#520 - The Unknown Caller

Summary

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The Basement Yard – Episode #520: "The Unknown Caller"

Released: September 15, 2025 – Santagato Studios
Hosts: Joe Santagato & Frank Alvarez
Special Guest: Ant

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Joe and Frank dive into the bizarre and unsettling story behind the Netflix documentary "Unknown Caller." The episode unpacks a shocking true crime case of prolonged cyberbullying, where a mother is ultimately exposed as her daughter’s anonymous tormentor. Balancing their signature blend of irreverent humor and genuine disbelief, the co-hosts dissect the story’s psychological layers, societal takeaways, and personal reactions, then veer into light-hearted talk about spelling mnemonics, high school nostalgia, and their own hypothetical "walk across America" challenge.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Spelling Struggles & Mnemonics

[00:29-06:32]

• The show kicks off with banter about tough-to-spell words and mnemonic hacks.
• Examples include Frank's struggles with "acknowledge," Joe's trouble with "itinerary," and both hosts’ creative breakdowns for “restaurant” and “February.”
• Referencing the film "Bruce Almighty" and "B-E-A-utiful" as a spelling prompt.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank: "I remember the spelling of dessert because desert is one thing, but dessert is extra sweet, so it needs another S." [01:56]
• Joe: "Mine is itinerary…I used to spell it ‘itary.’" [03:12]

2. Netflix’s 'Unknown Caller' Breakdown

[06:43–27:47]

The Case:

• The subject is a new Netflix doc, "Unknown Caller," about a 15-16-year-old girl in a small town subjected to “the most vile” anonymous text harassment.
• The hosts admit full spoilers and recount the shock twist: the anonymous messages came from the girl’s own mother.

Main Reactions:

• Both are horrified by the scale: 18 months, 1,400+ pages of texts, including sexual and deeply cruel content.
• Disbelief at the mother’s willingness to appear in the documentary:
  • Joe: "Why are you in the documentary being like…yeah, and she also didn’t really give an explanation…" [14:18]
  • Frank: "It was one that was so insane to me because…she was in the documentary chatting away the whole time." [11:43]

Psychological Layers:

• Discussion of Munchausen by proxy: the theory that “the mom bullied the daughter so she’d need her.”
• Both hosts express empathy for the daughter’s emotional maturity and debate possible reactions if in her shoes.
  • Frank: "In my mind at that moment, that person is no longer my mom and has not been my mom for 18 months…" [23:05]
• Jokes about the name "Munchausen" and how it would make a great bar, sandwich, or appetizer.

Societal Takeaway:

• Reflection on letting children down, boundaries after betrayal, and how “the wall goes up” irreparably after such a breach.

Humor Interludes:

• The hosts riff on how certain disease names, like "Asperger’s," sound like they could be restaurant chains:
  • Joe: "Asperger’s also sounds like a good place…like a burger joint…" [16:47]

3. “Would You Walk Across America for $5 Million?” Game

[40:17–47:21]

• Ant poses a hypothetical: walk to a randomly generated U.S. state for $5 million, with no money until completion.
• The hosts spin a digital wheel, react to their assignments (Wisconsin, Nevada, Alabama), and calculate the time/effort involved.
  • Joe (Wisconsin): “That’s not bad…five million a month, bro, sign me up.” [44:12]
  • Frank (Alabama): “My guys. I might not make it…they might see me and be like, ‘Who’s this Spanish boy walking down here?’” [47:17]

4. Bathroom Pet Peeves & Toiletry Technology

[54:28–61:42]

• Joe rants about blue toilet water, cheap toilet paper, and wooden toilet seats:
  • “The wooden toilet seats…obviously this hasn’t been changed since 1990.” [59:45]
• Frank shares his secret joy of salting driveways and discusses Epsom salt mishaps.
• Debate on innovative toilet design (“stand-up toilets”) and the desire for ergonomic improvement.

5. Nostalgia: Clotheslines, Teachers & Ms. Frizzle

[65:56–75:52]

• Joe and Frank reminisce about neighborhood clotheslines and the “old Italian woman” aesthetic (“Ciao, bang!”).

• Brief tangents on elementary school staff, the librarian’s backstories, and Ms. Frizzle’s iconic style.

  • Admiring Ms. Frizzle as “a sexy woman…and she knows a ton of shit.” [70:42]

• They brainstorm what real-life teachers should wear for subjects:

  • "Science teachers should dress like mad scientists." [72:04]
  • Math teachers: button-up shirt, bow tie, checkered pattern. [75:54]
  • Music: "piano tie" and poodle skirts.

6. Classroom Vibes & School Funding

[73:11–76:52]

• Mini-rant on underpaid teachers, the importance of classroom environment, and the lack of funding for creative classrooms:
  • Frank: “Why are teachers basically panhandling for supplies for children?” [73:17]
  • “Pay these teachers better. And also pay for them to do these costumes.” [73:11]

7. Closing School Memories & Partners Gone Awry

[77:44–80:09]

• Stories of favorite and least favorite teachers.
• Memories of feeling left out in school partner exercises.
• Wrap up with jokes about Frank plotting a “manifesto” when feeling jilted in second grade.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Frank (on cyberbullying reveal):

  • "The person that was sending the text messages was the girl's own mother." [09:19]

• Joe (on emotional damage):

  • "This was going on for 18 months…her mom being like, ‘yo, kill yourself. No one wants your flat ass.’" [12:40]

• Frank (on immediate reaction):

  • "If that's me and I'm finding that out, I'm fucking picking my mom up and giving her a tombstone." [19:49]

• On teaching & nostalgia:

  • "You're gonna tell me you wouldn't be a better student if your teacher dressed and looked and acted like Ms. Frizzle or fucking Bill Nye?" [74:19] – Frank

• Classic Santagato banter:

  • Joe: "Some stuff about people's bathrooms that I'm just like... what are we doing?" [58:06]
  • Frank: "I'm pumped about blue toilet water." [58:04]

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Important Timestamps

• 00:29 – Opening banter, spelling struggles
• 06:43 – “Unknown Caller” Netflix doc intro, spoiler warning
• 09:19 – Documentary spoilers: mom revealed as stalker
• 14:18 – Disbelief at mom being interviewed
• 21:56 – Discussion of emotional aftermath and daughter’s response
• 27:47 – Segment transition; humor about disease names
• 40:17 – $5 Million “Walk to a State” challenge
• 54:28 – Salting driveways, bathroom talk
• 65:56 – Clothesline nostalgia
• 72:04 – Teachers should have themed costumes
• 73:11 – Rant on schools underfunding teachers
• 74:19 – “Which teacher had the coolest vibe?”
• 80:09 – Elementary school memories, episode close

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Episode Tone & Style

• Language: Casual, playful, sometimes darkly humorous; candid swearing and irreverence typical of The Basement Yard.
• Dynamic: Joe and Frank riff off each other naturally, alternating between serious analysis (especially on the documentary subject) and quick-hit comedic tangents.
• Audience: Fans of true crime, nostalgia, pop culture, and the unique podcast rapport of longtime friends.

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Summary:
Episode #520 of The Basement Yard seamlessly blends shock and levity as Joe and Frank process the deeply disturbing “Unknown Caller” case, reflect on their own values regarding family and forgiveness, and then lighten the mood with classic banter about spelling, hypothetical million-dollar walks, and 90s pop culture. The episode showcases both the hosts' capacity for empathy and their commitment to making even the darkest subject matter amusing and relatable.

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Transcript

[Frank Alvarez]

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[Joe Santagato]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going? What are you looking at over there?

[Frank Alvarez]

Nothing.

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

Nothing. Did you get any, like, text messages or anything? You crazy? Question. Anyone get in touch with you? Any text messages?

[Joe Santagato]

Would you look at that?

[Frank Alvarez]

You did.

[Joe Santagato]

There's a text from you.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, it must be a known number.

[Joe Santagato]

You fucking little dirty bitch. Your boyfriend Tristan only wants to suck my fingies for dessert. He's all mine. Off. Fugly whore.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bish.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, no. You almost put your hands through the desk right there. Sir, we need you to take it down. Thank you for texting me that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, we knew we were gonna talk about this document. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I figured that I would get. I need to get in character.

[Joe Santagato]

Sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, Fugly whore.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. He only wants to suck my fingies for dessert.

[Frank Alvarez]

Spelled D I Z, Z I R.

[Joe Santagato]

T, which is the only proper way to spell dessert.

[Frank Alvarez]

I remember the spelling of dessert because desert is one thing, but dessert is extra sweet, so it needs another S.

[Joe Santagato]

That's a good way. That's like good mnemonic device.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're welcome. Now that's. Now you're never gonna fuck that up.

[Joe Santagato]

I haven't.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know the difference. I'm just patting.

[Joe Santagato]

Are there words that, like, you have to say, say in order to spell acknowledge? How do you. What do you say in your head?

[Frank Alvarez]

Acknowledge.

[Joe Santagato]

No, that's not what I mean. I meant, like, is there a word that you are pronouncing wrong?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, well, thank. Thanks to Bruce Almighty. Beautiful. B E A. Beautiful. And then everyone does Wetness Day.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I also. I also, for business, say bus. I ness.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bus. I nuts.

[Joe Santagato]

Ms.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bus. High nut.

[Joe Santagato]

No. Nope.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll be busting I nuts.

[Joe Santagato]

See? No, no, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

Plus, I miss also the one that I have to. I don't say it, but I have to think about it. February. Because it's February.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, there's.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's. It's not February. Yeah, it's February.

[Joe Santagato]

Is there a word that you just can't spell?

[Frank Alvarez]

Honestly? I know it's an Easy one. But acknowledge I have had trouble with in the past.

[Joe Santagato]

It's just ac.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know, I know, I know. I just. I don't ask me why I've had trouble with it.

[Joe Santagato]

Mine is itinerary.

[Frank Alvarez]

I T I N E R A Y I add like tinernade. Itinerant.

[Joe Santagato]

See, it's tough.

[Frank Alvarez]

Itinerary. No, hold on. I used to spell itinerani. Yo, what is going to say the word. Hold on.

[Ant]

Let's have. I have it up.

[Frank Alvarez]

Itinerary. He can't say itinerary.

[Joe Santagato]

You can't say it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Itinerary.

[Joe Santagato]

Itinerary.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes. Yeah, okay. Yo, my feel my heart, it is racing. I got scared for a sec.

[Joe Santagato]

I I, I used to, I used to spell it. I like. Itary.

[Frank Alvarez]

Itinerant.

[Joe Santagato]

Itinerary.

[Frank Alvarez]

I T I n. Oh, don't, don't help. N E R A N Y. Huh? Itinerary. See, I can't even say it. It's rare. Rari.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, rare Y. Itinerary.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, itinerary. I T I N E R A R Y. Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yo, that's a tough one. See, that is a really, really difficult one.

[Joe Santagato]

A lot of people can't spell restaurant. That's mad easy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Rest tower on. Yeah, I. The only reason I know how to do that, and this is a very weird, I guess mnemonic device is because of our friend Lawrence. How he spelled his name with the au.

[Joe Santagato]

That's the only reason I know how.

[Ant]

To spell restaurant when I was a kid for together. I did to get her.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, dude, what the fuck do you get?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's just like with those glasses. Dahmer.

[Joe Santagato]

To get her.

[Frank Alvarez]

Jesus Christ. Get her and what kidnapper, you fucking freak. Get her and wear her skin to get her together. Me and her together.

[Joe Santagato]

I must get her. Jesus. Take it easy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that. No, there, there are other ones. Like, like spelling wise. We haven't done a spelling bee in a while. We should probably revisit that for a Santago Studios video.

[Joe Santagato]

I would. That's one of our like, I'm not great at spelling.

[Frank Alvarez]

A lot of people don't realize that that is one of our like longest running clips that we have. That's before. That's from like 2018, 2019. As Blendo.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's from a. A Santago Studios spelling bee video.

[Joe Santagato]

That was a while ago.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was I think 2018 or 2019. Yeah, you know, definitely pre pandemic.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, it was.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, because I was like 170 pounds.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. And you had slicked back hair like.

[Frank Alvarez]

Steve Seagal, of all the people look just like him. I looked like Steven Seagal.

[Joe Santagato]

Your hair looked like him.

[Frank Alvarez]

I did. Don't fucking shake your head.

[Joe Santagato]

Didn't it?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, it didn't. All of a sudden you look like.

[Joe Santagato]

Everyone and now no one.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I definitely don't look like Steven Seagal.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not saying you look like Steven Seagal.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know you. I'm not telling you who I look like. I'm telling you who I'm.

[Joe Santagato]

I look like Idris Alba.

[Frank Alvarez]

I have been told that there. Who is that? Who said that? Someone.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

I have been told there are similarities between myself and Idris Elba. I'm not the one that's telling. I'm not making this up. You think I would ever like that? That's tone deaf to say that I look and resemble Idris Elba. The dude is chiseled from marble and he's black. Yeah, that too.

[Joe Santagato]

Most obvious one.

[Frank Alvarez]

That too. But like just reporting the news. But back to my text message to you.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Fugly whore.

[Joe Santagato]

Right? Fugly.

[Frank Alvarez]

Fugly. Stupid bitch. Right?

[Joe Santagato]

That's what you said. Something slower. We. There's a documentary right now out on Netflix and just letting you know it's.

[Frank Alvarez]

Called like the worst Catfish.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, it's called Unknown Caller.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, okay. I'm wrong.

[Joe Santagato]

We're gonna spoil it for the sake of having this conversation. So if you really care about that, then I guess you can skip it. But I promise you this episode is probably better than the documentary also.

[Frank Alvarez]

Definitely better than documentary. Because we're the basem. Are two. Everyone is talking about it.

[Joe Santagato]

Yes. Like if hard to ignore.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. And if we're the one spoiling it for you, congrats.

[Joe Santagato]

It's also like worth watching. Even if, you know, like, I guess the twist.

[Frank Alvarez]

And. And the reason it's worth watching with the twist is the fact that. So background basically it. It centers around this girl who was 15, 16 at the time, if that. And was getting harassed via text. Via text message from someone. That is just saying the most vile.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Period.

[Joe Santagato]

She had a boyfriend. Was like. Oh, your boyfriend. His name was like Owen, right? Yeah, yeah. White name. Tell also this is a small town where there's their school that they're in is from like kindergarten to 12th grade. Yeah. Like that's how small this town is.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Everyone knows each and there's like 400 kids or something like that.

[Joe Santagato]

So like it's. It's hard to pull something like this off, you know?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. But also like this happened a couple years ago, right?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know when it was technological.

[Frank Alvarez]

Advances that we have. The fact that like it was coming from an unknown number.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, it was one of those apps.

[Frank Alvarez]

Regardless. Still difficult, you know, like I asking.

[Joe Santagato]

Or what are you saying?

[Frank Alvarez]

To like hide something like that?

[Joe Santagato]

Oh yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, I imagine that the police have a plethora. I mean clearly if you watch the documentary, you see they have tools that they're ready.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, but she's getting harassed by these text messages that are just saying like not only the most vile stuff to say to anyone, but like also to like a 16 year old girl.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Like they're saying stuff like, oh, your boyfriend Owen doesn't. Doesn't love you anymore. He likes me. And then like the next text message would be like, he wants BJ's Make Me Cream. And you're like, what is this? Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Which is. Which it's so like, it's just, it's insane. Like there's no other way to describe it outside of the insanity of the fact that it happened. But then, so as you're watching the documentary, like they get like, they talk to the girl, they talk to her mom, they talk to her dad, they talk to her Owen, they talk to his parents. It's a pretty like good amount of people that they have in the documentary.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then like 3/4 of the way through you find out spoiler. But it's us. It's a basement yard. You like us, right? The person that was sending the text messages was the girl's own mother.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. So the girl's own mother is sending her messages going, hey, kill yourself. How do you, on top of everything else, also make me cream?

[Frank Alvarez]

Just yo. Like there are so many levels.

[Joe Santagato]

Why are you saying that?

[Frank Alvarez]

There are so many levels to why this is, forget wrong. Like cyberbullying is wrong period. But like there's just added layers on top of it. Like you're Talking to your 16 year old daughter and sexualizing her and her 16 year old boyfriend and saying like, like you're like relating it back to you. It's just like he hung out with me and, and I gave him hand job and it's like, yo, you're fuck it, you're an adult.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Like, what is the point of this? Like what's the end game here?

[Frank Alvarez]

Here's the thing. I watch you. I feel like you watch a lot of like true crime documentaries too.

[Joe Santagato]

Sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

I watch them sometimes begrudgingly because they scare me.

[Joe Santagato]

What do you mean? They're spooky crime.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, we all don't like crime.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know, but, like, I really don't like crime. That's why I went to school to try to be a.

[Joe Santagato]

Just to fight crime.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, to fight crime. Look at me now. How's that going? Look at me now. But I like true crime. Freaks me out more than, like, horror movies, if that makes any sense.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because, like, it actually happened. It actually happened. And, like, a lot of the time would be like, we had no clue. They were so nice and personable, you know, like. Like the one about your Uncle Dahmer, like, it was like, you know, it was a quiet person like, that seemingly no one could have told. And it's just like, I know quiet people.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, I know people that are chill. So, like, it freaks me out. This was one that was so insane to me because most documentaries you watch, it'll be like, oh, everyone. No one knows who it was, but it's like the person, the victim's husband is not in the documentary. So you're like, okay, yeah, we can kind of decipher, using process of elimination that it was that person.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, the mom was in this documentary chatting away the whole time, and then all of a sudden they're like, yeah, no, it was Kendra. I was like, what? This bitch, dude, she's texting her daughter this shit.

[Frank Alvarez]

And why would you be in it?

[Joe Santagato]

If I'm her, I'd be like, yo. Yeah. Nah, I went through a thing and was kind of crazy. A weird thing that I did. I'm going to choose to bow out of the documentary. How did they get her to do it?

[Frank Alvarez]

Because the woman is clearly severely mentally ill and she thought she could go there and, like, explain it away where people are just like, you know what?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, first of all, the scene when they, like, confront her about it was heart wrenching because, like, yo, her daughter is there and she's, like, trying to hold. And you. You see this girl, her daughter's eyes, like, she just disassociates.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

What the.

[Joe Santagato]

Do you think, like, as a child, your. You realize in that moment, like, oh, my mom. This, by the way, this was going on for 18 months. 18 months of her getting text messages from her mom being like, yo, you're kill yourself. No one wants your flat ass.

[Frank Alvarez]

And they said, like, she's a child. When they, like, so eventually the local police department had to hand it over to the FBI. And they were like, we have 1400 pages or however many pages of text messages. Do you know how many text messages you need to have to Fit them on one page.

[Joe Santagato]

They what? At one point they said there was, there was a, a time where There was like 50 text messages a day.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, what is wrong with you? I know, I'm sorry, I know you haven't seen it, but like we're, we're completely spoiling it for you at this point. It's just like the level of, bro, I wouldn't, I would never do this for a plethora of reasons, but just the work and effort that it went into doing that, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Well then she also like lied to her husband about. She was like let go from a job, but she actually quit the job. Oh no.

[Frank Alvarez]

She got fired. She said she quit.

[Joe Santagato]

Fired. She got fired from another job. And the guy thought that she was going to work, but she wasn't. She was just at home cyberbullying their own daughter.

[Frank Alvarez]

And like he had found out that like they previously got evicted from a place. And then like he like, in hindsight looked back on it and he was just like, oh, like that's why, that's why we got evicted.

[Joe Santagato]

You weren't paying the bills.

[Frank Alvarez]

And just the level of like absolute, like there's no other way to describe it outside of just like severely mentally ill.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, bro, like, I'm so confused obviously by the action, but why are you in the documentary being like. Yeah, and she also didn't really give an explanation. She also claims to that when the text message started, she's like, oh, that wasn't me. Then. Then I decided to pick it up.

[Frank Alvarez]

Which is an obvious lie.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, it's a lie. Like, like that's gonna soften the blow at any point. But like, what are you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bro, you say her kid was like having breakdowns, didn't want to go to school. Like was like in the documentary openly speaking about, like, then I was having body image issues because she was fat. Shaming her daughter.

[Joe Santagato]

I think it was like a Munchausen's thing, which they had said.

[Frank Alvarez]

They said it in there.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I'm gonna bully my daughter so that she needs me and I can like help her. And I'm trying to, I'm talking to the police. I'm trying to like. Because she was very active in trying to find out who it was sending the fucking text messages. Like, you're flat ass and your fucking 15 year old boyfriend loves me or whatever the fuck.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, I just can't. Like, yes, I know they chalked it up to Munchausens, which makes sense. Makes sense. But like the idea of like causing your child pain to think that you're gonna come in and like make them feel better. Like, it doesn't, it just doesn't compute. And maybe it's because I'm not a psychopath like this. You don't have Munchausens, I don't have Munchausens. But like, and to be fair, I.

[Joe Santagato]

Love that name, by the way.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's a great sounding name. Sounds delicious.

[Joe Santagato]

God, I love the Munchausen.

[Frank Alvarez]

It sounds really good.

[Joe Santagato]

I think that we talked about it before. Munchausen's. Great name for like a German bar.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh my God. Are you kidding me? I mean, if you're going to ask me, my favorite non existing sandwich. Oh, it's a Munch House.

[Joe Santagato]

It's a Munch House. Or it's kind of like an appetizer. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, we'll get all the Munchausens.

[Frank Alvarez]

Or like. No. Yes. Yeah, like how you go to Italian restaurants and they're not called appetizers, they're called antipasto.

[Joe Santagato]

Going to do an entre entree and then we're going to do all of the Munchause.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just like whatever's on the Munchausen list, just give us one of each.

[Joe Santagato]

How many Munchausens do you suggest for a group of five?

[Frank Alvarez]

Or it would be like the name of like a, a Dutch brothel. Like come on in. You can come and see all the women that we have here at the Munchausen. Yeah, you know, it's the houses of Munching.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. So it's unfortunate that it's, you know, it's named after something that's.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's very good sounding word. It's a bad, bad thing.

[Joe Santagato]

It's a bad disease in practice.

[Frank Alvarez]

But it's a good word. It's a bad word. I, I cannot.

[Joe Santagato]

You know what's weird too? Sorry. Asperger's also sounds like a good place.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

You know what I mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, like a good name for a restaurant.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, like a, like a burger joint. Yeah, come on down the Asperger's.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like if it was just like the opposite of Hooters. Like, you know how Hooters was like for tits if it was like a burger joint but for ass, for asses, it'd be like.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, that would just be ass burgers.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I mean, but they can. So they don't put the word ass on a restaurant. They can just do the 1s.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, isn't there a P in there? There is asp.

[Ant]

So what would like Medium rare be.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, you want to get. I don't even know what question you've already moved on to like the menu breakdown.

[Joe Santagato]

You want to know the temperature of the meat. What do you mean by what would it be?

[Ant]

Are we talking about a burger place or an ass place?

[Joe Santagato]

It's a. Both.

[Ant]

Yeah. So what would medium rare be on the ass side?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't even understand why you're asking.

[Joe Santagato]

I almost understand this woman texting her daughter more than I understand what you're trying to say.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, you're speaking a completely different language right now. That doesn't make any sense.

[Joe Santagato]

What would medium rare be? I. I. Medium rare.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think that's what we. He wants it to be called like big and jiggly butt or something like that. Like he'd be like, let me get the, let me get the. The as burger extra jiggly, please.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know.

[Ant]

Yeah, all right, my bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

Extra poop.

[Joe Santagato]

I.

[Frank Alvarez]

What are we doing?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know anymore.

[Frank Alvarez]

What are we doing?

[Joe Santagato]

Anyway, there was just to be clear.

[Frank Alvarez]

We don't like the like fact that this woman had like severe Munchausens, but the word is saying. I just want to make sure because sometimes you get clicked out of.

[Joe Santagato]

There is nothing I love more than Munch houses. I love when people have, I mean.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, people clip these things out of context. Let's make sure we put that there. No, it, it was, it was wild to watch.

[Joe Santagato]

God, I love a good Munch housing's case.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was just wild to watch like sad dude it unfold and then like the seeing basically. Because then the dad gets home and like this young girl is sitting there watching her parents just like in real time divorce.

[Joe Santagato]

Honestly, the dad did like probably the best thing you could. He was like very obviously taken aback and was just like, you need to leave. He's like, call your parents, they're going to come pick you up. Like just get away and like, you know, whatever. And he kind of confronted her. Confronted. He confronted her and was just saying all this and I, I mean I just felt bad for her, their daughter. Cuz she's just sitting there like, what is going on? Didn't say a word. Was just kind of sitting there, kind.

[Frank Alvarez]

Of a G about it.

[Joe Santagato]

Honestly, just sitting there. Like, this is so confusing. Like, didn't cry, didn't really ask any question.

[Frank Alvarez]

She's literally shocked. Yeah, she's. Her brain is trying to compute the protect her protector, the person that brought her into this world being the person that has dragged her through hell. For the last 18 months, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

If that's me and I'm finding that out, I'm fucking picking my mom up and giving her a tombstone.

[Frank Alvarez]

Boom.

[Joe Santagato]

Right on your head.

[Frank Alvarez]

Remember, Remember when. Remember when Shrek spins the guy?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, like the. The guy in the nights thing. That's what I'm doing to my. Either one of my parents.

[Joe Santagato]

What do you do in that situation?

[Ant]

I don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

I honestly think that both the. The father and the daughter's reaction was like, should be the template for if something like this were to happen. Because, like, yeah, both of them kept it calm, cool. They didn't blow up. Bro, if I'm the lot of cops.

[Joe Santagato]

There, to be fair, fair.

[Frank Alvarez]

Fair.

[Joe Santagato]

I would have thrown a chair.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm letting you know if I'm. That if. If I were to find out that my partner did this to one of my children.

[Joe Santagato]

Crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

I am putting on a show of. Of verbal, like, you know, a verbal show. Have you ever seen Brooklyn Nine Nine?

[Joe Santagato]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

Have you seen Brooklyn Nine Nine?

[Ant]

Of course.

[Frank Alvarez]

Remember the scene where. Where Rosa tells Captain Holt him and his husband need a bone?

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's like Bo. Like, he's just screaming for like, basically like in a cutaway gag for like three minutes. I would fucking lose my mind. Yeah, it would be a show that would be.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that would be a toughy. Honestly, I don't know why you need text messages like all you can. If you want to do that to your child, do it normally and be a dad and do it in.

[Frank Alvarez]

In person. Yes. Be it. Be a man. It's.

[Joe Santagato]

Don't have Munchausen. Just be not good face housing.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, like, don'. Don't go behind there right in your face housing. Yeah, like, you know, be. Be what a real parent did, you know, Munch house. This didn't exist in this in the 50s because they were doing it to their face. You know. Also I'm letting you know right now, God bless the daughter in that situation because the like, aftermath of it, she's just like, you know, I'm not allowed to see my mom, but I want to keep a relationship with her.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yo, I am becoming the meanest little bitch to my parent. If I found out that was them, they'd be like, honey, I'm in prison. I miss you. I'd write back like, you dirty. You know what I mean? Like, I am going full. There is, I think, a level of like, criminality like with this situation that like, you're allowed to be a little petty back.

[Joe Santagato]

I feel like you know, because I was thinking about that too where she was saying that she wants to see her parent and you know, whatever. I think that she probably understands that this is like an illness. Like this woman is sick, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

But at 16 to have.

[Joe Santagato]

I agree, I agree. Emotional maturity.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

To say that. Yeah. And maybe it's not as purposeful as that. And it's just like that's my mom. And I feel like I'm missing a parent, which isn't great.

[Frank Alvarez]

But here's my mentality as a 33 year old man.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Definitely not in any way mentally, physically, emotionally, a 16 year old girl.

[Joe Santagato]

Thanks for clearing that up.

[Frank Alvarez]

The. Is that. What the fuck was that? Sometimes maybe, you know, I don't know, like in my mind at that moment, that person is no longer my mom and has not been my mom for 18 months. I'm serious. Like, and that's me being really, really honest. Like I, I am finding out about myself. I have a, like a level that like or, or, or a barrier or a line that once it gets crossed, there's almost in very few instances, any point of return if I were to find out that one of my parents, the people that like are supposed to be my protectors, my comforters, like they are supposed to be the my, they guide me through life and like teach me right from wrong. If that's what my mom or my father is doing to me, they're no longer my parent. I'm like, oh, I'm, I'm basically an orphan at this point in time because they have done something that has just completely broken. And yes, I understand there's a level of, you know, like they are in, in ways, she is in ways a victim of her mental health. And to be fair, she talked about some trauma that she's had to relive. I just think that as a person, I don't know how I could ever heal from that if that were one of my parents.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I guess it just, it depends on like, you know, I think, I.

[Ant]

Think it also kind of not softens the blow, but when it's coming from one number, I feel like it's easy to brush off like the parents talking about it too. It's like, oh, this is just some crazy person. But when it's like some people get into things with their whole school is now like insulting them and that's when it gets a little scary in terms of like the repercussions of that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, bro, she was like threatening physical harm against her point. She was like, I'm going To find you and we're going to kill you. Like, okay.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, I do agree, though, that would probably feel worse because you could talk. Because I think that, I mean, I'm also fudgeing old. But, like, if I was getting text messages like that from a number that was clearly one person, I believe this person's not trying to get a rise out of me.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

And I would just continue to block the numbers. She kept making new numbers up.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Like, that's. That's the part of it.

[Joe Santagato]

If it was 30 people, that would feel more like everyone's against me. There's no way out type of thing.

[Ant]

That's when the bad things happen.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, I mean, the bad things happen.

[Ant]

On way less than that. But, yeah, I feel like, as even the parents, because she knows when it's happening. I also didn't see it, but it's easier to mentally, like, give advice, to brush off one person than like, something went wrong in your whole school that we've seen happen at some points where.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, it's just tough to be a young person and realize, like, you. You get to the point where you're like, you find out that, oh, my mom is the one that's been harassing me for the last 18 months. Yeah. And there's a lot there that she probably doesn't understand about, like, why that, like, obviously she knows why it's wrong and it's, like, confusing. Like, why would my mom be the one doing this to me? And if she's, like, emotionally aware and mature enough at 16 or whatever the old she is, to realize that, like, the end goal, like her, her mom is just, like, insanely flawed. Like, at the end of the day, her mom just wanted her daughter to want her and was willing to do what, like, insanely selfish to be like, I'm going to bully this girl so that she desperately wants me.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just think, like, at every point in every person's life, to some degree, some is, like, this situation significantly worse. Like, each child has, like, a bit of an awakening where they learn more about their parents. And like, oh, these are. These are human beings that are flawed, you know, because you grow up and it's just like your mom or your dad. Are these, like, untouchable, like, heroes in your life? And then eventually, at certain points in time, you have to grapple with the fact, like, oh, these are just normal people. It's. It's just a different. Like, there's a shift in a mentality. She had to do that in the most extreme circumstance. And, like, How. Honestly, like, I could see it being like, yo, you're still a person. You helped raise me. But, like, you're, like, you're over there now, and I'm over here, and we will never have a relationship again.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I mean, I don't think that you can go back to.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I'm not even talking about because of, like, the legal. Like, she's not legally allowed to see.

[Joe Santagato]

Her daughter, but, like, nah, there's.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's.

[Joe Santagato]

There's walls that are kind of put up. Like, if you're gonna kick down the wall and not be, like, a mother in the way that you're supposed to be a mother, then, like, you can't go back to being that. Like, there's no way that someone could let you. Like, you could still be in somebody's life if you've wronged them before, but you can't go back to what you were. What you were supposed to be. So. Yeah, that's. That I can. I imagine, is never gonna happen.

[Ant]

Yeah. She gave that up 18 months ago.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Once you started. Once you started talking about cream.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Jail, my guy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. You're going.

[Ant]

So many broken hands.

[Frank Alvarez]

There are so many. So many, like, layers. What happened to that?

[Joe Santagato]

What happened to that?

[Frank Alvarez]

What we can't.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, you know what I mean? Like, if you're sending text messages to your daughter and, like, you're bullying her and tell her she should kill herself, I get it. You got to go to jail. But we can't break your hand.

[Ant]

That's what I'm saying. Like, it's just.

[Joe Santagato]

Let's take a meat cleaver to your head. Not a cleaver.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like a.

[Joe Santagato]

Like a tenderizer.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what I mean? I mean, there's. There's. There's a dozen reasons.

[Joe Santagato]

Robbie's code.

[Frank Alvarez]

Eye for an eye. Yes. That is what our criminal justice.

[Joe Santagato]

With your right hand, we smash it with a tenderizer.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. But sometimes. Sometimes, if the crime does not fit the punishment, the punishment will fit the. Well, if the punishment does not fit the crime, the crime will fit the punishment. So, like, what is going to stop? Because these people are obviously not thinking logically. So what is going to stop someone from saying, like, yo, I'm gonna get a severe punishment. I might as well just make it as bad as it could possibly be.

[Ant]

Oh, well, no, we're saying after the fact.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think also guess what happens. Guess what happens when you break my hand. If I'm that sick, I'll just let my hand heal and do it again.

[Joe Santagato]

If you do it Then it gets cut off.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Ant]

If you do it again.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay, watch this. Watch this.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, we're watching.

[Ant]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hey, Siri.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh. Oh, you want to play that game?

[Ant]

Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

Tongos now. Good luck talking. Now maybe I pick your lips. You walk around like this.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, she was. Anyway, did you see her?

[Joe Santagato]

Hey. Anyway, that's our whole bit on Munchausens. Thanks for having a good night.

[Frank Alvarez]

Have a good night, everyone. Thank you. You've been a great crowd. Maybe we should get to the sponsors for today. Munch on some sponsors.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, the bunch. But we have Happy Thursday, folks. Okay. Happy Thursday. This is a spiked refresher. It is bubble free. So it's non carbonated.

[Frank Alvarez]

Goes down smooth. You're looking at it right here.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, so you need to be 21 plus to drink it. But like I said, it's bubble free. It is 4.4% alcohol. I'm a big fan of the bubble free because it goes down nice and smooth. Doesn't make you super bloated or anything like that. This one is pineapple star fruit. It is delicious. They have a couple of other flavors that are delicious as well, but they're spiked refreshers. Okay. So it's nice and refreshing especially. Especially. What am I saying? Especially when you get it nice and cold. Oh my God. So they have strawberry, this one, pineapple star fruit, mango passion fruit and raspberry dragon fruit. Okay. But these are delicious. So you know, kick off your game day with Happy Thursday Spike refresher. Okay. DrinkHappy Thursday.com Basement. You know, go to this website to find out more where you can find some happy Thursdays near you. But yeah, so drinkhappy Thursday.com/basement. Okay, celebrate responsibly. Non carbonated natural flavored with other natural flavors. 21/ contains alcohol. Go get yourself some Happy Thursday and enjoy. Okay, folks, we also have fitbod. Fitbod is a, you know, a. They create personalized workout routines for you based on your goals, your fitness level and your experience. Not every workout plan is built for everyone the same way. Depending on what you want to do. If you want to lose fat or you want to put on mass, you want to do both at the same time or you want to get real lean. All of these things are going to require a different type of workout. Also your access to gym equipment. If you don't have access to an actual gym, then that limits you know, what you can do. But luckily with fitbot, they can create workout plans no matter what. So if you have no experience, it doesn't Matter because they have over a thousand demonstration videos that can teach you how to do all the movements. If you have no equipment, you can do body weight stuff. They will create workout plans based on all your needs, wants and experience. So it's great. It also tracks your muscle recovery. It's a very helpful way to get in shape. And it's also not as expensive as personal trainers are. So level up your workouts, folks. Get 25 off your subscription or try the app for free for seven days at fitbot Me Basement. That's fitbod Me slash basement. So enjoy that, folks. And lastly, here we do have prize picks. Okay, football season starts today. Technically, it's a Thursday. Pulling back the curtain. What's that called?

[Frank Alvarez]

Show them your curtain.

[Joe Santagato]

They're not going to do that at all. Prize picks. It's simple to play. You just pick more or less. So you go on and you say, okay, Travis Kelsey, is he gonna have more or less than four and a half catches, something like that, or, you know, Patrick Mahomes, is he gonna throw for more or less than 205 yards? You know, I'm taking more for both of those. That's just me. But yeah, so you can do this. It's available in more than 40 states, including California, Texas and Georgia. But yeah, you just put a lineup like that together and you could win a good amount of money here, folks. But yeah, so download the app today and use the code basement to get 50, $50 in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup. Okay, so that is code basement. You will get fifty dollars in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup, folks. All right, so that is prize picks. Enjoy.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's beautiful. Listen, whatever journey you might be on, whether it's.

[Joe Santagato]

Why are you whispering physically?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not whispering. I'm talking low like, like you see, he messed it up. I was working on my narrator voice, but now I'm gonna have to do this voice here. Frank from the Basement yard here to tell you about a couple things that I'd love to tell you about. First one, patreon baby. Patreon.com the basement yard. You go to that website, you're gonna find something. What are you gonna find? Oh, yeah, you're gonna find more of us. What does that mean? I'll let you figure it out. It might not be the more you're looking for, but it definitely is an enjoyable more. You'll get exclusive episodes every single Friday. If you sign up for that second tier and then that first tier Patreon you get these weekly episodes or one whole week in advance. You guys have been so kind, so supportive, so incredibly giving and generous that we want to just keep giving you guys what you like. And apparently that's us. So thank you. Go check it out. And if you want to save yourself some money while signing up for the Patreon, you can go to the web browser version of it. So open whatever web browser you may have, whether it be on your phone, on your desktop, on your laptop, whatever, and you go to patreon.com the basement yard. If you use a smart app, whether it be on Android or the Google Play Store or Apple Store, whatever, it's going to charge you a couple extra bucks because they got to go about paying people and stuff like that. So avoid all that. Save yourself some money. Use the desktop version. Patreon.com thebasement yard we're in the middle of our tour, actually. I think we're. We just, we're done with like 60% of it or something. We got some shows coming up and there's still some tickets available. So if you want to see any of us live, that's the place to do it. Go to the basementyard.com take a look at our upcoming shows. If there are tickets still available, we'd love to see you there. These shows have been so incredibly fun, engaging and, and everything that has just made them all so memorable. So go check out if there are any tickets available for any upcoming shows. I know that Hollywood, Florida has some left. I know that. Maybe some in Pennsylvania and Ohio, but go check it out. Okay. Atthebasement yard.com now if you are coming to any of those shows, there is a portion of the show that we like to talk to you with you about you. Greg has taken my job by posting tiktoks about this, but I'm telling you about it right now. Again, go to the Basement Yard.com Submit if you're coming to any of those shows, you go to that website, you let us know what show you're coming to and then you submit responses to questions that we have there. They can be funny, interesting, crazy. Listen, a lot of them are really out of left field and insane. So there is a portion of our show where we read the cards and we talk to and about or with these people sometimes. So if you want to possibly be in on that conversation at any of these shows, go check it out@the basementyard.com submit last pero no least. Okay. I don't know if you saw the Basement Yard Boys are Joining you on every single United flight, United Airlines welcomes the basement yard. We're so excited that there are some episodes on United Airlines. So if you're on a United Airlines flight and you want to catch up or you want to re. Watch an old episode, or you want to show the person sitting next to you that's peacefully sleeping, you want to wake them up and be like, I'm going to show you something, and you're all laugh. You go, and you could do it on United Airlines. So thank you to United Airlines for the partnership. We're incredibly excited. And yeah, if you fly United or you will be flying United. Go check it out.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I saw some people posting that.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was on my flight. I was on my. That was the. The day it happened was the day I was coming back. We were coming back from Vegas, threw it on. And I, I did. I did the thing where I like, I, I. I wanted to see if they would let me do an announcement, but it was 7am and they didn't let me do an announcement.

[Joe Santagato]

What, you were gonna go to the front of the plane, be like, hey, I'm on your back of your.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but they didn't. They didn't.

[Joe Santagato]

Did you actually do that? Are you joking?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I would. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

That doesn't, like, make you feel weird?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, it does. That's why I didn't do it. That's why you just said they didn't let you. They wouldn't have let me, and I wouldn't have done it.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

So it was also, like, if it. Honestly, I would have been more inclined if it was, like, a 4pm flight.

[Joe Santagato]

Hey, everyone. My name's Frank Alvarez from the basement yard, and it is now available on the back of United.

[Frank Alvarez]

Damien Screen, I thought. But no, I. I chickened out.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, Shut up.

[Frank Alvarez]

I chickened out. But also, like, they don't let people just, like, make announcements on planes. It's a very controlled area, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

They should. Oh, my God. Our flight. That woman. I was like, bro, yo, she talked. I'm not. Yo, I'm not exaggerating at all. 20 minutes straight, yo. 20 minutes.

[Frank Alvarez]

And like. 20 minutes. 20 minutes. It was 2 0. Yes. Good job.

[Joe Santagato]

She just went off about, like, a credit card. It was on a Frontier flight, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

Going off.

[Joe Santagato]

I was like, someone throw a tomato?

[Frank Alvarez]

Listen, she was kind. Yeah. She was nice and respectful. But, like, she's like, all right, we're starting our descent, so if you need to get up and use the bathroom, use it now. But let me talk to you for 20 minutes. You know how long it was taking for us to get to land? 20 minutes?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like there was the whole time. So I was waiting for her to stop to then go to the bathroom. I just got up. I. I couldn't. I couldn't do.

[Joe Santagato]

I've never heard something like that before, ever. It was about a credit card that they have and like all this stuff. And it wasn't like. Like, she was definitely extending the thing. Like, she was going off about it. I was like, I can't believe she's still going here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, she was doing the thing where she was like, working it into the conversation. She was just like. Do you know that? Like.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, and.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, and I was just. And like. Was like, really, like, hamming it up.

[Joe Santagato]

She's auditioned for. She.

[Frank Alvarez]

She must have known that Joe Santigado was on the plane. She must have known.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, you know what? She probably knew that you were on the plane because you probably got on that one. You're like, hey, what's up? I'm Frank.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I was there. You were sitting next to behind me. I chickened out, Joey. I wasn't gonna do it because I don't. I like my anonymity.

[Joe Santagato]

Anonymity?

[Frank Alvarez]

I sit there with my hat. Hello.

[Joe Santagato]

Wow. So famous. Gotta hide my face.

[Frank Alvarez]

No.

[Joe Santagato]

Nobody talks.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's too early. What was that? That wasn't pulled strings, brother. That wasn't pulling strings, my brother. Yeah, I got away. I found a way out of it. I made it look like you were pantomiming, having a dick in your face.

[Joe Santagato]

Appreciate you doing that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. No. So that woman was. It was crazy how much he talked. It was.

[Joe Santagato]

It was. It was a lot.

[Frank Alvarez]

And you know what?

[Joe Santagato]

God bless her.

[Frank Alvarez]

Good for her. It's a skill to talk for 20 minutes.

[Ant]

Well, speaking of travel, I have a question.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, boy.

[Ant]

You guys want.

[Frank Alvarez]

Here comes Ant. Question.

[Ant]

And question.

[Joe Santagato]

And question of the day.

[Frank Alvarez]

What the hell was that? Was that a car and a plane at the same time?

[Joe Santagato]

And I shot guns.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

What am I doing?

[Frank Alvarez]

We should have like a. Like a. And question. He's got some questions and they are from him.

[Joe Santagato]

What do you got?

[Ant]

It's more of a scenario. So you get $5 million, but you must randomly generate a US state and you have to walk there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah, I'm doing that. Easy.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Ant]

Would you. Would do that, Would you?

[Frank Alvarez]

I get.

[Joe Santagato]

If it's in New York, I just get it.

[Ant]

You just get it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Nice. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I'll do that. But also, can I. Do I get the money after the completion of the walk or, like. Yeah, can I get it to, like, help me with, like, lodging?

[Ant]

No, no. After the complet. Completion of the walk.

[Joe Santagato]

Lodging.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, yeah, I'm gonna need to stop.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. What do you have, zero dollars?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, but I imagine that a walk, potentially 3,000 miles, is gonna cost a couple dollars.

[Joe Santagato]

Dude, put it on a credit card. Dude, you're getting five mil at the end of this thing.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, you're gonna need new shoes. You're gonna need food.

[Joe Santagato]

You're gonna. Shoes?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. You think your. Your shoes will. You'll be able to wear the same shoes the whole time? No, they'll wear out and break.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, maybe one other pair of shoes.

[Ant]

So we're all saying yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Ant]

So I have a state generator, so you want to see how far you have to walk.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know it's gonna happen. You know it's gonna happen, right? He's gonna get New York, you're gonna get New Jersey, and I'm gonna get Hawaii.

[Ant]

If you get Hawaii, I don't think you can do it.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, Hawaii.

[Frank Alvarez]

You just have to. I would not. Yeah, I mean, I would just die. I feel like the money.

[Ant]

You would still have to walk the first.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can you just take Hawaii out?

[Ant]

No. No.

[Joe Santagato]

Or how.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's part of it.

[Joe Santagato]

If you do Hawaii, then you have to get to California, and then you have to do whatever the distance is in miles from California to Hawaii back the other way.

[Ant]

Okay, so.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you just need to walk.

[Joe Santagato]

It's also a no, though. Like, I'm not doing that.

[Frank Alvarez]

If. Well, no, that I would do. As long as I'm not over the open ocean, I'm fine.

[Ant]

I feel like if you get Hawaii, you have to walk as close as you can get to it. But then you just lose.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, then you just lose. I was worried you were gonna say, like, you walk as close as you can get, and then you have to take, like, a kayak or a rowboat the rest of the way.

[Joe Santagato]

Chill, dude.

[Ant]

Yeah, I don't think you'd be able to do that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know physically, I will take my chances with Hawaii.

[Ant]

So who wants to go first?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, let's let Joey go first, because we know he's going to get a great one. Oh, this is a cool one.

[Ant]

All right, so. So I got a wheel here. Wheel Estates.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, we see that. Wheel Estates.

[Ant]

So Joe's going first, and then we could do Google Maps, see how far it takes.

[Joe Santagato]

I'll pull up the Google Maps.

[Ant]

All right, you got the Google Maps. Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay, go.

[Ant]

Ready? Here we go.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, hold on, hold on.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh my God.

[Joe Santagato]

I just have to get into the state. I don't have to go to like the center.

[Ant]

We should probably do center, right?

[Joe Santagato]

Oh my.

[Frank Alvarez]

You said walk to the state.

[Ant]

Okay, to the border of the state.

[Joe Santagato]

Fine.

[Ant]

All right, ready this for Joe.

[Frank Alvarez]

Fuck. Oh no, Joey's gonna get a good one. I'm telling you. I know it. Oh, Wisconsin.

[Joe Santagato]

That's so bad. It was about to be West Virginia, which isn't bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's pretty far, honestly, because you got to go through Pennsylvania, which. Nothing, brother. That's all nothing. And then you got to go Ohio and then you got to cut through Illinois and then up into Wisconsin.

[Joe Santagato]

Wisconsin. First of all, there's no walking.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's no walking. I mean, there is water. You can just walk along the highway.

[Joe Santagato]

Holy shit.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude.

[Joe Santagato]

The drive is, is a thousand miles, like 998.

[Frank Alvarez]

So let's see. If you walk at an average of 3 miles per hour, that's going to take 333 hours. If you stop. If you did it non stop.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, what?

[Frank Alvarez]

Three. If you walk at an average pace of 3 miles per hour.

[Ant]

I have it. I have how long it would take to walk it. So Joe, to get your 5 million, it would take 319 hours to walk it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I wasn't that far off. I said 333. But that's if you did non stop.

[Ant]

Yeah, that's non stop.

[Joe Santagato]

That ain't happening.

[Frank Alvarez]

Which. So like if you walk for an average of 12 hours at miles a day. 12 hours a day. You know what's that? 300. 312 divided by 12. What?

[Joe Santagato]

This isn't good for us.

[Frank Alvarez]

319 divided by 319 divided by 12.

[Ant]

Which is 26 and a half days.

[Frank Alvarez]

So it would take me like a month.

[Ant]

A month.

[Joe Santagato]

A month and a half.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yo, hear me out.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm out. It would be fun too.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's not that bad. Dude.

[Joe Santagato]

That's not a bad walk either.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a beautiful walk. Probably also sketchy walk. Probably.

[Joe Santagato]

It's not that sketchy. It's mostly Pennsylvania. You get to Ohio, like right near Cleveland.

[Ant]

Damn. It didn't seem as far as it.

[Frank Alvarez]

You have to go do walk through.

[Joe Santagato]

South Chicago, which is not great.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that would be a problem. Or I guess this path here has.

[Ant]

You walking through Canada.

[Joe Santagato]

Through Canada.

[Frank Alvarez]

Up and around.

[Ant]

Yeah, you go up and around.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, like up to.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. But then you got to walk through the bumble fucking of New York, which you do.

[Ant]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's not nice either. There's also.

[Ant]

Okay. So that would take you about. If you walk 12 hours a day. About a month. It would take you about a month.

[Joe Santagato]

That's not bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's not too bad, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

And like, five million a month, bro. Sign me up.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's also. If you walked every day. There was nothing in here about the fact, like, you could take a day off, which I would.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, I would also pay people to come with me, so I'm not.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, oh, yeah, that's right. Well, what more do you need? I feel like ant should go next.

[Ant]

I go next.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's the respectful thing.

[Ant]

Okay, so I'm taking it, obviously.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, we know. We didn't. We knew that.

[Joe Santagato]

We know you would swim to Hawaii. Yeah.

[Ant]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

You do it for nothing.

[Ant]

I'm looking for a New York.

[Frank Alvarez]

We know you're looking for a New York.

[Joe Santagato]

We're all looking for a New York. Or, like, a Connecticut. Connecticut would take an hour.

[Ant]

Why am I nervous?

[Frank Alvarez]

Connecticut would take a full day. Oh, no, no, no.

[Joe Santagato]

Not good.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no. Nebraska. Nevada, brother.

[Joe Santagato]

You're the desert.

[Frank Alvarez]

You going through the desi.

[Ant]

You know what, that 5 mil at the end of it, right to Vegas.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, just put it on black. Right to Vegas. Well, then you'd have to walk into. From Nevada, like, the border of Nevada into Vegas. Dude. That's a bad one.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, That's a horrific one.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's what, 2,000 miles? It's.

[Ant]

So this. This walk is going to take 938 hours.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's triple the time that it took. Literally triple the time it took. You said take you three months.

[Ant]

Take me three.

[Joe Santagato]

This is 2800 miles. It says, like, by car that I got.

[Ant]

I don't think we could get.

[Frank Alvarez]

I got to be honest, though.

[Joe Santagato]

That's bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's. Yes, it's tough.

[Joe Santagato]

Three months.

[Ant]

It's three months of content, I guess, now.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I mean, you'd be set for a whole year with content. Really? Just film the whole thing or irl stream it. You'll make double that on fucking whatever you're doing on kick.

[Ant]

No, I can't irl stream because then people try to find me, like, probably halfway through. Not great.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, what's gonna happen? You don't have the money yet. You're poor.

[Joe Santagato]

You will, though.

[Ant]

Sure.

[Joe Santagato]

You will have the money.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right. It's my time.

[Ant]

I was really hoping Frankie would get a Nevada.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, no, it's all right. I'm gonna get a washing. Here's what I think I'm gonna get Alaska.

[Joe Santagato]

I think I'M gonna get a good one.

[Frank Alvarez]

I hope I get a good one.

[Joe Santagato]

I. I'm gonna guess that you get, like, something in the Northeast.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm gonna say. I think. My honest guess is I think I'm gonna get Iowa.

[Joe Santagato]

Which. It wouldn't be bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay. I mean.

[Ant]

Ready?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's not close.

[Joe Santagato]

Here we go. What's Frank got?

[Ant]

This the state you're walking to?

[Frank Alvarez]

This is the state I'm walking to. Let's see. I'm not even looking at the name.

[Joe Santagato]

Bama.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I might not. I might.

[Joe Santagato]

Alabama.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's some things about me. I might not make it there.

[Joe Santagato]

Alabama. That's probably closer than mine.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it's. No, because it's down south. It's south and west.

[Ant]

It's about the same.

[Frank Alvarez]

3.

[Joe Santagato]

About the same.

[Ant]

Like a little over a thousand 388 hours. So about a month as well.

[Frank Alvarez]

My guys. I might not make it. They might see me and be like, who's this Spanish boy walking down here? Roll tight.

[Joe Santagato]

Did you know you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who the hell is this?

[Ant]

Did you. How close you were to Alaska?

[Frank Alvarez]

No. Was I. Was I really?

[Joe Santagato]

The next one?

[Ant]

It was the one right before it. Like, you just clipped it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Alaska, I mean, honestly, that would be beautiful, but I would die by bear. There's fucking in the Yukon. There's a ton of bear. Let's do one more. Let's do one more.

[Ant]

For who? For who?

[Frank Alvarez]

For all of us. Really quick. Joey, go.

[Joe Santagato]

Do we get a choice of these two?

[Frank Alvarez]

No.

[Ant]

I thought this would be like.

[Frank Alvarez]

If you walk from that one to this one, you get another five mil.

[Joe Santagato]

Done. No, I got Hawaii.

[Frank Alvarez]

You said done. You said done. That's Hawaii state flag.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, well, this is news to me.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why is that their state flag? That can't be right. It's literally double British.

[Ant]

There is no route found to Hawaii.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, we know that.

[Ant]

Just letting you know.

[Frank Alvarez]

So what would you do? Would you walk the half to, like, do the distance back or would you.

[Ant]

I don't do it. I don't know how far it is.

[Frank Alvarez]

You would just lose the five mil?

[Joe Santagato]

Yep. I think if I had Nevada, I probably wouldn't do that. Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

I would do 5 mil.

[Ant]

I'd do it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Think of the endorsements you'd also get.

[Joe Santagato]

Why do you think you would just get endorsed?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. People like stuff like that.

[Joe Santagato]

You would get 5 million. Would you walk to Nevada?

[Ant]

We could do it again?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. For five mil? Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

You'd walk to Nevada?

[Frank Alvarez]

Sure.

[Joe Santagato]

Why you offering not 5 mil, but now I'm thinking, like, what can we get them for?

[Ant]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah. Well, now that we know it's five mil, I'm not taking a penny under five miles.

[Joe Santagato]

All right?

[Ant]

I mean, we're.

[Joe Santagato]

This is a hypothetical. We're having fun.

[Ant]

Well, how much you offering?

[Joe Santagato]

You're not going anywhere.

[Ant]

He wants me here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Me, go. Why'd you take Alabama out?

[Joe Santagato]

Everything we've done, it removes Kentucky. That's an easy one.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's not too bad. That's right under Ohio, West Virginia area.

[Joe Santagato]

That's an easy one.

[Ant]

So I have to. I just essentially have to walk back for.

[Joe Santagato]

Bro. Honestly, walking to Kentucky would suck, too. And it's, like, the easiest one we've got.

[Frank Alvarez]

Isn't that because it's all hills? Like the Appalachian Mountains and stuff like that?

[Joe Santagato]

I'm talking about the miles.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I mean, yes, walking to New Jersey would suck, Joey.

[Joe Santagato]

That's what I said. What he said is before.

[Ant]

Yeah, but I mean, for five mil, you do that.

[Frank Alvarez]

You could. I feel you could walk to Jersey in under five hours.

[Ant]

So a mil an hour. Kentucky is 270 hours through the tunnel.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just through the tunnel. Yeah.

[Ant]

And then. Last one for Frankie.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Ant]

I don't think we could get worse in Hawaii, so.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I mean, literally, physically, it cannot get worse than that.

[Joe Santagato]

Georgia, Florida fire.

[Frank Alvarez]

Florida fire.

[Ant]

Oh, that one made a noise.

[Joe Santagato]

That one. You could just take I95. You take it all the way down.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, but you got to walk through some. There's some spots you got to walk through in there, too.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, dude, I'm sure there's spots everywhere. You gotta walk through and be afraid.

[Frank Alvarez]

Five mil, though.

[Joe Santagato]

I think once you get past, like. I think that. Oh, God. I mean, I would do a month. I could walk for a month and get five million. Three months. I'd be like, bro, your life, three months is walking.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think about what you need. I would need a motivating factor. So if you were to say, like.

[Joe Santagato]

All right, beckon $5 million.

[Ant]

Yeah. That's the motivating.

[Joe Santagato]

That's the motivation.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I would need something more than that. Like my family.

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Like, if it was just like, you get the money and your kids are there with Becca, you know, they're gonna make your. Because look at what he says in the song. I would walk 500 miles, and then I would walk 500.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, are you saying they need to be at the end?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay. But that would motivate me still the.

[Frank Alvarez]

Time, but that still motivate me more. If it was just the money, I'd be like, all right, it's just the money. And then it's like, you don't have to live there.

[Joe Santagato]

You can go right back as soon as you fly back.

[Frank Alvarez]

But, like, I. I don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

You still the time away. It's still three months.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a lot of time.

[Ant]

I'm doing it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Or like, can they follow me? I'll walk. But they can make your children follow you. Not, like, walking. I'm saying, like, they could be in, like, an rv.

[Joe Santagato]

Sure, I guess. No, no, no, no. This is part of why it's hard.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, no, no. The reason it's hard is because of the distance, not because of the isolation.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm saying you just said you'd pay.

[Frank Alvarez]

For people to come with you.

[Joe Santagato]

I did say that.

[Frank Alvarez]

So why can't I. I do it with you?

[Joe Santagato]

I wouldn't. I don't know why I sneeze like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why are you Dracula?

[Joe Santagato]

That one snuck up on me. I'm not gonna lie.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, now do it one more time. No. Whatever the state is, they're trying to kill you.

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

Whatever the state is, they're trying to kill you.

[Joe Santagato]

What does that mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, if it's Texas, you're in trouble.

[Joe Santagato]

Are you just talking about in general? Nothing to do with what we're talking about. Yeah, don't. Don't go down this road.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay. Thank you. What is the scariest state if you had a fist fight? Like, if you saw. You ever see those things where it was just like. You ever see those things where it was just like. We had AI come up with. I didn't do it. We had AI come with a. Like a. A mascot for each state.

[Joe Santagato]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it's like a picture of, like, what it would look like. You never seen those?

[Ant]

I've seen that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Some of those are cool looking. And it's just like, what do you think of them would be, like, the scariest one to fight? I think it's Texas. Because of the guns.

[Joe Santagato]

Sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

I imagine Florida too, because they're just on, like, bath salts and meth.

[Joe Santagato]

That was a long time ago.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's all still around. I'm sure they are still. There's still a pretty niche cool thing that. Not cool. Definitely not cool. But, like, people were.

[Joe Santagato]

They were pretty cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll be honest with you. When I heard. When I heard bath salts, I was in college and I was just like. Like someone, like, I saw, like, they had him at, like, like, homegoods. I was just like, people smoking this. It's like. Like, Potpourri for your bath.

[Joe Santagato]

Did you give up, like, Epsom salt because you were like, oh, I want to get high.

[Frank Alvarez]

Give up Epsom salt. Like, it was a normal part of my routine.

[Joe Santagato]

It's pretty normal, right?

[Ant]

In winter.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wait, what?

[Ant]

Wait, what are we talking about?

[Frank Alvarez]

Epson salt.

[Joe Santagato]

What are you talking.

[Frank Alvarez]

You guys using Epsom salt enough that it was a normal part? You're putting Epsom salt on your driveway.

[Ant]

Isn't that what you. It's not.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, that's rock salt. Epsom salt is like, you, like, take bats in it and, like, it's, like, relaxing.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know if it would work. Maybe it would work on snow. I have no idea.

[Ant]

If I just been bathing my driveway.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean. You've been bathing your driveway in rock salt? Yeah, Epsom salt.

[Ant]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Epsom salt is like magnesium sulfide or sulfate or something like that. What you're doing is, like, sodium penis paint or something, right?

[Joe Santagato]

You're throwing Epsom salt in your driveway. That's so funny.

[Frank Alvarez]

If you're there. I mean, maybe it does work.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm sure it does. I think it's just the salt part that you need, right?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. Could you put table salt on it?

[Ant]

I worked.

[Joe Santagato]

It works.

[Ant]

It works. I've been doing all right. I've been doing all right. I could take a bath with the.

[Frank Alvarez]

Extra and I mean, you're also dumb. Like, you're also doing wrong. Yeah, you're. You're kind of a little off there.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not a big fan of salting driveways. And I love it.

[Frank Alvarez]

It.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't like it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I love it so much. It's such, like, a dad thing to do. And then to hear the sound of, like, the salt crunching under your boot and between the ice or between the snow, it's so.

[Joe Santagato]

I just think it's, like, whack. I would rather, like, shovel it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but you also need to salt under the shoveling because then it melts and then freezes over.

[Joe Santagato]

I know. I just don't like the residual, like, salt.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it's bad for pets. Like, you need to get pet specific stuff in order to, like, so they, like, are okay.

[Joe Santagato]

It also, like, everything just, like, has this, like, white dusty. I don't like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I do hate, like, when it, like, a. Like an old, like, beat up car in the winter. It's just like, it looks like it's covered in, like, dried toothpaste or like.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Or. Or like, sometimes people have, like, blue salt on their sidewalk, and I'M like, what is that, bro? You know what I hate? And I don't know why I hate this so much. And I get it. It's like, good. But I fucking hate it when I go to someone's house and I go to their bathroom and their toilet water is fucking, like, blue. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why do you hate that? They're clean.

[Joe Santagato]

I know, but it's like, what is this?

[Frank Alvarez]

They have a clean tablet in their. Their tank. I'll tell you this, I don't know what I did. I had one of those in my old house. Was gone after like, three flushes. I clearly did something wrong. I don't like it.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't like the blue water. I just. Why?

[Frank Alvarez]

Cuz then you piss and it comes green.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I don't like that. I like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I like looking out at it. I'm just like, yeah, I'm gonna make this all dirty and stinky with green with my piss.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, see, what are we talking? What are we doing?

[Ant]

I mean, he has something.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's got stuff. We all have something.

[Ant]

That's true.

[Joe Santagato]

Some more than others.

[Frank Alvarez]

Some as much as others. Maybe you're gonna tell me you don't, like, get hype to, like, play when you pee?

[Joe Santagato]

Go ahead. What the does that mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, you go and like, it's like you're putting out a fire or something.

[Joe Santagato]

Or, like, I'll only do that if I start peeing and there's bubbles and I'm like, oh, I gotta make all these bubbles touch the whole layer of.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, now who's the crazy one that has something?

[Joe Santagato]

What was that?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm reveling in it. I'm excited, you know. Oh, Frank. What? What? What? Frank what? Dracula over here. And you're looking at him dumbfounded, like, and now. And I. And then you're like, yeah, actually, you know what I do like to do that. I make a point. You think I'm stupid, Then you agree with it. Ipso facto, you're stupid.

[Joe Santagato]

You're big on the ipso facto lately also. I can't even say anything without you thinking I'm stupid.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I know you're not stupid. I like to try. No, here's the thing, Joey.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, here it comes.

[Frank Alvarez]

I like to create scenarios.

[Joe Santagato]

It's.

[Frank Alvarez]

I like to create scenarios.

[Joe Santagato]

Actually a nice thing.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, listen.

[Joe Santagato]

What you have is munch house.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's exactly. He's munching.

[Joe Santagato]

You're munching on my house.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm housing your munch, babe.

[Joe Santagato]

Munching my house.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm trying it like I want you to create scenarios where I call you stupid so then you feel stupid, so then I can tell you you're smart and you're like, oh, my God, Frankie, he's. I get it. Like, he's helping me feel smart now.

[Joe Santagato]

See, he's manipulating the audience. If you guys paying attention, listen, my.

[Frank Alvarez]

House is as munched a little bit. Big deal. We had a little bit too much. Doesn't love munching some houses. You know.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't like that blue toilet water bullshit, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm pumped about blue toilet.

[Joe Santagato]

There's some stuff about people's bathrooms that I'm just like. I don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

What else. What else in bathrooms drives you up a wall? I'll say one cheap toilet paper.

[Joe Santagato]

Cheap toilet paper, bro. What is this? If I pull it and I could see through it. What are we doing here?

[Frank Alvarez]

Joey's got here in the studio. The toilet paper that has, like. It's like wiggles to, like, connect each piece. It's not like a normal perforation. It's like. And I was like, oh, what the hell am I wiping my ass with?

[Joe Santagato]

Artistic. Yeah, I don't like cushion seats.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that's. That's very, like, 90s.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I don't like.

[Frank Alvarez]

Although, hold on. Now I'm thinking about it.

[Joe Santagato]

I feel like I'm taking a shit at it. Like on a chair at a picnic or something.

[Frank Alvarez]

That doesn't sound miserable, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, I don't. I don't like that. I don't like that you don't like.

[Frank Alvarez]

You've already said you don't like heated seats.

[Joe Santagato]

Also, I don't mind them. I just don't like them in other people's houses. I'm okay with them in a hotel, but, like, in other people's houses, and I sit on a heated toilet seat and I'm like, someone just took a dump here. Like, that's what it feels like. You know what I mean? That's why I don't really, like, enjoy that. Also, it's 20, 25. We all need to get the toilet seats that you can slam and they don't shut, and they go. Because I'm over here taking hinges off my ass.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Honestly, I can't tell you how many times I've, like, slammed a toilet seat. And it was like one of the, like, part of, like, the, like, faux wood ones.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And that thing basically all but snaps in half.

[Joe Santagato]

Does your toilets, you do have this slow. Like, you slam and it goes.

[Ant]

Every floor, I have a different one. Like, in my Basement. I have the wood one. It's awful.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll say. Wooden toilet seats.

[Joe Santagato]

Poverty.

[Frank Alvarez]

Every person watching this is going to their bathrooms, be like, oh, fuck, Joe. Just coldly poor.

[Joe Santagato]

The. The wooden toilet seats is like, obviously this hasn't been changed since 1990.

[Frank Alvarez]

Zero.

[Ant]

And you're right.

[Frank Alvarez]

19.

[Ant]

You'd be right.

[Frank Alvarez]

Zero. That's. We haven't reached that year yet, but go ahead.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, hate those. Wait, what other toilets? How is there four different kinds?

[Ant]

I have porcelain, one that doesn't do the slowdown, one that does do the slowdown, and then wooden. It goes in that order.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yo, honestly, I've been watching a lot of Shark Tank. Why have we not reinvented the toilet yet? Like, why are we still using the same archaic technology from fucking like, bro, it's a toilet. Get fun and inventive with it.

[Joe Santagato]

Dude, what do you want to shit in, like one of those straws? The fucking.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, but like something that's just a little more ergonomic than sitting down. And my fucking knees are at my chest and I'm like, you know, 18 inches off the ground and I'm like, oh, like, make it something that's a little more better. I'm not kidding. I would be pumped with a stand up toilet.

[Joe Santagato]

What do you mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

Hear me out. So you know how like urinals come out from the wall a little bit? Yeah, it's that. But a toilet and like you can just back your ass up to it and do your thing and then get out of there.

[Joe Santagato]

You want to drop your ass on.

[Frank Alvarez]

A urinal and I'm saying lean against it.

[Joe Santagato]

Lean against a urinal and let a shit rip.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not saying a urinal. Like it would be a toilet, but it would be just designed so like the bowl is like curved so you can just like lean. I know Americans love leaning all the.

[Joe Santagato]

Time, but why, but like, isn't sitting better than standing?

[Frank Alvarez]

Personally, I'd rather lean than have to get down and get up a bunch of times.

[Joe Santagato]

And also toilet seats are a bunch of times.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm saying, like, whatever the amount of times you use the bathroom. Oh, you know, like, I, I'd rather it be like a lean situation. Like sitting down, standing up. It's not comfortable.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't think it needs to be all that. Sometimes when you walk into like a nice hotel. We were just in a nice hotel in Toronto, and you walk into the bathroom and all of a sudden the toilet jumps up and starts talking and opens its mouth like, hey, come in me. I'm like, I'm good on this.

[Frank Alvarez]

I do like the automatic it opens for me.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't like that.

[Ant]

You know, my pet peeve, actually in a hotel bathroom, it's when they orientate the room where the toilet is like right behind the bed. Do you know what I mean?

[Joe Santagato]

No.

[Ant]

Like, so the bed is up against this wall and then there's the bathroom and the toilet is on the side of the wall of the bed.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why does that. It shares a wall with the bed.

[Ant]

Shares a wall with the bed. Because you hear everything in that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I can't even recall that having ever happened to me where that. That would be like a. Like a thing just pet peeve of mine.

[Ant]

Like when the. When I. When I walk into a hotel room and the toilet is on the opposite wall of the bed, of the wall sharing the bed, I'm like, this a good. This is a good hotel room.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you like to watch the person come out the bathroom and just be like, what did you do in there, you filthy.

[Joe Santagato]

There's.

[Ant]

There's something.

[Joe Santagato]

There's something.

[Ant]

There's something. There's something in there.

[Joe Santagato]

There's nothing.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's something. There's nothing. It's like, what?

[Joe Santagato]

It's the same energy as you wanting to make the water.

[Frank Alvarez]

My energy. My energy is cool, calm, cool and dirty and filthy. No, no, no, no. No filth.

[Joe Santagato]

We do have some.

[Frank Alvarez]

Some more clean, calm, cool.

[Joe Santagato]

We don't know about all that, but we have SeatGeek here. SeatGeek is a ticketing app that is going to get you tickets to whatever you need. So you're going to, you know, a baseball game, football game, basketball game, concert, whatever it is. Basement, yard show. It's all there on SeatGeek, their number one rated ticketing app in the App Store. There's over 70,000 events listed on SeatGeek. And yeah, so there's a lot of people out there doing concerts or shows or whatever. I always buy my tickets on Seat. I've been using them for years. Love their platform to let you know when you're paying a good price for a ticket and a bad price for the ticket because they're color coded. So it's great. And right now we can save you some money on your next batch of tickets. Okay. You can use the code BASEMENT2025 for 10 off of your next set of tickets on SeatGeek. Okay, that is 10 off tickets with the promo code BASEMENT2025. Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Okay, so go get that your tickets right there with SeatGeek. And lastly here we have Squarespace. Squarespace, they are a platform that is going to help you build your website. Okay?

[Frank Alvarez]

They.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, they have all of these features that are going to help you build your website. Your website is important. It's your first impression. If you make content or you have a small business or a big business or whatever the case is, E Commerce store, you are going to need a great looking website. So if you go to Squarespace, they have a bunch of templates. You click on them, it populates a website for you. You just switch out the pictures and the text so you can create a nice looking website in a very short amount of time. So definitely go check out Squarespace. And yeah, you can get 10% off of your first purchase of a website or domain by using the code basement. Okay? So that is squarespace.com basement and use that code basement and you will get 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain. Okay? So that is squarespace.com basement there you go, folks. All right, Cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

Beautiful.

[Joe Santagato]

Love that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sorry, I.

[Joe Santagato]

You were being a little nothing there.

[Frank Alvarez]

I've been a nasty boy. I've been. I've been a nasty boy.

[Joe Santagato]

What's that?

[Frank Alvarez]

That's that song on TikTok. You were joking about me being nasty and I was making a joke about that song. Is this what it's gonna be for the remainder of this episode? You guys just hanging me out to dry?

[Joe Santagato]

Hanging you out to dry?

[Frank Alvarez]

You guys are just hanging me out to dry. You're just taking me soaking wet and you're just draining me of all of it.

[Joe Santagato]

Now you see, again, this is.

[Frank Alvarez]

What is it?

[Joe Santagato]

You keep doing it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not doing anything. You guys are hanging me out to dry. I'm just here just trying to be fun and have fun. Do the show. The Basement Yard podcast with Joe and Frank.

[Joe Santagato]

Available now on United flights.

[Frank Alvarez]

Available now United Airlines flights.

[Joe Santagato]

Have a happy Thursday and think it over.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, at Squarespace.

[Joe Santagato]

Right? I also. When you said hanging out to dry, I started thinking about this for some reason. I don't know if this is weird or not, but I. I'm trying to think of, like, how it makes me feel. But there's a feeling that I get when I see a clothesline that I just love. Like, it makes me feel like at peace to see a clothesline.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay. So fucking yes. But first, I don't know why. I guess it's just my 21st century brain. I thought of a clothesline, like, fucking Bradshaw. Like, clothesline from hell.

[Joe Santagato]

Not a. Not a WWE cane, you know, clothesline.

[Frank Alvarez]

Top. From the top rope. He did that. That was pretty cool when he would do that.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. No, but I'm thinking about just like a. Like a clothesline.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Clothes on. It just blown in the, bro. I'm like, that's so nice.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't. Why don't we bring that back? I'll tell you. I like that. I don't like. Have you seen the people? It looks like, in their backyard, and they have, like, a fucking. It looks like an antenna. It's like a metal thing, and then it comes out, and there's, like, lines between the arms. Those suck.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I don't like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Those suck. But, like, I am all for a clothesline, but it needs to be like, an old Italian woman that's doing it. Like, I don't want a clothesline if it's, like, a young, hip person in Brooklyn and they're just like, namaste, I'm drying my, you know, 100 hemp seed twill sweatshirt. I want it to be just like an old Italian woman who you're gonna see, and she'd be like, ciao, bang.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, and she's taken. Just all white clothing, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Where I grew up, I had an alleyway in the back, so everyone's house was, like. The back of everyone's house was facing each other, and everyone had clothesline. So there was a line that would go from a bedroom on, like, a wheel and would go out to a pole that was in your yard. So hang their clothes, and they would, like, wheel the clothes. Hell, yeah. And then they'd wheel them back in. They were all on clothes pins, and somehow these clothes pins you want to talk about simple machinery, incredible design, innovation. There was never any clothes on the ground.

[Frank Alvarez]

Never.

[Joe Santagato]

Windstorm wouldn't matter.

[Frank Alvarez]

Seriously, like, yo, like, I've seen those things last through storms. You know? Who had one? The reason I'm saying this, you remember Ms. Valentini?

[Joe Santagato]

Yes, she. Who was she? She's the. No, she was like an aid.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like a lunch aid or something.

[Joe Santagato]

Librarian. She lives on your block?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, Ms. Martinez did not live the. The across the street. Librarian at St. Francis. Ms. Carpanini lived on my block also.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm getting my librarian also.

[Frank Alvarez]

Old Italian.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, Ms. Martinez was a little mean. A little, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

Our librarian growing up was kind of like.

[Frank Alvarez]

And also long skirts. The only other thing I knew about her was that she Was a former rockette.

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Ms. Martinez.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

Was a Rockette.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

How do you go Rockette to books?

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, things happen in life.

[Joe Santagato]

She wore big skirts.

[Frank Alvarez]

Big skirts. Long, big teacher. Like Ms. Frizzle Skirts. You know what I'm talking about?

[Joe Santagato]

I always picture them being rough.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, Ms. Frizzle had like rough skirts.

[Joe Santagato]

She wore like dresses.

[Frank Alvarez]

Ms. Frizzle. For those you guys that don't know Rocket ship, Magic school and magic school bus.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, you know. Yeah. Ms. Frizzle is up there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Low key as like 90s Ms. Frizzle.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh my God.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Pull a picture up. Pull a picture of a 90s Ms. Frizzle. She had it going on. They did a remake and I don't.

[Joe Santagato]

Remember who was earrings in the game.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, the Saturn. The Saturn earrings. Where is she? Where is she?

[Joe Santagato]

Like, this is just a hot. Hell yeah, bro. Oh my God, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

With the pizza dress with the pizza. Oh, is that cheese or pizza?

[Joe Santagato]

No, that's pizza.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, what is those earrings?

[Ant]

Sandwiches.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was still fire. Honestly, just a sexy woman.

[Joe Santagato]

Honestly, just.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just like she had it going on. Her voice sucked though.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't look.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's the remake. Ms. Frizzle. They ruined Ms. Frizzle.

[Joe Santagato]

No, no, they ruined her.

[Frank Alvarez]

What the hell is this?

[Joe Santagato]

Nah, a blue shirt.

[Frank Alvarez]

Where's the patterns, dude? Where's the. She had. Oh, well, they put a heart necklace on her to simplify it. Oh, minimalistic design.

[Joe Santagato]

Maybe it's her daughter.

[Frank Alvarez]

Might be her.

[Ant]

That would make.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, we need to talk about Ms. Frizzle's new clothes, bro. You're gonna tell me that you think a blue long sleeve T shirt's cooler than a dress that has cheese on it?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, you should. That's what we should be for Halloween. You should be Ms. Frizzle.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I'll be the lizard. Look what they did, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what? I'm on board.

[Joe Santagato]

Yo. Look at how.

[Frank Alvarez]

Cancel the lefties.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I agree. Look at, look at, look at Ms. Frizzle in that photo, dude. Like, that's a sexy woman.

[Frank Alvarez]

She's got it going on, dude. And she knows a ton of shit.

[Joe Santagato]

And she was cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

She was mad cool. She was like, I'm hip.

[Joe Santagato]

And she was kind of irresponsible.

[Frank Alvarez]

She had a little bit of a, like a, like a, like a little like, edge to her.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. She's like, I'm gonna take these kids and we're gonna shrink them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Guess what? We're going inside a human's nose. Get in Kids, buckle up.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, we're not. The field trip isn't to the farm. It's to Tommy's bloodstream. We're gonna go check out the red blood cells.

[Frank Alvarez]

Absolutely, dude. Why? Where are you going now, brother?

[Ant]

Well, I was just scrolling down, looking around.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, Ms. Frizzle, absolute dime piece. Teachers should dress like that.

[Joe Santagato]

That's like a thing I saw on TikTok recently, actually, that teachers, like, do.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like Ms. Frizzle dresses.

[Joe Santagato]

No, no, no, no, no. That teachers. Some teachers are dressing like too sexy. They're saying, like, some people, like, all right, you're doing like outfit of the day.

[Frank Alvarez]

I am. I am not going to touch that with a ten foot pole, you know, telling people how to. And how to not dress.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I'm saying, like, there's discourse, I think. I'm not asking your opinion. I'm saying there's discourse on the Internet of being like, well, hold on. No, ask my opinion. You just said you're not going to give your opinion.

[Frank Alvarez]

Damn right I won't. Ipso facto. I like to stay in the middle. Second.

[Joe Santagato]

Ipso facto. But I think we should go back to, I think less Ms. Frizzle type shit.

[Frank Alvarez]

I 100% agree, Joey.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, those are cool, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

Look up, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

If you're a science teacher and you're teaching young kids, you should dress like a mad scientist.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, let's make this lab coat. Lab coat. Goggles on your head. Stupid. And you have thick glasses. Yes, thick glasses.

[Joe Santagato]

Very thick glasses.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, absolutely. And there should be beakers and beakers and testing tubes. What are they called? Test tubes.

[Joe Santagato]

And when the kids are filing in.

[Frank Alvarez]

Should be exploding and. Or. And it should be exploding and you should come out from under the desk with like a billow of smoke and you're like, whoa. And you put your goggles on your head and you're just like, we have quite the class today. Yeah, like, it should be, bro. School.

[Joe Santagato]

There should be costumes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Costumes, costumes, costumes, Costumes, bro. First of all, if you're an English teacher, this is just like Edgar Allan Poe. This is hysterical. Because also pay these teachers better. They should. And also pay for them to do these costumes. These teachers take a lot of money out of their own paychecks to like decorate their classrooms and shit. Criminally underpaid, criminally overworked. You're gonna be like, you need to make this a special environment off of your $40,000 a year salary, bro. Schools. How about that? Schools.

[Joe Santagato]

How about a double middle?

[Frank Alvarez]

How about double for you? Schools. Teachers. You get that finger.

[Joe Santagato]

Why Are teachers basically panhandling for supplies for fucking children?

[Frank Alvarez]

Schools. This. You're a school. This is what you should do. Who do I got to talk to about Linda McMahon? Linda what? She's the Secretary of education in the United States. I think I forget that this country. Yeah, it's a. I forget it's a real place. I disassociate my house. It is munching. Linda McMahon. Don't make me call Stone Cold.

[Joe Santagato]

We've seen what happens.

[Frank Alvarez]

See what happens when so called gets involved? You should go like this. Hey, schools. Here's a blank check for teachers. You tell us what you think is an appropriate amount of money for you to do your job. Well, they're great people. They're signing up to be teachers anyways. That's a very thankless, hard job. And then let them do costumes every day.

[Joe Santagato]

I think that teachers should drive like. Like a science teacher. I should know You're a science teacher, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

I should walk in and, like, I should be able to close my eyes. Imagine a librarian, and that's what they're wearing.

[Joe Santagato]

I think that would make learning for children more fun.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're gonna tell me. Audience listening to the Basement Yard podcast with Joe and Frank on United Airlines flights. I don't know if this episode will go there. You're gonna tell me you wouldn't be a better student if your teacher dressed and looked and acted like Ms. Frizzle or fucking Bill Nye the Science Guy. Dude, if I walked in and there was at. My science teacher was in a lab coat. I used to walk in and he was wearing a fucking plaid T shirt. I don't want that shit. Yeah, save that for fucking the outdoors. Wood shop. Wood shop.

[Joe Santagato]

I took one wood shop.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, let's build. Let's build our perfect teaching staff. Wood shop, obviously, is Nick Offerman.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not doing this. Also, that's an actor.

[Frank Alvarez]

But you see what he wears, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Because he's got a mustache.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, he wears flannels and stuff.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know what you're building over there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Ms. Frizzle is my homeroom teacher. Science teacher. Bill Nye. He's the science guy.

[Joe Santagato]

I heard he's a dick.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really?

[Joe Santagato]

That's what I heard.

[Frank Alvarez]

Damn, that sucks.

[Joe Santagato]

What about Mr. Firestone? That's a science teacher's name.

[Frank Alvarez]

That is a really good.

[Joe Santagato]

That was our science teacher growing up.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, we had. I'm not gonna say Firestone. I almost let his name slide.

[Joe Santagato]

Mr. Firestone?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, the other science teacher we had.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh. Why is that bad?

[Frank Alvarez]

Because of what we used to call him.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I probably told him that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, all right.

[Joe Santagato]

He was mad cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

He was really cool. Him and I used to chat video games all the time.

[Joe Santagato]

Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Who would be the math. What does the math teacher need to wear?

[Joe Santagato]

That's a good question.

[Frank Alvarez]

Math teacher needs to wear a button up shirt buttoned all the way with a bow tie and penalty checkered pattern.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, we already know what the music teachers wearing. Piano tie.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Every day.

[Frank Alvarez]

Piano tie. And a. And like you remember in the movie Grease, they would wear like poodle skirts.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just imagine that's what they would be wearing with like those glasses that, like, had the wings on them. And they'd be like, we're gonna sing today.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, and then they're doing this with every song.

[Joe Santagato]

Who do you think, out of all of our teachers, like, had the coolest vibe?

[Frank Alvarez]

Damn. Science. He was. He was a cool dude.

[Joe Santagato]

I meant like the way they dress and kind of like did their class.

[Frank Alvarez]

He was a cool dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

He was like. He was a pretty cool dude.

[Ant]

He did.

[Frank Alvarez]

He sunned us, Mr. N. He sunned the out of us. He was just like, guys, in that closet is the world's most dangerous animal.

[Joe Santagato]

I'll never forget that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll never. To the day I die.

[Joe Santagato]

I remember that vividly.

[Frank Alvarez]

And that's what teaching does. Good for him. Is he retired?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, well, that's. He had a pretty cool. He was chill. He was younger.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

He was getting after it.

[Joe Santagato]

He was.

[Frank Alvarez]

He was getting there.

[Ant]

My. My chemistry teacher taught us how to not make meth.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I can. I can teach you how to not make meth. You ready? Watch this.

[Ant]

No, he was like, don't put these ingredients together because you'll make meth. And then he would give the ingredients.

[Frank Alvarez]

So he taught you how to make.

[Ant]

Taught us how to make.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's not cool. That's borderline sociopathic.

[Joe Santagato]

I thought it was like a Walter White. He's like, where's my Jesse Pink?

[Ant]

Yeah, I think. I think Breaking Bad was big. He was scouting out a little bit.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's.

[Joe Santagato]

That's a smart way to go.

[Frank Alvarez]

Honestly, hold up in court.

[Joe Santagato]

I said, don't do it.

[Frank Alvarez]

He was pretty cool. Our fourth grade teacher, she was cool as the door.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Stormus.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. She was a cool.

[Joe Santagato]

She was cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

She was chilling. She was like, you know, I'm chill. I'm cool.

[Joe Santagato]

Who. Who's your least favorite.

[Frank Alvarez]

Second grade?

[Joe Santagato]

The Mac.

[Frank Alvarez]

The Mac attack, bro. Mac attack was a Mean old broad.

[Joe Santagato]

She was.

[Frank Alvarez]

She was a mean old woman.

[Joe Santagato]

She didn't like me and you.

[Frank Alvarez]

She didn't like us.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Ant]

Our English teacher in fourth grade, her brother passed. And every time something happened in the classroom, like if the desk shook or a flyer fell, she would be. Oh, Jimmy. So, like, in fourth grade.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, no, bro.

[Ant]

We thought there was a ghost in our classroom.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I I. I was gonna say, if I got a hold of that, I'd be throwing shit. Oh, Jimmy. She's really hanging out today.

[Frank Alvarez]

Gotcha.

[Joe Santagato]

I thought, son's dead. Who was it, her son?

[Ant]

No, her brother or something.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Her brother died a while ago.

[Ant]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

Sad, dude.

[Ant]

Yeah, it was. But she convinced me that ghosts were real. I was very scared for a while. I didn't want to go into the classroom.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who cares? Her brother died. Why she got to put that on you guys? That's irresponsible of her.

[Joe Santagato]

Huh? That's crazy.

[Ant]

Mm.

[Joe Santagato]

Dude, I remember second. I. I remember in second grade, I think I told this story before, but, like, do you remember that kid's name? There was, like, an Indian kid that came to school late. Do you remember his name?

[Frank Alvarez]

What?

[Joe Santagato]

Great.

[Frank Alvarez]

Second grade.

[Joe Santagato]

Second grade. I can't remember his name, but, like, it was. It wasn't the middle of the year, but, like, we had already been in class, so everyone kind of knew each other. And then this kid just showed up, like, later, and I forget his name, but then it was like, oh, everyone pair up. So I was like, oh, I'll pair up with the kid who just got here. Like, be nice or some, right? So we kind of do this thing together and blah, blah, blah. Then we go back to, you know, something else that we're doing. And then later on in the day, it was like. And he didn't really talk to anybody. It was his first day. Then later on the day, it was like, oh, pair up with another person again. So I look over at him. He looks away and picks someone else.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was like, yeah, what a bitch. He was playing the field, though. He was playing the field. He wanted. He was.

[Joe Santagato]

He was trying to cast a wide net. I know that, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's fair.

[Joe Santagato]

That kid's name. And there you go. Maybe I would have remembered.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I was in the corner, seething. Probably because somebody else.

[Joe Santagato]

Bitch. Yeah, Frank's over there, like, you know, writing a manifesto. He's gonna kill me.

[Frank Alvarez]

Me.

[Joe Santagato]

How dare you not pick me to be your partner.

[Frank Alvarez]

And pick. I just. I just feel like that was just mean, you know? Watch what I'm going to do.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that was also the same year you got mad at me because of Kelsey. There was a lot that year. There's a lot that year.

[Frank Alvarez]

Be careful. I can still write that manifesto.

[Joe Santagato]

I know. Okay, well, there you have it, folks. That is our episode for today. Frank, where can they find you?

[Frank Alvarez]

Let's just keep going. You want me to talk II how's your day?

[Joe Santagato]

See?

[Frank Alvarez]

You know where to find me. Go check it out everywhere. Go check out the basement yard. Patreon patreon.com the Basemanyard Go check out the basement yard on United airlines flights if you're coming to the shows the basementyard.com submit if you want to see if there are any tickets available. The basementyard.com guys, go follow the show.

[Joe Santagato]

At the basement yard on all platforms. And what's your wow. You guys can. And that's it.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's all. Thank you guys so much.

[Joe Santagato]

We'll see you next time.

[Frank Alvarez]

Martha listens to her favorite band all the time. In the car, gym, even sleeping. So when they finally went on tour, Martha bundled her flight and hotel on expedia to see them live. She saved so much she got her seat close enough to actually see and hear them sort of. You were made to scream from the front row. We were made to quietly save you. More Expedia made to travel savings vary and subject to availability. Flight inclusive packages are atoll protected.