#516 - Are We Gooners?

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard – #516 "Are We Gooners?"

Release Date: August 18, 2025
Hosts: Joe Santagato, Frank Alvarez, with guest Ant Prisco

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode of The Basement Yard, Joe, Frank, and Ant dive into a classic rambling Basement Yard discussion—hopping from the definition of "gooning" to wild stories about clubbing, bar hopping, and debates on eating competitions. The episode blends hilarious personal anecdotes with friendly debates, sprinkled with their candid humor and signature banter.

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Main Topics & Key Discussion Points

1. What is Gooning, Really?

• “Gooning” Defined: The episode opens with the trio discussing what "gooning" means. Frank mistakenly believes it's a term related to gay men, which Joe corrects.
  • “Is it beating your dick in half?” (Joe, 00:57)
  • Ant clarifies that he wasn't "gooning" at the Rainforest Cafe in Minneapolis.

Notable Quotes:

• “So if I'm gay, I'm goonin'?” — Joe (01:10)
• “So gooning is just like violently beating your cock?” — Frank (02:06)
• “It's not violent. I think it's just another way of saying masturbation.” — Joe (02:19)

Timestamp: [00:30–03:05]

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2. Bar and Clubbing Stories: The Glory and the Grime

Pricey Drinks & Bottle Service

• The group reminisces about overpriced drinks in clubs, bottle service scams, and the youthful desire for “clout.”
• Joe narrates his experience in Mykonos, being pressed to buy expensive bottles at a beach club.
• Strong consensus: Club bottle service is a rip-off.
• “A bottle of Grey Goose is a thousand dollars. What? Each of those people are getting one or two drinks max.” — Frank (06:13)
• “It's just such a scam... it’s all for clout.” — Frank (07:21)

Clubbing Preference Shift

• The trio agree they've moved on from clubs to preferring bars and house parties.
• Frank: “It's my personal nightmare right now. I just don't have the capacity for [clubs].” (11:09)
• Joe: “I just feel trapped and I don't know, it freaks me out.” (11:24)

Dance Floors and Bar Setups

• Discuss what makes the perfect bar: inside-outside seating, games, bar bites, convertible dance floors.
• Ant refrains from naming his favorite local bar to avoid the fan influx.

Timestamp: [03:05–19:00]

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3. Local Haunts & Bar Nostalgia

• Nostalgic for days on Ditmars and favorite Astoria bars: The Ditty, River Crest, The Pomeroy, Jack Jones.
• “When bartenders give you a glass that’s like frosted, I’m like, hell yeah.” — Joe (19:11)
• The dream of being a “local,” where staff know your drink/food order by sight.

Timestamp: [19:00–24:00]

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4. The Joys (and Risks) of Deli Food

• Memories of post-party bingeing at local delis, eating expired beer, and the “bodega cat” flavor.
• Joe and Frank muse about the quirky rapport and shorthand formed with deli workers, evolving almost into its own “language.”
• Hygiene talk devolves into joking about the need to get “dirty” again as a society, which turns into a tongue-in-cheek debate over body lice vs. crabs.
  • “Crabs is way cooler than lice.” — Joe (28:45)
  • “Society has just been... it’s been way cool. Please. Crabs or lice?” — Joe (29:49)

Timestamp: [24:00–34:00]

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5. Red Moons, Science, and Conspiratorial Americanism

• Joe notes seeing a "red moon," leading to confusion and a light-hearted attempt at scientific explanation.
• Ant: “Blood moon occurs during a total lunar eclipse when the Earth passes directly between the sun and the moon.” (38:20)
• Frank jokes about not trusting certain scientific facts: “...if I just don't like something, I'm just not gonna believe it. And that is being American.” (40:54)

Timestamp: [37:34–41:35]

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6. Deep Fears: Thalassophobia & Megalophobia

• The group explores water-related and giant object phobias, reacting to TikTok videos of unsettling underwater images and huge objects.
• Joe and Frank debate whether a giant face in the sky or underwater is scarier.
  • “If I saw that though, like a giant sea penis with teeth, I’m fucking never swimming again.” — Joe (47:18)
  • “Fear of big objects, level one, easy. That’s just a ship. Who's afraid of a shipping container?” — Frank (47:32)

Timestamp: [44:10–51:25]

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7. The Great Pizza Challenge

• Hypothetical: How many pizza slices could you eat in a year if you’d get $1,000 per slice (but pay the difference if you come up short)?

  • Frank ambitiously claims he could do 700; Joe and Ant think 300–400 is more realistic.
  • Strategies are debated: “front loading” vs. spacing out slices, topping variations.

• Reflect on past food competitions (notably, a hot dog-eating summer that landed someone in the hospital).

  • “Just a good eater. I'm hungry all the time, and I'm a good eater.” — Frank (66:14)

Timestamp: [54:45–68:10]

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8. Sports Drinks: Breaking the Social Code

• Ant admits to drinking Jameson cocktails at baseball games, to Joe and Frank's horror.
  • “You're at a baseball game and you get Jameson and what the—” — Joe (70:27)
• Discussion of appropriate outdoor drinks: beer, margaritas, Guinness, porters, stouts.

Timestamp: [70:11–73:14]

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote/Key Moment | |-----------|-------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:10 | Joe | “So if I'm gay, I'm goonin'?” | | 06:13 | Frank | “A bottle of Grey Goose is a thousand dollars. What? Each of those people are getting one or two drinks max.” | | 11:09 | Frank | “It's my personal nightmare right now. I just don't have the capacity for [clubs].” | | 19:11 | Joe | “When bartenders give you a glass that's like frosted, I'm like, hell yeah.” | | 28:45 | Joe | “Crabs is way cooler than lice.” | | 40:54 | Frank | “...if I just don't like something, I'm just not gonna believe it. And that is being American.” | | 47:18 | Joe | “If I saw that though, like a giant sea penis with teeth, I'm fucking never swimming again.” | | 66:14 | Frank | “Just a good eater. I'm hungry all the time, and I'm a good eater.” | | 70:27 | Joe | “You're at a baseball game and you get Jameson and what the—” |

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Episode Flow Highlights

• The episode maintains a freewheeling, irreverent tone characteristic of The Basement Yard. The hosts bounce from accidental misdefinitions (“gooning”), to candid confessions, to whimsical hypotheticals—never shying from awkward or taboo topics.
• Genuine nostalgia emerges in discussions of local bars and delis, conveying relatable warmth about hometown routines and “being a local.”
• Even wild debates—lice vs. crabs, the maximum tolerable pizza intake—are underpinned by their friendship, letting the conversation digress naturally and hilariously.

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Useful Timestamps

• 00:30 – “Are we gooners?”: Defining ‘gooning’
• 05:43 – Worst drink ripoffs
• 06:26 – Club bottle service scams
• 10:03 – Modern clubbing as a “personal nightmare”
• 16:46 – The perfect bar setup
• 24:00 – Deli connection, “deli code”
• 27:00 – “Get more dirty”: Soapless nostalgia
• 34:00 – Red moon/blood moon explained
• 44:10 – Thalassophobia and megalophobia: TikTok reaction
• 54:45 – Pizza challenge + food competitions
• 70:11 – What drinks are “allowed” at sporting events

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a quintessential Basement Yard romp—plenty of laugh-until-you-snort moments, relatable arguments, and surprisingly thoughtful reflections on growing older, friendship, and the comfort of familiar spaces. Perfect for fans of off-the-rails storytelling and anyone yearning for the lively energy of friends talking nonsense and life.

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Transcript

[Joe Sanigato]

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[Frank Alvarez]

I buy my groceries.

[Joe Sanigato]

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[Frank Alvarez]

Welcome back to the basement.

[Joe Sanigato]

Welcome back to the basement yard. Ooh, look at this hair. A little curly. All right, you want to introduce yourself? Yeah, I'm going to skip over you. How you doing? Aunt going?

[Frank Alvarez]

No. Goon. You're goonin. You say goon, you're goonin.

[Ant Prisco]

I did.

[Frank Alvarez]

What is that? What is goonin? Is it.

[Joe Sanigato]

Is it beating your dick in half?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, weekly.

[Joe Sanigato]

Weekly.

[Frank Alvarez]

I thought it was something to do with, like, being gay.

[Joe Sanigato]

Gooning?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Sanigato]

You thought that meant gay?

[Frank Alvarez]

I thought, like, it was like, like men after other men. Like, being sexually attracted to other men.

[Joe Sanigato]

So if I'm. If I'm gay, I'm goonin'.

[Frank Alvarez]

But there's like a level. There's an added layer of not even a minute in.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, why did you think that, though?

[Frank Alvarez]

I think. I don't know. I think I just saw it and.

[Joe Sanigato]

It was just like, you're like, oh, gooning. That's gay.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, not like that.

[Joe Sanigato]

No, I like, you know, like, I.

[Frank Alvarez]

Thought it was just like. You know, like. Just like a term used for, like, being, like, hyperly sexual toward a man. If you are a man.

[Joe Sanigato]

Right. So, like, horny.

[Frank Alvarez]

Gay. Like, really horny.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Ant Prisco]

So if I said, don't talk to me, I'm gooning at the Rainforest Cafe.

[Joe Sanigato]

Then you're being, first of all, your ass to jail, if that's the thing. But he also probably would think you were on a date with a man and you guys are horny for each other.

[Frank Alvarez]

Which you were last time you went, by the way. Which, by the way, when we were in Minneapolis, we saw the signs for the. The Rainforest Cafe and should have went.

[Joe Sanigato]

We were gooning for it.

[Frank Alvarez]

We weren't and we didn't. And we wouldn't have. But so gooning is just like violently beating your cock.

[Joe Sanigato]

I mean, mean.

[Frank Alvarez]

It'S not.

[Joe Sanigato]

It's not violent. I think it's just. It's just another way of saying, like, masturbation.

[Frank Alvarez]

What was wrong with the original terms?

[Joe Sanigato]

Violently, I mean, is like.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, when you said beating your dick in half. Well, yeah, that insinuates some level of violence.

[Joe Sanigato]

To be fair, I dressed it up a little too much. So it's just. It's just.

[Frank Alvarez]

Undress it.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah. Well, that's what it is. Describe what that was.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was buttons. But now I just realized that most of those shirts are worn by men. Gooning. I guess I was gooning. Were you? When you went to the Rainforest Cafe, were you, in fact, gooning?

[Ant Prisco]

Not at that specific time, no.

[Joe Sanigato]

So you did goon in.

[Frank Alvarez]

In Minneapolis. You gooned up.

[Ant Prisco]

There's not much to do out there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, we did some stuff out there, and it didn't involve stroking our dick.

[Ant Prisco]

Well, you guys did much cooler things than I did.

[Joe Sanigato]

You went to the Rainforest Cafe?

[Ant Prisco]

I went to the Rainforest Cafe and drank everything on the drink menu.

[Joe Sanigato]

How many drinks was that?

[Ant Prisco]

It was. It's 12 specialty drinks that.

[Joe Sanigato]

You're fucking insane.

[Frank Alvarez]

You must have been quite drunk at a Rainforest. Didn't you do that when I was.

[Joe Sanigato]

In, like, a Chili's or something?

[Frank Alvarez]

When I was in college, my buddy and I would go to Fridays, and we. We had. We played a game. It was called the Dumbass Challenge. And it was just, whoever can drink one of everything on the drink menu. First one, and then the loser had to buy the, like, all of the drinks.

[Joe Sanigato]

Did you win?

[Frank Alvarez]

I think I won once or twice, but, like, we only did it, like, four or five times.

[Joe Sanigato]

So many times, Frank. How many things were on the menu?

[Frank Alvarez]

Maybe it was less. Well, it was like. It was like one of those menus where it's like, you can get this. It's like electric blue lemonade or this drink or this drink, and it's five bucks. So like, we would pick between one of those three.

[Joe Sanigato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then it would be like, you can get a red wine, a white wine, a house, this for three bucks. And you had to pick one of those. And then it was like a beer, a. Well liquor, you know, and then a shot or something. And we got really drunk, and it sucked.

[Joe Sanigato]

I mean, you're at a. What was it, Fridays?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yep, Fridays.

[Joe Sanigato]

I've never been to a Fridays before.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know you've been to an Applebee's.

[Joe Sanigato]

I been to an Applebee's, and they refused to serve me margaritas because they told me they were nasty.

[Frank Alvarez]

Also, you, like, we went to Applebee's. Like, that was when we were, like, 17, 18, 19. We'd all go out to eat as, like, boys, and we'd go to Hooters or Applebee's or Subway. Well, that wasn't going out to Eat. Like, we'd be like, yo, I got 30 bucks for my mom. Let's go to Applebee's.

[Joe Sanigato]

When I was younger, I. I don't know that I ever went on a date date properly like that, but if I had to pick a place to go to, I would have just been like, oh, let's go to Applebee's. Because I just feel like. I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't.

[Joe Sanigato]

It's, like, cheap. It's.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I mean, listen, it does exactly what it needs to do.

[Joe Sanigato]

I heard there's no ovens, and there's just.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know if that's Applebee's or Fridays, but one of them has. It's all like. Everything is microwaved.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I'm not going to say who for potential legal reasons.

[Joe Sanigato]

Right. Have you been to an Applebee's? Yes, I've been to Napkin Dollar Margaritas.

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah, but it's a scam. Don't do it.

[Joe Sanigato]

First of all, did I tell you this story? I told him before, but I went with, like, my siblings to get dollar margaritas, and when we ordered them, like, oh, can we do dollar margaritas? The guy literally went, you don't want them? And I said, why am I even here if that's the reaction? He's like, you don't want the dollar margaritas.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was like, okay, what's the biggest, like, drink ripoff you've ever had in your entire life? I know mine.

[Joe Sanigato]

Bottles in a club.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, my God.

[Joe Sanigato]

Insane.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, my God. I never understood. It's all for clout. That's all. It is all it is all the time. Forever, Always.

[Joe Sanigato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

Bottles in a club.

[Joe Sanigato]

If you have a big group, it's just unfortunate that, like, it's easier to have a bottle than to 40 people go. Or not 40, but, like, no. You know, a group of 15 people try to get drinks.

[Frank Alvarez]

Aggressively disagree. Because then you have. Let's say you go to the club with 10 people and a bottle of Grey Goose is a thousand dollars. What? Each of those people are getting one or two drinks max.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So they're paying $50 for a drink.

[Joe Sanigato]

It's bad. Also, they do this thing. This happened to me in Mykonos, which I. I didn't love, but they. They turned the beach clubs into, like, now. It's a different place. So it's like, now. I mean, granted, we were six dudes, so they were like, you guys either have to leave or you have to get a table. And when you get a table.

[Frank Alvarez]

We got lucky, though.

[Joe Sanigato]

The people next to us were like. They were from Canada. And they're like, yeah, we'll give you 500 bucks. We'll just be at the table with you. We're like, all right. So we. We had a table, and the waiter comes over and was like, here's the bottle list. So I'm looking at the bottle list, and I'm like, okay. Like, some of these are not bad. Whatever. I mean, they're expensive, but it's not like $1,000 a bottle, but it's like 450, 500 for these types of things. So I'm like, okay. I was like, all right, how about this one? He's like, oh, we don't have that. I'm like, what about this one? He goes, we don't have that. They didn't have, like, the four cheapest bottles.

[Frank Alvarez]

So I'm like, of course. Yeah, of course. I remember when we were younger, you like, and some of our friends would go out clubbing. It would be like. They'd go. You'd go to the bar and you'd pay $300 for a bottle. A 750 of Smirnoff, which, no disrespect to Mr. And Mrs. Smirnoff, it's not $300 worth of vodka. It's just such a scam. And I hated it so much because the only reason that people are doing it is for clout, is so people could see that they got bottles over there. And I, like, I like. I spoke about when we were teenagers and, like, in our early 20s, when our friends would go to clubs, it wasn't. It was about appealing to women.

[Joe Sanigato]

We never got bottles.

[Frank Alvarez]

Some of our friends did. 100%.

[Joe Sanigato]

I would get as drunk as I possibly could beforehand to the point where I'm about to fall asleep and then go. And I'd be good the whole night.

[Frank Alvarez]

Same. Exact same.

[Joe Sanigato]

I didn't have any dollar.

[Frank Alvarez]

The only time I can ever really remember getting a drink at a club was. We went to. We were underage. We went to place called Studio 34. And. And I walked in and I thought I was fucking like Danny Ocean. I walked in and I go, let me get Patron with Sprite, no ice.

[Joe Sanigato]

What an order.

[Frank Alvarez]

What an order.

[Joe Sanigato]

And, like, Patron and Sprite.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I thought they were going to be like, oh, we need to fill this cup up, so let's fill it up with Patron. I was so stupid. And it was. That's the only time I can really remember Patron. But I hate. I always hated remember a med A Med.

[Joe Sanigato]

One time ordered. Can I get a Grey Goose and vodka?

[Frank Alvarez]

It wasn't a Med. It was somebody else, but I swore.

[Joe Sanigato]

It was a Med.

[Frank Alvarez]

And he might have done it, too. But I remember.

[Joe Sanigato]

Let me get a Grey Goose and vodka.

[Frank Alvarez]

And they were like, you're cut off. Yeah, they were like, you are cut off. I remember going to, like, those Long island bars where it would be like, you pay a $20 cover charge to get in, and then it's dollar beers all night. But they give it to you in little Dixie cups like this.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So what am I doing with that? Verbatim. A regular beer would be five bucks. You would probably spend more because it would take like six or seven of those Dixie cups to fill a regular glass.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And you wouldn't realize. You just hear like, oh, shit, dollar beers. And it was such a fucking ripoff. And I was so mad and I was. And you know, I was very. I was very upset.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah. Nowadays it's kind of crazy going out, man. Just cocktails are just insane now.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, well, I.

[Joe Sanigato]

$15, $20.

[Frank Alvarez]

It is my personal nightmare to go to a club. Like, if you were to, say, tomorrow, like, what? If you were to ask me, like, what it would take for me to go to a club, one, it would be that we. Like we did in Atlantic City last year. We had our own area, our own drinks.

[Joe Sanigato]

Well, you gotta say base. That's why people pay. When you get bottles, you have to get that. You don't get bottles and stand in the corner.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, but that. We have been to places where our friends have gotten tables and bottles and, like, you're in a fucking. Like you're on a table, but there are people everywhere. So, like, oh, you're still trapped. Sure. You know, but like, I remember one year we went out for one of our friends birthdays on Halloween. Do you remember that?

[Joe Sanigato]

This could be any year.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's right. Well, we got a table and we, like, planned in advance for a table, but the table was in the middle of the place, so there were people. It literally felt like we were stranded on a desert island. Like, we couldn't move.

[Joe Sanigato]

I don't prefer to be at clubs. I think there's a time and a place for it. I could be in the mood for it, like. But it's very rare, maybe twice a year.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's my personal nightmare right now. I just don't have the capacity for it. Just like being stuck like this with holding a drink up here and then bringing it down to sip it.

[Joe Sanigato]

Well, that That I wouldn't do. I wouldn't do that.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's what, that's the club experience is to my understanding is.

[Joe Sanigato]

Well, yeah, because we, we went when we had no money and we were 18 years old. But now if it's like, if I'm gonna go to a club, I'm not like, gonna go. I'm not gonna go anywhere because I wouldn't go to a festival either. Because being in large crowds like that is like, not. I, it would not go well for me. I don't like that type of thing of just being like, around people. I just feel trapped and I don't know, it's just, it freaks me out. But if I were to go to a club, I would prefer to have a place where I could like, take a seat for a second or like, put my stuff down or like reconvene. Instead of just being in the middle of everything at all times, I could just get over stimulated. So I can't do that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I, I, that's. We recently. Beck and I have recently been re. Watching the Fyre Festival documentaries. Yeah.

[Joe Sanigato]

Chill.

[Frank Alvarez]

Unbo. Like an unbelievable scenario that, like, that is what I believe to be like the ultimate nightmare. First of all, I wouldn't go because I wouldn't like all these, like, Burning man, izu, edc. What are the other ones? There's a bunch of other ones. You know what I'm talking about?

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah. Ultra Tomorrowland.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, Ultra Tomorrowland. Coachella just seems just so miserable. Like, you're in the middle of nowhere, just with barely anything. No water, no lodging. I mean, some, you know, people get like, tents and, but, like, you have to pay for like a week at coachella. It's like $15,000 for a tent you.

[Joe Sanigato]

Can buy single days. I know, but I, I agree. I mean, I'm just, I'm just not. I think when I was younger, I would be more into that, but obviously now I'm just.

[Frank Alvarez]

But even when we were younger, I was never a club guy. And I think you were the same. Like, we were more like house, like parties or bars.

[Joe Sanigato]

Well, we had no money, so, I mean, I'm sure I'd be running clubs if I, like, could get hooked up.

[Frank Alvarez]

But even now that we're adults and we've made money, like, I would still way, way, way if you gave me the choice of preference. I would way sooner do a house party or a bar over a club.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, I, I'd rather go out, but I'd rather be at a bar.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just hate the Idea. Like, it's just. It sounds miserable to me, and maybe it's just I'm getting old, but, like, just, like, loud music. It's just in your.

[Joe Sanigato]

I mean, did you. It depends where you go. Like, you got to pick a place, you know, what's nice. It's better. Like, I find that clubs in Europe are different, and it's when they're. Especially when they're outside, it's better. There's less of that. Like, I am pouring sweat, and I'm just like, whatever. Like, there's areas where you can kind of like, just chill and get a breeze. That's a lot better. Feeling like you're confined to an area where everyone's sweating on you and you're dying and you paid $30 for a cranberry and vodka. Like, that sounds fucking miserable. I would never do that again.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, my God. Cranberry vodka.

[Joe Sanigato]

Horrible. You probably love that.

[Ant Prisco]

That's all right. I always sneak a flask in. You always sneak a flask in.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, so breaking the rules. Breaking the rules.

[Joe Sanigato]

Breaking the rules.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's what he's worried about.

[Joe Sanigato]

I'm worried about you being white trash. A flask.

[Ant Prisco]

You're right. I'd rather spend $30 on the drink.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, there is something about drinking out of that little baby thing on a flask, that trashy, and you have to admit it.

[Ant Prisco]

Oh, I don't drink out of the flask. What do I look like? I go down here and I pour it into the drink, make the drink stronger. Flask.

[Joe Sanigato]

If you're drinking a flask in your 20s, how you're basically a cigarette?

[Frank Alvarez]

And how in 20, 25, are you tricking people into getting a flask into.

[Joe Sanigato]

Places they don't really pat you down? Like they.

[Ant Prisco]

And even if they did plastic flasks, what are we doing?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, what does that mean?

[Ant Prisco]

Well, I thought you're talking about, like, a metal detector thing.

[Frank Alvarez]

Metal detector. Getting patted down.

[Ant Prisco]

Like, patting me down.

[Joe Sanigato]

They do one of these.

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. I feel like you wouldn't be able to get one.

[Joe Sanigato]

You tape it to your leg or what do you do?

[Ant Prisco]

I'll take it on the inside if I have to.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you.

[Ant Prisco]

I'll do whatever. I'll do whatever it takes. I'm not spending $30 on that drink.

[Frank Alvarez]

See, but that is so much to commit to doing, to just get a couple free drinks.

[Ant Prisco]

Your bill is gonna be 300. My bill will be 15.

[Frank Alvarez]

Maybe my bill ain't gonna be that high, because you know what? I'm Ordering milk. Miller Light.

[Joe Sanigato]

Milk. Milk.

[Frank Alvarez]

My trick. When I was in college, there were some places that. That we would go to in downtown New Haven. And it was not a trick. It's actually probably, in hindsight, pretty unsafe and irresponsible is I would just go to the bar and I would order. I'd like, pretend that I was ordering for a ton of people. So I go, let me get six beers. They'd give me the six beers. And then I had beers for the next two hours.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah. Five open beers, though. I'd be worried.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bro, you're in college. You don't want to fucking sit in line at a bar doing.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, no, I agree. You definitely gotta get two. If you're doing beers, you gotta get two.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think. I think at least three.

[Joe Sanigato]

I just don't want to be responsible for that many beers.

[Frank Alvarez]

Responsible? You're gonna drink them.

[Joe Sanigato]

Well, no, I know, but, like, I don't know. I'm still freaked. I also, like, worry about. I know I'm not like, woman. And they probably have to worry about this way more than I do, but people just. Yeah. So much easier to, like, just drop.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sure.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

But the way that I would carry my beers is I would put my fingers around, like, this. I would. I would put my fingers in the top of them.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So, like, I would. I'd walk around like the fucking guy from the warriors, you know, warriors come out to play on all your fingers. I would.

[Joe Sanigato]

I'd much rather be in a bar. Like, much rather. Way more fun.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would. Here's my perfect, like, bar situation. I was basically just going to describe the old studio Square. You have an inside bar with long, like, banquet tables and benches, some games, and then there's access to a large outdoor area that has basically the exact same thing. Some lawn games, food truck. Food truck. Or you just have a. Like, a little kitchen in the corner that's like. We only do bar bites. We only do pretzels and wings and fries and hot dogs and, you know, pigs in a blanket.

[Joe Sanigato]

How do you feel about a dance floor in a bar?

[Frank Alvarez]

It needs to be an area that during the day is not a dance floor. And then it gets converted to a dance floor at night. Okay, they need to be down a clown. Like, during the day, it needs to be, like, a regular area. And then at night, they'll be like, we're clearing out this area of its tables and chairs, and it becomes the dance floor.

[Joe Sanigato]

Do you have a favorite bar?

[Ant Prisco]

I do.

[Joe Sanigato]

What is it?

[Ant Prisco]

Can't. Can't.

[Joe Sanigato]

Because Smart.

[Frank Alvarez]

Cuz that people will go a little close.

[Joe Sanigato]

A little close.

[Frank Alvarez]

People will show.

[Joe Sanigato]

Like, local bar.

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah, for sure.

[Joe Sanigato]

How close is it to your house? Like, walking distance.

[Ant Prisco]

Like, less than half a mile walking.

[Joe Sanigato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Man, those days of being able to walk like down Ditmars when we were like 22 years old, to just go to any of those bar. Those are good bars, bro.

[Joe Sanigato]

There's amazing bars over there now. What do you mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

I heard they redid the Pomeroy. This is only for us, by the way. Forget the cameras. I mean.

[Joe Sanigato]

No, they re. They redid that whole street. I mean, like, River Crest is cool. The ditty's fucking fire.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I've always loved the ditty River Crest. I've been to a handful of times and it was fine, you know. Cool.

[Joe Sanigato]

It serves its perp.

[Frank Alvarez]

It does. It serves the perpies.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah. But the Pomeroy is nice. Jack Jones is nice.

[Frank Alvarez]

Jack Jones. That's so funny that that place is stuck around.

[Joe Sanigato]

That place has banging empanadas.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's so funny that place stuck around because I remember when it opened, I like, jokingly was there with Pete. I was like, this place is five months tops.

[Joe Sanigato]

Well, nothing lasted there. But they've been there and they're great.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Do you remember what it was like way before that? It was like the Nextel Sprint store was it. It was. It was a Nextel and Sprint store that, like, had a connection in between the two. Because Sprint owned Nextel.

[Joe Sanigato]

The things you remember.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just the things I remember are so stupid. But yeah, I'm just saying.

[Joe Sanigato]

And. Oh, oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it needs to be like, you could get a beer in, like, you can get a regular pint. You could get a bottle or you can big boy it. You know, like the sign. Yeah.

[Joe Sanigato]

Okay. With a top or like a. Just a big.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just a big icy glass mug.

[Joe Sanigato]

When. When bartenders give you a glass that's, like, frosted, I'm like, hell, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So good. Hell yeah.

[Joe Sanigato]

All beer should be served in, like, a frozen glass. Well.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not all beer. I mean, not like Guinness.

[Joe Sanigato]

I mean. Yeah, yeah, you can, like, you know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can I ask you a question?

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you miss Guinness?

[Joe Sanigato]

Do I miss Guinness?

[Frank Alvarez]

Guinness. It's been a while since I had a Guinness.

[Joe Sanigato]

It's been a while since I've had a Guinness as well. I'll throw one in.

[Frank Alvarez]

I miss it.

[Joe Sanigato]

I'll throw one in.

[Frank Alvarez]

I missed the. I missed the creamer, as they call it.

[Joe Sanigato]

There's a place near me that has them. And it's also like, oh, were you with us when we went to that bar that had, like. I don't. Oh, no, I think that was in Belfast. But they had. It's like an old bar and they have these, like. Why can't I think of the word. Like little booths, but there's a saloon door to eat to each of them, which is so sick. But this place near me has that. And they have Guinness. And I was like, this place is rocks.

[Frank Alvarez]

I wish. Dude, I want to kick one of those doors open so fucking hard and so fucking bad, dude.

[Joe Sanigato]

Just to have like a meeting in there. And she's like, all right, all right.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm going to give you. Oh, tell me this is a good bar set up.

[Joe Sanigato]

Okay. Are you going to describe what I just described?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Sanigato]

What's the point of doing that?

[Frank Alvarez]

I want to hear myself talk.

[Joe Sanigato]

Okay, okay. Love a good saloon door. No, but I should have that at the front, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

At the front, I mean. But they got to be careful. They got to be careful because, you know, like, the thievery and stuff like that nowadays.

[Joe Sanigato]

But I'm saying have two doors. Have like a main door. But then when it's like summer, open the door. Let us walk through the salon. Salon. The saloon doors like cowboy.

[Frank Alvarez]

So if it were like a vestibule or like a foyer. And then there's the saloon.

[Joe Sanigato]

Out of French at me right now. And I don't know how to handle.

[Frank Alvarez]

Vestibule is not French, is it?

[Joe Sanigato]

It was German then.

[Frank Alvarez]

What is that?

[Joe Sanigato]

It's the Autobot.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's over there. Yeah, but I just think that, like, if it could be those. Those doors. And then you go in and you. You look at the bartender and he's like, randy. And they throw just an icy cold fucking mug spilling everywhere. Everywhere. And it's frothy and just fucking. Just getting the whole bar drenched down. The bar. And you fucking put your hand out at the right time and your hand goes in between where the handle is.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then you just fucking.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah to you.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then you.

[Joe Sanigato]

Oh, I haven't had that happen in a. In a bar yet. Which I guess is good because I haven't frequented the same bar like that. But at my local coffee shop, when I walk in, they just start making my. That's fantastic, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Being a local somewhere is so cool.

[Joe Sanigato]

I love it, dude. They're so nice to me there. But they. But when I walk in, they're like, I'll make eye contact with this girl that works there and she's taking someone else's order. Or if it's happened before where the other girl is taking the order and then the other one sees me and then immediately starts making an iced coffee for me. You say you'll never join the Navy, that living on a submarine would be too hard. You'd never power a whole ship with nuclear energy. Never bring a patient back to life or play the national anthem for a sold out crowd. Joining the Navy sounds crazy. Saying never actually is. Start your [e-mail] America's Navy forged by the sea. And I'm like, this is awesome.

[Frank Alvarez]

I want to walk in somewhere where they just go. The regular.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, but it's so hard to come by.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, you gotta go to a place all the time.

[Ant Prisco]

When we used to go to our diner a lot, if they saw us across the street, they would have three cups of coffee on our favorite table ready for us when we got in off. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Having also like, like this is our spot at this diner or something like that. It's probably so sick. Wait.

[Joe Sanigato]

They would see you across the street and then make that assumption and it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Was, it, was it one of like an old white woman in like the, like the old get up and she would like her notebook and she's like, what are you taking? Hun? Regular.

[Ant Prisco]

That's exactly it.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's great. You lucky.

[Joe Sanigato]

That's, that's awesome.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I, I will, I will get there. I will be like a, like a, like a local.

[Joe Sanigato]

You got to keep going back. Coffee is a good one. That's an easy one because you can go to the same coffee shop, you go to the one that's close to you if it's good.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think a diner is probably where I am in my life. The mo. Most realistic or, or the deli. Like you go to the deli and every time you walk in you get the same sandwich or like the same cold cuts.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Then like I got on a first name basis with people from my old deli and then when we moved away, I've lost them, you know. But I'd walk in, he's like, yo, your fucking show is funny. Like the first time he was a cool dude. He's like, yo, you fucking. Thank you. Show my wand and you're in here. I'm like, I'm just here for fucking steak anytime.

[Joe Sanigato]

I was familiar with people at the, at the deli. We didn't know each other's name, but we knew each other. Yeah. Does that make sense? He was like, oh yo. And I was like, yo, I got you.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, like, yes. So like, when we grew up, we knew the places. Yellow Deli, Sha's Deli, you know, Eli's, but, like, super, super friendly Steinway, you know, like, we knew the places and we knew the people by face. But you never cared to share your information with us.

[Joe Sanigato]

I don't know. A single letter in that guy's name.

[Frank Alvarez]

And you guys kind of like, you get to know each other to a point where, like, you stop speaking to each other in English and you just speak in, like, deli code and Delhi language, you know, where you walk in and he's like. And they're like, you know, like, it's just. It's not.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's not real.

[Joe Sanigato]

I'm saying basically, like, barely words. He's spitting it back to the dude who's making the sandwich in half of what I'm saying. By the time it reaches that guy, it's not English anymore. It's just something. It's also not anything at all. It's just noises that make sense in that moment. And then I get a fucking. You know, depending on what time it is, you get a bacon, egg, and cheese. This is. I'm talking about 2am you get a bacon, egg, and cheese. And then you're like, you know what? Let me get one tall boy. And he's like, they're expired for two years. And I'm like, give me it. That's perfect. And then I drink it.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's exactly when they taste the most stale, is when they're expired for two years.

[Joe Sanigato]

We drank expired beer for, like, four years of our lives.

[Frank Alvarez]

We would go to these delis and we would say, like, give us a case of tall boys. And they wouldn't count them. They just say, like, 30 bucks. Okay.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

It didn't matter.

[Joe Sanigato]

They were getting their money, were robbing the place too.

[Frank Alvarez]

When the reality is, like, we were helping them get rid of their, like, probably should be tossed items, they'd be like, yo, you want a case of tall boys? They're 30 bucks. They expired in 2004 and it was 2010.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, it was time for those things to go.

[Joe Sanigato]

Let me tell you something, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

They tasted great. And maybe Job, maybe it was because they had the extra taste of drinking underage. Or, like, the extra taste of, like, you were doing something a little naughty.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah. Or a little bit of that bodega cat piss.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, if I'm gonna tell you this, the best, most delicious beers I've ever had were out of a can where a cat freshly walked across the top of these caves. And this cat also, you guessed it, had a mouse in its mouth.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah. And probably fleas and, like. But the fleas taste good.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, this goes back to what I was previously saying, you know? I know, I know. We all. How we all feel. We need to get back to being a dirty, filthy group of people in this country.

[Joe Sanigato]

You got to get more dirty.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm talking, like, you grab a bottle of water, and then when you take your hands off it, you see, like, the mud and grime from your hands on that condensated bottle.

[Joe Sanigato]

Is that dirt?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah, it is.

[Joe Sanigato]

Oh, you're saying your hands are dirty? Not the bottle and the me.

[Frank Alvarez]

But yeah, I'm dirty.

[Joe Sanigato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then, like, you take a sip of a beer and then you wipe your hand like that. Do your sleeve, you know.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah. And then you get a runny nose and you use your sleeve to do that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just like, you know, be gross. Be back to the good old days of being gross.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hygiene. Overrated.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Overrated.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

We don't need it.

[Joe Sanigato]

We need more fleas.

[Frank Alvarez]

We need more fleas.

[Joe Sanigato]

What's that thing you get? Crabs?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I mean, I don't get that. Stop that.

[Joe Sanigato]

Not you. I meant, like, you. The metaphorical you make that very. The general you.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think the general you is often getting crabs.

[Joe Sanigato]

I wouldn't be upset about getting crabs. To be completely H o n e.

[Frank Alvarez]

S t. I mean, I can see why. Because you're a dirty, filthy pig.

[Joe Sanigato]

No, I would like to see animals on your pubes. Well, like, I'll get rid of them.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm saying you wouldn't. That wouldn't be cool for a second.

[Joe Sanigato]

A second?

[Frank Alvarez]

Zero seconds.

[Joe Sanigato]

Hold on.

[Frank Alvarez]

0.00 seconds.

[Joe Sanigato]

You look down, you're like, I'm kind of itchy. You look down and there's animals in my pubes. Yeah, that wouldn't. For a second, you wouldn't be like, oh, my God, there's animals.

[Frank Alvarez]

But then you're like, I gotta get.

[Joe Sanigato]

Rid of these animals.

[Frank Alvarez]

Keep the crabs. Give me lice. I.

[Joe Sanigato]

You would rather lice? I can't even see the license on my head. I'd rather see it. The crabs. I could see my pubes. I can see the top of my head.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean. But someone else can see. You're like, we peaked as a society when we had lice. Lice was the coolest part of the 90s.

[Joe Sanigato]

Crabs is way cooler than lice.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's absolutely not. It's fucking on your dick and cock and balls and Shaft. A dick.

[Joe Sanigato]

I know. That's why it's better, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you'd rather have animals just munch it on your fucking penis?

[Joe Sanigato]

You'd rather mean your head.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, because they're away from my penis.

[Joe Sanigato]

I'm not saying I want them to bite up my penis. I'm saying I just want to be able to see them, and I can't see that they're all crab. Crab.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you want crabs on your terms. You want crabs on your terms. You don't want the crabs to go out crabbing. You want the crabs to sit there and just be like, yo, we're just gonna, like, chill for a sec, make a quick stop while we're on our way to. Somewhere else.

[Joe Sanigato]

What do crabs eat?

[Frank Alvarez]

Your pubes.

[Joe Sanigato]

They eat.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm sure. Well, I. Do they. I think they eat, like, the skin. Dead skin off your pubes and off your cock. Do you want me a favor? You want these? They're doing you a favor.

[Joe Sanigato]

It's free labor that they're doing.

[Frank Alvarez]

Labor. I mean, listen, I know how much you love exploiting free labor.

[Joe Sanigato]

What's that thing that you do when you exfoliate? I don't have to do that on my penis.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, do you often do that on your penis?

[Joe Sanigato]

Never. But I'm saying if I had to, I could. I don't have to because I. Crab.

[Frank Alvarez]

Society has just been. It's been way cool. Please.

[Joe Sanigato]

Crabs are lies.

[Ant Prisco]

Doing it. Wait. Oh, I thought you were looking up what crabs eat.

[Joe Sanigato]

What would I rather have?

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah, crabs.

[Joe Sanigato]

Thank you, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why, though?

[Joe Sanigato]

Why? Why?

[Ant Prisco]

Because I could get them off faster.

[Joe Sanigato]

You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not in it for the right reason, so sorry.

[Ant Prisco]

But I'm on your team, though.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, but you don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

You want to see? Fuck your team. Honestly.

[Joe Sanigato]

What about ticks? Those are on the bottom.

[Frank Alvarez]

Those are bottom, brother. If I could put them any lower, they'd be in hell.

[Joe Sanigato]

I don't like ticks either.

[Frank Alvarez]

I hate ticks with the D. That's one of the few legitimate fears I have. Ticks. The idea of, like, something burrowing into your skin, I don't love that at all. And then living there, and you don't even feel. Feel it, you. Ticks.

[Joe Sanigato]

Crabs, if they didn't have Lyme disease, I would let one. I want to watch it work.

[Frank Alvarez]

Ill for a little ill dude.

[Joe Sanigato]

What do you got?

[Ant Prisco]

So I was looking up what crabs eat, and they don't eat the skin. They actually eat human blood.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you want vampire Crabs on your shaft, Frank, you want.

[Joe Sanigato]

You know, that sounds cool. You know that sounds cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Joe Sanigato]

They vampire crabs also. I can kill these things in an instant.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, no, you probably need to get.

[Joe Sanigato]

Them kill crabs on it or whatever.

[Frank Alvarez]

You need to know. I think that's skunks. You're not gonna be able to go there. And a bowl of Ragu. You need to get it treated and have it taken out.

[Joe Sanigato]

Okay, Yeah, I. I take like a.

[Frank Alvarez]

Cream you could go and get. There's natural remedies for license and things that you can get over the counter.

[Joe Sanigato]

I think you weed, whack and then you're chilling.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, if they're eating, if they're drinking blood. If they're drinking blood, that means that their skin level. So like, yeah, sure, you can go and you can excavate the whole rainforest, but guess what? Life finds a way, bitch.

[Joe Sanigato]

That's true. What?

[Ant Prisco]

I'm just looking how you get rid of them. Yeah, shaving medical creams, soaps.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just. There is way more upside with lice.

[Joe Sanigato]

No way.

[Frank Alvarez]

You just have an itchy scalp. You got an itchy scalp. You want crabs where these things are munching on your mom's pubis.

[Joe Sanigato]

I don't want them.

[Frank Alvarez]

You said you'd prefer them over lice.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Banana.

[Joe Sanigato]

What do you think lice are doing? They're eating your head, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

They're eating the dry skin. That's what they're doing.

[Ant Prisco]

They might be eating blood as well. I don't know.

[Joe Sanigato]

They could be blood sucking, bro. They're definitely blood sucking.

[Frank Alvarez]

They ain't sucking on anything.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yo, tell him right now they're sucking blood.

[Ant Prisco]

They are. They're sucking blood.

[Joe Sanigato]

Thank you, bro. They're sucking your head.

[Frank Alvarez]

Blood. Lice are sucking my blood. I'm getting head from a lice.

[Joe Sanigato]

No, you're getting.

[Ant Prisco]

No, you're giving the lice head.

[Frank Alvarez]

Technically, that's gayer. This show is sponsored by Squarespace.

[Joe Sanigato]

Okay? Squarespace is where you're gonna wanna. You want to build your website, okay? They have a lovely website where they're going to help you create a professional looking website in a short amount of time so that you can promote your business or your content or whatever that you have that you're promoting, you can do so with Squarespace, with your website. Anytime we create a landing page or a website, we're using Squarespace. They're the best in the business. So if you want to check it out, you can go to squarespace.com basement and you will save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain when you use that code basement. Okay. And they have a bunch of templates that make it very easy to create this professional looking website. I know that that sounds like a giant undertaking to create a website from scratch, but they make it super easy. They get you like so far along in a short amount of time. They also have a lot of tools that are going to help you optimize your traffic. So this is where you want to be, folks. So you can go to squarespace.com basement to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain when you use that code basement. All right, so go to Squarespace. We also have fitbody if I could find it. Fitbod. Look, this is going to help you get in shape because they create a personalized workout routine based on your goals, your fitness level and your available equipment. Not everyone has access to a gym membership, so it's very difficult to follow a workout plan if I don't have access to a gym. But luckily with fitbod, they take all those things into consideration. Also your fitness level. You can't ask people to do these very complicated compound movements if they don't have a lot of experience in fitness. So you have to work on that level with people. So based on their goals and their fitness level, they can help you out. It's also very educational, honestly, because there are over a thousand demonstration videos to teach you how to do these movements. So if you read something, you're like, I don't even know what that is. They have a video to show you how to do it properly, which is very helpful. So if you're starting your fitness journey or even if you're you, you know, been into fitness for a while now, you can create a personalized workout routine through Fitbod and it is great. And you can save 25% off of your subscription or try the app for free for seven days at Fitbod Me slash Basement. Okay, so that is 25% off your subscription. Or try that for free for seven days at Fitbad Me slash Basement.

[Frank Alvarez]

And whatever journey you're on, whether it be personal health, wellness, whatever it is, let the basement yard be a part of that journey, my friends. And you can get us to be a part of that@patreon patreon.com the basement yard. We tell you guys about it every single week. And if you sign up for that first tier, you get exclusive. No, you do get something. It ain't exclusive. It's kind of exclusive. You get these weekly Episodes one week in advance. Guys, don't make me have to say this again. Don't even do this. All right? So that first year you get weekly episodes one week in advance. That second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday, guys. That's what you get, okay? It's not clocking to you that I'm standing on business. All right, guys, so go check it out [e-mail] the basement. And we thank you guys for getting us to over 34,000 paid patrons. It's so appreciate appreciated by all of us here. You're literally supporting our love and dream and everything we've ever wanted to do. So thank you so much. Okay? And if you want to save yourself some money while you're doing it, go on a web Browser. Go to patreon.com because if you use an app, they're going to charge you a little extra money.

[Joe Sanigato]

So.

[Frank Alvarez]

So save some money and go on the web browser version. Come on. Patreon.com Basement Yard and we're on the road again. So we're back at it. We're doing the shows, live shows.

[Joe Sanigato]

Road again.

[Frank Alvarez]

I can't wait, you know, road again.

[Joe Sanigato]

The life I love is making music with my friends.

[Frank Alvarez]

I literally never knew those words.

[Joe Sanigato]

I can't wait to get on the road.

[Frank Alvarez]

Speaking of making music with friends, we'd like to make memories with ours at these basement yard shows. So if you're coming to any of these upcoming shows, make sure you go to thebasementyard.com submit. There is a portion of our show that we like to talk to you about you, with you. And these stories get crazy kooky all over the place. So if you want us to potentially talk to you about anything that might have happened to you, about you, with you or in your life or whatever, go to the basementyard.com submit let us know what show you're coming to. Submit any responses that you feel are appropriate. If you want to be left anonymous, you let us know and yeah, then we'll see what happens. So we're excited to get back out. Keep going. When this comes out, I don't know what shows are still left, but I know at the end of August we're doing Phoenix and Las Vegas. There are some tickets still available for some of our shows across, you know, that are remaining. Hum that are remaining. So go check it out@the basementyard.com if you want to try to grab some tickets. If you love the show and you saw it in another city and you want to come and make the trip for another one. Then you come on out. Okay? You come on out. You do it. You fucking do it. All right. You can get those tickets at the basement yard. And make sure you submit your stories@the basementyard.com. submit.

[Joe Sanigato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

The basementyard.com. check us out. We love you. Thank you.

[Joe Sanigato]

I have a question.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not going to answer it. I'm just going to look at Ant.

[Joe Sanigato]

Last night I was like walking the dog and the moon was like red. What is that?

[Frank Alvarez]

Red moon.

[Joe Sanigato]

How is that an answer to what I asked?

[Frank Alvarez]

Probably a blood moon. But what is that? I think a blood moon is like the light hits it a certain way and it is used to, you know, kind of.

[Joe Sanigato]

So you don't know. Do you know anything, Ant?

[Ant Prisco]

Do you want the real answer?

[Joe Sanigato]

Do you know anything?

[Ant Prisco]

I looked it up.

[Joe Sanigato]

But in your head, do you see.

[Frank Alvarez]

How condescending that was? Do you know anything?

[Joe Sanigato]

I meant to say, like, do you know like you as a person?

[Ant Prisco]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

As a person. I don't know. I think it's. It's blood moon. Right? It is.

[Ant Prisco]

Blood moon occurs during a total lunar eclipse when the earth passes directly between the sun and the moon.

[Frank Alvarez]

Total eclipse of my heart.

[Joe Sanigato]

Oh, so it's like. Wait, what?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like. Like in how. In Hercules. What was that? You know how he's went. It's like.

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah, yeah, I stopped that real quick.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like in Hercules when all the planets are in a line and then the. You know, like the. The. The. The Titans get out.

[Joe Sanigato]

How?

[Frank Alvarez]

You don't remember that?

[Joe Sanigato]

Hercules, the movie from 2000. What?

[Frank Alvarez]

1997, Joe.

[Joe Sanigato]

Jeez.

[Frank Alvarez]

Come on. 2001?

[Joe Sanigato]

What does that mean? So it's when. When the moon is directly in front of the sun and then turns red.

[Ant Prisco]

It's like when you flash a light through a piece of paper, it's like kind of red for some reason. Moon's the paper.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think that's the reason.

[Ant Prisco]

It has. That has to be the reason.

[Joe Sanigato]

It doesn't have to do anything. It's science in the space.

[Frank Alvarez]

Also, the sun is way bigger than the Earth, brother. I'm sure that the light gets around the earth, bro.

[Joe Sanigato]

You ever think about how big the sun is?

[Frank Alvarez]

The big boy, bro, It's a big.

[Joe Sanigato]

Flaming ball of sun.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's just gas, dude. It's just out there being a sun and not giving a about anyone else.

[Joe Sanigato]

Why is it so hot?

[Frank Alvarez]

Because of gas? Yeah, because of gas. And.

[Joe Sanigato]

Good, you know, bro, but it's.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just a big chemical reaction out There.

[Joe Sanigato]

I was outside, and I was looking, and I was like, oh, the moon. Like, red. That's so interesting. And then I'm like, yeah, I don't even know why the fuck that happens. Like, I know it's called, like, a blood moon or whatever the fuck. Blood orange moon, blue moon. I don't know.

[Ant Prisco]

Now imagine seeing that and you're a caveman.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Sanigato]

You're like, oh, shit. It's. It's. Now it's evil.

[Frank Alvarez]

That would be scary. If you're out there and you're just like, what is that? Oh, that big white ball in the sky that shows up every night is now red. I'm time to go inside.

[Joe Sanigato]

I'm really glad that I'm living in a time where we have a lot of answers for certain things, because if I was a caveman and I had to walk around and just kind of accept the fact that shit happens, and I have no idea what it is not doing well.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, my God. I. I mean, listen, I don't accept most of the answers we get anyways. Seems like some of them, although they are backed by science, you like to conspiracy. I just don't trust some of them.

[Joe Sanigato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I'm not. I'm not a big conspiracy theorist. I just pick and choose what I like, you know?

[Joe Sanigato]

In what regard?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, like, if I just don't like something, I'm just not gonna believe it.

[Joe Sanigato]

That's interesting.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I just choose. No, I just. I mean, like, I know there's answers, and I support that.

[Joe Sanigato]

The.

[Frank Alvarez]

The findings that went into it in the years, if not decades of research that went into being able to formulate a hypothesis and being supported by the scientific method. But sometimes I see it. I'm just like. I'm not. I don't like the answer, so I'm just gonna believe something else, you know? And that is being American. I mean, what is more American than ignoring hard facts, science, and just choosing to go your own way? You can go your own way. Go your own way. It's a great song from a great band.

[Joe Sanigato]

It's a great band.

[Frank Alvarez]

But so wait, so when you go outside, did you.

[Joe Sanigato]

Did you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Did it, like, do anything or you just saw it was like, why?

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, I was like, why? What? There's just things I don't know. Did you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Did you howl at it? I didn't howl or bark of the moon?

[Joe Sanigato]

No, I went. When the sun meets you, I started singing like an Italian pizza.

[Frank Alvarez]

My God, we've already went through this. When the moon hits your eye like a Bigger pizza pie. It doesn't make any sense. That's not love.

[Joe Sanigato]

If the moon hit my eye, I'd be flying.

[Ant Prisco]

So dead.

[Joe Sanigato]

What are you talking about?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes you would.

[Joe Sanigato]

The moon hits my eye, I'm dead.

[Frank Alvarez]

I wonder, cuz I played a lot of Legend of Zelda growing up and obviously Majora's mask was in there. Which you know what happens in Majora's Mask?

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, everyone goes. And then it happens.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, do you remember what happens that you have to prevent? What is it exactly? Well, do you remember? You remember Ant? I know everyone involved has.

[Joe Sanigato]

It's the Met.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, because you have to wake up the four deities.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, the deities.

[Frank Alvarez]

And they have to prevent what?

[Joe Sanigato]

Well, it depends what you. Which game you're playing.

[Frank Alvarez]

Majora's mask.

[Joe Sanigato]

Right, The Majora's mask. But the mask is like. Right, so there's a mask. Then you have to wake up the four deities and then.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, there's also. What? There are several masks.

[Joe Sanigato]

There could be. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, there are. In the game, there are several masks.

[Joe Sanigato]

It depends how far you get in the game. I only got to the Majora's mask.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, that's the main boss. So if you got to Majora's mask at the end, then you must have collected several masks along.

[Joe Sanigato]

Oh, you're talking about the other. Oh, I thought you were only talking about the one mask. Because I only count the Majora's mask. I don't count the other.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, you never have Majora's mask. The villain Skull kid has it.

[Joe Sanigato]

That's what I mean.

[Frank Alvarez]

So. But what are you trying to prevent from happening?

[Joe Sanigato]

He can't have the mask.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, correct.

[Joe Sanigato]

We can't let him have it. But.

[Frank Alvarez]

But like what's going to happen after three days?

[Joe Sanigato]

Bad stuff. Like bad things.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like how bad?

[Joe Sanigato]

Like catastrophic earth shattering.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, which is. But. But what causes those catastrophic earth shattering events?

[Joe Sanigato]

Energy.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's the moon crashing into the planet.

[Joe Sanigato]

Exactly. And that's. It's a. Yeah, it's a metaphor. But also real.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, it's pretty real in the game. Like you see, you got.

[Joe Sanigato]

You want to step in here?

[Ant Prisco]

I think you had earth shattering. I think he had it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, earth shattering. I pulled right out of my little tiny butthole.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, at least it's still tiny. But I always wondered like if like the earth actually crashed into the moon or you know, together they met, would it be like when like things go through the atmosphere and it's like fire around it? Or like if at a point it gets close. Can I touch it real quick. You want to just be able to touch the moon.

[Joe Sanigato]

I don't think that it would be able to get. Because if it got close, wouldn't just the gravity and everything just kind of just throw us or something?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes. Yeah. That would be all fucked. And like the water and tides and all that stuff.

[Joe Sanigato]

You ever see those AI videos where it shows the moon doing that?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, and it's.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, I don't like it. Yeah. I don't like that shit. It's over.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't. I don't like those either. Or the ones where, like, people are in the water and then, like, they go underwater and they just see, like a big face.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, it's like a giant squid head.

[Frank Alvarez]

Listen, I don't. I'm not crazy about AI.

[Joe Sanigato]

That's the worst thing.

[Frank Alvarez]

What is worse? Looking in the sky and seeing, like, a face just fucking.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Or looking underwater and then just seeing an eye pop open like that?

[Joe Sanigato]

Absolutely. The water.

[Frank Alvarez]

The water, Right. I kind of agree.

[Joe Sanigato]

It's not worse.

[Ant Prisco]

Sky is so much worse.

[Frank Alvarez]

I feel like.

[Joe Sanigato]

How?

[Ant Prisco]

Because that means it's gigantic.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, the water is pretty big, too.

[Ant Prisco]

Like, Earth big.

[Frank Alvarez]

My. My issue. My issue would be, is, like, why it's scary is like, because it was there the whole time.

[Joe Sanigato]

I don't like being a. Like it's below me.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why?

[Joe Sanigato]

Because it could hurt my foot.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm like.

[Joe Sanigato]

So I've seen shit where it's like, you get in the water and shit is dark, you can't see shit. Then all of a sudden, it's like this fucking giant squid face connected to a body of a pirate or something.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can you look up one of these, like, videos that we're talking about?

[Joe Sanigato]

I really don't like it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Come on. Just.

[Joe Sanigato]

There's a. There's a phobia. It's like something about giant shit.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I don't know what it is. I think that the open, like, look.

[Ant Prisco]

Up, like Mesotheliola or.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's not what you're supposed. Thalassophobia. The ocean. Open ocean.

[Joe Sanigato]

Mesothelioma. Isn't that.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's the. The cancer caused by, like, asbestos. That you might be entitled to compensation. But, like, if you look up.

[Joe Sanigato]

Which is also scary, to be fair.

[Frank Alvarez]

But images underwater of face being scary.

[Ant Prisco]

You want me just to Google that and we'll see what happens?

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, yeah. There's a. There's a fear. If you type, like the fear of giant things. If you look that up and then type in tick tocks with that in water.

[Frank Alvarez]

In the water, you know, Tick tocks.

[Ant Prisco]

Okay.

[Joe Sanigato]

No, that works. That works.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, megalophobia. Megalophobe or megalophobia, probably because the Megalodon.

[Joe Sanigato]

There'S some big ass that I'm like, this one up.

[Ant Prisco]

That one?

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that is. Oh, it's like those ones.

[Joe Sanigato]

No, no, scroll down, scroll down, scroll down. It's those.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, those are not that bad because it looks like it's just a statue.

[Joe Sanigato]

That is true.

[Frank Alvarez]

It would be scary if I like was swimming and then underwater I look over and there's a fucking face.

[Joe Sanigato]

Big face statue. I bet.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like if it were like just like a. You know how like the like Japanese anime monsters. You know what I'm talking about? It's like. And they got like the teeth. Like the guy from the gorillas. Yeah, like you could count all the teeth because they're all separated. You know what I'm saying? Pick that one that says like level one, media, easy. Level two, medium. Yeah, those will fucking ruin your. Let's watch this.

[Ant Prisco]

Is volume up? Nope.

[Joe Sanigato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

We don't need volume.

[Joe Sanigato]

Volume because we're all terrified. If I saw that though, like a giant sea penis with teeth, I'm fucking never swimming again.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I mean, I. Chances are I'm not gonna be getting down that far anyways.

[Joe Sanigato]

It's got a cute tail though.

[Frank Alvarez]

Fear of.

[Joe Sanigato]

Got a cute tail. It's got like a seal.

[Frank Alvarez]

Fear of big objects, level one, easy. That's just a ship. Who's afraid of a ship with ship containers?

[Joe Sanigato]

A shipping container.

[Frank Alvarez]

Ah, scary. Level two, medium. That's like. This is not.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, big shift now where I think trigger warning for people that I guess have this thing.

[Ant Prisco]

That's a good point.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay, that's just a big ship with a. This looks cool.

[Joe Sanigato]

I would grab onto that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I would be pumped.

[Joe Sanigato]

I will say this is a big ship. Okay? This is just ship.

[Frank Alvarez]

They tricked us into ships. It's just like ships. That's getting there.

[Joe Sanigato]

That would be cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

That would be cool to me.

[Joe Sanigato]

This is not extreme at all.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I mean, why she cross eyed? First of all. Yes. The scariest part, that you look over and this guy just like.

[Joe Sanigato]

Huh. Wait, hold on. You see the face on the side? Go to the right. What's that? Click it, click it. Click it. Oh, go click on.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, click on it shipped again. Oh, he fell.

[Joe Sanigato]

Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh.

[Joe Sanigato]

Oh no.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh no.

[Joe Sanigato]

Oh no.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, see, this is.

[Joe Sanigato]

Oh no. Oh no, no, this is not it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm actually terrified of this.

[Joe Sanigato]

Can we. Yeah. Cuz now I Don't. I don't like the. Okay, there's a man look to your side.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't like.

[Joe Sanigato]

I don't want to watch the.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, this is a good one.

[Joe Sanigato]

I don't like this.

[Frank Alvarez]

This is a good one. All right, look at the propellers.

[Joe Sanigato]

Hang out near the propellers, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, because clearly it's rusted and not moving. And then you have an angler fish and you're like, what are you doing?

[Joe Sanigato]

Oh, yeah, the angler fish is not supposed to be there.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then that's fucking. Holy shit. That.

[Joe Sanigato]

And now we're getting sucked into the engine.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, fuck the.

[Joe Sanigato]

Are you kidding me? The engine would be doing me a favor.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I would pray to get.

[Joe Sanigato]

Chop it into the engine.

[Frank Alvarez]

Come on.

[Joe Sanigato]

Come on.

[Frank Alvarez]

You want to see the ending?

[Joe Sanigato]

I know you don't, you scared little bitch.

[Frank Alvarez]

No. Oh, and the boat's gone.

[Joe Sanigato]

I don't fuck with that, bro. I do not fuck with that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Play another.

[Joe Sanigato]

Play another. Play another.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no, not again. No, go back to the face. Go back to the Asian face. There was an Asian looking one.

[Joe Sanigato]

Oh, go to that. Oh, yeah, go to that one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, go to that one. Oh, I don't like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's like a little girl. Choose your interest. Skip it.

[Joe Sanigato]

Oh, no.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, that's kind of.

[Joe Sanigato]

That is.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's not scary. That's just stupid.

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah, I think this one was really. This one was really it.

[Joe Sanigato]

Go to the one to the left. What's the other one?

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay, okay.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, too fake.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I don't really care much for that one. It's getting worse, though. The smile doesn't help. This is a banger.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, that fucked me. What? Huh? I don't like it at all.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, that was a good one. No, but this is just a. This is just a statue like this. I'm not.

[Joe Sanigato]

But that would also very freak me out, which is not a sentence.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would be freaked out.

[Joe Sanigato]

How did that get there? I mean, that's what they mean.

[Frank Alvarez]

They sank.

[Joe Sanigato]

And also, what are they talking about here? You know what I mean? There's like a four of them in a. In a.

[Frank Alvarez]

Didn't love that at all. Why are you gagging? Oh, no. I don't know. Oh, my God, the statue's face is moving. Why the. No, no, no. That one was not. The first one was way worse. All right, this is just. This is just fucking Gollum.

[Joe Sanigato]

Also, isn't that scary Level scary. The fuck?

[Frank Alvarez]

That's not that bad. I mean, he's gonna eat him. We know that.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Honestly, get that close to that idiot.

[Joe Sanigato]

This is extreme.

[Frank Alvarez]

Extreme.

[Ant Prisco]

So we get for being that close.

[Frank Alvarez]

That first one was. That was a doozy.

[Joe Sanigato]

Why are we doing this?

[Frank Alvarez]

Because we're having fun. I'm not. That's not.

[Joe Sanigato]

That's not extreme.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay.

[Joe Sanigato]

That is a pretty extreme. That's a. That's a. All right, we're done.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let's do one more scary one.

[Ant Prisco]

I don't know if.

[Frank Alvarez]

One more super scary one.

[Ant Prisco]

We're getting lucky with finding the good one.

[Joe Sanigato]

I know.

[Ant Prisco]

I think we're out.

[Joe Sanigato]

All right, we're good. We're good. We're out. I don't need this.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yo. That was terrifying.

[Joe Sanigato]

That scared me, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

People, audio only. Those watching this, they're probably like, what the hell is happening? We pulled up scary tick tocks and it was like faces underwater and they were like, you know, we're going to.

[Joe Sanigato]

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[Frank Alvarez]

When the moon hits your eyes like a big piece of pine. I love pizza, dude.

[Joe Sanigato]

I love a pizza. I had pizza two days ago.

[Frank Alvarez]

I had a bite of one yesterday, but then I went out for dinner and I say, I. That's why I was only a bite. I would have had more than that.

[Joe Sanigato]

You had one bite, Literally one singular bite, and then threw it out?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I gave it to the kids.

[Joe Sanigato]

Oh, I literally gave your child a bitten. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay. I was like, oh, Ruby, this is your.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah. What kind of slice was it?

[Frank Alvarez]

Olives.

[Joe Sanigato]

Just olives. Black olives.

[Frank Alvarez]

Love olives on pizza. Olives and pepperoni were my go to college pizza.

[Joe Sanigato]

If you were paid a thousand dollars per pizza slice in a year, but you had to eat that amount, right, how many you think you could eat? And if you don't hit that amount, then you owe that money. So if you pick like, let's say you go 100 slices, you'll get a hundred thousand dollars if you eat a hundred in a year. But if you eat 98, you don't get any.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't get any money. I don't get. I don't get paid 98,000.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, you'd have to pay the difference. So how many can you eat?

[Frank Alvarez]

Here's the thing this. I have to be strategic here, because, like, I can, in a sitting, eat five slices, but if I was doing it every day, I'd get over it. My body, I. If I eat too much of the same thing, my body goes just like that. Yeah, Like, I'll gag. I can't eat. I can't eat oatmeal.

[Joe Sanigato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hot oatmeal. I can't have it anymore. Literally, when people eat it around me, I gag. It's disgusting to me because I had it so frequently in college.

[Joe Sanigato]

Interesting.

[Frank Alvarez]

But with pizza, how many slices you.

[Joe Sanigato]

Think you could do in a year? Realistically.

[Frank Alvarez]

Realistically, let's break this down. 52 weeks in a year. I think I could.

[Joe Sanigato]

I mean, it's 365 days.

[Ant Prisco]

Definitely easier to go by days. Oh, excuse me.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would say by weeks, because you could just do the amount on weeks. Because if you're going by days, then you need to have one per day.

[Joe Sanigato]

I mean, that's one way to look at it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Or you can have one every. You can have every three days, have five. You know what I'm saying?

[Joe Sanigato]

Like, no.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, instead of doing one per day, it'll be a lot easier for your body.

[Joe Sanigato]

So you could eat 10 a week?

[Frank Alvarez]

I think I can eat 10 slices of pizza a week.

[Joe Sanigato]

I think so your answer is like, 500.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think I'm gonna go 700.

[Joe Sanigato]

I feel like that is 700 slices.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think.

[Joe Sanigato]

So that's like two a day. No, it's more than two a day. No, it'S not more than two.

[Ant Prisco]

It's just under two a day.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but I think I could do, like, on Monday have four.

[Joe Sanigato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

On Thursday have four.

[Joe Sanigato]

That's eight.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then Saturday have four. Four.

[Joe Sanigato]

That's insane. I think I could 16 a week. And then if I don't remember. If you don't. If you eat 699, by the way.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was 12 a week that I just said. 444.

[Ant Prisco]

That was 12 a week. And that would only equal 624 slices. So you.

[Joe Sanigato]

You would owe.

[Ant Prisco]

You would owe $76,000.

[Frank Alvarez]

But I think, like, the. Like, the back half, I would, like, kick in a high gear. That back month, I'd be like, we got a bro.

[Joe Sanigato]

700 is a crazy answer.

[Frank Alvarez]

Too much, would you say?

[Ant Prisco]

To be safe, probably 400?

[Joe Sanigato]

I think it's a 400 slice.

[Ant Prisco]

I think that's a responsible answer if I'm going irresponsible.

[Joe Sanigato]

These are full slices. You're not, like, you're not domino. Personal Pie slices.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but, like, do you get extra money if there's toppings on it? So, like, if I do pepperoni, is it like a thousand and one? Is it eleven hundred dollars a slice?

[Joe Sanigato]

No, because that adds that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, all that meat adds to it.

[Joe Sanigato]

I mean, that's just up to you. You got to make it different so you can get through 700 slices.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do pizza bagels give me, like, 50 cents or. Or 500 bucks.

[Joe Sanigato]

How many slices do you think you just eat a year anyway? Like, you're not really paying attention to this. Obviously you're not getting paid, but how many slices do you think you eat a year?

[Frank Alvarez]

I would say 50.

[Joe Sanigato]

50 slices? Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because I don't have it that often.

[Joe Sanigato]

It's hard.

[Frank Alvarez]

You think? I don't have it that often. And, like, but when I do have it, I'll have like four or five slices.

[Joe Sanigato]

Right. But you got to just think, like.

[Frank Alvarez]

So if I'm doing once a month, that would be.

[Joe Sanigato]

Just once a month would be. That would be 60 right there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but that's if I have it once a month.

[Joe Sanigato]

Right?

[Ant Prisco]

You don't think you have pizza once a month?

[Frank Alvarez]

I would say once a month. All right.

[Joe Sanigato]

So, yeah, I think I. I think. Damn. I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, this is money bags over here. He'd be like, I owe how much? I don't care. It's. It's good debt. I'll take that debt.

[Joe Sanigato]

No, I'm making this very easy. I would say not very easy, but I would say 300. Make 300k.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I think I'll recant my 700.

[Joe Sanigato]

700. Fucking crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think I would say 350. If we're gonna go, like, if we would have to bid for who would get. Well, you had 400.

[Ant Prisco]

I did have 400.

[Frank Alvarez]

So then I'll say 401.

[Joe Sanigato]

I would probably, like when. When it's time to eat pizza. 401. When it's time to eat pizza. I would probably, like, send it. If I was doing it, I would.

[Frank Alvarez]

Have it twice a week in order to, like, put some distance in between when I'm having it. And I would do, like, Sunday and Thursday and eat as much as I can of both of those. Of pizza on both of those days.

[Joe Sanigato]

I don't know that I would get sick of one slice a day. Think about that. When's the last time you ate one slice? It's. It's nothing.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but that's the thing. It's like, you wouldn't be able to have just One slice. Because then you'd want it.

[Joe Sanigato]

I mean, I would.

[Frank Alvarez]

If I was like, you'd be like, now I need to have two slices.

[Joe Sanigato]

I don't know, I can eat one. I don't have to eat one a day if I'm doing 300, and neither do you if you're doing 350. So like I could eat one a day. And I'm like blowing it out of the water. And I don't think that's that hard. I'm giving myself 50 day, 65 days of grace.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think my probable strategy with this is I would front load heavy the first two months. Heavy. I'm talking get as much as I can in those first two months and then that set that third month. Maybe every, every three days, four days. Front, two back, two heavy loads. Heavy loads at the top and the bottom. And then in between is just kind of play slices.

[Joe Sanigato]

It's not, it's not a bad. It's not a bad Strat. I would probably try to keep a baseline of like one a day. But then like, if it's like you go to your friend's house like, oh, we're just gonna order a pizza. I'd be like, yo, get an extra pie. I'm going bonkers now. So I could give myself a break.

[Frank Alvarez]

And now we're doing standard extra large pies, right? Or large pies. We're not doing like, obviously we can't do like small personal pies.

[Joe Sanigato]

No, no, we're doing a pizza slice.

[Frank Alvarez]

I do think there should be something in there for personal pies. Are. Are only $500.

[Joe Sanigato]

I mean, I'm not wasting a, a bite of pizza. I'm eating a regular slice. I mean, I would probably switch it up. Like I wouldn't only have.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I'd get grandma square. Oh, but squares this grandma count.

[Joe Sanigato]

Because I could beat that out of.

[Frank Alvarez]

A car if there's no cheese on this thing. That's the other thing. Oh my God. That's the other thing. If there's no. If I could do cheeseless slices. Now we're in fucking trouble.

[Joe Sanigato]

Cheat bread. You want to eat bread?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I'm saying like a grandma slice where it's just like cheese or. Alright, so whatever it is, where it's just sauce on top.

[Joe Sanigato]

What is that?

[Frank Alvarez]

There's cheese. The slices.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah. I mean, I'm getting crazy now. I think I like the cheese is the issue.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think come January 1st, we should keep a legitimate tally of how many. How many slices. Or how about this? This kid would win I know, cuz he's a fucking freak.

[Joe Sanigato]

I know he's a freak.

[Frank Alvarez]

Where he's just like, oh, we got. We ordered 19 pies to the house yesterday. I stayed up for 60 hours straight and eating every single night.

[Joe Sanigato]

Screamed it. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I streamed it. And then I fucking played Mario Kart until my fingertips resembled a penis.

[Joe Sanigato]

If we, if we. That was an interesting detail. If we did January 1st for the entire year and we're like, yo, whoever eats the Most pizza gets 10 GS. Yeah, I know you're gonna win. That's the thing. I wouldn't even want to compete. I feel like we would probably.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think we should exclude him.

[Ant Prisco]

See, this is the problem with winning.

[Joe Sanigato]

You should give us odds then, because I know that this is the problem with winning.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're just, you're just. I just, you know, I think, honestly, I don't even think if it would.

[Joe Sanigato]

Win by fucking March.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know, because he. Because he's a freak. He's a freak. He's committed to and is one of the few people I've met in my life, and this is an absolute compliment that is almost as committed to the bid as I am. If not, in some cases, way more committed to the bit.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, I think he's way, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

He, before, when, when you stepped out, he's like, yo, we drank all the alcohol in our house. I'm like, that's so much alcohol, dude.

[Joe Sanigato]

What does that mean?

[Ant Prisco]

I don't know. What has to do with the bit?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I'm saying, like, you were committed to drinking and you did it, right?

[Ant Prisco]

Well, it's a whole thing that's going on.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I understand.

[Joe Sanigato]

I think you more than anyone I've ever met in my life, if I was like, if you like, if, like, will you do, like it. A hypothetical can be real.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, not only real, but you'll do it that evening. Like the whole, like, can you tread water for an hour?

[Joe Sanigato]

That's like an example.

[Frank Alvarez]

You did that that night.

[Joe Sanigato]

Also, if I was like, yo, do you think you could drink a case of, of Bud Lights in an hour? I feel like you would do it.

[Ant Prisco]

That's really hard.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, yeah, I don't think you would do it.

[Joe Sanigato]

I know.

[Frank Alvarez]

If I say, could you drink. Could you drink a 12 pack of fucking Surfsides in an hour?

[Joe Sanigato]

Oh, my God. I could do that.

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah, Yeah. I mean, you'd be. An hour's crazy. Honestly, you'd be in. You'd be in pretty rough shape.

[Joe Sanigato]

I'd be incoherent. Incoherent, throwing up mess.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're throwing up mess. You wouldn't be throwing up because you'd have a tube shoved down your throat, pumping it out.

[Joe Sanigato]

First of all, my heart would explode. There's fucking caffeine in there.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's tea.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just think I love you, Ant. We have to exclude you. So I think we should come January 1, you and I just started a pizza counter, and we need to agree. It has to be. If you choose to put toppings on it, that's at your own discretion.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

It needs to be legitimate slices. It can't be little dominoes. It can't be bagel bites. It can't be pizza pockets. It needs to be legitimate slices.

[Joe Sanigato]

Pizza pieces would be crazy.

[Ant Prisco]

My plan would, if we did this, to be, oh, I'll have so many pizzas the first month that you guys won't want to do it.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, I already know. Like, that's why immediately when I said this, I was like, I would quit so fast because Ant by the end of January, be like, I got 50. And they're like, I'm not even gonna get close to that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I know. I fully agree that it would not be fun for anyone but you. And even then, it probably won't be very fun because you would be in rough shape.

[Joe Sanigato]

There's no way I could commit to a year of this either.

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah. I'll start losing things.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, you got to understand, you're up against. First of all, if we're being really transparent.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Even if you committed to it, I do think you have to acknowledge that I would eat you under the table.

[Joe Sanigato]

What are you gonna do? You gonna eat me under the table, dog? What the.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what I mean?

[Joe Sanigato]

That's amazing, dude. You gotta admit, I would eat you under the table, and you'd love admit that I would eat you under there.

[Frank Alvarez]

You have to understand. You have to understand what I meant there.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, I would. I would. I would.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would outperform you.

[Joe Sanigato]

I believe that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just a good eater.

[Joe Sanigato]

It's just.

[Frank Alvarez]

A good eater. I'm hungry all the time, and I'm a good eater.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I think you have to acknowledge that if it came to most eating competitions, I would beat you.

[Joe Sanigato]

Probably. Why did I say that? Like Oliver Twist.

[Frank Alvarez]

Probably Winnie the Pooh over here, boy.

[Joe Sanigato]

Talking like fucking Harry Potter's aunt.

[Frank Alvarez]

Probably.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, props.

[Frank Alvarez]

He had to cool it up. You saw that. He had a cool. Yeah, props, probably. Yeah, props.

[Joe Sanigato]

I'm saying it like a fucking British orphan.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think you know, we also tried to do. We won't do this because last time we tried to do an eating competition, I ended up in the hospital midway through the summer. Yeah, I mean, I mean, but that's committing to the fucking bit.

[Joe Sanigato]

I think competition was ever. We weren't competing.

[Frank Alvarez]

We were. It was a competition.

[Joe Sanigato]

Excited for.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was a competition. Did you hear about this? The first year that we coined the term dog? Second season we committed to during the summer eating as many dogs as we could. And every time we recorded coming in with an update, one of us by July. We started this in Memorial Day. One of us by July was at 25. One of us.

[Joe Sanigato]

Like 6.

[Frank Alvarez]

One of us. Can't you indistinguishable as to who it was ended up in the hospital?

[Joe Sanigato]

What were you in the hospital for?

[Frank Alvarez]

What? Who said me?

[Joe Sanigato]

Someone was.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're violating HIPAA laws by sharing that information.

[Joe Sanigato]

If it's true, what was someone in the hospital for?

[Frank Alvarez]

Health related illness. That could best be described as not very good.

[Joe Sanigato]

I think there's a. There's a clear, clear reason as to how you ended up there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is it clear? Is it. I don't think it's as clear as you might think there, Joey.

[Joe Sanigato]

The doctor's like, so have there. Has there been any, like, changes to your diet?

[Frank Alvarez]

No.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, hot dogs. I had a hot dog bowl.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hot dog bowl. What's a hot dog bowl? It's a little hot dog stuff, big old bread bowl. I just. I think that even I could beat you. I've proved it.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah. I'm not disputing.

[Frank Alvarez]

25 hot dogs by July. Whoever did that between us, that's pretty impressive, no?

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah, impressive's a word.

[Joe Sanigato]

Correct.

[Frank Alvarez]

As if you wouldn't be 25 by the end of the weekend.

[Ant Prisco]

I'd be 26. Come on.

[Joe Sanigato]

I don't think that you could beat him.

[Ant Prisco]

Don't. Don't start. You can't get me.

[Joe Sanigato]

No, but like in a controlled environment, I think he beats you over the course of a year. Like we're just not going to commit that long. But in a single seating.

[Ant Prisco]

Oh, maybe.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do we do a basement yard? Hot dog golf. I can't go dog for dog. I gotta show me your dog and it's off time.

[Ant Prisco]

I have a bad throat. I can't.

[Joe Sanigato]

Whoa. Who needs a good one?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I mean, you, you need to be a throat goat in order to down those glizzies.

[Ant Prisco]

And you're the best.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I'm not. I'm not called the Gizzy.

[Joe Sanigato]

Hello. What are you Called though he's not called the Gizzy.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not called the Glizzy Gladiator with the throat goat coat. Throat goat loat. Loat for nothing.

[Joe Sanigato]

The ship is sinking fast, ladies and gentlemen.

[Frank Alvarez]

Show the megalophobia videos again. You're watching. Wake us up.

[Joe Sanigato]

The ship is going down.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wake us up.

[Joe Sanigato]

It's getting hot in here.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's actually a great point. I think that. I mean you saw me in. In an episode I would with when we had our hot dog friend here. I did find four, five right probs. And that was with dressing. That was with sour crowd. If we're going straight dog and ketchup, you might be in trouble there.

[Joe Sanigato]

Big at a baseball game. If you had to do. If you had to do it. Well, I mean, you don't drink beer, right? So what do you drink at baseball games?

[Ant Prisco]

Jameson.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, shut the cameras off. You are literally jump over there and shoot strangling.

[Joe Sanigato]

You're at a baseball game and you get Jameson and what the.

[Frank Alvarez]

The smack of the bat and the ball meeting. The clap of the glove and the ball meeting. The. The absolute spanking of the balls and the ass meeting.

[Joe Sanigato]

Does anyone know where he was going with that? What. What do you drink?

[Frank Alvarez]

What do you order? Time for a Jameson.

[Joe Sanigato]

Jameson and what?

[Ant Prisco]

Jameson seltzer, splash of ginger ale.

[Frank Alvarez]

At a baseball game.

[Joe Sanigato]

That's crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's such a thing.

[Joe Sanigato]

Why do they have it in the.

[Frank Alvarez]

Building as the right drink in the wrong place. And that is the perfect example.

[Joe Sanigato]

That perfect drink in nowhere.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, that's a good. I can see that being a tasty drink. I have no quarrels with the drink. I have issues with where you're consuming it.

[Ant Prisco]

I'll tell you what. Same thing at the next game.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I feel like sporting events is beer. It's beer.

[Joe Sanigato]

It's beer. Or it's like a marg or it's beer.

[Ant Prisco]

What's a marg any different?

[Frank Alvarez]

But marg is an outdoor drink. No one is in their right mind in the sun saying, give me Jameson.

[Joe Sanigato]

You're drinking a whiskey cocktail. You have to be surrounded by.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's like if I were to go out on the beach and order an Old Fashioned.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

What the is wrong?

[Joe Sanigato]

That's wild. But if you're at a restaurant or you're surrounded by wood, then you can get an Old Fashioned. But if I'm in the sand, you can't get an Old Fashioned. Can't drink red wine.

[Frank Alvarez]

Watch this. Watch this. I'm going to name the drink. Joey's going to Give it. Thumbs up, thumbs down for being outdoors. Okay. Watch this. Pina colada.

[Joe Sanigato]

Come on. Absolutely.

[Frank Alvarez]

Margarita?

[Joe Sanigato]

Of course.

[Frank Alvarez]

Guinness.

[Joe Sanigato]

Am I at the beach?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, but you're outside.

[Joe Sanigato]

Am I sitting on wood?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

You like that? Straight whiskey neat.

[Joe Sanigato]

That's indoors. That's indoors and it's winter. You could drink that in a flask outside if you hate yourself. But you can't drink it if you live a good life outside. A porter nowhere.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't like porters. Do you? I love porters, dude. Porters and stouts, so good.

[Joe Sanigato]

I don't like them.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's just a deep, rich flavor profile.

[Joe Sanigato]

I love it. What are you doing a commercial here?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, if they want it deep, fresh. One of the best.

[Joe Sanigato]

Complex.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know if it's still around. I hope it is, but it's from Connecticut. Back east brewing. Best porter I've ever had in my entire life.

[Joe Sanigato]

You heard it here? It's too hot in here. And I can't. I can't.

[Frank Alvarez]

You can.

[Joe Sanigato]

I can't.

[Frank Alvarez]

But don't.

[Joe Sanigato]

Right. Well, this episode's been fun, ladies and gentlemen. I think the wheels have fully fallen off at the moment. Frank, where can they find. You're in a sweater. That's insane. Unbelievable. The way your body regulates temperature is insanely.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm actually pretty comfortable. I'm. Oddly enough, I'm more comfortable in this than I was before in a T shirt.

[Joe Sanigato]

I'm definitely a big sweat boy. So I would not be.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'd be covered in big sweat boy. Is getting eaten under the table.

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know where to find me. The Frank Alvarez all across social media. Then make sure you go check out the basement yard. All across social media. Check out The Patreon account. Patreon.com the Basement Yard. I told you guys earlier how to save some money. If you want to join our Patreon, you can do it by going to the the address on a web browser instead of using the app. And then if you're coming to any of our future shows, make sure you go to the basementyard.com submit. Submit your stories and maybe we'll talk to you about you, with you. And also there's still some tickets available for some of these shows. So go check it out@the basementyard.com and we're excited to continue as this comes out. We have some August shows left. We have September, October, November ending in Madison Square Garden. Still crazy. So go check it [e-mail].

[Joe Sanigato]

Yep. You guys can go follow me at Joe Sanigato and everything that Frank said. And that is all.

[Frank Alvarez]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where can they find you?

[Joe Sanigato]

Yeah, where can they find you? Where can they find you?

[Ant Prisco]

Aunt Prisco on Instagram.

[Frank Alvarez]

Are we all better now?

[Joe Sanigato]

Ew, dude. Never again.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can't win, that's all.

[Joe Sanigato]

We'll see you guys next time.