The Basement Yard #526 - Spooky Season Is Here!
Date: October 27, 2025
Hosts: Joe Santagato, Frank Alvarez
Guest: Ant
Episode Overview
To celebrate Halloween, Joe, Frank, and Ant dress up in costumes (Voldemort/Cardi B-inspired, chicken, and Leonardo the Ninja Turtle, respectively) and embrace the holiday's silliness. The episode is a mix of wild costume antics, playful banter (especially about their Halloween getups), reflections on past Halloweens, discussions about “bad names,” and a delightfully absurd “scary story” written by Frank for Joe. The trio riff on everything from linguistics to pop culture, cartoon character crushes, and bizarre hypotheticals.
Key Discussion Points & Segments
1. Halloween Costumes & Makeup Mishaps
- [00:37] The crew talks about favorite Halloween memories. This year, Frank’s in a chicken suit, Ant is Leonardo, and Joe's doing an elaborate Voldemort/Cardi B mix.
- [01:08] Ant laments being tricked into coming early just to let makeup artists in—not for his own makeup.
- [01:49] Frank attempts (and fails) to eat popcorn through his chicken mask:
"Just so everyone's aware, our audio listeners. Frank's in a chicken costume and trying to eat off the desk, and it's not going smoothly." —Joe [01:49]
- [02:24] Discussion about previous years' costumes, like Frank as a lion and Joe as a cat/devil.
2. Nails & Newfound Respect
- [02:52] Joe, wearing long press-on nails, admits new sympathy for women:
"I think that, like, nails look nice, but they're not practical." —Joe [03:25]
- [04:07] Banter about how people with long nails manage basic tasks:
"I don't even know how I would wipe my ass." —Joe [03:52]
3. Language Tangents & "Bukkake"
- [04:44] Curiosity spirals as they explore the origins of “bukkake,” only to discover its original (benign) meaning in Japanese for "splashing liquid,” e.g., bukkake udon.
- [06:36]
"Dude, I went to a restaurant and I saw bukkake on the menu. I'm leaving that restaurant." —Frank [06:36] "Depends on the price." —Ant [06:40]
- [06:53] Joke about bukkake soup and cultural misunderstandings.
4. Chicken Connection and Ridiculous Bits
- [07:20] Frank becomes “one with the chicken”—their banter devolves into absurd wordplay ("spatchcock me,” “bagok,” “gobble me up”).
- [08:02]
"You want to spatchcock me on the fucking Table. I will fucking. Oh, roast me up." —Frank [08:02]
5. Character Identities, Pronouns, and Pop Culture
- [09:02] Joe’s “character” wavers between witch, ghoul, and “genderless” entities:
"I'm like ditto from Pokemon, but not...I'm genderless. I'm unisex." —Joe [09:27]
- [09:44] Ant clarifies: he is Leonardo the Ninja Turtle.
- [10:31] Discussion on “domino masks” and what makes a mask “horny” or “slutty.”
6. Costume Discomforts & Childhood Memories
- [11:59] Joe complains his mask smells like “a raw dick. Like a chicken cutlet dick.”
- [12:19] Joe: “You know what it smells like? Wet white people.”
- [13:04] Frank reminisces about their water park days, chest henna tattoos (“fax squared”), and getting sick after visits.
7. Worst Names & Name Debates
- [24:23] Segment on naming abominations: “Rudolph,” “Gertrude,” “Eugene,” “Eustace,” “Todd,” “Franklin” are on the chopping block.
- [26:24]
“I went my entire life calling him Colin Powell. I thought his name was Colon.” —Joey [26:21]
- [27:51] Dog names are exempt from harsh judgment ("Franklin," "George," “Albert”).
8. Spooky Story by Frank
- Feature segment: Frank’s “scary” story tailored to Joe.
- [37:01] Frank narrates a tale involving Joe in Florida with coffee mishaps, a “level 14 UV index,” no sunscreen, Starbucks nightmares, explosive IBS, cockroaches, financial collapse, and awkward public encounters — lampooning Joe’s pet peeves.
- [41:08]
“Joe gets back to his place with Charlie, who has spray shit the whole way home. And he finds a room of smiling kids as he opens the door.” —Frank [46:13]
- [48:03]
“He thinks ordering food will help, but his chicken wings turn into little buffalo flavored penises.” —Frank [48:03]
- Discussion of how genuinely mundane inconveniences are Joe's "real nightmares.”
- [49:10]
"I wrote down other things that scare you too...having to wait in the general TSA security line." —Frank [49:10]
9. Bathroom Hypotheticals
-
[54:06] Ant’s scenario: “A toilet in your house becomes sentient and hates when you poop in it. What do you do?”
-
[54:25]
“You know what you're there for, bitch.” —Frank [54:25]
-
Sidetracked into “Human Centipede” logistics:
“Which one would you rather be—the front, middle, or end?” —Joey [56:03]
10. Cartoon Crushes & 'Hear Me Out' Cake
- [60:16] First celebrity/cartoon character crushes:
- Christina Ricci, Trish Stratus, Kimberly (Pink Power Ranger), Taylor Swift, Natalie Portman, Avril Lavigne, Shego (Kim Possible), Lola Bunny.
- [65:09]
“The only one I could think off the top of my head, so we don’t give it away… the dragon from Shrek.” —Frank [65:09]
- Agreement that “Nala” (Lion King), Lola Bunny, and older women (Diane Keaton, Susan Sarandon, Maggie Smith) were formative for some of the crew.
11. Animal Intelligence & 'My Octopus Teacher'
- [73:33] Joey and Frank joke about the viral octopus documentary, speculating the filmmaker was “horny to have sex with it.”
-
“Everyone’s like, oh my god, this thing is so… it’s teaching me so much. Yo, his was hard the whole time.” —Frank [73:44]
12. Chicken Observations
- [71:54] Frank delivers a chicken “melody” of Usher’s “Burn.”
- [72:55] Pondering if chickens or pigeons need “CBD” to relax, and waxing on whether chickens are “famously dumb.”
Notable Quotes & Highlights
-
On long nails:
"I think that, like, nails look nice, but they're not practical. I just. I don't know." —Joe [03:25]
-
On the word 'bukkake':
“I think it translates to just big fun time.” —Joey [04:52]
“It refers to the act of splashing liquid on something. In this case, broth. Because they also have bukkake udon.” —Ant [06:28] -
On being a chicken:
“I commit to the fucking bit.” —Frank [17:49]
-
On 'bad' names:
“You can't call him Dolphy, people gonna think his name is Adolph.” —Frank [24:06]
-
On celebrity crushes:
“Jessica Rabbit, though, I was kind of like—I could never handle that…She'll fuckin' kill me.” —Joey [63:52]
-
On 'My Octopus Teacher':
"No one spends that much time with something if they're not trying to have sex with it." —Frank [74:02]
-
On masks & discomfort:
“This smells like a…like a raw dick. Like a chicken cutlet dick.” —Joey [11:59]
-
Frank calls himself:
“Frank the bugocking chicken.” —Frank [16:53]
Memorable Moments
- Frank’s chicken clucking reaches a running tally (at least 16 “clocks”) by Ant [17:22].
- Frank’s extended “scary story” for Joe, merging all of Joe’s real-life pet peeves and anxieties into a parade of absurdity [37:01–48:24].
- Frank argues that Foghorn Leghorn is “close enough” to a racist cartoon [21:45].
- The group riffs on baby names and how calling someone “colon” instead of “Colin” is a lifetime misconception for Joey [26:21].
- Debate about who could do cartwheels; admission that feats (like kipping up in gym class) are unverifiable “no one was there to see it” claims [18:47].
- The toilets’ hypothetical and Human Centipede discussion.
Timestamps for Important Segments
| Segment | Timestamp (MM:SS) | |-----------------------------------------|-------------------| | Costume reveals & mishaps | 01:08–02:25 | | Long nails sympathy bit | 02:52–03:37 | | “Bukkake” definition/euphemisms | 04:44–07:05 | | Chicken banter (“bagok”, “spatchcock”) | 07:20–09:01 | | Names gone wrong (Rudolph, Colin) | 24:22–26:24 | | Frank’s spooky story for Joe | 37:01–48:24 | | Animated character crushes | 60:16–66:03 | | Chickens, pigeons, animal intelligence | 71:54–74:34 | | ‘My Octopus Teacher’ jokes | 73:33–74:34 |
Tone & Style
- Unfiltered, irreverent, hyper-idiomatic New York storytelling and riffing
- Plenty of affectionate roasting, physical comedy, self-deprecation, and oversharing
- Silliness and absurdity are foregrounded, even during random tangents
For New Listeners
If you’ve never heard The Basement Yard before, this episode gives you the quintessential Basement Yard blend: ridiculous costumes, breakdowns of utterly random topics, a fearless willingness to go TMI for a laugh, and surprisingly sharp wit in discussions of everything from linguistics to pop culture nostalgia.
Expect frank, crude humor, and inside jokes—but all with a buddy-banter warmth.
End of Summary
