Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard – Episode #536: "Baiting The Jonas Brothers"

Hosts: Joe Santagato & Frank Alvarez
Guest Contributor: Ant
Release Date: January 5, 2026

Episode Overview

The first Basement Yard of 2026 is a classic blend of comedic banter, nostalgic stories, and playful debates. The episode centers on Joe’s unexpected digital encounter with Joe Jonas, segueing into a hilarious master plan to “bait” the Jonas Brothers into appearing on the podcast. Along the way, Joe, Frank, and Ant debate everything from sword-fighting prowess to the superiority of cookies, discuss culinary mysteries like “ham juice,” and pitch their ultimate dream business: opening a BUC-EE’s gas station in NYC.

Episode Breakdown & Key Topics

1. Toy Swords & Delusions of Sword-Fighting Grandeur

(00:30–02:41)

• The trio opens with childlike excitement over plastic toy swords.
• Frank insists he’d be a great sword fighter, “based off nothing.”
• Joe jokes about sword sizes and plastic weapons, sparking classic friendly ribbing.

“Be honest, you’ve never thought that you had the skill of sword fighting. I really think I could be a good sword fighter.” – Frank (02:06)

2. Would You Write a Book?

(03:06–06:08)

• Joe reflects on being approached by William Morris reps about writing a book.
• They joke about what his autobiography would be called (“Young Irish Boy,” “How To Be A Salat,” “Hoes”).
• Frank claims he wouldn’t write, but could “produce” or “edit” a book.

“I wouldn’t be able to write it. I would be able to like produce it... What’s a book producer called? Publisher?” – Frank (05:48)

3. Joe Jonas TikTok “Bait”: The DM Move

(06:08–09:03)

• Joe recounts drunkenly DMing his phone number to Joe Jonas after the musician used Basement Yard audio on TikTok.
• The group debates proper etiquette when messaging celebrities (Frank advocates slow-play, Ant suggests acting indifferent).

“He followed me. I immediately DM’d him my phone number and nothing else.” – Joe (07:05)
“That is very forward. You took an approach shooting. Bang. Number. What’s up?” – Frank (07:24)

• Joe admits the next morning: “That was aggressive,” and wonders if Jonas even saw it.
• They riff on how to be more “Jonas Brothers safe” if they ever visit the show.

4. The Jonas Brothers “Promise Rings” & Relatability

(10:34–12:16)

• Discussion shifts to Jonas Brothers’ public personas, “promise rings,” and whether their wholesome image was authentic.
• Frank tries a Nick Jonas impression.

“That was Nick Jonas?” – Joe (11:01)
“I don’t think I can redo it.” – Frank (11:06)

5. How To Bait The Jonas Brothers Onto The Show

(12:22–16:24)

• The trio brainstorms strategies, including “reverse psychology” ("I don’t even want them on the show!") and “edging” – playfully withholding an invitation to increase their interest.
• Ultimately, they settle on a direct, heartfelt pitch.

“This is the Basement Yard’s official pitch. We are inviting—rolling out the red carpet—the JoBro… to come be on Basement Yard.” – Frank (16:42)

6. On Cookie Hierarchies, Cake, and Famous Amos

(20:33–24:58)

• Joe and Frank debate the best packaged cookies, from Chips Ahoy to Famous Amos and Keebler Elf.
• The discussion unravels into whether all cakes taste the same (“all cakes are cakes!”), leading to a deliberately absurd (and exasperating) philosophical moment.

"All cakes are the same. All cakes are the same, but they have a little difference." – Frank (24:58)
“It’s like books. If you’ve read one book, you’ve read them all.” – Ant (25:01)

7. Sensory Deprivation Tanks, Anxiety, and Sword Metaphors

(37:45–42:10)

• The group entertains sensory deprivation tanks. Joe and Frank share their “slight hallucinations,” prompting Frank’s irrational worries (e.g., “someone could fill the tank and drown me”).
• Frank reflects how scary massages and haircuts are because, “they could just grab a knife and stab you.”

8. The Pen, the Sword…and the Tongue?

(41:51–46:54)

• Frank claims, "The pen is mightier than the sword, but the tongue can lick them both," confusing everyone.
• Attempts to prove it’s a real quote fail; Ant finds a Marcus Garvey variation (“the tongue is mightier than them both put together”), but not Frank’s exact “lick” version.
• Laughter ensues as the phrase becomes an in-joke and possible meme.

“But the tongue can lick them both.” – Frank (42:25)
“That doesn’t make sense.” – Joe (45:02)

9. Culinary Mysteries: The Ham Juice Saga

(51:54–59:06)

• The gang falls into a spirited debate about “ham juice” as served at holiday dinners.
• To settle it, Joe calls his mother, Liz, on air for her “juice” recipe (mustard, brown sugar, pineapple juice, ginger ale, pancake syrup).
• Liz describes it as a “glaze more like a gravy,” Frank recoils at the term “ham juice,” Joe insists on the term.

“If I said chicken juice, you’d be like, oh, hold on.” – Frank (54:18)
“I put mustard, a lot of brown sugar, pineapple juice, a little ginger ale, and pancake syrup.” – Liz (56:27)

10. Mustard Debates, Milk Alternatives, and Texas Barbecue

(60:11–66:46)

• Frank professes his aversion to mustard (except when hidden in dishes), baffling Joe.
• They debate milk alternatives and deride the taste of oat and almond milk.
• The trio reviews Texas barbecue, steaks, and the intensity of finance-bro steakhouse lunches.

11. Road Trip Legends: BUC-EE’s, Brisket, and Beaver Nuggets

(66:46–73:03)

• An extended ode to BUC-EE’s, the legendary Texas roadside gas station/market.
• They reminisce about brisket-and-egg breakfast, “beaver nuggets,” award-winning bathrooms, and brainstorm how to open a BUC-EE’s in NYC.
• Frank sketches a five-story BUC-EE’s skyscraper, complete with hotel rooms and a beaver-shaped rooftop pool.

“Let me introduce you to… BUC-EE’s of New York! It would be a city block!” – Frank (73:13)

12. New Year’s Resolutions, Charity Swear Jars & Bitch Count

(76:10–77:53)

• The group shares resolutions for 2026, including Frank’s plan to “call [Joe] a bitch less.”
• They create a charity swear-jar system ($10 for each offense).

“Every time you call him one on here, you owe him a hundred bucks.” – Ant (76:35)
“Ten bucks for every bitch. And then at the end of the year…” – Frank (76:40)

Notable Quotes & Playful Moments

• Joe’s DM strategy:
  “He followed me. I immediately DM’d him my phone number and nothing else.” – Joe (07:05)
• Frank’s swordfighter dream:
  “I really think I could be a good sword fighter.” – Frank (02:06)
• On fame etiquette:
  “You took an approach shooting. Bang. Number.” – Frank (07:24)
• On “cake is cake”:
  “All cakes are the same. All cakes are the same, but they have a little difference.” – Frank (24:58)
• On absurd inspirational quotes:
  “The pen is mightier than the sword, but the tongue can lick them both.” – Frank (42:25)
• On BUC-EE’s:
  “It’s good food, reasonable prices, well paid employees, and a fat-ass wall of jerky…and a beaver.” – Frank (66:48)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Sword Fighting Confessions: 02:06
• Joe DMs Joe Jonas: 07:05
• Jonas Brothers Promise Rings: 10:34
• “Baiting” the Jonas Brothers Plan: 16:42
• Cookie & Cake Breakdown: 20:33–24:58
• Ham Juice Explained by Joe’s Mom: 56:04
• Frank’s “Tongue Can Lick Them Both” Quote: 42:25
• BUC-EE’s Road Trip Rhapsody: 66:46–73:03
• Swear-Jar Resolutions: 76:10–77:53

Tone & Style

The episode is playful, fast-paced, and irreverently observational. Joe, Frank, and Ant are self-aware about their own circular debates and love to escalate mundane topics into performative comedy bits. The lack of filter (“the tongue can lick them both!”) and willingness to call each other out add to the authentic, buddy-at-the-bar feel.

For The Diehards & The Jonas Brothers

If you've ever wondered what happens when a viral TikTok moment leads to a podcast host recklessly DM'ing their idol—or if you just want to laugh about juice on ham and absurd motivational quotes—this Basement Yard episode hits all the right notes. And if the Jonas Brothers are listening? The invite is, officially, on the table.