The Basement Yard – Episode #530: "Getting Swallowed By A Black Hole"
Date: November 24, 2025
Hosts: Joe Santagato & Frank Alvarez (w/ guest, Ant Prisco)
Studio: Santagato Studios
Episode Overview
Theme:
This episode blends signature Basement Yard chaos and comedy, traversing generational trends, bizarre snacks, existential ruminations on space and black holes, and quirky personal stories. The “black hole” in the title becomes a springboard for relatable, funny, and sometimes deep conversations about anatomy, technology, family, and the sometimes incredible scale of the universe.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Generational Trends & Inside Jokes
[00:28 – 08:00]
- Joe, Frank, and guest Ant banter on how hard it is to keep up with Gen Z behaviors, like “check pulse” or “ice in my veins,” and widely loathed TikTok trends (e.g., "6, 7").
- The trio reflect on the growing divide between adults and kids, noting that inside jokes have become global thanks to social media.
- Quote:
“Now I understand why our parents hated us so much.”—Frank [01:12]
2. Teaching: Choosing the Least Awful Grade Level
[03:18 – 07:15]
- The hosts debate what grade would be the least torture to teach, all agreeing that middle school (especially during puberty) is the worst.
- Frank and Joe share hilarious, borderline gross puberty stories, including “budding nipples” and “gynecomastia” (the “Ring Dings” and “Lifesavers” comparison is classic Basement Yard).
- Memorable: “If someone showed me your nipples in seventh grade … they would look like a pair of tits.”—Frank [06:41]
3. Social Media Before Social Media: Hand Gestures and Classroom Chaos
[08:04 – 09:03]
- The hosts reminisce about old classroom gestures like making “pussies” at teachers with their hands, comparing them to viral global trends today.
4. Medical Stuff, Bodily Functions, and Lollipops
[09:03 – 13:15]
- Frank admits to playfully sneezing on his partner’s hand.
- The group compare uncomfortable medical exams for men vs. women—Frank is in awe of the OB-GYN experience: “If the way you go to the doctor is the same way someone mounts a horse … that’s gotta be wildly invasive.”—Frank [10:11]
- Discussion derails into accidental home self-exams (“accidentally fingered your own asshole”—Joe [10:25]) and the joy of bank lollipops.
5. Odd Snacks & Food Debates
[15:11 – 18:49]
- Outrage over dark chocolate and the look of weird “Dubai chocolate bars” (“looks like poop from a butt”—Frank [15:26]), arguments erupt over taste and texture.
- Frank raves about the best cupcake he’s ever had: an “Irish Car Bomb” with Guinness, whiskey ganache, and Bailey’s frosting [18:12].
6. People with Big Mouths (Literally) & TikTok Fame
[19:32 – 21:12]
- Guest Ant has met the “giant mouth” TikTok woman who fits bananas and even a whole can of Foster’s in her mouth.
- Joe and Frank riff on adulthood absurdities that come from new forms of internet celebrity.
7. Black Holes and Cosmic Existentialism
[26:47 – 36:40]
- Joe states there’s a black hole “eating galaxies” and asks for a layman’s explanation.
- The group share their best guesses, ultimately landing (correctly) on black holes as objects with gravity so strong that not even light can escape, leading to “spaghettification.”
- Quote:
“Spaghettification! … you will become a bigger spaghetti meatball.”—Frank [29:19] - They debate: Would they enter a black hole if there was an 85% chance they’d return? Joe is an immediate “no.”
- Existential dread at the sheer smallness of humanity (“It shows a person in Times Square … then it zooms out … not even a pixel.”—Frank [32:37])
- Neil deGrasse Tyson is a recurring off-screen guest in their minds (“Neil still, come on the show!”—Joe [34:53]).
8. How Do Phones Work? And Other Mysteries
[35:30 – 37:16]
- The gang is confounded by how phones, radio, and cameras actually work—despite explanations, it still feels like magic.
- Quote:
“How did someone think of that? … Like, how did someone be like, we’ll just put it … nothing will be connected?”—Joe [36:45]
9. Smart Friends’ Texts and Balls With Lettuce
[37:43 – 42:43]
- Joe shares stories about receiving random duck pictures from Hank Green (“You know, it’s just a duck.”—Joe [38:21]).
- Ant ups the ante: a friend who used to send him daily photos of his balls on lettuce at noon.
- Philosophical musing: maybe random duck texts are evidence of true intelligence.
10. Electric Eels & Death by Voltage
[43:19 – 46:14]
- Ant sprinkles in eel facts (“A single eel can produce up to 860 volts. Four times a standard plug.”—Ant [45:07]).
- Joe’s dad once electrocuted himself so badly the “light turned on” and had to be resuscitated.
11. Pranks, Bugs, and Phobias
[51:20 – 54:14]
- Frank and Ant want to prank Joe with bugs, but Joe makes it clear: “If you came in here … with a tarantula … there will be a reaction” [53:33]. Joe’s maximum retribution? “I’d probably smash your windshield.” [54:04]
12. Cloning Dogs & Expensive Pet Love
[54:54 – 63:49]
- Tom Brady allegedly cloned his dog; Tom Brady might even be on the company’s board, fueling business speculation.
- They debate the ethics, cost, and logic of cloning pets vs. traditional birth (“If it’s that low, that seems crazy, because then more people are going to start doing it.”—Frank [62:46]).
- Price tags: dog ($50k), horse ($85k).
13. Name Games: Family Names & Marvel Babies
[66:03 – 77:49]
- Ant explains his family’s Italian naming traditions (“Antonio,” “Andiello/Angelo”), prompting confusion and comedy as Joe and Frank mishear “Neil and yellow.”
- Frank lists “real contender” names he wanted for his kids: Loki, Thanos, Valkyrie, Venus, Athena, Scarlet. Only Ruby and Maeve survived!
- Quote:
“You were going to name your child Thanos?”—Ant [72:09] - Conversation explores nicknames, cultural norms, and how nerd culture bleeds into reality.
14. Final Thoughts & Signature Basement Yard Nonsense
[77:57 – 80:41]
- Joe expresses relief that Frank’s kids aren’t named after Marvel villains.
- The hosts briefly detour into favorite-sounding names (e.g., Priscilla, Catherine) and joke about name construction.
- Wind-down with inside jokes and farewells.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Segments
-
“If someone showed me your nipples in seventh grade … they would look like a pair of tits.”
—Frank [06:41] -
“If the way you go to the doctor is the same way someone mounts a horse … that’s gotta be wildly invasive.”
—Frank [10:11] -
“Spaghettification! … You will become a bigger spaghetti meatball.”—Frank [29:19]
-
“How did someone think of that? … Like, how did someone be like, we’ll just put it … nothing will be connected?”
—Joe [36:45] -
“You were going to name your child Thanos?”
—Ant [72:09]
Timestamps for Key Segments
- Generational Trends: [00:35 – 08:00]
- Teacher Grade Debate: [03:18 – 07:15]
- Medical & Bodily Function Bits: [09:03 – 13:15]
- Black Hole Deep Dive: [26:47 – 36:40]
- Existential Dread (Cosmic Perspective): [32:25 – 34:53]
- Phone Call Mysteries: [35:30 – 37:16]
- Hank Green’s Ducks & Lettuce Balls: [37:43 – 42:43]
- Electric Eel Voltage: [43:19 – 46:14]
- Prank Threats: [51:20 – 54:14]
- Tom Brady’s Cloning: [54:54 – 63:49]
- Name Traditions/Newborn Marvels: [66:03 – 77:49]
Episode Tone
As ever, the Basement Yard is raw, digressive, boisterous, and unfiltered—warm friendship, sharp roasts, and existential spirals all rolled into a weirdly comforting and howlingly funny hour.
Takeaways for Non-Listeners
- You can expect candid, overshared anecdotes and tangents that veer from everyday pet peeves to deep, cosmic questions.
- The conversation, while steeped in humor and occasional vulgarity, actually tackles questions about societal trends, technology, and existence in accessible, down-to-earth language.
- Inside jokes and pop-culture nods (e.g., Marvel, viral TikTok, classic bank lollipops) are balanced with relatable parental and friendship dilemmas.
- No need to worry about missing the supposed “black hole science lesson”—it becomes a funny, irreverent metaphor for everything they don’t understand (which is, hilariously, most things).
For more, check out full episodes or follow the crew on social media for all things Basement Yard.