Looney Tune commercials, like, blow out the back end.

[B]

I certainly don't know what would happen if, like, you duct taped the tip of your wang.

[A]

I'm not saying even duct tape.

[B]

I'm saying, like, grab it. Let anything get out.

[A]

You know, like, if it was just like, grab it.

[B]

Yeah, I'm sure we grab it like a cigarette. Just like that.

[A]

I just have to. We're getting.

[B]

Grab. Grab it. Yeah, 100%. Put it in a headlock. All right, the edging's over.

[A]

No, it ain't. Now it's.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[A]

We have to, for editing purposes, do this.

[B]

What did I even say? Just.

[A]

We do.

[B]

All right, listen. Biggest show of our lives also. Let's just come out and say it. This is probably going to be, like, the last show we do for a very long time.

[A]

This is it. If we're quoting Michael Jackson. Yeah, I know you often like, if.

[B]

We'Re quoting Michael Jackson, beat it.

[A]

Well, that's for the edging. If we're quoting.

[B]

Made it up.

[A]

If we're.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Come on. Going to. We're going to talk about our New York show and do Michael Jackson impression. What are we doing? People get upset about the Michael Jackson.

[B]

Impression 100 years ago. Okay. Thinking about it.

[A]

Is it. Should I do it?

[B]

It's BS they made it us.

[A]

They made it up.

[B]

I love that clip.

[A]

But if we're.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If we're going to quote Michael Jackson here, this is it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For the. Who knows if we ever will again.

[B]

You know, like, next year. We're not doing basement yard shows. We did two years of shows. You know, like, there's stuff that I want to do. Frank just moving to his house. He wants to spend time with his family. And, like, you know, we're. We're kind of adjusting to Everything. So, like, next year there's not gonna be any basement yard shows. So this is the big one. It's happening in New York, and I've seen online a lot of people speculating about where it's gonna be, but on November 13, the boys are gonna be at fucking Madison Square Garden, dude.

[A]

The world's dumbest podcast on the world's most famous arena. It doesn't make any sense to us.

[B]

It doesn't make any fucking sense. We are two boys in a garden. This sounds like a gay version of the, of the, of Adam and Eve.

[A]

Sure, yeah, we could go with that.

[B]

Weird way to promote the show.

[A]

Absolutely. A weird way. But here we are, I think, you know, we have openly spoken about the fact that, like, I don't know about you, I don't know if I've still completely grasped the Radio City of last year. So the fact now that we are doing what is it literally is named the world's most famous arena.

[B]

Right. Doesn't make the Knicks play there. Yeah, dude, the Rangers play there.

[A]

Yes, they do.

[B]

Billy Joel, Billy Joe, Harry Styles.

[A]

Harry Styles, you know, others, so many others. But, like, the fact that we are getting the opportunity to do that is, it's crazy. It's crazy. It's a lot to, to mentally deal with. But, yeah, we're, we're excited. We're hoping to fucking pack that place out and make it one big beautiful of a show.

[B]

Yeah, you know, I, I, it's crazy because, like, last year we did Radio City. It was like, this is so far out of possibility. And then we sold out those two shows very quickly. And that was the, the only reason why they're letting us do Madison Square Garden, because, you know, our fan base showed up like that to those two shows. And I mean, we want this so bad. Like, we would love to be able to say that we sold out Madison Square Garden, and we're hoping that we can do that. We're working really hard this year on making the best show possible. And that show specifically is going to be different than it, different in certain ways than all the other shows. And, like, there'll be more information that comes out about that. But, like, Madison Square Garden, it's fucking Madison Square Garden, dude. I went to Noah Khan at Madison Square Garden, and I'm sitting in the stands and I'm like, there's no fucking way that we're doing this. Like, there's no fucking way this is happening.

[A]

Dude, we, when we went for the promo, like, filming and stuff like that, just, like, just Sitting there. So I. I worked there years ago, which is something I alluded to in a previous episode. I worked there years ago. And like, even just like in a non. Like, you're not anything. You're just a worker in this building. It feels special to work there. To work there. Like, I remember I felt like it was such a flex that I worked there for the summer. Like, oh, I walked the back halls. You know what I mean? I touched the walls. You know how I feel about touching walls.

[B]

Whoa. What people say that's fucking touching walls.

[A]

Touching walls is having sex.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm fans of both of them. Me too. You know, but the fact that, like, that is, like, for what? For that night, it is going to be our. Like, we are performing there. We are the attraction. We are the people that other people will be coming to see in there. Bananas.

[B]

Every time that I go to, like a Rangers game because I have season tickets, and I walk out of the fucking, like, you walk up the little stairs, then you walk out into the seats. It's always, it always, it's like, whoa. Like, it's so cool. And, bro, people are gonna do that and it's gonna be us up there. What the is happening?

[A]

It's. It's like. It just doesn't make sense because I put myself in the mentality of just like last year with Radio City, like, not only are you doing something that nobody else has done, but like, the way in which we did it, like the two nights because of everyone that showed up and supported us. So, like, getting the chance to even be considered for this is crazy to me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then getting the chance to go through with it and do it is. It's bananas.

[B]

I can't. I can't. I can't even write my mind.

[A]

I don't know if I even physically, like, have the capacity, like, mental capacity where I am today, to comprehend it.

[B]

Bro, place is big too. And like, when I walked into Radio City, I was like, wow, this is crazy. But the feeling of walking into MSG was like, what? This isn't happening. Yeah, Radio City, this is not happening.

[A]

They're. They're both. I mean, they're, they're world famous venues for a reason. And in terms of like, you know, we said it previously, like last year in the doc, those are like, everyone thinks of New York City is like, when you come here, this is where you come to make it. If you make it in New York, like, you're good. And we've always as growing up in New York, like, those are the two places of like, you know, 1A, 1B of like the biggest places, like, venue wise, most historic. So, like, the fact that we're going to now do Madison Square Garden is just.

[B]

Bro, they put us on the side of the building. Like, we saw our faces on the side of Madison Square Garden. Yeah.

[A]

In the, they had, they had an episode playing in the, in the, the dome, in the, in the arena.

[B]

Yeah. It's kind of funny that, like, the first time I've ever been on that jumbotron was the podcast playing. Because I've never been on the Jumbo.

[A]

Yeah. When else would you have been on the Jumbo?

[B]

If you're at a game and you're like, hey, oh yeah, I've never been on the jumbotron before.

[A]

So.

[B]

Yeah, the first time was when they put our podcast up there.

[A]

I think it makes sense that this would be the first time, Joey. I think most people, I mean, I've.

[B]

Been to a lot of games. You would think that's.

[A]

What do you do? Like, do you play to the camera when there, it's like, all right, it's air guitar minute, you know. Are you doing air guitar?

[B]

I move my shoulder. If they put me on, I'll shred.

[A]

I think you probably need to do something a little more in order to get on the jumbotron.

[B]

It's for the kids.

[A]

And now. Now you have.

[B]

Now I have.

[A]

It was just funny because the clip that was playing, I forgot what we were talking about, but it was obviously stupid. Just the fact that that is playing for the people in Radio City.

[B]

Radio City.

[A]

I mean, Madison Square Garden.

[B]

Oh, yeah, because they were doing tours. Yeah, they were doing tours when we went and shot, like, the promo stuff for msg and they had our podcast up there. And I was like, I wonder if these Swedish people are like, who the are these guys?

[A]

Probably, you know, I mean, I, I, I. You know how I am. I'm the one that's just like, let's. If we're keeping it secret, let's fully keep it secret. So when I saw those tours, I was just like, oh, it's gonna leak.

[B]

It's gonna leak in Norway.

[A]

Now fucking Finland knows. Yeah, but yeah, so the show is Thursday, November 13th.

[B]

Yeah. And guys, listen, the most important thing, July 16th. So it's coming up July 16th at 11:00am Use the code [e-mail] for tickets. All right, so that's going to be the presale. July 16, 11am Eastern Dakota's NYCF. And that's how you're going to get your tickets. All right? That's the pre sale. The general sale will be July 21st at 11am but as you guys know, like, for these bigger shows and whatever, a lot of the times they go quickly. So I suggest everyone kind of jump in there on the pre sale date. Wednesday, July 16th at 11am Eastern. Use the code NYCF thebasemeyar.com you'll get all your tickets. Okay.

[A]

Are we allowed to say why it's nycf?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. It's part of the New York Comedy Festival.

[A]

Okay. I just wanted to make sure. I know that there were. That's why the.

[B]

Yeah, that's why it's NYCF and not basement or something.

[A]

Yeah, I figured. I just wanted to make sure they understood.

[B]

Yeah. So I would. I would use code nycf. I'll try to make them be like, yo, do basement also.

[A]

I mean, it is what it is. That's another layer of this, like, the fact that we're doing the New York Comedy Festival, which is also crazy.

[B]

And that's why, also, we need our fans to really show up for this one. Just because, like, there's so many during the New York Comedy Festival. Festival. There's a lot of comedy shows that are happening in New York, so there is that sort of competition. The fact that we even got MSG is crazy. And. Yeah. So July 16th, 11am Code NYCF the basement yard dot com. Come to Madison Square Garden. Watch the biggest show that will probably ever do.

[A]

Unless we were to do the moon, which isn't happening because it's not on this planet. Right.

[B]

Because I'm not getting in a rocket ship. And I know you're not either.

[A]

Absolutely not.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

I'm staying on land, wherever I choose to go for a show.

[B]

And I will say, like I said, this is like, we're not doing any shows next year. And who knows what the future holds? So we don't. We don't know after MSG when the next Basement Yard show will be. So if you haven't been able to come to a show and you're thinking about it or whatever, like, dude, this is the one. Like, we're gonna try and go all out for this thing and, like, just make it as special as possible because it's like the most important and special thing in the world to us to. To do this. Like, our entire friends and family will be there. It'll just be like a crazy night. So, you know, everyone who showed up last year, you're getting a completely different show. So don't feel like, you know, oh, did I went to Radio City. So I already saw it's. It's a completely different show now. I think. I think it's a lot better than. Than where it was and. Yeah. So just come on out. November 13th. Get your tickets July 16th at 11am Eastern. Code [e-mail] come support your boys. Let's fucking sell this out.

[A]

That'd be crazy.

[B]

Let's do it. I need it.

[A]

Need it. Edge them. Edge them. Say you're gonna buy the tickets and then take them out of your cart.

[B]

He's like, oh, I got him. I don't got him though. Yeah. Crazy insane dude.

[A]

Don't know where to go from there.

[B]

Well, to. From there. Obviously we have to talk about.

[A]

Naturally.

[B]

The biggest thing on my radar right now is that I've been seeing that red pandas are in the news. And that's like, that's a top five animal for me. I don't know how you feel about red.

[A]

Definitely not top five. No. I wouldn't even say top ten.

[B]

Red pandas.

[A]

Yeah, I don't really care much for them.

[B]

What's your top five animals?

[A]

Well, lions, tigers and bears interchangeably. Really? Like dogs and cats. So there's five.

[B]

Okay. Do you like anything, like, exotic? Like not these boring ones.

[A]

Cheetahs. Cheetahs are cool. Leopards, panthers.

[B]

Leopards are cheetahs to me, dude.

[A]

No, they're not.

[B]

Different coat, but like, come on, they're the same thing. Leopards aren't cheetahs and panthers.

[A]

Elephants.

[B]

Pretty cool. I like an elephant. Pretty cool. You like giraffes?

[A]

I do like a giraffe. I love giraffes. I think they need to chill the fuck out, though. They're a little much for my liking.

[B]

I think they could use a smaller tongue.

[A]

I was going to say either be that like pattern or tall. You can't be both. Like, figure out like you're taking your. Hogging up a really cool pattern that could be given to another small animal. And your height you could also give to another animal and just keep the pattern. The pattern and the height combo too much.

[B]

I hate their knees.

[A]

Yeah, I want to hit their knees with a bat, bro.

[B]

A flamingos knees. I could throw up right now, bro.

[A]

I. I've seen disgusting. I hate flamingos. Like, they just.

[B]

I. I like that they stand on one leg.

[A]

I think I like recently like remembered that they're real animals and I was just like, that sucks.

[B]

Flamingos are actually a sight to see. They're so pink.

[A]

Yeah, I would. But like, seeing one flamingo, I'd be like, all right, cool. Where are we?

[B]

A flock of flamingo?

[A]

If I saw a flamboyance of flamingos. Yeah, Then I'm on board.

[B]

Really? Cool. You've just distracted me from my whole thing. Red pandas, dude.

[A]

They're okay.

[B]

They're beaut. They're the cutest little things.

[A]

And I like lemurs more than them. Get the fuck out of here. Lemurs are way cooler than red pandas. Yeah, what about that other one that had the giant eyes? It's called, like, a pygmy mars marmot.

[B]

Even worse.

[A]

No, they got big eyes. They're cute.

[B]

No, they're not.

[A]

Owls. Owls. Cooler than a red panda?

[B]

You're making me sick with owls.

[A]

Is it because of the edging, or is it just because I don't like the red pandas?

[B]

No, I just think that red pandas are, like, adorable. And, like, when they try to. Like when they, like, get scared or something, they try to appear big. So they hold their puzzles like this.

[A]

Yeah, fine. Meerkats.

[B]

You're. You're heartless and soulless.

[A]

I'm not heartless and soulless.

[B]

You don't like cute things?

[A]

I love cute things.

[B]

You like lemurs?

[A]

Lemurs are so cute. Lemurs are so cute. Spider monkeys, way cooler. Love gorillas. Love all monkeys.

[B]

I love gorillas.

[A]

I love. Over a fucking red panda.

[B]

No, chimpanzees. Get the fuck out of here.

[A]

That's not. Not the chimpanzees are like. Not the baboons. Not the one that have the asses that look like they just got sat on a hot stove.

[B]

What is with baboons's asses?

[A]

I don't know. And. And quite frankly, like, they also. The ones with the. Like the big honker noses.

[B]

Aren't those also baboons?

[A]

Quite possibly.

[B]

How could you have two of those going on? You know what I'm saying?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Rafiki was a baboon. He's a Out.

[A]

No, I think he was a. I don't think he was a. Was he a baboon?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

There's another name for him, but they're vicious, I'll tell you that.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

What movie was that? Tarzan.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They fucking after him.

[B]

Yeah, dude. All the monkeys are fucking strong as hell. Rip your head off.

[A]

I struggle to believe that, but, dude.

[B]

Like, a chimpanzee will literally rip you in half.

[A]

Gorilla will. I get that. A chimpanzee no.

[B]

Won't rip you in half.

[A]

No.

[B]

I guarantee you I'll get a chimpanzee.

[A]

Put me in a room with a chimpanzee. I could wrestle it and win.

[B]

It will literally detach your head from your spine and kick it across the fucking bro.

[A]

Chimpanzees are, what, at most four feet tall? There's no four foot animal on the planet that could beat me up, Frank. What?

[B]

A chimpanzee? Chimpanzee size. What do we got here? They typically standing four to five and a half feet.

[A]

Five and a half. Now that's closer to your height and you'd put up a fight, but four feet, I'm.

[B]

They're strong as. How strong? How strong are they? A chimp would likely lift or pull 200 pounds.

[A]

I can lift and pull 200 pounds as well.

[B]

Joey, you can't lift 200 pounds over your head.

[A]

Did it say over its head?

[B]

It said lift.

[A]

It says lift. I could lift 200 pounds too.

[B]

Beat the shit out of you.

[A]

No way. See, I just proved you wrong. Live large and in public on this episode of Yard Podcast.

[B]

Chimp muscle is 1.35 times as powerful as human muscle.

[A]

Okay, so here what you're saying is a chimp is.

[B]

And they have fast twitch muscle fiber.

[A]

Okay, cool. The chimp is 1.35 times stronger than the average muscle fiber. So all I need to do is make myself stronger than the average man in order to have a better chance against a chimpanzee. I think I can do it. I already think I'm stronger than the average man. I think that with consistent working out, weightlifting, proper diet, I could be stronger than a chimp.

[B]

This thing is also, like way more agile than you will be.

[A]

It will grab my wrists with its feet. And that's a problem.

[B]

That is a problem. And it'll slap you in the face with their hands. And their hands are probably like my dad's hands.

[A]

No, that's gorillas. Chimps are us.

[B]

Chimps. Am I thinking of orangutans?

[A]

Orangutans will beat the brakes off me.

[B]

Is that the. Aren't those are the orange.

[A]

Those are the orange ones.

[B]

That's the one I'm thinking of.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Orangutan, bro. Chimp is like a smaller one. That's why you're saying.

[B]

I mean, this one's still fucking you.

[A]

No, it's not an orangutan. Those are the ones like, they just.

[B]

Like sit and they're like, what?

[A]

Yeah, the ones with the big face. That are just like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[B]

It looks like, like an old guy.

[A]

It looks like, like, like a. Like, like it's been filled with, like, water. So make sense.

[B]

The. The orangutan.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why is it. What do you mean?

[A]

It just looks like a waterbed feels.

[B]

I've never been on a waterbed before.

[A]

I have completely, like, not great.

[B]

Is it like water?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How is that comfortable to sleep on, bro?

[A]

If you've been on one of those, like, there's a big ass fly in here. If you've been on one of those, like, pool floats, like, you know, like the foam blue ones that are like mats that you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

That have the pillow on it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you've been on that, you've in theory been on a water bed.

[B]

That's what it feels like.

[A]

Yeah, it feels like you're on water. So every time you would like, roll over or move in the slightest, it's.

[B]

I don't like that.

[A]

Yeah, that's why no one uses them anymore. They're also expensive, prone to breaking.

[B]

Wasn't it like. It was like a luxurious thing?

[A]

It was.

[B]

I remember it was like a sexy thing, like, oh, let's have sex on my water bed.

[A]

No. What? No. Why? Why?

[B]

Like, imagine trying to have sex on a waterbed and the waves are clapping back at you.

[A]

You're clapping cheeks while the waves are clapping your cheeks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's basically what it would be.

[B]

That would make it way harder.

[A]

I imagine you would have to, like, tone down sex to some degree on a waterbed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because if you're going at it hard.

[B]

Like, it really depends on what kind of moon you got. If you got a full moon, it's probably real wavy in there.

[A]

I don't think the tides of a waterbed are affected by the moon, Joey.

[B]

Listen, man. I think they are controls more than.

[A]

You think it does, but I don't think it controls waterbeds.

[B]

It just depends.

[A]

I thought you meant like the moon. Because they say that, like, people react differently under a full moon.

[B]

That too.

[A]

That, I think is true.

[B]

Hornier. They.

[A]

Oh, I don't know about horny, but just different because our bodies are 75% water.

[B]

Right. Oh, are you bought into that?

[A]

A little bit.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I mean, it would make sense.

[B]

You don't believe that the moon has any sort of effect on a waterbed? Which, by the way, that was joke, but like. But you believe that the water within you is affected by the. And it changes your mood or something.

[A]

Yeah, got it. I do. I mean, not. I'M not, like, fully bought into it, but, like, I don't disagree with it, you know, it Becca, like, suggested the idea to me once, and I was just like, that's crazy. And then there have been days where I've just been having off days, and I look and be like, oh, shit, it's a full moon. Maybe it's not crazy. I'm not saying I'm fully, 100% bought in.

[B]

You know what? I don't get, like, this idea that a full moon is, like, something to look at.

[A]

It's beautiful. I.

[B]

But it's like, it's. Oh, it's not, like, rare.

[A]

I mean, it's once every, what, 60 days or something like that.

[B]

I mean, I feel like I've. I see the moon, like, in its entirety a lot.

[A]

I think numbers just. Just numbers will show you that you're wrong. I think it's one every.

[B]

I'm not saying that I'm right. I'm just saying that, like, it doesn't feel like, oh, my God, it's a blue. It's a blue moon. It's a fucking. I would love a blue moon right now. But, like, oh, look, it's a fucking. What's it called? It's a. It's a full moon, I think.

[A]

I think it's pretty.

[B]

I think you think you get in a bad moon, you look at me go, of course it's the moon.

[A]

No, no, I'm not. Like I said, I'm not entirely bought in on that idea. It's possible, but in terms of, like, the full moon being, like, something to look at in the sky, I think it's pretty to look at. It's appealing.

[B]

I think the moon is cool.

[A]

I'll tell you this.

[B]

It doesn't make sense that I could see craters. I'm wearing. Content.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know why my eyesight is better looking at the moon.

[B]

That's looking at a street sign.

[A]

Yeah. I guess that kind of makes sense, though, because it's so detailed and far away, bro.

[B]

But that would make it harder to read. It's. It's mad far. I was gonna look it up, but it's mad.

[A]

It's a far.

[B]

The moon is so far away, and you can make out, like. Yeah.

[A]

Crevices. We have a telescope. We have a telescope every. You know, so often we'll. Like, when it's a full moon, we'll go outside with the kids and we'll just look at the moon through the telescope.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And it's crazy, the detail that you could see on that bitch.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

The moon.

[B]

That's not what I mean. Like, how can we see that? Even during the day, you can still see stuff on the moon. What the fuck? That doesn't make sense.

[A]

It has to do with light.

[B]

Pretty sure. Appreciate your input. Yeah, the sun is, like, reflecting off of it or something. I don't know.

[A]

Well, we always see the same side of the moon.

[C]

This episode is brought to you by Rakuten. If you're shopping while working, eating, or even listening to this podcast, then you know and love the thrill of the hunt. But are you getting the thrill of the best deals? Rakuten shoppers do. They get the brands they love with the most savings and cash back. And you can get it too. Start getting cash back at your favorite stores like Samsung, Expedia, and Sephora, and even stack sales on top of cash back. It's easy to use, and you get your cash back through PayPal or check. The idea is simple. Stores pay Rakuten for sending them shoppers, and Rakuten shares the money with you as cash back. Download the free Rakuten app and never miss a deal. Or go to rakuten.com to start getting the most bang for your buck. That's R A K U T E.

[B]

N Regardless, I'm like. I'm just thinking, look, like the dark and icy. Definitely, right?

[A]

Because it never gets sun, ever.

[B]

Let me ask you this. Do you believe in the moon landing? Yeah. The video? Like, you're like, yep. They were there. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

You don't.

[B]

I'm not saying that.

[A]

So say it.

[B]

Say what?

[A]

Do you believe in it?

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Why? Why? That was close of what?

[A]

I thought you were going to say that. You're like, one of those conspiracy theorists that thinks it was, like, staged by fucking.

[B]

Who's the.

[A]

Who's the director they said did it?

[B]

I don't know. I think that it's not outside the realm of possibility. Like, I think that we went there. I don't. I think it's not outside the realm of possibility that that video is fake.

[A]

Okay. That's fair. Stanley Kubrick was the one they said directed it, by the way.

[B]

Stanley Kubrick? Really?

[A]

Stanley Kubrick?

[B]

He did the moon landing. The.

[A]

The conspiracy theorists say that he directed it. And then the movie the Shining is all basically an admission of guilt. And having staged it.

[B]

That's not what I got from that movie.

[A]

But, okay, yeah, neither did I. Yeah, but no, that's. That's what, like, the conspiracy theorists say. Yeah, no, I'm with you now, having known, like, God, I want to see.

[B]

The Earth from space so bad, but I don't want to go up there, bro.

[A]

I'm very good.

[B]

Like, imagine being on the moon. You're standing on the moon and you're looking at her.

[A]

Well, I think there was. There was some astronaut that said that. Like, he's like, it completely with my mind because every experience that has happened on our planet, every thought, every, Every everything, he's like, it's right there. That's so fucking crazy.

[B]

So you know what I mean?

[A]

It is so.

[B]

Oh, my God. What the fuck? Yeah, I don't even, like, I don't.

[A]

Think I don't like the idea of that because, like, you know how I feel about, like, visualizing the concept of something. Like, for instance, the concept of time.

[B]

I think what you're referring to is thinking, visualizing the concept of something.

[A]

No, no, but, like, the concept of time is crazy to me. But then when I have something that I could see like a child, like, oh, like three weeks ago, you. You know what I mean? Like, that me up. So, like, the idea of sitting on a rock and you're looking at Earth, and you're looking at Earth, and you know that every single thing about you that we know about advanced life. Right. Right there. You could do one of those pictures. You know how when people go. Yeah, exactly. When people go to, like, the Leaning Tower of Pisa and they take the picture, like, holding it up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You can do that with Earth.

[B]

It's gonna make me sick. We do have some sponsors for today, ladies and gentlemen. The first one being Better Help. Better Help is online therapy. It's going to help you, all right? You can start talking to a therapist in just under 48 hours. They have a very quick onboarding situation. And they also make it very easy to jump from therapist to therapist so that you can find the right fit for you even if you don't have anything traumatic going on in your life. I still think it's very helpful to talk to a therapist. I talk to one every single week. It's great. But you don't have to talk to one every single week. With Better Help you. It's customizable, so you can talk to one, you know, once every other week or sporadically. Like one time here, a couple weeks there, or whatever. They make it very easy to kind of like, cater to your needs as far as that goes. So if you haven't done therapy but you've been thinking about it, take this as your sign to get into it, you can get 10% off your first [e-mail] Basemanyard okay? That is B E T T E R h e l p.combaseMeYard and you will save 10% off of that first month. Okay? So go and enjoy BetterHelp. And yeah, and we also have Fitbod. Okay? It's never too late to, you know, get into exercise, go on your fitness journey and keep healthy and fit. BOD can help you that because they create a personalized workout routine based on your goals, your fitness level and your available equipment. So even if you have no experience in fitness, it's actually very educational because they have over a thousand HD demonstration videos. They can teach you the movements. So it's actually very educational. And I mean, I don't even think I know a thousand movements and I've been training for very long. So this is a great thing. Also, it's cheaper than going to a gym and doing a personal trainer. Sometimes that can be very expensive. Also, some people don't even have access to a gym. They don't have a lot of equipment. Even if you have all of those issues, they will still create something that you can just do in your living room at whatever frequency you want. You know, just body weight stuff or whatever. So it really is your fitness level, your goals and your available equipment. And right now you can save 25 off of your subscription or try the app for free for seven days at fitbod Me SL basement. Okay, that is F I T B O D me basement. So go get into shape, fitbot me.

[A]

Basement and listen while you're on this mental health journey, physical wellness journey, whatever journey you're on, allow the basement yard to be a part of that journey. And how can you do that? Going over to patreon.com the basement yard. Thank you guys for the continued support. It is honestly mind blowing to us and we are over 34, 000 paid patrons. One of the top podcasts on Patreon in the world, if you could believe it. And it's all because of you guys. So thank you so much. So if you want, if you have not for some reason heard or you are just want to get a nice little quick reminder in here, go to patreon.com the Basement Yard. You sign up for these, you know that first tier, you get these episodes, these weekly episodes one week in advance. You get it on the conversation before anyone else. You see a clip from on Tick Tock and you're like, what episode is that from? And you're like it's a week ahead. That's how you can be in on that conversation. And then if you join that second tier, that's where you get exclusive episodes every single Friday that are a little more off the rails, a little crazier. We go after it a little bit. It's a little more fun. Not a little more fun. It's all fun. Everything is fun. Equal levels of fun. But you get those episodes exclusively every Single Friday at 7am so you could start your week and end your week with the Basement yard. Thank you guys, again. So make sure you go to patreon.com the basement yard. And if you want to save yourself a couple bucks, okay, go to that website on a web browser, whether it be Chrome, Safari, whatever, and avoid using the app because the app charges you extra money because it needs to pay out, you know, whoever is owning the rights to that app or whatever. I'm not even sure how it works, but you can save yourself money by signing up for Patreon by doing it exclusively on the web browser version. So again, that's patreon.com/the basement yard. And as we are recording, we just got back into shows. We did our first shows in Kansas City and St. Louis last week. It was a ton of fun. The crowd was incredible. The people were very nice. They were so kind and courteous to us, and we had a really, really fun time. So one of the reasons those shows were so fun is because we'd like them to be interactive. And how could you be in on the conversation? If you're coming to any of these shows, go to thebasementyard.com submit. You're going to input what show you're coming to, and then you're going to answer a series of questions, prompts which the crazier or more interesting. Maybe it'll get picked. Maybe we'll talk to you about you, with you at one of these shows. Okay, so we got shows coming up. San Diego and San Francisco will be there next as of recording. And then after that, Atlantic City. Then we're going all over the place. So go check it out. Thebasemanyard.com submit. We love you. We thank you. We're excited to see you.

[B]

All right.

[A]

So I know what story you're referencing with the red pandas.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Basically that there was a hotel in China that is now in trouble because they were allowing people to pay money to be. Was it woken up, woken up, Woken up by red pandas during their stay?

[B]

Yeah, I absolutely would visit this hotel. I mean, If I could get woken up by red pandas anywhere. That's what I'm doing.

[A]

But, like, how? Here's my question, and this is me just splitting hairs here. But, like, how do they confirm that the thing is gonna wake you up? Because, like, if I could put a red panda in this room or. And by this room, I just mean, like, our podcast set.

[B]

I don't think it, like, physically wakes you up. It's just like, first thing, if I'm.

[A]

Paying my hard earned money, I want this thing to get in bed with me.

[B]

It's gonna.

[A]

Or it may not.

[B]

No, it's not gonna, like, do the act of waking you up. What are you expecting a red panda to do for you? If I'm set off your alarm for you? He wouldn't. You want to make it scratch my head?

[A]

Good morning.

[B]

No, it's like, first thing, you wake up, they put a red panda in your room and he, like, hangs out with you in your bed and rolls around and laughs and it's fine.

[A]

Red pandas laugh. Wait a second. That might be a game changer.

[B]

I have no idea if they laugh, but I have seen them smile.

[A]

I think they just like. Also, they look more like a raccoon than they do a panda.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which you couldn't pay me to get a raccoon.

[B]

Raccoons are very cute. They just have ugly hands.

[A]

Raccoons suck, dude.

[B]

They don't. I mean, they suck because they eat garbage and whatever, but, like, if you held one and domesticated it, it'd be very cute.

[A]

You sure about that?

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

No, fuck that thing.

[B]

Raccoons are definitely cute.

[A]

First of all, they're built like a member of the Insane Clown Posse. I don't like this. I want this thing. It's not proportionately cute. It's got cute hands and it has ugly hands and a whatever face.

[B]

No, they have very few faces.

[A]

The rest of his body looks like it's wearing Janko jeans. I don't want that shit.

[B]

Do you even know what a raccoon looks like?

[A]

I do know what a raccoon looks like.

[B]

Janko jeans.

[A]

You know what a Janko jean looks like?

[B]

Yes, I do.

[A]

Well, then that's what the raccoons look like they're wearing.

[B]

How?

[A]

They're baggy.

[B]

They're not baggy. They're baggy raccoons.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Dude, I don't think you've seen a raccoon in your fat off trash. They're not fat off trash. I'm not gonna sit here while you talk about A raccoon like that.

[A]

I saw. While you're pulling that up, I saw that.

[B]

Look how cute this thing is. Are you fucking kidding me, Frank?

[A]

I don't like it.

[B]

You don't like that?

[A]

So fine, dude.

[B]

And where's the Janko jeans? What are you talking about?

[A]

That's a great picture of a raccoon.

[B]

That's all of the pictures of the raccoons.

[A]

Last time you saw a raccoon. Look at. That's not real. That's a stuffed animal.

[B]

That's a real raccoon. It's just wet.

[A]

No, it's wet because he was outside.

[B]

Playing in a fucking puddle. Probably cuz.

[A]

So cute playing in a puddle. First of all, it looks like there's daylight out there. So you guess what that means about raccoons? Rabid. Look how cute. That's.

[B]

That's three of.

[A]

That is three in numbers. They do better. All of these pictures are raccoons in the daylight, which lead me to believe that they're rabid because they're nocturnal animals. I'll punch that thing in the face.

[B]

Frankie. I could cry my eyes out looking at this.

[A]

Are you kidding me?

[B]

You don't like this? You're being contrarian.

[A]

I'm not being contrarian. It's cute because I know what's behind that little look. Rabies. A foaming mouth, dirty, grubby hands.

[B]

Not all raccoons have rabies.

[A]

If it's out during the races. If it's out during the. Don't, don't, don't. That's racist. No, don't you dare. You're racist against them, I'm not racist thing. Oh, look.

[B]

They're like.

[A]

The chances are if a raccoon is out during the day, it has rabies. What you're looking at is sickly on their basically deathbed raccoons.

[B]

A raccoon being active during the day doesn't automatically mean his rabies are as sick.

[A]

I know. I didn't say automatically. I didn't say all the time. I said most likely. A preponderance of the evidence. 51% of the chance.

[B]

But you're saying most likely and you're basing that on nothing.

[A]

No, I'm basing that off of statistics.

[B]

How much raccoon info do you have? Where's the data? Show the data, Joey.

[A]

I've seen a lot of raccoons in my time. Sure you do. I've seen a lot of raccoons. I've seen more wildlife than you.

[B]

No, you haven't. While raccoons are typically nocturnal. They can be out during the day for several reasons, including including foraging for food. So you think just because raccoons are out there trying to make do for their family that they're rabbits?

[A]

If I'm gonna forage for food and I'm afraid of people, I'm gonna do it when they're most sleeping at night. Dumbasses.

[B]

I mean, they're hungry. They have to go get food.

[A]

We sleep. They could sleep during the day. They need to regulate their cycle here. Okay?

[B]

That's not how it works.

[A]

That's exactly how it works. Sleep during the day, wake up at night when everyone is sleeping, forage for food.

[B]

I mean, I think that's what they do. They're nocturnal.

[A]

But if they're going out during the.

[B]

Day, they're working double shifts. They're trying to help their family.

[A]

I am sympathetic to people that have to do that because that's a hard. That's hard. Okay? But I just have a thing against rodents. Opossums.

[B]

You just said a hard R right there. And I didn't like the way you said rodents. I didn't like it. Honestly. Rodents, like, they're cute.

[A]

I'm talking about raccoons, Joe.

[B]

They eat garbage, which isn't great.

[A]

Technically, we eat garbage, too, but it's just not garbage. Garbage.

[B]

What's an example?

[A]

Well, garbage is subjective, Joey. I think you understand that. One man's trash is another man's treasure.

[B]

But what do you eat that's garbage?

[A]

I mean, people would call some of the food that we as Americans eat garbage.

[B]

I'm asking for an example.

[A]

Cheeseburgers. How is that garbage? Hot dogs?

[B]

Same question.

[A]

Some people might use their definition of garbage to define American cuisine as garbage.

[B]

Yeah, in a. In a facetious kind of way, sure. That's garbage.

[A]

There's. There's a. There's.

[B]

But we're talking about. We're talking about waste.

[A]

Yep. Is water not the waste of the Earth?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

Are we not drinking the piss of Earth?

[B]

We aren't.

[A]

Is our plants?

[B]

I don't know. You're about to ask, but no is the answer.

[A]

Our plants, not the acne of our. Of our planet.

[B]

Your mind works in mysterious ways.

[A]

Why?

[B]

But pandas. Pandas. Panda bears are like my favorite animal right now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I go in and out.

[A]

So I saw that the number was, like. It was like, between basically, like $250 and $500 to get this done.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

At a hotel in China?

[B]

That's an easy add on.

[A]

You're doing that easily.

[B]

Really easily. What the fuck?

[A]

It's between the minibar or getting woken up by a panda. It's both.

[B]

Also, mini bar in the morning. Who you think I am?

[A]

I mean, they have, like, breakfast up in there. They have, like, canned coffees and teas.

[B]

I never do any of that.

[A]

I don't either, but I've seen them.

[B]

No, no. I'm getting the panda, dude. Every time. Every time it's the panda. I mean, if every hotel had, like, animals that could wake you up, I would do it.

[A]

Would you wear your panda while you're playing with a panda?

[B]

I wouldn't, but a panda bear, I would. I want to get my arms around these things and, like, wrestle them a little bit.

[A]

Yeah, and then it's gonna get its arms around your neck and choke you.

[B]

Yeah, it will kill me. I think they bite too, which isn't great.

[A]

Yeah. Aren't they the only animal on the planet that eats bamboo?

[B]

Yeah, they love bamboo. I've watched a video of a panda eating bamboo for so long because they, like, strip it and then eat, like, the inside part of it. I watched one so long that I didn't realize it started over. And I don't even know. And, like, I can't even. I can't tell you how many times I watched it.

[A]

You were. You were just mesmerized by a panda eating bamboo.

[B]

It's so good.

[A]

I will say I. I haven't seen, as far as I can recall, any live videos of pandas eating bamboo.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

The crunch probably sounds incredible.

[B]

Oh, it's the best.

[A]

It's like. You know what I like? You ever get Chinese food and they have the water chestnuts in there, and you bite through it and it's kind of like an. Like a. Like a harder apple?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is it like that or is it like a.

[B]

Dude, I don't even know how to describe it. It's like a softer PVC pipe.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's kind of. That's kind of what it's like.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's crazy, but, like.

[A]

But it's.

[B]

It's so good. There's an ASMR video on the Internet that I've watched multiple times, and it's of a horse eating, like, apples and.

[A]

Like, love when horses eat carrots and apples and stuff.

[B]

Fucking. Nothing better than those big stupid teeth chomping down on some apples, baby.

[A]

What about the one? I always get nervous watching it because I'm like, oh, no, it's gonna choke. But it doesn't where they throw a fucking full watermelon in a Hippos mouth. Yeah, or like a full pumpkin or like a series of gourds, bro. And this thing bites down and it. Whatever was in its mouth loads into billions of pieces.

[B]

Dude. I always think about that when I watch, like, trainers feeding killer whales. I'm like, yo, you're throwing that fish in the back of his throat.

[A]

Give him a second to chew. Well, a lot of those animals and, like, I remember if you look at, like, alligators or crocodiles, one or the other, if not both, they like their tongue, like, like, sorry, but, like, apology.

[B]

Not accepted, by the way. Keep going.

[A]

It, like, rests. So it, like, closes its throat. Yeah, it's not like us. Like, ours is just like. And it's just there, like.

[B]

Yeah, they're just, like, throwing this thing.

[A]

Like, they'll throw them in the back of their mouth and then they'll close their mouth and then open their tongue hole.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

Throat, I guess, is the word that I'm looking at.

[B]

That's what you're thinking.

[A]

And then that's how they eat it. But, like, I get nervous for these animals.

[B]

I do, too, because it's like, oh, I want a little, like, treat. And then they fucking Roger Clemens shows up and fires one into the back of this whale's throat. You know what? I like watching seals go like this.

[A]

When you see.

[B]

If you watch videos of seals, they.

[A]

Just go like this. Or I love. Would, like. I like. There's like, a video I saw, I showed the girls once of, like, a cat next to a seal, and it does that thing where the cat, like, swats at it. Seal, like, dramatically, like. Like, rolls on its back and rolls over.

[B]

Seals are fucking up there.

[A]

For me, seals are up there better than red pandas. What are.

[B]

Seals are not seals. I like seals, but. What's the other one that's like a seal, but bigger. Walrus.

[A]

Walrus. Well, those are the ones with the.

[B]

Sea lions is what I mean.

[A]

Manatees.

[B]

No, those are completely different. I love manatees, though. Manatees and seals.

[A]

Dude, is a seal. Manatees. A sea cow. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

[B]

Manses are like the white. Yes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.

[B]

Which, like, you can be in the water in Florida and they just pull up on you. You're not allowed to touch them, but I would. I'd give them a little, like, hey.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

But they're, like, nice. They, like. They're like, chill. They, like, eat, like grass. Like, no one with them.

[A]

Yeah, there's like, videos and, like, like first hand accounts of people getting like helped by these animals. Like, they'll be like, they drop their phone and it'll go grab their phone for them. And like that.

[B]

That's one of the craziest videos I've ever seen in my entire life. It was, I think it was like a. Was it a manatee or a dolphin?

[A]

One of prob. One of them.

[B]

It's. The phone is on the fucking animal's face and it's coming up to the surface. I would have threw my phone. I would have played fetch all day.

[A]

Fetch with your phone?

[B]

Yeah. I would have been like, fuck my phone. I'm taking this thing home.

[A]

I just. Here's my, here's the reason I don't want to go like swimming with dolphins or like befriend like aquatic animals or a lot of animals, I should say.

[B]

Is because it doesn't sound like you have something against animals.

[A]

Yeah. I'll get my feelings hurt if they don't remember me.

[B]

Because like, if they don't remember me. Yeah.

[A]

If I'm go. If I'm spending time and vibing with this animal. If I go swimming with a dolphin, we have a beautiful magical time and then I just see like I go back in like two years, I'm like, remember me? And they're just like, who the fuck are you?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That would hurt my feelings.

[B]

So that's the reason.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Okay. You do that with humans.

[A]

I care less about humans.

[B]

Right. I mean, it sounds like you don't, but you don't like animals.

[A]

I like animals, but like, I don't want to get too attached to them because.

[B]

Who's asking you to get attached? You're fucking swimming with a dolphin.

[A]

Me.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I'm asking myself to get attached.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know. I would. I haven't swear.

[A]

2.

[B]

I think I struck out. That might have been 3.

[A]

Here's my question for you. Is there any animal that you could spend a night with that you're opening up the checkbook and it's just like, blank check.

[B]

What's blank check? Because I'm not. Okay.

[A]

A thousand dollars.

[B]

That was way higher than that.

[A]

Oh, $5,000?

[B]

Yeah, I'm paying $5,000 to like, if you can guarantee that a panda won't hurt me and like, we'll just cuddle. Five GS could get me for more depending on like the day.

[A]

And I don't want like, I've seen people like in rooms, like one night.

[B]

Me and him in a yurt.

[A]

I've seen in A yurt?

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

Putting this thing outside of its natural habitat, it's gonna be dying in that.

[B]

Don't they sleep outside? They're fucking animals. What, are you gonna put them in a hotel?

[A]

Isn't a yurt, like, meant to be, like, a hot box?

[B]

It's like a teepee.

[A]

Can we say that?

[B]

What?

[A]

Tp?

[B]

I don't know. Why are you saying that?

[A]

I've heard people say that before. That, like.

[B]

Don't say that.

[A]

Don't say tp.

[B]

Yurt.

[A]

Sure. Yeah. You did the right thing.

[B]

Going glamping with a panda. Fine.

[A]

Ooh, in a rainforest.

[B]

Okay, you're talking about taking them out of their natural habitat now.

[A]

Aren't there. Aren't there rainforests in Japan?

[B]

I actually have no idea what habitat.

[A]

I'm just thinking of, like, what's the movie? Tropic Thunder. Yeah, where he's, like, in a rainforest and then he fights a panda and kills it.

[B]

Right. If you can guarantee my safety, I would pay.

[A]

I'm gonna run through a couple animals and you tell me, like, if you would pay the $5,000 a night.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Instance.

[B]

I'm only doing one night. One magical night.

[A]

All right. Giant wolf. And by the way, none of these animals will hurt you, right? Right.

[B]

Right. Wolf? No.

[A]

Velociraptor?

[B]

No.

[A]

Ew.

[B]

Dinosaurs are fucking gross.

[A]

Stegosaurus.

[B]

Gross.

[A]

Triceratops.

[B]

All of them. Wow.

[A]

Okay. A baby elephant. Big elephants. Too much?

[B]

No. I'm paying that.

[A]

Yeah, you're paying that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Grizzly, polar, black.

[B]

Dumb question. Don't even.

[A]

All.

[B]

Of course all of them.

[A]

Lion and. Or tiger.

[B]

Without question. A tiger is so up on my list. Dude.

[A]

Dude, I love Ty. I also, like, in addition to, like.

[B]

Look at tiger and it's fucking face.

[A]

In addition to being cool animals. The design, Top tier animal design. Whoever, whomever created these animals, I want.

[B]

To take a tiger by its head and just stare at it and have it look at me for like an afternoon.

[A]

That picture of the tiger, like, fishing underwater. You know that picture?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's one of the greatest pictures I think, that has ever existed in human existence.

[B]

I'd let a tiger kill me. I think I'd let a tiger kill.

[A]

If you were to ask me, like, how could I go out?

[B]

Let the tiger eat.

[A]

Let the tiger go. But, like, sedate me. I don't want to be awake because that thing, that would be bad.

[B]

I would just shoot novocaine into all my extremities and then, like, let it chew on my arm again.

[A]

I said that sedate me.

[B]

Oh, I was thinking sedation. Like, you're kind of, like, out of it.

[A]

Oh, sure.

[B]

Yeah. I just. I want to be there. I want to watch.

[A]

You want to. You want to watch this thing gnaw on your jugular?

[B]

Yeah. Gotcha. Not my jugular. Like, get my arm.

[A]

So we're on the same page.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Novocaine is mostly for, like, external, you know, like, skin level stuff. Like, this thing bites you, you're gonna suffocate and die.

[B]

It's gonna be a lot of novocaine. We're gonna have to break the bank. Yeah, but it would be cool to. To have just. The last thing you see is just a lion, just a tiger staring at you, and then just.

[A]

I don't. I don't know, bite your head. We have a different. If you were to say, like, yo, listen, you're. You're on your way out, but we want. You want to go out in a cool, like, radical way. Tiger fight.

[B]

Tiger fight. Yeah.

[A]

Like, put me with, like, the Liam Neeson, like, glass bottles around my fists and let me fist fight a tiger. I'm dying every single.

[B]

You know what I think about a lot? The scene in Tarzan where he were, like, the tiger comes or, like, the cheetah or whatever, and it's like fucking with the. The apes. And then Tarzan shows up and he, like, wins or whatever. Fuck, he's fighting. Blah, blah. But I think about the opposite, right? I think about if I'm walking around and a fucking, like, a leopard is trying to attack me, and then a gorilla saves my life.

[A]

Super sick.

[B]

First of all, that gorilla would have wasted its time because that is the greatest thing that would ever happen. I just walk over and kill myself because, like, it's not going to get better than that.

[A]

Also, how fucking strong was Tarzan? He fucking full on clean. Like, this fucking leopard cheetah was over his head, like, from a squat position.

[B]

Unbelievable stuff.

[A]

Strong.

[B]

Strong guy.

[A]

Strong guy. Strong. I guess it makes sense. The swing from the vines. This guy's lats are probably.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Sculpted out of marble.

[B]

The calisthenics.

[A]

Yeah. And then, I mean, like, you just think about, like, the amount of leg strength he needs to just swing.

[B]

Yeah. You know, first of all, you're holding on to Avon. Your whole body with your toes get though.

[A]

And he's just like, bro. And like, swing.

[B]

His core. His core.

[A]

This guy is probably shredded. Of all the Disney characters, Tarzan's got to be the most shredded, right?

[B]

He's beating the. Out of all of them, dude. Well, who's beating the out of Tarzan.

[A]

You could argue Gaston.

[B]

Gaston's getting his ass candid.

[A]

The beast. I'm talking the human ones. I guess technically was a beast.

[B]

I mean, that would be a close one.

[A]

What other human?

[B]

Gaston's getting his fucking little fancy asshole whooped.

[A]

It's crazy you thought about Gaston's asshole enough to call it fancy.

[B]

I'm just. He wears those little fancy pants.

[A]

I think they were just traditional like pants for the time.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I mean. Tarzan doesn't even have pants, doesn't need them. You probably should slap the dog out of.

[A]

Probably wear pants. That's the other thing is like you're in the jungle and this thing is swinging and you look up and you're just seeing Tarzan's coin purse and dingle gong.

[B]

Yeah. You just. Yeah, you're getting the whole thing. Yeah. You gotta think about the bugs. Yeah, we're. We're off track now. Anyway. We should probably talk about something pretty important and that is. That hurt. I don't even know what you said.

[A]

It hurt my throat.

[B]

Guys, light strike. Okay? This is a hard refresher. You've seen it on the show before. Okay? You've been stricken by the light. If you guys haven't been stricken by the light actually yet, I don't know what you're waiting for because this is a hard refresher. It is refreshing and it's hard. Meaning that it has some alcohol in it. Okay. It's 5% alcohol, so you got to be 21 in order to get it. But it's a. Is a. As a hard refresher and it is lovely. Okay? It's got. It's gluten free, non carbonated sea salt, 10 coconut water. So it is good. Man, I like this stuff on a hot summer day. It is beautiful. All right. It's an excellent source of 5% alcohol. So go follow at drink light strike. All right. And get stricken. Get stricken by the light there. All right, so go follow them at drink light strike. Or go to drink lightstrike.com and get yourself a little bottle. Go get yourself a hard refresher and enjoy that. All right, folks. And lastly, here we have SeatGeek. Okay, SeatGeek is a ticketing app. So you go on the app store, you download SeatGeek and it will get you tickets to anything you want to come to a basement yard show. We're probably on seatgeek. I actually ended up looking up the basement yard and there were some tickets on there. And I was like, that's kind of crazy that we're on this app that I've been promoting for years. But anyway, if you want to go to anyone's concert, you want to go to a baseball game or whatever this summer, you can get those tickets through. Sea Geek is the number one rated ticketing app on the App Store and it's just great. So, you know, go on there on their, on their app and you will see they're also transparent with the pricing. If something's labeled dark green, that means it's a good price. If it's dark red, they're like, ah, this is probably too expensive for, you know, the ticket, like whoever's listing it is asking for too much. So I like the transparency. But right now we can save you some money. You can get 10 off of any tickets that you get on SeatGeek with the code BASEMENT2025. All right? So if you're gonna buy tickets to something, you might as well download SeatGeek and use Basement 2025 and save that 10%. All right, there you go. Very good.

[A]

I don't know if you saw Congratulations are in order to whom? Us. Kind of more me than you, but we're a package deal. We take a lot of pride. If I could be serious for a sec, we take a lot of pride in what we do here. We often have people tell us, you know, the difference we've made in their lives, making them smile, happy, you know, get. Help them get through tough times and stuff like that. So being able to do something that is going to make a difference to just one person is a luxury. And it's beautiful. It's very meaningful to us. Getting to save something that is a staple of the community.

[B]

I know where this is going now is how many times you gonna bring up Red Lobster. You didn't even go to a Red Lobster. You didn't buy any Red Lobster. Silence. Crickets. Crickets even. I can hear crickets and gnats flying out of your mouth because you haven't gone to Red Lobster.

[A]

I had not gotten the opportunity to go yet, but I have a gift card that they sent me. Waiting in my. Waiting amongst my gift cards.

[B]

Also discrediting the 35 year old CEO that's actually doing all the work. That's fucked up.

[A]

Yeah. By the way, let's make this very clear.

[B]

He's a very successful black man. Also racist then.

[A]

Wait, how the hell did.

[B]

Racist, racist, racist.

[A]

This guy clearly did a very, very difficult thing. While other of these like chain restaurants are failing, he brought Red Lobster out of bankruptcy. But we also helped save the company. We also helped. I mean, if you think it's just me that's saying this, look at the dozens of people tweeting at us saying, like, Frank did it.

[B]

The dozen.

[A]

Yeah, dozens of bakers. Dozens of people tweeting at us saying like, wow, you guys actually did this. It's this good word of mouth. Helps promote support.

[B]

I do want to get one of those seafood sea food boil bags. They have like, bags. Yeah.

[A]

Why did you say C4 at first?

[B]

I don't even know. It's C foil is what I was gonna say.

[A]

Yeah, I would listen. Red Lobsters remained a staple in my family.

[B]

Do you know what I saw? He did an interview recently out of the whole. Lobster. Lobster, the whole crab, like, industry or whatever the fuck, like the market. Red Lobster purchases a quarter of that.

[A]

That's crazy. That is Ba Nana's. Well, you also have to think about the fact that there are at this point, dozens. You know, how many do you think are left in the United states?

[B]

Red lobsters?

[A]

70.

[B]

I don't even know how to. I would even come up with a guess.

[A]

I mean, because remember, they had to close down a bunch.

[B]

Yeah, but I don't even know how many there were.

[A]

Let's say.

[B]

Are you making up numbers?

[A]

I'm guessing. I'm guessing at least one per state. Some states having more than one, you know. Okay, so let's, let's say for roundabout, you could look this up. Yeah. But let's say there's 70 red lobsters left in the United States. Think about the amount of lobsters that they have. And they're open seven days a week. So let's say they sell five lobsters a day. 35 lobsters per location.

[B]

That's not even crab and shrimps.

[A]

Times 70. 35 times 70 is what? 200.

[B]

They have 520.

[A]

That's a couple.

[B]

That is so many. As of July 2025, Red Lobster operates approximately 520 restaurants across the United States.

[A]

Okay, so 520, they sell. Let's. Let's use more round numbers. 10 lobsters a day.

[B]

It's way more than that.

[A]

5200 a day times 7, which is something. That's a lot. It's something.

[B]

I know. It's a number.

[A]

It's a. It's. It's the number.

[B]

It is a number.

[A]

So let's say 40,000 lobsters a week.

[B]

That's nuts. That's crazy. That's crazy.

[A]

I imagine that you like lobster tail. Listen, you Listening.

[B]

I've got no choice.

[A]

Crab.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Shrimp.

[B]

Lobster's that low.

[A]

Lobster's low. I like a lobster roll, but, like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've never cold or hot, either or I'm fine with both.

[B]

Make a decision.

[A]

Hot.

[B]

Yeah. I like how too.

[A]

With parsley and butter on top.

[B]

Not just butter, all of the butter, but, like, here. Mayonnaise. Sometimes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I. I like when they butter the. Like, the. The bread. The bun is mayoed up, but, like, I have not in my life done, like, the whole, like, you get a lobster on a platter, and it comes out, like, full lobster. I need to do that before I.

[B]

Die and start, like, breaking it. Yeah.

[A]

Like, you take a hammer and you crack open a claw.

[B]

Yeah. I saw someone, like, boiling a lobster the other day, and I don't have that in me. I wouldn't be able to cut its head off or whatever they do.

[A]

I don't think they cut his head off.

[B]

They. Well, they, like, cut his head in half.

[A]

Do they?

[B]

Yeah, they, like, take the knife and they put it, like, down, and then they come down on it.

[A]

I saw that with a crab. I didn't see that with a lobster.

[B]

The lobster, yeah.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Crab.

[A]

I thought the thing that they do with. With crustaceans to make it more humane. You're still killing them.

[B]

You have to kill them.

[A]

Well, no, the one that I saw is that they'll put them in, like, freezing ice water.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like an ice bath first. And it basically brings their, like, heart rate to, like, as close to zero as you can get without.

[B]

Then you're killing it.

[A]

And then you throw them into hot water.

[B]

Oh, I think you got to kill them and then do that.

[A]

Oh, maybe.

[B]

Otherwise you just heat them up.

[A]

Back up. Yeah.

[B]

No, up, dude. Like, I wouldn't be able to. And I. I watched the video of someone doing it, and they were crying, so it was pretty funny. Oh. But, like, yeah, they were crying.

[A]

Have you ever taken. Not a bug. An animal's life?

[B]

Do you count putting down my dog? I mean, I didn't do it.

[A]

I'm. I'm counting, like, with your own hands and free will.

[B]

Have I killed an animal?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What are. What's an.

[A]

Like an animal? Not a bug?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Have you.

[A]

Yeah. That mouse years ago.

[B]

Yeah. No, I haven't killed a mouse. That was. That scared me that you did that.

[A]

I was protecting my family.

[B]

You were spiking the mouse, and, like, your family was well protected once you had it in custody.

[A]

I can't explain I. In hindsight, fully Acknowledge that. That was ridiculous of me. Just so we're on the same page. We are, but without it even being a bit. At the time, I felt this intense.

[B]

Need to protect my family from a mouse.

[A]

Yeah. They can spread disease, which can be very harmful. And at the time, I'm aware of that. Ruby was very young. That first year of a child's life could be very, very, very detrimental to their health.

[B]

Okay, none of this is an excuse for when you grab a mouse and you spike it.

[A]

Well, we were playing a good old fashioned game of, you know, mouse the mouse. Remember that movie Mouse Hunt?

[B]

Great movie.

[A]

Underrated. Nathan Lane and Crispin Glover.

[B]

I think it was Nathan Lane. I don't know the other guy.

[A]

Good movie. Go watch it. That's where the kids at. I think they'd like it.

[B]

How the fuck did they get that mouse to do shit?

[A]

It was a CGI mouse.

[B]

Was it?

[A]

You think it was a real mouse? Making sandwiches on a toothpick?

[B]

No, that kind of shit's. Sure. But, like, there was, like, a real mouse in a lot of those things.

[A]

Oh, like, they get him to run from one area to another.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

They've been training animals in Hollywood for years. Kidding me?

[B]

Ratatouille.

[A]

How did he do it right? Well, that movie, it's. That is a cream of the crop. Remind me. I gotta tell you something. After we're done recording Cream of the Crop. But, like, yeah, they train the mouse. It's not that hard. I'm not even kidding. Like, at the time, I didn't feel like. It felt like this was the thing I needed to do to protect my family. And I understand protection for family is not necessarily like, I kill someone for you. It's also like, mental, physical, you know, emotional protection. But in that moment, I saw red. I reverted back to whatever caveman I have been a descendant of, and I spiked that mouse into the garbage.

[B]

That's so crazy. But you had it. You could have, like, let it.

[A]

No, no, no. It was on a glue trap. It was dead. If anything, that's even worse. No, if anything, I did it a favor.

[B]

Oh, you're a hero for psychotically spiking a mouse.

[A]

First of all, this thing would have died the worst death in the world.

[B]

Oh, so you are a hero.

[A]

I don't know if hero is the right word, if that's the terminology you want to, you know, label it as. Hey, man.

[B]

Yeah, your words. Oh, I saved this mouse.

[A]

No, I didn't save it. I put it out of its.

[B]

You like It. You are bloodlusted.

[A]

I put it.

[B]

You were out for blood. You wanted to hear it crack. That's you.

[A]

I. There's no difference between you having put your dog down and out of its misery so it didn't suffer, and me spiking that mouse into the garbage.

[B]

One is done in a humane way, the other is done in a spiking motion while it's already trapped.

[A]

We could sit here and your family is saved. We could sit. No, because then he calls to his mouse. Boys. What would you rather me text them? What would you rather me do? Shoot it with a gun? No, inject it with a sleeping agent.

[B]

That would be nice.

[A]

I didn't have any sleeping agents on me that day.

[B]

I don't know. I can't do it. I just don't.

[A]

Look, I've thought about, like, what happens if, like, a dog, like, bites one of my kids and, like, won't let go?

[B]

Yeah, you gotta. You gotta, like, kick it.

[A]

I will kick it. Hold it. Becca. Grab the kid and. And I will have to. I will have to prove my. My fatherhood.

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

I don't know how I'm gonna react in those moments. I hope it never happens. Knock on wood.

[B]

What, are you gonna, like, rip its head off or something?

[A]

I don't know. Let's see what happens if it were a sick man. I don't think I'm sick.

[B]

I think you're sick. I think you're sick.

[A]

You really think I'm sick?

[B]

Sick.

[A]

You really think I'm sick?

[B]

Yes, you're a sick man.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Seriously?

[B]

Like, yes.

[A]

Like, not a bit sick.

[B]

Like, the sickest I've ever seen, I think. Disgusting.

[A]

I think, you know, that.

[B]

I have a good heart.

[A]

Like, I'm not a sick person.

[B]

Yeah, it's your head that I'm worried about. Your heart's there. Your head is interfering with the heart.

[A]

Joey.

[B]

Let me ask you a question, Sickness.

[A]

You have a beautiful child.

[B]

Yeah, well, you asked me this recently, Little walrus. You asked me this. And I said that I would. I would fight the dog off. I would kick the dog.

[A]

You'd kick the dog. But then it gets off and it.

[B]

Comes back, and it comes back, and.

[A]

It comes back for more.

[B]

I get in the way and I fight it again.

[A]

And then it keeps.

[B]

Once it's off of my child, and.

[A]

Then it keeps coming back. Yeah.

[B]

And I keep fighting it until I can get away from it.

[A]

But you can't get away.

[B]

Why not?

[A]

It's coming after you.

[B]

What? I can't I'm not gonna kill a dog with my hands. What do you. What are you expecting me to say here?

[A]

I don't know. I'm not expecting you to say that.

[B]

I think you are. You have a CNC of a sick look in your eyes and you tried to make me jump in the sick tank. The sick tank. Take a swim.

[A]

The water is nice.

[B]

How do you swim? Take a swim. I haven't swam at night in a while and I really like that.

[A]

Come on over, baby. That was way too sexual. I meant, like, come hang out. Come hang out. No, we'll have wine. By.

[B]

Worse, we'll have wine. We'll skinny dip at night.

[A]

There will be a lot of people around and we'll make it a big night scene.

[B]

Is there lights in your pool?

[A]

There are. I haven't figured out how to turn them on yet.

[B]

Figure it out. Is there not a switch?

[A]

There might be. I haven't found it.

[B]

Got it. Okay. Does it. Is it, like, a bunch of colors? I hate that.

[A]

No, it's just white. Yeah, I know.

[B]

You're. I know. Yeah. I set myself up for that. Yeah.

[A]

You don't like the mix of all those?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Different colors.

[B]

Right. Some people come over, like, and their pool lights on. It's like, red. I'm like the. Is this.

[A]

Yeah, no, I mean, maybe I would do that.

[B]

Is it heated?

[A]

It's heated. I mean, it's hot as out, but it's not getting. It's not boiling water, Joey.

[B]

I know, but I don't want to swim in, like, 90 degrees.

[A]

I think my heater is currently set to 80.

[B]

Too hot. Sick.

[A]

It needs to be at a certain temperature for the salt to kick in. So I don't know. I will say this, though. Like, it is like, it feels like salt water when I go in the water and, like, my hair dries up. It feels like when you're at the beach.

[B]

Oh. Like, it's like a little coarse.

[A]

A little. A little more coarse and grainy. You know, a lot of people, and I didn't know this until recently, a lot of people use salt water to, like, style their hair.

[B]

I used to.

[A]

I didn't know that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

It's like a. I think. Yeah. Like, you. You just. I. I mean, that's what it says. Like, sea salt. I don't know if it's just that. I think there's other in there, too. Yeah.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

They just sprayed. It's like. Oh, you just. Like. A surfer just got back from the Beach. It smells really good too.

[A]

I do like this one because it smells like the beach.

[B]

Yeah. Dude, have you ever heard the saying.

[A]

That apparently the beach makes you crap your pants?

[B]

What? Yeah. Why would that.

[A]

I don't know why, but there's a.

[B]

There'S a, there's a, like a saying.

[A]

Like an old wives tale. Yeah, but like if you're constipated, go to the beach. Like the salt water in the air will like cut through you and it'll make you shit your pants.

[B]

I mean, I've never had that happen. Neither have I. I've never been at the beach. I'm like, yo, big trouble.

[A]

Neither have I. What would you dig a hole? I mean, go find a bathroom. But if you can't, then you just dig a hole.

[B]

That's so crazy.

[A]

Have you ever seen the people that bring like bathroom, tent, like stand up tents to the beach?

[B]

Bro, get it together. These people. What are we doing?

[A]

Some people need the convenience of a bathroom right there.

[B]

So nuts. You're taking a crap. I'm right here. I'm right here on the beach.

[A]

What's the difference between someone going behind a door and taking a crap and going in a tent and zipping it up and taking a crap?

[B]

Not on the beach.

[A]

Whether it be on the beach or right next to you, what's the difference?

[B]

There isn't a bathroom right on the beach. It's like on the boardwalk. Corrects the difference. The difference is I'm laying out here and minimal clothing and you're taking a shit into the wind and it's hitting me in the face. I guess that's not great. Also those little.

[A]

They're in, they're in a tent, dude.

[B]

When I was in Washington, we stayed on this dude's property and he had to provide a bathroom. And he had one of these zip up things and it was just two buckets.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

And like one bucket had like a toilet seat on it and then a bag in it. And then the other had a bag and a bunch of sawdust for. And he's like, yo, you go in, you shit in this thing and then you throw sawdust in it and you close it and then you wrap it up.

[A]

That's actually really smart because that guy probably uses that as fertilizer.

[B]

I don't, I don't know if he does. I imagine that would be kind of.

[A]

Bananas if I'm not doing this, but if I were to have like some form of human collection, some sort of collection, that would be the smart thing. To do mix it with a material like sawdust or. Or leaves is.

[B]

So I've heard that before that human is like a fertilizer. But like, is it just that, like, you don't have to, like. Like there's not other ingredients and fertilizer. It's just straight.

[A]

I mean, manure is manure. It's just cow shit.

[B]

Yeah. Is it?

[A]

Yeah. People fertilize their lawns with cow shit. It's been happening for.

[B]

But that don't make the whole hood stink.

[A]

Yeah, it does. You smell that shit? But I don't hate it.

[B]

I really don't hate horseshit.

[A]

Horseshit. Cow shit. I love it.

[B]

Horseshit's the greatest. I love the smell of horseshit.

[A]

Honestly, even like any. Any animals crap at a farm because that's what you're smelling.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're smelling their.

[B]

I like the smell of. At a farm. And I don't. I don't want to smell like horseshit, but I want to smell horseshit.

[A]

I don't want. But also I'm fine that it's contained to a farm. Like, I don't need to smell it all the time. Like, if they had like horseshit candles.

[B]

I would light it. Really? Not all the time. Just on special days.

[A]

I wonder if they have like a farm candle.

[B]

Like a farm candle that smells like an old sheep and like a pile of horse shit. Dude, I'm lighting that up on my birthday for sure. Like, definitely on my birthday.

[A]

They have like. I'm only finding ones that are like, they smell like they're made at a farm. Farm smelling candles.

[B]

And I don't think it's that. That hot of a take because people like the smell of fresh cut grass. Love.

[A]

That's one of the five greatest smells on the planet.

[B]

I like that too.

[A]

I heard sometime one time recently though, that something that, like, made me sad is that what you're smelling is like a scent that this. That the grass is giving off to like, warn its other grass friends that it's being attacked.

[B]

Bit late for that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait, what? Is that real?

[A]

That's what I've heard, yeah.

[B]

Damn, dude.

[A]

Homesick. Candles. Free plug for them, I guess. I'm trying to find. I don't see any.

[B]

They have a hair more time looking it up.

[A]

They have a Harry Potter collection of candles. That's all for you, Joey.

[B]

Are they gonna smell like Hermione? You smell like Ronald Weasley. Like an old boat.

[A]

You could smell like the Gryffindor common room. You wouldn't want to.

[B]

I Wouldn't even know what it smells like. It could be anything.

[A]

Old books, leather.

[B]

Love an old book smell. I wish I could smell the first Bible. Oh, it probably stinks. It probably stinks so good. The first Bible. An old Bible. Oh my God.

[A]

I would just.

[B]

Oh, it'd be so good.

[A]

First of all, if you did that to one of the pages, they explode dust. But I would, I would.

[B]

I've put my nose up against this. Not the spine, like the inside, the ass crack. Like that.

[A]

Yeah, well, no, yeah, you've eaten the ass of a book.

[B]

You know what I've done before that's underrated. You open a book and there's this little gap that forms at the spine. Who put your finger in and you slam the book on your own finger. It's great. It's a great exercise. I love it.

[A]

My gasp was because I thought that was going in a really different direction.

[B]

What?

[A]

I thought you were going to like smell the book. There.

[B]

I've done that. I've. I've literally put my nose against like all the pages and then like smash the book on my nose. Dude, I'm an idiot with books. I swear to God, I'm a weird fuck with books.

[A]

I don't know why you spent more time smelling them than reading them.

[B]

Without question. Without question.

[A]

I hear what you're saying, like, bro. And if it's like, I'm telling you right now, here we are in book porn, by the way.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

If it's like a book from like the 60s and the pages have like browned and they get like. You know what color I'm talking about? It's like a manila browning of the pages.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

And then you open. It's a paperback book and you open it and you just shove your fucking. You eat the ass of that fucking book and it's like, oh, I do.

[B]

I like that a lot.

[A]

It's so good. Book smell, you know what Smell. You know what smell.

[B]

What is that? What is the smell? What is it?

[A]

Who cares? Don't, don't try to figure it out. Cuz someone's gonna try to make it and they're gonna fucking ruin it. Textbooks though, you're not a real book.

[B]

Textbooks that have that like, suck, that.

[A]

Have that like shiny, ew, shimmering. You know what I'm talking about, right? It's like a sheen on the pages. Paper, but it's like plastic.

[B]

Yeah, it's like, ugh, fuck you.

[A]

Textbooks hate that.

[B]

Oh, you know what I like? You know when books have like a A painted edge of the page, like gold. And it's kind of like they, like. And then it all lines up.

[A]

You know what's really good? You know what's really good? By the way, do you remember Ricardo's mom used to write his name on the pages? On the pages in the spine. And he'd go like that and like. It was like magic. They would like both ways. It would say his name. Oh.

[B]

And you would bend it and say Ricardo. And then it say his last name. Almost at it. But, like, it would do that.

[A]

You could say it. We. We let Muhammad's name go earlier.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

One of those names is significantly more common than the other. Go find a Muhammad. But you know what smell also gets me? New shoes.

[B]

Tennis balls. New shoes.

[A]

Tennis balls.

[B]

Yeah. Tennis balls are good. I like, I like, I like. What do I like? Okay, but like, it's not glue. It's just the collection of school supplies. And they all.

[A]

Mostly crayons.

[B]

It's crayons. But it's mixed with the glue and it's mixed with the inside of a pencil case.

[A]

You beat me to it. If you were to take 2001. Let's go 2002. There were some other.

[B]

Yeah, that's a rough year.

[A]

Joe Little Joey's five star pencil case. And you were to zip it open, hold it open, and then just sniff in there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Crack cocaine, folks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Let me tell you, I love that. I. A million times if they made pencil case flavored candles.

[B]

I also have chewed on a bunch of erasers. My whole talk about that.

[A]

We've talked about that.

[B]

Love that. Yeah. You, you, you.

[A]

You're a big fan. I used to poke. I used to sharpen my pencils and like, poke the eraser and then break it off in there. So I was just like. It's like I stabbed it. Not helping. The whole I'm sick thing. And then I would, like, I was Dr. Frankenstein, I would break the eraser and then staple it together.

[B]

What do you get out of that? You would rip the eraser apart and then staple it back together. Yeah, I've never done. Yeah, I didn't know you could do that.

[A]

Or what about those fucking fancy erasers that came with, like, the paper sleeve around it?

[B]

Like the big pink ones.

[A]

No, the big white ones.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

The pink ones are peak. Human design.

[B]

Love them. Absolutely incredible album still, like, how does it. How does it work? Every so often you get a pencil and eraser is like, covered in like this, like, weird.

[A]

Yesterday it happened to me and you're like.

[B]

And then it starts putting pink on the. And I'm like, bro, what the fuck?

[A]

Yo, that happened to me yesterday. I was hanging something up in the house, and I put a line and I went to go erase it, and it was like a fucking wet eraser. Like, it was, like, melted. Yeah, it was all over the wall. So I had to go fucking clean. The wall was pissed off.

[B]

Hate this shit, dude. But anyway, folks.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

There you have it. Keep talking.

[A]

Let's just keep going.

[B]

About what?

[A]

Whatever. Whatever you want.

[B]

What do you.

[A]

What you watching? Anything good?

[B]

Love Island.

[A]

Oh, so. No.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I think. Yeah.

[A]

I just watched Ironheart. You should watch it. It's pretty good.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

Ironheart. It's the New Marvel show.

[B]

Oh, I thought you took my Iron Claw watch.

[A]

That was good. Different reasons.

[B]

A lot of sue in that. That. Gotcha.

[A]

That got you a couple times.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What else?

[B]

I have nothing, Frank. And it seems like neither do you.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Well, there you have it, folks. No, look, like we said, fucking biggest show of our lives. The boys are at Madison Square Garden, July 16, 11am at the basement yard.com. the code is NYCF. Go get your tickets. We need everyone to show up for us. Sell this out. Go out with a bang. Bang. You know what I mean? Bang.

[A]

Oh, this is gonna be.

[B]

Go out with a B and do the. Do the background. I'm gonna go out with a bang.

[A]

I thought you were gonna say. Oh, I'll do it again. Go ahead.

[B]

All right. Madison Square Garden, July 16th. Pre sale at 11:00am Code is [e-mail]. get your tickets. The boys are going out with a bang.

[A]

Bang.

[B]

Bang, bang, Bang. That was a good explosion.

[A]

That was the best explosion I've ever done with my mouth. I can't believe I said that.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

I can't believe I often.

[B]

That's where we're gonna end.

[A]

No, no, guys.

[B]

Basement.com. july 16th. Get them. All right, that is all. See you guys next time.