#523 - The Pocket Is Hot

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard #523 — “The Pocket Is Hot”

Date: October 6, 2025
Hosts: Frank Alvarez, Ant (with guest Kira)

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Episode Overview

This lively and off-the-rails episode of The Basement Yard finds lifelong friends Frank Alvarez and Ant talking about undergarments, the psychology of comfort versus style, nostalgia for early 2000s pop culture, and a deep-dive into the world of processed snack foods (most notably pizza bagels, pizza rolls, and Hot Pockets). With playful roasting, personal confessions, and plenty of tangents, the crew explores why we’re strangely attached to certain foods, smells, and sensations — all in their signature irreverent tone.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Underwear, Comfort vs. Sexy (00:22–08:53)

• Thongs and G-strings:
  • The hosts debate the comfort level of thongs and G-strings, with Frank admitting he doesn’t understand their design for comfort (“Like, bro, underwear should be built for comfort, not for fucking sexy.” — Frank, 03:05).
  • Kira clarifies differences between G-strings and thongs, likening G-strings to dental floss.
• Male Perspective:
  • Ant and Frank jokingly ponder putting on thongs as men and the logistical issues with “fat nuts” (“They’re dense. Dense nuts. I have dense nuts.” — Frank, 04:50).
  • The ridiculousness of giving adults wedgies is discussed, especially while wearing thongs (“If someone grabbed my thong and ripped it up my ass, I assume there’s going to be blood. There will be blood. Daniel Day Lewis.” — Ant, 03:59).
• Fashion & Gender Roles:
  • The pressure on women to wear uncomfortable clothing — heels, thongs, etc.
  • “Women have been tricked by big clothing, I guess. Big, Big. Big shoe.” — Frank, 05:36
  • “Pain is beauty.” — Ant, 05:52

2. Pop Culture Nostalgia (08:53–13:18)

• Wrestling Influence:
  • Shoutout to WWE wrestler Lita for making thong-over-the-waist cool.
  • Fishnets as sexually charged fashion versus their use by wrestlers like Matt and Jeff Hardy.
• Early 2000s Disney/Teen Icons:
  • Memories of Cheetah Girls, TLC, Raven-Symoné (“Giant fat crush on Raven Simone when I was younger.” — Ant, 12:20), and other formative pop culture moments.
  • Brief singalong and enthusiasm over movie soundtracks.
• School Uniform Memories:
  • Discussion about how Catholic school uniforms were manipulated for style and how even a tied polo shirt could be scandalous.

3. Snack Foods Deep Dive — Pizza Bagels, Pizza Rolls, Hot Pockets (14:00–48:07)

Pizza Bagels (15:05–25:54)

• Passionate Debates:
  • The precise science of cooking pizza bagels, pizza rolls, or Hot Pockets to avoid burning or cold spots.
  • Methods for “optimizing” your pizza bagel plate — eating the worst ones first, saving the best for last (“I’m eating my least favorite first and I’m working my way up to the most delicious.” — Frank, 20:51).
• Nostalgic Attachment:
  • Pizza bagels, Hot Pockets, and mozzarella sticks as nostalgic comfort foods, now legitimized by having kids in the house.
  • Kira’s (and everyone’s) baseline horniness, and the parallels between food and sexual cravings.

Hot Pockets Mania & Product Ideas (33:26–46:54)

• Dream Collaborations:
  • Fantasizing about a Basement Yard-themed Hot Pocket (“The Basement Pockets — that sounds like an asshole.”— Ant, 35:21) and debating outrageous new Hot Pocket flavors (chicken parm, dessert pockets, Nutella, s’mores, cinnamon roll, etc.)
• Nutritional Dissection:
  • Judging macros/sodium (“720 mg — that’s 31% of your daily intake.” — Kira, 42:54), protein content, and the impossibility of eating just one Hot Pocket.
• Power Hour Challenge:
  • Planning for a video challenge: a pizza roll every minute (60 pizza rolls in an hour).

4. The Science of Processed Foods (44:48–53:59)

• Protein & Fiber Fads:
  • Commentary on how everything is now “high-protein,” including soda.
  • The rise of probiotic and prebiotic sodas like Olipop and Poppy, and skepticism over “good” bacteria in foods and drinks (“My pants, dude, you’re supposed to have a lot of fiber.” — Frank, 45:20).
• Diet Soda Epiphany:
  • Ant realizing diet soda is zero calories and being mind-blown.

5. Wildest Ice Cream Flavors & Scented Memories (51:07–61:32)

• Sunscreen & Oddball Ice Creams:
  • Van Leeuwen's sunscreen-flavored and other bizarre ice creams spark a brainstorm on what non-food smells or textures would make good ice cream flavors:
    • Windex, Febreze, gasoline, barbershop, coins, tennis balls, marbles, fireworks, wind, comfy couch, potpourri, Souvlaki, “your mother” (jokingly), erasers/book fair, day-before-Christmas-break...
• The Allure of the Inedible:
  • Why some inedible things appear appetizing (Tide Pods, dish soap, etc.) and the need to resist!

6. Body Sprays, Colognes, and Adolescent Nostalgia (61:32–70:11)

• Axe Body Spray:
  • An extended laugh over absurd old Axe scents (Kilo, Dark Temptation, Anarchy for Him, Africa, Vice, Clicks, etc.)
  • Marketing aimed at hormonally-charged teens, and wild ad campaigns (“Who are naming these? The horniest people in the world on the planet.” — Frank, 65:36).
• Other Scents:
  • BOD, Curve, Michael Jordan cologne, fierce (from Abercrombie), and the phenomenon of shirtless teen models at Abercrombie stores.

7. Ending Tone & Small Talk

• Medium Talk Concept:
  • The group explores the gradations of conversation from “small” to “medium” talk (“When’s the last time you got caught in the rain?” — Kira, 67:19).
• Wrap-up:
  • Silly, meandering end discussing football, fantasy teams, and a final roast about buying vintage Axe on eBay.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Like, bro, underwear should be built for comfort, not for fucking sexy."
  — Frank, on why underwear design mystifies him (03:05)
• “When you're young and you see it, like part of the thong on the hip, that was basically sex at a certain point in my life.”
  — Ant, reflecting on early sexual awakenings linked to fashion (07:38)
• “Pain is beauty.”
  — Ant, summarizing the cultural messaging around uncomfortable fashion (05:52)
• “3 and 23 are fucking… you know, shoot them with a gun.”
  — Ant, on the worst looking pizza bagels in their snack ranking (19:05)
• “We single handedly brought back Pop Tarts. We can agree on that, right?”
  — Frank, hyping their influence on snack culture (40:57)
• "The basement pockets — that sounds like an asshole."
  — Ant, on why a Basement Yard Hot Pocket collab might need a rename (35:21)
• “Who are naming these? The horniest people in the world on the planet.”
  — Frank, after reading a list of Axe scents (65:36)
• “When’s the last time you got caught in the rain? Medium talk.”
  — Kira, defining “medium talk” (67:19)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:22-08:53: Underwear, thongs vs. G-strings, men’s logistics
• 08:53-13:18: Lita, fashion, and early 2000s nostalgia
• 14:00-25:54: Pizza bagel snack science and ranking
• 33:26-46:54: Hot Pocket flavor brainstorms, nutrition, and product ideas
• 44:48-53:59: High-protein/fiber snack trends, “good bacteria,” diet soda
• 51:07-61:32: Weird ice cream flavors, inedible temptations, and lived experiences
• 61:32-70:11: Axe Body Spray scents, 2000s cologne nostalgia
• 67:19: “Medium talk” and social engagement

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Tone

The episode maintains the cast’s signature blend of raunchy, absurd, and endearingly nostalgic banter. With lots of self-deprecating humor, inside jokes, playful debates, and pop culture references, it's perfectly tailored to listeners who appreciate both deep dives into snack foods and off-the-wall asides about childhood, sexuality, and the modern consumer landscape.

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For listeners new or returning, this episode is a quintessential dose of Basement Yard chaos: honest, nostalgic, and always horny for snacks (and sometimes, apparently, for coins, tennis balls, or the intoxicating scent of a 2004 Axe bottle).

Transcript

[Ant]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. There she is, the Queen of England. Are you saying.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wow.

[Ant]

Wow.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was.

[Ant]

Face looked a little like. Like a doll. Like a.

[Frank Alvarez]

It felt kind of doll. Like, to be honest. It felt. It felt fake.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

It felt not real.

[Ant]

Right. Is that a new shirt?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's very white. It's so white, right?

[Ant]

It is.

[Frank Alvarez]

It is new white as I got it yesterday.

[Ant]

Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

I love shirts. I love T shirts.

[Ant]

White T shirts.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like a good. Like a good white T shirt.

[Ant]

Phenomenal.

[Frank Alvarez]

And this is from. They're not a sponsor anymore. Pair of thieves. I'll give them a shout out. It's great shirt. It's great. Great shirt. Great boxers, too. Yeah. I'm boxed out on them also.

[Ant]

What does that mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm wearing their boxers. Oh, are you see them?

[Ant]

Sure. Are you giving yourself a wedgie over there? What's going on?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I'm in an era of life where I'm really into, like, wedgies box.

[Ant]

Oh, I didn't know, bro. I thought you were gonna say wedgies.

[Frank Alvarez]

Come on, brother. There was someone at our show that was into that, remember?

[Ant]

Oh, yeah. Someone at our show was like, I'm really. I have a wedgie kink. I like to give them. I like to.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's crazy. I don't know. Like, you're literally saying, like, you have a kink of someone, like, scarily ripping your asshole or Berginga. Yeah, like, you ever think about that? Like, a wedgie could, like, go into Virginia.

[Ant]

I know, but, like, thongs, like, that's a wedgie. You're wearing a wedgie.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I never understood thongs. Like, I like them. Don't get me wrong, I like them too. No, nothing against them.

[Ant]

How do you feel about G strings versus thongs?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think I've ever seen a G string in the wild. As far as I'm concerned, they're just something that exists in Brazil. Like, not even just Brazil, but, like, it's like someone says there. It's like a unicorn. I think people say the unicorn people have g corns.

[Ant]

What am I saying?

[Frank Alvarez]

Do they got g corns?

[Ant]

Geese strings. That's tough.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why can't you.

[Ant]

I don't know. I said g corns and that fucked me up.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just. I feel like they're not actual things in the world. People just like, yeah, they are, but they don't exist. Oh, they're there.

[Ant]

No, no. It's one line across, one line down between. You crick.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's gotta be. Like, I get someone Made them. But why did anyone wear them? Like you don't need to wear them. People.

[Ant]

I think it's like a way to like wear underwear but not really wear underwear.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, but they're bathing suits, aren't they?

[Kira]

Yeah, those.

[Ant]

I think they're underwear too.

[Kira]

Those are ones that look like dental floss.

[Frank Alvarez]

They literally look like it's a string covering your asshole.

[Ant]

It's a cuz a thong. The only difference between a thong is like it's got that little triangle.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, there's like a little bit more little triangle. I just like ladies.

[Ant]

Little triangles. Not really doing anything anyway.

[Frank Alvarez]

Ladies, you don't need to wear them. Like you, you could. They'll stop making them if you just stop wearing them, period.

[Ant]

I think that they, they should wear them. I think they look really nice.

[Frank Alvarez]

You can keep wearing them. Sorry. Too much. Jesus. Sorry.

[Ant]

Well, I'm just saying like the little triangle at the top of the thong is not really doing anything anyway. When you think about it, it just.

[Frank Alvarez]

It seems like it's just a stupid design.

[Ant]

Which one?

[Frank Alvarez]

Like bro, underwear should be built for comfort, not for fucking sexy.

[Ant]

I think it is comfortable for them. Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

How? Why?

[Ant]

I've asked this before, but I think that they're like. I don't even know it's there. I don't even know it's back there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because it's not like jammed, brother. It looks, I mean jammed. It looks jam. But I guess I don't wear them so I can't sit here and make any claims. You ever put a thong on? What the hell was that? Aunt, you've put one on.

[Kira]

No, no, no, I never put a thong on.

[Ant]

I would just to see what the fuss is. What's all the hubbub?

[Frank Alvarez]

Hubbabaloo. What is it? Hullabaloo. Hullabaloo, Hullabaloo.

[Ant]

See what that's all about?

[Frank Alvarez]

I just, I feel like it's not gonna go.

[Ant]

Yeah, I wouldn't really be jazzed.

[Frank Alvarez]

And if someone gave me a wedgie wearing that, I'm not kidding, I would fight them.

[Ant]

Well, I'm going to have a bloody something.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bro, as an adult. If you give an adult a wedgie, you're crazy.

[Ant]

What?

[Kira]

No, just sounded just the visual picture.

[Ant]

If someone grabbed my thong and ripped it up my ass, I assume there's going to be blood. There will be blood. Daniel Day Lewis.

[Kira]

If we wore a thong, do we have to put it to aside?

[Ant]

We're talking about the back.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, the front has like a front.

[Ant]

The front has like something. I mean we'll I. You know, you'd be spilling out of the thing.

[Frank Alvarez]

Big cock ants, but yeah, it's fucking big balls McGee over here. Yeah.

[Ant]

You'd have to pick which way you're gonna put your fat nuts. We'll be fine. What?

[Frank Alvarez]

Come on.

[Ant]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

You throwing me under the bus like that.

[Ant]

I said we.

[Frank Alvarez]

You'll be fine. I got giant fat nuts, too. I don't. They're regular nuts. I know. I just. I feel like my. Like, I don't have big nuts, but.

[Ant]

They'Re heavy, so you have normal size, but, like, overly.

[Frank Alvarez]

They're dense. Dense nuts. I have dense nuts. So, like, I don't. I don't see a thong that I could put them in that it'll support them. You know what I'm saying?

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like a hammock. Like, you know when you get in a hammock and you're like, oh, I'm too heavy, and the hammock is, like, basically touching the ground. That's what would happen if I wore a thong as a man. Yeah, probably.

[Ant]

I mean, I wouldn't put one on. I throw one on, though, just to.

[Frank Alvarez]

See what it's about throwing on and just, like, pumps and then just like, la, la, la, la.

[Ant]

No, I mean, I was. No.

[Frank Alvarez]

You don't think. You don't think so.

[Ant]

Pumps.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pumps, yeah. I've worn high heels for, like a. I did, like, a drag show years ago. That shit's crazy.

[Ant]

I.

[Frank Alvarez]

The fact that, like. Unbelievable.

[Ant]

I can't believe women wear them all the time. It's tough.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just think that women have been tricked by big clothing, I guess. Big, Big. Big shoe.

[Ant]

Big high heel.

[Frank Alvarez]

Big high heel. Into thinking that, like, this is cool. This is cooler than, like, comfort. Like, a thong is cooler than.

[Ant]

Pain is beauty.

[Frank Alvarez]

Underwear is.

[Ant]

It's what they say.

[Frank Alvarez]

If I was a woman, you're not getting me in a pair of high heels.

[Ant]

I think that, like, it makes the leg look like. Like it's a little flexed or something. And maybe that's why I don't even know the appeal.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're thinking of that lamp from that fucking Christmas Story movie.

[Ant]

I'm thinking of every heel I've ever seen.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay.

[Ant]

I'm not thinking of all lamp.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay.

[Ant]

But there is that lamp, which is weird. I don't like when people have that in their house.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's your lamp leg. That is a weird thing, right?

[Ant]

Also, why are dudes into fishnet stockings? What's that about?

[Frank Alvarez]

That's like an old. That's like an old timey thing like.

[Ant]

Oh, she's got fishnets. She's ready for sex. What is this for?

[Frank Alvarez]

What are you talking about? I see it and I immediately think of Matt and Jeff Hardy.

[Ant]

I think this.

[Frank Alvarez]

I swear to God, I see it. People say, oh, fishnets.

[Ant]

Ooh, she's a.

[Frank Alvarez]

She's a little devious minx. And I'm like, oh, this is someone that's going to hit a twist of fate. Swamp Tom bomb.

[Ant]

Yeah. I'm thinking this. You know what I mean? When I see a fishnet, I'm like.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not thinking, like, oh, yeah, Team Extreme, not Team Blowjob or something.

[Ant]

Exactly.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, I don't know where that came from. I. You know what? Good on Matt and Jeff Hardy, the professional wrestlers, for taking back fishnets from big sexism. And they made it for, like, rock and roll dudes.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, and those dudes that dress and, like, dance like this.

[Ant]

Yep.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know who I'm talking about? You know exactly what I'm talking about.

[Ant]

Yeah. They do the Fortnite dances and they wear gas masks.

[Frank Alvarez]

They wear gas masks, ants pants.

[Ant]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

And Fortnite dances. But good for. Hey, also Lita, to a degree. She took Lita.

[Ant]

She. She popularized the thong. The thong showing.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that was huge. The, like, thong, like, going, like over the waist.

[Ant]

Dude, when you're young and you see it like part of the thong on the hip, that was basically sex at a certain point in my life.

[Frank Alvarez]

Listen, I was like that right there.

[Ant]

So simple piece of clothing, very thin. Loved it. Why am I talking, like, Trump? Very little thin piece of clothing. Big horny. But that's what was happening to me.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, I'm with you there 100%. It was just big horny. It was. It was the implication.

[Ant]

It was. It was like, oh, that's underwear.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's underwear. The implication that that is underwear. Like, yeah, okay, show me your underwear. Yeah. And then do you remember, like, the people would wear, like, the bra that had, like, the top of it was, like, poking out of their shirt and.

[Ant]

It was a little like.

[Frank Alvarez]

Again, Lita, I'm finding out.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm finding out that. Lita. Forgive my voice, but I'm finding out Lita, the professional wrestler, right, Was like the standard of, like, what clothing looked good on a person. When we were 13, 14, she also.

[Ant]

Wore some, like, Avril Lavigne pants. So she was, like, mixing it up and.

[Frank Alvarez]

But she was throwing around her Team Extreme, like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ant]

She's doing backflips.

[Frank Alvarez]

She was doing back moonsaults and Lita Kanranas and.

[Ant]

Yeah, dude, that was a good time. That was a good time in my life.

[Frank Alvarez]

Damn.

[Ant]

Shout out to thongs on hips. Anyway.

[Kira]

Oh, Continuing the shout out.

[Ant]

Oh, cool.

[Kira]

But you like thongs but silent love them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, you guys. You guys. You guys. You guys went to Catholic school. So, like, if you saw it, was it, like, a sin? Is that, like, another layer of it?

[Ant]

Explain what the. What the. What the uniform was in our high school.

[Frank Alvarez]

I remember because I dated a girl from your high school. It was slacks.

[Ant]

The women wore slacks and polo shirts.

[Frank Alvarez]

I remember. Yeah, I remember. And fucking. The loafer of loafer shoes.

[Ant]

Ever a loafer. Sometimes you would get. Some girls would, like, tie the bottom of their polo in, like, a hair tie, so it'd be a little tighter.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it would be like. Yeah.

[Ant]

Curvature of a boob, and that was, like, the best it got.

[Kira]

They would also hem certain inseams of their pants to tighten up around the leg.

[Frank Alvarez]

And you went to school with fucking seamstresses and shit?

[Kira]

Apparently.

[Ant]

Well, you could take it to a tail.

[Kira]

Yeah. I mean, there's people. That was.

[Ant]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kira]

So that was a good move, I guess.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Kira]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

I remember when girls would do that where they take the shirt and they, like, tie it like that, and it would be like, oh, they are taking the slack. What? Why? Why guys?

[Ant]

Also something I enjoy, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just being efficient with the slack.

[Ant]

No, not. It's not efficient. I just think it, like, looks like, oh, I got a little tie. I'm like. I kind of like it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Weird.

[Ant]

You know what? I kind of like, this is.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay, we're going full. We're fully committing to the kind of liking things today.

[Kira]

That's fine.

[Ant]

Not. Not currently. But I remember a per. A time where I was like. I saw a girl in a bandana, and I was like, that's cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like Left Eye Lopez from tlc.

[Ant]

Yes. Like that. And I'm like, oh, I like the. But not in, like, a. She needs a wrench and working on something kind of way.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like a brat. Yeah, like that. Like, it was like. Like she had, like. I think Aaliyah had one, right?

[Ant]

I think so. Yeah. But I kind of liked the bandana look. I was like, oh, that's fire.

[Frank Alvarez]

And she had it like that. That was a big thing in, like, the late 90s, early 2000s for, like, the girl groups. Like, one of them was, like, the bad girl and had the bandana. Yeah. And it went back.

[Kira]

I think the Cheetah girls did that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Cheetah Girls. Cheetah Sisters.

[Ant]

They had. Yeah, watch it. They. They had the. The. What's that? The one that's just like. It's a solid.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't remember.

[Ant]

It's like a headband. I think that's what it's called.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think it might be a headband.

[Ant]

I'm like.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, we recently, when we were in Phoenix, we watched the Lizzie McGuire movie. Yeah. All of us that night. And then. You weren't there. Don't nod. And then we threw on some Cheetah Girls. Cheetah Sisters. You know, Cuz. I mean, such a time in life, you know, I mean, they were. They were sisters. They stood together.

[Ant]

Yeah. We asked this.

[Frank Alvarez]

We stand together. What is it?

[Ant]

That's all I know, to be honest.

[Frank Alvarez]

We come from one big family, but we don't look the same. I signed a different.

[Ant]

I knew that. You knew all the words.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know a lot of them. Not all of them, though. I'm still. This is week two of me begging Joey to watch High School Musical.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's a whole era of Disney movies that you just didn't watch.

[Ant]

I missed him, man.

[Frank Alvarez]

And Cheetah Girls is, like, the start of it.

[Ant]

I think I've seen. I have seen Cheetah Girls.

[Frank Alvarez]

I remember it was like appointment viewing when Cheetah Girls came on.

[Ant]

What was it? Who was in the Cheetah Girls?

[Frank Alvarez]

It was Raven Simone.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Adriana.

[Ant]

By the way, giant fat crush on Raven Simone when I was younger.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, hell, yeah. Yeah, dude, that's so. Raven was, like, the funniest show I ever knew at that time.

[Ant]

I loved Raymond. Raymond, Raymond.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's so. Everybody loves so Raymond. That's so Raymond. Oh, man. That was my Raymond impression. That was. We're just gonna. Yeah, that was hard.

[Ant]

Take it up.

[Frank Alvarez]

All those videos. It was so. It was her. It was Adriana Bailon.

[Ant]

I liked her, too.

[Frank Alvarez]

There was the white girl. Sabrina.

[Ant]

Don't remember.

[Frank Alvarez]

She's just white. Okay. And then Kira or Kiri. Kiri.

[Kira]

Kylie.

[Frank Alvarez]

Kylie. There it is.

[Kira]

I have it up.

[Ant]

I cheated. You've never. You cheated on the Cheetah Girls? You've never seen Cheetah Girls?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I've seen them. It was basically 3 LW with Raven Simone.

[Ant]

3 LW. Getting really tired of these broken promises.

[Frank Alvarez]

Promises Looking at your baby.

[Ant]

What a time for music what a.

[Frank Alvarez]

What a time, what a time. Did you ever see those interviews with the dude from that's so Raven afterward?

[Ant]

You're talking about Orlando Brown. Yeah, bro. Hell, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

That guy was out There, brother.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

He said.

[Ant]

Kills me, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's. He said some things.

[Ant]

Has he? I mean, all the videos that I've seen of him are just hilarious.

[Frank Alvarez]

He. He.

[Ant]

He's definitely said some stuff.

[Frank Alvarez]

He said some stuff.

[Ant]

But it makes me laugh.

[Frank Alvarez]

But it's. But yeah, I guess that's the only thing you can do at that point.

[Ant]

Yeah. Who knows?

[Frank Alvarez]

I know. Speaking of. Oh, of the time when I was watching Cheetah Girls, you best believe that. I had some pizza bagels.

[Ant]

That's a segue.

[Frank Alvarez]

Damn right. I obviously and pulled up this picture and it's a plate of pizza bagels.

[Ant]

Beautiful.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pizza bagels.

[Ant]

Unbelievable. Pizza bagels.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pizza bagels. Non Mexican.

[Ant]

Where did you. Italian pizza bagels. Where did you find this?

[Kira]

This was on the Internet, but from what I know, this guy, Dana Beers, is what brought this.

[Ant]

He posted this.

[Kira]

Yeah.

[Ant]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

First of all, I'm gonna say this.

[Ant]

That's a lot of them. That's two packs.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can we agree.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

That. That, like, snack, like, world of, like, pizza bagels. Pizza pockets. Incredible. Like, I will ride and die for them.

[Ant]

They're so good and suck at the same time.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, like, the line between them being great and being awful is so thin.

[Ant]

Like Hot Pockets. They're good for what they are. They suck. And pizza. Pizza bagels are similar. And pizza pockets. What's this called?

[Frank Alvarez]

Pizza pockets. Yeah.

[Ant]

No, no, no.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pizza puffs.

[Kira]

Pizza rolls.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pizza rolls.

[Ant]

That's the one I'm thinking.

[Frank Alvarez]

Cotina's pizza rolls.

[Ant]

Yeah. Those are like. I feel like I'm not eating.

[Frank Alvarez]

I see. Here's the thing is, I could eat. I've never figured out a way to cook them perfectly.

[Ant]

No one knows because you either cook.

[Frank Alvarez]

Them and then everything comes out and it's just a shell.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Or you undercook them and they're still cold in the middle.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, there's no. It's. It's. It's a science that I have yet to figure out.

[Ant]

I don't think the world has that yet.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I'll be honest with you, I'm going to figure it the fuck out.

[Ant]

You're going to keep trying.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, it's nice that I have kids now because I can buy this stuff and have an excuse to have it in the home.

[Ant]

Makes sense.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, you best believe we have a freezer full of mozzarella sticks right.

[Kira]

Now, baby, before we get into it, do you eat these raw or do you. Raw, like, cooked, but just as they are? Do you put something on it or.

[Ant]

Oh, no, I just eat Them like this.

[Kira]

I do some garlic powder and some sriracha.

[Ant]

Oh, I don't do sriracha, but I've done garlic powder.

[Kira]

Yeah, I'm just asking, do you. It's a pizza.

[Ant]

No, you just go.

[Frank Alvarez]

You just. You guys are Michelin star chefs with pizza bagels.

[Ant]

It's garlic powder.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's my guy. They're pizza bagels.

[Ant]

I know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Take them as they come.

[Ant]

Oh, yeah.

[Kira]

So which one. So which pizza bagel here would you pick first? Like, what's the best pizza bagel here?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, that's an easy one for me, brother.

[Ant]

So wait, are we picking the best or we're picking, like, which one we would eat first?

[Frank Alvarez]

Because those are. Those are two different. That's right.

[Kira]

We could do a couple.

[Ant]

I would not take. And it's just me eating these, or have I got a team of people around me?

[Frank Alvarez]

I would dog that whole plate very easily.

[Kira]

Let's say you're eating these by yourself.

[Ant]

If I'm eating them by myself, I'm not eating the best one first.

[Frank Alvarez]

Correct.

[Ant]

Save that for either the middle.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll be honest with you. I'm probably getting the worst ones out the way first.

[Ant]

I probably will get. See, like, look at number three. What a fucking piece of shit.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Ant]

You know what I mean? What a bastard.

[Frank Alvarez]

What a dumb ass. 23. Oh, I got 23.

[Ant]

23 might get fucking skipped like a rock.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I might take 23 and just throw it right out.

[Ant]

3.

[Frank Alvarez]

Here's the thing. 3 sucks, but it has a good bite on it.

[Ant]

One bite.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because you're not eating that whole thing, but you're taking the bite where that cheese and that sauce is 100%. I might go home and have some pizza bagels tonight.

[Kira]

Honestly, these are getting me going a little bit.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, getting you going?

[Ant]

You horny over there?

[Frank Alvarez]

You're horny over there for them.

[Kira]

Different age.

[Frank Alvarez]

Different age. Be honest. Are you horny?

[Kira]

I feel like just base level usually.

[Ant]

Wait, I don't even.

[Frank Alvarez]

What?

[Ant]

Oh, you know, I don't mean that. I mean, what's your baseline? That you're kind of horny 24 7?

[Kira]

I think so. Does that not everybody.

[Ant]

You're horny right now for no reason?

[Kira]

I don't. There's always a reason.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I. What's the reason? What is the one right now? What's the reason right now?

[Ant]

There's always a reason. I don't think my baseline is horny. Like, when I get horny, I'm like, yo, I'm horny.

[Kira]

But it's not baseline.

[Frank Alvarez]

Correct. I'm kind of. I'm kind of with you. I think I am.

[Kira]

You get it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I am at a level of horn that is slightly elevated.

[Ant]

Yeah. I don't think 24, 7.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think it's ever at the line of horny all the time.

[Kira]

That's fine.

[Ant]

It's like, h. Was this a game of horses?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Yeah, kind of.

[Ant]

I'm not. My bass line is, like, normal. And then sometimes, like, you know, you get in the moon.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like, what was that?

[Ant]

A little spike? Oh, no, back down.

[Frank Alvarez]

I, like, every now and then, I'll think. I'll think of something. I'll just be like, there's those thoughts.

[Ant]

But that's what I'm saying. Like, that's not the baseline because something moved your baseline.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but, like, the. The thoughts are always there. It's just if I'm allowing them to come to the surface.

[Ant]

Yeah. You're staring at me and Anne.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I'm.

[Ant]

Pizza bagels.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, like, I'm not horny right now, but, like, give me. Give me 20 seconds. I'll get there.

[Ant]

Less for me. But that's my point. My baseline is, like, not. But I. There is always the prospect of it could happen at any time.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Like, it's. It's. It's. It's a. It's a scary game. We're talking pizza bagels. Okay.

[Ant]

Why don't we just do this? Let's make it easy. We're all in agreement that 3 and 23 are fucking. You know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Shoot them with a gun. Yeah.

[Ant]

What's the best one on the plate?

[Frank Alvarez]

I could give you top three. I'll give you my top three.

[Ant]

Oh, my God.

[Frank Alvarez]

Personally. Two.

[Ant]

Two.

[Frank Alvarez]

Two, please. Two. Okay. Top two for me. 12 and 20.

[Ant]

Where's 12? 12. Okay. That's a big fat bitch. 20. Oh, I like her.

[Kira]

12 is also on my list. I want to say that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know what he's going to say, though.

[Ant]

A lot of coverage.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know what he's. I know what he's going to say.

[Ant]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

He's a saucy boy, and I think he's going to say he likes something like a 17 or 16 or a 9. I think he's feeling it. Look at him. He's horny for the sauce.

[Kira]

I'm in. I think 11 and 12 are the best ones.

[Ant]

11.

[Kira]

It's.

[Ant]

It's.

[Kira]

It's.

[Frank Alvarez]

What the hell? No. Cause I know what 11 is. 11 is the cheese bubbled up under it, and there's nothing under and then all the sauce is on top.

[Ant]

Look at this misshapen piece of shit. You pick 11. Yeah, I'm not saying it wouldn't taste good, but bro, what are we saying?

[Frank Alvarez]

I also, I gotta admit, I don't hate 10. I like a little crisp.

[Ant]

Mmm. 10's got too many of the burnt bubbles.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what I like? How did you say that?

[Ant]

I like 16. I also think that low key 15 probably tastes mad good.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, 15 is a good looking one.

[Ant]

Oh my God, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Absolutely. Now here's eight.

[Ant]

Eight. Damn near perfect. It's not big enough. Look at eight.

[Frank Alvarez]

Joey, why did you scream that? Look at eight. I see eight. I just don't know why you screamed it.

[Ant]

Because.

[Kira]

Yeah, there's one here that doesn't even deserve a number. That's rude.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think. So my approach with this, if I, if this is my plate, which it is, because I'm eating all 20 of those, right?

[Ant]

24.

[Frank Alvarez]

24, 24 and a half. Well, 22 once you take out three and 23 because they're going to be shot with a gun. I'm eating my least favorite first and I'm working my way up to the most delicious.

[Ant]

Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. That's how I am with Peanut M&MS. Peanut M&MS. I rip the bag open and I look at them all and I sort them out by like quality.

[Ant]

Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yep. And I'm just like, you're dying first cuz you're, you're a pathetic loser. Yeah, you're getting eaten first cuz you're a pathetic dumbass.

[Ant]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then I wait until I get. I always leave like the fattiest, nuttiest ones for the end.

[Ant]

You want that big nut?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That's crazy. You don't do this with like your plates of food either. Like, I'm not kidding. Thanksgiving. I. First of all, I will say this. As you go through life, you find out you have different skills that people that necessarily knew were skills. I think I have a skill of putting together a beautiful plate of food.

[Ant]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

I eat based off of what I'm most excited to eat. You go, I segment it.

[Ant]

Wait, so let me ask you a question.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Ant]

Because I was going to get to this also. If you have a full plate of food.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Ant]

And let's say it is Thanksgiving. So you got a bunch of different stuff. Do you eat one thing at a time?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Ant]

Yeah, I don't do that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, I do. Because I get so excited. Like, I'm like, oh, I'm really excited for the Ham. I'm gonna leave the ham for last because it motivates me to get there.

[Ant]

You need motivation.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, like, I create this beautiful work of art. It'd be disrespectful. Like, I love her so much, but Becca, everything on her plate mixes it all together.

[Ant]

Don't like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I'm like, listen, remember that gun I killed those bagels with?

[Ant]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

You might be next.

[Ant]

I. I don't. So, what, she'll just, like, splash them on each other?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Ant]

I don't mind that. Once you start eating, it gets a little messy. Like, I will eat some peas with my, like.

[Frank Alvarez]

Peas on Thanksgiving, brother.

[Ant]

I don't know. I'm just giving an example of, like, mashed potatoes. Like, I'll kind of mix that into other shit and eat some mashed potatoes with another thing, you know, saying it depends.

[Frank Alvarez]

It needs to be the right thing. Like, every now and then, I'll take a little bit of turkey gravy and mashed potatoes, and I'll throw them in.

[Ant]

Yeah, exactly. Also, mashed potatoes. I'd like to make a mountain, and then I make a.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, a reserve volcano.

[Ant]

I put the fucking gravy in there.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm really good at making mashed potatoes.

[Ant]

Keith, when he eats rice, he does this thing that I tried once, and I'm like, this is pretty good. He flattens his rice.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's what I used to do. Really flatten the rice.

[Ant]

And then he eats the rice flattened.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm like, oh, I. Well, my family, you've. You hate how my family used to eat rice. We'd flatten the rice on the plate, thin layer of mayo on top of it with sliced bananas. Oh, it's delicious. It is so good. It's an insane one. It is so damn good.

[Ant]

What were you just talking about? Oh, so you don't m. So you won't eat things? Like, sometimes I'll have a bite of mashed potatoes, and then I'll go for the.

[Frank Alvarez]

Taste it. But, like, I really like to, like, that's eating, brother.

[Ant]

No, no, no.

[Frank Alvarez]

But, like, I won't, like, eat the full, like, a lot of it. I'll just be like, all right, okay. I got to look forward for that. That's third.

[Kira]

So if you have steak, let's say, like, veggies and mashed potatoes on the side. Do you eat, like, the veggies first? Fully, then the mashed potatoes first? Fully.

[Ant]

Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

You see, we go to dinner. You don't see how I eat.

[Ant]

I'm focused on me, brother.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I'm not focused on your eyes, though, bitch.

[Ant]

You want me to watch you eat? Like, oh, look at Frank. He's there.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's on the. I'm not saying watch me eat. Once you go to enough dinners with people, you see that they have different eating habits. I see your eating habits.

[Ant]

What's my eating habit?

[Frank Alvarez]

You take a little bit of everything all the time.

[Ant]

I told you that just now.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I noticed it, bitch. Yeah, I'm sure you did.

[Ant]

We're yelling at each other.

[Kira]

That's fine.

[Frank Alvarez]

What about you?

[Ant]

Do you mix?

[Kira]

I start separated, and then I mix them together.

[Frank Alvarez]

You like?

[Ant]

Just like the world.

[Kira]

Just like the world.

[Frank Alvarez]

You like to bring them together.

[Kira]

So, like a piece of steak, I'll dip in the mashed potatoes, you know?

[Ant]

Oh, steak in the mash.

[Frank Alvarez]

You are a dirty little gutter slut.

[Ant]

Steak in the mash.

[Kira]

I mean, if I put a piece of steak in my mouth and eat it and then the mashed toast.

[Frank Alvarez]

No steak.

[Ant]

That's like on ATM steak.

[Frank Alvarez]

My friend can't be like my friend. Steak deserves its own time in the mouth. Steak gets dedicated time in Frankie's mouth. You know how I feel about my steak.

[Ant]

I think it's okay. No, not steak, though.

[Kira]

Okay. I picked a bad example. But, yes, I mix them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Turkey, I could. I'll allow it.

[Ant]

A chicken, too. Why did I just sound like old woman who lives in a shoe?

[Frank Alvarez]

A chicken do.

[Kira]

Yeah, I mix everything in my mouth.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, so here's my approach with this plate. The ones that are getting shot in the back of the head are dying. Then I'm eating my least favorite, working it up to my favorite, leaving. 12, 20, 17, 18. Like, those are good quality ones towards the end.

[Ant]

Okay, 18 is good. 18.

[Kira]

But you have to bite it sideways. You have to. It's. It depends where you bite, because one side's all cheese, one side's all sauce if you get it right in the middle.

[Ant]

So also, let me ask you this. So something like three shows up on your plate, right? I don't throw it away, but I do eat it like an oyster. Like, I'm like. And I just take the top. Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Ant]

And I leave the bread, and I'm like, oh, it's fucking disgusting.

[Frank Alvarez]

Here's the thing. I. I am. I fully ride for bagel bites. I fully ride for pizza pockets. Pizza. Pizza rolls.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

It is a science to figure out when to eat these things so they don't ruin your mouth. Because I'm not kidding. The worst I've ever burnt my mouth Eating something has been on a pizza bagel when I was drunk one night.

[Ant]

Mine was pizza rolls.

[Frank Alvarez]

And like, I mean, like scarily bad my mouth.

[Ant]

Pizza rolls. I do this thing right where I bite the end and like, you like squeeze them. Squeeze the steel.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. No, that's smart.

[Ant]

Yeah, because I can't. You know, one time I just went in there. You can't just go into a bunch of pizza rolls and just eat them like that. That's crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's what I imagine that dude Bevo does.

[Ant]

Yeah. Guy fucking swallows. Crazy. Pause.

[Kira]

If you pinch the pizza roll sideways, it kind of opens up like an envelope and then the air comes out.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's really smart. That's really good. That's how it used to be with Hot Pockets. Cause again, Hot Pockets, again, I mean in the name, they're telling you those are pockets of hot.

[Ant]

Dude. They're hot.

[Frank Alvarez]

As it's getting to that time of the year where I need to have Hot Pockets because I haven't had them and reminded myself how bad they are for me. But I bite and then I squeeze all the hot out just so I could try to enjoy it.

[Ant]

Not how temperature works, unfortunately, but I get where your head's at.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, no, I know. It's, it's. It. I always get burnt. Yeah, but like. And then it goes in like a radioactive jacket.

[Ant]

I like the jacket. Hold on, let's. Before we touch on this, because I do want to talk about Hot Pockets. We do have some sponsors for today. And the first one is Skims. Okay, Skims. They make underwear for, you guessed it, men and women. It started off as just women, but now they have men and they have very comfortable boxers. I'm telling you right now, I have a pair that's like nude. Nude colored and it's also like a black pair. They are so comfortable. They are the right amount of elasticity. Ish, whatever that word is. Elastic, I think is what I'm going for. So it's not too tight and it's breathable. So it keeps you nice. And they're high quality. They're awesome. So for anyone out there that's in the market for some underwear, some other cool stuff over at Skims, definitely go check it out. Shop skims menskims.com, let them know that we sent you. After you place your order, select Podcast in the survey, then select our show the Basement Yard from the drop down menu that follows. So, yeah, go to skims.com, get yourself some underwear and also get your.

[Frank Alvarez]

Get it.

[Ant]

Get anyone on underwear you Know what I'm saying? From skims. But it's high quality stuff, so go check that out. We also have prize picks. Okay, Prize picks is a lot of fun. NFL is here, so it's going to make your Sundays that much more fun. It's the only app that offers stacks, meaning you can pick the same player up to three times in the same lineup. If you want to pick more on Josh Allen's pass yards, rush yards and touchdowns. Now you can pick all of them in the same lineup only on prize picks. Okay? So if you think that Josh Allen's going to have a fantastic day, this is. Then you can pick more on every single one of those things. And just to explain how price picks works, all you have to do is pick, you know, more or less than the projection that they create. So Josh Allen, is he going to have more or less than one and a half touchdowns thrown? You know, and that's all you pick. And you choose a couple of players like that, or you can do multiple things like they just said and you can win a bunch of money. So, yeah, download the Price Picks app today and use the code basement to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Okay, that is the code basement.

[Frank Alvarez]

And.

[Ant]

And you will get fifty dollars in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup. Prize picks. All right, so go check it out. But yeah, like I said, it's a lot of fun. It's more or less very simple. Has all the sports on there, not just NFL. It has NBA or hockey or whatever. And whenever things are, whenever the season of that sport is, they got it on price picks. So go check it out. But yeah, download the app code is Basement 1550 dollars in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup.

[Frank Alvarez]

And you know what, folks? If you like more of this deep, raspy voice, you know where you could find it? Nowhere. Honestly, it's just because I'm a little under the weather. I was trying to segue into Patreon, but here we are. Patreon. I tell you guys about it every single week. It's the best way to directly support us and support what we're doing here. So go to patreon.com the basementyard and sign up today. You get these weekly episodes one week in advance with that first tier, and you get that also with your second tier. But your second tier, you also get exclusive episodes every single Friday. You guys are consistently keeping us at the top of the leaderboards with Patreon in the world. Thank you so Much. Your love, your support, your passion never goes unnoticed and we want to thank you. And for those of you guys that don't know about it, because you never know, there might be a first time listener now you can go check it out. And if you want to sign up, why don't you do it on the web browser. If you use the apps, they take a little bit of extra money for you from you. Excuse me. So save yourself some money. Go to patreon.com thebasemanyard on a web browser. Sign up. Help us love you. We'll make you laugh, you make us happy. And we'll have a big kumbaya session and we'll hug and we'll talk about pizza bagels. Okay? You never know. Maybe we will. We probably won't. But if you are coming to any of the future basement yard live shows, first of all, there might be some tickets still available. We're going to be in Florida in a couple weeks. We're going to then be in DC. I don't know what's available DC but go to thebasevineyard.com on the live shows like portion of the website. Check out if there are any tickets available. We'd love to have you. These shows have been so fun, so interactive, incredible memories from each and every single one. So we want you to be a part of it. So if there are tickets available and you want to come, go buy them. And if you are coming to any of the shows Already, go to thebasemanyard.com submit there's a large portion of the show where we like it to be interactive. We talk to you, about you, with you and we've gotten some incredible crazy stories and really, really, really funny segments and parts of the show that have come out of it. So if you go to the bassmeard.com submit you let us know what show you're coming to and then you submit a prompt. A response to a prompt actually is what I should say. Maybe we'll pick it, maybe we'll talk to you.

[Ant]

We.

[Frank Alvarez]

Or you could be a little shy and we won't talk about you. Like there was someone at one of our shows that had a wedgie kink. It was crazy. But go check it out. Thebasementyard.com submit we love you, we appreciate you. And I'm forgetting, oh, there's Halloween merch. That's right, there is Halloween merch. If you want to go check it out, go to shop.santagottostudios.com it's spooky season so we got spooky merch, and I love it so much. And. Oh, there he goes, baby.

[Ant]

Oh, look at this. You guys get the first look right here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Boom. This is the back. All right.

[Ant]

It says.

[Frank Alvarez]

You rocketed that at me. Jesus Christ.

[Ant]

It says the basement yard with a little pumpkin on it. And on the back, that's me and Frank. Headless, but also have a head.

[Frank Alvarez]

A headless but. And also you look just disgusted. I look cool. I have a hat on. Actually, mine is a hat.

[Ant]

You do have a hat on. Yay.

[Frank Alvarez]

I look like a better headless head head than you.

[Ant]

Why is everything a competition?

[Frank Alvarez]

It has to be, so go check it out. Shop.santagottostudios.com for the spooky fan of the basement yard, and you go check it out. We love you.

[Ant]

All right.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, we were talking about Hot Pockets. Okay.

[Ant]

I like the radioactive sleeve that it has on a Hot Pocket, and I like dumping it out on my plate.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh. Like, just like. It's like. Like, it's just like a dead fish that. You're just like, here. You're living on this plate before I devour you.

[Ant]

Yeah. A dead fish is like an interesting. I wouldn't have said that, but I.

[Frank Alvarez]

Got to have Hot Pockets. It's time. It's time.

[Ant]

I haven't had one in a very long time.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's only two acceptable Hot pockets that you could have. The pizza ones and the bacon, egg, and cheese ones. The people that get, like.

[Ant]

I wouldn't dream of eating that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why?

[Ant]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

The people that get, like, ham and cheese Hot Pockets. No. Don't even make. Don't even make them.

[Ant]

You're eating eggs microwaved, so no.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, you draw the line at that. But you'll.

[Ant]

I do regular pizza and then pepperoni pizza.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's all pizza. Oh, the meatball. Shut up.

[Ant]

I didn't even know that was a thing.

[Frank Alvarez]

They have, like, a meatball one.

[Ant]

What's in it? Meatball. Like, meatball parm.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like, little. It's basically meatball parm in a hot pocket.

[Ant]

Actually.

[Frank Alvarez]

Doesn't sound that bad, but it's just not right. There's only the only acceptable one.

[Ant]

Not right.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's just not right. The pizza pep. The pepperoni pizza one is.

[Ant]

Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because then you pull out a slice of pepperoni, and it's just hotter than the sun.

[Ant]

It is.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it is gonna get you.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let's throw some Hot Pockets in here.

[Ant]

That would be nice to have Hot Pockets.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why don't they want to work with us?

[Ant]

What are we gonna do?

[Frank Alvarez]

We'll help bring Hot Pockets back. No one is as passionate about food as me. I love food. What?

[Kira]

Go. I have an idea.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think if we did a basement yard Hot Pocket collaboration.

[Ant]

Uh huh.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it could be like the basement pockets. That sounds like.

[Ant]

Sounds like an asshole. Yeah. Come eat our basement pockets. You'll love the taste. That'd be a maybe. A maybe not a good marketing.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think that'd be incredible.

[Ant]

And there's like hot dogs in them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hot dogs at sauerkraut.

[Ant]

Frank, that's disgusting. What? You're going to fill a Hot Pocket with hot dogs and sauerkraut and nothing else? That's gross.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[Ant]

But something. Hot dogs and something chicken parm. I would like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Listen, Hot Pockets, I'm sure they thought of chicken. Talk to us about our basement pockets. Okay?

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think this could be a really cool collab.

[Ant]

Our backdoor chocolate pocket. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, see, I didn't.

[Ant]

What about dessert pockets?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, the fact they haven't gotten into dessert pockets is crazy.

[Ant]

This is a missed opportunity. Put some Nutella Hot Pockets.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just because it's hot doesn't mean it can't be Swee.

[Ant]

Right?

[Frank Alvarez]

Like a Nutella. A banana. Strawberry. Nutella. Hot Pocket.

[Ant]

Banana, Strawberry. What do you make it? A smoothie in the pocket.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's what a popular dessert is.

[Ant]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

Nutella. Oh, and slices of banana and strawberry.

[Ant]

Got it. Got it. I was thinking like a mix.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, Hot Pockets, first of all, we came up with this idea. So if you take our basement pockets, you're in trouble. Okay?

[Ant]

Leave our basement pocket a little or.

[Frank Alvarez]

S' mores Hot Pocket.

[Ant]

See?

[Frank Alvarez]

And it could be a cinnamon dusted pocket.

[Ant]

Frank, now you're fucking speaking my language. Once you start saying cinnamon dusted. Shit. Now I'm getting fucking. Now my baseline has been raised.

[Frank Alvarez]

Over. Yeah, now you're horny.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Kira]

Hot Pocket Sweet Treats. Cinnamon roll and apple Cinnamon.

[Ant]

Cinnamon roll is a really good one too. See? Cinnamon.

[Frank Alvarez]

See? Can I ask you something? Why did you have to hurt us? Why did you have to tear us down? Let us think that we had special basement pockets?

[Ant]

Wait, hold on. We should get a cinnamon bun Hot Pocket in here.

[Kira]

Okay, I can do that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can we do a Hot Pocket taste test to really put every pocket?

[Ant]

Order two of every fucking pocket that exists and three. Three of every pocket.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's two packages. Because they come two in a package.

[Ant]

You just hit them with the Richard Nixon. Yeah, look at that.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, it's a very political Episode and yes, sir.

[Ant]

How many Hot Pockets do you think there are? Oh, we got to eat the veggie one.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll do it for science.

[Ant]

Right?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. And our next Patreon episode. Go buy every flavor of Hot Pocket you can find.

[Kira]

On the. On this budget. Yeah, okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

You spent 1500 bucks on puppets?

[Ant]

Yeah, there's a lot of.

[Kira]

I'm scrolling. There's a lot of hustle.

[Frank Alvarez]

Maybe not all of us. What you can find at the store, though.

[Kira]

No, I just go to the Hot Pocket website and order all of them.

[Ant]

How many are there?

[Frank Alvarez]

Hot Pocket does direct to consumer D2C, baby.

[Kira]

Well, so there's 12 per page. There's more than four pages.

[Frank Alvarez]

48.

[Ant]

Clearly no.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, we'll have to get them all. Well, read us the flavors.

[Ant]

We're not getting 400 pot pockets.

[Frank Alvarez]

Listen, my guy, it's 48. Read us. Read us the flavors. I'm going to give you a thumbs up if we're going to do that one.

[Kira]

High protein barbacca style beef Barbacoa.

[Frank Alvarez]

You white fucking devil. Barbacca. It's like a Star Wars.

[Ant]

Oh, I see the Chewbacca and barbacoa. I see the O.

[Kira]

Now the glasses. I need a new prescription. There's high protein chipotle chicken.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wow, they really do that.

[Ant]

They really dipped into the world.

[Kira]

Sausage, egg and cheese.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay.

[Kira]

Ranch lovers. Pepperoni.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know about that there, Bab.

[Kira]

Yeah, Steak and cheddar, crispy crust.

[Ant]

Oh, this is the whole thing. Crispy.

[Kira]

I don't know. Philly cheesesteak. There's a lot.

[Ant]

Anything cool? Anything like weird?

[Frank Alvarez]

Barbacca.

[Kira]

Barbacca. Yeah. No, they're pretty normal. Barbecue recipe.

[Frank Alvarez]

Ooh.

[Ant]

What is barbecue recipe?

[Kira]

I think it's just beef. Oh, and then there's the pizzas.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, those are the cream of the crop hitters.

[Kira]

No, they're all what you would expect.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, listen, I'm not kidding.

[Ant]

We don't need 48.

[Frank Alvarez]

We don't need 48 boxes at 48 flavors, but we do need at least.

[Kira]

20 hot habanero pepperoni and sausage.

[Frank Alvarez]

That sounds great. That'll fucking ruin your day, though.

[Ant]

Yeah. Not only will the temperature be hot, but the spice will be hot as well, I think.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let's put this together. You and I will talk on the back end.

[Ant]

10 each, I think is totally fine.

[Frank Alvarez]

But we need to get flavors, like, good. Like different flavors. We can't just get. You need to go to a grocery store.

[Ant]

10.

[Frank Alvarez]

You go to a grocery store.

[Kira]

I'll do some Research.

[Frank Alvarez]

We'll do some research.

[Ant]

10.

[Frank Alvarez]

We'll talk on the back. Damn. We're doing all this free plugs for fucking Hot Pockets.

[Kira]

But what I was thinking is that maybe for a video we do a power hour of pizza rolls.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just what? Every minute.

[Kira]

Every minute you eat a pizza roll. See, if you could do it would.

[Ant]

Be the easiest thing I've ever done. Ever.

[Kira]

You think you'd eat 60 pizza rolls?

[Ant]

How hard is that?

[Frank Alvarez]

I think I could.

[Ant]

Maybe not Bagel bites, but pizza rolls, how many?

[Kira]

I think I'll give them 35.

[Frank Alvarez]

Are you outside of your mind, yo? Honestly, you might be. I could eat 400 of those things.

[Ant]

I could not. I could probably. I could get.

[Frank Alvarez]

No.

[Ant]

I get so frustrated lately, I can't speak on the show. It's so annoying.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was a good point. That was really good. I just think, listen.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

We single handedly brought back Pop Tarts. We can agree on that, right? We can agree. I mean, someone gave me a Spider man box. A Pop Tart box. That was nuts. That was awesome.

[Ant]

Yeah. That was crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was really cool. I'm just saying, I think if Hot Pockets is looking to get back into the world a little bit more, why not allow us to help them? And they help us. They provide us with fresh.

[Ant]

What are you trying to get out of their Hot Pockets?

[Frank Alvarez]

And we're the basement yard bitch.

[Ant]

I'm. That's not what I mean. I mean like it's just a Hot Pocket. Like it's a popular thing.

[Frank Alvarez]

It is.

[Ant]

Who. Who you're trying to squeeze a couple.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dollars out of this bucks, you know, Couple bucks. Listen, Christmas is right around the corner, you know, like a Christmas was sponsored by Hot Pockets.

[Ant]

Pumpkin spiced Hot Pocket.

[Frank Alvarez]

That sounds disgusting. Pumpkin spiced latte pocket. I don't know how that would work.

[Ant]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just liquid in a pocket.

[Ant]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think they could do. They could do like a pumpkin spice cinnamon roll, bro.

[Ant]

Cinnamon roll. Hot Pocket. I'm dogging that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think there's so many options.

[Ant]

That's just got to be 450 calories each.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can you look up what a serve, what's the serving size, what's the serving size and what's the caloric intake and the sodium of 1.

[Ant]

The sodium.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sodium's gonna be up there, brother. That's shelf life.

[Kira]

Okay, they are. They vary per. But the pepperoni pizza is from 310 to 360 calories.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Per Duo or per Udo.

[Ant]

What's duo? They come in Singles.

[Kira]

It's per uno.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, it's so us. One serving is one pocket.

[Kira]

Yes, one serving is one pocket.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay. Okay.

[Kira]

I have the back of the box. Yes. How much sodium is in Serving size is one sandwich. That's what they call.

[Ant]

So how much sodium is in that?

[Kira]

720 milligrams. That's 31% of your daily intake.

[Ant]

That's not as high as I thought it would be.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a lot.

[Ant]

Of course it's a lot.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're having two thirds of your sodium intake from two Hot Pockets because be fucking honest, you're eating both of them. You're not eating one.

[Ant]

Why are you saying both? They come in singles.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, the box. They come two in a box.

[Kira]

Oh, this box holds five. So it varies.

[Ant]

I thought you were talking about, like, they come in bags.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know. They come in individually wrapped pockets.

[Ant]

I don't. I've never eaten two Hot Pockets.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, that was. That was the norm, baby.

[Ant]

Two?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Ant]

No, I ate one. What?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, we've acknowledged that your eating habits are stranger than mine.

[Ant]

Stranger. You're eating both out of the box. How's that? Not the strange one. I'm eating the serving.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I'm just going to eat only one Hot Pocket. What. What hunger is that? Craving. Satisfactory craving is as satisfying.

[Ant]

Well, it's all about the hunger that you let yourself get to before you choose to eat a hot pot.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm hungry Always. All the time. For every food. Every, always, everything.

[Ant]

So right now you're hungry for cotton candy.

[Frank Alvarez]

I could eat something always.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, it is a problem. I think I have that. Like, I am always down to eat.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dte baby.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Always down to eat.

[Ant]

Richard Nixon is back.

[Kira]

They also pretty much all have 10 grams of protein per.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's not bad.

[Ant]

That's gains, baby.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's not bad.

[Ant]

That is pretty good.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's pretty good. That's more than like, what does the high protein Barbacca1 have?

[Kira]

It's a great question. That one I'd have to look up specifically and I don't know how to spell it. Give me a second.

[Frank Alvarez]

Barbacoa.

[Ant]

Barbacca high protein.

[Kira]

Barbacca beef, 20 grams.

[Ant]

Holy. Dude. That's like an actual. That's like a protein shake that I have.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude. This whole like, have you seen the. Like, the world is just going toward like putting protein and everything now. There's like protein sodas that are like 30 grams of protein and it's like a can of soda.

[Ant]

I wouldn't be able to do that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, what is.

[Ant]

I don't know. I don't know. They somehow put whey in there. I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, what is going on?

[Ant]

I mean, it's just like I. I have a Ollipops because they're high in fiber. There's 9 grams of fiber in there. And if I poured one out in a glass once and it just looks.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're gonna. Your pants, dude.

[Ant]

You're supposed to have a lot of fiber.

[Frank Alvarez]

Isn't like 8 grams the daily intake?

[Ant]

No, I think it's like everyone's under. I think it's. You're supposed to have like 18 or something.

[Frank Alvarez]

18 grams?

[Ant]

How much fiber are you supposed to have each day? Oh, like, apparently that's like an issue with a lot of people nowadays is that they don't get enough fiber in their diets.

[Frank Alvarez]

So here, take it in soda.

[Ant]

There's 3 grams of sugar in it and.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, no, no, I love them. We have them all the time. They're incredible.

[Kira]

Yeah, like 25 to 38 grams, right?

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a lot of fiber. Listen, soda is having its time in the fucking sun right now.

[Ant]

Really is.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I am very happy for soda.

[Ant]

I also. I know I'm super late and I have no idea why or whatever. I had no idea that Diet soda was 0 calories. Had no clue.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't trust diet soda. I don't know what it is. As far as I'm concerned, it is like from another planet.

[Ant]

I think it's a great alternative to.

[Frank Alvarez]

Soda, but like Olipop, there's another big brand that I can't. It's on the tip. Poppy, bro. Unbelievable. The poppy orange soda is so fucking good.

[Ant]

I'm.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's all these like, big, like. There's like a lot of like. And I'm sure with enough time, stuff will come out that maybe they are not as healthy as they are claiming, but like half day. Remember those iced teas that I show you? They make like probiotic iced teas and shit like that. Like, drinks are having a time. Drinks are coming back.

[Ant]

Yeah, they are.

[Kira]

Probiotic stuff scares me.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's. I mean, why.

[Kira]

Because that.

[Ant]

Up.

[Kira]

Aren't you drinking, like, little things?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's bacteria.

[Ant]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, but it's good bacteria.

[Ant]

Kombucha.

[Kira]

I know, but they're entering me, you know.

[Ant]

Oh, now, now, now you're.

[Frank Alvarez]

Now you're gay. Oh, wait, what? You're letting these little microorganisms munch on your belly.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Kira]

You're eating like little bugs kind of.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. You Damn right you are.

[Ant]

I mean, the bugs are everywhere, bro. Why I say it like brew, bruh. Yeah, they're everywhere.

[Kira]

I guess. So what's.

[Ant]

What's germs? What's.

[Kira]

You know, maybe if I close my eyes.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, it's not. It's just. Just get over the fact that you're drinking bacteria. You like yogurt?

[Kira]

Not really yogurt.

[Ant]

That's active bacteria.

[Kira]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Lactobacillus, bitch.

[Kira]

See, can't get science.

[Ant]

That's like that was in Harry Potter.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hell yeah. I just fucking basilius your shit. Yeah, I just think like brands right now are having a big moment in the sun. Allow us to be along with it. Hot Pocket. Let us, let us, let us be along for the ride. Hot Pockets.

[Ant]

I just want to eat this cinnamon roll one.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just, I want it. I want to enjoy a Hot pocket for the 30 seconds that I'll probably enjoy.

[Ant]

Yeah, we're gonna get some Hot Pockets in here for sure. But we also have to get to these sponsors.

[Frank Alvarez]

Any more sponsies?

[Ant]

Well, there's more sponsors. Guys, listen, if you are gonn afford all these Hot Pockets, then you're going to need to use Rocket Money. Because Rocket Money is an all in one personal finance app that is focused on putting the money back in your pocket. Okay? They're going to help you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions. That may be something you signed up for in the past or the a free trial that lasted a week and then after that they started charging you every month and you didn't really know. Or maybe you even go on Rocket Money and you plug in your information, you realize, huh, I've been paying for this and I haven't used it in months. Maybe it's time to cancel that. Maybe I'll keep that money every single month. And at the end of the year you have accumulated a couple hundred bucks just from canceling that one thing. That's what Rocket Money is there for. They also have budgeting tools to help you set a budget, be more financially responsible so that you can start growing your savings, okay? And another feature that they have is something where you can upload pictures of your bill and if they can help you lower it, they will do so. So it is a very helpful tool to help put the money back in your pocket, help you grow your savings. So go check them out. Rocket money. They have 5 million members that have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all the App's premium features. Okay, so cancel your one subscriptions and reach your final goes faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter the show the basement yard in the survey so they know that we sent you. Okay, so go download that Rocket Money app today and telling you I heard about it from the basement boys. And lastly, Here we have BetterHelp. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online therapy. If you want to get into therapy, you can do so at BetterHelp. And they're going to make, you know, that onboarding very seamless. You can start talking to a therapist in just under 48 hours. So there's a quick turnaround there. Also, October 10, it's World Mental Health Day. Okay, just remind people mental health is very important. And I think that, you know, everyone can benefit from therapy in their own way. Even if you feel like you don't have anything that you is very traumatic or, you know, something like that, I think that therapy can still help you in a number of other ways as well. So go check out BetterHelp. You know, they will get you hooked up with, you know, they have over 30,000 therapists. It's the world's largest online therapy platform and have served over 5 million people globally. So our listeners will get 10 off of their first [e-mail] Basemanyard so go to betterhelp.com Basemeyard to get started on your therapy journey and to earn that 10 off. Okay, so betterhelp.com basementyard There you go, folks. But anyway, speaking of food and whatever, blah, blah, blah, there was also a story that came out that Van Leeuwen made a sunscreen flavor.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. They partnered with Carnival Cruise Lines to make a sunscreen flavored ice cream.

[Ant]

Can't imagine that tastes good. You've eaten good sunscreen.

[Frank Alvarez]

I've smelt it and been like, it can't taste that bad.

[Ant]

I don't feel that way. Really? No.

[Frank Alvarez]

I love the smell of, like, sunscreen. That I will say. So, like, I guess it makes sense that it would taste good too, right?

[Ant]

I mean, if you like the smell.

[Frank Alvarez]

Then, like, what's something you love the smell of that you think wouldn't taste good? Soap.

[Ant]

Yeah, that's a good one.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a good one. Now that I said it, it sounds stupid.

[Ant]

Yeah. No, no, no.

[Frank Alvarez]

Febreze.

[Ant]

That's tough because I don't even know. Yo, you know what looks mad good? Windex. Oh, Windex. Looks tasty.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Don't drink it.

[Ant]

Yeah, no, I mean, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Don't make sure we say that.

[Ant]

Of course.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, I mean, yeah, all these things that. They look delicious, but they wouldn't. They would kill you. Like, I. I get why kids were eating Tide pods.

[Ant]

They look good.

[Frank Alvarez]

They look like gushers.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

They look like a really sick gusher.

[Ant]

Yeah, that's true.

[Frank Alvarez]

But don't do it.

[Ant]

Don't do it. Don't eat it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Don't eat it.

[Ant]

Kids ended up in the hospital.

[Frank Alvarez]

Would you try this? They've made, like, weird ones. Didn't they make a mustard one? Van Leeuwen.

[Ant]

Van Leeuwen hasn't really let me down. Every time I've ever had it, it's been good.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think I've ever had a Van Leeuwen ice cream really, ever.

[Ant]

They make a honeycomb one. That's.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm into it, though. I'm not against, like a little B.

[Ant]

I'm like a little B, bro. The honeycomb one. I'm like, oh, my God.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like a little bee buzzing around.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Give me that honeycomb shit.

[Ant]

I went in there, they had the nerve to ask me, it's like one scoop or two scoop.

[Frank Alvarez]

They have stores.

[Ant]

Yeah, bro. They got mad stores where everywhere I walked into one and I was like, can I get the honeycomb? She's like, one or two Sc. I almost slapped her hair off. I was like, two double.

[Frank Alvarez]

You try to clean that up, but you just committed to slapping her hair off.

[Ant]

Yeah. What. What did you think I was trying to say?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. I just didn't know where you were going.

[Ant]

I didn't slap anyone.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, we know that. The only thing I got slapped was that ice cream on the back of your throat.

[Ant]

You could say that again. There's little pieces of honeycomb in it. And I was like, oh, my God.

[Frank Alvarez]

I do love honeycomb.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Now I'm thinking about it. And the cereal, Honeycombs. Yeah. I think they made, like, a Mac and cheese one. I think they made a mustard one.

[Kira]

They have also a pizza one.

[Ant]

They have pizza ice cream. Yeah. I don't know if I like it.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Kira]

They have one that's just called Planet Earth.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's weird.

[Ant]

What is that? Tastes like date.

[Kira]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. What would that taste like?

[Ant]

Dirt.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dirt and grass.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, hear me out. A grass flavored ice cream.

[Ant]

I wouldn't. Not like freshly cut grass. Yeah. Yeah. This is gonna sound weird, but I hope that you're with me here. But imagine they made a flavor that was like Wind.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, sorry, buddy.

[Ant]

Move on.

[Frank Alvarez]

I Maybe like. Maybe like, you know, when you get a good wind, summer rain, like, you know when it's like, hottest shit out.

[Ant]

Like rain on concrete.

[Frank Alvarez]

Rain on concrete.

[Ant]

I don't mind that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would. I would go nuts for that.

[Ant]

Yeah, I don't mind that.

[Kira]

There is also. And then there's just bourbon. Cherry.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, hot.

[Kira]

Honey.

[Ant]

I can definitely.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, here's a good one.

[Ant]

Here's a good flavor for an ice cream. A barber shop.

[Frank Alvarez]

Fuck you.

[Ant]

You never walk into a barbershop like that? Smell? No.

[Frank Alvarez]

No way, dude. I'm sorry.

[Ant]

You both immediately went on your phones. Are you kidding me?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm sorry.

[Ant]

A barber shop?

[Frank Alvarez]

But you got it.

[Kira]

That means you have to have a little bit of hair in it.

[Ant]

I don't need hair. I'm saying the smell of a barbershop, you walk in, imagine you could take that and make it an ice cream.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know one. I know one. If it was an ice cream, but it was flavored of old leathery book.

[Ant]

Yeah, an old book. Old, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm ascending to space. Sorry. Oh, I got.

[Ant]

I got another one. How about an ice cream that's like an exploded firework?

[Frank Alvarez]

I do love that. And also like the feeling of the concussive blast. So, like, if they can make it so, like, there's a. Like a feeling of a firecracker in my ice cream.

[Kira]

Like pop rocks?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, like an explosion. Idiot.

[Ant]

Duh.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's what I meant.

[Ant]

I think an explo. You ever go, like, you know, when the fireworks are over and then the winds come in, so, like, you get a smell of that? Like that?

[Frank Alvarez]

I do like that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What about this? This is a real simple one.

[Ant]

Coins. What about coins?

[Kira]

I wrote pennies.

[Ant]

I'm more of a nickel girl. You know, like a nickel flavored ice cream.

[Frank Alvarez]

You can't scare me like that, dude. You know what you did, right? You know what you did?

[Ant]

Coins.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think now this. This might. This. We will all agree on this.

[Ant]

Sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

Trix yogurt flavored ice cream.

[Ant]

Oh, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You remember those?

[Ant]

I mean, that basically was ice cream.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know, I know you remember those. Trix yogurts. Yeah. And you opened it up and you saw that dumbass rabbit.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And you just wanted us to be like, not. Not here, rabbit. Yeah, go back to your rabbit hole, rabbit.

[Ant]

Starting to get less relatable.

[Kira]

I wrote down, like, whatever an Oscar tastes like.

[Frank Alvarez]

An Oscar. Like success, Success. Flavored ice cream. I'd see that.

[Ant]

Tennis balls.

[Frank Alvarez]

Tennis ball ice cream. Tennis Ball ice cream, dude. The feeling of cracking open a thing of tennis balls.

[Ant]

They know what they're doing making that like a fucking tuna.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know who should start making ice cream? Rolex. Let Rolex make an ice cream. And there's like, what is it? And they're just like, it's Rolex ice cream, baby. You don't even need know if you can't. We're all out of flavors. We don't know.

[Ant]

We don't have the ice cream.

[Frank Alvarez]

We don't have the ice cream that you actually want. You'll be on a wait list for four years.

[Ant]

What about. Oh, I don't know. I don't know how you guys are gonna feel about this. Gasoline ice cream.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't hate it. I don't hate it. It can't taste like gasoline. It could smell like it.

[Ant]

It smells like gas.

[Frank Alvarez]

But this gas is fire or like. Like gas, though, you know? Like gas, gas, weed ice cream. I'm shocked that. That's probably a thing, right?

[Kira]

Yeah, probably.

[Frank Alvarez]

It probably is a thing already. I would. I would imagine that someone has made wheat ice cream.

[Kira]

I got. What about marbles?

[Ant]

Marble ice cream.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't hate that.

[Ant]

You know?

[Kira]

Cause, like, you ever see a bowl of marbles, you're like, I want to.

[Ant]

Put that in my mouth, but that's just dippin dots.

[Kira]

That's true, but more glassy. You need more glass.

[Frank Alvarez]

You guys might not follow me here, and it doesn't make sense.

[Ant]

I like this.

[Frank Alvarez]

But if it was ice cream and it was flavored after cow udders. Because here's the thing. I don't know if they taste good, but they look like they would taste great.

[Ant]

You want to wrap your lips around an udder? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I think I'm in.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Ant]

Yeah. Got them.

[Frank Alvarez]

We got them. Just like. They're, like, beautiful, fat and pink.

[Ant]

Speaking of pink.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bubbly ice cream. That's got to exist already.

[Ant]

Not bubbly.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's got to exist already.

[Ant]

Probably, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, Guinness ice cream. I think that definitely exists.

[Kira]

Yeah, that probably exists.

[Frank Alvarez]

That probably exists. I'm in on that.

[Kira]

What about, like, the white foam the ocean makes when it hits the sand?

[Frank Alvarez]

That's disgusting. I think that's urine.

[Kira]

Oh, is it?

[Ant]

It's not urine. It's like seafoam. And it's disgusting. But it looks. But it looks tasty.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, You're a weirdo for liking that.

[Ant]

Ew.

[Kira]

Doesn't it look tasty?

[Ant]

You're weird.

[Frank Alvarez]

Loser. Middle fingers are back. Hot Pockets and middle Fingers, baby.

[Ant]

I'm trying to think of something else.

[Kira]

I thought it looked tasty.

[Frank Alvarez]

I got more here.

[Ant]

You know what I think is a good flavor, but I don't know what it would taste like. But I'd like. If something was called this, then I'd be like, that probably tastes really good. Comfy couch.

[Frank Alvarez]

I kind of. I'm with you on that one. I'm with you on that one. You know what I want? You know what I want? The last day of school before Christmas break. Smell. You remember that?

[Ant]

You're trying to embody a feeling now. It's not even a smell.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, duh.

[Ant]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Kira]

We're talking about ice cream.

[Ant]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, but what would it taste like? It would taste like a little bit of Coca Cola and some stale pretzels and a fourth of a sliver of pizza. And then, like, just, like, cookies that your teacher made that are kind of burnt, but, like, she made them so you have to eat them because you feel bad. Then like, the little, like, plastic baggies that, like, the one kid's parent from the class that, like, clearly went overboard made, that has like a. Like a Christmas pencil eraser in there and something like that.

[Ant]

Eraser ice cream.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Kira]

I wrote that down. Damn it.

[Ant]

Did you?

[Kira]

Yeah, I did, right?

[Ant]

Eraser. Yeah, that whole thing you did. But the eraser in the eraser, like, elastic. Book fair ice cream.

[Frank Alvarez]

Book fair ice cream. Yeah, it's. It's. It's made with pieces of, like, the magazine. You remember, the, like, Scholastic Book Fair, like, like, fucking catalog that you would get that was like, tissue paper. They ripped that up and they put it in there, and you could probably be like, oh, that's a. Goosebumps.

[Ant]

Stay with me. Maybe this is a little crazy. Ice cream flavored ice cream. And it's just more. It's just more of the flavor. Like, it's so concentrated. Ice cream.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pizza bagel. Ice cream.

[Ant]

Didn't you say that exists?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, no, no, no. But you put a scoop of it on a bagel and it's a pizza bagel. Pizza ice cream bagel. Pizza bagel. I'm delirious and basically high because of all these cough drops.

[Kira]

What about potpourri?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, I don't like it.

[Ant]

It reminds me of, like, grandmothers.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no.

[Ant]

Grandma ice cream.

[Frank Alvarez]

Now, what about if you could Souvlaki. Yeah, Souvlaki ice cream. Lucky gyro. You know, you got a giant meat stick. Yeah, baby. With, like, the barbecue and the lemon and the pepper and they Put a big ass piece of fresh Italian bread on the end of it.

[Kira]

I wrote another one. I don't know if I should say it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Say it.

[Kira]

I wrote your mother.

[Ant]

I wouldn't laugh at that if I was you. Are you talking about his mother? Gen. Gen. Everyone's mother. That's crazy.

[Kira]

I want to say he likes.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's your mother, too.

[Kira]

I want to say he left. I saw it.

[Ant]

I didn't laugh.

[Frank Alvarez]

Did you not see the look of bewilderment on both of our faces to throw at you?

[Ant]

Yeah. That's what I was doing.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because guess. Guess. Your mother is a blanket statement. So that's my mother. That's his mother.

[Ant]

Technically, it could be your mother.

[Kira]

My mother, too. Technically. Hey, man, sometimes you take risks.

[Ant]

What about diaper?

[Frank Alvarez]

No. No. Absolutely not.

[Ant]

No, I'm not into that either.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just think, like, I kind of don't hate the idea of the. The sunscreen, because, like, be honest. Like, you smell sunscreen and you like it. So, like, if they can make it taste, like, not chemically, that's the whole thing. But, no, it can smell a certain way, but taste a different way.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know Axe, Kilo, Axe Body Spray.

[Ant]

You love Axe.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't. Take it easy.

[Ant]

You do.

[Frank Alvarez]

When I was 14, I loved it.

[Ant]

Oh, my God. You loved it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I remember they had a one. It was a brown one. There was Kilo. There was the brown one. I think it was called, like, Sensations.

[Ant]

Sensations.

[Frank Alvarez]

I gotta look up the Axe Body Spray.

[Kira]

I had Sensations.

[Ant]

Did you?

[Kira]

I did.

[Frank Alvarez]

Axe Body spray scents. A 12 pack. You can get a 12 pack.

[Ant]

Who would need that much Axe Body Spray?

[Frank Alvarez]

Someone that really likes him. So there's anarchy for him.

[Ant]

Stop. That's the name of one of the sets. What are you wearing?

[Frank Alvarez]

Anarchy for him. Africa.

[Ant]

Africa?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yep. Alaska.

[Ant]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

Apollo.

[Ant]

Ooh.

[Frank Alvarez]

Black Knight. Black Knight and Black.

[Ant]

Black Knight. Apollo. Africa. There's a trend.

[Frank Alvarez]

Musk.

[Ant]

Musk.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yep. Wild, Wild Marine.

[Ant]

That's got to be a green.

[Frank Alvarez]

Leather and cookies.

[Ant]

What? Why those two things together?

[Frank Alvarez]

Dark Temptation. There it is.

[Ant]

Dark temptation.

[Frank Alvarez]

What did I say? Cream Sensations or something like that?

[Ant]

You just said Sensations, I think.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, whatever. Excite.

[Ant]

Excite.

[Frank Alvarez]

Gold. Gold. Temptation.

[Ant]

Oh, the other gold is just gold. This one will tempt you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Icebreaker and Ice Chill. Where's the old ones? 2004. Axe body spray.

[Kira]

Wasn't there one that was just chocolate?

[Ant]

Probably. I feel like I remember that.

[Kira]

I might have had that one.

[Ant]

Oh, Listerine ice cream.

[Frank Alvarez]

Listerine, yeah. No. Dude, come on. Grow up.

[Ant]

What do you shut down that One out of all the ones we said.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Here we're talking. All right, you ready? These are the 2004 cents for axe bodies.

[Ant]

Oh, my God. It's gonna be insane.

[Frank Alvarez]

Shock.

[Ant]

Shock.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Instinct.

[Ant]

I'm just glad it wasn't incest.

[Frank Alvarez]

Kilo. Which was my favorite.

[Ant]

Kilo.

[Frank Alvarez]

Kilo. Why, that was the best one. Vice, Veiss Clicks. C L I X clicks. Yeah. Essence.

[Ant]

Mmm. Of course. Essential.

[Frank Alvarez]

Touch.

[Ant]

Touch and Phoenix. These. Who are naming these the horniest people in the world on the planet.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, that's your base level.

[Kira]

I thought the names were cool.

[Ant]

Yeah. You'd be into it.

[Frank Alvarez]

If podcasting and comedy and this stuff doesn't work out. I think I have a future in naming Axe Body Sprays.

[Ant]

I also do, too.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think that there's a chance that I could be good at it.

[Ant]

It's your dream job.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do they still sell Alex Body Spray?

[Ant]

You know they do. You just said they sold 12 packs.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[Ant]

That should cover you your entire life.

[Frank Alvarez]

I want to get a vintage bottle of Axe Body Spray.

[Ant]

Vintage?

[Frank Alvarez]

Vintage.

[Ant]

I don't know if you would describe that as vintage.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, why not? It's a 23, 21. 22 year old bottle. Do you think it still smells like Kilo?

[Ant]

It ages like wine. Smells like Kilo. Whatever that smells like. Oh, man. Well, there you have it, folks.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, go ahead.

[Ant]

How's your day? You see?

[Frank Alvarez]

See what?

[Ant]

That's a beginning of the show.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, it could be an end. How do you got going on tonight?

[Ant]

Tonight?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Ant]

Seahawks. Cardinals.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're giving away when we're recording this? Yeah. Yeah. Who you think? Seahawks. Yeah. That's an easy. That's an easy one. You know, a couple go throwing a couple bucks on it. Haven't Good for you. How's your fantasy team doing?

[Ant]

One and two? Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not great. Yours?

[Ant]

We're doing small talk.

[Kira]

I don't do fantasy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why not? Why not do small talk?

[Ant]

I don't like it.

[Frank Alvarez]

You do.

[Kira]

I like small talk.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Kira]

I like medium talk.

[Frank Alvarez]

Give us some. Give us an example of a medium talk.

[Kira]

Like, so, how's the weather? Small talk? Yeah, like, when's the last time you got caught in the rain? Medium talk.

[Ant]

It's such a funny question.

[Frank Alvarez]

When's the last time you got caught in the rain? Why is that funny? I don't know.

[Ant]

Not what I was expecting. I'm picturing like a situation where you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Would ask someone out of the blue.

[Ant]

Like, when's the last time you got caught in the rain? Like, imagine like meeting Someone for the first time.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know.

[Ant]

Third question in.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think that's funny at all.

[Ant]

Oh, sorry, guys. Everyone.

[Kira]

What do you think the sun tastes like?

[Frank Alvarez]

Kilo from Act? No, Phoenix.

[Ant]

Well, obviously.

[Frank Alvarez]

Or Touch. Do you think you could be all. You think if I sprayed you could. You could identify the smell?

[Ant]

Are you insane? Absolutely not. And I'm sure they all smell like relatively similar.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I imagine there's a difference between dark and dark night. Yeah. Or black and black knight. What was it?

[Ant]

I think it was black knight, Apollo and something else.

[Frank Alvarez]

Ice clicks. Vice clicks.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

What was worse, Axe or bod?

[Ant]

I forgot BOD existed until right now.

[Frank Alvarez]

I used to have bod.

[Ant]

Bod was like, I love the commercials. It's like you spray it and a woman shows up and like humps this guy's leg.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Ant]

What is this?

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, this is for 12 year old boys.

[Ant]

Yeah. It isn't, by the way. You just loved it.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was definitely marketed toward kids my age, our age.

[Ant]

The, the, the commercials were grown men.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but it was like, they're like, here, it's a stocking stuffer.

[Ant]

I don't think that was the commercials.

[Frank Alvarez]

I used to get a. I had a lot of colognes and body sprays as a kid.

[Ant]

I didn't have any. I had an axe.

[Frank Alvarez]

You smelled like.

[Ant]

I smelled fine.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, you smell like shit and you smell like clicks. I did. I smelled like Touch, advice and Kilo.

[Ant]

Like Vice.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, I think I smelled great. I'm sure you had Michael Jordan cologne. Had a basketball on the bottle. It was good outside. Kira, you remember Kira from pacsun? That was a big one.

[Ant]

What was? The curve was a big one.

[Frank Alvarez]

Curve was a big one. Yeah.

[Ant]

Was the one from Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch, Something like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was like, oh, fierce. Oh, I don't remember that one.

[Ant]

I remember that Joe.

[Frank Alvarez]

Weird thing at the time. Remember when people would, like 13 year old kids would be outside of Abercrombie and Fitch with bathing suits on, dudes.

[Ant]

With their shirts off, just standing there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, here, 15 year old girl, go stand outside in a bikini at the mall. Weirdos.

[Ant]

It was a time. It was a time. It was a wild west.

[Frank Alvarez]

It really was the wild, wild west.

[Ant]

Don't start singing the song. We're gonna get out of here before Frank starts singing Will Smith songs. But thank you guys so much for, you know, hanging around. Like we said earlier, the Halloween merch is available now. Shop.santagostudios.com to get yours in time for Halloween. Send us some pictures if you buy it and let us know. We love seeing that from you guys. You know, there's also some tickets left especially for Hollywood, Florida. That's going to be a really fun show. Danny's opening that show. It's going to be a party. Really excited for that. So go check that [e-mail] and submit base the basementyard.com. submit. Send that in as well. And yeah, we'll see you guys out there. Yeah, we're gonna find you anti you want to see you guys next time.

[Frank Alvarez]

Thank you so much. Wait, wait. Come on. What do you want to say? That is jokes aside, that is getting rude. You could find me at the Frank Alvarez everywhere Also maybe, maybe on ebay buying vintage axe body spray stuff. Yeah, okay. And you could find Ant on the top 10 FBI's most wanted list. He's been on there for a couple years. That's the joke I'm ending with.

[Ant]

Solid. That's it.

[Frank Alvarez]

We'll see you guys next time.