#527 - We Were In A Bank Robbery!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard #527 – "We Were In A Bank Robbery!"

Date: November 3, 2025
Hosts: Joe Santagato & Frank Alvarez (with guest Ant Prisco)
Theme: A comedic deep-dive into accidental fashion faux pas, viral internet moments, and an extended, hilarious roleplay about surviving — and possibly thwarting — a bank robbery, inspired by news of the Louvre heist.

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Joe and Frank (joined by Ant) riff on everything from men’s fashion and Emily-in-Paris home decor to social media commentary. The highlight is their improvisational roleplay, simulating the chaos of being stuck in a bank during a robbery — all as a riff on a real-life Louvre heist. Using Dungeons & Dragons-like mechanics, they joke through what they'd do, how they'd react, and whether they (or Bruce Vilanch) would walk out as heroes. The tone remains light, silly, and self-deprecating throughout.

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Key Discussion Points & Timestamps

1. Fashion, Merch, and Masculinity (00:00 – 09:15)

• Halloween Merch Banter: Joe and Frank open with jokes about clothing comfort, especially Halloween merch and shirt material.
  • "If they're too hard, shirts? I don't like hard shirts." — Frank (00:32)
• V-Necks and Turtlenecks: Joking about who "pulls off" which shirt, and inventing the terms "V-neck face" and "turtleneck face".
  • "You don't have turtleneck face. You have like, a V-neck face." — Frank (01:09)
• Graphic Tees & Judgement: Good-natured teasing over ironic graphic tees versus stylish minimalism.
• Exploring Comfort and Gendered Fashion: Frank discusses wearing bras and high heels for fun or drag, joking about empathy for those who wear them regularly.
  • "Listen, I don't know, that's, that's an insane thing to just like do willingly." — Frank (03:43)

2. Social Media, Going 'Viral', and Online Comments (10:25 – 16:15)

• Gay Twitter & Viral Photo: Joe discusses unexpectedly becoming a topic on "gay Twitter," reading both explicit praise and funny, sometimes savage comments.
  • Quote: “What do you call the genre of men? The first reply under the photo just says ‘fat’.” — Joe (14:11)
• Joe and Frank muse on "himbo" and "twunk" terminology and their shifting internet personas.
• The crew reflects on self-image, classification, and the (in)accuracy of online categories.

3. Nostalgia: Bedrooms, Blankets & The Navy Duvet Crisis (17:02 – 23:39)

• Throw Blanket Difficulty: Joe talks about finally getting rid of a blanket, and Frank launches into his love for seasonal bedding.
• Dorm Room Aesthetic: Ant’s bedroom comes under fire for being "prison-like," with only a TV and navy bedding.
  • "You live in a dorm room. It's a goddamn prison." — Frank (19:12)
• Male Decor Clichés: All commiserate over a lack of decorative skill, revealing a regretful history of sports blankets and high school jerseys as “wall art”.

4. Ultimate Man Cave: Cool vs. Corny (22:03 – 24:51)

• The Basement Dream: Discussion pivots to their dream basements, and the fine line between "cool collections" (video games, toys) and tacky "man cave" décor.
  • "I love a good basement, but I’m never... themed around [a team]." — Frank (22:09)
• Frank draws the line at sports-team themed toilet seats: "you suck so much."
• Ant dreams of a wine cellar with a sliding ladder, while Joe waxes poetic about Harry Potter's Ollivanders scene.

5. The Louvre Heist & "Professional" Robberies (34:21 – 40:46)

• Hot News: The trio reacts to a news story about thieves robbing the Louvre in 7 minutes, channeling their inner Ocean’s Eleven:
  • "Wouldn't a heist be just fucking awesome?" — Joe (35:04)
  • "Dude, I can't even begin to explain how cool I think I would be in a heist." — Frank (35:09)
• Heist Roles: Joking on which roles they’d be: hacker, greaser, nimble gymnast, or drillsman.
• How Do You Fence Royal Jewels?: They ponder breaking down the loot, laundering it, and the allure of secret, black-market treasures.

6. "We Were In A Bank Robbery" Roleplay D&D Style (44:48 – 67:44)

• Improvised Heist Simulation: An extended, side-splitting roleplay where Joe, Frank, and Ant use D&D-like dice rolls and stats to simulate handling a bank robbery.
  • "You're laying on the ground, right? You're in athletic wear, okay. You don't have any weapons." — Frank (47:50)
  • "How good am I? ... Oh my god, I'm a fucking champion." — Joe, on his rolled boxing skill (61:49)
• The scenario escalates:
  • Attempting to distract a robber with a wallet toss (fails!),
  • Calling in Bruce Vilanch for backup,
  • Rolling for persuasion, dexterity, and boxing strength,
  • Fantasizing about a “heist-themed escape room” business.
• Memorable Quote:
  "So Bruce Vilanch jumps on his back, I get up, I spit blood in his mask, and I start peeing off on his head." — Joe (67:18)

7. Loud, Silly Reflections & Meta Moments (Throughout)

• Comedy About Comedy: Frank is teased for constantly speaking in threes:
  • "We love you, we thank you, and yeah…" (33:18)
• Aging & Falling Jokes: The group riff on "funny falls" — why watching people fall is inherently funny, but not getting hurt.
• Recurring D&D References:
  • Frank: "D&D is fun... we should do a D&D video." (67:26)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Fashion:
  "You have a V-neck face. That is so offensive, it's insane." — (01:22)
• On Going Viral:
  “The first reply under the photo just says ‘fat’.” — Joe (14:11)
• On Male Decor:
  "You live in a dorm room. It's a goddamn prison." — Frank (19:12)
• On Man Caves:
  "They’re corny as hell… Parking for Yankee fans only." — Frank (22:09)
• On Heists:
  "Wouldn't a heist be just fucking awesome?" — Joe (35:04)
• On the D&D Scenario:
  "You're laying on the ground, right?... You don't have any weapons." — Frank (47:50) "How good am I? ... Oh my god, I'm a fucking champion." — Joe (61:49) "So Bruce Vilanch jumps on his back, I get up, I spit blood in his mask, and I start peeing off on his head." — Joe (67:18)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00 – Shirt banter, merch, V-necks
• 10:25 – Viral internet moments, "gay Twitter" reactions
• 17:02 – Blankets, navy bedspreads, and male interior design
• 22:03 – Man cave vs. playpen debate
• 34:21 – The Louvre heist discussion
• 44:48 – D&D-style bank robbery roleplay begins
• 61:49 – Highest boxing skill moment
• 67:18 – Bruce Vilanch as surprise hero

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Tone & Language

Consistently irreverent, self-deprecating, and comically absurd, the episode blends real news, personal anecdotes, and fantasy in the show’s signature style.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a classic Basement Yard blend of offbeat humor, wild improvisation, and genuine, relatable commentary on the weirdness of modern life. Whether you’re here for the banter, the D&D shenanigans, or the deeply unserious take on a real-life Louvre heist, you’ll leave laughing.

[Skip the ads at 41:00, 52:36 & 55:43 — main content resumes after each break.]

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Transcript

[A]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. You're wearing that Halloween merch, baby.

[B]

Damn right. I know. I think this is coming out on Patreon. It's before Halloween. If it's a. You know, it's after, so. Sorry.

[A]

No, I mean, it's been out.

[B]

Don't.

[A]

It's been.

[B]

Don't yell at me, Shop Santa.

[A]

No one's yelling at you.

[B]

Don't yell. No one's yelling. Yell at me.

[A]

No one's yelling.

[B]

It has. It is out. I like this a lot. I also like, like, it's a very soft, good shirt.

[A]

You like?

[B]

I love good shirts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, because if they're too hard, shirts don't like hard shirts.

[A]

Like construction paper. You don't like when.

[B]

When.

[A]

When shirts have, like, collars that are real thick. Yeah.

[B]

Like. Like you. I wouldn't say you have a thick neck.

[A]

No, I got a thick neck.

[B]

I got a big neck. Definitely don't have a pencil neck.

[A]

I mean, I definitely don't have a pencil neck.

[B]

I think this is a good one. Like, if it's too tight, if it's too tight around it. Like, if it's too thick, too tight. And then it makes it feel like it's like choking me.

[A]

I don't like the.

[B]

That's why I'm not. Like, I have a turtleneck, but I'm not a big turtleneck guy.

[A]

I like to wear it, but I don't think it. I can't. It doesn't.

[B]

You don't pull it off.

[A]

You don't.

[B]

No offense.

[A]

Well, I'm offended by. Like, I can.

[B]

I'm not saying. No, no, no, no. Like, you don't look bad, but, like, you're not. You don't. You don't have turtleneck face. Like, turtleneck face is not your face. You have. You have a, like, V neck face.

[A]

That is so offensive. It's insane.

[B]

That's more offensive.

[A]

V neck face.

[B]

Is V neck face bad?

[A]

What am I, Simon Cowell?

[B]

No, he has. I probably shouldn't say anything because he got into an accident about, like a year and change ago.

[A]

Wears a lot of V necks.

[B]

He does deep Vs, too.

[A]

Yeah, deep V's.

[B]

What's the deepest V you've ever owned?

[A]

I don't know. I actually saw a picture the other day. Why did I see that? Oh, maybe someone posted it. It's like, oh, I met Joe years ago and I was wearing a V neck, like, in public.

[B]

Why would you do that?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I used to wear V Neck. I like V neck tees. I don't hate them. I, my dad once got me a V neck tee. Like a set of V neck tees from Colombia. The deepest, widest V you could have ever fucking imagined on a shirt. And he was like here, this is the size xl. And it was like a medium on me. I don't know what, what they got going on. They got small people over there in Colombia.

[A]

Do they?

[B]

I guess. But the V started here. No shoulder V, dude. It was a wide V. Oh no. And it came down to like right here.

[A]

Showed your tits off, basically.

[B]

I had boobs.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

And it, it was pretty deep. Becca hated the shirt.

[A]

You ever put a bra on?

[B]

I don't maybe. I don't know. I don't think so.

[A]

You've never put a bra on, have you?

[B]

Put a bra on?

[C]

I have.

[A]

You said that like it was like recent.

[C]

No, no, no, not recent.

[B]

How did it fit?

[C]

Wasn't great. They were a little more busty than I was.

[B]

Busty.

[A]

Said that he's using porn tonight. She was a little bit more of a petite busty teen than me.

[B]

Yeah, sorry. I put that bra on. It was for a big, big petite, Big petite co ed. Yeah, I, I, I don't think, I'm sure I have. I put a bra, it was lacey. To be fun.

[A]

Yeah. I put it on because I was like trying to keep my tits in order.

[B]

Well, no, duh. Yeah, I mean, but like I was.

[A]

Like, look at a prank, look. Hahaha.

[B]

I got boobies.

[A]

Yeah. For a second. And then I was like, oh, it's kind of, kind of, kind of cool.

[B]

Really? I don't remember liking it. I don't remember wearing it.

[A]

So I guess high heels, you ever wear a high heels?

[B]

I have worn high heels, yeah. Oh yeah.

[A]

You did the drag show?

[B]

I did a drag show in college.

[A]

And I wear high heels. It's tough walking.

[B]

Holy shit, man. Gotta say, listen, I don't know, that's, that's an insane thing to just like do willingly.

[A]

It's a wild choice.

[B]

I would say to walk like this.

[A]

Why?

[B]

To walk on your tippy toes. Yeah, it's just, and, and it's like, it's, it's, it's such a skinny shoe.

[A]

I would feel so off balance the entire time. How do you dance in that?

[B]

I like shoes are a sense of comfort for me. Like I feel safe in shoes. You know what I'm saying? Like my foot is in a whole shoe when I'm in like sandals or if I was in heels, I'd feel like I'm like the Pope riding around in, like, a top down. You know what I'm saying? Something bad's gonna happen.

[A]

Some JFK shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, I just don't. I just don't get. I mean, it does do something to a leg. To a woman's leg.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I'm not. I'm not. I'm. I'm good with it over there. I don't need it on mine.

[A]

Yeah, I need to make my legs.

[B]

I don't need my. Like, my legs are fine. I don't need my legs. Sexy. See my sexy legs?

[A]

Yeah. I mean, no one sees those legs. You don't really pull them out too often.

[B]

I don't pull them out.

[A]

Haley's Comet over there.

[B]

It is like Hayley's Comet. Mainly because my legs are mostly scars. I know you've scoffed at me for that before and people love bringing that up. It is true.

[A]

I confirmed that it isn't, and that's fine. I didn't see a single scar on your legs. Let's go.

[B]

Let's go. Well, because they're covered by hair. If I were to put my leg right there in your fucking face right now and you were to parse through my hairs, you would see quite a bit of scarring.

[A]

I wouldn't.

[B]

Yes, you would.

[C]

My dad won Mr. Sexy Legs on a cruise once.

[A]

Your dad won Mr. Sexy Legs?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Frank's got his leg out also. Parse through.

[A]

I can see your whole leg. Point one out.

[B]

That's one. That's from your surgery.

[A]

There isn't anything where. Frank, that's not even a scarlet.

[B]

Just like you're scratching your legs. Stop scratching them.

[A]

You're also shiny like a sardine. What's with that?

[B]

Why do you call me?

[A]

Because you're kind of shiny like a sardine.

[B]

Because my legs are probably dry.

[A]

Mmm.

[B]

But, like, there's another one right there.

[A]

Frank, that is an ingrown hair and you just scratch it out. And why did it. What was that? A pebble that just came out of you. I'm uncomfortable. Well.

[B]

Well, you see what I mean?

[A]

No. Your leg is one scar.

[B]

No, I have several scars. It's hard to see. As someone that has had their legs shaved and waxed, I can confirm there is quite a bit of scarring on there. And you should be, like, supportive of me.

[A]

Darren, show you my big hair? I got one big hair and I love it because I play with it, but it always grows back. But I always try to rip it out. Look at my one big hair.

[B]

I could see it from here, bro.

[A]

It's.

[B]

It's like when you could see the Wall of China from space. I could see your one big hair on your white ass.

[A]

Big. That hair.

[B]

That's a big hair.

[A]

It's this tall. Like I'm touching the top of it. I know you guys can't see.

[B]

You can't see it, but I got.

[A]

A big ass hair and it's thick. And she's strong too.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And pull that out.

[A]

Well, I like to keep it.

[B]

I don't know if I have anything that cool.

[A]

I like to keep it.

[B]

You have hairless arms. Look at your arms. Don't talk about my arms, dude. Look at the top of your arms. It's so hairless. Like a butt.

[C]

Butt, arms.

[B]

First of all, your whole body's like a butt.

[C]

Yeah, it is.

[A]

Yeah. Cuz you're.

[B]

You have zero hair.

[C]

It is. It is.

[B]

Let's see your butt. Is your butt like.

[A]

Do you have butt hair?

[C]

No.

[B]

Pull your butt out.

[C]

I can't.

[A]

Yeah, you can't.

[B]

Mine either. I mean, most of my hair is like in the hidden regions. Right. But like, that's crazy. Yeah. I guess I never realized how hairless my arms are.

[A]

That's interesting.

[B]

I mean, there's little hairs. You could see them. If you get up close, you could see their little ones.

[A]

But you don't have big, strong, girthy ones like me.

[B]

You have un strong girthy one.

[A]

Yeah, but it counts for a lot.

[B]

Every now and then I get one long hair in my mustache. It just goes the opposite way. Me too. And it goes in my nose and I'm like, get the fuck out of there.

[A]

I like that. I hate that. I wake up in the morning, I look like a fucking dog. And my shit is like.

[B]

Yeah, I have that every now and then too. I also don't have much. I can like count the hairs on my chest.

[A]

The chairs.

[B]

The chairs on my chest.

[A]

I have like the chairs on my hest. Yeah, I have like just a little like brown.

[B]

They're like scattered. Yeah, they're like scattered. Like Pikmin.

[A]

When you first. When you first started getting facial hair, did you keep just a chin?

[B]

Oh, yeah, Me too. I recently saw a picture of me that you took with a camera you got in your basement. And I look like a fucking piece of shit.

[A]

Is it when you were like this?

[B]

Yeah. And it's just. Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm wearing a backwards hat and it's just like, I would only Let this grow out.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I remember because that was the only thing that, like, grew consistently.

[A]

I did the same thing. And I look like an idiot.

[B]

I.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I look so stupid. But the soul patch, man, you know, it's what we had. It's what we had going for.

[A]

I think at one point, I had what resembled a goatee, which is terrifying.

[B]

I mean, I've done just this.

[A]

You've done a goat. You've goaded.

[B]

There's. There's episodes of me having done it. I look like, you know, like a really less talented Lin Manuel Miranda, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

What? Yes. You don't have an Emmy.

[B]

Okay, that's fair.

[A]

I do.

[B]

Not Yet.

[A]

Yet. Maybe you could have one one day.

[B]

We could have one one day.

[A]

You could also.

[B]

But maybe also we.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

But hopefully me. But also. I mean.

[A]

I don't know. Yep.

[B]

The Emmys, they announced that they were gonna do, like, best podcast, which is.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That's why I was thinking, well, we ain't getting that. We ain't getting that.

[A]

Can you imagine that?

[B]

Can you imagine? It's like, best Podcast, and it's like, you know, Brittney Broski for the Court. What's the.

[A]

What.

[B]

What's her show?

[A]

Oh, the Broski Report.

[B]

The Broski Report. But there's also the one where she does, like, the Knights of the Round Table. Yeah.

[A]

Where she's, like, a queen.

[B]

Yeah. It's really good.

[A]

Damn, I want to wear a fucking crown.

[B]

Yeah. And then there's like, Amy Poehler.

[A]

Good hang.

[B]

And then us.

[A]

Right? Yeah.

[B]

Won't happen.

[A]

Or they're like a bunch of, like, np. Mpa, npr.

[B]

Nph. He might have one. He might have one.

[A]

I bet with acronyms.

[B]

You might have one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Npr, where it's just like, all right, today we're talking about, like, the atrocities in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Somewhere. And it's just like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. How do you compete with that? I don't know.

[A]

It ain't this show.

[B]

It is not this.

[A]

I think this show, baby.

[B]

You know?

[A]

But by the way, I wanted to tell you, recently, I got so humbled. Usually, so sometimes randomly on Twitter, my picture will. Will start going viral. Picture of me. And then, like, it's usually gay Twitter that's like, you know, and they say a lot of nice things, but a lot of the stuff is very graphic.

[B]

Gwitter.

[A]

And I'm like, gwitter, yeah. Gay Twitter. And I see that. And, like, it was funny. And then I saw one recently, and it made my day. I said it Right. To my brother. But I. I'll. I'll tell you, but he.

[B]

What's the nicest thing they've said to you?

[A]

The nicest thing? I mean, it's. Most of it is nice. I mean, it's just.

[B]

It's just written in a way that is hyper sexual. That's just like. Ye. Yeah, it's super.

[A]

Something about drowning in a gallon of, you know, come on. Stuff.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

So.

[B]

Oh, yeah, come on.

[C]

Come on. I thought you. I thought you were.

[B]

Oh, I. I guess that's what I fell into. It just like you fell into the vat of.

[C]

There it is.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But there was a.

[A]

A picture of me, and I'm wearing a. First of all, the shirt I'm wearing, this is from years ago, but I was wearing a shirt that looks like a Jaws shirt, but it says paws and it's a dog's paw instead of a.

[B]

A.

[A]

A shark.

[B]

You know? And this is what's hysterical. This is what drives me nuts because you would make fun of the fucking graphic tees that I had.

[A]

Had.

[B]

Duh, Had. Duh, duh, duh, duh, va, va, va. No, I don't, I don't. I. All right, I have them, but I don't wear them anymore.

[A]

They're in storage.

[B]

They're in storage for my kids if they wanted to have really cool shirts in 10 years.

[A]

Here, wear daddy's shirt.

[B]

Wear daddy's daredevil graphic tee. Yeah, but this is what drives me nuts, because the world forgets that you were a big time graphic tee haver. Now I'm so glad that you're saying this. And you had ironic ones that were just like, you know, like. Ha, ha ha. Pause.

[A]

No, first of all, dude, this was like 2018. Yeah, that was like more when you.

[B]

When's the last time I was wearing a graphic tee?

[C]

Hmm?

[A]

When was the last time?

[B]

I mean, this. If you're gonna talk shit about your own tee.

[A]

I'm not talking shit.

[B]

It is a graphic tee by definition. It has graphics on it, but I'm saying, like one of those, like, kind of like tongue in cheek. Haha. This is funny. Meant to be quirky.

[A]

Well, that's not just. That's not only a graphic.

[B]

We're off the point.

[A]

So anyway, I. It's a video. It's a picture of me during a podcast, and I, like, have my shirt lifted up a little bit and you can see my belly button, and then the picture is posted and there's a bunch of, like, interactions, whatever, with it.

[B]

Where are you Gonna show us the picture?

[A]

I mean, do you want to see the picture?

[B]

Yeah, I need to make fun of it.

[C]

Should I send it to Josh to toss it up so everyone can see the picture?

[A]

Sure.

[C]

All right, send it to me. I want to see it.

[A]

Okay, so we'll put it in there. But it's this picture. And then the guy, the whoever posted it wrote, what do you call this genre of men?

[C]

Right.

[B]

Okay, can I see now something like.

[A]

Oh, this is another one of those things. Right? So I was like, I want to see what people are saying. Because it's been one other time before where it was all negative. Oh, like. And it was like, this guy's fucking mid. Or like.

[B]

Like, wait, really?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So mean.

[A]

Well, it's. But it's funny.

[B]

It's funny, but also mean.

[A]

It's Twitter. It's not actual real.

[C]

So.

[A]

I mean.

[B]

Correct. Remember that world?

[A]

But it said, what do you call the genre of men? The first reply under the photo just says fat.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

I was like, oh, my God. And then everything else under there was.

[B]

Positive, which was boring. But, like, I. I.

[A]

When I clicked on this dude and I saw fat, I was like, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen.

[B]

You know that people are gonna come out the woodwork now and are just gonna try to comment the most mean thing.

[A]

Yeah. I hope that's not the case.

[B]

Why are you giving this attention? Hey, guys.

[A]

It was just funny, though.

[B]

He's a real person that has real feelings, real heart.

[A]

It is true.

[B]

Okay. And although he might outwardly laugh at something, inwardly it might hurt them.

[A]

So that is outwardly and inwardly funny to me. It was just funny also because of what I was expecting, because it has happened before.

[B]

You thought it was going to be, like, top or, like, girly pop or, like, you know, something like that.

[A]

Yeah, it is just fat.

[B]

What would we call that class of men? What, like you?

[A]

Well, there's people who say, I'm a himbo.

[B]

What's a himbo?

[A]

Like a bimbo, but a him.

[B]

Again, was that a dumb hymn? Because bimbo was used for, like. It was like a dum. A ditzy. You know, like, you know, remember like chicken of the sea? What is that? You know, like. Like that.

[A]

Yeah. That's a weird example. But yeah, I mean, I mean, that was.

[B]

That was what people, like, would refer to as bimbos.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I don't agree. I think it's a little mean.

[A]

I think it's just like a. Yeah, like a ditzy.

[B]

Dude, so you're a himbo.

[A]

I'm a himbo.

[B]

That's hysterical. What about, like, there are other ones where you've been called like, Twink?

[A]

That was years ago. I think I'm well beyond that now.

[B]

Well, well past Twink. Have you graduated to whatever is, like, what. Who evolves into it? What does Twink evolve into?

[A]

Twunk.

[C]

Twunk.

[B]

Twunk. That's right.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

I remember twunk.

[A]

Someone one time called me an otter. I was like, this is crazy now.

[B]

So twink, twunk. And then what's a. Or is it like a two stage evolution? Like fucking execute and executor.

[A]

Yeah, 20. Executor.

[B]

Executor. Oh, whoever it is. You know what I'm talking about, though. I know you know exactly. So, like. So.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I mean, you might be in a class by yourself.

[C]

I'm not.

[B]

You don't think so?

[A]

I fit into. There's a hundred gay categories.

[B]

Joey, I think you are incredibly unique and you don't need to fall into any other classification outside of you just being you.

[A]

Performative males. Am I right, ladies?

[B]

What's that? What the hell is that?

[A]

The performative male.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

As just someone who, like. It's just very like a performative.

[B]

I mean, we're on a show.

[A]

Yeah, no, not in like performance. More of like a. A disingenuous. Disingenuous performance.

[B]

Oh, I'm joking.

[A]

Yeah, same.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But yeah, so I got my ass handed.

[B]

Oh, my God. So if you're fat, what the fuck am I? Jesus Christ. I just.

[A]

I just squeaked like the toy from Toy Story.

[B]

Oh, wheezy. Oh, yeah, he almost. He. But he's good.

[A]

You know, I wanted to tell you this and I totally forgot, but I got rid of a throw blanket the other day that I've had for a while.

[B]

And it hurt you?

[A]

It didn't hurt me, but there was a hesitation.

[B]

Which throw blanket? Not that I know. Your throw blankets.

[A]

Yeah, they're not named. It was just like a white one that was on my.

[B]

Why? Throw blanket, brother. Yeah, you're playing with fire.

[A]

I also, like, I have a dog. So, like, it was fucked up. Like, it should go.

[B]

You're playing with fire.

[A]

What? What do you mean?

[B]

White? Like blankets and stuff like that.

[A]

Like, my bedroom blanket is white.

[B]

Dangerful. What.

[A]

What is your bedroom blanket?

[B]

It changes. We have a. We have a. We have a, like seasonal. Yeah, it's one of the things.

[A]

What is it now? Brown.

[B]

I got very excited. Yeah, it's like a. It's like a creamy brown.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, but, like, it's one of the things. Like, it's like a thing that Becca does where she'll, like, switch it up. She'll be like, come look at the bedroom. And I'll run upstairs and I'll be like, whoa. And it's, like, done for, like, fall and Halloween and Christmas and spring.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I'm a simple man, dude.

[A]

He like beds.

[B]

I love beds. And I love, like, holiday seasonal shit.

[A]

Yeah, me too.

[B]

I love it, dude.

[A]

Do you have. Which color is your bed?

[C]

Navy.

[B]

Navy. Like, still in college?

[A]

Yeah, he's still in college.

[B]

He's a guy. You got a poster?

[A]

No.

[C]

No.

[B]

When's the last time you washed your towel?

[C]

Towel. Oh, God.

[B]

See what I'm saying?

[A]

How often do you wash your towel?

[B]

After every, like, two, three days. Throw them in the wash. We have a good. We have a good rotation towel system. Very good rotation.

[A]

And I got you a fucking towel warmer.

[B]

Do you use it? Haven't used it yet, but it's. When the new bathroom's done, it's going in that.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

You best believe it.

[A]

You ever use a towel warmer?

[C]

Didn't know that existed.

[A]

Towel warmers.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

What's, like, a machine?

[A]

It's luxurious machine.

[B]

It's like a little. It looks like a little hamper, and you throw a towel in it, and then when you get out, so it's all warm and it's like, whoa. And you could throw, like. You could throw, like, a robe in there.

[A]

Do you have any art in your bedroom?

[C]

My bedroom? No.

[A]

What's on the walls?

[C]

Nothing. A tv.

[B]

You live in a dorm room.

[A]

It's a prison.

[B]

It's a prison.

[A]

It's a goddamn prison.

[B]

You live in a dorm room of a. That's where you live.

[A]

I will say when I. When I was.

[C]

How.

[A]

I mean, I guess I was like 25. 5 or 26. My bedroom looked exactly like how you're describing.

[B]

Oh, yeah. 100%. It was always a navy blank. The last, like, solo bedroom I had. The decorating was bad. Best. Awful fake plants. Oh, yeah.

[A]

I hate navy blanket. Yep. Navy blanket. Maybe something on the wall that was, like, sports related, which is like, what are we doing here?

[B]

I mean, mine was way worse. I mean, in college I had posters, which.

[A]

Yeah. Which is normal, though.

[B]

Yeah, Normal. But, like, still. Also, I also had. You're gonna hate this one.

[A]

I bet I am. Like a Corona poster.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no. I hung up my high school football jersey and the MFA football jersey.

[A]

Well, I do know that you did that because it was also when you weren't at college and you were home, you. Your bedroom.

[B]

You damn right I would.

[A]

There was jerseys everywhere. And honestly, I can. Frankie, I can recall that when you.

[B]

Moved back to your.

[A]

Your parents house, when you were in Connecticut, you came back to New York, you hung him back up then.

[B]

Listen. Yeah. I'm not sitting here. And you were too old. You were one too old for that. I am not by any stretch of the definition saying that I was a good decorator in my like young adult fucking bedrooms. They were bad. I also had like, they're not here, but like, remember that Batman sign that I brought in? Like that was on the wall?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

I like what I like. And I would displayed it proudly on my walls. Joey, you know what's wrong with that?

[A]

No, I know. Isn't it funny that dudes just like. It's all the same. Like, it's like. Yeah, we don't know how to decorate. We always. A navy blanket.

[B]

We do not. We do not.

[C]

I still have the glowy stars on.

[A]

The ceiling and that's cool as very bad.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

Bad. You have glowy stars from your childhood?

[C]

Yeah, I just like, I bounced around rooms a lot and I just never replace it because I would have to peel it off and the paint, I'm.

[B]

Like, it would always take the paint off. That was really cool. They still glow. So cool. Dude, that's so cool. I mean, honestly, I'm a little jealous of that. Becca's the decorator. I give all decorating. But we did like jokingly say she's like, I wonder what would happen if I just let you decorate one room in the house.

[A]

And she's like, we know it would be. Well, when we stayed. We went to Disney and we stayed at Airbnb and like when you. When you go to like near Disney, all those Airbnb's, they have like a Harry Potter room and a Mario room. And the house that we stayed at had a. Basically a fucking arcade. And it was just like fucking a video game here in the wall. And it looks like a big Wii controller and then like air hockey table and everything was painted in neon lights or whatever. I'm like, this is what Frank's gonna build in his house eventually.

[B]

It's not gonna be a man cave, I think. Yeah, well, I. I hate the ide caves. They're corny as hell.

[A]

They are.

[B]

They're corny as hell where you walk down the stairs and it's just like parking for Yankee fans only. It's like, dude, you suck. You suck so much. Yeah, I like, I love a good basement, but I'm never gonna be one of those people that it's, like, themed around.

[A]

I hate it.

[B]

You know, like, the toilet seat cover is a Yankees toilet seat. Yeah.

[A]

Like, relax, dude.

[B]

Taking Mets.

[A]

Jets. No one with jets.

[B]

That.

[A]

I'm sorry. Okay. That was horrible.

[B]

You know what I mean, though? Like, I hate those. There is a sense of irony is saying that, though. But where our basement does have several areas where there are vintage toys displayed. But it's not like, it's like, you know, like, oh, if you like the Red Sox, get out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or it's just like, you know, the rule number one, Yankees rule. New rule number two, Go back to rule number one.

[A]

Yeah, it's horrible.

[C]

I don't think Frankie would make a man cave. He'd make more like a playpen.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[B]

Fuck you. That fucking. That felt Frankie would, though.

[A]

Like, like a room that has, like, every console with their own tv.

[B]

Yes. I have that up right now.

[A]

Wait, what?

[B]

I have two shelves around my TV and it's all like the consoles I had.

[A]

Yeah, see, that's what I mean. Yeah, that's what I mean.

[B]

But I'm not doing it. And like, one of those guys where it's just, like, not cool about it. Like, it's right.

[C]

It's cool.

[A]

It is different.

[B]

It's really cool that I do it. Yeah, exactly. If someone else does it, I could see it being too nerdy.

[A]

Stupid.

[B]

So stupid. But I did it.

[A]

Cool guy.

[B]

Not bad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Our basement is a work in progress right now.

[A]

Right.

[B]

We're figuring it out. But if we just so happen to have, like, cool video game stuff everywhere.

[C]

So.

[B]

What?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're gonna have a basement one day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you're gonna want to make it cool.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know what I'm gonna do with my basement. I would like to do something cool.

[B]

You see, that's what I'm saying. Like, you would want it to be, like, on the wall. It'll have, like, a picture of, like, you know, David Tyree catching the fucking catch on his head, you know? I know you're gonna want that.

[A]

David Tyree catching a ball.

[B]

It is David, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Just want to make sure I got that right. Yeah. But, like, that's what you're going to have. And then you're going to have, like, in the corner, you're going to have like a wine rack or something.

[A]

Whoa, dude, I. Oh, what you think I'm. I'm doing all these podcast episodes and all these shows to have a wine rack? I'm trying to get a room that has.

[B]

Oh, so if I have a room of Megazords, I'm a loser. If you have a room of a consumable, you're cool. Of wine.

[A]

Yeah, like a. Like a seller. Like a little seller.

[B]

You want a seller?

[A]

Oh, you know what I really want? My house a cellar. Well, more than that. I do want a seller, but would be really cool. Dungeon I'll get to it would be really cool if I had a reason to have one of those very slidy ladders.

[B]

Oh. Like, I've seen people that have, like floor to ceiling bookshelves and. Yeah, that.

[A]

It reminds me of, like the Grinch goes.

[B]

He's all, what?

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

You just painted that shelf. Fucked it up.

[A]

But you know what I'm saying?

[B]

Like, I do, I do. I. I like that.

[A]

Like.

[B]

And I want. I want to recreate when Harry Potter goes into Ollivanders for the first time and he looks down and he's like, oh, you know, I want to do that. That whole, that whole scene just like that.

[A]

When I was in. You weren't there yet, but I think we were in Minnesota or some shit. Went to a restaurant and their wine cellar was pretty, like, skinny, but it was tall. And they had one of those. And the guy went. And not because of. We didn't order a bottle of wine, but like, someone ordered a bottle of wine. And he got on the ladder and he got all the way up there. And I was like, what a treat it would be if this guy just.

[B]

Fell off the ladder. Oh, man.

[A]

You know what I mean? No.

[B]

Why are you going that route?

[A]

Dude, there's a viral. This is maybe 20 years old, a video on like QVC of a guy on one of these ladders, and he falls off.

[B]

Oh, no, he's on the. He's not on that ladder. He's on like, it's. It's like the ladders that, like, are a frames and then they open up and they become like extension ladders. And it like, it's like this. And he falls down, right?

[A]

No, no, he falls back, if I'm not mistaken.

[B]

Why does that. Why do you like that?

[A]

People falling is so good.

[B]

Did you see.

[A]

I feel terrible. Listen, they're okay.

[B]

I hope this person is okay, but did you see the video of the guy at the rally, like, running after the kid that, like, stole his glasses and just.

[A]

Fucking face Plants, dude, first of all.

[B]

I hope this person's okay. I don't want to wish fucking bodily injury on anyone, but he fell and he felt like face down, ass up, and, like, skid across the ground. And I was like, oh, that's a bad fall, dude. That's a bad fall.

[A]

There is something innately funny about people falling. And, like, I don't like people getting hurt.

[B]

Yeah, me neither.

[A]

But, like, the falling is funny.

[B]

There's a thin line between pain and pleasure and beauty.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like, it's just like a good fall is hard to beat, you know, it's really.

[A]

It's really.

[B]

Is what it's really is.

[A]

You ever fall real hard in public?

[B]

I. Bro, I fell earlier.

[A]

No, but like, in public around a bunch of strangers, When's the last time you just fell?

[C]

It's like after 2020. You shouldn't fall down any.

[B]

Dude, I fell when we were playing basketball in fucking San Diego. Remember how hard I fell?

[A]

No.

[B]

We were in San Diego playing basketball and I went to, like, get the ball and I, like, stumbled and just kept going and fell backward and, like, it hurt. Like, we're getting to that age of, like, where when we fall, it hurts.

[A]

People have to be like, yo, you good?

[B]

Yeah. Like a fucking. When people consider it a fall.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then it's a problem, dude.

[A]

Oh, man. And also, what's better than watching someone just stumble?

[B]

Stumbling is good.

[A]

Like, just can't stop stumbling for, like 30 yards.

[B]

That happened to me once at. At our house where I, like, caught the lip of the driveway and I stumbled and fell into my home. The door was open and I fucking fell into my house and rolled.

[A]

Yeah, roll.

[B]

Yeah. Dude, it was bad Willy Wonka in the beginning.

[A]

Yeah, that's great.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not like, he did it coolly.

[A]

Yeah, he.

[B]

Yeah, I did not do it so cooling. It was sad.

[A]

Wow. Unbelievable. We do have some sponsors for today. Let's get to those real quick. The first one being, how you doing? Happy Thursday. Okay, these are Happy Thursdays right here. They are spiked refreshers because they are spiked, meaning they have alcohol. So you got to be 21 plus to consume and to purchase. And they're refreshing, so that's why it's spiked refreshers. Okay? There's no bubbles, so it's bubble free. Goes down smooth. They are 4.4% alcohol, which is nice. Get a little buzz on. And they have great flavor. So this is mango passion fruit. Delicious. They also have strawberry, pineapple, star fruit, black cherry. But they're Great. They're smooth, easy, 4.4%. They have refreshing flavor without the bubbles that make you feel so bloated and everything. I really like them. So definitely go get yourself some happy Thursdays. Okay, so you can go to drinkhappy Thursday.com basement and you will find out more about happy Thursdays or where they are in your area. But yeah, go to drinkhappy Thursday.com Basement Celebrate responsibly Non carbonated, naturally flavored with other natural flavors. 21/ contains alcohol, so enjoy that. Okay? The Happy Thursday. We also have hellofresh. Hellofresh is great. What they do is they basically, you know, you go on their website, you pick out some food and they will send you those items right to your doorstep. They're the number one meal kit in America making home cooking easier with chef crafted recipes with fresh ingredients delivered trade to your door. But you know, since it's fall, they have seasonal stuff as well. So you can also get some healthy stuff if you feel great with an even healthier menu. Choose from 15 + High Protein Recipes each week like grass fed rib eyes, lamb chops. They have veggie packed recipes. So whatever your diet is, you know, whatever restrictions you have, I'm sure they can accommodate. But it's great. So it's the best, it's the best way to, you know, get into cooking. It really helps. So go to hellofresh.com basement10fm now to get 10 free meals and a free breakfast for life. Okay. One per box with active subscription free meals applied as a discount on the first box. New subscribers only, varies by plan. That is hellofresh.com basement10fm to get 10 free meals and free breakfast for life. So go check out hellofresh. Get these great ingredients delivered straight to your front door. Enjoy.

[B]

Yeah, and you know what? Did the word subscribers tingle A little tingle in your bingle. Well, guess what? I got another place where you could be a subscriber. Patreon.com Basement yard, baby. You sign up for that first tier, there's a couple tiers. That first year you get these weekly episodes one week in advance, seven whole days in advance. And then that second tier, oh, I'm gonna hit that real quick. I'm gonna send it over to you and you're gonna feel the power of the tingle in your bingle. Okay? That second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. You could start and end your week with us, with the basement boys, with Joe, with Frank, with Ant over there. Ant, say what's up? Don't put your Hand down now. Okay, go check it out. And if you want to subscribe, go do it on a web browser, patreon.com thebasementyard you type that in with your little sausage fingers, and then you can go and you could subscribe. You can save yourself some money. Okay, thank you, guys, for getting us to consistently breaking records. Over 34,000. Close to 35,000, I think.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I haven't seen the number in a couple days. More and more and more. More and more and more. Over 35, over 36. Wow. I haven't seen that in a while. So go check it out. Patreon.com what the hell was that? That's the basement yard. And we thank you and we love you and we appreciate you. Okay? You'll save yourself some money if you do it on a web browser. So save yourself some money. Go do it in a web browser. And listen, there's only two shows left, guys. There's not much left. So if you're coming to any of those shows, go to thebasemanyard.com submit, let us know which of those 2, 2, 2 shows that you're coming to, and submit a question response. You know, part of the shows are interactive. We talk to you about you, with you. People are proposing. People are coming out to their family. People are telling us they got babies. People are telling us that they're, you know, parents or someone are murderers. It's craziness. Be in on the craziness and the fun and the incredible stories over at the basement yard shows and go to thebaseviewyard.com submit let us know if you're coming to either Boston or if you're coming to msg. And then we'll figure it out, baby. All right, we love you. We miss you. We'll take a you later. Bye. Bye.

[A]

You ever notice how often you talk in threes? Like, lovely, we love you. We miss you. We'll talk to you later. And he's like, we'll talk to you about you. To you in front of you.

[B]

Oh, so you think it's like maybe like a compulsive thing, like an OCD thing?

[A]

Oh, I don't know if it's that. I just am noticing that you talk in threes.

[B]

And I said, two, two, two.

[A]

No, that's three.

[B]

That's a two, two, two.

[A]

That's three twos.

[B]

That's three twos. And I did three twos. Two, two, twos. The number 23.

[A]

Yep. Wait, what?

[B]

That was just. Oh, was that.

[A]

That fucking Jim Carrey.

[B]

Yeah, that Jim Carrey movie where he's like, this number's haunting me. I'm going to die soon.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I actually scared me because I divided my birthday by itself and it was point two, three.

[A]

You divided?

[B]

Yeah, seven divided by 30. My birthday, July 30th. Point to three.

[A]

Why did you do that?

[B]

Because I was freaked out by Jim Carrey.

[A]

No, but why did you divide your birthday?

[B]

I think he did that in that movie at one point too, you know.

[A]

And you were like, oh, my God.

[B]

Oh, my God. The number 23 is coming for me too.

[A]

Unbelievable.

[B]

And that movie sucked.

[A]

Never seen it.

[B]

Save yourself. Save yourself. 23 minutes.

[A]

Oh, I will. I do want to talk about probably the coolest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. That people robbed the Louvre.

[B]

Fuck, I heard about that shit, dude. Wait, like, fully robbed the Louvre?

[A]

Yeah, they're like, it took seven minutes. They got a ladder and they got in there. They took like some, like, some jewels.

[B]

Here's the thing is I. I often, like, find myself when people would be like, oh, there's professional burglars out there that, like, do stuff.

[A]

They like Ocean's Eleven.

[B]

Yeah, like, shit like that. And I'll be like, dude, that only. That. That's only in movies. It's not in movies. It was in real life movie I would see.

[A]

Don't you think? Like, obviously, like, you don't want to go to jail, but wouldn't, like a heist be just fucking awesome?

[B]

Dude, I can't even begin to explain how cool I think I would be in a heist.

[A]

My God.

[B]

Who would you be in the heist?

[A]

Who would I be?

[B]

Would you be like the main heter?

[A]

Oh, no, you would be the computer guy.

[B]

He's like, we have T minus five seconds. I'm in.

[A]

No, I'm definitely not the guy in the van with all the screens.

[B]

Greaser that they call.

[A]

Oh, there's the one guy that goes into a manhole and he, like, connects to the wires and he's like, you're good. You're up and running.

[B]

You're up and running. And you have. You have T minus 38 minutes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that's not me either. I think I'm one of the guys that's in. I may be the guy that, like, drills.

[B]

Oh, I might be like, you know like how in Oceans 11 there was a little like the little, like, Asian guy that could like, fit into, like, the small spaces?

[A]

Yeah, you are very pretty nimble.

[B]

Yeah, I'm pretty nimble. I might be able to be him.

[A]

He comes.

[B]

I'm not Asian, but.

[A]

You're not. But yeah, there was. There was, like, a couple of people. I forgot how many people, but they, like, had a ladder. They put it up to the second floor. They broke a window. They, like, cut into it or some shit.

[B]

Did they use the. Like.

[A]

Like the Grinch?

[B]

I was gonna say, like. Like Catwoman. She, like, draws it like that. And she goes like that and takes it off, Probably.

[A]

I have no idea.

[B]

And that's pretty cool.

[A]

Set up alarms. People who are in the museum started, like, running because it was, like, alarms going.

[B]

Can I ask you a question? Broad daylight to do this is crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why, like, why not wait till nighttime or. That's when the security's, like, really on.

[A]

Yeah, because there's no one else in there. But if there's a bunch of people running around, it's probably harder to get around.

[B]

Lasers. What do they have lasers where they have to, like, spray? Like. Like spray and they could see the laser. You know what I'm talking about?

[A]

Yeah, I do.

[B]

I have seen a lot of movies.

[A]

Yeah, I know. But, yeah, they stole a bunch of stuff and they're, like, at large.

[C]

You know how much money they stole?

[A]

No.

[B]

Well, I heard they took royal jewels.

[A]

Yeah, Napoleon's like, jewels, which he might.

[B]

Have taken from other places.

[C]

So definitely you can't account for, like, the historical importance, but around $102 million worth of stuff.

[B]

What the fark, dude.

[A]

How do you even, like, sell it, though?

[B]

I mean, black market, private sellers.

[C]

No, you.

[B]

You. Have you never seen these black market movies where they go. And it's like, people are just, like, quiet in a room, and they're just like me. That sounds like any auction now that I think. Yeah.

[A]

Wait, what were you gonna say?

[C]

You have to, like, break it apart. Break them down, do jewel by jewel, like, over time. You can't just sell a crown because they know they sold the crown.

[A]

Right.

[C]

So those things are probably gonna be destroyed.

[B]

I mean, no, I imagine that someone is going to be like, they're gonna sell it on, like, to, like, a private seller on the black market. And they're just like, we have this.

[A]

But, like, why would someone want that? Because you clearly.

[B]

Because they weren't gonna get in any other way. So they're just like, oh, this is a really cool thing to own.

[A]

Well, like, to his point, if you want the money and you're the person who stole it, wouldn't you, like, break it down so it looks unrecognizable?

[B]

Or you can sell it as we sold this cool thing. No one can track us. You can buy it. No one will know you have it. Wire me a hundred million dollars.

[A]

But you could get caught with it eventually.

[B]

If someone comes into your crib.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just, like, put it behind, like, a secret wall with a book.

[C]

That you.

[B]

Pull out and it opens.

[A]

I don't get that.

[B]

You can show only your boys. You're gonna tell me if you came over. And I was just like, yo, I gotta show you some. And you come in the back and.

[A]

I'll be like, it's Queen Elizabeth's.

[B]

Queen Elizabeth's crown pants. Yeah. And he's just like, yo, that's crazy. You have that. And I'm like, yeah, no one. Don't worry about it. You know, that's cool. It's also a crime.

[A]

Immediately extort you.

[C]

Yeah. 10 million are all rat.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Do you do that to me?

[C]

Well, I mean, it's easy to do.

[A]

Easy money. And it's worth it for you.

[B]

I want some easy, easy money.

[A]

Sorry, don't know that.

[B]

Billy Joel. Oh, still don't know it.

[A]

I know Billy Joel.

[B]

Well, it's a good song.

[A]

I would love to have.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. So if I have the crown's jewels in my backpack yard.

[A]

Yeah. And you show me it and I.

[B]

Show you them, you're gonna be like, yo, give me five mil.

[A]

Well, if they're worth, like, 110, I'd be like, yo, give me five.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Just keep me quiet.

[C]

Give me 30. Oh, what are you gonna do about it?

[B]

Oh, I have 100 mil. Now you're dead.

[A]

What does that mean?

[C]

Now you stole something and I'm dead.

[B]

And we're in a room together. I have $100 million in the Crown's jewels.

[A]

Yeah, but what are you killing me with a gun? Why do you have a gun?

[B]

Because I have $100 million.

[A]

What? What does that have to do with that?

[B]

If I have a hundred million dollars, one of the things I'm spending money on is probably a gun. Sure. Or security.

[C]

I would wait until we weren't in the room.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I would wait for the opportune time and go, hey, I put. I know you.

[B]

I poisoned you.

[A]

Why'd you poison him?

[B]

Because I knew you were gonna extort me. Okay, so. All right, so you're holding me up. Drop it. Sign this non disclosure agreement from your time here. Although it doesn't cover crimes.

[C]

Mm.

[A]

Oh, my God, the NDA.

[B]

All right, see, see, like, this is what I'M saying, like, this is why I can't be a criminal. Because I'm.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to do this.

[B]

So you're.

[A]

I do think that Robin, the Louvre was cool.

[B]

I mean, also mean, mean, mean, mean, mean. Like there was probably a kid there that was like looking like, oh, those are the crowns.

[C]

The.

[B]

The queen's jewels.

[A]

I think it was like an area where there weren't people. Really? Yeah. And like that. That was like the whole point, kind of.

[B]

If you could.

[A]

They had a getaway van and they torched it.

[B]

That's so cool. It's so cool.

[A]

I want to torch a car hard, like so bad. What? You want to blow up a car?

[B]

Hear me.

[A]

Hear me.

[B]

New business idea.

[A]

Frankie, I'm not doing this again.

[B]

Come on, please do this every episode.

[C]

Please.

[B]

But. Please. You might actually like this one. You know I won't.

[A]

We're talking about robbing a famous museum.

[B]

Listen to me. You might actually like this one. Think of how big escape rooms have happened and become over the last 10 years. What if they're not? They're big, man.

[A]

They had their moment. It's over.

[B]

No, they're still around.

[A]

Where's the closest one to you?

[B]

Not that far.

[A]

You made it up.

[B]

No, I'm serious.

[A]

When was the last time you went?

[B]

2015. But that's just me though. There go more regularly. No one goes team building exercises for.

[A]

No one wants organizations.

[C]

Listen.

[B]

Like. Like a situation like that where it's like an escape room, but the stimulation is a theft, a burglary.

[A]

Like a.

[B]

Like a. Like a, like art heist or something. You have to like, get out without them noticing you.

[A]

Right?

[B]

That would be fucking cool.

[A]

Dude, that just sounds like a haunted house.

[C]

What?

[B]

You're cool. You're helping me. You're just fucking. You're driving my point home. And follow me.

[C]

I'm looking up more Louvre facts. Oh, about the heist.

[A]

Oh, you got anything good?

[C]

No.

[A]

Good.

[B]

So they torched the van, they took the jewels.

[A]

Yeah. And I guess they're at large, which I never understood that expression either.

[B]

They're out there on big.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Where does at large come from?

[A]

I don't know. It doesn't really make a lot of sense to me, but yeah, I would rob a bank.

[B]

You've said this because, like, it's not.

[A]

It's not their money.

[B]

I mean, technically, you are. You're taking from people.

[A]

Am I? I don't think I am.

[B]

In theory, I'm not. If, If, If I Run.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, what do you think?

[A]

What do you think that there's cash in a bank because you have it. That's not your money.

[B]

No, but there is cash in a bank.

[A]

They don't hold your money in a bank account. Like, that's not what that. It's not Green Gods, like.

[B]

I wish it was Gringotts. That sounds pretty cool.

[A]

So would I. I would love to get on a roller coaster to go get my money. That would be cool.

[B]

You see how a roller coaster to get his money got to go all the way to the top because he's got big, big, big mounds of money.

[A]

Not what I meant.

[B]

I'm not. I'm not looking at him.

[A]

Did you see the movie?

[B]

I did.

[C]

The ride would cost more than what's in the bank account.

[A]

Probs, Probably.

[B]

Yeah. I would. I would kind of rob a bank too. Is that bad?

[A]

I think that's totally fine to rob.

[B]

A bank, but not in today's society. I'd like to rob a bank in the mid, like the Old West.

[A]

I want a burlap sack that has a dollar sign on it.

[B]

I want a burlap sack that has a dollar sign. I want to be like, you know.

[A]

Walk in wearing black and white.

[B]

Wearing black and white and just the bandana, you know, over from my nose down or the thing over my eyes. The domino mask.

[A]

Is that what that's called?

[B]

Second time that's come up in two weeks.

[A]

What was the first time?

[B]

When he was the Ninja Turtle.

[A]

Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly like that. Oh, my God. Robbing a bank would be a thrill.

[B]

All right, all right, let's act this out. I'm a teller. You're a bank robber. All right.

[A]

I would do the slide the note.

[B]

Oh, you're not going big.

[A]

Going big.

[B]

Going big. Making a scene.

[A]

Why would I do that?

[B]

Scare people.

[A]

I don't want to scare anyone. I just want to leave with the money.

[B]

Okay, so I'm a teller. Oh, this is the old West. So they.

[A]

Frank, there wouldn't be. There's no. Nothing to act out. I would just do this and then.

[B]

Go.

[A]

Read the fucking note. You'll know how much you're horrible at getting robbed. I gave you a note. It has a number on it. Give it.

[B]

I am not good. Excuse you. You could be a little more polite about this, sir. There's the polite part. Yeah, that's how I would be. I'd just be like, you could be nicer.

[A]

Do you think that any part of you, if you were at the bank and someone showed up and was gonna rob the place. And they had a gun. But you were suspicious of the gun. You were like, I don't know if that's a real gun. And they're like, everybody get on the ground. And you get on the ground. And now. But you clearly have an opportunity to tackle this guy and save the day. You taking it?

[B]

Who else is in the room?

[C]

It's a good question.

[B]

Because if I'm in the room and it's like you two are also in the room, I am confident that if I go make the shot, take a shot, you guys will join in. Now, if I look around and it's fucking Betty White and fucking. I don't know what. The first name that came in my head was Vera Farmija.

[A]

Who the fuck is that? Who's Vera Farmija?

[B]

She's an actress.

[A]

Betty White, Dead and Vera Farm Media. Is she alive?

[B]

Yeah. And she's also, like, in shape. Like, she would be okay. She'd probably do more damage than I would, so. Okay. But, like, it really depends on who's in the room, right?

[A]

And you give a size. Like, you're gonna jump on this guy.

[B]

I'd be like. I'm like. I'm laying down like this to be like.

[A]

And I'm going like, yeah.

[B]

Are you letting me go first?

[A]

No, no. Like, I'm like, you know, like, yes, what we're gonna do.

[B]

But how many? There's so many variables that I need to know. Like, paint a better picture. Joey.

[A]

There's a guy in a bank.

[B]

One guy in one bank. How big is the bank?

[A]

How would we be in two banks at once?

[B]

I'm saying, like, one guy. That's what I meant, one guy. One guy with what kind of gun? Handgun, semi, automatic or automatic?

[A]

I assume semi. Okay.

[B]

Did he fire off around when he came in?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay, where is the gun? Is it out? Is it away?

[A]

It's out, but it's not like. Oh, actually, no, I'm saying he told everyone to get on the ground. So he came out.

[B]

So he's waving it around?

[A]

Yeah, he's waving it around. Okay, get on the ground.

[B]

How far away is he from me?

[A]

At first he's far away, but then he gets close. So now he's at the. You were at the teller that's, like, next to where he is, and he's going, give me the money. And you're on the ground.

[B]

How am I on the ground?

[A]

You're on the ground face down, arms.

[B]

Out, arms by my side.

[A]

You're just Kind of like here.

[B]

What am I wearing?

[A]

Athletic wear. Oh, and the guy's back is to you because he's. He's at the teller like this. And you're, like, over here, but you're.

[B]

On the ground, and so you have.

[C]

Initiative, and now you have to roll a dexterity check.

[B]

I like how you're doing this.

[C]

That's what it sounds like.

[A]

Basically.

[C]

You guys are playing D and D right now is what it sounds like.

[A]

I don't even know what.

[B]

We just played Dungeons and Dragons without realizing.

[A]

Yeah, but, like. Oh, is that how you play, basically?

[B]

Pretty much.

[C]

Yeah. But keep going. I like it.

[A]

So then. All right, so then.

[B]

So pull up a D20.

[A]

You're laying on the ground, right? You're in athletic wear, okay. You don't have any weapons.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

This dude has a gun. It's in his left hand. All right? Okay. Right.

[B]

All right, so what do you want. What do you want to roll for? What do you want to roll for? Let's roll. Let's roll for. How fast can. Can I get up without him realizing?

[C]

All right, so this is dexterity check. You want to high, like, 13 or higher here.

[A]

Okay. Oh, dexterity.

[B]

My dex is terry, dude at 20.

[C]

So he has no idea you're coming.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So you have the element of surprise. Clearly, his back is turned.

[C]

Mm.

[A]

Okay. That's me sneaking so you can jump on this guy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And gun is in his, what, left or right arm?

[A]

I said it's in his left. It's in his hand.

[B]

Yeah, he's got it here. Arm is a gun. No, his.

[A]

No, it's not. Okay, he's holding a gun. It's in his left hand, and he's like this. It's not down. It's, like, at the thing.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

So he's pointing it at the.

[A]

Now you don't know if he's got another.

[B]

Is the teller behind glass?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, Fully behind glass.

[A]

Let's say no. Let's get some danger, Okay?

[B]

I like danger.

[A]

So, you know, there's. There's other guys.

[B]

Hold on. Fuck.

[A]

There's other guys in the bank, but you don't know if they're brave or not.

[B]

All right, so I'm running a bravery check on everybody else.

[C]

No, this is a perception check.

[B]

Perception check.

[A]

Perception check.

[C]

So, like, you look around and, like, your surroundings and, like, what's going on. Okay, so you're trying to see if other people are brave.

[B]

Okay, so this is a low role.

[A]

That's like, oh, it's a bunch of old people yeah.

[B]

So perception check.

[A]

So there's maybe one other guy. He's in his mid-40s.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

And like you don't know.

[B]

Okay. So I give him a look.

[A]

You give the guy a look.

[B]

Give the guy a look. So he sees I'm up. Does he get up?

[A]

Did you get up? I got up.

[B]

I'm sneaking on this guy. I got a 20 dexterity, baby.

[A]

He's right next to you. So what about your strength? He could be a strong guy.

[B]

Could be a strong guy. Can we run a strength check?

[A]

Strength for you? For me, please, Frank.

[B]

And then for him.

[C]

So in the moment, because, you know it's an anxious situation. This is our strength. Roll 17. You're feeling good?

[B]

I'm pretty good. I'm strong as hell.

[A]

Can we see how strong the guy is?

[C]

We can see how strong the guy is. Here we go.

[B]

Throw him on his head, Frank. Throw him on his head. Beating the brakes off this dumbass.

[C]

That's why he needs the gun.

[B]

That's why he needs the gun. That's why he needs the gun.

[A]

So how do we. How do we roll for, like, how good of a shooter this guy is? And has he killed before? We don't know.

[B]

Has he killed? Experience check.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

I don't know what we're doing. There are people watching.

[A]

How much experience?

[B]

No experience at all. Basically. Going up against Betty White. Yeah. I'm fucking.

[C]

Very, very advantageous.

[B]

So then. So how do you.

[A]

How do you end D and D? You go, okay, this is done well.

[C]

Well, now you like.

[B]

No, it never. D and D never.

[A]

Yeah, Never ends.

[B]

It. Literally. It's. It's a campaign that goes on forever.

[A]

But you keep, like, going with these.

[B]

Decisions sort of forever, basically. It's always going like.

[C]

Eventually you go like, oh, all right, we got him. We got the gun. He's restrained. And you just keep going.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

It.

[A]

It is.

[B]

I played it once. It's kind of fun, but also. I just had fun. Yeah, no, I played. You need to, like, there is someone that is watching. This is just like, please let me make D and D for them. Yeah. All right. So. So he's not strong. He's not experienced. What do I do?

[A]

You're strong and you're limber.

[C]

You're feeling good. You have the advantage. And you got a natural 20, so you can start the attack if you really want.

[B]

Okay. So I guess. I guess I'm going to attack. But as I'm going to attack, I'm going to grab one arm around the neck. The other is Going to Frank, it's.

[C]

Going to get a little harder.

[A]

You have to grab the gun.

[B]

Go for full for the gun. Of course.

[A]

Horse.

[B]

Okay, so I go full for the gun.

[A]

Then can we get an experience check on him?

[B]

That's a good point.

[C]

I just.

[B]

I just revealed if you go for the other arm.

[C]

No, this is more of a dexterity check, I guess, or like hand eye coordination.

[B]

Hand eye coordination. We can do that.

[C]

So let's see how we're feeling.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay, that's good.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

I mean, I think we said that the base level was 13 for this.

[C]

You can get it.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And with the advantage because of the Nat20. Let's say he gets it.

[A]

Yeah, he's gonna get him.

[B]

All right, so I get the gun.

[A]

So you save the guy.

[B]

I saved the guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm a hero. Yeah. Now I turn the gun on them and I want the money because I'm the strong alpha now.

[A]

Oh, now you're robbing the bank.

[B]

I'm the robber.

[A]

Right.

[C]

This would be a persuasion check.

[B]

Just be like, you know, since I saved you, can you. Can you give me $10,000 or something?

[A]

What an anti hero? And what are we rolling for?

[C]

I don't think they gave it to you.

[B]

All right, all right. I'm gonna do a scenario for you now.

[A]

Oh, now we're just full.

[C]

I think this is how it works.

[B]

You get really excited. You have more sponsors. I think that we should probably get.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

That was good. You're good at that. All right, so I'm setting the scene Here.

[A]

Okay. It's a.

[B]

Monday morning.

[A]

It's a Monday morning.

[B]

Monday morning. And you're coming from the gym, right? You just did leg day.

[A]

Okay. Okay, so I'm a little shaky, like.

[B]

You're a little shaky like. You did hard leg day, too.

[A]

Yeah, I'm shaking.

[B]

You PR'd on. On squats.

[A]

Okay, so I'm like Bambi.

[B]

And you PR'd on. You probably wouldn't do that.

[A]

Do what?

[B]

I was gonna say, like, press.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You do leg press.

[A]

I can't. It's not my.

[B]

Exactly. That's why I said you wouldn't do that. All right, so you PR'd on leg day. So you're feeling good. Okay. Walk into the. You walk into the bank.

[A]

Oh, this is after the gym.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Because you run your errands after the gym.

[A]

You know, so it's like a similar situation.

[B]

It's like 9:45 on a Monday morning.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. Yeah.

[B]

You walk in, you know, you're greeted with your glass of champagne at your Swiss bank that you go to.

[A]

Am I in Switzerland?

[B]

No, you're here.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

They have. They have UBS chains in America.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Everyone down. Guy walks in with an ak, fires it in the air like this.

[A]

Fires it. Yeah.

[B]

Does that. Does that.

[A]

How many shots? Same question.

[B]

Eight.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Fires him in the air, looks at you and says, get on the fucking ground, and uses the butt of the gun against the back of your legs and you fall to the ground.

[C]

Okay, I'm writing everything down.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Now he goes up to the teller and he says, give me everything in the safe. Ask away.

[A]

Is that my role?

[C]

I guess so. But I'm gonna give you minus four to dexterity because of the gym, unfortunately.

[B]

And minus. Make it minus five because he's got. He's got hit in the back of the leg.

[C]

I've encountered in that. Minus 4. It's a hefty penalty.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

What is that? What is your position called in this whole thing?

[B]

He's, well, the game master.

[C]

No, technically, because you're being the game master. I'm just helping him what he should also be doing. We're both game masters right now.

[A]

But, like, what's my role? I, like, think of things to do.

[B]

Yeah, you got to tell. I'm walking you through it.

[A]

Oh, okay. Okay. So the guy you just described, basically the same situation.

[B]

Ask questions about the situation. Me? Anything.

[A]

How tall is this guy? Ooh.

[B]

Or how big is how big? I would say 5, 5, 10, 190.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Queen.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

We're Very similar builds.

[B]

Sure, yeah. He's got a couple inches on you, but sure.

[A]

Okay. Is he strong?

[C]

He did fire around that ak. Was. Was it with ease? Could we tell? That'd be a perception.

[A]

Was it one handed? It was one of these.

[B]

It was one of these. But he looks very uncomfortable.

[A]

Okay, Looks very. I mean, it is an ak.

[B]

It's a ak. Quattro siete, Right.

[A]

Is he wearing a disguise?

[B]

He's wearing a rubber mask.

[A]

Of what.

[B]

Freddy Krueger?

[C]

Okay, so now I would give him a disadvantage to sight, right? Height disadvantage.

[B]

Sight check.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What is his sight check?

[C]

Let's see. Let's make that one a D12 because it's like.

[A]

I don't know what the difference is here actually.

[C]

I don't know what I just said. Let's just get rid of that for. Remember.

[A]

Wait, hold on. That. That says total 14. Does that mean like this is out of 14?

[C]

No, this is out of 20.

[B]

You can roll 23 dice at the same time and add them up.

[C]

Yeah, you could just roll.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

So he's got a 14 site.

[C]

So it's not that bad. It's not hurting him that much.

[A]

I mean, he's losing some sight though.

[B]

He is losing some sight. So make it minus two.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So what about his hearing?

[B]

What about his hearing?

[A]

Can he hear me creeping up on him?

[C]

All right, we can see, we can see.

[B]

We do a hearing check.

[C]

Very good.

[A]

God, he's like a bat. Very good, very good, very good, Very good hearing.

[B]

You're in.

[A]

Oh, no, I have. Do I have anything on me?

[B]

You do.

[A]

What do I have?

[B]

You have your phone, you have your wallet, which. That carries some weight. And you have. You were jumping rope at the gym on leg day. So you have a jump rope, a metal one.

[A]

Okay, what, am I gonna fucking lasso this guy? All right, he has very good hearing. His sight's not that great. He's got an ak. Is there anyone else around?

[B]

Yeah. Full, packed, packed. It's a packed, packed bank.

[A]

Is there any, any dudes in there that I could probably get some help from?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, great. Do I know any of them?

[B]

Yes, you do.

[A]

I know them.

[B]

You know one of them.

[A]

Is it you?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

Got it. Okay.

[B]

It's Ray Lewis.

[A]

It's Ray Lewis.

[C]

These should have been some rolls we're getting. Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Getting real loose.

[B]

All right, hold on. Someone is in there with it. If it's a roll over 15, it's Ray Lewis.

[C]

This is. Now you're getting.

[B]

If it's a roll between 10 and 15. I'll come up with somebody else. If it's under 10, I'll come up with somebody else.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, my God, it's a two.

[C]

Okay, that's bad.

[B]

All right.

[C]

This is bad.

[A]

Oh, my God, it's Clay Aiken.

[C]

It's.

[A]

Oh, my God, it's Clay Aiken in there.

[B]

Sure. We could go which.

[A]

I would be very excited, honestly.

[B]

No, Clay Aiken. I think Clay Aiken's pretty tall. Clay Aiken might be in the 10, 15Y. All right, so under 10, you're in there with.

[C]

This is under five, Bruce Valanche.

[A]

Whoa. I mean, Bruce is a big guy. Old now.

[B]

Old bastard now.

[A]

Okay. Oh, my God. Am I. What's my fighting ability like? Do I have any background?

[B]

Sure, you took boxing.

[A]

How good am I?

[B]

I would say you're gonna get a boxing check. Get a boxing check on Joe.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Let's see. History. Check how much he remembers when he was boxing.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Oh, my God. I'm a fucking champion.

[B]

Cassius Clay, very high. Some differences, but you're. You're close enough.

[A]

Sure. I can knock this guy the fuck out because he can barely see me.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The only other person in there with you is Bruce Vilanche.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

You do have a disadvantage on attack, cuz your legs though.

[A]

I'm on. Yeah, but what does that mean? Like my speed?

[C]

Yeah. Just so it all bunches into one. It depends on the scenario.

[A]

All right. I don't know, it's tough. So here's my plan. And I don't know how to ask this in the confines of this game, but I have like a phone or I have a wallet, right. And this guy's got the fucking hearing of a fox slash bat.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So my plan right now is. And I have. And I have a 19 out of 20 boxing. So I could knock this guy's block off, but I just gotta get there. Yeah, but he's got very good hearing. So my plan, take my wallet, throw it across the room. So he hears the wallet, turns, I get up and I knock his fucking head off.

[B]

Oh, that's a good one. But how quick could you get up? Because remember, you just did leg day.

[A]

My life is on the line. And again I'm throwing this thing and then I'm attempting to get up. So as I'm getting up, he's gonna hear the sound. Turn towards the sound. I'm behind him.

[C]

Okay, so first we're going to see, we're going to roll to see if this wallet trick worked. That's what we roll for.

[A]

Okay, how do we do that?

[B]

Well, you got to see will the wallet trick work over.

[C]

He has very good hearing.

[B]

Very good hearing. So he can tell the difference between a wallet and something real.

[C]

No, I was going to say like very good hearing. This would give this a bit of an advantage to work because he will hear the wallet.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

So let's say 10.

[A]

Oh my God. It's not working.

[C]

It didn't work.

[B]

Not working.

[A]

3 out of 20 is basically, I'm throwing the wallet across and he's looking right at me like, what are you doing?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, that didn't work.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, you're in trouble.

[C]

Didn't work.

[A]

So I can't do that.

[C]

And now he's kind of like a different plan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't work.

[A]

Now do I, Do I. What are the chances that me and the guy. Oh, oh, me and Bruce Fanch.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

We both know sign language.

[B]

I mean, what, What? But you don't. I don't think there are any roles to check if you know sign language. Because I was gonna be like, yo.

[A]

If I tell him, like, bro, scream. And I'll knock this guy's lock.

[C]

So in this scenario, right, we establish that you two know each other.

[A]

Me and Bruce.

[C]

So I'm assuming that you two have a cell phone connection or. Or each other's numbers.

[B]

Can I text Bruce for Lynch?

[A]

Can I text Bruce? Forget.

[B]

But then we got to see if. Does the text send? Does it? His is Bruce Valanches phone on vibrate. Roll a D4 for that one. What is it? What is these things? They're different. Like different dice have different scenarios.

[C]

Yeah, but we're just. How. When we're having fun like this, I just always do D20s because it's like just easy.

[A]

What are the chances that I can reason with this guy? Is he an open.

[B]

Okay, that's great. So persuasion check. We could do a persuasion check.

[A]

Can I persuade him to let me like go to the bathroom at least?

[C]

All right, let's see this. Very. Let's see how open minded.

[A]

Okay. 16.

[B]

That's pretty good. Honestly.

[A]

So maybe I tell him, like, look and wait.

[B]

No, do a roll for Joey's charm. How charming is Joey?

[C]

This was the persuasion check.

[A]

I would say I'll be like, look, I. I really need to take a dump. Take my cell phone so I don't call the cops. Just let me go to the bathroom. I'll come right back.

[B]

And then what's your plan?

[A]

Yeah, I guess he said, I Don't know.

[B]

Now you're just in the bathroom.

[C]

Just in the bathroom?

[B]

Well, I think so.

[A]

Here's the plan. Here's the plan. I go to hand him the phone. I grab the gun.

[B]

Oh, okay, okay, okay, that's, that's so, that's, that's, that's scary because when you hand him the phone, he's positioned in front of you like this with a gun, like.

[A]

But he has to take it from my hand so I can get close enough to grab the gun and jump out of the way.

[C]

And it is an ak, it's not a handgun. A little harder to maneuver up close, so I'll give that to you. All right.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

So what, you're rolling to grab the gun?

[B]

Go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. Wait, what's the level at which he grabs a gun? Like this guy. How can we get a strength check on this guy?

[C]

Sure, why not?

[A]

Let's get a strength check on him.

[C]

He's all right.

[A]

Middle of the pack.

[B]

Middle of the pack. But you're also not using your biggest strength, which is your boxing ability, apparently.

[A]

I will get there. If I grab the gun, he's toast.

[C]

I would say with the disadvantage because of leg day, but the fact that it's a two handed weapon. Let's do above a 12. Above a 12. He grabs the gun.

[A]

Okay, okay, okay. Here we go.

[B]

Here we go. You're dead.

[C]

It's bad.

[B]

All right, now getting bad rolls. Now you. So you go to grab the gun and it doesn't work, does. Yeah. Butts you in the.

[C]

Butts. Yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I think you're dead.

[C]

Yeah, I think it's. It's probably.

[B]

It's a wrap.

[C]

Probably.

[B]

Let's just do a check to see if he shoots Joe in the face. Yeah. What are the chances that I've distracted.

[A]

Him so much with my horrible attempt.

[B]

That Bruce Lench jumps on his back.

[A]

And then I get up, I'm missing three teeth and I spit blood in his eyes.

[B]

And then. Well, what about your boxing ability, Joey?

[A]

Then I start punching his lights out.

[C]

I think this would probably be your.

[A]

Last role for Hope, so it'd be above a 17. Then we do it.

[C]

That's exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking 17. That's a hard roll.

[B]

A 17 and up.

[C]

Yeah, 17 and up.

[B]

17 and up. Joey, you're gonna die. Don't.

[A]

I'm not.

[B]

I'm gonna kill him. Yeah. Let's go. So Bruce Valance jumps on his back. Jumps on his back. I get up, I spit blood in.

[A]

His mask, and I Start peeing off on his head.

[B]

Why are you spitting blood? Because he knocked me in the face with the gun. Gotcha. Okay.

[A]

Oh, my God. D. D is fun.

[B]

You know it is.

[C]

It's a lot of fun.

[B]

Wow, wow, wow. Oh, there's someone. We should do a D and D video.

[C]

I've suggested that before, and Joe was.

[B]

Like, yeah, I need delivery. I've seen people, like, commented on our Instagram posts once before and been like, please let me set up. I'm a great dm. Let me set it up for you.

[C]

I do a horror, like, nights with my friends. Like, we do a horror scenario.

[B]

Is it spooky?

[A]

That's interesting. That's fun. I had a good time.

[B]

Well, there you go, folks. Oh, yeah. The Louvre got robbed.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Who cares?

[B]

Joe and Bruce Valance have something to say.

[A]

You put me in Bruce Valanche in a bank and you're safe.

[B]

I'll take a couple hits to the.

[A]

Face with the end of a gun, though.

[B]

By the way, I've seen. I have seen the age demographic of our fans. No one knows who's Bruce. Google Bruce.

[A]

You don't know Bruce?

[C]

I was about to say, I don't know.

[B]

He was always the center square on Hollywood Squares with Tom Berger on Look up Bruce Valanche. Bruce V. Lanch.

[A]

There's your hero.

[B]

There's our hero. Bruce Village. There's the hero. Bruce is saving us. That's it. That sucks.

[A]

On my dad in a wig.

[C]

Got it. Bruce.

[B]

Better on the Bruce.

[A]

Yeah, this guy. So I get up, I make a stupid attempt, he jumps on the guy's back. It's just enough for me get up there with my shaky legs and knock his block off.

[C]

Bruce Villanche.

[A]

Yeah, folks.

[B]

Hero of the people, Bruce Vilanche.

[A]

Shout out. Well, there you go. That's so funny. But. But don't forget to subscribe to our Patreon. Patreon.com/the basementyard. Keep supporting the show. And yeah, Frank.

[B]

When they can find you the Frank Alvarez Everywhere. Patreon.com the base vineyard. If you're coming to any of the shows, the base vineyard.com submit and we love you, we thank you, and yeah.

[A]

We'Re gonna find you Ant.

[C]

Higher than 10. I could do it.

[A]

Okay. Higher than 10. Ant could plug.

[C]

13 aunt Prisco on Instagram.

[B]

Only one?

[C]

Yeah, only one.

[A]

Only one. But, yeah, that is all for this week's episode. See you next time.