#522 - Is The Mandela Effect Real?

Summary

The Basement Yard #522 – Is The Mandela Effect Real? (September 29, 2025)

Podcast: The Basement Yard
Hosts: Joe Santagato & Frank Alvarez (with Ant)
Date: September 29, 2025
Episode Theme: Are our memories playing tricks on us? Joe, Frank, and Ant dive headfirst into the Mandela Effect—those curious "false memories" that baffle the internet. Along the way, they riff on game shows, language oddities, and the wacky quirks of popular culture.

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Episode Overview

In this highly energetic and comedic episode, the Basement Yard crew tackles the phenomenon of the "Mandela Effect," where large groups of people remember details about pop culture, brands, or history differently than how they actually exist. Joe and Frank debate their own possibly "false memories," take a deliberately frustrating online Mandela Effect quiz, and explore how shared misconceptions get started. True to Basement Yard style, the journey meanders through game show fantasies, galactic trivia, public restroom etiquette, and the importance of premium toilet paper—all with their signature quick wit and open mockery.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Warm-up Banter: Cancel Culture and Game Shows (00:15–14:44)

• Cancel, Fire, or Delete?
  Joe and Frank riff on society’s obsession with “canceling” celebrities:

  • Joe: “Cancel, you get kind of fired.” [01:10]
  • Frank: “It’d be so much funnier if we called it firing and not canceling.” [01:04]

• Family Feud Dream Team & Game Show Skills:
  The hosts draft their ideal Family Feud team for Santagato Studios and rank their hypothetical prowess on various shows, such as Wheel of Fortune, Password, Jeopardy, and Deal or No Deal.

  • Joe worries about the pressure of hitting the buzzer fast enough.
  • Frank insists he’d dominate “Legends of the Hidden Temple”—especially as a Silver Snake or Purple Parrot [09:51].
  • Ant wishes Joe went on "Big Brother" for voyeuristic entertainment:
    • Frank to Ant: “You’d like to be, like, a voyeur, you freak!” [07:52]

2. The Mechanics of Game Shows & TV Production (14:44–21:30)

• Game Show Audition Experience:
  Joe & Frank share an anecdote about being nearly cast in a game show (“Best Time Ever” w/ Neil Patrick Harris), revealing how audience “randomness” is engineered for maximum TV energy.
  • Frank describes the “intense, concentrated version of people trying to make it”—everyone’s cringey self-intros, and the realization that it’s all a setup.
  • Frank: “You had to have like a thing. ‘I’m a screenwriter and actress and producer…’” [15:22]
  • They skewer the artificiality (“seals out there” [17:08]) and stress of forced reactions.

3. Language, Grammar, and Their Comic Potential (21:30–29:00)

• Riffing on Grammar Terms:

  • Rapid-fire wordplay about “subconjugation,” “pronouns,” and “adverbs.”
  • Frank (joking): “Dominate me, grammar. Make me a subconjugate.” [20:39]
  • They debate the value of learning grammar via inclusive pronoun discussions, with a self-deprecating nod to their own ignorance:
    • Joe: “Once the pronouns thing became very prevalent, I’m like, now I know what those are!” [21:20]

• X is for Everything Awesome:

  • Joe confesses his love for the letter X—X marks the spot, cartoon eyes, and Triple X references (23:36–24:00)

4. Galactic Names, Translation Oddities, and Cosmological Speed (29:00–49:00)

• International Names for the Milky Way:

  • Fascinated by the idea that "Milky Way" isn't a universal name:
    • Chinese: “Silver River” [43:13]
    • Finnish: “Path of Birds” [43:27]
    • Hindi: “River of Heaven” [44:00]
    • Sanskrit: “The Divine Way” [44:09]
    • Frank: “That is a really good one.” [43:19]

• Planetary Names:

  • They wonder whether other countries call planets by different names. Ant confirms most languages use similar (Roman god-derived) names.

• Fun with Space & Relativity:

  • Trivia about Earth’s movement:
    • Ant: “Our entire solar system is orbiting...the Milky Way at about 400 to 500,000 miles per hour.” [40:51]
    • Milky Way itself: “moving through the universe at about 1.3 million miles per hour.” [41:01]
  • Frank and Joe both agree on the absurdity of this knowledge:
    • Frank: “Shut the fuck up with all this stuff...Shut up.” [41:10]
    • Joe: “Great name for a galaxy. Delicious!” (referring to Milky Way) [41:33]

5. Bathroom Habits, Toilet Paper, and ‘Little Luxuries’ (52:50–67:41)

• China’s QR Code Toilets:

  • Frank shares a story about Chinese public toilets requiring an ad view to access toilet paper [52:55].
    • Joe: “Let’s be very honest about something. It’s me. Hello. I’m in China. I Won’t notice that this thing isn’t available until I am already done crapping.” [53:34]
    • Ant admits: he prepares his “bird’s nest” of toilet paper to avoid “splashback.” [54:13]

• Toilet Paper Preferences:

  • The trio rants about the hardship of cheap, single-ply toilet paper, waxing poetic on “little luxuries” like premium rolls and hot towels on flights.
    • Frank: “If I can put it over a picture in a coloring book of Tweety Bird and draw it perfectly, then we got a problem.” [61:18]
    • Joe: “Being able to hoard a piece of toilet paper...roll of toilet...in my car right now.” [63:14]

• Moist Towelettes and Hot Towels:

  • They rave about hot towels as travel luxuries and debate whether “recycled” steamed towels are weird.
    • Frank: “Steaming hot towel...I do a little...I put it on my face, sometimes.” [65:40]

6. The Mandela Effect Quiz & Pop Culture Misremembrances (68:10–87:08)

• Introducing the Mandela Effect:

  • Frank brings up how the Captain Crunch mascot and its branding led him down the Mandela Effect rabbit hole, triggering a team quiz fest. [68:36]

• Rapid-fire Mandela Effect Quiz Playthrough:

  • Jiff vs. Jiffy?
  • C3PO’s Silver Leg? (turns out—yes, he had one! [84:38])
  • Chuck E. Cheese’s vs. Chuck E. Cheese? [77:07]
  • Target logo, Laughing Cow’s nose ring, Alaska(n) Airlines, etc.
  • Most questions spark debate, joke explanations, or stories about childhood stationery rivalries or favorite cereals.
  • On “What does Morpheus from The Matrix actually say?”—they solve the meme mixup:
    • Frank: “If they’re asking if he says it...then it’s not that he says it that way, it’s that he says it another way...” [79:40]
  • Results: 13 out of 17 correct (76%)—“That’s passing in my high school!” [86:46]

• Why "Mandela Effect"?

  • The origin is quickly explained:
    • Ant: “Because of false memory phenomenon surrounding the death of Nelson Mandela.” [87:36]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Dominate me, grammar. Make me a subconjugate."
  — Frank Alvarez (20:39)

• “Once the pronouns thing became very prevalent, I’m like, now I know what those are!”
  — Joe Santagato (21:20)

• “If you take the last three minutes of this episode...and you played it for someone that existed in 1941, they would put their head in a blender.”
  — Frank Alvarez (26:16)

• “That’s why we have ridges and fingerprints, because that’s what helps us grip. If it’s completely smooth, it’s gonna fly off your bung.”
  — Frank Alvarez on ribbed toilet paper (62:11)

• “All of our planets are named after Roman gods...how the hell did they know that was up there?”
  — Joe Santagato (47:17)

• “If you brought a motorcycle to the Middle Ages, they’d learn how to use it. But they wouldn’t be able to replicate it because they don’t have the technology. Same thing with a gun.”
  — Frank Alvarez (48:27)

• “Cracker. Daddy wants a cracker.”
  — Frank Alvarez (68:07)

• “This quiz is fucking sucks. We're crushing.”
  — Joe Santagato (78:11)

• “Frank, where can they find you?” (classic ending)
  — Joe Santagato (87:43)

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Highlight Timestamps

• [01:04] Frank on “firing” vs. “canceling”
• [09:51] Frank as “Legends of the Hidden Temple” all-star
• [21:20] Pronoun discussion and accidental grammar lessons
• [23:36] X as the coolest letter
• [40:51] “Our solar system is orbiting the Milky Way at 400–500,000 mph.” (Ant)
• [52:55] China’s QR code toilet paper story
• [61:18] “If I can put it over a coloring book… then we got a problem”—Frank on bad toilet paper
• [68:35] Connecting Captain Crunch, parrots, and Mandela Effect
• [79:40] Frank deductive logic on Mandela Effect quiz
• [86:46] “76% is passing in my high school.”—Joe on quiz result
• [87:36] Origin of the Mandela Effect (Ant)

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Episode Tone & Style

As always, the Basement Yard is fast, irreverent, and full of inside jokes and playful insults—blurring the line between wild riffing and genuine curiosity. Frank is the exuberant storyteller; Joe, the sarcastic straight man; Ant, the dry fact-checker and wildcard.

If you’re looking to learn about the Mandela Effect while also hearing about international galactic naming conventions, game show strategies, and inexplicably passionate discussions about the superiority of Charmin Ultra Soft, this episode is a must-listen!

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Bottom Line:
The Mandela Effect is real…ly funny, at least when the Basement Yard takes it on. This episode balances pop culture trivia, cosmic perspective, and relatable life rants with rapid-fire comedy. Even if your own memories are wrong, the laughs here are unforgettable.

Transcript

[Frank Alvarez]

Bundle and safe. With Expedia, you were made to follow your favorite band and from the front row we were made to quietly save you More Expedia made to. Travel savings vary and subject to availability. Flight inclusive packages are at all protected.

[Joe Santagato]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. How's it going, Francis?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm a little sleepy, boy.

[Joe Santagato]

Why?

[Frank Alvarez]

Why not?

[Joe Santagato]

That's not how I thought you were gonna answer.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why not? Why can't I be sleepy?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know. You can be sleepy all you want.

[Frank Alvarez]

I like being sleepy.

[Joe Santagato]

My contact is so blurry right now. Is it fucked up?

[Frank Alvarez]

Looks like someone. Yeah, don't I? No. Like, it looks like someone poked you in the eyes.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I thought you were gonna say something about, like, jizz or something. I was like, all right, relax.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. I don't. Why would you think I was going with jizzing in your eye?

[Joe Santagato]

Cause you're you, that's why.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're being mean.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. I take offense to that. So I hope that the Internet fires you for it.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

That would be so much funnier if we called it firing and not canceling.

[Joe Santagato]

You're fired.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're fired for it, dude. Like, you're just done.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, is there a difference? Cancel, you get kind of fired.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, but when you get fired, there's the idea.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't really like canceling. Now that you brought that up, what about delete? Oh, that's kind of permanent.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's kind of a permanent. Well, that's what they want it to be. Yeah, that's what the.

[Joe Santagato]

The. The. The left.

[Frank Alvarez]

The peaceful left.

[Joe Santagato]

Want it to be. The.

[Frank Alvarez]

So a permanent delete.

[Joe Santagato]

Cancel. I don't like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just. I hate it because it seems like it's like they're just putting that big, like, red with a cross through it on their face, like, no smoke. You know what I mean?

[Joe Santagato]

No, that's an X. No, is an X.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I think it's. I think I go. Is more of a cancel than it is X. X. I just go. No.

[Ant]

I'm pretty sure that's the exact Family Feud X. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And.

[Joe Santagato]

And Price is Right. I don't know if they do it.

[Frank Alvarez]

No. Price. Right. Goes, like, it's, like, sad.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, that's way worse, bro. If I'm on a game show, I'd rather hear a. Than a. Oh, no. Like, you're an idiot. Like, they're, like, kind of, like, softly reminding me that I.

[Joe Santagato]

Look at the fucking moron up here. Can't get.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I can't guess the price of sardines. You could go on any of those game shows, like, and. And do well.

[Joe Santagato]

Any game show.

[Frank Alvarez]

Any game show and do well. What do you think you would do?

[Joe Santagato]

I.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I'm not talking like, you just like, the show, like, you think you would have a chance.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, like. Oh, okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think if it's Santa Gatto Studios, Family Feud, like, I think we would.

[Joe Santagato]

Do decently on Family Feud, but I would fire everyone.

[Frank Alvarez]

Cancel, delete.

[Joe Santagato]

Right. No, but I think. What's the Howie Mandel one?

[Frank Alvarez]

Howie Mandel, the pyramid dealer?

[Joe Santagato]

No deal. Deal or no deal?

[Frank Alvarez]

Deal or no deal?

[Ant]

That was gonna be my answer.

[Frank Alvarez]

That one. It involves too much math.

[Joe Santagato]

Not math that you have to do.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but I don't like knowing that other someone is doing math. You know what I'm saying? Like, I love math, but, like, I need a watch math to, like. I'm a little suspicious of it.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, none of that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. You know, like, if I know someone's doing math, I want to see the math too, before they just be like, that was the math.

[Joe Santagato]

Right. I. Whatever you're saying is. Is confusing, but I. I think that that show, like, you pick a random one and then you start opening up cases, and then you start making deals.

[Frank Alvarez]

Be honest. If you were putting together a celebrity, like, not celebrity, like a Family Feud team for Santa Gatta Studios, which, by the way, it's not that you need to be good. You also need to kind of hope the other people suck. Like, you give them the chance. Like, you throw to them, and if they fuck up, you get all the points.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't like. I get that. But also at the same time, like, there are some people that I watch on Family Feud, and I'm like, why the fuck did they even invite that person? That answer was so dumb.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who would be the Santa Gatto Studios Family Feud team?

[Joe Santagato]

How many people are on a team?

[Frank Alvarez]

Think it's five is the max.

[Joe Santagato]

They don't have that many.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think all the people that are involved with standing out of studios.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I don't think there's. There's that. I mean, I would say me, you, and I think coming in. I think so.

[Ant]

Hell yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think you need to throw Greg in there.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, Greg.

[Frank Alvarez]

But he knows a lot about books.

[Ant]

You need a med in there? No, no, but we're content. No, we're content leaning.

[Frank Alvarez]

We're not. Listen, I'm sorry.

[Joe Santagato]

Not. Not on Family Feud.

[Frank Alvarez]

I love a med.

[Joe Santagato]

He would give insane answers I really do.

[Frank Alvarez]

But he'd be the one that, like Charlie in the episode of. Of It's Always Sunny where he's just like dragon's blood, you know, like that like Ahmed would not know like certain things in that episode.

[Ant]

He single handedly wins.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a bad example. Sure, sure.

[Joe Santagato]

Because of those answers. I also wouldn't take Keith because I feel like he, if he couldn't come up with an answer and they hit him with the ax, he would freak out. That would be the end of that. Ah, yeah. Also like my. I think my biggest weakness would be the that part. The buzzer.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, really?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Cuz I feel like good at that.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, I can only. I can't think and slap.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, you would slap then have to think.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

That would be tough. You are right.

[Joe Santagato]

Like I would be good at the fast money though. Like I could come up with answers.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, because those, those are such simple questions that like. Yeah, it's not about like they say that like the goal should be to aim for like what would be the second best answer, not the first. Because then you leave like a little bit of wiggle room for whoever's coming next. You know what I mean?

[Joe Santagato]

I'm literally saying the first thing that comes to my head and God forbid they're like, your partner said the other one. I'd be like, I can't think of anything now.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, all right, I guess.

[Joe Santagato]

But what other shows were Password?

[Frank Alvarez]

I think I'd be great at you, bro. If you and I went on Password.

[Joe Santagato]

I feel like we would do well.

[Frank Alvarez]

We would do very well.

[Joe Santagato]

Like a catchphrase type of shit.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, well, we used to play that a lot as kids. You had the little, the little circle catchphrase 100%.

[Joe Santagato]

I think that we would do extremely well with, with Password.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think. I don't know if you saw on Amazon prime it was on there. They have like, it's like Pop Culture Jeopardy. It's hosted by Colin Jost. I think I'd be very good at that one.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, pop culture.

[Frank Alvarez]

It doesn't necessarily mean modern pop culture.

[Joe Santagato]

I was gonna say. I don't know how good you'd be at that.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's one show that is now, I think it's hosted by Lilly Singh. It's like Boomers versus Millennials.

[Joe Santagato]

I haven't heard that name.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it's like Boomers versus Millennials. And it's like a mom and their daughter go on. And like the mom has to answer millennial questions or Gen Z questions and the kids have to answer Boomer. It's like the typical. Like, they show a picture of a rotary phone and they're like, what is this? How. How does this work? And, you know, the kids are just like, I don't fucking know. Okay, what about you? Are you. You strike me. You know who strikes me as a Wheel of Fortune kid? You strike me as a Wheel of Fortune kid. You love letters, Dude.

[Joe Santagato]

My sister's really good at Wheel of Fortune.

[Frank Alvarez]

You love letters.

[Ant]

I like the 1%. You ever see that show?

[Frank Alvarez]

The one that was hosted by, like, the Jim Norton?

[Ant]

I think so. Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. And he was just like, all right, well, yeah, born on a Monday, died on a Wednesday, but lived for 20 years. How does that, like, you know, it's like 20% people.

[Joe Santagato]

Isn't Jim Norton a comedian?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah, Australian comedian. Oh, the one that's like.

[Joe Santagato]

That's not. That's not Jim Norton. I think type in Jim Norton.

[Ant]

No, Jim Norton is a bald guy.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, he's a bald.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, really? So who am I thinking?

[Ant]

Jim Jeffries.

[Frank Alvarez]

Jim Jeffries.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, yeah, that's the one.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's the guy that hosted. Sorry. Norton Jeffries. Very white. Very. Understandably confusing last night.

[Joe Santagato]

I guess so.

[Ant]

I don't think Joe would ever go on the show. I know this is different, but I'm going to put it out there. I think I would really like to watch Jo be on Big Brother, personally.

[Joe Santagato]

Absolutely. Why would you want to watch me on that?

[Ant]

Well, I would like to watch you on a. On a show, but I feel like.

[Frank Alvarez]

You'D like to be, like, a voyeur, you freak. Well, what is that? Yeah, it's like, oh, Joe's sleeping right now. There he goes. He's laying down.

[Joe Santagato]

Why? I'm still. What?

[Ant]

I think it'd be fun to watch you on. I think you would do well.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's why I. I don't even know the rules. I've never seen that show. Yeah, I know. That's the one where there's, like, cameras everywhere. Yeah.

[Ant]

They just live in a house and they do challenges and it's like a social game.

[Frank Alvarez]

And see, I can't do those challenges because, like, I hear that they. They take it so hard, like, the challenge, and. And, you know, like, with those show, like, Big Brother, they take it so intense. And I'd just be like, guys, we're adults. Like, I get we're competing for money, but, like, also, like, we're playing big games. Like, guys, come on. You're. You're adults here.

[Ant]

I mean, I'm a Challenge, boy.

[Joe Santagato]

I like the challenge. I think it's like, it's broken, but.

[Ant]

That one's way more intense.

[Frank Alvarez]

I could see. Big brother, I submitted our hat into the ring for the. For the Traders, but I am taking it back out. I would not be.

[Joe Santagato]

I would love to be on that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would not be good at that.

[Joe Santagato]

Traders. That would be a good one.

[Frank Alvarez]

Ever since we've done those Santa Gato Studios where I'm the imposter, it's clear that I would be very bad at it.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't think you would be, like, that bad at it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just. I don't like lying. So, like, it would. Like, in that. I'd be like, all right, you got me, guys, you know, like, yeah, get the fuck out of here. What audience are you? I mean, look at how we do.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't like lying.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean.

[Joe Santagato]

Sorry.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, if there was a quarter of a million dollars on the line, then I'll. I'll fucking lie through my teeth.

[Joe Santagato]

You. You. We can. We'll figure this thing out. We'll figure this.

[Frank Alvarez]

What other game, dude? I mean, I. I would. I would kill to be on Legends of the Hidden Temple, but that's. That. That ship has sailed. That was a cool one.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, it was cool when you're a child.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but, like, when you think about.

[Joe Santagato]

It, the thing that they're running through, it's not that hard.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know, but, like, I've. I, like, would go to, like, Burger King play places and, like, train. I'd be like, all right, I can get through this, like, very quickly. I can go up this ladder. I can do it.

[Joe Santagato]

Look up other game shows, by the way.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sure. I. I think that there is a. Like. Like, I could have been an all star. Legends of the Hidden Temple. Silver snake or Purple Parrots. I'm going either one, baby. I'm not. I'm not against.

[Joe Santagato]

What's the worst one?

[Frank Alvarez]

Green monkeys.

[Joe Santagato]

What's the orange one?

[Frank Alvarez]

Orange iguanas.

[Joe Santagato]

That's not great.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I love the color orange.

[Joe Santagato]

But Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy. I would get my ass whooped, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't even. Like, this is the thing with Jeopardy. I don't know how people know that much.

[Joe Santagato]

They. I think they give you, like, a study guide.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, they say, like, here are the topics for this week. And then, like.

[Joe Santagato]

Or it'll just be like, here's a. I. I honestly don't know, but I assume it's kind of like 20th century poets or something, and then they would give some information.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but, like, There's a new episode every day, so I'm sure they're filming several episodes a day.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So, like, you have to imagine, bro, who Wants to Be a Millionaire? I couldn't, because I would be pissed at Regis, Rip. I'm pretty sure he's gone, right?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, he's ripped up.

[Frank Alvarez]

He hit it.

[Joe Santagato]

But who Wants to Be a Millionaire? I feel like I could get to a point where I would.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would.

[Joe Santagato]

I think I could get to that first level where you're, like, safe. But it's like five grand or something. Or it's like three grand or something. But, like, as long as I had a safety net, I'd be like, all right, because you could use the. Take the two out. Call somebody. Yeah, no, I don't know who I'm even calling.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's the thing I was gonna say is, like, at that point, who do you call?

[Joe Santagato]

These people are calling, like, their friends or their dad. I'd be like, bro, I'm not. I'm. You know, I'm not doing this.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know which one I would be good at? Have you ever seen. Dude, the Cube, dude, Good one. What's the Cube again? Cube as.

[Joe Santagato]

Jesus Christ.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't remember that. Literally. Dwyane Wade. Dwayne Wade would be like, all right. Do you think you're tough enough to beat the Cube? He whispered. No, it wasn't him. It was like the voiceover. The Cube was like. It was like those, like, bar tricks where it was like, you drop a ball on a slide and you have to go to the bottom of the slide and catch other balls before that one drops and shit like that.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I think I've seen, like, a episode of that before.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, you had to, like. It would be like, you need to stop. Yeah. Then there was one. It was like, you need to stop the clock on as close to 10 seconds as you can, and you have, like, a 0.5 second window, and then you can use a lifeline, and it'll be a point one or something or like a larger window or whatever.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Ant]

I wanted to sign up for this.

[Joe Santagato]

The Cube.

[Ant]

I think I'd be good at it. I'm good with hand eyes, you know?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. What?

[Frank Alvarez]

There was one. There's literally was one where it was like, you need to. There's just, like, a hundred balls in a bin, and you need to just get all of them out in 20 seconds. That's it.

[Ant]

This one?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, you got to get them all out.

[Frank Alvarez]

All of them out in 20 seconds.

[Joe Santagato]

I would. Yeah. I don't even know. Like, I would just, like. Like a dog in there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but that's the thing. But then when you get down to, like, 10, it's like, you gotta get. You gotta fucking scramble and shit.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't like racing against any clocks, to be honest.

[Frank Alvarez]

There was one in the. In the cube. There was one challenge where, like, you can. Like, one of your lifelines is you can ask Dwyane Wade to do it for you because he was the host.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So, like, there was one that was like a basketball one, and everyone was just like, dwayne.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

But then it's like, he missed it, by the way. There have been times he's missed it, times that he's made it.

[Joe Santagato]

But damn, what about the Weakest Link?

[Frank Alvarez]

Remember that I used. I would get shitty. I would get so pissed at that old white hat. Yeah. But, like, those questions are really hard. Honestly, I don't remember seeing any of that. I was just like, yo, that's hard.

[Joe Santagato]

No, no, there's questions. And I was like, yeah, what the.

[Frank Alvarez]

I remember. The one that I think I would do good at is, like. It was the one where it was like, Stevo hosted it for, like, a season. And it was called, like, something karaoke. Killer karaoke, where, like, you had to keep singing a song, but he'd, like, dunk you in a tank of piranhas while you're trying. Or, like, ice water and like that.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Or like, walk across mouse traps. I'd be good at that. Double dare.

[Joe Santagato]

Obviously, I would dominate.

[Frank Alvarez]

That would be a problem in Double dare. Dude, are you kidding me?

[Joe Santagato]

I wanted to climb into that nose and get the flag, be covered in boogers.

[Frank Alvarez]

I like the one where it was just like, you have to go through the paint roller.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Yeah. That's a good one, too. Damn, dude, I want to get on a game show.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why? Why haven't. I mean, we were. I was almost on a game show. Remember that? Short lived.

[Joe Santagato]

Do I.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was quite the experience story how you were on a game show. We've told that story a couple times. It might not have heard it, but there was a. I knew someone in college who is a casting director for, like, a bunch of, like, game shows and reality shows and stuff like that. And she reached out and she's like, do you want to be on this show called Best Time Ever?

[Joe Santagato]

It was in Astoria.

[Frank Alvarez]

It filmed in Astoria Kaufman Studios. It was hosted by Neil Patrick Harris. And he had, like, a guest announcer, Alec Baldwin. Alec Baldwin was the guest announcement.

[Joe Santagato]

Nicole Scherzinger there too. Am I making that up?

[Frank Alvarez]

It might have been. But like, bro, sorry. One thing that I was like, whoa, TV here.

[Joe Santagato]

Because they put you in a room. I went with him as like his plus one. So they sit, the people who are actually gonna have a chance to be on the show on one side and the rest of us on the other. And they interview everyone and make them go up and like, say stuff about them to see who's good for tv. Yeah. So everyone's getting up, being like, hi, I'm Marissa, I speak five languages and.

[Frank Alvarez]

I've been to Peru. It was like the most like, it's the mo. It was the most intense, concentrated version of like what people believe. Like, those that are trying to make it are like, what they're doing. Like, they work at the Starlight Diner. So like they know they might be waiting on someone that's a screenwriter. So they're just like, wow, Boy, do you love this menu today. We have hamburgers, we have waffles. Like, it's just like that. Like I always think of. Do you ever see the SNL sketch where they were like making fun of like going to like, Disney acting camp? No, it's like that. Like, it's like, yeah, your reaction. And yo, they legit were like every person that came in the room, like, they, it wasn't like you could be on it. They. You had to have like a thing. And it was just like, I'm a screenwriter and actress and producer, you know.

[Joe Santagato]

But they make it seem like anyone in the crowd could get picked. So that makes me think that like.

[Frank Alvarez]

It'S fake, it's rigged, the Price is Right.

[Joe Santagato]

That like, there's only a certain amount of people in the crowd. It's not everyone. Like, everyone's wearing a name tag, but only a certain amount of people are have a chance to be on it because they have to like, vet who's like, good for tv. And that's why everyone who gets on.

[Frank Alvarez]

The Price is Right, they're like, well, cuz remember we. You didn't know if you were getting. They didn't tell who was getting picked to get picked. So they had like a, like a rotating series of pictures that like went through them quickly and then it would stop on the person that got picked. Yeah, I was the person right before the person that got picked. And it was like, you. The person was like, you win $20,000 cash, a new Jeep. Do you remember that? I was like, damn. But also, it was so tv. Like, it was uncomfortable. It was weird because it Was just like, if the. Like, you have to imagine the cameras on you at all times. So, like, button the smile. Like. Like, any big reactions, like, oh, you're like seals.

[Joe Santagato]

You're like seals out there.

[Ant]

Did you go up and have to give up? I'm Frank.

[Joe Santagato]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you've told this story.

[Joe Santagato]

It was like.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was good.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm glad that he did it the.

[Frank Alvarez]

Way that he did because everyone was.

[Joe Santagato]

Getting up there with these stories. Like, I lived in Europe and I. You know, I speak three languages and I. And, like, all these impressive things.

[Frank Alvarez]

I remember someone there climbed Mount Everest. Something like that.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. And. But there was a. There was multiple people who kept saying the amount of languages, and it just became a thing. Like, everyone kept doing that there and be like, don't speak any other languages.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just, like, said some other. I honestly don't remember, but I remember him saying that.

[Joe Santagato]

Didn't get a laugh. I was like, oh, God, this place sucks.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I mean, should have got picked. Also in between takes. Actors or different people than you see on tv. That's all I'm going to say.

[Joe Santagato]

What does that mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

That's all I'm going to say.

[Joe Santagato]

Nph.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's all I'm going to say.

[Joe Santagato]

Why?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, in between, like, they're. They're there for work. So, like, there's a machine running behind them. So, like, might have been a little snippy in between, you know, the commercial breaks.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't even remember that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that lines up with other people have experienced. Like, there's, like, stories and rumors about him out there.

[Joe Santagato]

That's.

[Frank Alvarez]

Where's my goddamn donut?

[Joe Santagato]

Sheila.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not saying I saw all that, but I saw enough to just be like, huh, interesting. And then funny, I guess. Not funny. Alec Baldwin being there, he had a fall.

[Joe Santagato]

Careful.

[Frank Alvarez]

He had a fall from grace. Yeah. You know, that was right around the time he might have called his daughter like a pig or something like that. Right.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I mean, every dad does that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know about that. I don't know about all that. I think it could be good for us to go on a game show. Not even just for the winning part.

[Joe Santagato]

Could be also very bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

It could be. If they just so happen to be filming one. Not far. They want people that are just like, fun guys, fun boy, fun boys. Going and doing stuff on a game show. You know, we'll make it fun. We'll make it memorable.

[Joe Santagato]

If we did Fear Factor, would you eat the bugs?

[Frank Alvarez]

That's easy. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay. Oh, yeah, you eat bugs.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hold on. I know you've eaten bugs. Well, please back up. You're coming. You're coming in hot. Okay. You're coming in hot like that. Whatever happened in your eye. Yeah, there it is.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're saying.

[Ant]

Yeah, it was coming all maroon.

[Joe Santagato]

Look at this. All maroon.

[Frank Alvarez]

What's wrong with maroon, Mitch?

[Joe Santagato]

Very matchy, Yo.

[Frank Alvarez]

Him and Greg hate matchy.

[Joe Santagato]

It's not that I hate matching.

[Frank Alvarez]

They've commented on my matching, like, at least six times in the last year and a half.

[Joe Santagato]

I. First of all, not me.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, you.

[Joe Santagato]

I have never been like, hey, you're too matchy.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was my first match. No, no, no, no.

[Joe Santagato]

You're very mad.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no. You didn't say, hey, you're too matchy. But you'd just be like, you like to match, which I know. I know what that. No, Greg said you really like to match, which is when I knew that I was like, oh, it's a problem.

[Joe Santagato]

Ladies and gentlemen, fabrication is happening upon us.

[Frank Alvarez]

There is no fabrication.

[Joe Santagato]

This is. This is being fabricated.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no.

[Joe Santagato]

Like a fabric factory. Frank. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're.

[Joe Santagato]

You're.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're really close to what? Just be careful.

[Joe Santagato]

Fabric factory. Oh, I see what you said.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're getting. You're getting awfully. You're teetering on the edge right there.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, that's why I enunciate. That's very enunc.

[Frank Alvarez]

Enunciation, conjugation, whatever that is. Subconjugation.

[Joe Santagato]

Who's that?

[Frank Alvarez]

I imagine it's like a conjugation being like a little sub.

[Joe Santagato]

Being a little submissive.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just like a little submissive. Like dominate me. Grammar.

[Joe Santagato]

Dominic. Congregation. That's not how you say it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dominate me. Dictionary domination. Make me a subconjugate. I'm subconjugating right now. Oh, sub synonyms.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Why don't you come on over? I'll subconjugate for you.

[Frank Alvarez]

I hate that we have words for what words are like. Words should just be words. Stop making them.

[Joe Santagato]

We've got words to describe words.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't like that adverb.

[Joe Santagato]

My guy. Get out of here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Get out. Yo, I'm not even kidding. Don't even ask me that stuff. I know. I know noun, I know synonym.

[Joe Santagato]

You know pronoun.

[Frank Alvarez]

You better know pronouns. I know pronouns.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, you better.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know him and I respect them.

[Joe Santagato]

I'll tell you this. That is. That is something that is also a positive in my life is that once the pronouns thing became very prevalent, I'm like, now I know what those are. We all that's a tough one.

[Frank Alvarez]

We all get something. Like, the people that are just like, I'm not respecting pronouns. We all get something out of respecting pronouns.

[Joe Santagato]

They, grammar.

[Frank Alvarez]

They. The people that are requesting certain pronouns, they get the respect they feel they deserve. And we're learning a little bit of grammar and syntax because that's not something.

[Joe Santagato]

That I would be very familiar with. Adverb. That one is gonna take me some time.

[Frank Alvarez]

My guy. If you asked me 10 years ago what a pronoun was, you weren't getting a conversation. I was.

[Joe Santagato]

I literally would have probably said butter. I, like. I don't know. I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

It does sound like a compound butter. Like a type of compound butter. Like a pronoun butter.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Or I just, you know, a professional noun. I don't. Oh, I would think that it's a name.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like a pronoun. Like something.

[Joe Santagato]

Olympus.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I would think it would be like, what you, like, when you respond, speak to people of high status, like captain and colonel. Like, the pronoun is like the ranking.

[Joe Santagato]

That makes sense.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, like, oh, well, military rank.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Your military ranking. Like. Well, that's Lieutenant Frank. You know what I mean? Like, their pronoun is lieutenant.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Now we know that that's not the case.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. He, she, they, she. Well, we're just going.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, we'll go. She, they, them.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

He, she, us, together is us.

[Joe Santagato]

I. He. I know. I.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's. It's. It's.

[Joe Santagato]

It's me. He. Yo soy he.

[Frank Alvarez]

Him, she, her, they, them.

[Joe Santagato]

There's more. I just. I'm not familiar.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you mind educating us?

[Joe Santagato]

Me?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

Did you forget. Did you miss the part where I said I don't. I'm not.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know, but now you're here, there's. There's. Someone needs to be the savior of this conversation.

[Joe Santagato]

I've heard creative ones, but I don't know them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I think Latinx. Latinx is, like, used. I can't. I see. I see it. And I immediately go to Latinx.

[Joe Santagato]

You have to. I. I mean, when you can pronounce X in that way, X is like the best letter. Let's get that out of the way.

[Frank Alvarez]

X is up there.

[Joe Santagato]

Triple X. Porn or Triple X?

[Frank Alvarez]

Vin Diesel. Diesel. I was going Vin Diesel and Ice Cube.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. You know, like X. Like, X marks the spot. Treasure.

[Frank Alvarez]

Treasure. Who doesn't love treasure?

[Joe Santagato]

Dips over the eyes. Dead. Dead Cartoon.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, yes, yes. X. X on the belly button. Like where to hit the bad guy in the video games.

[Joe Santagato]

Right, Exactly. You know yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Punch out King Hippo. That's right.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

He knows. He gets it.

[Joe Santagato]

What other X's are there?

[Frank Alvarez]

Don't. Don't do that. Stop.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

X. X. X's and O's. Hugs and kisses.

[Joe Santagato]

Kisses.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know the song X's and O's by Ellie Golding, right?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't think that's her.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is that the one? That's Rob Schneider's daughter.

[Joe Santagato]

That's. That's. What's her name? In the. In the. It's a something in an elephant. What's her name?

[Ant]

Cage.

[Joe Santagato]

No, not Cage. The elephant. What's it. Who.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who does a. Ellie Golding.

[Joe Santagato]

It's not Ellie Golding.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's Rob Schneider's daughter.

[Joe Santagato]

What's the thing? It's like elephant Ellie.

[Frank Alvarez]

Ella. Ella.

[Joe Santagato]

Not. No, it's. It's something.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who.

[Joe Santagato]

What's the song you just said? Oh, monkey dance. Oh, it's like elephant and tones.

[Frank Alvarez]

What's it called?

[Ant]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're speaking another language. I don't know what the question. I'm trying to. It's like monkey dance. An elephant type in monkey dance.

[Ant]

I want to help.

[Joe Santagato]

Or dance monkey. Not monkey dance. Dance monkey by elephant.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, it's. It's Ella something. Ellie King. Ellie King type in dance monkey. It's Ellie King. He's right. He's right. It's Ellie King.

[Ant]

Tones and I. Is that what you're saying, Dude?

[Joe Santagato]

Where did I get the elephant? Where did I even make an elephant?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know if I've ever heard this.

[Joe Santagato]

Tones and I. Yeah. Dance monkey, dance, monkey dance.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, that song sucks. Yeah, she has another one. What's the Ellie Gold song where she's like. Is that the one? Well, no. Then who's Ellie King? The one that you're talking about. That's Rob Schneider's daughter. I'm talking about this one.

[Joe Santagato]

I made an elephant and I don't know why.

[Frank Alvarez]

Show me Rob Schneider's daughter.

[Ant]

I don't think she makes music.

[Frank Alvarez]

She does. She does Ellie King type in I told you. Oh, okay. That's his daughter. She's L. King. This is L. King.

[Ant]

This music forward picture here.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

She has X's and O's. Oh, wow. I was right about Rob Schneider's daughter's music.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm very happy for you.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think she associates with her dad, too. I don't think she associates with her dad. So forgive me for just immediately just grouping her there. Well, I don't think her and her dad are like, Cool right now.

[Joe Santagato]

Good. Because you see what he did. L. King. And I'm sorry about tones and low. I don't know why I put an elephant in your name, but it felt correct at the time, wasn't it?

[Frank Alvarez]

Tones and I.

[Joe Santagato]

Tones and I. Who did I say tones and low?

[Frank Alvarez]

We just. I'm telling. If you take the last three minutes of this episode and you played it for someone that existed in like 1941, they would put their head in a.

[Joe Santagato]

Blender, they would just get polio and.

[Frank Alvarez]

They put their whole body in an iron lung head first.

[Joe Santagato]

Those are cool. I want to get into an iron lung.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, you don't.

[Joe Santagato]

Why not? It's just air. No, it helps me breathe.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think it's more than that, brother. It's like because people lost like.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I know it's not good when you're in it. It's.

[Frank Alvarez]

Last one. The last dude that was in one just went.

[Joe Santagato]

Because there's something wrong.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, yeah, I think it's. It's polio, right? That he had. You're.

[Joe Santagato]

You're talking about a man I've never met or know.

[Frank Alvarez]

I didn't meet him or know him either, but I know that he had something that I. That I knew.

[Joe Santagato]

All I'm saying is an iron lung looks.

[Ant]

Cozy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sure, bro. No way. The guy only he couldn't control his. I think he was a quadriplegic.

[Joe Santagato]

Frank. I'm not saying that sounds fun. I feel bad for those people.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, so you want to be a fully healthy, able bodied able who can.

[Joe Santagato]

Who. Who's just who? I'm. I don't. I know. I'm here.

[Frank Alvarez]

I am here. Where? Just call Nile 911. Dial 9 1.

[Joe Santagato]

Take the whole thing out.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dial 91 1. Next.

[Joe Santagato]

That sounded.

[Frank Alvarez]

Take it out. I'm subjugating right now. Take it out. Take it all. The grammar guys.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh man.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm telling you how I've got subjugate.

[Joe Santagato]

You when I get home.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, hear me out. You know, I'm not a fan of porn, but what if. What if it was like porn but grammar related?

[Joe Santagato]

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[Frank Alvarez]

Okay, sounds pretty good.

[Joe Santagato]

We also have Wayfair. Okay, Wayfair. We're all familiar with Wayfair. Come on. We all have a little bit of piece of furniture from Wayfair. But the holidays are approaching soon, so if you're going to be hosting, maybe you want to give a little refresh to the living room or the bedroom or the kids room, whatever the case is. Wayfair's got you covered. They got whatever you need, okay? But you can shop anything. They also have seasonal favorites. If you want to get a Christmas tree, some wreaths, they got you covered there as well. Some outdoor furniture, indoor furniture, some decorations and whatnot. Wayfair has you covered. So they have home decor, kids room stuff, living room essentials. But yeah, you know, it's getting around that time of the year where like when it gets close to the end of the year, you're like, we need a refresh, fresh start. Maybe you get some new furniture and you could do so with Wayfair. They have free and easy delivery. Even on the big stuff. They make it easy to tackle your home goals this holiday season. Okay? So you can get organized, refreshed and get ready for the holidays and head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home related. Okay? That is W a Y F A I r dot com. Go to Wayfair right now to get yourself some stuff. We also have Google Gemini, okay? And listen up college students. You can get this for free now, okay? You can get Google's Gemini 2.5 Pro plan for free for one year right now if you're a college student, all right? And I'm talking unlimited image uploads. Unlimited, okay? Deep research, alright? And also notebook LM and 2 terabytes of storage and more. 2 terabytes. That is more than you'll ever need. Trust me. Okay? You can use this model to organize your notes from class. You can Use it for a super deep dive into your research and even create these practice tests to help you understand the information even more. And that's something that's helped me through my career also, is like, when I can create little tests and then get ready for it and rewrite things down. Now we're talking about really knowing the information, knowing the knowledge here. Okay? All you have to do is Sign up by October 6th and you will get it for free. Okay? So visit Gemini Google Slash students to learn more and sign up. Okay, Terms apply Again. That is Gemini Google students to learn more and sign up. Terms apply. You're welcome.

[Frank Alvarez]

Listen up. You want something to dig your teeth into. You want something that's. That's a little sweet, a little sour, a little savory, maybe some garlicky in there, some umami. You're getting all that on Patreon, my friends. The most delicious place for more of us and a more. And an additional of us and more of us and a concentrated dose of us. Okay, if you go to patreon.com the basementyard, you sign up for that first here, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. You're in on the conversation before everybody else. Okay? You could see it along with all the people that then try to clip it and be like, we got to it first. You'll be part of that little cool group, dude. And then that second tier, you got exclusive episodes every single Friday where we're just bouncing off the walls. Maybe we got puppets. You never know. You never know what's happening. But you'll find out if you go sign up for that second tier at patreon.com the basement yard. You guys are helping us continue to break records on Patreon, and it is allowing us the opportunity to. To do some really cool things, give you guys more of us, make some more shows, give you better quality stuff from us. So go check it [e-mail] thebasemanyard we love you. We thank you for all the love and support. And if you decide that you want to sign up, what you do is you go to patreon.com thebasementyard on a web browser, if you use an app, they're gonna take extra money from you. So if you want to save a couple dollars, go to the web browser version. You'll save some money. You get a little bit of us. It scratches both itches on your back, baby. Okay? So thank you guys for all the love and support on Patreon also. Listen, while we're at it, we're talking. One of the cool things we're able to do because of your love and support on Patreon and love and support everywhere too is these live shows. We're on the back half of our tour. We got some shows coming up. Boy, oh boy, are we, are we having fun. And we want to have fun with you guys. So take a look at what's left, take a look at what shows are still on the horizon. And if there are tickets available and you want to come, come hang out with us. It's a good time. We have a lot of fun. So go to thebasementyard.com, check what's available, see if it's in a city near you or maybe a city you wanted to see and you want to make a little weekend or a weekday or something out of it to get the boys, you know, to show us some love and we'll make you laugh. How about that? How's that sound? Is that fair trade? Go to thebasementyard.com and check it out. And if you are coming to any of these shows, go to thebasementyard.com submit. There's a portion of our shows that we'd like it to be interactive and we ask people to submit crazy stories, wacky stories, crazy hijinks, we nut stuff, nuts stuff. So go. If you want to tell us about your nuts stuff, go to the basement, go to the base video.com submit. Let us know what show you're coming to and submit responses and maybe we'll talk to you about you with you at one of the shows. Okay. We love you, we thank you. And if you're coming to any of those shows and you're flying United or you're flying United anywhere, you're going for travel, for leisure, for whatever, for business, the boys are on the United Airlines flights. Oh yeah, that's right. Go find the basement yard on United Airlines. We're there. We're having fun. We're telling, we're telling some jokes. We're probably, I'm sure those curated lists of episodes that are up there are an interesting group. So go tell us which are your favorite. Thank you for love and support. We love you, we miss you. And I'm going to throw it on. Back to my co host, Joe Santagato from the basement yard. Joe, back to you.

[Joe Santagato]

Thanks, Frank. Back to you.

[Frank Alvarez]

So I'm thinking like, it's like we, you can invest because I'm not investing. I'm not putting my money in porn.

[Joe Santagato]

Because it's not a good idea because.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, because I. I refuse to support that industry because it is predatory in nature often. But like, if you. You would invest in it. There we go. Yes. So it depends on the idea. Well, here's the idea. It's like porn. You got. You know, it's not hard to remember humans having sex. Yeah. But they add in like to understand grammatical stuff, so it's kind of like teaching also.

[Ant]

Oh, no, you don't combine. No, you don't combine.

[Joe Santagato]

Horrible idea.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it's like you'll be able to take my top off if you. You can tell me the proper placement of a semicolon, which.

[Joe Santagato]

Who the hell knows that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, that's what I'm saying. You could. Two birds, one stone. Listen, can't beat them. Beat them off.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm kidding. Wow.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bad idea.

[Joe Santagato]

Semicolon, by the way. We can call it something else.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, it's a half colon.

[Joe Santagato]

I know, but we can get the colon. We don't have to call it a colon either, because we have. We know what a colon is.

[Frank Alvarez]

I also hate that they call the three dots and ellipses. Just call it like what?

[Joe Santagato]

Three dots.

[Frank Alvarez]

Where it's like at the end of a sentence where it'll be like dot, dot, dot.

[Joe Santagato]

That's called an ellipses.

[Frank Alvarez]

Ellipses. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

I did not know that.

[Frank Alvarez]

You didn't know that?

[Joe Santagato]

No. I thought ellipses was like weather.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's an eclipsy.

[Joe Santagato]

No, not an eclipses. Like what's the other one like an ellipses.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like a cute little eclipse.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, like it's just like a little one. A little baby one. Oh, look at the little ellipse up there.

[Joe Santagato]

No, what's the other one?

[Frank Alvarez]

The.

[Joe Santagato]

The solstice.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a season. That's like a time for like this, the year.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. It felt like all those words were similar, so they. I thought they all kind of meant the same thing.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, there's summer solstice and there's the winter solstice.

[Joe Santagato]

Thank you for listing out two.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's all that there is.

[Joe Santagato]

I know, but I thought that ellipses.

[Frank Alvarez]

Cuz then there's the fall and the spring equinox. Right, right. I know, I know.

[Joe Santagato]

Which. What is that? What is it? Just a time. Cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

Gym.

[Joe Santagato]

No. Right? Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it's an expensive gym. It's an expensive gym. And it's a time of the year.

[Joe Santagato]

Right. But does it have to do with the moon?

[Frank Alvarez]

I believe it has to do with the tilting of the earth and the angle at which the moon and the Sunlight hits us. So. Yeah, sure.

[Joe Santagato]

So naturally.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's like. It also has to do with, like, the Tropic of, like, Cancer and, like, the. There's. You never heard of the Tropic of Cancer?

[Ant]

I'm saying you were on the right track. I was just giving you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wait, so that was bewilderment at how I actually knew this.

[Ant]

I was just giving you props.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, the Tropic of Cancer, what does it do?

[Ant]

Oh, that part. I don't know. I was talking more about the tilts and then.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Because the Earth.

[Frank Alvarez]

Lose me the Earth.

[Joe Santagato]

This is the.

[Frank Alvarez]

It revolves. This is solstice. Yeah. Salsti.

[Joe Santagato]

Right. And then what's Equinox? When it's.

[Frank Alvarez]

She's got her equinox is when it's in the middle. Equin. Equa.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh. So when she's straight up, she's equinoxing, but when she's tilting, she's solsting.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, she's solsting.

[Joe Santagato]

She's, like, slouching. It's like when the Earth slouch.

[Frank Alvarez]

Correct your posture. Equinox.

[Joe Santagato]

Right. You know, but for the most part, we're solstice.

[Frank Alvarez]

We're solsting.

[Joe Santagato]

Is that right? Do we get that right? Can you read?

[Ant]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

So, yeah, so I'm trying. Because the Earth revolves around the sun, it also rotates on an axis.

[Joe Santagato]

Correct.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it tilts up and down like this, which is like how.

[Joe Santagato]

This is a joke.

[Frank Alvarez]

We're just. We're. This is not even a joke.

[Joe Santagato]

We're doing this. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

We're doing this in space. And everyone's just like, by the way.

[Joe Santagato]

By the way. Fast.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, dude. I mean, fast in the grand scheme of things. Slow for us, sure. Speed is relative, my friend.

[Joe Santagato]

But, like. I know, but, like, how could we not feel.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, because it's going slow into us, but fast to other things.

[Joe Santagato]

To speed.

[Frank Alvarez]

Faster to speed.

[Joe Santagato]

I heard that if the. If the Earth stopped spinning, everything would just go flying.

[Frank Alvarez]

Probably Earth. I mean, it's like being in a car that you hit the brakes. Yeah, I think they, like, the speed is, like.

[Joe Santagato]

Slammed my brakes yesterday. Very scary. Really? Yeah. I was coming home from my brother's house. All right. It's.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, you're okay, right? You're good. If something bad happened, I would have heard about it.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm hurt now.

[Frank Alvarez]

Are you?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You had a slam on the brakes of our friendship, and the whiplash just broke your heart.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I'm going to send you through the windshield right now slamming on the fucking brakes.

[Ant]

I was going to ask, do you know how fast the earth is moving around the sun?

[Joe Santagato]

How would you like me to answer?

[Ant]

In miles per hour? Please.

[Joe Santagato]

Wouldn't matter. I don't know. I think probably like 400,000 miles an hour.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, around the sun we got to think about. It takes 365 days and we need to know the distance.

[Joe Santagato]

He's going to say a lot of stuff and then not have an answer.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like a couple hundred thousand miles, right?

[Joe Santagato]

Give an answer. I said 400.

[Ant]

400 miles per hour.

[Joe Santagato]

No, 400,000.

[Ant]

Got it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm saying it's like distance. Eight minutes for light to hit us from the sun, you know?

[Joe Santagato]

You're not doing math.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm trying. Let me do math. Math, porn. Tell me what a summation is and I'll show you my nipples.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't even know what that is. Exactly.

[Frank Alvarez]

You'll get there one day. Give an answer. I would say. 782 miles per hour.

[Ant]

67,000 miles per hour.

[Frank Alvarez]

Around the sun.

[Joe Santagato]

I was off and he was.

[Ant]

Well, I'll tell you what though. For around 400,000 miles per hour, our entire galaxy is moving.

[Joe Santagato]

Where's it going?

[Frank Alvarez]

Our solar system expanding. It's an ever. It's. Everything is expanding.

[Ant]

No, no, sorry.

[Frank Alvarez]

You never heard of the Doppler.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, I know that, but you're saying we're moving.

[Frank Alvarez]

We're also going.

[Ant]

Our entire solar system, including Earth, is orbiting in the center of the Milky way at about 400 to 500,000 miles per hour.

[Joe Santagato]

Fast.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's fast, brother.

[Joe Santagato]

That's so fast.

[Ant]

And the Milky Way is also moving through the universe at about 1.3 million miles per hour.

[Joe Santagato]

What is happening to us right now?

[Frank Alvarez]

We're lying. Shut the fuck up with all this stuff. Like, I hate that. I hate. Listen, I love Neil Degrasse Tyson. I think he's a cool dude. He's well spoken. Love his vest game. Okay, but like, to make this a thing you learn about life and like, want to tell people about. Shut up.

[Joe Santagato]

The Milky Way.

[Frank Alvarez]

Great, great, great name for a galaxy.

[Joe Santagato]

Delicious. I think that we should name all of the scientific stuff after chocolate bars.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not. Yes. Cosine. I mean, yeah, absolute cosine. I'm with you there.

[Joe Santagato]

But then we have like, Andromeda. What is that?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, that's a pretty cool name. Stop, stop, stop. It reminds me of like.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't like it.

[Frank Alvarez]

It reminds me of like, like a, like. See like a bad, like you Know, like cyber bad. Bad guy from, like, a video game. You know what I mean?

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what I mean? Andros. That's who I'm thinking of.

[Joe Santagato]

Can you look at the names of galaxies?

[Ant]

Yes, we can.

[Frank Alvarez]

Then they get. They get boring after that. It's like, oh, there's Centauri. And it's like.

[Joe Santagato]

Centauri. That sounds like a Japanese one.

[Frank Alvarez]

It might be. Honestly, the name.

[Joe Santagato]

A Japanese galaxy, Frank.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why can't there be.

[Joe Santagato]

They would have their own.

[Frank Alvarez]

You only want white galaxies, Joe.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I'm just saying, like, it's not. It's just a. It's a.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, like, they can name it. Be like we named it first. Does some. This is like someone names.

[Joe Santagato]

This is a real question now. Does every country recognize that this is called the Milky Way galaxy, or do we.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a great question. Look up what the galaxy is called in other languages because we call it the Milky Way because we're fat Americans. But, like, do the Japanese call it, like, something cooler?

[Joe Santagato]

I thought you were gonna say, I'm glad. But that's like. Does. Do the Japanese people have a different name for the Milky Way?

[Frank Alvarez]

I think whatever you look it up as, Joe needs to try to pronounce it.

[Ant]

They don't.

[Joe Santagato]

They call it the Milky Way.

[Ant]

No, they don't. So in Chinese, it's called the Silver River.

[Frank Alvarez]

Whoa, dude, that's a great name. That is a really good one.

[Joe Santagato]

The Silver River.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a good one.

[Joe Santagato]

What does Russia call it?

[Frank Alvarez]

Wait, why did he say they don't? And then gave us an example of them knowing.

[Joe Santagato]

They don't call it.

[Ant]

No, they don't call it the Milky Way.

[Frank Alvarez]

Got you.

[Ant]

I only have a few here. I'll try to find. But in Finnish, it's called the Path of Birds.

[Joe Santagato]

That's not bad. Because, you know when you kind of see looks.

[Frank Alvarez]

Nah, but I mean, we're city folk, so we hate birds. I mean, if they were like this, the. What is it? The Parade of Birds.

[Ant]

The. Sorry. The Path of Birds.

[Frank Alvarez]

If it was like the Path of Dragons, I'd be like, wait, so Japan.

[Joe Santagato]

Calls it the Silver China.

[Frank Alvarez]

China.

[Joe Santagato]

China calls it the Silver River. That's.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's so good.

[Joe Santagato]

It's a good name.

[Frank Alvarez]

That is so good.

[Ant]

In Hindi, it's the Genghis river of Heaven. I think that's the real river.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

See, that's a good one, too. River of Heaven. It's up there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sure, yeah.

[Ant]

Sanskrit. The Divine way.

[Joe Santagato]

Love that. What is Sanskrit?

[Frank Alvarez]

Is that like a. I don't Know, I'm not. I'm not gonna ask because I don't want to come off as imagining that I don't. Like, I don't want people to think I don't know what that is. Let me. Let me appear like I'm smarter than I am. Yeah, dude.

[Ant]

Sanskrit and the Kalari people. The backbone of the night.

[Joe Santagato]

Is it the backbone of the night?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I mean, kinda. Because when you look at the night, you could always find its backbone in the middle. And it's the stars.

[Ant]

And that's all no sense.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yo, I can't tell you how unreasonably excited I got the other night when I found the Little Dipper. I was like, oh, oh, have you been outside?

[Joe Santagato]

That's an easy one to find.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know, but that's why I'm saying unreasonably excited, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

I went through a time in my life where for some reason, so many people kept going, that's Orion's belt. To, like, any three stars you could find.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, it's the. It's. And that's an easy one to find. It's. The middle one is the North Star, isn't it?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know. I mean, I don't really know what the North Star.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's a binary galaxy there. A non binary galaxy. Yo, come on, that's awesome. Be more. You know, I'm sure there are people in the south. They're like. I'm not calling it Fireworks Galaxy.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, clearly I see that.

[Frank Alvarez]

We like four year old. Yo, we talked about this recently. Sombrero Galaxy. We talked about. Joey's pissed about that one. We talked about this recently. I love this Andromeda. Cool. Cartwheel sucks.

[Joe Santagato]

Hoag's object. I just.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yo, we talked about this like a year ago. Not even. Maybe like three months ago.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't even remember.

[Ant]

I think we did, you know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I remember you looking it up and being like, whoa, some of these are cool.

[Ant]

I'm jogging back now.

[Joe Santagato]

Black Eye Galaxy.

[Frank Alvarez]

But what do they call them in other countries? Like, other countries that have cooler names for things like Germany. What is Germany called a galaxy?

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, hold on. Now that. Now that we found out that, like, other countries don't acknowledge, like, the Milky Way, what do they acknowledge? Like, do. Like.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because they probably named it before, like, the planets.

[Joe Santagato]

Do they call the planets different shit or did we decide what the.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like. Oh, that's a good. You know what? Look up. What? I just want to know what Japan calls the planets.

[Joe Santagato]

I'd like to know what Japan calls everything.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think I think the planets might be one that might be more universally.

[Joe Santagato]

Because, like, has to be Earth.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I would imagine Earth is just Earth, but, like, I could see them. Like, it's like the planets are universal, but, like, because those. You had to, like, use, like, intense. I keep saying, like, and people are gonna get pissed out yout had to use intense, like, imaging in order to see them. So, like, those came later, and everyone was just like, okay, all right. We know the planets.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Before, when they could just see the galaxy.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I'd never even thought of this until now.

[Frank Alvarez]

This is the most. The most intense, like, searching of stuff that Ann has had to do.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. And hasn't done this since, like, the essay.

[Ant]

What I'm trying to look up. They're all for the planets. It's all close to the name, just in their language.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, okay.

[Ant]

You know, it's like, it's still.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that's. That's. That makes sense.

[Ant]

But, like, not as vastly different as the Milky Way with all those other.

[Frank Alvarez]

But. And also, by the way, this is crazy. All of our planets are named after, like, Roman gods.

[Joe Santagato]

Are they?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Mars, Jupiter, Venus, Saturn, Uranus.

[Joe Santagato]

You're naming the planets.

[Frank Alvarez]

Those are Roman gods.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So the fact that ancient Romans were just like, yo, that's Jupiter. That's the. Whatever number it is. It's just like, how the hell.

[Joe Santagato]

Dude, how the did they know that was up there?

[Frank Alvarez]

Listen, I'm telling you right now. Did they know about. I would have been stoned and killed. Because I'd just be like, yo, you all are. I'd go back with the time and the knowledge and be like, yo, you guys are idiots. Dude, let me show you a phone. I'd bring a, like, Nintendo Switch with me, and I would ruin their lives.

[Joe Santagato]

Nate Bargazi has a great bit about if he went back in time, even if he had a cell phone, he'd be like, I don't know that I would change anything because. Or he was. He was like, oh, you know, now with the phones. Like, now they have a cell phone. You have it in your hand. They'd be like, how do they do it? And he's like, I don't know. Yeah, I don't want to do his bit for him. But, like, he has this really funny bit about that, like, which is true. It's like, how could. If you went back in time, how would you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I heard that. I heard the thing, like, the one line I heard was, if you brought a motorcycle to the Middle Ages, they'd learn how to use it. But they wouldn't be able to replicate it because they don't have the technology. And that's the same thing with a gun.

[Joe Santagato]

But you'd be the motorcycle guy. Yang, Yang, here he comes.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's ye olde asshole. Frank.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. You know, douchebag, there were no roads. There were.

[Frank Alvarez]

There were dirt roads, brother. They had wagons they had to walk.

[Joe Santagato]

They would make roads with their feet.

[Ant]

That a motorcycle could last on. Maybe.

[Joe Santagato]

Depends what kind of tires on there.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'd bring a dirt bike.

[Joe Santagato]

I'll tell you this.

[Ant]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'd bring a dirt bike back to the middle.

[Joe Santagato]

One flat tire. Suddenly not so cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would bring an AK47 back to the revolutionary war. That would win the war. If I'm just like, yo, George, who's George Washington?

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, oh, the revolutionary.

[Frank Alvarez]

The George at the time.

[Joe Santagato]

The George.

[Frank Alvarez]

The George, yeah. Boy, do I have something for you guys. You don't need to march and play flutes to go and fight them. Sit right here and just press one button and win the war.

[Joe Santagato]

They had guns too.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. It took them 40 minutes to shoot two rounds, dude. Yeah, It'd be like, all right, set up fire and the fucking bullet would end up over there. And then they'd be stuffing this thing with like feathers and powder and shit like that.

[Joe Santagato]

Dude, I'd like to shoot a musket at some point in my life. Wouldn't you?

[Frank Alvarez]

My father in law wants a black powder rifle. Or he has one. What is that where you pour the powder, the gunpowder?

[Joe Santagato]

Hell yeah. Now we're talking. I want to shoot in this thing. Light up like an old camera. Just like. Yeah, like smoke everywhere.

[Frank Alvarez]

Explodes in your face. Yeah, you want this thing just blasting you subjugate. I'm back to subjugation, baby. Knock your contacts out.

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, because we're back to the original conversation with the contacts.

[Joe Santagato]

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[Frank Alvarez]

I forgot what we were saying. It's amazing how when you cut to ads, how my brain just shuts off for 40 seconds.

[Joe Santagato]

It's a, it's a thing. I do have one thing that we have written down. You mentioned something about toilet paper in China.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, dude. So I, yep, we're gonna talk about toilet paper in China. There was a, it's going not viral. But like I saw a story that basically public toilets in China have QR codes on the toilet paper dispensers now. So you need to watch like a 30 second ad in order to get toilet paper.

[Joe Santagato]

Don't. Don't. I'm not.

[Frank Alvarez]

What do you be honest? First of all, I know how you feel about public toilets. You'll crap your pants before you go to a public toilet.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I'll only use them in an emergency. Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

If you walked in and you saw a QR code gatekeeping toilet paper.

[Joe Santagato]

Let's, let's be very honest about something. It's me. Hello. I'm in China. I Won't notice that this thing isn't available until I am already done crapping. Oh. So.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, yeah. No, because, you know, who thinks of the toilet paper during the crap? It's always at the back end.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I'll never. You. You think about. Oh, yeah, he's a bird. He's. He. He nests his.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah. He, like, folds it up and, like, kisses it and puts a wax stamp on it before he wipes his ass.

[Joe Santagato]

No, no, he, like, throws, like, sticks and dirt into the toilet and then he shits on it and then he. And then. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wait, what?

[Joe Santagato]

No, he. He throws, like, toilet paper in the.

[Frank Alvarez]

Craps on top of. So you're.

[Joe Santagato]

You're. Yeah, he makes a nest. He's like a bird.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Ant]

You're like a bird, A little birdie.

[Joe Santagato]

He throws toilet. For what? Because there's no splash.

[Ant]

No splash? Yep. It prevents the splash, so you get a little.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's where. Guess what? Guess where toilet water is supposed to be if not in the bowl. A sprinkle or two on your ass, Asshole.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't. I don't really agree with what you're saying.

[Ant]

I don't know if that's a good argument.

[Joe Santagato]

I think there's better arguments to make. Like, hey, how about your plumbing?

[Ant]

Some sacrifices are willing to make.

[Frank Alvarez]

Also. Also, your crap is above water. Now, it's really not that your crap is above water. So it stinks.

[Joe Santagato]

It's.

[Ant]

No, it goes through.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're gonna tell me you've never crapped?

[Joe Santagato]

And heavy are your poops.

[Ant]

It's just not. They're not that.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're, like, dropping dense logs.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, dude, it could go through.

[Frank Alvarez]

I fucking hate this conversation.

[Joe Santagato]

You're drunk. I mean, you.

[Frank Alvarez]

I hate this.

[Ant]

I didn't think that my bird nest thing was going to come up. I meant more like when you go to a public stall, you need to check if there's even toilet paper there.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't do that.

[Frank Alvarez]

The expectation is. Do you mind? Do you mind if I'm going to a public bathroom? I am there with one thought on the mind, and it is.

[Joe Santagato]

I hope no one hears this. Hurry.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hearing. I don't. People don't give a fuck about hearing in public toilets.

[Joe Santagato]

You will. You will take a dump, like, as loud as you can.

[Frank Alvarez]

First of all, I'm there for business. I'm not thinking about noises. I'm not. I'm not one of those people that's just like, oh, yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

That's not what I mean. I mean, like, you know, like when you go to the bathroom, sometimes there's noises. I will try to prevent that at all costs.

[Frank Alvarez]

How you like squeeze your little asshole?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Too much.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that's true. That's what, that's what I.

[Frank Alvarez]

Seriously?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's crazy. You just got it. Like, if, I mean, I'm not sitting there. It's not. It doesn't sound like a gun show in my stall.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, I'm not saying it sounds like that sometimes, you know, so you're going.

[Frank Alvarez]

In and you're just praying that it doesn't sound like a World War II reenactment.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, it's not. Well, like I said, I only use public restrooms when it's like an absolute emergency. So, like, I'll try to avoid them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Absolute emergency is my middle name, baby.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't have a choice.

[Joe Santagato]

But like, you know, that's why it's like, I'm not, I'm not going in there. You know, you're looking around, you're enjoying the wallpaper and then you're taking a dump. Like, I'm there and I have to go now. So.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I could, I could. But this, if it was you had like half or like single ply. And then if you wanted like the cottonelle, some. Some upgraded, like, like upgraded toilet paper, then I could understand it. It's like those, like the phone, like the ads on your phone where it's just like you get another life and jetpack joyride if you watch a 30 second ad of the King on King's watch or whatever it's called. You know what I'm saying?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, or it's just like, you know, I hate those ads, but that I would understand.

[Joe Santagato]

I do want to say this before we continue those ads during like phone games where they're purposefully purpose for fur. Fur purposefully losing the game.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. And I'm just like, I could play.

[Joe Santagato]

This so much better. It makes you download it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know that you.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, you know what you're doing.

[Frank Alvarez]

You.

[Joe Santagato]

You psychologists are like, if you make it, if you play it bad, they'll want to play it good.

[Frank Alvarez]

It'll be like a bow. It'll be like a stick in stone. And it'll be like advance a thousand years or minus 10 years. And they'll be like, oh, yeah, minus 10 years.

[Joe Santagato]

And then it turns into a sperm.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that about. And then, yeah, I fucking hate you guys. And also, I'm pretty sure. Don't get me. Don't ask me why, but I'm pretty sure That's Russia that's making all those. Okay. I'm pretty sure. Don't ask me why. I have no grounds to stand on.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

This is a safe space to talk. Okay. I downloaded one of those games once where it was just like, you know, like advance or like times for the amount of people in your little gang. Yeah, yeah. Or like the ones where it's like the zombies are running down this way and you have to like shoot them.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. And there's one big one just.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I downloaded that game and then I immediately, it was just like, agree to the terms of licenses. I deleted it because I was like, this is Russia. Don't ask me how or why.

[Joe Santagato]

What's Russia gonna do?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, you know what fucked me up? Do you remember that app that one summer? It was like 2016 or 2019, it went mega viral and it was like an app where you can like, show what you would look like as an old person or like, show.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then someone was just like, this is Russia.

[Joe Santagato]

I think that was China.

[Frank Alvarez]

China. I was just.

[Joe Santagato]

China.

[Frank Alvarez]

Tick tock. So I was just burnt from there. I mean, everything is China and Russia.

[Joe Santagato]

They can have my information. I, I, what am I gonna do?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it's all out there anyways.

[Joe Santagato]

That's what I mean.

[Frank Alvarez]

Everyone knows of Joe Santagado and they know you. They know more you than me. Numbers don't lie. So if anyone rushes coming for you first and then me second, damn, they probably be pumped with you. They'd be like, you could stay. We like you.

[Joe Santagato]

Thank you.

[Frank Alvarez]

You can hang out with the Vladimir. Take your shirt off.

[Joe Santagato]

Take your shirt off. What were we talking about before I got into the ads?

[Frank Alvarez]

The toilet paper. Oh, before we got.

[Joe Santagato]

No, no, I mean like before the ad conversation about those games, the game ads.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I was talking about, like, if it was, if you had to watch an ad for like better quality toilet paper, I would, I would do that.

[Joe Santagato]

I think that we should eliminate the first and second tier of toilet paper and just go with the better ones now. Like, there's no reason for me to be anywhere in a toilet.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but like, what is, I don't understand why. But like, you have to spend money on toilet paper. Like, it seems like it is a basic sanitary.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, people are, you know, they have to be paid. The ones who are making it, that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Should be a government subsidiary. Like, that should be, they should be funded for like general. Hey, man, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. But I'm saying, like, the Way that, like, can you use, like, SNAP benefits or is it ebt?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, SNAP and Snap and ebt, Right. I assume.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can you use that for toilet paper?

[Joe Santagato]

I assume we don't need to look that up.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I would hope, because, like, that's a basic sanitary need.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I just don't see the. I don't see why we need very thin toilet paper in this world, dude. I know that some are like, all right, this is like, I'm wiping my ass with a Tempur pedic blanket here.

[Frank Alvarez]

This is crazy. There's some. This is TikTok account, and it's this guy, and he's like, these are little luxuries. They're luxuries that are, like a couple. It. They're more expensive, but they're not, like, hyper luxury things.

[Joe Santagato]

Mm.

[Frank Alvarez]

Good. Toilet paper is one of those.

[Joe Santagato]

Hell, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

That I just can't, bro. I grew up with my mom getting Scott's toilet paper. No offense to Scott's. You're doing a good thing. You're making it cheaper for people that need it. But I could literally hold it and see through it.

[Joe Santagato]

That's what I mean.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, I'm wiping my ass with fucking tissue wrapping.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I gotta.

[Joe Santagato]

I gotta crumble this thing up. Like, I'm making it.

[Frank Alvarez]

If I can put it over a picture in a fucking coloring book of Tweety Bird and draw it perfectly, then we got a problem.

[Joe Santagato]

We have an issue here.

[Ant]

You know, I use Scots.

[Joe Santagato]

You. Scott's. I actually think I have Scott's in my apartment too.

[Frank Alvarez]

They make them, like, now, like, ribbed for your pleasure. And, like, you got it here. You got some here that's got some squiggles in it and stuff like that.

[Joe Santagato]

None of them are ribbed.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, they have ribbed toilet paper.

[Joe Santagato]

Ribbed, Ribbed.

[Frank Alvarez]

Ribbed, brother. Show them. Ribbed toilet.

[Joe Santagato]

Do you like it?

[Frank Alvarez]

I've used it and it kind of does its job. I mean, you think about, like, the. The reason that we're able to pick up goods and items.

[Joe Santagato]

It feel like, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

It feels like it's, like, gripping my asshole, like.

[Joe Santagato]

And you like it?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, just because it does a good job.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, but I don't like it because.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, you think I'm sitting there fucking fingering my ass on the toilet?

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not. I'm not. I'm saying you're wiping. I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, it's like. That's why we have ridges and fingerprints, because that's what helps us grip. If it's completely smooth, it's gonna fly off your bung.

[Joe Santagato]

Off your bung.

[Frank Alvarez]

Look. Yeah, Sharp. It's sharp. Oh, yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

It's not like rich.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, brother, that is ribbed. That's just paper towels.

[Ant]

It's really more this one, right?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that's the rib.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I've used that.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's what I'm talking about. I got some of that industrial shit because when I worked on my college campus, it was like the toilets in the dorm rooms were like industrial. They had like the industrial holder.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So like you could buy your own. But then they had the ones that. It's like the big plastic one that like you have to like open with a key and put in a roll that's this big.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, those were horrible.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, they did their job though, brother.

[Joe Santagato]

I know, but I don't, I don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like that I still have a roll of them. I took like eight when I left college 10 years ago and I still have like one left.

[Joe Santagato]

No, throw out.

[Frank Alvarez]

No. Why would I throw it out? It's a perfectly good roll of toilet paper.

[Joe Santagato]

Being able to hoard a piece of toilet paper, a roll of toilet.

[Frank Alvarez]

It is in my car right now.

[Joe Santagato]

In your car?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. God forbid I go somewhere they don't have toilet paper. I. I'm prepared.

[Joe Santagato]

That's insane.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why is that insane?

[Joe Santagato]

And you also moved it from your old car to your new car so you have a new car. Did you do that at the dealership before you gave your car and like. Hold on, let me get this giant roll of toilet paper?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I did it at my house.

[Joe Santagato]

Have you used the toilet paper?

[Frank Alvarez]

Not in like six, seven years. I mean, that's. Oh, that's not true. I spilled. I told you that day I came in and I had a big stain on my shirt. Because of Burger King. Yeah, I used it then.

[Joe Santagato]

Got it, you know.

[Frank Alvarez]

But no, I haven't like wiped my ass.

[Joe Santagato]

Is it like in your back seat?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, it's on my. Like, you know how like you could see out your rear view mirror and you see out the back windshield? Yeah, it's right behind. It's right on there where the headrest is like behind the headrest.

[Joe Santagato]

What, behind your head in the car?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Is a roll of 10 year old toilet paper that you stole from college.

[Frank Alvarez]

Stole is. They gave it to me.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

The janitorial staff gave it to me.

[Joe Santagato]

So if I'm sitting in your car and I'm sitting behind the driver's seat, I am 4 inches away from getting.

[Frank Alvarez]

Knocked out with industrial grade toilet paper. Yes. That Is correct, sir. That's so crazy. I mean, it's like the people that always carry like baby wipes on them.

[Joe Santagato]

Very different.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think that's different at all.

[Joe Santagato]

Industrial grade roll of toilet paper or.

[Frank Alvarez]

What is the difference in what the item physically is? What is the difference?

[Joe Santagato]

More practical use?

[Frank Alvarez]

I think one of those. I mean significantly.

[Joe Santagato]

And one's like portable.

[Frank Alvarez]

That is fair.

[Joe Santagato]

Resealable.

[Frank Alvarez]

That is fair. But you don't need to seal dry paper. You need to seal those because they're moist.

[Joe Santagato]

Moist towelette.

[Frank Alvarez]

Moist towelette. Oh, there. There's a certain selective pick me's that watch our episode.

[Joe Santagato]

They're just like, oh, moist. You know what I don't get at like nice restaurants and like on, on Delta flight.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, it's such a little luxury.

[Joe Santagato]

They're like, here's your hot towel.

[Frank Alvarez]

Your steaming hot towel.

[Joe Santagato]

I got hot towels on Delta.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hot towels. I'm a United boy. I fly United all the time. They got some hot towels.

[Joe Santagato]

Really? And they're doing.

[Frank Alvarez]

They're cushiony and they're thick and these things come out and it's.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, you put it on your face.

[Frank Alvarez]

I do a little.

[Joe Santagato]

I put it on my cheek sometimes.

[Frank Alvarez]

I do.

[Joe Santagato]

Afraid to cover my face.

[Frank Alvarez]

I do.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, you do that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

That feels crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

It feels awesome.

[Joe Santagato]

But like, think about how many people have used that towel me.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's why they steam them, to sanitize them. You fuck.

[Joe Santagato]

I know.

[Frank Alvarez]

You fuck.

[Joe Santagato]

I know. I'm just thinking about like so many people had this on their face.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but they've been sanitized. Sure, sure, sure. It's. It's like they are, they are good. They're basically new for what I'm using.

[Joe Santagato]

Why do I need my hands hot?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. The first time that happened to me, I was like 16 years old at Yankee Stadium and I went to the New York Yankee Steakhouse and I was there and I was just like, oh, my God. And someone. I sat in like a big leather chair to eat dinner, which was crazy.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. What.

[Frank Alvarez]

At the time.

[Joe Santagato]

What are you, Goldilocks?

[Frank Alvarez]

And then they gave me like a hot towel like that. And I felt so like, what do I do?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, I felt so like when.

[Joe Santagato]

You go, when you have like your first fancy restaurant and like those types of experiences, it's, you know, you kind of it up. I remember one time I was at a restaurant and. And they, I ordered a steak and they brought it over and they were just like, look.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Before they cooked it. And I Was like, yeah, that's.

[Frank Alvarez]

What am I looking for? That's the same. I remember that happened at. In Vegas when we. We were, like, 23 in Vegas, and they were like, we brought over the cart of steaks to show you all the cuts. And I was just like, this is awesome, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, at that point in my life, I was like, steak.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then I, like, went to, like, Texas Roadhouse, and I was like, oh, that one has great marbling. Texas Roadhouse. I'll take the second one from the bottom. Texas Roadhouse.

[Joe Santagato]

The guy's like, okay, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. The guy's like, just point and tell me.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah, you know?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I love those little luxuries at, like, nice. Like, that's obviously a huge perk of, like, us going to these cities for these shows. We get to eat at some really good restaurants and, like, the little, like, you know, like, I went to a wine tasting once, and they gave you the little, like, things to suck on to, like, cleanse your palate. You ever had that?

[Joe Santagato]

What little thing?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like a little oyster. It looks like an oyster cracker. And, like, the idea is you're supposed to put it in your mouth and, like, suck on it, and it cleanses your palate so you're ready for the next round of wine.

[Joe Santagato]

I've never experienced that at all.

[Frank Alvarez]

A lot of people do, like, sorbet. Sorbets, like a raspberry sorbet or something like that. Prefer a little cracker.

[Joe Santagato]

You prefer a cracker?

[Frank Alvarez]

Cracker. Daddy wants a cracker.

[Joe Santagato]

Jesus.

[Frank Alvarez]

Speaking of, I don't know why this is. Speaking of, I sent Ant a quiz because I got. I know it's very confusing that it led here, but I saw Captain Crunch, and I stared at the box for five minutes, and I was like, yo, that's not Captain Crunch. It looked fake to me. So I sent Rebranded him. I sent Ant one of those, like, Mandela effect quizzes.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay?

[Frank Alvarez]

The reason that got me there is because it's the parrot. Daddy want a cracker. Captain Crunch.

[Joe Santagato]

Got it, got it, got it.

[Frank Alvarez]

So I want to just test how many of us can act like what we could do.

[Joe Santagato]

I bet you I do well at this. By the way, I'm looking at this picture of Captain Crunch, and I would love some.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, Captain Crunch is coming back because they're getting rid of all the fake dyes and shit like that. Your hero, RFK Jr. Really, like, he kind of, like, set us. He set us forward with some stuff. I mean that by your own words. I love Captain Crunch. But I can. Here's the thing. I can have three bowls of Fruity Pebbles. I can only have one box, one bowl of Captain Crunch, because my mouth comes out like someone took a cheese grater and face fucked me.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't even fucking care, dude. Sign me up for two.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really? So what is it? Is it Captain Crunch or Cap' N Crunch?

[Joe Santagato]

It is very clearly Cap' N Crunch. Like, very clear.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, not. No capping.

[Joe Santagato]

No, it was never Captain like, yo.

[Frank Alvarez]

You'Re skibidi capping right now.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know why they went with this. Like, why they decided to do that. Also, what's with the Quaker Oats guy on the fucking other box?

[Frank Alvarez]

That's probably who owned it. I could see Captain Crunch was like, when they first got. When they first came out in, like, this 70s. It's like, this is Captain Crunch.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I don't get it. Why Cap and Crunch? But that's. That's clearly.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay, good, good, good. You got it. Good. I'm surprised.

[Joe Santagato]

We're fine here. What is Jigsaw's signature line in the Saw movies? See, this is that It's.

[Ant]

I did for a second think this was all about cereal. Because of the line.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. And then also. What?

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

He has a name. I know. And. Don't, Don't.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, Jigsaw is the old.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's Jigsaw is the old guy. That is like Bethany or some shit like that.

[Ant]

84% sure it's Billy.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think it's Billy the puppet. Yes, you are correct.

[Joe Santagato]

Puppets. Oh, we're back on purpose. Oh, go. Scroll down. I want to play a game. Do you want to play a game? Want to play a game?

[Frank Alvarez]

How many of these movies have you seen?

[Joe Santagato]

Realistically, one.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. I've seen all of them.

[Joe Santagato]

Which is the one with the. I fall, not me, but someone fell into a pit of syringes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that's a second one.

[Joe Santagato]

That's the last one.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was Amanda, who was thrown in by, I believe, Frankie.

[Joe Santagato]

Hey, that's fine.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think it's the first movie I got kicked out of trying to sneak in and see saw to 2004.

[Ant]

How far did you get?

[Frank Alvarez]

30 seconds. Is it.

[Joe Santagato]

I want to play a game.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think it's. Do you want to play again?

[Joe Santagato]

It's definitely not wanna.

[Frank Alvarez]

It might be because he's kind of. He's kind of a little badass, Billy. He's like, yo, listen, you want to play, you douchebag.

[Joe Santagato]

Think it's. Do you want.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think it's.

[Joe Santagato]

Do you want.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you want to play a game? Want to play a game? It might be.

[Joe Santagato]

Wanna play?

[Frank Alvarez]

Wanna, wanna, Wanna play a game with Billy the puppet?

[Joe Santagato]

I think this is like a Star wars thing. You remember when the line.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, that one I know inside and out is, no, I am your father.

[Joe Santagato]

Which is shocking. But I think I'm. I'll go with Frank for the sake. But I think it's. I want to play a game. For some reason.

[Frank Alvarez]

I want to play a game. No, because they're asking the person if they want to play. He's asking the person. So what's the I. I think it.

[Joe Santagato]

Do you? Do you? Do you.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think. I think it might be. Want to play a game.

[Joe Santagato]

All right, we're getting this wrong, but want to play a game.

[Frank Alvarez]

Fucking knew it. All right, all right. Oh, it was.

[Ant]

I want to play again.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right. I should probably rely on Joey's skills here.

[Ant]

Love Saw movies. I had that in the. In the Locked.

[Joe Santagato]

Really?

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Which is the correct name of this correction fluid. This is white out.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, what are the answers?

[Joe Santagato]

Also, that's the worst. Oh, oh, it's. It's I T E. I think the both.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no, no. The only way. The only reason I think it's W H I T E is because that color looks more right than the color on the left.

[Joe Santagato]

I agree.

[Frank Alvarez]

The more like orange looks more correct than the yellow.

[Joe Santagato]

I agree with you, but I'm. I'm like, pretty sure it's w I.

[Frank Alvarez]

T. I just got to say whiteout was having cool white out in elementary school was such a flex, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

If you had the one that had the sponge on it or if you were one of the kids. Oh, that had the tape. The tape sucks. The white out tape sucks. Dude. The Asian kids always had the tape. They always had the tape. Always had a tape.

[Joe Santagato]

And why did the Asian kids always have the fucking tape?

[Frank Alvarez]

Because they have cool, bro. You know they have like stationary awards in. In Japan.

[Joe Santagato]

What does that even mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like they give out awards every year to, like, the coolest stationery items. I've seen Tiktoks I the sponge.

[Joe Santagato]

That is the fucking worst, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. And then it's like a raised paintbrush. Yeah, you get like a raised bump on your page. Like, it's like sickly.

[Joe Santagato]

It's like bubbling up.

[Frank Alvarez]

Y.

[Joe Santagato]

My test has lupus.

[Frank Alvarez]

Get this sick leper. Leprosy paper.

[Joe Santagato]

Leprosy is what I was going for.

[Frank Alvarez]

Lupus.

[Joe Santagato]

That's a completely different thing.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, I'm gonna. I will give you I will defer to your choice here. I think it's W H I T E. But I'll defer to what Joey said.

[Joe Santagato]

It's W I T E. Give me that. Give me the tight.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes. Good job. Very good job.

[Joe Santagato]

Let's go. Let's go. I think.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know why the color did look right, though. I was right about the color.

[Joe Santagato]

Pick the correct target logo, Frank. I'm not even going to even look at the screen. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, guys, it's the left.

[Joe Santagato]

It's the left.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's the left. It's not even close.

[Joe Santagato]

Come on.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, come on.

[Joe Santagato]

Listen, the hell's picking the right?

[Frank Alvarez]

I spent more time in a Target than most humans on this planet. I'm not saying that as a flex. What is the actual airline? It's Alaska Airlines.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh. Or Alaskan.

[Frank Alvarez]

I gotta say, I don't know what it is about the name Alaska or Alaskan Airlines. I feel safer on their planes than I do.

[Joe Santagato]

Me, too. I feel like the AC is really good.

[Frank Alvarez]

I feel like they know what. They've got it down because, like, if a state has their own planes, they're on to something.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm gonna say Alaskan Airlines because of American Airlines.

[Frank Alvarez]

Be honest. If you saw airplane from a certain state, which would be the scariest.

[Joe Santagato]

Florida. Yeah. Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

At least we're in agreement there.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm gonna say alas. Kin.

[Frank Alvarez]

Alaskan Airlines, I think there are technically already is a Florida airline. It's called Spirit.

[Joe Santagato]

Jesus. I'm gonna say Alaskan.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll say Alaskan as well.

[Joe Santagato]

Come on, give it to me, baby.

[Ant]

This one feels like a trap.

[Joe Santagato]

And it was.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was a trap.

[Joe Santagato]

You.

[Frank Alvarez]

He was right.

[Joe Santagato]

Alaskan.

[Frank Alvarez]

Right? Alaska Airlines.

[Joe Santagato]

Alaska. I guess so.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a tough one.

[Joe Santagato]

Which is the correct logo for the laughing cow?

[Ant]

Oh, it's the nose. Specifically.

[Joe Santagato]

I'll be honest with you. I don't. I don't know what this is.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, it's the baby Bell cheeses. Like the little. The little cheeses that. I love those, dude. Those are a nice little snack.

[Ant]

Are these not the red?

[Frank Alvarez]

There's different brands. There's Laughing Cow and Baby Bell.

[Ant]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know if she's got a nose ring. I imagine PETA would be pissed about that. Did you hear PETA got pissed at Mario Kart?

[Joe Santagato]

For what?

[Frank Alvarez]

Because the. Yeah, don't get ant started. If you go for his Mario Kart, he'll go for your jugular.

[Ant]

So dumb.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because the. The cow in. It's mumu. The cow in Mario Kart has that ring in its nose. And it was like an inhumane way to like, steer cows at the time.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh. Was pulling by their nose. That's why they have that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. So they. PETA was just like, yo, better do better. Mario Kart.

[Joe Santagato]

Then that makes me think that it has the nose ring.

[Frank Alvarez]

That makes me think it doesn't.

[Joe Santagato]

But that was a new thing that just happened. No.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I'm sure if they went after Mario Kart, there's someone else they've gone after before. PETA just goes it for everyone.

[Joe Santagato]

All right, let's go. No ring.

[Ant]

I'll be honest. I'm not a fan of the gold scheme here. The gold color scheme doesn't either.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think anyone cares about your fan hood.

[Joe Santagato]

You're gonna have to click, I promise. You gonna have to click again. You're gonna have to probably.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, we go. Oh, yeah, sorry. I'm sure Peter was just.

[Joe Santagato]

Cheese lives another.

[Frank Alvarez]

Where do you stand on animal rights? Laughing cow Cheese.

[Joe Santagato]

How do you spell this saint's name now? His Mother Teresa.

[Frank Alvarez]

But there's an H or no H. I think there's no H because she was Italian. Right? Was something. It was a Mama Teresa.

[Joe Santagato]

There's a lot of conspiracy about Mother Teresa, by the way.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole.

[Joe Santagato]

A ten foot religious pole. I'm gonna say no, no H. Just like white out.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll go with that.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. No H. Come on, Mother Teresa. Yeah. What is the correct name of this entertainment center? A restaurant.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm sad that the two that you are definitely Chuck E. Cheese.

[Joe Santagato]

It's not Chuck and Cheese.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no. They both say Chuck E. Cheese. It says Chuck E. Cheeses or Chuck E. Cheese. Oh, yeah. If it was like, what's right? Chuck E. Cheese or Chunk and Cheese.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm going to say the left.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm going to say left because of the logo.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, the logo, the logo.

[Frank Alvarez]

I've never seen the logo on the right.

[Joe Santagato]

And Chuck E. Cheese is like, he takes. That's his name. But this is. This is Chuck E. Cheese's.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's his. He takes ownership. It's his place.

[Joe Santagato]

It's my cheese.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, it's Freddy Bears, not Freddy Fazbear.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, that's a FNAF reference for the kids. I'm trying to get the younger generation into our younger demo. Can get a little. Get them in here. Let's talk fnaf. Let's talk. Let's talk. Let's talk Foxy and chica. Okay, okay. Let's talk Mr. What's his name? The cupcake. Mr. Cupcake.

[Ant]

I know. Bonnie.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bonnie. Obviously foxy Chico happening here. You know, I know all this stuff because I'm cool with the FNAF crowd, because of my son has taught me this one.

[Joe Santagato]

Chuck E. Cheese's. Bang. This quiz is fucking sucks. We're crushing.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just want to say the two I was confident in were Target and Chuck E. Cheese's. What does that say about me, right?

[Joe Santagato]

What color of Tony the tiger? Wait, what? What color mascot? I mean, dude, what's the difference? How is there a different thing?

[Ant]

Oh, the.

[Joe Santagato]

The nose. A blue nose. I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wait a sec. I think it might be blue nose. They gotta add a little pop. Yeah. Blue looks. Because there's. Here's the thing, there's detail on that blue nose.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You could see the nostrils. That's why I think. Listen, me and Tony Tiger, I love.

[Joe Santagato]

I love frosted.

[Frank Alvarez]

Honestly, they are great. Is just such a simple, like. Yeah, dude. It's like beating around the bush. Tony Tigers do it.

[Joe Santagato]

They're great. Blue fucking nose.

[Frank Alvarez]

Also a tiger. And a bandana. Just a cool image.

[Joe Santagato]

Tigers. Awesome bandanas.

[Frank Alvarez]

Cool sugary cereal.

[Joe Santagato]

Also cool Frosted flakes. Also regarded as a top five all time.

[Frank Alvarez]

We could argue blue nose.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you. Ant.

[Ant]

A couple clicks.

[Joe Santagato]

We're not gonna get another one wrong, I think.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm pretty sure we do better than like the normal person on this fucking go.

[Joe Santagato]

Does Morpheus from the Matrix say, what.

[Frank Alvarez]

If I told you I probably shouldn't?

[Joe Santagato]

What if I told you everything you knew it was a lie?

[Ant]

Oh, does Morpheus say that?

[Joe Santagato]

Does he say it? Oh, I. Well, this is gonna be for you, cuz I.

[Frank Alvarez]

Here's the thing.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

If they're asking if he says it, then it's not that he says it that way, it's that he says it another way. Like, instead, it wouldn't be like, what if I told you everything you knew was a lie? It would be like, what if I said everything is a lie? Like that. They would fuck with the wording like that. Yeah, yeah. So I think, just playing the game.

[Joe Santagato]

Here, process of eliminate.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think I'm gonna. He doesn't say that. And it's like, no, actually, he says this.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I agree. It'll pop up and be like, no. He says, what if I told you everything was a lie? But he doesn't say what everything?

[Frank Alvarez]

Or everything was not true.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Bang.

[Frank Alvarez]

What does he say? All those memes were a lie. That wasn't even such a line in the movie. There you go.

[Joe Santagato]

There you go.

[Ant]

Oh, there was just. That just wasn't.

[Joe Santagato]

They just made it up. What does Henry VII hold in his famous portrait?

[Frank Alvarez]

What the.

[Ant]

That's a good one.

[Frank Alvarez]

What is that, a turkey leg or gloves?

[Joe Santagato]

What is it?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, he's. He looks like a fat ass. So here's why I'm gonna say turkey leg.

[Joe Santagato]

Because it was like a turkey leg. Is it.

[Ant]

It says turkey leg.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, shit.

[Ant]

In the words.

[Frank Alvarez]

Here's the thing. Here's why I'm gonna say turkey leg. Being it was a status thing to have money and be fat back then that meant you had access to food and you were wealthy.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So I think it's a turkey leg.

[Joe Santagato]

I think I'm. I think I'm going turkey like, too.

[Ant]

It just feels like the glove looks really good in this picture.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, it makes more sense.

[Ant]

Yeah. Also this feels like a thing where they would put the glove, but then the people make fun of them, you know, would like, put a turkey leg in there.

[Joe Santagato]

Ah, that's a good point. Also, let's talk about the shadow on, like, below the turkey leg. It's not big enough, but it fits perfectly for the gloves.

[Ant]

That's what I'm saying.

[Frank Alvarez]

I feel like it's more believable that it would be gloves, though. So that's why I think it's a turkey leg.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Ant]

This is an impasse is what we call it in the news.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, well, you're a newscaster now.

[Ant]

I don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

Turkey leg, sure. Yeah. It's like God damn gloves.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right.

[Joe Santagato]

We fell for the meme. The thing just says, why would he hold a turkey leg?

[Frank Alvarez]

What is the correct logo for Volkswagen?

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I know this one.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I think it's.

[Joe Santagato]

It's the gap.

[Frank Alvarez]

It is.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know. Yeah, it's the gap.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, I'll believe you. I believe you.

[Joe Santagato]

I believe definitely the gap. It's a hundred percent the gap. It's a gap. Thank you.

[Frank Alvarez]

100 in that one.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that's a.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a. That's a crazy.

[Joe Santagato]

You gotta have the gap.

[Frank Alvarez]

What is the predominant color on Uncle Sam's hat?

[Joe Santagato]

That's a fantastic question.

[Frank Alvarez]

I have to see.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

Red. I want to say blue looks more natural, though. It does. By the way. I gotta say, maybe at the time it worked. Who is this working for nowadays? An old white man stressed like this, pointing at me. I'm just immediately saying, fuck whatever you're about to say or asking for yeah, like fucking.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh. Ebenezer Scrooge wants me to go to war. I don't give a fuck.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, fuck you. Do you go to war, you scaly old bastard. Give me blue.

[Joe Santagato]

Guy looks like Lemony Snicket. Definitely blue.

[Frank Alvarez]

Doesn't look like Lemony Sneaking. You're thinking Count Olaf?

[Joe Santagato]

Joey, I am thinking Olaf. I don't know who Lemony Snicket is.

[Ant]

The creator.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think he's the author of the books.

[Joe Santagato]

All right. I think you didn't count all off. It looks like Count Olaf. Give me blue, baby. Give me blue. Show me blue, baby. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think we're gonna do, like, pretty well.

[Joe Santagato]

What's the name of the singer?

[Frank Alvarez]

That is Barbara. Barbara Streisand.

[Joe Santagato]

Barbara, comma, first of all. Hold on.

[Frank Alvarez]

Barbara or Barbara? It's not going to be Bar Bra.

[Joe Santagato]

Like a bra, bruh. It's Bara. Barbara.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, it's Barbara. Unless she spelled her name wrong.

[Frank Alvarez]

Also, Becca and I, like, bonded over this. Like, I. I have the Barbra Streisand Christmas album, Fire, and it's his, like. But it's also so chaotic. And I remember thinking it was funny. And then Becca was like, that was a joke with my family, too. Soulmate.

[Joe Santagato]

Soulmate. Just say that. Soulmates over Barbra Streisand.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hey, man.

[Ant]

So you have the album. Do you remember how? It's her name on it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I want to say it's Barbara.

[Joe Santagato]

Barbara.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think it's Barbara.

[Joe Santagato]

It's gotta be Barbara.

[Frank Alvarez]

What the hell? Barbara.

[Ant]

People remember seeing Barbara on the album cover. Oh, they caught you. But it's definitely Barbara.

[Joe Santagato]

That's crazy. She spelled it wrong. She spelled it her parents.

[Frank Alvarez]

What is the correct name of this peanut butter brand? Jif. It's Jif.

[Joe Santagato]

It's Jif.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's Jeff.

[Joe Santagato]

It's Jif. It's not even close.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's not even. Yeah, it's not even.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Let's not get crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Come on, baby. How stupid do you think we are?

[Joe Santagato]

We're gonna run through this now.

[Frank Alvarez]

Does C3PO have a silver leg? No.

[Joe Santagato]

Absolutely not.

[Ant]

Yeah, he does.

[Joe Santagato]

No, he doesn't.

[Ant]

If I were.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, no, he doesn't.

[Ant]

Wasn't it red?

[Frank Alvarez]

His arm was red in a later movie. He has a silver leg.

[Joe Santagato]

All right. Say yes. I believe Frank. I. I'm not confident anything. My whole life is a lie now. I can't believe that. I would have never said that. Silver leg. Cruella.

[Frank Alvarez]

Cruella D? Vil.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Deville. She's like a French. French she's got French, yo. What a bitch, by the way.

[Frank Alvarez]

A fucking asshole. Like, bitch. Yo. Like, it's a kids movie, and this woman just wants to skin puppies.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, what's wrong with you, bro?

[Frank Alvarez]

How many coats do you need?

[Joe Santagato]

Cruella Deville also, Yo, mad point these, huh?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yo, mad. And then also they made, like, an origin movie for Cruella with Emma Stone, and they're just like, look, she was a victim, bro. This bitch went on to want to skin puppies.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, Like, I'm good.

[Frank Alvarez]

What are you doing, dude? Cruella, you're a.

[Joe Santagato]

Maybe look in the mirror and realize that half black and half white hair isn't cool, and that's why you're upset. Not at the dog.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what? Show is so fire. I don't know if you watched it because you were more a Disney Channel kid than, like, a Cartoon Network kid, right? Yeah. Do you remember after school in, like, middle school, it was like, we'd get home and it was recess, the show. And then the next one was, like, the House of Villains.

[Joe Santagato]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it was like, all, like, Disney villains, like, hanging out at, like, a. Like a. Like a jazz club. Like, the fucking monster from Fantasia was in the corner, like, smoking a cigar.

[Joe Santagato]

Nice.

[Frank Alvarez]

And Cruella De Vil was, like, having a cocktail with Gaston.

[Joe Santagato]

Nice.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was a cool show. And then it got into, like, even Stevens and, you know, like, the cooler shows, like, that's so Raven. But that was a cool show.

[Joe Santagato]

That was the reason why you brought that up.

[Ant]

Oh, love. That's so Raven.

[Joe Santagato]

It's. It's the bottom one.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hey, now what to say now about to put it down.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Come on. A rob with the rainhound and if the future looks gray now Everything gonna shake down let's rock.

[Joe Santagato]

He'll never forget that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Here's the results, baby. I think we crushed that. Fuck you. Skip to the results. We gotta skip 13 out of 17. That's not bad.

[Joe Santagato]

We're.

[Frank Alvarez]

We're partying with the Wedding Crashers movie. That is a great movie. There's some questionable stuff in it, but you know what? It's still. It's still funny.

[Joe Santagato]

76%, which is passing in my high school. And, you know, that.

[Ant]

Just made it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that was over. That was like B minus in my high school, which told you what you wanted to know about Brian. Not bad.

[Joe Santagato]

That's a pretty good memory.

[Frank Alvarez]

I crushed that. There's so many of those examples.

[Joe Santagato]

Like you.

[Frank Alvarez]

You brought up the Star wars one. Like, the people think the line is, luke, I am your father. Where it's just like, no, I am your father.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. You know, it's just, you know, it's word of mouth, things out of hand.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. There's so many examples of those things, especially with, like, movies and music and all that.

[Joe Santagato]

Right. Nelson Mandela effect. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

The Nelson. Why do they call it.

[Joe Santagato]

I think it's named after him, if I'm not mistaken.

[Frank Alvarez]

Of all the things to name after him, why that?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't want to be wrong on that. So we're gonna have to look that up for sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Not a lot. Not a lot of room for error when it comes to talking about activists.

[Joe Santagato]

Why do they call it the Mandela effect?

[Ant]

Because of false memory phenomenon surrounding the death of Nelson Mandela.

[Frank Alvarez]

Gotcha.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm safe. Live to fight another day, folks. Thank you so much for watching this episode of the basement yard. Frank. Where can they find you?

[Frank Alvarez]

You could find me f the Frank Alvarez on all forms of social media except for Twitter, but I don't really. And then find the basement yard on all forms of social media. Go to the Patreon. Patreon.com/the basement. Also, you can find us the basement yard on all United airlines flights. Go check it out. Awesome that we're there. Take pictures that you're watching on a flight. Tell your friends about it.

[Joe Santagato]

And where can they find you?

[Ant]

You can find me.

[Joe Santagato]

You can find the rest of the show at the basement yard on all social media. Go. Follow me at Joe santigado. And that is all. See you guys next time.

[Ant]

Tried to get faster with it. Didn't work.